All language subtitles for My.Hero.S01E02.Guess.Whos.Coming.To.Lunch.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-squalor

Hi, George. Been anywhere nice?

Alice Springs, Bangladesh,
Lima and Venice. It was quite nice.

George... you haven't, have you?

Well, just a little something.

George! It's very sweet of you, but you really
don't have to bring me a souvenir from EVERY trip.

I thought I'd do us a roast.
Gosh! Is it roast pork?

Certainly is. And that's roast lamb,
and that's roast beef.

I wasn't sure which you liked best,
so I did everything. Right.

So... what do you think?
It's great, it's fantastic...

just a bit unusual for breakfast.

You're supposed to start the day
with a proper meal. But a roast?

And chocolate pudding for afters.
No, really. I'd burst if I eat this.

Don't. If you exploded because of something I
cooked I could never forgive myself. Never.

Not literally burst, George..

I know you haven't been on Earth long, but
it's too early for a big meal. Right you are.

You're very sweet.

Strange, but sweet.

Do you think I'm TOO strange? No-one
must ever suspect who I really am.

You're getting less strange.
Breakfast yesterday was normal-ish.

Coffee and cereal. Right. Only...

not in the same bowl this time.

And remember, a cup of coffee
isn't just...?

And remember, a cup of coffee isn't just...?...a
cup of coffee. It's got water in it as well.

I can't understand a word you're saying.
Call back when you've stopped coughing.

Mrs Jackson, I can't give you the
list of all the old men taking Viagra.

All right, Mrs Raven? The school's phoned
again about the triplets' truancy. No.

The headmaster's asking if they could stay off
next term as well. Janet... this arrived.

You haven't had it framed. I
thought we could put it up here. No.

You haven't had it framed. I thought
we could put it up here. No. PHONE RINGS

No, you're still coughing.

Has he been in touch
since he rescued you?

What, Thermoman? Don't be silly!
Actually, I'd forgotten all about him.

Why remember a gorgeous Superhero from Planet Ultron,
when you love Mr Weird from Planet Gippy Tummy?

George doesn't have a gippy... Hello! Did
you see him go in there? Yes. Hi, Janet.

Got you some of that Australian wine
you like. Thanks.

What are you doing, Mrs Raven?
Putting this up. That brings back memories.

Not for me, obviously. I wasn't
there. But it would if I had been.

Right, well, you can make yourself
useful - come and bang it in for me.

Aaaaah! Don't you want a hammer?

A hammer? Good thinking!

(Just be normal, for God's sake.)

Nice weather! Although I hear gales are
expected in North Utsire, South Utsire.

And it's storm force four,
rising five, in German Bight.

You don't say.

George... (We don't JUST
talk about the weather.)

Janet tells me you haven't had
a man since your husband dumped you.

Janet, Mrs Raven,
I need help now! It's an emergency!

George! No!

You take his legs,
and don't drop him.

For a silly moment, I actually thought someone's
life was at stake. Someone's IS. Mine.

It's launch day for my breakfast television
video... Would he be better in my surgery?

Less people would die.

Coffee, love. Milk, no sugar.

Catch my show this morning? I was talking
head lice, but I was thinking Mr Anstruther.

You look terrific in cardboard.

Janet tells me you've bought
a poky little health food shop.

She's right. I greet
my first customers tomorrow morning.

You open tomorrow?
No, we opened a week ago.

You'd think people would be queuing
for that organic dandelion mucus balm.

I know, you would.
Sarcasm, George. Right.

Guess who was guest of honour at the GP's
dinner-dance last night? Your favourite TV doctor.

Not Dr Quinn, Medicine Woman?
She's great, isn't she?

No, me. Shame you couldn't make it, Janet.
You'd have had the time of your life.

I expect you stayed in with George?
Yeah, we had a quiet night in.

You weren't so quiet in bed,
Janet. She makes... George!

Would you excuse us?
...We need to talk.

Janet, have you introduced Mr Tofu Juice
to your mother yet? No, Piers. Not yet.

You should.

Yes, if she's anything like you,
we'd get on like a horse on fire.

A house. A house. And she isn't.

