Original subtitles

>> PREVIOUSLY, ON NIP/TUCK...

>> YOU´RE ONE OF THE MOST

RESPECTED PSYCHOLOGISTS

IN THE COUNTRY.

>> IT´S JUST A GOOD THING

I DIDN´T SACRIFICE MY CAREER

SO MY DAUGHTER COULD HAVE ONE.

>> IT´S KIMBER.

I´M IN LOVE WITH HER.

>> WHAT?

>> YOU SEEN KIMBER?

>> IT´S CUTE, HUH?

>> I GOT SHOT.

>> YOU GOT SHOT? HOW?

>> I WAS DESPERATE. I STARTED

ROBBING CONVENIENCE STORES.

>> I´M TAKING THE KIDS

TO A HOTEL.

>> YOU CAN´T JUST

TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME.

>> ONE DAY, YOU´LL SEE

THAT THIS IS FOR THE BEST.

>> TELL ME WHAT YOU DON´T LIKE

ABOUT YOURSELF.

>> ERICA, DON´T PSYCHOANALYZE

ME. JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE.

>> I´M REQUIRED TO SUBMIT

AN EVALUATION. THERE MUST BE

AN AWFUL LOT YOU DON´T LIKE

ABOUT YOURSELF FOR YOU

TO ATTEMPT SUICIDE.

>> I WASN´T ATTEMPTING SUICIDE.

[LAUGHING] I JUST--

I SWAM OUT TOO FAR.

>> NAKED.

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT,

1 1/2 MILES FROM THE SHORE,

CLINGING TO A BUOY. THAT´S

A HELL OF A MISCALCULATION.

>> I WENT FOR A NIGHT SWIM.

IT WAS COLD, BEAUTIFUL.

JUST ME AND THE WATER.

FELT LIKE I WAS ONE WITH

THE OCEAN, LIKE I WAS

INSIDE IT AND IT WAS INSIDE ME.

>> IF MY SON WERE IN JAIL

AND MY EX-WIFE WERE A LESBIAN,

MY DAUGHTER DINED ON HAIR

AND MY NEWLY MARRIED,

JUST MURDERED WIFE TURNED OUT

TO BE LUCRETIA PORTIA,

I´D TAKE THE PLUNGE MYSELF.

I´D BE CRAZY NOT TO.

SEAN, DON´T BULLSHIT

A BULLSHITTER.

I CAN´T GET YOU OUT OF THE PSYCH

WARD IF YOU DON´T LEVEL WITH ME.

>> THE IDEA THAT SOMEONE LIKE

TEDDY COULD BE IN LOVE WITH ME

WAS SO OVERWHELMING, I--I WAS

BLIND TO WHO SHE REALLY WAS,

AND I, UH, I WOUND UP

PUTTING MY KIDS AT RISK.

IT´S HARD TO FORGIVE YOURSELF

FOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

>> GO ON.

>> I WAS GONNA SWIM

UNTIL MY ARMS FELL OFF.

AND THEN, ABOUT A MILE OUT,

I, UH, HAD A CHANGE OF HEART.

SOMETHING INSIDE OF ME OPENED UP

AND I--I THOUGHT ABOUT HOW MUCH

I LOVE MY FAMILY.

SO, I FOUGHT.

I FOUGHT TO STAY ALIVE.

>> THANK YOU, SEAN.

>> SO, DID YOU DRIVE?

>> YES.

>> OH, GOOD.

SO, YOU CAN GIVE ME

A RIDE BACK TO MALIBU.

>> OH, NO, SEAN, I CAN´T.

THE POLICY IS VERY CLEAR.

YOU ATTEMPTED TO COMMIT SUICIDE

WITHIN THE LAST 48 HOURS.

I CAN´T AUTHORIZE YOUR RELEASE.

IT WOULD BE PROFESSIONALLY

IRRESPONSIBLE.

♫ MAKE ME,

THE PERFECT SOUL

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIE ♫

>> HEY, BUD.

YOU GOT A SEC?

I WANNA GET YOUR OPINION

ON SOMETHING.

HEY, UH, I´M REALLY SORRY

TO HEAR ABOUT SEAN.

GOD, YOU THINK YOU KNOW

SOMEONE, AND THEN--

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT, MIKE?

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?

IS IT BIG ENOUGH?

5 CARATS.

COST A QUARTER OF A MILL.

[SCOFFS]

YEAH, SHE´S GONNA

GO CRAZY FOR IT.

>> DON´T YOU THINK

IT´S A LITTLE SOON TO BE

ASKING KIMBER TO MARRY YOU? HMM?

YOU´VE BEEN DATING FOR WHAT?

3 MONTHS?

>> WELL, WHEN YOU KNOW,

YOU KNOW. KIMBER AND I

ARE SOUL MATES.

[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]

>> YOU THINK THIS IS SOME KIND

OF COMPETITION.

>> NOT REALLY.

SHE´S MINE.

>> WHY DON´T YOU GET THE HELL

OUT OF HERE, DROP YOUR KEY OFF

AT RECEPTION. I´M POPPING YOUR

SURGERY POD LIKE A WHITEHEAD.

>> NO PROBLEM.

YOU KNOW WHAT, CHRISTIAN?

YOU´RE AN ASSHOLE.

BUT I REALLY DO HOPE SEAN GETS

BETTER SOON.

>> I´LL TELL YOU WHAT´S CRAZY.

JULIA CALLING HER MOTHER

AND THINKING THAT BITCH WOULD

EVER LIFT A FINGER TO HELP ME.

>> NOW, JUST RELAX, ALL RIGHT?

IT´S OVER. YOU´RE OUT.

>> WHAT´D YOU TELL THEM, ANYWAY?

>> THAT I TRIED TO DISCOURAGE

YOU FROM TRAINING AT NIGHT

WITHOUT A CERTIFIED ESCORT BOAT,

BUT NOTHING COULD STOP YOU FROM

PURSUING YOUR DREAM OF, ONE DAY,

SWIMMING THE ENGLISH CHANNEL.

