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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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00:00:16,299 --> 00:00:18,339
Please... Please let me go.
3
00:00:19,636 --> 00:00:20,886
I can't.
4
00:00:20,971 --> 00:00:22,891
Not until we take care
of the problem at hand.
5
00:00:22,973 --> 00:00:25,233
What do you mean, the
problem? What have I ever done?
6
00:00:25,308 --> 00:00:27,938
You ruined my happily
ever after with the Bobs.
7
00:00:28,019 --> 00:00:30,109
With the Bobs? What
are you talking about?
8
00:00:30,188 --> 00:00:32,728
They're my destiny.
9
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,654
It was love at first sight.
10
00:00:37,070 --> 00:00:38,070
Bob...
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00:00:39,489 --> 00:00:40,659
you're beautiful.
12
00:00:44,035 --> 00:00:47,655
I knew we were meant to be, from
the first time I saw them kiss.
13
00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:53,456
After that, I followed them everywhere.
14
00:01:04,764 --> 00:01:06,604
I kept trying to introduce myself.
15
00:01:06,683 --> 00:01:07,920
... do as a gay couple
16
00:01:07,921 --> 00:01:10,693
not involving go-go
boys and strobe lights.
17
00:01:14,691 --> 00:01:16,191
No! No! No!
18
00:01:16,276 --> 00:01:20,156
What if one of those big,
beefy bear-men followed us home
19
00:01:20,238 --> 00:01:22,528
to try and force us to double-team them?
20
00:01:22,615 --> 00:01:23,905
A boy can dream.
21
00:01:26,161 --> 00:01:28,371
Roxy, what are you doing here?
22
00:01:28,747 --> 00:01:30,367
But I kept getting cockblocked.
23
00:01:30,957 --> 00:01:33,787
And then you were the
biggest cockblocker of all.
24
00:01:40,258 --> 00:01:41,338
I couldn't figure it out.
25
00:01:41,426 --> 00:01:44,386
What did you have that
they both wanted so badly?
26
00:01:45,889 --> 00:01:47,269
Except it turns out...
27
00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,476
you didn't.
28
00:01:51,227 --> 00:01:53,647
Bob, it's not gonna work.
29
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:55,937
It's time to choose.
30
00:01:56,399 --> 00:01:57,399
But...
31
00:01:58,693 --> 00:01:59,863
if I choose,
32
00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:02,454
either way I lose.
33
00:02:02,530 --> 00:02:05,410
Well, if you don't choose,
you're gonna lose us both.
34
00:02:07,452 --> 00:02:08,452
I can't.
35
00:02:09,079 --> 00:02:11,619
You had actually done me a favor.
36
00:02:11,706 --> 00:02:15,666
They were both so heartbroken,
I could finally make my move.
37
00:02:22,342 --> 00:02:23,552
First one Bob,
38
00:02:24,385 --> 00:02:25,425
then the other.
39
00:02:26,387 --> 00:02:28,557
I was getting so close.
40
00:02:29,599 --> 00:02:32,349
But then you got pregnant
and ruined my plan.
41
00:02:32,977 --> 00:02:34,267
If they find out about the baby,
42
00:02:34,854 --> 00:02:36,404
you might all end up back together.
43
00:02:36,481 --> 00:02:39,031
No! No, I don't wanna get
back together with them.
44
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,860
You don't have to do this.
You do not have to kill me.
45
00:02:42,445 --> 00:02:44,565
Oh, I'm not a murderer.
46
00:02:44,656 --> 00:02:46,236
I'm making you get an abortion.
47
00:02:47,242 --> 00:02:48,412
What?
48
00:02:48,493 --> 00:02:51,043
No, this is not your decision to make!
49
00:02:51,121 --> 00:02:53,411
Sorry about that. This has
been a little last minute.
50
00:02:54,582 --> 00:02:58,672
I had to separate my medical
tools from my taxidermy stuff.
51
00:02:58,753 --> 00:03:00,633
Okay. This is a bad plan.
52
00:03:00,922 --> 00:03:02,802
When I get out of here
53
00:03:02,882 --> 00:03:05,302
and the Bobs find out what you've done,
54
00:03:05,385 --> 00:03:06,795
they're gonna hate you forever.
55
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:09,846
Not if I get them to fall in
love with me before they find out.
56
00:03:09,931 --> 00:03:12,641
That's crazy! They're
gonna come looking for me.
57
00:03:12,725 --> 00:03:16,475
Then I guess it's a good thing
I'm texting them from your phone.
58
00:03:18,189 --> 00:03:22,189
"Need a break from all the drama.
59
00:03:22,652 --> 00:03:24,402
Good luck at the debate.
60
00:03:24,612 --> 00:03:28,202
I'm taking a much-needed vacay."
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00:03:30,869 --> 00:03:32,039
Text me when it's done.
62
00:03:46,301 --> 00:03:50,221
At least with Coralee gone, I
finally had a quiet place to think.
63
00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:52,602
I was running out of time.
64
00:04:09,949 --> 00:04:11,579
Thank God you are here!
65
00:04:11,659 --> 00:04:14,199
The debate is today, and
I need my campaign manager!
66
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:18,117
Listen. You absolutely positively
have to beat Bob Barnard.
67
00:04:18,208 --> 00:04:20,078
- I know.
- No. If you lose,
68
00:04:20,168 --> 00:04:22,808
- he's gonna drain Gator Bog.
- Yeah, I wish I had thought of that.
69
00:04:22,837 --> 00:04:24,757
That Law & Order,
that is a real platform.
70
00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,219
There are bodies in that swamp, Bob!
71
00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:28,587
Bodies of men.
72
00:04:28,676 --> 00:04:30,716
What the hell are you talking about?
73
00:04:31,012 --> 00:04:33,512
I had to protect Patty,
which meant fudging the truth.
74
00:04:33,598 --> 00:04:36,388
When I was in Brazil, I accidentally
got two kilos of coke in my tits,
75
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:38,436
and some drug lords came
to get back their product
76
00:04:38,478 --> 00:04:40,438
and, long story short, I killed them.
77
00:04:40,521 --> 00:04:42,441
What the hell? Was it genetic?
78
00:04:42,523 --> 00:04:45,260
Okay, I did not understand
a word of what you just said.
79
00:04:45,261 --> 00:04:46,693
You killed people. How?
80
00:04:46,778 --> 00:04:48,280
If I told him I used his gun,
81
00:04:48,281 --> 00:04:49,988
he might crack under the pressure,
82
00:04:50,073 --> 00:04:52,283
and I needed him to win.
83
00:04:52,367 --> 00:04:53,407
With their machete.
84
00:04:53,493 --> 00:04:55,083
Patty wasn't there, was she?
85
00:04:55,161 --> 00:04:56,961
Oh! No, Patty was not there.
86
00:04:57,038 --> 00:04:59,266
She had nothing to do with it.
Didn't know anything about it.
87
00:04:59,290 --> 00:05:01,960
As long as you win like you're
supposed to, she's never gonna know.
88
00:05:02,043 --> 00:05:03,043
But...
89
00:05:03,044 --> 00:05:05,634
Come on, Bob! I'm finally
in a good place with her.
90
00:05:05,713 --> 00:05:08,093
I cannot let her watch me go to jail.
91
00:05:08,174 --> 00:05:09,844
You have to win. Please!
92
00:05:09,926 --> 00:05:12,046
How? I don't have a platform!
93
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:13,892
What are you talking about?
94
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,557
- The debate is in two hours.
- No shit.
95
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:19,518
Okay!
96
00:05:19,978 --> 00:05:21,728
Okay, come on.
97
00:05:22,272 --> 00:05:23,482
Uh...
