Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,424 --> 00:00:08,925
Hey, it's Hollyhock.
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:12,053
Leave a message, if you're a hundred.
3
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,054
Hey, Hollyhock.
4
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:15,807
Um, you still haven't returned
my last call, which is fine.
5
00:00:15,890 --> 00:00:18,143
I just... I know you're going back
to school soon,
6
00:00:18,226 --> 00:00:21,146
and you should know I won't be there.
7
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:24,357
Because of... everything
you've probably heard about.
8
00:00:24,441 --> 00:00:27,610
So, if you were worried
you'd have to see me, you won't.
9
00:00:27,694 --> 00:00:29,070
But I would love to talk.
10
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,448
It's BoJack.
11
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:38,413
Welcome to Burritos and Mo!
Home of burritos and much, much mo!
12
00:00:38,496 --> 00:00:42,375
- Give me a large number three.
- Oh, my God. Ellie! Look at the monitor.
13
00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:45,003
It's fricking BoJack Horseman.
Don't worry, I muted it.
14
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,256
- He looks like crap.
- Yeah. His tie is all loosened up,
15
00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:51,009
which is like the universal sign
for having a shitty day.
16
00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:53,470
Probably because he just came
from court. It's all over the news.
17
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:56,639
He just settled with Sarah Lynn's family
for five million dollars.
18
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,184
Makes sense. He seemed like
a real psycho in that interview
19
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,810
- he did a few months back.
- Yeah. Guys.
20
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:03,146
I'm surprised he'd still
wanna show his face in public.
21
00:01:03,229 --> 00:01:04,481
- Hey!
- His face is everywhere.
22
00:01:04,564 --> 00:01:06,191
- The cover of every magazine.
- Okay.
23
00:01:06,274 --> 00:01:08,985
Even got the number-one slot
for Hundred Most Hatted Men.
24
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:11,112
- No, it...
- Most Hatted Men? What is that?
25
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:13,823
List of men in hats, I guess.
He was wearing a fedora.
26
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,116
It was Most Hated Men!
27
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,284
What?
28
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:19,287
It was the Hundred Most Hated Men,
it was a newsboy cap,
29
00:01:19,370 --> 00:01:21,122
and I can hear everything
you've been saying!
30
00:01:21,206 --> 00:01:22,415
Uh...
31
00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:25,710
- Get his bags, Ellie!
- You said you muted it!
32
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:32,300
- Have a burrito-ful day!
- Hey! You suck, asshole!
33
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,570
I don't think it's wise
to be burning Bridges at this juncture.
34
00:02:33,653 --> 00:02:35,530
I'm sorry, just don't like Beau.
35
00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:37,115
{\an8}-Greetings, strangers!
- Maude?
36
00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:38,741
{\an8}That's what they want you to think!
37
00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:41,911
{\an8}I'm Maude's twin sister Fergus,
we have never met before,
38
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,831
and I'd be delighted to accept a job
at this company.
39
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,333
{\an8}-What?
- As you know, I have 12 children.
40
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:49,669
What sort of day care services
do you provide here?
41
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:52,046
{\an8}Has this ever happened to you?
42
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,590
{\an8}Todd? At the office?
43
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,675
Can we wrap whatever this is up?
44
00:02:55,758 --> 00:02:57,886
{\an8}I'm supposed to head over
to the "Birthday Dad" set.
45
00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,554
{\an8}I wanna run a day care at VIM!
46
00:02:59,637 --> 00:03:02,932
{\an8}I've mastered the art of looking
at one baby and I'm ready for more.
47
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,185
You do have several employees
with children.
48
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,769
{\an8}If you employ Todd through the company,
49
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:09,272
{\an8}you could offer him a raise
and still save money on taxes.
50
00:03:09,355 --> 00:03:10,190
Great. It's done.
51
00:03:10,356 --> 00:03:12,901
{\an8}Hooray! Corporate tax loophole!
52
00:03:12,984 --> 00:03:14,944
{\an8}Plus, we can carpool to the office.
53
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:19,157
{\an8}Which leads me to my next point.
I am moving out to live with Maude.
54
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,784
{\an8}It's me! It's Maude.
I don't really have a twin sister.
55
00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:24,662
{\an8}Hey, that's fantastic!
Where are you moving to?
56
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:25,747
Um...
57
00:03:25,830 --> 00:03:28,833
- You can stay here! Live with me forever!
- Cut!
58
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,461
{\an8}The line is,
"Thank you for the birthday pizza.
59
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:32,795
{\an8}Today, I am your dad."
60
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,173
- Oh, sorry!
- Let's take five?
61
00:03:35,256 --> 00:03:38,218
{\an8}-Hey, champ. Everything okay?
- I'm just distracted.
62
00:03:38,301 --> 00:03:41,763
{\an8}Ever since Pickles left, I've been
so lonely in that big, empty house.
63
00:03:41,846 --> 00:03:44,891
I've always had a wife or a girlfriend,
someone to take care of.
