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1
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With teamwork comes trust.
2
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,556
With trust comes success.
3
00:00:06,632 --> 00:00:08,600
These are all principles that I practi...
4
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:10,264
Well, well, well.
5
00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:11,937
Look-ea what we got here.
6
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:13,938
Three young bucks. I like it.
7
00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,475
More like frickin' hung bucks.
8
00:00:16,558 --> 00:00:18,902
(LAUGHING) 'Cause our things are huge.
9
00:00:19,353 --> 00:00:20,946
- Who are you?
- I am Teddy,
10
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,857
and corporate has sent me here
because tomorrow,
11
00:00:24,024 --> 00:00:28,245
I will be running the TelAmeriCorp
team building competition,
12
00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,789
the winners of which get a weekend
13
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:35,665
at a beautiful timeshare in
sunny Palm Springs, California.
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00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,121
- (TEDDY CLAPPING) Yeah.
- Ooh.
15
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,672
So, like, what's the deal
with the competition?
16
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,920
Well, I don't want to give too much away,
17
00:00:40,999 --> 00:00:43,923
but let's just say there'll
be lots of activities
18
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:48,473
that include teamwork, cooperation,
and trust...
19
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,884
Falls! Gil!
20
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,683
Boom! Boom! Yeah.
21
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:55,264
BLAKE: Good job, Gil.
He's really strong.
22
00:00:55,347 --> 00:00:58,692
Each team is gonna get a T-shirt.
What color would you boys like to be?
23
00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,893
- Red.
- We call blue.
24
00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:01,691
- Yellow.
- Red.
25
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:02,854
- Blue.
- Yellow.
26
00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:06,158
You fools are already starting
on the wrong foot, huh?
27
00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:09,661
Tez, shut up your gigantic mouth.
28
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,497
Because there's one thing about us
that you did not count on.
29
00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:14,833
- BOTH: Trust fall.
- What?
30
00:01:15,450 --> 00:01:18,078
What the heck, man. My cereal.
31
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:22,382
- Looking more like bust fall.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
32
00:01:22,457 --> 00:01:25,836
Bust fall. You should tweet that. Yeah.
33
00:01:25,919 --> 00:01:28,297
You boys owe me some cereal.
34
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,200
Ripped By mstoll
35
00:01:32,342 --> 00:01:33,389
(SINGING)
I'm fresh
36
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:37,147
You gotta, you gotta,
You gotta, gotta
37
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,394
Gotta be fresh
38
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,895
- I'm fine.
- BLAKE: Lloyd was pissed. Did you see him?
39
00:01:43,353 --> 00:01:44,946
- Did you see how big his eyes get?
- (ANDERS SIGHS)
40
00:01:45,022 --> 00:01:46,524
(MONTEZ LAUGHING)
41
00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,698
I got to tell you, I've seen some sad stuff
around this office,
42
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:53,280
but that bust fall was straight bust y'all.
43
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,457
(LAUGHS) Hey, Tez. Still not funny.
44
00:01:55,532 --> 00:01:59,787
Well, Twitter thought it was hilarious.
Nine faves and a re-tweet. Thank you, Bill.
45
00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,213
- Nine faves.
- Mmm-hmm.
46
00:02:01,288 --> 00:02:02,460
- Wow.
- That's a lot.
47
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:04,883
Okay, I wouldn't make a big deal
about it, okay?
48
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:07,882
We haven't even had our morning
sugar-free Red Bulls. We're still waking up.
49
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,804
- We're getting the sleep out of our eyes.
- That's true.
50
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,303
We know each other so well.
We're, like, telepathic.
51
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,885
Like, for instance,
what's my favorite movie of all time?
52
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:16,094
- Hocus Pocus.
- Thank you.
53
00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:17,521
What is my most viewed website?
54
00:02:17,596 --> 00:02:19,519
GoddessPost at work, Pornhub at home.
55
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:20,645
- True.
- What's my favorite thing...
56
00:02:20,724 --> 00:02:21,691
Swimming.
57
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,984
- There it is.
- Wow.
58
00:02:23,185 --> 00:02:24,528
All this is just surface chatter.
59
00:02:24,603 --> 00:02:28,733
You see, Bill and I have a complex, adult,
mature relationship.
60
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,242
We get real.
61
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,118
Bill, what's my biggest regret?
62
00:02:32,235 --> 00:02:34,533
Not forgiving your father
for his destructive gambling
63
00:02:34,613 --> 00:02:35,705
before he died.
64
00:02:36,031 --> 00:02:37,248
BILL: What's my biggest fear?
65
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:38,624
That you'll die alone.
