Original subtitles

English (HI) Subtitles. Workaholics S04E07 (720p) We Be Clownin - BrRip [KoTuWa]

- [grunts]

- Yeah!

- Up!

- Yeah!

[grunting]

both: Oh!

- Hi-yo! Sonic boom!

- [shouting]

- Oh!

The professor!

What? What? What? Come on, man.

- Stop him?

You can barely hope to contain him!

Uh-oh. I got it.

I got my gun, baby.

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Oh, my God, you guys.

Wood.

- Yeah. Now let's go.

- You don't get it.

It's not just wood. Oh, no.

It's a sick rooftop waterslide baby

that hasn't even been born yet.

- Oh! - Right?

All right.

Okay, Ders bounce-passes the ball to Blake.

Blake catches it midair,

who then passes it back to Ders, catching it midair,

who underhands the ball back to me.

At this junction, I will bomb down the slide,

catching it midair!

Tomahawk slam dunk starting now.

Go!

- Ooh, baby!

- [screams]

Ooh, ah, man!

That tickled.

I got a little bit of a splinter.

I'm gonna go tweeze it out.

Feels like a biggie. - Ooh.

- You guys want any Bomb Pops? - I'm good.

- Okay, no Bomb Pops.

[beatboxing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm fresh ♪

- ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, gotta ♪

- ♪ Gotta be fresh ♪

- When we're done sanding this sucker,

it's gonna be slick butthole.

- It's gonna be like a BP oil spill up in this bitch.

But instead of, like, dead seals,

we'll have a lot of Jessica Biels...

all oily, just flopping all down the slide.

- Oh, yeah. - Totally, man.

I mean, it's gonna be like a landmark of the neighborhood,

kind of like that old tree that's up the block

that looks like it has, like, a nappy coochie.

- Yup, or that doughnut that's on the roof

in the Snoop Dogg video.

- Hey, guys. - Yeah?

- I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore.

- I know. Okay. - My muscles and my brain hurts.

I vote we forget about the slide,

and we go smoke weed about it

and forget about all of our troubles, starting now.

- What if we, uh, post the job online, right?

What is that thing? TaskRabbit?

You just put a job up, and then somebody bids on it.

Somebody could do it on the cheap.

- Okay. Yeah.

I mean, I love that idea. - Right?

- I hate working to get stuff done.

You know? It's like, um, "This is stupid."

- What is Brickleberry?

- Oh, nice.

- [laughs] Wow. - Cheers to that, man.

- Who would have known?

[cell phone chimes]

- Oh, got a bid on the TaskRabbit.

- Oh, are you kidding me? - Whoa.

150.

- $150? - Yeah.

- What are we, the Rockefellers' record company Roc-A-Fella?

- What if we just TaskRabbit a job ourselves?

You know, make some dough,

pass it on to the guy sanding our slide?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right.

Let me see what we got. - What else do they have?

- Um, clean someone's gutters?

[both groaning]

Okay. All right. Uh, walk cats.

[both groaning]

- That one doesn't even seem real.

- Build an IKEA desk.

- [groaning]

Can you tell how much I hate that one?

- So that's a no. - I hate this game.

- Just give me that.

I bet there's some cool jobs on there.

- There's not. I just looked.

- Let me see. See? You got to be creative.

You got to think outside the bun.

- [sighs] - Let's see.

Ah, there! There we go. Look at that.

Entertainment for an eight-year-old's

birthday party, huh?

- Us? - Yeah!

- Are you... What would we even do?

- We'll be clowns!

- I bet I'd be so good at 69-ing.

- I know you will be.

- Thanks, man. - Want to know how I know?

- How? - I'm not telling.

- [laughs] - Oh, bully.

Okay!

Time to gather around

and watch the tallest clown in the world

hypnotize your parents into doing wacky and wild things.

So perhaps the woman in blue would be so kind as to join me.

- Ooh. [all clapping]

- Time to be hypnotized.

Now, if you would just take some deep breaths,

prepare your body.

- [inhales, exhales]

- Nice, and...

She's asleep!

[laughter] Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho!

- Hey, Nurse Jackie, you're a nurse, right?

I need you to help me with something.

"Well, you can't cure stupid, stupid."

[gasps] Wait, what?

Who you calling stupid, dummy?

"You're the dummy, dummy."

