All language subtitles for Workaholics.S04E04.Miss.BS.BluRay.1080p.x264.AC3-decibeL

English (HI) Subtitles.
Workaholics S04E04 (720p) Miss BS - BrRip [KoTuWa]

- Morning burgs. Clink, clink.
- Yeah.

- Nothing like being
at a bus stop,

crushing burgs
in the morning with my boys.

- Nothing like it.
- With that said,

uh, when are you going to get
the 'Vo fixed, Ders?

- Dude, when I get $600
to fix the brakes.

- When do you think that's going
to happen for you in your life?

- I don't know.
When I win the lottery?

- That's, like, a great plan.
My neighbor growing up...

he actually bought
a lotto ticket every day.

He's homeless now.

- Right, 'cause it's next to
impossible to win the lottery.

- It wasn't about the...
the tickets.

He was addicted
to methamphetamines.

- Nice buns.
- They are.

- They're good, right?
- Yeah.

- Excuse you?

- What's up?

- Oh, no. Uh, we were talking
about the burgers.

We were... we were commenting
on how delicious the buns are.

- We can't even see your buns.
- Bitch!

- Hey, leave him alone,
all right?

- Oh, is this your mommy?

- No, if anything,
I'm the daddy,

and I'm asking you to step off.

- And I'm...
I'm a cool bachelor uncle,

and I'm... I'm just, like,
hanging around.

I ride a motorcycle.
I have good hair.

I'm like Uncle Jesse, basically.
- I'm Danny Tanner.

- I'm Comet.
- Too bad you're all bitches.

Give me your money!
- No, what?

What the...
- Oh, jeez!

- Whoa! Just take...
just take our money, then.

- If you just reach in my front
pocket, it's in there.

- Jesus.

- Just leave the receipt,
though... I need that.

- Just give me your soda.
- Yeah, of course.

Uh, I mean, I've already had
too much caffeine anyways.

[chuckles]
- Bitch.

- Hit my limit.
- Oh.

- [exhales deeply]
Ooh.

Yeah. So take it.
"I'm like, 'Give me your soda."'

I wasn't even scared
of her, dude.

I was so brave right then.

We'll just catch the next one!

[beatboxing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm fresh ♪

- ♪ You gotta, you gotta,
you gotta, gotta ♪

- ♪ Gotta be fresh ♪

- Well, I tell you what...
she's lucky she's a girl,

or I would have knocked
her block off.

- Yeah, man. I mean, I'm still
stewing about it over here.

- Get in the broth, baby.
- I know.

It's never okay to hit
a chick, right?

But...
- Mm...

- That chick was, like...
she wanted the funk, man.

She wanted to hit me!
So what am I supposed to do?

My hands are tied, and I'm not
gonna head-butt her either.

- Look, I'm American,
born and bred,

but as a country,
I think it's time we rethink

this whole
never-hit-women policy.

- I agree.
- Whoop! She's on.

It's on.
- Oh, here we go.

- Turn it up.
Turn it up.

- Maggie Sims,
or as you know her, Miss B.S.

- Oh, it's her, it's her.
It's Miss B.S.

- Sir, do you recognize me?

Last week you sold me
bogus Jason Mraz tickets.

That's a B.S!

How do you feel
knowing that the whole world

knows you run a Ponzi scheme?

That's a B.S.

Illegal pizza delivery!

I don't remember
ordering this topping.

That's a B.S.

- Damn!
She's fine.

- I'm here outside
of Big Hank's Auto Body Shop,

where last week I went in
with a hidden camera

and got a pretty pricey quote
for a new muffler.

- Oh, yeah, lady,
I can replace that muffler,

but it's going to be,
like, $900.

- So that was the price
for Miss B.S.

Now let's see
what kind of price...

Mr. B.S. gets.

My lady's always trying
to control me.

Last month I had to eat soup
for four nights.

So... so what do we got here,
I mean, just between us?

- Listen, just between us guys...
- Just between us dudes.

- 400 bucks.
- 400 bucks for a new muffler.

- Exactly.
It's a great deal.

- It is a great deal.
Only, it's B.S.

