Original subtitles

Oh, Mac, doesn't it ever stop?

Seems all we do nowadays is just sit up here while the scum of society parades

by the bench.

You can always have Dan transferred.

Well, I pretend to like your jokes.

Just call the next case, Mac. People versus cologne?

Mr. Prosecutor. Yes, sir. Mr. Colon is charged with operating an illegal

gambling establishment out of his tidy-dighty diaper service.

Your Honor, I am an honest entrepreneur in business, and they go busting on me

unjustly without a cause. That is correct, Your Honor.

Warren Carr, I'm sorry I'm late, Your Honor, but I represent Mr. Colon, and we

ask for a dismissal.

We do?

On what grounds?

Insufficient evidence.

Insufficient? Sir, we confiscated three roulette wheels.

six blackjack tables, and a sports board posting odds on everything from the

Super Bowl to a Bundt cake bake-off in Queens.

Your Honor, if you will note, the address on this warrant is 130 East

Canal Street.

Now, Mr. Colon's establishment is technically at 140 East Canal Street.

Under the rules of evidence, this constitutes illegal seizure and is, as

such, inadmissible.

And is, as such, inadmissible.

Your Honor, just because of somebody's typo, are you going to let free a man

with no morals and even less fashion sense?

I'm afraid defense counsel is correct, Mr.

Prosecutor. This case is dismissed.

Thank you, Your Honor. It has been a distinct pleasure to be adjudicated by

you.

Sir, are we on break?

You decide, Mac.

Well, since we don't have a judge, court recessed.

That wasn't so tough.

All right, Your Honor, what was that all about?

Miss Sullivan, you ever notice how guys like Marty Colon always manage to find

some loopholes so they can waltz out of here scot-free?

Well, still, that's no reason to let another man handle your gavel.

make a difference. But after a while, you're just a traffic cop waving them

back and forth night after night. And for what? The money? Kid coming out of

law school makes more than I do.

Huh. Look what I got to show Ford at the end of the week.

Five bucks. Great job, huh?

Oh, great, sir. You have that five bucks you owe me. Thanks.

Paul, I was wondering, has Harry's behavior seemed different to you in the

past couple of days?

Now that you mention it, no.

It's just that he seems so sullen, and he was pretty upset out here a few days

ago. And when was the last time he called a two-hour lunch break?

November 17th.

That day we had the oyster burritos.

Thanks, Paul. You're a real help.

I do what I can.

And the pharmacist says, well, lady, use it full strength and stay off a bicycle

for two weeks.

Miss Sullivan, shouldn't you knock before you enter?

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were drinking cologne with Mr.

Booth.

I'll just come back later.

What's that?

Evidence from the Darcy case?

They need IDs.

Oh, man, these are those damn sex toys. How am I supposed to identify them?

He not only can tell you what they are, he can give you their trade-in value.

Say, Dan, you know this stuff?

Like the palm of my hand.

Ross, there's something wrong with Harry.

I know, but he's been a judge too long for us to do anything about it now.

No, I mean it, Ross. I just saw him in his office with that gangster, Marty

Colon. And they were smoking cigarettes and drinking, too.

I say we send him to his room without dinner.

I'm serious, Ross. I'm going to show you.

fall asleep, let the batteries run down.

You think I'm crazy, do you? You just take a look at this.

Ooh.

This is bad.

Hi, kids. You need anything?

Uh, just taking inventory.

One judge.

Mark that down.

was acting weird before.

What do we do now?

I don't know.

Seems to have a mind of its own.

Harry, when one person gives the code, the other person has to give the proper

countersign.

The chocolate mousse is not in season.

You remembered.

I feel like an idiot.

Welcome to government work.

So, did Cologne offer you the bribe yet? Not yet. I hope he does soon. This thing

is beginning to chase something awful.

You sure this is going to get everything down?

Affirmative. The BU-325 recorder is genuine state-of-the-art. We're talking

indestructible.

Unless you hit it right there.

How could I be so wrong?

I was so sure Harry was up to something shady.

Christine, do you remember last month when Harry convinced you his hush

puppies were made out of real puppies?

Oh, of course.

This is one of Harry's stupid jokes.

Well, he's not going to get me this time.

Nobody makes a fool out of Christine Sullivan.

