Original subtitles

Sean: TELL ME WHAT YOU DON'T

LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF.

Man: MY BROTHER WOULD LIKE A NEW

NOSE.

HE'S ALSO INTERESTED IN A NEW

JAW LINE.

HE HAS SEVERE ACNE SCARS, AS YOU

CAN SEE.

HE WOULD LIKE THOSE REMOVED,

PLEASE...AND MY BROTHER'S VERY

SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT HIS

HAIRLINE.

THE ROGAINE...

[WHISPERING] it didn't work.

Sean: I'M SORRY.

ALEJANDRO, IS IT?

Alejandro: YES.

Sean: I'M NOT COMFORTABLE HAVING

YOU SPEAK FOR YOUR BROTHER WHEN

HE'S THE ONE REQUESTING SUCH

EXTENSIVE SURGERY.

MR. PEREZ, MAYBE YOU COULD TALK

TO ME ABOUT--

Alejandro: MY BROTHER DOESN'T

SPEAK ENGLISH.

Sean: I'M SORRY.

I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH.

Alejandro: HA HA HA.

YOU LIVE IN MIAMI, AND YOU DON'T

SPEAK SPANISH?

TAKE A BERLITZ CLASS, MAN.

Liz: ASS IMPLANTS.

WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?

Sean: WE NEED TO SWITCH.

THERE'S A POTENTIAL PATIENT

IN MY OFFICE I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

FEEL HIM OUT.

SEE IF YOU SUSPECT B.D.D.

Christian: WILL DO, PARTNER.

Sean: YOU PUT THIS IN WRONG.

Christian: I'M SORRY?

Sean: THIS IMPLANT.

YOU PUT IT IN UPSIDE DOWN.

Christian: YOU SAVE MY ASS

AGAIN.

Liz: AND HERS.

Christian: YOU WANT TO TALK

ABOUT THE REAL REASON YOU

BREEZED INTO TOWN, AND DO ME

A FAVOR, MR. PEREZ, WHEN YOU

ANSWER, DROP THE NO HABLO

ENGLISH BULLSHIT.

IT DOESN'T ADD TO MY CONFUSION

ABOUT YOUR PREDICAMENT.

IT ONLY HIGHLIGHTS YOUR OWN.

I'M A DOCTOR.

WHAT YOU TELL ME DURING

CONSULTATION IS CONFIDENTIAL.

Mr. Perez: I PREFER TO LET

MY MONEY TALK.

Christian: NICE ALLIGATOR.

Mr. Perez: $20,000, ACCORDING TO

YOUR WEB SITE.

THAT'S YOUR FEE.

Christian: FUNNY, ISN'T IT?

[SNIFFS]

HOW CERTAIN THINGS FROM COLUMBIA

HAVE THAT PUNGENT AROMA THAT CAN

STINK UP A ROOM.

COFFEE, FOR INSTANCE, AND OF

COURSE, THERE IS THE CARTEL

MONEY.

Mr. Perez: I'M NOT COLOMBIAN.

MY BROTHER AND I,

WE ARE ARGENTINEAN.

Christian: MR. PEREZ, IF YOU

WERE ARGENTINEAN, I WOULDN'T

HAVE TO RECOMMEND PORCELAIN

VENEERS.

IT'S THE ONLY SOUTH AMERICAN

COUNTRY WITH FLUORIDE IN THE

WATER.

[CHUCKLES]

Christian: ONE LAST TIME,

WHY ARE YOU RUNNING?

Mr. Perez: I WAS WITH THE BOSS'

GIRL.

Christian: MR. PEREZ, YOU CAD.

[LAUGHS]

Christian: I'M STILL TRYING TO

GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS.

Christian: I DON'T THINK THIS

GUY'S GOT B.D.D.

HIS EXPECTATIONS AREN'T

UNREALISTIC.

HE DOESN'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE

TOM CRUISE OR ANYTHING.

HE'S JUST DIVORCED AND WANTS

A FRESH START.

SENOR PEREZ...

[WOMAN SINGING IN SPANISH]

Christian: SINGLE OR DOUBLES?

Woman: DOUBLES.

I'M MEETING MY BOYFRIEND.

Christian: CAN I BUY YOU

A DRINK?

Woman: I DON'T DRINK.

Christian: MAY I BUY YOU AN

APPETIZER?

Woman: I DON'T EAT.

I'M A MODEL.

Bartender: HOW ABOUT ONE

FOR THE ROAD?

Christian: NO, THANKS.

I HAVE TO OPERATE TOMORROW.

Woman: ARE YOU A DOCTOR?

Christian: PLASTIC SURGEON.

Missy Elliot: * IS IT WORTH IT?

LET ME WORK IT

I PUT MY THING DOWN,

FLIP IT AND REVERSE IT,

TI ESREVER DNA TI PILF,

NWOD GNIHT YM TUP,

TI ESREVER DNA TI PILF,

NWOD GNIHT YM TUP,

IF YOU GOT BIG

[ELEPHANT TRUMPETS]

LEMME SEARCH IT

TO FIND OUT HOW HARD

I GOTTA WORK YA,

TI ESREVER DNA TI PILF,

NWOD GNIHT YM TUP *

Julia, thinking: BREAD...

REMBRANDT TOOTHPASTE,

...MAYONNAISE...

WOLFGANG PUCK PIZZAS...

Missy: * PUT THE PUSSY ON YA

LIKE I TOLD YA,

GIMME ALL YOUR NUMBERS

SO I COULD PHONE YA *

Sean, thinking: I'M GONNA FIRE

THE GARDENER.

HEDGES IN FRONT ARE LOPSIDED.

LOOKS LIKE HE TRIMMED THEM

DRUNK.

HMM...

MAYBE JULIA SHOULD FIRE HIM.

SHE'S BETTER AT THAT SORT OF

THING.

Missy: * RA TA TA TA

TA TA TA TA TA TA,

SEX ME SO GOOD,

I SAY BLAH, BLAH, BLAH *

Julia: ARE YOU FINISHED, HONEY?

Christian: AAH! AAH! AAH!

Sean: YES.

Woman: TAKE ME BACK TO BED,

PRINCE CHARMING.

Christian: DON'T YOU HAVE A

BOYFRIEND YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN

LAST NIGHT'S DISAPPEARING ACT

TO?

Woman: OH, HE'S NOT A FIANCE OR

ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

HE'S JUST A BOUNCER AT LEVEL.

Christian: YOU KNOW, THERE ARE

ADVANTAGES TO HAVING A BOUNCER

BOYFRIEND.

YOU NEVER HAVE TO WAIT BEHIND A

VELVET ROPE.

Woman: PLEASE.

YOU THINK A GIRL LIKE ME HAS TO

WAIT?

LIKE LAST WEEKEND, MY GIRLS AND

I, WE WENT TO THAT NEW CLUB

RENDEZVOUS, AND THE CLUB OWNER

SAYS TO ME, "RIGHT THIS WAY,

10."

THE PERFECT 10.

THAT'S WHAT HE CALLS ME.

Christian: BOOKED ANY COVERS

YET?

Woman: I'M ONLY 21.

I GOT LOTS OF TIME.

Christian: ABSOLUTELY.

OF COURSE, IT TAKES A LOT OF

DISCIPLINE AND WORK TO GET

THERE, TO BE PERFECT, BUT, UH,

YOU FIX THE FLAWS, YOU COULD

ABSOLUTELY BE A 10.

Woman: WELL, WHAT AM I NOW?

Christian: YOU'RE AN 8.

Woman: AN 8?

OH...

Christian: YOU'RE ALSO 26.

YOU SHOULD HAVE WORN SUNSCREEN.

BUT WITH A LIGHT PEEL UNDER THE

EYES, YOU COULD LOOK...20.

EVEN SO, YOU'RE A VERY PRETTY

GIRL, KIMBER.

Kimber: I DON'T WANT TO BE

PRETTY.

I WANT TO BE BETTER.

I WANT TO BE PERFECT.

Kimber: I HAVEN'T BOOKED

ANYTHING IN 2 MONTHS.

TELL ME.

Christian: ALL RIGHT.

YOU GOT A LIPSTICK?

