Original subtitles

LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF,

MR. CONNORS.

Christian: BEFORE WE BEGIN, I'D

JUST LIKE TO SAY...UH, MY

PARTNER AND I ARE BIG FANS OF

YOUR COLUMN.

Sean: WE READ IT OVER

BREAKFAST IN MY HOUSE.

Christian: I LOVE THE ONE THAT

WITH LEAVES.

THE COLUMN ABOUT HOW YOU LIVED

FOR A MONTH AS AN 18th-CENTURY

SETTLER TO PROVE THE

INCONVENIENCE OF MODERN

CONVENIENCES.

Mr. Connors: RIGHT. AND

INTERESTING YOU REMEMBER MY ASS

HABITS. I JUST REMEMBER HOW

FETCHING MY WIFE LOOKED IN HER

BLOOMERS.

Mrs. Connors: LIVING IN A

FISHBOWL IS ALL IN A DAY'S WORK

AS THIS ONE'S WIFE.

Christian: SO HOW CAN WE BE OF

HELP TODAY?

Mr. Connors: WELL, I'D LIKE SOME

Sean: YOU MEAN PEC IMPLANTS.

Mr. Connors: NO, NO. REAL LADY

BOOBS.

[MRS. CONNORS GIGGLES]

Mr. Connors: AMY RECENTLY LOST A

BREAST TO CANCER. WE WERE BOTH

A LITTLE SURPRISED AT HOW MUCH

HER SENSE OF HERSELF, HER SEXUAL

IDENTITY WAS TIED UP IN HER

BREASTS. I JUST WANT TO DO

SOMETHING RADICAL IN SOLIDARITY

WITH HER, TRY AND HELP

UNDERSTAND WHAT SHE'S BEEN

THROUGH, AND TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN

AND THEIR BREASTS IN GENERAL.

Amy: AND HE'S GOT A BOOK

CONTRACT.

Mr. Connors: WALK A MILE IN MY

BOOBS.

AND ALL THE PROCEEDS GO

TO AMY'S CANCER RECOVERY CENTER.

Christian: SO, MR. CONNORS, WERE

YOU THINKING OF THESE AS

PERMANENT?

Mr. Connors: NO. A YEAR SOUNDS

ABOUT RIGHT.

Sean: AND WHAT SIZE?

Mr. Connors: LIKE HERS.

Amy: HIGH "C"s. I FIGURED AFTER

MY MASTECTOMY, I'D GO UP

A SIZE.

Sean: MR. CONNORS, PUTTING THE

SWELLING, PAIN, AND RISK OF

INFECTION ASIDE, YOU'LL HAVE

SOME SAGGING TISSUE AFTER THE

REMOVAL OF THE IMPLANTS, WHICH

WOULD REQUIRE ANOTHER SURGERY TO

ELIMINATE.

Christian: THERE WILL BE SOME

SCARRING.

Mr. Connors: SORRY, FELLAS.

APPETITE. THERE'S NO STORY IN

EASY. THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M

LOOKING FOR. AND BESIDES,

ANYTHING I GO THROUGH IS GOING

TO PALE IN COMPARISON TO WHAT

AMY'S ALREADY BEEN THROUGH.

THAT'S MY BOOK.

WHAT DO YOU SAY? WILL YOU DO IT?

Christian: GO DEEP.

COP A FEEL OF THE BRAND-NEW

IMPLANTS, PARTNER. FED EX

DROPPED OFF 6 MONTHS WORTH OF

TITS AN HOUR AGO.

Sean: I LIKE THE NEW PACKAGING.

LET ME GO TO SECOND BASE WITH

Christian: HEADS UP!

Liz: OH! I ASSUME THIS IS SOME

KIND OF MALE BONDING RITUAL

WHEREBY YOUR PARTNERSHIP IS

BEING REAFFIRMED.

Christian: FESS UP, LIZZIE.

YOU'RE A TIT MAN.

Liz: I'M NOT. BUT I AM THRILLED

THAT WE'RE WORKING ON ONE. IS

THIS WHAT IKE CONNORS

Christian: WE'RE PASSING ON THAT

Sean: TOO MANY RISKS.

Liz: IT'S FOR HIS WIFE'S CANCER

CENTER. DON'T YOU GET HOW GREAT

THAT IS?

Christian: GREAT FOR CANCER,

Sean: WE WON'T BE TAKEN

SERIOUSLY. IT'S AN UNSEEMLY

PUBLICITY STUNT.

Liz: LET ME ASK YOU GUYS

SOMETHING. 70% OF YOUR BUSINESS

IS SHOVING BREAST IMPLANTS INTO

WOMEN. IT'S AS EASY FOR YOU AS

SLICING A BAGEL.

Christian: IT'S UNNATURAL TO PUT

THEM IN A MAN.

Liz: IT'S NO MORE UNNATURAL THAN

PUTTING IN A BOOB 3 TIMES A

WOMAN'S SIZE AND DISFIGURING

HER.

Sean: WE DON'T DISFIGURE WOMEN.

Liz: OH, RIGHT. YOU ENHANCE

THEM. WHY CAN'T THE SAME BE SAID

FOR IKE CONNORS? PLUS, HERE IS

A MAN WHO IS GETTING FAKE

TITTIES NOT TO RAISE HIS LOW

SELF ESTEEM BUT TO HEIGHTEN

AWARENESS ABOUT A DISEASE. IF

IKE CONNORS ISN'T THE PERFECT

CANDIDATE FOR COSMETIC SURGERY,

THEN I DON'T KNOW WHO IS.

