Original subtitles

>> ♫ MAKE ME

BEAUTIFUL ♫

♫ MAKE ME

THE PERFECT SOUL,

A PERFECT MIND,

A PERFECT FACE,

A PERFECT

LIE ♫

[LIGHTS BUZZING]

>> ♫ THE BEST IS YET TO COME,

AND, BABE, WON´T IT BE FINE?

YOU THINK YOU´VE SEEN THE SUN,

BUT YOU AIN´T SEEN IT SHINE,

WAIT TILL THE WARM-UP´S

UNDER WAY,

WAIT TILL OUR LIPS HAVE MET,

WAIT TO SEE THAT SUNSHINE DAY,

YOU AIN´T SEEN NOTHIN´ YET ♫

>> DOWN BY 5, PARTNER. THINK YOU

CAN GET INSIDE OF ME NOW?

>> HEH HEH HEH.

[SHOES SQUEAK]

HEY, THAT´S A FOUL.

>> OH!

>> NOW, LOOK, REAL MEN

DON´T CHEAT.

>> THEY DO IF THEY WANNA WIN.

FACE IT, PARTNER. YOU CAN´T

DOMINATE ME. NEVER HAVE.

NEVER WILL.

OHH!

COME ON. YOU´RE JUST GONNA SCUFF

THE NEW FLOOR.

>> WHO CARES? IT´S NOT LIKE

WE GOT PATIENTS IN HERE

TO COMPLAIN.

[SHOES SQUEAKING]

>> YES!

>> IT´S BEEN 2 MONTHS WITHOUT

EVEN A BOTOX SHOT, CHRISTIAN.

SO FAR, THE ONLY THING I HAVE

TO SHOW FOR OPENING A NEW

PRACTICE IN LOS ANGELES IS

A BETTER HOOK SHOT.

>> I WOULDN´T GO THAT FAR.

HA HA HA HA. LOOK, WE BOTH KNEW

IT WASN´T GONNA BE EASY, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> BUT IT´S NOT LIKE WE CAN

START UP IN A STRIP MALL,

HAND OUT FLIERS HOPING PEOPLE

WILL COME THROUGH THE DOOR.

>> WORKED THE FIRST TIME

WE STARTED A BUSINESS TOGETHER.

>> AT 25, BABY. AT 40,

YOU GOTTA GO ALL OUT.

OWW!

WE OWNED MIAMI, RIGHT?

>> YEAH.

>> RIGHT? SO SOONER OR LATER,

WE´RE GONNA MAKE THIS TOWN

OUR BITCH, TOO.

SPEAK O´ THE DEVIL.

>> REPO MAN. HE´S IN

YOUR OFFICE.

>> REPO MAN?

>> SORRY, DOC. YOU HAVEN´T PAID

YOUR BILL.

>> BUT I JUST SENT A CHECK

LAST WEEK.

>> AND IT BOUNCED HIGHER THAN

HENDRIX WAS AT WOODSTOCK.

[CHUCKLES]

>> YOU CAN´T KIDNAP OUR FISH.

>> CAN´T WORK FOR FREE EITHER.

IF I STOP COMIN´ TO CLEAN

THE TANKS, THE LITTLE GUYS

GO BELLY UP. OH, I´LL TELL YOU

WHAT. I DON´T WANNA TERRORIZE

THE LITTLE AQUA DUDES HERE,

AND THEY´RE JUST SETTLIN´ IN.

I´LL GIVE YOU A WEEK. COOL?

>> COOL.

>> I KNEW THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

I KNEW INVESTING ALL OUR

SETTLEMENT MONEY FROM MICHELLE

INTO A RODEO DRIVE SINKHOLE WAS

GONNA BITE US RIGHT IN THE ASS.

>> PERHAPS YOU COULD

SAVE YOUR ASS BY SELLING OFF

THAT DISGUSTINGLY EXTRAVAGANT

MALIBU BEACH PAD.

>> NO WAY. IMAGE IS EVERYTHING

IN THIS TOWN. BESIDES, IF I SELL

THE MALIBU COMPOUND, WHERE´S MY

PARTNER GONNA STAY, HUH, IN YOUR

HIDEOUS SILVER LAKE ONE BEDROOM?

>> I´M ONLY BUNKING WITH YOU

BECAUSE I´M UP TO MY ASS

IN ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT.

>> YOU´RE GONNA NEED

A BIGGER BOAT.

>> WHAT?

>> JAWS, FIRST TIME BRODY SEES

THE SHARK. YOU GUYS ARE IN OVER

YOUR HEADS. YOU´RE CHUM BEING

DEVOURED BY ALL THE RODEO DRIVE

GREAT WHITES.

>> YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH, LIZZIE.

THE PATIENTS WILL COME.

>> FAITH AIN´T GONNA CUT IT

OUT HERE, CHRISTIAN. YOU WANT

THE HOLLYWOOD DREAM, YOU GOTTA

GO OUT AND GET IT, NOT WAIT

TO BE DISCOVERED, SO GET UP OFF

YOUR ASSES AND GO GET SOME.

GET SOME TITS WHILE YOU´RE

AT IT, TOO. NECKS, CHINS,

SAGGING VAGINAS. THIS IS

LOS ANGELES, FOR GOD´S SAKE.

>> I THINK LIZZIE´S RIGHT.

WE NEED TO GO ON A FISHING

EXPEDITION OF OUR OWN.

>> WHAT ARE WE GONNA USE

AS BAIT?

>> [SIGHS] US. HEH HEH.

>> ♫ ALL THE HOMIES,

THEY KNOW WHAT I MEAN,

BABY, LET ME SHOW HOW I LEAN ♫

>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO ♫

>> ♫ LAID-BACK,

BOUNCE TO THE CUT,

WHEN WE DO A DANCE,

THEN WE DO IT LIKE WHAT? ♫

>> ♫ LIKE A--LIKE A CHOLO ♫

>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,

ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE,

ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,

E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫

>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO ♫

>> ♫ ALL UP IN THE CLUB,

10 DEEP,

LOOKIN´ FOR SOME HEINAS,

WE ON THE CREEP,

I NEED A BAD ONE, A REAL FREAK,

FIND ´EM ON THE DANCE FLOOR,

SO DON´T SLEEP,

DAMN, I LIKE YOU, I LIKE YOU,

BUT I REALLY WANT HER,

SHE´S THAT TYPE, I CAN TELL,

LET ME GET IN TO DEEP,

TAKE HER BACK TO THE HOTEL,

BUT RIGHT NOW I´M ON THE MOVE,

SHOW THIS LITTLE MAMA

HOW A GANGSTER GROOVE,

I DON´T DO A WHOLE LOT,

JUST ENOUGH,

LEAN SIDE TO SIDE,

KEEP MY ELBOWS UP LIKE THIS

AND LIKE THAT,

ALL THE GIRLS KNOW

WHERE THE REAL G´s AT,

YOU CAN FIND US

WAY UP IN THE BACK,

WATCHIN´ THAT A-ASS

BOUNCE LIKE A LOW-LOW,

LEAN LIKE A CHOLO ♫

>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,

ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫

>> ♫ HEY ♫

>> ♫ ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,

E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫

>> ♫ I LEAN LIKE A CHOLO ♫

>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,

ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫

>> ♫ HEY ♫

>> ♫ ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,

E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫

>> ♫ I LEAN LIKE A CHOLO ♫

>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,

ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE,

E-E-ELBOWS U-UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫

>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO... ♫

>> WHAT´S THE PLAN?

>> DIVIDE AND CONQUER.

>> ♫ BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU

HOW I LEAN ♫

>> ♫ LIKE A CHOLO ♫

>> ♫ LAID-BACK,

BOUNCE TO THE CUT,

WHEN WE DO A DANCE,

THEN WE DO IT LIKE WHAT? ♫

>> DR. CHRISTIAN TROY,

PLASTIC SURGEON.

>> ACTORS ARE JUDGED BY THEIR

APPEARANCE. MAYBE WE COULD

FRESHEN YOU UP A BIT FOR

YOUR NEXT AUDITION.

>> THAT IS SO SWEET, BUT I GET

ALL MY WORK DONE WITH

DR. ESKANDARIAN.

>> ♫ SIDE TO SIDE,

ELBOWS UP... ♫

>> DR. THAYER DID

MY CHIN IMPLANT.

>> ♫ ELBOWS UP... ♫

>> MY LIPS.

>> MY VAGINA.

>> MY TITS.

>> HE DOES ALL THE BIG STARS.

HE ACTUALLY SHAVED DOWN THE BUMP

ON MY NOSE A FEW MONTHS AGO.

