All language subtitles for Insatiable.S02E04.ION10.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

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The annual College and Career Fair.

All my classmates were there
with their parents, but not me.

My own mom had been MIA for weeks,

and my dad, who I'd
finally met, was dead.

Because you backed me off a cliff.

Another dead body, and who
is the common denominator?

- You.
- It was an accident.

No, it was just like
that scene from Poison Ivy

when Drew Barrymore pushes
Cheryl Ladd off a building.

You know that movie?

No. You know that movie.

I'm a figment of your imagination.

Then can you please
just not look like that?

The truth isn't pretty, Patty.

You've got the blood of an
ex-convict running through your veins.

You are a bad seed.

Please just leave me alone.

Oh, I can't.

I'm inside your toxic DNA.

That's why people
keep dying around here.

You are poison, Patty.

Hey, superstar!

Bob!

I didn't expect to see you here.

Yeah, meeting Brick and Coralee
here as our first family outing

since everything went
down, so fingers crossed.

For what?

First step towards a thaw with Coralee.

Hmm. You think that could happen?

I fixed things with Dixie. You're
in recovery. Anything is possible.

Speaking of recovery, how's that going?

Fine. Good. It's great.

Great. Because we need to
start preparing for State.

I've been compiling a list
of talents for you to try,

and I've already found
you a new philanthropy,

a mentorship through the
Association of Substitute Sisters.

You really think that's a good idea?

I know it's early on in your recovery,

but I'm pretty sure one of the
main things they tell you to do

is to be of service to others.
Get out of your own head.

But trusting an impressionable
girl with, well, me?

You don't think I'm a bad seed?

You're not!

Look around.

Everyone here is
focused on their future.

And you can be, too, if you
just give yourself a clean slate.

I'm not entirely sure that's possible.

Of course it is.

Look...

the longer Stella Rose isn't around,
the more likely it is she's dead.

And Magnolia's memory isn't
coming around anytime soon.

Don't let the past drag you down.

You're gonna win State,
then Miss American Lady,

and then you can go to
any college you want.

Hey, Patty.

Do you wanna tell me what's
going on between you and Dee?

I thought you guys hated each other.

- Dee hasn't talked to you?
- No.

We haven't spoken in days.

I'm kinda starting to think
I can't trust either of you.

No. She's my sponsor.
In Overeaters Anonymous.

Oh, I'm so proud of you for going.

I wonder why Dee didn't tell me.

Is Officer Greg waving at me?

Or you?

Me.

He spent the past half hour

trying to convince me to
become a cop like my dad.

- You gonna do it?
- Seriously?

A lesbian cop? Like I'd ever
be that much of a cliché.

Well, he's been following me.

And he still thinks I killed Roxy.

He still thinks Santa Claus is real.

I wouldn't worry about him.

I'm gonna go call Dee.

Hughes is a historically
black university,

- like Spelman or Morehouse.
- Okay.

Yeah, well, I'm just not sure I'd
fit in at an all-black university.

Why would you say that?

This is my dad.

- Nice to meet you.
- Well, the pleasure's mine.

Excuse me, hon.

Would you like a brochure?

You gonna be in the office at lunchtime?

Yeah, I can be, if you wanna talk.

I'd rather you not be.

I'm cleanin' out my office.
I'm quittin' the firm.

Bob, you don't have to do that.

I'm runnin' for mayor.

Bob.

No, Brick's daddy Bob. A word, please?

We need to have a
conversation about this.

Brick cannot get into
a four-year college.

They knew about my grades.

Yeah, but I thought with wrestling...

So did I, but I guess
outside of Masonville,

I'm not that big of a deal.

We'll figure things out. I
mean, college isn't for everyone.

No, he's going to college.

You didn't go, and you're about
to start your own business.

He's right. I mean, not everyone knows

exactly what they're gonna do at 17.

Are you that desperate
to get Brick to like you?

You're acting like a
friend. Not a father.

I am trying to work
through this as a team.

We need to be parents together.

You probably should
have thought about that

before you decided
to blow up our family.

Just stop. All right? You
both fucked up your lives,

so quit telling me what to do with mine.

Okay, watch your language, mister.

For the record, I did
not blow up our family.

We decided to try things
with Bob Barnard together.

And then you chose him over me.

That is not what happened.