* AHH *

* MAKE ME

BEAUTIFUL *

* MAKE ME

A PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIFE *

Sean: ATTA GIRL.

ALL DONE.

Annie: I THOUGHT IT WOULD HURT

MORE.

Sean: OH, YOU WERE SO BRAVE,

HONEY.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Annie: HELLO?

Julia: HEY.

Annie: HI, MOMMY. DADDY JUST

TOOK MY BLOOD TO MAKE SURE I

DON'T HAVE JUVENILE DIABETES.

Julia: DIABETES? LET ME SPEAK TO

DADDY, HONEY.

Sean: WHAT?

Julia: SEAN, WHY ARE YOU TAKING

BLOOD FROM ANNIE?

Sean: GO GET YOUR SHOES ON,

SWEETHEART. WE'RE LEAVING IN 5

MINUTES.

WHY DO YOU THINK?

Julia: SEAN, IT'S AN INSANE

THING TO DO. ANNIE IS YOUR

DAUGHTER--

Sean: CAN I HELP YOU WITH

SOMETHING SPECIFIC?

Julia: YEAH. UM...

I'VE TAKEN A PLACE HERE AT

MARINE GARDENS, AND...THE

KITCHEN ISN'T FULLY EQUIPPED.

I'D LIKE TO COME BY AND GET THE

ESPRESSO MACHINE. YOU NEVER USE

IT. WILL YOU BE AROUND?

Sean: THE HOUSE WILL BE EMPTY

ALL DAY. COME BY ANY TIME BEFORE

5. ANYTHING ELSE? LET'S GET IT

ALL WORKED OUT NOW SO YOU DON'T

CALL ALL DAY LONG.

Julia: YEAH. UM...I'D LIKE TO

PICK UP ANNIE AFTER SCHOOL AND

SHOW HER MY PLACE.

Sean: NO, I DON'T WANT TO

Julia: SEAN, WHY IS IS THAT YOU

CAN FORGIVE CHRISTIAN BUT NOT

ME?

Sean: I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE

DARE YOU ASK ME THAT, AS IF I

OWE YOU ANY KIND OF EXPLANATION

AT ALL FOR ANYTHING I FEEL. YOU

CAN HAVE ANNIE THROUGH THE

WEEKEND, BUT IT'S THE LAST TIME

UNTIL WE WORK OUT SOMETHING MORE

FORMAL WITH THE LAWYERS.

Christian: CONGRATULATIONS. SO

YOU'RE OFFICIALLY A WHORE NOW.

Kimber: WRONG. I'M A BUSINESS

WOMAN.

Christian: AND I'M SECRETARY OF

Sean: MS. HENRY, YOU'VE MADE AN

APPOINTMENT, SO TELL US WHAT YOU

DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

Kimber: HER VAGINA. THIS IS A

PROTOTYPE OF THE NEW KIMBER

HENRY DOLL. THE ROLLS ROYCE OF

R.D.s.

Sean: R.D.s?

Kimber: REAL DOLLS. YOU KNOW,

SEX DOLLS. SHE'S MADE OUT OF

HIGH GRADE SILICONE THAT FEELS

TOTALLY LIKE FLESH. ALL OF HER

JOINTS ARE COMPLETELY FLEXIBLE,

AND EACH OF HER 3 POINTS OF

ENTRY FORM A VACUUM UPON

PENETRATION WHICH CREATES A

SUCTION EFFECT FOR SUPER-INTENSE

ORGASMS.

Christian: REMIND ME...DID I

EVER SAY ANYTHING DURING THE

COURSE OF OUR SAD, SORDID AFFAIR

THAT MIGHT LEAD YOU TO BELIEVE

I'D BE INTERESTED IN THIS

FREAK SHOW?

Kimber: DON'T PRETEND TO BE A

PRUDE, CHRISTIAN. REAL DOLLS ARE

SOLD TO DOCTORS, JUDGES,

HOUSEWIVES, AND MOVIE STARS,

MOST OF WHOM ARE A LOT LESS

DEPRAVED THAN YOU.

Christian: ARE YOU BACK ON COKE?

Kimber: DO YOU ASK ALL YOUR

QUESTIONS?

EXCUSE MY LANGUAGE,

DR. McNAMARA, BUT YOUR PARTNER

IS A RUDE ASSHOLE WHO ACTS LIKE

HE KNOWS IT ALL, BUT IN FACT, HE

DOESN'T KNOW SHIT.

Sean: YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST TO

SUGGEST THAT, MS. HENRY. WHAT IS

IT YOU WANT FROM US THAT YOUR

DOLL MAKER CAN'T PROVIDE?

Kimber: I'M NOT THRILLED WITH

WHAT THEY'VE DONE TO HER VAGINA.

IT LOOKS TOO GENERIC TO ME. I'D

LIKE IT TO BE APPEALING AND

PRETTY. THE FOLDS ARE TOO

FLESHY. SEE?

SO I THOUGHT OF YOU BECAUSE

YOU'RE FLESH SCULPTORS.

I HAVE ORIFICE APPROVAL.

Christian: BACK UP A BIT. THE

LAST I HEARD, YOU WERE TAKING

LEARNING ANNEX ACTING CLASSES.

SO HOW DID YOU GET FROM LADY

Kimber: I GOT REAL, CHRISTIAN.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED. I REALIZED

IT WASN'T MY TALENT FOR PLAYING

A CHARACTER THAT PEOPLE

RESPONDED TO. IT'S MY RAW,

SIMMERING SENSUALITY.

I SIMPLY GOT TIRED OF FIGHTING

MY NATURE.

