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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,118 Could you tell us what the reaction of the President was 2 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,239 when he found out that you had found the diamond? 3 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:39,195 Tell us please, it's very important... 4 00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:40,894 I didn't expect you to come. 5 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,735 A week ago we ate our last can of beef stew. 6 00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:48,712 - What did you feel when you found the diamond? - Let's have a drink! Pour some! 7 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:51,688 - Did you feel like national heroes? - Get lost with your questions! 8 00:02:52,100 --> 00:02:54,241 I almost threw it away, 9 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,260 Thought it was a rock 10 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,781 And I was like "Are you fucking nuts?!" 11 00:03:00,400 --> 00:03:04,465 And I thought, just like her, Well... diamond! 12 00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:41,222 A planet spins, a planet blue Named Earth, named Earth 13 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:46,116 And all the lands and nations spin along. And at a depth by eyes unseen, 14 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:50,682 There lies a chunk of carbon, Made diamond by a thousand ages. 15 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,740 A diamond, incredible diamond... 16 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,528 We never disagreed how to name it. 17 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:57,696 I said, let's name it in honor of 18 00:03:57,731 --> 00:03:59,078 the 3rd anniversary of the formation of the Commonwealth of Independent States 19 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:00,981 "The 3rd Anniversary of the Formation of the Commonwealth of Independent States" 20 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,929 And me, I was like "Are you fucking nuts?!" 21 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:06,731 So you immediately agreed on the name? 22 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:11,379 You can't find a better one, look at it - 23 00:04:11,800 --> 00:04:18,469 it's the spitting image of the 3rd anniversary of... that one... you know... 24 00:04:18,504 --> 00:04:19,451 Yeah... 25 00:04:19,486 --> 00:04:20,607 You know. 26 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,894 I'm gonna fucking shoot everyone! 27 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,992 Bronya! Bronislava! 28 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:32,520 What, scared, you shitty democrats?! Take that! 29 00:04:32,555 --> 00:04:34,986 The whole world is watching the situation developing 30 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:38,122 around the diamond found in Russia. 31 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,116 South African miners promised not to leave the mine 32 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,485 until they find a larger stone. 33 00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:48,351 'We ain't gonna leave the mine. You hear, you motherfucker!' 34 00:04:48,386 --> 00:04:53,200 Today at 12:48 35 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,800 a gem of extraordinary size was found 36 00:04:56,800 --> 00:05:01,430 in the Yakutia mine named "Hopeless". 37 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,652 Amazing, fantastic, gorgeous, 38 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,965 the world's largest diamond, found in Russia, 39 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,378 is on its way to Moscow! 40 00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:18,461 In 2 minutes you will hear the President of Russia 41 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,149 addressing the Russian-speaking... Russians. 42 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,800 First of all I want to congratulate all the Russians: 43 00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:36,600 at last our day has come. 44 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:40,800 I've always said that only a miracle could save us - 45 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,700 and here it is... 46 00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:47,900 If our government decides to sell this diamond, 47 00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:52,400 it will not only completely remove the problem of our external debt, 48 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,400 but also allow the whole country, every person, 49 00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:01,000 to spend three years in the Canary Islands. 50 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:04,200 We're already negotiating with the Canarians... 51 00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:07,100 Speed 350, Altitude - 200. 52 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,452 Everything is going fine so far... 53 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,744 What a crazy fog above Moscow... Can't see shit! 54 00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:15,383 Don't worry, guys, we'll guide you down! 55 00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:17,575 Speed 250, altitude - 100. 56 00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:20,239 Wait, who's on flight control? Is that you, Vitya? 57 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:22,659 Oh, man - we've got experts from all over the country. 58 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,026 Didn't tell me... 59 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,241 There we go! Can't believe you got scared. 60 00:06:26,276 --> 00:06:31,575 Regiment! Dress! Attention! 61 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:38,799 For the ceremonial reception of the State Commission 62 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:43,740 Arriving from the capital of our homeland! 63 00:06:44,900 --> 00:06:48,030 The diamond - Savior of Russia! 64 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,486 Present arms! 65 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,776 - Reporting for duty, comrade General of the Army... - Please, no formalities! 66 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:26,828 For the excellent completion of the mission the President has promoted you all by one rank... 67 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,345 And you - by six ranks at once! 68 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:35,700 Hold this. 69 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:41,400 Excuse me, a bit of red tape here. 70 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:46,990 Yes, we should be thankful they aren't taking fingerprints. 71 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,825 You'll get the papers for your promotions and new assignments at the airport. 72 00:07:59,500 --> 00:08:03,270 Personal request from the President - stay humble, comrades. 73 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,949 It's the wrong time for that, you understand. 74 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:20,908 What the hell? It's a state airfield and they're driving like it's the Autobahn. 75 00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:23,983 People going nuts. Country is falling apart! 76 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:30,387 Colonel General, General of the Army, Marshal - So I must be a Generalissimo! 77 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:31,836 You forgot Field Marshal. 78 00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:34,143 We'll figure it out, Lyosha. 79 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:36,449 Shut up when you speak to your superior! 80 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:37,920 Are you an officer or what? 81 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:47,855 I don't get it. 82 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,691 Who is the genius that parked a plane on the highway? 83 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,704 Father, where are we? 84 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,350 Well, let's say - Russia. 85 00:09:24,900 --> 00:09:28,920 That's a good start. And more specifically? 86 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:35,940 Drake Village, Tula Region. 87 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:53,518 Shirly-myyyrli, shir-maniiiirly, shir-matyyrkin, mur-murkiiiin! 88 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,982 New-York, yes! 89 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,791 Good morning... They don't understand that. 90 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:29,525 Hello... They don't understand that either. 91 00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:40,839 Good morning. 92 00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,183 Hi. (Master says he's very glad to meet you.) 93 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:46,695 He understood, thank God. 94 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:49,584 Is the thing with you? (You got the goods?) 95 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:56,169 As we had agreed. Have you got money? In cash? 96 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:20,504 That's very good, because I don't really trust checks. 97 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:33,713 The largest in the history of mankind! 98 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:43,550 The old man's nervous. 99 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:50,652 World champion in karate! (The world champion of karate!) In carats, I mean. (He's meaning carats) 100 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:08,571 The Japanese offered me 3 more billion 101 00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:14,809 But I don't really trust yens. 102 00:13:14,844 --> 00:13:23,705 By the way, you can cut glass with it. The hardest (firmest) mineral in nature. 103 00:13:37,900 --> 00:13:42,324 Why, he's an alcoholic! ...I get it, it's a big deal. 104 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,372 Counterfeit. 105 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,500 Oh... (sighing in Russian) 106 00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,200 (Master says you want to deceive him.) 107 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:15,300 (He says that's no way to do business.) 108 00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:20,512 (Your behavior really upset him.) 109 00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:34,196 Who the f***? 110 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:44,558 I'm asking you, who the f*** replaced it? 111 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:50,399 [in Russian] Stop talking, Snotsky! 112 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:59,777 [in Russian] This isn't an Odessa flea market, it's the United States of, get this, America! 113 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,772 Swear on my mother's grave, I didn't shut my eyes for 5 days! 114 00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,497 I was in the sauna with this suitcase. 115 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,105 No one but me ever got a hold... 116 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:12,497 Vas'ka Rabbitov, that bitch! 117 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,330 - I warned you. - See? 118 00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:19,583 - [in Russian] You trying to bullshit me, Snotsky? - Excuse me, we screwed up. 119 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,095 Those... Russians! 120 00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:31,300 [singing] From behind an isle, Into the deep stream, the open river wave 121 00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:34,400 Sail out the painted Barks of Sten'ka Razin. 122 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,700 Very carefully, don't interfere, let him sing, make sure he sings. 123 00:15:37,700 --> 00:15:41,300 Let him sing the song to the end. 124 00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:48,080 - So, first, smear Rabbitov on the pavement. - Roger, boss! 125 00:15:49,200 --> 00:15:49,916 No! 126 00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:55,964 Cut him into strips to wear on fancy hats. 127 00:15:56,200 --> 00:16:03,308 But! But first squeeze the stone out of him! 128 00:16:03,828 --> 00:16:07,895 [singing] On the first sits Sten'ka Razin In an embrace with a princess. 129 00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:20,997 Celebrating the new wedding, He is merry and tipsy. 130 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:34,911 Shirly-myyyrli, shir-maniiiirly, shir-matyyrkin, mur-murkiiiin! 131 00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:41,152 Last one, Kolya. Okay? 132 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,838 - Vasyatka! - Mom! 133 00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:52,685 Sonny, you came back! Usually I only see you on TV... 134 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:57,292 Well, the subject is on location. Initiating Operation "Arrest". 135 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,818 Don't let us down, brothers! 136 00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:12,561 We begin on my mark, and only on my mark! 137 00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:18,551 He never forgets, he does his time - and immediately visits his mom. 138 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:25,126 What a good son you raised. God bless us all so. 139 00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:29,051 - Missed my sauerkraut? - Yes. 140 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,544 He loves my sauerkraut. 141 00:17:33,900 --> 00:17:36,534 Writes me from every prison: 142 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,848 "I remember your sauerkraut, mom." 143 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,999 God bless us all with such a good pickling. 144 00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,014 Want me to bring you some freshly made? 145 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,649 No, mom, please rest. I will do everything myself. 146 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,665 What a considerate son I've got. He's so considerate! 147 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,387 God bless us all so. 148 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:04,751 Now, eat, eat. 149 00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:07,710 - I bet Siberian prisons don't pickle cabbage like this. - No they don't. 150 00:18:07,745 --> 00:18:08,468 No they don't! 151 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:13,700 The way they pickle cabbage there... God, don't bless anyone so. 152 00:18:13,700 --> 00:18:18,379 Attention. The subject is on location. Initiating Operation "Arrest". 