Bob, you said you were more
afraid of losing him than me.

I told you that is not what I meant.

You have no idea what I
went through that night,

and I said some things that I regret.

Okay, this is unbelievable because
now you're trying to buy it back?

What's this?

Divorce papers.

You've just been carrying
those around with you?

Well, I was waiting for the right time.

And I think that this is the right time.

We have to move on, Bob.

Both of us.

Hey. How was the college fair for you?

Weird.

This college rep suggested
an all-black university,

which never would've
even occurred to me.

I mean, I'm not even all black.

Are you okay?

Um, I just found out
my grades are too bad

to get into a four-year school, so...

I feel like a loser.

Aww. Brick!

- No!
- I had this whole plan to party and wrestle

and postpone real life
for as long as possible,

and now there's all this
pressure to figure things out.

And I just got into a
huge fight with my parents.

Do you want to grab a coffee or
something? You know, talk about it?

No. I shouldn't. Patty would...

Right. Right.

I've gotta go anyway because

my dad made an appointment
with a hypnotist

to help me remember what
happened when I blacked out, so...

Mag, thank you.

Yeah.

If I was gonna get a clean slate,

I needed to get as far away
from Masonville as possible.

I could start a new
life, make new friends,

leave the death and destruction behind.

You know what they say...

Wherever you go, there we are.

We both know how your
future's going to turn out.

You're even worse than me.

Why don't you just quit
while you're behind?

Forget college, pageants.

There. Happy now?

Does this dress make me look homicidal?

- Hello.
- You told Nonnie I was in program?

- What the hell?
- I'm sorry.

She was mad at both us,

and I didn't want you to
ruin your relationship over...

The A stands for Anonymous.

I decide when I tell someone.

I was only trying...

I never should've agreed to sponsor you.

This isn't gonna work out.

Wait.

Are you breaking up with me?

I can give you a list of
numbers of other people to call.

Don't bother.

I'll be fine on my own.

Oh.

See? You're so damaged, you
don't even deserve recovery.

On the up side, without a
sponsor, I can eat all my feelings.

Yay.

Oh, Girl Scout cookies? Awesome.

- Let me grab my...
- We're not with the Girl Scouts.

We're with the Association
of Substitute Sisters.

I'm Rita. This is Becky.

I believe we were called by your
pageant coach, Bob Armstrong.

Oh, shit. I forgot. Fuck, I
cussed. Shit. Sorry. Again.

Can I just... Yeah.

Listen, I can't do...

Your coach seemed to think that
you and Becky would be a good fit.

She just needs to spend the day
with a strong female role model.

I'm definitely the
wrong person for that.

- Are you Patty Bladell?
- Yes.

You're the right person.
Says so right here.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got a van full of
other kids to drop off.

It's okay.

I get why you don't want to help me.

I mean, there's no way you
could relate to my problems.

- No, it's not that.
- I mean, look at you.

You're beautiful and skinny...

and perfect.

Come with me.

They called me Fatty Patty.

How'd you lose the weight?

That's not the point.

How did you lose the weight?

I was punched in the
face by a homeless guy.

I had my jaw wired
shut and lost 70 pounds.

That's amazing.

It was actually really painful.

Did the guy just come at you, or...

I hit him first, but like I
said, not a great role model.

Are you kidding?

I wish I could just
get punched in the face

- and wake up looking like you.
- Becky, listen.

I wasted years of my life e

just fantasizing about
what things would be like

if I looked different.

And then my outsides changed and...

didn't make me any happier.

You know what I would wish for
instead of getting punched in the face?

A clean slate.

What do you mean?

I would...

let go of all of the
things I hate about myself.

I would go back in time

and learn to love
myself just the way I am.

That sounds boring.

Okay. Well, maybe if I had,

my life wouldn't be such a disastrophe.

What's wrong with your life?

Just trust me.

If I had known then what I know now,

I wouldn't have waited
to try and be happy.

But you don't have to make
the same mistakes I did.

You don't have to wait around
wishing for things to be different.

Is this the part where you pull out

a bunch of self-esteem
building activity lists

from Vulture and Refinery29?

Oh, my God. That's a great idea.

It should've been simple:

give back the key to Barnard's house,

let go of the ring, sign
the papers and move on.

But they each felt like they
weighed a thousand pounds.