>> YOU EVER DONE ANYONE FAMOUS?

>> UH, WE ALMOST WORKED ON

JOAN RIVERS.

Sean: SOMETHING WRONG?

>> IT´S JUST THAT MOST GUYS YOUR

AGE WHO COME IN WEARING SUITS

LIKE THAT ARE AGENTS. MINE JUST

DROPPED ME, SO I WAS HOPING

YOU WERE ONE.

>> I´M THE WEST COAST EDITOR

OF US WEEKLY. IF YOU EVER DO

SOMEONE IMPORTANT, GIVE ME

A CALL. IT´S ANONYMOUS.

>> ♫ ELBOWS UP, SIDE TO SIDE ♫

>> ♫ FIN-FIN-FIN-FINGAZZ

ON THE TRACK ♫

>> JESUS. HAS ANYONE IN THIS

TOWN NOT HAD PLASTIC SURGERY?

>> I FEEL LIKE I´M TRYIN´ TO

SELL SEMEN AT A WHOREHOUSE.

OOH. UNCUT FLESH 11:00.

[TAPS A BEAT ON THE TABLE]

>> HI. I´M DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.

THIS IS MY PARTNER.

>> DR. SEAN McNAMARA.

WE´RE PLASTIC SURGEONS.

>> I-I´VE ALWAYS RESISTED

GETTING ANYTHING DONE.

>> WELL, MAYBE YOU HAVEN´T

MET THE RIGHT SURGEONS YET.

WE´RE NEW IN TOWN, FROM MIAMI.

>> MIAMI, YEAH.

>> WE´D LOVE YOU TO COME IN

FOR A CONSULT.

>> FREE CONSULT.

>> FREE CONSULT.

>> AND THEN WILL I BE HAPPY?

>> WELL...

>> YOU´RE BOTH CUTE AS CLAMS,

AND I DON´T KNOW HOW THEY

DO BUSINESS IN MIAMI, BUT IN

HOLLYWOOD, TROLLING FOR BUSINESS

AT A NIGHTCLUB ISN´T

A SAVVY MARKETING TECHNIQUE.

IT´S PATHETIC. AND IF YOU

WANNA MAKE IT IN THIS TOWN,

YOU´RE GONNA HAVE TO DO A BETTER

JOB OF SELLING YOURSELVES.

>> WHAT MAKES YOU THE EXPERT,

HUH?

>> SEE THOSE BLONDES OVER THERE?

THE ONE ON THE RIGHT IS A CLIENT

OF MINE. SHE´S GOT AS MANY

GOLD RECORDS AS SHE HAS TRIPS

TO REHAB. THAT´S HER MOTHER

BUYING HER SHOTS. I´M HERE

TO KEEP AN EYE ON HER, MAKE SURE

SHE DOESN´T COMPLETELY DESTROY

THE IMAGE I WORKED MY ASS OFF

CREATING FOR HER. FIONA McNEIL,

PUBLICIST.

>> I THINK OUR CREDENTIALS SPEAK

FOR THEMSELVES. BEEN WRITTEN UP

IN THE NEW ENGLAND JOURNAL

OF MEDICINE 3 TIMES,

PLASTIC RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY

JOURNAL TWICE.

>> AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU

BEEN WRITTEN UP IN PEOPLE

MAGAZINE, HOTSHOT? YOU CAN´T

SPIT IN THIS TOWN WITHOUT

HITTING A PLASTIC SURGEON FROM

HARVARD. IT´S NOT WHAT

YOU´VE DONE. IT´S WHOM.

CELEBRITY IS POWER.

>> WELL, WE´RE SCREWED. WE CAN´T

GET A CELEBRITY UNTIL WE´VE

OPERATED ON A CELEBRITY.

>> OR BECOME CELEBRITIES

YOURSELF.

>> YOU MEAN ADVERTISE?

>> ANYONE CAN ADVERTISE, BUT NOT

EVERYONE CAN GET EXPOSURE.

>> WHAT´S THE DIFFERENCE?

>> DIFFERENCE IS YOU DON´T LOOK

LIKE THE ONE PLACING THE AD.

THAT´S PUBLICITY. THAT´S WHAT

I DO BETTER THAN ANYONE IN THIS

TOWN FOR 5,000 A MONTH.

>> WE DON´T HAVE IT.

>> TOO BAD, PUPPY, ´CAUSE I HAVE

A UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY THAT WOULD

FIT YOU GUYS LIKE A SURGEON´S

GLOVE. TCCH.

>> WE´VE GOT IT. WHAT IS IT?

>> HEARTS ´N SCALPELS. HEH HEH.

YOU GUYS DON´T WATCH TELEVISION?

HEARTS ´N SCALPELS IS

A FANTASTIC NEW SERIES ABOUT

PLASTIC SURGERY. THE SHOW RUNNER

HAPPENS TO BE A CLIENT OF MINE,

AND HE´S LOOKING FOR A MEDICAL

ADVISER TO HELP HIM WITH

THE TECHNICAL STUFF.

>> ARE YOU SAYING THAT BEING

ON A TV SHOW WOULD GIVE US

CREDIBILITY?

>> BINGO. I THINK HE´S GOT IT.

>> BET YOU NEVER SEEN A VIEW

LIKE THIS, HAVE YOU, BABY?

>> IT´S SO BEAUTIFUL. I THINK

I CAN SEE ALL THE WAY TO CANADA.

>> WHEW. THAT´S NOT THE VIEW

I´M TALKIN´ ABOUT.

>> OH, DR. CLIFT. I DON´T

KNOW ABOUT THIS. I´M JUST

A FIRST-YEAR PLASTIC SURGERY

RESIDENT.

>> OH, AND I´M JUST SHOWIN´ YOU

HOW I OPERATE.

>> OH.

>> THINK OF ME AS YOUR

FIRST LESSON.

>> THEY SHOULD JUST BE HONEST

AND RENAME THIS SHOW SHIT.

>> SHIT.

[WOMAN SIGHING]

>> YOU´RE SO HOT.

Sean: HEH.

>> WHO IS THIS AIDAN STONE

DOUCHE?

>> HE´S HILARIOUS.

>> HE´S RIDICULOUS. HE THINKS

HE´S JAMES BOND OR SOMETHING.

HE´S NOT EVEN THAT GOOD-LOOKING.

I´M HOTTER THAN HE IS.

Woman: OH, YEAH.

>> WE´RE SAILIN´ ON THE WATER,

BABY.

>> OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH.

>> YOU´RE SAILIN´

WITH THE DOCTOR.

>> THIS IS REALLY BAD.

>> HEH HEH HEH.

IT´S PRETTY GOOD.

>> REAL BAD. I DON´T EVEN KNOW

WHAT YOU´RE LOOKIN´--

>> IT´S ENTERTAINING.

[CELLPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

>> YEAH? CAR ACCIDENT?

I´LL BE THERE IN 10.

10 ORGASMS.

>> [CHUCKLES] IT IS PRETTY FUN.

[DRAMATIC THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

YOU THINK THEY KNOW IT´S FUNNY?

SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE A DRAMA,

RIGHT?

>> ...REMOVED HER CHEEK IMPLANTS

FROM HER ESOPHAGUS. SHE´S STILL

GONNA NEED A COMPLETE FACIAL

RECONSTRUCTION HERE. WHERE´S THE

DOCTOR? WHERE IS THE DOCTOR?

>> SOMEONE CALL FOR

A PLASTIC SURGEON?

>> WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

THEY DON´T WEAR MASKS OR HATS?

>> YOU´RE GONNA BE FINE.

10 BLADE.

[MONITOR FLAT-LINES]

>> SHE´S CRASHING! OH, GOD!

GET THE CRASH CART! STAT!

>> GIVE ME THE PADDLES.

GIVE ME PADDLES. STAT.

PADDLES!

>> LET´S GO. PADDLES.

>> ALL RIGHT, PUT IT UP TO 380.

>> 380. 380.

>> CLEAR. HUNH!

Sean: LOOK AT THOSE TITS.

>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, 360.

>> 360. 360!

>> NO, NO, NO. 460. 460.

>> FOUR. 460!

>> CLEAR! CLEAR!

>> CLEAR!

>> HUNH. NOTHING! 580, NOW!

>> MAN, COME ON.

>> HA HA HA! LOOK. LOOK AT THAT.

>> GET RID OF THESE. GET RID OF

THESE. [HARD BREATHING] I WANT

ONE MILLIGRAM OF EPI RIGHT NOW.

>> EPI. GRAM.

>> DOCTOR. STAT.

>> ALL RIGHT. STAT.

>> I SAID YOU, DOCTOR.

