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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,567 --> 00:00:34,700 Announcer: PREVIOUSLY IN TEEN HORROR FILMS... 2 00:00:34,733 --> 00:00:36,667 [TELEPHONE SPEED DIALS] 3 00:00:36,700 --> 00:00:38,400 Telephone: HELLO, AND WELCOME TO MOVIEFONE. 4 00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:40,533 IF YOU KNOW THE NAME OF THE MOVIE YOU'D LIKE TO SEE, 5 00:00:40,567 --> 00:00:41,700 PRESS ONE. 6 00:00:41,733 --> 00:00:43,700 TO CHOOSE FROM A LIST OF CURRENT, OVER-PRICED 7 00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,300 BLOOD-SPLATTERED BLOCKBUSTERS, 8 00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:46,533 PRESS 2. 9 00:00:46,567 --> 00:00:48,500 FOR CHICK FLICKS WITH A GAY BEST FRIEND, 10 00:00:48,533 --> 00:00:49,867 PRESS 3. 11 00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,200 FOR BIG STUDIO BOMBS... 12 00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:52,200 [TELEPHONE BEEPS] 13 00:00:52,233 --> 00:00:53,400 PRESS 4. 14 00:00:53,433 --> 00:00:54,867 FOR POLITICALLY CORRECT BUDDY MOVIES, 15 00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,000 PRESS 5. 16 00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:58,967 DAD? 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,900 [DISTORTED VOICE] HELLO, SYDNEY. 18 00:01:00,933 --> 00:01:03,367 THIS ISN'T CINDY. 19 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:04,867 I THINK YOU HAVE THE WRONG NUMBER. 20 00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:07,200 UH, WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT NUMBER DID I DIAL? 21 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,200 WHO IS THIS? 22 00:01:08,233 --> 00:01:09,867 [SHOES SQUEAK] 23 00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,167 THE KILLER. 24 00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,700 [TELEPHONE BEEPS] 25 00:01:12,733 --> 00:01:14,500 IS THAT YOURS OR MINE? 26 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:16,567 IGNORE IT. I HAVE VOICE MAIL. 27 00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:18,700 DO YOU LIKE MOVIES? 28 00:01:18,733 --> 00:01:20,667 YEAH, SURE. 29 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,200 I RENTED SOME TONIGHT. 30 00:01:22,233 --> 00:01:24,200 WHAT KIND OF MOVIES? 31 00:01:24,233 --> 00:01:25,867 OH, THE USUAL: VASELINE ALLEY; 32 00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,033 TWO GUYS, A GIRL, AND A HORSE; 33 00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:28,200 A BIG BLACK... 34 00:01:28,233 --> 00:01:29,367 I GET IT! I GET IT! 35 00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,900 ANYWAY, DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES? 36 00:01:32,933 --> 00:01:34,533 OH, YOU MEAN LIKE SPIKE LEE MOVIES? 37 00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,533 LOOK. LAY OFF THE SPIKESTER. HE'S KEEPIN' IT REAL. 38 00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:39,867 LET'S PLAY A GAME. DO YOU LIKE GAMES? 39 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:40,867 I GUESS. 40 00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,033 ALL RIGHT. 41 00:01:42,067 --> 00:01:43,867 A TRAIN LEAVES CHICAGO DOING 60 MILES AN HOUR... 42 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,867 MATH? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT? 43 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:47,700 I'M A BEAUTIFUL, POPULAR RICH KID 44 00:01:47,733 --> 00:01:49,533 WITH A PROMISING FUTURE IN A LIGHTWEIGHT SORORITY 45 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:50,533 AT A STATE COLLEGE. 46 00:01:50,567 --> 00:01:51,700 I DON'T NEED TO KNOW THAT STUFF. 47 00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:52,700 I'M GONNA GET MARRIED. 48 00:01:52,733 --> 00:01:54,200 SHUT UP! SHUT UP, YOU NITWIT. 49 00:01:54,233 --> 00:01:56,033 DO YOU THINK THIS STALKING THING IS EASY? 50 00:01:56,067 --> 00:01:57,033 WHOA! 51 00:01:57,067 --> 00:01:58,033 [SPLASH] 52 00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,933 ARE YOU IN MY POOL? 53 00:02:09,567 --> 00:02:12,167 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 54 00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,700 [RING] 55 00:02:14,733 --> 00:02:15,700 HELLO? 56 00:02:15,733 --> 00:02:17,000 Operator: COLLECT CALL FROM... 57 00:02:17,033 --> 00:02:18,367 Killer: THE KILLER. 58 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,200 WILL YOU ACCEPT THE CHARGES? 59 00:02:20,233 --> 00:02:22,300 WHATEVER. GO AHEAD. 60 00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:24,533 THANKS. NOW, WHERE WERE WE? 61 00:02:24,567 --> 00:02:25,867 NOW, LOOK, GEEK. 62 00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:27,033 NO. YOU LOOK. 63 00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:28,867 IF YOU DON'T GET THIS NEXT QUESTION RIGHT, 64 00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,200 YOU'RE DEAD MEAT. 65 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,200 WHO'S BURIED IN GRANT'S TOMB? 66 00:02:32,233 --> 00:02:35,033 UH, HUGH GRANT. 67 00:02:35,067 --> 00:02:37,033 I'M AFRAID NOT, GENIUS. 68 00:02:37,067 --> 00:02:38,033 [BUZZER SOUNDS] 69 00:02:38,067 --> 00:02:39,367 OH! IT WAS AMY GRANT, WASN'T IT? 70 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:40,500 I WAS GONNA SAY THAT. 71 00:02:40,533 --> 00:02:41,667 IT DOESN'T MATTER. 72 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,733 YOU DIDN'T ANSWER IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION. 73 00:02:43,767 --> 00:02:45,567 [BLADE UNSHEATHES] 74 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,300 HEY, YOU'RE NOT MARILYN MELONS. 75 00:02:47,333 --> 00:02:48,867 WHOA! 76 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:49,833 OOF! 77 00:02:55,233 --> 00:02:57,833 [SHOES SQUEAKING] 78 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:16,167 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 79 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,867 HELLO? 80 00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:20,200 YEAH, HOLD ON A MINUTE. 81 00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,533 IT'S STACY. 82 00:03:21,567 --> 00:03:24,900 HI. DO YOU MIND? 83 00:03:24,933 --> 00:03:27,133 [SHOES SQUEAK] 84 00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:28,700 NOTHING. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 85 00:03:28,733 --> 00:03:34,033 OH, MY GOD. WHAT DID SHE SAY? 86 00:03:34,067 --> 00:03:36,267 SHE IS SUCH A BITCH. 87 00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:41,100 LOOK. I GOT TO GO. I'LL CALL YOU BACK. 88 00:04:05,533 --> 00:04:08,867 OOH! OH! DAMN THAT NOSE. 89 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:12,267 I'M MELTING! 90 00:04:16,667 --> 00:04:19,833 ♪ DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S A SCREAM? ♪ 91 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,367 ♪ LITTLE BROWN EYES, SHE'S THE FIRST TO GO ♪ 92 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,167 ♪ IT'S A SCENE ♪ 93 00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:30,700 ♪ THE DEVIL IS HUNGRY ♪ 94 00:04:30,733 --> 00:04:32,033 ♪ HE'S THE STAR OF THE SHOW ♪ 95 00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:34,033 ♪ HE'S A FIEND ♪ 96 00:04:34,067 --> 00:04:35,700 [MOANING] 97 00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:39,000 ♪ JUST A NIGHTMARE IN A GHOST MASK ♪ 98 00:04:39,033 --> 00:04:41,000 ♪ MYSTERY ♪ 99 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:45,367 ♪ THE ANSWER, MY FRIEND ♪ 100 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:49,000 ♪ IS BLOWING IN THE WIND ♪ 101 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:52,667 YO, WHAT'S UP? 102 00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:53,833 UGH! 103 00:04:58,967 --> 00:05:01,233 WATCH YOUR BACK. COMING THROUGH. 104 00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:04,200 PARTY BEER. WHAT'S UP? 105 00:05:04,233 --> 00:05:08,000 [POLICE RADIO SQUAWKS] 106 00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,700 P.A.: GOOD MORNING, STUDENTS. 107 00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:18,167 CHEERLEADER TRYOUTS WILL BE HELD AFTER SCHOOL 108 00:05:18,200 --> 00:05:22,033 TODAY IN THE GYM. YOU MUST BE 18 109 00:05:22,067 --> 00:05:25,033 AND COMFORTABLE WITH PARTIAL NUDITY. 110 00:05:25,067 --> 00:05:28,167 ♪ DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S A SCREAM? ♪ 111 00:05:29,900 --> 00:05:33,233 ♪ LITTLE BROWN EYES, SHE'S THE FIRST TO GO ♪ 112 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,167 ♪ IT'S A SCENE ♪ 113 00:05:39,733 --> 00:05:43,200 ♪ IT'S A SCREAM ♪ 114 00:05:43,233 --> 00:05:44,200 Boy: DID NOT! 115 00:05:44,233 --> 00:05:45,200 Girl: DID, TOO. 116 00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:46,200 DID NOT! DID, TOO. 117 00:05:46,233 --> 00:05:47,367 DID NOT! DID, TOO! 118 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:48,500 MOM! 119 00:05:56,233 --> 00:05:58,667 UH, WHOOPS. 120 00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:00,867 ALL RIGHT, DAWSON. IF YOU JUST SIGN HERE, 121 00:06:00,900 --> 00:06:02,700 YOU'LL BE OFFICIALLY REGISTERED 122 00:06:02,733 --> 00:06:04,267 AT BULIMIA FALLS HIGH SCHOOL. 123 00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:18,400 HEY, HEY, HEY, NEW KID. 124 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,367 SLAB, IS THAT THE WAY WE INTRODUCE OURSELVES 125 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,367 TO THE NEW KID? 126 00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,200 SORRY, MISS PEACOCK. 127 00:06:25,233 --> 00:06:26,200 [GASPS] 128 00:06:26,233 --> 00:06:28,333 HA HA! 2 FOR FLINCHIN', NEW KID. 129 00:06:28,367 --> 00:06:29,667 OH! UNH! 130 00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:33,033 [GROANS] 131 00:06:33,067 --> 00:06:35,300 HI. I'M DAWSON. 132 00:06:35,333 --> 00:06:36,433 THAT'S BETTER. 133 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,300 Principal: WE HAVE RULES AT THIS SCHOOL, MISTER. 134 00:06:41,333 --> 00:06:43,500 NO MEANS NO. 135 00:06:45,233 --> 00:06:47,900 I'M NEVER GONNA GET LAID. 136 00:06:49,067 --> 00:06:51,067 OH, DAWSON, I'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU 137 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:52,267 TO PRINCIPAL INTEREST. 138 00:06:55,733 --> 00:06:56,700 AHEM. 139 00:06:56,733 --> 00:06:57,867 OH, I'M SORRY. 140 00:06:57,900 --> 00:07:00,500 "THE ADMINISTRATOR FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCIPAL." 141 00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:02,233 [RASPBERRY BERET PLAYS] 142 00:07:06,233 --> 00:07:08,033 [SIZZLE, BANG] 143 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:09,133 WANNABE. 144 00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:11,033 HEY, NEW KID. 145 00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:13,700 WHOA. OH, GOD! 146 00:07:13,733 --> 00:07:17,533 LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S GONNA HAVE TO SHOW YOU THE ROPES. 147 00:07:18,733 --> 00:07:20,133 BONER! 148 00:07:20,167 --> 00:07:23,133 IT'S PRONOUNCED "BONNER," SIR. 149 00:07:23,167 --> 00:07:24,700 THE "O" IS SOFT. 150 00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:27,033 NOT ACCORDING TO RESUSCI-ANNIE. 151 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:29,167 JUST SHOW HIM AROUND. 152 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,867 AND FOR GOD'S SAKES, WASH YOUR HANDS FIRST. 153 00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,700 MARY, YOU'RE NEXT. 154 00:07:38,233 --> 00:07:40,500 HI. I'M BONNER. 155 00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:41,700 IT'S NICE TO MEET YA. 156 00:07:41,733 --> 00:07:43,567 UH-HUH. 157 00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:47,533 OH, YEAH. "WITCH?" TRY "RHYMES WITH..." 158 00:07:47,567 --> 00:07:50,367 CHARMED MY ASS. CALL ME! 159 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,200 DAMN SHANNEN DOHERTY. 160 00:07:52,233 --> 00:07:55,533 HEY, NEW KID. I'M BARBARA. 161 00:07:55,567 --> 00:07:57,133 HOW'D YOU LIKE A HERTZ DONUT? 162 00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:58,833 I'D LOVE ONE. THANKS. 163 00:07:58,867 --> 00:08:00,867 OW! 164 00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:01,867 HURTS, DON'T IT? 165 00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:02,867 HA HA! 166 00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:04,200 HEY, GUYS. 167 00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:05,200 HEY, MARTINA. 168 00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,367 HEY, MRS. PEACOCK. 169 00:08:07,567 --> 00:08:09,533 HEY, NEW KID. 170 00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:12,033 [MOANS] 171 00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,000 [SEXY MUSIC PLAYS] 172 00:08:37,233 --> 00:08:39,067 [THINKING] WAIT A MINUTE. 173 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,900 IS SHE... 174 00:08:40,933 --> 00:08:42,033 [BELL RINGS] 175 00:08:42,067 --> 00:08:44,033 SO, DID YOU GUYS HEAR THE NEWS? 176 00:08:44,067 --> 00:08:45,200 WRESTLING IS FAKE? 177 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,367 I'M NOT PREGNANT? 178 00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,700 HE WHO SMELT IT DEALT IT? 179 00:08:50,067 --> 00:08:52,033 NO. ABOUT SCREW. 180 00:08:52,067 --> 00:08:53,300 SLUT. WHORE. 181 00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,667 DO YOU HAVE HER NUMBER? 