I kept thinking of all the things
I would've done differently.

I never meant to be the bad guy.

Dad.

I'm sorry for snapping earlier.

I think I'm just mad that
I messed up with school.

Oh, it's okay. I understand.

I just wish I could get a time
machine and have a do-over.

Yeah, I know how you feel.

It's all right.

I had literally just told Patty

to give herself a clean slate.

You know what? No more dwelling
in the past, either one of us.

Let's you and I figure out what
we're gonna do next together.

Dad, are you living out of your office?

Oh, no, no.

That's just uh... temporary until
I find something more permanent.

Let's talk about you.

No way. I mean, you basically
just told me you're homeless, so...

Come on. We're getting you to a hotel.

Oh, Dixie.

Don't you look stylish? I just...

I love the way your
outfit matches your rims.

You have exceeded the 45-minute
per customer time limit.

- Get out.
- Come on, Dixie.

Loitering here is the only way
that I get to spend time with you.

It's not like anyone
is waiting for a table.

I've never seen it so empty.

Wanna know why?

She's a total moosaweenie.

Get back to work!

Dixie, I know you're hurtin'.

But you need your mama
now more than ever.

You've always been dumb,
but now you're crippled, too.

Please leave before I get one of
my weenie workers to kick you out.

I told you not to call me that.

Okay, you know what? Forget it. I quit.

What do you mean, you quit?

I was gonna wait to tell you this
until you got your bearings here,

- but I'm moving.
- Where?

My dad got a job in California.

Decided it was too depressing
to work for you, and you know...

I think he was right.

Good luck, Dixie.

Gina, I have been trying to
call you for the last hour.

I'm between cell carriers.

Do you want to explain to
me why 250,000 Tampoozles

were shipped to my house this morning?

Well, I would've had
'em shipped to my place,

but I'm between residences, too.

Plus, I didn't think you'd mind.

I got a fantastic deal by
ordering in bulk from China.

Okay, between the
tariffs and the shipping,

it's actually more expensive
than the product itself.

Tariffs? I thought that was fake news.

You spent all of our capital.

This means we don't have any money
for marketing and distribution.

I think this is that learning
curve that everyone talks about.

What are we supposed to do
with a shit ton worth of product

and no way to sell it?

We need to make a splash.

Find a way to get the word out.

We can throw a launch party.

Here? Oh, Dixie, you'd do that for me?

No! I would do it for me.

I need the customers, and you
need the event space, so...

it's a ween-ween.

You see?

Isn't this so much better?

And you can really feel
like you have a fresh start.

I don't know.

I was with your mom for 20 years.

How do you just pick up
the pieces and move on?

Isn't that what you were
ready to do with Bob?

No.

It wasn't. I wanted
to be with them both.

That's why things got complicated.

And now...

Oh, look at me. Now I'm single.

- I'm 39.
- You're 45.

What am I supposed to do? Just
jump back in the dating pool?

You could.

What exactly are you? Gay?
Bi? Pansexual? Polyamorous?

The only labels I
understand are designer.

Look, all I know...

is I was happiest when I
was with your mom and Bob.

Yeah, but they don't
want to be with you,

so you need to find somebody
who does want to be with you.

You mean...

I should find another couple.

That's not what I'm trying to say.

I mean, how would I go
about that? Is there an app?

- Dad. Do not...
- Should I Google it?

You will see things you cannot unsee...

Whoa. Uh-huh.

Is that Pastor Mike and Gayle?

Well, I guess a rectory is a rectory.

So you want me to download
some of these or...

No, no, no.

I don't know.

I'm not sure that
online dating is for me.

I like to meet people in person.

Yeah, you're a real
old-fashioned polyamorous guy.

Maybe there's a bar for singles
to meet couples or something...

Oh, look. Swinger
Saturdays at Sloppy Sundays.

"Menage a mingle in your comfort
zone and at your own pace."

I can get on board with that.

Not dressed like that you can't.

What is wrong with my pocket
square? That is a splash of color.

No, it is a splash of "Please
don't have sex with me."

- That is French.
- And now it's garbage.

You're going back into the dating
pool. You have to update your look.

No. Lame. No.

This.

We've been at this for hours.

I mean, there's gotta be
something on one of these lists

that you've always wanted to try.

- Zumba?
- Lame.

- Hiking?
- Yawn.

