Original subtitles

Romantic comedy sequels never work.

And that's why.

Because, for us to fall in love, was not a problem.

Everything was ok.

But what now?

What we need now

is to take a step forward, Do you understand?

we have to take a little step forward.

I know what you mean, Marta, but...

shouldn't you tell that to your partner?

It's just that it's easier to say it to you, doctor.

Can't you tell him?

Eh...

And you don't want to take that step?

Well...

Don't you think that this...

is quite a big step forward?

-Sorry, sorry.

Sorry. It's my friends' dog, sometimes he runs off.

You can see, he's a bit frisky.

You do know he is a she, don't you?

-Uh? -Really?

-Christ.

Everyone always treats him like a boy.

Yes.

Things are never what they seem.

Come on.

Let's have a nap in the chair. Up we go.

Whoopee!

If you have a little boy, what are you doing in a fertility clinic?

It's not a boy, it's a girl.

And it's not what it seems. She's my niece,

my brother's daughter. And my friend's daughter.

She's not your niece, she's our niece.

These little details are also little steps forward.

She's one year old today and we've brought her along while...

...they throw a surprise party.

For a one year old?

Yes, they're a very strange family.

My dad asked me to and I didn't want to argue.

He had an operation recently and he's ok but a bit sensitive.

What the hell have you put all this shit up for?

Can't you lend a hand, dad?

I don't understand why you have to dress up my house

as if it was a mariachi fiesta in Jalisco.

How would you know what a fiesta in Jalisco is like!

Hey, if only you knew...!

I never lost anything in Jalisco.

Well, if truth were told

you did lose something in Jalisco.

Are you talking about Jalisco? You have to go.

We'll put you up.

-'How long have you been trying?'

Eh... Trying what?

To get pregnant.

For how long before you decided to get professional help?

Um, trying, if you mean trying, we haven't tried.

We decided it this morning, but we haven't done anything.

We'll have a go tonight. Er, I suppose.

So why have you come to a fertility clinic?

Because we've decided to start and so that you can tell us how.

I mean, one moment, the nuts and bolts, that we know.

Let's say that we've done it, but not in the way that...

We've done it but without taking it seriously.

Speak for yourself. I take it seriously .

I just want to let the doctor know that we have done it,

but without thinking about becoming parents,

It was a bit more, well, out of... out of habit.

Sorry, not out of habit on my part.

I think there is a misunderstanding here.

We help couples

who can't get pregnant in the normal way.

-Yes. -But do you know

if you can or cannot get pregnant?

Well, I know that I can't.

It's...

Is there a hidden camera somewhere?

This...

What the hell is this?

It's a present from Don Julio.

Ah, no, no, no, no!

He can't give her that.

And when she's 10, what's he going to buy her,

a real horse? -Could be.

Because we've got horses on our ranch to give away as presents.

Very well, but he doesn't have to come to my house

to rub it in.

Nobody's rubbing anything in.

And we're only in your house for the birhtday party.

Relax, later we'll be off to our five star hotel.

Calm down.

Don Julio has brought a nice present and you...

you look after us all year round. You don't think that's enough?

I think it's normal. I'm her grandfather after all.

You're right, just like my Julio is her grandfather as well,

he can give her what he likes.

I'm the girl's only grandfather!

I don't want to butt in,

but my father is also her grandfather, is he not?

Another one, eh?

Oh yes! You are all in this together trying to ruin my day!

Mum, have you seen dad? I haven't seen him in a while.

Did he go back to the hotel?

Oh!

Do you call him 'dad' as well?

Try to understand.

I grew up...

No, no, no.

No need to explain.

Happiness!

This is a birthday party.

We've been together for a year, but neither of us

brought up the subject of children.

The fact is we wanted to be parents

even before we met.

And, as we are on sabbatical leave we want it now.

We want it now, I mean now, right now.

Yes, yes, all very logical

but the problem is that I can't treat you

unless you've been trying for at least six months.

We've been trying for six months.

Excuse me?

Say we've been trying for six months. It doesn't matter!

No one knows if we've been...

that we haven't stopped...

Nobody knows if we've done it to have kids or out of habit.

Stop saying 'out of habit.'

Yolanda, the patients are leaving now.

Give them an appointment to come back in six months, please.

It's a calculator.

Um?

The button you pushed, it's a calculator. It didn't work.

There's no intercom.