>> THEY BELIEVED I WAS

A COMPETITIVE SWIMMER?

>> AND THEY THOUGHT YOU WERE

DELUSIONAL, BUT THEY CAN´T KEEP

YOU FOR LONGER THAN 24 HOURS.

>> WHY ARE WE STOPPING HERE?

>> WHILE YOU WERE IN THE CAN

WITH ALL THE OTHER NUT CASES,

MIKE PROPOSED TO KIMBER.

SO, I HAVE A HANKERING

FOR A COLD SCOTCH

AND A HOT SANDWICH.

>> SHE SAY "YES?"

>> WHO GIVES A SHIT?

JUST HAVE A DRINK WITH ME.

YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE SNAKE

PIT YOURSELF. DON´T TELL ME

YOU DON´T NEED ONE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? SOME OTHER

TIME. I HAVE A FEW THINGS I NEED

TO TALK OVER WITH JULIA.

>> JUST HOW FAR WERE YOU

PLANNING ON SWIMMING?

>> CHANGED MY MIND.

THAT´S ALL THAT MATTERS NOW.

I SUDDENLY THOUGHT,

WHAT IF THERE ARE OTHER

POSSIBILITIES?

>> WE CONSULT EACH OTHER

ON EVERYTHING.

RIGHT?

WHAT YOU DID WAS STUPID

AND SELFISH. IF YOU EVER

DO IT AGAIN, I´LL KILL YOU.

>> I´LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

>> ALL RIGHT.

[CAR HORN HONKING]

AHEM.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[PIANO PLAYING]

>> AHEM.

CAN I GET ANOTHER DRINK, PLEASE?

>> SURE.

I JUST NEED YOUR CELL PHONE

AND CAR KEYS.

I´M AN EXPERT AT READING PEOPLE,

AND YOU´RE ABOUT 5 MINUTES

FROM CALLING HER OR JUST

DRIVING OVER,

AND EITHER WAY,

SOMEONE´S GONNA GET HURT.

>> YOU KNOW, IF YOU´RE TRYING

TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER,

IT´S, UH, IT´S NOT WORKING.

>> I THOUGHT THAT WAS

THE VODKA´S JOB, NOT MINE.

>> SO, YOU´RE A REAL BITCH, HUH?

>> YEP.

AND YOU STRIKE ME AS

THE KIND OF GUY WHO ATTRACTS

THAT SORT OF THING.

WHAT´S YOUR NAME, HANDSOME?

>> MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN.

>> CHRISTIAN.

I´M ALEXIS.

I TELL YOU WHAT.

THIS ONE´S ON THE HOUSE

IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO DO

ANYTHING STUPID, AND,

IN RETURN, YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME

ALL THE GRITTY DETAILS.

OR IF YOU´D RATHER

WALLOW IN SELF-PITY,

I´LL PUT THAT ON YOUR TAB.

>> HER NAME IS KIMBER.

WE´VE KNOWN EACH OTHER

FOR A VERY LONG TIME,

WHAT SEEMS LIKE A LIFETIME.

STARTED OFF AS A ONE NIGHT STAND

AND JUST NEVER STOPPED.

>> THE SEX WAS THAT GOOD, HUH?

>> IT WAS UNBELIEVABLE.

AND I DON´T EVEN LIKE HER.

>> BUT YOU LOVE HER

AND THAT´S WHAT´S KILLING YOU.

I´M SORRY.

I KNOW WHAT THAT´S LIKE.

BUT AS I ALWAYS SAY, THE BEST

WAY OF GETTING OVER SOMEONE IS

TO GET ON TOP OF SOMEONE ELSE.

[PANTING]

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?

>> WHAT´D I DO?

>> OH, NOTHING.

YOU TASTE LIKE HONEY.

AND YOUR BODY´S LIKE DAVID

[INDISTINCT].

HOW COULD ANYONE LET YOU GO?

>> I´M A PLASTIC SURGEON.

>> OH, MY GOD.

NOW YOU´RE REALLY

BLOWING MY MIND.

>> OHH!

WELL...

IT´S TIME TO RETURN THE FAVOR.

>> I´VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.

[MOANING]

>> I´VE NEVER HAD SOMEONE ASK

FOR THAT ON A FIRST DATE BEFORE.

>> YOU HAVE TO GO.

>> WHY?

>> DO I HAVE TO SPELL IT OUT?

I WANT YOU TO LEAVE.

YOU HAD YOUR FUN.

I DON´T WANNA SPOON.

GOOD-BYE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

>> THIS BEATS THE HELL OUTTA

THE MEATLOAF I HAD LAST NIGHT.

I STILL DON´T KNOW

WHAT THEY PUT IN IT.

>> THANK YOU, SEAN. IT´S GOOD

TO KNOW THAT MY COOKING´S BETTER

THAN THE MENTAL INSTITUTION´S.

>> I WAS JUST TRYING TO BREAK

THE ICE.

>> DON´T.

I LIKE THE ICE. I WANT TO KEEP

THE FROZEN RIGHT WHERE IT IS.

>> HEY, BEAUTIFUL.

AWW.

>> HEY, SWEETIE, UM, DADDY

AND I HAVE SOME THINGS WE WANT

TO DISCUSS WITH GRANDMA.

CAN YOU GIVE US SOME PRIVACY?

THANKS. MWAH.

>> SEE YOU [INDISTINCT].

>> SO, SEAN,

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

>> JUST HOW LONG WOULD YOU HAVE

KEPT ME IN THAT PLACE?

>> WELL, LET´S NOT GO THERE.

>> OH, NO. I WANT

TO ANSWER HIS QUESTION.

I THINK YOU SHOULD STILL BE

UNDER PSYCHIATRIC SUPERVISION.

>> MAKE YOU FEEL POWERFUL,

ERICA?

HAVE CONTROL OVER ME?

HEH.

GOD KNOWS, YOU MANIPULATED

YOUR DAUGHTER HER WHOLE LIFE.