153 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:20,341 God help us. 154 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,800 Shut up, you! 155 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,000 - I handed it over... - Who did you hand it to?! 156 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:31,000 What has it come to - generals punching each other in the face! 157 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,900 I am investigating the circumstances of this case. 158 00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,900 I can say that the case got off the ground. [special investigator Peepeenov Jean-Paul Nikolaievich] 159 00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:41,000 We already managed to find some facts, [special investigator Peepeenov Jean-Paul Nikolaievich] 160 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:47,300 Which confirm that... that... [special investigator Peepeenov Jean-Paul Nikolaievich] 161 00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:49,500 ...Let's just say the case got off the ground. 162 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,800 And we can already say for sure 163 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,000 That by the new presidential decree the perpetrator will be hanged. 164 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,471 What the..! 165 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:04,300 Careful, Vasyatka, there's some junk erected over there. 166 00:19:04,300 --> 00:19:07,600 Why, mother, have you let yourself go this way? 167 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:10,500 Your residence... isn't picked up at all. 168 00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:13,400 Me, Vasen'ka, 169 00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:18,800 I clean the whole place, twice a day, plus repairs. 170 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:25,800 Your mother... is a neat freak. God bless us all so. 171 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:31,300 Well then, perhaps, I have something wrong with my eyes. 172 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,400 Your eyes are healthy. 173 00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:41,000 But you, bitch, are sick in the head. Since childhood. 174 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:45,400 Within my social circles, mother, the word "bitch" is considered very hurtful. 175 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,600 You don't say! 176 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,200 Therefore, please try not to use it in speech. 177 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,400 But I'm still really curious, BITCH, 178 00:19:51,400 --> 00:19:55,184 What did you swipe to make them search my place twice a day? 179 00:19:55,700 --> 00:20:02,900 I lay down new flooring in the evening, and the cops pull it off by the morning. 180 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,600 I glue on new tiling in the morning 181 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,700 And by the evening Snotsky drills it out. 182 00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:13,731 With such a life, God bless nobody. 183 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:16,600 And how about poor Nikolai Grigoryevich? 184 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:22,500 He had to witness the search 17 times. 185 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:27,400 God bless nobody so. 186 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,600 We begin only on my mark! 187 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:35,600 On Monday I'm building a mansion on the Moscow River. 4 stories or so, 188 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:39,100 - With a park, of course. - With a park? 189 00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:42,700 The ground floor will be yours, mom. 190 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:45,300 - But I'm kinda used to the neighbors. - The neighbors can come too. 191 00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:47,000 To him. Him! 192 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,101 Nikolai Grigoryevich, would you like to live on the Moscow River? 193 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,030 Nikolai Grigoryevich, how are you feeling? 194 00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:54,093 Kolya! 195 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,482 You know, lately I'm weakening: 196 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:07,400 What's funny is that everything is fine in the morning. 197 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:10,200 But later in the day, I'm literally falling off my feet. 198 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:15,500 I take two steps and I fall, take two steps and I fall... 199 00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:20,400 Not to worry, we'll cure that in Switzerland. And my hemorrhoids too. 200 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:27,200 Hemorrhoids are from sitting. You sit too much! You must walk! 201 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,400 The element of surprise is key. 202 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:37,500 We break the windows and yell as we burst in... 203 00:21:37,500 --> 00:21:41,800 Face to the wall! Freeze, it's an order! 204 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,500 - Di-di... - D-d-do you have some business, comrades? 205 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:50,300 Diamond!!! He's trying to eat the diamond!!! 206 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:51,800 Spit! 207 00:21:51,800 --> 00:22:04,000 Spit out the national heritage, you hear me, Rabbitov? Spit! 208 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,200 You bitch! 209 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:11,400 Now your only possible easy death is to commit a seppuku on yourself. 210 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,000 Comrades, it seems you're working class, but you talk like the mafia or something. 211 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,100 Here's the deal - the police does its job, and you do yours. 212 00:22:18,100 --> 00:22:19,200 - Agreed? - Agreed. 213 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:20,614 Very well. 214 00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,808 - To the hospital, quick! - Yes, sir! 215 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:28,500 Vasily Rabbitov. A con artist extraordinaire. 216 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,100 - 7 convictions. - 8. 217 00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:31,300 You don't say! 218 00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:34,100 - I'm telling you, 26 escapes. - 23. 219 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:35,700 You don't say! 220 00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:40,800 I'm telling you, speaks 3 languages: Nanai, Mordvinic, and Romanian. 221 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,400 - This is the cross-section of the brain. - Rabbitov's brain? 222 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:47,100 Whoa... what a dirty mind... 223 00:22:47,100 --> 00:22:51,900 You know, a physical examination shows nothing. 224 00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:54,460 - How can that be? - Seems quite strange. 225 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,876 [singing] Innumerable lie the diamonds in the caves of stone... 226 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,500 - Stop! Back down! What's your problem? - Can't stand it when people sing off key. 227 00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:07,254 - I could kill him! - Shut up! 228 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,300 Don't worry, doctor. 229 00:23:10,300 --> 00:23:12,700 He really does go nuts when someone sings off key. 230 00:23:12,700 --> 00:23:15,100 For some odd reason, he can't even stand my singing. 231 00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:17,000 That's how he got his nickname: the Musician. 232 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:22,300 - Good afternoon. - ...Hi. 233 00:23:22,300 --> 00:23:25,800 - So, could we take a peek at the patient's stomach? - Let's! 234 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:27,900 Excuse me, colleague, is it your first day here? 235 00:23:27,900 --> 00:23:30,200 - Uhuh. - Pleasure to meet you! 236 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:32,748 Go on, go on, it won't hurt. The doctor will only take a look. 237 00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:40,702 So, will you give it up by yourself? Or what? 238 00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:45,685 By myself. As soon as I have a BM. The first BM is all yours. 239 00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:49,855 Don't breathe, patient! 240 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:56,294 - How big was the diamond? - Huge. The size of my fist. About so. 241 00:23:56,329 --> 00:23:57,400 You don't say! 242 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,700 How can it come out the same way? How? 243 00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:04,000 I'll show you how! 244 00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,200 There it is! No, that's not it. 245 00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:09,100 - Then what was that? - Could be cramping! 246 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:10,062 What? 247 00:24:12,400 --> 00:24:14,300 What is it? What's the matter? Get up! Up, up, Rabbitov! 248 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:16,000 What are you trying to pull here? 249 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:20,000 The cramping started. I'm dy-y-y-y-.... 250 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,746 The pulse... is threadlike. 251 00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:27,200 The pulse is almost gone. To the intensive care unit, quick! 252 00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:29,200 Hurry, hurry, hurry, get him into the vehicle over there. 253 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:31,300 Watch the stairs. 254 00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:37,900 Help me, good man. I'm too young to die. 255 00:24:37,900 --> 00:24:39,500 Very carefully, very carefully! 256 00:24:39,500 --> 00:24:42,600 Okay, he's in. Now close the doors! 257 00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:44,852 Driver to the wheel, I'll ride shotgun... 258 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:51,513 - Stop or I'll shoot! - Don't shoot! Get him alive! 259 00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:57,127 My watch... 260 00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:41,407 Get ready, we've almost got him! Hands up! 261 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:46,673 There is nobody inside. 262 00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:51,461 - There he is. Hold the steering wheel. - But I can't drive... 263 00:26:02,900 --> 00:26:04,513 Shoot at the tires! 264 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,907 Prisoner! Out of the tram! 265 00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:28,654 - Did I stutter? Mind your belongings as you exit! - Why don't you take a breather? 266 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:32,400 Driver, halt the public transport! 267 00:26:32,400 --> 00:26:35,029 There is a dangerous offender inside! 268 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,077 Everybody, stand still... Where is he? 269 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:08,440 Shirly-myyyrli... shir-maniiiirly... 270 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:15,974 shir-matyyrkin... mur... mur... kiiiin! 271 00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:34,192 Is the beer cold? 272 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,100 You see, Galochka, they're already here. 273 00:27:43,100 --> 00:27:45,000 Hasn't even been 5 minutes since we called. See? 274 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:47,600 I think I'm already giving birth... 275 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,100 - Does this building have a back door? - Yes. But, doctor, what about...? 276 00:27:51,100 --> 00:27:54,200 - Don't start without me! - Alright, doctor, alright. 277 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:58,192 Let's walk very, very carefully, just like that... 278 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:06,224 We are approaching the subject. This time - it's all over. 279 00:28:17,753 --> 00:28:18,686 Open it... 280 00:28:19,262 --> 00:28:20,606 Hands up! 281 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,200 Damn it! 282 00:28:34,200 --> 00:28:37,709 Congratulations! What a happy day! 283 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:47,795 Let me through! There's a woman going into labor! 284 00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:53,700 Come on, let the emergency workers through! 285 00:28:53,700 --> 00:28:57,750 My wife is giving birth! Probably gave birth already! 286 00:28:58,299 --> 00:29:01,277 - Ich liebe dich! - Thank you very much. 287 00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:18,900 Here's the plan: you grab a whole regiment of SWAT, 288 00:29:18,900 --> 00:29:21,300 And lie in ambush at the Rabbitov apartment. 289 00:29:21,300 --> 00:29:23,200 - Understood? - Understood, comrade captain. 290 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,600 Good, and I will chase him in my car by myself. 291 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,441 What a fraudster, just you wait! 292 00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:32,518 - He won't escape! - Where could he even go?! 293 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,226 What was that? What just happened? 294 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:39,636 What the fuck, some kind of miracle! 295 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:45,910 Wow, unbelievable! 296 00:29:55,300 --> 00:30:03,817 Let's go, guys! Follow me! 297 00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:12,300 Search warrant again? Then we need to call a witness. Kolya! 298 00:30:12,300 --> 00:30:19,000 - No witness needed, Praskov'ya Aleksevna. - Why not? 299 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:26,500 We just came to hang out. In an ambush. 300 00:30:26,500 --> 00:30:33,700 Ah! Then come in - I'm just back from shopping. 301 00:30:33,700 --> 00:30:39,400 Nikolai Grigoryevich, what happened? 302 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:42,400 Took a rough one down the stairs. 303 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,400 Getting very bad, can't stand on my own feet. 304 00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:49,000 I'm thinking, maybe it's the sauerkraut? 305 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,300 *From the Russian Security Council* 306 00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:53,700 Do you recognize the handsome man? *Today at 11:47* 307 00:30:53,700 --> 00:30:56,400 *A highly dangerous recidivist escaped from temporary holding* 308 00:30:56,400 --> 00:31:01,900 Vasyatka! Escaped again? My tenacious little boy! 309 00:31:01,900 --> 00:31:03,400 *Rabbitov Vasily Ivanovich, born 1953* Oh, why am I... 310 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:07,000 People bring me such good news, and I'm starving them. 311 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,600 I'll get you some sauerkraut from the very bottom - 312 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:11,900 It pickles better there. 