>> I-I´M DOING IT.

>> NOT ON MY WATCH.

>> OK.

>> I´M NOT LOSING ANOTHER ONE.

I AM NOT LOSING ANOTHER ONE.

>> I SURE HOPE SHE CAN SING

IN HER DAUGHTER´S WEDDING

ON SATURDAY.

>> DOCTOR, I WANT YOU TO

GO OUTSIDE TO THE WAITING ROOM.

I WANT YOU TO TELL HER DAUGHTER

THAT I AM NOT GONNA RUIN HER

WEDDING. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

>> I UNDERSTAND.

>> NOW! AND I WANNA SEE A LITTLE

BETTER BEDSIDE MANNER NEXT TIME!

WE´RE SAVIN´ A LIFE TODAY, GUYS.

WE´RE ALL HERE FOR IT. WE ARE

SAVING A LIFE TODAY, PEOPLE.

Christian: HER FACE COMPLETELY

HEALED IN 3 DAYS. I MEAN,

THE WHOLE THING WAS

WILDLY UNREALISTIC.

>> BEING LINKED TO THAT SHOW

COULD DESTROY OUR PROFESSIONAL

REPUTATIONS. WE´LL GET

REFERRALS. WE´LL FIND PATIENTS.

WE´RE NOT THAT DESPERATE,

ARE WE?

>> MAYBE NOT, BOYS. OUR FIRST

CONSULT´S IN SEAN´S OFFICE.

>> TELL US WHAT YOU DON´T LIKE

ABOUT YOURSELF, MR. GORCHEK.

>> OH, THAT´S OK. YOU CAN USE

MY REAL NAME. I JUST--I SAID

THAT SO YOUR SECRETARY WOULDN´T

POST ME ON DEFAMER.

THAT JUST PROVES MY INSTINCTS

WERE--PTT--DEAD ON. THAT´S WHY

I CAME TO YOU GUYS AND NOT ONE

OF THE BIG SURGEONS. BOB EASTON

RING A BELL? CHAIRMAN,

CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF

THE BIGGEST STUDIO IN TOWN.

QUARTERLY PROFITS NEVER BEEN

HIGHER. MY MOVIES ARE SMART

AND ENTERTAINING.

>> WELL, WE´RE DELIGHTED

YOU CHOSE US, MR. EASTON.

WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU?

>> I´M GONNA BE SPENDING THE

HOLIDAYS AT THE FOUR SEASONS

IN KONA. THE ENTIRE TOWN´S GONNA

BE THERE. NEED YOU GUYS TO MAKE

THESE INVISIBLE BY THE TIME

I´M POOLSIDE. IT´S WHERE I DO

THE BULK OF MY BUSINESS

FOR THE NEXT FISCAL YEAR.

>> DID YOU HAVE A RUN-IN

WITH A DOG?

>> WHEN MY MISTRESS PUTS

MY COLLAR AND LEASH ON,

I´M THE DOG.

>> YOUR DOMINATRIX

INFLICTED THESE?

>> YEAH, AND SHE´S NOT CHEAP

EITHER. STILL, NO SCOTCH,

NO YOGA CLASS, NO HOT ROCK

THERAPY EVER HELPED ME

LIKE MISTRESS DARK PAIN DOES.

>> SOUNDS LIKE LIVING THE DREAM

HAS ITS PRICE.

>> OF COURSE IT DOES.

EAT YOUR YOUNG ON A REGULAR

BASIS, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? ALL

DAY LONG, I´M THE ONE WITH THE

CONTROL, THE POWER. WHEN SWEET

MISTRESS DARK PAIN TAKES IT ALL

AWAY FROM ME, SOMETIMES TWICE

DURING OSCAR SEASON, EVERY BITE

SOMEHOW RESTORES THE BALANCE,

KEEPS ME REAL, YOU KNOW?

>> YEAH.

>> ANYWAY, HOW SOON CAN WE

GET IT TAKEN CARE OF?

>> WE´RE, UH, PRETTY BOOKED UP

THIS WEEK. HOW ´BOUT

NEXT TUESDAY?

>> PLEASE, THIS PLACE IS DEADER

THAN MY NANA. TODAY.

MAKE IT HAPPEN.

>> ♫ LOVE HURTS,

LOVE SCARS,

LOVE WOUNDS... ♫

>> THOUGHT WE LEFT MIAMI

SO WE DIDN´T HAVE TO DEAL

WITH FREAKS LIKE THIS GUY.

>> ONE CLIENT AT A TIME, CHRI--

>> BULLSHIT, SEAN. I´M A

JACKRABBIT. I DON´T DO SLOW AND

STEADY. I PAID MY DUES, AND I

WANT SOME OVERNIGHT SUCCESS.

>> ♫ OOH, LOVE HURTS ♫

>> OUT OF THE WAY, WIGGY. YOU´LL

LOSE A LOT MORE THAN YOUR HEAD.

JESUS. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW

STRESSFUL IT CAN BE RUNNING

A TELEVISION SHOW. EVERYBODY

WANTS YOU. EVERYBODY´S RELYING

ON YOU, YOU KNOW, THE STUDIO,

THE NETWORK. ROSE BOWL PARADE,

THEY WANT ME ON A FLOAT.

GOD, THE STEERING ON THIS THING

IS SO TIGHT. IT´S GERMANIC

OR SOMETHING. IT´S BRAND-NEW.

ANYWAY, FIONA RECOMMENDS

YOU GUYS VERY, VERY HIGHLY.

>> SHE´S BEEN VERY HELPFUL TO US

SINCE OUR MOVE OUT HERE

FROM MIAMI.

>> I THINK SHE HEARD ABOUT

OUR MORE PRESTIGIOUS CASES AND

THOUGHT THAT US WORKING TOGETHER

MIGHT BE MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL.

>> WATCH IT, SPARTACUS!

IT´S NOT A SOCCER FIELD. LOOK,

THERE´S ACHILLES, TOO. GET IT?

HA HA. SO, LISTEN. I HAVE

A VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION

I NEED TO ASK YOU.

>> YEAH.

>> SCALE OF 1 TO 10, WHAT DO

YOU THINK OF MY SHOW?

Sean: 5.

Christian: 10.

>> SORRY. IT´S JUST FROM

A MEDICAL STANDPOINT, THE

PROCEDURES LOOK REALLY PHONY.

>> WHO´S THE LEAD GUY? I MEAN,

HE´S TOTALLY UNREALISTIC.

>> WOMEN 18 TO 49, THEY LOVE

AIDAN STONE. AND HE HAS A HUGE

FOLLOWING AMONGST THE GAYS.

BUT I DON´T KNOW, YOU KNOW.

SOUNDS LIKE MAYBE THIS ISN´T

THE RIGHT SHOW FOR YOU GUYS.

[BACKING UP BEEPS]

>> NOT ONLY COULD WE MAKE YOUR

MEDICAL STUFF MORE REALISTIC. WE

COULD GIVE YOU EXAMPLES OF CASES

WE´VE WORKED ON FOR 15 YEARS.

>> IT´D GIVE YOU CREDIBILITY.

>> WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT,

FREDDIE? A MUSICAL EPISODE?

HOW GAY IS THAT? COME ON.

THIS IS THE KIND OF DESPERATE

SCHLOCK YOU DON´T DO

UNTIL YOUR FIFTH SEASON.

>> I THOUGHT--I THOUGHT--

>> WHAT? WHAT´D YOU THINK? NO.

NO, NO, YOU DIDN´T. NO, YOU

DIDN´T THINK, ´CAUSE YOU´RE TOO

BUSY PARADING AROUND IN THAT

GOD-UGLY JUMPSUIT LIKE SOME

FAGGY FAT-ASS CHORUS GIRL.

WHY DON´T YOU JUST FIRE THOSE

HACKITY-HACK WRITERS BEFORE

I QUIT AND YOU´RE FORCED TO

START RUNNING CRAFT SERVICE.

I MEAN, LOOK AT YOUR BODY. WHAT

HAPPENED TO THE PROGRAM I SET UP

FOR YOU? IT IS SO DEPRESSING.

>> UH, SO WHERE WERE WE?

>> YOU GONNA LET THAT SON OF

A BITCH TALK TO YOU THAT WAY?

>> WHO? OH, AIDAN? PFFT. HE´S

A SWEETIE. YOU KNOW, HE´S, UM...

SENSITIVE, AND HE´S DAMAGED,

AND, UM, YOU KNOW, HE´S A--

HE´S FRUSTRATED.

>> ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

>> JUST GOT LOW BLOOD SUGAR,

AND I NEED TO EAT SOMETHING

RIGHT NOW.