>> JULIA, YOUR DECISION

TO PLACATE THIS UNSTABLE MAN

AND ENDANGER THE CHILDREN IS,

QUITE FRANKLY, BAFFLING.

>> WELL, THIS UNSTABLE MAN

HAPPENS TO BE THEIR FATHER.

>> FATHER WHO´S WILLING TO LEAVE

HIS CHILDREN FATHERLESS.

HE´S A FATHER ONLY

IN THE BIOLOGICAL SENSE.

I´M PETITIONING

FOR CUSTODY OF THE CHILDREN.

>> YOU´D REALLY DO THAT?

YOU´D TAKE MY CHILDREN FROM ME?

>> YOU VENGEFUL BITCH.

I´D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY.

NOW, DON´T PAY ATTENTION TO HER.

SHE´S JUST DOING WHAT SHE ENJOYS

MOST--CAUSING YOU PAIN.

>> UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I´LL, UM, TAKE THE KIDS BACK

TO NEW YORK IF SEAN

CAN HAVE SUPERVISED VISITS.

>> WHY ARE YOU LETTING HER

INTIMIDATE YOU LIKE THIS?

>> BECAUSE SHE´S ONE

OF THE BEST CHILD ADVOCATES

IN THE COUNTRY, SEAN.

IF ERICA NOUGHTON SAYS A HOME

IS UNSUITABLE--OH, MY GOD, HOW

COULD YOU HAVE BEEN SO STUPID?

>> WELL, IN ALL FAIRNESS,

JULIA, YOU HAVEN´T EXACTLY

BEEN JUNE CLEAVER.

>> COME ON, JULIA.

SHE´S NEVER GONNA GET THE KIDS.

I MEAN, LOOK AT HER.

>> DON´T LET APPEARANCE

DECEIVE YOU.

LIKE THEY SAY,

YOU´RE AS YOUNG AS YOU FEEL.

AND I HAVE BEEN FEELING

REMARKABLY YOUTHFUL THESE DAYS.

>> WHATEVER HAPPENS

TO YOU IN THIS PLACE,

YOU MUSTN´T BE ASHAMED.

IT´S JUST THE WAY THINGS ARE.

>> REALLY? SO, YOU KNOW

THE WAY THINGS ARE IN HERE?

>> I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE NEITHER

THE MUSCLE MASS NOR THE GANG

AFFILIATIONS TO BE A PREDATOR,

AND IT´S NOT YOUR NATURE TO BE

A NILLY QUEEN, SO, IF YOU DON´T

WANT TO BE PASSED AROUND LIKE

A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, YOU HAD

BETTER FIND A PROTECTOR.

>> YOU WANT ME TO BECOME

SOMEBODY´S BITCH?

>> CLEANING A MAN´S CELL?

DOING HIS LAUNDRY?

SMALL PRICE TO PAY

FOR YOUR LIFE.

>> YOU´RE WRONG.

ONE IS ALL IT TAKES.

AFTER YOU GET TURNED OUT,

YOU LOSE YOUR STATUS AS A MAN

AND YOU CAN NEVER GET THAT BACK.

>> STATUS?

AMONG SAVAGES?

IT´S SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

IF YOU DON´T ADAPT,

YOU WON´T MAKE IT.

>> HOW´S MOM AND DAD?

>> THEY HAVEN´T COME HERE

TO SEE YOU?

>> NO, DAD CAME ONCE.

HE WAS HAVING

A REALLY HARD TIME.

THEN MOM--

I DON´T WANT HER

TO SEE ME THIS WAY.

SHE TRIED TO COME,

BUT I WOULDN´T SEE HER.

>> SO, ONCE AGAIN,

IT´S ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS?

MATT, YOUR PARENTS ARE TOTALLY

SELF-ABSORBED. THEY SHOULD BE

HERE SUPPORTING YOU.

YOU ARE THE ONE IN HELL.

YOU´RE NOT THE ONE THAT LET THEM

DOWN. IT´S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.

DON´T YOU SEE THAT?

>> WELL, YEAH, I SUPPOSE

THEY COULD HAVE BEEN

THERE MORE. SURE.

>> THEY WERE TOO BUSY

ACTING OUT ON EACH OTHER

TO INSTILL A SENSE OF SELF

IN YOU. AND THEY´RE DOING

THE SAME THING TO CONNOR

AND ANNIE.

IF YOU WANT TO BE A REAL MAN,

STAND UP FOR YOUR BROTHER

AND SISTER. PROTECT THEM.

>> HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THAT?

>> YOU CAN HELP ME GET CUSTODY.

YOU WOULD KNOW BETTER THAN

ANYONE WHAT IT WILL COST THEM

IF THEY STAY WITH THEIR MOTHER

AND SEAN.

>> NO OFFENSE, BUT AREN´T YOU

A LITTLE OLD TO BE A MOM?

>> WELL.

[LAUGHING]

IT WASN´T PART

OF MY RETIREMENT PLAN.

BUT I CAN´T SIT OUT

AND WATCH THEM SINK

DEEPER INTO DYSFUNCTION.

>> HEY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THESE?

WHY NOT HAVE FRESH FLOWERS

DELIVERED, HUH?

THEY BRIGHTEN EVERYTHING UP,

DON´T THEY?

>> OH.

[SPIT]

WHAT THE HELL?

IT´S EXPIRED. WHAT?

>> RIGHT.

THAT´S ALL IT IS.

SOUR YOGURT.

YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT?

>> PFFT.

>> I MEAN, LOOK. IF WE´RE GONNA

WORK TOGETHER, THEN I THINK THAT

WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO TALK TO

EACH OTHER LIKE WE USED TO.

TALK TO ME.

>> I´M AFRAID I MIGHT

HURT YOUR FEELINGS AND I DON´T

WANT TO DO THAT ANYMORE.

>> YOU´RE NOT GOING

TO HURT MY FEELINGS.

