Original subtitles

Hackett, I've been meaning to ask you, how are you doing about this Alex thing?

You feeling okay?

I'm fine, Roy.

I can't believe that even you're asking me.

Oh, come on.

You think I don't know the pain of a broken heart?

That hollow feeling in your soul when you expect to wake up next to the woman

you love?

Instead, you find your wallet's missing, there are dust bunnies where the stereo

used to be.

Well, I guess you've learned a lesson about love, huh?

Oh, yeah.

Always insure for replacement value.

Hey. Check it out.

Helen's engagement ring. Whoa. Very nice. Where'd you get the money for

that? My ring fund.

You have a ring fund?

Yeah, I've been saving since seventh grade.

Oh, that is so cute.

I'm just sorry I missed your sweet 16.

So where are you going to give it to her, huh? I got it all figured out. I'm

going to do it tonight.

It's the anniversary of our first kiss.

Wait a second. You know the anniversary of your first kiss? I thought only women

knew stuff like that.

That is such a stereotype.

Look, I asked her to marry me in a stupid elevator. I want tonight... To be

perfect. Elegant restaurant, orchestra playing. You know, it'll be a great

story to tell the kids someday.

You know, like when Dad proposed to Mom on the beach there before he went off to

the Army.

Yes, I think you're old enough to know the truth now.

There was no big romantic proposal on the beach, my friend.

In fact, I think Dad's exact words were, You're pregnant? How'd that happen?

Wait a minute. What are you telling me?

That's right. There was no Joe Fund.

Hey, look.

Check it out. Cullen's engagement ring. What do you think there?

Hmm.

Let's just take a look.

Ah, M color.

I2 clarity.

Slight flaw in the girdle.

What a clever inscription.

To my darling Mellon.

What?

Oh, I don't believe it.

Melon. What a cute nickname.

You know, come to think of it, she does kind of have a melon for a head.

I mean, she's a lovely girl and all, and you gotta be happy that she's not too

self-conscious about that melon head.

You got to do me a big favor. Go down to Sterling's. Tell them to fix that

inscription, and I need it by 8, okay? And listen, it's a big surprise, so

don't say anything to Helen, all right? Joe, give me a little credit.

Morning, Lowell. Morning, Mellon.

Oh, listen, Helen, do not make any plans for tonight. I made reservations for it

at Lexington's.

Lexington? Mm-hmm. It's a vacation.

It's not a vacation. I just think the woman I'm going to marry deserves the

very best.

And since she's not getting that, the least you can do is pop for a dinner.

Now, tell me, dear, how are you doing about Alex?

Fine. No, really. No, really, I'm fine.

No, really.

All right, Faye, I'll tell you. Really, I'm miserable. I'm crushed. In fact, I'm

going to go right up to the control tower. I'm going to hang myself from the

windsock. Brian, that's crazy talk.

That windsock couldn't hold more than 100 pounds.

or get married.

So, when do I get to meet my future brother-in-law? Where is this, Davis

Lynch? Yeah, well, see what happens. I'm so happy. Now you can move to a real

city, you know, and finally dump this silly lunch counter.

Oh, look, we've switched to the red Naga hide.

Yeah, before you go on, let me just tell you this one thing.

Oh, yeah?

Figures he's still on the island and probably married the checkout girl at

the local stop and shop.

something really funny.

I broke up with Davis, and I'm marrying Joe. Oh.

My God, you're serious.

Joe Hackett? Yeah. I couldn't believe it either.

So, you're Chapel's sister, huh?

The one with the rich husband, the big house in San Francisco, the fancy French

underwear.

How could you possibly know that?

Security problem with your luggage.

Hey, Joe.

Look who's here.

Hi, Joe.

Casey. Hi.

So, Joe, what have you been up to lately? Joe owns Sandpiper Airlines.

Oh, wow. I'm impressed. How many planes you have?

Well, right now, just the one.

So maybe a more fitting name would be Sandpiper Airplane.

Now, Helen, I gotta tell you, you look fantastic. You changed your hair.

I did. You like it?

Uh-huh. You hate it, don't you? No, it's just... I hate it, too. It's just not

me.

Um, Faye? I want you to meet my sister, Casey.

Casey, this is Faye.

Casey, well, what an interesting name. Is that short for something?

Cassandra. Mom named me after a goddess in Greek mythology.

Oh, so are you named after Helen of Troy?

No, actually, I was named after my lactose-intolerant aunt.

I was curious.

You don't have a southern accent like Helen. Well, I guess when you get out in

the world, you kind of outgrow it. Besides, I never really had much of an

accent. Sure you did.

No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.