98
00:05:23,564 --> 00:05:25,694
Okay. We can do this. Um...
99
00:05:27,610 --> 00:05:28,700
What are you good at?
100
00:05:28,778 --> 00:05:30,568
I don't know!
101
00:05:30,655 --> 00:05:33,695
Applying concealer. Matching
pocket squares to ties.
102
00:05:33,783 --> 00:05:35,922
I mean, how the hell is Mr. Makeover
103
00:05:35,923 --> 00:05:37,703
going to compete with Mr. Law & Order?
104
00:05:40,164 --> 00:05:41,544
I think I have an idea.
105
00:05:45,670 --> 00:05:48,920
I had gotten out of prison
and had come home to the crown.
106
00:05:51,134 --> 00:05:54,394
I couldn't think about death
or destruction or prison.
107
00:05:54,470 --> 00:05:56,470
I had to focus on my future.
108
00:05:57,640 --> 00:06:00,440
I was facing the biggest
pageant of my life,
109
00:06:00,518 --> 00:06:02,058
and I didn't have a coach.
110
00:06:02,145 --> 00:06:04,685
So, I called in reinforcements.
111
00:06:09,027 --> 00:06:10,277
Thank God you're here.
112
00:06:10,361 --> 00:06:13,281
My mom left me $10,000
of her titty money,
113
00:06:13,364 --> 00:06:15,664
and we have to go shopping
for Miss American Lady.
114
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:18,289
Oh, my God. What's wrong?
115
00:06:18,661 --> 00:06:19,871
Nonnie, are you okay?
116
00:06:20,288 --> 00:06:22,248
I didn't get into John Jay College.
117
00:06:23,291 --> 00:06:25,041
I got the letter this morning.
118
00:06:26,002 --> 00:06:27,002
Nonnie...
119
00:06:27,337 --> 00:06:28,547
I'm so sorry.
120
00:06:28,629 --> 00:06:30,299
My life is over.
121
00:06:31,007 --> 00:06:33,757
I'm single. I have no future.
122
00:06:33,843 --> 00:06:35,933
Hey, that's not true. You
can apply somewhere else.
123
00:06:36,012 --> 00:06:37,102
I can't.
124
00:06:37,722 --> 00:06:39,642
They somehow found out
I bribed your attacker
125
00:06:39,724 --> 00:06:42,394
into telling me who paid him off, so...
126
00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:44,805
now my ethics are in question.
127
00:06:46,314 --> 00:06:49,284
- Oh, my God. This is all my fault.
- No, it's not.
128
00:06:49,817 --> 00:06:51,317
It was my decision.
129
00:06:52,028 --> 00:06:53,858
I messed up my own future.
130
00:06:54,989 --> 00:06:57,579
But yours is still bright.
131
00:06:58,368 --> 00:06:59,618
So let's go shopping.
132
00:07:00,328 --> 00:07:02,328
- Miss American Lady.
- No.
133
00:07:02,413 --> 00:07:05,003
You sacrificed your dream to protect me.
134
00:07:05,083 --> 00:07:07,633
Which means, for once,
my dream can wait.
135
00:07:08,628 --> 00:07:09,708
Today is about you.
136
00:07:10,588 --> 00:07:12,268
Whatever you want to
make you feel better.
137
00:07:16,219 --> 00:07:17,799
A ghost tour of Atlanta?
138
00:07:17,887 --> 00:07:20,597
So much for leaving death
and destruction behind.
139
00:07:20,681 --> 00:07:23,481
But Nonnie loved horror movies
like I loved Drew Barrymore,
140
00:07:23,601 --> 00:07:24,851
and this was Nonnie's day.
141
00:07:25,144 --> 00:07:28,154
Welcome, boys and ghouls,
to the Ghost Tour of Atlanta.
142
00:07:28,398 --> 00:07:29,438
My name is Jade.
143
00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:31,112
I'm Patty. This is Nonnie.
144
00:07:31,192 --> 00:07:32,992
Is it just the two of you?
145
00:07:33,319 --> 00:07:34,319
Uh, yeah.
146
00:07:34,737 --> 00:07:37,067
Great. I love an intimate group.
147
00:07:40,201 --> 00:07:43,161
Don't worry. If you get too
scared, I'm here to protect you.
148
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:45,076
Ladies first.
149
00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:48,417
Whoo!
150
00:07:53,423 --> 00:07:54,823
Dude, she's totally hitting on you.
151
00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:57,892
Dude, she's totally
just doing her... job.
152
00:07:58,719 --> 00:08:00,099
No, dude. She's flirting.
153
00:08:01,305 --> 00:08:03,015
See? Your life isn't over.
154
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:04,556
I don't know.
155
00:08:05,351 --> 00:08:06,351
Look...
156
00:08:06,602 --> 00:08:08,312
I can't get you into college,
157
00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:10,396
and I can't fix your broken heart,
158
00:08:10,481 --> 00:08:11,972
but I can teach you all about
159
00:08:11,973 --> 00:08:14,322
using outside validation
to numb your feelings.
160
00:08:16,487 --> 00:08:17,487
Come on!
161
00:08:17,613 --> 00:08:18,893
Let me be your wing woman today.
162
00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:20,320
Let's get your groove back.
163
00:08:20,366 --> 00:08:23,786
The first stop is the ghost of Marietta.
164
00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:25,250
Ooohh!
165
00:08:26,622 --> 00:08:29,462
"As a former prosecutor, y'all
know my stance on law and order.
166
00:08:30,126 --> 00:08:31,206
It is the crux... "
167
00:08:31,294 --> 00:08:33,964
Ready to crush Bob
Armstrong at the debate?
168
00:08:34,046 --> 00:08:36,666
Honestly, I'm nervous.
169
00:08:36,757 --> 00:08:38,627
I never thought Bob could win,
170
00:08:38,718 --> 00:08:40,140
but he's been rising in the polls
171
00:08:40,141 --> 00:08:42,508
ever since his dad decided to back him.
172
00:08:42,597 --> 00:08:46,477
Remember what you used to always
say to me before every pageant?
173
00:08:47,310 --> 00:08:48,600
"Barnards never lose."
174
00:08:49,979 --> 00:08:51,559
I miss those days.
175
00:08:52,482 --> 00:08:53,482
Me too.
176
00:08:53,941 --> 00:08:56,111
Especially being in
front of an audience.
177
00:08:56,986 --> 00:08:58,026
You could be...
178
00:08:58,863 --> 00:08:59,993
today.
179
00:09:00,072 --> 00:09:02,702
I'd be a lot less nervous if
you were up on stage with me.
180
00:09:04,118 --> 00:09:05,288
Okay.
181
00:09:05,369 --> 00:09:07,909
And what if Brick and I did
some magic tricks at the debate?
182
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:11,207
Like a halftime show? It'd be great
promotion for our YouTube channel.
183
00:09:11,292 --> 00:09:12,292
Yeah...
184
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,960
Unless it's weird for you
that Brick's my assistant.
185
00:09:16,047 --> 00:09:17,087
Oh, it's fine.
186
00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:19,263
It's not Brick's fault his dad's a tool.
187
00:09:19,342 --> 00:09:20,472
Let me make some calls.
188
00:09:20,551 --> 00:09:22,091
Yay! Thanks, Dad.
189
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:23,638
You're the best.
190
00:09:23,721 --> 00:09:25,984
Hey, I haven't seen any of your videos.
191
00:09:25,985 --> 00:09:27,284
What are you calling your channel?
192
00:09:27,308 --> 00:09:29,848
Literally Black Girl Magic.
193
00:09:30,102 --> 00:09:31,192
I like it.
194
00:09:31,854 --> 00:09:35,824
Literally Black Girl Magic.
195
00:09:40,488 --> 00:09:41,658
That's my girl.
196
00:09:55,002 --> 00:09:56,502
Ready to order yet, Ostrich?
197
00:09:59,382 --> 00:10:01,092
I'm an emu, you dumb bitch!
198
00:10:02,218 --> 00:10:04,468
The deadliest bird on
Earth. Now piss off.
199
00:10:08,808 --> 00:10:10,848
Oh, oh, hey!
200
00:10:11,102 --> 00:10:12,602
Hey, you!
201
00:10:12,687 --> 00:10:14,857
Over here! Yoo-hoo!
202
00:10:14,939 --> 00:10:17,729
Leave me alone, Ostrich.
I'm lookin' for my friend.
203
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:19,484
It's me.
204
00:10:20,611 --> 00:10:21,781
And I'm an emu.
205
00:10:22,446 --> 00:10:23,776
What's with the costume?
206
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:25,486
I'm still on the lam.
207
00:10:25,575 --> 00:10:28,365
I've been hiding out at a Furry
Convention the past couple of weeks.
208
00:10:28,744 --> 00:10:29,744
Hot.
209
00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:33,826
You'd think, but there's a
reason they hide in cute costumes.
210
00:10:33,916 --> 00:10:36,416
I can't believe you
broke out of prison, girl.
211
00:10:36,794 --> 00:10:38,174
I'm so proud of you.
212
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:41,971
You always told me,
winners win at any cost.
213
00:10:42,592 --> 00:10:46,302
So let's go win back our Tampoozle
money from that C-word, Coralee.
214
00:10:46,387 --> 00:10:47,807
I wish there was money.
215
00:10:48,556 --> 00:10:51,266
I needed to find Dixie
and buy back her love.
216
00:10:51,642 --> 00:10:53,022
There's no cash to get.
217
00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:56,189
Coralee's barely moved any product.
218
00:10:56,647 --> 00:10:59,067
Then let's go steal back the product.
219
00:10:59,483 --> 00:11:00,483
Oh, girl!
220
00:11:00,484 --> 00:11:02,697
My cousin's sister-wife
owns a whole mess
221
00:11:02,698 --> 00:11:04,494
of those rest stop vending machines.
222
00:11:05,072 --> 00:11:08,032
She'll buy our inventory, cash up front,
223
00:11:08,117 --> 00:11:10,867
and sell 'em up and
down the Georgia coast.
224
00:11:11,579 --> 00:11:13,039
That's a good idea.
225
00:11:17,418 --> 00:11:20,668
The Atlantis is the oldest
cemetery in the state.
226
00:11:20,755 --> 00:11:24,175
Fun fact: Margaret Mitchell, the
woman who wrote Gone With The Wind,
227
00:11:24,258 --> 00:11:26,588
was almost buried here twice.
228
00:11:27,637 --> 00:11:29,427
She's definitely out of my league.
229
00:11:29,597 --> 00:11:31,767
Stop that. You're just as
much of a catch as she is.
230
00:11:32,183 --> 00:11:35,482
Cozy up to her. Compliment
her. Show her you're interested.
231
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:37,361
I can't. I have zero game.
232
00:11:37,438 --> 00:11:38,518
Game can be learned.
233
00:11:38,606 --> 00:11:41,476
Up ahead is where, in 1937,
234
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:44,237
nine-year-old twins Roy and Sara Kagan
235
00:11:44,612 --> 00:11:45,612
walked in...
236
00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:47,776
and they never came out.
237
00:11:47,865 --> 00:11:50,913
Their bodies were never found,
238
00:11:50,993 --> 00:11:53,373
but their spirits
still haunt this place,
239
00:11:53,454 --> 00:11:55,834
angry their parents
never looked for them.
240
00:11:56,540 --> 00:11:57,750
People say...
241
00:11:58,626 --> 00:12:01,666
sometimes the twins' favorite red
ball shows up in the graveyard.
242
00:12:02,797 --> 00:12:03,797
Should we take a look?
243
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:07,393
Go, go. Now's your chance.
244
00:12:07,885 --> 00:12:09,925
I'll stay here! I'm too scared!
245
00:12:16,143 --> 00:12:17,193
Christian's phone.
246
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:19,080
While Nonnie was off chasing ghosts,
247
00:12:19,081 --> 00:12:21,230
mine were threatening
to catch up with me.
248
00:12:21,315 --> 00:12:24,065
"Earth to Christian! Please
let us know if you're alive."
249
00:12:24,151 --> 00:12:25,351
But I'm not alive.
250
00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:27,529
Am I?
251
00:12:28,739 --> 00:12:31,119
Bet you wish no one was looking
for me, like those twins.
252
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,200
You're not real. You're not real.
253
00:12:35,287 --> 00:12:37,917
"Hey, sorry for ghosting.
254
00:12:41,168 --> 00:12:42,418
Money is tight.
255
00:12:42,503 --> 00:12:45,843
Had to shut off my phone
and go off the grid.
256
00:12:45,923 --> 00:12:49,683
LA is dope. I think I'm
gonna stay out here for good."
257
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:53,005
You can't keep texting
my parents forever.
258
00:12:53,723 --> 00:12:55,023
I just got out of prison.
259
00:12:55,099 --> 00:12:57,179
I'm not going back because of you.
260
00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:59,308
Patty!
261
00:12:59,937 --> 00:13:01,107
Look what we found!
262
00:13:01,522 --> 00:13:03,362
- The twins' red ball!
- Great!
263
00:13:03,441 --> 00:13:04,691
Is it time for lunch?
264
00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:06,317
It's time to debate!
265
00:13:06,402 --> 00:13:08,362
Hello, Masonville!
266
00:13:10,656 --> 00:13:12,656
I'm Bella Danvers, the proud host
267
00:13:12,742 --> 00:13:14,622
of Masonville's longest
running morning show,
268
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:15,887
Good Morning Masonville,
269
00:13:15,888 --> 00:13:18,662
and it is a good morning
because you are in Masonville!
270
00:13:23,461 --> 00:13:25,551
But today, I'll be
moderating our mayoral debate
271
00:13:25,629 --> 00:13:27,589
in anticipation of tomorrow's election.
272
00:13:27,882 --> 00:13:30,168
I'm happy to say that
two white men are running,
273
00:13:30,169 --> 00:13:33,102
which... I find refreshing.
274
00:13:35,055 --> 00:13:37,265
Do you really think we came
up with a good platform?
275
00:13:37,349 --> 00:13:41,147
I hope so. Otherwise, I can
end up behind bars. No pressure.
276
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,110
Thanks, Ang. Real encouraging.
277
00:13:43,189 --> 00:13:45,269
You want a pep talk?
278
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:48,932
... intellect, integrity
and leadership skills...
279
00:13:51,030 --> 00:13:52,950
You have done more for my daughter
280
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:54,992
in the six months you've known her...
281
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,244
than I did in 18 years.
282
00:13:57,912 --> 00:14:00,502
In a lot of ways, you're
a better parent than I am.
283
00:14:00,581 --> 00:14:03,791
You're strong. You're
loyal. You're resilient.
284
00:14:04,084 --> 00:14:06,754
If those voters see
half the man that I see,
285
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,760
you're gonna win by a landslide.
286
00:14:13,177 --> 00:14:14,177
Angie...
287
00:14:16,931 --> 00:14:20,181
Also, if you need, like,
a little extra help...
288
00:14:20,476 --> 00:14:23,686
Are you crazy? You
could get us arrested,
289
00:14:23,771 --> 00:14:25,561
and Brick is coming! Put it away!
290
00:14:26,023 --> 00:14:29,783
Uh... Are you sure it's a good idea
to put it next to your stitches?
291
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:32,460
I bought two for one coke tits
and killed a bunch of drug dealers.
292
00:14:32,488 --> 00:14:34,818
I think the good idea ship
sailed a long time ago, Bob.
293
00:14:35,324 --> 00:14:37,204
Hey, I'm sorry I'm late.
I was looking for Mom.
294
00:14:37,451 --> 00:14:40,411
Oh... Mama's taking some time
away. Didn't she tell you?
295
00:14:40,663 --> 00:14:43,015
- No.
- Rudy should be here by now.
296
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:46,674
- I hope nothing's wrong.
- And without further ado,
297
00:14:47,127 --> 00:14:50,667
please welcome candidate Bob
Armstrong, joined by his son, Brick!
298
00:14:56,095 --> 00:14:59,265
And candidate Bob Barnard,
joined by his daughter, Magnolia!
299
00:15:03,644 --> 00:15:06,774
I'm happy to report the candidates'
children will also be performing
300
00:15:06,856 --> 00:15:08,816
their magic show during
today's halftime break
301
00:15:08,899 --> 00:15:12,859
because what goes better with small
town political debates than magic?
302
00:15:16,615 --> 00:15:17,615
Okay.
303
00:15:19,827 --> 00:15:22,247
As is custom here in Masonville,
304
00:15:22,329 --> 00:15:24,579
we will be using Swiss
rules for the debate.
305
00:15:24,999 --> 00:15:26,249
Just a reminder,
306
00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:29,803
the opening statement can't exceed,
but must be at least 20 minutes.
307
00:15:29,879 --> 00:15:32,009
If either candidate shouts
out, "Round the horn,"
308
00:15:32,089 --> 00:15:33,281
the other candidate will stop speaking
309
00:15:33,282 --> 00:15:35,235
so the first candidate can
respond with a rebuttal.
310
00:15:35,259 --> 00:15:37,849
This opens the floor to a spirited
round of Rebut the Platform.
311
00:15:37,928 --> 00:15:39,848
If you hear this sound...
312
00:15:39,930 --> 00:15:42,367
... it's the bonus round where
answers must be under ten words,
313
00:15:42,391 --> 00:15:43,891
with no more than four adjectives.
314
00:15:44,351 --> 00:15:46,901
If either candidate speaks over
the other, you'll hear this...
315
00:15:48,814 --> 00:15:49,950
That means the offending candidate
316
00:15:49,951 --> 00:15:51,984
must go in the penalty
box for 60 seconds.
317
00:15:52,067 --> 00:15:54,527
And that's just for the
first half of the debate.
318
00:15:54,612 --> 00:15:57,872
In the second half, as is
tradition here in Masonville,
319
00:15:57,948 --> 00:16:00,868
we have a few more
things to keep in mind.
320
00:16:01,577 --> 00:16:03,407
Okay, sweetheart.
321
00:16:03,495 --> 00:16:05,285
Almost ready to get started.
322
00:16:05,956 --> 00:16:07,826
Whatever he's paying
you, I will double it.
323
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:09,342
Just please let me go.
324
00:16:10,544 --> 00:16:12,884
Goddamn it. There's the other one.
325
00:16:12,963 --> 00:16:14,093
The other one?
326
00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:16,505
Who else was he holding?
327
00:16:17,384 --> 00:16:19,304
How the hell was I going to get out?
328
00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,930
All I had were my high heels,
329
00:16:22,014 --> 00:16:26,354
the Tampoozle in my pocket,
and my press-on French tips.
330
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:35,946
Oh, come... come on!
331
00:16:36,195 --> 00:16:37,945
Damn it! Come on!
332
00:16:38,864 --> 00:16:42,374
And absolutely no high
fives, wedgies or yodeling.
333
00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:43,541
And those are our rules.
334
00:16:43,619 --> 00:16:45,070
If at any point you need a reminder,
335
00:16:45,071 --> 00:16:46,960
don't hesitate to use your handy guides
336
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:48,119
available at your podiums.
337
00:16:58,509 --> 00:17:00,929
Okay. The candidates
will rock, paper, scissors
338
00:17:01,053 --> 00:17:03,393
to decide who presents their
opening statements first!
339
00:17:03,514 --> 00:17:04,604
And begin.
340
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:12,441
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
341
00:17:12,523 --> 00:17:14,023
Tie! Try again.
342
00:17:15,442 --> 00:17:16,902
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
343
00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:18,783
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
344
00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:20,701
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
345
00:17:21,615 --> 00:17:23,615
Rock, paper, scissors...
346
00:17:24,743 --> 00:17:26,503
- shoot!
- Jesus Christ.
347
00:17:28,622 --> 00:17:31,132
I knew the Bobs still loved each other.
348
00:17:31,208 --> 00:17:32,958
I just needed a way to remind them.
349
00:17:34,044 --> 00:17:36,344
I'd lure them here, broker a peace,
350
00:17:36,422 --> 00:17:39,302
and then they'd love me for
getting them back together.
351
00:17:39,383 --> 00:17:41,803
But first, I needed to practice.
352
00:17:42,136 --> 00:17:43,346
Guys,
353
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:46,309
I think we might all be a
little heated from that debate,
354
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:49,600
but I think it's important to
remember the history between you.
355
00:17:49,685 --> 00:17:50,975
Between all of us.
356
00:17:52,312 --> 00:17:54,732
I imagine we all have
a lot to say, so...
357
00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:56,727
who wants to go first?
358
00:17:57,776 --> 00:17:58,776
What me?
359
00:17:58,944 --> 00:18:00,654
No, you... What? Oh!
360
00:18:00,738 --> 00:18:02,278
I'm sorry.
361
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:03,948
No, you go.
362
00:18:10,956 --> 00:18:12,786
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
363
00:18:12,875 --> 00:18:14,375
Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!
364
00:18:14,460 --> 00:18:16,420
That's it. No more scissors.
Just rock, paper. Go.
365
00:18:17,629 --> 00:18:19,169
Rock, paper, shoot!
366
00:18:19,256 --> 00:18:20,700
I'm thinking of a number
between one and ten.
367
00:18:20,701 --> 00:18:23,006
Whoever's closest goes
first. Pick a number.
368
00:18:23,093 --> 00:18:24,223
- Five!
- Five!
369
00:18:24,344 --> 00:18:26,354
Okay. We're going alphabetical.
370
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:28,640
Mr. Armstrong, please give
your opening statement.
371
00:18:30,976 --> 00:18:31,976
Please.
372
00:18:33,729 --> 00:18:36,689
Now, I know a lot of you must be asking
373
00:18:37,566 --> 00:18:40,186
what does an attractive, suave,
374
00:18:40,277 --> 00:18:44,947
intelligent, stylish bon vivant
have to offer me as mayor?
375
00:18:45,032 --> 00:18:47,532
Who cares? He ain't
runnin'. What do you have?
376
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:51,162
Well...
377
00:18:51,580 --> 00:18:53,750
as a lawyer slash pageant coach,
378
00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:56,292
it is my professional opinion
379
00:18:56,376 --> 00:18:59,126
that Masonville needs a makeover.
380
00:18:59,505 --> 00:19:03,175
And who better to do
that than yours truly?
381
00:19:03,258 --> 00:19:06,098
I took an average girl from Masonville
382
00:19:06,178 --> 00:19:09,768
and turned her into Miss
Georgia American Lady
383
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:12,228
and future national champion.
384
00:19:12,309 --> 00:19:14,189
Didn't Patty Bladell go to prison?
385
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:15,520
That's right.
386
00:19:19,066 --> 00:19:20,066
Yes.
387
00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:22,898
But she was falsely accused,
388
00:19:23,153 --> 00:19:26,493
exonerated completely,
and now she's out.
389
00:19:26,573 --> 00:19:30,043
And I believed in her,
390
00:19:30,119 --> 00:19:32,829
through all of her trials and travails,
391
00:19:32,913 --> 00:19:36,503
proving my loyalty and dedication.
392
00:19:37,209 --> 00:19:38,339
Which means,
393
00:19:39,294 --> 00:19:40,594
when you vote for me,
394
00:19:41,338 --> 00:19:42,918
I will do the same for you.
395
00:19:57,020 --> 00:19:59,820
Gator Bog, where we
dumped those drug dealers?
396
00:20:00,315 --> 00:20:02,985
This was turning into a tour
of the ghosts of my past.
397
00:20:03,861 --> 00:20:04,901
Why are we here?
398
00:20:04,987 --> 00:20:06,237
Oh, oh, I know!
399
00:20:06,321 --> 00:20:07,951
The swamp's haunted.
400
00:20:08,031 --> 00:20:11,701
Legend has it, a cult of gator
worshipers sacrificed themselves here.
401
00:20:11,785 --> 00:20:14,115
Sometimes you can still
hear their screams.
402
00:20:20,836 --> 00:20:21,836
Oh, shit.
403
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:22,920
Why so edgy?
404
00:20:23,338 --> 00:20:24,338
I...
405
00:20:26,091 --> 00:20:28,221
I'm just scared of alligators.
406
00:20:28,302 --> 00:20:29,610
Oh, don't be. The gators are gone
407
00:20:29,611 --> 00:20:31,852
'cause global warming.
Have been for years.
408
00:20:32,222 --> 00:20:35,102
No gators? That meant
nothing to eat the bodies.
409
00:20:35,184 --> 00:20:38,024
This could actually be the last
time I take anyone by this spot.
410
00:20:38,103 --> 00:20:40,903
If Bob Barnard wins the
Masonville Mayoral Election,
411
00:20:40,981 --> 00:20:43,571
- he'll drain it and build a prison.
- What?
412
00:20:44,151 --> 00:20:45,751
Haven't you been following the election?
413
00:20:46,195 --> 00:20:48,445
No. I've been in prison. Remember?
414
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:50,664
Excuse me for a second.
415
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:53,120
Drain the swamp?
416
00:20:53,202 --> 00:20:55,252
I had to talk to my mom right away.
417
00:20:55,329 --> 00:20:56,999
Shit! No cell service.
418
00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:01,375
So...
419
00:21:01,752 --> 00:21:03,052
Yeah. Global warming.
420
00:21:04,046 --> 00:21:05,756
Everything's gonna be smokin' hot!
421
00:21:05,839 --> 00:21:07,169
I feel like it already is.
422
00:21:12,054 --> 00:21:13,724
Hey! Stop!
423
00:21:13,805 --> 00:21:15,095
Where are you going?
424
00:21:17,226 --> 00:21:18,556
Did she just steal my car?
425
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:20,520
She's been through a lot.
426
00:21:24,191 --> 00:21:25,611
Your girlfriend's a piece of work.
427
00:21:26,026 --> 00:21:27,276
She's not my girlfriend.
428
00:21:28,987 --> 00:21:29,987
Okay.
429
00:21:31,073 --> 00:21:33,493
Come on. There's a gas
station up the road.
430
00:21:33,575 --> 00:21:34,825
We can get cell service there.
431
00:21:35,535 --> 00:21:40,075
And that is why you should
vote Bob Armstrong for mayor!
432
00:21:53,345 --> 00:21:55,805
And now for Mr.
Barnard's opening remarks.
433
00:21:55,889 --> 00:22:00,599
As a former prosecutor, y'all
know my stance on law and order.
434
00:22:00,686 --> 00:22:03,686
It is the crux of a civil society.
435
00:22:03,981 --> 00:22:07,321
And as such, I'd like to go
on record that I maintain a...
436
00:22:08,110 --> 00:22:10,030
certain standard of behavior.
437
00:22:10,112 --> 00:22:13,992
Something Mr. Makeover
chooses not to do.
438
00:22:22,457 --> 00:22:25,287
Oh... No... Oh...
439
00:22:25,377 --> 00:22:27,127
Excuse me! Excuse me! Uh...
440
00:22:27,212 --> 00:22:29,762
What do we say? Round the horn?
441
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:31,680
Not during opening statements.
442
00:22:31,758 --> 00:22:34,928
No, it's all right. Please
let my opponent speak.
443
00:22:35,762 --> 00:22:38,562
Last time I checked, this is America
444
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,890
where we are free to throw
dollar bills at anyone we like.
445
00:22:42,227 --> 00:22:45,057
Well-hung runaways with
daddy issues included.
446
00:22:45,814 --> 00:22:48,904
Unless my esteemed opponent
447
00:22:48,984 --> 00:22:51,704
is protesting same-sex relations,
448
00:22:51,778 --> 00:22:55,658
which I can assure you, from
first hand and mouth experience,
449
00:22:56,074 --> 00:22:57,954
is pure hypocrisy.
450
00:22:58,035 --> 00:22:59,865
I'm an out gay man, Bob.
451
00:22:59,953 --> 00:23:02,043
There's no one less homophobic than me.
452
00:23:02,539 --> 00:23:05,959
Now, if we could please continue
watching the video in question.
453
00:23:08,962 --> 00:23:10,592
All right, pause right there.
454
00:23:13,050 --> 00:23:15,470
Therein lies the problem.
455
00:23:16,762 --> 00:23:18,102
It's called capitalism.
456
00:23:18,180 --> 00:23:19,260
Big deal.
457
00:23:19,348 --> 00:23:23,058
It's actually called employing
an undocumented worker.
458
00:23:23,477 --> 00:23:26,437
That stripper is here
illegally from Canada.
459
00:23:26,897 --> 00:23:28,147
I'm an American stripper,
460
00:23:28,231 --> 00:23:31,361
and Armstrong helped that
filthy Canadian take my job!
461
00:23:31,735 --> 00:23:34,652
- Boo!
- Boo!
462
00:23:34,738 --> 00:23:35,738
No!
463
00:23:39,326 --> 00:23:40,486
No!
464
00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:46,955
Okay, this seems like a
good time for intermission.
465
00:23:47,042 --> 00:23:50,212
Brick Armstrong and Magnolia Barnard,
would you like to take the stage?
466
00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:58,604
I am so sorry. I had no
idea he was gonna do that.
467
00:23:58,678 --> 00:24:00,198
Are you sure you're still up for this?
468
00:24:00,263 --> 00:24:02,523
I'd rather be on stage than
dealing with drama back here.
469
00:24:02,599 --> 00:24:06,559
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to Literally Black Girl Magic.
470
00:24:18,949 --> 00:24:19,989
Motherfucker.
471
00:24:23,912 --> 00:24:25,122
No way!
472
00:24:28,083 --> 00:24:30,593
Sorry about that. I was just
trying out the anesthesia...
473
00:24:30,669 --> 00:24:31,669
New plan!
474
00:24:32,421 --> 00:24:35,091
You let me go, and I don't blow you up.
475
00:24:35,173 --> 00:24:37,053
How in the hell are
you gonna blow me up?
476
00:24:37,217 --> 00:24:39,847
I pull the tassel pin,
477
00:24:40,345 --> 00:24:41,925
count to ten, and you go boom.
478
00:24:42,347 --> 00:24:43,427
That's a tampon.
479
00:24:43,515 --> 00:24:45,225
What kind of tampon has a tassel?
480
00:24:45,725 --> 00:24:47,975
This is a ladybomb.
481
00:24:49,062 --> 00:24:52,192
A pocket-sized and
discreet explosive device
482
00:24:52,274 --> 00:24:56,284
that I've been developing to
protect women from assholes like you.
483
00:24:56,903 --> 00:25:00,203
Five times more effective than mace
and pepper spray. Patent pending.
484
00:25:00,407 --> 00:25:01,697
You're bluffing.
485
00:25:01,783 --> 00:25:03,333
Only one way to find out.
486
00:25:20,635 --> 00:25:22,005
Ten,
487
00:25:22,471 --> 00:25:23,851
nine,
488
00:25:23,930 --> 00:25:25,060
eight...
489
00:25:25,140 --> 00:25:27,890
Well, seven, six...
490
00:25:28,226 --> 00:25:29,596
It's gonna blow!
491
00:25:31,188 --> 00:25:32,188
Five...
492
00:25:36,193 --> 00:25:37,403
Three,
493
00:25:37,486 --> 00:25:38,856
two,
494
00:25:38,945 --> 00:25:39,945
one.
495
00:25:58,965 --> 00:26:01,505
Shit! It was a goddamn tampon!
496
00:26:31,873 --> 00:26:32,873
Stella Rose?
497
00:26:32,999 --> 00:26:35,339
- Coralee?
- What the hell are you doing here?
498
00:26:35,669 --> 00:26:38,259
- Just help me!
- Okay, where's the key?
499
00:26:41,424 --> 00:26:44,054
Okay. I'm coming.
500
00:26:44,302 --> 00:26:45,852
How did you end up down here?
501
00:26:45,929 --> 00:26:48,385
That sick bastard found me in the woods
502
00:26:48,386 --> 00:26:50,630
and kept me tied up
like this for months.
503
00:26:50,725 --> 00:26:53,895
Callin' me Mama, putting on
makeup, giving me sponge baths.
504
00:26:53,979 --> 00:26:56,109
It was like Kathy Bates in Misery!
505
00:26:56,690 --> 00:26:57,820
Only not as hot.
506
00:26:58,608 --> 00:27:00,278
He would've killed me if... Oh!
507
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:01,740
What is it?
508
00:27:01,820 --> 00:27:05,070
Okay, you just sit there and
I'll find something for you to...
509
00:27:05,156 --> 00:27:08,236
Much... Maybe... this.
510
00:27:08,660 --> 00:27:10,660
- Okay.
- What are you doing here?
511
00:27:10,996 --> 00:27:14,616
He tried to force me to get an
abortion, which I still might get,
512
00:27:14,708 --> 00:27:16,363
but I'm not gonna let a demented asshole
513
00:27:16,364 --> 00:27:18,630
make that decision for me! Here we go.
514
00:27:18,712 --> 00:27:20,632
- Okay.
- Careful!
515
00:27:21,214 --> 00:27:24,264
Okay, easy. I got you.
We're gonna get out of here.
516
00:27:28,346 --> 00:27:29,386
He's coming.
517
00:27:29,973 --> 00:27:32,563
It was a tampon, you bitch!
518
00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:34,771
I'm gonna kill you.
519
00:27:48,575 --> 00:27:50,985
Mama! Where are you, Mama?
520
00:28:07,761 --> 00:28:08,801
Gotcha!
521
00:28:21,441 --> 00:28:22,441
Don't.
522
00:28:23,360 --> 00:28:24,530
You're not a killer.
523
00:28:25,862 --> 00:28:27,322
There's better ways to handle this.
524
00:28:28,907 --> 00:28:29,907
You fucker!
525
00:28:35,664 --> 00:28:36,664
Okay.
526
00:28:38,083 --> 00:28:39,704
I'm stuck with this maniac for months,
527
00:28:39,705 --> 00:28:41,585
and you outsmart him with a tampon?
528
00:28:43,421 --> 00:28:44,841
Bob chose the right woman.
529
00:28:53,598 --> 00:28:55,808
Thank you, Stella Rose.
530
00:28:57,268 --> 00:29:00,058
And thank you for saving
me from myself back there.
531
00:29:00,146 --> 00:29:01,516
You're right. I'm not a killer.
532
00:29:02,691 --> 00:29:05,651
If you really want to thank me, leave.
533
00:29:06,236 --> 00:29:07,236
And please...
534
00:29:07,445 --> 00:29:08,945
don't tell anyone you saw me.
535
00:29:09,239 --> 00:29:10,819
I need a fresh start.
536
00:29:10,907 --> 00:29:12,577
Shouldn't we get you to the hospital,
537
00:29:12,659 --> 00:29:14,789
or find a way to call the police?
538
00:29:14,869 --> 00:29:16,659
No. No, you go.
539
00:29:17,664 --> 00:29:19,874
I've got business to attend to here.
540
00:29:22,293 --> 00:29:24,003
I said you weren't a killer.
541
00:29:26,214 --> 00:29:27,424
Not me.
542
00:29:39,686 --> 00:29:42,556
Hey! Where have you been? I
was getting worried about you.
543
00:29:42,856 --> 00:29:45,776
How could you do that to Bob?
Throwing him under the bus like that.
544
00:29:45,859 --> 00:29:46,939
You're ruining everything!
545
00:29:47,026 --> 00:29:48,786
What are you talking
about? He's my opponent.
546
00:29:48,987 --> 00:29:52,277
You care about him.
You need to apologize.
547
00:29:53,408 --> 00:29:55,828
Apologize? Whose side are you on?
548
00:29:56,077 --> 00:29:58,827
I didn't want to be on a side.
I wanted to be in the middle.
549
00:29:58,913 --> 00:30:00,793
Let's talk about this after the debate.
550
00:30:01,583 --> 00:30:04,753
I booked a room at the Halfway Inn.
551
00:30:06,212 --> 00:30:07,212
See you there?
552
00:30:11,676 --> 00:30:13,006
I'm rooting for you.
553
00:30:29,277 --> 00:30:30,857
Where the hell was Angie?
554
00:30:31,404 --> 00:30:33,164
I hated that I was letting her down.
555
00:30:33,239 --> 00:30:34,239
Knock, knock.
556
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,500
- How's my favorite candidate holding up?
- Rudy, what are you doing here?
557
00:30:38,578 --> 00:30:41,248
I wanted to check in with you
after what just happened out there.
558
00:30:41,623 --> 00:30:42,623
Why?
559
00:30:42,832 --> 00:30:45,382
Because it was a low blow.
560
00:30:45,752 --> 00:30:47,632
I can't believe Bob
would do that to you.
561
00:30:47,712 --> 00:30:48,842
And why do you care?
562
00:30:48,922 --> 00:30:50,795
Ever since that day in the steam room,
563
00:30:50,796 --> 00:30:53,432
I haven't stopped thinking about you.
564
00:30:54,511 --> 00:30:55,761
- Really?
- Really.
565
00:30:57,305 --> 00:31:01,015
I booked a room for me and Bob at
the Halfway Inn for after the debate,
566
00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:05,060
but after the stunt he just pulled,
I don't think we're gonna work out.
567
00:31:05,230 --> 00:31:07,230
It'd be a shame to let
the room go to waste.
568
00:31:08,191 --> 00:31:11,241
Why don't you meet me up there?
569
00:31:18,409 --> 00:31:19,409
I'm rooting for you.
570
00:31:20,161 --> 00:31:21,161
Okay.
571
00:31:26,626 --> 00:31:28,336
Here. Take this.
572
00:31:28,419 --> 00:31:29,459
Or I will.
573
00:31:30,171 --> 00:31:32,551
Now, what the hell was
Detective Cruz doing here?
574
00:31:32,632 --> 00:31:36,302
- Does he know something about the swamp?
- No! He was hitting on me.
575
00:31:36,719 --> 00:31:37,719
Bullshit.
576
00:31:38,429 --> 00:31:40,639
Barnard sent him in here
to mess with your head.
577
00:31:40,723 --> 00:31:41,723
You think?
578
00:31:41,891 --> 00:31:43,981
Yeah! He's playing dirty!
579
00:31:44,060 --> 00:31:45,600
And now you've gotta play dirty, too.
580
00:31:46,020 --> 00:31:48,230
You have to, or I'm going to jail.
581
00:31:48,314 --> 00:31:50,784
Haven't you and Barnard known
each other since you were kids?
582
00:31:50,859 --> 00:31:54,399
You must have something on
that man-groomed douche nozzle.
583
00:31:54,487 --> 00:31:55,907
I dunno. He's got pec implants?
584
00:31:57,115 --> 00:31:59,155
There's nothing wrong
with implants, Bob.
585
00:31:59,242 --> 00:32:00,542
He cries every time he comes.
586
00:32:00,618 --> 00:32:01,998
Didn't need to know that.
587
00:32:02,078 --> 00:32:05,958
He calls Kevin James
the funniest man alive...
588
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:10,420
Oh, my God! He eats
potato chips so loud.
589
00:32:10,503 --> 00:32:11,803
It is like... It's flames...
590
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:13,210
- Bob, come on!
- Flames...
591
00:32:13,590 --> 00:32:15,470
I need something juicy, you know?
592
00:32:15,550 --> 00:32:19,140
Like Watergate or
Wienergate or Pizzagate.
593
00:32:19,929 --> 00:32:21,599
He can't be as perfect as he seems.
594
00:32:24,434 --> 00:32:25,434
He's not.
595
00:32:25,935 --> 00:32:27,645
Oh, my God. You have something.
596
00:32:27,937 --> 00:32:29,647
No, it's nothing we can use.
597
00:32:29,731 --> 00:32:31,231
Bob, please.
598
00:32:31,316 --> 00:32:32,896
- No, I can't.
- We have...
599
00:32:32,984 --> 00:32:35,494
I made him a promise
that I would never tell.
600
00:32:36,029 --> 00:32:39,069
Mom, how could you not tell me
that Barnard was draining the swamp?
601
00:32:39,574 --> 00:32:41,534
Patty! What are you...
602
00:32:41,618 --> 00:32:43,158
Patty knows! You said she didn't!
603
00:32:43,244 --> 00:32:44,334
Of course I know! You knew?
604
00:32:44,412 --> 00:32:46,502
Uh... I had to tell him.
605
00:32:46,748 --> 00:32:49,288
What would Bob think of me,
now he knew I killed again?
606
00:32:49,709 --> 00:32:51,039
Did you tell him about the gun?
607
00:32:51,336 --> 00:32:52,546
- What gun?
- Your gun.
608
00:32:52,629 --> 00:32:54,089
That I used!
609
00:32:55,298 --> 00:32:56,378
To kill those men.
610
00:32:56,466 --> 00:32:58,426
My gun? Oh, my God!
611
00:32:58,509 --> 00:33:01,049
I did not give you my
gun to kill drug dealers!
612
00:33:01,137 --> 00:33:04,267
I know. I should've told you,
but I was trying to protect you.
613
00:33:04,599 --> 00:33:06,179
What in the hell is going on here?
614
00:33:06,309 --> 00:33:09,019
I am sorry that I lied,
but... And now you know!
615
00:33:09,604 --> 00:33:10,604
If...
616
00:33:11,898 --> 00:33:14,068
If you don't win, we
could both go to jail.
617
00:33:14,150 --> 00:33:15,740
We could all go to jail.
618
00:33:16,069 --> 00:33:17,149
So I'mma ask you again.
619
00:33:17,487 --> 00:33:20,367
What kind of dirt do
you have on Bob Barnard?
620
00:33:28,331 --> 00:33:30,251
He paid Stella Rose hush money
621
00:33:30,333 --> 00:33:34,963
to keep his paternity to Roxy
a secret for the past 20 years.
622
00:33:36,422 --> 00:33:37,542
Are you kiddin' me?
623
00:33:37,674 --> 00:33:40,264
Why would Coralee ruin her own product?
624
00:33:40,969 --> 00:33:41,969
She didn't.
625
00:33:42,428 --> 00:33:44,508
Look at this place
split down the middle.
626
00:33:44,597 --> 00:33:45,597
They were at war.
627
00:33:45,890 --> 00:33:47,100
Bob did it!
628
00:33:48,142 --> 00:33:49,642
Regina! Are you okay?
629
00:33:49,727 --> 00:33:52,147
No! Goddamn it!
630
00:33:53,106 --> 00:33:57,026
Oh, I'm so sick of that
fucker ruining everything!
631
00:33:58,611 --> 00:34:00,611
You mean Dixie losing
632
00:34:00,697 --> 00:34:04,277
and you going to prison
and losing your house?
633
00:34:05,243 --> 00:34:09,583
Bob Armstrong ruined my
entire life since I was eight!
634
00:34:09,998 --> 00:34:12,418
We were friends, best friends.
635
00:34:12,834 --> 00:34:15,884
He was the only person who
knew I still wet the bed.
636
00:34:16,170 --> 00:34:20,090
And then one day we got into
a fight, and he told everyone!
637
00:34:20,675 --> 00:34:24,175
And after that day, my
whole life went to shit!
638
00:34:24,679 --> 00:34:27,599
I became a pariah at
school. We had to move!
639
00:34:28,016 --> 00:34:29,386
My parents got divorced,
640
00:34:29,475 --> 00:34:33,515
and Mama started whorin' around
and got syphilis and lost her mind.
641
00:34:34,188 --> 00:34:35,648
I was all alone.
642
00:34:36,691 --> 00:34:38,651
Until I stole Dixie.
643
00:34:39,193 --> 00:34:41,095
And then she lost that pageant,
644
00:34:41,096 --> 00:34:43,243
and he started to ruin
her whole life too.
645
00:34:43,322 --> 00:34:45,162
And I tried taking him down,
646
00:34:45,241 --> 00:34:49,291
but he just keeps on keeping on!
647
00:34:49,495 --> 00:34:51,035
Well, fuck him then!
648
00:34:51,706 --> 00:34:52,786
Where's the bathroom?
649
00:34:52,915 --> 00:34:54,915
Wait! What are you doing?
650
00:34:55,001 --> 00:34:57,381
I'm gonna teach him a
lesson, prison style.
651
00:34:57,754 --> 00:34:59,384
I'm gonna give him an upper decker.
652
00:34:59,464 --> 00:35:01,514
Don't. Trust me.
653
00:35:01,966 --> 00:35:04,386
Oh, I got something
better in mind for Bob.
654
00:35:04,594 --> 00:35:07,264
I've been planning it
for quite some time.
655
00:35:09,390 --> 00:35:11,930
On second thought, do whatever you want.
656
00:35:12,018 --> 00:35:13,308
I'm gonna go get the car.
657
00:35:23,863 --> 00:35:25,743
Halftime is almost over.
658
00:35:25,823 --> 00:35:28,123
Could I really do
what I was about to do?
659
00:35:28,201 --> 00:35:29,991
Ruin Bob Barnard forever?
660
00:35:31,287 --> 00:35:33,457
But maybe this is what he deserved.
661
00:35:33,539 --> 00:35:35,459
It was true, after all.
662
00:35:40,171 --> 00:35:43,511
Just a ghost from his past,
come back to haunt him.
663
00:35:47,512 --> 00:35:48,602
Ta-da!
664
00:35:49,097 --> 00:35:51,217
Thank you. Thank you.
665
00:35:52,517 --> 00:35:54,767
Thank you so much,
Literally Black Girl Magic.
666
00:35:55,186 --> 00:35:57,186
And now for the final
portion of our debate.
667
00:35:57,271 --> 00:36:00,861
Would Mr. Armstrong and Mr.
Barnard please return to the stage.
668
00:36:02,902 --> 00:36:05,302
We all just saw the candidates'
children performing together,
669
00:36:05,738 --> 00:36:07,908
which leads me to ask, Bob Armstrong,
670
00:36:08,241 --> 00:36:10,031
how important is family to you?
671
00:36:12,328 --> 00:36:14,578
Bella couldn't have
lobbed me a better pitch.
672
00:36:14,705 --> 00:36:16,535
All I had to do was swing.
673
00:36:16,624 --> 00:36:19,924
You know, Barnard and
I, we both have families.
674
00:36:20,378 --> 00:36:21,548
And...
675
00:36:22,547 --> 00:36:23,967
I think...
676
00:36:24,048 --> 00:36:25,798
that family values...
677
00:36:27,218 --> 00:36:28,638
are subjective.
678
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:31,810
Just say it.
679
00:36:31,889 --> 00:36:35,559
It's a great responsibility
680
00:36:36,310 --> 00:36:38,310
to have a child, and...
681
00:36:39,564 --> 00:36:42,074
everyone handles that differently.
682
00:36:44,318 --> 00:36:46,988
Grab some sack and go
for it, you chicken shit!
683
00:36:47,071 --> 00:36:48,451
What the hell is wrong with you?
684
00:36:48,531 --> 00:36:50,161
Angie could go to jail!
685
00:36:50,241 --> 00:36:51,241
You could go to jail!
686
00:36:51,284 --> 00:36:52,624
Everybody makes mistakes.
687
00:36:55,204 --> 00:36:56,794
As parents,
688
00:36:56,873 --> 00:36:57,963
as people,
689
00:36:58,624 --> 00:37:00,594
as parents of people...
690
00:37:00,668 --> 00:37:01,958
Oh, for fuck's sake!
691
00:37:03,087 --> 00:37:05,507
Bob Barnard has been
paying hush money to...
692
00:37:07,341 --> 00:37:08,511
Let her speak!
693
00:37:08,759 --> 00:37:10,219
Stop muzzling that woman!
694
00:37:10,553 --> 00:37:11,553
Yes!
695
00:37:12,138 --> 00:37:14,518
Boo!
696
00:37:16,017 --> 00:37:17,517
It had all backfired.
697
00:37:17,602 --> 00:37:20,652
Armstrong would lose,
Barnard would drain the swamp,
698
00:37:20,730 --> 00:37:23,110
and how long before they
found out I killed those guys?
699
00:37:23,191 --> 00:37:24,401
We were all going down.
700
00:37:24,817 --> 00:37:26,567
Where is Rudy Cruz?
701
00:37:26,944 --> 00:37:28,324
What the hell? Coralee?
702
00:37:28,404 --> 00:37:32,204
He kidnapped me and then tried
to force me to have an abortion!
703
00:37:32,575 --> 00:37:33,575
Abortion?
704
00:37:33,910 --> 00:37:35,830
She's pregnant! Who's the father?
705
00:37:37,705 --> 00:37:39,325
Detective Cruz, you're under arrest!
706
00:37:39,415 --> 00:37:41,464
Come here!
707
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:44,500
Okay.
708
00:37:45,671 --> 00:37:47,131
I did it for you, Bob!
709
00:37:47,215 --> 00:37:48,375
I did it for you both!
710
00:37:49,467 --> 00:37:51,757
I was waiting until later for
my romantic gesture, but...
711
00:37:53,137 --> 00:37:54,177
I guess this is it!
712
00:37:56,057 --> 00:37:57,387
I love you... both!
713
00:37:58,309 --> 00:38:00,099
And I want us all to be together.
714
00:38:02,313 --> 00:38:03,313
Baby...
715
00:38:03,689 --> 00:38:05,479
put down the gun.
716
00:38:05,942 --> 00:38:07,282
I love you too.
717
00:38:07,693 --> 00:38:08,693
I do.
718
00:38:09,445 --> 00:38:13,525
And I am sure that we can make
this work. Isn't that right, Bob?
719
00:38:13,616 --> 00:38:14,986
Uh, okay...
720
00:38:16,077 --> 00:38:17,077
You see?
721
00:38:17,161 --> 00:38:18,251
It...
722
00:38:20,206 --> 00:38:21,326
Oh, God.
723
00:38:21,832 --> 00:38:23,082
Oh, I'm gonna faint.
724
00:38:23,668 --> 00:38:26,128
- No! Don't you faint!
- Oh, no. Here I go.
725
00:38:26,879 --> 00:38:28,879
- Damn it!
- No, no!
726
00:38:28,965 --> 00:38:30,715
Neither one of you, goddamn it!
727
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,010
Snort this! Now! Snort it!
728
00:38:36,138 --> 00:38:38,058
I wasn't sure what I was gonna do.
729
00:38:40,226 --> 00:38:42,976
But after hours of watching
Patty's capoeira rehearsals,
730
00:38:43,854 --> 00:38:45,694
I guess I'd picked up a thing or two.
731
00:39:00,538 --> 00:39:02,578
Armstrong! Armstrong!
732
00:39:02,665 --> 00:39:05,915
Armstrong! Armstrong! Armstrong!
733
00:39:06,085 --> 00:39:07,625
Armstrong! Armstrong!
734
00:39:08,087 --> 00:39:10,047
Armstrong! Armstrong!
735
00:39:10,131 --> 00:39:12,301
Armstrong! Armstrong!
736
00:39:12,383 --> 00:39:14,013
Armstrong! Armstrong!
737
00:39:23,102 --> 00:39:27,322
Armstrong! Armstrong!
Armstrong! Armstrong!
738
00:39:32,570 --> 00:39:34,160
Thank God, it's here!
739
00:39:34,238 --> 00:39:35,608
Well, at least on the bright side,
740
00:39:35,698 --> 00:39:37,828
Patty texted you so
you'd know where it was.
741
00:39:37,908 --> 00:39:39,658
And you get to keep your job.
742
00:39:40,286 --> 00:39:42,286
Yeah, your friend's a real saint.
743
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,670
Look, I'm so sorry.
744
00:39:46,208 --> 00:39:47,248
About all of this.
745
00:39:47,335 --> 00:39:48,875
No. It's okay. I...
746
00:39:50,171 --> 00:39:52,841
I actually had a really
fun time with you today.
747
00:39:53,674 --> 00:39:54,674
Me, too.
748
00:40:08,189 --> 00:40:10,689
So can I, like, take you
to dinner or something?
749
00:40:11,108 --> 00:40:12,688
- I'm starving.
- Yes.
750
00:40:27,249 --> 00:40:29,249
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
751
00:40:29,668 --> 00:40:30,918
Is that an ostrich?
752
00:40:37,551 --> 00:40:39,696
- Is that yours?
- This is Patty's purse,
753
00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:41,640
but this isn't Patty's phone.
754
00:40:42,348 --> 00:40:46,477
- Who's that?
- Her stalker ex-boyfriend, Christian.
755
00:40:46,977 --> 00:40:49,727
But why the hell would
Patty have Christian's phone?
756
00:40:52,691 --> 00:40:54,741
It seemed like Bob was a lock to win
757
00:40:54,819 --> 00:40:56,949
and locking lips with my mom.
758
00:40:57,029 --> 00:40:59,239
Weird, but also kind of sweet.
759
00:40:59,323 --> 00:41:02,543
Maybe my mom and I could both
leave the ghost of our pasts behind.
760
00:41:03,869 --> 00:41:04,869
Boo.
761
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:14,000
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