AS A MATTER OF FACT,

I THINK IT MIGHT MAKE US FEEL,

YOU KNOW, LIKE--LIKE WE´RE

GETTING BACK TO NORMAL.

[CHRISTIAN SCOFFS]

[CHRISTIAN SIGHS]

>> I MET THIS WOMAN YESTERDAY.

GORGEOUS.

I MEAN, HOT BODY, HOT ASS.

WENT BACK TO HER PLACE

AND NAILED HER LIKE A--I MEAN,

INCREDIBLE SEX. I MEAN

RAW, NASTY, MEAN--BUT IN

A GOOD WAY--SEX. YOU KNOW?

THEN SHE ASKED ME TO TAKE HER IN

THE BACK DOOR, WHICH WAS GREAT.

[CHRISTIAN CHUCKLES]

ANYWAY, WE FINISHED AND, UH,

SHE KICKED ME OUT.

SO, WHAT´S THAT ABOUT?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU SHOULD HAVE TRUSTED

YOUR FIRST INSTINCT.

NEXT TIME, DON´T TELL ME.

[LIZ SIGHS]

>> HEY, HOW´S EVERYTHING

GOING WITH ERICA?

>> WELL, I JUST GOT A LETTER

FROM HER LAWYER.

SHE´S STARTED CUSTODY

PROCEEDINGS.

>> SEAN, THE WHOLE THING

IS RIDICULOUS. THERE´S NO WAY

SHE´S GONNA GET CUSTODY

OF THOSE KIDS, ALL RIGHT?

>> JULIA´S GONNA STAY OUT HERE

SO WE CAN FIGHT THIS TOGETHER.

WE GOT AN ATTORNEY, BUT I´M

GONNA HAVE TO SPEND AS MUCH TIME

WITH MY KIDS AS I CAN UNTIL THIS

GETS RESOLVED. CAN YOU GET MIKE

TO COVER FOR ME?

>> THAT´S GONNA BE A PROBLEM,

BECAUSE I JUST FIRED HIM.

>> I JUST SAW HIM

IN THE EXAM ROOM.

>> YEAH, HE´S CLEANING

HIS STUFF OUT.

>> WE´RE JUST GETTING BACK

ON OUR FEET HERE.

WITHOUT HIS HELP, WE´RE SCREWED.

YOU NEED TO GET HIM

TO STAY, CHRISTIAN.

WE NEED AS MUCH SUPPORT

AS WE CAN GET IF I´M GONNA BE

ABLE TO KEEP MY KIDS.

[CHRISTIAN SIGHS]

>> AHEM.

JUST LEAVE EVERYTHING

WHERE IT IS.

>> IT´S MY STUFF.

I TOLD YOU I WAS TAKING OUT

WHAT I BROUGHT IN.

>> YOU DON´T HAVE TO.

LEAVE, THAT IS.

I WENT THROUGH THE CONTRACT

WE SIGNED WHEN YOU FIRST

CAME ON BOARD, AND SINCE THERE´S

SOME SURGERIES ON THE BOOKS,

I´M HOLDING YOU ACCOUNTABLE.

>> SO, YOU´RE TRYING

TO GET ME TO STAY NOW?

>> NO, I´D RATHER YOU GO, BUT,

YOU KNOW, IT´S A LEGAL ISSUE.

>> SO, SUE ME.

>> LOOK, I´M SORRY.

>> NO, YOU LOOK.

I´M HAPPY TO GO.

AND NOW THAT I´VE BUILT UP

MY CLIENT LIST, MY FIANCEE AND I

ARE LOOKING FORWARD

TO STARTING MY NEW PRACTICE

IN BEVERLY HILLS.

>> YOUR FIANCEE?

>> YEAH, THAT´S RIGHT.

KIMBER ACCEPTED.

WEPT TEARS OF JOY.

HAPPIEST DAY OF HER LIFE.

NOW THAT IT´S OFFICIAL,

WE´RE ONLY GONNA GET BETTER.

>> ALEXIS.

WHAT A SURPRISE.

>> WHAT DO YOU THINK

SHE´S AFRAID OF?

>> HMM.

WELL, I THINK WE´RE ALL AFRAID

OF SOMETHING.

THAT´S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT IT.

AND IF YOU STICK AROUND FOR AN

HOUR, WE CAN GO OUT FOR A DRINK.

>> I HAVE TO BE

AT WORK IN AN HOUR.

>> OH.

>> AND, TRUTHFULLY, I´M HERE

FOR PROFESSIONAL REASONS.

NOT PERSONAL.

>> THIS ABOUT YOUR BREASTS?

´CAUSE I--I DIDN´T WANT TO SAY

ANYTHING, BUT YOU COULD

DEFINITELY GO A CUP BIGGER.

>> I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A SEX

CHANGE OPERATION.

I WANT TO BE A MAN.

[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]

>> I WAS THAT BAD, HUH?

I´M A LITTLE, UH, CONFUSED. UM,

I--I THOUGHT WE HAD A GOOD TIME.

>> WE DID.

THERE´S NO REASON

WHY WE CAN´T AGAIN.

I´LL STILL HAVE THE SAME LIPS,

THE SAME HOT ASS.

>> LET´S GET THIS CLEAR.

I--I´M NOT INTO MEN.

I´M INTO WOMEN.

BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, LIKE YOU.

>> ACTUALLY, I WAS BORN A MAN.

I HAD SEXUAL REASSIGNMENT

SURGERY WHEN I WAS 23.

AS A BOY,

I WAS ALWAYS SO PRETTY.

MY HAND GESTURES WERE FEMININE

AND IT ALWAYS SEEMED

LIKE I WAS SO MUCH MORE

OF A GIRL THAN A GUY.

IN HIGH SCHOOL,

I WASN´T ATTRACTED TO GIRLS.

I JUST WANTED

TO HANG OUT WITH THEM.

I HAD CRUSHES ON ALL

THE SAME GUYS THEY DID.

AND, FINALLY, IT WAS CLEAR.