Meditation?

How about roller derby?

Like from that movie, Whip It?

Shut up. You love Drew
Barrymore movies, too?

No. I like Ellen Page movies.

Well, at least we found
something we have in common.

Okay, there is a beginners

flat track roller derby
class tomorrow morning.

It's called Fresh Meat.

- Ew.
- I'm signing us up. Get excited.

- ♪ What's my name? ♪
- ♪ Get down, baby ♪

- ♪ I'm the Real Deal ♪
- ♪ That's my name ♪

- ♪ I'm the Real Deal ♪
- ♪ That's my name ♪

♪ Get down, baby ♪

♪ I'm the Real Deal ♪

♪ I'm gonna take a bow now ♪
♪ Please don't wear it out... ♪

This is awesome. I feel
just like Drew Barrymore.

Me too.

In Scream, right before she dies.

Come on. This is totally safe.

♪ I'm a star ♪

♪ I do what I do, not sorry... ♪

They're closin' in on you.

What kind of big sister
will you be from jail?

Hey. You okay?

Mm-hmm. I am just lovin' this
strong female energy in here.

You like that? Bitch!

I thought this was supposed
to be a beginners class.

Bitch! Bitch!

Maybe we should just watch this
time then come back tomorrow.

No! Come on. No more waiting.

Come on, Becky. You got this.

You got this. You're good. You're good.

You're good. You're good. You're good.

Yes! You're doing it! Whoo!

Good. Keep going. Yay!

Oh, my!

I'm so sorry. That's bad, huh?

No!

Oh, I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.

I really am sorry about yesterday.

Oh, sweetie, stop
apologizing. It's fine.

Plus, you helping me set up for
my party more than makes up for it.

Have you spoken to your father?

Yeah, I saw him yesterday.

Did you know he was
living out of his office?

Ooh!

Behold...

the tampini.

The signature cocktail for our party.

- That's a Bloody Mary.
- That is disgusting.

Okay? No. This needs to
be a high-class affair.

I was thinking white linen.

White seems a little
dangerous for a period party.

This is not a period party.

We cannot brand it like
that, or no one'll show up.

We have to figure out
a way to draw people in.

You could have a contest.

Ooh, yes.

Ooh! Best most
embarrassing period story?

Yeah, but that's just it. Why
does it have to be embarrassing?

Right? I mean, why can't we
just be proud of our bodies

and all the amazing
things that they can do?

We should have a contest
for the best period story.

You know what I mean?
Reclaim our narratives

and take the stigma out of menstruation.

Take the men out of menstruation.

Turn our periods into exclamation marks.

We have to make this
a feminist event, okay?

Like a celebration of everything
that unites us together as women.

Well, the two of you hated
each other until Tampazzle.

- Tampoozle!
- No, wait.

Wait a minute. He's got a point. Okay?

Like, you and I, we come from
totally different backgrounds.

We have different opinions.
We don't always get along.

- All blood runs red.
- That's it.

- That's it.
- That's our slogan.

Oh!

I know, right? Oh, I have chills!

We should print them on
napkins for the party.

Like sanitary napkin?

No, no, we should put it on a poster.

We should put us on a poster.

Wait, hold that thought.

It's Bob.

Hey, Bob. What'cha doin'?

I'm officially runnin' for
mayor. Turned in my paperwork,

got my campaign headquarters
set up. I got this!

Oh, that's great. Congratulations.
Why are there two of you?

I had a life-size cutout made.

For the campaign.

More of me to go around.

You should come over and
celebrate. I've got champagne.

It would just be you and me and...

Well, me.

Ooh! Another three-way.

That's really sweet, Bob, but I can't.

We are plannin' our
launch party for Tampazzle.

Tampoozle. Get it in your head.

Hey, you're having a party? Why
didn't you tell me? I can help.

Well, don't you need to
concentrate on your campaign?

Hey, maybe we can kill
two birds with one stone.

I really am so sorry.

Are you kidding? This is magic.

I wished I'd get punched
in the face like you, I did.

Maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and...

It's not magic. Okay, like, when I
lost all of that weight so quickly,

- I didn't have to do any of the work.
- I know. It's awesome.

No, I mean on the insides.

Look, there are things about me,

things that I never dealt with
that I could use some freedom from,

that I wish that I could change,

but I can't. But there's
still hope for you.