[clown nose honks] Oh, ow!

Zoinks!

[laughter]

- I love you, Nurse Jackie.

all: Aw!

- [laughs] That was so cute.

- You're a tiger!

You're a toad! Ribbit!

Who is this?

He's an owl!

- Zoinks!

"I'd rather be a dummy than an idiot."

- I love you, Jackie!

- You love me too, right?

- No. I love Jackie.

- Okay.

Get off. Get off. Sit down.

- Now, why don't we see if Mommy

could wind her body like a snake?

And she's awake!

Whoa! I'm on stilts.

- They think Nurse Jackie's real.

Guess what. I'm real. - Yes.

- I'm a real boy. - Hi, clowns.

- Whoa! - Jeez!

- Whoa. - Ew. What's that smell?

- We're off the clock, kid.

Go, um, suck your mom's tits for me.

[laughter]

Jeez.

I thought it was a miniature cop.

- ♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

- We ghost riding. We ghost riding.

- How you like me now? Pow!

- No, no, no, no, what do you mean

this doesn't look like Dimebag Darrell?

Do you even, like, know anything about Pantera?

- [groaning] "I'm dying!"

Oh, Jackie!

Oh, no!

Maybe it's just your time to go...

straight to hell!

[all screaming]

- Is the, uh, hypnotism show gonna start soon?

- Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.

Um, when I clap my hands,

you're gonna be a loser dad that walks away.

- You suck dick.

- [laughs]

Prove it.

And the way you used the puppet,

you were like a modern-day Jeff Dunham.

- Yeah.

Were you wearing stilts or not?

I still haven't figured it out. - Oh, well...

- No, the kids were... They were, like, all...

"How... He can't be that tall. [email alert chimes]

That's not even humanly possible."

- Thank you.

- And let's not forget big-balling Blake over here

with your artwork, dude. - Stop. Stop.

- I'm just glad somebody finally appreciates it...

- Stop. - Because I think it's horrible.

I'm always trying to throw it away,

but it's cool that, like, parents and, like, dumb kids,

like, get it and... and love it.

- Well, you know, it was fun while it lasted.

- Yeah, it is. - Blake,

it might not be over.

Apparently we made it onto Rancho Kidzamonga.

It's a blog about all thing kids in the R.C.

- "New clowns on the block"?

Hey, that's us! - Us.

- Oh, we're famous! - Yeah.

- Yes! Yes! [cell phone vibrates]

I always knew I'd be famous, dude.

- Hang on. Shh for a second.

- I always knew I'd be famous. - Hello?

- I'm about to bang a Kardashian.

- Yes, we be clownin'.

They're calling about us for a party!

- [gasping] - [laughs]

- We're definitely available.

- Oh! Oh!

- Twins? - We did it.

- Oh, we did it! - Okay.

7:00 it is. Thank you.

- Should we celebrate some good times?

Come on. - I would love to, man.

What, are you gonna turn on the radio

or Pandora or something? Let's jam.

- Sounds great. See you then.

- How about we sip some of Daddy's brew, baby?

- Oh, you dirty dog. Nice. - Ooh.

- No, I like that.

- We've got this city by the balls, boys.

[laughter]

- We're being naughty! - Oh, my God.

Shh. Quiet cheers.

Quiet cheers. Quiet cheers.

- We should rent a Miata. - Cheers.

all: Miata! - Whoo!

- Boof, boof, boof, boof, boof! - Welcome to the Miata life!

- Let's just go till the tank runs out.

all: Wesley Snipes!

Wesley Snipes! - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[beatboxing]

[electronic pop music]

♪ ♪

- Whoa, boys.

Mega-sale at Burlington Coat Factory?

- [laughs] No.

We hit the bar. - The Denim Bar.

- We livin' that Snipe life now.

- Basically we dress like Wesley Snipes now

'cause we can afford to with our side jobs.

- That's good for you,

but you still have to work at this job.

- Oh, don't make me go full-blown clown on your ass.

- Okay, I don't even want to know what that means.

- What he's trying to tell you

is that you are looking at Rancho Cucamonga's

premier clown troupe.

What you are experiencing right now

is called troupe envy.

- Well, you're about to experience

my heel in your manhole

if you don't get on the phones now,

and please, try to dress like losers who work here.

Thanks.

