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1
00:00:01,390 --> 00:00:04,025
ADULT ADAM:
The '80s sparked some of
the most iconic couples ever!
2
00:00:04,059 --> 00:00:05,794
From Loni and Burt
to Goldie and Kurt,
3
00:00:05,827 --> 00:00:08,430
if you acted together, you
usually ended up together.
4
00:00:08,463 --> 00:00:10,699
And since my ex, Dana,
had come back into my life,
5
00:00:10,732 --> 00:00:13,968
I secretly hoped
the fall play would
rekindle our romance.
6
00:00:14,002 --> 00:00:17,005
Ladies and lords,
hold on to your Tudor caps.
7
00:00:17,038 --> 00:00:18,840
Romeo and Juliet!
8
00:00:18,873 --> 00:00:20,475
Yes! It's West Side Story
9
00:00:20,509 --> 00:00:22,677
without the fun music
or Latino gangs.
10
00:00:22,711 --> 00:00:24,513
I haven't read it yet,
but Carla's always saying
11
00:00:24,546 --> 00:00:26,715
how we're totally
gonna end up like
Romeo and Juliet.
12
00:00:26,748 --> 00:00:27,882
Oh, boy.
13
00:00:27,916 --> 00:00:29,351
Well, I'm definitely
auditioning for Juliet.
14
00:00:29,384 --> 00:00:30,719
And good luck,
everyone else,
15
00:00:30,752 --> 00:00:32,187
'cause you're
a shoo-in, girlfriend.
16
00:00:32,221 --> 00:00:34,389
Friend that's a girl.
Just girl.
17
00:00:34,423 --> 00:00:36,558
You know what you got.
Have a Romeo in mind?
18
00:00:36,591 --> 00:00:37,659
Who're we kidding?
19
00:00:37,692 --> 00:00:38,993
Andrew Gallery
crushed it as Romeo
20
00:00:39,027 --> 00:00:40,729
at that fancy arts camp
last summer.
21
00:00:40,762 --> 00:00:42,931
Right. Gallery.
22
00:00:42,964 --> 00:00:45,167
Yep, every drama class
had one...
23
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,903
Handsome, weirdly confident,
and totally unbearable.
24
00:00:48,937 --> 00:00:50,672
I find if I only wash
my hair once a month,
25
00:00:50,705 --> 00:00:52,207
it gets
a natural messiness
26
00:00:52,241 --> 00:00:54,176
that I can't acquire with
a traditional conditioner.
27
00:00:54,209 --> 00:00:55,710
You are so brave.
28
00:00:55,744 --> 00:00:57,346
I want to play a marine
one day.
Oh.
29
00:00:57,379 --> 00:01:00,349
Apparently he told
the Yale theater program
he'd "let them know."
30
00:01:00,382 --> 00:01:02,684
Someone should let him know
he's not all that.
31
00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:04,919
No way, bro.
Gallery checks
all the boxes!
32
00:01:04,953 --> 00:01:06,054
Accept it.
33
00:01:06,087 --> 00:01:07,922
There's just
way better people
in the world.
34
00:01:07,956 --> 00:01:09,090
I guess he's kinda cute.
35
00:01:09,124 --> 00:01:11,059
Anyway,
I'm gonna go run lines.
36
00:01:11,092 --> 00:01:13,395
If Dana lands Juliet
opposite Andrew Gallery,
37
00:01:13,428 --> 00:01:15,230
it will for sure
turn into a showmance.
38
00:01:15,264 --> 00:01:16,331
"Showmance"?
39
00:01:16,365 --> 00:01:17,732
Just because
two beautiful teens
40
00:01:17,766 --> 00:01:20,001
spend hours together
rehearsing and kissing
41
00:01:20,034 --> 00:01:22,437
in the most
romantic play ever
doesn't mean...
42
00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:24,005
Oh, balls, balls!
Yep.
43
00:01:24,038 --> 00:01:26,441
That drab auditorium
might as well be
The Blue Lagoon,
44
00:01:26,475 --> 00:01:28,243
'cause young love
is afoot.
45
00:01:28,277 --> 00:01:29,344
You're a foot.
46
00:01:29,378 --> 00:01:30,879
You know what?
Maybe I'll try out for Romeo.
47
00:01:30,912 --> 00:01:32,681
Then you better
start learning
some Shakespeare.
48
00:01:32,714 --> 00:01:35,116
It's not exactly
the easy-breezy
dialogue from ALF.
49
00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:37,286
I will get the part
and showmance with Dana
50
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:39,020
and prove you
and everyone else wrong.
51
00:01:39,053 --> 00:01:41,556
But, unfortunately,
that meant this.
52
00:01:41,590 --> 00:01:43,358
"O Schmoopie-o,
Schmoopie-o,
53
00:01:43,392 --> 00:01:45,560
"wherefore art thou,
Schmoopie-o?"
54
00:01:45,594 --> 00:01:47,095
Mom! Enough with
the Schmoopie-o's!
55
00:01:47,128 --> 00:01:49,198
Shakespeare would love
the way I talk.
56
00:01:49,231 --> 00:01:50,999
You know who doesn't
love the way you guys
are talking?
57
00:01:51,032 --> 00:01:52,567
Vic and I.
I don't mind, Mur.
58
00:01:52,601 --> 00:01:55,003
(CHUCKLES) My daughter's
auditioning for that play.
59
00:01:55,036 --> 00:01:56,471
Asha? She's like
five years old.
60
00:01:56,505 --> 00:01:57,939
Oh, she was...
11 years ago.
61
00:01:57,972 --> 00:01:59,474
Well, tell Asha
to break a leg.
62
00:01:59,508 --> 00:02:01,376
I most certainly
will not.
63
00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:03,912
The last thing I want
is my sweet angel
64
00:02:03,945 --> 00:02:06,080
in some teen raunchfest.
65
00:02:06,114 --> 00:02:07,216
Raunchfest?
66
00:02:07,249 --> 00:02:09,984
That Shakespeare
was a grade-A horndog.
67
00:02:10,018 --> 00:02:13,555
There's no way I'm letting
some hormonal Romeo
68
00:02:13,588 --> 00:02:15,657
smooch up
my little princess.
69
00:02:15,690 --> 00:02:18,227
Don't worry about this one
landing the role. No offense.
70
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:20,495
Offense taken,
taken hard!
71
00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:23,432
Watch me perform
Romeo's death by poison.
72
00:02:23,465 --> 00:02:25,467
Ohh!
(IMITATES SLURPING)
73
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,469
Thy drugs are quick.
(GROANING)
74
00:02:27,502 --> 00:02:30,572
Oh, no!
Thus with a kiss, I die!