I WAS A GIRL LIVING

IN A MALE BODY.

>> SO, WHY THE CHANGE OF HEART?

FORGET TO TAKE YOUR HORMONES?

>> I STILL LOVE MEN.

I STILL LOVE GLAMOUR,

AND I´D RATHER HANG OUT

WITH WOMEN, BUT I´VE COME

TO THE UNDERSTANDING

THAT I´M NOT A WOMAN.

I--I´M A GAY MAN.

>> SO YOU, UH, YOU TRICKED ME.

YOU´VE LIED TO ME AND PRETENDED

THAT YOU´RE A WOMAN.

>> I AM A WOMAN.

I PREFER TO BE A MAN.

HAVEN´T YOU EVER

HAD A CHANGE OF HEART?

IT´S NOT THE SAME AS CHANGING

ONE´S MIND. SOMETIMES,

WE DON´T HAVE THE CHOICE

ABOUT WHAT WE FEEL.

>> OH, COME ON. THAT´S

THE BIGGEST LINE OF TRANNY

BULLSHIT I´VE EVER HEARD.

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU´RE

SAYING. YOU´RE ASKING THE GUY

WHO, UH, A STRAIGHT MAN WHO

YOU--WHO YOU JUST ASKED TO...

[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]

TO GIVE YOU A SEX CHANGE.

>> SO, IN YOUR MIND, IF I BECOME

ALEX, YOU BECOME A FAG?

WHAT IF I STAY ALEXIS?

YOU´RE JUST SOME STRAIGHT GUY

THAT GOT DUPED?

>> NO, IN MY MIND,

IF YOU´RE ALEX, YOU´D HAVE

A BLOODY NOSE RIGHT NOW.

[ALEXIS SIGHS]

CAN YOU PLEASE

JUST LEAVE MY OFFICE?

I ASKED YOU TO LEAVE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

>> OH, WELL, THIS IS A SURPRISE.

>> CAN WE COME IN?

>> THAT DEPENDS.

ARE YOU UNARMED?

THIS IS JUST A RENTAL

WHILE I LOOK AROUND

FOR SOMETHING WITH A YARD.

>> PLEASE, MOTHER.

YOU´VE MADE YOUR POINT.

[JULIA SIGHS]

SO, UM, SEAN AND I HAVE BEEN

SO WRAPPED UP IN OUR OWN DIVORCE

DRAMA THAT, UM, WE FAILED

TO SEE THE EFFECT IT WAS HAVING

ON THE KIDS.

ANYWAY, I HAVE DECIDED TO MOVE

TO L.A. SO THAT THEY CAN HAVE

THE BENEFIT OF BOTH PARENTS

LIVING IN THE SAME CITY.

>> AND WE FOUND A REALLY GREAT

THERAPIST FOR ANNIE.

SHE´S AGREED TO GO TWICE A WEEK.

>> ANNIE´S GOING TO THERAPY.

>> YES.

SO, YOU CAN, UH, DROP ALL THIS

BULLSHIT ABOUT CUSTODY.

>> OH, BUT ANNIE´S NOT THE ONE

WHO TRIED TO KILL HERSELF.

ANNIE´S NOT THE ONE

THAT WANDERS FROM ONE CONFUSED

RELATIONSHIP TO ANOTHER,

CHANGING HER SELF IMAGE

AS FREQUENTLY AS SHE CHANGES

HER PANTIES.

IT´S YOU TWO WHO NEED

COUNSELING.

[JULIA SIGHS]

IF YOU CAN´T SEE THAT,

THEN YOU´RE MORE OUT OF TOUCH

WITH REALITY THAN I THOUGHT.

>> REALITY? MOTHER,

YOU´RE IN YOUR SIXTIES.

I MEAN, WHAT IF SOMETHING

HAPPENED? YOU HAD A STROKE.

>> OR DIE.

[DOOR CLOSES]

>> [SPEAKING ITALIAN]

RENALDO WILL BE DOWN

IN A MOMENT.

>> WHO?

>> RENALDO PANATIERI.

[SPEAKING ITALIAN]

>> [INDISTINCT]

>> [SPEAKING ITALIAN]

SEAN AND JULIA McNAMARA.

>> [SPEAKING ITALIAN]

BUT NOT AS BEAUTIFUL

AS YOUR MAMA.

>> [SPEAKING ITALIAN]

MMM.

>> MOTHER, WHO IS THIS MAN?

[ERICA SIGHS]

>> RENALDO IS MY HUSBAND.

JULIA, HE´LL BE SUCH

A WONDERFUL FATHER.

HE ALWAYS WANTED CHILDREN.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

>> HEY.

>> HEY.

>> LOOK AT YOU, HUH?

[INDISTINCT]

WE´RE GONNA HAVE SO MUCH FUN

TOGETHER, YOU AND ME.

YES.

[BABY CRYING]

THERE YOU GO.

HERE´S YOUR MONKEY.

>> BYE-BYE.

>> THANK YOU, MARIA.

BYE.

>> OK, THERE ARE 2 CHANGES OF

CLOTHES IN HERE FOR HER.

>> OK.

>> AND PLEASE DON´T FORGET HER

STRAWBERRY ALLERGY.

>> NO, NO, NO. DADDY KNOWS ALL

ABOUT HER. JUST ENJOY YOUR

EVENING OUT WITH MR. JOE 6 PACK.

>> YOU MEAN FIANCEE.

>> WHAT?

WOW! I DIDN´T KNOW THAT TARGET

WAS, UH, SELLING ENGAGEMENT

RINGS. THAT´S COOL.

>> THANKS.

>> NO, I´M SORRY. I JUST...

[CHRISTIAN SIGHS]

I´M IN A BIT OF A FUNK.

I´M--I´M HAPPY FOR YOU.

>> YOU? IN A FUNK? WHY?

>> I DON´T KNOW.

DESPERATE ENCOUNTERS WITH PEOPLE

WHO TURN OUT TO BE FREAKS IS

JUST NOT WORKING FOR ME ANYMORE.

