Original subtitles

>> PREVIOUSLY ON NIP/TUCK...

>> I LIKE MY RING, AND IT CAME

FROM MIKE'S HEART, WHICH IS

REALLY GOOD, AND I DON'T THINK

YOU REALLY HAVE ONE.

>> I DO HAVE ONE, AND IT BELONGS

TO YOU.

>> MIKE, I JUST NEED YOU

TO BACK UP.

>> ALL THE WAY TO TAKIN'

MY RING BACK?

>> I LOVE YOU, MRS. McNAMARA.

>> THE KEY TO S'MORES IS GETTING

THE PERFECT PROPORTION BETWEEN

THE CHOCOLATE BAR TO, UH,

GRAHAM CRACKER.

>> LOOK AT THAT.

>> NICE.

>> MMM.

>> YOU MARRY A WOMAN YOU DON'T

EVEN KNOW, WHO TRIES

TO KILL YOU.

>> I DON'T NEED A LECTURE

FROM YOU.

[MR. SANDMAN

INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]

WELL, TELL US WHAT YOU DON'T

LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF,

MRS. PIERCE.

>> WELL, I GUESS THE FACT THAT

I'M NOT PERFECT.

>> WELL, WHO IS? HEH HEH.

>> BARBIE.

>> IS BARBIE A FRIEND OF YOURS?

[BOTH LAUGH]

>> WELL, I'VE WORSHIPPED HER

SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

>> YOU MEAN THE DOLL.

>> OH, SHE'S MORE THAN A DOLL.

BARBIE AND KEN ARE THE SYNTHETIC

EMBODIMENT OF THE IDEAL

POSTMODERN COUPLE.

>> NOT TO MENTION THEY'VE BEEN

TOGETHER FOR 50 YEARS, NEVER

AGING, JUST CHANGING OUTFITS.

>> OF COURSE, HE DOESN'T HAVE

A PENIS, AND SHE W--

DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING.

>> BECAUSE THEY'VE MADE THE

ULTIMATE MONOGAMOUS COMMITMENT,

A SEX-FREE RELATIONSHIP.

>> WELL, THIS IS ALL VERY

INTERESTING, BUT, UM,

WHY EXACTLY ARE YOU HERE?

>> [GASPS] SHOW THEM, SKIP.

SKIP HAD HIS NIPPLES REMOVED.

>> MM-HMM.

>> ONE LESS EROGENOUS ZONE FOR

HIM TO THINK ABOUT. AND NOW WE'D

LIKE YOU TO REMOVE MINE.

>> YEAH.

LOOK, WE'RE NOT CRAZY, OK? WE'RE

BOTH VERY SUCCESSFUL REALTORS.

EVEN IN THIS MARKET, WE SOLD

MORE HOUSES LAST YEAR THAN ANY

OTHER TEAM IN WEST LOS ANGELES.

>> HONEY, LET ME EXPLAIN.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> MY NIPPLES ARE HARD

ALL THE TIME.

>> [SIGHS] ALL THE TIME.

>> ALL THE TIME. IT'S LIKE--

IT'S LIKE...

>> IT DOESN'T STOP.

>> BIG GUMDROPS ON MY--

IT'S EMBARRASSING. I MEAN,

I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT IT'S

LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE LOOK ME

IN THE EYE FOR ONCE.

>> SHE HAS A BEAUTIFUL MIND.

>> THANK YOU.

>> YOU DO, HONEY.

>> SO HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

>> OH. WELL, UH, WE MET AT

THE NATIONAL DOLL COLLECTORS

CONVENTION IN SAN DIEGO 5 YEARS

AGO. UH, WE'VE BOTH BEEN

OBSESSED WITH BARBIE AND KEN...

>> OBSESSED.

>> SINCE WE WERE LITTLE KIDS,

AND WE JUST WANNA TAKE ONE MORE

STEP TO BECOMING MORE LIKE THEM.

>> IT'S EVOLUTION.

>> THAT'S ALL.

>> HMM. SO WHAT IF THE TWO

OF YOU SPLIT UP?

>> OH.

>> UH, HOW WOULD YOU EXPLAIN

THESE MODIFICATIONS TO YOUR

NEW PARTNERS?

>> WE'VE BOTH HAD TONS OF

SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS...

>> TONS.

>> AND THEY ALWAYS ENDED UP

BEING ABOUT OWNERSHIP AND

EXCLUSIVITY, NOT ABOUT LOVE.

>> ELIMINATING SEX HAS ALLOWED

US TO REALLY RELATE. WE GET

TO SEE EACH OTHER OUTSIDE OF OUR

OWN SELFISH DEMANDS. HEH.

>> THINK ABOUT IT. IF BARBIE AND

KEN HAD BEEN ABLE TO HAVE SEX,

DO YOU REALLY THINK THEIR

MARRIAGE WOULD HAVE LASTED

50 YEARS?

>> * AHH,

MAKE ME

BEAUTIFUL *

* MAKE ME

THE PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIE *

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> EXCUSE ME. CAN YOU TELL ME

WHERE I MIGHT FIND

A DR. McNAMARA? I HAVE

A PACKAGE FOR HIM.

>> YOU FOUND HIM. JUST PUT IT

RIGHT HERE ON THE DESK, PLEASE.

>> SIGN HERE, PLEASE.

>> [CLEARS THROAT]

>> THANK YOU, DOCTOR.

>> UH, YOU'RE WELCOME.

>> AREN'T YOU GONNA OPEN IT?

>> OK.

[MARVELLOUS BY

DRAGONETTE PLAYING]

>> * OH, MY,

YOU'RE DRIVIN' ME CRAZY,

DON'T KNOW WHY I WANT YOU, BABY,

MY EYES ARE BIGGER THAN MY... *

>> OK, WHAT, UM--WHAT IS THIS?

HOLD ON A SECOND.

