All language subtitles for 2-21

So have you found a band yet
for your wedding?

No. 'Cause I'm in a band.

We really rock.

Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable.

I definitely overhear some wedding
preparation, but I'm fine with it.

She hears me
arranging my social life.

And we both have to hear Dwight
order deer urine over the Internet.

So it evens out.

Oh, I got the save-the-date.
Yeah?

Yeah. Pretty stationery.
Oh, thanks.

Angela: I didn't get mine yet.

There are a few people
I decided not to invite,

and that might make things
kind of awkward,

but it's my wedding.

And I don't want anyone there
who has called me a hussy.

Yes, thanks. Fantastic sams,
adult cut plus.

Comes with a shampoo
and blow-dry.

We're doing ID photos today.
Gotta represent.

On or off? Off.

Okay.

Oh, what is on your face?
Is that a disguise?

Excuse me.

Clown paint.

ID badges are long overdue.
Security in this office park is a joke.

Last year, I came to work with
my spud gun in a duffel bag.

I sat at my desk all day

with a rifle that shoots potatoes
at 60 pounds per square inch.

Can you imagine
if I was deranged?

Michael: That's a nice tie.

Thank you.

That is... who makes that?
I don't know.

Do you mind if I
wear that for the photo?

Let's... let's keep our clothes.

Oscar: It's like child abuse!

I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd
freak out! He'd freak out, Toby!

I mean, on so many levels!

And I'm supposed to work
there? I'm supposed to...

What's the dealio?

Just letting Oscar vent a little.
We would use the break room,

but the photographer's
back there.

What's the problem? Angela.

There's just a little dispute
over a poster in their workspace.

Since Christmas.

So, what,
you're having a little spat?

I forget, are you guys dating?
No.

Michael, can I talk to you
for a second, please?

Yes.

Here's how I usually handle
this. All I do is listen, you know?

These things just have a way
of working themselves out.

It's like if you write someone a
letter when you're really angry,

they say to keep it in a
drawer for a couple of days

and then you just
never end up sending it.

What do you know
about conflict resolution?

Your answer to everything
is to get divorced. So...

Okay. Okay, what?

That was the right decision

for me and my marriage. Yeah.
Well, that's not gonna fly here,

because in this office
it is fill death do us part.

Assuming that we don't
get downsized.

Pam, would you get Angela and
meet us in the conference room, please?

A "mediators toolchest."

Okay. Well, before we get
started, you should know

that there are five
different styles of conflict.

My Shaolin
temple ster defeats your monkey ster.

Can we go? I have a lot of
work to do. No. This is important.

Okay. The first ster
islosejose. What's the next one?

Just hold on, please. Okay.

If we do lose-lose, neither
of you gets what you want.

Do you understand?

You would both lose.

Now, I need to ask you, do you
want to pursue a lose-lose negotiation?

Can we just skip to whatever
number five is, win-win or whatever.

Win-win is number four.

And number five is win-win-win.

The important difference here
is with win-win-win, we all win.

Me, too. Iwin for having successfully
mediated a conflict at work.

Okay. So this is
the disputed poster.

Now, one at a time, I want
you to express your feelings,

using emotion language,

and no judging
or "you" statements.

I got this poster for Christmas
and I feel I want to see it every day.

It makes me feel like the
babies are the true artists,

and god has
a really cute sense of humor.

Come on. Seriously, that?
I don't like looking at it.

It's creepy and in bad taste,
and it's just offensive to me.

It makes me think of the
horrible, frigid stage mothers

who forced the babies into it.

It's kitsch. It's the opposite of
art. It destroys art, it destroys souls.

This is so much more offensive
to me than hard-core porn.

Okay, okay, okay.
Stop. Stop. Stop.

Let's see if we can't just brainstorm
and find some creative alternatives

that are win-win. Win.

Yes. Thank you, Pam.

How about Angela makes
the poster into a t-shirt,

which Oscar wears.
That way he can never see it

and whenever she looks
at Oscar, she can see it.

Win-win-win. No.

That's... no.

Okay. Well, brainstorm.
Own the solution.

How about I leave it up?

How about she takes it down?

How about Angela can keep it
up on Tuesdays and Thursdays?

Okay. That is called
a compromise.

And it is style three,
and it is not ideal.

To sum up, win-win: Make
the poster into a t-shirt.

Win-lose: Take the poster down.

Compromise:
Tuesdays and Thursdays.

And the answer is

make the poster
into a t-shirt. Win-win.

Win. Fine.

But” hisdone.

No, you're all good. Great.

Pam: Hey, Angela.
I didn't have your zip code.

Oh. Thanks.

It was hand-delivered. But I
did get a save-the-date after all.

It's not my taste.

You solved it? Yes.

Well, good.
We can throw that one out.

Are those all the other
complaints? Mmm-hmm.

I would like to see those,
please.

I can't do that.
You can't do that, huh?

Okay.

Now you and I have a conflict.
I order you to give me that file.

Okay. That_

There. No more conflict.