75
00:02:30,605 --> 00:02:32,441
With Mama's kiss,
you live!
76
00:02:32,474 --> 00:02:33,975
No!
77
00:02:34,008 --> 00:02:36,645
If thou goest,
then I go, too.
78
00:02:36,678 --> 00:02:37,746
Oh, give me that vial.
79
00:02:37,779 --> 00:02:39,180
You two mind dying
in the kitchen?
80
00:02:39,214 --> 00:02:40,782
(GROANING)
81
00:02:40,815 --> 00:02:42,917
* I'm twisted up inside
82
00:02:42,951 --> 00:02:46,154
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
83
00:02:48,990 --> 00:02:50,359
* I don't know the future
84
00:02:50,392 --> 00:02:53,895
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
85
00:02:53,928 --> 00:02:56,598
ADULT ADAM:
It was October 23,
1980-something,
86
00:02:56,631 --> 00:02:59,334
and Erica was crushing
college academically.
87
00:02:59,368 --> 00:03:01,636
Cheggit! I got another "A"
on my sociology midterm.
88
00:03:01,670 --> 00:03:03,004
Another perfect grade?
89
00:03:03,037 --> 00:03:05,006
Your GPA is gonna look
like Fonzie on a Friday...
90
00:03:05,039 --> 00:03:06,475
All "Aaays."
91
00:03:06,508 --> 00:03:08,377
Yeah, I don't have time
to acknowledge
how lame that was.
92
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:09,644
Come on, let's celebrate
93
00:03:09,678 --> 00:03:11,946
by going to one of the many
fun hangs on this corkboard.
94
00:03:11,980 --> 00:03:13,181
Oh, no!
A lost dog?
95
00:03:13,214 --> 00:03:15,850
Snowball is fine,
and so am I.
No parties.
96
00:03:15,884 --> 00:03:18,320
But all you do is go from
your dorm to the classroom
97
00:03:18,353 --> 00:03:19,521
and back to your dorm.
98
00:03:19,554 --> 00:03:21,456
I mean, get out there.
Meet some people.
99
00:03:21,490 --> 00:03:22,957
And if you do,
ask them if they've seen
100
00:03:22,991 --> 00:03:25,460
a bichon/pug mix
who loves carrots.
101
00:03:25,494 --> 00:03:27,529
Whoa! Whoa! Can't stop!
Can't stop!
102
00:03:27,562 --> 00:03:28,730
Can't stop!
103
00:03:28,763 --> 00:03:29,864
Ugh!
Ohh!
104
00:03:29,898 --> 00:03:32,501
Oh!
I am so sorry.
105
00:03:32,534 --> 00:03:33,635
Are you okay?
106
00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:35,236
This is my first time
riding a skateboard.
107
00:03:35,270 --> 00:03:37,372
Yeah, well, a crowded,
public space full of strangers
108
00:03:37,406 --> 00:03:38,573
is a perfect place
to start.
109
00:03:38,607 --> 00:03:40,174
Oh, here, take my sweater.
Your knee is bleeding.
110
00:03:40,208 --> 00:03:41,710
Wait. Is this cashmere?
111
00:03:41,743 --> 00:03:43,244
I don't want to ruin it
with my knee blood.
112
00:03:43,278 --> 00:03:44,346
It'll give it character.
113
00:03:44,379 --> 00:03:45,880
And then some cute guy
is gonna come up to me,
114
00:03:45,914 --> 00:03:47,682
and he'll be like,
"Hey, you got blood
on your sweater,"
115
00:03:47,716 --> 00:03:48,983
and I'll be like,
"You're stupid."
116
00:03:49,017 --> 00:03:50,585
And then
he'll be my boyfriend
for a few weeks,
117
00:03:50,619 --> 00:03:51,686
and I will have you
to thank.
118
00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,187
Wow.
You're, like, a lot.
119
00:03:53,221 --> 00:03:55,557
Thanks! I'm Ren.
It's short for Lauren.
120
00:03:55,590 --> 00:03:57,859
I'm Erica.
Or Ca?
121
00:03:57,892 --> 00:03:59,093
Yeah,
that doesn't work.
122
00:03:59,127 --> 00:04:00,929
Um, well, it was nice
to break your fall.
123
00:04:00,962 --> 00:04:02,331
Don't look, but there is
a guy over there
124
00:04:02,364 --> 00:04:04,699
who is majorly
creeping on you.
125
00:04:04,733 --> 00:04:07,268
Oh, yeah. That creeper's
my boyfriend.
126
00:04:07,302 --> 00:04:08,537
He wants me to make a friend.
127
00:04:08,570 --> 00:04:09,838
Tell him you did.
128
00:04:09,871 --> 00:04:11,640
ADULT ADAM:
And just like that,
over the next few days,
129
00:04:11,673 --> 00:04:14,343
my sister's first college
friendship was born.
130
00:04:14,376 --> 00:04:16,378
Erica and Ren
checked out local music.
131
00:04:16,411 --> 00:04:17,746
College bands suck.
132
00:04:17,779 --> 00:04:19,681
Oh, for sure.
133
00:04:19,714 --> 00:04:20,749
We're taking this.
134
00:04:20,782 --> 00:04:22,351
I'll bring it back
when you learn how to use it.
135
00:04:22,384 --> 00:04:23,552
Run!
136
00:04:25,587 --> 00:04:27,756
And then they hit up
the campus art scenes.
137
00:04:27,789 --> 00:04:29,591
This one
is just squiggles.
138
00:04:29,624 --> 00:04:31,159
I posed nude for that.
139
00:04:31,192 --> 00:04:32,961
For real?
Oh, damn!
140
00:04:32,994 --> 00:04:34,095
That's your butt!
141
00:04:34,128 --> 00:04:35,764
Yep, Erica and Ren
were inseparable.
142
00:04:35,797 --> 00:04:37,799
Nothing could derail
their friendship.
143
00:04:37,832 --> 00:04:39,067
Well, almost nothing.
144
00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,268
Oh, (BLEEP).
145
00:04:40,301 --> 00:04:42,471
Ooh, are we
randomly cursing? Ass!
146
00:04:42,504 --> 00:04:44,806
No. It's Parents Weekend.
I know. I'm stoked.
147
00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:46,975
Gene and Rita are taking me
somewhere fancy to eat.
148
00:04:47,008 --> 00:04:48,977
Gene and Rita?
That's so informal.
149
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:50,812
It's like you
consider them people.
150
00:04:50,845 --> 00:04:52,381
Yeah, my mom's
a kickass defense attorney.
151
00:04:52,414 --> 00:04:54,248
She puts bad people
back on the street.
152
00:04:54,282 --> 00:04:56,150
And, uh, my dad owns a couple
restaurants in the city.