Forget about the outsides.

What is something that
you wish you could change?

I guess...

I wish...

I were brave.

I want to be an actor, but...

I mean I hate being in front of
people, and I'm too self-conscious.

Okay. All right. This is good. We
can sign up for an improv class.

What... is... that?

My boyfriend!

What?

- Hey, Patty.
- Hey.

- Who's your friend?
- Becky's my little sister.

You should bring her to the Tampoozle
launch party. There's a contest.

Whoever tells the best period
story wins a month of free tacos.

What's a Tampoozle?

It's a tampon with a tassel on it.

Brick. We gotta keep this train movin'.

- I gotta go. I'll see you later? Bye.
- Mm-hmm.

That's your boyfriend?
See, your life is perfect.

I think you should come
to this party with me.

It'll be the perfect opportunity
for you. Open mic, storytelling...

No way. I mean, I'm already
dying of embarrassment,

and now you want me
to tell a period story?

That sounds like my biggest nightmare.

Right. That's why you have to do it.

If you can get through
this, you'll be fearless.

Trust me. It's gonna be great.

First time at Swinger Saturdays?

I will take that as a yes.

This is a speed dating style event.

Couples are expected to remain seated

while the guest stars rotate from
table to table every five minutes.

Guest stars?

Singles looking for a
couple to connect with.

Oh.

You know what they say...

It's always best to be the guest star.

Kissing is very important to me.

And I'm very verbal.

Translation: she never shuts up

If you're gonna be
negative, go wait in the car.

Oh, darn! It's time. Bye.

This is so sad. I feel like I'm
at one of my parents' parties.

No offense.

It was so much better when it was
Throuple Thursdays at TGI Fridays.

We only come here ironically.

And for the bean dip.

It's free.

Where is that mother-lovin'...

We like antiquing and scrapbooking.

- Brunch?
- Oh, brunch is my first love.

And while we do like
to explore boundaries...

Respecting limits, of course.

The truth is...

- we're pretty...
- Normal.

Oh. Wow. So what are you doing here?

Well...

what we really want is to find
someone we can get to know.

Someone who might work out.

Long-term.

And for the first time that night,

I wanted to bang something
other than that stupid...

It was more than just animal attraction.

Could there actually be a future
for me without Bob and Coralee?

So, what are you into?

'Cause we're into role-play.

Oh, role-play. Okay.

That sounds good. Um...

Oh, how about, you've been
secretly in love with me

since we were 14, and you are my wife

who wants to sell specialty tampons

and looks amazing in a floral print?

Yeah, that's not exactly
what we're talking about.

What's your safe word?

Mine is "I'm gonna rip
your fucking nipples off."

That's eight words.

Obviously, I was kidding myself.

How could I move on when I clearly
still had one foot in the past?

What? Was this some sort of cosmic joke?

The longer I held onto those
divorce papers and that house key,

the longer I was holding
onto Bob and Coralee.

I needed to get rid of them ASAP.

We're just so excited to make
this a safe feminist space,

where we can reclaim our
narratives about our own bodies.

I didn't know if Becky would
actually get up and tell a story,

but at least I had
convinced her to show up.

And I had managed not to binge all day.

Maybe there is something to
being of service after all.

Hey, you guys came.

Holy...

- Mom?
- What?

My mom is here? Can you...

Yeah, yeah. Go.

Oh! My baby!

Oh, look at you.

What the hell?

I missed you so, so much.

Where were you?

And what happened to your boobs?

Well, I went to Brazil to
get discount plastic surgery.

Two for the price of one, huh?

They had to completely redo
them 'cause the first time,

it looked like my nips had a lazy eye.

You could've called.

You abandoned me on my birthday.

No, baby. I was trying to protect you.

From what? Thinking that
you actually cared about me?

From my old boyfriend, Gordy.

I showed him to you
on Facebook, remember?

He was a really fucked-up guy.

I'll try not to take that personally.

And I stole his car,

so I was afraid he was
gonna come after me,

and I figured, you know, the
less you knew, the better.

But we're safe now.

I got a text from him.
It was a suicide note.

I knew it was safe to come home.

And if he hadn't died?

Would you have just stayed away forever?

I'm so sorry!

I was doing the best I could,

and I know it wasn't good enough. I do.