66
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:42,087
- Crazier things have happened.
- What do y'all guys got?
67
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:44,582
You think you know each other?
Adam, tell me, then.
68
00:02:44,748 --> 00:02:46,250
What's Ders' biggest fear?
69
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:48,548
ADAM: Uh...
70
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:52,472
That his dick is smaller
than mine, obviously.
71
00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:54,015
(ALL LAUGHING)
72
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,185
- Ooh, I'm so scared.
- Yeah, he's scared about it.
73
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,012
Yeah, I know. I bet he is.
I've seen his dick before. It's weird-looking.
74
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,393
- Yeah.
- Very weird color.
75
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,520
Yeah, the color of, like, a pomegranate tea.
76
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,272
- (LAUGHS)
- Tell me about your friend.
77
00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,194
What's Blake's biggest regret?
78
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:07,737
ANDERS: Oh, I know this one.
79
00:03:07,813 --> 00:03:11,033
It's uh... It's got to be those fish tacos
he had for breakfast.
80
00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:12,860
- (ALL LAUGH)
- Heartburn city, right?
81
00:03:12,943 --> 00:03:15,617
BLAKE: Eww, are you kidding me?
Those were fish? I thought they were chicken.
82
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,490
Now I'm really regretting 'em. I hate fish.
83
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:21,577
- (ALL LAUGHING)
- Guys, I'm serious. I'm allergic to fish.
84
00:03:21,660 --> 00:03:23,662
We put fish in 'em. We put fish in 'em.
85
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:24,792
We should take him to a hospital.
86
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:27,340
- We just said, "Give us your fish."
- Is that why my eyes itch?
87
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,630
- Oh, my god.
- We just said, "Give us your fish."
88
00:03:29,710 --> 00:03:30,927
He went to the bathroom, we're like,
89
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,299
"We'll order for you. Give us your fish."
90
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:34,302
Your new nickname is "Fish Taco."
91
00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,473
(ALL LAUGHING)
92
00:03:35,549 --> 00:03:37,643
MONTEZ: This is like Romper Room
in here right now.
93
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,561
Y'all a bunch of children.
94
00:03:39,928 --> 00:03:42,101
That P. Springs? It's in the bag.
95
00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:44,558
Why did you think they were chicken?
96
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,643
I don't know. They smelled like chicken.
97
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:50,072
BLAKE: Okay, so say Montez is right,
which he's probably not.
98
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:53,071
What could you guys possibly want to know
about me?
99
00:03:53,275 --> 00:03:55,243
If we're gonna win this,
we need to connect at the core.
100
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:56,865
- Yes.
- So, like, a Tez question.
101
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:59,702
Blake, what is your biggest secret? Go.
102
00:03:59,781 --> 00:04:03,081
Anders, my life is an open book.
I'm not gonna read it to you, bud.
103
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:04,537
I'm not telling you my biggest secret.
104
00:04:04,786 --> 00:04:06,083
HEY, you guys live here?
105
00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:09,500
No, we just sit on a stranger's roof
and drink beer.
106
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:10,584
(LAUGHS)
107
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:13,090
Is that true? It could be.
I don't know you guys.
108
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,179
Yeah, we do live here, yeah.
109
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:18,934
Okay, well, I'm working valet
for the pride party down the street.
110
00:04:19,217 --> 00:04:20,685
Pride party, nice.
111
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,104
We're big MMA dudes, man.
112
00:04:22,179 --> 00:04:25,023
Yeah, man, I like my martial arts
like I like my women.
113
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,099
Mixed, baby!
114
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:28,652
Okay, well, look, we're
running out of parking.
115
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:30,729
Can I use your driveway for the overflow?
116
00:04:31,313 --> 00:04:32,485
Yeah, sure, sure.
117
00:04:32,564 --> 00:04:34,862
Go ahead, but, like, one question.
118
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,443
How is there a party on our block,
119
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,278
and they didn't invite dem boys?
120
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:39,362
We dem boys.
121
00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:40,447
How are we not invited?
122
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:43,454
Yeah, how are we not invited?
123
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,410
Yeah, yeah, yeah, how are we not invited?
124
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:46,996
(ALL CHANTING) Yeah, yeah, yeah,
how are we not invited?
125
00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,627
What? What?
How are we not invited?
126
00:04:49,706 --> 00:04:51,754
How are we not invited?
Come on! Come on!
127
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:53,426
Okay, I'm gonna park the car here.
128
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:54,966
How are we not invited?
129
00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,092
Oh, oh
130
00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:57,263
How's he not invited?
131
00:04:57,547 --> 00:05:00,266
Get them muscles out. It's a pride party.