64
00:03:44,974 --> 00:03:46,851
Princess Carolyn,
you're perpetually alone.
65
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,979
{\an8}-How do you manage?
- One day at a time, buddy.
66
00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:52,065
I went to the doctor to see
if he could make me feel better,
67
00:03:52,148 --> 00:03:54,067
he said, "You should check out
this Internet meme,
68
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:56,444
it always cheers me up: Sad Dog."
69
00:03:56,527 --> 00:04:00,365
And I said, "But Doctor, I am Sad Dog."
70
00:04:01,115 --> 00:04:04,953
Guys, I'm really sorry
this keeps happening.
71
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,915
When I got home, I found my wife
and daughter had moved out.
72
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,708
All they left behind was this picture.
73
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,419
- Okay. Rude.
- Shh!
74
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,797
It's the stock photo
that came in the frame.
75
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:21,302
My wife kept asking me to put in a picture
of our family, but I was always too drunk.
76
00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,097
But because of all of you
and my sponsor Leo,
77
00:04:24,222 --> 00:04:27,183
I'm no longer just the man
who's not in this picture.
78
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:31,646
I'm a different, better man
who is also not in this picture.
79
00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:33,022
Who's next?
80
00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:39,320
- Um, okay, I'll speak.
- Ugh.
81
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,406
Things have been pretty brutal
for me lately.
82
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,032
- Most people hate me...
- Mm-hmm.
83
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:45,910
...I just lost five million dollars,
so that's not great.
84
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:49,163
Could probably use a Leo
of my own right about now.
85
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,582
Wow, tough room.
86
00:04:51,666 --> 00:04:54,961
This AA meeting is a tough room.
87
00:05:01,676 --> 00:05:03,886
Hey, I'll be your sponsor.
88
00:05:04,262 --> 00:05:05,179
Oh! Um...
89
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,056
I know what you're thinking,
"Vance Waggoner?
90
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,641
That guy's gonna be my sponsor?
91
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,436
The guy Charlie Sheen
once called 'a little much'?"
92
00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,062
- Uh...
- "Vance Waggoner?
93
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,982
That guy's got more domestic assault
convictions than Sean Penn!"
94
00:05:16,107 --> 00:05:17,108
And now you're thinking,
95
00:05:17,191 --> 00:05:19,402
"Did Sean Penn get convicted
of domestic assault
96
00:05:19,485 --> 00:05:21,321
or was it just alleged?
I gotta look that up later."
97
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:22,780
- I'm sure...
- Now you're thinking,
98
00:05:22,905 --> 00:05:25,742
"Why would someone this cool
and put-together wanna sponsor me,
99
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:28,036
- dumb slob BoJack Horseman?"
- That's not...
100
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:31,789
Wait. I've been where you've been, BoJack.
And everyone abandoned me.
101
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:35,084
If you need someone to talk to,
give me a call, okay?
102
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:39,672
My number is 555-555-8008.
103
00:05:39,756 --> 00:05:41,966
Because sometimes
life turns you upside-down,
104
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:47,430
and when you're upside-down,
my number is boobs.
105
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:53,853
Hello?
106
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,772
Diane! How are the revisions going?
107
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,941
Good! Usually at this stage
I hate everything I've ever written
108
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:02,904
and I feel like a worthless hack,
but this book actually isn't terrible.
109
00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,406
Great, so when can we expect
the not-terrible sequel,
110
00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,117
"Ivy Tran Two: A Tran for All Seasons"?
111
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:11,788
I don't know, Ivy Tran was fun
but I'm a grown-up writer.
112
00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,665
There are other things I wanna write.
Did you know Eleanor Roosevelt...
113
00:06:14,749 --> 00:06:17,085
- Interesting.
- I didn't even tell you the thing.
114
00:06:17,168 --> 00:06:19,754
I know.
I was interested in you not telling me.
115
00:06:19,879 --> 00:06:20,963
Okay, good bit.
116
00:06:21,089 --> 00:06:21,923
In the meantime,
117
00:06:22,048 --> 00:06:25,676
if you're interested in writing books
that people actually read,
118
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,389
you'll get to work on "Ivy Tran Two:
Last Tran to Clarksville."
119
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,307
- Eleanor Roosevelt once...
- Interesting!
120
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,106
And those congressional
turd-weasels
121
00:06:38,189 --> 00:06:41,734
actually called this legislation
the "Anti-Corruption Bill!"
122
00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:44,362
That's like if BoJack Horseman
wore a T-shirt that said,
123
00:06:44,445 --> 00:06:47,615
"I am not a ginormous dick-weasel!"
124
00:06:47,698 --> 00:06:49,826
Hey, that is an unfair drive-by!
125
00:06:49,909 --> 00:06:53,121
Now, I know this Photoshop is not up
to our program's usual standards,
126
00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:55,081
but in our graphic department's defense,
127
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:58,584
none of them could spend ten minutes
looking at this ass-weasel
128
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,087
without their uteruses
literally throwing up.