Dear. It's all going to end
in tears, I'm afraid. Yes.

That's what life is - the odd smile
in the midst of prolonged weeping.

Get on like a house on fire, go like the
clappers, went down like a lead baboon. Balloon.

Balloon. So when
can I meet your mother? Not yet.

It'd be too much of a shock right
now. Is she hideously deformed?

A shock for HER. She might find out
who you are. No-one must do that.

Hi, Thermoman. Hi, Tyler... No, I'm
not Thermoman - I'm allergic to tights.

Yeah, right. Have you ever been to
the planet Jupiter? No, I haven't.

I have. They abducted me there last
night - again. Get any air miles(?)

You don't believe me, do you? I can speak
their language. What language is that, then?

French. And they put me in a terrible hotel. There was
a big cockroach in reception. Complain to the manager.

He WAS the manager.

See you, Tyler. Bye. Yeah, I'm looking out for
you, T-man. Vous etes un hero formidable!

Maybe I should gently fry
his brains.

I think the Sixties did that.

Can we eat later?
I've got my karate class.

You seem anxious, Janet.
I'm not anxious.

You are. Your stomach acid's
bubbling like billy-o.

George,
please don't look inside my body.

But I just love the way your kidneys go
blup-blup-blup. I just can't help it.

Yes, you can - you're a Superhero.
Your bowel's inflamed.

My bowel is my own business.
I'm going for a shower.

Can I come with you to karate? I'd rather you didn't.
They're still rebuilding the wall from last time.

We don't have to do EVERYTHING
together,

so we won't get in each other's way.

When you had to sort out that earthquake
in Nevada, you got debris on the duvet.

Bits of fault line everywhere -
really hard to get out. Sorry.

No, I think we're out of hot
water. I'll heat up the boiler...

Aagghh!!

I think I'll just pop out
for some fresh air.

So this sweet old guy,
been coming in for coffee every day,

suddenly croaks and leaves me this genuine Rolex.
It chokes me to sell it, but my kid's got college.

Ain't there just one 'L' in Rolex? A guy makes a watch
this good, you pick him up on his spelling? OK.

Enjoy.

Hey, George. Hi, Arnie.

Zneet, Znadder, Zneet.

Great work on that earthquake
in Nevada. It was only a small one.

When you were down in the Earth's core, did
you find a...? I thought I left it there!

I'd have got it myself if my powers
hadn't been removed by the Ultron Council.

I'm glad you're not bitter. I worked my butt off
rescuing the people of this planet, and for what?

Money, wasn't it?
You were charging a fee.

I'd charged people for ten years, then one
day, the Council decide it's illegal. Why?

Because they found out... How's
things going with the limey broad?

Great... Well, no, it isn't.
She won't let me meet her mother.

You gotta meet the mother, George.

In the last three months, I've had 17 successful
relationships, and it ain't serious till you meet Mom.

But she doesn't want me to. So?
Do Ultron women tell men what to do?

No. Why not? Because their mouths were sewn up at
birth. You gotta tell her who's the boss. Right.

What you getting, coz? Molten lava. Mount
Etna. I have to go, Arnie. You kick ash, boy!

Zneet!

Hey, you got the time?

Ha! You call that a watch?

Mum! Janet. I was just passing and I thought I'd
pop in and see how you were. At 10.30 at night?

No wonder you look so tired.

Tired? Janet, I look radiant,
everyone says so...

except your father, and he wouldn't
notice if I had a leg off.

The way you dress, Janet. It's karate!
You will never get a man that way.

I bumped into Maureen Devenish -
the one whose nose job went wrong -

looks like she's got three nostrils -
she said she'd seen you with someone.

And you just had to know who it was.
That lovely Dr-Cure-it-with-Crispin?

He'd be SUCH a catch -
he's met Alan Titchmarsh.

It's not Dr Crispin.
You do this to upset me.

Janet, it's not too late...

you grow your hair, smile,
go to Laura Ashley. Mum!

Why haven't I met this new one?
You will. Haven't you got a picture?

Not one that does him justice.

Hi. How was Etna? Not too bad.

Have you got any molten lava
on you? Well, I... Turn around.

No, you're OK.