>> [LAUGHS]

>> * WHEN YOU WALK

INTO THE ROOM,

WHOM SHOULD I SAY IS CALLIN' ME?

WHY YOU WANNA GIVE ME

TROUBLE, BABY? *

>> UH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> HELPING YOU WITH YOUR

PACKAGE, DOCTOR. [LAUGHS]

>> * YOU'RE DANGEROUS

>> KAZAM.

>> * OH, OH,

AND MARVELLOUS,

I'M A FOOL FOR YOUR WICKEDNESS,

I THINK YOU'RE REALLY

WORKIN' IT,

YOU'RE CRUEL,

AND I'M GETTIN' MYSELF

INTO TROUBLE *

>> HEY, SEAN, YOUR 2:00--

>> * GETTIN' MYSELF

INTO TROUBLE *

>> MRS. COX, PLEASE. WE CAN

STILL FIT YOU IN.

>> THANK YOU. I THINK I'VE

SEEN ENOUGH.

>> PSST. DID YOU WANNA FINISH?

>> UH, FINISH WHAT? I MEAN,

WHO ARE YOU? WHERE DID YOU

COME FROM?

>> BOY, YOU ARE GRUMPY.

NO WONDER DR. TROY WANTED ME

TO CHEER YOU UP.

>> DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO DO

WITH THIS?

>> OH HO. IS SHE STILL HERE?

I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO SEE HER

IN PERSON, BUT THE AGENCY

TOLD ME SHE WAS A 10.

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING,

CALLING A STRIPPER

TO THE OFFICE?

>> A STRIPPER? SEAN, I WOULDN'T

DO THAT TO YOU. SHE'S A HOOKER.

>> YOU BOUGHT ME A PROSTITUTE?

>> OF COURSE I DID.

>> WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG

WITH YOU?

>> YOU BEEN WALLOWING IN YOUR

MISERY EVER SINCE JULIA TOOK

THE KIDS TO NEW YORK. I WAS JUST

TRYIN' TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER.

>> CHEAP SEX IS NOT WHAT I NEED

RIGHT NOW. IN FACT, I'M NOT

INTERESTED IN ANY KIND OF SEX

RIGHT NOW. I'M THINKIN' ABOUT

TAKIN' A BREAK.

>> A BREAK, FROM SEX.

>> WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

>> WELL, NOTHING, IF YOU WANNA

BE A PRIEST OR JUST WALLOW

IN YOUR MID-LIFE SELF-PITY

CRISIS BULLSHIT.

>> IT'S NOT SELF-PITY.

IT'S SELF-PRESERVATION, OK?

>> RIGHT.

>> LAST TIME I JUMPED INTO BED

WITH SOMEONE AFTER JULIA,

I WOUND UP WITH TEDDY. AND AFTER

THAT, WITH SOME DRUG ADDICT

STABBING ME IN THE LEG.

>> WHICH IS WHY I THOUGHT

I SHOULD PICK THIS TIME. RIGHT?

>> HEH. YOU KNOW...

MAYBE TRACY HAD A POINT.

MORE OFTEN THAT NOT, SEX RUINS

RELATIONSHIPS. I MEAN, THAT'S

WHAT MESSED UP ME AND JULIA THIS

TIME. THAT'S WHAT'S COMPLICATED

ALMOST EVERY RELATIONSHIP

I'VE EVER HAD.

I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN FOR

ME. NEXT TIME, PUT IT IN A CARD.

[DING]

>> THANK YOU.

>> OHH. OHH. I ATE TOO MUCH.

>> OH, THANKS FOR SURPRISING ME,

SWEETIE. OK? I'LL CALL

YOU LATER.

>> WAIT. HONESTLY, HAVE I GAINED

WEIGHT SINCE WE STARTED DATING?

>> SWEETHEART, YOU LOOK

FANTASTIC. TRUST ME, OK?

GOTTA GO.

>> I'M A LITTLE FREAKED OUT

ABOUT THIS. I MEAN, JUST ANSWER

ME HONESTLY. DO I NEED TO START

SMOKING AGAIN?

>> KIMBER, CHRISTIAN...

>> YEAH.

>> THIS IS MY FRIEND LOLA.

>> HEY. SO, UH, YOU TWO GO WAIT

IN MY OFFICE. I'LL BE IN

IN A SECOND.

[WHISPERING] Now, she's got

a problem. OK? NOT YOU. MWAH.

>> SOMETIMES I FEEL THAT'S HOW

I LOOK.

>> SO, YOU'RE, UH, LOLA WOLAD...

>> WLODKOWSKI.

>> WLODKOWSKI.

>> MMM.

>> [SNICKERING]

>> WHAT ARE YOU GRINNING AT?

>> I'M JUST--I'M JUST REAL HAPPY

FOR YOU. IS THAT SO BAD?

>> HAPPY FOR WHAT?

>> EH, YOU KNOW. HEH HEH. HEH.

>> [SIGHS] HE'S A BIT OF

AN IDIOT, BUT HE IS A VERY

GOOD SURGEON.

>> OK.

>> WE'RE FRIENDS. LOLA IS

NOT GAY.

>> ME? NO. HEH. PLEASE.

I AM A CARD-CARRYING HETERO.

HEH HEH HEH. ALTHOUGH, LIZ WOULD

BE THE FIRST GIRL I'D CALL

IF I WERE SO INCLINED.

>> OH. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> YEAH, WE MET AT ADAM & EVE.

I'VE BEEN GOIN' THERE SINCE

I WAS A KID.

>> EH, THE NUDIST CAMP?

LIZZIE. WHO KNEW? HEH HEH.

>> WELL, I WAS LOOKING FOR

SOMETHING TO HELP ME LOVE MYSELF

AGAIN AFTER MY DIVORCE.

>> SURE. UH, SO HOW CAN WE

HELP YOU?

>> SHE NEEDS HER MOLES REMOVED.