Christian: WHY DON'T YOU

JUST ADMIT THAT YOU DIDN'T HAVE

SKILLS AS AN ACTRESS, SO NOW

YOU'RE DOING PORN.

Kimber: YOU ASKED ME WHAT

HAPPENED. DO YOU WANT AN ANSWER?

YES, I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC

VIDEO. IT WAS AN EROTIC FAIRY

TALE. I HAD ONE SEXUAL PARTNER.

EVERYONE HAD THEIR AIDS AND

S.T.D. TESTS.

Christian: [SIGHS]

Kimber: THEY'VE ALREADY HAD

40,000 ORDERS FOR THE NEXT ONE.

THAT'S UNHEARD OF. MY DEAL WITH

FLAWLESS VIDEO IS TO MAKE 5 MORE

DIGITAL FILMS, AT WHICH POINT I

MOVE BEHIND THE CAMERA. PRODUCE,

MAYBE EVEN DIRECT. THE DOLL IS

KEY. IT WILL MAKE ME AN INSTANT

ICON IN THIS FAST-GROWING

MARKET. MISS KIMBER WILL GO FOR

$10,000. I GET 8 OF THAT.

Sean: NO OFFENSE. I CAN SEE THE

DOLL IS WELL FABRICATED, BUT IN

THE END, SHE'S JUST RUBBER.

SHE'S NOT REAL.

Kimber: SOMETIMES, DOCTOR, REAL

ISN'T WHAT YOU WANT.

Christian: THE GROWN-UPS HAVE TO

SO WHY DON'T YOU PACK UP BOTH OF

YOUR VAGINAS AND GO HOME. SEAN,

I'LL SEE YOU IN SURGERY.

Kimber: BEFORE YOU TURN ME DOWN,

CHRISTIAN, FLAWLESS VIDEO IS

WILLING TO PAY $50,000 FOR THE

PERFECT MISS KIMBER PUSSY MOLD.

Christian: [SIGHS HEAVILY]

[JOHNNY CASH'S A BOY NAMED SUE

PLAYING]

* WELL, MY DADDY LEFT HOME

WHEN I WAS 3,

AND HE DIDN'T LEAVE MUCH

TO MA AND ME,

JUST THIS OLD GUITAR

AND A EMPTY BOTTLE OF BOOZE,

NOW, I DON'T BLAME HIM

'CAUSE HE RUN AND HID,

'CAUSE THE MEANEST THING

THAT HE EVER DID

WAS BEFORE HE LEFT,

HE WENT AND NAMED ME SUE

WELL, HE MUST HAVE THOUGHT

THAT IT WAS QUITE A JOKE,

AND IT GOT A LOT OF LAUGHS

FROM A LOTS OF FOLKS,

IT SEEMS I HAD TO FIGHT

MY WHOLE LIFE THROUGH,

SOME GAL WOULD GIGGLE

AND I'D GET RED,

AND SOME GUY'D LAUGH

AND I'D BUST HIS HEAD,

I TELL YOU,

LIFE AIN'T EASY

FOR A BOY NAMED SUE *

* WELL, I GREW UP QUICK

AND I GREW UP MEAN,

MY FIST GOT HARD

AND MY WITS GOT KEEN,

ROAMED FROM TOWN TO TOWN

TO HIDE MY SHAME,

BUT I MADE ME A VOW

TO THE MOON AND STARS,

I'D SEARCH THE HONKY TONKS

AND BARS,

AND KILL THAT MAN

THAT GIVE ME THAT AWFUL NAME *

Sean: SHE'S OFFERING $50,000,

CHRISTIAN. IT'S A LOT OF MONEY

TO TURN DOWN.

Christian: WAKE UP, SEAN.

THERE'S ONLY ONE REASON KIMBER

HENRY CAME TO US. SHE LOVES ME.

THE UGLY VAG WAS JUST AN EXCUSE

TO GET ME IN A ROOM WITH HER

AGAIN. SHE'S A TRAIN WRECK,

SEAN. SHE CAN'T HELP HERSELF.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH KIMBER HENRY

DRAMA FOR MANY LIFETIMES. WE ARE

PASSING ON THIS JOB.

Sean: I DON'T THINK YOU REALIZE

HOW MUCH REVENUE WE LOST DURING

THOSE WEEKS WE WERE SPLITTING

UP. WE'VE GOT A PAYROLL TO MEET,

QUARTERLY TAXES NEXT WEEK.

Christian: THEN IT'S VERY

Sean: SHE DOESN'T WANT ME,

CHRISTIAN. SHE WANTS YOU. THAT

WAS ABUNDANTLY CLEAR.

Christian: THEN IF SHE REFUSES

YOU, WE'LL KNOW SHE'S LOOKING

FOR TROUBLE, AND IF SHE ACCEPTS,

SHE'S LEGIT, AND WE PUT 50

GRAND IN THE BANK. YOU KNOW I'M

RIGHT ABOUT THIS.

Liz: SMILE.

Sean: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Liz: IT'S FOR MY EVER-EXPANDING

HARASSMENT FILE, WHICH WILL BE

ON MY LAWYER'S DESK UNLESS YOU

GET RID OF THAT DEMEANING,

DEHUMANIZING, DEGRADING

NIGHTMARE OF A MALE FANTASY BY

THE START OF BUSINESS TOMORROW.

Christian: IF YOU TRY TO GET TO

FIND SHE RUNS QUITE DEEP.

Liz: BY 9 A.M. TOMORROW MORNING,

GENTLEMEN. GOOD DAY.

Christian: SHE'S RIGHT, SEAN.

YOU'LL HAVE TO TAKE THE DOLL TO

CHEZ McNAMARA.