153
00:04:56,184 --> 00:04:57,619
Wow, we have so much
in common.
154
00:04:57,652 --> 00:04:59,053
I mean, my mom could have
been a lawyer,
155
00:04:59,087 --> 00:05:01,322
and my dad owns something
he calls restaurant pants.
156
00:05:01,356 --> 00:05:02,991
I'm just so glad
that my mom and dad
157
00:05:03,024 --> 00:05:04,125
aren't like
those psycho parents
158
00:05:04,158 --> 00:05:05,326
that are in your face
all the time.
159
00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,761
Totally.
Holy crap.
160
00:05:06,795 --> 00:05:08,597
We should all grab brunch
together this weekend.
161
00:05:08,630 --> 00:05:09,998
That is...an idea.
162
00:05:10,031 --> 00:05:12,266
Here's the thing...
They can never meet you.
163
00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:13,334
What? Why not?
164
00:05:13,368 --> 00:05:15,970
'Cause they were, um...
165
00:05:16,004 --> 00:05:17,939
Lost at sea.
What?
166
00:05:17,972 --> 00:05:20,341
Yeah, that's a real thing
that I just told you
from my mouth.
167
00:05:20,375 --> 00:05:22,411
Oh, my God. Were they, like,
on a cruise or something?
168
00:05:22,444 --> 00:05:24,112
Yes. That makes
the most sense.
169
00:05:24,145 --> 00:05:26,815
Yeah, they...
They were cruising
for a bruisin'...
170
00:05:26,848 --> 00:05:28,149
And they got one.
171
00:05:28,182 --> 00:05:29,951
That must be so hard
for you and your brother.
172
00:05:29,984 --> 00:05:32,120
Cheggit!
Package from Mom.
173
00:05:32,153 --> 00:05:35,356
Homemade fudgy crunch bars!
(CHUCKLES)
174
00:05:35,390 --> 00:05:37,792
Whoo!
So fudgy in my mouth!
175
00:05:37,826 --> 00:05:39,360
How does it go down?
176
00:05:39,394 --> 00:05:41,663
So sticky!
177
00:05:41,696 --> 00:05:44,599
Sweet, sad Barry.
He just hasn't accepted it.
178
00:05:44,633 --> 00:05:46,000
That is sad.
179
00:05:46,034 --> 00:05:47,636
ADULT ADAM: As Erica
leaned into her lie,
180
00:05:47,669 --> 00:05:50,304
all I cared about was beating
out Andrew Gallery
181
00:05:50,338 --> 00:05:51,806
for the lead
of Romeo and Juliet.
182
00:05:52,407 --> 00:05:54,308
Dude, you're Romeo.
183
00:05:54,342 --> 00:05:55,544
I know, Dave Kim.
184
00:05:55,577 --> 00:05:57,111
Romeo kisses Juliet!
185
00:05:57,145 --> 00:05:58,513
I know, Dave Kim!
186
00:05:58,547 --> 00:06:00,281
And Dana is...
187
00:06:00,314 --> 00:06:01,716
Lady Montague?
188
00:06:01,750 --> 00:06:02,851
Oh, no, Dave Kim.
189
00:06:02,884 --> 00:06:04,185
That means
she's playing my...
190
00:06:04,218 --> 00:06:05,319
Mom.
191
00:06:05,353 --> 00:06:06,855
I mean, it could be worse.
Could it?
192
00:06:06,888 --> 00:06:08,289
It's not like
you're playing
my actual mom.
193
00:06:08,322 --> 00:06:10,525
Even if you were,
I've heard my dad
say more than once
194
00:06:10,559 --> 00:06:11,893
that she's
a handsome lady.
195
00:06:11,926 --> 00:06:13,462
And I'll shut up.
196
00:06:13,495 --> 00:06:15,630
But if you didn't get
Juliet, who did?
197
00:06:15,664 --> 00:06:16,965
There's my Romeo.
198
00:06:16,998 --> 00:06:18,667
Asha?
Congrats.
199
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,802
Dana, you know Asha.
Asha, you know Dana.
200
00:06:20,835 --> 00:06:22,504
You guys both
know each other,
so that's cool.
201
00:06:22,537 --> 00:06:24,005
Our dads
sell furniture together.
202
00:06:24,038 --> 00:06:26,074
More like they
avoid our moms together.
203
00:06:26,107 --> 00:06:27,576
You'll make
a great Juliet.
204
00:06:28,943 --> 00:06:31,980
So, I have to ask...
How'd you beat out
Andrew Gallery?
205
00:06:32,013 --> 00:06:34,248
If I had to guess,
pure unbridled talent.
206
00:06:34,282 --> 00:06:35,349
Wrong.
207
00:06:35,383 --> 00:06:38,419
In the play,
Romeo is a confused
15-year-old.
208
00:06:38,453 --> 00:06:40,254
I thought Adam
would be perfect
209
00:06:40,288 --> 00:06:43,424
because he still has
the wildly underdeveloped body
210
00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:45,594
and crude acting
of a young boy.
211
00:06:45,627 --> 00:06:47,028
You honor me.
212
00:06:47,061 --> 00:06:48,497
Mm.
213
00:06:48,530 --> 00:06:50,865
And a heads-up.
My dad's not too thrilled
about me doing this play.
214
00:06:50,899 --> 00:06:53,101
Oh, I know.
But as a romantic lead,
215
00:06:53,134 --> 00:06:55,236
I'm prepared to endure
the fury of an angry father.
216
00:06:55,269 --> 00:06:56,304
You're Romeo?
217
00:06:57,438 --> 00:06:58,940
(LAUGHING)
218
00:06:58,973 --> 00:07:01,843
But what about
your whole thing
about handsy Romeos
219
00:07:01,876 --> 00:07:03,545
smooching up
your little princess?
220
00:07:03,578 --> 00:07:04,746
(LAUGHING INTENSIFIES)
221
00:07:04,779 --> 00:07:06,848
You understand.
You're not a Romeo.
222
00:07:06,881 --> 00:07:09,283
I was literally cast
as Romeo.
223
00:07:09,317 --> 00:07:11,352
ADULT ADAM: I couldn't stand
that Vic and my dad
224
00:07:11,385 --> 00:07:12,954
thought I wasn't
a leading man.
225
00:07:12,987 --> 00:07:14,789
Meanwhile, my sister
was leading the charge
226
00:07:14,823 --> 00:07:16,424
to protect her friendship
with Ren.
227
00:07:16,457 --> 00:07:18,126
Mom and Dad can't come
to Parents Weekend.
228
00:07:18,159 --> 00:07:20,028
Absolutely not!
229
00:07:20,061 --> 00:07:21,863
Also, why not?