So I'm gonna try to be better.

- Starting right now.
- Really?

There's something I should
tell you about Gordy.

And I should've told you a long
time ago, but I was just scared.

Tell her you already know

that she lied about not
knowing who your father was.

Tell her you're the reason I'm dead.

Baby, Gordy might've been your dad.

Wait, Gordy might have been my dad?

Or he definitely was my dad?

I was drinking a lot at the time,

and so there's a possibility
it was someone else.

You know what? You were right.

Your best definitely wasn't good enough.

My mom was a bona fide disaster,

but at least if Gordy wasn't my dad,

I wasn't completely
biologically screwed.

Hey.

Nonnie didn't need to know the details.

Just that there was a guy in the morgue

who might be my dad and that
I needed to steal his DNA.

You want to break in to the morgue?

Yeah.

Except we just need to find
a way to ditch my shadow.

Maybe we don't have to.

What I really want to do is CSI.

I'm thinking a trip to the morgue.

You could teach me how
to take a DNA sample.

Absolutely, just not right now.

Oh, because you're following Patty?

Not that it's obvious.

You know, I see the
signs because of my dad.

But since we are going
to be colleagues one day,

we could practice working together.

I'll convince her to come along.

We were good to go.

I just needed to convince Brick
to watch Becky for half an hour.

I was just looking for you.

- You're full of shit.
- Excuse me?

Thought you said that changing
the outside wouldn't make me happy.

But Brick just told me you asked
him out last year and he said no.

- Because you were fat.
- He said that?

No. He said he just
wasn't into you before.

But I can read between the lines.

Okay, getting the guy
is so not the point.

And it doesn't matter what I look like.

My life is a total mess.

Oh, yeah. Sounds horrible.

You're a beauty queen
with a hot boyfriend.

You're not listening. Do
you wanna know the truth?

I am a murder suspect, okay?

What?

- Yeah.
- Did you do it?

Of course I didn't.

They still have a police
officer following me. Look.

Wave.

I hate myself.

And I just want to eat all the
time. It's all I want to do,

and the only reason I haven't

is because I don't wanna
do it in front of you.

And the highlight of my day
was my shit show of a mother

telling me that the con artist,
sex offender, douche nozzle

who I thought was my dad
actually might not be.

And I'm gonna go sneak
into the morgue to find out.

So, yeah, you think you're
afraid to face your fears?

I'm terrified.

I don't buy it.

You're just trying to
make me feel better.

You think I just made all of that up?

Get in the car.

Before we continue our contest,

I wanna take a few minutes
to thank some people

who helped make this night possible.

Dixie...

I know I haven't always
been the perfect mother.

I ignored expiration dates

and seat belts,

and I let you build forts
with dry cleaning bags.

But the worst thing I ever did

was making you into
a liar so many times.

And I am gonna spend the rest of my
life trying to make that up to you,

- starting tonight.
- Aww.

- I forgive you, Mama.
- I love you, Dixie.

Okay, next.

I'm so sorry, Mama.

It's okay. Go hug it out.

Okay! Well, I'd like to thank
some people, too, if I may.

I would like to thank my son Brick.

I know, no matter what,
your future's gonna be bright

because you really are
the best guy I know.

Yeah, Brick!

I love you.

Aww!

You really are.

Dad, what are you doing here? I
thought you were at the swingers thing.

That did not go well.

Signed the divorce papers.

I'm here to give them to your mom

and to give Bob back
the key to his house.

Now? You think that's a good idea?

The sooner we get closure,
the sooner we can all move on.

Think of it as a conscious unthroupling.

With Becky otherwise occupied
and Officer Greg distracted,

I could sneak away and look for the
convict formerly known as my dad.

And now, maybe most importantly,
I want to thank my dearest friend,

Bob Barnard.

Thank you so much for
getting the word out.

This would not have been possible
without you. Come on up here.

- Please welcome Bob Barnard!
- Her dearest friend?

Yes. Thank you so much, and don't
forget to vote Bob Barnard for mayor.

Thanks, Coralee. Not
just for the shout-out,

but for your love and support.

I wouldn't have made it
through the last few weeks

if it wasn't for her.

You're more than just a friend.
You're the Grace to my Will,

my partner,

my platonic soulmate.

And if I win this election,

I'm gonna make you Masonville's
very own first lady.