Sean: I HAVE A DAUGHTER.

Christian: THEN PUT HER IN THE

THE DOLL.

Sean: YOU TAKE HER HOME.

Christian: SO I CAN STARE FOR

HOURS AT THE DERANGED BITCH WHO

TRIED TO CUT MY DICK OFF WITH A

KNIFE? NO WAY. YOU WANT TO TAKE

THIS CASE, YOU CARRY THE BURDEN.

ACTUALLY, IT COULD BE A PLEASANT

EVENING. SHE DOESN'T EAT MUCH,

SHE DOESN'T MIND WATCHING

BOXING.

Sean: MAYBE I'M OLD FASHIONED,

BUT I LIKE WOMEN WITH A FEW

FLAWS AND A BRAIN.

Christian: AND WHERE DID THAT

MMM.

[SIGHS]

Sean: I'M GOING TO APPLY THE

PROSTHETIC ALGINATE CREAM NOW.

OH, GOOD FORESIGHT. YOU SHAVED

THE ENTIRE AREA.

Kimber: I GOT THAT DONE A WEEK

HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN ONE

BEFORE?

Sean: NORMALLY MY FEMALE

PATIENTS ARE SHAVED BY NURSE

LINDA, SO I--MY WIFE DOES

SOMETHING CALLED A BIKINI WAX,

WHICH IS NOT THE SAME,

OBVIOUSLY. NO. I'VE NEVER SEEN

ONE.

Kimber: ALL THE GIRLS GET THEM

Sean: LET ME KNOW IF THE

TEMPERATURE OF THE PASTE IS

UNCOMFORTABLE.

Kimber: IT'S PERFECT.

CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION, SEAN?

CAN I CALL YOU SEAN?

Sean: YEAH, SURE.

Kimber: WHAT IS IT CALLED WHEN A

PERSON LIKES PAIN?

Sean: A MASOCHIST.

Kimber: DO YOU THINK I'M A

MASOCHIST, SEAN?

Sean: I'M NOT SURE WHAT YOU

MEAN.

Kimber: WELL, LIKE TODAY, WHEN

YOU SAID THAT CHRISTIAN

COULDN'T--EXCUSE ME, WOULDN'T

BE HERE...I FELT SO MUCH PAIN,

LIKE I COULDN'T BREATHE. HOW CAN

I LOVE SOMEONE SO MUCH THAT

HURTS ME SO BAD?

Sean: SOMETIMES LOVE AND HATE

SEEM INTERTWINED, DON'T THEY?

NOW WE HAVE WHAT'S CALLED THE

MOTHER MOLD. I'LL MAKE A

POSITIVE PLASTER CAST FROM THIS,

WHICH WILL THEN BE USED TO MAKE

THE FINAL VAGINAL CAST FOR

MISS KIMBER.

Kimber: WELL, THIS DID NOT HURT

A BIT.

Sean: YEAH...SPEAKING OF HURT...

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE A

MASOCHIST, KIMBER. I JUST THINK

YOU'RE A TRUSTING PERSON...MAYBE

TOO TRUSTING. I'M A BIT LIKE

THAT. WE PUT ALL OUR TRUST IN

THE PEOPLE WE LOVE.

Kimber: SO YOU DON'T THINK I'M

SOME PATHETIC OLD WHORE LIKE

CHRISTIAN DOES?

Sean: NO, I DON'T THINK THAT.

I ADMIRE YOUR SPIRIT. YOU'RE A

FIGHTER.

Kimber: REALLY? YOU ADMIRE ME?

Sean: I WISH I HAD THAT MUCH

WORKED OUT.

I WISH MY WIFE DID.

WE, UM...JUST SEPARATED.

Kimber: MMM. I'M SORRY.

[SIGHS]

UH...

Sean: WHAT?

Kimber: UGH. OK. SPEAKING OF

CHANGE...

[SIGHS]

I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF CHEATING.

NO ONE'S GONNA KNOW.

WHEN YOU MAKE THE MOLD, DO YOU

THINK YOU COULD MAKE THE LABIA

JUST A TOUCH MORE DELICATE?

Sean: I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

Kimber: I'D LIKE MY VAGINA TO BE

PRETTIER. I JUST THINK IT COULD

BE BETTER.

Sean: I THINK IT'S PERFECT.

[TEARING BANDAGES]

Ike: [WINCING]

MMM. DID YOU HURT THIS MUCH,

BABE?

Amy: I REMEMBER DISCOMFORT.

Ike: DISCOMFORT. OH, SHIT. YEAH,

THIS IS PAIN. THIS IS THE REAL

DEAL. THIS IS LIKE AN ELEPHANT

STANDING ON MY NADS. CHAPTER

ONE, MEN ARE PUSSIES, WOMEN ARE

LIONS.

[SIGHS]

CHRIST, I'M PAM ANDERSON.

BABE?

Amy: THAT'S BEAUTIFUL WORK,

DR. TROY. HEH.

Christian: I'M GLAD YOU'RE

DOWN OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS.

Amy: CAN I TOUCH THEM?

Ike: YEAH, SURE. BE GENTLE.

YOU LIKE 'EM?

I KIND OF LIKE 'EM.

Christian: HEH. GOOD.

Ike: HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?

Amy: I DON'T KNOW. I'M SORRY,

CAN YOU EXCUSE ME FOR A MINUTE?

Liz: AHEM.

Christian: AHEM.

Ike: OK, YOU'RE A WOMAN. ANY

IDEAS ON WHAT JUST HAPPENED

THERE?

Liz: WELL, SHE'S PROBABLY

RELIVING SOMETHING ABOUT THE

CANCER TRAUMA.