182 00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:55,667 WHO? 183 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:57,533 SCREW FROMBEHIND. SHE WAS KILLED, 184 00:08:57,567 --> 00:09:00,367 MURDERED, GUTTED, FLAYED, SLICED, 185 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,367 DICED, FRIED, AND HUNG. 186 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:03,367 JESUS. 187 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,367 MM-HMM. 188 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,200 I'M NEVER GONNA GET LAID. 189 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:07,333 OH, YEAH. 190 00:09:07,367 --> 00:09:09,000 AND IT'S ALL OVER THE TV AND NEWS. 191 00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:13,100 OH, GREAT. NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS. 192 00:09:14,700 --> 00:09:16,133 DO THEY KNOW WHO DID IT? 193 00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:17,567 SOME GUY IN A GHOST MASK. 194 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,700 THAT DOESN'T SOUND SCARY. 195 00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:19,700 STORE-BOUGHT? 196 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,067 EWW. EWW. 197 00:09:25,233 --> 00:09:27,067 OH. OOH. 198 00:09:27,100 --> 00:09:28,900 P.A.: ATTENTION, STUDENTS. 199 00:09:28,933 --> 00:09:31,533 THE FIGHT BETWEEN THE BLOODS AND THE CRIPS 200 00:09:31,567 --> 00:09:34,200 IS POSTPONED UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY. 201 00:09:34,233 --> 00:09:37,833 REFRESHMENTS AND A LOVELY DANCE WILL FOLLOW. 202 00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:40,867 WELL, AT LEAST I FEEL SAFE HERE. 203 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,233 HI, CHUCKY. 204 00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:44,333 WANNA PLAY? 205 00:09:44,367 --> 00:09:45,533 WE'LL DEFINITELY BE OK AT SCHOOL. 206 00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:47,400 YEAH. NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO US HERE. 207 00:09:47,433 --> 00:09:48,767 [BOMB BEEPS] 208 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:56,200 [MACHINE GUN FIRE] 209 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,800 THIS IS THE KIND OF THING YOU READ ABOUT. 210 00:10:01,833 --> 00:10:02,967 BOOKS ARE PRETTY. 211 00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,467 OH, MY GOD. HE'S RIGHT. 212 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:05,800 WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 213 00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:07,000 KIDS GET KILLED EVERY DAY. 214 00:10:07,033 --> 00:10:08,333 THIS IS HIGH SCHOOL. 215 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:11,967 Slab: NO, DAWSON. THIS KID WAS WHITE. 216 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:12,967 SO? 217 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,967 AND SHE WAS POPULAR, LIKE ME. 218 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,233 OH. 219 00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:23,367 I HOPE THAT'S BARBARA WALTERS. 220 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:25,067 WHAT A RACK. 221 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:28,133 HI. I'M HAGITHA UTSLAY FROM EMPTY-V NEWS. 222 00:10:28,167 --> 00:10:30,633 KIDS, WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT... 223 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:33,467 Hagitha: WAIT. IS THAT DAWSON? 224 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,067 TAPE THIS. 225 00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,567 CHOP-CHOP, YOU FAT RAT BASTARD! 226 00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:41,800 HI. I'M HAGITHA UTSLAY LIVE FROM BULIMIA FALLS HIGH, 227 00:10:41,833 --> 00:10:42,800 WHERE WE'RE SURROUNDED HERE 228 00:10:42,833 --> 00:10:44,133 BY A GROUP OF INNOCENT STUDENTS, 229 00:10:44,167 --> 00:10:46,133 MOST IMPORTANTLY, DAWSON DEERY... 230 00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:47,400 STUDENT, DRUM MAJOR, 231 00:10:47,433 --> 00:10:49,300 AND INSPIRATION FOR MY BEST-SELLING BOOK: 232 00:10:49,333 --> 00:10:51,300 DAWSON IS A MURDERER. 233 00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:52,367 THAT BOOK SUCKED. 234 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,033 NOT ACCORDING TO OPRAH. 235 00:10:54,067 --> 00:10:55,467 IT WAS HER PICK OF THE MONTH. 236 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,133 SO WAS CHICKEN SOUP FOR THE BUTT. 237 00:10:57,167 --> 00:10:59,133 DOESN'T MEAN I KILLED ANYONE. 238 00:10:59,167 --> 00:11:00,500 NOW STAY AWAY FROM ME. 239 00:11:00,533 --> 00:11:01,533 OH, COME ON, DAWSON. 240 00:11:01,567 --> 00:11:03,133 ISN'T IT TRUE THAT YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE FAMILY 241 00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:04,967 WAS MURDERED UNDER MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES 242 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,733 WHILE YOU WERE SUPPOSEDLY AT... "CAMP"? 243 00:11:09,733 --> 00:11:10,967 HUH? 244 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,033 HUH. 245 00:11:12,067 --> 00:11:13,233 HUH? 246 00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:14,867 UGH. 247 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:15,867 [BELL RINGS] 248 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:17,633 All: OOH! 249 00:11:17,667 --> 00:11:19,300 BITCH WENT DOWN! 250 00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:20,533 JUST LIKE HOME. 251 00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:21,867 Boner: DAMN! 252 00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:25,033 YEAH. THAT, AND THEY DIDN'T HAVE A BOXING TEAM. 253 00:11:25,067 --> 00:11:27,167 GUYS, THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT A LADY. 254 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,367 UNLESS SHE BURNS THE TOAST. 255 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:30,800 THAT'S NO LADY. 256 00:11:30,833 --> 00:11:32,800 WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, ANYWAY, DOUGHY? 257 00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:33,967 YOU'RE NOT A REAL COP. 258 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,533 SHOULDN'T YOU BE GUARDING THE ORANGE JULIUS? 259 00:11:35,567 --> 00:11:36,900 N.Y.P.D. GAP. 260 00:11:36,933 --> 00:11:38,000 SERGEANT SEARS. 261 00:11:38,033 --> 00:11:39,533 FOOD COURT POLICE. 262 00:11:39,567 --> 00:11:41,733 HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU GUYS 263 00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,467 MALL SECURITY IS JUST AS IMPORTANT 264 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:44,400 AS THE REAL POLICE? 265 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,967 IT IS! 266 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:48,800 LOITERING AND STEALING PENNIES FROM THE FOUNTAIN 267 00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:49,867 ARE SERIOUS CRIMES THAT CARRY... 268 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,467 MOM SAYS YOU'RE A LOSER ANYWAY. 269 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,133 WELL, MOM SAYS YOU GOT A FAT ASS. 270 00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:54,800 DAD LEFT BECAUSE HE HATED YOU. 271 00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:55,967 NO. HE LEFT BECAUSE HE HATED YOU. 272 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,800 WELL, HE WASN'T EVEN YOUR REAL DAD ANYWAY. 273 00:11:57,833 --> 00:11:58,900 YOU KNOW, I READ YOUR DIARY, 274 00:11:58,933 --> 00:12:01,467 MISS "BOO-HOO, MY GYM TEACHER MOLESTED ME." 275 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:02,500 DORK. DYKE. 276 00:12:02,533 --> 00:12:04,067 WHAT? 277 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:06,900 Hagitha: EXCUSE ME. 278 00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:09,467 I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT THIS FAMILY REUNION, 279 00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,467 BUT ARE YOU ACTUALLY WORKING ON THIS CASE, 280 00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,467 OFFICER, UH... 281 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,133 UH, PRIMESSUSPEKT, DOUGHY PRIMESSUSPEKT, 282 00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,300 AND YES, I AM. 283 00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:16,800 IT TECHNICALLY FALLS UNDER MY JURISDICTION 284 00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,633 BECAUSE THE KILLER'S COSTUME WAS STOLEN 285 00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:20,133 FROM THE SPENCERS AT MY MALL. 286 00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:21,467 THAT, AND, UH, YOU KNOW, 287 00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:23,633 WHOOPEE CUSHIONS AND SOME FAKE DOG SHIT. 288 00:12:23,667 --> 00:12:26,333 PARDON ME... CANINE SHIT. 289 00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:27,733 WHO CARES ABOUT THAT CRAP? 290 00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:29,567 I DO. 291 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,700 A COOL KID WAS GUTTED LAST NIGHT. 292 00:12:31,733 --> 00:12:32,800 COME ON. IT'S PROBABLY 293 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,200 SOME HARMLESS HIGH-SCHOOL PRANK. 294 00:12:34,233 --> 00:12:36,200 LOOK. THIS IS LAME. 295 00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:37,300 LET'S GET OUT OF HERE. 296 00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:38,633 HEY, YOU GUYS. I GOT AN IDEA. 297 00:12:38,667 --> 00:12:40,700 LET'S ALL MAKE A PACT TO LOSE OUR VIRGINITIES 298 00:12:40,733 --> 00:12:41,800 BEFORE GRADUATION. 299 00:12:41,833 --> 00:12:43,067 I'M IN. 300 00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:45,567 Other kids: WE'RE NOT. 301 00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,067 YEAH. ME, NEITHER. 302 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,367 Slab: YEAH! 303 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,800 WHOO! 304 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:52,833 YEAH. 305 00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:54,467 LITTLE BASTARDS. 306 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,633 I COULD JUST KILL 'EM. 307 00:12:55,667 --> 00:12:57,533 YEAH, BUT YOU DIDN'T, DID YOU? 308 00:12:57,567 --> 00:12:58,900 I'M JUST KIDDING YOU. NO, REALLY. 309 00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,967 YOU DIDN'T KILL 'EM, DID YOU? 310 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,133 SO, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE NETWORK REPORTERS, HUH? 311 00:13:04,167 --> 00:13:05,800 ACTUALLY, CABLE... 312 00:13:05,833 --> 00:13:07,300 BUT IT'S JUST AS IMPORTANT. 313 00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:08,467 OH, IT'S MORE IMPORTANT. 314 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:10,300 BECAUSE ON CABLE, YOU CAN SEE BUTTS AND BOOBIES, 315 00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:11,967 AND YOU CAN SAY "BULLSHIT" AND "BASTARD." 316 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,700 SO, DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE ANY INSIDE DIRT? 317 00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:16,900 AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DO. 318 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,300 [GASPS] 319 00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:25,700 KILLER BOOT. 320 00:13:25,733 --> 00:13:28,700 THANKS. I LIKE YOURS, TOO. 321 00:13:28,733 --> 00:13:30,667 OH, THANKS. 322 00:13:30,700 --> 00:13:34,467 SO, UM, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU LATER. 323 00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:35,800 I HOPE SO. 324 00:13:35,833 --> 00:13:36,800 OH. SORRY. 325 00:13:36,833 --> 00:13:37,800 IT'S OK. 326 00:13:37,833 --> 00:13:38,800 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 327 00:13:38,833 --> 00:13:40,233 COME ON, LARD ASS! 328 00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,467 I'M GONNA KEEP MY EYE ON HER. 329 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:47,667 SHE'S GOT CLASS. 330 00:13:52,233 --> 00:13:54,700 [MAN SCREAMS] 331 00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:57,000 [PULP FICTION-LIKE MUSIC PLAYING] 332 00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:16,200 P.A.: ATTENTION, STUDENTS. 333 00:14:16,233 --> 00:14:19,333 THE BAND FUND-RAISER WILL BE HELD NEXT THURSDAY 334 00:14:19,367 --> 00:14:21,067 IN THE AUDITORIUM. 335 00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:24,733 LIQUOR IN THE FRONT, POKER IN THE REAR. 336 00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:32,967 [SIZZLES] 337 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,967 [GIRL MOANS] 338 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,900 OH. 339 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:41,133 [AIR HISSES] 340 00:14:41,167 --> 00:14:42,300 [POP] [GIRL SCREAMS] 341 00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,400 [POP] [SCREAM] 342 00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:46,000 I DIDN'T DO IT. 343 00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:47,133 WE DIDN'T SAY YOU DID IT. 344 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,967 BONER, YOU COULDN'T GET LAID AT LILITH FAIR, 345 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,300 MUCH LESS KILL SOMEBODY. 