132
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:02,390
Who wants to get put in a rear naked choke?
133
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,392
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
134
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:08,020
- Eh, we should get going, right?
- Rainbows, rainbows.
135
00:05:08,099 --> 00:05:09,976
MAN: Hi, welcome to the party.
136
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,404
There's hors d'oeuvres
and an open bar in back.
137
00:05:15,273 --> 00:05:17,196
(SINGING) Hello
138
00:05:17,734 --> 00:05:18,906
- Hello.
- Hello.
139
00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,328
Hello. Come on.
140
00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:23,036
- Hello.
- Hi.
141
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:24,912
- Who are they?
- I don't... I don't know.
142
00:05:25,951 --> 00:05:27,624
Dude, are you pretending to be gay?
143
00:05:27,702 --> 00:05:30,046
What? Yeah, man. I don't want to give them
a reason to kick us out.
144
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,839
- This party seems pretty sweet.
- That's true.
145
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:34,380
Gay dudes are like hot chicks.
They only party with each other.
146
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:35,460
- Exactly.
- Right?
147
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:36,796
Hi, I don't believe we've met.
148
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,255
I'm Joey, and this is Scott.
149
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:42,343
Wow, it is very surprising to me
that we haven't run into each other,
150
00:05:42,425 --> 00:05:45,269
because we are just
very involved in the scene.
151
00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,475
The scene?
152
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:51,144
Yes. The having sex with
other gay men scene.
153
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,560
Discos.
154
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:57,111
Yeah, we're three-way gay with each other.
155
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,693
It's just a shame we don't wear
the same sized clothes, huh?
156
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:01,403
(LAUGHING)
157
00:06:01,528 --> 00:06:03,451
So that you could wear each other's clothes.
158
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:04,949
- That is the reason.
- Right, yeah.
159
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:06,575
Cool party. Later, bitches.
160
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:11,668
- Why are they pretending to be gay?
- Are they?
161
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,876
Well, that little one looks like
he could be a bottom.
162
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,464
(BEATBOXING)
163
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,342
(ALL CHATTING AT ONCE)
164
00:06:23,425 --> 00:06:24,722
- To free booze.
- Boom.
165
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:29,439
Okay, Ders' turn.
What is something that makes you feel stuff?
166
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,059
- Hmm?
- I'm still pretty uncomfortable
167
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:33,143
talking about this stuff.
168
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,853
So maybe we order a few more drinks,
169
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,984
- and then the feelings will just flop out.
- Whoo!
170
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:38,857
(WOMAN SINGING)
Calling all freaks
171
00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:40,487
All freaks All freaks
172
00:06:40,609 --> 00:06:41,735
(CHEERING)
173
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,741
BLAKE: Oh, you're turning me on,
dude.
174
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:48,079
Here's a secret: if ejack tasted this good,
I'd drink it by the frickin' gallon.
175
00:06:48,158 --> 00:06:49,205
(LAUGHS)
176
00:06:49,284 --> 00:06:53,664
ALL: We're here! We're queer!
We want to drink beer!
177
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:56,591
- Why isn't there beer?
- (BELCHES LOUDLY)
178
00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,418
I'm gonna help myself.
179
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,004
BLAKE: I can shake it so fast.
Look how fast I can shake it.
180
00:07:01,087 --> 00:07:02,259
(ANDERS SINGING) Baby
181
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:03,591
We're queer!
182
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,342
We're here!
183
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:07,261
We're here!
184
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:08,937
(ALL SCREAMING)
185
00:07:09,304 --> 00:07:11,022
Bottle landed right on my head.
186
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:12,599
I dropped it right on my head.
187
00:07:12,682 --> 00:07:14,980
I sucked this guy's dick before, I think.
188
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,983
BLAKE: Grr, I'm gonna butt ram you.
(LAUGHS)
189
00:07:17,062 --> 00:07:19,030
Happy Pride Day!
190
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,448
(YELLS)
191
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,196
- Dog pile!
- (ALL LAUGHING)
192
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:26,489
- Oh, no!
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
193
00:07:26,571 --> 00:07:28,949
What, dude? It's actually still pretty good.
194
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:31,376
ADAM: Oh, we're so bonded right now.
195
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,045
(ANDERS ECHOING) We're three-way gay!
196
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:37,507
(BLAKE GROANING)
197
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:40,797
Blazer, shut up.
198
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,049
Close the curtains, dude.
199
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,506
Ow, ow, ow. Easy with the sheets, man.
200
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:46,674
Ah, my knees.
201
00:07:47,717 --> 00:07:49,094
Whose bedroom is this?