- What the...
- And it is sexist!

- Get out of my shop.
- We got him.

- Get that camera out of here.
Get out!

- He can't B.S. Miss B.S.
- Come on, dude.

- Sexism's, like,
my least favorite thing,

besides salad bars.

I also hate salad bars.
- Yeah.

- And if you know
of a corrupt business,

call the number
at the bottom of your screen.

- What if we, like, uh,

threw a "save the 'Vo,"
like, fund-raiser?

- I like that.
- Yeah, maybe she'd come over.

You know how,
like, celebrities...

they love going
to charity events.

- What?

[sniffs]
Do you smell my fart?

- Did you...
Oh. Oh!

- Bully!

- [beatboxing]

- She's here.

- Get the... get the...
- Come on!

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Howdy.
How's it going?

- Good. So are you guys
the ones who called in the tip?

- We're the guys.
- Mm-hmm.

- I got you a gift.

I hope you enjoy it.

It is the book Twilight.
- Oh.

- It's about...
it's basically you.

It's, like, a strong, empowered
woman who falls in love

with, uh, a dude
with a dope hairline.

- Thank you.

Thank you for that.
- You're welcome.

Uh, if you want
to come on in here...

w-would you like anything
from the break room?

We got water in there.
We got some old bananas.

We got some
Multi-Grain Cheerios.

- Oh, no, thank you.
I'm on kind of a tight schedule.

So what's the story?

- Well, the story starts
with a broke-down 'Vo

and hopefully will end with you
being our A-list celebrity

at the 'Vo fund-raiser party
this weekend.

- It's a fund-raiser?
- Yeah.

- See, I was told

that there were unsafe
work conditions here.

- There is.
- There are, yeah.

There's a ton, like,
um, the break room?

Yeah, it's more like the
slip-and-break-your-neck room.

You can really bust your nut
in there.

- Okay. So thank you so much
for wasting my time.

- What?
all: No, no, no, no.

- No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.

Hey.
Ah, I'm sorry.

I probably came off
as a real freakin' perv.

[mumbling incoherently]

It's like you
m-make me all flustered.

We want you to come
to our 'Vo fund-raiser

because it means
the world to us,

and if you'd just
spend some time with us,

you'd realize
that we're cool, normal dudes.

We make funny jokes.
We do funny pranks.

- Oh, so many funny pranks.
- Yeah.

- Like, uh...
like Worldstar-worthy stuff.

Like, uh, we do smack cams.

We mess with people's food.
[laughter]

We do European sharking, which...
Google that.

- Phone calls.
- Yes.

- We do those all day
to, like, old people and stuff,

so it's funnier.

- We make 'em buy
the stupidest shit...

almost like it's our jobs.
- Right.

- Wait a minute.
It is.

[laughter]
- It is. We're telemarketers.

Doy!
- Yes.

- What we do is we'll just
target old people, you know?

We'll look at the list,
and then we'll be like,

"That's an old name.
That's a lonely name.

We're gonna call that name."
- Edith?

I will fuck an Edith.

Over!
I'm sorry.

Oh, gosh. I just... l-I, like,
stopped the sentence.

- Okay. Well, you know what?

I-I have an hour to kill
before my next meeting,

so I would love to see
some of those prank phone calls.

- Cool. Awesome.
- Cool.

- Okay. Yes. Yes, but first,

you got to see
some of the classics.

- Okay.
- Will you touch poop?

[rock music]

♪ ♪

[air horn blows]

[laughter]

- Oh, shit.

- Regular day in the office.
- Where we work.

All:
Poop dollar!

[laughter]
- That's my poop!

- [coughing]

♪ ♪

- It would be, like, an honor
if you'd, like, smoke with us.

- Aah!
God, it's so hot!

My fucking mouth,
my fucking throat!

- Who does the best, uh, face,

like, right before
you're about to get killed?

- Go. Go!
- Let me see.

- [high-pitched voice]
Hey, Grandma? It's me, Ricky.

Yeah, I'm selling magazines
for school again,

so I need
a little bit of money.

- [weakly] Ethel, this is
the spirit of your dead husband.