>> ARE WE TALKING ABOUT

THE TRANNY?

[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]

HE, SHE, UM, RAN INTO MIKE

IN THE HALLWAY AFTER

YOUR UNFORTUNATE ENCOUNTER,

SO, MIKE AGREED TO DO

THE SURGERY FOR HER.

>> FINE.

LET HIM.

THAT HE-BITCH IS LUCKY

THAT I DIDN´T RIP HER--

HIS--FACE OFF.

>> CHRISTIAN, YOU,

OF ALL PEOPLE, SHOULD HAVE

A LITTLE MORE COMPASSION.

ANYTIME ANYTHING GOOD HAPPENS

TO YOU, WHETHER IT´S A GOOD

WOMAN OR AN OPPORTUNITY

TO DO SOMETHING GOOD,

YOU ALWAYS TURN IT AROUND

AND YOU MAKE IT ABOUT YOU.

[CHRISTIAN LAUGHS]

WHY DON´T YOU TRY TO GET OVER

THAT PETTY, MALE EGO OF YOURS

AND DO SOMETHING GOOD BECAUSE

IT´S GOOD FOR SOMEONE ELSE?

[CHRISTIAN SIGHS]

>> WHAT ABOUT

IF I GAVE YOU A RING?

>> WHAT?

>> BETTER THAN

THE ONE BEFORE, YOU KNOW?

WITH THE SAME KIND OF SENTIMENT

AND EMOTION?

>> CHRISTIAN, AHEM,

YOU DON´T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ME,

HONEY. YOU JUST HATE SEEING

ANOTHER MAN WITH ME.

>> NO, NO.

THAT´S NOT TRUE.

AND I CAN´T SEE YOU WITH THAT...

BIMBOY, BUT...

>> WELL, I LIKE MY RING,

AND IT CAME FROM MIKE´S HEART,

WHICH IS REALLY GOOD,

AND IT´S TRUE AND IT´S KIND.

AND I DON´T THINK YOU REALLY

HAVE ONE.

>> IT´S KINDA BURIED IN THERE.

BUT I DO HAVE ONE,

AND IT BELONGS TO YOU.

ALWAYS HAS.

[KIMBER SIGHS]

>> UM, AHEM, MAKE SURE YOU PUT

JENNA IN THE PURPLE AND WHITE

DOLCE AND FEED HER PROTEIN, NOT

SUGAR, FOR HER BREAKFAST, OK?

[RINGS DOORBELL]

>> [SPEAKING ITALIAN]

I WASN´T EXPECTING YOU.

>> MOTHER, COULD YOU CLOSE

YOUR ROBE, PLEASE?

>> FOR HEAVEN SAKE,

YOU´RE A LESBIAN, AREN´T YOU?

YOU MUST BE USED

TO THE SIGHT OF A NAKED WOMAN.

NOW.

WHY DID YOU COME HERE UNINVITED

AND WITHOUT A PHONE CALL TO SAY?

[JULIA SIGHS]

>> IT´S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE

I´VE SEEN YOU.

WITHOUT YOUR CLOTHES, I MEAN.

YOU´VE REALLY AGED.

>> NEVERTHELESS, RENALDO

AND I ARE FORNICATING LIKE

TWO SEX-STARVED TEENAGERS.

I GUESS LOVE MUST BE BLIND.

>> WELL, THERE´S NOTHING WRONG

WITH RENALDO´S EYES.

DID YOU SEE THE WAY

HE LOOKED AT ME? I THOUGHT

HE WAS GIVING ME A PHYSICAL.

>> GOD SAKE.

JULIA, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

>> UH.

I´M HERE TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE.

SEAN HAS PROMISED ME THAT

HE CAN TAKE 20 YEARS OFF

YOUR APPEARANCE, HEAD TO TOE,

AND YOU KNOW HE CAN DO IT, TOO.

>> MM-HMM.

>> YOU´RE HERE TO STRIKE

A DEAL, AREN´T YOU?

MY LOST YOUTH

FOR YOUR LOST CHILDREN.

>> THAT´S WHAT THIS IS ALL

ABOUT, ISN´T IT?

YOUR LOST YOUTH.

FROM THE DAY THAT MEN

BEGAN TO NOTICE ME,

YOU HAVE BEEN FILLED WITH RAGE.

YOU KNOW, SUDDENLY,

I HAD EVERYTHING YOU´D LOST.

BEAUTY, POWER, SEXUAL SUPREMACY.

NOW, I´M SORRY I FORCED YOU

TO FACE YOUR AGE AND YOU HAVE

NEVER FORGIVEN ME.

>> NOW, IF ONLY I COULD FORCE

YOU TO FACE YOURS.

[JULIA SIGHS]

I REMEMBER DRIVING

AN INTELLIGENT, CONFIDENT YOUNG

WOMAN TO COLLEGE.

NOW, SHE´S INDULGING

IN A PROLONGED ADOLESCENCE

AT HER CHILDREN´S EXPENSE.

>> YOU CAN´T STEAL MY LIFE

AND PRETEND THAT IT´S YOURS.

>> SEE YOURSELF OUT, WON´T YOU?

>> MOTHER, DON´T YOU WANT

A SECOND CHANCE?

YOU COULD LOOK 50 AGAIN.

>> NO, I DON´T THINK I´LL BE

HAVING ANY MORE PLASTIC SURGERY.

THAT´S THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT

RAISING CHILDREN.

THEY KEEP YOU YOUNG.

>> VODKA SODA, RIGHT?

[CHRISTIAN CHUCKLES]

YOU REMEMBERED.

I GUESS IT MUST BE A LITTLE

SURPRISING, SEEING ME HERE

AFTER EVERYTHING

I SAID TO YOU EARLIER.

I WAS A LITTLE HARSH,

AND THAT´S WHY I,

AHEM, I CAME TO APOLOGIZE.

>> I GUESS I CAN´T BLAME YOU.