- I thought we looked cool. - Yeah.

We look very solid. - Yeah, we look cool.

- Hey, if you guys are available,

my niece is having a birthday.

- $150 a pop. - Mm-hmm.

- But we'll give you the friends and family.

$100 and no photos. - Okay.

- Also this list of things that we want.

- Yup. - The pickles can be midget.

But the Cheetos better be puffy.

- That's right.

- [groans]

Oh! - What's up, man?

- [groans] Vodka-Slurpee brain freeze.

- [laughs] - Oh, that hit me hard.

Must reheat body with taquito. - Aw, yeah.

- Here, Dersey, baby, take a gulp.

- No can do, buddy.

I'm the captain of this Miata ship,

and I take the Miata lives very seriously.

- Miata life. - I love feeling the Miata life.

- Yup. - It's natural, man.

- Oh, we should stop at this gas station up here

and get some King Cobras.

Make some King Cobra Slurpees out of it.

- Oh, yeah. - That would be delicious.

- Oh, my God.

Dude, you just gave me the best idea

for our grand finale for tomorrow's party.

- No kidding. - I'm talking something

that's gonna make these kids palooge their shorts.

- [laughs] - I'm gonna call Karl.

- ♪ We're in a Mazda Miata ♪

♪ It's definitely not a Honda ♪

Whoo!

[horn blaring]

- Whoa! - Whoopsie-daisy.

- Are we there? - Home run!

- [laughs] All right. - Slam dunk.

Oh!

I'm not saying that we should buy

that specific strip club.

I'm saying that we should buy a strip club,

like as an investment instead of the slide, you know?

- Yes, and I'm with that.

- Parlay the money into something real.

- I'm with that.

I just think it'd be better served

as campaign funds for me

to go for... For city council, dude.

Because then it's, like, I'll get you permits

for a full-nude, full-bar... Boobs and booze.

- That's boo... Boobs and booze, man!

And butts too! That's smart.

- What are you guys doing?

Oh, my God. Have you been drinking?

- Hey, where's the birthday girl?

"I've got a special surprise for her."

- What, are you crazy? You're two hours late.

And I've already replaced you. - You replaced this?

- [laughs] Yeah, come on.

We're the best birthday bunch in all that...

Of this land. - Yeah.

- Plus, who... who could you possibly get?

What do they do? - Well, his name's TK.

And he's the original birthday king of Rancho Cucamonga,

so I think he can do a lot.

- Oh, my God.

Who is that? Should we know who that is?

- I think you guys should just go home.

All right? I'll see you at work.

- "Yeah, right. We're not going anywhere."

- Will the birthday girl

please come on up here and make a wish?

[all clapping]

Aw, doesn't June look so pretty on her ninth birthday?

So pretty I could sing about it.

Whoo! Come on!

♪ Little Junebug, look at what you've done ♪

- That's beautiful.

- ♪ Broke up the clouds ♪

♪ And then you brought out the sun, baby ♪

- Custom songs?

- Cool Aladdin pants?

- No. Those are Hammer pants, dude.

Yeah, I went through, like, a huge Hammer phase.

That is an Aladdin vest, though.

- Yes. - I'll admit that.

- ♪ You, whoa, oh, baby ♪

♪ My little Junebug ♪

- Whoa. - That's really good.

- ♪ Now how old are you? ♪

♪ I think you're nine years old ♪

What's your wish, sweetie?

June just asked me to dunk, y'all.

[all clapping]

And Genie said...

"Dunk, TK. Dunk."

- What?

- What's up?

- Oh, my God! - What?

- What's up? - That's our thing! We dunk!

- Dude, why didn't we think of this?

- We're dunkers! We should have dunked.

- Clowns don't dunk. That's like a known rule.

- Oh, no. That is not a known rule.

Because I'm about ready to dunk my foot

in that dude's butt,

unless he likes that, in which case,

I'll think of something even worse than that.

Hey! - Happy birthday, June!

We are the birthday party clowns.

Who wants to get their little face

painted like a monkey? - No one.

- "Who you calling a dummy, dummy?"

[clown nose honks] Pfft, oh.

- And who wants to see

the tallest clown in the world

hypnotize your mommy or daddy into bark...

Okay, this doesn't work when you're here.

- Hey, I heard you guys are great at what you do,

but I guess they needed someone to cover, so I...

