All language subtitles for el_sustituto_sexual_2

You might find the story I'm about to
tell you a little hard to believe.

Heck, if it hadn't happened to me, I
wouldn't have believed in myself.

But one amazing week, I had everything a
guy could want. A fantastic house at the

beach, gourmet Italian dinners, and best
of all, girls.

All the girls I could handle. And I can
handle a lot.

Hi, Dr.

Chamberlain. Hi, girl.

I've been Chris Chamberlain.

Well, I wasn't really a doctor.

Heck, I wasn't even Chris Chamberlain.

I was in a situation I was spinning out
of control and well... Wait, I'm getting

a little ahead of myself here. So let's
go back to the beginning.

I was working on my brilliant new
screenplay. Sure, all I had was a title,

but a lot of distractions in Hollywood.

Distractions like Barbara.

She was the nice girl. And if she
assumed that I was a rich, successful

screenwriter, then who was I to
disappoint her?

Going well?

Not if you don't stop doing that.

Oh, I'm just trying to give you a little
inspiration.

Well, thanks, but it's not a love story.

What is it?

I'm not sure.

Well, maybe you should take a little
break.

I kind of need that. I need to continue
on writing.

Not there.

Where?

I'll let you know when you find it.

about to settle

self-living here.

Me too.

Oh, Nick.

What? You and me living here? Oh, we're
going to be so happy together.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Have you said
anything about us living together?

You just did.

I could kiss you all over.

What the hell is going on here?

Hey!

Miss Moore, I didn't expect you today.
My conference ended a week early. Why is

my Jaguar out of the garage?

Good question. And before I can find an
answer Miss Moore liked... Out of my

house! Out!

She ended my house-sitting gig.

Suddenly I had no job, no place to live,
and I doubt I'd be seeing Barbara any

time soon.

Now, I know this story doesn't sound too
promising yet, but trust me, it gets

better. All business temporary, Miss
Amanda.

Amanda, it's Nick, your favorite
employee.

I've been thinking about you.

Listen, I really need a job.

Do you have anything that can hold me
over for a week or two? We always have

something for you.

Let me check and call you back. Great.
Thank you.

Until Amanda came through with that new
house-sitting gig, I figured I'd crash

on my buddy Drake's.

He usually didn't mind when I dropped by
on short notice.

Only this time, I forgot to short
notice.

Drake has a way with the ladies and a
knack for making a buck. And if he can

combine the two, then hey, even better.

for acting lessons.

Clever. What's the lesson this week? The
perils of the casting couch?

We're preached by Nick.

I'm officially homeless.

My last gig just ended prematurely. To
success.

Let it come when we least expect it,
huh?

That sounds perfect.

I could use the rest.

Great. The owner's expecting you this
afternoon.

I'll call you back with directions.

All right. I'll be there.

That house-sitting gig up the coast
sounded perfect, because I needed some

peace and quiet to write.

You see, my agent called and said a big
producer liked my work, and he was

looking for a good love story.

If I could only have a romantic script
ready in three weeks, it could be the

break that I've been waiting for.

So I figured a piece of cake, and this
place was just what I needed. No

responsibilities, no angry landlords,
and no distractions.

Nick here. Nick, it's Amanda. I hate to
do this to you, but I gave you the wrong

lead. The place you're going to
specifically requested a female.

We're sending Danielle instead.

Amanda, I just spent the last two hours
driving up here. I'm here now.

Sorry, Nick.

Tell you what, if I convince them to
give me the job, can I have it? I guess.

Yeah, don't worry about it, all right?
I'll take care of it.

I'm looking for Anthony. I'm here for
the job interview.

I thought they were sending a woman.

Yeah, there was a mistake at the office.

Anthony's not going to like this very
much, but won't you call me?

Anthony. Oh, shit. There's someone here
to see you.

Hey,

Nick Vance.

All business temporaries?

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

I asked for a girl.

Yeah, I'm sorry. There was a mix-up at
the office, but I assure you, I'm fully

qualified.

It

says

here you got experience running a bed
and breakfast, huh? Yeah, for a couple

months. Last season, no.

But you have an amazing place here,
Anthony.

What's that?

My parents opened it when they came over
from Switzerland.