202
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:51,304
Oh, my head.
203
00:07:51,388 --> 00:07:53,516
Dude, you got frosting all over your chest.
204
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:56,067
Mmm. Yummy.
205
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,154
It's not frosting.
206
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,197
- What is it?
- That's jizz.
207
00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:06,277
There's jizz on my chest!
208
00:08:06,361 --> 00:08:07,328
- Jizz!
- Whoa!
209
00:08:07,404 --> 00:08:09,406
It used to be frickin' wet, but now it's dry.
210
00:08:09,489 --> 00:08:10,536
- It's dry jizz.
- Eww.
211
00:08:10,615 --> 00:08:11,616
Why's there jizz on me?
212
00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:13,828
Um... I...
213
00:08:14,244 --> 00:08:16,667
- What?
- Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
214
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:20,717
(ALL SCREAMING)
215
00:08:23,253 --> 00:08:24,596
Okay, this is bad.
216
00:08:24,671 --> 00:08:26,423
This is really, really bad.
217
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:30,059
SCOTT: You guys, please stop yelling.
You're gonna wake up the neighbors.
218
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,979
Guess what? We're awake,
and I'm gonna freakin' call the police,
219
00:08:33,054 --> 00:08:34,727
'cause I was ejacked on illegally.
220
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,649
- What?
- We've been sexually assaulted, okay?
221
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,022
Perhaps roofied, all right?
222
00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,728
Call a toxologist right now.
223
00:08:39,936 --> 00:08:41,313
We were drugged and then fugged.
224
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,397
Drugged and fugged.
225
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,568
- No, you weren't.
- You guys.
226
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,986
You fucked the crap out of each other.
227
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:49,571
- What?
- What?
228
00:08:49,654 --> 00:08:51,531
- No.
- They don't remember.
229
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:52,615
Really?
230
00:08:52,991 --> 00:08:55,619
We heard all this grunting
coming from in here,
231
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,170
so we came down the hall,
232
00:08:57,954 --> 00:08:58,955
and...
233
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:03,506
- What?
- You boys were rockin' each other's worlds.
234
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:05,545
You kept saying how you
wanted to get closer,
235
00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:07,505
and then you were just inside each other.
236
00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:10,968
- What?
- It was a real three-ring bone circus.
237
00:09:11,593 --> 00:09:14,142
(SCOTT HUMMING Entrance of the Gladiators)
238
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,472
(BOTH LAUGH)
239
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:18,107
(ALL SCREAMING)
240
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:19,692
No! No!
241
00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,190
Wild.
242
00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:23,400
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
243
00:09:24,189 --> 00:09:27,284
Wow. You guys look like you had
a little too much fun last night.
244
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:28,359
No we don't. You do.
245
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:30,699
You ready to get your butts handed to you?
246
00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:31,905
No, all right?
247
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:35,326
'Cause our butts are our own.
Nobody else handles them. So just shut up.
248
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:39,083
All right, TelAmericans! Yeah!
249
00:09:39,162 --> 00:09:40,254
Whoo!
250
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:42,048
When I say "Tela," you say "mericans."
251
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:43,420
- Tela!
- Mericans.
252
00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:46,094
Yeah! Boom! That's what I'm talking about.
253
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,762
I hope you people all brought your hard hats,
254
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,966
because today, we are gonna be
building some teams.
255
00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:52,676
- Oh. That's funny.
- Boom!
256
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:55,979
- I'm Teddy. I will be your foreman.
- ALICE: Ugh.
257
00:09:56,054 --> 00:09:58,307
And that will be the end
of the building metaphors.
258
00:09:58,389 --> 00:10:00,483
All right, let's break some ground!
259
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,652
- Ugh.
- Okay. That was the last one.
260
00:10:02,727 --> 00:10:05,401
Here we go. Stage dive. Whoa!
261
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,027
Palm springs! Get some!
262
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:08,233
- Get it!
- Okay, Jillian.
263
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:09,363
- Get it hard!
- Chill out.
264
00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:12,195
There is no way we're gonna win
this stupid thing with Gary on our team.
265
00:10:13,196 --> 00:10:14,994
I was a spy in Hong Kong.
266
00:10:15,073 --> 00:10:16,996
Team Yellow, where are we? Here we go.
267
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:20,246
Boom! The green team, here we go.
Yeah, there you are.
268
00:10:20,328 --> 00:10:24,049
And since you boys couldn't
decide on one color,
269
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:27,173
I had these made up for you special.
270
00:10:28,211 --> 00:10:29,884
You're my rainbow warriors!
271
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:32,804
- Of course we are.