I NOTICED THEM AT THE POOL,

AND SHE CAME OVER TO ME ALL

ON HER HIGH HORSE--

>> YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW, SHE WAS

STARING, WHICH WE DO NOT DO.

HEH HEH. BUT IT'S COMMON WITH

THE NEWBIES. YOU KNOW, THEY GET

ALL DISTRACTED BY GENITALS AND

ALL THE BARE FLESH.

>> IN ANY CASE, I TOLD HER THAT

YOU WOULD REMOVE THEM WITH NO

SCAR AND THAT YOU WOULD GIVE HER

A SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT,

BECAUSE SHE HAS NO INSURANCE.

>> HEH. OF COURSE. YOU KNOW THAT

ANY FRIEND OF LIZZIE'S IS A

FRIEND OF OURS. IN FACT, BECAUSE

YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD FRIEND, WE'LL

JUST THROW IN SOME FREE LIPO.

>> YOU MEAN TO MAKE ME SKINNY?

>> MM-HMM.

HEH HEH HEH. LOOK, YOU KNOW,

I JUST FIGURED, YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE WALKIN' AROUND NUDE ALL

THE TIME, MAYBE YOU JUST WANNA

STREAMLINE YOUR SILHOUETTE

A LITTLE BIT.

>> [LAUGHS]

>> OH, MY GOD.

>> I DIDN'T MEAN ANY--

>> NO, I--

>> I AM NOT INSULTED, LIZ.

I'M NOT INSULTED. HE IS JUST A

VICTIM OF HIS OWN SELF-LOATHING,

REALLY. THANKS, DOCTOR, BUT, UM,

I'LL PASS ON THE LIPO. I'M FINE

WITH THE WAY I AM.

>> RIGHT.

>> YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU SHOULD

COME UP TO ADAM & EVE SOMETIME.

>> YEAH.

>> PEOPLE DISCOVER ALL SORTS

OF THINGS ABOUT THEMSELVES.

IT'S HARD TO KEEP SECRETS WHEN

YOU'RE NAKED. HEH HEH. HEH HEH.

>> HEH. YEAH. I HAVE NO PROBLEM

GETTING NAKED. [CLEARS THROAT]

>> OH, WELL, SOCIAL NUDITY IS

SOMETHING ELSE. IT REQUIRES

DROPPING FACADES

AND PRETENSIONS.

YOU'VE NEVER HAD A REALLY BIG

WOMAN, HAVE YOU, DOC?

DO I MAKE YOU NERVOUS?

>> NERVOUS? NO. I--NOT A BIT.

YOU'RE QUITE A LOT OF GAL, LOLA.

>> NOT TOO MUCH GAL FOR YOU?

>> HEH.

>> * WHATEVER LOLA WANTS...

>> NO, SOME MEN JUST AREN'T

READY FOR ME, AND I'M NOT JUST

TALKING ABOUT THE POUNDS.

>> * AND, LITTLE MAN,

LITTLE LOLA WANTS YOU *

>> YOU TWO, IS IT TIME TO GET

A ROOM?

>> HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH.

>> * NO REGRETS...

>> UH, NO. HEH HEH. BUT I THINK

IT'S TIME WE TOOK A LOOK

AT THOSE MOLES.

>> * RESIGN YOURSELF,

YOU'RE THROUGH *

>> MS. PIERCE, BEFORE WE GET

STARTED, I'D LIKE YOU TO LOOK

OVER THESE CONSENT FORMS.

IT'S TO REMIND YOU THAT THIS IS

AN ELECTIVE SURGERY AND YOU'RE

AWARE OF THE RISKS.

>> SKIP ALREADY TOLD ME WHAT

TO EXPECT. I'M NOT CONCERNED.

I'M EXCITED, ACTUALLY. HEH.

>> NOW, ARE YOU PLANNING TO HAVE

KIDS? BECAUSE IF YOU'RE HOPING

TO BREAST-FEED--

>> OH, I CAN'T HAVE CHILDREN.

WELL, KEN AND BARBIE NEVER DID,

SO...

>> HEH. OF COURSE. IF YOU

WOULD OPEN YOUR ROBE.

>> MM-HMM.

>> AND YOU PROMISE THERE

WON'T BE SCARRING?

>> UH, YEAH. UM, THAT'S WHY I

WANNA PUT YOU UNDER ANESTHESIA.

Z-PLASTYS WILL STOP ANY KELOIDS

FROM FORMING. AHEM.

>> STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS ME

WITH THE DETAILS, DR. SEXY.

I JUST WANNA KNOW I GET

MY BODY BACK.

>> YOU WANNA GET YOUR BODY BACK,

TRY 20 MINUTES ON THE TREADMILL

EVERY DAY.

>> OH. THOSE GERBIL WHEELS?

PLEASE. I GET ENOUGH EXERCISE

IN THE BEDROOM, THANK YOU

VERY MUCH.

YOU DON'T GLOW LIKE THIS

IF YOU'RE NOT HAVING GREAT SEX

5 TIMES A WEEK, BELIEVE YOU ME.

>> [SHUDDERS] THAT TICKLES.

>> SORRY.

>> IT'S OK. THEY'VE ALWAYS

BEEN SENSITIVE.

>> WELL, THE DERMAL-NERVE

NETWORKS AND CONCENTRATIONS OF

TISSUE AROUND THE DUCTS, ALONG

WITH MINUTE HAIR FOLLICLES IN

THE AREOLA ITSELF ALL CONTRIBUTE

TO THE AREA'S HYPERSENSITIVITY.

WHICH IS A FANCY WAY OF SAYING

YOUR NIPPLES--OUR NIPPLES

WERE DESIGNED FOR PLEASURE.

>> WELL, YOU'VE NEVER WORN A BRA

BEFORE. HEH. THEY HAVE SEEN

THEIR SHARE OF PLEASURE OVER

THE YEARS. IT'LL BE A RELIEF

TO HAVE 'EM GONE.