She's right.

Some things a person just has to do for herself.

There we go.

That should do it.

This is your first assignment, isn't it, Tim?

What, are you kidding?

It's my second.

Now, you're sure Cologne's not getting suspicious at all? I tell you, he's

buying it, Tim.

Luckily, I know how to talk to gangsters in their own lingo.

Really? Could you do a little for me?

I just did.

Oh.

Loved it.

Your Honor, I need to speak to you. Quick, out the back. No, wait, wait. Can

I hide? I'm really good at that.

Just hurry.

How's your little tea party?

Uh, excuse me? Too bad your gangster friend had to leave so soon, Harry.

Oh, well... So, what's your underworld nickname?

Spatz? Lusty?

Miss Sullivan.

No, I'm sorry, that name's already taken.

But why don't we discuss it over this scotch, which bears a distinct

resemblance to... apple juice?

Bottoms up, Harry. No, no, I wouldn't do that. Uh, Miss...

Maybe you should sit down right over here.

Who's what?

Him! Where? Over there! Who?

The man that was under your desk!

You know, I think that scotch went right to your head. You probably need a little

food to absorb it. Why don't you get to the cafeteria, and I'll catch up with

you in a minute.

Sure, Wilmer's. I know it. Yeah, down on 4th Street.

12. See you in five minutes.

I

don't

get it. How could it short circuit?

That group of cheerleaders walked by.

I guess I couldn't handle the pressure.

America meant something.

He was in there, Ross. I saw him this time. He was hiding under the desk and

Harry didn't want me to see him.

You guys were playing hide and seek and you didn't tell me?

What have you been drinking?

Scotch.

Don't worry, I do not have a problem with alcohol.

Where are you going? To a bar on 4th Street.

Probably one of those hormone things.

I came down to visit Harry, and Dr. Dumont was nice enough to join me. Oh, a

doctor. How's Buddy doing?

Oh, he seems to be doing wonderfully lately.

Except for that saran wrap incident.

But I'm feeling much better now.

So, doctor, what exactly is your position at the institution?

Well, I'm a...

I take it he's not on staff.

How long can he stay like that?

Once he kept it up for over an hour.

Got leg cramps, something fierce.

But brought back nine birds.

Buddy, want to do something about Benji the Demented here?

Just kidding. Good boy. Down. Good boy.

Oh, King!

Heel!

Hello. I don't believe we've met.

Oh, I've done it again, haven't I?

At least this time there's nothing to clean up.

I tell you, Marty.

I got into this business because I thought the law was Jake, and a straight

Joe like me could make a difference.

But Lady Justice played me for a theft.

You have to smoke that thing.

All right.

I should quit.

I'd stay away from the nachos.

Justice, Marty.

I'm not kidding myself.

I'm not helping anybody or anything.

What'll you have?

Oh, nothing to drink for me, thank you.

Honey, did you notice the sign outside? This is a bar.

You sit, you drink.

I'll have an iced tea.

Right. Big night out.

Harry, I want to tell you something.

This is going to be a good night for you. A good night?

Marty, a good night for me is Friday.

That's when I get to crawl home to an empty apartment with a taste of sleazy

crime in my mouth and the vision of a woman etched onto my brain like the

tattoo on a drunken sailor.

I think you're losing me, Judge.

Talking about a dame, Marty.

A skirt.

Name her Sullivan.

Oh.

All the courts and all the towns and all the... Why does she have to work in

mine?

Harry, I'm having a little trouble understanding you.

Have you had some dental work done recently?

Here you go, honey.

One iced tea.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Perhaps this will ease the pain that hurts.

You know what that is?

It's an incredibly expensive watch.

Marty, I can't accept something like this from you.

Nonsense, Harry. It's just my way of saying thank you for protecting my

rights. And my friends and I pay good money to be well protected.

Do you comprehend my gist?

Yeah, Marty.

I think I do.

Well, will you look who's here.

Miss Sullivan?

And Mr. Capone. It's cologne.

Will you look at the time? Harry and I have got to get back to work.

I think we've got time to finish our drink.

Oh, sure. Yeah.

Sure, guys.

Down the hatch. Bottoms up.

I'll be at the bar. It appears that you and the lady need some time alone by

yourselves.