I had to use win-lose on that.
It was not pretty.

All right. Is that it?

It's all Dwight's.

Every Friday at 4:00 I have a
standing appointmentwith Dwight

for him to file
a grievance against Jim.

I tell him that I'm sending them
to a special file in New York.

That box is the special file
in New York.

Oh, god. All right.

Why do I have to do everything?

Photographer: Are you sure?
Oh, he's sure. Just shoot.

This is from Kevin.

He says Stanley uses his
miracle whip without asking.

Meredith complains that everyone
talks too loud in the morning

and the lights are too bright.

Creed...

Creed is sick of looking
at the redhead all day,

and wants a seat facing
the receptionist. Nice.

You will notice that not one of
these complaints is against me.

Actually, I have a separate folder
for complaints against Michael.

This is January

through march of this year.

How many of you have,
at one time, gone to Toby

to complain
about another employee?

And did you get what you wanted?

Or were you merely listened to,

you forget about your problem
and you move on?

All: Merely
listened to and forgotten.

That is outrageous.

I love this place,

and it pains me to see all
of the negativity festering.

Okay.

Today we are going to get everything
out of these files and into the open

where it can be resolved.

All right. How about
the Phyllis-Angela dispute.

You already did me.
Michael: That's what she said.

The thing is, Angela,
you are in here an awful lot.

You have complained about
everybody in the office, except Dwight,

which is odd because everyone
else has had run-ins with Dwight.

Toby, by the way,
what does "redacted" mean?

There is a file full of complaints
in here marked "redacted"?

Yeah. It just means whoever complained
came to me later and withdrew it.

So, I just took their
name off. Okay.

There were a bunch
of complaints about Dwight

that were put in the redacted
file about six months ago.

Wait. If someone has a problem with me,
why would they withdraw it six months ago?

Let's move on.

I volunteer. Did anyone
have a problem with me?

All right. Pamela! Come on down!

Let's do it.

And... okay. Just one complaint.

Actually, it has been withdrawn.
So that is no help to us. Next!

Wait. What did it say?

"Does she have to plan
her wedding on office time?"

"Shouldn't she do that at home?"

Michael: Who else?

Why don't we just warm up first?
Warm up emotionally. All right?

Pam: I have this kind of
big secret about Angela.

And I've been really nice to her,
and I haven't told anyone, and_.

What the hell!

Here is a Kelly complaint.

"Ryan never returns my calls."
Join the club.

My voicemail's
real spotty sometimes.

I didn't file a complaint.
I was just talking.

To your hr representative.

To my friend, I thought.
I want that withdrawn.

Fine. I'll take your name off
so no one will know.

Making progress. Yes?

Dwight tried to kiss me.
Dwight: What?

And I didn't tell anyone 'cause I'm
not really sure how I feel about it.

That is not true.
Redact it. Redact it.

Well, I'm not actually
making a formal complaint.

I just really think
we should talk about it.

Okay. Question. When a name
is withdrawn, does that also apply

to the permanent
misbehavior file in New York?

Sure.

Michael: Stanley, you got a
lot of anger underthere, buddy...

Hey, thanks for ratting
me out. I didn't do it.

I find that hard to believe, considering
you have problems with every single person

in this entire office
except bobblehead Joe.

Someone complained that
the men's room is whites only.

Stanley, you know that's
not true. I didn't say that.

Then why is there a picture
of a white man on the door.

Okay. Phyllis, you complained
that Angela is giving you dirty looks

and you tried to get off
the party-planning committee.

I never said any such thing.
Angela and I are close.

And, also, Phyllis, Stanley
says that you cry too much

and that that bugs him.

Stanley and I are close, too.
We sit close.

Michael: Okay.

Just take it.

I can't believe Angela.

And iwent against my betterjudgment
and I gave her a save-the-date.

And now it turns out she
complained about me to Toby.

Well, it was redacted.

Look, if she wants an invite,
maybe she's just trying to be friends.

Don't take her side.

Well, what does Roy think
about everything?

I don't know. I try not to bother
him about this kind of stuff.

You mean, like your thoughts
and feelings.

Yeah. Yeah.

I know you keep saying it's your space
even though there's no assigned parking,

but I keep forgetting.

Yes, that's the problem.
I guess so.

Okay. Well, all settled then.

I don't like you.

Okay. Ryan, you told Toby

that creed has a distinct
old man smell?

I know exactly
what he's talking about.

I sprout mung beans on damp
paper towel in my desk drawer.

Very nutritious,
but they smell like death.

All right, Kevin. You are accused of making
sexually suggestive remarks to Angela

that made her feel
uncomfortable.

Solution: Angela, you are to make
sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin

that will make him uncomfortable.
I accept your decision.

Hey, you know what, Dwight? Maybe
we should get our photo ID taken together.

That doesn't make any sense.
Well, it saves time, you know.

'Cause we could just meet in the parking
lot every morning, walk in together.

Perfect.

Ph o to gra phe r: Smile. N o.

