All language subtitles for Episodes407

I have been hearing such great things
about your new show.

Happy. Word around town, amazing.

Lunch is on me. Lunch is always on you.

But help is a job.

You got one of those?

I'm not a magician.

Yeah? Well, you better pull something
out of your ass.

What magic shows did you go to? I need a
pet name for Helen.

Really? Pet names already?

I know.

It's like we're on some kind of
accelerated lesbian calendar.

Like... Three days is a week.

If I were a dog, I'd be dead by now.

Hey, look at this. It's the set model
for our new show.

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

They're actually building the entire
house on the stage, three stories, and

all these walls come out so they can
shoot from one floor to another.

Huh.

Anyway, you've got to see this.

Well, that's the vagina.

Yeah. My kid did it. Oh, even more
disturbing.

Not the six-year-old. The
eight-year-old.

How are you not in prison? Come on, it's
art.

Or evidence.

All right, got to go be somewhat
amusing.

Can I leave this here? No.

Please take your trash and go.

Hey,

check it out. My kid did this.

You know what really bothers me?

Besides the eight-year-old drawing
beaver shots.

You notice he wasn't the least bit
intrepid in our thing.

I've got to say, a set model versus
kiddie porn. No, that's not the point.

If it's not about him, he couldn't care
less. Right, he's self-involved. He's

narcissistic. He's an actor.

It's hard to remember, though, given his
work on this show.

Just so bloody one-sided.

You realise he's never even asked to
read our scripts.

Everyone in town has read it. Wouldn't
you think he'd be slightly curious?

Maybe he read it and didn't like it.
Maybe he's just trying to spare our

feelings. Does that sound like him?

Well, then, if he doesn't want to read
it, who cares? You need his informed

literary opinion.

No, it's just... Who he is.

Please let it go.

Just compliment his son's vagina and
leave it at that.

We, um... We have our first notes on the
script for the new show.

It's amazing.

Virtually nothing.

Wow.

It's a little disconcerting, all this
unbridled praise.

Everyone just seems to love it.

It's great.

I'm thinking of getting a drone. A
drone? Yeah, anyone can buy them now.

What would you do with a drone?

I don't know.

Drone stuff.

Look at the tops of birds.

See my roof.

Drop shit on Burt Bacharach's house.

Why Burt Bacharach? It's a whole thing.

He'll know.

So you haven't by any chance read it,
have you?

What? Our script.

No. Oh, good.

For a second I was afraid you might be
the one person who'd read it and didn't

love it.

Oh, not to worry.

I could take pictures of Suzanne Somers.
What? With my drone.

She lives next to me. Her gardener told
my gardener that she lied out naked.

I've drawn that.

Right.

Quick question. What is wrong with you?

Why don't you want to read it? What?

Our script.

Why don't you want to read it?

Oh, okay, fine. I'll read it. Oh, no,
don't do me any favors. I don't need a

mercy read.

All right.

Seriously? You're not going to read it?
Okay, I don't know what you want here. I

would like, just for once, for you to be
interested in something that's important

to me.

Shouldn't we be sleeping together to be
having this conversation?

Fine.

Please, can I read your script? No.

You're right. I'm sorry. I'm a selfish
asshole.

Agreed. I really want to read it.

Really? Yes.

All right.

As long as you're not doing it just
because I pressured you into it. Oh,

well. What? I'm kidding.

Jesus.

And by the way, I know I don't say it
enough, but you're the prettiest girl in

the room.

That's going to be on TMZ.

Where are we on the angry men rewrite?

I think some of them are still too
angry.

Is he ever going to get there? Should we
just pull the plug on this thing?

Probably. I don't think he's capable.

Are you okay?

Sorry.

I just don't think...

Do you need to... Wow.

Do you think she's ever going to tell
us?

Are we absolutely sure?

Please. What month do you think she's
in?

11th? 12th? And there's definitely no
boyfriend.

Not that I know of. She lives alone.

She just has those two cats.

Maybe she's having a cliche.

Morning. Hey.

How was your weekend?

Quiet.

What did you do?

Nothing, really.

Hung out, watched TV.

Read anything?

Actually, I'm reading this book on tape.

It's really cool. It's about how if
Hitler had won the war... I'll tell you,

we sure dodged a bullet there.

What?

Oh, oh.

Oh, right.

Right. I'm going to get to it as soon as
I get a free minute. You have the whole

bloody weekend. I said I'll read it.
It's 28 pages.

It's not the fucking goldfinch.

It's a thick book.

Gotcha. Unbelievable.

Knock, knock.

What's up? I believe there is something
for you on my desk.

What is this?

What did you do?

Open it.

You should not have done this.

Oh, my God.

This is... No one has ever...

I can't even... I can't... I can't...

I can't breathe.

Calm down.

You're breathing.

A key?

After two weeks?

It's just... It's too much. Too fast.

Oh, did I tell you?

She already invited me to Stanford for
her daughter's graduation.

In June.

Well, that's not so... No, not this
June.