- Yeah, let's do this!
272
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:34,850
- Okay.
- Whichever team gets the most eggs
273
00:10:34,926 --> 00:10:37,896
in their basket in a minute
is gonna get a 20-second
274
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:42,643
head start for the final event,
the obstacle race.
275
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:47,030
- All right, everybody. On your marks.
- (AIRHORN BLOWS)
276
00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,528
BLAKE: Adam, go.
277
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,154
- I'm going.
- Back up.
278
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:52,201
I'm where I'm at.
279
00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,075
TEDDY: Just like the shell of an egg,
280
00:10:54,404 --> 00:10:56,498
a group is fragile
and needs to be handled with care.
281
00:10:56,573 --> 00:10:57,574
- Careful
- Goddamn it.
282
00:10:57,657 --> 00:11:00,786
Rainbow warriors, don't be afraid to touch,
rainbow warriors.
283
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:04,089
That's it. Use each other's bodies to balance.
Yes.
284
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,795
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, quit looking at me.
285
00:11:06,916 --> 00:11:09,920
I'm looking at the egg.
I'm looking up into the sky.
286
00:11:10,962 --> 00:11:12,839
Mmm. Okay? Was it that hard?
287
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,640
I wasn't looking at you.
288
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,176
- Come here.
- (GRUNTS)
289
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:18,344
- Don't touch me.
- What are you doing, man?
290
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,396
You just flinched. I'm not gonna hit you.
291
00:11:20,471 --> 00:11:21,814
Dawg, back up off of me.
292
00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:23,688
You're in my space,
and I don't feel safe with that.
293
00:11:23,766 --> 00:11:24,813
- You didn't feel safe?
- No.
294
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:26,361
You don't feel safe? You think I felt safe...
295
00:11:27,395 --> 00:11:31,195
When you parked your car
in my garage last night? You didn't even ask.
296
00:11:31,274 --> 00:11:34,323
You probably wanted my sport wagon
up in your garage, okay?
297
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:37,121
- You probably begged for it.
- You guys are both sickos,
298
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:42,912
'cause you guys frickin' smashed your cars
into my very tender, very tight little garage,
299
00:11:42,994 --> 00:11:47,215
and then one of you hosed me down
right on the chest with freaking wiper fluid.
300
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:48,917
Maybe it was both of you.
It seemed to be a lot.
301
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,047
See, Adam I understand.
302
00:11:50,126 --> 00:11:52,595
He'll park his little Mini in any old garage.
303
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:55,344
I have a very, very medium-sized sedan.
304
00:11:55,423 --> 00:11:58,393
I left my garage door open,
and you parked your car
305
00:11:58,468 --> 00:12:00,015
and left me with a leaky tailpipe.
306
00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,559
BLAKE: Leaky tail... That's disgusting.
What does that even mean?
307
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,142
Was your butthole leaking today?
That's gross.
308
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,062
ALICE: Hey, what the hell
are you guys doing?
309
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:09,396
TEDDY: Alice, Alice, I got this.
310
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,198
- Guys, you're on the same team. Stop!
- This team's over.
311
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:14,658
Come on, rainbow warriors. Bring it in.
312
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:15,993
Let's go talk this out.
313
00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,113
- Bring it in, come on.
- BLAKE: Yeah, stop, please.
314
00:12:18,363 --> 00:12:20,786
All right. What's the problem?
315
00:12:21,157 --> 00:12:23,660
- You know what, Teddy?
- What?
316
00:12:25,203 --> 00:12:28,878
We have... Some friends, right?
317
00:12:29,207 --> 00:12:31,426
And they live together,
and they work together,
318
00:12:31,501 --> 00:12:34,755
and they used to be
best friends until last night...
319
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:37,431
What happened to these friends
of yours last night?
320
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:38,721
Oh.
321
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:42,645
The three friends
hooked up with each other hard.
322
00:12:42,845 --> 00:12:43,846
- Yeah.
- Once.
323
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,024
Just one time, but a lot of butt stuff
and mouth stuff.
324
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:48,352
Okay, well, I would tell, uh...
325
00:12:49,894 --> 00:12:51,362
I would tell your friends to get tested.
326
00:12:51,646 --> 00:12:55,071
I would also tell your friends to have
an honest, mature,
327
00:12:55,149 --> 00:12:58,744
adult conversation about what happened.
328
00:12:59,654 --> 00:13:01,247
Hey, listen, if your friends
want any more advice,
329
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:03,541
just tell them to swing by my office.
330
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:04,872
ANDERS: Teddy...
331
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:06,703
We're talking about us.