[BACKING UP BEEPING]

>> OK, WHEAT, SUGAR, POO, POO,

CRAP. PACO, WHY IS EVERYTHING

STILL FRIED?! STILL? [SIGHS]

I´M GETTING TITS LIKE A GIRL.

TRUTH IS AIDAN´S RIGHT. I´M IN

OVER MY HEAD, WAY OVER MY HEAD.

START PRODUCTION ON EPISODE 6

ON TUESDAY, AND I HAVE NO CASE,

AND I CAN´T KEEP RIPPING OFF

EPISODES OF CHICAGO HOPE.

THEY´LL START SUING ME. I NEED

SOMETHING SEXY. I NEED A RATINGS

GRABBER. JESUS CHRIST.

CHICKEN FINGERS. GODDAMN IT.

>> WELL, WE HAD A CASE A COUPLE

OF YEARS AGO. REMEMBER, SEAN?

THIS, UH, WOMAN CAME INTO OUR

OFFICE. SHE´D BURNED HER LIPS

OFF IN A COOKING ACCIDENT.

>> RIGHT. WE HAD TO DO A GRAFT

USING SKIN FROM HER VAGINA.

THE ONLY TROUBLE WAS HER HUSBAND

DIDN´T LIKE ORAL SEX,

SO SHE COULDN´T LET HIM KNOW

WHERE THE SKIN CAME FROM.

>> WE CALLED HER PUSSY LIPS.

I´D WATCH A SHOW WITH PUSSY LIPS

ON IT.

>> HOW SOON CAN YOU START?

[THE BEST IS YET TO COME

STARTS PLAYING]

>> WE´RE NOT INTERESTED IN JUST

BEING CONSULTANTS, MR. PRUNE.

>> WE´RE NOT?

>> WE WANT PRODUCER CREDITS

AND THE OCCASIONAL LINE.

>> ♫ THE BEST IS YET

TO COME... ♫

>> PUSSY LIPS. GOD, I LOVE IT.

LET´S GET TO WORK.

>> ♫ AND, BABY,

YOU´RE GONNA FLY ♫

>> LET ME START OFF BY SAYING

I´M A HUGE FAN. OF ALL

THE ROMANTIC COMEDIES I´VE BEEN

DRAGGED TO BY MY GIRLFRIENDS

OVER THE YEARS, YOURS ARE

THE ONES I HATED THE LEAST.

SO, TELL ME WHAT YOU DON´T LIKE

ABOUT YOURSELF, MS. SUMMERS.

>> HEH. UM, THAT I WAS STUPID

ENOUGH TO LET FIONA DRAG ME

HERE. LOOK, DOCTOR, I AM SURE

YOU ARE A GENIUS AT WHAT YOU DO,

BUT PLASTIC SURGERY IS

AN ACTOR´S WORST NIGHTMARE.

YOU STRETCH ACTORS´ FACES

SO THEY DON´T HAVE TO

STRETCH THEMSELVES.

>> SAYS THE WOMAN WHO HASN´T

LANDED A PART DEEPER THAN A

SHOT GLASS IN 3 YEARS. FACE IT,

CARLY. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE

A 40-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IN ROMANTIC

COMEDIES. IF SHE LOOKS 35,

MAYBE.

>> SHOW BUSINESS IS ROUGH

ON YOU.

>> IT´S HARD TO FIND SOMEONE

IN THIS TOWN WHO´LL BE HONEST

WITH YOU.

>> WHICH IS WHY WE CAME TO YOU,

DR. TROY. YOU´RE A FELLOW

CLIENT. WE CAN TRUST YOU.

TELL US HOW YOU CAN REFRESH

CARLY´S FACE SO WE CAN REFRESH

HER CAREER.

[TAPS DESK]

>> WELL, LET´S START OUT ON

THE RIGHT FOOT, SHALL WE? AHEM.

TELL ME, DO YOU WANT

COSMETIC SURGERY?

>> LOOK, I´M UP FOR THIS REALLY

GREAT PART--SINGLE MOTHER,

COAL MINER, WITH AN AUTISTIC

CHILD--AND EVEN IF I DON´T

GET IT, A PART OF ME WANTS

TO TAKE A STAND. I WANT TO SHOW

EVERYONE THAT A WOMAN MY AGE

CAN BE DESIRABLE WITHOUT

THE HELP OF SCIENCE.

>> SWEETHEART, YOU HAVE A LOVELY

LITTLE TALENT, AND YOU MAKE

THE MOST OF IT, BUT YOU´VE

GOT 5 YEARS LEFT, AND THAT´S

ONLY IF YOU LET DR. TROY WORK

HIS MEDICAL MAGIC.

>> WELL, MAYBE I CAN START OUT

WITH THAT RESTYLANE OR BOTOX,

YOU KNOW, EASE ME INTO IT.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, DR. TROY?

>> HONESTLY...

>> YES.

>> I DON´T THINK YOU NEED

ANYTHING DONE. MAYBE A NICE

DINNER BY THE BEACH, A GREAT

BOTTLE OF BURGUNDY, AND SOME

DECENT CONVERSATION.

AW, LOOK AT YOU, BEAUTIFUL BOY.

[KISSES]

>> WHERE ARE YOU GOIN´?

>> I´M TAKING CARLY TO THE IVY.

>> DID YOU CALL A SITTER?

>> NO, BUT YOU´RE NOT DOING

ANYTHING. COME ON.

IT´S BUSINESS.

>> I THOUGHT YOU TURNED DOWN

HER SURGERY.

>> I DID TURN DOWN HER SURGERY.

NOW I NEED TO TURN HER ON. WE´RE

NOT GONNA GET ANYWHERE IN THIS

TOWN BY GIVING CARLY SUMMERS

A LITTLE BOTOX. SHE NEEDS

A FACE-LIFT, A TIT JOB, AND

WHATEVER ELSE I CAN SEDUCE HER

INTO GETTING. GOOD PLAN, HUH?

>> HOW ´BOUT I TAKE

THE HOLLYWOOD STAR OUT TO DINNER

AND YOU STAY HOME WITH YOUR SON?

I´LL DO THE CONVINCING.

>> BECAUSE I´M THE CHARISMATIC

SALESMAN, AND YOU´RE THE TALENT.

THAT´S THE WAY IT´S ALWAYS BEEN.

>> EXACTLY WHY I LEFT MIAMI.

>> AHH.

>> WHAT ARE YOU, A CAMEL?

>> PINEAPPLE JUICE, BABY.

MAKES A MAN´S SHOOTY-SHOOT

TASTE INFINITELY SWEETER. IT´S

NATURE´S GUARANTEE OF A SECOND

DATE. NOW, IF YOU WERE ANY KIND

OF SALESMAN, YOU WOULD HAVE

KNOWN THAT. COME ON, THE NEXT

AMERICA´S SWEETHEART WHO COMES

INTO OUR OFFICE IS ALL YOURS.

>> WHY DIDN´T YOU HIRE A LIVE-IN

NANNY LIKE YOU SAID YOU WOULD?

>> I CAN´T AFFORD IT NOW THAT

WE´RE PAYING FIONA 5 GRAND

A MONTH. GOOD NIGHT. I LOVE YOU.

>> CHRISTIAN.

[WAVES CRASHING]

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

[RING]

HELLO. LIZ, SLOW DOWN.

I CAN´T UNDERSTAND YOU.

>> [SCREAMING]

>> YOU THINK YOU´RE A GREAT BIG

BARRACUDA, DON´T YOU? WELL,

I CAN JERK YOU LIKE YOU´RE

A GUPPY. GET OUT OF HERE!

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

STOP IT. I WANT YOU TO PACK UP

AND GET OUT.

>> OR WHAT?

>> OR I´M CALLING THE POLICE.

>> COURSE I STERILIZE.

I´M A PROFESSIONAL.

>> WHAT´S GOING ON WITH YOU?

THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL.

>> [MUFFLED RESPONSE]

>> YOU NEED THERAPY.

>> I HAD TO CALL HER, OK? AHH.

I HAD TO FIRE 5 PEOPLE TODAY

BY E-MAIL.

>> THIS IS A MEDICAL FACILITY,

MR. EASTON, NOT A BEDROOM...

>> AHH.

>> OR A DUNGEON.

>> ONE OF THEM WAS MY OLDEST

FRIEND OUT HERE. YOU KNOW

I´M GODFATHER TO HIS DAUGHTER?

THERE´S THIS WHOLE CORPORATE

MERGER IN THE WIND.

EVERYTHING´S SHIFTING.

>> YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE HERE.