- Well, guess what. We're here now, okay?

So how about you get on your magic carpet and...

and fly with a woman

and have her not close her eyes 'cause I know the words!

- Hey! - You're not special!

I know the words to a lot of Disney tracks!

- Okay. - And musicals.

- Okay, you guys are making a scene,

and I don't think the kids want you here, so please...

- [laughs] - Ooh, yeah.

The kids don't want us here.

- They don't want us here. - Okay.

- We know kids, okay? - Yeah.

I think they're gonna want us here

when they see our grand finale, kids!

- What grand finale? - Get ready.

You're gonna love it. - Me and the dudes...

We are going to fight a cobra!

[all cheering]

- What? No. No. That's crazy.

Go! You guys are gone. Go.

[all booing]

- You know what? Fine, Jillian.

That's okay, but remember,

you're the one who made these kids cry.

TK, you can have this one, playboy.

Jillian, we don't need your charity.

We got the whopper of all birthday parties tomorrow, man.

- The richest dude in Rancho,

Rick Messina from Messina Theaters.

You heard of it? The famous theater chain.

It had Blank Check there as a kid,

so it really means a lot to me.

- Yeah, well, she knows who Rick Messina is

because I'm Rick Messina,

and after seeing whatever that was,

I've got TK playing my kid's party now.

I can't wait to have you at the Ponderosa, man.

Your voice is amazing.

- We don't need to do your stupid thing

'cause we're living Miata life.

That's right! We have a Miata!

- Uh... - Wait.

- Cookie! Smash!

- Tony, punch TK in the stomach.

[laughter]

- That's why I don't want a kid, man.

They're dumb. - It is what it is.

- Whoa, what are you... What are you doing?

- Your card bounced.

We LoJacked the car, and we're taking it back.

- But it's our Miata! Miata life!

- Okay. See ya.

- That's it. You, out of the car now.

Let's do this. Mano a mano! - Yep.

- Come on! Let's fight, bud! - Yep.

- If you're a man, you'll fight him.

- You as a man should fight him as a man!

- Fight this man! - Be a man! Fight the man!

- Come on, boy! I'm ready for this, man!

- Old-fashioned man fight!

- Come on, boy! I'm a soldier, dog.

Come on. - He's a soldier.

- Let's do this! - Like I told you.

- I'm psyched, bro. - Come on.

- No. [tires squeal]

[beatboxing]

[beatboxing] - ♪ We came here ♪

- [laughs]

Guys. - Man.

- It's real. - They have a dinosaur pool toy!

- This guy's incredibly rich.

He must have, like, thousands of dollars.

- All right. Everybody gather around.

Gather around. All right. All right.

Whoo!

All right, Tony.

The Genie in the lamp granted your first wish.

A song just for you!

♪ Little Tony boy ♪

♪ Whoo, look at what you done ♪

- That's the same exact song he did earlier.

It's just a different name. - Well, he's human after all.

- Mexican-human, maybe. - Yeah, and taking our jobs.

- Whoa. - Whoa, man.

- No. No, no, no.

- You sound like your dad. - I'm not saying that.

He's literally taking our jobs... Mexican or not, whatever.

Plus with the whole Aladdin thing,

I'm sure he's Middle Eastern.

- He's Greek-Samoan. That's obvious, all right?

Now, I'm going in.

It's time to make sure TK's next dunk

is a real showstopper.

- That was a cool line, dude.

- Thanks. Yeah.

I've been watching a lot of '80s movies lately.

- Yeah, it was like an action movie exit line.

- Good luck. You look cool.

- ♪ Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Tony, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Whoo, do-do-do-do ♪

♪ Tony, Tony, Tony, it's his birthday ♪

♪ Everybody's here having fun ♪

♪ Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony ♪

- Whoo! - Psst! Hey! [trills tongue]

Shh!

- Wish number two... - Aw, man.

It's showtime, baby!

- Who wants to see me dunk this gold basketball?

[all cheering]

- I wish you break your leg. - I wish you die.

- All right, Tony.

Now, let's hear you make the wish,

and I'll ask the Genie in the lamp

if he'll allow me to dunk.

- My wish to Genie is that I get to dunk the ball!

- That's my boy!

- No, no, no, no, no! - There he goes! Go, Tony!