They won't release me from hell
unless you buy some steaks.

[groans]

- [deep voice]
Yeah, now, uh, real quick...

I'm gonna need
the expiration date

and the three-digit code
on the back.

That is very good, Doris.
You pass your Alzheimer's test.

Uh, thank you very much.

[normal voice]
And I got her.

- [laughing]
You guys are too funny.

- We are, aren't we?
- Yeah. Do more.

[triumphant music]

- Is it on?
- Yeah, man, here we go.

- Next week we'll be looking
at telemarketers

who are conning
our senior citizens

out of their
hard-earned pennies.

- [high-pitched voice]
Hey, Grandma? It's me, Ricky.

I'm selling magazines
for school again,

so I was wondering
if I could have some money.

- Old people are so stupid.
[laughs]

Oh, cool.

- We should start beating up
old people too...

- Right?

- Just 'cause I hate 'em
so much.

- So tune in Monday

to find out which telemarketing
firm I call B.S. on.

Remember,
you can't B.S. Miss B.S.

- Well, Chuck, what's going on
with the weather?

- I mean, nobody at the office
watches the news, right?

- Nah.
I'm sure we're fine.

- Yeah, exactly, so...

- Well, well, well...

if it's not the cast
of Newsroom,

except Jeff Daniels didn't try
to fuck me in my ass.

- You're gonna cost us our jobs,
and I can't lose my job.

This is the only place I feel
comfortable making eye contact.

- [speaking native language]

I pissed now!

- Okay, yep.

- [spits]
- Whoa!

- Hey, Alice wants to see you
in her office.

Y'all done done it now.

- Ew, what did you eat?

Jeez.
Excuse me.

- Okay, come on,
a little respect.

- Good thing I'm stronger
than most of you.

- Just let me into her office!
She needs to see us!

- Okay, Alice, uh...
[chuckles]

you being a smart lady,

I'm sure you watch the news,
stay informed,

and I just want you to know
that everything we did

was for charity, so it's
a good cause, very positive.

- Also, I would like to press
charges against Waymond

for spitting
in my face just now.

It was very violent.

I don't know what he ate,
but it... it stunk.

Maybe he ate peppercorn.

- After the story airs,
they're closing the branch.

- What... what if we got
on the phones right now,

you know, really took it to 'em
and showed TAC brass

a little hustle and flow?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We could throw a little, like,
uh, musical festival outside,

get a baby pool.

- Oh, man,
it's like an '80s movie.

We're just gonna all get
on the phones... a cool montage.

It's like...

♪ Dun-dun-dun,
take it to the limit ♪

- Just go home, or don't.

It doesn't really matter.
Nothing matters.

We're already unemployed,
marked for death.

- Well, I'm gonna...
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Go on some calls.

- We're just gonna
let you do your thing.

- Marked for Death, though...

great Segal movie.
Check it out.

- Okay, that was scary.

I've never seen Alice like that
in my life.

I mean, she looked
like she was gonna kill herself

like the Predator does
in Predator.

- Whoa, spoiler alert.
- What are you talking about?

We've watched
the Predator together.

- Yeah, and then I forgot,
so I could enjoy it again.

- Cheer up, 'cause at least now
we know what the B.S.

in "Miss B.S." stands for...
betrayal slut.

- If Miss B.S. were a mister,

I'd say, "Hey, guess what.

You pull that story,
or I will tune you up!"

But I can't, right?
'Cause she's a chick.

- That doesn't even
make sense, man,

because you wouldn't even be
hitting her

for, like, s-sexist,
gender-based reasons.

- That's exactly right,
'cause if you hit a chick

just 'cause she's a chick,
that's wrong.

But if you hit her
because she's out of pocket...

- Isn't it more sexist
not to hit a woman

because she's a woman?

- What you're saying
is more sexist...

- I'm saying, do you want us
to hold the door for you or not?

- Well, you do.
That's gentlemanly.

- Well, sure, right,
but then if you don't get

through that door,
I'm gonna tag you.

- Yeah.
- You're basically denying

the woman's right to get smashed
in the face with a fist.

- That's her right.
It's your human right.

- I think I got an idea.

You know,
just because three dudes

can't hit a woman, right,

doesn't mean that a woman
can't hit the woman

that the three dudes
won't hit.

- What?
- A lot of numbers.

- I stopped listening.

I got really
into chugging my beer.

- I just... I have a plan.

- So you want me to punk
some white lady for y'all?

- That's right, yep.
- Right.

- And if she gets out of hand,

you have our permission to swing
on that chick,

just stomp a mud-hole
in her crud-hole.

- I mean, technically, all you
got to do is scare her enough

that she doesn't run
the story on us,

but if you get the chance,
sock her in the mouth.

- We'd punch her,
but it's, like, a society thing.

- Right.
- Men can't hit women.

It's like Chris Brown
ruined it for everyone.

- What's in it for me?
- Why don't you go ahead

and consider this Carl's Jr.
gift card

and coupon
a little advance.

- Yeah, we thought you'd like it
'cause you ate our food earlier.

- 15 bucks on there,

so you can get a ton
of different stuff.

The guacamole burger,
I'd recommend.

- Beating up a white bitch
for burgers?

That's the shit I like.

- Cool.

- [gasps]
- Jesus.

- Scared-ass bitches.
- [sighs]

- You all right?
You okay?

- Well, I'm getting better.

Only a little squirted out
that time.

- ♪ We came here ♪

- ♪ To do what? ♪

- [beatboxing]

- Okay, here's our girl.
- Oh, she see's us.

Get 'em.
- Shh.

- Hey, Adam.
- Come on, dude.

- Sorry.
- Here we go. Game time.

- Hey, fool,
I got to talk to you.

- Ooh. Wow.
- What is she doing?

- Ooh.

- Skinny bitch
can throw a punch.

- Oh, that was insane.
- Oh.

- Those are serious poundings.
- Oh.

- She's getting extra points
for that.

- Why does she know
how to fight like this?

- Worldstar.

- Get out of here, man.
- This is great.

- No mercy.
- Oh, my god.

- Oh, my gosh,
this is terrible.

Isn't that little girl,
like, 16 years old?

- I don't know, man.
It's the... the Latina skin.

It just... you don't know
what age they are.

- Are your guys' penises
not soft right now?

Mine is definitely not soft.

- Mine is not un-hard.

- I have a boner.

[car alarm chirps]

- Oh! Hey.
- Come on.

- How's your job?

I remember back
before we met you,

we had three of those things.
- Oh, Christ.

- Hey, and, uh, are you guys
hiring, by any chance?

I think I'd make
a damn fine weatherman.

- Yeah, and, you know,
just our forecast

is calling for a high chance
of unemployment.

- Okay. You're pissed.
I get it, okay?

But this is what I do.
I'm sorry.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

No, no, we're not pissed.
Come on, do we look pissed?

Who cares about
the telemarketing job we had

that we lost 'cause of you,
you know?

It's just we're broke now.
- Yeah, we're broke.

Our car's broke,

and we're probably gonna be
living out of it,

but, you know, we're actually
throwing a fund-raiser

to fix the car, and, uh...

you know, if we had
a big-time celebrity there,

it would probably
really help us out.

- Just, like, come over
for 20 minutes,

then you never have
to see us again...

- That's it.
- Unless you want to...

unless you, like, want to have,

like, an intimate thing
with one of us,

in which case we would be
into that, but I don't know.

I don't know
if we have chemistry

now that this has all gone down,
but please just come!

Please?
- Please?

- Please?
- Please?

all: Please? Please? Please?
Please? Please? Please?

Please? Please? Please?

- You're a little off. You guys
are a little off beat there.

- Are you saying "police"?
- Please. Please.

No, I'm saying "please."

I'm trying to get
a "please" chant going.

- You guys are ridiculous.
[sighs]

- Please?
- Please?

- Don't walk away.

- Don't walk away
from us, please.

- 20 minutes max, okay?

Give the party info
to the receptionist.

- Yes!
- Cool!

- You're the best!
- Yes!

- Oh, my god.
You are an angel.