BEAUTY IS SYMMETRY.

YOUR RIGHT EYE IS HALF A

MILLIMETER HIGHER THAN

YOUR LEFT.

WE COULD PROBABLY FIX THAT

WITH A MALAR AUGMENTATION.

IT'S A CHEEKBONE ENHANCEMENT.

I GIVE YOU BOTOX HERE AND HERE.

THAT SHOULD PROVIDE A GOOD LIFT.

YOU IRISH?

Kimber: PART.

Christian: THAT EXPLAINS THE

SLIGHTLY FLAT BOXER NOSE.

WE COULD SHAVE THE CARTILAGE,

GIVE YOU THAT

CHRISTY TURLINGTON THING, AND

THE BREAST COULD GO ONE SIZE

BIGGER, A LOW "C," AND YOU COULD

FINISH OFF WITH SOME

ABDOMINAL...

COULD FINISH OFF WITH SOME

ABDOMINAL LIPO.

PRETTY MUCH.

THESE ARE YOUR PROBLEM AREAS.

Kimber: AM I REALLY THIS UGLY?

I WAS HOMECOMING QUEEN.

Christian: DON'T BE UPSET.

LET YOUR SHORTCOMINGS AND FLAWS

FUEL YOU.

LET THEM PUSH YOU FURTHER THAN

YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU COULD GO.

WHEN YOU STOP STRIVING FOR

PERFECTION, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE

DEAD.

Julia: HAVE YOU, UM...

NOTICED ANYTHING DIFFERENT?

Sean: MMM, LIKE WHAT?

Julia: I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S SILLY, BUT...

EVER SINCE I NURSED ANNIE,

I KIND OF FEEL THAT MY

BOOBS ARE DISAPPEARING.

DO YOU THINK I SHOULD CONSIDER

SOMETHING?

Sean: AREN'T YOU PAST ALL THAT

STUFF NOW?

Julia: UM, I FORGOT.

I SHOULD JUST CUT TO THE CHASE

AND HAVE MY UTERUS BRONZED.

Sean: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

LET ME SEE.

Woman: YOU'VE SEEN THEM.

Sean: OK, LET ME SEE.

LET ME JUST SEE. COME ON.

Julia: OK.

Sean: FOR YOUR AGE,

GRAVITATIONALLY, THEY'RE EXACTLY

WHERE THEY SHOULD BE.

Sean: BY THE WAY, I TOLD ANNIE

SHE COULD ADOPT THE GERBIL THAT

HER KINDERGARTEN TEACHER--

Julia: SEAN, DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME

LAST WEEK?

I SPECIFICALLY TOLD HER SHE

COULDN'T BRING IT HOME.

Sean: WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

IT'S NOT LIKE A PUPPY.

IT MAKES MESSES IN A CAGE.

Julia: IT'S STILL SHIT, SEAN,

AND THAT'S MORE SHIT FOR ME TO

CLEAN UP.

Sean: COME ON, JULES, IT'S NOT

LIKE YOU'RE MIA FARROW TENDING

TO 10 PARAPLEGIC KIDS WITH

POLIO.

YOU'VE GOT 2 AND A GERBIL AND

A MAID.

IT'S MANAGEABLE.

Sean: WHAT YOU READING, MATT?

Annie: DAD, YOU ASKED HIM THAT

SAME QUESTION 2 DAYS AGO.

MATT'S READING ABOUT ALLIGATORS

FOR HIS SCIENCE FAIR PROJECT ON

THE--WHAT IS IT AGAIN?

Matt: ON THE VANISHING

EVERGLADES ECOSYSTEM...

BUT OF COURSE, DAD ASKED ME THAT

SAME QUESTION 2 DAYS AGO, ANNIE,

BECAUSE DAD NEVER LISTENS TO

ANYTHING I SAY.

Sean: ALLIGATORS, HUH?

SOUNDS INTERESTING.

Annie: AND SCARY.

Matt: OH, YEAH, THEY ARE, LIKE,

DID YOU KNOW THAT AT THE TURN OF

THE CENTURY, SETTLERS DYING OF

STARVATION USED TO USE DEAD

HUMAN BODIES AS BAIT TO LURE

ALLIGATORS SO THEY COULD EAT

THEM, BUT THE FUNNY THING IS,

THE GATORS WOULDN'T BITE.

THEY'D ATTACK, AND THEN THEY'D

JUST SPIT THE BODIES OUT.

Annie: WELL, WHY WOULD THEY

SPIT THEM OUT?

Matt: TURNS OUT GATORS FIND THE

TASTE OF HUMAN FLESH SORT OF

BORING.

OH, BUT DID I TELL YOU

THAT ONE TIME, THE SETTLERS SAW

A WILD BOAR FALL INTO THE WATER,

AND THE GATORS WENT BERSERK.

IT TURNS OUT THAT PORK IS THE

GATORS' VERSION OF THE BIG MAC

OR SOME SHIT.

[CHOMPS]

Sean: THIS IS NOT APPROPRIATE

BREAKFAST CONVERSATION,

AND WATCH YOUR MOUTH.

[ANNIE SPEAKING SPANISH]

Sean: ANNIE, HONEY, I TOLD YOU

WHEN YOU'RE AROUND DADDY, PLEASE

DON'T SPEAK IN A FOREIGN

LANGUAGE DADDY DOESN'T

UNDERSTAND.

Julia: WE LIVE IN SOUTH FLORIDA,

SEAN.

ENGLISH IS THE FOREIGN LANGUAGE.

Rosa: GRACIAS.

n[OYE COMO VA

INSTRUMENTAL PLAYING]

Man: OH, GOOD MORNING TO YOU,

MR. SEAN.

ANYTHING EXTRA YOU'D LIKE DONE

TODAY?

Sean: NO, JULIO.

KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

Christian: GOD, IT IS BEAUTIFUL

OUT HERE, HUH?

Matt: OH, YEAH, IT'S, UH,

PERFECT WEATHER FOR SKIPPING

SCHOOL.

Christian: I WANT YOU BACK BY

THIRD PERIOD, MATTY.

WE AGREED.

HERE. I WROTE YOU A DOCTOR'S

EXCUSE.

Matt: THANKS.

HEY, LISTEN, AND THANKS FOR THE

MEDICAL CONSULTATION STUFF.

UH, WHEN CAN WE SCHEDULE

AN OPERATION?

Christian: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,

KILLER.

SLOW DOWN.

LIKE IT OR NOT, WE HAVE TO TALK

TO YOUR DAD ABOUT THIS.

YOU'RE UNDER 18.

HE HAS TO SIGN THE CONSENT FORM.

Matt: YEAH.

HE'LL NEVER GO FOR IT.

HE'S SUCH AN ASSHOLE.

Christian: HEY.

DON'T YOU CALL YOUR FATHER THAT.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU'VE

GOT IT.

Christian: BESIDES, YOUR DAD IS

NOT AN ASSHOLE.

ROBOTS CAN'T BE ASSHOLES.

Matt: YOU'RE GONNA LET ME DRIVE?

Christian: YEAH.

THAT WAY, I GET TO DRINK.

Woman: THIS IS MY JOEY LAST

YEAR.

HE MADE THE TENNIS TEAM.

Sean: AND AFTER THE ACCIDENT?

Woman: IT WAS NO ACCIDENT, OK?

Woman: I'M SORRY.

I'M STILL REELING, YOU KNOW?

Sean: CAN I SEE THE CURRENT

PICTURES, PLEASE?

Sean: HOW MANY GRAFTS HAS HE

BEEN THROUGH?

Woman: UH, WE HAD TO STOP AT 5.

HE NEEDS 3 MORE.

SHITTY H.M.O.

Sean: MS. MICHAELS, I'D LIKE TO

HELP, BUT--

Ms. Michaels: PLEASE DON'T

SAY NO.

CAN'T WE MAKE SOME KIND OF AN

ARRANGEMENT OR SOMETHING?

YOU KNOW, LIKE, UM, A LAYAWAY

PLAN OR SOMETHING?

Sean: MS. MICHAELS, IT'S NOT

THE MONEY.

IT'S THE TIME.