346 00:14:50,333 --> 00:14:51,400 I COULD, TOO. 347 00:14:51,433 --> 00:14:53,733 WELL, KILL SOMEBODY, I MEAN. 348 00:14:55,333 --> 00:14:56,433 I COULD KILL ALL OF YOU. 349 00:15:00,333 --> 00:15:01,633 BUT I WOULDN'T! 350 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:02,633 [SIGHS] 351 00:15:02,667 --> 00:15:04,800 THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. I DIDN'T DO IT. 352 00:15:04,833 --> 00:15:07,067 NOW, SLAB... 353 00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,467 HE'S A KILLER. 354 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:12,200 JUST LOOK AT THOSE EARLOBES... 355 00:15:12,233 --> 00:15:14,567 WAY LOW. 356 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,733 REALLY? 357 00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:23,833 OOH. 358 00:15:23,867 --> 00:15:26,567 SKINNY MIRROR. 359 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:39,300 MAN, THAT GUY LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR. 360 00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,800 THAT'S SPACEY, DAWSON. 361 00:15:40,833 --> 00:15:43,200 HE'S BANGING THE FRENCH TEACHER. 362 00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:44,333 REALLY? 363 00:15:44,367 --> 00:15:46,367 SHE'S FROM FRANCE. 364 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,633 PARIS, FRANCE. 365 00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,633 MADAME LA TOURNEAU. [PURRS] 366 00:15:49,667 --> 00:15:51,633 YEAH. HE SAYS THE SEX IS AWESOME. 367 00:15:51,667 --> 00:15:53,800 LUCKY DOG. 368 00:15:53,833 --> 00:15:56,967 AU REVOIR, SPACEY. 369 00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,967 CALL ME LATER. 370 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,967 SAY, "BYE-BYE, PAPA. BYE-BYE." 371 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:02,733 [BABY CRIES] 372 00:16:04,933 --> 00:16:06,467 HEY, MARTINA. 373 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:07,800 NO, BONER. 374 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,033 HEY, DAWSON. 375 00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:11,233 DO YOU HAVE ANY LOTION I CAN BORROW? 376 00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:15,233 IT'S FOR MY RASH. 377 00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:18,867 I GOT TO GO TO CLASS. 378 00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:20,567 [BELL RINGS] 379 00:16:26,167 --> 00:16:28,700 Teacher: OK. OK. SETTLE DOWN, CLASS. 380 00:16:28,733 --> 00:16:32,500 SETTLE DOWN. DOWN. THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. 381 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:35,533 I'M YOUR SUBSTITUTE... MRS. TINGLE. 382 00:16:35,567 --> 00:16:37,133 [GUNS COCK] 383 00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,367 TODAY WE'RE GOING TO BE STUDYING 384 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,400 ABOUT THE PERSECUTION OF THE JEWISH PEOPLE. 385 00:16:45,833 --> 00:16:47,467 WHO CAN TELL ME 386 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,033 WHAT THE VERB IS IN THIS SENTENCE? 387 00:16:50,067 --> 00:16:54,633 SABRINA? MOESHA? DARIA? 388 00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:57,900 OOH, EEH? OOH, AH, AH? 389 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:15,133 Mrs. Tingle: WHO CAN TELL ME 390 00:17:15,167 --> 00:17:17,800 IF FRANKENSTEIN WAS CIRCUMCISED? 391 00:17:17,833 --> 00:17:18,967 Woman: MARTINA, 392 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,467 DON'T FORGET TO GIVE GRANDMA HER LAXATIVE. 393 00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,067 I WON'T. 394 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,300 [GURGLING] 395 00:17:40,333 --> 00:17:42,900 SLAB, I THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. 396 00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:44,133 WHY? 397 00:17:44,167 --> 00:17:45,900 BECAUSE YOU WON'T HAVE ANY ROOM FOR BEER. 398 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:49,700 WHOA! HEY! 399 00:17:49,733 --> 00:17:52,633 WHOO! THAT WAS CLOSE. 400 00:17:52,667 --> 00:17:55,233 WHOO, MAN, IF I WRECKED, MY DAD WOULD KILL ME. 401 00:17:55,267 --> 00:17:58,067 HAND ME A BEER. 402 00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,500 GUYS, OUR SENIOR YEAR IS GONNA BE THE BEST EVER. 403 00:18:00,533 --> 00:18:03,700 I'M THE NEW KIELBASA QUEEN. 404 00:18:03,733 --> 00:18:06,633 AND I JUST GOT ACCEPTED TO HARVARD LAW SCHOOL, BABY. 405 00:18:06,667 --> 00:18:07,967 I JUST GOT A FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT 406 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,833 LIVING IN MY HOUSE. SHE'S SWEDISH. 407 00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:12,633 AND I JUST GOT A "D" IN MATH! 408 00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:13,800 Slab and Boner: YEAH! 409 00:18:13,833 --> 00:18:15,367 SLAB, LOOK OUT! 410 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:16,400 All: AAH! 411 00:18:17,933 --> 00:18:19,833 [TIRES SCREECH] 412 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:25,333 I THINK I HIT SOMETHING. 413 00:18:28,767 --> 00:18:32,533 OH, I THINK I'M GONNA BE SICK. 414 00:18:32,567 --> 00:18:33,533 [POP] 415 00:18:33,567 --> 00:18:34,867 YEP, I'VE GOT A FEVER. 416 00:18:34,900 --> 00:18:39,033 SLAB, YOU GOT BLOOD ALL OVER YOU. 417 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,333 OH, THAT'S NO PROBLEM. 418 00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:43,200 IT COMES OUT WITH A LITTLE TEQUILA. 419 00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:46,133 HA HA. OLD SCOUT TRICK. 420 00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:47,800 SLAB, GIVE ME A HAND. 421 00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,500 WASN'T THAT TROPHY ENOUGH? 422 00:18:49,533 --> 00:18:51,700 YES, BUT WE HAVE TO DUMP THIS DEER. 423 00:18:51,733 --> 00:18:53,567 ALL RIGHT, SWEETIE. 424 00:18:57,733 --> 00:19:00,400 CAN EVERYBODY KEEP A SECRET? 425 00:19:03,233 --> 00:19:05,600 [FOGHORN] 426 00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:14,967 [WOMAN GROANS] 427 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:15,967 [FARTS] 428 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,133 Woman: MARTINA-AAH. 429 00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:19,300 [FART] 430 00:19:19,333 --> 00:19:20,300 [GROANS] 431 00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:21,467 [CRASH] 432 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:26,167 YES. THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 433 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,033 [SPLASH] 434 00:19:33,167 --> 00:19:34,967 [MAN HUMMING] 435 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,467 Mrs. Tingle: WHO CAN TELL ME 436 00:19:36,500 --> 00:19:38,367 HOW TO CONJUGATE THE VERB "EXPIRE"? 437 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:51,467 DOUGHY. THAT'S AN INTERESTING NAME. 438 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,067 THANKS. IT'S MY DAD'S NAME. 439 00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,467 HE'S A BAKER. 440 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:56,700 HAGITHA... 441 00:19:56,733 --> 00:19:59,133 NOW THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL NAME. 442 00:19:59,167 --> 00:20:01,567 THANKS. MY FRIENDS CALL ME HAG. 443 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,967 OH, DO THEY? THAT'S SO CUTE. 444 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:07,033 DAMN IT. SHE'S FLAT! 445 00:20:10,567 --> 00:20:12,900 ACTUALLY, THEY'RE "C" CUPS. 446 00:20:12,933 --> 00:20:15,467 I GUESS I GOT TO GET THESE THINGS REDONE. 447 00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:16,567 DOUGHY... 448 00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:25,967 UH, DOUGHY, I WAS WONDERING, 449 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,300 HOW DID YOU GET INTO THIS LINE OF WORK? 450 00:20:28,333 --> 00:20:30,800 WELL, I GOT TOO FAT FOR THE BALLET, 451 00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:32,500 AND I COULD NEVER GET MY BULGE RIGHT, 452 00:20:32,533 --> 00:20:35,400 YOU KNOW, SO I FIGURED WHAT THE HELL. 453 00:20:35,433 --> 00:20:37,700 [CHUCKLES] 454 00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:39,067 HAGITHA... 455 00:20:40,733 --> 00:20:42,800 DO YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND? 456 00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:45,233 WELL, NOT YET. 457 00:20:45,267 --> 00:20:46,633 OH, MAIL ORDER, HUH? 458 00:20:46,667 --> 00:20:48,467 YEAH. I'VE TRIED THAT A FEW TIMES MYSELF. 459 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,533 LISTEN. IF IT DOESN'T WORK OUT, 460 00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:52,967 WOULD YOU LET ME KNOW? 461 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,500 I SURE WILL. 462 00:20:54,533 --> 00:20:56,067 THANK YOU. YEAH. 463 00:21:00,267 --> 00:21:01,967 [TWEET] OW! 464 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,700 OK. TIFFANY, AMBER, INTO THE CHAIR. 465 00:21:03,733 --> 00:21:04,900 COME ON. SHAKE IT! 466 00:21:09,833 --> 00:21:11,433 MAMA. 467 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,800 LADIES. 468 00:21:16,833 --> 00:21:18,800 NOW, I NEED A VOLUNTEER. 469 00:21:18,833 --> 00:21:20,067 BONER! 470 00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:22,000 YOU LOOK LIKE A VICTIM. YOU'RE UP. 471 00:21:22,033 --> 00:21:26,133 BUT, MR. HASSELHOF, I-I-I CAN'T SWIM. 472 00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:27,400 PERFECT. NO. 473 00:21:27,433 --> 00:21:30,100 AAH! 474 00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:32,900 MARCO! 475 00:21:35,833 --> 00:21:38,967 OH! I WANT TO LIVE. 476 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:40,900 OH, YEAH. I WANT TO LIVE. 477 00:21:42,667 --> 00:21:45,267 YEAH. RIGHT NOW, PLEASE. 478 00:21:51,333 --> 00:21:52,800 YEAH. 479 00:21:52,833 --> 00:21:55,867 NOT SO MUCH TONGUE, AMBER. 480 00:21:58,333 --> 00:22:00,467 NOW, THIS IS A TEXTBOOK EXAMPLE 481 00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,467 OF MOUTH-TO-MOUTH RESUSCITATION. 482 00:22:02,500 --> 00:22:04,133 SOME OF YOU MAY WANT TO PRACTICE THIS AT HOME 483 00:22:04,167 --> 00:22:06,467 OR, IF YOU'D LIKE TO STAY AFTER CLASS, 484 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:07,533 I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO POINT OUT... 485 00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:09,300 Both: EWW! 486 00:22:09,333 --> 00:22:10,367 BONER! 487 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,633 IT'S BONNER, SIR. 488 00:22:12,667 --> 00:22:13,567 NOT AT THE MOMENT. 489 00:22:35,500 --> 00:22:36,733 [WHIMPERS] 490 00:22:45,667 --> 00:22:47,967 YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE THIS GETS TO THE GOVERNOR 491 00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,300 AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. 492 00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:50,567 IT'S MY LAST CHANCE, LITTLE BROTHER. 493 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:53,367 OTHERWISE, I'LL FRY. 494 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,133 DON'T WORRY, JIMMY. 495 00:22:55,167 --> 00:22:57,733 YOU CAN COUNT ON ME. 496 00:22:57,767 --> 00:22:59,567 TIME'S UP, BONER! 497 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,533 IT'S BONNER, MA'AM. 498 00:23:01,567 --> 00:23:04,133 NOT FOR LONG. DEAD BONER WALKIN'! 499 00:23:04,167 --> 00:23:05,067 [GATE BUZZES] 500 00:23:16,233 --> 00:23:18,800 I HOPE YOU GUYS DON'T MIND, 501 00:23:18,833 --> 00:23:20,467 I MAY HAVE TO GET HOME EARLY. 502 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,967 ME AND MILLIE, MY SWEDISH EXCHANGE STUDENT, 503 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,800 ARE ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE KAMA SUTRA. 504 00:23:26,833 --> 00:23:30,567 OH, BONNER, I DON'T WANT TO SHARE YOU. 505 00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,633 YEAH. WHAT'S SHE GOT THAT WE DON'T HAVE? 506 00:23:33,667 --> 00:23:35,733 A TWIN SISTER. 507 00:23:36,833 --> 00:23:38,500 [GASPS] 508 00:23:38,533 --> 00:23:39,800 SLAB, LOOK OUT! 509 00:23:39,833 --> 00:23:41,867 AAH! 510 00:23:41,900 --> 00:23:44,567 CAN EVERYBODY KEEP A SECRET? 511 00:23:54,833 --> 00:23:56,733 Jimmy's voice: I'LL FRY. 512 00:23:57,833 --> 00:23:59,400 [ECHOED] FRY... 513 00:23:59,433 --> 00:24:01,133 [LIGHT BUZZES] 514 00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:05,667 YES. THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 515 00:24:08,233 --> 00:24:09,233 [SPLASH] 516 00:24:10,333 --> 00:24:11,467 [WHIMPERS] 517 00:24:11,500 --> 00:24:13,567 I'M NEVER GONNA GET LAID. 518 00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:16,967 [HARD ROCK PLAYING] 519 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,233 [MUFFLED SCREAM] 520 00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:23,733 [BEEP] 521 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,533 "I KAN... KANOW... 522 00:24:38,567 --> 00:24:41,167 "KANOW. I K-NOW WH... 523 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:42,367 [GRUNTS] 524 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:43,700 "WH-WHAT... 525 00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:46,800 "I K-NOW WHAT YEH... 526 00:24:46,833 --> 00:24:47,800 "YEOW... 527 00:24:47,833 --> 00:24:49,900 "I K-NOW WHAT YOU..." 528 00:24:54,033 --> 00:24:55,967 Martina: SLAB, I THINK YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH. 529 00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:58,667 REALLY, DARLING? 530 00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:00,467 YOUR CONCERN IS ADMIRABLE 531 00:25:00,500 --> 00:25:02,300 BUT COMPLETELY WITHOUT MERIT. 