Have you eaten? Yeah, yeah,
I had a kind of a barbecue thing.

Janet...

George, can you just check
if I bolted the front door?

Yeah, it's fine.

Janet, I've decided. I'm a Superhero, my powers are
infinite, and I'm not taking no for an answer.

We're going to meet your parents.
No..

You're upset, aren't you? Well, I am a bit.
Don't you want her to like me?

Of course. That's why
I don't want her to meet you.

Janet, love,
this is important to me.

I hardly ever meet anyone
I don't save, imprison or melt.

Naturally, I'm nervous.
I'M nervous! Ha! Me - Thermoman!

So am I. Me. Janet Dawkins.
And they're MY parents.

It's ridiculous. Let's leave it
till after she's dead.

But... George...

it's been a long day. I'm tired. OK, you go to sleep
then. I'll just learn some more English phrases.

"I'm over the moon.
I'm full of the joys of string."

Spring. And, George, when I say
I'm tired, I'm not TOO tired.

Goody! Go on, do your trick.
Blow the lights out.

Wee bit over-excited there.

This awful bug just won't go away.
I've had it for yonks,

and I feel really... EUGH.

Do I know EUGH. Now these here,
they're specially for EUGH.

You're such a caring man, Mr Sunday.

A customer.
I'll get this one, Avril.

Good morning, madam. My staff and I welcome you
most warmly to this, my humble establishment.

I... Whether it be to make
a purchase or merely to browse,

our single purpose is to serve.

Have you finished? I need something
to restore my appealing inner glow.

Yes, yes, yes...

You've got a lot of bile in there...

...probably. Anyway, we've got lots
of remedies for that - all organic.

It's all a bit Prince Charles to me,
but my daughter said I looked tired.

Yes, would you believe I have
a grown-up daughter? Yes.

Where do you want these, Mr Sunday?
Well away from me. Now, what have you...?

...My God, it's an epidemic.
Is something wrong?

No.
That isn't attractive, you know.

Sorry. You're Irish, aren't you?

Well, yes, no... Well, sort of.

Don't you know? Zimbabwe.

You'll have to excuse me.
Excuse you? Avril!

I'm sorry,
we don't do this in Northolt.

There's such a thing
as being TOO organic. ATCHOO!

Don't breathe
until I'm out of the shop.

No, I CAN'T book Dr Crispin to play
Widow Twanky in the local panto.

...I don't care if he asked to do it.

See you next week, Mrs Alsopp.
Same time, same leg.

Janet, your mother... No, don't! George is still
on at me about inviting them for Sunday lunch.

When my mother met my husband,
it was great. Was it?

She hated him so much she never came back.
I'm quite fond of her really.

On the other hand...

We'll have that inner glow back soon,
Mrs Dawkins. It's Ella... Piers.

Mum! Hello, Janet.

Have you been lancing boils?
You're not a patient here.

She is now. Oi, Twanky.

You told me to come. Your mother
could be my Malady of the Month.

Mrs Raven, tell my agent yes, but I'll need to try
the truss before they put my face on the packet.

Janet, weren't you going
to ask her something??

I haven't got all day. I don't suppose you and
Dad fancy lunch on Sunday? Or are you busy?

No, we can manage that. Janet...
why don't you ask Piers along?

Turn it into a special occasion.
What, like a funeral?

The idea is to meet George. So
we're finally allowed to meet him?

I hope he's more normal than your last boyfriend. Or
is he another vegetarian? Vegetarians are normal!

No, they're not.
They are compared to George.

I am ALWAYS here.

I just hope you realise the kind
of dedicated man you're missing.

One more sickie, then golf.

I can't believe I'm doing this.
Does the room look clean to you?

There's a couple of dust mites
on the table... Clean to a HUMAN?

And on what planet do they put the forks on the
right? Ultron, Vladek, Schmar... George! Please.

And you can stop that. Stop what?

What is it?
A hurricane? An earthquake?

No, it's that cinnamon and apple pie in
the oven. It smells lovely. Thank you.

Well, as long as that's all you do. Calm down. It'll
be all right. Yes. It's not as if the Queen's coming.