Christian: RIGHT.

Ike: BINGO. YEAH, I SHOULD HAVE

BREAST AS LIGHTNING ROD.

Announcer: STRANGE TO SAY THIS

ONE-SIDED FIGHT SO FAR, BUT

IMMANUEL, IS--IS THIS THE

TOUGHEST TEST IN JERMAINE

TAYLOR'S CAREER SO FAR?

Second Announcer: I'D SAY SO,

GOOD SPEED, GOOD PUNCHING

POWER, AND IT IS ACTUALLY A

CHALLENGE TO HIM, EVEN AFTER THE

BELL RINGS.

Sean: [GROANS]

Second Announcer: EVEN THOUGH

HE'S RUNNING IT, THE GUY IS

CHALLENGING HIM ALL THE WAY.

Announcer: SO ONE OF THE REASONS

THAT JERMAINE LOOKS SO GOOD

TONIGHT IS BECAUSE HE'S IN

AGAINST BETTER OPPOSITION THAN

BEFORE.

[DIALING TELEPHONE]

Man: KID, BEHIND YOU!

Boy: AAH!

Man, Japanese accent: SORRY!

Second Man: [KARATE SOUNDS]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Julia: HELLO?

Sean: YOU LEFT 4 MESSAGES. THIS

BETTER BE IMPORTANT.

Julia: UH, I WANT TO PICK UP THE

WAFFLE IRON.

Sean: 4 CALLS FOR A WAFFLE IRON?

Julia: I ALWAYS MAKE WAFFLES ON

THE WEEKEND, AND I WANT TO KEEP

UP SOME DEGREE OF NORMALCY

AMIDST ALL THIS CHAOS.

Sean: EVER HEARD OF WAL-MART,

Julia: YOU'RE BEING SO HATEFUL,

SEAN. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO

YOU ARE.

Sean: YEAH, WELL, MAYBE I'M

DIDN'T KEEP YOU FROM BETRAYING

ME. NICE DIDN'T KEEP MY FAMILY

TOGETHER. I WANT TO TRY

SOMETHING NEW.

Julia: DON'T FLATTER YOURSELF.

YOU WERE NEVER NICE. YOU WERE

JUST REPRESSED. YOU WEREN'T

PUSHING DOWN LOVE. YOU WERE

PUSHING DOWN ANGER.

Sean: YOU WANT ANGER? HOW ABOUT

THIS?

[DIAL TONE]

Announcer: NO NEED TO GO CRAZY.

GET ON HIS ASS AND LAND HIM

A SHOT. ONE OF THE BEST THINGS

YOU CAN DO WHEN YOU LAND THAT

SHOT TO THE HEAD? TURN TO THE

BODY. THERE'S NOTHING MORE

DEMEANING. IT JUST TAKES IT--

IT JUST BREAKS IT DOWN, OK?

HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU

GOTTA DO.

Kimber: YOUR WIFE IS SUCH A

BITCH.

Sean: I KNOW.

Kimber: YOU NEED A WOMAN WHO

DOESN'T TALK BACK.

YOU NEED A WOMAN WHO LETS YOU

TAKE OUT ALL THAT ANGER ON HER.

Announcer: THAT'S GOT TO BE A

LITTLE HUMILIATING.

Second Announcer: HE HASN'T BEEN

IT WAS SUCH A ONE-SIDED THING.

[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]

Announcer: IT ISN'T OVER YET.

HE'LL PICK UP THE COUNT.

I THOUGHT HE HAD STOPPED IT.

[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]

[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]

[COMMENTARY CONTINUES]

Sean: OH...

OH...

[PANTING]

[STRAINS]

Julia: SEAN, STOP!

Sean: [GRUNTS]

[PANTING]

Kimber: [MOANING]

OH...

GIVE IT TO ME, BABY.

[BOTH PANTING]

Sean: OHH.

[PANTING]

[PANTING CONTINUES]

[CRYING]

[CRYING CONTINUES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Sean: HANG ON, GODDAMN IT.

Kimber: I'M SO SORRY, SEAN. MY

DOLL MAKERS NEED THE PROTOTYPE

BACK BY 9 A.M. TOMORROW FOR THE

VEGAS RETAIL SHOW. I CALLED YOUR

OFFICES, AND I WAS TOLD YOU HAD

IT HERE. I CALLED SEVERAL

TIMES, BUT I THOUGHT I'D SWING

BY JUST IN CASE.

ARE YOU OK?

Sean: JUST A LITTLE SURPRISED

IS ALL.

Kimber: DID YOU PUT IN THE NEW

VAGINA?

Sean: UH, NO.

Kimber: THEN WHY DOES SHE LOOK

SO DISHEVELED?

Sean: THIS IS REALLY

EMBARRASSING, KIMBER.

I HAD A LITTLE FUN WITH IT.

Kimber: HOW WAS IT?

Sean: DON'T YOU THINK IT'S

STRANGE THAT I'VE MADE IT WITH A

DOLL?

Kimber: I THINK THERE WOULD BE

DIDN'T. I MEAN, SHE'S HERE, AND

YOU'RE ALONE. WHO WOULDN'T?

SEAN, WHAT'S WRONG?

Sean: I MISS HER.

Kimber: AWW.

Sean: I JUST MISS HER.

Kimber: I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.

I MISS CHRISTIAN LIKE THAT

SOMETIMES, TOO.

Sean: WHY ARE YOU SO NICE TO ME?

Kimber: 'CAUSE YOU NEED IT, AND

BECAUSE YOU WERE NICE TO ME.

Sean: THAT WAS OUT OF LINE.