129
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:02,755
Ugh!
130
00:07:05,091 --> 00:07:05,925
Yes?
131
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:08,010
BoJack, it's your very good
accountant Gaz.
132
00:07:08,136 --> 00:07:10,471
- I'm here with...
- Your very good lawyer Chaz!
133
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:11,931
Okay.
134
00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,767
The good news is the Sarah Lynn settlement
isn't gonna kill us.
135
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:15,726
What's the bad news?
136
00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,604
The bad news is you're being sued
for a hundred million dollars.
137
00:07:18,688 --> 00:07:20,648
- What?
- Remember in your interview,
138
00:07:20,731 --> 00:07:24,986
when you disparagingly referred
to yourself as "a Xerox of a Xerox"?
139
00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:26,904
The Xerox Corporation did not appreciate
140
00:07:26,988 --> 00:07:29,282
being implicated
in your untoward behavior.
141
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:32,660
Just so I'm clear, Sarah Lynn's death
cost me five million dollars,
142
00:07:32,743 --> 00:07:36,372
but saying something bad about a brand
is gonna cost me a hundred million?
143
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,833
When you frame it that way,
it almost seems comical!
144
00:07:38,916 --> 00:07:40,168
But it is not comical,
145
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:43,254
because a hundred million dollars
is a lot of money you do not have.
146
00:07:43,337 --> 00:07:44,505
Okay, so what's the move?
147
00:07:44,589 --> 00:07:47,175
Funny you should mention "move."
148
00:07:47,258 --> 00:07:49,385
Your accountant told me
you wanted to sell your house?
149
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:51,971
- Okay, I'm gonna call you back.
- So, I sold your house!
150
00:07:52,054 --> 00:07:54,390
Wow-ee! It looks better than the pictures!
151
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,350
- You sold my house?
- Golly, are you...?
152
00:07:56,434 --> 00:07:58,060
Sylvester Stallion.
From the Rocky movies.
153
00:07:58,144 --> 00:08:00,771
Oh! Hey, you kids wanna go check out
the pool?
154
00:08:00,855 --> 00:08:02,315
- Yeah!
- I love my new life!
155
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,232
You sold my house?
156
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:07,862
I found this sweet, sweet family from Ohio
whose kid just got cast in a movie!
157
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:09,739
I wanted to make sure the ink dried
on the mortgage
158
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:12,992
before they find out the movie's
being shot in Saskatchewan.
159
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:13,993
So, where do I go?
160
00:08:14,076 --> 00:08:16,120
What do I look like, a real estate agent?
161
00:08:16,621 --> 00:08:18,289
- Wait.
- Yeah?
162
00:08:18,372 --> 00:08:19,499
Your mail came.
163
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,543
- Now leave. You're harshing the buzz.
- But...
164
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:29,091
Huh?
165
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:49,612
- Well, I'm all moved in.
- Me too.
166
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:54,617
Wow! Got a promotion
and my own apartment all in the same day.
167
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:59,163
- I never realized my boyfriend was butter.
- You're right. I am on a roll!
168
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:00,540
What should I do next?
169
00:09:01,582 --> 00:09:04,752
Chavez residence, this is Jorge.
Please state the purpose of your call
170
00:09:04,835 --> 00:09:07,129
so I can most appropriately
modulate my tone.
171
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,423
Hey, it's Todd. Is Mom there?
172
00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:11,300
Ah! Todd! Yes.
173
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:14,095
Oh. She's resting at the moment.
Can I take a message?
174
00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:17,890
I just wanted her to know that
I don't have anything to prove to her,
175
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,643
but I got a new job and an apartment,
176
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,312
so if I did have something
to prove to her,
177
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:26,107
- I'd have proven it by now.
- Well, that's wonderful, Todd.
178
00:09:26,190 --> 00:09:29,694
Yes. And quite mature.
And she won't even talk to me.
179
00:09:29,819 --> 00:09:32,280
- Does she know I'm butter?
- I'm glad to hear you're on a roll.
180
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:33,990
We'd love to see your home
once you're settled.
181
00:09:34,073 --> 00:09:37,535
What's that supposed to mean?
I'm settled! I'm a grown-ass Todd!
182
00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:40,204
- No, I just meant...
- I don't need to impress you!
183
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:42,748
Why don't you come
to my fancy, sophisticated
184
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:46,168
housewarming party tomorrow night
and see for yourself!
185
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,004
Consider us there. What can we bring?
186
00:09:48,087 --> 00:09:49,964
Two chairs!
187
00:09:50,047 --> 00:09:52,049
We could throw together a party, right?
188
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:53,759
Um...
189
00:09:54,176 --> 00:09:55,803
- No.
- I need a job.
190
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:56,762
There are no offers.
191
00:09:56,846 --> 00:10:00,474
- Can you check? Ask around?