313 00:31:11,900 --> 00:31:16,285 Not from the bottom! Too much salt is unhealthy! 314 00:31:23,700 --> 00:31:25,800 - Hello! Comrade foreman? - Yes? 315 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:29,200 Please work somewhere else for a while. 316 00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:33,200 This is an ambush. We're catching a highly dangerous criminal. 317 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,300 - Understood. - Yeah, yeah, you're gonna catch him! 318 00:31:35,300 --> 00:31:36,778 Down! 319 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,000 Are you trying to teach us how to catch him? Go and get him if you're so smart! 320 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:42,200 - Me, I'll get him. - Sure, you'll get him! 321 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:42,800 Don't say that! 322 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,900 The only thing he'll catch is crabs. No, he seriously offended me. 323 00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:46,900 I'm really embarrassed to have you over like this. 324 00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:49,400 Let me tidy up a bit, set the table. 325 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,600 And then you'll come in and stay all night. 326 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:53,200 Maybe longer, you never know. 327 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,797 Well, of course, of course. 328 00:31:57,400 --> 00:32:00,570 Wait on the stairs, and I'll call you later. 329 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:02,014 Nikolai Grigoryevich, 330 00:32:02,300 --> 00:32:05,110 Hope you don't image that I have anything serious with him... 331 00:32:07,900 --> 00:32:13,255 - Vasyatka! - Mom! 332 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:15,281 Comrades. 333 00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:18,533 Ladies and gentlemen. 334 00:32:19,300 --> 00:32:20,745 Fellow countrymen. 335 00:32:20,900 --> 00:32:23,025 Brothers and sisters! 336 00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:26,016 Help us find the scoundrel at last! 337 00:32:26,300 --> 00:32:29,791 The country is on the verge of economic collapse. 338 00:32:30,100 --> 00:32:33,335 No, darling, not now! 339 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:36,576 But, Carol, why not now? 340 00:32:36,700 --> 00:32:41,600 Why not here? 341 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:43,300 Sorry, Innokenty Ivanovich - Gypsies. 342 00:32:43,300 --> 00:32:46,200 Who? Why are they pushing me? 343 00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:52,200 Gypsies, darling! I so love "Dark Eyes"! 344 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:55,200 I so love Gypsy music! 345 00:32:55,200 --> 00:33:01,000 [singing traditional song verse] Two guitars behind the wall, la-la, mournfully whining... 346 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:04,000 Shut up! Shut up, I told you! 347 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,800 But why, darling? 348 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,600 Let's, "darling", agree from the start: 349 00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:13,000 You may love another man - infidelity I will understand, and forgive. 350 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:16,000 - But if you love Gypsy music... - Oh, yes! 351 00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:19,503 Then let's divorce before the wedding. Without question! 352 00:33:20,300 --> 00:33:22,300 I'm pursuing a vehicle. Make - "Lincoln". 353 00:33:22,300 --> 00:33:25,200 Inside is the criminal Rabbitov. 354 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,300 Heading straight at me... 355 00:33:26,300 --> 00:33:30,000 Effing ass! Car crash! 356 00:33:30,000 --> 00:33:32,667 They killed Roman! 357 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:35,397 Roman Diamondov! 358 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:37,940 Quiet! 359 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:40,300 Look at you: stuck a hat on your head and sunglasses on your face, 360 00:33:40,300 --> 00:33:41,600 Why don't you close your eyes too! 361 00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:43,000 Can you see anything in front of you?? 362 00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:47,300 In front of me I see a great-power chauvinist! 363 00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:50,600 Quiet! Come to the station to get your license back. Got it? 364 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,900 - Imperialist arrogance! - Exactly that! 365 00:33:53,900 --> 00:33:57,200 Quiet! You're interfering with the pursuit of a highly dangerous criminal! Is that clear? 366 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,000 Got it? 367 00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:02,800 *Distinguishing features of the fugitive: height - 173 centimeters.* 368 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:05,800 *Face - oblong, trustworthy* 369 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:10,100 *Eyes - brown, shifty. Expression - kind.* 370 00:34:10,100 --> 00:34:12,200 *Hair - straight, black.* 371 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,600 *...It's a clean-looking, good-looking, straight, black kind of hair.* 372 00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:18,100 They're lying about the height. It's 175. 373 00:34:18,100 --> 00:34:19,500 *Peculiarities.* 374 00:34:19,500 --> 00:34:22,000 *On his back - tattooed in bold letters: "I won't forgive the collapse of the USSR"* 375 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:23,100 You're right. 376 00:34:23,100 --> 00:34:24,800 *In his stomach - the swallowed diamond.* 377 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,600 We should tell the police, I've got them here in the ambush. 378 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,100 No, the police supplies correct information. 379 00:34:30,100 --> 00:34:31,600 *Rabbitov Vasily Ivanovich* 380 00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:32,600 You're right. 381 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:33,900 *may be impersonating* 382 00:34:33,900 --> 00:34:36,700 It's the freemasons on TV subtracting. 383 00:34:36,700 --> 00:34:39,500 *the brother of the People's Artist of the USSR and Russia - Alla Borisovna Pugachyova* 384 00:34:39,500 --> 00:34:41,400 *or Wolf Zhirinovsky* 385 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:42,700 You're right. 386 00:34:42,700 --> 00:34:44,300 *the father of the famous Russian politician, Vladimir Zhirinovsky* 387 00:34:44,300 --> 00:34:47,800 - And who is that? - The free masons. 388 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,800 *As Leopold's midgets...* 389 00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:55,500 *Rabbitov especially gladly impersonates an OB/GYN* 390 00:34:55,500 --> 00:34:57,000 Basically - it's the Jews. 391 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,000 - Erm, who? - Jews! 392 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:01,300 *�itizens...* 393 00:35:01,300 --> 00:35:03,400 They're always trying to make the Russian man shorter. 394 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:06,800 *Those who assist in locating his whereabouts* 395 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:11,300 *Will receive a reward of great size* 396 00:35:11,300 --> 00:35:12,200 *But not exceeding* 397 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:16,000 *The Gross Domestic Product of our country* 398 00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:24,700 Here's finally the car with the newly-weds. 399 00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:25,800 Right here in a few minutes 400 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:27,400 A festive registration of marriage will take place. 401 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,400 The marriage of the distinguished conductor Innokenty Schniperson 402 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,800 And the great-great... great-great granddaughter 403 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:34,800 of the famous US President Lincoln. 404 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:37,800 The charming great-great-great... is named daughter. 405 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,300 Sorry, you understood of course - her name is Carol Paragraph. 406 00:35:40,300 --> 00:35:42,200 You know, there really is something symbolic about the union 407 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:45,900 Of the fates of the distinguished Russian Schniperson 408 00:35:45,900 --> 00:35:48,721 And the grand-grand-grand greatdaughter of a famous American. 409 00:35:59,637 --> 00:36:05,200 Innokenty Ivanovich, do you agree to take as your wife 410 00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:12,200 Citizen of the United States of America Ca... Carol Paragraph. 411 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:16,500 Well... why else would I have come here? 412 00:36:16,500 --> 00:36:19,800 Alright then, keep going with the next line. 413 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:29,800 And you, Carol Charles-ovna, do you agree to take as your husband Innokenty Schniperson? 414 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,200 Well why else would I have come here? 415 00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:36,500 Respond when asked! Look me straight in the eye, I told you! 416 00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:38,775 Keep going with the next line. 417 00:36:45,100 --> 00:36:51,300 Right now the great-great-great... Well Paragraph... Schniperson... 418 00:36:51,300 --> 00:36:54,800 Will sign the most important document in the world... 419 00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:57,600 Back off! Freeze! 420 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:01,000 Busted, my dear fellow. You can't escape Moscow police! 421 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:05,000 - We made it! We made it, Innokenty Ivanovich! - Back off! 422 00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:10,000 There is a God in heaven, he's saving you for the music and for the country! 423 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:12,903 If he's Innokenty Ivanovich, then I'm Abdullah! 424 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:18,000 Is this a marriage registry or an insane asylum?! 425 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:18,600 Darling! 426 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,800 Can anybody actually explain to me what's going on? 427 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,900 You! You'll pay for everything! 428 00:37:24,900 --> 00:37:27,600 I am Innokenty Schniperson! 429 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:31,900 Yeah, a.k.a. Avtandil Kalashnikov, a.k.a. Alyosha from Murom, 430 00:37:31,900 --> 00:37:35,500 a.k.a. a preacher of the South-Korean sect of Reverend Moon 431 00:37:35,500 --> 00:37:37,600 named "Dip-Yo-Junk-In-Chai". 432 00:37:37,600 --> 00:37:40,800 Yes, this is my bridegroom! Bridegroom, yes! 433 00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,500 Of course: you've got foreign currency, foreign passports. 434 00:37:42,500 --> 00:37:44,600 Planning to take the diamond out of the country? 435 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,600 Yes, morning, morning we fly New York. 436 00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:49,714 Well, obviously not to Kazakhstan. 437 00:37:50,700 --> 00:37:55,300 I'm ordering the entire gang: line up in rows of four! 438 00:37:55,300 --> 00:37:58,600 A step to the side I'll consider an escape, 439 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:01,900 While a jump will be seen as an attempt to fly away. 440 00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:03,800 I open fire without warning! 441 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:05,500 Just as it should be! 442 00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:07,300 Fyodor Pavlovich, 443 00:38:07,300 --> 00:38:10,700 My unforgettable teacher, taught me to sniff them out. 444 00:38:10,700 --> 00:38:14,100 Fyodor Pavlovich? Which subject? 445 00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:17,500 He specialized in cracking safes. 446 00:38:17,500 --> 00:38:20,000 Imagine in your mind, he said, 447 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:22,900 Their special hat on their head 448 00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:25,000 At once you'll see: a mason, or one of us. 449 00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,400 Truly there's no limit to human creativity! 450 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,200 To be honest, I can't always imagine one. 451 00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,900 So just in case, I always carry one with me. 452 00:38:32,900 --> 00:38:38,600 If I doubt anyone - try it on, pal! 453 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,700 - What? - The hat! 454 00:38:40,700 --> 00:38:41,900 What for? 455 00:38:41,900 --> 00:38:45,602 Why don't you get it, mom! They consider us goys! 456 00:38:49,100 --> 00:38:52,738 - What's that? - Who the hell knows! 457 00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:58,566 They all lie and keep secrets. But the truth did come out once. 458 00:38:59,100 --> 00:39:01,049 Must've gotten a no-nonsense investigator. 459 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,534 After that Fyodor Pavlovich... 460 00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:07,300 - The teacher? - The unforgettable one! 461 00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:11,900 He let me read the protocols... the interrogation records, basically. 462 00:39:11,900 --> 00:39:18,400 "We have to take over all newspapers, all TV shows, all the mass media 463 00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,922 And influence the goys"... Can you imagine, mom? 464 00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:29,921 Mom! Turn the TV on and see - 465 00:39:30,900 --> 00:39:33,614 not a single Russian face! 466 00:39:34,100 --> 00:39:35,900 [from TV] * ... Appeared in front of us as a bridegroom* 467 00:39:35,900 --> 00:39:37,400 *Of this lady* 468 00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:40,600 *Whose identity we will soon establish* 469 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:45,100 *I'm the well-known conductor, Innokenty Schniperson, a musician* 470 00:39:45,100 --> 00:39:48,200 You're right - not a single Russian face. 471 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:49,500 *Innokenty Ivanovich!* 472 00:39:49,500 --> 00:39:51,800 *So you admit to being the Musician?* 473 00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:53,600 *But you deny being Rabbitov?* 474 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:57,000 *Sure! It's easier to be a Schniperson nowadays* 475 00:39:57,000 --> 00:39:59,400 *What would your mother think if she heard you?* 476 00:39:59,400 --> 00:40:03,400 *A simple Russian woman, Praskov'ya Aleksevna* 477 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,600 *Innokenty Ivanovich!