230
00:07:21,896 --> 00:07:23,197
If tacky,
horrible Mom shows up,
231
00:07:23,231 --> 00:07:25,066
Ren will never
talk to me again.
232
00:07:25,099 --> 00:07:26,935
Ha! The friendship
you care about
233
00:07:26,968 --> 00:07:29,470
hinges on the paper-thin
premise you can
hide Mom forever.
234
00:07:29,504 --> 00:07:30,972
This is bad
for you, too.
235
00:07:31,005 --> 00:07:32,907
Do you think potential
girlfriends on this campus
236
00:07:32,941 --> 00:07:34,442
will respond well
to Beverly Goldberg?
237
00:07:34,475 --> 00:07:36,377
Oh, no!
238
00:07:36,410 --> 00:07:38,613
You brought it around to me,
and now I'm invested.
239
00:07:38,647 --> 00:07:39,714
What do we do?
240
00:07:39,748 --> 00:07:41,415
Parents Weekend
starts Saturday.
241
00:07:41,449 --> 00:07:42,483
What if it didn't?
242
00:07:42,517 --> 00:07:43,752
Parents Thursday?
243
00:07:43,785 --> 00:07:44,986
The hell's
Parents Thursday?
244
00:07:45,019 --> 00:07:47,488
Parents Thursday
replaces Parents Weekend
245
00:07:47,522 --> 00:07:49,758
due to an emergency
campus renovation.
246
00:07:49,791 --> 00:07:51,425
Is the tuition going up?
No.
247
00:07:51,459 --> 00:07:53,127
Suckers.
Silver lining...
248
00:07:53,161 --> 00:07:55,597
We have a small window of time
this upcoming Thursday.
249
00:07:55,630 --> 00:07:57,065
Evening.
After dark.
250
00:07:57,098 --> 00:07:58,567
We'll make it work.
MURRAY: I'm out.
251
00:07:58,600 --> 00:07:59,901
You know I don't drive
after dark
252
00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:01,135
unless I like
the place I'm going.
253
00:08:01,169 --> 00:08:03,237
Rats. Well, Mom,
keep in mind
254
00:08:03,271 --> 00:08:04,773
that this event
is super last-minute,
255
00:08:04,806 --> 00:08:06,808
so most parents
won't be there.
256
00:08:06,841 --> 00:08:07,942
Lucky me.
257
00:08:07,976 --> 00:08:11,479
I get my college schmoos
and their campus
all to myself.
258
00:08:11,512 --> 00:08:13,815
ADULT ADAM: And with that,
Parents Thursday was a go.
259
00:08:13,848 --> 00:08:17,251
It all kicked off
at the ladies' field hockey
equipment closet.
260
00:08:17,285 --> 00:08:19,654
If we had a key,
you'd see a lot of sticks.
261
00:08:19,688 --> 00:08:21,155
Moving on.
262
00:08:21,189 --> 00:08:23,958
And they did,
to a sketchy burrito joint
nine miles from campus.
263
00:08:23,992 --> 00:08:25,059
We come here
all the time.
264
00:08:26,695 --> 00:08:27,962
What the hell
is a "kimi-conga"?
265
00:08:27,996 --> 00:08:29,864
Of course,
no school tour is complete
266
00:08:29,898 --> 00:08:31,833
without a stop at the dorm
facilities room.
267
00:08:31,866 --> 00:08:33,367
I push these buttons
all the time.
268
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:36,037
Beep, boop, beep, boop.
(WHIRRING)
269
00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:38,807
And the final stop
of our Parents
Thursday tour,
270
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,875
the majestic
parking lot.
271
00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:42,110
All right, see you
at Thanksgiving.
272
00:08:42,143 --> 00:08:43,778
Oh. Okay.
(CHUCKLES)
273
00:08:43,812 --> 00:08:47,315
ADULT ADAM: Success!
Erica and Barry
had pulled it off.
274
00:08:47,348 --> 00:08:48,382
Or not.
275
00:08:48,416 --> 00:08:50,719
Parents (BLEEP) Thursday?
Really?
276
00:08:50,752 --> 00:08:51,886
She knows.
You know?
277
00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:53,221
Of course I know.
278
00:08:53,254 --> 00:08:54,623
Erica made me do it!
279
00:08:54,656 --> 00:08:56,324
She's the mastermind.
280
00:08:56,357 --> 00:08:58,559
Barry good.
Erica bad.
281
00:08:58,593 --> 00:09:00,862
Mom, look,
it's not a big deal.
282
00:09:00,895 --> 00:09:02,831
I just don't really
want you here.
283
00:09:02,864 --> 00:09:03,865
You get it.
284
00:09:05,499 --> 00:09:07,201
I guess I do.
285
00:09:07,235 --> 00:09:08,269
I accept it.
286
00:09:08,302 --> 00:09:11,039
What? But you never
just accept it.
287
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,540
Good evening,
gentle daughter.
288
00:09:12,573 --> 00:09:14,542
No, don't be cordial.
289
00:09:14,575 --> 00:09:16,911
What's your
next move, lady?
I need to know!
290
00:09:16,945 --> 00:09:19,848
Oh, no, this is terrible!
She has my burrito in her car!
291
00:09:19,881 --> 00:09:21,549
ADULT ADAM:
Erica knew something
was up with my mom.
292
00:09:21,582 --> 00:09:25,419
Meanwhile, Romeo's
big kiss with Juliet
was about to go down.
293
00:09:25,453 --> 00:09:28,857
Saints do not move,
though grant
for prayers' sake.
294
00:09:28,890 --> 00:09:31,893
Then move not,
while my prayer's effect...
295
00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:33,227
I take.
296
00:09:34,495 --> 00:09:37,398
My kiss with Asha
got a little hot and heavy.
297
00:09:37,431 --> 00:09:38,900
Okay, a lot.
298
00:09:38,933 --> 00:09:40,669
And I wasn't the only one
who felt that way.
299
00:09:40,702 --> 00:09:41,736
Damn!
300
00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:43,371
Okay! All right!
All right! No more!
301
00:09:43,404 --> 00:09:44,572
That's enough.
That's enough.
302
00:09:44,605 --> 00:09:46,540
Adam, I knew you were
the right choice,
303
00:09:46,574 --> 00:09:49,110
because that
was sensuous.
304
00:09:49,143 --> 00:09:50,211
Thanks, I think.
305
00:09:50,244 --> 00:09:51,680
We're children,
so it's a little weird.
306
00:09:51,713 --> 00:09:53,882
It was spicy,
like a Cuban night.
307
00:09:53,915 --> 00:09:55,049
That's not much better.
308
00:09:55,083 --> 00:09:57,251
I mean, it's like I just
came out of a Turkish sauna!