- I'm checking. I'm asking around.
192
00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:04,520
- There are no offers.
- But I'm broke and homeless.
193
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,982
I can get you a small role
on "Birthday Dad."
194
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:10,943
Great. Have my pages delivered
to me at the Chateau Marmoset.
195
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,529
- You just said you're broke!
- And homeless.
196
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,531
You are not staying at a fancy hotel.
197
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,991
Who else would have me?
198
00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:19,827
You could stay here! Live with me forever!
199
00:10:26,334 --> 00:10:28,961
And flip! Morning, sunshine!
200
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:30,921
I hope I didn't wake you
with the delicious smell
201
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:32,298
of a well-balanced breakfast.
202
00:10:32,381 --> 00:10:35,009
- Less talky. More coffee.
- You got it, roomie!
203
00:10:35,092 --> 00:10:37,178
Coffee maker, make!
204
00:10:37,261 --> 00:10:40,640
Took the liberty of doing your laundry
and this letter was in your pocket.
205
00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:43,643
Ooh-hoo! A mysterious pen pal!
206
00:10:43,726 --> 00:10:46,812
Is it a secret admirer
or the snowman killer still at large?
207
00:10:46,896 --> 00:10:48,689
It's from Hollyhock. But...
208
00:10:48,773 --> 00:10:51,901
I can't open it. What if she says
she never wants to hear from me again?
209
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:56,155
Or maybe it says "I got rid of my TV
three months ago. What's new, BoJack?"
210
00:10:56,238 --> 00:10:57,531
I should just call her.
211
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:59,909
If I could talk to her,
I feel like I could explain that...
212
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:03,496
Hey, it's Hollyhock.
Leave a message, if you're a hundred.
213
00:11:03,579 --> 00:11:05,665
Hey, Hollyhock. It's me again.
214
00:11:05,748 --> 00:11:08,084
And his good friend and roommate
and coworker, Mr. Peanutbutter!
215
00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,710
It's our first day of work together!
216
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,837
I got your letter
and I haven't read it yet,
217
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,839
but I'm going to and...
218
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:17,343
It's really great to hear your voice...
your voicemail voice.
219
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:19,553
Just give me a call. It's BoJack.
220
00:11:19,637 --> 00:11:21,722
- Ready to go?
- What about this breakfast?
221
00:11:21,806 --> 00:11:25,393
We don't have time for that!
You can feed me while I drive, let's go!
222
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:32,650
Easy. Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop!
223
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,694
Hey, Judah. I need your advice.
224
00:11:34,777 --> 00:11:36,946
I'm trying to throw
a sophisticated adult party
225
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:38,072
to impress my parents
226
00:11:38,155 --> 00:11:41,325
and I have no furniture
or sophisticated adult friends.
227
00:11:41,409 --> 00:11:45,413
I'm alarmed. Do you not consider me
a sophisticated adult or a friend?
228
00:11:45,496 --> 00:11:48,457
Judah, this is no time for one
of your famous Judah tantrums!
229
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:51,752
Sounds like you need to throw together
a scheme in a short amount of time.
230
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,421
In situations like this, I often think,
231
00:11:53,504 --> 00:11:55,005
- "What would Todd do?"
- And?
232
00:11:55,089 --> 00:11:56,549
He'd probably scour VIM's talent list
233
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,592
for underemployed actors,
tell them they've been hired
234
00:11:58,676 --> 00:12:01,554
for a site-specific immersive
theater piece as cosmopolitan partygoers,
235
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:04,390
invite just enough real friends
to lend it an air of legitimacy
236
00:12:04,473 --> 00:12:05,891
and raid the "Birthday Dad" set
for furniture.
237
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:09,270
That's brilliant!
Todd, I've done it again!
238
00:12:09,353 --> 00:12:11,647
Let's go, babies!
239
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,608
Uh... Babies. Come on!
240
00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:20,364
War.
241
00:12:20,823 --> 00:12:22,450
And for what?
242
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:24,869
A couple trophies? A parade?
243
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:27,121
No. Not for me.
244
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:29,248
Maybe I'm just a crazy,
old birthday person,
245
00:12:29,331 --> 00:12:31,584
but I think war is bad.
246
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:35,171
Great job, Mr. Peanutbutter.
You're changing hearts and minds.
247
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,339
Isn't this great? Working together?
248
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,550
For the next take,
can we get Dead Body Number Four
249
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,427
to face away from the camera?
250
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:42,970
- Oh! That's you!
- Yeah.
251
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:45,806
Exciting!
252
00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:47,600
All the way away
from the camera.
253
00:12:49,560 --> 00:12:50,978
I can't really breathe.
254
00:12:51,061 --> 00:12:53,314
That's okay. Let's run it again.
255
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:57,276
Cool dressing room.
256
00:12:57,359 --> 00:12:58,652
And great work on that scene.
257
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,197
You really seemed like
a hollowed-out corpse.