Really? Yeah. My grandfather's Italian.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I used to have this old Alfa Romeo
spider, just like the one you have

outside. Is that yours?

Yeah, you like it, huh? Yeah, it reminds
me of my childhood.

Yeah, too bad I gotta sell it.

Look, I'm sorry, but I specifically
asked for a girl.

Yeah, look, I'm sorry about them, except
at the office.

I guess I'll just go back and tell them
you're looking for a girl.

Although, a girl probably won't be able
to chop up wood for the guest rooms and

fix that casing you're working on.

But I understand you gotta do we gotta
do customer comes first. Well, wait, you

know how to fix the window like this
Yeah, I could also probably fix those

towels up on the roof, too Yeah, but I
have to go I got to go back and get a

cake Can you start tomorrow

Suppose then Sure, okay.

Yeah, let me show you around Yeah, kind
of quiet now, you know Hell, it's dead.

Not a single guest, and not one coming,
as far as I know.

Damn new highway took away all of our
business.

I'm sorry.

What about advertising?

Don't have the money.

Anyway, I'm sure my sister will find
plenty for you to do.

Your sister?

Yeah, my sister.

And she's a house chef, too.

Got the best Zeppelis on the coast.

I'm sure she does.

Come here. Let me talk to you for a
second.

Listen to me.

I want to make something perfectly
clear, all right?

Melinda's off limits.

She's my sister, and I care a great deal
about her. And if I find out you've done

anything while I'm away, I'll snap your
spine in two. Capisce?

Spine in two.

Got it.

I'm not kidding.

All I had to do was watch an empty bed
and breakfast and keep my hands off

Melinda. This job should have been a
breeze.

What nobody told me was just down the
road from discovery was a sexual therapy

retreat called Discoveries.

I know the names are similar, but who
would confuse a bed and breakfast with a

sex therapy retreat?

And let us now return to our point of
origin.

Refreshed, cleansed, and open to the
realm of possibilities that await us in

the material world.

Wow, Dr.

Chamberlain, that really helps.

I feel great.

Call me Chris.

Now that your chi is flowing and your
chakras are aligned, you're ready to

confront your fear of intimacy.

I'm so ready.

Man, I can't wait to tell my boyfriend
about our progress.

For now, I want you to do some journal
writing.

And here, let me give you a copy of my
book.

I think you'll get a lot out of this.

Thanks again, Chris.

See you tomorrow. Bye.

So, who's next, Katie?

That's all for the day, Chris.

Wow.

I can't believe how slow it's been
lately.

Well, the new issue of SoCal Monthly
came out this week, so hopefully the

column on discoveries will bring in some
new clients.

Yeah, the editor said he was going to
send me a copy.

Let me know when that comes in, will
you? Yes, ma'am.

Thanks.

So, uh, going to New Jersey for a little
vacation?

No. I'm going to check out a business
I'm thinking of buying. Coin laundry.

What about this place?

Selling it.

Can't make ends meet anymore.

What about Melinda?

She'll help with the laundry.

Oh, she hardly seems like the type.

Hey, what did I tell you?

Oh, yeah, spine in two.

Yeah. Well, here are the keys, all
right?

Everything's labeled.

Any problems, I want to hear about it
right away. You got my cell number.

It was my birthday, and I wanted to get
the hard work out of the way early. That

way I could concentrate on my new
screenplay.

That also meant staring clear from
Anthony's sister.

Like there was any chance of that.

I'm impressed.

Not very many people can get my brother
to change his mind like that.

I just have to make him think it was his
idea.

Well, he's been in a mood lately due to
business things so slow.

Yeah, he's a bit of an odd type to work
in a bed and breakfast.

Not the most folksy personality, is he?
I know. I keep telling him he should be

more friendly to the guests.

He won't listen to me, though.

What are you writing?

A movie.

What kind of movie?

Action.

You like action, do you?

Sure.

My brother told you to stay away from
me, didn't he?

What makes you say that?

You gonna listen to him?

As I took a long look, one thought kept
going through my mind.

If I find out you've done anything along
the way, I'll snap your spine in two.

I'll snap your spine in two.

Spine in two.

Spine in two.