At least you could have told us how it's done.

Of course, it's very simple, look.

Daddy puts his seed in mummy's tummy...

There's no hidden camera. This is a comedy club.

We're going to try something.

Okay. I'm going to give you a leaflet.

Look, here are the guidelines, habits, the optimum days...

even a diagram with different positions, eh, champ?

And moreover, it comes with an app for the phone.

It takes away all the fun of a natural conception,

but as you're both in such a hurry...

Okay, okay, let's go.

Enjoy.

-Look out!

-Shit!

Sorry love.

... Sorry, it's just...

I thought I saw...

a friend I haven't seen for ages,

but it wasn't him.

What friend?

The only friends you have are those two idiots.

Eh?

Which two idiots?

Which two? Nacho and me.

We're the only regulars left in this place.

Since they closed the Calderón stadium

this place has gone downhill.

Rafa, this bar was never what it used to be.

You have to shut the bar.

What are you talking about?

Don't you trust me?

It's a bad patch but...

You're going to close today,

we've got the baby girl's birthday.

You've got the present, right?

-We agreed you'd get it. -What?

Nacho's getting it.

Here they are! Quick, quick! Let's go, run, run!

Surprise!

-And who the hell is this? -A bit of respect, please.

This is my son Josechu.

Josemi, dad, Josemi.

You too, apple of my eye,

are you here to fuck up my day as well?

Does the alarm go off each time we have to do it?

That's a bit cold, isn't it?

Is there some kind of trick? To get pregnant?

Yes, of course it does. It says here: 'Shag like little bunnies.'

Don't say that in front of the child.

Marta, you're crazy. She's a baby.

She's not going to understand the surprise party.

And if she understands 'shag', she's the Antichrist.

We'll have to burn her. -Don't say that, you idiot.

Well, if you want we could try...

this position. -Okay.

Of course. Let me see...

Let's see, I lie down...

Get down on your knees.

On your knees.

Then, I have to lift this leg up to here.

-Very comfy. -Yes.

Put this one over here.

And grab this leg with your hand.

Okay, that's it. -Great.

Now , come closer.

Okay. Now what?

You should give me a kiss.

I can't.

And if I let go of your leg?

I can't, not in front of the child.

Marta, she doesn't understand anything.

Let's wait till she falls asleep.

Hey, you have to try to sleep now, ok?

Auntie and uncle are going to make you a little cousin,

but you musn't look because we're going to play trains.

Choo-choo! Choo-choo! -Stop.

Your putting me right off. C'mon, come here.

She'll drop off soon. Won't you, honey?

C'mon, sleepy time.

Why am I the one in charge? The kid's not mine.

Well, you are the brother of the aunt's boyfriend,

the closest relative.

And you helped with the birth. You can't get closer than that.

And you?

You're Carla's boss.

Not anymore. Since the baby came along,

she's not been back to the bar.

You fired her, you bastard.

No, that's a lie. I didn't let her go.

You didn't fire her because she never had a contract.

If I can't pay the electricity bill, how could I pay for staff?

Take her on at the hospital if you're worried about her.

-Yes, at the Social Security.

I'm calling the Ministry of Health right away

to see what they can do. What do you think?

Nacho should get her as his Uber assistant

to deliver bottles of water.

You're both idiots, and for being a pair of clever clogs,

today you pay for the ride.

-Yes, ho, ho. -That's it.

-Now, now, here they come. -Oh!

Surprise!

-'The image of the dog popped into my head.'

-'We'll be in Granada in little over three...'

Where is she?

Christ! Manuela! Manu!

Manuela! (TV) "He's not leaving the match."

-Manuela! -Manuela!

How did she get here?

My baby!

Are you okay?

Yes, yes.

-Is she ok? -Yes.

She smells of cuttlefish a bit, but she's okay.

I'll never leave you alone ever again, never, never.

What time is it?

We've got to take her to her party.

Here you go, I've to change my clothes.

But...

If you're going to tell your parents about what happened today,

don't tell them about the fridge.

Better to tell them about the shagging.

Okay?

-Oh! -Let's go!

-It's them, it's them!

Surprise!

And who are they?

We are the three cool kings.

This year we've brought incense to help the baby sleep.

When she gets her ears pierced, we'll bring her gold earrings.

As for the myrrh, when we find out what it is,

we'll score a couple of grammes.

Ready. Shall we go?

Haven't you forgotten something?

