Original subtitles

FROZEN IN A TIME AND SPACE

DIVIDE

BUT HOW

WOULD THE UNIVERSE

SURVIVE?

DUCK DODGERS OF THE 24TH AND 1/2 CENTURY

PROTECTING THE POWERLESS

AND THE WEAK

DUCK DODGERS, HE'S FIGHTING

TYRANNY

IN THE 24TH

AND 1/2 CENTURY

- THIS IS DOCTOR I.Q. HI CALLING DUCK DODGERS.

COME IN, DUCK DODGERS.

(SNORING)

- DODGERS!!! - AHHH!

(CRASH)

- LOOK AT YOU.

LACKADAISICAL ATTITUDE, ATROCIOUS EATING HABITS.

- (BURP)

- QUESTIONABLE HEALTH. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I'M IN THE BEST SHAPE OF MY LIFE.

(SLOSHING)

- REPORT TO MY LAB AT 7:00 A.M. SHARP TOMORROW MORNING.

- HMMM, 7:00 MIGHT BE TRICKY FOR ME.

HOW ABOUT 11:00?

ISH.

7:00 IS GOOD.

- DODGERS, I CAN'T STOP YOU

FROM BEING A WASHOUT ON YOUR TIME,

BUT WHEN YOU'RE FORCED TO SHARE A SEAT IT WOULD BE NICE

IF YOU'D AT LEAST ATTEMPT TO ACT LIKE AN OFFICER.

YOU KNOW, IF I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER,

I'D SAY YOU HAVE SOME DOUBTS ABOUT MY CAPTAING ABILITIES.

- I THINK YOU ARE COMPLETELY DEVOID OF MERIT.

- IT'S JUST TOO BAD YOU DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE

TO SPEAK YOUR MIND.

- YOU'RE A DANGER TO YOURSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU!

- WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY THINK, JOHNSON?

OR ARE YOU TOO SCARED?

- A DISGRACE TO ALL WHO WEAR THE UNIFORM.

A BIOLOGICAL MISTAKE.

- OH, DON'T TRY TO SWEET TALK ME NOW.

IT'S TOO LATE.

- THE DOCTOR WILL SEE YOU NOW.

- GOOD MORNING GENTLEMEN... DODGERS.

AS YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED, I HAVE DEVELOPED

A BIOGENETIC PURIFICATION AND DETOXIFICATION SYSTEM

TO FILTER AND ERADICATE BODILY POLLUTANTS

AND REPAIR CELLULAR DAMAGE.

IT EXTRACTS YOUR BODY'S TOXINS?

BAD GO, GOOD STAY.

- OH, IN THAT CASE, HOOK ME UP.

I ATE A MARSHMALLOW AND CHILI FRIES PIZZA LAST NIGHT

THAT FOR SOME STRANGE REASON LEFT ME QUEASY.

- I MUST WARN YOU,

SO FAR THE PURIFIER HAS ONLY BEEN TESTED ON ANIMALS,

BUT THE ANIMALS SEEM FINE.

- I VOLUNTEER TO BE A TEST SUBJECT.

FOR THE PROTECTORATE.

- IF THIS THING MELTS MY BRAIN, I GET A PAY BUMP, RIGHT?

- WELL?

- I FEEL FANTASTIC!

EVEN THE KNEE I INJURED PLAYING ROCKETBALL IN COLLEGE

FEELS BRAND NEW.

- WONDERFUL.

NOW, THE REAL TEST.

- (SCREAMING)

- HA HA HA HA! - AHA HA HA HA!

(DODGERS SCREAMING)

- OH.

UH, DODGERS, MAYBE YOU SHOULD REST FOR A BIT.

- I CAN'T, SIR.

PROTECTING THE GALAXY AND ALL OF ITS INHABITANTS

IS AN EXTRAORDINARY RESPONSIBILITY.

IF EVERY SINGLE BEING ENTRUSTED TO MY CARE

ISN'T RESTING EASY, HOW CAN I?

SEE YOU UP THERE, CAPTAIN.

- WHO WAS THAT?