>> SO YOU'RE REALLY NOT

INTERESTED IN SEX ANYMORE?

>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT IT ANYMORE, YOU REALIZE

HOW MUCH MORE THERE IS TO LIFE.

>> I THOUGHT BEING A NUDIST

WASN'T ABOUT HAVING SEX

ALL THE TIME.

>> IT'S NOT. I'M TALKING ABOUT

MY LIFE OUTSIDE THE FOLD.

>> REALLY? SO BETWEEN THAT AND

YOUR DATING LIFE, YOU BASICALLY

NEVER HAVE YOUR CLOTHES ON.

>> WELL, IT IS HOW GOD MADE US.

HEH. SOME BETTER THAN

OTHERS, HUH?

>> SORRY TO BE BLUNT, LOLA.

YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE.

>> * AND, LITTLE MAN...

>> YOU GO FOR THE MORE SHALLOW

AND SUPERFICIAL, THEN.

>> MM-HMM.

>> YOU POOR MAN. YOU HAVE

NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE MISSING,

DO YOU?

>> DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT WHAT

YOU'LL BE MISSING?

>> SEXWISE?

>> YEAH.

>> I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S

A BIG MYSTERY ANYMORE. 2 PEOPLE

KISS. TONGUES TOUCH. HANDS RUB

THE SAME PARTS. MAYBE THEY PINCH

AND GRAB. MAYBE THEY SMACK AN

ASS CHEEK OR TWO. SOMEONE GETS

HARD. SOMEONE GETS WET.

YOU TRADE SOME FLUIDS. THEN IT'S

ALL ABOUT THE IN AND THE OUT

AND THE UP AND THE DOWN. SOMEONE

SCREAMS, "OH, BABY, YES,"

OR, "OH, GOD, PLEASE," AND THEN

POOF. IT'S DONE.

>> NOW THAT YOU PUT IT LIKE

THAT, I GUESS I SEE YOUR POINT.

>> TRUST ME. I'M CELIBATE,

AND I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER.

>> THAT WAS THE BEST ORGASM

I'VE EVER HAD.

>> LIZ IS GONNA PUT YOU INTO

A TWILIGHT.

>> MMM. THAT SOUNDS DELIGHTFUL.

>> YEAH. AND NO SCARS.

I PROMISE. I'M GOOD AT THAT.

>> HMM. YOU'RE GOOD AT A LOT

OF THINGS. HEH HEH. I'D PUT YOU

IN THE TOP 6 OR 7 PERCENTILE.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

[BAND PLAYING LATIN MUSIC]

>> * FAT MAMA,

COME ON AND DANCE WITH ME,

BOOGALOO,

FAT MAMA,

COME ON AND DANCE WITH ME,

BOOGALOO,

FAT MAMA,

COME ON AND... *

>> JUST SAY IT. I'M A SCUMBAG

PUSSY-CRAZED DOG, AND I SHOULD

BE SHOT.

>> GET OVER YOURSELF.

I'M NOT YOUR PRIEST.

>> THIS WOMAN IS A FORCE OF

NATURE. YOU KNOW THAT? I MEAN,

SHE DON'T TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

>> YEAH. WELL, AS USUAL, YOU GOT

IT WRONG. I AM DELIGHTED.

>> WHAT, THAT I HAD SEX

WITH A FAT CHICK?

>> NO, BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T

GET TO HER.

>> * BOOGALOO,

FAT MAMA... *

>> YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> * COME ON AND DANCE

WITH ME... *

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU COULD TAKE

A PAGE OUT OF HER BOOK. SHE IS

LIVING PROOF THAT BEAUTY IS NOT

EVERYTHING. YOU KNOW WHAT I'M

SAYIN'? I MEAN, IT'S HOW YOU

FEEL ON THE INSIDE. RIGHT?

>> WAIT. YOU DO SOMETHIN'

SHITTY, AND THEN YOU RUB MY FACE

IN IT? AND BECAUSE I DON'T FALL

APART, YOU GIVE ME A LECTURE

ON WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?

YOU'RE AN IDIOT. YOU KNOW THAT.

>> HEH HEH HEH HEH.

SEND THESE TO PATHOLOGY.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I WAS OUT OF LINE.

>> YEAH. WELL, SAVE IT FOR

SOMEONE WHO CARES, THE OTHER

IDIOT, KIMBER. SHE ACTUALLY

BELIEVES THAT THE TWO OF YOU ARE

GONNA WALK INTO THE MONOGAMOUS

KEN-AND-BARBIE SUNSET TOGETHER.

GOD BLESS HER.

>> * YEAH, THANK YOU

>> [LAUGHS] OH, MY GOD.

SERIOUSLY? I-I'M GONNA

WET MYSELF. LOOK AT THIS.

HEH. FIBER.

HOODIA.

[BOTTLE FALLS]

APPETITE SUPPRESSANTS.

OH, YEAH. HERE. THIS IS MY

FAVORITE ONE. THIS SUCKS THE FAT

OUT OF THE FOOD AND THEN LEAKS

IT OUT OF YOUR COLON. I HAVE

BEEN KILLING MYSELF TO STAY

A SIZE ZERO WHILE YOU'RE OFF

DISCOVERING YOUR INNER

CHUBBY CHASER.

>> SHE WASN'T ALL THAT FAT.

>> OH, HONEY, I SAW HER.

YOU NEEDED MAPQUEST TO FIND

HER VAGINA, BUT WHAT YOU DON'T

UNDERSTAND IS THIS IS GREAT.

LIKE, I'M HAPPY. I CAN FINALLY

JUST RELAX. HEH. I MEAN, NOW I

KNOW WE'RE STILL GONNA BE HAVING

SEX WHEN WE'RE OLD AND FAT.

>> WHERE YOU GOIN'?

>> I'M GONNA GO RAID YOUR

FREEZER, BECAUSE I SWEAR I SAW

SOME CHERRY GARCIA IN THERE,

AND I'VE NEVER HAD IT.