I'M SORRY.

Kimber: I'M NOT.

[BOTH MOANING LOUDLY]

Kimber: OH, MY GOD.

[LAUGHS]

[BOTH PANTING]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Kimber: I BET YOUR VENUS IS IN

SCORPIO.

Sean: YOU THINK SO?

Kimber: YEAH, I'D PUT MONEY ON

IT.

Kimber: MMM. OHH...

SO...

WHEN YOU WERE MAKING IT WITH THE

ABOUT?

Sean: HONESTLY?

Kimber: MM-HMM.

Sean: YOU.

Kimber: THAT IS SO HOT.

Sean: MMM.

Kimber: MMM.

Sean: I'LL GO MAKE COFFEE.

Kimber: OH, NO, I'LL DO IT. YOU

GO TAKE YOUR SHOWER.

Sean: [PANTING]

Kimber: WHERE DO YOU KEEP THE

Julia: IN THE FREEZER.

Kimber: OH, HI. I'M KIMBER.

Julia: I'M JULIA, SEAN'S WIFE.

Kimber: I HAVE ALWAYS HEARD SUCH

NICE THINGS ABOUT YOU, JULIA.

I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT ALL THIS.

UH, SEAN...

Julia: DON'T IGNORE HER ON MY

ACCOUNT, SEAN.

Kimber: WELL, SEAN, I KIND OF

NEED MY DOLL BACK.

Julia: DOLL?

Kimber: MY DOLL.

Sean: GO WAIT IN THE CAR, HONEY.

I'LL BE OUT IN A MINUTE.

Julia: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN

SLEEPING WITH HER?

OH, GOD. I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA

BE SICK.

Sean: WELCOME TO MY WORLD. IT

DOESN'T FEEL GOOD, DOES IT?

Julia: [SNIFFLES]

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SURPRISED.

I SHOULD HAVE LEFT YOU AFTER I

FOUND OUT ABOUT MEGAN O'HARA.

Sean: YOU DIDN'T HAVE THE GUTS

WHY?

Julia: BECAUSE I AM

COMPASSIONATE, A QUALITY YOU

LACK.

Sean: BULL SHIT. YOU DIDN'T

LEAVE SO YOU COULD HAVE SOMEONE

WRONG IN YOUR LIFE. I DID YOU

A FAVOR BY KICKING YOU OUT.

NOW MAYBE YOU'LL DO SOMETHING

BY GETTING LAID.

Julia: WHILE YOU'RE ATTACKING MY

HAVE A LOOK AT YOURS. IF YOU

DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT ME AND

ABOUT WHAT WE HAD, THEN FINE.

BUT AT LEAST BE A MAN AND THINK

ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN. THEY DON'T

DESERVE TO HAVE WHORES

WANDERING ABOUT THEIR HOME.

Sean: KIMBER ISN'T A WHORE,

JULIA. AND UNLIKE YOU, KIMBER

KNOWS WHO SHE IS. KIMBER TAKES

AWAY THE PAIN.

Julia: WHOEVER YOU ARE...

TELL SEAN...

THAT I'M TAKING THE WAFFLE IRON,

AND, UH...THAT I'LL DROP ANNIE

AT HOME ON SUNDAY NIGHT.

Sean: CALL TO MAKE SURE I'M

HOME. I'M CHANGING THE LOCKS THE

MINUTE YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR.

Ike: YEAH, I WANT THEM OUT. JUST

TAKE THEM OUT.

Christian: AS YOUR SURGEON, I'D

LIKE TO KNOW WHY. IS THERE PAIN,

PROBLEMS I'M UNAWARE OF?

Ike: SURE, YEAH, THE PAIN SUCKS.

SO DOES THE PRESSURE, BUT THIS

WHOLE THING WAS JUST MISGUIDED,

AND I'M SORRY I PUT EVERYONE

THROUGH IT, OK? END OF STORY.

Christian: I HOPE YOU HAVEN'T

DO YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK?

Amy: YES, HE DOES. AND THE 5

ELECTRIC ADJUSTABLE BEDS THAT WE

BOUGHT FOR THE HOSPICE ALSO

HAVE TO GO BACK.

Ike: I'VE SAID I'M SORRY.

MY WIFE IS PISSED, AS YOU

CAN SEE.

Amy: YOU COULD HAVE GIVEN IT A

THE PAIN WILL DISSIPATE.

Ike: I'LL WRITE ANOTHER BOOK.

CALL IT MEN DISAPPOINT.

Amy: [SIGHS]

Christian: YOUR HUSBAND HAS A

LEVEL OF TOLERANCE FOR PAIN.

Amy: THAT'S SO HIM...JUMP INTO

THINGS WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT

COURSE TO JUMP OUT OF THEM

WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT THEM.

Ike: IT'S MY CHEST, MY CHOICE.

Amy: I DIDN'T HAVE A CHOICE.

WASN'T THAT THE POINT, TO

UNDERSTAND?

Ike: DON'T GUILT ME, AMY.

I FEEL LIKE A FREAK, OK? YOU'RE

ALWAYS GRABBING AT THEM,

TOUCHING THEM. I HATE IT.

Christian: MAYBE THIS BROUGHT UP

MRS. CONNORS' FEELINGS ABOUT

LOSING HER OWN BREASTS. MAYBE

YOUR WIFE WOULD LIKE YOU TO KNOW

WHAT SHE'S FEELING WHEN YOU

TOUCH HER. I HAVE THE NAME OF A

VERY GOOD COUNSELOR. HE'S HELPED

A LOT OF OUR PATIENTS.

Amy: THAT'S NOT IT.