NOT EVEN MY GYNECOLOGIST KNOWS.

>> WELL, IF YOUR SURGEON DID

SUCH A GREAT JOB, WHY DON´T YOU

JUST GO BACK TO GET

THE REVERSAL?

>> HE SAID THAT HE COULDN´T

POSSIBLY UNDO ALL THE HARD WORK

THAT HE´D DONE. IT´D BE LIKE

MICHELANGELO REPAINTING

THE SISTINE CHAPEL.

PLEASE.

MY BODY IS MY TEMPLE.

I CAN REPAINT IT ANY WAY I WANT.

>> AND HOW CAN YOU AFFORD

ALL THIS? THE SURGERIES

COST A FORTUNE,

NOT TO MENTION RECOVERY PERIOD.

>> TRUST FUND.

DADDY OWNED HOTELS.

I JUST WORK HERE TO KEEP BUSY.

>> MONEY ASIDE, ARE YOU

AWARE OF THE RISKS INVOLVED?

>> I´M ALREADY OFF HORMONES.

I MEAN, JUST TAKE OUT

MY IMPLANTS. I´LL CUT MY HAIR.

>> I KNOW YOU MORE THAN ANYBODY

ELSE SHOULD UNDERSTAND

THE COMPLICATIONS OF THIS KIND

OF SURGERY, BUT TO REVERSE

A VAGINALPLASTY AND TO REBUILD

A PENIS IS--IS VERY COMPLICATED.

OK? IT´S GONNA TAKE

A YEAR, AT LEAST.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE--

THE MICROSURGERY PROCEDURES

INVOLVED?

>> NO.

>> WELL, CAN I EXPLAIN IT

TO YOU?

>> OK.

[MACHINES BEEPING]

>> FIRST, WE SKETCH OUT THE SIZE

AND SHAPE OF YOUR NEW PENIS OVER

YOUR LATISSIMUS DORSI MUSCLE.

AFTER RAISING THAT FLAP OFF

YOUR RIBCAGE, WE ROLL IT UP

AND CREATE YOUR NEW PENIS.

COMPLICATIONS, HOWEVER, I MEAN,

COULD INCLUDE HEMATOMA, VASCULAR

THROMBOSIS, PARTIAL, OR EVEN

COMPLETE NECROSIS OF THE FLAP.

BUT AFTER PERFORMING

MICROSURGERY ON THE BLOOD

VESSELS AND THE NERVES,

WE WOULD REATTACH THE MEMBER

IN THE PELVIC REGION.

NOW, I´M ASSUMING

THAT YOU´D LIKE TO BE ABLE

TO PEE STANDING UP?

>> I GUESS.

>> WELL, IN THAT CASE,

WE´LL HAVE TO TAKE, UH, A GRAFT

FROM THE INSIDE OF YOUR MOUTH.

YOU´LL NEED TO WEAR A CATHETER

FOR 5 TO 7 DAYS. GO TO AN AFTER

CARE FACILITY FOR UP TO 5 DAYS.

THE RECOVERY PERIOD WOULD BE

3 TO 6 MONTHS, AT LEAST.

AND I WOULDN´T GO THROUGH

ANY OTHER PROCEDURES

UNTIL WE GOT THROUGH THAT.

>> I´M NOT SCARED AND I DON´T

CARE ABOUT THE RISKS.

IT´S NOTHING COMPARED

TO A LIFETIME OF LIVING

IN A BODY THAT DOESN´T

FEEL LIKE MINE ANYMORE.

>> WELL, IN THAT CASE,

YOU DEFINITELY DON´T WANT

MIKE HAMOUI PERFORMING

THIS KIND OF SURGERY.

HE´S NEVER EVEN ATTEMPTED

THIS TYPE OF THING BEFORE.

>> HE SEEMED SO SINCERE.

>> I KNOW, BUT THAT´S BECAUSE

HE´S TRYING TO REBUILD

HIS PRACTICE AFTER I FIRED HIM.

WHAT YOU NEED IS A--A SURGEON

WHO COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDS

THIS TYPE OF PROCEDURE.

>> OK.

>> THANKS FOR MEETING WITH ME.

>> YOU WERE SUPPOSED

TO BRING MY KIDS.

>> ACTUALLY, I´M SORRY. I LIED

ABOUT THAT. I THOUGHT YOU AND I

NEEDED TO TALK, MAN TO MAN.

>> WELL, I´VE GOT

NOTHING TO SAY TO YOU.

>> WELL, I GOT SOMETHING

TO SAY TO YOU, THEN.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT WE´D NEVER TRY TO STOP YOU

FROM BEING THEIR FATHER.

>> YOU COULDN´T STOP ME FROM

BEING THEIR FATHER IN A MILLION

YEARS. BUT WHEN I´M DONE,

I WILL STOP YOU FROM COMING

WITHIN 10 MILES OF THOSE KIDS.

THIS THING ISN´T OVER, ASSHOLE.

>> SEAN.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT IS OVER.

>> WHO DO YOU THINK

YOU ARE, ANYWAY?

YOU´RE JUST SOME GREASEBALL

PUNK.

>> NO, I JUST--

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING

WITH A WOMAN OLD ENOUGH

TO BE YOUR GRANDMOTHER, HUH?

WHAT IS YOUR ANGLE?

>> ALL I WANT IS TO BE A GOOD

FATHER TO ANNIE AND CONNER.

THAT´S ALL.

GIVE THEM SOMETHING THEY NEVER

HAD BEFORE.

A CHANCE TO BE HAPPY.

LOOK, MAN, WATCH OUT.

DON´T DO ANYTHING YOU MIGHT

REGRET.

>> LOOK, MAN. WATCH OUT.

DON´T DO ANYTHING YOU MIGHT

REGRET.

>> CLASSIC BORDERLINE BEHAVIOR.

>> THAT´S ENOUGH.

>> YOU MISSED THE PART,

RENALDO´S LYING ON THE GROUND

AND SEAN ACTUALLY SPITS ON HIM.