532 00:25:02,333 --> 00:25:04,033 I'M DOING SPLENDIDLY! 533 00:25:04,067 --> 00:25:05,467 ANYONE READ THAT ARTICLE 534 00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,300 IN THE TIMES SCIENCE SECTION LAST WEEK? 535 00:25:07,333 --> 00:25:10,667 IT SEEMS GENE SPLICING IS ALL THE RAGE. 536 00:25:10,700 --> 00:25:11,800 SLAB, LOOK OUT! 537 00:25:11,833 --> 00:25:13,467 AAH! 538 00:25:13,500 --> 00:25:15,833 CAN EVERYBODY KEEP A SECRET? 539 00:25:15,867 --> 00:25:17,233 UH-HUH. 540 00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:24,733 Man: SLAB, I'M LOOKING FOR YOUR UNCLE LOU'S URN. 541 00:25:24,767 --> 00:25:26,300 WE'RE SCATTERING HIS ASHES TODAY. 542 00:25:26,333 --> 00:25:28,300 HAVE YOU SEEN IT? 543 00:25:28,333 --> 00:25:30,167 [CHOKES] 544 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,633 NO! 545 00:25:32,667 --> 00:25:34,400 [COUGHS] 546 00:25:38,167 --> 00:25:43,067 YES. THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 547 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:48,667 [SPLASH] 548 00:25:48,700 --> 00:25:51,633 "SHAN... SHANU... CHANAK..." 549 00:25:51,667 --> 00:25:52,633 [BELL RINGS] 550 00:25:52,667 --> 00:25:57,267 "CHAN... CHANAKA... CHANA... KHAN... CHACHI..." 551 00:26:04,833 --> 00:26:07,067 [SHOES SQUEAK] 552 00:26:10,067 --> 00:26:11,333 [SIGHS] 553 00:26:11,367 --> 00:26:12,333 BARBARA, 554 00:26:12,367 --> 00:26:15,133 I'M AFRAID IT'S WORSE THAN WE FEARED. 555 00:26:15,167 --> 00:26:16,567 NURSE KEVORKIAN, YOU MEAN...? 556 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:19,700 YES, BARBARA, YOU HAVE CHLAMYDIA 557 00:26:19,733 --> 00:26:21,367 [GASPS] AND GONORRHEA 558 00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:22,667 [GASPS] AND SYPHILIS 559 00:26:22,700 --> 00:26:23,800 [GASPS] AND CRABS. 560 00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,000 [BIG GASP] 561 00:26:25,033 --> 00:26:28,067 WHEW. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA SAY I HAD HERPES. 562 00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:30,500 OH, YES, AND HERPES. 563 00:26:30,533 --> 00:26:33,633 DAMN THOSE STARBUCKS' TOILET SEATS. 564 00:26:33,667 --> 00:26:34,867 NOW, YOUNG LADY, 565 00:26:34,900 --> 00:26:37,233 ISN'T THERE SOMEBODY SPECIAL 566 00:26:37,267 --> 00:26:39,467 YOU WISH TO MAKE AWARE OF YOUR CONDITION? 567 00:26:39,500 --> 00:26:42,167 YOU MEAN LIKE A TEACHER OR MY DAD? 568 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,333 WELL, I WAS THINKING MORE LIKE A BOYFRIEND. 569 00:26:45,367 --> 00:26:48,067 OH. DO YOU HAVE A YEARBOOK? 570 00:26:49,733 --> 00:26:50,800 [SIGHS] 571 00:26:50,833 --> 00:26:52,300 BARBARA, BARBARA, 572 00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:54,800 PLEASE TAKE SOME ADVICE FROM A WOMAN 573 00:26:54,833 --> 00:26:57,367 WHO'S HAD SOME EXPERIENCE IN THIS AREA. 574 00:26:57,400 --> 00:26:58,733 I WISH TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING 575 00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:00,833 THAT WE IN THE HEALTH PROFESSION 576 00:27:00,867 --> 00:27:03,100 REFER TO AS "HITTING SKINS." 577 00:27:04,900 --> 00:27:07,767 "KNOCKING BOOTS..." 578 00:27:09,000 --> 00:27:11,733 "DOING THE NASTY..." 579 00:27:12,767 --> 00:27:15,233 "BUMPING UGLIES?" 580 00:27:18,533 --> 00:27:21,367 I'M TALKING ABOUT SEX, DEAR. 581 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,033 OH. 582 00:27:23,067 --> 00:27:25,967 SEX CAN BE A BEAUTIFUL, SENSUAL EXPERIENCE 583 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,633 BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN 584 00:27:27,667 --> 00:27:29,067 WHO TRULY LOVE EACH OTHER 585 00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:31,067 AND WANT TO SHARE ETERNITY 586 00:27:31,100 --> 00:27:34,733 LAYING IN EACH OTHER'S GENTLE EMBRACE... 587 00:27:36,167 --> 00:27:39,800 OR IT CAN BE A DIRTY, FILTHY SPANKFEST 588 00:27:39,833 --> 00:27:42,133 IN A BUS STATION BATHROOM 589 00:27:42,167 --> 00:27:44,467 SHARED BY 2 ANONYMOUS CONSENTING ADULTS 590 00:27:44,500 --> 00:27:45,967 ON A LAYOVER IN DETROIT, 591 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,233 AND NOBODY EVER NEED KNOW. 592 00:27:49,067 --> 00:27:50,133 [SIGHS] 593 00:27:50,167 --> 00:27:52,467 WELL, I THINK YOU GOT MY POINT. 594 00:27:52,500 --> 00:27:55,067 NOW, UH, SHOULD WE GO AND LOOK AT YOUR X-RAYS? 595 00:27:55,100 --> 00:27:57,133 X-RAYS WITH A PAP SMEAR? 596 00:27:57,167 --> 00:27:59,733 OH, WE'RE VERY THOROUGH HERE. 597 00:27:59,767 --> 00:28:02,767 I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT THIS WHITE SPOT IS. 598 00:28:06,167 --> 00:28:07,333 Nurse: YOU KNOW, 599 00:28:07,367 --> 00:28:10,367 A PAIR OF TUBE SOCKS WORKS EVER SO MUCH BETTER. 600 00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,800 WHY, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, 601 00:28:12,833 --> 00:28:16,833 I HAD THIS EXPERIENCE I'LL NEVER FORGET. 602 00:28:16,867 --> 00:28:19,300 THERE WERE 3 OF US, 3 OF US IN ONE BED. 603 00:28:19,333 --> 00:28:21,167 [NURSE KEVORKIAN LAUGHS] 604 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:24,133 [MOANS] 605 00:28:24,167 --> 00:28:25,633 Woman: BARBARA, HONEY! 606 00:28:25,667 --> 00:28:28,033 I'M EXPECTING THE REVEREND JOHNSON TODAY. 607 00:28:28,067 --> 00:28:29,700 DID HE COME YET? 608 00:28:29,733 --> 00:28:30,700 ALMOST! 609 00:28:30,733 --> 00:28:32,433 [MOANS] 610 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,967 BARBARA, I COULD NEVER BE AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU. 611 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:46,800 OR SWALLOW AS MUCH SAUSAGE. 612 00:28:46,833 --> 00:28:48,133 CAN I HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH? 613 00:28:48,167 --> 00:28:49,133 WILL YOU MARRY ME? 614 00:28:49,167 --> 00:28:50,300 NO. ME! NO. ME! 615 00:28:50,333 --> 00:28:53,300 RELAX. THERE'S PLENTY OF BARBARA TO GO AROUND. 616 00:28:53,333 --> 00:28:56,867 TODAY MISS KIELBASA QUEEN. TOMORROW THE WORLD. 617 00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,133 CARMEN ELECTRA, WATCH YOUR BACK. 618 00:28:59,167 --> 00:29:00,400 SLAB, LOOK OUT! 619 00:29:00,433 --> 00:29:02,133 All: AAH! 620 00:29:02,167 --> 00:29:04,400 CAN EVERYBODY KEEP A SECRET? 621 00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:12,633 [GASPS] 622 00:29:12,667 --> 00:29:16,067 YES. THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 623 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:19,833 [SPLASH] 624 00:29:19,867 --> 00:29:21,800 [BELL RINGS] 625 00:29:21,833 --> 00:29:25,167 ...AND THAT'S HOW I KNEW I WASN'T A LESBIAN. 626 00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:26,967 NOW, BARBARA, I THINK YOU NEED 627 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:29,567 TO TAKE THIS SAFE-SEX KIT WITH YOU. 628 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,300 YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU MAY NEED IT. 629 00:29:31,333 --> 00:29:32,300 I GOT TO GO. 630 00:29:32,333 --> 00:29:33,467 ALL RIGHT, 631 00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:36,067 BUT IT MAY NOT BE HERE WHEN YOU COME BACK. 632 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,833 OH-HO. 633 00:29:44,167 --> 00:29:45,133 HEY, DOUGHY. 634 00:29:45,167 --> 00:29:46,133 HEY, BABY. 635 00:29:46,167 --> 00:29:47,133 CHICKEN? 636 00:29:47,167 --> 00:29:48,233 A LITTLE, BUT IT'S MY JOB. 637 00:29:50,500 --> 00:29:52,300 DO YOU HAVE ANY NEW SUSPECTS YET? 638 00:29:52,333 --> 00:29:53,833 WELL, WE'RE CHECKING OUT EVERYONE IN TOWN. 639 00:29:53,867 --> 00:29:55,533 ANY NEW DEVELOPMENTS? 640 00:29:55,567 --> 00:29:57,133 YEAH, MY VACATION PICTURES. 641 00:29:57,167 --> 00:29:58,633 OH. 642 00:29:58,667 --> 00:30:00,633 WHO'S THAT, YOUR GRANDMOTHER? 643 00:30:00,667 --> 00:30:01,867 WITH THE BONG? YEAH. 644 00:30:01,900 --> 00:30:02,900 GLAUCOMA? 645 00:30:02,933 --> 00:30:03,967 SPRING BREAK. 646 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:05,300 THAT'S ME. 647 00:30:05,333 --> 00:30:07,300 OOH. NO TAN LINES. 648 00:30:07,333 --> 00:30:08,633 I FEEL LIKE A HOT DOG. 649 00:30:08,667 --> 00:30:09,633 FOOT LONG? 650 00:30:09,667 --> 00:30:10,633 AT LEAST. 651 00:30:10,667 --> 00:30:11,633 I'M BUYING. 652 00:30:11,667 --> 00:30:12,567 WHOA! 653 00:30:17,667 --> 00:30:19,467 I'VE GOT A WEIRD FEELING, DAWSON. 654 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:21,467 WAIT TILL YOU EAT THE TUNA TACOS. 655 00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:23,867 NO. I MEAN, SCREW BEING KILLED. 656 00:30:23,900 --> 00:30:25,400 OH, THAT. 657 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:29,467 THERE'S A CRAZED KILLER ON THE LOOSE, DAWSON. 658 00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:30,800 THAT DEAD POPULAR KID 659 00:30:30,833 --> 00:30:32,133 COULD'VE BEEN ANY ONE OF US. 660 00:30:32,167 --> 00:30:33,633 BUT IT WASN'T. SO WHAT DO YOU CARE? 661 00:30:33,667 --> 00:30:34,800 WHAT ABOUT NEXT TIME HE ATTACKS? 662 00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:35,800 AND YOU KNOW HE WILL. 663 00:30:35,833 --> 00:30:36,800 DO YOU HAVE A RESERVATION, SIR? 664 00:30:36,833 --> 00:30:37,800 DAWSON. 665 00:30:37,833 --> 00:30:38,800 PARTY OF FIVE? 666 00:30:38,833 --> 00:30:39,800 WRONG NETWORK. 667 00:30:39,833 --> 00:30:41,133 YES, OF COURSE, SIR. 668 00:30:41,167 --> 00:30:42,800 RIGHT THIS WAY, SIR. 669 00:30:42,833 --> 00:30:44,800 I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT SO MUCH IF I WERE YOU. 670 00:30:44,833 --> 00:30:45,800 WHY? 671 00:30:45,833 --> 00:30:48,467 BECAUSE YOU'RE WITH ME. 672 00:30:48,500 --> 00:30:50,633 DIDN'T YOUR WHOLE FAMILY GET CHOPPED UP 673 00:30:50,667 --> 00:30:52,467 AND FED TO A FISH FARM? 674 00:30:52,500 --> 00:30:54,567 ALLEGEDLY. 675 00:30:56,333 --> 00:30:58,200 AND WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SPECIAL 676 00:30:58,233 --> 00:31:00,300 HE'D WANT TO KILL YOU, ANYWAY? 677 00:31:00,333 --> 00:31:03,700 WELL, BECAUSE I GOT THIS. 678 00:31:03,733 --> 00:31:05,967 AND HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S A HE? 679 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,867 BECAUSE... 680 00:31:08,900 --> 00:31:12,067 SERIAL KILLERS AND DENTISTS ARE ALWAYS MEN. 681 00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,567 I SAY ROOFIES ARE BULLSHIT. 682 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:17,300 I TAKE THEM BEFORE EVERY DATE, 683 00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:18,967 AND I NEVER GET LAID. 684 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,067 MAYBE YOU'RE NOT TAKING ENOUGH. 685 00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:24,133 YOU GOT ONE, TOO? 686 00:31:24,167 --> 00:31:25,400 Barbara: IF THAT'S WHAT I THINK IT IS, 687 00:31:25,433 --> 00:31:26,967 I GOT ONE. 688 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:29,233 PRESCRIPTION FOR GYNE-LOTRIMIN? 689 00:31:29,267 --> 00:31:32,867 OH, WRONG PAPER. 690 00:31:32,900 --> 00:31:35,133 WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? 691 00:31:35,167 --> 00:31:37,200 I THINK I GOT ONE, TOO. 692 00:31:37,233 --> 00:31:38,867 WHAT DOES YOURS SAY, SLAB? 693 00:31:38,900 --> 00:31:41,033 "SHANU-SHA-SHA..." 694 00:31:41,067 --> 00:31:43,133 GIVE ME THAT. 695 00:31:43,167 --> 00:31:45,633 THAT'S IT. WE'RE ALL TARGETS. 696 00:31:45,667 --> 00:31:46,633 OH, GOD. 697 00:31:46,667 --> 00:31:48,467 I KNEW MY BEAUTY WOULD BE A CURSE. 698 00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:50,800 THE BOTTOM LINE IS EVERYBODY GOT A NOTE. 699 00:31:50,833 --> 00:31:52,200 WE'RE ALL IN DANGER. 700 00:31:52,233 --> 00:31:53,667 NOT EVERYBODY. 701 00:31:55,167 --> 00:31:56,567 UNH. 702 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,067 FINE. HAPPY NOW? 703 00:32:06,333 --> 00:32:08,200 "YOU MAY ALREADY BE A VICTIM." 704 00:32:13,167 --> 00:32:15,333 Man: BAD! BAD DEER! 705 00:32:15,367 --> 00:32:18,733 BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD! 706 00:32:18,767 --> 00:32:20,633 [DRY-VOMITS] 707 00:32:20,667 --> 00:32:23,233 NO MORE SALT LICK. 708 00:32:23,267 --> 00:32:25,900 DEERS DON'T TALK! 709 00:32:29,333 --> 00:32:30,300 [GROANS] 710 00:32:30,333 --> 00:32:31,533 [DOOR OPENS] 711 00:32:35,667 --> 00:32:36,767 [FARTS] 712 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:48,700 Slab: WHAT'S THAT? 713 00:32:48,733 --> 00:32:51,333 Martina: SLAB, LOOK OUT! 714 00:32:51,367 --> 00:32:53,233 Dawson: AAH! 715 00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:56,567 NO! I JUST ATE! 716 00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:58,900 [SPLASH] 717 00:32:58,933 --> 00:33:01,900 All: YES. THIS NEVER HAPPENED. 718 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:05,467 WOW! WHAT DID YOU WIN? 719 00:33:05,500 --> 00:33:07,300 DUH, EINSTEIN. IT MEANS DAWSON'S 720 00:33:07,333 --> 00:33:08,967 THE FIRST ONE ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK. 721 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:10,033 WHAT A RELIEF. 722 00:33:10,067 --> 00:33:12,333 BIG DEAL... NOTES. 723 00:33:12,367 --> 00:33:14,700 IT'S PROBABLY JUST SOME KID PLAYING A JOKE. 724 00:33:14,733 --> 00:33:17,533 I MEAN, AFTER ALL, IT IS HALLOWEEN. 725 00:33:17,567 --> 00:33:20,300 AND FRIDAY THE 13th. 726 00:33:20,333 --> 00:33:23,667 ON THE SAME DAY? IMPOSSIBLE. 727 00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:25,167 SLAB'S DYSLEXIC. 728 00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:28,800 BESIDES, A KID COULDN'T WRITE THAT. 729 00:33:28,833 --> 00:33:30,467 AT LEAST NOT A KID IN PUBLIC SCHOOL. 730 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:32,000 UNLESS HE WAS JAPANESE. 