YOU TALK WHEN I SAY YOU CAN

TALK. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

DOCTOR. IT´S NOT EASY BEING

ROBERT EASTON. HE ISN´T STUPID.

HE KNOWS THAT UNDERNEATH HIS

"LOOK HOW BIG MY DICK IS" ACT

THAT HE´S JUST A SCARED LITTLE

BOY WHO FEEDS OFF EVERYONE

ELSE´S TALENT AND DREAMS.

HE´S NOTHING. I HAVE A GIFT.

I HELP KEEP MEN LIKE BOB FROM

IMPLODING WITH TOO MUCH POWER.

>> LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING,

MISTRESS WHOMEVER. YOU AND

YOUR GIFT ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.

THIS IS A PLACE OF HEALING.

>> YOU´D BE FUN TO WORK WITH.

SEE YOU LATER, BOBBY.

>> [SIGHS]

SO NEXT TIME, MAYBE WE SHOULD

MEET AT THE RESTAURANT FIRST.

>> REALLY? HOW COME? YOU DIDN´T

LIKE OUR FIRST DATE?

>> I DID. TRUST ME.

>> TRUST YOU? AREN´T YOU

AN ACTRESS? HUH? HOW COULD

I TRUST AN ACTRESS?

>> YEAH.

>> I NEED TO SEE FOR MYSELF.

>> NO, YOU DON´T.

>> OH, COME ON.

>> NO.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

>> OH, MY GOD.

[LAUGHS]

>> WHY ARE YOU BEING SO SHY

ALL OF A SUDDEN?

>> LOOK, I TOOK OVER AN HOUR

GETTING READY FOR YOU, AND, YOU

KNOW, YOU BARELY SAW IT, AND NOW

MY HAIR IS A WRECK, AND MY

MAKEUP IS ALL SMEARED, AND--

>> MAKEUP? AFTER THE FIRST TIME

WE MET, I, UH--I GOT THE

IMPRESSION THAT YOU WERE VERY

CONFIDENT WITH YOUR APPEARANCE.

>> I AM. I JUST...

I´VE JUST NEVER SLEPT WITH

A PLASTIC SURGEON BEFORE.

OH, GOD. IMAGINE IT´S WORSE

THAN A CASTING DIRECTOR.

>> PLEASE. YOU THINK I´M JUDGING

THE WAY THAT YOU LOOK NOW?

YOU´RE BEAUTIFUL.

WHAT?

>> GOD, YOU AND THE LIGHT.

[SIGHS]

>> WOW.

>> WHAT?

>> I´VE NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.

>> OH. YEAH.

>> IT´S AN ORIGINAL

ANDREW MACPHERSON.

>> YOU KNOW HIS WORK?

>> I HAVE HIS BOOK.

>> WOW. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS

TAKEN ALMOST--

>> 18 YEARS AGO, GIVE OR TAKE

6 MONTHS.

>> HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

>> THEY DIDN´T AIRBRUSH

BACK THEN LIKE THEY DO TODAY.

>> I DON´T THINK I LOOK

THAT DIFFERENT. DO YOU?

>> NOT AT ALL.

>> WELL, SAY I WAS GONNA DO THAT

EXACT SAME PICTURE TODAY. LIKE,

WOULD YOU HAVE TO FIX ANYTHING

TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE THAT AGAIN?

>> DO YOU HAVE A LIPSTICK?

>> YEAH.

>> STARTING AT THE BOTTOM.

THE MUSCLES IN YOUR CALVES

AND THIGHS, THEY SOFTEN AFTER

A WOMAN TURNS 40, SO I´D GIVE

YOU CALF IMPLANTS AND, UH,

LIPOSUCTION THROUGH HERE AND

THROUGH HERE. OF COURSE SOME

LIPOSUCTION RIGHT HERE. NOW YOUR

BOOBS ARE STILL REALLY PERKY, SO

I´D JUST MAYBE TAKE ´EM TO A--

A HIGH "B" AND LIFT THEM JUST

A LITTLE BIT. NOW HERE THE HARD

PART. A FEATHER-LIFT WOULD TAKE

6 YEARS OFF THE WAY YOU LOOK

NOW. THROUGH HERE, HERE.

THE GOOD NEWS IS IF YOU

GET THAT COAL MINER ROLE,

NOBODY´LL NOTICE YOUR ASS

IN OVERALLS, RIGHT?

[BELL RINGS]

>> LET´S FOCUS, PEOPLE. I NEED A

BRUSCHETTA, STAT, EXTRA CHEESE.

>> OK, WHAT THE HECK?

WHERE ARE YOUR PUSSY LIPS?

I THOUGHT WE WERE SHOOTING.

WHERE ARE HER PUSSY LIPS?

>> NO, YOU SAID WE WERE

JUST REHEARSING.

>> OH, GOD, OF COURSE.

I´M SORRY. I´M AN ASSHOLE.

WHAT´S THIS? WHY´S--WHAT IS

THIS BUCK ROGERS BULLSHIT, OK?

I KNOW IT´S REAL AND EVERYTHING,

BUT CAN WE SPRAY IT?

>> FREDDIE?

>> YES, DEAR.

>> I JUST NEED TO KNOW, SHOULD I

SCREAM AND BREAK DOWN AND BE

TERRIFIED THAT I´M GONNA DIE?

LIKE THIS. WATCH.

[SOBBING] I´M SO TERRIFIED

I´M GONNA DIE.

DON´T LOOK AT ME LIKE YOU JUST

STEPPED IN DOG SHIT, FREDDIE.

I´M JUST TRYING TO GIVE

THIS THING SOME COLOR.

>> OH, HONEY, I´M PROCESSING.

>> ALL RIGHT. I MEAN, DON´T YOU

THINK WE SHOULD JUST SEE HER,

YOU KNOW, RESIST AND RESIST, AND

THEN SHE SHOULD SLOWLY REVEAL

THAT WHEN SHE WAS A LITTLE GIRL,

SHE WAS SEXUALLY ABUSED.

>> ALL RIGHT, LET´S DO IT. LET´S

GET IT DONE. OHH! I FEEL GOOD.

>> GREAT. GREAT.

>> CLAUDE, SIDES STAT, PLEASE.

>> OVER HERE. NOW, YOU TAKE

A 15 BLADE.

>> ALL RIGHT.

>> WE´LL JUST PANTOMIME THIS

FOR NOW.

Aidan: OK.

>> BUT YOU HOLD IT LIKE THIS,

AND YOU START BY EXCISING

THE BURNT SKIN--

>> FREDDIE, WE HAVE TO DO THIS

REAL-LIFE SHIT?

>> UM...

>> I DON´T WANNA DO ALL THIS

REAL-LIFE SHIT. I MEAN,

THEY´RE NOT TUNING IN TO SEE

MY HANDS. IT´S MORE--NEW IDEA.

NEW IDEA. NEW IDEA. NEW IDEA.

>> MWAH.

>> I ACTUALLY THINK IT´S

A MISTAKE TO UNDERESTIMATE

THE INTELLIGENCE OF YOUR

AUDIENCE. I THINK ADDING

A LITTLE AUTHENTICITY COULD

MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE.

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? I COMPLETELY

AGREE WITH YOU. I MEAN, THAT´S

WHY I DON´T THINK SHE SHOULD

GIVE IN SO EASILY, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, I--I THINK I SHOULD BE

FLAILING AROUND, LIKE...

[SOBBING]

AND THEN YOU SHOULD TIE ME DOWN.

Aidan: WITH WHAT?

>> WITH SOME ROPES.

>> DO YOU KNOW WHAT´S SO MAGIC

FOR ME?

>> WHAT?

>> IS WHEN I GET TO WATCH YOU

LISTEN.

>> I CAN DO THAT.

[BELL RINGS]

>> YOU KNOW, YOU´LL NEED A CAP

ON WHEN WE´RE DOING THE SURGERY

SCENES. YOU COULD LOOK

RIDICULOUS WHEN YOU DON´T WEAR

A CAP.

>> CLAUDE, CAPS, STAT.

>> NO, NO. 86 THAT. DO YOU SEE

THIS? SEE THIS HAIR? YEAH? THIS

IS WHY PEOPLE TUNE IN. OK, IF I

WAS BALDING IN THE TEMPLES LIKE

YOU, IT´D BE A DIFFERENT STORY.

>> EXCUSE ME?

>> WHY DON´T WE JUST REHEARSE

THE BASIC MOVES SO IT LOOKS

MORE REAL, OK? JUST--

JUST IF YOU COULD SEE THE--

YOU MAKE THE CUT HERE.