- Yes, you are not gonna
regret this.

- She's an angel.

- You are not gonna...
- Don't bother her. Adam?

- Yep?
- Let's go.

- Okay, you're not gonna
regret this.

- Miss B.S!

Welcome to the, uh, Brahj Mahal.
[laughter]

- You guys, she's here!
Miss B.S. is here!

- B.S. is here.
[all cheering]

- Yeah!
- She's just a human.

She's just a human celebrity.

Let's, uh, be totally normal
around her.

[both chuckle]

- Um, I brought this
for your wine selection.

- Oh, we got a huge one
of those... it's super big-time.

And here is a Pinot...

- Oh.
- De tequila.

[laughter]

- I haven't been to a party
like this since college.

This is kind of wild.
- Yeah, we get loose.

We get wild. It's like a wild
animal kingdom in this piece.

[laughter]
[imitates monkey chattering]

[both imitating
monkey chattering]

I'm a monkey!
We're monkey people.

We're not.
We're humans.

Let's chug these.
- Bottom's up.

- Cheers. Cheers.
- Cheers. Cheers. Cheers.

- Mm-mm.

- Oh, yeah,
you got to put it back.

- [groans] Oh!
- Oh.

- Ow.
- Are you okay?

- No, he'll be fine.
- It's okay.

- Yeah, let's close the door.

We're not trying to heat
the neighborhood.

- Okay.
- Yep.

- [humming] I love your blouse.
- Oh, thank you.

Okay.
- Whoo!

- Cheers.
- Oh!

- To new best friends.
- To new best friends.

- [laughs]
Okay.

- [laughs]
Chug up.

- I think that calls for a shot.
- That calls for a shot.

- Come on, gal pal.
- Okay.

- Mmm.

- And I think that calls
for another shot.

- Oh!
- [laughs]

- When Miss B.S. is off
the clock, she's off the chain.

- Yeah, tell me about it, man.
She has the coolest moves too.

Look at her go. They're, like,
Indian-influenced.

- [imitating
Native American chant]

I wouldn't mind, uh,
sleeping with her.

I'm part Cherokee, so...
- Yeah.

- My dad drives a grand one.
- So sick.

- Uh-huh.
[siren wails]

- Cops!

Cops, cops, cops, cops,
cops, cops, cops, cops!

- Time to go.
Cops are here.

- Miss B.S., you probably want
to get out of here

before the cops see you.

- [laughs] What?
- Yeah.

Cops are always just snatching
up celebrities unjustly,

like Mel Gibson.

- Why would I care
if the cops see me?

I mean, what's the big deal,
you know?

We're all just having a few
drinks, enjoying the party.

- Actually,
that is the big deal.

Um, everybody drinking here
is pretty much underage.

- Yep.
- This is good for a Merlot.

- Yeah, the all three of them
combined are probably 30.

- Will you go to prom with me?

- What?
Oh, no.

What... so I'm at, like,
a house party with minors?

Why are there children
at your house?

- Well, they rage.
- Kind of.

- They came with me.
- Oh, so what?

You're just here to get
your ass kicked again?

- I'm gonna cut this...

- Oh, you ladies got
some history, huh?

Check this out.
- What?

- Look at this funny video

of you just grinding up
on a child... that's cool.

- That's disgusting.

- Turned into a man
right before our eyes.

- So here's the deal.

We don't want that to leak,
and that'd be bad news.

I mean,
there's Facebook, Twitter.

Myspace is back again.
[pounding at door]

- No, Myspace is not back.
- Dude, I'm telling you.

It's back, okay?
I got a profile on there now.

The format is sick.

- I hope you're right
because I'd love to bring back

my "Hey, Tom,
I'm not your friend," joke.

[pounding at door]
- Open the door!

It's the police!
- Okay. Oh, my god.

This is happening.

I... you guys,
I could lose my job.

- Oh, that sucks.
It's a terrible feeling.

We know it well.
- Terrible.

- But we're cool, right?

We could probably find a way
to not tell the cops...

like, get rid
of all these videos.

- Okay, I see it.
I see all...