309
00:09:57,285 --> 00:09:59,420
Uh, would you mind
if we took that from
the top?
310
00:09:59,453 --> 00:10:00,922
I'd love another shot.
(CHUCKLES)
311
00:10:00,955 --> 00:10:02,657
Or we could just move on,
maybe.
312
00:10:02,691 --> 00:10:03,992
That's a good idea,
Lady Montague.
313
00:10:04,025 --> 00:10:05,526
Let's take ten
and regroup.
314
00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:08,229
I need to air out
my directing scarf. Whoo!
315
00:10:08,262 --> 00:10:10,965
Dude, this is better than
you could have ever imagined.
316
00:10:10,999 --> 00:10:12,533
All the kissing's
making Dana crazy,
317
00:10:12,566 --> 00:10:14,302
and Asha's clearly
into you now, too.
318
00:10:14,335 --> 00:10:16,604
You think Asha's into me?
Have you seen her notebook?
319
00:10:16,637 --> 00:10:18,940
It's got "AG"
written all over it.
I'm "AG."
320
00:10:18,973 --> 00:10:20,441
I only signed up
for this play
321
00:10:20,474 --> 00:10:22,476
to stop Dana from kissing
that handsome douche,
322
00:10:22,510 --> 00:10:24,378
and now I'm
the handsome douche.
323
00:10:24,412 --> 00:10:26,815
You're gonna be
a theater department legend,
324
00:10:26,848 --> 00:10:27,916
right up there
with that guy
325
00:10:27,949 --> 00:10:29,517
who freed all the cats
during Cats,
326
00:10:29,550 --> 00:10:30,985
and then they couldn't
catch all the cats,
327
00:10:31,019 --> 00:10:32,420
so now we can't
do Cats anymore.
328
00:10:32,453 --> 00:10:34,756
Take that, Vic and Dad.
I am a threat.
329
00:10:34,789 --> 00:10:37,859
Hey, Susie.
I just popped by
to pick up Asha.
330
00:10:37,892 --> 00:10:39,327
How's the play going?
331
00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,163
Well, let's just say
that Romeo and Juliet
332
00:10:42,196 --> 00:10:44,999
are taking advantage of their
very palpable chemistry.
333
00:10:45,033 --> 00:10:47,401
Palpable?
I know.
Seems unlikely.
334
00:10:47,435 --> 00:10:49,170
Asha and Goldberg's kid?
335
00:10:49,203 --> 00:10:50,905
Let's just say when
I closed my eyes
and opened them,
336
00:10:50,939 --> 00:10:53,674
I was in Verona,
and true love
was in the air.
337
00:10:53,708 --> 00:10:54,809
Nuh-uh!
338
00:10:54,843 --> 00:10:59,447
Asha's involvement
in this burlesque show
is a big no!
339
00:11:01,515 --> 00:11:02,516
Oh, boy.
340
00:11:04,218 --> 00:11:06,821
ADULT ADAM: After finding out
about our hot and heavy
rehearsal,
341
00:11:06,855 --> 00:11:08,923
Vic was living out
his own tragedy.
342
00:11:08,957 --> 00:11:12,660
So, it's been brought
to my attention that
Ms. Cinoman
343
00:11:12,693 --> 00:11:17,498
has decided to put on
an R-rated version
of Romeo and Juliet.
344
00:11:17,531 --> 00:11:18,900
It's just a kiss.
345
00:11:18,933 --> 00:11:20,534
That is not
how you described it.
346
00:11:20,568 --> 00:11:23,938
The heat around them
made the air buckle.
347
00:11:23,972 --> 00:11:26,207
See? Teenage
air-buckling
and whatnot.
348
00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:27,308
Whatnot!
349
00:11:27,341 --> 00:11:28,642
Excuse me.
Why am I here?
350
00:11:28,676 --> 00:11:31,813
Because your child
is a wolf
in sheep's clothing.
351
00:11:31,846 --> 00:11:33,514
Cinoman confirmed.
352
00:11:33,547 --> 00:11:34,715
Turbulent blood
did fill my heart.
353
00:11:34,749 --> 00:11:35,884
VIC: Damn it, Mur.
354
00:11:35,917 --> 00:11:38,152
You agreed your son
wasn't a threat.
355
00:11:38,186 --> 00:11:42,824
We even shared a chuckle about
how wildly unmasculine he is.
356
00:11:42,857 --> 00:11:45,126
Well, maybe the problem
isn't my son.
357
00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:46,294
It's your daughter.
358
00:11:46,327 --> 00:11:48,462
Asha was attacked
by that four-eyed dorkus.
359
00:11:48,496 --> 00:11:50,198
Whoa!
"Dorkus"?
360
00:11:50,231 --> 00:11:51,465
Oh, you heard me.
361
00:11:51,499 --> 00:11:53,567
The kid is a doof.
362
00:11:53,601 --> 00:11:55,469
I should really
jump in here,
363
00:11:55,503 --> 00:11:57,371
or just see
where this is going.
364
00:11:57,405 --> 00:12:00,809
I forbid your son from
stage-Frenching my daughter!
365
00:12:00,842 --> 00:12:04,578
I forbid your daughter
from stage-Frenching my son!
366
00:12:04,612 --> 00:12:07,648
Is anyone else
picking up on the
irony of this situation?
367
00:12:07,681 --> 00:12:10,651
Rival families torn apart
by their children's love.
368
00:12:10,684 --> 00:12:12,720
Just say the words,
Susan.
369
00:12:12,753 --> 00:12:14,823
This is
Romeo and Juliet.
370
00:12:14,856 --> 00:12:15,890
Nobody's ever heard
of that show.
371
00:12:15,924 --> 00:12:17,325
What are you
even talking about?
372
00:12:17,358 --> 00:12:20,194
I demand you
cancel the play,
Principal Bald.
373
00:12:20,228 --> 00:12:21,562
It's Ball.
374
00:12:21,595 --> 00:12:22,931
And I would if I could,
375
00:12:22,964 --> 00:12:26,034
but the community-service kids
are already painting sets.
376
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:29,437
Then I demand you remove
all the romance kissing
377
00:12:29,470 --> 00:12:30,972
and... And...
And randy language.
378
00:12:31,005 --> 00:12:32,273
I could do that.
379
00:12:32,306 --> 00:12:34,742
Earl! You can't
rewrite Shakespeare!
380
00:12:34,775 --> 00:12:37,711
One would think,
but look at me go.
381
00:12:37,745 --> 00:12:39,047
Bye-bye, that bit.
382
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:40,915
Please. Now they're
just star-crossed pals?
383
00:12:40,949 --> 00:12:44,785
Let's play it safe
and make 'em star-crossed
business colleagues.