No, I didn't. Yeah, you certainly did. Drop it, okay?

She's lovely.

So, Joe, whatever happened to that little brother of yours? He used to be

such a... brat.

Well, Casey, like all the rest of us, Brian has grown up now. As a matter of

fact, he's my business partner. Hey, Joey, check out this great water pistol

I got out of Lost and Found.

It fires when you yell, fire!

Fire! Fire!

Oh, my God.

Casey Chappell.

I better get rid of this thing.

Somebody's going to get hurt.

Well, it's the same old Casey, huh?

She's not here two minutes. She insults your hair, your accent, and my airplane.

Oh, that's no big deal. She didn't mean anything by it. She's so perfect.

Well, she is. I mean, look at her. She's perfect.

What? And you're not? Come on, Helen. Don't do that to yourself. You're not

Kathy Chappell's fat little sister anymore.

It's hard to forget.

I mean, she was the prom queen.

I was...

Dairy queen.

Just stop that, all right? Listen to me. You are every bit as beautiful... No,

you're more beautiful than Casey.

Helen, Helen.

Who is that goddess?

She's just gorgeous. She's stunning.

Venus in a damp blouse.

That's my sister. No way.

Listen, you two don't make any plans for tonight because I'm taking you both out

to dinner. No, no, no, no.

Helen, tonight is special. I know it's special. My sister is here.

Well, let's go catch up.

Helen?

Yes? Where'd you get that eye shadow?

Oh, I'm washing it right off.

Leave? They're still not here.

And where's Lowell with the ring? I came here to give a ring to a girl. I got no

ring and no girl.

Oh, look on the bright side.

I'm here.

But the only reason you're here is to help me get rid of Casey.

Now, you remember the plan? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The band plays Isn't It

Romantic? I asked Casey for a dance.

So you can be alone with Helen and give her the ring. Good.

Where are they?

Helen is never late. I know this is Casey's fault. You don't know that. Oh,

come on. She hasn't changed a bit. She's still a snob.

Don't you remember when we were kids? She always treated us like we were

geeks.

We were geeks.

The guys she hung out with were any better.

Oh, you mean the Kennedys?

I'm sorry we're late. I couldn't decide what to wear. Wow, you look beautiful.

Thank you. Well, thank Casey.

Oh, all I did was go through her entire closet, and then I said, let's see what

I brought.

Good evening.

Hello. Thank you. Welcome to Lexington.

Thanks.

Hey, aren't you Brian Hackett?

I heard about Alex leaving you.

How are you holding up?

Look, if you need to talk... Listen, can we order, please?

Helen and I know we want the Chateaubriand for two, right? Oh, that

sounds good. That's our favorite.

You're so lucky you don't care about what you eat.

I'll have the pasta primavera with no oil, no butter, no sauce.

Yes, that sounds good. I'll have that instead.

Helen, they only make the Chateaubriand for two.

I'll share it with you.

Fine. Are you sure you're up to eating? I'm fine, thank you.

Imagine running into you here.

Hello. Joe, I managed to pick up the fuel pump for

you.

I was able to get the melon out.

What? It's a long story.

Forced landing fruit stand.

Smooth.

See you guys. Bye.

Bye, Antonio.

Favorite song of mine. Gotta dance when I hear it. Would you care to dance with

me? Oh, no thanks. I don't feel like dancing.

Go on, Casey. Dance with him.

He doesn't want to dance. I'll dance with him. Is your name Casey?

Brian said he wanted to dance with Casey. I think we should see Casey

dance.

Maybe you should just get your six-shooter out and fire at her feet.

Okay. Okay.

I'll dance.

Joe,

are you okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Look, especially now that we're alone.

Helen, my life began the moment you said you'd marry me.

Joe, how sweet.

You made me happier than I ever thought I could be.

It's nothing.

Brian just stomped on my toe.

I'm sorry, but I got distracted when the band leader asked me about Alex.

Take Casey home, get some ice on her toe.

Don't worry.

I'm fine.

You sure?

Yes. And I am not going to ruin this night by leaving.

Hi.

I have a little surprise for you two.

Now, I know that you're just starting out, probably a little strapped for

cash, so... Oh, what the heck?

Here it is.

Oh, my gosh.

It's a diamond ring.

Now that's a fuel pump.

I don't know what to say.

Oh, it's only my old starter ring, but I know how you've always admired it.

It's really beautiful, but I really couldn't. Yeah, you could. Okay.

We can't accept it. Yes, we can. And we could do it a little more graciously.

Listen, you really don't want this ring. I do. Take it off. Don't make me use the

butter.

What is the matter with you? She has no right to give you that.

What are you talking about? Don't you see what she's trying to do? She's

trying to make me look like an idiot. No, honey, you're doing that all by

yourself.

Helen, as your future husband, I demand that you give her back that ring.

You demand it?

He demands.

Maybe I should go. Maybe we should go.

No, don't.

All right.

Helen, I can explain.

I just saw what happened with Helen.

Look, if you need to talk... Get out of here!

Helen, about the ring, I can explain. No, you can't. I know you don't care for

Casey, but there's nothing that you can say to excuse your behavior tonight.

You want an excuse? Here it is.

My life began the moment you said you'd marry me. You made me happier than I

ever thought I could be. Please take this damn ring as the symbol of my love.

Joe.

That's what this evening was about?

You planned it so that you... I love you.

Yeah, well, I'm still mad.

Getting less mad.

Less mad.

Feeling good.

Listen, Helen.

I would have given you the ring on another night, but I knew how much you'd

want it on our anniversary.

Our anniversary?

Yeah, of our first kiss.

It is?

that stuff.

That is such a stereotype.

Come here.

I don't want to ever fight again.

I don't even know who started it.

Casey started it.

What? Nothing.

What'd you say?

Look, you know, I just think...

She shouldn't have given you that ring without checking with me first. Yeah, I

know, but she didn't mean anything by it. Why are you making excuses for her?

She's been all over you ever since she got it. She ruined our night.

Well, what am I going to do now?

Stand up to her.

I will, someday.

But right now, I need to bring her a tea before it gets cold.

Helen, look, enough. Enough with Casey. This is our night.

I have a bottle of champagne at home, on ice.

That sounds so much better.

keep the better linen.

Oh, sorry.

No, actually, come on down. I wanted to talk to you anyway.

Um, this ring is so beautiful. Thank you so much, but I can't accept it.

Why? Because Joe gave me this engagement ring.

Oh, my, what a practical choice.

Uh, what's that supposed to mean?

Nothing. It'll be your very own hope. diamond. Just hold it up and hope people

can see it.

Let her rip.

You know, ever since you came here, you've been making these little comments

about my hair, about my accent, about my fiance, and his tiny little ring. Hey.

I'm sorry, honey. I love it.

Maybe I don't have the perfect life or the perfect house.

Or the perfect one-carat ring. I have two carats. Ellen.

Oh, you know, I think you're being ridiculous. Well, maybe I am, but you

know what?

I don't care.

Maybe I don't have the perfect life, but it's my life.

And I think it's pretty damn good.

I'm sick and tired of your little backhanded comments and your put-downs.

I'm not your fat little sister, and I'm not going to take it from you anymore.

You finished?

I'm finished.

Let's go, Jo.

Well, then.

Good night.

Casey. Let's just let her digest that.

Casey, I didn't mean... The door left me.

What?

Would you like to hear how perfect my life is?

Well...

A couple months ago, Stuart said, let's sell everything, buy a boat, and sail

around the world.

I should have known something was wrong because he hates the water.

Once we went to one of those cheap adult motels to try to revive our sex life,

and Stuart got seasick on the water bed.

I want my chance of having an orgasm that year.

I told him, I can't just sail off. I have responsibilities.

I was in charge of the fajita bar at my golf club's annual Let's Get Teed Off at

Hunger Day.

Then I thought, why not sail off?

People think I'm interesting.

In the morning, we were supposed to leave.

Stuart said he wanted me to take a picture of him at the helm, so I stood

on the dock, and suddenly he just... shoved off.

Well, this is the last that I ever saw of him.

He's waving goodbye.

That's the happiest-looking man I've ever seen.

He took it all.

You know, I have no home, no money, no husband.

Casey.

You know what, Casey? I think that what you need is really a good night's sleep.

So, uh, Helen and I will get out of your hair and let you... I can't leave her.

Joe, her husband just left her.

She's falling apart.

She's disgraced. She's humiliated.

Aren't you, honey?

for you to get yourself back together and on your feet again. What kind of

time frame are we talking about here?

As long as it takes.

I don't know what I would do without you.

I don't know how to thank you. Oh, you don't be ridiculous. You're my sister.

Joe, you have been so sweet and so understanding.

What can I say?

No problem. After all, we're...

Almost family.

Well, thanks, you guys.

Oh, Helen, you're so lucky to have a guy like Joe. I know.

Really successful guys end up leaving you.

Look, Kathy, when we first met, I was so overwhelmed by your absolute beauty.

Words escaped me.

So please, let's start all over.

Hello, I'm Antonio.

I'm honored to meet you.

I think you're ready to talk to her.