WE'RE BOOKED SOLID FOR THE NEXT

6 MONTHS.

Ms. Michaels: OH, I UNDERSTAND.

Ms. Michaels: IF I WANTED

SOMETHING SILLY OR STUPID, LIKE

A GODDAMN BOOB JOB, SOMETHING

YOU CAN MAKE A QUICK BUCK ON,

MAYBE YOU COULD SQUEEZE ME IN.

Sean: MS. MICHAELS, I'M GONNA

GIVE YOU THE NUMBER OF

DR. MICHAEL LEWENGAARD.

Ms. Michaels: SCREW YOU!

I ALREADY WENT TO HIM.

HE BLEW ME OFF, AND THEN HE

RECOMMENDED YOU, AND THAT' S

WHY I'M HERE.

Ms. Michaels: CONGRATULATIONS ON

YOUR FANCY EXPANSION, DOCTOR.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE DOING

REALLY GOOD FOR YOURSELF.

Ms. Michaels: AND THANK YOU FOR

YOUR PRECIOUS TIME.

Ms. Michaels: THE NEXT TIME

YOU'VE GOT SOME LITTLE SIZE 4

ON YOUR TABLE AND YOU'RE GIVING

HER LIPOSUCTION SHE REALLY

DOESN'T NEED, YOU THINK OF MY

JOEY AND WHAT YOU COULD HAVE

DONE FOR HIM.

SHAME ON YOU.

Sean: SO CHECK OUT THIS

BOMBSHELL.

WE'RE GETTING READY THIS

MORNING, AND JULIA TELLS ME SHE

WANTS HER BREASTS DONE.

Christian: IF YOU'RE THINKING

CONFLICT OF INTEREST, I'D LIKE

TO VOLUNTEER MY SERVICES.

Sean: STILL HAVE A CRUSH ON THE

MISSIS, DO WE?

Christian: FOR THE RECORD, I'D

LIKE IT TO SHOW THAT I DATED HER

FIRST AND PASSED OFF MY SLOPPY

SECONDS TO YOU.

Sean: SCREW YOU.

ONE DATE, AND SHE DIDN'T EVEN

LET YOU KISS HER.

SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO SMOOTH.

MY WIFE'S PERCEPTIVE.

Christian: YEAH, WELL,

YOU'RE NOT.

A LOT GOES ON IN YOUR FAMILY

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT.

IF MY SON WAS GETTING BRUTALLY

RAZZED AT SCHOOL, I'D HAVE

PICKED UP ON HIS CHANGED

BEHAVIOR.

Sean: MATT'S HAVING TROUBLE AT

SCHOOL, AND HE TOLD YOU THIS?

Christian: HE'S TORN UP.

I GUESS HE WAS SHOWERING IN GYM

AND SHIT AND SOME TOUGH GUYS

WERE LAUGHING AT HIM,

CALLING HIM "ANTEATER."

Sean: "ANTEATER"?

Christian: BASICALLY, HE'S

SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT HIS DICK,

AND HE WANTS A CIRCUMCISION.

Sean: HE DOESN'T NEED A

CIRCUMCISION.

THAT'S A VANITY OPERATION.

Christian: WE'RE IN THE VANITY

BUSINESS, SEAN.

IT'S WHAT WE DO.

APPEARANCE IS EVERYTHING TO

A KID.

IT'S HOW YOU FIT IN.

SNIP, SNIP, HE FEELS BETTER

ABOUT HIMSELF, AND YOU, SIR,

CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

HOW COOL IS FATHERHOOD?

Sean: I'M NOT DOING ANYTHING TO

MY SON'S PENIS OR MY WIFE'S

BREASTS.

I DON'T WANT MY FAMILY INFECTED

BY WHAT WE DO HERE.

Christian: AND WHAT IS IT

THAT WE DO HERE, SEAN,

OTHER THAN MAKE PEOPLE

FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEMSELVES?

Sean: WHAT WE DO HERE IS LET

PEOPLE EXTERNALIZE THE HATE THEY

FEEL ABOUT THEMSELVES, WHICH IS

WHY I WANT TO HIRE A FULL-TIME

PSYCHOLOGIST TO SCREEN PEOPLE

BETTER.

Christian: GREAT, AND LET'S DO

YOGA IN THE LOBBY.

Sean: SINCE BOTOX WENT WIDE,

IT'S LIKE A FACTORY IN HERE.

THERE'S NO DISCERNMENT, NO

CAUTION.

Christian: THIS IS A BUSINESS,

SEAN, A VERY GOOD BUSINESS THAT

IS ON THE VERGE OF SETTING US UP

FOR LIFE.

Sean: WELL, MAYBE I DON'T WANT

TO BE IN THIS BUSINESS ANYMORE.

Liz: HEY, BOYS, OUR PATIENT'S

COMFORTABLY IN TWILIGHT, READY

TO BE CARVED UP LIKE A CHRISTMAS

HAM.

Sean: LET'S DO IT.

[ROLLING STONES' PAINT IT BLACK

PLAYING]

* I SEE A RED DOOR, AND I WANT

IT PAINTED BLACK,

NO COLORS ANYMORE,

I WANT THEM TO TURN BLACK,

I SEE PEOPLE TURN THEIR HEADS

AND QUICKLY LOOK AWAY,

LIKE A NEWBORN BABY,

IT JUST HAPPENS EVERY DAY,

I LOOK INSIDE MYSELF AND SEE MY

HEART IS BLACK,

I SEE MY RED DOOR,

I MUST HAVE IT PAINTED BLACK,

MAYBE THEN I'LL FADE AWAY

AND NOT HAVE TO FACE THE FACTS,

IT'S NOT EASY FACING UP WHEN

YOUR WHOLE WORLD IS BLACK,

YEAH... *

Sean: YOU'RE SHAVING TOO DEEP.

Christian: IT'S FINE.

Sean: DO YOU WANT IT FINE, OR DO

YOU WANT IT PERFECT?

Sean: HE'S ON MORPHINE.

THERE'S NO PAIN.

HE'LL BE UP AND AROUND AT THE

HOSPITAL BY WEEK'S END.

TRANSPORT AMBULANCE JUST

ARRIVED.

YOU CAN RIDE WITH HIM TO DADE

COUNTY IF YOU WANT.

Alejandro: WHAT'S WITH THE MASK?

Sean: A NEW BREAKTHROUGH.

IT'S POLYURETHANE LINED WITH

PULSE MAGNETS.

THEY BRING CONSTANT REJUVENATING

BLOOD FLOW TO THE SURFACE

OF THE SKIN.

Alejandro: DR. SEAN, EXCUSE ME.

I FORGOT TO ASK.

DOES THE 300 GRAND COVER

EVERYTHING, OR IS THE HOSPITAL

STAY EXTRA?

Christian: WHAT'S UP?

Sean: WHERE'D YOU HIDE THE EXTRA

PEREZ MONEY?

Christian: YOU WANT TO PLAY

ACCOUNTANT, GO CHECK THE

GODDAMN CORPORATE ACCOUNT.

I'M PUTTING THAT MONEY BACK INTO

OUR COMPANY.

Sean: IT'S DRUG MONEY, ISN'T IT?

Christian: I DON'T KNOW.

I DIDN'T ASK.

NEITHER DID YOU.

Nurse: EXCUSE ME, DR. TROY?

Christian: YES?

Nurse: THE ARCHITECT IS HERE

TO SHOW YOU THE MARBLE SAMPLES

FOR THE STEAM ROOM.

Sean: STEAM ROOM?

OUR RECOVERY UNIT ADDITION NOW

HAS A MARBLE STEAM ROOM?!

I DIDN'T APPROVE THAT.

I WASN'T EVEN CONSULTED ON THAT.

THAT'S A RIDICULOUS, UNNECESSARY

EXPENDITURE.

Christian: YOU STAY OUT HERE

AND MORALIZE, SEAN.

I'D LOVE TO LISTEN,

BUT I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN.

Woman: HELLO.

Julia: HI.

Woman: MY DAUGHTER'S GETTING

MARRIED NEXT MONTH.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

I'M GONNA FRESHEN UP THE EYES

A BIT.