384
00:12:44,819 --> 00:12:47,388
ADULT ADAM: And so it would be
a romance-free
Romeo and Juliet.
385
00:12:47,421 --> 00:12:49,924
Meanwhile, my sister knew
my mom wouldn't let her free
386
00:12:49,958 --> 00:12:51,459
on Parents Weekend
that easily.
387
00:12:51,492 --> 00:12:53,928
Okay, if I make this,
I live forever
388
00:12:53,962 --> 00:12:56,530
and Dian Parkinson
from The Price is Right
389
00:12:56,564 --> 00:12:57,765
becomes
my live-in girlfriend.
390
00:12:58,732 --> 00:13:00,034
Aw! Doesn't count!
391
00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:01,235
Will you shut up?
392
00:13:01,269 --> 00:13:02,570
Okay, shouldn't you
be celebrating?
393
00:13:02,603 --> 00:13:04,138
You don't have to spend
the weekend with Mom.
394
00:13:04,172 --> 00:13:07,275
No! You think that
she's just gonna let
Parents Thursday go?
395
00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:09,077
She's coming for me.
She's coming hard.
396
00:13:09,110 --> 00:13:10,744
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
BEVERLY: It's your mama!
397
00:13:10,778 --> 00:13:12,046
Lady Vengeance
has come.
398
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,647
Oh, no.
Your dread was justified.
399
00:13:13,681 --> 00:13:15,816
(SINGSONG VOICE)
Happy Parents Weekend.
400
00:13:15,850 --> 00:13:17,251
Erica said
you were upset,
401
00:13:17,285 --> 00:13:19,653
but your wrapped gifts
and cheery tone say otherwise.
402
00:13:19,687 --> 00:13:21,455
Not buying it.
What's your game, Mom?
403
00:13:21,489 --> 00:13:24,325
I am a mom, strange girl,
just not yours.
404
00:13:24,358 --> 00:13:26,394
She's pretending to
not be your mom
to get back at you.
405
00:13:26,427 --> 00:13:28,129
Yeah, thanks, Geoff.
Good add.
Uh-huh.
406
00:13:28,162 --> 00:13:30,264
I'm just here
to celebrate
Parents Weekend
407
00:13:30,298 --> 00:13:33,401
with my one child
who attends this university.
408
00:13:33,434 --> 00:13:36,004
She's wearing a sweater
that's so sparkly
and vindictive.
409
00:13:36,037 --> 00:13:38,139
Why are you just
saying the things
we can all see?
410
00:13:38,172 --> 00:13:40,909
And you should know that
I'm not done by a long shot.
411
00:13:40,942 --> 00:13:43,945
Whatever.
Your lame attempt
to divide us won't work.
412
00:13:43,978 --> 00:13:46,347
The sibling bond
is stronger than any...
413
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:47,648
What the hell, dude?
414
00:13:47,681 --> 00:13:50,018
Sorry, strange girl,
but material goods
415
00:13:50,051 --> 00:13:51,986
and homemade treats
have won me over.
416
00:13:52,020 --> 00:13:53,321
These have
peanut butter!
417
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,555
And butterscotch.
418
00:13:54,588 --> 00:13:56,925
Who's ready
to be spoiled by Mama?
419
00:13:56,958 --> 00:13:58,492
Me.
(LAUGHS)
420
00:13:58,526 --> 00:14:00,528
Just know,
no matter how
hard you try,
421
00:14:00,561 --> 00:14:02,330
you will never
make me jealous.
422
00:14:02,363 --> 00:14:03,797
ADULT ADAM:
And try my mom did.
423
00:14:03,831 --> 00:14:06,867
Look! Mom foolishly
got me a bank account.
424
00:14:06,901 --> 00:14:08,970
Mom got me
more fancy horse shirts
425
00:14:09,003 --> 00:14:10,338
than one boy
could ever need.
426
00:14:10,371 --> 00:14:12,506
Mom got me
a semester's worth
of frozen pizza.
427
00:14:12,540 --> 00:14:14,275
And the gifts
only got bigger
from there.
428
00:14:14,308 --> 00:14:16,377
Oh, Parents Weekend
is the best.
429
00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:17,811
I got a pinball machine
430
00:14:17,845 --> 00:14:19,813
that makes it
nearly impossible
to open my closet.
431
00:14:19,847 --> 00:14:22,183
(CHUCKLES)
Your feeble attempt
to make me feel bad
432
00:14:22,216 --> 00:14:23,884
is sad and will bankrupt
your husband.
433
00:14:23,918 --> 00:14:25,153
Do you hear something,
Barry,
434
00:14:25,186 --> 00:14:27,188
something squeaky
and unappreciative?
435
00:14:27,221 --> 00:14:28,756
That was Erica.
She's there.
436
00:14:28,789 --> 00:14:30,158
And you know what else?
437
00:14:30,191 --> 00:14:32,060
I'm hanging out
with my new friend Ren,
438
00:14:32,093 --> 00:14:34,495
who has cool,
not-crazy parents.
439
00:14:34,528 --> 00:14:36,064
Stupid
family-sized fridge.
440
00:14:36,097 --> 00:14:38,666
Okay, people,
please refer
to the changes
441
00:14:38,699 --> 00:14:43,071
in Romeo and Juliet: A Tale
of Platonic Office Associates.
442
00:14:43,104 --> 00:14:44,305
But soft!
443
00:14:44,338 --> 00:14:46,640
What light through
yonder window breaks?
444
00:14:46,674 --> 00:14:50,544
It is the east, and my...pal
from accounting is the sun.
445
00:14:50,578 --> 00:14:54,582
Parting with my bud
over in H.R.
is such sweet sorrow,
446
00:14:54,615 --> 00:14:58,052
that I shall say good night
till it be morrow...bud.
447
00:15:00,288 --> 00:15:01,722
(TELEPHONE RINGS)
448
00:15:01,755 --> 00:15:03,391
What do they even do
at this office?
449
00:15:03,424 --> 00:15:04,692
General business.
450
00:15:04,725 --> 00:15:06,494
Now, stop
asking questions
451
00:15:06,527 --> 00:15:08,862
and start stealing Tybalt's
yogurt from the break room.
452
00:15:08,896 --> 00:15:10,364
I'm too handsome
for this.
453
00:15:10,398 --> 00:15:11,499
I'm out.
No!
454
00:15:11,532 --> 00:15:13,767
We can't lose our Mercutio,
the mid-level executive!
455
00:15:13,801 --> 00:15:15,369
Yeah, I quit, too.
456
00:15:15,403 --> 00:15:18,072
ADULT ADAM: My showmance
was slipping away.
I had to do something.
457
00:15:18,106 --> 00:15:19,573
Asha, wait.