All right, Harry, I know what you're up to, and you can't get away with it.

Buster.

Buster? Don't change the subject. I am not leaving here until you tell me one

thing.

Is my face really etched on your brain?

Oh, hell, what have you been drinking?

Nothing. Oh, right.

Hey! Hey!

Tell him I haven't been drinking anything but this iced tea.

Oh.

I bet Eddie gave her a Long Island iced tea.

Long Island iced tea?

Yeah, a splash of cola, a splash of soda mixed with rum vodka, gin and tequila.

Would the lady like another?

I think she'll pass this round.

Well, your friend is certainly enthusiastic.

Oh, yeah. I think he's taken a liking to Dan.

Mr. Fielding, honest.

You lay one more paw on me, I'll have you sick.

You think it's easy for me having to live with this thing? It's a nightmare.

If only there was some way, some warning.

Kim,

come back here!

Oh, we'd better go find him. Last time this happened, he almost got hit by a

car.

Hey, who can take a... package here.

Harry Stone asked me to deliver the lady.

Do you know her?

Everybody's upside down.

Put her right over here.

Somebody stop this couch from spinning.

Here you go, Wilbur, for your troubles.

Gee, thanks.

Now Mom can have that operation.

What do you think we should do?

Well... Now, second thought, you know, it's been my experience when they're

this drunk, there's no challenge in it.

Oh, Harry!

I gotta stop Harry, Matt! No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You just settle back and

take it easy. No, no, Matt, Matt, Harry, Harry's gonna become a criminal.

I look like a tattooed sailor.

Oh, my head.

Come on, Christy, now.

Get yourself together.

You're right. You're right. I think I'll just touch my butt.

Yeah, and while you do that, I'll go get you some aspirin.

And a muzzle.

Hey.

Better now.

So, what's this about Harry?

Oh, buddy, he's lost.

He feels like he's all alone and he doesn't have anybody. He doesn't have

any money. He doesn't have any family.

He doesn't have anything. And he's ruining his life.

He's not alone.

I gotta talk to him.

He's at Wilbur's on 4th Street.

Okay. Tell the guys to keep an eye on King for me, okay?

King? Who's King?

You're straight with our routine, Harry.

Like blowing bubbles, Marty.

One of your friends call, I am there for them.

Precisely. I'm telling you, pal, in six months... Hey, Harry.

Buddy.

What do you do? Leave a trail of breadcrumbs for these people?

Harry, we have to talk.

Buddy, can't you see that...

It's all right. I have some other business to attend to. I will be

speaking to you again at another time.

Buddy, what the hell are you doing here? I had to come, Harry.

I talked to Christine. She told me everything.

And I can't let you ruin your life.

Buddy, I know what you're thinking, but things are not as they seem.

That's what they teach us at the institution.

Buddy, uh...

This whole thing is a scam.

It's like a play.

Play?

This is part of a government sting to catch some criminals who have been

bribing judges.

Really?

Then all that stuff Christine told me about your feeling alone, without any

family, that was all part of the act?

Right.

What a relief.

And to think I almost told you that I was your father.

You mean my stepfather.

No, I mean your real father.

But now I guess there's no need to tell you.

What? Heck, I always figured you'd be better off not knowing anyway, so you

won't hear it from me.

a minute, buddy. Wait a minute. You're trying to tell me that you are my real

father?

Well, since you brought it up.

Yeah.

How can that be?

Oh.

That's a long story.

Maybe we should put aside a time to talk about all this.

Yeah. What's the rush? It took 30... years to tell me this much. What's 38

more?

Having a problem here, Harry? Nothing you can fix, Cologne.

What's with him?

Kids.

Gee, I'm sorry.

Sorry I spoiled your little play with Harry.

Play? You guys really had me fooled until Harry explained it was all part of

a government sting.

Is that so?

You know, we did a performance of Three Little Pigs at the institution.

I played the beanstalk.

What? I'm sorry.

Oh, I really ought to go find Harry. Nice talking to you. Yeah, anytime.

Oh, what about Tuesday?

I'll let you know.

Great.

I want you and Sal to go down to the municipal court building now.

You will find there a judge named Harry T. Stone.

He's wearing a very expensive new watch.

Kill him.