WELL, WEDDING PHOTOS ARE

FOREVER, YOU KNOW.

Woman: GOING BIGGER?

Christian: MRS. GRUBMAN, RIGHT

THIS...

Christian: JULIA.

Julia: HI.

Christian: TO WHAT DO WE OWE THE

PLEASURE?

Julia: HEY, OH, UM, SEAN'S

HAVING A PROFESSIONAL SIT-DOWN

WITH MATT TO TALK ABOUT THE...

Christian: SO I HEARD.

TOUGH STUFF.

Julia: SEEMS DR. SPOCK DID NOT

WRITE A CHAPTER ABOUT...

UM, HEY, THANKS FOR TALKING TO

HIM LAST WEEK.

Christian: EVERYBODY NEEDS

SOMEONE IN THEIR LIFE WHO'LL

LISTEN, RIGHT?

Mrs. Grubman: DR. TROY, I HAVE A

3:00 APPOINTMENT.

[TAPS WATCH]

IT'S NOW 3:15.

Christian: HAVE ME OVER TO THE

HOUSE ONE OF THESE DAYS.

I MISS MY FAMILY.

Julia: YEAH, I-I'D LIKE THAT.

Julia: SO WOULD THE KIDS.

Christian: AND NOW ALL MY

ATTENTION IS TURNED TO MY

FAVORITE PATIENT.

Mrs. Grubman: MM-HMM.

Mrs. Grubman: I KNOW YOU SAY

THAT TO ALL THE GIRLS.

Sean: TELL ME WHAT YOU LIKE

ABOUT YOURSELF.

Matt: LOOK, DAD, I'M GRATEFUL

THAT YOU'RE TREATING ME LIKE AN

ADULT, BUT IF WE HAVE TO DO

THIS, CAN WE SKIP THE PSYCHO

MIND PROBE STUFF?

Sean: YOUR MOTHER AND I THOUGHT

A LOT ABOUT THIS TOPIC.

WE DIDN'T GIVE YOU A

CIRCUMCISION BECAUSE YOU WERE

6 WEEKS PREMATURE.

YOUR LITTLE FIGHTING BODY DIDN'T

NEED THE STRESS OF AN OPERATION.

Matt: I COULD'VE HANDLED IT.

Sean: MATT, WHY DID YOU GO TO

CHRISTIAN WITH YOUR CONCERNS

INSTEAD OF ME?

Matt: BECAUSE HE'S COOLER THAN

YOU, AND HE LISTENS TO ME.

I DON'T GET THAT FATHER KNOWS

BEST BULLSHIT FROM HIM.

HE TREATS ME LIKE A MAN.

Sean: MATT, I'M GONNA MAKE AN

APPOINTMENT WITH A PSYCHOLOGIST.

I APOLOGIZE WE DON'T HAVE ONE

ON STAFF HERE.

WE SHOULD.

Matt: WHOA. WHAT? WHY?

Sean: YOU'VE NEVER BOWED TO PEER

PRESSURE BEFORE.

I THINK SOMETHING'S GOING ON.

Matt: LOOK, I JUST WANT IT, OK?!

I DON'T WANT GUYS TALKIN' TRASH

ABOUT ME, AND I KNOW WOMEN DON'T

LIKE IT WHEN YOU'RE NOT CUT.

IT'S THE SMELL OR SOMETHING,

EVEN THOUGH I KEEP IT CLEAN,

SO FEEL FREE TO SKIP THE HYGIENE

LECTURE.

Sean: MATT, ARE YOU HAVING SEX

WITH GIRLS?

Matt: NOT WITH GIRLS, DAD.

WITH VANESSA.

MAYBE YOU OVERHEARD ME TALKING

TO MOM ABOUT HER, YOU KNOW.

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL, SHE'S A VARSITY

CHEERLEADER, SHE CAN HAVE ANY

GUY SHE WANTS, AND SHE CHOSE ME.

Sean: SO YOU HAVE HAD SEX.

Matt: IT'S GETTING THERE, AND I

KNOW SHE'LL SEE IT AND HURL.

Sean: MATT, IF THIS GIRL

GENUINELY CARES ABOUT YOU,

SHE'S NOT GONNA CARE ABOUT

SOMETHING AS TRIVIAL AS EXTRA

SKIN.

Matt: TRIVIAL?! THIS IS MY LIFE,

OK?

THIS IS NOT TRIVIAL.

Matt: LOOK, FOR ONCE...

JUST GIVE ME SOMETHING THAT I

NEED.

Christian: HOW'S THE PATIENT?

Alejandro: OH, HE'S PISSED.

ALL THEY HAVE IS VANILLA

ICE CREAM.

Christian: WHEN OUR RECOVERY SPA

CENTER'S DONE, WE'LL BE SERVING

FRESH FRUIT SMOOTHIES.

Christian: WHERE'S YOUR BROTHER?

Alejandro: HE WAS HERE

10 MINUTES AGO.

Christian: WELL, IF YOU WANT ME

TO DO A FOLLOW-UP, FIND HIM.

I'VE GOT ANOTHER APPOINTMENT IN

HALF AN HOUR.

Christian: HEY, WHY WOULD YOUR

BROTHER BE ON THIS FLOOR?

Mr. Perez: HERE, MIJA.

THE ICE CREAM WILL MAKE YOUR

TONSILS FEEL GOOD.

Girl: ARE YOU THE BOGEYMAN?

Mr. Perez: I JUST WANTED TO GIVE

HER MY ICE CREAM.

I DIDN'T WANT IT TO GO TO WASTE.

Christian: YOU OK, SWEETHEART?

Girl: YEAH.

Christian: YOU SURE?

Girl: YES.

Christian: DURING OUR

CONSULTATION, YOUR BROTHER SAID

HE WAS WITH THE BOSS' GIRL.

HOW OLD WAS SHE?

Alejandro: SHE WAS 6.

[LIZ KNOCKS]

Liz: WE HAVE A WALK-IN PROBLEM.

[KIMBER PANTS]

Sean: MS. HENRY, YOU'VE GOT TO

CALM DOWN.

THE CONTRACTIONS FROM YOUR

DIAPHRAGM HAVE SPLIT 5 STITCHES.

Kimber: IS CHRISTIAN HERE?

I WANT MY SURGEON TO DO THIS.

Sean: DR. TROY IS IN THE FIELD

WITH ANOTHER PATIENT.

Kimber: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS!

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM HIM SINCE

MY OPERATION.

I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE GONNA BE

TOGETHER.

Sean: MS. HENRY, I THINK YOU'RE

CONFUSING DR. TROY'S PLEASANT

AND VERY THOROUGH BEDSIDE MANNER

WITH REAL EMOTIONS.

Liz: IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION

TO YA, HONEY, YOU'RE NOT THE

FIRST GIRL HE'S DONE THIS TO,

BUT AT LEAST YOU GOT A GOOD SET

OF TITS OUT OF IT, SO HEAL IN

MORE WAYS THAN ONE AND JUST GO

ON WITH YOUR LIFE.

Sean: LIZ, YOU'RE OUT OF LINE.

Liz: NO, SEAN, YOU ARE

OUT OF LINE!

YOU CO-OWN THIS BUSINESS!

THIS REFLECTS ON YOU AND YOUR

CHARACTER!

WAKE UP!

Man on tape: HABLANDO ESPANOL,

PUEDE SER DIVERTIDO, REPETE.

Sean: HABLANDO ESPANOL,

PUEDE SER DIVERTIDO.

Man on tape: REPETE.

Sean:

PUEDE SER DIVER--

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Sean:

Christian: THE CONSTRUCTION

WORKERS RIPPED US OFF.

THEY TOOK YOUR COMPUTER,

YOUR VIAGRA PAPERWEIGHTS,

EVERYTHING.

Sean: WE WEREN'T RIPPED OFF,

CHRISTIAN!

I'M QUITTING!

I'M STARTING OVER BEFORE IT'S

TOO LATE.

Christian: ARE YOU AT HOME,

SEAN?

I'M GONNA COME OVER.

WE CAN TALK ABOUT--

Sean: IT'S MY TURN TO TALK NOW,

CHRISTIAN, OK?!