>> HEY, DOC, YOU´RE A TECHNICAL

ADVISOR, OK? YOU ARE NOT

THE DIRECTOR. FREDDIE, WHY IS IT

THAT WE´RE IN THE PLASTIC

SURGERY CAPITAL OF THE WORLD,

AND WE´RE FORCED TO WORK

WITH THESE MIAMI WANNABES?

CAN YOU TELL ME THAT?

>> YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGE HERE.

I HAVE SEEN KIDS PLAYING DOCTOR

WHO HAVE BETTER SURGICAL

TECHNIQUE THAN YOU DO.

I´M GIVING YOU AN OPPORTUNITY

TO BE MORE AUTHENTIC.

I WOULD TAKE IT IF I WERE YOU.

HOLDING IT JUST LIKE THAT.

>> OK.

>> IT´S JUST SOME SKIN THAT´S

RIGHT ON THE EDGE OF THE LIP.

>> SO I JUST COME IN GENTLY.

>> EASY, EASY.

Actress: BUT DON´T REALLY DO IT.

>> SHH. DON´T--DON´T.

JUST BREATHE. JUST LIKE

A LITTLE CRESCENT MOON?

>> GAME OVER, PALLY PAL.

WE FINALLY HAVE A REAL-LIFE

PATIENT. AH, AT LEAST YOU DO,

ANYWAY.

>> THEY SPECIFICALLY

REQUESTED ME?

>> WELL, APPARENTLY YOU´RE

THE ONLY ONE HE TRUSTS TO KEEP

HIS PEEKABOO SCALP A SECRET.

>> HEH.

>> I CAN´T BELIEVE YOU´LL LET ME

GO IN FRONT OF MILLIONS

OF VIEWERS SHOWING OFF

MY SHINY HEAD.

>> THE ONLY TIME I SEE THE TOP

OF YOUR HEAD IS WHEN

IT´S COVERED.

>> WELL, IF THAT ASSHOLE´S

NOT WEARING A CAP,

THAN NEITHER AM I.

>> ASSHOLE´S A VAIN NARCISSIST

WITHOUT A SHRED OF INTEGRITY.

>> I KNOW. HE´S A TV STAR.

WHAT´S ON TOP OF HIS HEAD

IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN

WHAT´S IN IT. I GET IT.

IT´S HOLLYWOOD, BABY.

PLUG ME.

>> I´M SORRY YOU DIDN´T GET

THE PART.

>> CAMERON DIAZ IS 35.

SHE THINKS BEING AUTISTIC

MEANS YOU CAN PAINT.

>> [CHUCKLES]

>> BUT I GUESS SHE´S EASIER

TO LIGHT IN A COAL MINE.

>> WHICH IS WHY WE´RE HERE.

>> WHAT´S THIS?

>> A CONFIDENTIALITY AGREEMENT.

NO ONE CAN FIND ABOUT

CARLY´S SURGERY.

>> [SIGHS]

>> IT´S STRAIGHT.

YOU CAN SIGN IT.

>> SO WHAT DO WE DO FIRST?

>> UH, FEATHER-LIFT, WHICH ONLY

TAKES A FEW HOURS, SO WE CAN DO

YOUR BREAST AUGMENTATION AT

THE SAME TIME. ARE YOU SURE THIS

IS SOMETHING YOU´D WANNA DO?

I´D HATE TO SEE YOU BOWING

TO THE SUPERFICIAL PRESSURES

OF YOUR INDUSTRY.

[GROANS]

>> IS IT GOING TO HURT?

>> NO MORE THAN HAVING

YOUR TEETH CLEANED.

>> HOW EXACTLY DOES

THE LIFT WORK?

>> WE BEGIN BY MAKING

A TINY INCISION IN YOUR SCALP.

>> THEN WE SLIDE IN SILICONE

CHEEK ENHANCERS...

AND THEN INSERT TINY THREADS

INTO THE CHEEKS AND PULL

THE FACIAL MUSCLE TIGHT.

[PANTING IN PAIN]

>> FOR THE RECORD, I CONTINUE

TO FIND YOUR VANITY RIDICULOUS.

>> [SIGHS]

>> WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO

IF THIS READS ON CAMERA?

>> COME ON. YOU´RE THE ONE

WHO IN THE MIAMI DAYS TOLD

OUR CLIENTS THAT MICROPLUGS

ARE SO REALISTIC YOU CAN

GO BACK TO WORK THE NEXT DAY.

WHAT, I GOT--I GOT 3 DAYS

BEFORE WE SHOOT? SHOULD BE FINE.

I NEED THIS.

Matt: DEAR DAD, ENCLOSED, FIND

A PICTURE OF THE NEW BAMBINO.

HER NAME IS JENNA. KIMBER NAMED

HER AFTER SOME SITCOM ACTRESS IN

THE CHURCH I´VE NEVER HEARD OF.

I KNOW YOU WANTED TO BE THERE

TO DELIVER MY FIRSTBORN, DAD.

I WANTED THAT, TOO, BUT JENNA

CAME SO QUICKLY, THERE WOULDN´T

HAVE BEEN ENOUGH TIME FOR YOU

TO GET HERE ANYWAY. I´M SORRY

I HAVEN´T RETURNED YOUR CALLS.

YOU KNOW HOW BUSY FATHERHOOD IS.

AND KIMBER´S GOOD. SHE LOVES

BEIN´ A MOM. I MISS YOU, DAD.

SHOW CHRISTIAN THE PICTURE AND

TELL HIM I MISS HIM, TOO.

I LOVE YOU GUYS. MATT.

>> JESUS CHRIST!

>> WHAT IS IT? WHAT´S WRONG?

>> LOOK AT THIS.

>> WHAT? LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE.

>> WHAT IS IT?

>> AH. FOLLICULITIS. INFECTION

OCCURS IN A SMALL PERCENTAGE

OF HAIR TRANSPLANTS--

>> WEREN´T THE INSTRUMENTS

PROPERLY, UH--

>> THIS WAS PROBABLY CAUSED BY

ALL THAT SWEATING YOU DID IN

THE TANNING SALON YESTERDAY.

>> 2--2 DAYS, MAN.

>> I TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM

THAT UNTIL YOU´RE FULLY HEALED.

>> WE NEED TO LOOK OUR BEST,

RIGHT? IT´S OUR BIG BREAK.

>> WHY DON´T YOU JUST

STAY STILL? COME HERE.

>> ANTISEPTIC CREAM OR

SOMETHING? BUT I´M GONNA BE

ALL RIGHT, RIGHT?

>> IT´S GONNA BE FINE.

>> RIGHT?

>> IT´S FINE.

THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

>> IT´S JUST A MINOR INFECTION.

>> NO, NOT YOUR PLUGS. LOOK AT

US, MUTILATING OUR BODIES,

SELLING OUT TO SOME HACK

TV SHOW. WE´RE GOOD SURGEONS.

WHY LIVE IN A PLACE THAT DOESN´T

APPRECIATE US, YOU KNOW?

MAYBE WE SHOULD´VE MOVED

SOMEWHERE WHERE SUBSTANCE REIGNS

OVER STYLE, LIKE NEW YORK. EH?

>> JULIA´S GONE. LIVING A COUPLE

OF SUBWAY STOPS AWAY AIN´T GONNA

CHANGE THAT.

>> I MISS MY KIDS. I MISS ANNIE

LAUGHING AT ME WHEN I TRY TO PUT

HER HAIR IN A PONYTAIL, CONOR´S

FIRST SMILE IN THE MORNING.

I MISS SEEING MATT WITH HIS

CHILD, OUR GRANDCHILD. YOU CAN´T

GET THOSE MOMENTS BACK.

>> LOOK, YOU MADE A BOLD MOVE

COMIN´ OUT HERE, PARTNER, MAYBE

THE FIRST ONE OF YOUR LIFE. HUH?

COME ON. I MEAN, HOW MANY GUYS

OUR AGE FINALLY GET THE

OPPORTUNITY TO GET THE

RECOGNITION THEY DESERVE? HUH?

THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING.

>> FAME ISN´T LOVE, CHRISTIAN.

GETTING IT ISN´T GONNA FILL UP

SOME HOLE YOU´VE HAD INSIDE YOU

SINCE YOU WERE A KID.

>> SHE´S BEAUTIFUL.

SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME.

>> [CHUCKLES]

>> I WANNA BE HERE, MAN. I MEAN,

LOOK AT THIS PLACE. I CAN´T DO

IT WITHOUT YOU. SO, YOU´RE GONNA

HAVE TO JUMP ONBOARD,

´CAUSE I AIN´T LEAVIN´.

COME ON. LET´S RUN SOME LINES.

[BELL RINGS]

>> NOT TOO MUCH.