332
00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:09,664
(LAUGHING)
333
00:13:12,875 --> 00:13:13,922
I'm tweeting that.
334
00:13:14,252 --> 00:13:15,674
I am tweeting that.
335
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,092
Whatever, maybe he's right.
336
00:13:17,171 --> 00:13:19,640
Maybe we should have
an adult, mature conversation about it.
337
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:22,385
Guys, bad news, but that...
338
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,183
That tweet is gonna be
too many characters, so, uh...
339
00:13:25,513 --> 00:13:28,062
I'm just gonna throw it into drafts
and then circle back to it later.
340
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,142
(AIRHORN BLOWS)
341
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,647
(BEATBOXING)
342
00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,064
(MAN RAPPING) What
343
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,656
As weird he is, maybe he's right.
Maybe we should talk about it.
344
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:42,413
I know we don't like to, like,
freaking talk about, like,
345
00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,365
- real stuff, like secrets.
- Yeah.
346
00:13:44,449 --> 00:13:48,079
- We're dudes.
- But now we have a huge secret.
347
00:13:48,328 --> 00:13:52,378
Yeah, yeah. And, I mean, this is a secret
that we'll never tell anybody else, right?
348
00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,583
Nope, no.
349
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,668
I'm gonna freakin' take this one
to my deathbed.
350
00:13:55,752 --> 00:13:56,844
Until we write our tell-alls.
351
00:13:57,128 --> 00:13:58,675
Yeah, or maybe it's just a tell-some.
352
00:13:58,755 --> 00:13:59,881
All right, I'm gonna tell a secret.
353
00:14:00,006 --> 00:14:02,805
Okay, remember that night when
we were watching Shallow Hal,
354
00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:04,932
and, like, I just wouldn't stop crying?
355
00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:06,854
ANDERS: Yeah.
BLAKE: Okay, it's not because
356
00:14:06,929 --> 00:14:09,978
- that movie is both hilarious and touching.
- It is.
357
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:15,484
My uncle Howie died that night,
and, you know, we were really close.
358
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:16,780
(SIGHS)
359
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:18,612
I really miss him, still.
360
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:21,536
I know you guys didn't know,
but just having you there,
361
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,448
it really helped me get through it.
362
00:14:24,906 --> 00:14:26,908
I think I might be the son
of my parents' gardener.
363
00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:31,288
I caught him and my morn together
when I was super young,
364
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,961
and that means that
365
00:14:35,750 --> 00:14:37,218
I'm not 100% Norwegian.
366
00:14:37,877 --> 00:14:39,003
I'm, like, half
367
00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:40,964
German-Irish or something.
368
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,225
- Irish.
- Yeah, it's all right.
369
00:14:45,009 --> 00:14:46,977
I know this is gonna be hard to believe, but
370
00:14:49,138 --> 00:14:50,811
I wasn't the coolest kid in school.
371
00:14:51,641 --> 00:14:55,066
In fact, I got beat up all the time.
I didn't have any friends.
372
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,270
Probably 'cause of the way you run.
373
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:57,480
No, not because of my run.
374
00:14:57,563 --> 00:14:58,610
- It's a weird run.
- No.
375
00:14:58,689 --> 00:15:02,034
And I think that's why I'm so addicted
to freaking having these gigantic muscles
376
00:15:02,110 --> 00:15:05,364
and being this freaking mountain of beef
you see before you today.
377
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,448
I've never told anyone that.
378
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:09,037
Wow. Uh...
379
00:15:09,492 --> 00:15:10,664
Okay, that felt pretty good.
380
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,165
I felt something, yeah.
381
00:15:13,287 --> 00:15:14,254
Shake it out, shake it out.
382
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:15,331
- Gross.
- Okay, whatever.
383
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:19,591
Last night happened. That's in the past,
but I just know that I need you guys in my life
384
00:15:19,669 --> 00:15:22,673
for the rest of my life,
because you're my, like, rock, man.
385
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:26,851
Hey. What do you guys say
we go get Palm Sprung!
386
00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:28,803
- Yeah, baby.
- Whoo!
387
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,604
Okay, all right. We don't
even need to do that.
388
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,102
- All right, race you guys.
- Yeah.
389
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:33,729
Oh, check it out, the run. The run.
390
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:35,522
Wow.
391
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:36,899
Race you!
392
00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,903
- Any questions?
- All right, we are ready to rock and jock.
393
00:15:41,232 --> 00:15:42,279
So how's this work?
394
00:15:42,358 --> 00:15:44,486
Just went through the whole thing.
I'm not gonna do that again.
395
00:15:44,569 --> 00:15:47,072
It's, uh... It's an obstacle course.