We almost forgot the present.

Um... Didn't you forget something else?

You say my dad only has cheap wine so to shut you up...

Great, thanks, but...

Are you sure there's nothing else you've forgotten?

Do you think that we

should really have a baby?

Dad, are you eating your granddaughter's cake

before she's even got here?

Good God! All this stuff is too spicy.

It's all... very Mexican.

-Oh, lord! -Here she is.

-Surprise! -Surprise!

-Surprise! -Surprise!

-Surprise!

She's just fallen asleep!

-May I? -Yes.

Sorry, sorry.

-Did you say something? -No, I thought it was you.

It was me.

What are you doing here?

Carolina, she always makes me cry.

-But she's not even here. -Exactly.

Don't worry about me. You two get on with it.

What the hell is wrong with you?

-We're broke.

But it's my problem.

You two get on with it.

Who the hell is now?

-Sorry.

It's me.

It's just...

I saw someone in the street...

a friend I've not seen for a year or so and I got all nostalgic.

But you two, get on with it, uh?

Dad? What are you doing here?

Your mother, with her husband.

And you brother Diego.

They put spices on everything.

See you at the hotel tomorrow.

Bye bye.

Let's see if you can get it together,

I want some more grandchildren.

But you are all off as well, aren't you?

Dad, we've got something to say to you.

At heart, it's good news,

because we're going to leave you in peace.

Joaquín, you know that Diego and I are out of work,

and it's been great here,

but Don Julio has made us an offer to go and work for him

in his company in Mexico.

And, it's a big opportunity for us.

You're taking then to México?

Don Joaquín, I respect you, but they deserve an opportunity.

Who is this guy talking to me?

Did we hire a mariachi for the birthday party?

-Daddy, don't be daft! -Are you talking to me?

Daddy number 1 or daddy number 2?

Just to be sure.

I knew he'll do this.

Can we have a word?

Think about the youngsters!

Stop being so selfish for once in your life!

Me? Selfish?

It's you who are doing the same to me as you did before.

20 years ago, you took my son

and now, just when I'd got him back, you snatch him away again.

And, what's more, you're going to take my only grand-daughter!

Please, daddy!

You have four more!

What the hell are you doing in there?

You get my name wrong, okay,

but it's too much that you don't remember my kids.

Do you get it?

This is what you want me to leave a grand-daughter here for?

Okay, okay.

I confess that I haven't always done right by Josemi.

Or with me.

Okay, very well, I haven't done right by you either,

but I deserve another chance with my son.

Okay, well there he is.

your eldest, and he needs your help.

But what is it he needs?

-I have needs, daddy.

I have needs...

We're a couple of unfortunates.

Son, I'm going to try to be a father to you,

but don't think I'm going to join your team, alright?

This way.

No, please, the tickets.

It doesn't say.

There has to be a time limit.

It doesn't say.

It says that lying in that position aids conception,

but it doesn't say for how long.

So I've got to stay here all day?

It doesn't say how long intercourse should last either.

That depends upon the individual, I suppose.

Blimey!

I was sure Marta would come.

I was sure Javi would come.

I was sure your father wouldn't come.

I put in your weight and it says you should lose some.

Why did you put my real weight?

Because you have to.

Really? And it says that you are thirty.

If you don't lose weight, I'm going to be thirty.

What time is it? 10:30! We have to say goodbye to my mother!

Don't! You can't put your legs down!

God! Sorry!

Javi, be careful, look at me!

Of course, better to run over a stranger

than not to say goodbye to your mother.

Okay, but don't slam on the brakes.

The little sperms are going to arrive,

but might not manage once they do.

I'm not sure that's how it works.

We really have to go now.

Mum, Diego!

Oh!

-Sorry. -Oh!

Ay!

Sorry, we had a little problem with...

well, what happened...

Let's say someone put their foot in it.

Oh! Eh!

I'm going to miss you, but I'll visit you soon.

Look after this one. And Carla too.

And the little one!

Oh... yes, yes, of course, the little one.

Okay!

I'm losing my little sister as well.

Who are you going to play marbles with now?

Hey!

Okay, off you go, get out of here.

Yes, c'mon, off you go. Go.

You're going to miss the plane, c'mon, dad's not going to come.

-Sucedáneo.

What's up, Sucedáneo? I didn't want to come,

but the dog insisted.

Bye bye, little one.