Next June.

Oh, God.

What is wrong with me?

I should be happy.

It's like a dream come true, and I'm
getting time.

Oh, that is definitely Harvey.

All right, stop looking.

Okay, listen.

You have to tell her how you feel.

an entire relationship on
antihistamines. What am I supposed to

say? Less love, please. I don't want to
hurt her.

You're just asking her to slow down a
bit.

If this relationship has any hope of
sustaining, you've got to be honest.

Okay, fine.

You're right. I hear you.

Hi,

sweetie.

No, I'm at the dentist. I lost a crown.

It's all good.

Be back soon.

I gotta go.

You know I'm a writer, too.

Oh, no. No, I did not.

I'm working on the screenplay.

Ah.

Oh, good for you.

It's about this girl. Oh, okay.

Nobody ever notices her. No one ever
asks about her life or how she's doing.

It's like she's not a person, too.

No one cares.

So, she decides to kill her co-workers.

Ah.

Did not see that coming. There's your
twist.

She just feels like, you don't notice
me?

You'll notice me.

And there's your motivation.

Good. You'll need that.

So, she kills them... By poisoning them.

I see.

She does it slowly.

Little by little. And no one suspects
because she's just this girl. Who is

she? She's nobody.

No one would think.

Of course not. Perfect crime.

Can I show it to you when I'm done?
Absolutely. Yes, I'm very interested.

Where did you get that? Over there.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Fucking brilliant.

You read it.

Like I had a choice.

Interesting. Oh, well, I might have
mentioned once or... Stop looking at me.

Is so good. Really? Oh, my God, I
laughed my ass off. Now I see why

everybody's flipping out. Thank you. My
goodness. So, have you started casting?

Can I put in a good word for someone?
Absolutely. Who?

Me.

Say what?

I would love to do this.

Right.

Yes, great.

What, um... What...

In part, were you thinking... It's got
to be Anderson.

It's like you wrote it for me.

Oh, really?

You should know that the actor playing
Anderson also has to play Riggs, so

that may be more than... Oh, shit, I
love Riggs. Oh.

It's my second favorite.

So, I'm Anderson and Riggs?

Apparently so.

Wow.

I've got to tell you.

I was so scared I'd get stuck taking
some shit show for the check. But this?

And with you guys?

I... I don't know what to say. I think
we're all at a loss.

All right.

I've got to call my agent. Let's get
this thing going. Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Why did you say great? Well, you said
great.

Well, because you said it.

I don't say great after you say great.
Suddenly I'm the bad guy. And may I just

point out, not in a judgmental way, none
of this would have happened if you

hadn't forced him to read the bloody
thing.

This is all of your making.

Oh, we don't want him in it, do we?
You're really asking me that? No.

Do you? No, he's dead wrong. But he's so
excited.

I know.

But we have been down the Matt LeBlanc
road. It is bumpy and it ends in a

cliff. So?

I don't know. But we have to do
something.

This train is moving.

Hey, what are you guys doing later?
Um...

Nothing. Come to the beach. I'll throw
some steaks on. We'll celebrate this

thing. Great. Cool.

Who said great that time? I know.

And you noticed we didn't stop the
train. No.

We added a dining car.

Are you a dog person?

Why? What did you order?

I don't know. I was just thinking, you
know, maybe we should get a dog.

Oh, not a fan?

Uh, no, I just never had one.

My mother was allergic.

We had a bird, Louise.

My sister taught her to say, we're gonna
crash, we're gonna crash.

Oh my God.

Yeah, she's pretty tense at home.

I'll bet.

So, dog or no dog?

Well, how would it work?

Where would it live?

Here.

What's that?

Hello?

Out here.

So dreading this.

It's to be done. Right.

Smile. Too many teeth.

All right.

I forgot how beautiful this is.

When were you here?

Right. And then you came over and we...
Welcome back.

How about some wine? Gallons. Yes,
please.

All right, we got steaks. There's corn,
potatoes.

My mom made her famous tiramisu.

Your mother's here?

Yeah. She came out last week when she
heard my father might die. She wanted a

ringside seat.

Ma!

She hates wearing her hearing aids.

Ma!

That's okay.

She'll come out when she smells the meat
cooking.

So, here's to the opposite of us.

Here's hoping it's the opposite of
pucks.

Oh, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

I'm going to get the steaks. I'll be
right back.

His mother's here.

We can't tell him in front of her.

Can't not tell him. I know.

Great. So now his mother's on the train.

I mean, you're here all the time anyway.

You could rent your place out, make a
few bucks.

It just makes sense, you know?

And I know what you're thinking.

You do?

Everything here is me, me, me, me.
There's no you.

So what I was thinking was we get rid of
all of my shit and redo the whole thing

together. What?

Crazy. Not if you're going to live here.

Or we buy a whole new place.

What about the beach?

Imagine the two of us coming home from
work, and there's the ocean, there's the

sunset, and our puppy's waiting for us.
We're going to crash.

What? I can't do this.