[BRICK HOUSE BY

THE COMMODORES PLAYING]

>> * UNH

* UNH

>> COME ON, BABY. DIVE INTO

YOUR DIVA.

[SINGER WHISTLES]

>> TIMBER. HERE COMES KIMBER.

>> OHH! [GROANS]

>> OHH!

TO THE LEFT.

>> * SHE'S MIGHTY, MIGHTY...

>> THAT'S GOOD.

OHH. I'LL DO IT.

ARE YOU WATCHING?

>> * SHAKE IT DOWN,

SHAKE IT DOWN NOW,

SHAKE IT DOWN,

SHAKE IT DOWN NOW... *

>> WAIT. HOLD--HONEY, WAIT A

SECOND. I GOTTA STOP. I'M SORRY.

JUST STOP HERE FOR A SECOND.

I'M GONNA GET 2 SPOONS AND FUDGE

SAUCE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, OK?

>> OK.

>> JUST STAY RIGHT HERE. I'LL BE

RIGHT BACK. I PROMISE.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> * BRICK

>> FOUND IT. MMM. MM-HMM. WOW.

THIS IS REALLY GOOD. HERE.

I GOT YOU A SPOON. COME ON.

LET'S GET FAT. MMM.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

>> YOU TWO SEEM VERY

HAPPY TOGETHER.

>> HEH. OF COURSE. HE'S MY

FANTASY COME TRUE.

WOULDN'T YOU BE?

[MR. SANDMAN PLAYING]

>> * BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG,

BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG,

BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG,

BUNG,

BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG,

BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG,

BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG *

>> 10...

>> MR. SANDMAN *

>> 9...

>> * BRING ME A DREAM

>> * BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG

>> * MAKE HIM THE CUTEST

THAT I'VE EVER SEEN... *

>> HONEY, I'M HOME.

>> DARLING, LET ME GET THAT FOR

YOU. YOU'VE HAD A HARD DAY.

COME IN AND RELAX.

>> MMM. WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

>> AH.

>> * MR. SANDMAN...

>> I MADE YOUR FAVORITE,

ROAST CHICKEN.

>> [SIGHS]

>> * TO CALL MY OWN

>> * BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG

>> * PLEASE TURN ON

YOUR MAGIC BEAM... *

>> LEG OR BREAST TONIGHT, HONEY?

>> HOW 'BOUT BOTH?

>> OH, YOU'RE SO SILLY.

>> HEH.

>> * BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG,

BUNG, BUNG, BUNG, BUNG *

[INSTRUMENTAL MR. SANDMAN

PLAYING]

>> YOU OK?

>> HUH? OH, FINE. JUST TIRED.

>> OH, I UNDERSTAND. LET'S GO

TO BED.

>> NIGHT.

>> NIGHT.

>> YOUR HAND, IT'S SO SOFT.

>> IT'S MY NEW LOTION.

>> HONEY, WHAT IF WE PUSH

THE BEDS TOGETHER TONIGHT?

>> WE'VE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE.

SOMETHING WRONG, SEAN?

>> I WAS TALKING WITH CHRISTIAN

AT THE OFFICE TODAY, AND HE

MENTIONED SOMETHING TO ME ABOUT

BLOW JOBS, AND, WELL, IT SOUNDED

LIKE FUN.

>> YOU MEAN PUTTING YOUR PENIS

IN MY MOUTH? ISN'T THAT SEX?

>> NOT FROM WHAT I UNDERSTAND.

I THOUGHT WE SHOULD TRY IT.

>> [SIGHS] OK. AS LONG AS IT'S

NOT SEX.

I GUESS YOU SHOULD PULL DOWN

YOUR PANTS FIRST.

>> WHAT?

>> NO WONDER WE'VE NEVER DONE

THIS BEFORE. LOOK.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

>> ARE YOU OK?

>> I'M FINE.

I HOPE HE'S HAPPY.

SHE'S A PERFECT DOLL NOW.

>> HAVE YOU SEEN MY PATIENT?

>> UH, YEAH. I SAW WAY TOO MUCH.

SHE SAID HER STOMACH

WAS GRUMBLING.

>> OH. JESUS!

>> HEY.

>> YOU'RE GONNA BLIND SOMEONE.

>> DO YOU HAVE A PANINI PRESS?

'CAUSE I WOULD KILL FOR

A GRILLED HAM AND CHEESE.

>> AHH. THIS IS NOT YOUR

PERSONAL FEEDING TROUGH,

AND IT'S NOT ADAM & EVE EITHER.

HERE. PUT THIS ON UNTIL I FIND

YOU A TENT.

>> WELL, I'M S-SORRY. I JUST--

I'M SO USED TO BEING

IN THE BUFF.

>> YEAH, WELL, WE DON'T NEED

TO SEE YOUR FLABBY FLESH

AROUND HERE.

>> OH. I GUESS YOU THOUGHT YOU

WERE DREAMING WHEN WE HUMPED

LIKE BUNNIES IN YOUR EXAM ROOM.

>> BUNNIES? I REMEMBER RIDING

AN ELEPHANT AND GETTING STUCK

IN AN OVERGROWN BUSH.

>> OH. [SCOFFS] WHY WOULD I GIVE

A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK? YOU'RE

JUST A SHALLOW ASSHOLE WHO'S IN

DENIAL OF THE FACT THAT SOMEDAY

YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP AND BE FAT,

SAGGING, AND UGLY.

>> I AM AN ASSHOLE, AND MAYBE

ONE DAY I WILL WAKE UP FAT AND

SAGGY AND UGLY, BUT RIGHT NOW,

I AM EMBRACING BEAUTY. BEAUTY IS

HAPPINESS, BEAUTY IS POWER, AND

BEAUTY IS CONFIDENCE, AND DON'T

TELL ME YOU DON'T AGREE. IT'S

TIME TO GO BACK TO THE WATERING

HOLE, HUNGRY HIPPO. YOU ARE

CHECKIN' OUT. [CLEARS THROAT]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

>> YEAH.