What do you want?
396
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:48,782
All right, everybody line up.
397
00:15:48,865 --> 00:15:51,618
Whoo! It's go time. Hoo-ra!
398
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,294
God, who gives a shit?
399
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,543
You want to lay down and quit, go ahead.
400
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:58,875
But I'm gonna finish this thing
through to the end.
401
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:05,465
You're gonna wish you have never did that.
402
00:16:05,548 --> 00:16:06,549
TEDDY: Here we go.
403
00:16:07,216 --> 00:16:09,218
- Green team.
- (AIR HORN BLOWS)
404
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:11,896
You got this. Go, go, go, go.
405
00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:14,190
- Yellow team air horn.
- (AIR HORN BLOWS)
406
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,564
Everybody else, air horn!
407
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,020
(AIR HORN BLOWS)
408
00:16:20,897 --> 00:16:22,240
- ANDERS: Great form, Adam.
- Thanks, man.
409
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,783
Learned it from watching you, dude.
410
00:16:23,858 --> 00:16:25,075
Oh, oh.
411
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:27,074
I got you, big boy. I got you, big boy.
412
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:29,493
Wait, Adam, wait.
My knees, they're too tender. I can't do it.
413
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:32,041
- Here, use me as a human cushion.
- Okay, thank you.
414
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:33,580
(BOTH GRUNTING)
415
00:16:34,076 --> 00:16:36,170
ANDERS: Looking good, guys.
Looking real good.
416
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,082
They gaining on us. Go! Come on, Bill.
417
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:42,923
- Come on.
- Yes!
418
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:46,593
- Ow.
- That's it, rainbow warriors. That's it.
419
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:47,757
Okay.
420
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:49,683
God damn, Bill, why you so fast?
421
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,099
Oh, that's high as shit.
How we gonna get that?
422
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:53,179
Wait.
423
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:54,723
Ah, man!
424
00:16:54,805 --> 00:16:58,526
Why don't you try shouldering
the burden of your teammates.
425
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:01,480
I got it, human totem pole.
Let me up on your shoulders.
426
00:17:01,562 --> 00:17:04,361
Hell to the no, you're not putting
your stanky-ass balls in my face.
427
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,693
- You don't wear underwear, Bill.
- It's not good for them.
428
00:17:06,776 --> 00:17:10,952
Remember teamwork builds trust,
and trust builds success.
429
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:15,285
Adam. Your balls, my face, right now.
430
00:17:15,618 --> 00:17:16,710
That'd be a dream come true!
431
00:17:16,786 --> 00:17:18,083
- Come on.
- Yes!
432
00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:21,086
- Get it, get it.
- Great, great, great.
433
00:17:21,165 --> 00:17:22,917
(ANDERS STRUGGLING) I got it.
434
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:25,844
Oh! I'm all about that bass. (CHUCKLES)
435
00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,298
Okay, I'm gonna come up now.
All right, here I go.
436
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:30,095
Get in there, rainbow warriors.
437
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:31,221
- Here we go.
- Here we go.
438
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,643
ANDERS: We're using some
upper strength here.
439
00:17:32,718 --> 00:17:33,935
(ANDERS YELLING)
440
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,059
BLAKE: Okay, going up the next tier.
441
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,979
ADAM: Oh, god.
BLAKE: Just right there, bud.
442
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:40,105
ADAM: Oh, god!
443
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,232
BLAKE: We're just gonna...
Whoo, you're tickling me.
444
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:45,949
I need to go higher. Grab my butt. It's okay.
445
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,195
(ADAM SCREAMS)
446
00:17:47,275 --> 00:17:48,572
Oh, god. Oh, god.
447
00:17:48,651 --> 00:17:50,870
- I got it!
- No!
448
00:17:50,945 --> 00:17:52,492
BLAKE: I got it! I got it!
449
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,245
- (LAUGHING)
- He got it.
450
00:17:54,323 --> 00:17:56,451
- Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- (AIR HORN BLOWS)
451
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,829
BLAKE: We're going to Palm Springs.
Suck it, Tez. Don't really suck it, though.
452
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:03,091
We did that. That's 'cause of you.
That's 'cause of you.
453
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,462
Proud to be your friend.
454
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,928
ANDERS: I don't want this friendship to end.
ADAM: It never will.
455
00:18:07,003 --> 00:18:10,758
But, you know, you guys didn't have to go
face to crotch, face to crotch, face to crotch.
456
00:18:10,840 --> 00:18:12,683
You could've just done it from behind.
457
00:18:13,217 --> 00:18:15,140
- Been there.
- Shut up.