Give it to me.

C'mon, c'mon, let's go. Eh!

Go,

before your mother takes someone else.

Well, separating the girl from her dog is a bit...

What? The dog stays with me. Okay?

I thought that you didn't like dogs.

And I don't, but this dog,

although I don't like it, is mine.

Truth is, she's a bitch and she's mine. She was a present.

Well. She can decide.

Who? Marta? No, the dog.

You put her in the middle, you call her name:

'Sucedáneo, Sucedáneo',

and the one she goes to, keeps her.

-Come, doggie. -Here, gorgeous.

-Come to mummy. -Sucedáneo.

-Look. -No, here.

Here, sweetie, here, here.

-Eh, eh! -Come to mummy.

Look.

Don't do this to me, Sucedáneo.

Not you.

Here, here, here.

Hey, very good!

C'mon Sucedáneo.

-Hey! -Here, here.

C'mon. Here. Look, look.

Look, look, look, look!

Oh what a sweet thing! My sweet doggie!

Come to daddy.

Come to daddy.

What?

-You had the dog treats in your hand. -What are you saying?

Please!

They were in my pocket.

Who do you love most in the world?

Who do you love? Hey!

Where are the Mexicans?

Too late. They've gone.

Haven't we met at 12:30?

We changed it to 11:30 so they wouldn't miss the plane.

Why didn't you tell me? We sent a WhatsApp.

Which WhatsApp? The family WhatsApp.

Oh. Is there a family WhatsApp?

Didn't you tell him...?

What? What do you want?

And you're partly to blame for all this.

Won't you say anything?

Congratulations... to you both.

Congratulations? We told you it was a cushion.

Christ! I thought you were kidding!

But, who would make up something like using a cushion?

Yes, who would joke about somnething like that?

However, stuffing a cushion there as if you were pregnant

is... logical.

If your app or your leaflet had worked I wouldn't have to wear it.

And we've done our bit, but... nothing.

Not even a little bit late, to get our hopes up.

No, nothing.

So you go around with a cushion?

I'm not going around with a cushion! I'm not crazy.

I wanted to try out the dress.

Look, I understand that it is a bit weird,

but, sorry,

she made the dress

because she thought she'd be pregnant by now.

And if I got pregnant now,

I wouldn't wear it in the middle of winter .

Of course, you couldn't not wear such a nice dress, could you?

Right. See? He got it right away.

What?

Well yes, you know. I've made some enchiladas.

You're not the only one who misses them.

Surprise!

I figured that you must be feeling bad alone, all on your own,

so I grabbed a couple of suitcases and I've come to stay with you.

Let's see, your wife has thrown you out, right?

Can I stay a few days?

Marta, you have reinforced ovary syndrome

and you have a refundable sperm condition.

Yes.

Do you know these conditions?

-Truth be told, no. -No.

And do you know why?

Because they don't exist. I just made them up.

There's nothing wrong with you.

Maybe you can't get pregnant

because, deep down, you don't really want to be parents at all.

Very well. So what can we do?

What you have to do is to see a psychologist...

or something, or...

or admit that nature knows best

and it doesn't want you to be parents.

Great, so you think,

our problem is that we are 'kidophobic'?

I don't know if the term exists but...

No, it doesn't. I made it up too.

Let's go. -Yes.

Perhaps we're just 'posing parents'.

What does that mean?

No idea, I just made it up.

Do you think that only you can think up nonsense?

If you want we can play at your place or mine.

Okay.

Okay but whoever loses goes on top.

-Okay. -Go.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

Forget it. Obviously the doctor was right.

It's our fault we can't have kids.

Don't worry. If we can't, we can't.

You don't have to get upset.

Of course, if we can't have kids, it doesn't matter.

It's not the end of the world.

Right. Shall we go to my place?

To sleep.

I'm going to my place today.

I've a lot to do at the shop,

that way I'll be there in the morning.

Okay.

As you wish.

Shall I walk you home?

Yes.

Shall we go?

We'll talk tomorrow.

We can still be okay. When we got together, that wasn't the reason.

Of course that's not why we got together.

If we don't have kids, it doesn't matter.

No, it doesn't matter.

What?

I can't believe it. What are you doing here again?

What am I doing here?

It's obvious that I can't leave you alone for a second.

You've had over a year and look at you.

'If we don't have kids, it doesn't matter.'

Dad, have you lost it completely?