All language subtitles for 2-14

What? Oh, nothing.

Pam's on vacation

and she gets back tomorrow,
so it'll be nice to see her.

It'll be nice.

And she set a date
for the wedding with Roy.

June. Summer.
So, that'll be nice.

And that's that.

What? Oh, nothing.

Jim's been looking at me,
kind of, a lot all week.

I would be creeped out by it,

but it's nothing compared to
the way Michael looks at me.

Michael: Spamster!

Pam, plus spam, plus...

Hamster. Right.

Welcome back. How was
your vacation? It was great.

Yeah? Did you get lucky?

Boink.

Roy and I just got back
from the poconos.

I get 10 vacation days a year

and I try to hold off taking
them for as long as possible.

And this year I got to
the third week in January.

"I am Pam." Spicoli guy.

Oh, god.

Names, numbers. Okay.

Whoa! God! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

Pam: What? Yuck! Wow,
what happened in there?

I don't know. There is
stink in there. My god.

What is that?

Oh, I don't know.
Is that a bird?

No, I don't think
it's a bird. Oh, god.

How could that happen? How
could... right in the middle of the carpet.

What's going on?

Somebody vomited right in the
middle of the carpet in my office.

Idonttmnkthatsvonflt checkitout

Kevin: Me?
Michael: Check it out.

Don't be a wuss. Just get...
No, I'm not holding your coffee.

Tell me what it is.
Oh, that's ridiculous.

What is it?

Michael. What is it?

No, just tell me what it is!

Michael, I gotta get out of here.
I can't hold my breath that long.

Pam: Open the door up.

It smelled terrible.

Kevin: Oh! Michael: Jeez...

Oh, no...

Icannotbeheve a pipe
burst and left that there.

That's no burst pipe. How do
you know that? What is it then?

Hey, guys. Somebody making soup?

Here she comes.
All clean? Great.

It's still stinky.
That is worse.

She probably scrubbed it
into the fibers of the carpet.

Total permeation.

I am a big fear factor fan.

I'm a big fan of anything
Joe rogan does, actually.

So this is sort of
like my audition tape.

I can't stand it. I can't stay
in here another second.

Hey. Welcome back. Thanks!

So, how was the resort?
Did you ski a lot? A little.

Good.

What's going on in here?

What? I did not do that.

That sounds disgusting.

It wasn't me.

It wasn't me. It was not me.

Wow.

Hey, Jim.

I thought that we would be desk
buddies while they changed my carpet.

That might be a little
difficult with the one computer.

Oh, it's...

There's definitely a desk
open in the back. Yeah.

Which I guess I'll be taking.

No, no, no. Seriously,
I don't mind sharing.

No, no, no. Seriously,
I'll be in the back.

Hey, Kelly.

Are you moving back here?

Just for the day,
while Michael's at my desk.

Because Toby used to sit there,

but then he had to move over
there because of an allergy.

Allergy to... the desk?

Weird.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old bullpen.

The old bullpen. Don't ape me.

Okay.

This is great. Yeah.

The pressures
of my office are insane.

I just... you couldn't understand, but
man, you guys have it easy out here.

You know, I used
to sit right here?

Yeah. No way.

And who had your office?

Ed truck.

Ed truck was the manager
before me. Horrible. He hated fun.

It was like, "oh, ed truck is
walking toward us, so stop having fun.

"Start pretending to do work."

What a jerk. He's...

You know what? I swore to myself

that if I ever got to walk
around the room as manager,

people would laugh
when they saw me coming

and would applaud
as I walked away.

I'm serious. My closet doors
will not shut.

I mean, it only takes so long to measure
to make sure that clothes will hang up.

'Cause aren't all hangers,
like, that big?

So I don't understand why the
closet engineer didn't think of that.

So now I'm doing this new thing

where I just leave piles
of clothes on the floor

and I walk around the piles
to get an outfit...

You know who used
to sit at that desk?

That guy miles, who quit
to form his own company?

Todd packer. No.

Yeah. I thought he
was out on the road.

He was, but

that desk was empty. He'd
come in and sit there sometimes.

When I was in training, many
years ago, not so long ago,

I worked side-by-side with
a fellow named Todd packer.

And together
we rocked the office.

Michael: Packer and I once
spent a whole day with our pants off.

And when people noticed, we
convinced them that they were crazy.

I will gladly pay you Tuesday
for a hamburger today.

Excuse me one second, please?

What is it that you need
right now that can't wait

until I'm off the phone
with a customer?

A customer.
Well, sound the alarm.

Okay.

Another time, packer held this guy's
head in the toilet for like, a minute.

The guy had no sense of humor
about it. Probably why he wasn't hired.

What did you hit me for?
Charley horse!

Charley horse! What?

Okay. You shouldn't
have hit me, Michael.

Once, as a joke, packer
banged every chick in the office.

It was hysterical.

Beyoncé, pink the color,
pink the person,

hot dogs, basically
anything that is awesome.

Snow cones... hey, Jim,

Michael wanted me to ask you
how to raise your desk chair.

It's the lever on the side.
That's what I told him. Thanks.

Oh, my god, he is so cute.

Would you talk to him for me
and see if he likes me?

No, I don't think I can... oh,
please, Jim. Please, please, Jim.

Please, please, please, he's
so cute. I like him so much.

And I would do it, but I'm too shy.
Please, Jim. Please, please, please.

Please, Jim. Please,
please, please.

Dwight? Michael.

Let's send up accounting.

Old-fashioned raid. Sales
on accounting. What?

Yeah, follow my lead.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Michael. What's up?

Hey, Dwight.

Michael: Come on, come on,
come on, come on!

Michael: Sales rules!
Dwight: Yes!

Yeah! Yeah!

Dwight: Should we help them
pick up their stuff?

Michael: No, no, no, no. We
don't do that. We don't do that.

Okay.
Watch out, Pam. You're next.

You're gonna throw
my things on the ground?

Maybe.

Oscar: Whathappened in
Michael's office was wrong.

I understand it. It makes sense.

But it was still wrong.

Why would somebody ruin
a perfectly good carpet?

I don't know.

It could be done out of hate.
It could be done out of love.

It could be completely neutral.

Maybe somebody hates
the cleaning lady.

And, well, she doesn't do
a very good job, obviously,

because my office still reeks
like you would not believe.

I hate her.

You know what? I am beginning to
think that what happened to my carpet

was an act of terrorism
against the office.

The only thing that
makes any sense.

Hello, am I the 107th caller?

Hello, rock 107,
am I the 107th caller?

Hello, rock 107,
am I the 107th caller?

Stop. I'm totally gonna
win us that box set.

Jethro tull... stop it.

Stop it.

I need to make a sales call.

Please? All right.

Am I the 107th caller?

Pam: Back so soon.
Roy: We can go back.

Roy: We can go back in, like,
a couple of weeks maybe.

Yeah, right. Okay,
maybe another month,

like, maybe for, like,
presidents' day or something?

Yeah, that's right. We could
do a three-day weekend.

Iwonder if I could, like,
call in sick on the Friday.

Then I get a four-day weekend.

Kelly: And when I wake up,
I feel fine.

But it's so weird to fall
asleep. And I just hate it

Kelly: 'Cause I try to go to bed
at, like, 9:30. Pam: Are you kidding?

Roy: No. Hi, guys.

We haven't finished getting
things in order from your last visit.

I'm just walking around.

Were you? Vveh, yeah.

It's just that we're really
swamped over here, Michael.

Oh, and I'm not?
Why would you say that?

Because I'm having fun?

You guys just are working
for the weekend, aren't you?

I am working for the week.

Sales team. Listen to me.
This is what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna up the ante
a little bit, literally.

Right here I'm gonna
put a crisp $100 bill.

The person with the most sales at
the end of the day gets to keep the cash.

Sound good? Yeah!

Seventy, eighty,
one, two, three.

$83. Still a lot of money
and I'm going to...

I'm gonna leave it right over
here where everybody can see it.

I will be taking
Jim's clients today

because he is not here, and
out of sight. Out of the contest.

Let's see who winds up
with the cash, shall we?

You're gonna compete against us?

Oh, it is on, Phyllis.
It is so on!

It is so on!
God, this is gonna be fun.

Michael is gonna
wipe the floor with us.

So, you have 40 boxes going out

and I will deliver those
personally in a sebring.

Very good. Nice doing
business with you. Thank you.

Yes!

Oh! Yeah.

Read it and weep.
Oh! Oh, look at that!

Look at me, Phyllis! Oh,
what is that? That's my sale!

What's that? What
are you doing? Nothing.

I think he's dancing.
No, just...

That was definitely not dancing.

You know what, guys?
It's none of your concern.

It was official business,
so just...

Darryl: Paper business.
Yeah, paper business.

Nope. Isflflsdone?

Extreme home makeover puts
together a house in an hour.

If you were on that crew,
you'd be fired like that.

Somebody did something bad
to Michael's carpet.

Maybe that's all
we need to know.

Who do you think did it? Are
you kidding? I thought it was you.

Really? I thought you.

Michael: This was no act
of god. A person did this.

A person who works in
this office. Maybe all of them.

You know what?

Today is not a good day
for a sales contest.

We're not doing this today.

That doesn't seem fair.
You want to talk about fair?

Does anyone need
to smell my old carpet?

You explain to me how that was fair
and I'll explain to you how this is fair.

Plus, I just...

I think that picking today
was sort of taking advantage.

But you're the one who picked
today. I am a victim of a hate crime.

Stanley knows what
I'm talking about.

That's not what a hate crime is.

Well, I hated it a lot,
okay. I... you know what?

If the guilty person would just come
forward and take their punishment,

we'd be done.

Very well, then
you're all punished.

What's our punishment?
You're all on a time out.

Just sit there quietly.

Michael: No, no.

What's up? Hey.

Nothing much.

Let me ask you something.
It's actually a little awkward.

What do you think of Kelly?
What?

I don't know. It depends
if you like alflflejunkin_.

She's really cool.

Are you interested in her?
Yeah, totally.

Really? Did she say something?

She said lots of things.

Do you know if she's looking
for a long-term thing

or if she'd be cool
just hanging out?

I have no idea.
Can you find out?

Yeah. Sure.

Oh, long-term, definitely.

Fall in love, have babies,
spend every second together.

But don't tell him that, okay? Just
tell him I'm, like, up for anything.

I mean, I'm not a slut,
but who knows?

Do you remember ed truck?
Sure. He hired me.

How's he doing?
How would I know?

I thought you might.

My biggest fear is
turning into him.

Michael, you should have
much bigger fears than that.

I wasn't talking
literally, creed.

Yeah, being buried alive would be
worse. Happy? Why am I talking to you?

Ed? Hi, thanks for meeting me.

It must be kind of neat coming
back. Yeah. Shall we go upstairs?

Well, honestly, ed, I really don't
want to be up there right now.

So, what's the problem
with my pension?

Oh, no, no, no, you're good.
It was clerical. You're good.

Well, somebody did
something in my office

and I now think that they did it on
purpose and it was directed at me.

Well, what was done?

I didn't get a good look at it,

but it smells horrible.

Yeah, somebody once
did that in my office.

Really? Yeah.

Well, that figures.
So, how did you deal

with people not liking you?

You can't expect to be
friends with everybody.

Well, sure I can. No.

They'll always think of you
as a boss first. Not necessarily.

You can love a boss
like you do a father.

Pninotsure
thateverhappens vveh, okay.

Different management styles.

Why can't your workers
be your workers,

family be your family,
your friends be your friends?

Michael: Last week I would have
given a kidney to anyone in this office.

I would've reached right into my
stomach and pulled it out for them.

But now, no.

I don't have the relationship with
these people that I thought I did.

I hope they ask,

so they can hear me say,

"no. I only give my organs
to my real friends.

"Go get yourself
a monkey kidney."

Hey, Brenda, this is
Jim Halpert, from the boat?

And I got your number
from the corporate directory,

and well, I was assuming that
you probably gave it to them

because you wanted me
to ask you out, right?

So, give me a call back.

You can get my number
from said directory.

Or just check your e-mail,
'cause I just sent you one.

Yikes. Give me
a call back. I hope.

I'll talk to you later. Bye.

You just asked a girl out
on the phone.

Yes.

Hello, yes, I'm looking for a
gay nerd named Michael Scott.

Who is this?
How did you get this number?

Your mom, you gay nerd.

Oh, my god. Packer. Packster.
Whacky pack, how you doing?

Hey, listen, did you get that
package I left for you?

No. Did anybody see
a package here today?

No. How big was it?
It was pretty big.

Really? Yeah!

Did you see a big package?

Where did you leave it? Look
in the middle of your office.

Really? Guys, did you see
a big package in my office?

You mean, the thing?

Are you kidding me?

Special delivery.
That was packer!

You are dead!
You are dead, my friend.

That is... oh, god!

Of course it was you.

Sit on the throne, Michael.

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh, my god! Itwas packer!

It takes an advanced sense of humor.
I don't expect everybody to understand.

It was done out of love,
just like I thought.

It's... god, these people are
so... these are good people.

We have fun. We just have fun.

Oh, I'm just so sorry
that I threw the thing out.

Female voice: You have
seven unheard messages.

Hey, Jim, it's Pam.

I keep looking up to
say something to you

and then Michael's there
and it's horrible.

Anyway, I'm bored. Come back.

Hey, guess what?

I moved my computer
so I can't see Michael's head.

It's working. I think I can have a career
as a very specific type of decorator.

Sudoku. Level, moderate.
Time, 18 minutes.

Suck on that, Halpert,

I'll transfer you.

Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.
Hold, please.

Dunder Mifflin, this is...
Okay, sorry.

Michael was standing at my
desk, and I needed to be busy

or who knows what would have
happened. So, thank you.

Hey, what's that word we made up for
when you have a thing stuck in your shoe?

Anyway, lhave a thing
stuck in my shoe.

Hey, lhave a chance
to sneak out of here early

and I'm not messing this up.
So, I'll see you tomorrow.

Calling from my cell phone.

I don't know if you guys figured out
who did that to Michael's carpet yet,

but I have a theory that involves
an inter-departmental conspiracy.

Everybody in the office.
We need to talk.