458
00:15:19,607 --> 00:15:21,909
I'm really sorry about
how our dads ruined
Shakespeare.
459
00:15:21,942 --> 00:15:23,577
(SIGHS)
Yeah, they're the worst.
460
00:15:23,611 --> 00:15:25,779
But I still think
you should do it.
What's the point?
461
00:15:25,813 --> 00:15:27,448
Well, even though
they cut our kiss,
462
00:15:27,481 --> 00:15:29,583
we can still share...
463
00:15:29,617 --> 00:15:30,684
Whatever this is.
464
00:15:30,718 --> 00:15:31,785
This?
465
00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:33,421
Our chemistry.
466
00:15:33,454 --> 00:15:36,090
Wait. Wait. Wait.
Do you think I'm into you?
467
00:15:36,124 --> 00:15:37,591
You're not?
No.
468
00:15:37,625 --> 00:15:39,493
But you wrote "AG"
all over your notebook.
469
00:15:40,061 --> 00:15:41,229
Andrew Gallery?
470
00:15:41,262 --> 00:15:44,298
Huh. I guess I'm not
the only person
with my initials.
471
00:15:44,332 --> 00:15:46,534
I'm so sorry, Adam.
472
00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:48,202
ADULT ADAM: And then
it got even worse.
473
00:15:48,236 --> 00:15:50,638
Hey! Guess who's
your new Juliet.
474
00:15:50,671 --> 00:15:52,240
Oh, cool.
475
00:15:53,274 --> 00:15:55,443
Oh, I thought
you'd be more excited.
476
00:15:55,476 --> 00:15:57,311
I'm sorry.
I'm just... Forget it.
477
00:15:57,345 --> 00:15:58,912
It's about someone else.
478
00:15:58,946 --> 00:16:01,982
Yeah.
I'm getting that feeling.
479
00:16:02,016 --> 00:16:04,318
While both of my showmances
quickly fell apart,
480
00:16:04,352 --> 00:16:07,155
my mom was still
determined to break Erica
on Parents Weekend.
481
00:16:07,188 --> 00:16:09,957
Excuse me, random coeds.
Are these seats taken?
482
00:16:09,990 --> 00:16:12,226
Oh, God. Yes.
They're very much taken.
483
00:16:12,260 --> 00:16:14,395
I'm sorry. My...
My parents are coming.
484
00:16:14,428 --> 00:16:16,730
Oh, that's fine. We'll just
sit here until they arrive.
485
00:16:16,764 --> 00:16:18,099
Barry, over here.
(CHUCKLES)
486
00:16:18,132 --> 00:16:19,467
Wait. Isn't that
your brother?
487
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,602
Is it?
No, I think I would know.
488
00:16:21,635 --> 00:16:23,071
I told Mom
where you were.
489
00:16:23,104 --> 00:16:24,838
She bought me
a snowmobile.
490
00:16:24,872 --> 00:16:27,475
I'm sorry.
I am so confused.
491
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:29,177
It's a vehicle
you drive on snow.
492
00:16:29,210 --> 00:16:30,778
It's right there
in the name.
493
00:16:30,811 --> 00:16:32,446
Uh, no.
This is your mom?
494
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,582
I-I thought
you were lost at sea.
495
00:16:34,615 --> 00:16:36,784
I'm lost at sea?
496
00:16:36,817 --> 00:16:38,619
Yes, because it's better
than the truth...
497
00:16:38,652 --> 00:16:41,389
That you're a crazy person
intent on ruining my life.
498
00:16:41,422 --> 00:16:43,857
Wow. You'd rather have
my lifeless body
499
00:16:43,891 --> 00:16:44,992
bobbing in the ocean
500
00:16:45,025 --> 00:16:47,795
than spend one
lousy day with me
at your college?
501
00:16:47,828 --> 00:16:49,230
Let's go, Barry.
502
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,201
BARRY: Mom, is my burrito
still in your car?
503
00:16:53,234 --> 00:16:54,368
I'm sorry about that.
504
00:16:54,402 --> 00:16:57,471
My mom is just always
on top of me.
505
00:16:57,505 --> 00:17:00,574
With the visits
and constant attention,
it's too much.
506
00:17:00,608 --> 00:17:03,477
Well, my parents
aren't even here.
507
00:17:03,511 --> 00:17:05,846
At least you get along,
and, you know, they're cool.
508
00:17:05,879 --> 00:17:09,217
So cool they forgot
to even show up.
509
00:17:09,250 --> 00:17:10,551
Wait.
They're not coming?
510
00:17:10,584 --> 00:17:12,153
This happens all the time
511
00:17:12,186 --> 00:17:15,689
'cause funny thing is
that they don't care.
512
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:18,692
But clearly
your mom does.
513
00:17:18,726 --> 00:17:20,728
I don't think you know
how good you have it.
514
00:17:28,936 --> 00:17:30,671
ADULT ADAM: After being
driven away by Erica,
515
00:17:30,704 --> 00:17:33,641
my mom was wrapping up the
worst Parents Weekend ever.
516
00:17:33,674 --> 00:17:35,343
Pinball! Pinball! Pinball!
517
00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:36,877
Pinball! Pinball! Yes!
518
00:17:36,910 --> 00:17:39,347
Barry!
It's a lot.
519
00:17:39,380 --> 00:17:41,882
I know. I almost broke
my high score
from this morning.
520
00:17:41,915 --> 00:17:43,251
(PINBALL MACHINE DINGING)
521
00:17:43,284 --> 00:17:44,818
Oh, don't worry.
I'm just leaving.
522
00:17:44,852 --> 00:17:48,222
Mom, stay.
Pinball! Pinball! Yes!
523
00:17:48,256 --> 00:17:51,192
I never should've made up
Parents Thursday.
524
00:17:51,225 --> 00:17:54,228
Not to mention the whole
"lost at sea" thing.
525
00:17:54,262 --> 00:17:56,029
That was a nice touch.
526
00:17:56,063 --> 00:17:58,699
Look, it took me
a long time to make
my first college friend,
527
00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:00,401
and I was worried
you'd scare her off.
528
00:18:01,269 --> 00:18:02,536
Scare her off?
529
00:18:02,570 --> 00:18:04,905
You can be...
Overwhelming.
530
00:18:04,938 --> 00:18:06,407
Pinball! Pinball!
Pinball! Yes!
531
00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,942
Damn it, Barry.
I'm taking
the pinball away.
532
00:18:08,976 --> 00:18:11,679
I know, but you
not wanting me
in your life
533
00:18:11,712 --> 00:18:14,047
is the worst pain
a mama can have.
534
00:18:14,081 --> 00:18:16,016
I'm sorry.