Ike: WELL, THEN WHAT AMY? WHY DO

YOU LIKE MY TITS SO MUCH? WHAT,

ARE YOU A LESBIAN?

Amy: I'M NOT SURE.

Ike: OK, WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

HAVE YOU BEEN A LESBIAN THIS

WHOLE TIME SINCE THAT THING IN

COLLEGE--

Amy: I TOLD YOU WHEN WE MET,

THAT WAS THE FIRST AND ONLY

TIME.

I DON'T KNOW. I HONESTLY DON'T

KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING.

THESE FEELINGS--I JUST...

JUST ARE HAPPENING. I'M NOT

ASKING FOR THEM, IKE. I DIDN'T

SEE THEM COMING.

Ike: OH, THAT'S RICH. I GET

THESE BREASTS SO I CAN BE MORE

IN TOUCH WITH MY FEMININE SIDE,

AND WHAT THEY'VE ACCOMPLISHED IS

PUTTING YOU MORE IN TOUCH WITH

YOUR INNER DYKE.

Amy: NICE PROSE, IKE.

YOU WONDER WHY YOU'VE NEVER WON

THE PULITZER.

Christian: NOT TO GET TOO

HAVE KNOWN MEN TO EMBRACE THEIR

WIVES' ATTRACTION TO OTHER

WOMEN. IF THE LINES ARE CLEARLY

DRAWN, THEN IT ENHANCES THEIR

SEX LIVES.

Ike: I DON'T WANT SOME FREAK

DEAL. I WANT AMY, THE OLD AMY.

MY AMY.

LIKE I SAID, JUST TAKE THEM OUT.

[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC BEGINS]

Julia: HELLO.

Man: HI.

HEH. I'M ROGER.

Roger: YOU LIKE APPLE MARTINIS,

I SEE.

Julia: I...I LIKE THE COLOR MORE

THAN THE TASTE.

Roger: HEY, WE'LL TAKE THE MOST

EXPENSIVE DRINK YOU HAVE IN

GREEN, ALL RIGHT?

Julia: HEH.

Roger: HEH.

Julia: THIS IS A REALLY COOL

PLACE.

Roger: YEAH.

Julia: I LIKE THAT RETRO THING.

Roger: YEAH, I LIKE THAT, TOO.

I LIKE STAYING HERE. YOU KNOW,

WHEN I'M IN TOWN ON BUSINESS.

YEAH. THE SERVICE IS, UH...IT'S

REALLY GOOD HERE.

TOLD YOU.

Julia: HEH HEH.

Roger: THANK YOU.

Julia: [LAUGHING]

MMM. OH!

Roger: OH, MY GOD.

Julia: OH! THESE DRINKS ARE SO,

UH...STRONG.

[GIGGLES]

Roger: FEELING NO PAIN, ARE YOU?

Julia: OH, I'M FEELING IT,

BELIEVE ME.

Roger: YOU KNOW...IF YOU LIKE

GREEN DRINKS, YOU REALLY SHOULD

TRY ABSINTHE.

Julia: MMM...WHAT'S THAT?

WHAT?

[GIGGLES]

Roger: WELL, IT'S ILLEGAL, FOR

STARTERS. IT'S LIKE...IT'S LIKE

A LIQUID APHRODISIAC,

ESPECIALLY...IT MAKES YOU HORNY

AS HELL.

Julia: I DON'T NEED ABSINTHE TO

FEEL THAT WAY.

Roger: YOU KNOW, UH...

IF YOU LIKE THE DECOR SO MUCH,

YOU KNOW, MAYBE--MAYBE YOU'D

LIKE TO SEE ONE OF THE ROOMS.

Julia: THE CHECK, PLEASE.

[BOTH MOANING AND PANTING]

Roger: OH, MY GOD.

[PANTING]

LET ME...

LET ME GET MY THING, OK?

Julia: MMM...NOT YET. I LIKE...

I LIKE THIS PART.

Roger: OH, MY GOD. THAT IS SO

COOL THAT YOU JUST SAID THAT.

THAT'S SO HOT. OH, MY GOD.

[BOTH PANTING]

Julia: GO GET YOUR THING.

Roger: HEH HEH.

OH...

OK. ALL RIGHT.

OK. OK.

HEY...

COME HERE.

Julia: WHAT'S THIS?

Roger: THAT'S THE BLACK THUNDER.

Julia: MMM. WHY DO YOU HAVE

THIS?

Roger: IT'S MY FANTASY THAT A

GIRL USE IT ON ME, AND YOU'RE

THAT GIRL. HEH HEH HEH HEH.

Julia: ROGER, I'M REALLY NOT

INTO THIS.

Roger: OH, COME ON, COME ON,

NOT PAYING FOR STRAIGHT SEX,

ALL RIGHT? I CAN GET THAT BACK

HOME IN HOUSTON.

Julia: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

Roger: COME ON. I'LL GIVE YOU

$500, OK? BUT FOR THAT, I WANT

SOME BANG FOR MY BUCK.

Julia: I'M NOT A HOOKER.

Roger: COME ON, ENOUGH ROLE

IT ON. COME ON!

Julia: LIKE I TOLD YOU--

Roger: NO, NO, HEY! COME ON!

Julia: LET GO OF ME!

Roger: PUT IT ON, YOU LITTLE

TEASE! ALL RIGHT, YOU WANT TO

PLAY ROUGH? FINE. WE'LL PLAY

ROUGH. ALL RIGHT. WHAT DO YOU

WANT, AN EXTRA 250? HUH?

Julia: LET GO OF ME!

Roger: UNH!

Julia: AAH!