>> YOU GOT A SEC?

>> YEAH. ACTUALLY, I WAS JUST

THINKING ABOUT COMING OVER

TO APOLOGIZE. UM, I WAS--I WAS

HARSH, AND--AND YOU DIDN'T

DESERVE IT, AND I HAD A--HEH.

A REALLY FUN TIME WITH YOU--

>> OK, ENOUGH. I LIKED YOU

BETTER WHEN YOU WERE HONEST.

>> YOU LIKE BEING CALLED

A HIPPO?

>> [SIGHS] IT WAS INTERESTING,

BRACING, AND IT, UH--IT MADE ME

SEE SOMETHING. [SIGHS]

I SCREWED UP.

>> WHY?

>> WELL, HALF THE BATTLE WAS

SELF-ACCEPTANCE, IS ACTING AS IF

YOU FEEL IT EVEN WHEN YOU DON'T.

I'VE BECOME A REALLY GOOD

ACTRESS. [SIGHS] I HAVE ALL THE

RIGHT WORDS AND THE RIGHT MOVES,

AND IT WORKS MOST OF THE TIME.

BUT EVERY NOW AND THEN, I WANNA

CRAWL AWAY AND HIDE. LIKE WHEN

I GET A BAD CRUSH ON A GUY AND

I KNOW I'M NEVER GONNA BE IN

THE RUNNING. THAT'S WHEN I DO

SOMETHING BOLD AND DEFIANT.

>> LIKE WALKING AROUND

THE OFFICE NAKED?

>> YEAH. LOOK, I AM NOT STUPID,

AND I'M NOT BLIND. I'M JUST

A GORGEOUS, SEXY WOMAN WHO'S

TRAPPED IN A FAT BODY. AND I WAS

RAISED TO THINK THAT IT'S A SIN

TO LOVE MYSELF ANY OTHER WAY

BUT THE WAY I AM.

>> PLEASE. YOU'RE NOT GONNA TURN

INTO SOME SELF-HATING PERSON

NOW, ARE YOU?

>> I WANNA KNOW WHAT IT FEELS

LIKE NOT TO PRETEND I DON'T CARE

ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK. I'M

TIRED OF WORKING SO HARD AT THIS

SELF-ACCEPTANCE THING.

SO BE HONEST WITH ME. HEH.

WH-WHAT WILL IT TAKE, LIPO OR

A TUMMY TUCK?

>> BOTH.

>> OK.

>> DIDN'T THINK YOU'D BE OUT

OF BED SO SOON.

>> OH. LOOK. I'VE NEVER BEEN

ABLE TO DO THIS BEFORE.

NO MORE GUMDROPS. SMOOTH,

JUST LIKE BARBIE NOW.

>> WANNA HAVE A SEAT ON THE BED?

I'LL CHECK THOSE STITCHES.

>> YOU DID SUCH GREAT WORK.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR SKIP TO SEE

THEM. HE'S GONNA LOVE THEM.

>> YEAH.

>> WHAT'S WRONG? I DIDN'T PULL

A STITCH OR ANYTHING, DID--

>> NO, NO, NO. THE SURGERY'S

FINE. IT'S JUST, UH...

>> WHAT?

>> OH, SPENT MY WHOLE CAREER

TRYING TO MAKE WOMEN'S BREASTS

LOOK MORE ATTRACTIVE, YOUTHFUL

SO THEIR HUSBANDS OR BOYFRIENDS

WILL NOTICE THEM AGAIN, AND HERE

YOU ARE WITH THIS PERFECT

NATURAL SET. YOU'RE HAPPY

BECAUSE I'VE COMPLETELY

DESEXUALIZED YOU.

>> IT'S OK IF YOU DON'T

UNDERSTAND. MOST PEOPLE DON'T.

>> BUT I THINK I DO UNDERSTAND,

AND I THINK IT'S VERY SAD.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

>> I HAD A MOMENT WHERE

I IMAGINED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE

TO GIVE UP SEX, TO HAVE THAT

KIND OF RELATIONSHIP WHERE YOU

DON'T TOUCH EACH OTHER, AND IT--

>> IT WHAT?

>> IT ISN'T NATURAL. I MEAN,

YOU'RE NOT JUST DENYING THE ACT

OF SEX. YOU'RE DENYING INTIMACY,

PASSION--

>> SKIP AND I ARE INTIMATE.

WE JUST CHOOSE NOT TO BE

PHYSICAL ABOUT IT.

>> BUT HOW CAN YOU CHOOSE

TO GIVE UP THAT FEELING YOU GET

WHEN YOUR SKIN MAKES CONTACT

WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S AND THAT

CHARGE JUST RUNS THROUGH YOUR

WHOLE BODY, LIKE EVERY NERVE

INSIDE YOU JUST CAUGHT FIRE? I

MEAN, THE WAY YOU DESCRIBED IT,

HANDS GRABBING, SMACKING, THAT'S

ABOUT PASSION, FIRE. WHEN YOU'RE

NOT TRYING TO CATCH YOUR BREATH,

YOU ARE TRYING TO INHALE SOMEONE

ELSE'S. AND IT'S COMPLICATED,

IT'S MESSY, AND I SAY EVERY

MINUTE OF PLEASURE IS WORTH

THE PAIN IT MIGHT BRING LATER,

BECAUSE NOTHING ON THIS EARTH

CAN MAKE 2 PEOPLE FEEL

THAT GOOD.

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

>> LIZZIE, WOULD YOU GIVE ME

A BREAK? LOLA CAME TO ME AND

ASKED ME FOR LIPO.

>> YOU REDUCED A STRONG, PROUD

WOMAN INTO A SELF-LOATHING

WALLFLOWER.