THE MUTE FINALLY SPEAKS,

SO LISTEN UP!

THANK YOU FOR USING YOUR COCK

AS A LURE TO GET EMOTIONALLY

DAMAGED YOUNG WOMEN INTO OUR

OFFICE.

THAT'S A BRILLIANT SALES PLOY!

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO

RUTHLESSLY AMBITIOUS THAT YOU

WOULD GLADLY ACCEPT DRUG MONEY.

A BUSINESS TRANSACTION, BY THE

WAY, THAT COULD LEAD THE FEDS

STRAIGHT TO OUR FRONT DOOR.

MAYBE YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR

MEDICAL LICENSE REVOKED,

SPEND YOUR FORTIES TAKING IT UP

THE ASS IN PRISON, BUT I DO NOT!

Christian: I'M LOSING YOU.

Sean: DO NOT HANG UP ON ME!

I'M JUST GETTING STARTED!

THANK YOU FOR BECOMING SO

REPUGNANT TO ME THAT I'M FINALLY

TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE.

Christian: WHAT ARE YOU

GONNA DO?

Sean: FOR 10 YEARS, I'VE BEEN

CONSUMED WITH TRANSFORMING

OTHER PEOPLE.

STARTING TODAY, I'M TRANSFORMING

MYSELF!

Julia: IS IT ON?

OK, IT'S ON.

CHRISTIAN, TELL OUR VIEWING

AUDIENCE WHAT WE'RE DOING HERE

ON THE NIGHT OF AUGUST 25, 1987.

HA HA HA HA.

Christian: WELL, JULIA,

IT'S A MOMENTOUS NIGHT

FOR GETTING YOUR FIANCE HIGH

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER,

AND WE'RE SCROUNGING

TO PAY FOR THE OVERDUE

ELECTRICITY BILL.

Sean: SEE SEAN COUNT.

SEE SEAN EAT GOVERNMENT CHEESE.

Julia: OK, WELL, THIS IS OUR ONE

AND ONLY VIDEOTAPE.

OH, LET'S TELL OUR AUDIENCE WHAT

ALL THIS HARD WORK AND EATING

RAMEN NOODLES 24/7 HAS BEEN

ABOUT.

CHRISTIAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT

OUT OF YOUR LIFE?

Christian: WHAT I WANT...

Julia: MM-HMM?

Christian: IS...

A GIRL LIKE JULIA.

All: AWW.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Christian: AND A KICK-ASS

PRACTICE--MAKE WOMEN FEEL BETTER

ABOUT THEMSELVES.

Julia: OH!

Christian: MY SPECIALTY.

Julia: MMM, WELL, WE'VE

CERTAINLY WITNESSED THAT.

SEAN, WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Sean: WELL...

I WANT YOU.

Christian: AWW.

Sean: I WANNA MAKE PEOPLE'S

LIVES BETTER.

I WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

HEY, JULES.

GIVE ME THE CAMERA.

Julia: OH, NO!

OH.

[JULIA LAUGHS]

Sean: GET OVER THERE.

Julia: I'M FAT.

Sean: GET OVER THERE.

Julia: NOT LIKE THIS.

Christian: YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL.

Julia: OH.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Julia: I FEEL SILLY.

OH, GOSH.

Sean: JULES?

Julia: YEAH.

Sean: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Julia: WHAT DO I WANT?

UM...

UGH.

[CAR PULLS UP]

Christian: I'M SORRY,

SWEETHEART.

I--I PRESUMED YOU KNEW.

LIZ TOLD ME HE WAS SETTING UP

SHOP NEXT TO SOME FUNGUS-RIDDEN

NAIL SALON RIGHT BEFORE SHE QUIT

AND LEFT ME WITH

NO ANESTHESIOLOGIST.

Julia: WHY?

Christian: I THINK OUR BOY'S

HAVING A MIDLIFE CRISIS.

IF I FIND OUT THAT HE'S SCREWING

AROUND, YOU HAVE MY WORD.

I WILL KILL HIM.

Julia: YOU THINK HE'S HAVING

AN AFFAIR?

Christian: THAT WAS OUT OF LINE.

I'M SURE HE'S NOT.

I MEAN....

YOU GUYS HAVE ALWAYS HAD A HOT

TIME BETWEEN THE SHEETS, RIGHT?

Julia: HE TOLD YOU THAT?

Christian: USED TO TELL ME

EVERYTHING.

I MISS HIM.

Julia: I MISS HIM, TOO.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE THING

FOR THE THINGY?

I CAN'T FIND IT.

Christian: IS THAT NEW ART?

Julia: WHAT?

OH, HEH HEH.

NO, I'M JUST, UM...

I WAS WATCHING AN OLD TAPE.

Christian: TO SEE HOW MUCH YOUR

BREASTS HAVE CHANGED?

ISN'T THAT WHY YOU CHANGED YOUR

HAIR, WHY YOU WANT IMPLANTS?

SO THAT HE'LL NOTICE YOU AGAIN,

WANT YOU AGAIN, LIKE HE DID

WHEN WE WERE YOUNG?

Julia: I JUST ASKED HIM IF HE

THOUGHT I NEEDED 'EM.

Christian: SO HE COULD TELL YOU

YOU DIDN'T?

YOU DIDN'T GET THE RESPONSE

YOU WANTED?

Julia: NO.

Christian: LET ME SEE THEM.

Julia: WHAT?

Christian: I'M A DOCTOR, JULIA.

I DO OVER 300 BREAST

AUGMENTATIONS A YEAR,

MORE THAN DOUBLE THE NUMBER

SEAN DOES.

I'LL BE OBJECTIVE.

Julia: OH.

Christian: LET ME SEE THEM.

Christian: SYMMETRY IS PERFECT.

SAGGING'S MINIMAL,

DESPITE 2 RIGOROUS SESSIONS

OF BREAST-FEEDING.

TONE IS IMMACULATE.

[JULIA INHALES]

HOW'S THE SENSITIVITY?

Julia: FINE.

Christian: I CAN'T RECOMMEND

SURGERY, JULIA.

YOUR BREASTS...

ARE PERFECT.

Julia, whispering: Thank you.

Annie: MOM?

Julia: YEAH?

Annie: UNCLE CHRIS!

Christian: HEY!

Annie: LOOK AT MY NEW GERBIL.

I NAMED HIM FRISKY.

Christian: FRISKY, HUH?

PUT HIM DOWN.

I WANT YOU TO GIVE ME A BIG HUG.

OH!

MMM.

COME HERE.

LET ME LOOK AT YOU.

OH, GOD.

MMM.

I DON'T WANT ANNIE TO HAVE TO GO

TO PUBLIC SCHOOL, JULIA.

YOU HAVE TO TALK TO HIM.

HE LISTENS TO YOU.

HE ALWAYS HAS.

YOU'RE HIS COMPASS.

[JULIA SCOFFS]

Julia: WELL, I WANT A FAMILY,

AND, UM...

[JULIA LAUGHS]

I WANNA GO BACK TO SCHOOL

AND BE A PEDIATRICIAN

ONCE YOU GUYS GET THE BUSINESS

ESTABLISHED, AND, UM,

I JUST WANNA BE HAPPY.

Sean: LOS...

nLOS TACOS ES--ESTAN DELICIOSO.

nLOS TACOS ESTAN DELIC--

JESUS!

Julio: OH, MR. SEAN!

I DID NOT SEE YOU, SIR.

Sean: YOU NEED TO HIRE

ANOTHER GARDENER.

I JUST FIRED JULIO.

Julia: NO, SEAN, YOU NEED

TO HIRE ANOTHER GARDENER.

IT TOOK ME 2 YEARS TO FIND

SOMEBODY WHO WOULD ACTUALLY

SHOW UP EVERY WEEK

AND CLEAN THE POOL FILTER.

NEXT TO GIVING BIRTH,

IT'S THE MOST DIFFICULT THING

I'VE EVER DONE.

IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

Sean: WE HAVE MICE.

Julia: THAT'S NOT A MOUSE, SEAN.

THAT'S FRISKY THE GERBIL.

IT ESCAPED FROM ITS CAGE.

Sean: WELL, DID YOU TRY

AND CATCH IT?