* 478 00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:09,200 *I is national of the United State!* 479 00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:11,700 *I demand tell immediately the ambassador.* 480 00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:12,500 *Why are you thinking so small?* 481 00:40:12,500 --> 00:40:13,900 *He must arrive here!* 482 00:40:13,900 --> 00:40:15,900 *Why the ambassador? Let's call Clinton directly.* 483 00:40:15,900 --> 00:40:18,700 *And tell him you attempted to smuggle the diamond across the border!* 484 00:40:18,700 --> 00:40:23,800 *And here's the main character of our story*. 485 00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:29,800 *Take a look - Rabbitov, the famous thief and con man* 486 00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:36,200 *I'm an orphan. I was raised in a Kherson orphanage.* 487 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,000 *Kherson? We can check that.* 488 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:39,600 What is this? I don't fucking... 489 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:41,400 Did they make a film about me or something? 490 00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:42,600 *Did you see the papers?* 491 00:40:42,600 --> 00:40:51,029 Good God!! Keshka showed up! 492 00:40:53,700 --> 00:40:58,586 Mom, mom! What kind of stunt is this? 493 00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:07,162 Forgive me, Vasen'ka, the foolish sinner. Forgive me, for Christ's sake! Forgive! 494 00:41:07,812 --> 00:41:14,356 And you, Keshen'ka, forgive, if you can! 495 00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:19,155 I am guilty before you. Oh, so guilty! 496 00:41:20,100 --> 00:41:22,982 I wanted to tell you long ago, but was afraid... 497 00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:42,518 You're not my son, Vasyatka! Not my son! 498 00:41:45,100 --> 00:41:49,999 Oh, mother. Of course, sauerkraut is a great thing, 499 00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,304 but you require more substantive nourishment! 500 00:41:56,000 --> 00:42:05,696 I remember it like it was yesterday. Varya is dying. 501 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:13,162 Ivan Israelich is in the other room, crushed by the grand piano, 502 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:20,221 And you're all screaming, all begging for breasts! 503 00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,100 - Mother, focus, mother! - What? 504 00:42:23,100 --> 00:42:27,800 I'm ready to share your woes, but step by step. 505 00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:33,463 - First: Varya is dying, who is that? - Who is Varya? 506 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:42,851 Varvara, my very own sister! 507 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:53,789 She's the mother to you and Keshka, not me! 508 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,290 Well, let's suppose so. 509 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:03,095 Second - who is that in the other room? 510 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:05,416 - Ivan Israelich? - Mhmm. 511 00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,412 Your daddy, worked as a grand piano tuner. 512 00:43:09,447 --> 00:43:12,700 Varya was a cleaning lady at the Composers' Hall. 513 00:43:12,700 --> 00:43:19,400 So he tuned himself into her, despite being 52 years older. 514 00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,600 Nothing unlawful - they registered the marriage. 515 00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:27,800 While she walked around pregnant, he played the piano for her. 516 00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:30,600 For example, Beethoven. Or Rodion Shchedrin... 517 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:31,931 Mom, mo-om! 518 00:43:33,700 --> 00:43:39,382 And when Varya went into labor - he again ran to the grand piano. 519 00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:45,834 To give the baby a perfect ear for music, he said. 520 00:43:47,700 --> 00:43:54,348 And he started hitting the keys so hard... 521 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,043 Rachmaninoff's Concerto number 2, as I recall. 522 00:44:00,500 --> 00:44:06,731 So hard, the piano's legs broke and he went under. 523 00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:12,226 And did he really need much, at 93 years of age? 524 00:44:17,700 --> 00:44:21,624 And why did multiple people beg for breasts? 525 00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:25,574 Because the birth was twins: you and Keshka! 526 00:44:28,100 --> 00:44:34,689 When Varya saw that Ivan Israelich got crushed, she got really bad. 527 00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:39,326 The labor was already difficult. There were so many of you... 528 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,300 ...That she gave her soul up to God. 529 00:44:44,500 --> 00:44:52,044 After the funeral, I looked around: sweet Mary, mother of God! 530 00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,842 So many twins lying, screaming, begging for breasts! 531 00:44:57,900 --> 00:45:00,600 Working as a train conductor, between Moscow and Kherson, 532 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:04,958 I could never raise you all - an orphanage would be better. 533 00:45:05,500 --> 00:45:10,513 But you Vasen'ka, you stretched your little arms to me! 534 00:45:11,800 --> 00:45:19,202 I look: straight black hair, brown eyes, height - 175 centimeters, 535 00:45:19,237 --> 00:45:23,800 So I thought - I'll raise at least one. Raise one proper person. 536 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:28,507 I dropped off Kesha at a Kherson orphanage. On the doorstep. 537 00:45:29,300 --> 00:45:36,600 See what became of him, without proper home care! Forgive me, Keshen'ka! 538 00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:43,973 Stretched my little arms to you, you say? Juuust my luck. 539 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:52,600 If I was born without arms, I'd be a famous pianist now. 540 00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,091 What would you play with, this thing? 541 00:45:57,300 --> 00:46:02,647 ...Just wondering, couldn't Kesha pick a better pseudonym than "Schniperson"? 542 00:46:03,300 --> 00:46:09,851 It's the name of the father - of Ivan Israelich. I wrote it in the note I left with the baby. 543 00:46:10,500 --> 00:46:15,060 I registered you under my name - Rabbitov. 544 00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:24,186 Hang on a minute! 545 00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:32,070 - What was the name of my paternal grandfather? - Israel Leibovich. 546 00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:38,277 The reason I remember: Ivan Israelich wanted to name his son "Israel", 547 00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:41,673 To honor the grandfather. 548 00:46:42,500 --> 00:46:48,420 But after he died I picked "Vasya", so you wouldn't stand out. 549 00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:49,974 Auntie-mommy, 550 00:46:51,400 --> 00:47:00,150 With God as our witness, tell me, like one Russian soul to another, 551 00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:10,048 In truth, I am "Israel Schniperson"? 552 00:47:13,900 --> 00:47:18,305 Forgive me, dear Israel, the foolish sinner! 553 00:47:19,700 --> 00:47:23,117 Forgive me, Israel, son of Ivan! 554 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:26,680 Forgiving, mother, means understanding. 555 00:47:29,300 --> 00:47:36,504 But understanding that I am a Schniperson... is beyond me. It blows my fuses. 556 00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:44,030 Praskov'ya Aleksevna! ...Still tidying up. 557 00:47:47,700 --> 00:47:50,487 Whoa - what are you doing? 558 00:47:50,900 --> 00:47:53,234 Be quiet! We're ambushing your neighbor. 559 00:47:53,700 --> 00:47:54,814 Who? Vas'ka? 560 00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:57,249 - He got nabbed already. - By who? 561 00:47:58,100 --> 00:48:01,001 Watch TV, cutie pie! 562 00:48:05,300 --> 00:48:09,700 They've been at it for an hour - what are they looking at? 563 00:48:09,700 --> 00:48:11,900 It's the police - looking at criminals. 564 00:48:11,900 --> 00:48:15,900 - What is it, madam? - It's mademoiselle. 565 00:48:15,900 --> 00:48:18,715 - The hell's your problem, mademoiselle?! - Barbarian! 566 00:48:19,700 --> 00:48:20,913 Take a walk. 567 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:23,900 What's the matter with these people...? 568 00:48:23,900 --> 00:48:27,200 Boss! Boss! Rabbitov got nabbed. 569 00:48:27,200 --> 00:48:30,600 Just said so on TV - he tried to marry some American! 570 00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:33,800 Exactly like Motya the Snotty - he tried to rape a Swiss. 571 00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:38,600 Got it. Even in hell he won't hide from me! We're off. 572 00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:42,400 A moment, boss... just to do a number one. 573 00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:46,200 - But only a number one. - Yep! 574 00:48:46,200 --> 00:48:48,955 We'll do number twos, when we reclaim the diamond. 575 00:49:07,100 --> 00:49:10,032 - That's it, skedaddle! - I'm busy. 576 00:49:18,700 --> 00:49:20,300 Look forward! 577 00:49:20,300 --> 00:49:23,544 Boss! They did not nab Rabbitov! Boss! 578 00:49:24,100 --> 00:49:27,100 Quite a wedding fell through, eh? 579 00:49:27,100 --> 00:49:31,100 Where'd you get the fancy suits? Rented them from the Bolshoi Theater? 580 00:49:31,100 --> 00:49:32,100 Serious crooks. 581 00:49:32,100 --> 00:49:36,916 Who's the father of the bride, Rabbitov? Some millionaire? 582 00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:42,200 I am Schniperson. And the bride's father is a senator... 583 00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:47,900 Vas'ka! You're the fucking man! Keep it up! Don't spill the beans! 584 00:49:47,900 --> 00:49:51,700 - Quiet, Shitdryev! - Don't sweat it, chief, we're civilized people. 585 00:49:51,700 --> 00:49:53,700 Don't play dumb with me, Musician. 586 00:49:53,700 --> 00:49:57,100 Where's the doctor's watch? Traded it for this shit? 587 00:49:57,100 --> 00:50:02,200 This watch is a gift from the American President. ...Watch your manners! 588 00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:07,700 Check out Vas'ka! Look what the motherfucker is doing! 589 00:50:07,700 --> 00:50:12,400 Hello! I am the ambassador of the United States of America. 590 00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:16,400 This my spouse Jennifer. 591 00:50:16,400 --> 00:50:18,700 Holy shit, black people! 592 00:50:18,700 --> 00:50:22,800 Oh! "Ho-ly shit" 593 00:50:22,800 --> 00:50:26,000 - Jennifer is studying modern Russian culture. - Yes. 594 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:30,100 You here general? ...In charge? 595 00:50:30,100 --> 00:50:34,000 I guess I'm "general". And what's up? 596 00:50:34,000 --> 00:50:36,400 - They're here for us!... - Purse your lips, bitch! 597 00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,100 Shitdryev, you're gonna get it! 598 00:50:39,100 --> 00:50:42,200 ...Who the hell they think they are? 599 00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:46,000 - Hands off our pigs! - Sit down! Go away! 600 00:50:46,000 --> 00:50:49,000 - Heard me, blackass? - Stop it! 601 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,000 - "Bla-ack-ass-ss!" - Quit shoving. 602 00:50:51,522 --> 00:50:53,170 - Fuck off. - Why should I fuck off? 603 00:50:53,170 --> 00:50:57,254 Making our pigs follow their rules... I'm warning you! 604 00:50:57,255 --> 00:50:58,470 Allow, I explain. 605 00:50:58,471 --> 00:51:04,076 This person is famous musician and groom Innokenty Schniperson. 606 00:51:13,137 --> 00:51:15,519 I'm sure we'll resolve this misunderstanding. 607 00:51:15,770 --> 00:51:20,401 Me and wife Jennifer be invited Russian wedding. 608 00:51:20,436 --> 00:51:23,648 "The hell they think they are". 609 00:51:23,649 --> 00:51:25,875 Stop fucking recording me! 610 00:51:25,876 --> 00:51:28,965 He's the Musician, we're aware. Witness, hang up the phone! 611 00:51:28,966 --> 00:51:31,265 - The whole world knows him! - I think you're exaggerating. 612 00:51:31,266 --> 00:51:34,839 The criminal world, sure - in our country. 613 00:51:34,905 --> 00:51:38,700 Maybe in Poland, Romania... Witness, I'll break your face! 614 00:51:38,701 --> 00:51:40,176 But in America? I don't think... 615 00:51:40,215 --> 00:51:44,107 His last White House concert was broadcast all over the world! 616 00:51:44,393 --> 00:51:48,121 Captain! Saw this faggot in the Moscow suburbs, 617 00:51:49,045 --> 00:51:51,593 selling wooden dildos. 618 00:51:51,594 --> 00:51:54,793 By insulting me, you insult a great nation! 619 00:51:54,794 --> 00:51:58,241 This is my first serious warning to you. 620 00:51:58,276 --> 00:52:01,134 Shitdryev, I'll shove your eye up your ass! 621 00:52:01,135 --> 00:52:06,749 He's pissing me off, captain! Strutting like he owns the place. Amb-ass-odor! 622 00:52:06,750 --> 00:52:09,594 - Come closer, I'll privatize you. - "Eye up..." 623 00:52:09,595 --> 00:52:14,027 - A concert at the madhouse, you say? - The White House. 624 00:52:14,028 --> 00:52:16,976 I see. And the President gave him a watch? 625 00:52:16,977 --> 00:52:20,484 Yes, Mr. President was delighted by the performance. 626 00:52:20,485 --> 00:52:22,489 - "E-e-eye up your... ass". - You don't say! 627 00:52:22,490 --> 00:52:23,999 - A real golden watch. - A watch with a diamond. Right... 628 00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:25,464 Genius! 629 00:52:26,154 --> 00:52:29,130 Hell, see what the bastards do? Taking everything. 630 00:52:29,476 --> 00:52:33,419 Timber, coal, chicken shit, now they got to our proverbs. 631 00:52:33,420 --> 00:52:38,990 - The President was delighted? - Yes, absolutely delighted. 632 00:52:38,991 --> 00:52:41,023 In that case - hands up! 633 00:52:42,652 --> 00:52:46,414 That's right, get 'em, captain! 634 00:52:52,349 --> 00:52:55,899 This is my second serious warning. 635 00:52:55,900 --> 00:52:59,136 - My nation won't tolerate... - Where'd you learn to bluff so well? 636 00:52:59,137 --> 00:53:01,565 Alright, search and fingerprint them. 637 00:53:01,566 --> 00:53:03,230 - I bet they've got outstanding warrants. - Yes, sir! 638 00:53:07,551 --> 00:53:09,599 - Are you totally nuts? [Russian slang follows] - Calm down! 639 00:53:09,600 --> 00:53:11,658 Donut munchers! 640 00:53:12,360 --> 00:53:14,024 Copper popos! 641 00:53:14,921 --> 00:53:18,209 - Your eyes up your ass! - Calm down, calm down, calm down! 642 00:53:18,210 --> 00:53:25,454 Our patience has limits! Connect me with the White House! 643 00:53:25,455 --> 00:53:27,566 - What's that? What's that? - Mr. President! 644 00:53:27,567 --> 00:53:30,818 - Ambassador to Russia speaking... - Give me your arm, pal. 645 00:53:31,114 --> 00:53:31,974 I will break your arm! 646 00:53:38,093 --> 00:53:41,143 ...The US President, the US ambassador, and the wife of the US ambassador... 647 00:53:41,144 --> 00:53:43,879 Stop talking, I said! Stop it! 648 00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:45,281 C'mon, give me the phone! 649 00:53:46,186 --> 00:53:50,643 Sprinkle some water on the black guys! 650 00:53:52,611 --> 00:54:00,485 Comrade captain, it's the President from the Kremlin. 