>> FREDDIE, I GOT THE REWRITE.

BUT I DON´T UNDERSTAND. IF YOU

DIDN´T LIKE THE WAY I WAS SAYING

THE LINE, WHY DIDN´T YOU

JUST TELL ME TO MY FACE?

>> NO, DARLING, IT´S NOT YOU.

YOU´RE GOLD. I-IT´S THE

STANDARDS AND PRACTICES

DEPARTMENT. YOU KNOW, IT´S OK,

YOU KNOW, FOR TONY SOPRANO´S

BEST FRIEND TO BE NAMED PUSSY,

BUT WE´RE TELEVISION, NOT HBO,

SO WE CAN´T USE THE P-WORD

ON THE NETWORK. THAT´S ALL.

>> BUT I CAN´T SAY THAT. I MEAN,

IT DOESN´T SOUND NATURAL.

ALLEGRA´S A GROWN WOMAN.

I MEAN, ONLY A CHILD WOULD REFER

TO HER LABIA AS A--

>> CANDY, CANDY, CANDY, CANDY,

SHE´S A VICTIM OF ABUSE, OK?

ANY REFERENCE TO HER FEMALE

PARTS INFANTILIZES HER, OK?

END OF STORY. NOW, I WANT YOU

TO PLAY AGAINST THE SOUND--

>> YOU WANNA HEAR SOMETHIN´,

FREDDIE? YOU ARE RIGHT.

OH, MY GOD. YOU ARE A GENIUS.

I´M INFANTILIZED. MAYBE I

COULD GURGLE LIKE A BABY,

LIKE...

[GURGLING]

NANA!

>> ARE YOU READY FOR YOUR

CLOSE-UP, DR. McNAMARA? HUH?

HUH? EH? EH? HEH? I DON´T KNOW

ABOUT YOU, BUT I FEEL LIKE MY

WHOLE LIFE HAS BUILT UP FOR THIS

MOMENT IN TIME RIGHT NOW.

HEH HEH HEH. DO YOU REALIZE

THAT IN ONE NIGHT, MORE PEOPLE

WILL SEE US THAN WE´LL MEET

IN A WHOLE LIFETIME.

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKIN´ AT?

>> NOTHING. JUST--I THINK

YOU NEED A LITTLE SOMETHIN´

AROUND THE PLUGS.

>> SHIT. SERIOUSLY? PRACTICALLY

SPRAYED A WHOLE CAN OF

SPRAY-PAINT ON MY HEAD. THEY

SAID IT WOULDN´T SHOW ON CAMERA.

>> WELL, THEY´RE PROS.

I´M SURE THEY KNOW WHAT

THEY´RE TALKIN´ ABOUT.

>> TELL ME. YOU TELL ME. HUH?

>> NO, IT´S OK.

>> IT´S OK?

>> IT´S FINE.

>> YOU´RE SURE?

>> YEAH.

[BELL RINGS]

>> WHOO.

>> "A" CAMERA MARKER.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

>> YOU DON´T UNDERSTAND. I CAN´T

WEAR MY LADY CHA-CHA ON MY LIPS.

I JUST CAN´T. IT´LL BE

A CONSTANT REMINDER OF--

>> OF WHAT, ALLEGRA? YOU CAN

TELL ME. I´M YOUR DOCTOR.

>> MY FATHER TOUCHED THOSE LIPS.

[SOBS] HE USED TO COME INTO

MY ROOM AT NIGHT WHEN I WAS

A LITTLE GIRL AND--

>> LET IT OUT.

>> AND ABUSE ME. [SOBS] I JUST

CAN´T WEAR MY SHAME ON MY FACE.

>> [SHUSHING] NO ONE WILL KNOW

I PUT YOUR LADY CHA-CHA

ON YOUR FACE.

>> I´M GONNA GET A HUMANITAS

FOR THIS.

>> YOU HAVE MY WORD. DOCTOR.

>> YOU WERE RIGHT, DOCTOR.

>> WHAT IS THAT, ANOTHER

SURGEON, OR IS THAT A CHIA PET?

THAT´S--THAT´S DISGUSTING. GET--

GET OFF HIM.

>> ...ELASTIC FIBERS ALLOW

FOR LESS CONTRACTION DURING THE

HEALING AND RECOVERY PROCESS.

>> SHE´S READY WHEN YOU ARE,

DOCTOR.

>> 15 BLADE.

>> I´M PRETTY GOOD AT THIS.

COULD HEAR A PIN DROP WHEN I WAS

SAYING MY LINES.

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

>> APPARENTLY THE MERGER´S

OFFICIAL, AND OUR LITTLE BOBBY

HAS BEEN ASKED TO BE CHAIRMAN

AND C.E.O. OF THE PARENT

COMPANY. HE´S VERY EXCITED,

BUT UNDERSTANDABLY

A LITTLE STRESSED.

>> WHO IS THAT, MAN?

SHE´S KIND OF HOT.

>> BOB EASTON´S ONE-WOMAN

STRESS MANAGEMENT.

>> MR. EASTON, PULL DOWN

THE BLANKET.

>> I-I´M GOOD.

>> IN SHOCK.

>> I´M GOOD.

>> I NEED TO EXAMINE YOUR

SUTURES. LET GO OF THE BLANKET.

>> JESUS.

>> IT´S NOT HER FAULT.

SHE WANTED TO STOP, BUT I

BEGGED HER TO KEEP GOIN´.

[MONITOR BEEPING]

I WANNA THANK YOU GUYS.

LESSER MEN WOULD HAVE KICKED ME

TO THE CURB.

>> YOU KNOW, I´M HAVING A HARD

TIME UNDERSTANDING HOW SUCH

A SMART GUY COULD BE SO STUPID.

IN ADDITION TO COMPROMISING

OUR PRACTICE, YOU HAVE ANY IDEA

WHAT LIVES IN THE HUMAN MOUTH?

IT´S A CESSPOOL. YOU RISKED

SEPSIS, HEPATITIS B.

>> I KNOW. I KNOW. I HAVE

A PROBLEM, OK? FOR THE RECORD,

I DECIDED NOT TO TAKE THE JOB.

I´M OUT. YOU KNOW, IT´S ONLY

A MATTER OF TIME UNTIL THIS TOWN

EATS YOU GUYS ALIVE. YOU MAY

WANNA PACK UP YOUR SCALPELS

AND HEAD BACK TO MIAMI WHILE

YOUR SOULS ARE STILL INTACT.

[GAS HISSING]

>> COUNT BACK FROM 10 FOR ME.

>> 10, 9...

>> [SOBBING]

>> OH, LOOK. THAT WAS A GREAT

IDEA. YOU SEE THE FACE?

>> YOU DON´T UNDERSTAND. I CAN´T

WEAR MY LADY CHA-CHA ON MY LIPS.

>> HONEY, IF YOU CAN LIVE WITH

THE SHAME OF CALLING YOUR LABIA

MINORA A LADY CHA-CHAS, THEN YOU

CAN PAINT ´EM BRIGHT ORANGE AND

WEAR ´EM ON YOUR FOREHEAD.

>> SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH.

>> OF WHAT, ALLEGRA?

>> UM...

>> I´M YOUR DOCTOR. YOU CAN

TELL ME ANYTHING.

>> MY FATHER TOUCHED THOSE LIPS.

[SOBS] HE USED TO COME INTO

MY ROOM AT NIGHT WHEN I WAS

A LITTLE GIRL AND--

>> LET IT OUT.

>> AND ABUSE ME.

>> LOOK, LOOK. DADDY´S GONNA BE

ON TV.

>> OH, SEAN, LOOK.

YOU LOOK REALLY MOVED.

>> HEY, WILL YOU GUYS BE--

>> IT WAS WEIRD. I SORT OF WAS.

>> BE QUIET, PLEASE, ALL RIGHT?

[AIDAN SHUSHING] NO ONE WILL

KNOW I PUT YOUR LADY CHA-CHA

ON YOUR FACE. YOU HAVE MY WORD.

DOCTOR.

[GAS HISSING]

>> SHE´S READY WHEN YOU ARE,

DOCTOR.

>> WH-WHAT? WAIT, WAIT. WHAT

THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY SPEECH?

>> DOCTOR.

[GAS HISSING]

>> SHE´S READY WHEN YOU ARE,

DOCTOR.

>> 15 BLADE.

>> THEY CUT OUT

THE WHOLE SPEECH.

>> OH, NO, YOU´RE NOT, NOT

COMPLETELY. I MEAN, THE BACK

OF YOUR HEAD, VERY DISTINCTIVE.