Hello?

Hello? Is anyone here?

Anyone?

Hi. Welcome to Discovery.

Thank you.

I'd like a room, please, for one.

For one?

Pretty girl like you.

Um, how many nights?

Actually, I was hoping we could play it
by ear, if that's okay?

Sure. Okay. Uh, Miss... McFarlane.
Tamara McFarlane?

Let me show you to your room. Perfect.

Great.

Here, just down the hall.

Here's your room.

Your bag.

So here's a key. If you need anything,
I'll be down the hall for a few minutes,

and then I'll be back at the front desk.
Okay, great. Thank you.

I was wondering if we could talk.

Talk? Yeah.

It's just, this is all new to me, and
I'm not sure if I should be doing this.

And you want to talk about it.

If that's okay.

Yeah, sure.

When a girl says, can we talk,
experience has taught me to look for the

nearest door.

But there was something in the girl's
eyes that made me think she wanted to do

a whole lot more than talk.

So.

Well, I was dating this guy from work,
and he recently broke up with me.

He told me it was because I was too
uptight.

The problem is, I think you might be
right.

When it comes to sex, I'm really
self-conscious, and I'm afraid guys

think it's a cold fit.

That's impossible.

I mean, look at you.

You're just saying that.

No, not at all.

You're obviously dating the wrong guys.
I mean, maybe you need to build up your

self-confidence.

How were you when you were a kid?

It was awful.

Glasses, braces, the whole thing.

But all that's gone.

You've grown into a beautiful woman and
you haven't even noticed.

So, how do I get more confident?

Well, first, you should get rid of any
inhibitions that you have.

Just throw them away.

And that will help.

I think it might.

And then if there's any secret thing
you've ever wanted to do to a guy, just

go out and do it.

Well, there's one thing.

I've always wanted to give a guy a lap
dance.

A lap dance for free?

I told you this story was going to get
good.

I won't use the map anymore, so I took a
wrong turn and I got lost.

Thank you.

We're talking to the power.

You're welcome.

Chris. Would you rather I call you Dr.
Chamberlain?

I'm not following.

I read the column about you in the SoCal
Monthly. It said you were the best sex

therapist in California.

It said that about me? Yeah. So I came
here to find out for myself.

Can I see that?

Sure.

It was an article for that sex retreat
down the road I told you about, run by

someone named Chris Chamberlain.

Only the article listed the address of
this place by mistake.

Um, I have to get that.

Make this up at home, okay?

Discovery, how can I help you?

Hi, I read your article in the SoCal
Monthly.

And, uh, your place sounds just like
what I've been looking for.

Um, well, there's... Well, I would
ask... I'd actually like to come up

tomorrow if you have any room.

Are you taking any reservations?

Um, well, sure. What's your name?

It's Mimi Hamilton.

Okay, Mimi.

We'll see you this weekend, then. I
can't wait.

Great. Bye.

Hi. How can I help you?

Well, we'd like to check in for a few
days.

Let me guess.

Honeymoon?

Not exactly.

Although, we are getting married soon.

Well, congratulations.

Um, our most romantic room is...
Actually, we need separate rooms.

I'm sorry.

We read your article in SoCal Monthly,
and, uh, we've never done this before,

but we're looking for a way to spice up
our relationship, so we thought we'd

give you a whirl.

You, uh, are Dr.

Chamberlain, right?

I guess you could say this was the
moment when I had to ask myself, If

honesty was the best policy.

Yes. Yes, I am.

And I'm sure you guys will find exactly
what you're looking for.

Hi, Discovery. How can I help you? Is
this a sex retreat?

Yes, we do help you find your sexual
fantasies.

Cool. I'm sorry if you don't mind me
asking. You sound a little young. I'm

21. Oh, 21. Great.

Well, why don't you just come down this
weekend, and we will help you with that.

Great. Excellent.

Sorry about that.

Okay, then. So I will put you in room
two.

Thank you. Just down the hall to your
left.

And I will put you in room three.

Just down the hall to your right.

Feel free to ask if you have any
questions.

I'm also right down the hall.

And that's it.

Great. Thanks.

I need to hear now.

What's up?

You're not going to believe this. People
are mistaking this by some sort of

sexual therapy retreat.