651 00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:06,725 Speaking. Who's a general? I'm a general? I'm Peepeenov. 652 00:54:07,422 --> 00:54:11,620 Allow me to report - the dangerous repeat offender Vasily Rabbitov, 653 00:54:12,386 --> 00:54:16,322 With his criminal accomplices the ambassador and President of the USA... 654 00:54:17,811 --> 00:54:20,628 Third World War?? Because of me?? 655 00:54:21,430 --> 00:54:24,541 Already started??? Ohh, you said "retarded"! 656 00:54:25,216 --> 00:54:28,686 Let everyone go? Even Shitdryev? 657 00:54:33,651 --> 00:54:38,965 Yes, sir! Everyone is free to go! 658 00:54:49,434 --> 00:54:53,008 This won't go unpunished...! 659 00:54:57,562 --> 00:54:59,666 Our valiant ambassador! 660 00:55:02,956 --> 00:55:03,934 Well? So? 661 00:55:04,135 --> 00:55:09,923 The President just made me a colonel. 662 00:55:11,071 --> 00:55:12,281 - How? - Very simply. 663 00:55:13,087 --> 00:55:17,916 - He said, "General Peepeenov, you can now consider yourself a colonel." 664 00:55:39,387 --> 00:55:41,547 - We found nothing, boss. - Search! 665 00:55:41,548 --> 00:55:46,046 He's got it here, I feel it in my heart. Did you look in the sauerkraut? 666 00:56:02,941 --> 00:56:07,580 [disguised voice] Hello, who is it? 667 00:56:07,581 --> 00:56:11,295 - Praskov'ya Alekseyevna, please. - Speaking. 668 00:56:11,296 --> 00:56:13,955 - It's me, Vasily. - It's me, Snotsky. 669 00:56:13,956 --> 00:56:18,627 I've long yearned to tell you, Vasily: a man only lives once. 670 00:56:18,628 --> 00:56:22,541 An amazing coincidence, I've also been recalling that lately. 671 00:56:22,542 --> 00:56:25,943 I think it's high time for us all to repent and start anew. 672 00:56:25,944 --> 00:56:30,105 Personally, I'm wedding at church now, and leaving for America by morning. 673 00:56:30,376 --> 00:56:33,833 Where I'll pray for your soul, homo. 674 00:56:35,031 --> 00:56:38,756 Give back the diamond, you bloody monk! 675 00:56:43,430 --> 00:56:44,513 Innokenty Ivanovich! 676 00:56:45,209 --> 00:56:49,582 This is horrible! To confuse you with some... villain! 677 00:56:49,583 --> 00:56:52,656 Where were their eyes? And what madman dressed you? 678 00:56:53,049 --> 00:56:59,054 - Where are the guests? Carol? - That CIA spy has forever left the maestro's heart! 679 00:56:59,055 --> 00:57:02,464 - Who are you? - He is Koozya, Schniperson's fan. 680 00:57:02,875 --> 00:57:05,579 And the bride will arrive later, she's still wedding at the church. 681 00:57:08,069 --> 00:57:09,905 ...You've driven me completely mad! 682 00:57:11,683 --> 00:57:15,522 Only music can restore mirth to life. And anyway - where's my concert suit? 683 00:57:30,454 --> 00:57:33,701 The servant of God Innokenty is wedding the servant of God Carol 684 00:57:33,701 --> 00:57:36,125 In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. 685 00:57:36,802 --> 00:57:38,325 As they say in the old Russian proverb: 686 00:57:38,495 --> 00:57:43,883 "The best Paragraph is an epitaph"... I mean, "Save the bust for lust". 687 00:57:44,907 --> 00:57:48,806 The servant of God Carol is wedding the servant of God Innokenty 688 00:57:48,981 --> 00:57:52,916 In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. 689 00:58:58,646 --> 00:59:03,884 Relax everyone. The wedding is interrupted due to technical difficulties. 690 00:59:03,885 --> 00:59:05,363 Amen, comrades. 691 00:59:11,414 --> 00:59:17,652 Schniperson. Concerto No. 47 for piano and orchestra. 692 00:59:17,653 --> 00:59:24,132 3,865th opus. Conducted by the composer. 693 00:59:54,280 --> 01:00:08,767 Howdy. Hi. What's up, bros! 694 01:02:06,134 --> 01:02:08,145 Confrontation! 695 01:02:11,576 --> 01:02:17,062 So, explain to me, where you hid the diamond. 696 01:02:19,758 --> 01:02:22,553 Are we going to talk or play dumb?! 697 01:02:26,294 --> 01:02:27,988 Oh, yes! 698 01:02:32,658 --> 01:02:36,756 So, ready to face the music, Musician? Where's the diamond? 699 01:02:37,531 --> 01:02:40,053 I will answer only in the presence of my attorney! 700 01:02:43,096 --> 01:02:48,659 That's fine. Here's the attorney, here's the prosecutor, and there is the jury. 701 01:02:49,019 --> 01:02:51,289 Professor, commence the cleansing! 702 01:02:56,179 --> 01:02:58,380 Unbelievable! Looks just like him. 703 01:02:58,381 --> 01:03:03,034 [singing] The soul was full of you... 704 01:03:03,035 --> 01:03:04,507 - Watch! - Who? 705 01:03:04,508 --> 01:03:06,333 The doctor's watch! On his wrist! 706 01:03:09,072 --> 01:03:11,391 No, no. That's impossible. 707 01:03:20,309 --> 01:03:22,586 OK! By the new presidential decree... 708 01:03:24,225 --> 01:03:26,003 So, I'm going... 709 01:03:30,974 --> 01:03:33,679 Going to the concert hall, you stay here on the radio. 710 01:03:42,424 --> 01:03:45,152 - Cleansed completely? - We even washed his brains. 711 01:03:45,925 --> 01:03:54,724 You will answer! Answer for everything! I am... I am a People's Artist, a laureate! 712 01:03:55,277 --> 01:03:58,477 I'm a Grand Prix winner... 713 01:03:58,967 --> 01:04:00,937 And who do you think that is? 714 01:04:00,938 --> 01:04:02,840 What? What's going on? 715 01:04:07,167 --> 01:04:13,369 Oh God! It's gone! The task of a lifetime - gone! 716 01:04:13,370 --> 01:04:22,277 20 years! 20 years to build, and just one moment for it to fall apart! 717 01:04:25,986 --> 01:04:32,230 Seduced by Gypsy music! Gypsy shit! Betrayed all principles! 718 01:04:32,309 --> 01:04:35,382 Fucking whores! 719 01:04:35,383 --> 01:04:39,224 - Decided to feign insanity. - Cheap trick! 720 01:04:40,701 --> 01:04:47,331 You'll be sorry! I'll show you! I'll show you major in minor! 721 01:05:55,516 --> 01:05:56,314 Let's go! 722 01:07:13,847 --> 01:07:18,285 "Dark eyes! Passionate eyes!" [classic Gypsy-style romance] 723 01:07:18,286 --> 01:07:21,738 "Burning eyes, and beautiful!" [classic Gypsy-style romance] 724 01:07:21,739 --> 01:07:25,084 "How I love you! How I pray for you!" [classic Gypsy-style romance] 725 01:07:25,085 --> 01:07:28,677 "It was a dark hour when I met you..." [classic Gypsy-style romance] 726 01:08:27,816 --> 01:08:32,113 Maestro! Such masculine passion! Such sincere suffering! 727 01:08:33,056 --> 01:08:34,056 Darling! 728 01:08:35,704 --> 01:08:38,123 Carol... Hey, hey! Hands off! 729 01:08:40,517 --> 01:08:41,816 Darling! 730 01:08:44,123 --> 01:08:49,082 What, CIA spy? Plans foiled? There are still things money can't buy! 731 01:08:49,082 --> 01:08:51,599 Schniperson chooses Russia! 732 01:08:51,600 --> 01:08:53,409 Did you already wed, honey? 733 01:08:53,410 --> 01:08:59,517 Innokenty, say me honest, did you... with him? 734 01:08:59,658 --> 01:09:03,445 - Yes, yes, yes! - Well, no! 735 01:09:04,295 --> 01:09:06,713 No. Maybe we had something - earlier. 736 01:09:07,759 --> 01:09:12,796 But from this day - no! Now I only love you, madam! 737 01:09:25,470 --> 01:09:28,018 Maestro, you're genius! Genius! 738 01:09:28,019 --> 01:09:32,039 Innokenty, darling, my third husband was gay. 739 01:09:32,276 --> 01:09:34,327 Confess to me, I will understand. 740 01:09:34,643 --> 01:09:39,118 - Did you sleep with him? - Sleep? I was working like a horse. 741 01:09:39,564 --> 01:09:41,965 I was conducting a bloody concert. When did I have time to sleep?! 742 01:09:47,358 --> 01:09:53,482 Our national treasure! Thank you for the high art! 743 01:09:53,638 --> 01:09:56,700 Genius! Genius! Genius! 744 01:09:57,662 --> 01:09:59,091 Innokenty Ivanovich! 745 01:09:59,092 --> 01:10:03,862 Darling, I definitely introduce you to all three my husbands. 746 01:10:04,186 --> 01:10:07,810 They're really nice people. Especially the second and the third. 747 01:10:07,811 --> 01:10:10,023 - The third? The gay one? - Oh, yes! 748 01:10:10,024 --> 01:10:13,559 He's now a woman. He had surgery. 749 01:10:13,560 --> 01:10:16,440 He became a famous actress, you won't believe... 750 01:10:16,674 --> 01:10:17,505 - That's amazing! - Innokenty Ivanovich! 751 01:10:17,540 --> 01:10:19,269 Just imagine, Innokenty Ivanovich, 752 01:10:19,269 --> 01:10:21,439 Where this CIA spy will lead you tomorrow, 753 01:10:21,608 --> 01:10:24,841 If already today you walk past your own apartment! 754 01:10:26,408 --> 01:10:29,250 What again want this man?! 755 01:10:29,449 --> 01:10:33,247 This man want... to save Schniperson for Russia. 756 01:10:34,040 --> 01:10:37,257 I want him disappear out my life! 757 01:10:40,342 --> 01:10:41,407 Just calm down! 758 01:10:49,986 --> 01:10:53,409 - I don't get it... this man... - It seems... I left the keys in the dressing room. 759 01:10:55,318 --> 01:10:56,956 Joan? 760 01:11:02,027 --> 01:11:05,462 I am Carol... 761 01:11:05,624 --> 01:11:08,250 And I said "Carol". That's just my pronunciation. 762 01:11:08,324 --> 01:11:09,069 One minute... 763 01:11:18,974 --> 01:11:21,823 - Well, I am home! - A wizard! Wizard! 764 01:11:23,380 --> 01:11:24,643 Darling! 765 01:11:49,969 --> 01:11:52,977 During the escape the inmate Rabbitov stole: 766 01:11:52,978 --> 01:12:02,512 Vehicle (one unit), ethanol (three tanks), stretcher (one unit), enema (two units). 767 01:12:02,513 --> 01:12:07,265 And fled to an unknown... No... 768 01:12:09,709 --> 01:12:14,539 Completely... completely unknown... 769 01:12:16,534 --> 01:12:18,371 Whoa... not fled. 770 01:12:19,932 --> 01:12:21,485 Rabbitov! 771 01:12:26,970 --> 01:12:33,394 - Can I make a call? - Where? 772 01:12:34,914 --> 01:12:42,087 Radio station "Liberty", "Voice of America", "Deutsche Welle". 773 01:12:42,926 --> 01:12:43,906 Why? 774 01:12:43,907 --> 01:12:47,074 Because our corrupt media doesn't write about 775 01:12:47,363 --> 01:12:52,485 The imperialist discrimination against citizens of Romani ethnicity. 776 01:12:52,486 --> 01:12:59,588 Today we again witnessed an example of discrimination, bordering on genocide. 777 01:12:59,851 --> 01:13:05,423 Documents taken away due to ethnic features. Shame on you! 778 01:13:05,720 --> 01:13:09,062 - As a matter of fact, who are you? - As a matter of fact, Roman Diamondov. 779 01:13:09,063 --> 01:13:12,066 A candidate for a seat in the State Duma. 780 01:13:12,067 --> 01:13:16,097 Which, curiously, has exactly zero deputies 781 01:13:16,167 --> 01:13:18,244 Representing the millions of Romani people. 782 01:13:18,245 --> 01:13:22,364 And so today, when we held a demonstration about this matter, 783 01:13:22,449 --> 01:13:26,024 My license is seized by some Peepeenov. 784 01:13:26,025 --> 01:13:28,718 Oh, you just want to get your license! 785 01:13:28,998 --> 01:13:34,113 Just a minute! Great! You will receive your license! 786 01:13:34,114 --> 01:13:36,149 - Follow me. - Where? 787 01:13:36,184 --> 01:13:38,495 Straight ahead along the hall. It's close. 788 01:13:40,212 --> 01:13:41,541 - There? - To the right. 789 01:13:41,949 --> 01:13:42,862 - Over here? - Yes, yes. 790 01:13:43,830 --> 01:13:47,549 Please proceed... 791 01:13:48,631 --> 01:13:51,167 Now that's what I'm talking about! 792 01:13:51,577 --> 01:13:55,680 Spend some time here, Rabbitov. Cure you of that "deputy" nonsense. 793 01:13:58,647 --> 01:14:02,385 No locks will help you escape your responsibility. 794 01:14:02,985 --> 01:14:05,709 Better just give back the license. 795 01:14:08,070 --> 01:14:11,841 I apologize. I needed to be alone for a bit... 796 01:14:11,879 --> 01:14:15,300 Now you understand why we're promoting the slogan: 797 01:14:15,618 --> 01:14:19,835 "Russians off the Romani homeland, from the Pacific Ocean to the Baltic Sea!!" 798 01:14:19,835 --> 01:14:20,939 There!! 799 01:14:21,982 --> 01:14:26,874 A fly... such an annoying little shit. 800 01:14:28,491 --> 01:14:31,354 And after all that, you want us to respect Russians? 801 01:14:31,744 --> 01:14:33,325 No, no. I don't insist... 802 01:14:39,746 --> 01:14:42,387 Stop fucking with my head, Rabbitov! Oops! 803 01:14:47,037 --> 01:14:52,596 You will never put us, freedom-loving Gypsies, on our knees. 804 01:14:53,804 --> 01:15:01,951 What? Resisting arrest? Hands up, Rabbitov! 805 01:15:09,516 --> 01:15:11,839 *We just received fresh information.* 806 01:15:11,840 --> 01:15:14,267 *Thanks to the incredible efforts of our police,* 807 01:15:14,268 --> 01:15:17,191 *the dangerous criminal Vasily Rabbitov has been detained.* 808 01:15:17,192 --> 01:15:22,625 *This time he was disguised as Roman Diamondov, a Gypsy band chief.* 809 01:15:22,626 --> 01:15:26,049 *Everyone who recognized the crook, please call the number:* 810 01:15:26,050 --> 01:15:37,030 *3-5-5-2-2-2-4, 17-11-14-25, 143-17-12, 11-14-35-47, 2-94-57-40...* 811 01:15:37,635 --> 01:15:41,331 - Disguised as a Gypsy? - Sounds like the Musician. 812 01:15:44,426 --> 01:15:52,004 No! Something's wrong here. Gotta have a think! 813 01:15:52,936 --> 01:15:55,264 Quiet! The boss is thinking. 814 01:15:55,422 --> 01:15:58,609 We'll do thinking, jack, when we get the diamond back. 815 01:15:58,610 --> 01:16:02,028 See how bad it's gotten? I'm rhyming now. 816 01:16:02,070 --> 01:16:07,042 - We need to finish him. - You'll be finishing... over my dead body! 817 01:16:25,571 --> 01:16:30,249 My dear! I'm glad. It's very good! Yes! 818 01:16:30,364 --> 01:16:33,776 I have to say, the salad is not a success. 819 01:16:33,777 --> 01:16:35,302 - That's not polite... - A little bitter. 820 01:16:35,303 --> 01:16:38,470 - The salad is all right. - Very tasty! 821 01:16:38,471 --> 01:16:43,743 No, no. The salad is bitter, and the bread is bitter. 822 01:16:43,744 --> 01:16:46,199 Be grateful you even got invited! 823 01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:48,149 Bitter! Bitter! 824 01:16:49,441 --> 01:16:51,821 It really is bitter! 825 01:16:51,822 --> 01:16:56,702 It's bitter to see, that a man dies, who is so important to music! 826 01:16:56,703 --> 01:16:57,738 Purse your lips, bitch! 827 01:17:00,957 --> 01:17:03,262 Stand up! Stand up, my dear! 828 01:17:06,525 --> 01:17:11,123 Nobody move! Hands behind the head! Face to the wall! 829 01:17:18,911 --> 01:17:22,168 Can't escape us, my friend! Moscow police, what what! 830 01:17:22,169 --> 01:17:24,258 Again? 831 01:17:24,259 --> 01:17:25,858 Here's the watch! 832 01:17:25,859 --> 01:17:32,065 Alright, Rabbitov, I'd advise making a voluntary confession. 833 01:17:32,066 --> 01:17:35,595 Tell me here, before everyone, where's the diamond? 834 01:17:35,596 --> 01:17:38,499 - He needs to be institutionalized! - Defend me from this... maniac! 835 01:17:38,500 --> 01:17:40,945 How dare you talk back to a law-enforcement officer?! 836 01:17:40,946 --> 01:17:41,486 What diamond? 837 01:17:41,487 --> 01:17:43,055 Don't drink at work, don't drink - I will complain! 838 01:17:43,056 --> 01:17:45,202 Playing the fool again. Nice job. 839 01:17:45,203 --> 01:17:47,784 Comrade Police, he is Schniperson, he is my fiance! 840 01:17:47,785 --> 01:17:51,529 - This is a great musician! - I've lead three cases on this Musician! 841 01:17:51,530 --> 01:17:53,619 - I got a skin condition, looking for him! - What condition? 842 01:17:53,620 --> 01:17:56,146 A skin cond... I don't want to talk to you, back off!! 843 01:17:58,754 --> 01:18:00,322 I will complain to your superiors! 844 01:18:00,323 --> 01:18:02,337 Superiors? I will prove it to you. 845 01:18:02,338 --> 01:18:04,227 Whose watch is this, I wonder? Whose? 846 01:18:04,262 --> 01:18:06,578 - Mine, of course. - "Mine" he says, "mine"! 847 01:18:06,579 --> 01:18:10,601 Then why, during the last arrest, was he wearing the American President's watch? 848 01:18:10,602 --> 01:18:13,000 - It was a gift... - You think I only have one watch? 849 01:18:13,035 --> 01:18:16,318 I have this... this many! 850 01:18:16,319 --> 01:18:18,189 Check whether your watch is missing, citizens! 851 01:18:18,224 --> 01:18:20,296 - This is your watch! - My watch isn't missing! 852 01:18:24,383 --> 01:18:25,688 Let me through! Dangerous criminal! 