>> THIS IS THAT AIDAN STONE. I´M

TELLIN´ YOU, HE FELT THREATENED

BY ME, COULDN´T HANDLE THE HEAT.

>> COME ON, CHRISTIAN.

IT´S JUST A STUPID TV SHOW.

>> WHAT? McNAMARA/TROY CANNOT

BE ASSOCIATED WITH THIS KIND

OF SCHLOCK, MY FRIEND. THAT´S

ALL THERE IS TO IT. WE HAVE

A REPUTATION TO PROTECT.

THEY CAN TAKE THIS SHITTY SHOW

AND SHOVE IT UP THEIR ASSES.

WE DON´T NEED THAT KIND OF

EXPOSURE, SEAN. WE GOT CARLY,

AND OUR WORK WILL SPEAK

FOR ITSELF.

>> YOU SIGNED A CONFIDENTIALITY

AGREEMENT, REMEMBER?

>> YEAH, YEAH. WHATEVER.

>> IT´S LIKE CARLY

NEVER HAPPENED.

>> EXCUSE ME. DIDN´T I SEE YOU

LAST NIGHT ON HEARTS ´N

SCALPELS? OHH! LAST NIGHT´S

EPISODE WAS AWESOME.

EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT.

LOOK. IT´S THE NEW CUTE DOCTOR

FROM HEARTS ´N SCALPELS.

>> OH, WOW. YOU WERE GREAT. IT

WAS LIKE WATCHING A REAL DOCTOR.

>> WELL, ACTUALLY I AM.

THEY HIRED ME TO CONSULT.

>> HEY, YOU´RE A REAL

PLASTIC SURGEON?

>> YES, I--

>> DO YOU HAVE A CARD? MY WIFE´S

BEEN HOUNDING ME TO GET SOME

WORK DONE. YOU MUST BE

PRETTY GOOD. EVERY SURGEON

IN BEVERLY HILLS MUST HAVE

BEEN AFTER THAT JOB.

>> HERE.

>> ♫ THERE´S TALK ON THE STREET,

IT SOUNDS SO FAMILIAR... ♫

>> THANKS.

>> SURE. SURE RENAULT, RIGHT?

OH. HI.

>> ♫ EVERYBODY´S WATCHIN´ YOU ♫

[SUCTION]

>> LIPO´S A HARSH PROCEDURE.

THE KEY IS TO USE SHORT,

EVEN STROKES AND AVOID

EXCESSIVE BRUISING.

>> WOW. [SIGHS] THAT LOOKS

JUST SO REAL WHEN YOU DO IT.

>> THIS IS REAL, REMEMBER?

>> YEAH, THIS IS EXACTLY HOW

I WANT THE SHOW TO LOOK FROM

NOW ON. I WENT ONLINE THE OTHER

NIGHT AFTER WE AIRED AND GOT OUR

HIGHEST RATINGS EVER. YOU KNOW

WHAT I KEPT READING ABOUT

IN ALL THE HEARTS ´N SCALPEL

CHAT ROOMS? SURGERY. THEY LOVE

THE SURGERY. EVERYBODY THOUGHT

THAT IT BROUGHT A HEIGHTENED

SENSE OF REALISM AND--AND DRAMA

TO THE SHOW.

>> YOU´RE KIDDING.

>> NO, NO. ME DOING

REALISTIC SURGERY--

>> YOU CAN´T--CAN´T DO THAT.

>> RIGHT. RIGHT. JUST WHAT

THE FANS WANNA SEE. AND YOU,

MY FRIEND, YOU ARE THE GUY

THAT´S GONNA MAKE THAT HAPPEN.

>> I´M JUST HAPPY TO DO MY PART.

>> SPEAKING OF WHICH, I WANT

TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT WHAT

HAPPENED ON SET THE OTHER DAY,

HOW YOU SPOKE TO ME.

>> LOOK, I DIDN´T MEAN--

>> THANK YOU. I NEEDED TO

HEAR IT. YOU KNOW, IT--IT´S HARD

BEING THE SOLE CREATIVE FORCE

BEHIND A HIT SHOW. EVERYTHING IS

RIDING ON MY BROAD SHOULDERS

ALL THE TIME, AND THE PRESSURE

GETS TO ME.

>> [CLEARS THROAT]

WHAT´S HE DOING HERE?

>> CHRISTOPHER.

GOOD TO SEE YOU, MY MAN.

YOUR BETTER HALF´S GIVING ME

SOME POINTERS ON THE SHOW. IT´S

AWESOME STUFF. LISTEN, YOU HAVE

ANY NOTES IN THE NEXT SCRIPT,

YOU GIVE ME A CALL, OK?

>> YEAH.

>> WE SHOULD DO A MEAL SOON.

YOU BEEN TO THE IVY YET? YOU GOT

MY DIGITS, RIGHT? LOOK AT YOU.

LOOK AT YOU. HA HA HA!

>> IT´S CHRISTIAN.

SO WHAT´S HE TALKIN´ ABOUT? HUH?

I THOUGHT WE AGREED WE WEREN´T

DOING THE TV SHOW.

>> I NEVER COMMITTED TO THAT.

YOU´RE THE ONE WHO WANTED TO

QUIT BECAUSE YOU WERE CUT OUT.

>> ♫ THERE´S A NEW KID IN TOWN,

I DON´T WANNA HEAR IT... ♫

>> IS THAT THE LADY FROM...

>> THE HOT DOG STAND. YEAH.

>> HMM.

>> AND SOME COLD CALLS CAME IN

THIS MORNING FROM FANS

OF THE SHOW.

>> GREAT. NOW THE BALL´S OFF

AND ROLLING, WE DON´T HAVE TO DO

THAT STUPID, SHITTY TV SHOW,

RIGHT?

>> YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT,

BUT I´M DOIN´ THE SHOW,

CHRISTIAN. FIONA WAS RIGHT.

IT´S GOOD FOR BUSINESS.

>> YOU MEAN IT´S GOOD

FOR YOUR EGO.

>> ♫ THERE´S A NEW KID IN TOWN,

THERE´S A NEW KID IN TOWN ♫

[MONITOR BEEPING]

>> EVERYTHING´S WHERE IT OUGHT

TO BE, MINIMAL BRUISING

AND SWELLING.

>> [PANTING]

>> WHAT IS IT?

>> OH, I JUST DIDN´T KNOW

IT WAS GONNA HURT SO MUCH.

>> I COULD UP YOUR MORPHINE

IF YOU LIKE.

>> NO. UH-UH. COMING DOWN

OFF THAT STUFF´S A...

EVEN BIGGER BITCH.

>> I´M SORRY.

>> I´M GLAD.

I NEEDED TO. RIGHT?

>> SEE IF WE CAN MOVE

MRS. SIEBERT´S BROW-LIFT TO

3:00. THAT WAY, WE CAN STILL FIT

IN MRS. KASHOGGI´S TUMMY TUCK

BEFORE SHE LEAVES FOR CABO.

DR. TROY CAN DO IT.

>> MRS. KASHOGGI WAS VERY CLEAR.

SHE WANTS YOU TO DO THE SURGERY.

>> SEEMS LIKE BUSINESS

IS FINALLY PICKING UP.

>> DO I NEED TO TAKE OUT

A RESTRAINING ORDER? LEAVE.

>> I WATCHED YOU ON TELEVISION

LAST NIGHT, DOCTOR. YOU WERE

VERY HANDSOME AND VERY

CONVINCING. I CAN ALREADY TELL

YOU´RE GONNA DO QUITE WELL

FOR YOURSELF IN THIS TOWN.

>> THAT´S RIGHT, WHICH MEANS

WE DON´T NEED TO SEE YOU OR

YOUR SICKO CLIENTS ANY LONGER.

>> HAVE YOU SEEN TODAY´S

VARIETY? THIS SICKO HAS

JUST CLIMBED UP ANOTHER RUNG

ON THE LADDER.

>> "BOB EASTON NAMED C.E.O.

AFTER MERGER." HE TOLD ME

HE WAS LEAVING TOWN.

>> I GUESS THE RUSH OF POWER´S

JUST TOO ADDICTIVE TO WALK AWAY

FROM. CALL ME.

>> I DON´T NEED YOUR KIND

OF HELP.

>> YOU WILL.

[DIALING]

>> US WEEKLY. THIS IS MIRANDA

SPEAKING.

>> GUESS WHO JUST GOT

A FACE-LIFT. CARLY SUMMERS. YES,

THAT CARLY SUMMERS. IT DOESN´T

MATTER WHO I AM, BUT, UH,

THE SURGEON WHO DID HER WORK

IS DR. CHRISTIAN TROY.

[BEEP]