>> WELL, MOTHER, IT´S GONNA TAKE

MORE THAN THIS LITTLE VIDEO

STING TO GET CUSTODY.

>> YOU´RE QUITE RIGHT.

CHILD ENDANGERMENT MUST BE

SUBSTANTIATED BY A WITNESS

WHO CAN PROVE THAT THE PARENTS

FAILED TO PREVENT THEIR CHILD

FROM BECOMING A NEGLECTED CHILD,

AN ABUSED CHILD, OR A JUVENILE

DELINQUENT.

MATT TESTIFIED AGAINST US?

>> YES.

>> [EXHALES]

>> HE LOVES YOU, JULIA.

JUST DOESN´T WANT WHAT HAPPENED

TO HIM TO HAPPEN TO CONNER

AND ANNIE.

SOMEDAY, JULIA, YOU WILL

UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT I DID WAS

FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYONE.

>> AND ARE YOU, UM,

VIDEOTAPING THIS CONVERSATION

NOW?

>> NO, OF COURSE NOT.

>> GOOD.

>> BE SURE TO HAVE THE CHILDREN

READY AND THEIR THINGS PACKED

BY FRIDAY.

[DOOR SLAMS]

>> YOU LIKE THAT, BABY?

>> YEAH.

>> [MOANING]

>> [MOANING]

>> AH, HA HA.

WE ARE GONNA BE SO HAPPY

TOGETHER.

>> HMM.

>> I AM THE LUCKIEST GUY

IN THE WORLD. AND FYI--

I´M NOT GONNA BE LIKE ONE OF

THOSE MEN WHO DOESN´T LIKE

TO WEAR HIS WEDDING RING.

>> [CHUCKLES]

>> JUST SO YOU KNOW.

>> YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT,

IT REALLY DOESN´T MATTER TO ME.

>> NO, YOU DESERVE IT, KIMBER.

WHEN WE´RE NOT TOGETHER, I WANT

YOU TO FEEL SAFE.

AND LOVED.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TODAY,

HUH? I HAVE THE WHOLE DAY FREE.

WHAT ABOUT IF YOU AND JENNA

AND I, WE GO FOR A PICNIC?

>> YOU WANT TO GO FOR A PICNIC?

>> YEAH.

>> HA, YOU MEAN LIKE WITH, UM,

MOSQUITOES AND ANTS?

HONEY, THAT´S REALLY SWEET,

BUT ACTUALLY, SATURDAYS ARE MORE

OF A ME DAY. I KINDA LIKE TO DO

MY FACIALS, MY MANICURES

AND MY PEDICURES, OK?

HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW MY SCHEDULE

BY NOW?

>> OK. I CAN...LOOK AFTER JENNA,

FOR YOU. YOU KNOW, MY PRECIOUS

LITTLE STEP-DAUGHTER--

>> OK, OK, MIKE, I REALLY NEED

YOU TO STOP KISSING MY ASS, OK?

IT´S NOT THE WAY TO MAKE ME

HAPPY, OK? I JUST NEED YOU TO

BACK UP, AND...[SIGHS]

JUST LET ME COME TO YOU, OK?

>> SO YOU WANT ME TO BACK UP,

LIKE--LIKE HOW FAR?

LIKE ALL THE WAY TO TAKING

MY RING BACK?

>> WELL, NO! COME ON. I JUST

NEED A LITTLE BIT OF SPACE, OK?

AND THIS HAS BEEN A WHIRLWIND.

WELL, WHY DON´T I JUST CALL YOU

IN LIKE A WEEK? IS THAT OK?

>> I´LL CALL YOU.

>> TIE´S A LITTLE CROOKED.

>> THAT´S WHAT YOU WERE THINKING

ABOUT WHEN YOU WERE STARING AT

ME OVER THERE?

>> YOU´RE RIGHT. I WAS THINKING

YOU SHOULDN´T BE OUT OF BED

SO SOON AFTER SURGERY.

>> I´M SORRY.

I COULDN´T WAIT TO SEE MYSELF IN

A SUIT, IT´S BEEN SO LONG.

AND I DIDN´T WANT YOU TO SEE ME

FOR THE FIRST TIME, AGAIN,

IN SOME AWFUL PAPER GOWN.

NOT TOO FLATTERING.

>> NO.

CAN YOU UNDO THOSE PANTS FOR ME?

>> [UNZIPS PANTS]

>> LOOKS GOOD.

>> WHAT LITTLE THERE IS.

>> STATISTICALLY SPEAKING,

IT´S A LITTLE BELOW AVERAGE,

BUT, UM, I DID THE BEST

I COULD.

>> I KNOW. I WAS NEVER A SIZE

QUEEN ANYWAYS. AND IF THERE´S

ANYTHING THIS EXPERIENCE HAS

TAUGHT ME, IT´S THAT THE PENIS

DOES NOT MAKE THE MAN.

IT´S WHAT´S IN HERE.

AH, JESUS.

>> YOU´RE GONNA BE SORE FOR

A WHILE.

>> WHAT ABOUT NEXT WEEK?

I WANT TO TAKE YOU TO DINNER

AND THANK YOU.

>> NO.

YOU DON´T NEED TO DO THAT. AHEM.

>> IF THERE´S A BETTER WAY

I CAN GET YOU TO MY PLACE,

LET ME KNOW.

YOU´RE NOT INTERESTED.

>> HMM. THERE´S A LOT OF THINGS

I´VE HAD A CHANGE OF HEART ABOUT

IN MY LIFE, BUT BEING WITH

A GUY, DEFINITELY NOT

ONE OF THEM.

>> CHRISTIAN?

>> YEAH.

>> DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?

I NEED A LITTLE WORK DONE,

SURGICALLY SPEAKING.

>> AND YOU CAME TO ME, HUH?

HOW ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE FIANCE

OF YOURS, HUH? WHY DON´T YOU

HIT HIM UP?

>> BECAUSE, I NEED A TATTOO

REMOVED.