258
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,157
Once animated by the fire of life,
259
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:06,952
now consumed by horror
and regret, and for what?
260
00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:08,078
Great. You wanna get dinner?
261
00:13:08,162 --> 00:13:11,207
Oh, I'd love to, buddy,
but I have like five more scenes to shoot.
262
00:13:11,290 --> 00:13:15,127
Oh. Of course, yeah.
I'll see you back at the house then?
263
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:19,256
Yeah. Oh! I'm probably going to head
right to Todd's fancy party after work.
264
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,716
Todd's having a fancy party?
265
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,384
Mr. Peanutbutter,
we're ready for the scene
266
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,970
where you help an American soldier
and a Taliban insurgent
267
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,639
realize they both have the same birthday.
268
00:13:26,722 --> 00:13:29,225
- It's Christmas.
- Ugh.
269
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:39,443
BoJack!
270
00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:41,487
Greetings, cast!
271
00:13:41,570 --> 00:13:42,404
As you know,
272
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:46,200
you have been hired to play urbane,
civilized party guests.
273
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:48,077
So, if at any point tonight
274
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:50,746
a "member of the audience"
tries to talk to you,
275
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:53,374
please say one
of the three following phrases
276
00:13:53,457 --> 00:13:55,918
that elegant adults say all the time:
277
00:13:56,043 --> 00:14:01,215
"I'm starting to think smart phones
are actually making us less connected."
278
00:14:01,298 --> 00:14:05,135
- Oh, yeah!
- "Well, that's politics for you!"
279
00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:10,808
Or, "Sir, you cannot remove your shoes
inside this Applebee's."
280
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:12,184
Ooh!
281
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,061
- Hey!
- Hello.
282
00:14:14,144 --> 00:14:15,062
What's that?
283
00:14:15,145 --> 00:14:18,607
It's a case of Ass-Jolt,
Pickles' favorite alcoholic energy drink.
284
00:14:18,941 --> 00:14:21,402
I don't need them anymore.
285
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:24,697
- Oh, fish, I forgot a gift.
- You have two options.
286
00:14:24,780 --> 00:14:27,199
This sourdough starter
or a haiku I wrote on a grain of rice
287
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,368
- and then suspended in a bottle.
- Uh...
288
00:14:29,451 --> 00:14:31,370
Why don't we just say
they're both from both of us?
289
00:14:31,453 --> 00:14:32,538
Yeah.
290
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,750
- Ugh.
- And you don't wanna open it?
291
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:39,545
I'm not ready. As long as I don't read it,
she's still in my life.
292
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:42,590
It's good to have people that remind us
why we stay sober.
293
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:44,300
That's what my daughter is for me.
294
00:14:44,383 --> 00:14:48,846
Here's your sandwich.
Chef made it just for you.
295
00:14:48,929 --> 00:14:50,848
Hmph, hmph, hmph.
296
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,101
Okay, do I have a horn?
297
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:57,062
Because everybody keeps looking at me
like I'm some kind of freak.
298
00:14:57,146 --> 00:15:00,274
Well, if you've got a horn,
you're the ugliest unicorn I ever saw.
299
00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:02,443
You'd be kicked out of the unicorn kingdom
300
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:06,030
because you couldn't get a date
to the marshmallow cotillion.
301
00:15:06,113 --> 00:15:09,033
Yeah, or because I snorted up
all the magic fairy glitter.
302
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,493
"This summer:
Dumbass Unicorn."
303
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:14,496
That's so stupid.
No, that's exactly what they'd do.
304
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:18,292
It would be like
"Nasty Unicorn: The Unicorn Who Parties."
305
00:15:18,375 --> 00:15:20,502
Yeah, and his horn
is like a corkscrew,
306
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:23,172
and he tries to open a bottle of wine,
but it gets stuck,
307
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:25,382
so now he's got this wine bottle
on his head,
308
00:15:25,466 --> 00:15:27,009
just dripping wine down his face,
309
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,094
like...
310
00:15:29,303 --> 00:15:30,346
"Nasty Unicorn.
311
00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:32,306
He puts the 'U' in 'Eff you.'"
312
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:36,143
Okay, but it wouldn't be "Nasty Unicorn."
It would be "Horny Unicorn"!
313
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,646
Oh, shit, that's amazing.
Now we have to do it.
314
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:40,230
What do you mean "do it"?
315
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:43,359
The movie. You're the Horny Unicorn.
I'll direct. We're doing it.
316
00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:46,737
Yeah. I'm not really the guy
people wanna see in movies right now.
317
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:50,282
Yeah, they don't wanna see you
be Secretariat or raising orphans.
318
00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:52,242
But they will see you be a rude dude
319
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:55,454
who says all the things polite society
is too limp-dicked to say.
320
00:15:55,537 --> 00:15:58,540
This is your way back in.
This is how you get that love back.
321
00:15:58,749 --> 00:15:59,833
"The Horny Unicorn"?