I told Drake about the mix-up in the
magazine.

I figured I could use the help.

I had a script to write, and I only have
two hands.

Drake had only one thing to say.

Better give me directions.

This place is great.

You're not on vacation, all right? Just
remember, you do have work to do.

I'm your man, Nick.

It's Chris.

Dr. Chris Chamberlain. Hey, don't forget
that.

Do I get a call name, too? No.

Nope. Hey, what is going on around here?
This is the most desperate problem in

the world.

I don't know. Word must be going around.

Hello? Oh, Melinda, this is my good
buddy, Drake.

Hi, Drake. How are you doing?

Very nice, Melinda.

Chris has told me so much about you.

Nick. I mean, Nick.

I invited Drake to stay with us because
his girlfriend just broke up with him.

Oh, right.

Yeah. It's been really hard.

Oh, poor baby.

If there's anything I can do.

Thanks. I really appreciate that.

What's that all about?

Okay.

That's a little flitzer, and she's way
too much to handle, okay?

So just stay away from her.

And she doesn't know about this whole
mix-up thing, so I don't want you

calling me Chris around it.

Does she know you're running a day camp
for sex addicts? No.

Man, I'd rather keep it that way.

Hey, Melinda.

Look, we're going to have a few more
guests, so plan on making breakfast for

eight tomorrow.

That's great news.

How's your writing going?

Slow, but what are you making?

I don't know yet.

I've decided to make myself an authentic
Sicilian dinner tonight.

That sounds good.

Oh, it will be.

I guess if you want to join me, I can
make a little extra.

Wow. Now, how can I refuse an invitation
like that?

All right, then.

I've got to go and get a few more
ingredients.

Are you going to be okay here without
me?

I think I can manage.

All right, then.

You work up a good appetite.

Something tells me by the end of the day
I'll be good and hungry.

I know.

I promised to stay away from Anthony's
sister.

But one innocent dinner wouldn't hurt.

In the meantime, I was determined to
finish my new script.

This was my best shot at success, and
nothing was going to stop me.

Do you have time for a session?

What do you have in mind?

Well, I'm here to explore my sexuality.

I really didn't know where to start.

Here, sit down.

So the script could wait.

This was obviously a job for good old
Dr. Nick. I mean, Chris.

Whatever. Tell me why you first decided
to come to Discovery.

Discovery.

Well, Kobe and I are going to get
married in a couple months.

And I just... I feel like the pressure
of it has been affecting our sex life.

So I thought some sex therapy might help
us bring the magic back.

All right, well, marriage is a big step
for most relationships.

But what specifically seems to be the
problem?

I'm nervous about pleasing him.

And, you know, I haven't been with that
many men, so...

I just want to make sure that I know how
to satisfy him as a lover.

Well, the secret to satisfying most men
is to

constantly surprise them with something
new.

For example, have you given Colby an
erotic massage?

Yes, but he always falls asleep.

That's okay.

You can learn a new technique.

I wish I could teach you if you want.

Great.

Should I take my top off?

Um, um, I, um, um, uh,

okay, um.

Always remember the importance of
touching.

The foundation of every successful
relationship, okay?

Oh, your hands feel so good.

Let that dress melt out of your body.

Because of the neurotic massage, I'm
going to have to, um...

I'm sorry.

I'm having a hard time getting your
fiancés up there.

It's okay.

We said that there's no limitations
while we were here.

It's just sex therapy, right?

Okay.

Just what to do, huh?

I feel good.

I do, Doctor.

Thank you.

Well, I think Kobe's a very lucky man.

I'll see you later.

Discovery's talking. I'll help you.

Is that you, Van?

Anthony.

Sorry about that.

How are things going?

Fine. We even have a few guests.

Oh, great.

Melinda behaving herself?

Yeah, I think so. I haven't really seen
her in a couple of days. Good.

Keep it that way.

You lost me. Well, I'm ready for my
first assignment.

How does this work exactly?

Most of these girls have sexual issues
they're not real comfortable talking

about. So you just need to provide a
comfortable environment.

and they'll open up.

I like the sound of that.

Works like magic, right? I mean, you
don't need to feed them any old lines or

buy them any drinks.