731 00:33:32,033 --> 00:33:33,000 BUT THEY'RE NOT HISTORICALLY 732 00:33:33,033 --> 00:33:34,000 SERIAL KILLERS. 733 00:33:34,033 --> 00:33:35,633 UH-UH-UH. WHAT ABOUT GODZILLA? 734 00:33:35,667 --> 00:33:37,133 NOT TECHNICALLY JAPANESE. 735 00:33:37,167 --> 00:33:39,233 HE WAS BORN IN INTERNATIONAL WATERS. 736 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:40,633 AHH, SO... 737 00:33:40,667 --> 00:33:41,833 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 738 00:33:41,867 --> 00:33:43,200 WE? NOTHING, DIPSHIT. 739 00:33:43,233 --> 00:33:45,133 AND HOW DO I KNOW IT'S NOT ONE OF YOU GUYS? 740 00:33:45,167 --> 00:33:47,200 WELL, WE COULD MAKE HANDWRITING SAMPLES. 741 00:33:47,233 --> 00:33:48,300 SLAB'S OUT. 742 00:33:48,333 --> 00:33:49,467 WHOO-HOO! NOT A KILLER! 743 00:33:49,500 --> 00:33:50,967 RIGHT HERE! NOT A KILLER! 744 00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:52,133 WAIT A SECOND. 745 00:33:52,167 --> 00:33:53,800 JUST BECAUSE HE CAN'T READ 746 00:33:53,833 --> 00:33:55,533 DOESN'T MEAN HE'S NOT THE KILLER. 747 00:33:55,567 --> 00:33:57,133 YEAH. LOOK AT THE CLINTONS. 748 00:33:57,167 --> 00:33:58,133 Others: WHAT? 749 00:33:58,167 --> 00:34:00,633 NO. THIS IS STUPID, AND YOU'RE STUPID. 750 00:34:00,667 --> 00:34:02,567 WHY WOULD WE WANT TO KILL EACH OTHER? 751 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:04,533 YEAH. SO WHAT IF SLAB LOST MY TERM PAPER 752 00:34:04,567 --> 00:34:06,633 AFTER HE COPIED IT AND TURNED IT IN AS HIS OWN 753 00:34:06,667 --> 00:34:08,033 AND GOT AN "A." 754 00:34:08,067 --> 00:34:10,733 YEAH. AND SO WHAT IF BARBARA TOLD EVERYONE 755 00:34:10,767 --> 00:34:12,367 I GOT A SMALL "SHWONTZ." 756 00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,400 EVEN THOUGH I DON'T. 757 00:34:15,433 --> 00:34:16,967 EXACTLY. AND SO WHAT 758 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,967 IF BONER'S DAD WAS CHEATING WITH MY MOM, 759 00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,867 LEADING TO HER DOWNWARD SPIRAL INTO ALCOHOLISM. 760 00:34:21,900 --> 00:34:23,800 MY DAD IS WHAT? 761 00:34:23,833 --> 00:34:25,800 AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY STRANGE, 762 00:34:25,833 --> 00:34:26,800 IS SOMEHOW, 763 00:34:26,833 --> 00:34:29,133 THE KILLER ALWAYS KNOWS WHERE WE ARE. 764 00:34:29,167 --> 00:34:30,867 OOH. OOF. 765 00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:32,133 All: YEAH. 766 00:34:32,167 --> 00:34:33,700 YOU KNOW WHAT WE'VE GOT TO DO? 767 00:34:33,733 --> 00:34:35,300 WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE. 768 00:34:35,333 --> 00:34:36,500 TO SOMEPLACE SAFE. 769 00:34:36,533 --> 00:34:37,833 YEAH, IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE... 770 00:34:37,867 --> 00:34:40,033 IN THE DARK WOODS AND POURING RAIN... 771 00:34:40,067 --> 00:34:41,300 WITHOUT ANY ADULT SUPERVISION 772 00:34:41,333 --> 00:34:43,333 OR POLICE PROTECTION ANYWHERE IN THE NEAR VICINITY. 773 00:34:43,367 --> 00:34:45,700 AND I KNOW JUST THE PLACE. IT'S TOTALLY DESERTED 774 00:34:45,733 --> 00:34:48,033 EVER SINCE THOSE DORKY KIDS WERE DISMEMBERED. 775 00:34:48,067 --> 00:34:50,133 ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT BAND CAMP? 776 00:34:50,167 --> 00:34:51,633 WAIT A SECOND. THIS IS STUPID. 777 00:34:51,667 --> 00:34:53,300 LET'S JUST ALL GO TO ONE OF YOUR HOUSES. 778 00:34:53,333 --> 00:34:54,300 HEY, THAT'S COOL. 779 00:34:54,333 --> 00:34:55,367 MY PARENTS ARE OUT OF TOWN. 780 00:34:55,400 --> 00:34:58,033 THEY WON'T BOTHER US. 781 00:34:59,600 --> 00:35:00,967 NO. LET'S GO TO MY HOUSE. 782 00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:02,800 MY PARENTS ARE LOCKED IN THE BASEMENT. 783 00:35:02,833 --> 00:35:04,900 THEY'LL TOTALLY LEAVE US ALONE. 784 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,300 Barbara: NO, MY HOUSE. 785 00:35:08,333 --> 00:35:09,300 MY PARENTS ARE DIVORCED, 786 00:35:09,333 --> 00:35:10,533 AND I SPEND THE WEEKENDS WITH MY DAD, 787 00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:11,800 BUT HE TRIES TO MAKE UP FOR LOST TIME 788 00:35:11,833 --> 00:35:13,200 BY LETTING ME GET AWAY WITH MURDER. 789 00:35:13,233 --> 00:35:14,200 [ALL GASP] 790 00:35:14,233 --> 00:35:16,367 WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 791 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,467 ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO TO MY HOUSE. 792 00:35:17,500 --> 00:35:18,467 MY PARENTS ARE DEAD. 793 00:35:18,500 --> 00:35:20,833 ALL RIGHT! COOL. 794 00:35:20,867 --> 00:35:22,200 ALL RIGHT, SO WE'LL STAY THERE THE NIGHT, 795 00:35:22,233 --> 00:35:23,633 AND WE'LL BE SAFE. 796 00:35:23,667 --> 00:35:24,700 OK, SO IT'S SETTLED, THEN. 797 00:35:24,733 --> 00:35:26,233 WE'LL ALL MEET UP AT SLAB'S HOUSE. 798 00:35:26,267 --> 00:35:28,600 UNTIL THEN, WATCH YOUR BACKS. 799 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:38,833 P.A.: WILL THE FOLLOWING STUDENTS 800 00:35:38,867 --> 00:35:40,800 PLEASE REPORT TO THE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE. 801 00:35:40,833 --> 00:35:46,533 JACK MEOFF, MIKE CUNT, LOSE HER, AND HEYWOOD YOUBUMP. 802 00:35:46,567 --> 00:35:48,500 AH, WELL, YOUR UM, READING SCORES 803 00:35:48,533 --> 00:35:49,700 ARE AVERAGE, JIMMY, 804 00:35:49,733 --> 00:35:52,400 BUT, UH, BUT YOU'RE KILLING ON A 12th-GRADE LEVEL. 805 00:35:52,433 --> 00:35:53,533 CONGRATULATIONS. 806 00:35:53,567 --> 00:35:55,833 YOU'RE GONNA DO JUST FINE AT THE SEMINARY. 807 00:35:59,333 --> 00:36:01,333 [BELL RINGS] 808 00:36:14,867 --> 00:36:16,767 [COYOTE HOWLS] 809 00:36:25,567 --> 00:36:27,467 [WOMEN LAUGHING] 810 00:36:27,500 --> 00:36:28,633 Woman: HOW ABOUT THAT MICHAEL DUNNE? 811 00:36:28,667 --> 00:36:30,533 NOW THERE'S AN ASS THAT WON'T QUIT. 812 00:36:30,567 --> 00:36:31,700 Second woman: YOU'RE TELLING ME. 813 00:36:31,733 --> 00:36:33,133 HE'S IN MY THIRD PERIOD CLASS. 814 00:36:33,167 --> 00:36:34,533 I'D LIKE TO JUMP HIS BONES. 815 00:36:34,567 --> 00:36:36,300 [WOMEN LAUGH] 816 00:36:36,333 --> 00:36:39,033 [TOILETS FLUSH] 817 00:36:39,067 --> 00:36:40,533 HEY, DID YOU FINISH GRADING YOUR TERM PAPERS? 818 00:36:40,567 --> 00:36:41,800 NO, I WAS TOO HUNG OVER. 819 00:36:41,833 --> 00:36:42,900 DID YOU READ ANY OF YOURS? 820 00:36:42,933 --> 00:36:44,867 NEVER READ THEM. WHO DOES? 821 00:36:44,900 --> 00:36:46,167 HEY, DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET 822 00:36:46,200 --> 00:36:47,633 AN UNREGISTERED HANDGUN? 823 00:36:47,667 --> 00:36:49,033 YOU GOT 50 BUCKS? 824 00:36:49,067 --> 00:36:50,033 UM... 825 00:36:50,067 --> 00:36:51,033 I CAN GET IT BY FRIDAY. 826 00:36:51,067 --> 00:36:52,433 I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO. 827 00:37:05,933 --> 00:37:07,900 [SUBMARINE RADAR PINGING] 828 00:37:09,333 --> 00:37:11,567 [DEEP BREATH] 829 00:37:28,533 --> 00:37:29,733 [SCREAMS] 830 00:37:41,533 --> 00:37:43,033 ♪ DO, DO, DO, DO, DO, DO ♪ 831 00:37:43,067 --> 00:37:46,233 ♪ DO WAAA ♪ 832 00:37:47,567 --> 00:37:49,333 ♪ YOU'RE NEVER FRESH OUT OF TUNE ♪ 833 00:37:49,367 --> 00:37:51,300 ♪ WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING THE KNIFE ♪ 834 00:37:51,333 --> 00:37:54,567 ♪ WITH MENTALS THIS WILL BE YOUR NIGHT ♪ 835 00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,967 ♪ LADY LUCK WILL LIFT YOU UP ♪ 836 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,733 ♪ WHEN YOU'RE SPORTING FRESH BREATH ♪ 837 00:37:58,767 --> 00:38:00,500 ♪ BEFORE YOU STRIKE ♪ 838 00:38:00,533 --> 00:38:04,033 ♪ 'CAUSE YOUR DEATH GOES BETTER WITH MENTALS FRESHNESS ♪ 839 00:38:04,067 --> 00:38:07,467 ♪ DEATH GOES BETTER WITH MENTALS FRESHNESS ♪ 840 00:38:07,500 --> 00:38:09,500 ♪ DEATH GOES BETTER WITH YOU ♪ 841 00:38:09,533 --> 00:38:12,133 ♪ WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? ♪ 842 00:38:12,167 --> 00:38:13,067 JEEZ. 843 00:38:16,100 --> 00:38:19,033 P.A.: ATTENTION, STUDENTS. TONIGHT'S P.T.A. MEETING 844 00:38:19,067 --> 00:38:21,333 WILL BE HELD AT THE HOOTERS RESTAURANT 845 00:38:21,367 --> 00:38:22,533 IN GLENDALE. 846 00:38:22,567 --> 00:38:24,667 PLEASE REMIND YOUR PARENTS. 847 00:38:24,700 --> 00:38:28,667 ALSO, WHOEVER PUT REAL MEAT IN TODAY'S LUNCH, 848 00:38:28,700 --> 00:38:31,067 PLEASE REMOVE IT. 849 00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:34,967 MAN, THIS CAR SUCKS. 850 00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:36,700 WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT. 851 00:38:36,733 --> 00:38:38,333 [SNORTS, SPITS] 852 00:38:38,367 --> 00:38:41,167 HEY, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 853 00:38:42,267 --> 00:38:44,533 DON'T YOU SEE WHAT I SEE? 854 00:38:44,567 --> 00:38:46,167 WHY, THIS CAR'S AUTOMATIC. 855 00:38:48,233 --> 00:38:50,000 SYSTEMATIC. 856 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:52,767 IT'S HYDROMATIC. 857 00:38:53,900 --> 00:38:55,333 WHY, IT'S GREASE FRIGHTNING. 858 00:38:58,533 --> 00:39:00,067 [1950's MUSIC PLAYING] 859 00:39:19,533 --> 00:39:22,367 WHAT A FAG. 860 00:39:22,400 --> 00:39:25,667 LET'S GO PIN IT ON HIS LOCKER. FAG. 861 00:39:25,700 --> 00:39:29,900 OF COURSE IT'S STUPID IF NO ONE ELSE SINGS. 862 00:39:29,933 --> 00:39:31,067 DICKS. 863 00:39:37,433 --> 00:39:38,400 WHATEVER. 864 00:39:45,433 --> 00:39:49,533 [LONG SIGH] 865 00:39:49,567 --> 00:39:52,500 HUH. 866 00:39:57,767 --> 00:40:00,033 [LONG SIGH] 867 00:40:00,067 --> 00:40:03,200 HUH? MR. ANDRETTI? 868 00:40:03,233 --> 00:40:05,500 [MOTOR RUMBLES] 869 00:40:05,533 --> 00:40:07,167 [ROCK MUSIC PLAYS] 870 00:40:21,833 --> 00:40:29,500 AAAAAAAAHHHH! 871 00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:37,900 AAAAAAAAHHHH! 872 00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:45,900 AAAAAAHHH! 873 00:40:47,333 --> 00:40:50,367 [POLICE SIREN BLARES] 874 00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:51,333 GREAT. 875 00:40:53,067 --> 00:40:56,400 MOTHER-SCRATCHER. 876 00:40:59,133 --> 00:41:02,367 [SIGHS] 877 00:41:05,733 --> 00:41:07,733 LICENSE AND ACTIVE WARRANTS? 878 00:41:14,733 --> 00:41:15,733 [HORN BLARES] 879 00:41:15,767 --> 00:41:18,200 P.A.: MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION 880 00:41:18,233 --> 00:41:21,700 FOR THE RESULTS OF YESTERDAY'S PREGNANCY TESTS. 881 00:41:21,733 --> 00:41:26,533 SUSAN SAVINSKY, NEGATIVE. MELISSA BLAKE, POSITIVE. 882 00:41:26,567 --> 00:41:28,900 JONATHAN WINER, NEGATIVE. 883 00:41:33,733 --> 00:41:35,367 DID YOU KNOW THAT MOST SERIAL KILLERS 884 00:41:35,400 --> 00:41:36,700 HAVE AN EXTRA CHROMOSOME? 885 00:41:36,733 --> 00:41:37,700 OH, REALLY? 886 00:41:37,733 --> 00:41:40,333 YEAH, TRUST ME. I'M FROM WISCONSIN. 887 00:41:41,900 --> 00:41:43,367 THAT'S A REALLY NICE GUN. 888 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,633 THANKS. MY MOM BOUGHT IT FOR ME. 889 00:41:45,667 --> 00:41:47,067 NOW I'M SAVING UP FOR BULLETS. 890 00:41:47,100 --> 00:41:48,700 HMM. 9 MILLIMETER? 891 00:41:48,733 --> 00:41:50,133 WHEN IT'S COLD. 892 00:41:50,167 --> 00:41:51,467 YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT THIS STUFF. 893 00:41:51,500 --> 00:41:52,533 WELL, I HAVE TO. 894 00:41:52,567 --> 00:41:54,133 MY DEMO SHOWED THAT I'M MOST POPULAR 895 00:41:54,167 --> 00:41:55,500 WITH FELONS AND BEDWETTERS. 896 00:41:55,533 --> 00:41:59,067 HMM. PERFECT. THEN, I'M YOUR MAN. 897 00:41:59,100 --> 00:42:01,700 YOU DO LIKE TO WATCH. 898 00:42:01,733 --> 00:42:03,067 [CAMERAMAN STILL GAGGING] 899 00:42:08,167 --> 00:42:09,333 WHO DOESN'T? 900 00:42:16,567 --> 00:42:19,567 [WHISTLE BLOWS] 901 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,967 [BELL RINGS] 902 00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,867 SEIG HEIL! SEIG HEIL! SEIG HEIL! 903 00:42:25,900 --> 00:42:29,333 P.A.: ATTENTION, STUDENTS. FLIGHT 916 FOR TUSCANY 904 00:42:29,367 --> 00:42:32,467 WILL BE BOARDING AT GATE 14A. 905 00:42:32,500 --> 00:42:34,133 THE WHITE ZONE IS FOR LOADING 906 00:42:34,167 --> 00:42:36,867 AND UNLOADING OF PASSENGERS ONLY. 907 00:42:36,900 --> 00:42:39,200 NO PARKING. 908 00:42:39,233 --> 00:42:41,367 ALSO, TODAY'S HAPPY HOUR 909 00:42:41,400 --> 00:42:43,700 WILL BE HELD IN THE BIOLOGY LAB. 910 00:42:43,733 --> 00:42:48,000 REMEMBER, WINGS ARE FREE WHEN YOU BUY A PITCHER. 911 00:42:54,567 --> 00:42:56,300 ♪ SHE'S GONNA TAKE ♪ 912 00:42:56,333 --> 00:42:58,000 ♪ THE BLINK OF AN EYE ♪ 913 00:42:58,033 --> 00:42:59,833 ♪ I DON'T WANNA SOUND DEFEATING ♪ 914 00:42:59,867 --> 00:43:02,533 ♪ BUT YOU KNOW THAT SHE'S EVERYTHING TO ME ♪ 915 00:43:02,567 --> 00:43:04,367 ♪ SHE'S EVERYTHING ♪ 916 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:06,033 ♪ SHE'S GOIN' OUT ♪ 917 00:43:06,067 --> 00:43:08,900 ♪ SHE'S GOIN' TO DO MY THING ♪ 918 00:43:14,833 --> 00:43:16,867 ♪ WE TALK ABOUT THIS ♪ 919 00:43:16,900 --> 00:43:18,000 ♪ SHE MAKES IT OK ♪ 920 00:43:18,033 --> 00:43:19,933 ♪ WE GO FOR OUR... ♪ 921 00:43:33,700 --> 00:43:35,000 [HORN BLARES] 922 00:43:35,033 --> 00:43:36,567 [CHEERING] 923 00:43:38,833 --> 00:43:40,233 P.A.: WE'RE IN THE FINAL TURN. 924 00:43:40,267 --> 00:43:42,533 IT'S MARTINA AND THE KILLER. 925 00:43:42,567 --> 00:43:44,367 THE KILLER MAKING HIS MOVE. 926 00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:47,400 NOW IT'S THE KILLER AND MARTINA. 927 00:43:47,433 --> 00:43:49,967 MARTINA NOW MAKING HER MOVE. 928 00:43:50,000 --> 00:43:52,833 NOW IT'S MARTINA AND THE KILLER. 929 00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:59,500 [CHARIOTS OF FIRE-LIKE THEME PLAYING] 930 00:44:24,100 --> 00:44:26,367 THE KILLER WITH THE FACE GEAR! 931 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:27,367 YEAH! [BAND PLAYS] 932 00:44:35,100 --> 00:44:36,733 YEAH, YEAH! 933 00:44:40,700 --> 00:44:42,900 YEAH! HEY... 934 00:44:46,567 --> 00:44:49,000 P.A.: ATTENTION, STUDENTS. 