- I HAVE NO IDEA.

- SIR, YOU HAVE PECS.

- IT'S THE CAPTAIN'S OBLIGATION

TO BE SOUND IN MIND AND BODY, CADET.

- HA HA HA HA HA HA! GOOD ONE, SIR.

I HAVE YOUR SCHEDULE FOR TODAY.

YOU START WITH A 45-MINUTE NAP,

FOLLOWED BY A 15-MINUTE POST-NAP NAP,

A QUICK STEAM, A LONG STEAM,

NACHO BREAK, POST-NACHO BREAK NAP...

- NO MORE SHIRKING DUTIES.

TODAY WE'RE GOING TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

- WHO ARE YOU, SERIOUSLY? WHERE'S CAPTAIN DODGERS?

- HMMMM.

THAT'S AN EXPLODICON SHIP.

LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT ANOTHER EXPLOSIVE SMUGGLER.

PULL UP NEXT TO THEM AND...

- GREETINGS, CAPTAIN, LOOKS LIKE YOU COULD USE A HAND.

- ACTUALLY, NO, WE CAN HANDLE...

- MY PLEASURE. DODGERS OUT.

- (GRUMBLING)

- I'M AFRAID I MUST INSIST THAT YOU RETURN TO EXPLODICON

OR FACE IMMEDIATE ARREST.

- FOR HAULING COMPLETELY HARMLESS BABY FOOD?

THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!

(BOOM)

- LET'S MOVE ALONG, CADET. THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

- BUT, SIR, THE COLORS.

- NO TIME TO DAWDLE.

THE UNIVERSE IS COUNTING ON US.

- AS YOU CAN SEE, AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT

THE PROBABILITY OF DODGERS BEING ASLEEP IS 97%.

-SO, BASICALLY, WE... - GREETINGS.

I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT YOUR SECRET MEETING.

I REALIZE THIS MAY BE SOMEWHAT UNORTHODOX,

BUT SINCE YOU REPRESENT THE PRIMARY THREAT TO EARTH,

I FELT IT WAS ONLY FAIR TO WARN YOU

THAT I NO LONGER TAKE NAPS.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME.

DODGERS OUT.

- WHO WAS THAT?

- IT CAN'T BE.

SOMEHOW DODGERS HAS ACQUIRED THE PERFECT BODY

TO MATCH HIS PERFECT MIND.

WE'RE DOOMED.

- I WOULDN'T SAY PERFECT.

CHISELED, SURE, BUT NOT PERFECT.

HEE HEE HEE...

- DODGERS, I HAVE A VERY IMPORTANT MISSION FOR YOU.

AMBASSADORS FROM FELINIA AND CANINUS

ARE MEETING FOR A HISTORIC SUMMIT.

- THE SUMMIT IS OFF.

I BROKERED A TREATY HOURS AGO.

- WELL, I GUESS THAT BRINGS US TO YOUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT:

RECOVERING THE GEM OF RE...

- SIR, IT'S ON YOUR DESK.

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,

BUT I ALSO HANDED OUT MISSIONS TO THE OTHER CAPTAINS.

- OF COURSE I MIND!

HANDING OUT MISSIONS IS MY JOB.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

- YOU COULD TAKE A NAP LIKE THE CADET.

(SNORING)

- I CALLED YOU ALL HERE TO DISCUSS THE DODGERS DILEMMA.

- WHY IS IT A DILEMMA FOR YOU

THAT YOU'VE MADE YOUR GREATEST CAPTAIN

EVEN GREATER?

- SHE MEANS CAPTAIN DODGERS, SIR.

- OH, WELL, SEE FOR YOURSELVES.

- DUCK DODGERS, GALACTIC PROTECTORATE CAPTAIN

WHO THINKS OVERSLEEPING IS NO QUACKING MATTER.

COMBATING WHAT HE CALLS A LAZINESS EPIDEMIC,

DODGERS HAS VOWED TO WAKE

EVEN THE HEAVIEST SLEEPERS IN THE GALAXY AT DAWN,

NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE OR HOW TIRED THEY MAY BE.