322
00:15:59,917 --> 00:16:03,671
Yeah, 'cause deep down, he's wounded.
He's misunderstood.
323
00:16:03,754 --> 00:16:05,255
It's not his fault he's the way he is!
324
00:16:05,339 --> 00:16:07,341
- And people are gonna see that!
- Yeah?
325
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:11,261
Yeah! He's like, "Hey, buddy!
I never asked to be the horny unicorn!
326
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:13,889
What? You think I like it that
I gotta jizz rainbows every 20 minutes
327
00:16:13,973 --> 00:16:15,391
to keep my horn from going soft?"
328
00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:17,267
I don't know.
329
00:16:17,351 --> 00:16:19,395
Come on. I know you need the money.
330
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:21,605
When are you gonna stop
punishing yourself?
331
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:29,947
Flip it. No, you gotta...
Flip the thing. Flip it.
332
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:32,741
Hey, Sonny, do you know
where the advance copy of my book is?
333
00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:34,201
Your stupid book about the mall?
334
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:36,704
Haven't seen it.
'Cause I would never even notice it.
335
00:16:36,787 --> 00:16:39,832
'Cause it's for losers. Girl losers.
336
00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:41,375
You can just say losers.
337
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,753
Girls can be losers without specifying
that they're girls.
338
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:47,631
Will you let me know if you see it?
I need to get revisions to my publisher.
339
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:49,758
Sounds like a "you" problem.
340
00:16:51,427 --> 00:16:52,511
Girl loser.
341
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:01,353
- Hello.
- We're here for the party?
342
00:17:01,437 --> 00:17:02,563
We brought a plant.
343
00:17:02,646 --> 00:17:05,274
Uh, just one sec.
344
00:17:06,734 --> 00:17:10,070
I'm starting to think smart phones
are actually making us less connected.
345
00:17:10,154 --> 00:17:12,906
- They are!
- Well, that's politics for you.
346
00:17:12,990 --> 00:17:16,243
- It is!
- Hey, man. Uh...
347
00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:18,620
- What's going on?
- We're here for the party.
348
00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:19,997
We brought a plant.
349
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:24,001
Look... BoJack,
don't make me ask you to leave.
350
00:17:24,084 --> 00:17:25,836
- You don't have to...
- Come on, dude. Let us in.
351
00:17:25,919 --> 00:17:28,213
- This plant's heavy as tits.
- I don't want a whole thing here.
352
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:31,884
My mom is coming
and I haven't spoken to her in ten years,
353
00:17:31,967 --> 00:17:33,802
and I can't risk anything happening.
354
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:35,554
What do you think is going to "happen"?
355
00:17:35,637 --> 00:17:38,766
I don't know, man,
but something always happens with you
356
00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:44,188
and usually I've been cool because I know
you're always dealing with your own shit,
357
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,981
but I can't risk it tonight.
358
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:48,817
I'm sober. Nothing is going to happen.
359
00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:50,944
Yeah, bro, what do you think's gonna...
Oh, shit.
360
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,154
Ugh!
361
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,741
I'll see you around.
362
00:17:58,494 --> 00:18:00,496
We spent like 30 bucks on that plant.
363
00:18:03,624 --> 00:18:08,170
Yes, I have made mistakes. So, now what?
I'm just supposed to go away forever?
364
00:18:08,253 --> 00:18:09,922
I'm sorry, but that's bullshit.
365
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,299
This is where you find out
who your real friends are.
366
00:18:12,382 --> 00:18:15,094
Part of being sober is leaving behind
all the people
367
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:17,429
who can't stop seeing you as the person
who pissed in the fountain
368
00:18:17,513 --> 00:18:19,515
- at my own daughter's sweet 16.
- Yeah?
369
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:23,185
You think you owe them something
because they tolerated you at your worst,
370
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:27,064
but these people enjoy seeing you fail
because it lets them feel superior.
371
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:30,234
They don't know how to process it
when you're no longer the huge screw-up
372
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:33,362
who hijacked a Meals On Wheels van
to bring my friends to a strip club.
373
00:18:33,529 --> 00:18:36,156
- I don't know...
- I do. You know what else I know?
374
00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:37,991
You gotta go where the love is.
375
00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:40,077
Yeah. Maybe.
376
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:42,287
That's why we gotta make "Horny Unicorn."
377
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:45,999
Because it's gonna make a billion dollars
and drive all those assholes crazy!
378
00:18:46,416 --> 00:18:48,168
It would be good to have something
to keep me busy.
379
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:49,962
See? That's what I'm talking about!
380
00:18:50,045 --> 00:18:52,339
There he is! There's my Horn-corn!
381
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,592
- Ah, shit. My daughter's in trouble.
- What is it?
382
00:18:55,676 --> 00:18:57,469
You mind if we swing by EWE.S.C.
real quick?
383
00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,596
EWE.S.C.? I'm trying to keep
a low profile.
384
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,558
- I don't think a college campus...