>> NO, I DID NOT. ALL I DID

WAS HELP HER OPEN HER EYES--

>> YOU DIDN'T HELP HER OUT,

CHRISTIAN. YOU BROKE HER WILL.

>> I DID NOT.

>> AND WHY? ALL BECAUSE YOU'RE

NOT MAN ENOUGH TO ADMIT THAT YOU

HAD A MIND-BOGGLING ORGASM WITH

A FAT GIRL. AND YOU DISCOVERED

SOMEONE WHO HAS BEAUTY ON THE

INSIDE, AND IT SCARED YOU.

AND WHY? BECAUSE YOU, UNDERNEATH

THAT SHELL, THAT HANDSOME SHELL,

IS NOTHING, AND THE ONLY THING

YOU CAN DO TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL

BETTER IS PULL PEOPLE DOWN INTO

YOUR OWN PERSONAL LITTLE HELL.

>> OK, YOU FEEL BETTER?

>> YEAH, I FEEL BETTER.

>> GOOD.

>> AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

EVEN BETTER YET, I'M NOT DOIN'

THE SURGERY.

>> HI, LIZ.

>> HEY, JACK.

>> LIZ.

>> HI, JAVIER.

>> LIZ.

>> HI. HI, KYLE.

>> LIZZIE'S THROWIN' ANOTHER

FIT. WE NEED TO FIND ANOTHER

REPLACEMENT.

>> WHAT'S GOING ON?

>> NOTHING. IT'S GONNA BE FINE.

DON'T YOU WORRY.

>> LOLA.

>> OH. HEY, GUYS. WHAT ARE YOU

DOIN' HERE?

>> SAVIN' YOUR BEAUTIFUL ASS.

TAKE THAT GOWN OFF, BECAUSE

WE'RE TAKIN' YOU OUT OF HERE.

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

HERE? YOU CAN'T COME IN HERE.

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

>> ALL RIGHT, YOU PUT

THE SCALPEL DOWN, AND NOBODY

GETS HURT.

>> PFFT. WHAT, YOU'RE

KIDNAPPING HER?

>> PLASTIC SURGERY STEALS

A PERSON'S HUMANITY.

>> LOOK, FELLAS, I--I JUST

WANNA SHED A FEW POUNDS.

>> WE WON'T LET YOU DO THIS.

WE LOVE YOU EXACTLY THE WAY

YOU ARE.

>> HEY, IF YOU WANNA KEEP

IGNORING THE WORLD WE LIVE IN,

BE MY GUEST.

[DROPS SCALPEL]

>> HEH. YEAH. [LAUGHS]

>> THAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN

US, DOCTOR. WE DON'T LIVE

IN YOUR WORLD. WE LIVE

SOMEPLACE HAPPIER.

[MEN WHISTLING

BABY ELEPHANT WALK]

>> I'M SORRY.

>> ARE YOU SURE THEY NEVER MAKE

ANY MISTAKES ON THESE BIOPSIES?

>> LOOK, IT'S NOT A DEATH

SENTENCE. WE CAN REMOVE

THE TUMOR, GET RID OF ALL

THE TISSUE SURROUNDING IT

SO THAT THE MELANOMA CELLS

ARE GONE. WE CAN DO CHEMO,

FOLLOWED BY RADIATION.

>> WE?

>> YOU CAN BEAT THIS. I DID.

>> CHEMO.

WELL, THAT COULD BE THE BEST

DIET EVER, RIGHT?

I'LL BE A THIN GIRL YET.

MY MOTHER WILL BE SO PROUD.

BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE,

SCARRED AND CANCEROUS

ON THE INSIDE.

>> LOLA, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BEAUTIFUL,

CANCER OR NO CANCER.

[SCOFFS]

[TOILET FLUSHING]

>> [GAGGING]

[VOMITING]

>> YOU'RE PATHETIC.

>> I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA

BE HOME SO SOON. YOU WEREN'T

SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT.

>> YEAH. WELL, I DID.

>> I CAN CLEAN UP AFTER MYSELF.

>> NO, NO, NO. IT'S FINE. IT'LL

STOP ME FROM STRANGLING YOU.

>> I JUST WANTED TO TRY SOME

OF THE THINGS THAT I'VE ALWAYS

BEEN AFRAID TO EAT.

>> DON'T TELL ME IT'S THE FIRST

TIME YOU'VE SHOVED YOUR FINGERS

DOWN YOUR THROAT.

>> NO, IT'S NOT, BUT IT'S

THE FIRST TIME I'VE HAD

PEPPERONI PIZZA IN--

>> LISTEN, JUST EXPLAIN

SOMETHING TO ME. IS THIS LITTLE

EXPERIMENT OVER OR NOT? OK.

BECAUSE I DON'T DO FAT, AND I

DON'T DO WHATEVER THE HELL IT

WAS I-IN THERE WHEN YOU WERE

THROWIN' UP, ALL RIGHT,

EACH NIGHT I COME HOME.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

>> YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS

IN THERE, I WAS THINKING THAT

I TRULY HATE MYSELF, AND IT'S

THE REASON WHY I ALWAYS GO BACK

TO YOU, CHRISTIAN, IS BECAUSE

YOU HATE ME THE BEST,

AND FOR SOME REASON, IT JUST

FEELS RIGHT.

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKIN'

ABOUT? GO BRUSH YOUR TEETH.

GET SOME MINTS.

>> I HAVE. LOOK AT ME. AHEM.

TURN AROUND AND LOOK AT ME. WHY

ARE YOU WITH ME, CHRISTIAN? YOU

THINK I'M STUPID. YOU THINK I'M

A SLUT. YOU THINK I'M PATHETIC.

IT'S SO CLEAR TO ME NOW.

YOU HATE YOURSELF LIKE I DO,

AND THAT'S WHY YOU ALWAYS

COME BACK TO ME, BECAUSE YOU

THINK I AM ALL YOU DESERVE.

>> YOU WERE WRONG ABOUT

THE STUPID PART. THAT WAS

PRETTY SMART.