935 00:44:49,033 --> 00:44:52,533 THERE WILL BE A FIRE DRILL AT 3:05 TODAY. 936 00:44:52,567 --> 00:44:56,367 PLEASE BRING YOUR OWN MATCHES AND LIGHTER FLUID. 937 00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,733 [SQUEAKING] 938 00:45:13,367 --> 00:45:14,267 [SQUEAKING] 939 00:45:15,500 --> 00:45:16,400 YAAH! 940 00:45:20,067 --> 00:45:22,233 OH. 941 00:45:25,167 --> 00:45:27,867 2 MINUTES TO SHOWTIME... 942 00:45:27,900 --> 00:45:31,233 OR SHOULD I SAY SHOWER TIME? 943 00:45:34,233 --> 00:45:36,733 OH, YEAH. 944 00:45:36,767 --> 00:45:38,167 COME TO PAPA. 945 00:45:39,333 --> 00:45:41,267 [RUMBLING] 946 00:45:42,500 --> 00:45:46,200 SLAB? DAWSON? 947 00:45:46,233 --> 00:45:48,000 MARTINA? 948 00:46:01,100 --> 00:46:02,500 EUREKA. 949 00:46:05,733 --> 00:46:09,733 ALL RIGHT. 950 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,667 WAIT A MINUTE. 951 00:46:15,700 --> 00:46:17,533 WHAT THE? 952 00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,500 [BELL RINGS] 953 00:46:36,533 --> 00:46:39,800 OK, OK, OK. FACULTY COMING THROUGH. 954 00:46:39,833 --> 00:46:41,733 HELLO? HELLO? CHRIST. 955 00:46:41,767 --> 00:46:43,400 AREN'T ANY OF YOU ON THE INTERNET? 956 00:46:43,433 --> 00:46:45,600 PUT A LEASH ON IT, TARZAN. 957 00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:51,833 HELLO, GANG. WELCOME TO SEX EDUCATION. 958 00:46:51,867 --> 00:46:53,700 IF YOU AREN'T REGISTERED FOR THIS COURSE 959 00:46:53,733 --> 00:46:55,633 OR ARE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST, 960 00:46:55,667 --> 00:46:57,333 YOU'RE IN THE WRONG ROOM. 961 00:47:02,567 --> 00:47:03,500 TA-TA. 962 00:47:04,733 --> 00:47:07,800 A-CHURCHING WE GO. OK, LET'S GET STARTED 963 00:47:07,833 --> 00:47:10,000 BY REVIEWING THE BASICS, SHALL WE? 964 00:47:10,033 --> 00:47:12,300 WHO REMEMBERS MY 2 FRIENDS 965 00:47:12,333 --> 00:47:16,300 PETER LONGFELLOW AND VIRGINIA TULIPS? 966 00:47:16,333 --> 00:47:17,867 [SNIFFS, HUSKY VOICE] OH, BABY. 967 00:47:17,900 --> 00:47:20,233 YOU SMELL LIKE BEER. 968 00:47:20,267 --> 00:47:22,133 [FEMININE VOICE] OH, OH, PEYTON PLACE, 969 00:47:22,167 --> 00:47:24,500 I'VE ALWAYS RELIED ON THE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS. 970 00:47:24,533 --> 00:47:26,067 [HUSKY VOICE] EAT MY STRANGER. 971 00:47:26,100 --> 00:47:29,367 [FEMININE VOICE] OW! OW! DADDY, DADDY! 972 00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:30,567 [HUSKY VOICE] UGH! AH! 973 00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:31,700 I'M GONNA GET IT! 974 00:47:31,733 --> 00:47:33,700 [LAMAZE BREATHING] 975 00:47:33,733 --> 00:47:35,833 [FEMININE VOICE] OW! OW! 976 00:47:37,333 --> 00:47:38,300 YES? 977 00:47:38,333 --> 00:47:39,733 MR. BUCHANAN, 978 00:47:39,767 --> 00:47:41,700 MAY I PLEASE BE EXCUSED? 979 00:47:41,733 --> 00:47:44,200 COULDN'T WAIT TILL PROM, MS. DELGADO? 980 00:47:45,600 --> 00:47:48,367 GO. GO, GO, GO, GO, GO. 981 00:47:50,767 --> 00:47:54,133 ALL RIGHT. LET'S MOVE ON TO OUR FILM, SHALL WE? 982 00:47:54,167 --> 00:47:55,367 I JUST NEED A VOLUNTEER 983 00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,433 TO PUT SOME FUELER IN THE PROJECTOR. 984 00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:00,367 ANYONE. 985 00:48:00,400 --> 00:48:02,633 FUELER. 986 00:48:02,667 --> 00:48:03,833 FUELER. 987 00:48:05,667 --> 00:48:07,133 YES. 988 00:48:07,167 --> 00:48:08,233 I'LL DO IT. 989 00:48:08,267 --> 00:48:10,233 SUGAR BOOGER. HERE YOU GO. 990 00:48:10,267 --> 00:48:13,033 KNOCK YOURSELF OUT. THERE YOU GO, KILLER. 991 00:48:13,067 --> 00:48:17,700 YOU WON'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE WITH THOSE DELTOIDS. HA. 992 00:48:17,733 --> 00:48:19,533 ALL RIGHT, UM, WHERE WAS I? 993 00:48:19,567 --> 00:48:22,233 UH... 994 00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:53,867 Announcer: THE FOLLOWING MOTION PICTURE 995 00:48:53,900 --> 00:48:55,067 HAS BEEN RATED X. 996 00:48:55,100 --> 00:48:56,800 IT CONTAINS ADULT SITUATIONS, 997 00:48:56,833 --> 00:48:59,000 ADULT LANGUAGE, AND NUDITY. 998 00:48:59,033 --> 00:49:00,967 LOTS OF NUDITY. 999 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:02,567 EXTENSIVE PAUSING OR REWINDING 1000 00:49:02,600 --> 00:49:03,700 WILL DAMAGE FILM. 1001 00:49:03,733 --> 00:49:05,867 PARENTAL ABSENCE IS SUGGESTED. 1002 00:49:08,500 --> 00:49:09,467 Second announcer: AND NOW, 1003 00:49:09,500 --> 00:49:11,067 FOR OUR FEATURE PRESENTATION. 1004 00:49:11,100 --> 00:49:13,667 HOLOMARK HALL OF FAME PROUDLY PRESENTS... 1005 00:49:13,700 --> 00:49:16,900 MOTLEY SCREW: THE PAM AND TOMMY STORY. 1006 00:49:19,767 --> 00:49:21,967 Tommy: LOOK, I'M DRIVING THE BOAT. 1007 00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,133 LOOK, I'M MEASURING THE COUCH. 1008 00:49:24,167 --> 00:49:27,067 Pam: YOU LOOK LIKE A TRIPOD. 1009 00:49:27,100 --> 00:49:30,300 OH. WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT CHOICE OF WALLPAPER? 1010 00:49:30,333 --> 00:49:33,533 WHO IS YOUR DECORATOR? MUSSOLINI? 1011 00:49:33,567 --> 00:49:35,200 Pam: MMM... 1012 00:49:35,233 --> 00:49:36,667 HEY, NO ONE'S GONNA SEE THIS, 1013 00:49:36,700 --> 00:49:37,700 RIGHT, BABY? 1014 00:49:37,733 --> 00:49:39,500 Tommy: OH... 1015 00:49:39,533 --> 00:49:41,433 [ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING] 1016 00:50:00,667 --> 00:50:02,167 [GASPS] 1017 00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:04,067 [SIGHS] 1018 00:50:04,100 --> 00:50:06,533 DO YOU MIND PRACTICING SOMEWHERE ELSE? 1019 00:50:06,567 --> 00:50:10,533 Tommy: OH, YEAH. OH, YEAH. 1020 00:50:10,567 --> 00:50:12,067 Pam: OW! OW! 1021 00:50:12,100 --> 00:50:13,867 HEY, THIS ISN'T GONNA HELP MY SORE THROAT ANY, 1022 00:50:13,900 --> 00:50:16,300 IS IT? OW! OH, OH! 1023 00:50:16,333 --> 00:50:18,233 [ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING] 1024 00:50:36,200 --> 00:50:38,533 HA HA HA. SCISSORS CUT PAPER. 1025 00:50:38,567 --> 00:50:40,600 YOU LOSE. 1026 00:51:18,333 --> 00:51:21,567 Tommy: HEY, LOOK. I'M POLE-VAULTING. 1027 00:51:30,700 --> 00:51:33,633 Principal: AHA. THAT'S WHY I DON'T WEAR UNDERWEAR. 1028 00:51:33,667 --> 00:51:39,033 MMM. THAT WAS AMAZING, WASN'T IT, BABY? 1029 00:51:39,067 --> 00:51:40,733 I JUST LOVE PLAYING NAUGHTY KILLER 1030 00:51:40,767 --> 00:51:42,500 AND PRISON PSYCHIATRIST WITH YOU. 1031 00:51:42,533 --> 00:51:43,500 [MEOWS] 1032 00:51:43,533 --> 00:51:45,400 BUT NEXT TIME, DON'T PULL IT SO TIGHT. 1033 00:51:45,433 --> 00:51:47,733 THAT'S MY GOOD SCARF. HA HA HA. 1034 00:51:49,233 --> 00:51:51,833 LET'S SEE WHAT THE KIDS IS UP TO. 1035 00:52:01,767 --> 00:52:04,067 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 1036 00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,867 OH, I'M SORRY, LOVER. 1037 00:52:14,900 --> 00:52:16,567 DID I LEAVE YOU HANGING? 1038 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,233 I KNOW WHAT WE NEED. 1039 00:52:18,267 --> 00:52:21,500 ♪ MARGARITAS ♪ 1040 00:52:21,533 --> 00:52:23,033 THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 1041 00:52:23,067 --> 00:52:24,667 SEE? IT'S ME AND YOU, GIRL. 1042 00:52:24,700 --> 00:52:26,800 ALL RIGHT. 1043 00:52:26,833 --> 00:52:29,200 ME AND YOU. 1044 00:52:29,233 --> 00:52:33,200 HEY, YOU KIDS, KNOCK OFF THE GRAB-ASS! 1045 00:52:33,233 --> 00:52:35,067 IT'S A GOOD THING PRINCIPAL WINKLER 1046 00:52:35,100 --> 00:52:36,867 LEFT THAT FUTON BEHIND. 1047 00:52:36,900 --> 00:52:39,067 COME ON. I WANT TO SHOW YOU A TRICK. 1048 00:52:41,933 --> 00:52:45,300 HEY! WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU? 1049 00:52:45,333 --> 00:52:47,300 LET'S GO, MAN. 1050 00:52:47,333 --> 00:52:49,467 I... I DIDN'T SEE YOU COME IN. 1051 00:52:49,500 --> 00:52:52,133 WELL, WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? 1052 00:52:52,167 --> 00:52:54,800 UH, I WAS JUST BONING UP ON MY... ON MY C.P.R., 1053 00:52:54,833 --> 00:52:58,367 A-A-AND I GOT A SORE HIP, SO WE WAS IN... 1054 00:52:58,400 --> 00:53:00,200 WHAT THE? 1055 00:53:00,233 --> 00:53:02,500 HEY, DON'T MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE. 1056 00:53:02,533 --> 00:53:03,933 HEY. ALL RIGHT. 1057 00:53:06,367 --> 00:53:09,533 HA-YA! 1058 00:53:09,567 --> 00:53:13,533 ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. UGH. 1059 00:53:13,567 --> 00:53:18,033 DAMN. WANNABE. 1060 00:53:18,067 --> 00:53:21,000 CHERRY VAN, MAN. 1061 00:53:21,033 --> 00:53:22,900 THANKS. I BOUGHT IT FROM JEWEL. 1062 00:53:22,933 --> 00:53:24,633 IT STILL SMELLS LIKE PEANUT BUTTER. 1063 00:53:24,667 --> 00:53:25,867 YEAH. 1064 00:53:25,900 --> 00:53:27,867 OH, MY GOD. WE SAW HIM. 1065 00:53:27,900 --> 00:53:29,867 WE ALL DID. DAWSON'S BEING INTERVIEWED 1066 00:53:29,900 --> 00:53:31,233 BY THE COPS RIGHT NOW. 1067 00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:34,833 YEAH, BUT WORKING WITH WILLIAM KEVINSON 1068 00:53:34,867 --> 00:53:36,400 WAS A REALLY GREAT EXPERIENCE FOR ME. 1069 00:53:36,433 --> 00:53:39,500 YOU KNOW, HE'S A BRILLIANT GUY. 1070 00:53:39,533 --> 00:53:40,733 GOT IT? 1071 00:53:44,900 --> 00:53:47,633 YOU'RE A VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN. 1072 00:53:47,667 --> 00:53:50,533 NOW, SCRAM! 1073 00:53:50,567 --> 00:53:53,733 I WANT TO TAKE THAT HOME. 1074 00:53:53,767 --> 00:53:57,900 ♪ SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER ♪ 1075 00:53:58,933 --> 00:54:01,333 Director: 2... 1... AND... 1076 00:54:01,367 --> 00:54:03,800 WELCOME BACK TO BULIMIA FALLS HIGH, 1077 00:54:03,833 --> 00:54:06,467 HOME OF EMPTY-V'S SPRING BREAK MASSACRE, 1078 00:54:06,500 --> 00:54:07,867 WHERE WE HAVE LIVE COVERAGE 1079 00:54:07,900 --> 00:54:09,367 OF THE COOLEST MURDERS IN THE COUNTRY 1080 00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:11,533 AND HOT NEW VIDEOS FROM THE BACKSTREET BOYS. 1081 00:54:11,567 --> 00:54:12,800 SO, DOUGHY. 1082 00:54:12,833 --> 00:54:14,133 HEY, BABY. 1083 00:54:14,167 --> 00:54:15,700 UM, OFFICER PRIMESSUSPEKT? 1084 00:54:15,733 --> 00:54:17,667 IS IT TRUE THAT ALL THE STUDENTS 1085 00:54:17,700 --> 00:54:19,333 GOT NOTES FROM THE KILLER? 1086 00:54:19,367 --> 00:54:21,833 UH-HUH. 1087 00:54:21,867 --> 00:54:24,800 WELL, WHAT DOES IT MEAN? ARE THEY IN DANGER? 1088 00:54:24,833 --> 00:54:26,300 WELL, I DON'T WANT TO SCARE ANYBODY, 1089 00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:28,067 BUT I'D SAY THEY'RE ALL STRONG CANDIDATES 1090 00:54:28,100 --> 00:54:29,067 FOR A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED 1091 00:54:29,100 --> 00:54:31,900 AX IN THE HEAD. ARE WE ON LIVE? 1092 00:54:31,933 --> 00:54:33,967 HEY, DICKHEAD. SHOT OF THEM! SHOT OF THEM! 1093 00:54:34,000 --> 00:54:36,067 [YELLING, CHEERING] 1094 00:54:39,733 --> 00:54:41,300 OK, OFFICER PRIMESSUSPEKT, 1095 00:54:41,333 --> 00:54:43,633 ARE YOU TAKING ANY EXTRA PRECAUTIONS? 1096 00:54:43,667 --> 00:54:45,033 WELL, I'M WEARING 2 PAIRS OF UNDERPANTS. 1097 00:54:45,067 --> 00:54:46,200 DON'T TOUCH ME! 1098 00:54:47,600 --> 00:54:49,200 AND ALSO, WE SENT A UNIT OUT 1099 00:54:49,233 --> 00:54:50,400 TO WHATEVER DESERTED LOCATION 1100 00:54:50,433 --> 00:54:51,467 THESE KIDS ARE GOING OUT TO. 1101 00:54:51,500 --> 00:54:52,700 WHERE IS THAT PLACE, KIDS? 1102 00:54:52,733 --> 00:54:55,067 WHOO! ROCK 'N' ROLL! 1103 00:54:57,867 --> 00:55:00,367 [MUSIC PLAYING, PEOPLE TALKING] 1104 00:55:02,767 --> 00:55:05,400 Slab: HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY CATS? 1105 00:55:07,067 --> 00:55:11,067 HEY. HEY, GIRLFRIEND. COME ON UP HERE. 1106 00:55:21,733 --> 00:55:23,167 HEY, HEY. WATCH THAT CEILING FAN. 1107 00:55:24,600 --> 00:55:26,033 OH. 1108 00:55:26,067 --> 00:55:28,700 [WET THUD, MUSIC STOPS] 1109 00:55:28,733 --> 00:55:30,133 [MUSIC, TALKING RESUME] 1110 00:55:30,167 --> 00:55:32,700 SO I GRABBED THE BASTARD BY HIS CHEAP COSTUME, 1111 00:55:32,733 --> 00:55:34,233 AND I THREW HIM UP AGAINST THE WALL, 1112 00:55:34,267 --> 00:55:36,233 AND I SAID TO HIM, "YOU WANT THE TRUTH?" 1113 00:55:38,767 --> 00:55:41,700 AHH. "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH." 1114 00:55:41,733 --> 00:55:43,667 [VOMITS] 1115 00:55:46,900 --> 00:55:49,000 SO, DO YOU WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS? 1116 00:56:06,567 --> 00:56:08,300 HA. HEY, DOUGHY. 1117 00:56:08,333 --> 00:56:09,300 HEY, BABY. 1118 00:56:09,333 --> 00:56:11,133 SO, YOU ALL READY FOR TONIGHT? 1119 00:56:11,167 --> 00:56:13,233 LET'S JUST SAY I GOT AN ITCHY TRIGGER FINGER. 1120 00:56:13,267 --> 00:56:14,700 POISON IVY? 1121 00:56:14,733 --> 00:56:16,033 NO, I SHOWERED AT THE "Y." 1122 00:56:16,067 --> 00:56:17,533 OH. BAD SOAP? 1123 00:56:17,567 --> 00:56:18,633 YEAH. I GUESS IT'S ONLY 1124 00:56:18,667 --> 00:56:20,333 SUPPOSED TO BE USED EXTERNALLY. 1125 00:56:20,367 --> 00:56:23,367 SO, HOW COME YOU HAVE A RASH ON YOUR FINGER, THEN? 1126 00:56:23,400 --> 00:56:25,333 WELL, I HAD TO GET IT OUT. 1127 00:56:27,100 --> 00:56:29,733 SO, UH, YOU THINK THE KILLER'S GONNA SHOW UP? 1128 00:56:29,767 --> 00:56:32,233 IT'S HALLOWEEN, ISN'T IT? 1129 00:56:34,100 --> 00:56:36,767 [LAUGHS] 1130 00:56:43,567 --> 00:56:47,533 [TAPPING] 1131 00:56:47,567 --> 00:56:50,367 COLLECTING FOR THE UNLUCKY FISHERMAN'S ASSOCIATION. 1132 00:56:50,400 --> 00:56:53,100 OH, SORRY, DUDE. I... I GAVE AT THE PIER. 1133 00:56:55,267 --> 00:56:58,067 OK, SO, WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT TO WATCH? 1134 00:56:58,100 --> 00:56:59,000 OH, HOW ABOUT TELETUBBIES? 1135 00:56:59,033 --> 00:57:00,533 NAH. WE DON'T HAVE ANY POT. 1136 00:57:00,567 --> 00:57:01,867 ALL RIGHT. WE'VE GOT HOT SHOTS, 1137 00:57:01,900 --> 00:57:04,400 THE NAKED GUN, OOH, AIRPLANE. 