You just kind of need to show them that
you're there and, you know, let them

talk about their feelings.

You sound like you're really getting
into this stuff.

Yeah, I think I am, you know? I mean, it
feels good helping out these girls.

I bet it does.

Look, I have a young lady who wants a
two o'clock session, so when she comes

in, I'll just send her to your room.

Got it. All right.

Enjoy.

Discovery, how can I make your day
better?

She was in college.

Junior college.

Drake's first patient should have been
easy.

Veronica just needed a shoulder to cry
on, and Drake does have a way with

women. I knew he'd be perfect for this
job.

I've tried to move. I have. I've tried
dating other guys.

With each one, I feel more and more
inadequate.

You know, I used to be a pretty
self-confident person before

he chewed me up and spit me out like a
tail out of gum.

Oh, that's awful.

Tell me about it.

It's not easy being replaced.

And, you know, it's just a matter of
time before someone comes along worthy

of your beauty.

You think I'm beautiful?

Yes. Hell yes.

Forget this guy.

All we need to do is build up your
self-confidence so that you don't feel

inadequate anymore.

And confidence comes from knowing with
certainty that you can please a man in

bed. Could you tell me what a man wants
in bed?

Well, some guys like it when the woman
takes control.

Oh.

Some guys like to be totally dominated.

Oh.

Like that?

Yeah. That's it.

What else?

Some guys like it when you kiss them on
the ears. Okay.

And then?

And then I like it when you... Huh?

Some guys like it when you take their
shirt off... Uh-huh. And you kiss them

on their chest.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

That's what... And then... And then...

And then some guys like it when you lick
the other navel. Okay.

I think I can take it from here.

Yeah.

Oh,

my.

Look at that. Keep that up.

It's just a matter of finding someone
that I connect with.

Right. Like you.

Exactly.

The way we just made love.

It's like we're right for each other.

What?

Well, I knew when I got here that this
wasn't just about a sex therapy session.

It's like we were meant to meet.

It's obvious we belong together.

Christ over, right? I, uh, I gotta get
going.

What's going on?

Uh, I've got other clients to see.

Okay, for now, lover.

But, you know, it's a beautiful place
for a wedding ceremony.

Drake had heard this kind of talk from
girls before, and he knew exactly what

to do.

Whoa, coming through.

Melinda, back from shopping?

Um, yeah.

I couldn't get all the ingredients,
though. I ran out of money.

That's okay. I'm sure it still tastes
great.

It's too bad your brother can't keep
this place profitable.

I offered to take it over, but he
refuses to believe that I can run any

kind of business.

Somehow I think you can run anything you
want to.

Well, I don't want to run a coin
laundry, that's for damn sure.

Hello.

You had to feel badly for Melinda. She
loved this place, and the idea of losing

it just didn't seem fair.

I figured the least I could do was take
her mind off things with a nice friendly

dinner.

Nick, what was the temperature just
called?

You're not going to believe this.

What?

What are you doing?

Getting dressed for dinner.

With who?

Melinda. And you need a dress shirt for
that?

You're right.

What am I doing?

She's just a girl.

Anyway, they want you to watch an
island.

What? A whole island.

Some guy down in Fiji needs a caretaker
for the spring.

Wow. Great.

I'll call Amanda in the morning.

I've got a session in five minutes.

You have a good dinner.

I'll be right back. I forgot.

This is what I forgot.

Thank you.

You know, you clean up kind of nice.

Thanks. By the way, would you like to
join me?

What a beautiful sunset.

Yeah, it's very.

Cheers.

Cheers.

So tell me, where's your favorite place
in Italy?

Believe it or not, I've never been.

Really? Yeah.

See, my family kept me very sheltered
when I was a kid.

Every time they went to the old world. I
got stuck with relatives back in the

States.

So, I'm really going to miss this place,
though.

To life's little twins.

You know, suddenly, I'm not so hungry
anymore.

Wow.

The stars are out.

There is Orion.

Mm-hmm.

Butterflies in your stomach?

No.

How's this make you feel?

What about the gas?

What, are you scared?

When you take my hand, you're going to
get my heart.

And when you want my dream, there is no
way.