Julia: I WOULD HAVE, BUT I WAS

TOO BUSY CLEANING UP THE TRAIL

OF SHIT IT LEFT EVERYWHERE.

[SEAN SIGHS]

Sean: OK, WHAT IS WRONG

WITH YOU?

Julia: YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED.

DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T

FIND OUT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SEAN?

WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME?

Sean: I WAS WAITING FOR

THE RIGHT MOMENT.

Julia: WELL, HOW ABOUT LAST WEEK

WHEN YOU SCREWED ME BUT WOULDN'T

KISS ME?

WE COULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT IT

THEN.

Sean: THIS IS THE RIGHT THING

FOR ME.

I'VE WANTED TO DO PRO BONO WORK

FOR A WHILE NOW.

I'M GONNA DO THAT.

I SAW THIS BOY THE OTHER DAY.

HE'S HORRIBLY BURNED.

I WANNA SPEND MY TIME AND MY

TALENT WORKING ON PEOPLE

LIKE HIM.

LIZ IS COMING.

I MEAN, SHE ALSO--

[JULIA SCREAMS]

Sean: WHAT THE HELL IS IT

WITH PEOPLE IN THIS HOUSE

THROWING THINGS AT MY HEAD?

Julia: FINALLY, SOME PASSION!

CONGRATULATIONS!

YOU'RE NOT BLOODLESS AFTER ALL!

DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN

SINCE I HAVE HEARD YOU LAUGH?

SINCE I HAVE SEEN YOU BE

EMOTIONAL ABOUT ANYTHING?

JESUS, SEAN.

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU CRY SINCE

MATT WAS BORN.

Sean: I'M NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE

FOR THAT.

I'M A SURGEON.

IF I GET EMOTIONAL,

PATIENTS DIE.

Julia: I'M NOT ONE OF YOUR

PATIENTS, SEAN!

I'M YOUR WIFE!

AND ON YOUR WATCH,

A DEATH HAS OCCURRED,

THE DEATH OF YOU AND ME.

THIS MARRIAGE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE

A PULSE ANYMORE.

Sean: I KNOW THAT...

AND I'M SAD ABOUT THAT.

JULES, I REALIZE THAT WE DO NEED

TO FIX SOMETHING, AND IT'S NOT

YOUR BREASTS.

WE NEED TO FIX US.

I WANT US TO BE LIKE WE USED

TO BE.

WE HAD PARITY, EQUALITY--

Julia: HOW CAN WE HAVE EQUALITY,

SEAN, WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN

RESPECT ME ENOUGH

TO AT THE VERY LEAST TELL ME

THAT YOU'RE THINKING OF WALKING

AWAY FROM EVERYTHING

WE'VE SACRIFICED OUR LIVES FOR?

Sean: ARE WE BEING COMPLETELY

HONEST?

Julia: YES.

Sean: I GUESS I DON'T RESPECT

YOU LIKE I USED TO.

Julia: FINALLY.

FLOODGATES OPEN.

Sean: WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR

DAYS, JULIA?

YOU SHOP.

YOU GET YOUR VAGINA WAXED

LIKE SOME PORN STARLET.

YOU GO TO LUNCH WITH YOUR

GIRLFRIENDS.

SORRY, THAT SEEMS LIKE EASY

STREET TO ME.

YET, WHEN I COME HOME,

YOU'RE STONED.

YOU DON'T SHOW ME ANY RESPECT,

EVEN THOUGH I THINK THE LIFE

I'VE GIVEN YOU

IS PRETTY GODDAMN SWEET!

Julia: YOU GAVE ME NOTHING!

I MADE THIS LIFE WITH YOU.

DID YOU THINK THIS IS

WHAT I WANTED, TO BE SOME

STEPFORD DOCTOR'S WIFE?

IT'S NOT.

Sean: WELL, THEN CHANGE

YOUR LIFE!

CHANGE IT LIKE I'M

CHANGING MINE.

Julia: THIS ISN'T CHANGE, SEAN.

THIS IS A WHIM.

YOU WANT CHANGE?

HOW ABOUT MY CHANGE?

HOW ABOUT ME GOING BACK

TO COLLEGE AND GETTING MY

DOCTOR'S DEGREE WHEN ANNIE GOES

BACK TO SCHOOL NEXT YEAR?

THAT'S MY CHANGE,

THE CHANGE WE'VE TALKED ABOUT

FOR THE LAST 10 YEARS.

APPARENTLY, YOU'VE FORGOTTEN

ABOUT THAT.

IF YOU THINK THAT I AM GONNA

GO BACK TO THE BOTTOM AND WORK

2 PART-TIME JOBS AND SETTLE

MY DREAM AGAIN SO YOU CAN

WHISTLE YOUR WAY THROUGH

A MIDLIFE CRISIS,

YOU'RE HORRIBLY MISTAKEN.

Sean: OH.

MY GOD.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME WE WENT

TO BED THAT YOU DIDN'T HATE ME?

[KNOCKS ON WINDOW]

Christian: SO, I HEAR YOUR

MARRIAGE JUMPED THE SHARK

LAST WEEK.

MY CONDOLENCES.

IT'S A NICE PLACE.

YOU PUT A NAGEL PRINT UP ON

THE WALL, AND SUDDENLY, YOU ARE

RIGHT BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED.

Sean: CHRISTIAN, I'M NOT

COMING BACK.

Christian: YES, YOU ARE.

WE WORKED TOO HARD TO GET HERE,

AND EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T

ADMIT IT, YOU NEED ME,

JUST LIKE I NEED YOU.

I'M THE SALESMAN, THE PLANNER.

YOU'RE THE TALENT.

WE FIT.

WE ALWAYS HAVE.

Sean: YOU'LL DO FINE WITHOUT ME,

CHRISTIAN.

WITH YOUR CORNER ON THE PLACEBO

SURGERY MARKET, YOU COULD EASILY

FIND ANOTHER PARTNER.

[CHRISTIAN SETS CUP DOWN]

Christian: YOU THINK A BIG

CHANGE LIKE THIS WILL BE EASY?

IT WILL NOT.

YOU WANT A CHANGE? GREAT.

DO THE NIP-AND-TUCK ROUTE--

SUBTLE, ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLE

SHIFTS.

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU RECOMMEND

TO ALL YOUR PATIENTS?

BUT DON'T DELUDE YOURSELF INTO

THINKING THAT YOU HAVE THE TIME

OR THE PATIENCE

FOR AN ENTIRE LIFE LIFT.

WE'RE NOT 27 ANYMORE.

WE'RE 40, AND, BROTHER, WE'RE ON

THE CUSP OF THE AMERICAN DREAM.

Sean: IT'S NOT MY DREAM ANYMORE.

Christian: HERE. YOU LEFT THIS

WHEN YOU WERE CLEANING OUT

YOUR OFFICE.

THE FIRST DOLLAR WE EVER MADE.

IT'S ROMANTIC, ISN'T IT?

I'LL BE KEEPING THIS AS PART OF

OUR SETTLEMENT.

Christian: WHAT ARE YOU

TALKING ABOUT?

Sean: YOU SIGNED A CONTRACT,

WITH ME, A CORPORATION CONTRACT,

AND IN CASE YOU FORGOT,

THE CONTRACT STIPULATES THAT IF

THE CORPORATION IS DISSOLVED,

WHICH I SEE NOW THAT IT IS,

THE DISBANDING PARTNER HAS

TO BUY THE OTHER PARTNER OUT.

Sean: I DON'T WANT ANYTHING

BUT A CLEAN START.

Christian: TOUGH SHIT.

YOU PAY UP.

YOU'VE GOT ONE WEEK,

OR I HIRE A LAWYER

AND FREEZE YOUR ASSETS.

THEN I COME AFTER YOUR HOME,

YOUR PENSION PLAN,

MAYBE MATT'S COLLEGE FUND.

Sean: YOU WOULDN'T--

Christian: TRY ME!

Christian: GET A DECENT CARPET

IN HERE.

Sean: SILVIO PEREZ IS SCHEDULED

TO BE RELEASED TODAY.

YOU NEED TO SIGN HIM OUT.