(YAWNING)

- WE'LL HEAR YOU OUT.

- THE OLD DODGERS MAY HAVE BEEN LAZY, UNRELIABLE, ARGUMENTATIVE,

UNAPPEALING, BAD AT MATH, SLOPPY...

- UH, SIR.

- YOU GET THE IDEA.

ONE MORE... HE HAD TERRIBLE GROOMING HABITS.

THIS DODGERS, HOWEVER, IS TOO HELPFUL.

- TOO POLITE.

- MUCH TOO FOCUSED.

- DARE I SAY IT? TOO WELL-GROOMED.

- THEN IT'S AGREED.

WE ALL PREFER THE OLD DODGERS, SO HOW DO WE GET HIM BACK?

- THE ONLY WAY TO RESTORE DODGER'S

UNDESIRABLE CHARACTERISTICS

IS TO RE-TOXIFY HIM.

BUT HIS PURIFICATION BECOMES PERMANENT

AFTER 24 HOURS.

AFTER 7:00 A.M. TOMORROW FIT AND INTELLIGENT

WILL BE DODGERS NATURAL STATE.

AS IMPOSSIBLE AS THAT SOUNDS.

- WE'LL HAVE TO OPERATE AS ONE WITH FLAWLESS PRECISION,

LIKE A MILITARY STRIKE TEAM.

- IS THERE ANY WAY YOU COULD GIVE ME MUSCLES?

BIGGER MUSCLES, I MEAN.

- IT'S SIMPLE, DODGERS.

YOU'LL BE PARTICIPATING IN A CULTURAL EXCHANGE WITH MARS.

I'LL OBSERVE AS YOU, THE CADET, AND STAR JOHNSON

INTERACT WITH THE QUEEN AND COMMANDER

IN A SOCIAL CAPACITY.

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS SHARE YOUR FAVORITE LEISURE ACTIVITIES

WITH THE OTHERS.

LIKE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES, EATING ONION RINGS,

AND PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WHILE EATING ONION RINGS.

- I NO LONGER HAVE ANY INTEREST IN THOSE ACTIVITIES.

WORK PERMITTING, I ENJOY READING NONFICTION,

GOURMET CUISINE, AND RECREATIONAL GEOMETRY.

IF THAT INTERESTS ANY OF YOU,

YOU'RE WELCOME TO JOIN ME IN THE SHIP'S NEW LIBRARY.

OH.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- NEUTRALIZING THE TARGET.

- WE WERE SUPPOSED TO MAKE HIM PLAY VIDEO GAMES.

- OH, SORRY. LOOK, HE'S FINE.

- GO ON AMP ONE.

- GO ON AMP TWO.

(FEEDBACK, ROARING GUITAR)

- IT'S ONLY ROCK N' ROLL, BUT I DON'T LIKE IT.

TO ENEMIES, FRIENDS, RIVALS, AND SUPERIORS,

MAY WE WORK HARD, REST NEVER,

AND SLEEP ONLY WHEN REQUIRED BY PROTECTORATE CODE.

ALL THIS FOOD IS MAKING ME HUNGRY.

FOR TRAINING.

- I'M AFRAID WE NOW HAVE NO CHOICE

BUT TO TAKE MORE DRASTIC STEPS.

OH, OK.

I RECONFIGURED THE WIND TUNNEL

TO ACCELERATE ABSORPTION OF EVERY BODILY POLLUTANT

I COULD FIND.

PUT SIMPLY, I PUT DODGERS IN A JUNK TORNADO.

- IS THIS GOING TO WORK?

- WHO CAN SAY?

SCIENCE IS AN INEXACT, UH...

SCIENCE.

- WELL, IS IT SAFE?

- SAFE ENOUGH.

- AAH! (THUD)

- MORNING, DODGERS. HOW DO YOU FEEL?

- I COULD GO FOR SOME BREAKFAST.

- (CHEERING)

- WHO'S UP FOR ONION RINGS?

BOY, THESE GUYS REALLY NEED

TO START TAKING BETTER CARE OF THEMSELVES.