535
00:18:16,049 --> 00:18:19,253
And the truth is,
I love how much
you care,
536
00:18:19,287 --> 00:18:21,422
even if sometimes
it's a lot.
537
00:18:21,455 --> 00:18:22,490
Really?
538
00:18:23,090 --> 00:18:24,325
More than you know.
539
00:18:25,593 --> 00:18:28,095
So, Parents Weekend
isn't over.
540
00:18:28,128 --> 00:18:30,898
Maybe you want to
grab dinner with me
and my new friend Ren?
541
00:18:31,665 --> 00:18:33,601
That would be perfect.
542
00:18:35,303 --> 00:18:36,604
ADULT ADAM:
It's easy to be scared
543
00:18:36,637 --> 00:18:38,739
of pushing someone new
in your life away.
544
00:18:38,772 --> 00:18:42,443
But then you remember
the people closest to you
will always back you up.
545
00:18:42,476 --> 00:18:45,979
Hey, uh, shouldn't you
be putting on the tights
or whatever?
546
00:18:46,013 --> 00:18:47,748
I'm not doing
the dumb play.
547
00:18:47,781 --> 00:18:50,384
Why not?
Asha was just using me.
548
00:18:50,418 --> 00:18:52,886
Then I screwed up
with Dana.
Now I got nothing.
549
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:54,888
(SIGHS)
550
00:18:54,922 --> 00:18:55,989
(SIGHS)
551
00:18:56,023 --> 00:18:58,158
You know,
I read this thing.
552
00:18:58,192 --> 00:19:00,261
You read
Romeo and Juliet?
553
00:19:00,294 --> 00:19:02,830
There's only one difference
between you and Romeo.
554
00:19:02,863 --> 00:19:04,765
He had his heart set
on one girl.
555
00:19:04,798 --> 00:19:07,067
(SIGHS) I guess
I did get a little
carried away.
556
00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:09,470
Yeah.
Young love is difficult.
557
00:19:09,503 --> 00:19:10,771
Totally.
558
00:19:10,804 --> 00:19:13,140
If you stay patient,
you'll meet your Juliet.
559
00:19:15,108 --> 00:19:16,109
Thanks, Dad.
560
00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:18,779
Also, I talked
to Principal Ball.
561
00:19:18,812 --> 00:19:21,282
He's gonna let the play
go back to the original
Shakespeare.
562
00:19:21,315 --> 00:19:23,016
You did that?
Why?
563
00:19:23,050 --> 00:19:26,354
Because my son
is starring as Romeo,
564
00:19:26,387 --> 00:19:28,456
and I wouldn't miss that
for anything.
565
00:19:30,424 --> 00:19:33,327
ADULT ADAM: That night,
my dad convinced me
I could be a leading man.
566
00:19:33,361 --> 00:19:36,129
I just had to remember why
I did this in the first place.
567
00:19:36,163 --> 00:19:37,465
Hey.
568
00:19:37,498 --> 00:19:38,866
Hey.
569
00:19:40,368 --> 00:19:42,002
Look, I'm sorry.
570
00:19:42,035 --> 00:19:44,438
I didn't mean
to make you feel
like some runner-up.
571
00:19:44,472 --> 00:19:46,139
Whatever.
I get it.
572
00:19:46,173 --> 00:19:48,175
The truth is, I only
tried out for the play
573
00:19:48,208 --> 00:19:49,843
so you wouldn't end up
with Andrew Gallery.
574
00:19:50,544 --> 00:19:51,612
Really?
575
00:19:51,645 --> 00:19:53,146
It's stupid, I know.
576
00:19:53,180 --> 00:19:55,215
No, it's sweet.
577
00:19:55,249 --> 00:19:56,517
And if we're being honest,
578
00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:59,520
seeing you kiss Asha made me
extra bummed I wasn't Juliet.
579
00:20:00,754 --> 00:20:02,390
All right, places!
Places, everyone! Come on!
580
00:20:02,423 --> 00:20:05,158
Oh, crap!
We're not in
business casual?
581
00:20:07,528 --> 00:20:10,398
Guess I'll see you
out there. Break a leg.
You too.
582
00:20:10,431 --> 00:20:12,800
ADULT ADAM: Life has
a funny way of bringing
familiar faces
583
00:20:12,833 --> 00:20:15,369
back into our lives
right when we need it most.
584
00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:17,037
And then there's
those new faces
585
00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:18,772
who can help
make our lives complete.
586
00:20:20,073 --> 00:20:22,743
I'd waited three long years
to kiss Dana again.
587
00:20:22,776 --> 00:20:25,546
If we were meant to be,
this moment would say it all.
588
00:20:25,579 --> 00:20:27,080
* Every little thing
she does...
589
00:20:27,114 --> 00:20:28,181
(RECORD SCRATCHES)
590
00:20:28,215 --> 00:20:30,518
And I didn't feel
anything.
591
00:20:30,551 --> 00:20:31,652
Oof.
592
00:20:31,685 --> 00:20:33,354
That's a swing
and a miss.
593
00:20:33,387 --> 00:20:34,755
Shakespeare was right.
594
00:20:34,788 --> 00:20:37,525
Young love
is totally complicated.
595
00:20:37,558 --> 00:20:40,428
And I was a long way
from figuring it out.
596
00:20:41,795 --> 00:20:44,698
* Now I know my love
for her goes on
597
00:20:44,732 --> 00:20:47,735
* Every little thing
she does is magic *
598
00:20:50,137 --> 00:20:52,205
Then I defy you, stars!
599
00:20:52,239 --> 00:20:54,375
Thus with a kiss...
600
00:21:00,448 --> 00:21:02,416
Gah!
I'm here to apologize.
601
00:21:02,450 --> 00:21:04,952
I may have said some
untoward things about you.
602
00:21:04,985 --> 00:21:08,522
Being a goober, a spaz,
a weenie, a total buttweed.
603
00:21:08,556 --> 00:21:09,890
Yeah. I don't need
a whole recap.
604
00:21:09,923 --> 00:21:12,693
I also said that your flimsy,
unformed child body
605
00:21:12,726 --> 00:21:15,363
was not only shapeless,
but weak and gross.
606
00:21:15,396 --> 00:21:16,530
I kinda have to
get to class.
607
00:21:16,564 --> 00:21:19,533
Additionally, I spoke of
your manly prowess as a joke.
608
00:21:19,567 --> 00:21:20,934
You know who
you should really meet?
609
00:21:20,968 --> 00:21:22,235
Asha! Andrew!
610
00:21:23,671 --> 00:21:26,039
Well, who in the hell
is this smiling simpleton?
611
00:21:26,073 --> 00:21:27,741
Okay, then.
You three have fun.
45768
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