- BoJack, this is my daughter, okay?
385
00:19:02,641 --> 00:19:05,310
She's the one person I care about,
the one thing keeping me sober.
386
00:19:05,394 --> 00:19:07,563
- Why do you need me to go with you?
- Unbelievable.
387
00:19:07,646 --> 00:19:09,731
When everyone else abandoned you,
who was there for you?
388
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:11,650
When the world judged you
and ridiculed you?
389
00:19:11,733 --> 00:19:13,861
And now, the one time
I need something from you...
390
00:19:13,944 --> 00:19:15,237
Okay. I'm in.
391
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,948
Or as the horny unicorn would say,
"Am I in?"
392
00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,033
Oh, you're in, baby!
393
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,040
No. No. Come on, come on,
come on! Come on!
394
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:30,419
- What the hell, Diane?
- Ah! I'm working! I'm just taking a break.
395
00:19:30,502 --> 00:19:34,089
- Oh, you found my book?
- Yeah, and it sucked. Totally unrealistic.
396
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,049
- You read my book?
- I've been reading it.
397
00:19:36,133 --> 00:19:38,010
Obviously, I wasn't gonna say it
in front of my friends,
398
00:19:38,093 --> 00:19:41,346
because it's a book for girl babies,
but anyways it didn't even make sense!
399
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,264
What do you mean?
400
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:46,560
Like, you say the book takes place
in Chicago, but Ivy lives in Schaumburg.
401
00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:49,855
Schaumburg, Diane?
Schaumburg's not Chicago.
402
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,106
It's in the Chicago metropolitan...
403
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:55,027
Oh, my God, what's next?!
Evanston, Chicago?
404
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:59,448
Morton Grove, Chicago?
Naperville, Chicago?
405
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,993
- That's what you sound like!
- Okay, it's not too late to change it.
406
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:04,369
Good. And while you're at it,
407
00:20:04,494 --> 00:20:06,705
- I've got some other questions.
- Yeah?
408
00:20:06,788 --> 00:20:10,417
Like, okay. When Ivy told Moose
that he wasn't her best friend anymore
409
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,920
and Moose said,
"You're still my best friend
410
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,255
whether you like it or not..."
411
00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,049
- was that real?
- What do you mean?
412
00:20:17,132 --> 00:20:18,342
Like, did that really happen,
413
00:20:18,425 --> 00:20:20,802
that someone could be
someone's best friend still
414
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,429
even when they're disappointed in them?
415
00:20:22,512 --> 00:20:25,474
Um, yeah, Sonny, that's real.
416
00:20:25,599 --> 00:20:29,353
Okay. And you know how Ivy
kept her dad's watch in her locker
417
00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:32,940
because even though he wasn't around
she still knew that he loved her?
418
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:36,235
- Was that real, too?
- Well, the book is fiction.
419
00:20:36,360 --> 00:20:40,072
Yeah, no, I get it, I just...
parts of it felt real, you know?
420
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:41,406
Yeah. I know.
421
00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:44,576
It's cool that you wrote a book.
I mean, I think girls are gonna like it.
422
00:20:44,785 --> 00:20:47,329
Especially girls who, like,
don't have good self-esteem.
423
00:20:47,412 --> 00:20:49,665
- I hope so.
- So, when's the next one coming out?
424
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:53,168
Just in case you need me to check it
for other mistakes, you know.
425
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:58,340
Well, if I get started right away,
it should be out by next fall.
426
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:01,385
- Cool. You gotta flip it.
- Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit!
427
00:21:04,763 --> 00:21:06,890
- Jagger! Jagger!
- Shh, shh.
428
00:21:06,974 --> 00:21:08,892
Hey, hey, hey, keep it down maybe?
429
00:21:08,976 --> 00:21:11,770
Oh, my God, Dad,
is this seriously happening?
430
00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,730
- Why are you here?
- You knew what you were doing
431
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:15,399
when you liked
your mother's Instagram post
432
00:21:15,482 --> 00:21:17,150
of her on the beach
with her new boyfriend.
433
00:21:17,234 --> 00:21:19,111
- What?
- It was a good picture!
434
00:21:19,194 --> 00:21:20,195
That's why we're here?
435
00:21:20,279 --> 00:21:23,365
Every month,
you get five Instagram likes on my account
436
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:25,033
and five on your mother's account.
437
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,368
You heard what the judge mandated!
438
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,328
Hey, man, let's just go. Okay?
People are starting to...
439
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:29,997
- Are you BoJack Horseman?
- No.
440
00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:31,290
- Yeah, you are.
- NoJack.
441
00:21:31,373 --> 00:21:34,418
Were you trying to get my attention?
'Cause you got it now, baby!
442
00:21:34,501 --> 00:21:36,712
- Dad!
- The story got picked up by TMZ!
443
00:21:36,795 --> 00:21:37,796
You're ruining my life!