1138 00:57:04,433 --> 00:57:05,867 YEAH. I HEAR IF YOU PAUSE IT JUST RIGHT, 1139 00:57:05,900 --> 00:57:07,700 YOU CAN SEE LESLIE NEILSEN'S PENIS. 1140 00:57:07,733 --> 00:57:09,000 All: EWW! 1141 00:57:11,067 --> 00:57:12,700 PARODIES ARE LAME. 1142 00:57:12,733 --> 00:57:13,700 I'M GONNA GET SOME MORE BEER. 1143 00:57:13,733 --> 00:57:15,000 I'LL BE BACK. 1144 00:57:15,033 --> 00:57:16,000 WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY? 1145 00:57:16,033 --> 00:57:17,400 YOU CAN'T TALK LIKE THAT, BARBARA. 1146 00:57:17,433 --> 00:57:19,400 I MEAN, WE ARE IN A PARODY SITUATION. 1147 00:57:19,433 --> 00:57:20,833 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 1148 00:57:20,867 --> 00:57:24,500 A PARODY. A KILLER IN A "THE KILLER" COSTUME 1149 00:57:24,533 --> 00:57:25,867 SLAUGHTERING A BUNCH OF GOOD-LOOKING, 1150 00:57:25,900 --> 00:57:27,233 HORNY STUDENTS AT, LIKE, 1151 00:57:27,267 --> 00:57:29,233 A RIDICULOUSLY NAMED HIGH SCHOOL. 1152 00:57:31,900 --> 00:57:34,000 OK, HAS ANYBODY SEEN SCREAM? 1153 00:57:34,033 --> 00:57:35,533 YEAH. GREAT FLICK. 1154 00:57:35,567 --> 00:57:37,400 OK, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES, GUYS, 1155 00:57:37,433 --> 00:57:39,667 EMPTY V? THAT'S LIKE THE WORST PUN 1156 00:57:39,700 --> 00:57:41,967 I EVER HEARD. IT'S SO EASY. 1157 00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,467 I MEAN, HELLO? WE ALL GOT NOTES. 1158 00:57:44,500 --> 00:57:46,233 I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER? 1159 00:57:46,267 --> 00:57:48,200 OH, OH. THAT'S NOT WHAT MINE SAID. 1160 00:57:49,733 --> 00:57:51,233 CHAN-HAN. CHAN... 1161 00:57:51,267 --> 00:57:53,200 GIVE ME THAT. 1162 00:57:53,233 --> 00:57:54,533 GOD, I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS SCARED 1163 00:57:54,567 --> 00:57:56,600 SINCE I TRIED OUT FOR THE WNBA. 1164 00:57:59,000 --> 00:58:01,300 WHATEVER. I'M NOT SCARED. 1165 00:58:01,333 --> 00:58:02,900 [CAT MEOWS] 1166 00:58:04,333 --> 00:58:06,367 OH, CHEAPSHOT. THERE YOU ARE. 1167 00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:08,400 OH, CHEAPSHOT. 1168 00:58:08,433 --> 00:58:09,500 [MEOWS] 1169 00:58:09,533 --> 00:58:12,400 NOW I REALLY NEED MORE BEER. 1170 00:58:12,433 --> 00:58:14,567 I MEAN, COME ON, GUYS. LOOK AROUND YOU. 1171 00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:15,600 I MEAN, DAWSON. 1172 00:58:18,067 --> 00:58:19,333 WHAT? IT'S A FAMILY NAME. 1173 00:58:19,367 --> 00:58:22,400 ARE WE GONNA BE TESTED ON THIS? 1174 00:58:26,833 --> 00:58:28,300 [BELL RINGS] 1175 00:58:28,333 --> 00:58:29,633 24-HOUR PIZZA. 1176 00:58:29,667 --> 00:58:31,700 IF WE'RE NOT HERE IN 24 HOURS, WE'RE NOT COMING. 1177 00:58:31,733 --> 00:58:32,833 WHO ORDERED THE LARGE? 1178 00:58:32,867 --> 00:58:33,833 I GOT IT. 1179 00:58:33,867 --> 00:58:36,233 NO, NO, NO, NO. I GOT THAT. ALLOW ME. 1180 00:58:36,267 --> 00:58:37,233 NO, REALLY. I GOT IT. 1181 00:58:37,267 --> 00:58:38,833 NO, I GOT IT. I GOT IT. 1182 00:58:38,867 --> 00:58:39,867 HAGITHA, ALLOW ME. 1183 00:58:39,900 --> 00:58:41,333 I'LL FLIP YOU. YOU'RE ON. 1184 00:58:41,367 --> 00:58:42,333 OOH! OH! 1185 00:58:45,500 --> 00:58:47,233 BEST 2 OUT OF 3? 1186 00:58:47,267 --> 00:58:49,500 OK. OK. 1187 00:58:50,667 --> 00:58:52,733 JEEZ. 1188 00:58:52,767 --> 00:58:54,000 ALL RIGHT, LISTEN. 1189 00:58:54,033 --> 00:58:55,467 THERE ARE CERTAIN RULES YOU HAVE TO FOLLOW 1190 00:58:55,500 --> 00:58:57,867 IN A PARODY SITUATION IF YOU WANT TO SURVIVE, OK? 1191 00:58:57,900 --> 00:58:59,800 NUMBER ONE: EXAGGERATE EVERYTHING. 1192 00:58:59,833 --> 00:59:01,067 [DRAMATIC MUSIC NOTE PLAYS] 1193 00:59:01,100 --> 00:59:04,167 NUMBER 88: ACCEPT THE RIDICULOUS AS LOGICAL. 1194 00:59:06,933 --> 00:59:10,033 DON'T WORRY. I KNOW HOW TO PLEASE A WOMAN. 1195 00:59:10,067 --> 00:59:12,833 SEXUAL SIGHT GAGS, ALWAYS FUNNY. 1196 00:59:12,867 --> 00:59:15,000 WE'RE ALMOST THERE. ALMOST THERE. 1197 00:59:15,033 --> 00:59:18,467 COME ON, BABY, YEAH! YEAH! YES! 1198 00:59:18,500 --> 00:59:22,533 YES! I GOT IT! OH, YEAH. OH. 1199 00:59:22,567 --> 00:59:25,033 AND ALONG WITH WACKY SOUND EFFECTS... 1200 00:59:25,067 --> 00:59:27,533 HERE'S BONER. [UNZIPS ZIPPER] 1201 00:59:27,567 --> 00:59:30,467 [BOING] 1202 00:59:30,500 --> 00:59:32,567 AND UNLIMITED ABSURDITY. 1203 00:59:34,367 --> 00:59:35,433 AAH! 1204 00:59:41,567 --> 00:59:42,633 AAH! 1205 00:59:42,667 --> 00:59:43,867 AAH! 1206 00:59:43,900 --> 00:59:45,600 AAH! 1207 01:00:03,267 --> 01:00:05,867 REMEMBER. NOTHING IS SACRED. 1208 01:00:05,900 --> 01:00:07,200 DAMN IT! 1209 01:00:11,767 --> 01:00:13,733 PERFECT. 1210 01:00:13,767 --> 01:00:16,400 JUST PERFECT. 1211 01:00:16,433 --> 01:00:19,333 YOU'RE FORGETTING. POINT OUT THE OBVIOUS. 1212 01:00:19,367 --> 01:00:21,033 MM-HMM. 1213 01:00:21,067 --> 01:00:25,200 AND FINALLY, PERPETUATE PAINFUL STEREOTYPES. 1214 01:00:25,233 --> 01:00:28,733 THAT'S RIDICULOUS. 1215 01:00:31,333 --> 01:00:32,867 SEE, NOW THAT'S ORION... 1216 01:00:32,900 --> 01:00:35,733 AND THAT'S HIS PENIS. 1217 01:00:35,767 --> 01:00:37,700 NO, THAT'S THE BIG DIPPER. 1218 01:00:37,733 --> 01:00:39,733 REALLY? I CALL MINE "THOR'S HAMMER." 1219 01:00:41,900 --> 01:00:43,200 [GASPS] 1220 01:00:43,233 --> 01:00:45,233 I CAN'T SEE SHIT. OOF! 1221 01:00:45,267 --> 01:00:47,800 THE BOTTOM LINE IS, PARODIES COME FROM TRUTH. 1222 01:00:47,833 --> 01:00:49,133 IT'S OBSERVATIONAL, 1223 01:00:49,167 --> 01:00:51,533 SO IF SOMETHING LOOKS FAMILIAR, HEADS UP. 1224 01:00:51,567 --> 01:00:53,200 HUH? 1225 01:01:07,567 --> 01:01:12,367 [DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES] 1226 01:01:12,400 --> 01:01:13,567 [ELECTRIC KNIFE WHIRS] 1227 01:01:16,033 --> 01:01:17,367 HA HA, BONER. 1228 01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:20,633 [ELECTRIC KNIFE WHIRS LOUDLY] 1229 01:01:20,667 --> 01:01:21,633 BONER? 1230 01:01:21,667 --> 01:01:22,733 [LAUGHS] 1231 01:01:22,767 --> 01:01:24,700 [GASPS] YEAH. 1232 01:01:30,367 --> 01:01:31,400 STAY BACK, ASSHOLE. 1233 01:02:08,567 --> 01:02:09,533 [GRUNTING] 1234 01:02:10,567 --> 01:02:12,067 [LAUGHS] 1235 01:02:12,100 --> 01:02:13,333 [GRUNTING] 1236 01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:19,267 [DOORBELL RINGS] 1237 01:02:21,767 --> 01:02:23,500 YEAH. 1238 01:02:23,533 --> 01:02:27,567 ♪ WE'VE GOT A RIGHT TO BE LOVERS ♪ 1239 01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:29,867 ♪ OOH, WE WERE MADE FOR EACH OTH... ♪ 1240 01:02:33,400 --> 01:02:35,533 YEAH. 1241 01:02:35,567 --> 01:02:36,733 YEAH! [SCREAMS] 1242 01:02:38,067 --> 01:02:39,433 [LAUGHS] 1243 01:02:43,567 --> 01:02:45,333 HELP! 1244 01:02:48,100 --> 01:02:50,833 [DUELING BANJO MUSIC PLAYS] 1245 01:02:53,667 --> 01:02:54,833 [SCREAMS] [LAUGHS] 1246 01:03:27,233 --> 01:03:28,733 [SCREAMS] 1247 01:03:28,767 --> 01:03:30,867 DAMN THESE FAKE TITS. 1248 01:03:44,200 --> 01:03:45,567 Killer: OH, NO. 1249 01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:47,200 OHH. 1250 01:03:47,233 --> 01:03:50,400 WELL, THIS SURVEILLANCE WORK IS REALLY INTERESTING. 1251 01:03:50,433 --> 01:03:51,400 YEAH. 1252 01:03:51,433 --> 01:03:52,500 MUST BE REALLY HARD 1253 01:03:52,533 --> 01:03:55,033 TRYING TO BE SO INCONSPICUOUS AND QUIET. 1254 01:03:55,067 --> 01:03:56,167 RIGHT, WELL, NOT EVERYBODY'S 1255 01:03:56,200 --> 01:03:57,300 CUT OUT FOR IT, YOU KNOW. 1256 01:03:57,333 --> 01:03:58,733 HEY, HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ME PLAY THE DRUMS? 1257 01:03:58,767 --> 01:03:59,667 COME HERE! 1258 01:04:07,400 --> 01:04:08,333 [SCREAMING] 1259 01:04:24,833 --> 01:04:25,867 AAH! 1260 01:04:33,833 --> 01:04:35,367 AAH! 1261 01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:37,000 [LAUGHS] 1262 01:04:42,867 --> 01:04:44,033 [BEES BUZZING] 1263 01:04:48,400 --> 01:04:50,400 [WHIMPERS] 1264 01:05:00,867 --> 01:05:03,233 Killer: OH, DAMN. 1265 01:05:11,733 --> 01:05:13,167 WHOO! 1266 01:05:17,567 --> 01:05:19,900 HEY, NOT BAD. 1267 01:05:21,700 --> 01:05:22,667 ALL RIGHT, HERE IT COMES. 1268 01:05:22,700 --> 01:05:24,667 All: AND DON'T CALL ME SHIRLEY! 1269 01:05:24,700 --> 01:05:25,700 WHOO! 1270 01:05:25,733 --> 01:05:27,367 HEY, HEY, GUYS. 1271 01:05:27,400 --> 01:05:29,067 THEY JUST FOUND THE ADMINISTRATOR 1272 01:05:29,100 --> 01:05:31,800 FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCIPAL BOUND AND GAGGED. DEAD. 1273 01:05:31,833 --> 01:05:32,867 [GASPS] 1274 01:05:32,900 --> 01:05:34,700 LET'S GET DOWN THERE BEFORE THE CORONER DOES 1275 01:05:34,733 --> 01:05:36,167 AND PLAY WEEKEND AT BERNIE'S WITH HIM. 1276 01:05:36,200 --> 01:05:37,900 [CHEERING] 1277 01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:41,567 AND I NEVER GOT A CHANCE TO KNOW HIM. 1278 01:05:41,600 --> 01:05:42,667 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 1279 01:05:42,700 --> 01:05:44,233 UM, I'LL GET IT. IT COULD BE MY ACCOUNTANT. 1280 01:05:44,267 --> 01:05:45,833 [RING] 1281 01:05:45,867 --> 01:05:47,800 WHAT? 1282 01:05:47,833 --> 01:05:48,933 [RING] 1283 01:05:51,733 --> 01:05:54,700 SO, HERE WE ARE, ALL ALONE. 1284 01:05:54,733 --> 01:05:57,633 RIGHT. 1285 01:05:57,667 --> 01:06:00,633 I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU, DAWSON. 1286 01:06:00,667 --> 01:06:04,067 OH, YEAH? 1287 01:06:04,100 --> 01:06:06,533 I WANT YOU, DAWSON. 1288 01:06:06,567 --> 01:06:08,367 YOU WANT ME TO WEAR THAT? 1289 01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:10,700 NO. THIS IS FOR ME, 1290 01:06:10,733 --> 01:06:13,067 BUT THIS... 1291 01:06:13,100 --> 01:06:15,400 IS FOR YOU. 1292 01:06:15,433 --> 01:06:18,800 OH. 1293 01:06:18,833 --> 01:06:21,700 WAIT... WAIT... WAIT A SECOND. 1294 01:06:21,733 --> 01:06:23,300 I THOUGHT YOU WERE A LESBIAN? 1295 01:06:23,333 --> 01:06:25,533 A LESBIAN? 1296 01:06:25,567 --> 01:06:26,700 WHY? 1297 01:06:26,733 --> 01:06:28,367 HELLO. 1298 01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:30,700 YOU PLAY SOFTBALL. 1299 01:06:30,733 --> 01:06:32,867 YOU WATCH ALLY McBEAL. 1300 01:06:32,900 --> 01:06:35,067 THE WNBA. 1301 01:06:35,100 --> 01:06:37,300 NO, DAWSON, I'M NOT GAY. 1302 01:06:37,333 --> 01:06:39,367 BARBARA'S GAY. 1303 01:06:39,400 --> 01:06:42,200 BARBARA? 1304 01:06:42,233 --> 01:06:45,033 BIG ROSIE FAN. 1305 01:06:45,067 --> 01:06:47,967 BUT... BUT YOU ARE A WITCH, RIGHT? 1306 01:06:48,000 --> 01:06:49,133 OH, YEAH, YEAH. 1307 01:06:49,167 --> 01:06:50,900 [CRASH] WHOA! 1308 01:06:55,933 --> 01:06:56,900 [MEOW] 1309 01:06:56,933 --> 01:06:59,167 LAMEGAG, YOU SCARED THE CRAP OUT OF US. 1310 01:06:59,200 --> 01:07:00,233 [MEOW] 1311 01:07:00,267 --> 01:07:01,233 WHAT IS IT, BOY? 1312 01:07:01,267 --> 01:07:02,467 [GROWLING] 1313 01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,200 I'M SORRY. 1314 01:07:04,233 --> 01:07:05,700 WHAT IS IT, GIRL? 1315 01:07:05,733 --> 01:07:07,233 [MEOW] 1316 01:07:07,267 --> 01:07:09,067 SLAB'S IN TROUBLE? 1317 01:07:09,100 --> 01:07:10,300 STEROIDS? 1318 01:07:10,333 --> 01:07:12,067 IN THE BATHROOM? 1319 01:07:12,100 --> 01:07:13,833 BURT REYNOLDS WEARS A RUG? 1320 01:07:13,867 --> 01:07:15,033 [MEOW] 1321 01:07:15,067 --> 01:07:16,400 O.J. WAS FRAMED? [MEOW] 1322 01:07:16,433 --> 01:07:18,967 KHAKIS AREN'T COOL? 1323 01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:20,000 NO, I HAVE TO DISAGREE WITH YOU. 1324 01:07:20,033 --> 01:07:21,000 I THINK YOU'RE COMPLETELY... 1325 01:07:21,033 --> 01:07:22,033 WELL, FUCK YOU, TOO! 1326 01:07:22,067 --> 01:07:23,033 [MEOW] 1327 01:07:23,067 --> 01:07:24,367 COME ON. LET'S GO. 1328 01:07:29,367 --> 01:07:30,333 SLAB! 1329 01:07:30,367 --> 01:07:31,533 OH, MY GOD. 1330 01:07:34,767 --> 01:07:38,400 I... I THINK I USED TOO MUCH. 1331 01:07:38,433 --> 01:07:41,133 [MUSIC FROM PSYCHO PLAYS] 1332 01:07:41,167 --> 01:07:42,533 OH. 1333 01:08:02,700 --> 01:08:05,967 OH, THIS IS HORRIBLE. 1334 01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:07,367 I KNOW. 1335 01:08:07,400 --> 01:08:09,767 WHO IS GONNA CLEAN ALL THIS UP? 1336 01:08:11,900 --> 01:08:12,833 [MEOW] 1337 01:08:15,767 --> 01:08:17,200 DAWSON, NO! 1338 01:08:17,233 --> 01:08:19,567 THERE'S NO POINT IN BEATING DEAD HORSE. 1339 01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:22,333 [RUSTLING SOUNDS] 1340 01:08:28,733 --> 01:08:30,533 OK... 1341 01:08:30,567 --> 01:08:33,733 DAWSON, I'M GOING TO... 1342 01:08:33,767 --> 01:08:35,367 DAWSON? 1343 01:08:35,400 --> 01:08:36,567 DAWSON! 1344 01:08:36,600 --> 01:08:39,133 I WAS JUST CHECKING FOR CLUES. 1345 01:08:39,167 --> 01:08:40,567 COULD YOU... 1346 01:08:49,367 --> 01:08:52,400 MMM, BEEFY! 