What?

Were they serious?

They forced me to choose,

and now they were a platonic
power couple without me?

No wonder it was so easy for them
to move on. They had each other.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Bob. Bob, what are you doing?

Oh, what are you doing?

You know, I can't believe you.

I am so tired of
feeling like the bad guy

when the two of you betrayed me.

You told me you were willing to
try it with Barnard, really try.

But then you pulled the rug out
from under me the very next day?

- Bob...
- And you!

I was perfectly happy in my
marriage until you kissed me,

and then you made me choose.

The two of you want to act like
I'm the one who ruined your lives

when he's the one who threw the grenade

in the middle of the relationship.

And now look at you.

So happy making a life without me,

and I'm the one left out in the cold?

Screw this.

And screw your Will and
Grace mayoral bullshit.

I'm running for mayor, too.

Dad, that was the most conscious
unthroupling I have ever seen.

If I wanted a fresh
start, I sure had one now.

I had burned my past to the ground.

That was fucking awesome.

Really?

Can I get in?

I want to help you... run for mayor.

I'm gonna be your campaign manager.

You?

Yeah. Well, you helped
Patty when I couldn't,

so I'd like to return the favor.

I don't know. Angie, I mean, no offense,

you work in a Mexican-themed
hot dog restaurant.

I didn't always sling wieners, Bob.

Before I got knocked up with
Patty, I was class president,

and I didn't even have to
give out blowies to win.

Come on. Let them be Will and
Grace. We can be like Sid and Nancy

or Thelma and Louise,
like Siegfried and Roy.

Like mac and cheese, or
Lady and the Tramp. Or...

You're not gonna get out of my
car until I say yes, are you?

No.

All right.

- Yes, it is.
- Okay.

Angie, what the fuck are those?

I got a good deal on 'em.

Did ya?

Two for one.

There he was, just the
corpse I was looking for.

Wow! I'm a horrible father,

and I wouldn't even bring a kid here.

- You're the worst.
- What's wrong?

I'm just so excited to be here.

Hey, Officer Greg,

could I try to take a DNA sample?

I mean, YOLO, right?

Let me find another swab.

Is that your dad?

We're about to find out.

Wow.

Your life really is a mess.

Well, it turned out, it
wasn't me that leaked.

It was my Hawaiian Punch.

Thank you so much for staying.

Ah, I told you. We're in this together.

Okay, so I ran across the street,

and picked up a "Who's the
Bastard Now?" Quick DNA Test.

That's a thing?

I already ran your and Gordy's samples,

so we should know in just a few minutes.

Hey, where's Becky?

She's...

Hi. Um, I'm Becky.

- Hi, Becky.
- Hi, Becky.

And I'm gonna share my own period story.

I'm 13 years old,

still haven't had mine yet.

In fact, up until tonight,

I hadn't done a lot of things.

I hadn't been to a real party.

I didn't have any real friends.

I'd never had the courage to get
up in front of a group of people.

And I thought for any of that to
happen, I had to look a certain way.

But thanks to my big
sister, Patty Bladell,

I did all of those things tonight.

And I feel really good about myself.

I finally have a real story to share,

and I'm not afraid to
get up here and tell it.

I'm living my life now.

And for the first time maybe ever,

I feel happy.

Hey!

It looks like we have
a winner, everybody.

That was amazing.

Oh, so strong. So strong.

Where was Bob? I couldn't
wait to tell him what happened.

So what, you think this means
you're not a terrible role model?

Can't change the facts.
You're still Poison Patty.

Go away.

Patty, it's negative.

Gordy's not your dad.

But it didn't even matter anymore.

There was good in me,

despite my DNA.

Which meant... Buh-bye.

Maybe I could have a
fresh start after all.

I could burn my past to
the ground and move on.

Get back into recovery, win State,

then Miss American Lady, then
who knows what I could do.

So, explain this to me. Do you
have to be black to get into Hughes?

No, there's, like, seven
percent of people who aren't.

And...

Oh, my God. Look.

When was I at Hughes?

Wait.

That was the outfit I was
wearing when they found me.

That's what she was wearing
when I killed Christian,

which she may or may not have seen.

Oh, my God.

It's a clue.

Maybe those girls know
what happened to you.

I can help you. I'm really
good at investigating.

Ask Patty.

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