[all gasping]

- Oh!

- Ow! - Tony!

- [cries] It hurts! Ow!

I wish the pain would go away! Please, Genie!

Make the pain go away!

- Jesus, TK! You could have killed him!

Pack up this stuff! The party's over!

- Ow. - It's over!

- Ow! Ow! - Ooh, come on!

Ooh!

Oh, the kids are gonna love this.

- Cobra time.

- I'm never gonna recommend you

do another kid's party ever,

you R&B-singing basketball-dunking

Aladdin impersonator!

- I'm really sorry, sir,

but I could really, really use that money.

- Save it. You're lucky I don't sue you.

Now get out of here!

- This guy's never gonna work in this town again.

- [laughs] And now TK has got a...

- He's got to get in his little-ass car

that looks like he's, like, living in.

- With his wife and, uh, baby.

- This just got double icky for me.

- We ruined this dude's life. I'll take care of it.

Watch this. - Wait.

- Hey, TK, what's up, man?

You must be Jasmine. Good to meet you.

How do I say this? Are you Mexican?

- What are you... Come on, stop. - No.

Are you, though? Because we argued about it.

- We're here to tell you that we're sorry

because we're the ones who cut the springs

on your trampoline.

Well, we thought you were...

- You were gonna break your face open,

but, you know, it's just... Keep it gang related,

and little man got in the way.

- Like, the little kid ended up really hurting himself,

but we thought it was gonna be you.

- Yeah. - Supposed to be me?

- We wanted to hurt you.

- Y'all could have killed that kid,

and I lost $200 on top of that!

To feed my seed!

To give my girl a proper home!

We ruined that kid's birthday, and you only get so many.

- It's fine. He's a kid.

He'll have other birthdays, right?

- Y'all think everyone has a birthday, huh?

- Yes, I do. - Yes.

- Well, when's mine? - Uh, November.

- Nope. - July.

- Nope. - I love this game. August.

- I don't have one!

I never have.

Moms couldn't afford it.

I don't even know how old I am, y'all.

I be... I be tellin' people I'm 19 and shit.

- Oh, that's wrong. - You're not 19.

- Yeah. You are not 19. - Maybe we'll sniff that out.

- Yeah. At least...

both: 38?

- Whoa. - Yeah.

What's up? We're, like, best friends.

- Yeah. We're best friends.

- He's cool too. - Thanks.

- Helping these kids celebrate their birthdays

was all I had, and now that's gone.

- That's really sad actually.

- Hey. - Yeah.

- Today!

Today is your birthday. - How do you know?

- 'Cause we're gonna make it your birthday right now!

'Cause we're gonna entertain you!

How does that sound? - It's not my birthday.

- Sure it is!

What do you say you see

our never-before-seen grand finale? Huh?

- You're gonna like this, birthday boy!

- [laughs] We fight a cobra!

- Oh!

Ladies and gentlemen...

there's no snake in there.

- Oh, fuck.

[beatboxing]

- ♪ Kick it ♪

[beatboxing]

- Hey, dude,

are you finished with the slide yet?

- All done, y'all!

And thanks again for the cash

and letting my girl clean up inside.

- Our pleasure, TK.

Also, pretty cool to have a chick

showering in our bathroom.

- That was cool.

We're good to go? - Yeah.

- Okay, so Ders bounce-passes the ball over to Blake.

Blake then catches it midair, passing it back to Ders.

Ders will catch the ball midair,

underhand passes it over to TK.

TK will volleyball bump it up to me.

At that junction, I will bomb down this slide,

catching the ball mid-fucking-air!

Tomahawk slam dunk!

Here we go! Whoo!

Whoo!

- Whoo!

- No! Oh!

- Whoa. Oh, my God.

- Oh, my. [laughs]

I almost died.

This really is a really dangerous idea.

What do you say we just get back to our roots, right?

Smoking weed and drinking beers.

TK, you get high? - [laughs]

I ain't homeless for no reason, y'all.

- That makes sense to me.

- Nice!

[dog snorts] [party horn blows]

- It's like we're three Jafars.

- I think me and you are more like...

Like Puma and...

- Timon and Pumbaa? [laughter]

- No, I think we're more like

Pamon and Tu... And Pum... Tumbaa?

What is... are their fucking names?

- We just watched it yesterday.