Christian: LET HIM ROT.

Julia, whispering: Oh, God.

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

Matt: HEY, MOM, I'M GOING

TO, UH, GO TO VANESSA'S

AFTER SCHOOL, OK?

Julia: NO, MATT, YOU'RE NOT.

I NEED YOU TO CLEAN OUT

THE POOL.

Matt: YEAH, BUT, MOM,

I CAN DO THAT WHEN I--

Julia: NO, MATT, YOU'RE NOT!

I NEED YOU TO CLEAN OUT

THE POOL.

I AM SICK OF DOING EVERYTHING

AROUND HERE.

[JULIA SOBS]

Matt: OK.

[JULIA GASPS]

Julia: AAH!

I AM NOT GONNA CLEAN UP

YOUR SHIT ANYMORE!

OH, GOD.

OH!

OH!

Boy: YES, MR. TROY?

Jay-Z: * WATCH,

YEAH,

UNH,

IT'S WHAT I DO

FOR A LIVIN', NIGGA,

I EAT FOR A LIVIN', NIGGA,

THAT'S HOW I LIVE

FOR A LIVIN', NIGGA,

WATCH IT,

OK, LET'S DO THIS *

Woman: WHOO!

Jay-Z: * THINGS JUST AIN'T THE

SAME FOR GANGSTAS,

BUT I'M A LITTLE TOO FAMOUS

TO SHOOT THESE PRANKSTERS... *

Woman: BRING THE GOOD STUFF?

AND IT HAD BETTER BE GOOD.

WE'RE PAYING YOU $1,000 A GIRL.

Christian: THIS IS THE BEST

THERE IS, LADIES.

Woman: WHERE'S YOUR PARTNER?

I SAID I WANTED 2 DOCTORS.

THERE ARE 10 GIRLS HERE.

Christian: I'VE DONE 10 WOMEN

BEFORE.

Woman: MMM.

Christian: I HATE TO DO THIS

UP-FRONT, CELIA, BUT...

Celia: HA!

YOU ACT LIKE THIS IS

A DRUG DEAL.

Christian: IT IS.

Sean: LET'S SEE HOW YOU'RE

HEALING.

Silvio: UNH, UNH, AY.

OW.

Sean: VERY NICE.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

Sean: WHAT DID HE SAY?

Alejandro: GOOD JOB.

Sean: THE SWELLING IS MINIMAL.

YOU'RE FINE TO TRAVEL.

I'LL GO SIGN YOU OUT.

Alejandro: UH, DR. McNAMARA,

MY BROTHER HAS A QUESTION.

Sean: WHAT?

Alejandro: CAN YOU TRANSFORM

HIS WAISTLINE LATER TODAY,

LIKE YOU DID HIS FACE?

WE'LL PAY YOU $2,000.

Sean: I'M JUST SETTING UP

A NEW PRACTICE.

I'M NOT COMPLETELY EQUIPPED

FOR SURGERY YET.

HE WANTS A NEW WAIST?

TELL HIM TO KNOCK OFF

THE CHEE-TOS.

Silvio: HOW ABOUT $20,000?

CASH.

MONEY LIKE THAT WILL CERTAINLY

COME IN HANDY FOR A BUSINESSMAN

STARTING FROM SCRATCH.

NO?

Celia: OH!

OH.

OH.

Christian: HOW DID YOU HEAR

ABOUT ME?

Celia: WORD OF MOUTH.

Christian: DON'T LAY FLAT

FOR 4 HOURS.

Celia: ENGLISH?

Christian: TOMORROW YOU'LL BE

ONE HOT BITCH.

Celia: OH.

Christian: HOLD ON.

Celia: YOU MEAN HOTTER.

I HAVE ONE MORE GIRLFRIEND

WAITING TO SEE YOU.

Christian: SEND HER IN.

Man: DR. TROY.

ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

I'M ESCOBAR GALLANTO,

CELIA'S BOYFRIEND.

I'M ALSO THE FORMER BOSS

OF SILVIO PEREZ.

Matt: DIDN'T KNOW YOU SMOKED.

Sean: HEH.

NEITHER DID I.

Matt: MMM.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Sean: THINKING.

Matt: THINKING ABOUT WHAT?

Sean: IF I SHOULD GO THROUGH

WITH SOMETHING.

Matt: WHAT'S STOPPING YOU?

Sean: HONESTLY?

WHAT YOU WOULD THINK OF ME

IF I DID.

[MATT SCOFFS]

Matt: WELL, DON'T LET ME

STOP YOU, DAD.

YOU GO AHEAD AND DO IT.

ALMOST ALL OF MY FRIENDS'

PARENTS ARE DIVORCED.

LIFE GOES ON.

Sean: YOUR MOM AND I AREN'T

GETTING DIVORCED.

WE'RE JUST...

TAKING SOME TIME APART.

I WAS CONTEMPLATING

A WORK-RELATED MATTER.

[SEAN COUGHING]

Matt: UH, WELL,

SPEAKING OF WORK, COME ON.

SINCE YOU FIRED JULIO, MOM'S

MAKING ME SWEEP THE POOL OUT.

SHOULDN'T HAVE TO CLEAN UP

AFTER YOUR MISTAKES ALONE,

RIGHT?

[CHRISTIAN GASPING]

Escobar: I'VE BEEN GENTLE

WITH YOU, MY FRIEND.

I'M GOING TO ASK YOU

ONE MORE TIME.

I KNOW YOU OPERATED ON

SILVIO PEREZ.

Christian: YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT!

AAH!

[CHRISTIAN GURGLING]

[CHRISTIAN GASPING]

Escobar: WE CHECKED AROUND TOWN.

YOUR COLLEAGUES ALL TURNED

SILVIO DOWN.

BUT YOU, YOU WERE REPEATEDLY

MENTIONED BY YOUR COLLEAGUES

AS SOMEONE LACKING ETHICS,

SOMEONE WHO WOULD TAKE

A CHILD MOLESTER ON

AS A CLIENT.

SILVIO STOLE THAT MONEY!

HE STOLE MY DAUGHTER'S

INNOCENCE.

YOU CAN UNDERSTAND MY LACK

OF PATIENCE.

Christian: HE'S IN DADE COUNTY,

UNDER THE NAME CORDOVA.

Sean: ALEJANDRO, YOU'RE NOT

ALLOWED TO BE IN HERE.

Alejandro: MY BROTHER'S VERY

NERVOUS THIS TIME, DOCTOR.

THIS ROOM IS NOT AS SOOTHING

TO HIM AS THE OTHER ONE WAS.

HE MISSES THE PLANTS,

THE ART ON THE WALLS.

IT WAS VERY COMFORTING.

Sean: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT ME

TO DO?

Alejandro: TO LET ME SIT IN

AND BE WITH HIM.

I'VE ALWAYS BEEN THE ONE

WHO COULD CALM HIM DOWN.

LOOK, IF I'M THERE,

HE WILL BE FINE,

AND I HAVE NO PROBLEM

WITH THE SIGHT OF BLOOD.

Sean: SORRY, NO.

Alejandro: WE'LL GIVE YOU

$5,000 EXTRA.

Sean: ALEJANDRO, PUT ON

YOUR MASK.

Escobar: DR. TROY,

WHY DIDN'T YOUR PARTNER

COME WITH YOU TODAY?

I WAS LOOKING FORWARD

TO MEETING HIM.

Christian: HE'S IN SAN FRANCISCO

AT AN A.M.A. CONVENTION.

Escobar: QUESTION.

ARE THERE ANY SIDE EFFECTS

TO THE DRUG YOU PUMPED INTO

MY GIRLFRIEND'S FACE?

THIS, UH--

THIS BOTOX SHIT.

Christian: NO.

BOTOX IS A PURIFIED SERUM

FROM THE BOTULISM TOXIN.

IT'S F.D.A. APPROVED.

IT'S COMPLETELY SAFE.

Escobar: THEN WHY AFTER YOU

GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND BOTOX,

DID YOU TELL HER NOT TO LIE DOWN

FOR 4 HOURS?

Christian: WE TELL ALL PATIENTS

THAT.

Escobar: WHY?

Christian: AAH!

[CHRISTIAN PANTING]

BOTOX WORKS BY, UH...

PARALYZING THE MUSCLES,

SUCH AS THE FOREHEAD, WHICH

CONTROLS WRINKLES, FROWN LINES.

IF YOU WERE TO LAY FLAT, THE...

THERE'S A POSSIBILITY IT COULD

DRIFT TO AREAS YOU DON'T WANT

PARALYZED, LIKE CHEEKS.

Escobar: WHY WOULD THAT BE

A PROBLEM?

Christian: THOSE MUSCLES MONITOR

SALIVARY CONTROL,

SPEECH MOTOR PATTERN.

IF THE BOTOX DRIFTS THERE,

YOU LOOK LIKE A STROKE VICTIM,

TILL THE...DRUG WORE OFF.

Escobar: HOW LONG DOES

THAT TAKE?

Christian: UP TO 2 MONTHS

IN SOME CASES.

THAT'S WHY I TOLD YOUR

GIRLFRIEND NOT TO LIE DOWN.

I WAS LOOKING OUT FOR HER.

Escobar: INTERESTING.

THAT'S VERY SWEET OF YOU.

YEAH.

WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING

A CHILD MOLESTER?

ANSWER ME!

WHY ARE YOU PROTECTING

A CHILD MOLESTER?

YOUR PARTNER ISN'T IN

SAN FRANCISCO.

HE CHECKED SILVIO PEREZ OUT

OF THE HOSPITAL 4 HOURS AGO.

THEY LEFT TOGETHER.

WHERE DID THEY GO?

Christian: I DON'T KNOW.

Escobar: YOU DON'T KNOW?

WELL, KNOW THIS.

Christian: AAH!

[THUD]

Liz: OH!

Sean: ALEJANDRO, SIT DOWN.

Alejandro: WAKE HIM UP!

WAKE HIM UP.

Sean: Y-YOUR BROTHER'S GONNA

BE FINE.

Alejandro: WAKE HIM UP,

OR I'M GONNA SHOOT BOTH OF YOU.

Liz: IF I BRING HIM OUT TOO

SOON, HE COULD DIE.

Alejandro: DO IT!

DO IT!

Liz: AT 80, HE'S CONSCIOUS.

Alejandro: OK, STOP, MOVE.

COME ON, MOVE!

GET BACK.

GET BACK.

[SILVIO COUGHING]

Alejandro: CALMA, CALMA, CALMA.

nSILVIO, NO TE MUEVAS.

nNO TE MUEVAS.

SHH.

Silvio: OH.

Alejandro: SHH, SILVIO, LISTEN.

I GOT GOOD NEWS.

I FOUND OUT...

TODAY I WAS TOLD THAT

MY GIRLFRIEND IS PREGNANT.

I'M--WE'RE GONNA HAVE

A DAUGHTER.

SHE'S 4 MONTHS.

THAT'S GOOD, RIGHT?

YEAH, OH, SO, SILVIO,

YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY DAUGHTER.

I CANNOT RISK IT.

SILVIO...

YOU'RE SICK.

LOOK--SHH, SHH, SHH.

YOU HAVE SHAMED OUR FAMILY

FOR THE LAST TIME.

SHH.

NO, NO, NO.

nNO TE MUEVAS.

I ONLY WANTED YOU...

TO KNOW THIS SO YOU WOULD

UNDERSTAND AND YOU WOULD

FORGIVE ME, PLEASE.

nME DISCULPAS.

[SILVIO GRUNTING]

Liz: AAH!

AAH! AAH!

[SILVIO COUGHING]

NO! NO!

Alejandro: GOOD-BYE, MY BROTHER.

Sean: STOP IT!

YOU'LL KILL HIM!

Alejandro: IT'S LIKE THAT,

OR WITH A BULLET TO THE TEMPLE!

YOU CHOOSE!

Christian: AAH!

Escobar: IT'S FINISHED.

ONE MORE BOTOX SHOT,

DR. TROY.

WHAT SHOULD WE PARALYZE NEXT?

HUH?

ONE LAST CHANCE.

YOUR PARTNER DIDN'T GO BACK

TO YOUR OFFICE.

WHERE DID HE GO?

Christian: AAH!

Escobar: HEH HEH. WHOO!

AAH!

OOH, THAT LOOKS PAINFUL, MAN.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

WAIT HERE.

OH, IT'S YOUR PARTNER.

I THINK WE'LL TAKE THIS CALL.

HELLO?

OH, I'M SORRY.

DR. TROY IS NOT AVAILABLE

RIGHT NOW.

Christian: SEAN, HANG UP!

Escobar: DR. McNAMARA,

TELL YOU WHAT.

I'LL LET YOU SPEAK

TO YOUR PARTNER...

IF YOU TELL ME

WHERE SILVIO PEREZ IS.

Christian: JESUS CHRIST.

Sean: JESUS CHRIST.

Christian: WHAT HAPPENED?

Alejandro: I KILLED MY BROTHER.

I HAVE A DAUGHTER, TOO.

Escobar: YOU CHOSE THE RIGHT

FAMILY, ALEJANDRO.

LET'S GO.

Sean: WAIT, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED

TO DO WITH THIS BODY?

Escobar: THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

Christian: SHIT!

WE HAVE TO GO TO THE POLICE.

Sean: OH, RIGHT, AND THEY'LL

BELIEVE US, RIGHT, CHRISTIAN?

PLEASE.

THIS GUY DIED OF AN ANESTHESIA

OVERDOSE.

IT'S SHODDY MEDICAL PRACTICE

ANY WAY YOU CUT IT.

I'LL LOSE MY MEDICAL LICENSE.

SO WILL LIZ.

Liz: LIZ?

OH, NO.

I AM NOT GOING DOWN FOR THIS.

I AM NOT GONNA HAVE MY ENTIRE

LIFE DESTROYED BECAUSE YOU TWO

SCREWED UP!

FIX THIS!

Christian: SO...

WHAT DO WE DO?

[CHRISTIAN SLURPING]

Sean: ARE YOU HAVING A STROKE?

Christian: BOTOX IS KICKING IN.

10 SHOTS ALL IN MUSCLES

AND MOTOR CONTROL SITES.

I'M GONNA LOOK LIKE

KIRK DOUGLAS.

Sean: WHY'D THEY GIVE YOU

THE SHOTS?

Christian: BECAUSE I COULDN'T

TELL THEM WHERE SILVIO WAS.

BECAUSE I WOULDN'T TELL THEM

WHERE YOU WERE.

DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHY

WE BOUGHT 12 GODDAMN HAMS?

Sean: BECAUSE ALLIGATORS

ARE FINICKY EATERS.

Sean: HOPEFULLY, THEY'RE GONNA

GET CONFUSED AND EAT EVERYTHING.

THEN THERE WON'T BE

ANY TRACE LEFT.

HUH.

Christian: WHAT?

Sean: I WAS JUST THINKING HOW

I USED TO DO THE SAME THING

WITH MATT WHEN HE WAS LITTLE,

HIDE THE PEAS IN HIS MASHED

POTATOES.

Christian: I DIDN'T KNOW, SEAN.

WHEN I BOOKED THE JOB,

I DIDN'T KNOW.

I WOULD NEVER WORK ON SOMEONE

WHO COULD HURT OUR ANNIE.

NEVER.

Sean: I NEED TO BELIEVE THAT.

Christian: I THINK WE SHOULD

HIRE A FULL-TIME PSYCHOLOGIST

TO SCREEN BETTER.

Sean: AND I WANT 20% OF OUR

CLIENT BASE TO BE PRO BONO

FROM NOW ON.

LET'S CLEAN OUT THE TRUNK.

Christian: YOU'RE A LITTLE

TOO GOOD AT THIS.

YOU'RE SCARING ME.

Sean: GOOD.

IT'S GOOD YOU'RE SCARED OF ME.

* SHE CRIED TO

THE SOUTHERN WIND,

'BOUT A LOVE THAT WAS SURE

TO END,

EVERY DREAM IN HER HEART

WAS GONE,

HEADED FOR A SHOWDOWN... *

[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE

--www.ncicap.org--]