I see what you did
and, you know, cue the applause.

Kudos on that.

All right, here's the deal.

If you guys promise to kill
all this footage of me,

and I-I will not run
the TelAmeriCorp story.

- Yes!
- All right!

- Yes, you got it.
You got it.

- Wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a second.
How do we know you're not lying?

- Yes.
- [sighs]

- You can't B.S. the B.S. ers.

- She's slippery, isn't she?
- That's us.

- Who is it?
- Rick.

- It's Rick.
- Don't run the TAC story.

- It's Rick. It's him.
- Okay, I got the facts wrong.

Just run
the dog-park story again.

Everybody loves that crap.

- Dog-park story.
That's the one.

Where's that dog park too?
'Cause, like, chicks for days.

[pounding at door]
- Open the door!

I'm not gonna ask again!

- Okay, so we'll take it
from here.

You hit the back door,
all right?

We'll call you.
- Don't ever call me!

- Wait!
- Oh, Mike.

- See you later, Mike.

- That's a real bonding moment
we shared.

- Right? It was, like, eye
for an eye, and now let's hug.

- Yeah. Now get in here,
and let's French-kiss.

Let's three-way kiss.
- You want to get loco?

I think she knows
what that means.

- What the fuck
is wrong with you guys?

- [beatboxing]

- Don't shoot. No.
- Did it work?

- We did our best cop voices.

I pretended I was Vic Mackey
from The Shield.

- Is that what that was?
- Mm-hmm.

- Okay.
Either way, it worked, so, nice.

- Thanks, Anders.
It means a lot.

- You're creepy sincere.
- I'm proud of y'all.

You know, normally
y'all be messing stuff up,

but you finally
cleaned up your...

oh, my go... why is my 14-year-old
son in here drinking wine?

- [laughing]
Hey, man.

- Junior!
- Chill.

He's a party animal.

- Yo.
- Hey.

- I'm taking all the beers.

Marissa, A.J., let's roll.

- No. No, you're not.
- Nope.

- Not this time, no.
- Yeah.

Just give us our beers.

- [sighs]

- Fine.

You can split one.
- Fine. That's all we wanted.

- Move!
- Yeah, that's fine.

- We're brave, though, right?
- Get out of here.

I wasn't even intimidated
that time,

and my crotch is totally dry.

Hell, yeah!
- Whoo! My man!

- Yeah, real heroes.

So we definitely know
the problem is located

under the hood area.

- Yeah, but the...
- Yes!

[laughs]
You guys.

- What's up?
- You guys, we did it.

- What?
Are you helping us or what?

- What's up?
- We beat the odds, man.

We did the next to impossible.

- We won the lotto?
- We won the lotto?

- We won the lotto?
- Oh, my god!

- What?
I'm buying a new car!

I'm gonna buy you a car!
- No.

- What do you want?
What do you want?

- I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry.
Truck it. I want a motorcycle!

- You're gonna burn your crotch
on a rocket!

- I want to go all...
[imitates motorcycle engine]

[laughter]

- 12:00, boys!
- [imitates motorcycle engine]

- No, we didn't win the lotto.

We, uh... we made it
on Worldstar!

[laughs]
- What?

- We made it on to the website
Worldstar Hip-Hop.

Yeah.
Our video made the page.

- Okay, well,
that's still pretty cool.

You got us all excited.
- Come on, get pumped.

- Oh, my gosh. That's awesome.
- I filmed that!

- Oh, wow.
Brutal.

- Mm-hmm.
- We got a comment.

What's this?
Ezzybeatz7...

he's saying, "If it weren't
illegal to hit women,

I would box these bitches out!"

- [laughs] Yeah.
- That's cool.

- It's good to know
Mr. Beatz7 is on our side.

- Yeah.
- Amen.

- Nice!

[dog snorts]
[party horn blows]

- What am I supposed to do...

not watch The Departed
if it's on?

She's telling me,
"Get outside.

"You didn't finish... you never
finished doing up the coop,

and, like, I got chickens
all over the place,"

and I can't catch a break.
- I know exactly what you mean.

I got one at home
grinding me all the time.