Original subtitles

English (HI) Subtitles. Workaholics S04E01 (720p) Orgazmo Birth - BrRip [KoTuWa]

- Dude, these EDM fests are insane, man.

Look at this, dude. We gotta go.

I say we give up our rock star lifestyles

and go straight electronic, dude.

- Uh, I don't know if I can sign off on that.

I got a bunch of unplugged albums

that I'm still spinning heavily.

The Alanis ones? Unreal.

- Wow. God, though, look at these neon titties.

They're blinding.

That's, like, exactly how I'd like to go blind.

If I were to. - Yes.

And I-I want you to go blind, trust me...

- Yes. - But, dude, 160 bucks a ticket?

- That's a crime. - Um, excuse me.

Is something wrong with y'all's modem?

Sound like an android Freaknik over here.

- Just because you don't like something

doesn't mean that it's bad.

And also, fuck you.

Everything that you like sucks. - That's really mean.

- Listen, Colleen's having another baby.

You understand? She driving me crazy right now.

I gotta get out this house. What y'all doing this weekend?

- Oh, not... not doing anything with you,

I wouldn't think. - No.

- Probably just sitting at home,

wishing we were at this electronic music festival.

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

- That sound like a good-ass time.

Count me in. Can I roll with y'all?

- [laughs condescendingly]

In what world

would we hang out with you on the weekends?

- Not Earth. - Uh-uh.

- [laughs] - Listen.

Y'all don't understand what's going on.

She is farting all the time,

she's making me baby-proof stuff.

I gotta get out this house!

I'll do anything to get out this house!

I'll suck y'all dick to get out this house.

- Whoa. - Okay, all right.

You don't need to suck our dicks to go with us.

- No, no, no.

It's because, you know, that's a thing from the '90s.

You just say, you know, "I'm gonna suck your dick,"

but you don't really mean that.

- Seems like you said it like you really wanted to.

- Y'all "misconstruding"

everything I'm saying right now.

I'ma get the tickets and whatever y'all need.

Just let me go with y'all.

- Yes. Fine. - Yeah, yeah.

That would actually be cool. That would be awesome.

- Just don't suck our dicks, please.

- Okay, yes... Wait, actually, one thing.

Bill and Waymond are going car shopping.

They're trying to get matching Nissans,

and they need my negotiating skills

at the dealership, you know?

- Cool story. Go buy those tickets.

- And keep our dicks out your mouth.

- Yeah. - I'll get the tickets.

Y'all cut them loose. That's the deal.

- Okay. - Okay. All right.

You're welcome. - Negotiating skills.

- We're going. - We're going.

- We're going! - You're going!

- We're going. - And you're going.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh! - Oh, oh.

- Teach me how to do that.

- Oh. - It's just an energy ball.

- What is it? - It's an energy ball.

[beatboxing]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm fresh ♪

- ♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, gotta ♪

- ♪ Gotta be fresh ♪

- Are you sure we can't come with to the DDT thing?

- Mm, yeah, I am sure about that

because you don't even know the name of it.

Because it's... you're an old dude.

- "DDT"? - He said, "DDT."

- I'd love to go to a DDT thing. - Oh, yeah.

- A festival. - It's a wrestling move.

- Yeah, it's a wrestling move. - SummerSlam's coming up.

- So you're... you're okay with it?

- We're straight. - All right.

Just Tez being Tez, you know?

We're just kind of, like, telling you,

but whatever. Sandwich time.

- Cool. - I'm gonna get a string cheese.

- Ow, ow, ow, ow!

- Are you sure you're okay?

- I said I'm fine! - Okay.

- I see, uh, ooh, MooTown Snackers.

- Nice. Mmm. - They still make those,

I guess. - Ooh.

[electronic music]

- Oh! Did you hear that drop, dude?

- Mm!

- I'm calling it "the Ders effect."

- Whoa. Cool. - Yeah.

- You're DJing. - Spinning.

And guess what my DJ name is.

DJ Ango. What?

- Very cool. Cool, yeah.

- Right? - I don't... I don't get it,

but I'm pumped that you're pumped.

I'm pumped about that.

- DJ Ango.

Django. Jamie Foxx.

- I still don't understand,

but, honestly, let's get real for a second.

What are we thinking? That's pretty sick and gnar.

- Yeah. - Right?

- Hair. - Yeah, well, it's...

it does... and you know... yes, it is hairy,

but I'm harvesting energy,

and I'm storing it here in my core.

- Oh, okay. Yeah. - Yeah, 'cause I have, like,

a dance body, right? - Yeah.

- But I need to maintain the core,

so I don't hurt myself out there on the raver floor

because it gets pretty wild, man.

- Yeah. - It gets wild,

'cause all this energy's tossing around.

You're gonna throw it over here, and you gotta catch it.

And you swallow it like a little seed,

and now it's in your belly.

Now it's in your belly, and then you just... uhh!

And you blossom with all the energy,

like a little flower.

Hopefully, girls will sniff that energy flower, you know?

- They'll... they will. - Ooh!

- Someone at the... - Yeah!

All right, man. I think that's Karl.

He's bringing some party supplies

for the festiv-lay. - Yes!

- Way cool. - Whoo!

- Energy. [both convulsing]

- What is that? - It's an energy thing.

- Oh, that's more energy. - Yes, energy.

- It's a total energy thing, man.

- Cool. - What's up, dook?

- Ew, you smell. - Thank you.

- Hey, man, where's your ex-girlfriend?

Molly?

- What? No. I don't know a Molly.

- I think he's talking about Molly, the drug.

It's like ecstasy... - Yeah.

- But it's, like, different somehow, no one knows.

- No, I think I know Blake

a little bit better than you, Adam,

and I think he's talking about a chick named Molly, right?

- Oh, no, I'm talking about the drug.

I want drugs. Give 'em to me.

That's what you're here for, bud.

- Yeah, of course I have that Molly.

Right here, man. - All right. Give me, give me.

- So you're going to a rave, huh?

- You cannot join us, though.

- All right, look, if you want the Molly, okay,

then you need to chant the Raver's Prayer with me.

Okay, ready? And here we go.

We are one massive tribal village...

say it with me.

That transcends manmade law... - Dude, come on.

- Can I just, um... can I just get the stuff?

I'll give you this popsicle, man.

Your... your dead eye has been looking at it the whole time.

- Yeah, I feel... I feel like that's a good deal.

- Yeah, all right. Cool. - There you go.

Let me get that. - And there you go.

Come on. La-la-la-la-la-la-la!

There you go, you dirty bitch.

[all laugh]

- Molly. - Molly!

- Hit us with the Ders effect.

[doorbell rings]

- Wassup? - Where y'all been?

I called y'all 15 times. Did you get my voice mails?

And why do you look like gay Predator?

- Do voice mails still exist?

[laughs] You are old, dude.

Ah, plus I'd never give you my real number

because I hate you as a person.

Where are the tickets? - Yeah.

- Man, Colleen got me sticking around this baby shower, okay?

I told her this is girl stuff,

but she almost came out the bag on me.

- Okay, well, how far along are we in this baby process?

Can we maybe... - Can we abort the baby?

- Let's just... we'll bring you back a glow stick, okay?

We'll see you around. - You know what?

Quite frankly, this might work out better for us.

Get the tickets, keep it to the three amigos.

- Oh, I like that. - Energy.

- The tickets are under "Walker" at will call.

If I don't go, none of us are getting in.

- That is why I think we should keep it

the four amigos, right?

- Yeah. - The four of us together.

- Yeah, get in. - Get in here.

- This is an energy thing we're doing...

- No, y'all don't get it, man.

Colleen going crazy over this child.

She already redecorated the nursery,

got some expensive-ass doula to deliver the baby,

and to top it all off,

she wants to do something called "orgasmic water birth."

- Well, what... what... - I'm sorry?

- Okay, come again? - Ew.

- It's when she busts a nut when the baby flop out.

- Oh!

- Could be hot, could be not.

It's too much, man.

- Ugh, that sounds disgusting.

Not the orgasming part... that sounds cool...

but, like, the baby part because they ruin "verginas."

"Verginas."

- Wait, who makes her bust, you or the baby?

- I don't know.

[beatboxing]

- God damn it, man!

I'm just about to drink this whole jug

of Molly water and strawberry soda.

At least I'd die in ecstasy.

- You should do it. You should do it.

- Dude, this sucks! - Should I?

- I had my massive Ders effect drops, right?

And now DJ Ango is chained. He's chained.

He's never... - The DJ is fully chained.

And I was gonna have a natural dance body

that was gonna be showing off.

I was planting seeds, I was gonna exude energy

and, you know, have my flower bloom.

But a stupid baby ruined it!

Stupid baby. I hate babies.

It's not fair! - I know, I know, I know.

- You know, all we need is, like,

a big distraction so that we can sneak Tez out

and go to the festival.

That's all we need.

- Everybody freeze! - Whoo!

- This is The Party Police.

I'm Adam, this is Ders and Blake,

and we are The Party Police!

- Wait, no, we are The Fiesta Boys!

- Yes, we are not police.

We are... [yips]

The Fiesta Boys.

- But...

I was hired by Tez to police this party

and turnt it up!

I'm a party policeman!

Let's turnt this party out!

- Okay, we're not police, so please

head to the backyard for a dance party.

Everybody, go ahead. - Yeah.

Follow me in a conga line.

- Yeah, or it's a police lineup!

Come on! - Hey, hey.

Actually, um, if you could just play it cool,

we're setting up a distraction.

We're gonna get you out of here, all right?

- Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. - All right!

- Hey, beautiful. - Look, I'm not interested

in what's going on around here, okay?

You know, I'm eight months pregnant,

I'm sweating like a hog,

and I'm craving fried bologna like a motherfucker.

- Okay, okay, all that aside,

I'm going to give you a terrific baby shower, okay?

Let me do that for you.

It's Colleen, right? - Yes.

- I remembered.

- All right, ladies.

Come on over and try my world-famous

Rancho Cucamonga Skinny Girl mojitos.

They are very, very delicious. - They're good.

- Oh, and later on, DJ Ango's gonna be spinning

with some really killer tunes.

- That is correct!

- And the first cup, my little test subject.

Try it out.

- Mm. Oh, my goodness.

Whoo, that is really strong.

Do you have anything to mix this with?

- Yes, it's strong, but skinny.

And girls like that. Come on, now.

- And if anyone needs any more pacifiers or glow sticks,

I'm your guy.

Give me that.

Little vagina ruiner.

I'll just pass this stuff out now.

- We really need something to mix this with.

- Okay, you're hurting my feelings.

Please stop. - Okay.

Ladies, ladies, ladies.

My name is DJ Ango.

Get it? Django Uncha... anyway,

I am the cause,

and with every cause, there is a Ders effect.

Pow! [electronic music]

- Ooh! Oh! - Yeah!

- I guess somebody's gonna have to get the party started.

♪ ♪

- All right.

- From the wall to the wall, get down, y'all.

Let's turn this party out.

Out or... Is it "turnt"...

- "Turnt" it out. - "Turnted-ed" it out!

It's in right now.

- Yeah, drink, drink, drink, drink.

Drink, ladies. Looking good.

How is it, huh? Be honest.

Oh, you like it, 'cause it's gone. Awesome.

- Lady in the pink, drink that drink,

and, people, let's dance, dance, dance our pants off.

- ♪ Feelin', feelin', feelin', feelin' ♪

- No, no, no, no!

Ders, pause it.

- I c... pa... you can't...

- Yes, you... It's an iPod, man.

You're not doing anything up there.

- Excuse me?

- One of these stupid fucking moms

poured all my Molly water into the punch.

I'm leaving. I'm done.

I quit. This is it.

- But you... dude,

you're saying all these ladies are rolling right now.

Don't you understand?

That's the most perfect gross distraction

that we could never think of.

- How? You know what?

Don't tell me the details.

Just tell me where I need to dance.

- Right in front of the group. - Okay.

- That'd be great. Yeah.

- Whoo! You feeling it?

Energy.

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm in love with a ♪

♪ I'm in love with a ♪

♪ I'm with in love with a monster ♪

- Fuck!

♪ ♪

- Oh, oh, oh, oh! - Okay.

- Magic Mike in this situation.

- That's a little rough, please.

- You guys feeling the energy?

- Everyone, hey. Show that baby some love.

Let's b-b-bump that baby bump.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, here we go.

♪ Bump up on that baby bump ♪

♪ You gotta bump up on that baby bump ♪

- Bump up on that baby bump. Yep.

- ♪ Bump up on that baby bump ♪

♪ You gotta bump up on that baby bump ♪

- ♪ Bump up on that baby bump ♪ - ♪ Bump up on that baby bump ♪

- Montez, where are you going? Montez, get back here.

Would you please just get off of me?

- What are you doing? - The music stopped.

- I'm not done dancing. - The music stopped,

and your dancing is a joke.

- Yeah, okay, my dancing's a joke.

I'll show you a joke.

- Up and over. Ah! - Ugh... what?

- Muscles from Brussels.

Right here. - Oh, God!

Oh!

- Oh! Ew! Ew!

You squirted in my eyes!

I didn't even know that could happen outside of porno.

- My water just broke, you idiots.

- It's baby gravy? [shrieks]

[beatboxing]

[shrieks] - Doula, doula.

I've gotta meet my doula at the Zen water birth center.

- I can still taste it in my mouth.

- Montez, get the car. My water broke.

- What?

[overlapping shouting]

- Montez! - Big man down.

- Dang it, man, this sucks.

Hey, Montez, are you okay back there?

[banging on trunk]

Great, no... I think he said he's okay.

- Oh, God, my contractions are getting closer.

Could you just shut up

and get me to the birthing center?

- Hey, bitch, it ain't all about you.

- Adam, chill, all right?

- I can still taste it in my mouth.

- Hey, Colleen, baby, and Colleen's baby,

would you mind if we just have a little privacy?

We need to call a dude meeting.

Just a little bit of privacy, okay?

- What the hell? - Thank you so mu... Shh.

- First order of dude meeting:

Ders, pull over on the side of the road,

so I can get shotgun, 'cause no offense, Blake,

it is horrible back here.

It's all sticky and wet. - None taken.

It isn't great, okay, but I can't help but notice

that we are not headed towards the festival.

- No, we're not. Opposite direction.

- What if... hear me out... what if Colleen gives birth

at the music festival medical tent?

- Let's do it, let's do it. - That'd be awesome.

- Okay, I'm calling off the dude meeting.

Dude meeting over, and how are you, sweetie?

Keep breathing. - Welcome back.

Welcome back. - One, two...

- Wait, where are we going? This is the wrong way.

Where are you going? - No, no, no.

Don't worry about anything except navigating the baby

out of your belly.

I'll handle the driving directions, okay?

- Make this car head north, or I will fucking kill you.

- Okay, guys, I'm turning it around.

- Hey, Ders, what about, I don't know,

dare I say, the Ders effects?

- Okay, we are going to the EDM festival.

Here we go. - Yeah!

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

- Get me to the Zen suite now!

- Okay, guys, there is a baby.

We gotta get Zen, we just gotta.

- You could have sex-tasy on ecstasy.

- Ooh. - Ooh, I like that.

- God, the baby is coming now!

Now! - Now?

- I just need to get to a pool. Get me to a pool!

- I got you on the pool, baby.

Here we go. [horns honking]

All right, so... - [groans]

- The pool's not regulation size... It's 25 yards.

I hope that's okay. - I don't care, that's fine.

- Nope, I cannot be a part of this birthing atrocity.

It's disgusting.

Give me the keys. I'm gonna wait in the car.

- Adam, if you bail on us now,

you're out of The Fiesta Boys.

Okay? And me and Ders talked about it.

It's a real thing we're doing on weekends now.

- You know what?

You call it The Party Police, and I'm back in the group.

- We will call it The Police Boys,

and you have a deal.

- [groans] - It's a deal.

- All right. - Cool.

- Deals, deals, deals, everywhere.

- Hey, so we want a membership for sure,

but we're just gonna show ourselves around, you know...

- I'd be happy to show you around.

- No, we're good.

- Just need y'all to fill these forms out.

- Just give us a fucking tour.

- We have 15 treadmills all equipped

with over 30 channels of high-definition cable TV.

You guys see Homeland?

Our computers log all your nutrition and workout data,

so you can keep a health history.

- Okay.

- Pretty cool, right? - No.

- Over 8,000 pounds of rock-hard steel metal right here.

- Spotify me, bro.

Oh, nice!

Comfy bench, real metal, very cool.

One, two... [grunts]

Yep, this is a normal amount of weight.

This is a normal amount of weight for me.

- Yep.

- [screams]

- Come on, come on, come on. Come on, come on!

- I'm going as fast as I can.

- Okay, well, just try to waddle faster or whatever.

Okay, everybody out!

This girl's about to have a baby.

That's not a joke. You too, sir. Come on.

- I get out when I feel.

- Okay. I don't know.

This Dracula dude is staying put.

- Does this work? - Okay, so, um...

big breaths, right? I think.

Like... [exaggerated breathing]

- Right. - Big breaths.

- Is it out? Please tell me it's out.

The gym dude is coming.

- It doesn't... - Nope. Not out.

- Yeah... no, I don't see it in there anywhere.

- Oh, this is happening!

You guys need to get in here and help me!

- Okay, okay, look.

Just breathe. We can do this.

All right? - We're doing it?

- Wait, what? - We're gonna do... okay.

- Okay. [whimpers]

- [groans] - Okay.

- All right, we got this. Just breathe. It's fine.

- No, Montez needs to be here.

I'm supposed to have an orgasm.

- Whoa, wait, wait, wait. A female orgasm?

Didn't they myth-bust that?

- "Ann-ders," I need you to...

I need you to work down south.

I need you to go to Texas and rub there.

- My name is "Ahn-ders," and fine, I will.

- Blake, you take the West Coast.

I need some kissing on the ears. - Okay.

- Oh, God, and then someone's gotta play with...

the fellas over here.

- Okeydoke.

I'm a nipple guy, so...

- Oh, my God, I'm in there.

I think I feel the baby. - Ew.

- That's not a baby. - That's not a...

- That's the other hole.

- Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

- I'm working 'em hard. - Okay.

- Hot nips. - I'm in there.

- Rubbing 'em. - Okay, this isn't working.

I gotta think of something else.

I gotta go to my happy place. - I've done this.

I had a girlfriend once. I did this to her.

- Pasta, ice cream... You guys suck.

Jesus, have you never touched a woman before?

- N-numerous women. - A woman?

- Hey! Get up off my wife!

Baby, I'm here. - Where have you been?

- I'm so sorry, baby. They drugged me.

You ready to do this? - Yes, let's do it.

- Oh, girl, I'm so sorry.

They don't know how to get you going.

- They didn't know what they were doing.

- I know, baby.

- They were like fucking amateurs.

They're idiots. I think they're gay.

- I know. - Oh, God.

- This man know how to touch woman, yeah.

- It's blast-off time! - Okay, let's do this.

Yeah, that's it! It's happening.

It's happening!

It's coming. I'm coming.

It's coming. I'm coming.

[screams]

- Oh! - Oh!

- [continues screaming]

- Is that it? - Did it happen?

- Is that it? - Somebody get it! Get it!

- Oh, oh! - Adam, go! Adam, go!

- [screams]

- Adam? Adam!

- Yeah, oh, no. It's slippery.

- Get our baby now!

- I got him! I got the baby!

I got the baby. [baby crying]

He's like a sweet little prince.

- Can... can we see him?

- I want one.

Oh, cutie. - Let's go.

- Oh, my God. - Look at that.

- So pretty.

[beatboxing]

- ♪ The boys are fresh ♪

[beatboxing] - ♪ He's insane ♪

- I really wanna thank you guys for what you did out there,

and if it's okay with Colleen,

I'm gonna name this little tiger after y'all.

- Oh, wow. - Oh, thank you.

- Are you kidding me? - That's very cool.

Very cool of you. - That's great.

But, like, what are you thinking?

Like, Blader... Bladerdam?

- Or, like, Dersadablake?

- No. I'm gonna name him "Y'all."

- Y'all. - Oh.

- Y'all Walker.

- Huh, oh, that's... that's stupid.

- Yeah, it's a perfect name

for a perfect little prince. - Yeah.

- That is an honor. - Yes.

- We thank you.

But it might be more of an honor

to still get us those tickets to the festival.

- You can go. You can go to the concert.

Go to the concert. I'll just meet the doula.

- Wow, she is cool, man. - Great.

- Y'all need to find one of these.

- Thank you. - That's cool.

- She jacked me off that one time.

- Cool. So cool.

Okay, well, seeing as how I let you guys have a baby here,

maybe we can get back to talking about memberships.

- No, I think we're cool.

- Okay, driving a hard bargain here, huh?

All right, I can give you guys three months free

under a family membership.

That includes free day care for little one,

and you can start to shave off some of that baby weight

in our state-of-the-art spinning class.

What do you say? We got a deal?

- You calling my wife fat?

- Absolutely not. I apologize.

- You trying to get your ass beat right now.

- Have a good day.

- I would leave before you get your ass beat.

- I'm sorry.

- I would leave before you get your ass beat.

- Bye, Scott. - Tough Tez.

It's funny because he doesn't know

how much of a bitch you are.

- I love you, baby. - Mm-hmm.

- I love you too, baby.

- Okay, hey. - He's got my eyes.

- He's got your penis. Bully!

- Could... could... - Please, not so hard.

- Oh, I poked his eye.

- Yeah, the skull is still soft.

- Yeah, the back is soft back here.

- Don't... don't...

- You can push it right in. - No, don't.

[techno music and chatter]

- Someone's gonna get pregnant here tonight.

- Tickets for Montez Walker, please?

- Walker.

Oh, looks like those were already picked up.

- Wh... what? How's that even possible?

- Yo, Tez, thanks for the tickets.

- Bill? How you even get in there?

- La-la-la-la-la-la-la!

- Is that my work badge?

He doesn't even look like me.

- I'm rolling so hard right now.

I'm fucking peaking!

- Nice!

[dog snorts] [party horn blows]

- Slobber. - No one says that, by the way.

- And I bet you'd be good too.

Honestly, I bet you'd be good,

'cause you have such a fat, giant mouth.

- Yeah, and you've got this thing.

I think that would probably feel good on the way down.

- Although his hands are big,

and I don't want it to look small.

I need confidence if I'm really gonna...

- That is true. - Huge, hairy hands.