Roger: OHH...

OH, COME ON! DON'T CALL

SECURITY, ALL RIGHT? HEY!

[RATTLES DOOR]

[FLEETWOOD MAC'S TUSK PLAYING]

Christian: [GRUNTING]

* WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM

WHAT'S GOING ON *

Christian: YOU'RE FEELING

YOU IN A GOOD MOOD 'CAUSE IT'S

Sean: ACTUALLY, CHRISTIAN, I GOT

Christian: GOOD FOR YOU.

Sean: I SLEPT WITH KIMBER.

Christian: HOW MUCH DID YOU

PAY HER?

Sean: 15 BLADE.

* JUST TELL ME THAT

YOU WANT ME

AIEE *

* TUSK *

Sean: I WAS AN ANIMAL WITH HER.

I DIDN'T THINK I HAD IT IN ME.

I DIDN'T THINK I WAS THAT GUY.

ANYWAY, I WANTED YOU TO KNOW.

Christian: I CAN NOT BELIEVE

YOU, SEAN.

Sean: YOU DISCARDED HER LIKE A

SERIOUSLY GONNA GET TERRITORIAL

HERE?

Christian: NOT AT ALL,

SECONDS FOR ALL I CARE.

Sean: WHY AM I THE HYPOCRITE?

Christian: OH, FOR CHRIST'S

OUT OF YOUR PUCKERED LITTLE

I BANG PATIENTS.

Sean: AND IF YOU REMEMBER, MY

OUTRAGE WAS DIRECTED AT HOW YOU

TREATED THEM AFTER YOU BANGED

THEM.

Christian: IT'S A PITY YOU

DIDN'T LEARN FROM THE ERROR OF

MY WAYS.

Sean: YOU CAN'T STAND TO SEE

BOTHERING YOU. YOU TREAT WOMEN

LIKE SHIT. THINKING ABOUT HER

WITH ME JUST RUBBED YOUR FACE

Christian: YOU'RE JUST BITTER

AND TRYING TO SETTLE THE SCORE.

Sean: I THINK I ALREADY DID.

Nurse: YOUR WIFE IS ON

THE PHONE.

Sean: I'M IN SURGERY. TAKE A

Nurse: SHE'S CRYING.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Sean: WHERE IS MY WIFE?

Roger: YOUR WIFE?

OK, OK, LOOK, I DID NOT KNOW

THIS, ALL RIGHT? I THOUGHT SHE

WAS A HOOKER.

Sean: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING

HERSELF IN YOUR BATHROOM. SHE

SAID YOU WERE VIOLENT.

Roger: LISTEN, CALM DOWN, ALL

WANTED TO GET LAID.

Sean: YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Roger: I THOUGHT SHE WAS A

REASONABLE ASSUMPTION. SHE

PICKED ME UP IN A HOOKER BAR.

AND THEN WE GET UP HERE, AND I

TAKE MY TOY OUT, AND SHE JUST

WHIGS OUT. LISTEN, I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY IF I WAS INSENSITIVE,

ALL RIGHT? BUT IF YOU DON'T WANT

PEOPLE TO THINK THAT YOU'RE A

HOOKER, YOU SHOULDN'T ACT

LIKE ONE.

Sean: YOU LOOK LIKE THE KIND OF

ARE HOOKERS.

Roger: OK.

I'M GONNA...I'M GOING FOR A

NIGHTCAP. GET YOUR WIFE OUT OF

MY BATHROOM. TAKE HER HOME.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Julia: OH, MY GOD, SEAN. I'M SO

SORRY. I'M SO SORRY.

Sean: WHAT...WERE YOU THINKING,

JULIA?

Julia: LOOK, JUST GET ME OUT OF

HERE. I'LL EXPLAIN IN THE CAR.

Sean: I GET IT. I TOTALLY GET

IT. IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAFFLE

IRON. YOU CAN'T HAVE ME. YOU

CAN'T LET GO. SO YOU'RE GONNA

KEEP FINDING WAYS TO PREY ON MY

SYMPATHY, THROW YOURSELF IN

FRONT OF ME, MAKE ME COME AND

PICK UP THE PIECES OF YOUR SAD

LITTLE LIFE.

Julia: OH, YEAH, RIGHT. LIKE I

WANTED YOU TO SEE ME LIKE THIS.

OH, ALL I WANTED WAS JUST A

GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED, MINDLESS

SEXUAL ENCOUNTER.

HOW AM I ANY DIFFERENT FROM YOU,

SEAN?

Sean: I DIDN'T CALL YOU SOBBING

AND BEGGING YOU TO COME GET ME.

TAKE A TAXI HOME. AND FOR GOD'S

SAKE, GET YOURSELF CLEANED UP

BEFORE ANNIE SEES YOU.

[JAMES TAYLOR'S DON'T LET ME BE

LONELY TONIGHT BEGINS]

* DO ME WRONG

DO ME RIGHT,

TELL ME LIES

BUT HOLD ME TIGHT,

SAVE YOUR GOOD-BYES

FOR THE MORNING LIGHT,

BUT DON'T LET ME

BE LONELY TONIGHT *

[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

Kimber: HEY, SEAN, IT'S ME,

KIMBER. I HAD TO GO TO ORLANDO

FOR A CONVENTION, SO I LEFT YOU

THE NEXT BEST THING. BRAND-NEW,

IMPROVED MISS KIMBER DOLL.

ENJOY.

* DON'T SAY YES

BUT PLEASE DON'T SAY NO

I DON'T WANT

TO BE LONELY TONIGHT *

* I DON'T WANT

TO BE LONELY TONIGHT *

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--]