458
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,930
(MAN BEATBOXING)
459
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:25,647
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
460
00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:28,653
Scott, the party toads are back.
461
00:18:29,066 --> 00:18:32,445
Hey, guys, we just
wanted to bring over a little, uh,
462
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:35,201
peace offering for the way we acted
at the party.
463
00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:39,001
- We made it ourselves. You get that?
- Of course.
464
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:44,041
So the butt sex we had at your party
the other night, we'd never done that before.
465
00:18:44,123 --> 00:18:47,047
We're not really three-way gay
or even gay at all.
466
00:18:47,251 --> 00:18:49,674
- Not even the short one?
- No.
467
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:51,968
Yeah, you know, we're not gonna
ever do it again,
468
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:56,519
but it did really bring us
closer together as friends, so...
469
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,143
- Thanks.
- Oh, my god, we have to tell them.
470
00:19:00,222 --> 00:19:01,644
- No. No.
- Yeah, we have to tell them.
471
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:05,069
- Tell us what?
- Nothing. Thank you for the cake. Bye.
472
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,441
You didn't fuck each other.
473
00:19:07,021 --> 00:19:09,115
- We... No.
- (LAUGHING) No, we definitely did.
474
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:10,988
We did. We did, in a real way.
475
00:19:11,067 --> 00:19:12,865
- Changed me forever.
- Dropped into each other.
476
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,536
- That happened.
- No, you didn't.
477
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:19,163
We staged the whole thing
because you were acting like drunken jerks.
478
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,417
- But I had a condom.
- We put that in your butt with a toothbrush.
479
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:27,838
But my knees were all...
And my jaw was really sore.
480
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,339
I figured I had, like, three to four.
481
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,716
You choked our bodybuilder friend Rog.
482
00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:34,473
He punched you in the face
and dragged you by the hair into that room.
483
00:19:34,590 --> 00:19:35,807
Rog? I thought we were friends.
484
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,807
So the sticky stuff on
my chest was just glue.
485
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:40,684
- No, that was semen.
- Hmm?
486
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:43,937
You were running around
our house, masturbating, saying,
487
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,775
"I am the gayest of them all."
(MUMBLES AGGRESSIVELY)
488
00:19:47,937 --> 00:19:50,656
And then you finished
on yourself, and you passed out.
489
00:19:50,773 --> 00:19:53,367
Yep, you know what?
I remember that. I did do that.
490
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:55,319
- Yeah.
- Okay, wait, hold on.
491
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:59,165
What you're saying is, that we did not
have sex with each other?
492
00:19:59,323 --> 00:20:00,916
- No.
- (EXHALES)
493
00:20:00,991 --> 00:20:02,493
- Okay.
- Oh, my god.
494
00:20:02,576 --> 00:20:04,704
- Okay, wow.
- ANDERS: That's a relief.
495
00:20:04,787 --> 00:20:07,540
We're gonna head out then.
We're going to Palm Springs for the weekend.
496
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,125
- Yeah.
- Us too.
497
00:20:09,458 --> 00:20:12,086
- We have a house down there.
- Yeah, we're having a big party on Saturday...
498
00:20:12,795 --> 00:20:13,967
- Oh, yeah?
- Huh.
499
00:20:14,505 --> 00:20:15,552
Yeah.
500
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,559
You definitely shouldn't come by.
501
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:21,770
- Joey.
- Yeah.
502
00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:26,146
ADAM: Wow, they're having a party.
How are we not invited?
503
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:27,977
ANDERS: Right?
BLAKE: How are we not invited?
504
00:20:28,519 --> 00:20:30,362
How are we not invited?
(SNAPPING)
505
00:20:30,438 --> 00:20:32,315
(CHANTING) How are we not invited?
Okay
506
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:34,366
How are we not invited?
All right
507
00:20:34,442 --> 00:20:37,571
How are we not invited?
508
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,655
How are we not invited?
509
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:41,828
How are we not invited?
510
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:43,784
How are we not invited?
511
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,661
How are we not invited?
512
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:46,996
How are we not...
513
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:53,589
Don't be scrambling around.
514
00:20:53,669 --> 00:20:55,262
I'm yoke-ing. I'm yoke-ing.
515
00:20:55,337 --> 00:20:57,510
Oh, egg-sellent. Egg-sellent.
516
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:00,517
Egg joke. Boom. Yeah, there we go.
517
00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:03,437
Oh, yeah, oh.
Oh, look at the sunny side of this situation.
518
00:21:03,512 --> 00:21:06,607
You're winning. Yeah, egg joke. Boom! Boom!
519
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:17,500
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