1347 01:08:56,933 --> 01:08:57,900 YOU'RE TOO LATE. 1348 01:09:12,033 --> 01:09:14,700 ♪ CAROLINE LAUGHS, AND IT'S RAINING ALL DAY ♪ 1349 01:09:14,733 --> 01:09:18,200 ♪ SHE LOVES TO BE ONE OF THE GIRLS ♪ 1350 01:09:18,233 --> 01:09:20,700 ♪ LIVES IN THE PLACE INSIDE OF OUR LIVES ♪ 1351 01:09:20,733 --> 01:09:24,033 ♪ WHERE NOTHING IS EVER PUT STRAIGHT ♪ 1352 01:09:24,067 --> 01:09:27,367 ♪ SHE TURNS HERSELF AROUND, AND SHE SAYS ♪ 1353 01:09:27,400 --> 01:09:30,033 ♪ "THIS IS IT, THAT'S THE END OF THE JOKE," ♪ 1354 01:09:30,067 --> 01:09:33,367 ♪ LOSES HERSELF IN HER DREAMING AND SLEEP ♪ 1355 01:09:33,400 --> 01:09:36,067 ♪ AND HER LOVERS WALK THROUGH IN THEIR COATS ♪ 1356 01:09:36,100 --> 01:09:37,100 ♪ SHE'S ♪ 1357 01:09:38,733 --> 01:09:41,133 ♪ PRETTY IN PINK ♪ 1358 01:09:41,167 --> 01:09:44,833 ♪ ISN'T SHE ♪ 1359 01:09:44,867 --> 01:09:47,900 ♪ PRETTY IN PINK? ♪ 1360 01:09:47,933 --> 01:09:49,700 ♪ ISN'T SHE? ♪ 1361 01:09:49,733 --> 01:09:52,167 ♪ ALL OF HER LOVERS ALL TALK OF HER NOTES ♪ 1362 01:09:52,200 --> 01:09:55,533 ♪ AND THE FLOWERS THAT THEY NEVER SENT ♪ 1363 01:09:55,567 --> 01:09:58,933 ♪ AND WASN'T SHE EASY? ♪ 1364 01:10:00,433 --> 01:10:03,567 ♪ ISN'T SHE PRETTY IN PINK? ♪ 1365 01:10:03,600 --> 01:10:06,300 ♪ THE ONE WHO INSISTS HE WAS FIRST IN THE LINE ♪ 1366 01:10:06,333 --> 01:10:09,700 ♪ IS THE LAST TO REMEMBER HER NAME... ♪ 1367 01:10:09,733 --> 01:10:12,200 WHOA! 1368 01:10:12,233 --> 01:10:13,367 [CLOTH RIPS] 1369 01:10:13,400 --> 01:10:16,033 ♪ SHE'S GONE, BUT THE JOKE'S THE SAME ♪ 1370 01:10:16,067 --> 01:10:19,067 ♪ PRETTY IN PINK ♪ 1371 01:10:19,100 --> 01:10:21,533 ♪ ISN'T HE? ♪ 1372 01:10:21,567 --> 01:10:25,367 ♪ PRETTY IN PINK ♪ 1373 01:10:25,400 --> 01:10:27,167 ♪ ISN'T HE? ♪ 1374 01:10:33,233 --> 01:10:35,833 ♪ CAROLINE TALKS TO YOU SOFTLY SOMETIMES ♪ 1375 01:10:35,867 --> 01:10:38,533 ♪ SHE SAYS "I LOVE YOU" AND "TOO MUCH" ♪ 1376 01:10:38,567 --> 01:10:42,800 ♪ SHE DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT TO STEAL ♪ 1377 01:10:42,833 --> 01:10:45,900 ♪ WELL, NOTHING YOU CAN TOUCH ♪ 1378 01:10:47,000 --> 01:10:48,967 ♪ SHE WAVES ♪ 1379 01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:50,067 ♪ SHE BUTTONS YOUR SHIRT ♪ 1380 01:10:50,100 --> 01:10:52,700 ♪ THE TRAFFIC IS WAITING OUTSIDE ♪ 1381 01:10:52,733 --> 01:10:54,067 ♪ SHE HANDS YOU THIS COAT ♪ 1382 01:10:54,100 --> 01:10:58,400 ♪ SHE GIVES YOU HER CLOTHES, THE CARS COLLIDE ♪ 1383 01:11:16,667 --> 01:11:18,333 [APPLAUSE] 1384 01:11:25,500 --> 01:11:27,333 ALL RIGHT. 1385 01:11:29,900 --> 01:11:31,833 ALL RIGHT, PEPPERONI BOY, LET'S SEE 'EM. 1386 01:11:42,900 --> 01:11:44,167 WE MADE IT. 1387 01:11:46,267 --> 01:11:47,467 OH! 1388 01:11:47,500 --> 01:11:49,300 [MUSIC FROM PSYCHO PLAYS] 1389 01:11:49,333 --> 01:11:50,700 OH! OH! 1390 01:11:56,433 --> 01:11:59,333 NO, HOLD ON. I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS. 1391 01:11:59,367 --> 01:12:01,633 YOU MEAN, BIG BULLY. 1392 01:12:01,667 --> 01:12:03,300 BAD, BAD, BAD KILLER. 1393 01:12:03,333 --> 01:12:04,733 I'M GONNA SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT, 1394 01:12:04,767 --> 01:12:06,867 YOU BAD BULLY... OH, BOY! 1395 01:12:10,367 --> 01:12:11,533 WHOA. 1396 01:12:11,567 --> 01:12:13,067 HAHH! 1397 01:12:13,100 --> 01:12:14,600 [CLANG] 1398 01:12:17,933 --> 01:12:18,900 [CLANK CLANK CLANK] 1399 01:12:18,933 --> 01:12:21,167 YEAH. 1400 01:12:31,333 --> 01:12:33,400 ALL RIGHT! YEAH! 1401 01:12:33,433 --> 01:12:34,833 KICK HIS ASS! 1402 01:12:34,867 --> 01:12:36,733 OH! 1403 01:12:36,767 --> 01:12:37,900 OH! 1404 01:12:37,933 --> 01:12:38,900 OH! 1405 01:12:38,933 --> 01:12:41,833 JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY! 1406 01:12:47,600 --> 01:12:50,067 ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT A LESBIAN? 1407 01:12:50,100 --> 01:12:52,867 WELL, ONCE AT CAMP. 1408 01:12:52,900 --> 01:12:54,533 COOL. 1409 01:12:54,567 --> 01:12:56,833 LET'S FIND OUT WHO THIS ASSHOLE IS. 1410 01:13:01,200 --> 01:13:03,700 [GASPS] [GASPS] 1411 01:13:03,733 --> 01:13:07,133 [GASPS] [GASPS] 1412 01:13:07,167 --> 01:13:08,500 [GASPS] [GASPS] 1413 01:13:08,533 --> 01:13:10,067 WHO IS THAT? 1414 01:13:10,100 --> 01:13:11,700 ABE LINCOLN. 1415 01:13:11,733 --> 01:13:12,933 OHH. ABE! 1416 01:13:18,700 --> 01:13:20,567 OK, COME ON, NOW. TAKE 'EM OFF. 1417 01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:22,833 BUT THEY'RE COMPANY PROPERTY. 1418 01:13:32,067 --> 01:13:33,100 NICE. 1419 01:13:39,067 --> 01:13:40,833 [GASPS] [GASPS] 1420 01:13:41,900 --> 01:13:42,867 [GASPS] [GASPS] 1421 01:13:42,900 --> 01:13:45,567 SHH. DID YOU HEAR THAT? 1422 01:13:45,600 --> 01:13:46,900 OH, EXCUSE ME. 1423 01:13:46,933 --> 01:13:49,400 NO, NOT THAT. 1424 01:13:49,433 --> 01:13:50,533 [GASPS] [GASPS] 1425 01:13:50,567 --> 01:13:52,167 LET'S ROLL. 1426 01:14:02,933 --> 01:14:04,533 HEY, WIDELOAD, 1427 01:14:04,567 --> 01:14:07,200 YOU AND PIZZA DORK GOTTA HOOF IT. 1428 01:14:07,233 --> 01:14:09,033 GET OFF! 1429 01:14:12,267 --> 01:14:13,267 WE'RE GOING IN. 1430 01:14:14,733 --> 01:14:15,700 COME ON. 1431 01:14:26,900 --> 01:14:30,033 HEY, I THINK THIS IS THE LAST ONE. 1432 01:14:32,567 --> 01:14:34,333 HUH? YOU! 1433 01:14:34,367 --> 01:14:35,533 WHO WERE YOU EXPECTING, 1434 01:14:35,567 --> 01:14:36,867 BILLY LOOMIS' MOTHER? 1435 01:14:36,900 --> 01:14:38,967 OF COURSE. RULE NUMBER 101, 1436 01:14:39,000 --> 01:14:41,200 YOU CAN'T HAVE A SUCCESSFUL PARODY 1437 01:14:41,233 --> 01:14:43,033 WITHOUT MOCKING CONTRIVED, 1438 01:14:43,067 --> 01:14:44,967 CONFUSING ENDINGS. 1439 01:14:45,000 --> 01:14:47,067 BUT WHY, DOUGHY? 1440 01:14:47,100 --> 01:14:49,200 I'M NOT DOUGHY, DUMB-ASS. 1441 01:14:49,233 --> 01:14:51,633 OK, THAT'S NOT EVEN REAL. 1442 01:14:51,667 --> 01:14:53,333 BUT IT IS DASTARDLY. 1443 01:14:53,367 --> 01:14:54,867 SO IF YOU'RE NOT DOUGHY, 1444 01:14:54,900 --> 01:14:57,033 THAT MAKES YOU... 1445 01:14:57,067 --> 01:14:58,767 YES. 1446 01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:02,167 DOUGHY'S EVIL TWIN, COUSIN HARDING. 1447 01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:04,833 WOW, GOOD TWIST. 1448 01:15:04,867 --> 01:15:07,800 SO WHAT'S YOUR MOTIVE? 1449 01:15:07,833 --> 01:15:10,500 IN THE MILLENNIUM, MOTIVES ARE ACCIDENTAL. 1450 01:15:10,533 --> 01:15:12,500 UM, DO YOU MEAN INCIDENTAL? 1451 01:15:12,533 --> 01:15:14,800 I SHOULD HAVE KILLED YOU FIRST. 1452 01:15:14,833 --> 01:15:16,867 HEY... DON'T... HEY... NOW! 1453 01:15:16,900 --> 01:15:19,067 SO I SUPPOSE THIS IS WHAT YOU USE 1454 01:15:19,100 --> 01:15:20,200 TO DISGUISE YOUR VOICE? 1455 01:15:20,233 --> 01:15:22,567 HELLO, SYDNEY! 1456 01:15:22,600 --> 01:15:24,400 NO, I MEAN THIS. 1457 01:15:29,333 --> 01:15:31,300 [KILLER VOICE] HELLO, MARTINA. 1458 01:15:31,333 --> 01:15:33,667 WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? 1459 01:15:33,700 --> 01:15:35,833 I AM YOUR FATHER, LUKE. 1460 01:15:35,867 --> 01:15:37,667 FREEZE! 1461 01:15:37,700 --> 01:15:39,400 DON'T SHOOT. I GIVE UP. 1462 01:15:41,033 --> 01:15:42,000 HARDING? 1463 01:15:42,033 --> 01:15:43,800 YO, DOUGH. 1464 01:15:43,833 --> 01:15:46,800 DOUGHY, WHAT'S... WHAT'S GOING ON? 1465 01:15:46,833 --> 01:15:47,800 THEY'RE IDENTICAL. 1466 01:15:47,833 --> 01:15:50,467 YEAH, ONE GOOD, ONE EVIL. 1467 01:15:50,500 --> 01:15:51,533 WOW. 1468 01:15:51,567 --> 01:15:53,167 JUST LIKE THE OLSENS, HUH? 1469 01:15:53,200 --> 01:15:55,867 EXCEPT WHERE AS HARDING ENJOYS A MINUET, 1470 01:15:55,900 --> 01:15:58,200 THE BALLET RUSSES AND CREPE SUZETTE... 1471 01:15:58,233 --> 01:15:59,567 DOUGHY LIKES TO ROCK AND ROLL. 1472 01:15:59,600 --> 01:16:01,200 A HOT DOG MAKES HIM LOSE CONTROL. 1473 01:16:01,233 --> 01:16:02,367 WHAT A WILD DUET. 1474 01:16:02,400 --> 01:16:03,700 STILL THEY'RE COUSINS... 1475 01:16:03,733 --> 01:16:04,700 IDENTICAL COUSINS. 1476 01:16:04,733 --> 01:16:05,700 THEY LAUGH ALIKE. 1477 01:16:05,733 --> 01:16:06,700 THEY WALK ALIKE. 1478 01:16:06,733 --> 01:16:07,700 AT TIMES THEY EVEN TALK ALIKE. 1479 01:16:07,733 --> 01:16:08,833 AND YOU COULD LOSE YOUR MIND. 1480 01:16:08,867 --> 01:16:10,133 SHUT UP, EVERYBODY! 1481 01:16:10,167 --> 01:16:11,700 FOR GOD'S SAKES, HOW MANY TIMES 1482 01:16:11,733 --> 01:16:13,533 DO YOU THINK WE'VE HEARD THAT IN OUR LIVES, HUH? 1483 01:16:13,567 --> 01:16:15,033 A LITTLE RESPECT! 1484 01:16:15,067 --> 01:16:16,400 HARDING! YOU'RE A DISGRACE 1485 01:16:16,433 --> 01:16:18,300 AND AN EMBARRASSMENT TO OUR FAMILY. 1486 01:16:18,333 --> 01:16:21,533 BECAUSE OF THE STAIN ON GRANDMA'S DRESS? 1487 01:16:21,567 --> 01:16:23,067 NO. 1488 01:16:25,233 --> 01:16:28,000 OH, THAT. YEAH. 1489 01:16:28,033 --> 01:16:30,167 LISTEN, UM... 1490 01:16:30,200 --> 01:16:31,667 I'M REALLY SORRY. 1491 01:16:31,700 --> 01:16:33,733 IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN MAKE IT UP TO YOU, DOUGHY? 1492 01:16:33,767 --> 01:16:34,967 WELL, FIRST OF ALL, 1493 01:16:35,000 --> 01:16:36,400 YOU CAN TAKE THAT COSTUME BACK 1494 01:16:36,433 --> 01:16:38,000 TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNERS AT THE MALL. 1495 01:16:38,033 --> 01:16:40,333 I... I DON'T HAVE THE RECEIPT. 1496 01:16:40,367 --> 01:16:42,533 I'LL MAKE SOME CALLS, 1497 01:16:42,567 --> 01:16:46,033 BUT DON'T FORGET ABOUT THAT FAKE DOG SHIT. 1498 01:16:46,067 --> 01:16:47,500 I DIDN'T TAKE ANY DOG SHIT. 1499 01:16:47,533 --> 01:16:49,067 HUH? 1500 01:16:52,233 --> 01:16:53,600 HMM. 1501 01:17:03,100 --> 01:17:04,067 ALL RIGHT, YOU KNUCKLEHEAD, 1502 01:17:04,100 --> 01:17:05,067 GIVE ME A HUG. 1503 01:17:05,100 --> 01:17:06,233 [GUNSHOT] 1504 01:17:08,333 --> 01:17:10,233 OW. 1505 01:17:12,100 --> 01:17:14,033 NICE SHOT. 1506 01:17:14,067 --> 01:17:15,233 HUH? 1507 01:17:15,267 --> 01:17:16,233 OOH! 1508 01:17:17,900 --> 01:17:19,233 [MOANING] 1509 01:17:19,267 --> 01:17:20,867 OOPS! 1510 01:17:20,900 --> 01:17:22,867 YOU GUYS ALL SAW THAT. 1511 01:17:22,900 --> 01:17:24,567 I MEAN, THAT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT. 1512 01:17:24,600 --> 01:17:26,533 YEAH, YEAH, IT HAPPENS. 1513 01:17:26,567 --> 01:17:27,800 UGH, 1514 01:17:27,833 --> 01:17:30,633 I REALLY NEED TO GET A NEW SHADE. 1515 01:17:30,667 --> 01:17:32,067 HERE, TRY MINE. 1516 01:17:32,100 --> 01:17:33,533 OH! 1517 01:17:33,567 --> 01:17:35,033 PERFECT. 1518 01:17:35,067 --> 01:17:36,200 WELL, I'VE GOT MY SCOOP. 1519 01:17:36,233 --> 01:17:37,200 SEE YOU, DOUGHY. 1520 01:17:37,233 --> 01:17:39,200 WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WAIT A MINUTE. 1521 01:17:39,233 --> 01:17:41,033 WHAT ABOUT DINNER AT THE WIENER PUP? 1522 01:17:41,067 --> 01:17:43,067 OR MAYBE A SNACK AT THE PRETZEL SHACK? 1523 01:17:43,100 --> 01:17:44,067 DID YOU BRING YOUR BIKE? 1524 01:17:44,100 --> 01:17:45,567 MM-HMM. OK. 1525 01:17:47,933 --> 01:17:49,500 WHAT ABOUT US?! 1526 01:17:56,567 --> 01:17:59,133 PIZZA GUYS GET ALL THE PUSSY. 1527 01:18:02,267 --> 01:18:03,233 DON'T WORRY, DOUGHY. 1528 01:18:03,267 --> 01:18:04,733 WE GOT IT ALL UNDER CONTROL. 1529 01:18:04,767 --> 01:18:07,533 YEAH, EXCEPT FOR ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE. 1530 01:18:07,567 --> 01:18:08,633 [SIRENS GROWING LOUDER] 1531 01:18:08,667 --> 01:18:10,433 YEAH, WELL... 1532 01:18:12,567 --> 01:18:14,867 LET'S GO, KIDS. 1533 01:18:16,867 --> 01:18:17,833 ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 1534 01:18:17,867 --> 01:18:19,533 BAG 'EM. TAG 'EM. WE'LL WRAP THIS UP. 1535 01:18:19,567 --> 01:18:20,700 WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE. 1536 01:18:20,733 --> 01:18:21,700 GET IN THERE. 1537 01:18:21,733 --> 01:18:22,700 COVER ME. 1538 01:18:22,733 --> 01:18:23,833 ALL RIGHT. I'VE GOT YOUR BACK. 1539 01:18:26,900 --> 01:18:28,233 HERE WE GO. 1540 01:18:28,267 --> 01:18:29,567 HEY, NICE BUNS. 1541 01:18:31,900 --> 01:18:33,567 WHOA! 1542 01:18:33,600 --> 01:18:36,067 WOW, DOUGHY, TWIN COUSINS. 1543 01:18:36,100 --> 01:18:38,033 YEAH, THE RESEMBLANCE WAS REMARKABLE. 1544 01:18:38,067 --> 01:18:39,867 I KNOW. PEOPLE SAY WE LOOK LIKE TOM CRUISE. 1545 01:18:39,900 --> 01:18:42,233 HEY, CATERING. 1546 01:18:48,200 --> 01:18:51,033 MARTINA. DAWSON. 1547 01:18:51,067 --> 01:18:53,067 BONER, YOU'RE ALIVE! 1548 01:18:53,100 --> 01:18:55,400 GOD BLESS VIAGRA. 1549 01:18:55,433 --> 01:18:57,467 IT SAVED MY LIFE. 1550 01:18:57,500 --> 01:18:58,700 I ATE A WHOLE BOTTLE, 1551 01:18:58,733 --> 01:18:59,933 AND WHEN I HAD MY HEART ATTACK, 1552 01:18:59,967 --> 01:19:03,333 THE BLOOD KEPT PUMPING ANYWAY. 1553 01:19:03,367 --> 01:19:06,533 I CAN TAKE THIS FROM HERE. 1554 01:19:09,900 --> 01:19:11,900 YES! 1555 01:19:17,933 --> 01:19:21,300 WE ARE SO LUCKY WE SURVIVED. 1556 01:19:21,333 --> 01:19:23,500 NOW WE CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER. 1557 01:19:23,533 --> 01:19:25,767 WELL, AT LEAST UNTIL THE SEQUEL. 1558 01:19:29,900 --> 01:19:31,233 AREN'T YOU GAY? 1559 01:19:41,033 --> 01:19:42,200 COFFEE! 1560 01:19:43,900 --> 01:19:45,867 NOT ON MY WATCH, PUNK. 1561 01:19:53,767 --> 01:19:55,500 WELL, THAT ABOUT DOES IT. 1562 01:19:55,533 --> 01:19:56,867 I KILLED MY COUSIN... 1563 01:19:56,900 --> 01:19:57,867 MY HEART'S BROKEN... 1564 01:19:57,900 --> 01:20:00,300 MY SISTER'S DEAD. 1565 01:20:00,333 --> 01:20:03,467 DAMN IT, I LOVE THIS JOB. 1566 01:20:03,500 --> 01:20:06,733 OH, WELL, NOW WE'RE SAFE, THANK GOD. 1567 01:20:06,767 --> 01:20:07,967 YEAH. 1568 01:20:08,000 --> 01:20:09,700 DO YOU WANT TO GO FOR A WALK 1569 01:20:09,733 --> 01:20:11,867 IN THE DARK, SCARY WOODS? 1570 01:20:11,900 --> 01:20:13,000 SURE. 1571 01:20:23,767 --> 01:20:25,300 HEY, DAWSON! 1572 01:20:25,333 --> 01:20:26,867 EVERYBODY, I DID IT! 1573 01:20:26,900 --> 01:20:29,233 I'M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE! 1574 01:20:29,267 --> 01:20:31,233 [SIREN] 1575 01:20:31,267 --> 01:20:33,533 [CELL PHONE RINGS] 1576 01:20:33,567 --> 01:20:36,867 [RING] 1577 01:20:36,900 --> 01:20:37,867 Killer: HELLO, SYDNEY. 1578 01:20:37,900 --> 01:20:39,200 WHAT? I SAID... 1579 01:20:39,233 --> 01:20:40,667 I'M SORRY, I'M LOSING YOU. 1580 01:20:40,700 --> 01:20:43,533 I SAID, HELLO, SYDNEY. 1581 01:20:43,567 --> 01:20:44,833 YOU'RE BREAKING UP. 1582 01:20:44,867 --> 01:20:46,000 HELLO? 1583 01:20:47,400 --> 01:20:48,367 WHO WAS IT? 1584 01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:49,667 I DON'T KNOW, 1585 01:20:49,700 --> 01:20:50,900 BUT IF IT'S IMPORTANT, 1586 01:20:50,933 --> 01:20:52,733 THEY'LL CALL BACK. 1587 01:20:54,233 --> 01:20:55,867 DARN CELL PHONES! 1588 01:20:55,900 --> 01:20:58,500 RICH, KNOW-IT-ALL TEENAGERS. 1589 01:21:01,233 --> 01:21:02,533 I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT, 1590 01:21:02,567 --> 01:21:04,700 MY BACK HURTS, AND I'VE GOT TO PEE. 1591 01:21:11,667 --> 01:21:13,900 [IT'S A SCREAM PLAYS] 95674