I'm gonna break my heart.

break my heart

Things were going great. I just made it
with a beautiful lady and the place was

full of guests.

But sooner or later, somebody had to
find out the truth. We have a huge

problem.

What do you mean? The SoCal Monthly
printed the wrong address.

Oh, no.

Do you think that's where people are
going instead?

I'm going to find out.

Hi, is this the place featured in SoCal
Monthly?

Yes.

This is Larry.

Hi, Larry.

It's Chris Chamberlain. I need some
legal advice.

Good morning.

Do you need any help?

I'm just taking a room.

Oh, great.

Oh, remember, our sun deck is clothing
optional, so if you want to do the full

body pan, not a problem.

Hi, how can I help you?

Oh, I was just stopping in to see if
maybe I wanted to stay here.

Of course you do.

Pardon me?

Well, this place has everything a
beautiful girl could possibly want.

Hi, Dr.

Chamberlain. Hi, girls.

Dr. Chamberlain?

Well, you could call me Chris if you
like.

As in Chris Chamberlain.

So now you understand my dilemma. Being
Dr. Chamberlain, I worked out pretty

good so far.

And I saw no reason to complicate things
with the truth.

Yes. Why?

It just sounds familiar.

That's all.

And you are?

Nancy. Nancy Kinsey.

Nancy, did you just come up for a little
R&R?

Well, yes and no.

I read about this place in SoCal
Monthly, and I thought I would check it

out. Well, good. So you know a little
bit about what we have to offer.

I have an idea.

You know, why don't I stay for a night
or two and see what this place is really

all about?

I tell you what.

I'm going to put you in room number
five.

I'm sure you're going to find it
comfortable.

You said Nancy Kinsey?

Kinsey.

So why don't I carry you through your
room?

I think I can manage myself.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Mine from Veronica.

She keeps wanting to schedule a session.

She's getting a little too attached.

Yeah, hazard of the profession, huh?

Yeah, thanks for nothing.

You're welcome. Oh, by the way, how'd
that thing go with Melinda?

Fine. Nothing happened.

All right.

It went amazing.

I mean, we totally connected.

It was great.

That's good. Now we can go to Fiji
before Anthony finds out you're banging

his little sister.

I, um...

I kind of told Amanda we weren't going.

What? Why?

Well, things are going so well here, and
we're, you know, renting out the rooms

to get.

Besides, I figure if maybe we make a
little bit of a profit, then Anthony

will let Melinda keep the place.

So we're not going to go to Fiji because
of a girl?

No.

I mean, Fiji's probably humid right now.

Oh, you know, you have a three o'clock
session, which you should probably go

to. Yeah, she'd better be good.

You're early.

Sorry, I wanted to come a little early.

Yeah, it was supposed to be my session.

I'm scheduled for three o'clock.

So am I.

Well, ladies, here at Discoveries, we
try to encourage our guests to...

Keep open to new experiences.

So let the two of you double up your
session and see if we all can't learn

something. Fine by me.

Me too.

All right, let's all sit on the bed and
just relax.

Now let's talk about the importance of
kissing.

Everybody likes to be kissed, but not
everybody's a good kisser.

Either you ever kissed a woman before?

No.

Yes.

Once.

Well, by kissing each other, you can
find out what it feels like when a man

kisses a woman.

Now move in like you're trying to seduce
her.

So why don't we go slow?

Oh, that's nice.

This is very good This

is very good

Can I help you with something, Nancy?
Oh, no. I was just admiring the artwork.

Oh, yeah. It's been in my family for
centuries.

Centuries?

It's a photograph.

Right. I mean art.

Art's been in my family for ages.

You know, you certainly seem to have a
lot of clients here.

Well, you know, you give them what they
want and they will come.

I'm sure they will.

I would really love to try one of your
sessions. Are you available?

Sure.

Why don't you come in?

You're probably thinking, what about
Melinda?

Well, I figured making the guests happy
was good for Discovery.

And that was good for Melinda, right?

Guys, stop it.

Thank you.

Make yourself at home. Get comfortable.

So tell me, what brought you to
Discovery, Nancy?

You know, I'm interested in how you came
up with that name.

Discoveries. Now, we both know what this
is really about.

We do?

Sure, and I would feel the same way if I
was in your shoes.

Look, you're asking me all these
questions because you don't want to talk

about yourself.

Hey, it's okay. Most people get nervous
when they first come here.

No, that's really not what... You don't
need to explain to me. Here, sit down.

We just need to get you nice and relaxed
and comfortable.

Well, where exactly did you study
therapy, doctor?

No, no, no. See, you're doing it again.

We're here to talk about you.

So why don't you start off by telling me
what gets you aroused.

For example.

Melinda.

Melinda. Excuse me for a minute.

Melinda.

Nick Vance.

You've reached the law office of Larry
Schneidman. Please leave a message.

Thank you.

Larry, the guy who's been stealing my
clients is telling people he's Chris

Chamberlain. His real name is Nick
Vance.

I want you to find out who this guy is
and call me.

I wanted to chase Melinda until I
realized I should stop and try to figure

out what I had to say.

For the first time in my life, I decided
I had to think things through.

Oh, hello.

Hi. I'm Melinda.

I know you're the chef here.

Yeah.

My girlfriend and I have really enjoyed
the meals.

Oh, well, thank you. I'm Colby.

Hi, nice to meet you, Colby. Nice to
meet you.

Are you two enjoying yourselves here?

I guess.

You know, she seems to be getting a lot
more out of it than I am, but it's nice

to be on vacation.

So where's your girlfriend right now?

I don't know.

Probably in another session.

Session?

Yeah, Dr. Chamberlain gave her some...
Doctor?

Dr. Chamberlain.

Chris.

The gentleman that runs the place.

Dark hair, always smiling.

Oh, Chris, right.

Of course.

Speaking of, I have something important
to talk to him about.

If you'd excuse me, I need to go find
him right now. Sure.

Hi. Hi.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Hello.

Nice weather, huh?

Yeah, it's nice.

Jamie, I'm sorry for not showing you a
lot of attention in the last few months.

I guess I've just been...

Afraid of losing my freedom.

You know, I got to be honest, coming to
this sexual awareness retreat, I didn't

think it was going to be good for our
relationship.

But in the last couple of days, not
spending any time with you, it's just

made me realize that I don't want to be
with anybody else but you.

I feel the same way.

Dr. Chamberlain has taught me so much.

And I'm so happy that we can be so open.

So do you think things can go back to
the way they were?

No.

No?

No. I think they're going to be even
better.

Close your eyes.

Get over it.

The real Dr. Chris was starting to
realize that even though these clients

were at the wrong place, they weren't
being cheated out of a cure.

No, she found out that Drake and I were
doing a pretty good job.

Maybe even better than her.

Drake's effort to avoid Veronica were
about to take him out of the frying pan

and into the fire.

Excuse me.

Do you have time for that session now?

Um, sure.

Okay, is my room all right?

Why not?

So, how does this work, exactly?

Why don't I just bring you over here and
give you a massage and help relax you

and...

Then you could talk about whatever you
want to talk about.

Okay.

Where do you want me?

On the desk.

For the massage, that is.

How's that feel?

That's actually quite nice.

Um, so, how do you know Chris?

Um, he and I have been friends for a
really long time.

Hmm.

Have you two been in the sex therapy biz
long?

I wouldn't say a terribly long time.

Can you excuse me for a minute?

Okay.

Yeah, sure.

All right.

Okay.

Thanks for calling, Anthony.

Where's my brother?

He's coming home tomorrow night.

That's good news, I guess.

Look, I want to apologize. I had an
interesting conversation with Colby

tonight.

He told me that somebody named
Christian... Chamberlain? That's giving

sex therapy to the guests here?

You said the good doctor is, um,
dark-haired, smiles all the time.

Sound familiar?

Look, I'm sorry, all right? I can
explain.

I certainly hope so, Nick. I mean,
Chris.

Whoever the fuck you are.

I'm Nick.

Okay, Chris is the person I pretended to
be when I read the misprint in the SoCal

Monthly. Why?

I don't know. People started showing up
and expecting me to be him.

I didn't know what to do.

So you thought that lying to everyone,
including me, was going to make

everything all right?

No, it just got carried away, and I
didn't want to disappoint anyone.

Well, you sure as hell disappointed me,
Nick.

I know, and I'm sorry.

It's a little late for that.

I'm just curious.

Was there just another one of your
students you thought needed therapy?

No.

Not at all.

I haven't been able to stop thinking
about you ever since I laid eyes on you.

Then what were you doing in your room
with that woman?

Nothing. Nothing happened.

I couldn't even imagine being with
anybody else after that night together.

Melinda, can we please try this again?

No more games, I promise.

I don't know.

I really blew it with Melinda.

I mean, what I told her was true.

I did care about her.

But I couldn't blame her for not buying
my story.

Nick, where you been?

There's something I gotta tell you.

You won't believe this, but you know
that Nancy woman?

Her name's not Nancy.

She's right here.

Can I talk to you for a minute, Drake?

Alone?

I'll leave you guys alone.

What's there to talk about, Nancy?

Or should I say Chris?

Drake. How long have you been standing
over there?

Long enough to finally know the truth.

I know about you and Nick.

I think we both have a lot of talking to
do, Drake.

So, you're an actor?

Most of the time.

Other times I'm...

an actor acting like he's a sexual
therapist.

And your friend didn't know about the
column until people started showing up

here? And it got out of hand.

I mean, as it was, it may have helped
save Anthony and Melinda's place.

That's actually kind of sweet.

We can understand why you'd be angry
when we did steal a lot of your

customers.

Well, I was going to sue you guys.

What made you change your mind?

At my retreat, I teach people how to go
deep within themselves and find the

source of their sexual problems.

Here, I learn that sometimes all you
need is a little bit of confidence.

You help me see that.

Really? Uh-huh.

Maybe there's a thing or two we could
teach each other.

Probably.

Since I had ruined my chance with
Melinda, I decided the only way to

salvage the weekend was to finish my
screenplay.

So as I sat down on my computer, I felt
like I didn't know the first thing about

romance. But then it occurred to me.

I had a pretty good story right under my
nose.

I mean, I started writing about this guy
who got a great house and gig and found

himself surrounded by beautiful women
who practically begged to have sex with

him. In the middle of this, he falls in
love with a beautiful Italian chef.

Here was a script that had action,
romance, comedy, and sex.

The only thing missing was a happy
ending.

But then, the story isn't over yet.

Hi.

Hey.

Um, I was going to make some definitely,
but there isn't any more oil in the

kitchen.

There isn't?

No. Um, but I found some wild
strawberries in the bed.

Maybe you could like some of those?

I'd love some.

Melinda, I'm sorry about everything.

One more game.

One more game.

Now, everything felt perfect, except for
that one little detail of Melinda's

brother. But I wasn't worried. I had all
day to figure that one out.

Uh-oh.

Anthony, what are you doing here?

I caught an early flight. I bought the
coin laundry, so we're moving to New

Jersey. And you, you bastard, what the
hell is going on around here? Hey,

Anthony, it's not his pulp, okay? It's
mine. I seduced him.

What are you doing to me?

To you?

I fell in love. Why is that such a
threat to you?

Because I don't want you with some guy I
can't trust.

I'm not that little girl you have to
protect anymore, Anthony.

I'm a grown woman.

If our parents could hear you now.

Yeah, they'd ask you why you're selling
out the business.

We tried, Melinda. There's no money
here.

No, you tried.

You never let me try to save the place.

If you would have had a little bit more
faith in me, maybe we wouldn't be in

this situation.

Anthony, I do care about your sister.

Look, I'm sorry for not trusting you,
Melinda.

What can I do to make this up to you?

You can let me stay here and run the
place my way.

Just give me six months.

If I don't have it running in the blog
by then, you can sell it.

Well, if it means that much to you, why
not?

I just want you to be happy.

In the end, it all kind of worked out
for everyone.

After her evening with Drake, Dr.

Chamberlain forgot all about her lawsuit
and even invited him to work for her.

And with Melinda's knack for customer
service, Discovery was in good hands

too. Oh, and by the way, I finished my
screenplay on time.

But get this, my agent said it was too
unbelievable.

Well, if it hadn't happened to me, I
wouldn't have believed it either.