853 01:18:25,689 --> 01:18:26,689 I will call the State Duma! 854 01:18:27,332 --> 01:18:30,949 Alright, we'll figure it out now. "Mine" watch, right? "Mine"? 855 01:18:30,950 --> 01:18:34,473 Then what's written on it, I wonder? There's an engraving on the back. 856 01:18:34,473 --> 01:18:37,186 - Oh, that was written so long ago! - He's tormenting the genius! 857 01:18:37,223 --> 01:18:38,190 We'll remind you now. So, it says here - 858 01:18:38,191 --> 01:18:40,217 - To the outstanding... - Right! 859 01:18:40,501 --> 01:18:42,032 - Outstanding... - ... composer. 860 01:18:42,218 --> 01:18:44,108 Hell no! "Surgeon!" 861 01:18:44,109 --> 01:18:46,497 - There - surgeon! - So what? 862 01:18:47,259 --> 01:18:49,102 Surgery is my hobby. 863 01:18:49,647 --> 01:18:50,972 I practice a bit. 864 01:18:50,973 --> 01:18:52,802 I can amputate something, if asked. 865 01:18:53,432 --> 01:18:55,963 - Or even fix something, on occasion. - Exactly! He'll fix you right up! 866 01:18:55,964 --> 01:18:59,329 Yes, also says here, that it's a gift from some "Musya". 867 01:18:59,330 --> 01:19:00,892 - Who is Musya? - Comrade captain colonel, 868 01:19:00,911 --> 01:19:03,018 - ...we need to free ourselves from them... - Who is Musya, I asked? 869 01:19:03,633 --> 01:19:06,862 - Who is Musya? - Yes Musya, Musya, I'm asking, Musya? 870 01:19:06,863 --> 01:19:10,515 - Oh!! Musya! Of course, Musya! - Yes? 871 01:19:10,771 --> 01:19:14,528 Poor granny Musya! She died recently! 872 01:19:14,529 --> 01:19:16,059 - Granny Musya died? - She did! 873 01:19:16,371 --> 01:19:19,049 Don't know where she was buried, and where she lived - forgot. 874 01:19:19,050 --> 01:19:20,972 What a nightmare, granny Musya died! 875 01:19:20,973 --> 01:19:23,275 And why does this granny call herself "petite"? 876 01:19:23,448 --> 01:19:24,339 Comrade captain colonel... 877 01:19:24,374 --> 01:19:27,150 "...from the loving, petite Musya!" 878 01:19:27,185 --> 01:19:28,908 - So what? - Comrade captain colonel... 879 01:19:29,037 --> 01:19:32,066 Some grannies are large, and some grannies are small. 880 01:19:32,912 --> 01:19:40,577 Granny Musya was a dwarf. This tall. 881 01:19:41,438 --> 01:19:47,850 To replace Haendel with "The Little Gypsy Girl"?! A requiem with "Dark Eyes"?! 882 01:19:52,445 --> 01:19:55,408 - What? - Vasen'ka! I have a little stash up there... 883 01:19:55,564 --> 01:20:00,275 I'm not Vasen'ka! I'm Innokenty Schniperson, a People's Artist! 884 01:20:03,403 --> 01:20:07,209 What? What? 885 01:20:07,249 --> 01:20:12,644 Keshen'ka! I have a little stash... Get it for me... 886 01:20:12,645 --> 01:20:18,323 - Where? - To the right. More to the right, deeper - yes! 887 01:20:18,324 --> 01:20:20,148 Oh, good, good. Opened? Pour! 888 01:20:20,183 --> 01:20:24,501 Careful! Hold it. A little more. There, stop, that's it, stop. Here! 889 01:20:24,502 --> 01:20:28,553 - Drink. - Easy, easy. 890 01:20:33,630 --> 01:20:35,075 All set? 891 01:20:45,701 --> 01:20:50,651 Forgive me, Keshen'ka, the foolish sinner! 892 01:20:50,652 --> 01:20:53,011 - Hey, hey! - Forgive! 893 01:20:53,037 --> 01:20:55,852 Drink all you want. Your problems! 894 01:20:56,171 --> 01:20:59,099 I remember it like it was yesterday: Varya is dying, 895 01:20:59,842 --> 01:21:03,069 Ivan Israelich, under the grand piano, 896 01:21:03,069 --> 01:21:08,211 And you're screaming, begging for breasts! 897 01:21:08,619 --> 01:21:11,007 Wow, got plastered right down memory lane! 898 01:21:11,008 --> 01:21:14,907 I was working as a train conductor, between Moscow and Kherson, 899 01:21:14,908 --> 01:21:17,382 I thought no, no, no, I couldn't raise you all. 900 01:21:17,383 --> 01:21:18,655 - Yeah? - No. 901 01:21:18,655 --> 01:21:19,786 Maybe you've got alcoholic delirium? 902 01:21:19,787 --> 01:21:21,505 - No. - Looks as if you do. 903 01:21:21,506 --> 01:21:28,916 Keshen'ka, I'm scared to tell you. Maybe you'll take a drink first? 904 01:21:29,321 --> 01:21:31,470 No drinking in the daytime! I have a rule! 905 01:21:32,495 --> 01:21:44,623 You are my nephew, by blood! I left you at the Kherson orphanage. 906 01:21:48,410 --> 01:21:56,663 You also have a little brother. Vasyatka. Identical twin. 907 01:22:11,936 --> 01:22:14,838 I already let Schniperson go! This - is Vasya Rabbitov! 908 01:22:14,839 --> 01:22:16,296 - Listen! - Repeat offender! 909 01:22:16,297 --> 01:22:19,086 And the watch he stole. Stole from granny Musya. 910 01:22:19,087 --> 01:22:21,551 I mean the dwarf surgeon. 911 01:22:21,552 --> 01:22:22,922 Dammit! I can't anymore! 912 01:22:25,072 --> 01:22:27,628 Comrade captain colonel! 913 01:22:28,927 --> 01:22:31,223 Why are you worrying yourself? Just forget me! 914 01:22:31,224 --> 01:22:32,695 I'll forget you, you know when? 915 01:22:32,696 --> 01:22:35,783 When we mine the diamond from your stomach, got it? 916 01:22:35,784 --> 01:22:37,634 - That's inhumane! - Why am I proving myself to you? 917 01:22:37,635 --> 01:22:40,283 Just look here, his description is being broadcast all day on TV! 918 01:22:40,284 --> 01:22:41,934 - What is it? Who is that? - Watch, watch! 919 01:22:41,935 --> 01:22:44,878 *...Happily announce the capture of the repeat offender Rabbitov* 920 01:22:44,879 --> 01:22:49,896 *Impersonating Roman Diamondov, the chief of a Gypsy band* 921 01:22:49,897 --> 01:22:50,671 This is him. Oh, yes! 922 01:22:50,898 --> 01:22:52,799 *The investigation discovered* 923 01:22:52,800 --> 01:22:58,207 *That Rabbitov demanded national independence for his Gypsy band* 924 01:22:58,208 --> 01:23:01,605 The following wished to become its sister-cities: 925 01:23:01,702 --> 01:23:07,389 YERevan, Buenos AIRES, OSAKa. 926 01:23:07,390 --> 01:23:10,256 Got it, yeah? They already caught me! 927 01:23:11,621 --> 01:23:15,066 They already catch him! 928 01:23:15,067 --> 01:23:16,736 Mr. Police, they already catch him! 929 01:23:16,737 --> 01:23:18,505 The key! Hurry up! 930 01:23:18,506 --> 01:23:19,769 Forgive me, comrade People's Artist! 931 01:23:19,770 --> 01:23:22,455 - I've almost got it. - We will complain to your superiors! 932 01:23:22,798 --> 01:23:24,356 My superiors won't be needed, it just fell behind the lining, 933 01:23:24,357 --> 01:23:25,274 I'll get it, one second... 934 01:23:26,117 --> 01:23:27,493 - Ambassador! - Who? 935 01:23:27,494 --> 01:23:31,925 - Yes, it's the ambassador. - What?! No avoiding a world war now! 936 01:23:34,348 --> 01:23:35,569 Ambassador - need to greet! 937 01:23:35,570 --> 01:23:37,807 No need to greet, don't open! Say nobody's home. 938 01:23:37,808 --> 01:23:39,324 The wedding is cancelled, the bride died! 939 01:23:41,532 --> 01:23:43,618 No! Handcuffs - great shame! 940 01:23:45,778 --> 01:23:51,227 - The vase! Quickly! - Cover it up with the vase! 941 01:24:03,131 --> 01:24:06,907 - It's a vase! A gift from the police. - Beautiful, yes! 942 01:24:07,191 --> 01:24:10,619 Ahh! Our gift is not as symbolic. 943 01:24:10,620 --> 01:24:16,103 We present you with that, without which no American wedding can do. 944 01:24:16,104 --> 01:24:21,231 Real American cake! 945 01:24:26,357 --> 01:24:29,164 Give me the ticker, bacon. 946 01:24:32,732 --> 01:24:34,685 Better off focusing on that skin condition of yours. 947 01:24:38,351 --> 01:24:40,786 The same face... it's stupid... 948 01:24:44,594 --> 01:24:46,643 On the other hand, how's it stupid? The watch was there... 949 01:24:46,779 --> 01:24:50,068 Even granny Musya can confirm - it's the doctor's watch. Of course. 950 01:24:50,103 --> 01:24:52,503 Where did the Gypsy come from? No freaking idea. 951 01:24:52,868 --> 01:24:54,149 What an ass... 952 01:24:54,550 --> 01:24:57,058 You're in my way again! 953 01:24:57,059 --> 01:25:01,918 I will call the presidents of America, Russia, and the Commodity Market! 954 01:25:06,676 --> 01:25:12,166 Forgive me, comrade People's Artist of the Soviet USSR, 955 01:25:13,058 --> 01:25:18,798 For all the evil that I've done you. You too, lady, forgive... 956 01:25:20,161 --> 01:25:27,499 Ah! Praskov'ya Aleksevna! To what do I owe the pleasure? 957 01:25:27,966 --> 01:25:34,027 Keshen'ka and I have a big day today: a wedding! 958 01:25:35,695 --> 01:25:41,518 May you both live happily... And with many children. 959 01:25:41,519 --> 01:25:52,928 Bitter! Bitter! 960 01:25:54,614 --> 01:25:57,157 Hold up, hold up a moment! Let me have a smoke. 961 01:25:58,497 --> 01:26:01,237 Your "bitters" make me very arouse. 962 01:26:01,588 --> 01:26:06,007 I wanna cleave unto you and be one flesh! 963 01:26:08,887 --> 01:26:12,524 C'mon, it's embarrassing! Quit it, will ya! What will people say? 964 01:26:12,525 --> 01:26:17,422 People? People? People will be glad. Yes, glad! 965 01:26:17,423 --> 01:26:21,474 People, goodbye! Goodbye, people! We leave to have sex. 966 01:26:21,475 --> 01:26:25,001 We won't be long, we come back. People, have fun! 967 01:26:25,002 --> 01:26:28,385 Goodbye! Goodbye, people! 968 01:26:36,665 --> 01:26:38,401 "Horny nympho"! 969 01:26:40,122 --> 01:26:46,003 Dammit, she's right! Why are we ashamed? 970 01:26:46,679 --> 01:26:49,566 After all, sex - 971 01:26:49,567 --> 01:26:56,508 Is as natural a body function as a... as the... 972 01:26:56,509 --> 01:27:02,099 Enough! It's only natural if it's every day. 973 01:27:03,268 --> 01:27:07,377 What if it's once a month, and only as a special favor? 974 01:27:17,341 --> 01:27:23,225 - Oh, Innokenty Ivanovich! Done? Already? - So quick? 975 01:27:23,226 --> 01:27:29,205 Quick? Did you want me to get taken from behind till morning? 976 01:27:30,896 --> 01:27:31,853 Well... why you? 977 01:27:31,854 --> 01:27:34,184 Some friends you are, guys! 978 01:27:34,185 --> 01:27:38,688 I'm getting drilled like an oil well, and you're here, partying! 979 01:27:38,689 --> 01:27:41,548 - Sorry, but what were we supposed to do? - He's seriously asking me! 980 01:27:41,549 --> 01:27:43,882 Have you forgotten, what mutual aid is, between men? 981 01:27:43,883 --> 01:27:45,703 You and I will have a talk after! 982 01:27:45,704 --> 01:27:49,375 - Let's go, Innokenty Ivanovich, I'll help! - Nah, don't worry about it! 983 01:27:49,907 --> 01:27:53,698 But every cloud has a silver lining! I discovered a relative. 984 01:27:55,436 --> 01:27:58,235 My aunt by blood, Praskov'ya Aleksevna. 985 01:27:58,236 --> 01:27:59,127 Please sit. 986 01:28:04,018 --> 01:28:05,846 That's the American ambassador, auntie. 987 01:28:06,513 --> 01:28:10,405 Nice to meet you? Want some sauerkraut? Homemade! 988 01:28:11,334 --> 01:28:13,467 - Where's the bride? - Carol? 989 01:28:13,468 --> 01:28:14,803 Is there another? 990 01:28:16,625 --> 01:28:19,358 There where you've left her, I guess. 991 01:28:19,616 --> 01:28:23,752 - In the church? Still? - Why in the church? In the bedroom. 992 01:28:37,595 --> 01:28:41,179 Wait up... What in the... Ohhh, now heads will roll! 993 01:28:41,180 --> 01:28:41,982 Darling! 994 01:28:44,308 --> 01:28:47,974 Whore! Get the hell out of here! 995 01:28:51,248 --> 01:28:52,882 Honey, I will explain... 996 01:28:54,734 --> 01:28:56,885 - You're still here, foreign slut? - Man, talking like that to a woman... 997 01:28:58,020 --> 01:28:59,463 Where are you going? Where? 998 01:29:00,179 --> 01:29:01,598 Even starting to sweat... 999 01:29:02,055 --> 01:29:04,294 Everything's going to be alright! Hear me? "Okay!" 1000 01:29:04,517 --> 01:29:07,599 - Darling! - I'll choke you, bitch! 1001 01:29:07,975 --> 01:29:13,056 You are so versatile! Unpredictable! 1002 01:29:39,430 --> 01:29:44,728 Rabbitov! I know you're here. Come out! 1003 01:30:07,505 --> 01:30:09,563 Rabbitov, I'm waiting! 1004 01:31:09,436 --> 01:31:11,213 You're an asshole! 1005 01:31:11,565 --> 01:31:17,159 Never had a greater dream than to find family. And now I did. 1006 01:31:17,186 --> 01:31:23,879 And I kept asking mom to make me a brother. I frightfully wanted a little brother! 1007 01:31:26,366 --> 01:31:32,272 - Vas'ka, brother! - Keshka, bro! 1008 01:31:38,491 --> 01:31:43,191 What sort of company is that? This is art! 1009 01:31:43,470 --> 01:31:45,637 Do you recall Stanislavski's system? 1010 01:31:54,315 --> 01:31:57,500 And my singing teacher tells me: "Listen, Schniperson, you have perfect pitch!" 1011 01:31:57,775 --> 01:31:59,132 Same here! 1012 01:31:59,133 --> 01:32:01,816 My first imprisonment, the captain Blindy tells me: "Rabbitov..." 1013 01:32:01,817 --> 01:32:03,047 My babies! 1014 01:32:07,521 --> 01:32:11,872 Finally met - siblings! 1015 01:32:15,255 --> 01:32:19,607 - Mom. Mooom! - Praskov'ya Alekseyevna! 1016 01:32:21,128 --> 01:32:24,829 - Listen, have you still got the diamond? - What diamond? Everyone asking about this diamond. 1017 01:32:24,830 --> 01:32:28,293 - I haven't seen it in ages! - Need to return it! Start a new life! 1018 01:32:28,294 --> 01:32:29,359 Return it to whom? 1019 01:32:30,133 --> 01:32:33,922 Give it to the state - the mafia ends me. Give it to the mafia - the state jails me. 1020 01:32:33,923 --> 01:32:36,669 That's a conundrum... Yes, but we'll figure something out, 1021 01:32:36,670 --> 01:32:38,427 While they deal with this Gypsy. 1022 01:32:38,428 --> 01:32:41,243 - With who? - They arrested some Gypsy in my stead. 1023 01:32:41,244 --> 01:32:45,864 - A Gypsy? - Well, yeah. Look - it's still on TV! 1024 01:32:46,724 --> 01:32:51,077 *...and your alias "Diamondov" - is that in honor of your diamond? Yes?* 1025 01:32:55,042 --> 01:32:58,699 *No. I've always been and always will be Diamondov.* 1026 01:32:58,700 --> 01:33:01,940 *Just as you've always been, and will remain - a piece of shit!* 1027 01:33:02,142 --> 01:33:04,523 He does look like me. Like us. 1028 01:33:04,524 --> 01:33:07,328 Oh what joy! 1029 01:33:07,862 --> 01:33:11,586 At my age, I managed to see Romochka! 1030 01:33:11,587 --> 01:33:13,445 Mother, again with that? 1031 01:33:13,446 --> 01:33:16,294 Forgive me, Vasen'ka, the foolish sinner! 1032 01:33:16,295 --> 01:33:20,908 And you, Keshen'ka, forgive the old bitch! 1033 01:33:21,722 --> 01:33:26,087 And you, Romochka, forgive, if you can! 1034 01:33:26,310 --> 01:33:30,661 Mother, mother! You repeat yourself! 1035 01:33:30,662 --> 01:33:40,518 Yep. I remember it like it was yesterday. you three lying, screaming, begging for breasts... 1036 01:33:40,553 --> 01:33:44,725 At the previous interrogation, citizen, you testified that only two begged for breasts. 1037 01:33:44,726 --> 01:33:51,506 But I thought Romochka wasn't alive, the Lord forgive all my transgressions. 1038 01:33:52,024 --> 01:33:56,322 Because I heard no news from Raya. 1039 01:33:56,323 --> 01:33:59,896 - There was also a Raya? - No. Just three. 1040 01:33:59,897 --> 01:34:04,735 I took Kesha to Kherson, and took you for myself. 1041 01:34:04,736 --> 01:34:08,228 And Raya had her Gypsy band visiting Moscow. 1042 01:34:08,801 --> 01:34:11,244 - She stayed over my place. - Why would she do that? 1043 01:34:11,245 --> 01:34:13,945 She always stays with me - she's family! 1044 01:34:13,946 --> 01:34:17,246 Ivan Israelich was a Gypsy, on his mother's side. 1045 01:34:18,590 --> 01:34:20,169 Their surname - Pearly. 1046 01:34:20,965 --> 01:34:26,914 So she adopted him. Romochka. 1047 01:34:27,488 --> 01:34:32,629 Mother, are there any Russians in our family? 1048 01:34:33,569 --> 01:34:37,194 You see, I've spent my life tearing my anus for Russia... 1049 01:34:37,815 --> 01:34:39,847 On the mother's side - everyone is Russian! 1050 01:34:41,683 --> 01:34:48,204 Except our dad - your grandpa. He was Chinese. Half-Chinese. 1051 01:34:48,205 --> 01:34:53,261 And of course - your grandma's little accident. 1052 01:34:53,262 --> 01:34:54,674 Darling! 1053 01:34:58,006 --> 01:35:02,598 Vasen'ka! Under the sofa! Quick, quick! 1054 01:35:09,649 --> 01:35:13,741 Auntie... Darling! Who were you talking to? 1055 01:35:14,333 --> 01:35:17,742 Why did you leave me for so long?... Koozya? 