444
00:21:37,879 --> 00:21:39,631
You're making me look like
a real cuck, Jagger.
445
00:21:39,715 --> 00:21:41,967
I'm getting cucked by my own daughter!
446
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:43,969
You don't even know what that word means!
447
00:21:44,052 --> 00:21:45,304
I just want you to know,
448
00:21:45,387 --> 00:21:47,306
- I think you got a real bum deal.
- Oh, yeah?
449
00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:49,683
You got massively sandbagged
in that interview, bro.
450
00:21:49,766 --> 00:21:53,270
- You were trying to apologize.
- Thank you.
451
00:21:53,353 --> 00:21:56,815
Everything these days is all
"patriarchy" this and "male gaze" that.
452
00:21:56,898 --> 00:21:59,109
And, well, I think it's cool
you're pushing back against that.
453
00:21:59,192 --> 00:22:00,485
Well, no, I'm not pushing back.
454
00:22:00,569 --> 00:22:05,615
No, Bo, I'm saying it's cool.
You can relax here. This is a safe space.
455
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,492
- Okay.
- You're embarrassing me!
456
00:22:07,576 --> 00:22:09,369
Oh, yeah? How's this for embarrassing?
457
00:22:09,453 --> 00:22:15,250
Your last spon-con post for L'Oréal?
It came off as disingenuous!
458
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:18,503
You know I love my wide array
of L'Oréal products!
459
00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:21,506
From game days with the gals
to cram sessions at the creamery,
460
00:22:21,590 --> 00:22:24,343
L'Oréal gives me the confidence
to shine my brightest!
461
00:22:24,468 --> 00:22:26,011
Do you wanna come back to Delta House?
462
00:22:26,094 --> 00:22:28,930
I think those guys
would be super-stoked to meet you.
463
00:22:29,014 --> 00:22:31,224
- They'd be stoked?
- Super-stoked.
464
00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:32,517
All right, let's get out of here.
465
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:35,729
My daughter sucks, which is surprising
because I did such a good job raising her.
466
00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:37,314
Let's make one more stop.
467
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:42,611
- Hey! Looking good!
- Well, that's politics for you!
468
00:22:43,695 --> 00:22:45,864
- Hello?
- Your mother isn't feeling well.
469
00:22:45,947 --> 00:22:47,616
She's still recovering from her surgery.
470
00:22:47,699 --> 00:22:48,867
Oh.
471
00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:52,371
Does that mean you're not coming
to my refined, upscale party
472
00:22:52,454 --> 00:22:56,124
that I totally didn't just throw together
only to impress you?
473
00:22:56,208 --> 00:22:59,461
I'm sorry, uh, no.
But thank you for inviting us.
474
00:22:59,544 --> 00:23:02,964
Jorge, I'm trying to connect to her.
475
00:23:03,382 --> 00:23:05,425
I know. Please keep trying.
476
00:23:08,387 --> 00:23:12,724
I'm starting to think that smart phones
are actually making us less connected.
477
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:20,357
And then I passed out in the pool.
Sploosh!
478
00:23:20,482 --> 00:23:23,026
Luckily, Lindsay Lohan was there
to perform CPR.
479
00:23:23,151 --> 00:23:26,238
She still credits me for being the reason
she got sober... that time.
480
00:23:26,321 --> 00:23:27,864
Wow.
481
00:23:27,948 --> 00:23:31,284
- Who's Lindsay Lohan?
- She's a celebrity from the olden days.
482
00:23:31,368 --> 00:23:33,870
Olden days? Jesus.
483
00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:35,247
Hey, look, buddy, I gotta go.
484
00:23:35,330 --> 00:23:36,706
I'm gonna walk this co-ed back
to her room.
485
00:23:36,790 --> 00:23:38,500
'Cause, you know, there's pervs out there.
486
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:40,502
Are you serious?
You're supposed to be my sponsor.
487
00:23:40,585 --> 00:23:42,421
So, what, I gotta hang out
with you all the time?
488
00:23:42,504 --> 00:23:45,590
Relax, okay? I'll call you tomorrow,
we'll set up "Horny Unicorn."
489
00:23:45,674 --> 00:23:47,175
Enjoy your people.
490
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:48,760
Okay.
491
00:23:49,678 --> 00:23:51,888
Hey, man. Hey! No pictures!
492
00:23:51,972 --> 00:23:53,348
- Delete that.
- Come on.
493
00:23:53,432 --> 00:23:56,518
Hey, no. You come on.
I'm not here to be your cool story later.
494
00:23:56,601 --> 00:23:58,311
Okay, sorry.
495
00:23:58,395 --> 00:23:59,688
I shouldn't be here.
496
00:24:06,611 --> 00:24:08,989
The number you are trying
to reach has been disconnected.
497
00:24:09,072 --> 00:24:10,240
Goodbye.
498
00:24:10,323 --> 00:24:11,408
What?
499
00:24:21,710 --> 00:24:22,669
Huh.
42112
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof