Original subtitles

Good morning, Antonio.

Hello.

You're certainly in a good mood today. I know, I know. Last night, I saw a very,

very funny program on the television.

They were playing them one after another.

What was it? Well, I don't remember the name, but it was all about this very

funny couple named Fred and Ethel.

Oh, you're talking about I Love Lucy.

Lucy. Oh, right, the neighbor.

Oh, that's right. There's a Lucy marathon on this weekend. She is

hysterical. Oh, please. You know, I know it's un-American, but I just think that

show is so stupid.

I do.

I do. I mean, one week, Lucy's stuck on a ledge, dressed as Superman.

Ha-ha. Yeah, great. And then the next week, she's posing as a hot dog vendor

trying to meet Bob Hope.

No one in their right mind would do those things. Oh, come on. What are you

talking about? You do stupider stuff than that every day of your life. Okay,

okay. I've been willing to push the envelope, but I've never crawled inside,

stamped it, and mailed myself to John Wayne.

Damn it.

Boy, you don't even look up anymore, do you?

I'm talking about this.

Clint Black is performing tonight in Boston, but it's sold out. Oh, really?

You're a fan?

I'm a huge fan.

Really? I'd still to see one of his shows.

Make me mad.

You and me both. Can't believe that bum is this close by. Hasn't even called me.

Who?

Clint.

Quack. We're old friends.

What are you doing?

Checking my driver's license. I want to make sure I wasn't born yesterday.

Okay.

Yeah, you don't believe me. Don't believe me.

You actually know Clint Black. The Clint Black. Didn't I just say that?

How do you know him?

We used to hang out together. You know, before he was anybody.

Well, Z, if you really do know him, you think, you know, you could possibly

maybe... Get tickets?

Um, well, for you, uh... Okay, I'll see what I can do.

Brian, if you can really pull this off, I promise I won't forget it.

I can't believe you actually know Clint Black.

Oh, cut. Will you relax? He's just another guy.

Clint Black.

Who's Clint Black?

Look, it's one baggie, Joe, per ticket-o.

Or no fly-o.

Pay extra-o. Oh, Roy, he obviously doesn't understand you. Now, just so

happens that I know a little Spanish. Allow me.

Señor, no es permito mas que... Pardon, pardon, madame, je vous comprends pas.

You speak French.

Well, let's see.

Only one.

Le suitcase pour le passageur.

which comes back to you.

Hey, Alex.

Dawn, I've got to ask you something.

Yeah?

Does Brian know Clint Black?

Clint Black the singer?

Is that what he told you?

Well, I mean... And you believed him?

Well, I didn't say that. I just thought... Okay, okay. Let's go for it.

I don't mean to laugh at you. It's just that it's... Such vintage Brian.

Once he told this girl in high school that he knew one of the Apollo

astronauts, and he even called her up on the phone in this really nasally voice

and told him he was calling long distance from the moon.

And she bought it? Well, he did sound real, and I was kind of lonely.

He said he could get tickets to see Clint Black. Hey, so let him. At least

we get to see the show.

No. If he doesn't know him, there's no way. The concert's completely sold out.

Even better.

Watching Brian squirm out of a lie is some of the best entertainment available

today.

Watch and learn.

Hey, Brian.

Thanks. Alex told me that you could get us tickets to see Clint Black.

Us? Well, she told me that you knew him, and so we figured, you know, it'd be

just as easy to get three as two.

Did you?

I hope that's not a problem. I mean, you and Clint being friends and all, I

figured. No, no, no, no, no. No problem at all.

You know Clint well enough to get two tickets? You know him well enough to get

three?

You're good.

Well, once Brian starts tap dancing, it's just a matter of knowing when to

roll the marbles across the floor.

Yes, hello.

Ticket office.

Yes. This is Monsignor Hackett. I'm calling for the Cardinal about tickets

to the Clint Black concert.

Yes, I'm aware that the Cardinal already has his tickets, but he also would like

the three seats behind him to be kept vacant.

Yes. The Cardinal is a nut about wearing his hat.

Hello.

What's going on?

Just trying to score a ticket to the Clint Black concert for tonight.

Why? You don't even like country music. Yeah, I know, but Alex does, and I

promised her seat, so... Oh, what's that, Lucy? You say you're in a bit of a

pickle? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, oh, wait a minute. Don't tell me you dusted off that old, uh, we're all

buddies routine.

Yes, I did. After all the stupid things I pulled, I knew she'd never believe I'd

be stupid enough to pull that one. But I fooled her. Yeah, I am.

Look, I just want you to know something.

Just because you and I have been competing for Alex doesn't mean that I'm

secretly hoping this will blow up.

I can't answer that.

Brian,

listen, tell Joe I checked out those cylinders in there, okay?

Yeah. Wait, whoa, whoa, come here, come here, come here.

Oh, man. Would you by any chance know anyone who's got three tickets to

see Clint Black tonight?

Three tickets to see Clint Black? Huh.

Three tickets.

Whoa.

Sorry, Brian, I can't help you out. I had a heck of a time getting a hold of

these four tickets.

Wait, wait, wait.

You have four tickets to see him? I didn't know you were a fan.

Well, actually, I've never seen him, uh, dance?

Sing.

Rock and roll?

Country.

Rockabilly?

I have no idea. This is unbelievable. You have four tickets to see this guy.

You don't even know who he is? Well, it doesn't matter. I mean, Tucker, Tom,

Dewey, and I just go to the concerts to find stuff under the bleachers.

Hey, I'm in the Rolling Stones. We're in town. I got $13.50 and a glass eye.

I'll give you $200.

Gosh, I don't know, Brian.

I still get a lot of laughs when I pop it out of my mouth at parties.

No, I'm talking about the ticket. I want to buy them from you. Oh, no.

These guys are my friends. They've been looking forward to this concert for a

long time.

I can't let them down. I'm sorry, Brian. I can't help you.

300 bucks.

I didn't say they were good friends.

Hey, girls.

Hey, Brian.

Oh, by the way, I spoke to Clint, and everything's set for tonight.

Wait, you actually got three tickets, Brian?

Well, no, actually, four.

Lowell wants to go, too, you know.

Guy, Brian, I'm really impressed.

Well, maybe this will teach you both. Never doubt me.

When I tell you I know somebody, I know them.

So what do you say you guys meet me back here at 6 o'clock? We'll go out, we'll

have something to eat, and then we'll be on our way.

Great.

Can't wait to meet him.

Me too.

Well, Clint Black.

Oh, oh, Brian, you're not going to go all that way to see your friend in

concert and then not go backstage, are you? No, no, no. You know, I was.

There's not a problem, is there? No, no, no.

Because you know him, right?

Absolutely. And you don't think he can get backstage to see Clint merely by

slipping the security guy a $100 bill.

Do you?

No way. You'd have to know him. Right.

Lucky thing I know him.

He doesn't know him.

To get real, the closest you're going to get to him.

Well, you've not been to any of the concerts. What are you doing down there?

Well, let me answer that question with a question, Helen.

The last 15 minutes, did either one of you lose a retainer?

No. Oh, yes!

Brian, where have you been? You missed the whole last set. Man, I was backstage

talking to Clint's manager. Bad news.

Right after the show, he's got to go back to Nashville.

No, he doesn't.

Yeah, yeah, he does. He does. So I think we might as well just... Clint's not

leaving. There's a party tonight at his hotel.

Are you sure about that? Yeah, my girlfriend's uncle is the bass player's

cousin.

Brian, I wonder why his manager would tell you he's leaving.

Well, it's fairly obvious, isn't it? He resents my friendship with Clint.

Where did you say the party was?

Clint's hotel.

Oh, no, not that... place. Gee, with traffic and all, we'd have to really

make sure that we stay within the crosswalk. We sure don't want to get

ourselves a jaywalking ticket. Now, do we? Well, thank you very much, my dear,

and I'll see you across the street in room, uh, the roomy penthouse. Yes, of

course. The one that, uh, Clint always opts for when he plays, uh, the sports.

Lowell. Right here, Ellen.

Come on, let's go. Okay.

Okay. A wallet.

Oh, it's full of money.

Credit cards?

Pictures of my kids?

Let's go.

Stay tuned as the Lucy Marathon continues.

Next, Lucy takes a job at a candy factory.

Hey, how many of these shows can you take?

It's like my mother's baked a ziti. One bite and I can't stop.

Of course, Lucy doesn't make you feel like you have a potato stuck in your

windpipe, but... There is something about this show that bothers me. You

mean how come Ricky was in this country all those years and never lost that

annoying accent?

What accent?

No, I mean what Brian said.

Maybe no person in real life would do such crazy things.

We need to kill you to bribe a couple of waiters our side.

I'll do the best I could.

Stop it. Just stick by me and blend in, okay?

Okay, there he is. There's Quint.

Okay, all I have to do now is talk him into meeting Alex and Helen and get the

hell out of here. Okay.

Well, you follow me.

Grab those hors d'oeuvres.

the train.

Right. I didn't want to seem greedy.

Excuse me.

Oh, thanks.

Sure. Really enjoyed the show tonight.

Thank you. Glad you could get off work to come down.

Excuse me.

Can I have one of those?

What are you doing?

Well, I was trying to hide the ones I already took a bite out of.

Please, please don't make the security guy suspicious.

I said just try to blend in, okay? Blend in, okay?

Oh, my God. Sorry.

That's all right.

Way to blend.

I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mr. Black. I'm so sorry. It's okay. It's my

party. I guess the drink should be on me.

You boys aren't really waiters now, are you?

Gotta get back inside.

You know what you mean.

Those people are gonna be expecting dessert.

Whoa.

What's the matter? You're not acrophobic, are you?

No, I love spiders.

That's arachnophobic.

Acrophobic is a fear of height.

Right, right.

Joe, now that you mention it, I once had a dream where I fell off a 30-story

spider, so I guess that would make me arachno-acrophobic.