1056 01:35:17,743 --> 01:35:19,031 What? What do you mean "Koozya"? Just me and my aunt... 1057 01:35:22,312 --> 01:35:24,635 Why, aren't you a pretty one! 1058 01:35:24,636 --> 01:35:26,668 I hear two male voice. 1059 01:35:27,830 --> 01:35:29,366 Auntie - he's lie to me! 1060 01:35:29,367 --> 01:35:32,142 Let's go gossip in the kitchen! 1061 01:35:32,648 --> 01:35:37,760 - Koozya is there! - There is no one there. 1062 01:35:43,603 --> 01:35:47,094 It all become clear! Koozya is definitely there! 1063 01:35:52,166 --> 01:35:56,267 - No...? - What do you mean "no"? 1064 01:35:57,432 --> 01:35:58,549 You're right - "no"! 1065 01:36:00,064 --> 01:36:01,538 You lie to me? 1066 01:36:07,041 --> 01:36:08,830 It all become clear! You choose music! 1067 01:36:08,831 --> 01:36:13,778 Auntie! I immediately leave! I immediately leave for United State! 1068 01:36:14,722 --> 01:36:16,743 Don't go! Don't go to America, darling! 1069 01:36:17,018 --> 01:36:19,900 Don't! Let's chat instead! 1070 01:36:20,429 --> 01:36:21,876 We're really screwed. 1071 01:36:21,877 --> 01:36:23,924 - Darling! - Hide! 1072 01:36:23,925 --> 01:36:25,274 - Where? - Fine, I will. 1073 01:36:25,275 --> 01:36:39,119 Darling! Sorry, darling, sorry! It's my fault! My fault, mine! 1074 01:36:40,294 --> 01:36:44,630 It's because I love you. You're so extraordinary! 1075 01:36:45,445 --> 01:36:48,901 I want love you right now. Right now, darling! 1076 01:36:58,772 --> 01:37:00,290 Darling! Darling!! 1077 01:37:01,275 --> 01:37:07,759 Oh wow! Don't... I don't deserve this! 1078 01:37:11,876 --> 01:37:19,336 Darling! Darling! I have to explain everything to you now. 1079 01:37:19,337 --> 01:37:22,358 - Koozya?! - Wouldn't that be great! 1080 01:37:22,358 --> 01:37:25,207 I can't - with anyone! 1081 01:37:25,521 --> 01:37:26,546 Why? 1082 01:37:26,547 --> 01:37:28,572 Understand... The thing is... 1083 01:37:28,573 --> 01:37:33,801 Long story short, as a child I stepped on a land mine. 1084 01:37:37,532 --> 01:37:41,519 Yep. Everything got torn off! 1085 01:37:44,295 --> 01:37:49,793 - Everything? - Well, no. A little bit remains. 1086 01:37:49,794 --> 01:37:52,600 - Darling! - But only enough to pee! 1087 01:38:03,750 --> 01:38:07,708 Calm down, honey. 1088 01:38:08,834 --> 01:38:13,062 It's alright, it's alright. We'll figure something out. 1089 01:38:13,063 --> 01:38:20,080 America have great doctors. We'll make prosthetic. Poor guy, poor guy! 1090 01:38:26,669 --> 01:38:30,639 And you guys call this "a little bit"? 1091 01:38:31,282 --> 01:38:33,481 I think you don't grate enough. 1092 01:38:33,722 --> 01:38:36,667 - Meaning? - Meaning you're ungrateful sons of bitches! 1093 01:38:36,668 --> 01:38:38,416 Comrades Gypsies! Don't loiter in front of the police department! 1094 01:38:42,021 --> 01:38:44,364 Don't loiter! There is no Roman Diamondov here! [the sign: "UNESCO protection for the Gypsy!"] 1095 01:38:44,365 --> 01:38:47,981 You were fooled by the con man Vasily Rabbitov! 1096 01:38:47,982 --> 01:38:49,188 Comrades Gypsies! Stop making camp in front of the police department! 1097 01:38:52,700 --> 01:38:55,929 And get these children out of here! Whose children are they? What do you mean nobody's?... 1098 01:38:58,304 --> 01:39:03,076 What's there to discuss. Break into the pigsty, put the Musician in a sack. 1099 01:39:03,504 --> 01:39:07,498 - Yes, and the pigs will watch with open mouths. - We should finish the pigs. 1100 01:39:07,856 --> 01:39:11,446 You developed an age-related obsession with finishing. 1101 01:39:12,107 --> 01:39:16,030 We need to look for consensus, Aleksey Feofilaktovich! Consensus! 1102 01:39:16,319 --> 01:39:21,405 That's right! Find consensus, and kick it over and over. 1103 01:39:22,183 --> 01:39:25,954 You're not the first, who interrupts my journey to the State Duma. 1104 01:39:27,740 --> 01:39:31,389 I've already been tossed off a bridge, with a sack tied around my head, 1105 01:39:32,822 --> 01:39:36,449 Plane crashes were organized, when we migrated through Mexico. 1106 01:39:38,633 --> 01:39:40,626 Car accidents - those get set up every other day! 1107 01:39:41,394 --> 01:39:44,854 Enough yapping, Rabbitov! Learn to accept defeat! [sings] 1108 01:39:51,979 --> 01:39:57,674 - He's mocking me... stop singing!! - You've finally made a mistake, Rabbitov! 1109 01:39:57,854 --> 01:40:01,875 You're the only one who can't stand my singing. I still don't know why. 1110 01:40:01,876 --> 01:40:09,291 Vas'ka - attaboy! Keep playing the Gypsy! 1111 01:40:12,488 --> 01:40:13,788 Well, Godspeed! 1112 01:40:20,609 --> 01:40:24,779 Piss off. Piss off, I said! 1113 01:40:25,140 --> 01:40:26,796 No, it's not a bear, it's a stubborn goat! 1114 01:40:36,166 --> 01:40:38,105 Ahh! My brains are about to boil. 1115 01:40:38,106 --> 01:40:39,087 Good evening. 1116 01:40:43,970 --> 01:40:47,311 Citizen commander, please record a voluntary surrender and confession. 1117 01:40:47,792 --> 01:40:53,564 I hope I get credit for it, when I receive a stern but fair judgment. 1118 01:41:02,808 --> 01:41:14,405 Hanging out again, Shitdryev? What're you staring at? 1119 01:41:18,348 --> 01:41:22,869 Fu... he blabbed! 1120 01:41:22,870 --> 01:41:24,869 Rabbitov, is that you? 1121 01:41:26,516 --> 01:41:30,732 Couldn't stay silent. I was conscience-stricken, when I learned, that because of me 1122 01:41:30,733 --> 01:41:34,280 An innocent person was suffering. Let him go, commander. 1123 01:41:35,384 --> 01:41:42,874 [sings] 1124 01:41:42,875 --> 01:41:45,625 - Shut your mouth!!! - Why sing? If you aren't capable, just go to hell! 1125 01:41:46,405 --> 01:41:48,980 - You're mad! - I'm seeing red, ready to kill! 1126 01:41:49,014 --> 01:41:53,496 Cease the torture, this isn't 1937! 1127 01:41:53,497 --> 01:41:56,096 Hey Romani!! 1128 01:42:04,472 --> 01:42:12,640 My son! That's Roma - that's my son! 1129 01:42:14,141 --> 01:42:16,926 She took him for the Musician! 1130 01:42:16,927 --> 01:42:21,253 No. Something stinks here. 1131 01:42:21,254 --> 01:42:22,825 - To me... - Quiet! The boss is thinking! 1132 01:42:26,490 --> 01:42:30,871 Get out of here!! Impossible to concentrate! 1133 01:42:31,312 --> 01:42:36,631 - A drummer must drum loudly!! - You know, in that tone of voice... 1134 01:42:36,953 --> 01:42:38,768 Sit! Sit down, I said! 1135 01:42:47,600 --> 01:42:52,668 Shirly-myrli, shir-manirly, shir-matyrkin, mur-mur-kin! 1136 01:42:52,668 --> 01:42:56,235 Shirly-myrli. What mean "Shirly-myrli"? 1137 01:42:56,235 --> 01:42:58,872 - Please, translation. - No translation, just nonsense. 1138 01:42:58,873 --> 01:43:01,823 - Russian bear! - "Nonsense"? What is "nonsense"? 1139 01:43:01,824 --> 01:43:03,722 I need to go breathe some fresh air. 1140 01:43:03,723 --> 01:43:05,228 - Darling! - Innokenty Ivanovich! 1141 01:43:05,229 --> 01:43:09,677 You're leaving this CIA spy! Schniperson chooses Russia! 1142 01:43:10,861 --> 01:43:12,506 It's a misunderstanding! 1143 01:43:12,507 --> 01:43:15,753 Run, run Innokenty Ivanovich! You have my blessing! 1144 01:43:15,992 --> 01:43:17,953 This man wants to save... this... and... 1145 01:43:19,762 --> 01:43:23,978 - Gypsy? - Is there a merry wedding in here? 1146 01:43:31,024 --> 01:43:33,724 What a splendid gift! 1147 01:43:33,725 --> 01:43:37,863 You lied to me that you hate Gypsies on purpose! 1148 01:43:39,777 --> 01:43:41,859 What a beautiful lie, darling! 1149 01:43:41,859 --> 01:43:44,195 So, where is this Gypsy-hater? 1150 01:43:44,196 --> 01:43:47,449 It's you, darling! You, you joke! 1151 01:43:47,450 --> 01:43:50,799 If I joke like that again - rip my tongue out! 1152 01:43:50,800 --> 01:43:56,152 Rip? Oh, your Russian humor, darling, always so funny to me! 1153 01:43:56,153 --> 01:43:56,908 Romani friends, with me! 1154 01:43:59,279 --> 01:44:00,739 It's all a pretense, Zemfira. 1155 01:44:00,740 --> 01:44:04,588 When Keshka is free from prison, he'll replace Roman! 1156 01:44:04,589 --> 01:44:09,928 Wait! Will he need to replace your Kesha at night too? 1157 01:44:12,941 --> 01:44:16,890 ...No, not at night. Day only. He'll be released during the day. 1158 01:44:16,925 --> 01:44:20,275 - Why is it spinning? How do I get through?! - Come with me, mom. 1159 01:44:28,254 --> 01:44:36,110 [sings] I wish so much just once One more time to believe 1160 01:44:37,027 --> 01:44:42,417 What difference does it make What later will come true... 1161 01:44:43,198 --> 01:44:50,978 Love cannot be understood, Love cannot be measured 1162 01:44:52,029 --> 01:45:01,892 But at the bottom of my soul It is as in a river's whirlpool 1163 01:45:03,253 --> 01:45:08,743 Let go this hazy distance, Let go this fathomless depth 1164 01:45:09,191 --> 01:45:14,303 Today with a thin thread Fate bound us together... 1165 01:45:14,852 --> 01:45:21,738 Your eyes so green, Your words deceptive, 1166 01:45:22,167 --> 01:45:26,359 And these soft songs Have all infatuated me! 1167 01:45:27,372 --> 01:45:32,019 What amazing surprise! Wedding! Yes? 1168 01:45:32,020 --> 01:45:37,642 Such wonderful funny Russian humor! You fool me so beautiful! 1169 01:45:37,899 --> 01:45:39,059 Bitter, yes? 1170 01:45:39,960 --> 01:45:41,648 Bitter! 1171 01:45:46,794 --> 01:45:50,124 Dear guests, dear Romani friends! 1172 01:45:51,560 --> 01:45:55,378 I will kiss my dear bride, without question, 1173 01:45:56,095 --> 01:46:01,952 but first I'd like to cook you some Gypsy food! 1174 01:46:01,972 --> 01:46:05,667 Is this the newspaper "Arguments and Facts"? I'd like to share a fact - 1175 01:46:05,668 --> 01:46:09,055 The great conductor Innokenty Schniperson is behind bars again! 1176 01:46:09,685 --> 01:46:11,276 These are new sorties from the partocracy! 1177 01:46:11,277 --> 01:46:16,142 Yep. Says who? Says the indignant intelligentsia! 1178 01:46:17,127 --> 01:46:22,285 Is that the homosexual newspaper? Great, I've got a message for you. 1179 01:46:23,157 --> 01:46:28,234 That faggot Peepeenov arrested Innokenty Schniperson again. 1180 01:46:28,925 --> 01:46:30,424 These are new sorties from the Jew-Masons! 1181 01:46:30,425 --> 01:46:31,302 [muttering] ...cook some food... 1182 01:46:31,302 --> 01:46:33,312 Who is speaking? Everyone is speaking!! 1183 01:46:33,313 --> 01:46:34,918 Is this the Bee-Keeping Journal? 1184 01:46:34,919 --> 01:46:39,747 Why are you sitting like drones, while a great conductor sits in prison? 1185 01:46:39,748 --> 01:46:41,239 [muttering] ...I'll cook you some food!... 1186 01:46:41,239 --> 01:46:43,303 What to do? Flap your wings and point your stings! 1187 01:46:43,582 --> 01:46:45,625 [muttering] ...You don't know what "bitter" is... 1188 01:46:48,465 --> 01:46:51,844 Well, nice to meet you, brother! 1189 01:46:51,879 --> 01:46:53,694 I reject all negotiations, 1190 01:46:53,896 --> 01:46:58,893 Until you discontinue all discrimination against citizens of the Gypsy ethnicity. 1191 01:46:59,587 --> 01:47:02,246 Why are you barging in?! Don't you understand the Russian language? 1192 01:47:02,246 --> 01:47:04,871 I told you already, there is no Schniperson here! 1193 01:47:04,871 --> 01:47:06,267 We have Rabbitov - he surrendered himself! 1194 01:47:06,267 --> 01:47:15,204 Where are you going? Haven't you read the new presidential decree? 1195 01:47:16,980 --> 01:47:27,947 - Free Schniperson! Freedom for Schniperson! - Here, look - the recidivist thief. 1196 01:47:31,312 --> 01:47:33,819 Close the door, you're interrupting my rehearsal! 1197 01:47:33,820 --> 01:47:34,470 Liar! 1198 01:47:35,701 --> 01:47:37,917 Pardon us, you have visitors. 1199 01:47:37,918 --> 01:47:40,286 Mr. Schniperson, why are they after you? 1200 01:47:40,287 --> 01:47:42,416 - These, if you forgive me, comrades? - It's okay, it's okay. 1201 01:47:50,397 --> 01:47:56,574 This repression allows me to better understand the history of my country. The soul of my people. 1202 01:47:56,575 --> 01:48:00,102 Comrade colonel, the President is on the line. 1203 01:48:02,175 --> 01:48:09,513 Speaking. Yes, sir. Shitdryev too? Yes, sir. 1204 01:48:10,744 --> 01:48:13,054 - Everyone is free! - Hooray! 1205 01:48:18,977 --> 01:48:21,673 I've known this Musician a long time, he played an accordion in the can... 1206 01:48:21,674 --> 01:48:25,150 Maybe we should leave Shitdryev, comrade colonel? 1207 01:48:25,151 --> 01:48:28,794 - Major. - The President? 1208 01:48:29,431 --> 01:48:34,226 The question of my rank lies fully in the competence of the President. 1209 01:48:34,669 --> 01:48:39,979 Thank you! Thank you for the support and love of art! 1210 01:48:40,684 --> 01:48:44,243 - This isn't Rabbitov. - The Gypsy is Rabbitov. 1211 01:48:44,793 --> 01:48:46,722 No, the Gypsies recognized their own. 1212 01:48:46,723 --> 01:48:50,612 That means, this is Rabbitov. Then why'd they let him go? 1213 01:48:52,664 --> 01:48:54,393 Because it isn't Rabbitov. 1214 01:48:54,394 --> 01:48:56,467 - Then who? - The conductor. 1215 01:48:57,088 --> 01:49:01,563 - If that's the conductor, who did we interrogate? - The conductor. 1216 01:49:02,821 --> 01:49:04,169 Then who was conducting? 1217 01:49:04,170 --> 01:49:05,576 - What? - Who? - Where? 1218 01:49:09,785 --> 01:49:15,201 In 1837 in Saint-Petersburg, a peculiar thing happened: 1219 01:49:16,063 --> 01:49:21,049 The titular counselor Ivan Nikandrovich Ryabov got himself a double. 1220 01:49:21,050 --> 01:49:24,594 - God damn! - That's what it is! 1221 01:49:24,595 --> 01:49:27,253 We do thus: 1222 01:49:27,752 --> 01:49:31,463 We go to the wedding, grab Rabbitov, and his double too. 1223 01:49:31,620 --> 01:49:33,179 And finish both! 1224 01:49:41,829 --> 01:49:48,230 You and I met Calmly and simply, 1225 01:49:49,243 --> 01:49:54,118 The old wound in my soul Had already healed. 1226 01:49:54,503 --> 01:49:59,972 But the abyss of break-up Lay between us: 1227 01:50:00,373 --> 01:50:08,106 We're only friends. How strange... 1228 01:50:09,945 --> 01:50:15,622 How strange all this is: Just a short while ago 1229 01:50:17,174 --> 01:50:23,172 Our closeness was Without measure, without limit, 1230 01:50:23,726 --> 01:50:31,316 And at present, oh, The present is unlike the past: 1231 01:50:31,902 --> 01:50:37,338 We're only friends. How strange... 1232 01:50:38,684 --> 01:50:44,059 How strange never To touch the past, 1233 01:50:45,674 --> 01:50:51,574 But to think of it Every day incessantly, 1234 01:50:52,869 --> 01:50:57,905 To speak of the weather, But to think of the words: 1235 01:50:59,033 --> 01:51:05,516 "We're only friends". How strange! How strange! How strange! 1236 01:51:35,937 --> 01:51:43,963 The outset is all fairy-tale. The outcome - suffering. 1237 01:51:44,888 --> 01:51:51,539 A jaded topic for a romance, Wouldn't you say? 1238 01:51:52,464 --> 01:51:59,016 Maybe we should... Actually, what for? Goodbye. 1239 01:52:00,964 --> 01:52:05,571 We're only friends. We're only friends. 1240 01:52:05,986 --> 01:52:12,050 We're only friends. How strange... 1241 01:52:12,334 --> 01:52:14,966 - How dare you? - And what's the problem? 1242 01:52:15,192 --> 01:52:17,072 I'm dancing her with serious intentions! 1243 01:52:17,417 --> 01:52:19,771 - I'd wed her this very minute! - I'm willing! 1244 01:52:20,352 --> 01:52:22,352 Mind your own business! 1245 01:52:22,353 --> 01:52:24,961 You have your own bride - go kiss her! 1246 01:52:25,366 --> 01:52:29,025 - Do you want to have all the women? Bitter! - Bitter! 1247 01:52:36,332 --> 01:52:40,930 Daddy, daddy, why the hell do you need this American? Mom is better! 1248 01:52:40,931 --> 01:52:42,579 Are these your kids, darling? 1249 01:52:47,443 --> 01:52:51,366 - They're mistaken! - Oh, mistaken, are they?! 1250 01:52:52,923 --> 01:52:56,934 [quarrel in Romani language] 1251 01:52:57,248 --> 01:53:00,704 [...] 1252 01:53:00,827 --> 01:53:03,962 [...] ...that whore! 