NOW GO GET DRESSED.

I NEED SOME DINNER.

>> SO WE'LL PUT THAT ON THE

BOOKS AND SEE YOU NEXT WEEK,

AND, AGAIN, THANK YOU FOR

UNDERSTANDING ABOUT THAT SILLY

LITTLE OFFICE PRANK.

>> YES. WELL, NOW THAT I'VE MET

YOU, I CAN SEE YOU'RE NOT

THE TYPE TO ENGAGE IN THAT SORT

OF THING. BYE.

>> DR. McNAMARA, I NEED TO TALK

TO YOU.

>> SKIP. UH, I'M VERY BUSY RIGHT

NOW. IF YOU'D LIKE TO MAKE

AN APPOINTMENT--

>> TRACY TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED.

>> UM, LET'S STEP INTO

MY OFFICE.

>> I'M NOT UPSET. IN FACT, I'M--

I COULDN'T BE MORE RELIEVED,

AND I WANTED TO THANK YOU.

>> THANK ME?

>> YEAH. IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN

TO ONE OF US SOONER OR LATER,

AND I'M GLAD IT FINALLY DID,

'CAUSE I-IT HELPED ME TO FINALLY

DEAL WITH WHO I REALLY AM.

>> YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT

TO PRETEND THAT YOU'RE

A DOLL ANYMORE?

>> NO. NO, NO, I STILL SEE

MYSELF AS A MODEL OF KEN. NO,

I--I MEANT THAT I CAN FINALLY

ADMIT THAT I'M GAY. JOE, WOULD

YOU LIKE TO MEET THE DOCTOR?

>> NICE TO MEET YOU, SIR.

>> JOE'S BEEN A DON'T ASK,

DON'T TELL MEMBER OF THE ARMY

SINCE '97 AND AN AVID

DOLL ENTHUSIAST LIKE MYSELF.

>> SKIP AND I HAVE KNOWN EACH

OTHER FOR YEARS. ONLY, WE COULD

NEVER ADMIT HOW WE REALLY FELT.

>> NOW THAT WE'RE TOGETHER,

WE'RE GONNA EXPLORE THE NEW

POSTMODERN VERSION OF A REAL

RELATIONSHIP, ONE THAT

MAKES SENSE FOR US.

>> MM-HMM. YOU MEAN, BETWEEN KEN

AND G.I. JOE?

>> SEE? I TOLD YOU HE'D GET IT.

>> DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE HERE

TO HAVE YOUR NIPPLES REMOVED.

>> NO, NO, NO. CALF IMPLANTS.

>> ANATOMICALLY CORRECT IS

OUR MOTTO.

[SOFT JAZZ MR. SANDMAN PLAYING]

>> HERE WE ARE.

>> * MR. SANDMAN...

>> WOW.

NICE PAD.

>> YOU LIKE IT?

>> YOU REALLY LIVE THE LIFE,

HUH?

>> YOU WANT SOMETHIN' TO DRINK?

>> I WOULD LOVE A DRINK.

>> HEY. HI, SEAN.

>> UH, THAT'S KIMBER.

>> LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE HAVING FUN.

>> OH, YEAH. SOMEONE BACK

THERE'S GETTING A LITTLE HUNGRY.

>> * AND TELL THE STARS

MY LONELY NIGHTS... *

>> HEY, SEAN.

>> * ARE OVER,

TELL HIM... *

>> TRACY, WHAT ARE YOU

DOIN' HERE?

>> I LOVE YOUR MALIBU BEACH

HOUSE. COULD USE SOME COLOR,

BUT IT'S REALLY QUITE LOVELY.

>> I'M SORRY ABOUT SKIP.

>> HEH. NO, YOU'RE NOT. NEITHER

AM I. I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE

I COULDN'T SEE WHO HE REALLY

WAS, EVEN WITH ALL THE PINK

CARDIGANS AND PERFECT HAIR.

>> * BRING ME A DREAM

>> HEH. KIMMY, WON'T ALL THAT

SUGAR MAKE ME FAT?

>> OH, GOD, NO. THIS IS FOR

CHRISTIAN, BUT I'M GONNA GET YOU

SOME ICE CUBES.

>> I DON'T HAVE ANY NIPPLES.

>> WELL, YOU HAVE A LOT TO

LEARN. THE BODY HAS THOUSANDS

OF SENSITIVE SPOTS, AND WE'RE

JUST GONNA HAVE TO WORK TO FIND

YOURS. STRAWBERRIES.

>> COME ON, LADIES. LADIES,

COME ON. GABFEST IS OVER.

SEANY, HOW'S IT HANGIN', BABY?

YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, LADIES.

READY TO GET BACK TO BUSINESS?

>> MM-HMM.

>> MMM. KEEP THOSE STRAWBERRIES

CHILLED. [CHUCKLES]

>> WHAT'S TRACY DOING HERE?

>> HEH. I'M SORRY, BUDDY, BUT 2

BARBIES ARE BETTER THAN ONE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

DON'T I KNOW YOU FROM SOMEWHERE?

>> I'M THE DELIVERY GIRL

FROM LAST WEEK.

>> I LOVE HOOKERS. RIGHT?

YOU CAN PAY 'EM TO BE WHOEVER

YOU WANT 'EM TO BE. HAVE FUN.

LADIES! HA HA HA!

>> WHO DO YOU WANT ME

TO BE, SEAN?

>> [SIGHS]

YOU KNOW, TONIGHT, I THINK YOU

SHOULD JUST BE YOURSELF.

>> MAYBE IT'S YOU WHO WANTS

TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE. I'VE DONE

IT THAT WAY, TOO, BEFORE.

>> OK.

>> GOOD.

>> * MR. SANDMAN,

MR. SANDMAN... *

>> SO, WHO DO YOU WANNA BE?

>> I DON'T KNOW. SOMEONE ELSE.

>> * ...A DREAM