You know, come to think of it, I landed in a small, dark, enclosed space.

So that would make me claustroarachno.

Give me your hand. Give me your hand. Come on. Careful.

Give me your hand. Careful.

Has anyone ever told you that you have soft hands?

Like a girl's?

Yeah.

Okay, look.

go and smooth things over with clint all right and then listen to me listen to me

then take the elevator down to the lobby you pick up alex and helen and bring

them up here okay okay uh except alex and helen are already in the party so i

don't think they're going to want to go down to the lobby with me and then come

back up to the party yeah all right well that it changes our plans a little all

right follow me do what i do

Clint Black's hotel room.

I can't wait to rub Brian's nose in this one.

We got in and they didn't.

Oh, but they're close.

Well, if it isn't Lucy and Ethel.

Hey, how'd you guys get up here? We met a couple guys in the lobby and they

invited us up. What are you guys doing out there?

Ah, well, you know, the party was getting a little stuffy and a little

claustrophobic.

Brian, I... I thought I was telling you that in confidence.

So, obviously, you guys met Clint already and found out that he's a really

nice guy, so there's no sense in sticking around here. No, actually, we

didn't. We waited because we knew that you wanted to introduce him to us, so

there he is over there.

That so he is.

Listen, why don't you chat with the ladies here, and I'll go get him.

Right.

Excuse me, Mr. Black.

Hey, watch that drink. This is my only other jacket. All right. No, it's okay.

It's okay.

My shift is over, and I'm sorry. And I just wanted to apologize for before.

That's okay. Don't worry about it. Just enjoy the party. Okay.

Thanks. No, listen, Clint.

I'm sorry.

Clint.

No. But listen, listen. You know, you'd really be helping me out.

You'd really be helping me out if you just do me this favor. One little favor,

though. Hey, Clance, I got a phone. You want to call him back?

No, I really need to talk to whoever that is. I'll be right back.

You know, it'll just take a second.

It'll take less than a second. A nanosecond.

Hey, I know what you think.

And why don't I just, you know, save you the trouble?

What did you say your name was again? Rebecca. Rebecca. How about, you know

what, Clint? You just call me Becky. Becky, I'd love to help you, but I have

to leave town first thing in the morning. Oh, that works for me. Could

you come with me right now? Could you please? I told all my friends at the bar

that I know you real well.

I'm sorry. Maybe I can take a rain check and do it next year. Next year? Well, we

don't know where any of us are going to be next year.

I'm sorry. All right, fine, fine.

But let me tell you something. I'm not calling you late at night anymore, and

no more banana bread. And who do you think you are, you 18-year-old?

Well, the gift shop was out of chocolates, and I hate coming to parties

empty-handed.

You really stink at this. You know that?

I don't know how you got the ticket, but why don't you admit it? You don't know

Clint Black.

Excuse me.

Excuse me. I think we saw Clint Black in concert. I think we're in Clint Black's

hotel room right now. And, oh, lucky for me, he's coming right here right now. So

why don't you just give me a minute with him alone? No. Excuse me. Excuse me. Mr.

Black. Yes. You don't know me, but this guy has been going on and on all day

about how you and he are best buddies.

Is that true?

No. I knew it.

I'm kidding.

Actually, how have you been, Brian?

Better.

Where have you been? Did you get the tickets okay?

Yeah.

I can't believe this. You actually know him?

I've known Brian for years.

Tell her about the first time we met. No, no, no. You tell it better.

I was working at a club. Brian was working there as a waiter. All right.

And he came over and spilled an entire tray of drinks on me. Stop it. You're

embarrassing me.

This is so cool.

Listen, listen.

Clint,

I'd like you to meet Alex Lambert. She's a big fan of yours.

Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you. Any friend of Brian's?

This is so cool.

This is just really cool.

And y'all are going to stick around, right? We've got a lot of catching up to

do. Heck, you know me, Clint. You've got to throw me out of here.

Yeah, I know.

Brian, I'm sorry I doubted you. Hey, sometimes I can't believe I know Clint

Black.

That was so cool.

Have you ever watched a heavyweight fight where one guy's getting beat up so

badly that the referee has to come in and stop it?

You set this up?

Hey, you provided me with a whole evening of entertainment.

Thank you, thank you.

I guess this is what friends are for, huh? Yep. Always there for each other?

Yep. Through thick and thin? Yep. You're going to make me pay for this for the

rest of my life, aren't you? Yep.

I owe you. No, you don't. I do. I definitely owe you for tonight.

And not just for the ticket.

I never should have doubted you.

But you have to admit, I mean, it did sound like one of your scams. Yeah, I

suppose I'd feel the same way if I were in your place.

Any chance of that, by the way? I always carry my toothbrush.

But, you know, before, when I was sure you didn't know Clint Black, I was

thinking that anyone who would go to all that trouble and jump through all those

hoops just to impress me, well, you can't help but be flattered and even a

little attracted to a guy like that.

Really?

Of course, when I found out that you really did know him, I kind of took the

air out of it.