1253 01:53:04,424 --> 01:53:05,808 [...] 1254 01:53:09,011 --> 01:53:14,610 Darling, is that woman - your mistress? 1255 01:53:17,420 --> 01:53:25,011 Guests, Romani friends, I want to go check on my cooking! 1256 01:53:26,310 --> 01:53:30,090 I've always said that transparency is the greatest achievement of a modern society. 1257 01:53:30,224 --> 01:53:32,278 Although personally I don't like journalists. 1258 01:53:34,141 --> 01:53:37,132 Yes, write it down - don't like them. Because they're scum. 1259 01:53:37,259 --> 01:53:41,768 Don't worry, don't worry! Here nobody will interfere with me. 1260 01:53:44,544 --> 01:53:46,714 - Good afternoon. - Greetings. 1261 01:53:46,715 --> 01:53:50,223 - 7th floor for me. - Oh, what a coincidence! 1262 01:53:54,576 --> 01:53:58,347 - Oh, overload. I'll take the stairs. - No, how can that be? 1263 01:53:59,257 --> 01:54:03,529 Such a man - taking the stairs? Please, sir. 1264 01:54:04,097 --> 01:54:06,426 - After you, sir. - Over my dead body! 1265 01:54:06,541 --> 01:54:09,064 - Oh... - Please. 1266 01:54:20,943 --> 01:54:22,602 - Overload. - Get the fuck out!!! 1267 01:54:22,602 --> 01:54:25,877 - What?! - That doesn't include you, sir. 1268 01:54:34,488 --> 01:54:40,655 Can't you leave us tete-a-tete, have you no manners...? 1269 01:54:46,910 --> 01:54:48,542 What did we just do? 1270 01:54:49,114 --> 01:54:54,567 Yep, in the history of criminal Russia this case is unprecedented. 1271 01:54:54,769 --> 01:54:55,920 What case? 1272 01:54:55,930 --> 01:54:59,710 Six morons in one place at the same time. 1273 01:55:06,499 --> 01:55:08,959 - I love you! - Me too! 1274 01:55:15,279 --> 01:55:17,851 - I'll adopt your children. - Go away, shameless man! 1275 01:55:18,048 --> 01:55:20,072 I have housing too. It's just me and my mom. 1276 01:55:21,140 --> 01:55:23,985 Innokenty Ivanovich, I'm proposing to her! 1277 01:55:24,562 --> 01:55:26,671 That's great. I'm happy for you. 1278 01:55:26,671 --> 01:55:29,274 - And for me? - And for you - twice as happy! 1279 01:55:29,484 --> 01:55:32,381 - [yelling in Romani] - Didn't catch that, what? 1280 01:55:33,972 --> 01:55:35,033 Try catching this! 1281 01:55:36,636 --> 01:55:42,646 [sings] I want to love, I want to suffer, I want to destroy, I want to party... 1282 01:55:42,647 --> 01:55:43,121 Wait a minute. What's the meaning of this?! 1283 01:55:43,122 --> 01:55:44,122 On what basis did you just slap me in the face? 1284 01:55:46,218 --> 01:55:48,914 Where are you... Do you hear me? Where are you going? 1285 01:55:49,592 --> 01:55:50,626 Stop, harlot! 1286 01:55:51,084 --> 01:55:54,485 Oh - already freed, little brother? 1287 01:55:55,233 --> 01:55:57,889 Completely off your rocker, old goat? 1288 01:55:58,944 --> 01:56:05,224 I'm not your brother! I'm your wife. Ex-wife! 1289 01:56:06,596 --> 01:56:08,292 What the hell is wrong with you, Zemfira? 1290 01:56:08,933 --> 01:56:12,534 What are you trying to do? Leave our children orphans? 1291 01:56:12,930 --> 01:56:15,477 Now you remembered! Should've thought about them, 1292 01:56:15,477 --> 01:56:19,083 When you were hugging that one, that American! 1293 01:56:19,490 --> 01:56:25,637 [singing] I want to love, I want to suffer, I want to destroy, I want to party... 1294 01:56:25,672 --> 01:56:30,709 [singing] It's all the same... ...my fate! 1295 01:56:31,074 --> 01:56:34,405 Well hello there, brother! I see what sort of person you became. 1296 01:56:34,424 --> 01:56:37,583 - They made him a Gypsy! - What do you mean "made"? 1297 01:56:38,267 --> 01:56:41,612 I'm a hereditary Gypsy! I'm a band manager! 1298 01:56:42,158 --> 01:56:44,923 I'm a candidate for deputy! Hands! Hands off! 1299 01:56:44,924 --> 01:56:47,003 - Oh little brother! - Who are you calling 'little brother'? 1300 01:56:47,004 --> 01:56:49,257 Don't 'little brother' me! 1301 01:56:49,257 --> 01:56:50,196 Get out of the way, you! 1302 01:56:53,708 --> 01:56:55,807 I reject any negotiations, 1303 01:56:56,026 --> 01:57:00,298 Until you discontinue all discrimination against citizens of the Gypsy ethnicity. 1304 01:57:00,452 --> 01:57:03,069 Pal, who gives a shit about your Gypsies?! 1305 01:57:03,919 --> 01:57:07,277 Here it is - imperialist chauvinism in action. 1306 01:57:07,498 --> 01:57:10,759 Did you forget, who won the Kulikovo battle for you? 1307 01:57:11,365 --> 01:57:13,082 - Gypsies? No way! - Meh! 1308 01:57:13,518 --> 01:57:16,756 And this one doesn't even hide his hatred for us. 1309 01:57:16,756 --> 01:57:20,410 He even spreads anti-Gypsy propaganda among Americans. 1310 01:57:20,766 --> 01:57:24,753 And why should I love you? What kind of nation are you? 1311 01:57:25,394 --> 01:57:27,590 Where are you roots?! 1312 01:57:27,843 --> 01:57:33,693 Of course, only you are God's chosen people, 1313 01:57:33,694 --> 01:57:38,040 And everyone else is subhuman - goys! 1314 01:57:38,041 --> 01:57:41,091 Speaking of goys. You Jews do exaggerate on that account. 1315 01:57:41,402 --> 01:57:42,441 Are you really any better? 1316 01:57:42,476 --> 01:57:46,084 No, little brother, they're not better, they're the only, 1317 01:57:46,084 --> 01:57:48,292 And everyone else must serve them. 1318 01:57:48,293 --> 01:57:52,600 But they had one blunder. Didn't you crucify Christ? 1319 01:57:52,645 --> 01:57:54,998 We birthed him, we crucified him, 1320 01:57:54,999 --> 01:57:57,720 These are our own internal Jewish conflicts. 1321 01:57:57,721 --> 01:57:59,777 Goys couldn't understand! 1322 01:57:59,778 --> 01:58:06,597 - Are you calling my Christ a Jew? - What did you think? 1323 01:58:06,824 --> 01:58:10,218 If daddy is Jewsih, and mommy is Jewish - the baby is Russian? 1324 01:58:10,476 --> 01:58:16,085 His daddy is ... a dove! 1325 01:58:39,345 --> 01:58:44,666 [singing] Farewell, friends, I'm leaving! If I owe you, I forgive you! 1326 01:58:44,865 --> 01:58:50,655 [singing] Oh my American charabanc! I'm a young girl, a rowdy girl! 1327 01:58:56,057 --> 01:59:01,746 I'll sell my skirt and pantaloons, And buy some cologne instead. 1328 01:59:01,746 --> 01:59:07,452 Oh my American charabanc! I'm a young girl, an African girl! 1329 01:59:11,982 --> 01:59:15,914 Your kitschy music ruined all Russian culture. 1330 01:59:16,274 --> 01:59:18,886 Look at any melody - you get "A Little Gypsy Girl" coming at you! 1331 01:59:19,150 --> 01:59:21,385 Not the "Gypsy Girl", but your "Hava Nagila"! 1332 01:59:21,726 --> 01:59:23,498 You've been passing off Jewish culture, 1333 01:59:23,748 --> 01:59:27,670 For the Great Russian culture, and the Great Gypsy culture. 1334 01:59:27,696 --> 01:59:30,173 - Am I right, little brother! - Absolutely right! 1335 01:59:30,190 --> 01:59:35,638 The Jews took over everything - all papers, all TVs, and are influencing the goys. 1336 01:59:35,639 --> 01:59:37,045 Oh don't! Don't even! 1337 01:59:37,285 --> 01:59:40,234 What kind of nation are you, if you're so easy to take over? 1338 01:59:40,477 --> 01:59:43,880 You need to work, instead of drinking vodka all day! 1339 01:59:43,881 --> 01:59:45,284 Russophobe! 1340 01:59:45,542 --> 01:59:48,493 Why so rude? Simply - hooknose kike! 1341 01:59:49,102 --> 01:59:52,627 - Antisemite! - Zionist! 1342 01:59:52,628 --> 01:59:55,982 Judophobe, horse thief! 1343 01:59:56,123 --> 01:59:59,428 I see you in a hospital, beauty. 1344 02:00:00,811 --> 02:00:08,362 In a wheelchair I see you... With injuries of varying severity. 1345 02:00:11,477 --> 02:00:18,903 Farewell, rocky mountains, Our Fatherland calls for heroic deeds! 1346 02:00:19,637 --> 02:00:27,173 We've gone to open sea, To a stern and distant cruise. 1347 02:00:27,551 --> 02:00:35,988 And the waves are moaning and wailing, And splashing the side of the ship... 1348 02:00:36,518 --> 02:00:59,059 Port Rybachy's dissolved in the fog, Our land of birth. [twice] 1349 02:00:59,774 --> 02:01:02,369 A steep marine wave Stubbornly rocks our ship... 1350 02:01:02,836 --> 02:01:03,999 Alright, I'm composing an obligatory cantata for three voices 1351 02:01:04,737 --> 02:01:08,067 and a symphonic orchestra, and we will perform it in Carnegie Hall! 1352 02:01:08,254 --> 02:01:14,579 The wave lifts and hurls us Again into the whirling depth. 1353 02:01:15,299 --> 02:01:19,209 I won't return very soon, But my battle... 1354 02:01:19,770 --> 02:01:26,276 - Ass! Ruined the song. - Don't get brain freeze, moron! 1355 02:01:29,282 --> 02:01:31,859 All these nationalities are bullshit of course. 1356 02:01:34,607 --> 02:01:37,551 Everything depends on the individual. 1357 02:01:39,623 --> 02:01:44,784 - Even among Jews there's good people. - And Russians aren't all drunks. 1358 02:01:44,785 --> 02:01:48,757 Of course! Russians are great, Jews are just wonderful. 1359 02:01:49,929 --> 02:01:51,636 But Gypsies are all thieves! 1360 02:01:51,994 --> 02:01:52,690 Who gives a shit about... 1361 02:01:53,989 --> 02:01:56,816 I'm on a different subject! I'm about the blacks! 1362 02:01:58,062 --> 02:02:03,695 After all, they're not the same as us - whites. Am I right? 1363 02:02:05,882 --> 02:02:07,709 Well no, of course I'm no racist. But I don't let blacks very close to me... 1364 02:02:14,340 --> 02:02:26,828 If we are being honest, I do get some feeling. A discomfort, I would say. 1365 02:02:29,911 --> 02:02:33,497 Toast to the white human! 1366 02:02:39,095 --> 02:02:42,272 Baby! Congratulate me! I found my brothers! 1367 02:02:43,240 --> 02:02:47,184 - We're three brothers. - Yep. Triplets! 1368 02:02:50,584 --> 02:02:56,200 I've never wed three men at the same time before! 1369 02:02:56,971 --> 02:02:57,656 Carol! 1370 02:03:21,298 --> 02:03:23,744 Everyone freeze in place! It's a robbery! 1371 02:03:23,915 --> 02:03:24,893 Killers! 1372 02:03:26,058 --> 02:03:28,129 Are you nuts, what robbery? 1373 02:03:28,352 --> 02:03:30,389 Excuse me, it's a riot! 1374 02:03:31,285 --> 02:03:33,239 Lyosha, stop it! 1375 02:03:33,240 --> 02:03:36,475 Ladies and gentlemen, no need to fear us! 1376 02:03:36,810 --> 02:03:40,273 This is the arrest of a highly dangerous criminal. 1377 02:03:40,274 --> 02:03:44,467 Musician! Come out, together with your double! 1378 02:03:46,357 --> 02:03:49,855 - Return the diamond, asshole! - Take it! 1379 02:03:58,416 --> 02:04:00,809 - That's against the rules! - Uncivilized! 1380 02:04:00,810 --> 02:04:04,160 We represent the interests of the United States. Drop your weapons! 1381 02:04:04,161 --> 02:04:06,320 - Here you go! - Can't scare us! 1382 02:04:22,122 --> 02:04:27,319 We must immediately evacuate the embassy, together with maestro Schniperson and his friends! 1383 02:04:27,320 --> 02:04:29,522 Send a helicopter, and prepare a plane! 1384 02:04:33,796 --> 02:04:35,817 Stop, you're not musical people! Ruining such a wedding! 1385 02:04:47,501 --> 02:04:49,836 Our guys! We're not forgotten! 1386 02:04:57,664 --> 02:05:04,808 Kind people, save us! Save us! [in Ukrainian] 1387 02:05:11,472 --> 02:05:12,936 Quick! Quick! Let me through! 1388 02:05:14,393 --> 02:05:18,170 Evacuate first me, then women, children, and the sick! 1389 02:05:27,802 --> 02:05:29,953 I'm protecting the interests of the United States... ahhh! 1390 02:05:34,496 --> 02:05:36,729 Gotcha, dear fellows! Can't escape us! The Moscow police! 1391 02:05:37,190 --> 02:05:38,213 Hands up! 1392 02:05:38,214 --> 02:05:39,889 Relax, guys! 1393 02:05:39,890 --> 02:05:43,852 Just make sure to take the drinks with the sauerkraut! 1394 02:05:50,893 --> 02:05:52,236 Damn! Today was exhausting! 1395 02:05:55,655 --> 02:05:59,165 Eh, we should've opened fire! 1396 02:06:23,608 --> 02:06:29,721 - But really, we did pretty well with the Rabbitov case. Yeah? - Duh! 1397 02:06:30,637 --> 02:06:35,088 - No, I'm speaking objectively. Ranks aren't awarded for nothing. And I became a major. 1398 02:06:35,299 --> 02:06:40,962 Doesn't count, by the way, till we drink on it. 1399 02:06:46,113 --> 02:06:48,934 The sauerkraut is overly sweet. Is that the juice...? 1400 02:06:48,935 --> 02:06:51,170 Grab some from the bottom - it should be sourer there. 1401 02:06:51,171 --> 02:06:53,079 - Come on. - On it. 1402 02:06:56,246 --> 02:06:59,784 Yep, grab the head. And give it here. 1403 02:07:03,790 --> 02:07:05,974 - It won't cut. - On it, wait. 1404 02:07:06,009 --> 02:07:09,931 Try from the other side. You're doing it with the wrong side!... 1405 02:07:19,667 --> 02:07:21,249 Diamond! 1406 02:07:22,166 --> 02:07:26,978 Congratulations, comrade ma... rshal! 1407 02:07:37,144 --> 02:07:43,974 Proud to serve the... that one... what's it called... 1408 02:07:47,891 --> 02:07:49,845 First of all, allow me to congratulate you 1409 02:07:49,928 --> 02:07:52,389 For the re-acquisition of the diamond "Savior of Russia". 1410 02:07:52,424 --> 02:07:53,911 And as I already promised... 1411 02:07:53,912 --> 02:07:57,294 And I always fulfill my promises, unlike the previous President, 1412 02:07:57,295 --> 02:08:01,821 From this day all Russians are moving to the Canary Islands. 1413 02:08:02,214 --> 02:08:03,008 While we are gone, Turkish, Yugoslav, Korean, and other workers will improve the country... 1414 02:08:03,434 --> 02:08:09,770 - One plus one plus one: how many is that? - Three. 1415 02:08:10,610 --> 02:08:11,654 But it should be two! 1416 02:08:11,655 --> 02:08:14,091 No, do you get it, Lyus'yena, we all have perfect pitch. 1417 02:08:14,091 --> 02:08:16,773 All three have the same scar on the left leg. 1418 02:08:16,774 --> 02:08:19,656 Our chicks - all have the same face! 1419 02:08:19,657 --> 02:08:20,576 What did you say? 1420 02:08:21,639 --> 02:08:23,921 You think I look like that American frump? 1421 02:08:25,147 --> 02:08:26,941 I don't mean it in that way, why are you angry? 1422 02:08:27,589 --> 02:08:31,202 Why are you getting upset, Lyus'yena? Three years is a light sentence! 1423 02:08:31,552 --> 02:08:36,311 The hell I need those Canaries for? I just started laundry. 1424 02:08:48,926 --> 02:08:49,823 Let me take a look. 1425 02:08:49,824 --> 02:09:06,134 Oh what joy! What inexpressible joy! 1426 02:09:06,135 --> 02:09:10,135 - M'am! Madam! - Patrick is also found! 1427 02:09:10,136 --> 02:09:11,136 Madam, madam, I don't understand! 1428 02:09:12,010 --> 02:09:16,677 Auntie! How many total infants were there? And where did you stick us all? 1429 02:09:16,678 --> 02:09:20,904 Four! You, you, you all and Patrick! 1430 02:09:20,939 --> 02:09:23,716 I told you already, our grandma had an accident. 1431 02:09:23,717 --> 02:09:27,081 Got together with a black guy, he was performing at the circus. 1432 02:09:27,963 --> 02:09:35,232 Well, since then in every generation at least one black baby gets through! 1433 02:09:35,233 --> 02:09:36,962 Devil be damned! 1434 02:09:36,963 --> 02:09:41,061 Forgive me, my children! 1435 02:09:41,062 --> 02:09:45,100 And you Patrick, forgive if you can! 1436 02:09:45,135 --> 02:09:51,984 I was a train conductor, Moscow to Kherson, I thought no, no, no, I couldn't raise you all. 1437 02:09:52,019 --> 02:09:58,380 So then I took Patrick to an American embassy. 1438 02:09:59,641 --> 02:10:04,840 And wrote in a note: "Patrick Rabbitov". 1439 02:10:05,092 --> 02:10:10,426 Yes! Patrick Rabbitov. Yes! 1440 02:11:26,618 --> 02:11:43,389 Oh you wide steppe, Wide and free! 1441 02:11:44,190 --> 02:12:01,743 How wide you've stretched, Dear mother. 1442 02:12:02,220 --> 02:12:18,479 Oh, that's not The steppe eagle rising, 1443 02:12:18,953 --> 02:12:34,724 Oh, that's the Don cossack letting go. 1444 02:12:35,225 --> 02:12:50,230 Oh, don't fly, eagle, Close to the ground, 1445 02:12:51,061 --> 02:13:09,027 Oh, don't stroll, cossack, Close to the shore!... 1446 02:13:10,537 --> 02:13:13,027 �� http://notabenoid.com/book/15365/50269 1447 02:13:13,037 --> 02:13:14,027 ��: akvaovca, mykstery, Eusebes, insidions 1448 02:13:14,037 --> 02:13:15,027 alkol, Jooler, summerbreeze, Manana 121892