I never smile, if I can help it.

Showing one's teeth is a
submission signal in primates.

When someone smiles at me, all I
see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

This came out really well.

There you go.

This is humongous.
I am not a security threat.

And my middle name
is Kurt, not fart.

What did I write?

I have another complaint
for Jim's permanent file.

Talk to Michael.
I gave him the box.

What box?

I didn't report yoursnonng_.

Over here. God, god, god!

No! No!

Four years of malfeasance
unreported. This cannot stand.

Okay. Calm down.
No, you calm down.

Whose side is Toby on?
Whose side are you on?

Hey! Him or me? Him or me?

I cannot work with Jim
anymore. Either he goes or I go.

Dwight. Stop. You choose!

One of us is out of here
by the end of today!

Okay.

I am not bluffing. Okay?
Okay. Yes.

Do the right thing here,
Michael.

Okay. I have served you onally for
years. I deserve this. You know I do.

You know, your ID says
you're a security threat.

You have till 5:00.

Dwight: Oh, look, Jim.

There's a sales manager
position open in stamford.

Want me to call jan and
tell her you're interested?

I could put in a good word for
you 'cause I'll still be working here.

Transfer. Transfer.

Everybody! Transfer!
Transfer! Transfer!

Okay, you two. In the
conference room with me.

Nobody leaves
until we work this out.

Cage match.

Cage matches? Yeah, they work.
How could they not work?

If they didn't work, everybody
would still be in the cage.

Okay. So, Dwight,
in your own words,

"someone replaced all my pens and pencils
with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.

"Everyone has called me Dwayne all
day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."

Yes. 5 bucks each
and it was totally worth it.

"This morning I found a
bloody glove in my desk drawer,

"and Jim Halpert tried to
convince me I committed murder.

"I think he may be
the real murderer."

"Jim Halpert said there was an
abandoned infant in the women's room.

"When I went to save the
child, I saw Meredith on the can."

Gag.

"This morning, I knocked myself
in the head with the phone."

Jim: That actually took a while.

I had to put more and more
nickels into his handset,

till he got used to the weight.
And then I just took them all out.

"Every time I typed my name,
it said diapers."

Just a simple macro.

You know, these actually don't
sound that funny, one after another.

But he does deserve it, though.

"By the end of the day, my desk
was about two feet closer to the copier."

Yeah. I just moved it an inch
every time he went to the bathroom.

And that's how I spent
my entire day, that day.

Michael: The Japanese have
this thing called shiatsu massage,

where they dig
into your body very hard.

And it is very painful and,
apparently, some people throw up.

But the next day
they feel great.

I've never had one.
They sound awful.

Maybe stamford would be cool.

It's a good market.

Yeah. Higher volume.

Maybe we should both go.

I have a girlfriend.

Sure you do, Dwight. Sure.

Hey. There's, like,
300 more of these.

Let's get to them later.

So, are you going to
transfer Jim or not?

Maybe. I haven't decided yet.
Let's get to work.

I want an answer by tomorrow.
Okay.

Actually, tomorrow's not good.
How about later in the week?

Fine. Good. Okay.

Hey! Wait. How about a
group picture, while you're here?

I can't. I only get reimbursed
for the ID photos.

Well, it's a
computer camera, right?

You mean digital? Yeah.
It'll take like two seconds.

20 bucks.

All right.

Everybody, come on! Group
photo for the newsletter!

You've gotta be kidding.

Michael: Come on, everybody.
Come on. Let's go.

Creed, Kevin, Oscar,
andale! Let's go.

One, two, three, smile.

Try to smile.

We resolved a lot today,
everybody. Think happy thoughts.

All right, I'm just gonna
take it on three,

whether you smile or not.

One, two, three.

Good. Let's check that out.

Okay. All right. One more.
Take one more.

That'll be another $20. What?

Angela, I want to
talk to you about something.

What? No, Pam.

I am.

It's about the save-the-date.
Pam, it wasn't her.

What?

I'm the one
who complained about you.

I didn't know that Toby
was going to write it down.

Michael: Good.

I was just venting.
Check that out.

You know, itwasjust...
It was one day.

Michael: That's terrible.

I took it right back.
It was just like...

Okay.

Oh, dear.

Okay.

We can do this.
Come on, everybody.

All right. Here we go.

Michael: It was really hard
getting a good picture of 15 people.

He would not give me a
discount, and eight tries added up.

One, two...

Didn't say "three," did I?

But I'm sort of
an expert at Photoshop,

so it turned out fine
in the end.

When people work together,
there is going to be conflict.

You can't outrun your problems.

Hey, Pam. It's Jim. I have a
doctor's appointment in the city,

so I probably won't be in
till the late afternoon.

Just thought I'd let you know.
Okay, bye.

Okay, jan will see you now.
Oh, thanks.

Michael: And that is why
the idea of a cage match

is so universally appealing.

But here's the thing
about cage matches,

sometimes you have
to open the cage.

And that is something that
Toby will never understand.