I can't. I'm sorry.

It's just too much.

What's too much?

You're the best, most wonderful person
ever.

But don't you think it's all happening
just a little too fast?

Just a... Oh.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no.

Don't apologize. My fault. I just
assumed that you were where I was.

No. No.

I am where you are.

Just, uh, behind you.

Away.

Here I am.

Oh, I shouldn't have said anything. No,
I'm glad you did. I'd be stuck out at

the fucking beach with some stupid dog.

I think it's just, this whole thing is
very new for me.

I mean, every other guy I've been with,
I'm not saying you're a guy.

That way? Believe me, I'm loving all
that stuff.

Oh, no, wait.

Look, you know I have only gone out with
assholes. You were married to one of

them.

I'm not used to nice.

I think I'm just scared by how much I
care about

you.

Well, I certainly didn't mean to.

Scare you.

I know.

And I'm sorry I got a little... Come
here, scrunch.

I wasn't even going to say anything.

But then Beverly said... Beverly?

Oh.

Beverly's giving you advice about us?

Maybe.

I know she's your friend, but I'm not
sure she has our best interests at

heart. No?

Well, for one, she's clearly in love
with you.

Beverly?

That's crazy.

She doesn't even like me most of the
time. Oh, okay.

No!

She's not into... She's married.

I was married.

Even so, I don't think... Oh, please.
Look at her hair.

So what do you think of this?

When I'm Riggs, I've got, like, a beard.

But when I'm Anderson, maybe, like, a
weird wig or even a bald cap. Is that

too much?

I'll tell you what's too much. This
steak. Oh, my God, you're like a steak

savant.

Not a lot to it. Just meat and fire.

So what do you think, bald cap or?

It's a little too soon, Ted. No, I know.
It's just.

I can't stop thinking about it.

Well, believe me, neither can we.

So are you guys still thinking about
Susan Sarandon? Because I've got to say,

I could totally see that now.

You know, we don't need to bore your
mother with work talk.

She can't hear anything.

Ma, look out! Koreans!

Believe me, if she could hear... So,
Susan Sarandon? Where?

That she heard.

Well, here's the thing.

The network is adamant about not going
with

names. Oh.

Sorry, Susan.

So what, then, just me and an ensemble?

I'm afraid they are dead set against any
names at all.

Wait, even me?

Across the board.

Even me?

We think it's a huge mistake, but what
can you do?

Fight it.

That's what you can do.

It's your show.

You should have a say in who's in it.
Don't just roll over. That's how you got

screwed the last time.

Oh, believe me, we did not just roll
over. We fought very hard for you.

Very, very hard. Who's dead?

So, who's this coming from?

What's her name? The new Merk? Helen,
yeah.

What if I sat down with her?

Is she cute? Maybe there's a card to
play there.

Trust me, you are never going to crack
that deck.

Not even to shuffle.

No? Any queen.

Not too much of the kingdom jack.

Got it.

Forget that.

Let's just call it.

Well, what?

Maybe the three of us can turn her
around. Oh, I'm sure she's already left

the office. So we'll just call her home.

What?

Easy pinot noir. You can't just call her
at home. Why not?

I'm sure my agent's got her number.

You know, these guys actually like it
when you treat them like people.

But they're not. I agree with Sean. It
would be a big mistake to bother... Hey,

it's Matt.

Do you have Helen...

Bash. Bash's home phone. I'm here with
Sean and Beverly. She told them she

doesn't want me in their show.

Really?

Hang on.

He's saying he spoke to her just to see
what kind of money they're thinking.

And she didn't even know you'd offered
it to me.

Well, maybe he spoke to her before

she spoke with us.

You hear that?

If Annie talked to her like an hour ago,
you were here an hour ago.

Well, I don't know what she could be
thinking.

We can get into it with her in the
morning.

I'll call you back.

Did you talk to her or not?

Huh.

This is too rare for me. It looks like
it was in a car accident.

I think she's got mine.

Oh, my God.

Here, take it.

Yeah, see?

This one is cooked.

Yes, it is.

Do you want me in your show?

We know she'll never go for it.

That's not what I asked.

Do you want me in your show?

So we can read the fucking thing.

Clearly I should not have.

I'm sorry.

Gristle.

Yes, it is.

Perhaps it would be best if we left.

Where are they going?

Where are you going?

I'm afraid we have to run, Mrs LeBlanc.

What? We have to leave now. It was so
lovely. Wait.

Wait.

If you could just tell your mother
goodnight for her.

Tiramisu!

Oh, no, that's very kind, but I'm afraid
we really have to... I made it. No, no,

I know you did, but... It looks
delicious, but we really must... Enjoy.

Mmm, it's brilliant. This is such a
treat.

We will remember this.

Forever.

Well, that was glorious.

More? No, no, no. No, thank you.

All right, then. So, we're off.

Again, we could not regret this more.

We'll see you tomorrow.

So sorry.

Very sorry.

So poorly handled.

Thank you for having us.

We must do this again.

They seem nice.