Thank God - I haven't set
a place for her. DOORBELL

They're here. It's only Mum and
Dad... You never mention your dad.

He's just Daddy. He likes his garden and my
cinnamon and apple pie And if a man ever hurt me,

he'd rip his lungs out.

OK, here goes... Tell me everything
will be all right, George.

Lord of Ultron...

help me in this time of need.
Just be normal!

Right, right...
Normal, OK. Normal, normal.

OK, Janet, calm.
Don't let her rile you.

Now why can't you dress like that
every day? BECAUSE I'M A NURSE!

You look beautiful!...Who's that film
star she looks more beautiful than?

If you ever took me to the cinema, Stanley, I'd
know... Where is he? George? He's dying to meet you.

Is he looking after you, my lovely?
If he ever hurts you, I'll fix him.

No, no, Daddy, he's fine.
...George, George?

Hello, there. I'm normal.

My God, it's toilet-man.

Hello... again. You know each other?

I popped into his poky little shop
and he disappeared on me.

Stanley Dawkins. Ooh! Aagh!
George Sunday...

Ooh! Aagh!

Um, George, would you...? Well, isn't
this just great? One big happy family.

Janet's told me all about you.
And not just the bad stuff.

So, ARE you Irish?
...He wasn't sure last time.

Yes, I am now. Irish born and bred.
County Wicklow. September 1966.

Parents - Patrick and Siobhan Sunday. Sister -
Bridget. Brother - Eamonn. Dog - Danny Boy.

I entered the Eurovision Song
Contest in 1992... George!

Mumps at 8, measles at 10,
puberty at... George!

They don't need your full biography.

So are you enjoying
our good English beer?

We don't drink where I come from.
Don't drink? In Ireland?

No, it's a... completely teetotal
village.

Very small.
Just one house and a pub...

...that doesn't serve any drinks.

Right, fair play. But if you
ever mistreat my angel... Daddy!

George is the gentlest man there is.
People mistake us for sisters.

Yes, I heard they abolished
the free eye tests here.

They did, Janet. It was in the...

Oooh, right.

Not this again. He sniffs, Stanley.
What for? George.

If you've been sniffing funny
substances in my daughter's flat...

It's the flowers! Isn't it, George?

Yes, I'm highly allergic. I'd
better put these in the bathroom.

I'd better help him.

Where are you going? The Andes. I
can be back before the main course.

Don't you dare go near an Ande!
Let one of the others deal with it.

You're right, this is too important. I'm normal.
I don't go flying out of windows, on a Sunday.

Sorry about that.
It's just the membranes up my nose.

Something irritates them and all
the phlegm gushes out... Let's eat!

My, this is a wonderful bowl
of soup, Janet.

Your daughter is a wonderful
bowl-of-soup maker, Mrs Dawkins.

It's lukewarm. I'll heat it up for
you. I can put it in the microwave.

Agh!

No need, Janet.

I tried to pass on my culinary
skills - to help her find a man.

I have more to offer a man
than soup. Ha! That's for sure!

She's got chicken too. And have
we got a surprise for you, Stanley.

Janet's got a little something
in the oven.

It's cinnamon and apple pie.

Well, I'd best see
if the chicken's ready.

No, why don't you just enjoy your
soup? I've got to check, George.

Needs about 20 minutes.
How can you tell from there?

X-ray vision?!

Don't be silly, Stanley... 20 minutes?
I'd have put it in earlier.

I was wrong. Done to a turn.

What are you doing? Nothing.

I know you're trying to help, but X-rays, burning
Mum's hand, cooking my chicken... Sorry.

I just want a normal Sunday lunch. Nothing
Superhuman. OK? OK. Bring the chicken in.

George?

There. Well, it looks all right.

If you've had her slaving
over a hot stove, I'll...

Daddy! Let's just enjoy our meal
and... chat. George?

So, Mr Dawkins, how long have
you been Janet's father? What?

This worm was snooping
in the corridor.

What's he doing with Piers?
Headlock.

Guess where he's from? I am NOT
from Jupiter! Parlez-vous francais?

Oui, oui. Bien sur. See?

Put him down. He's my boss.
Is he? Sorry, mate.

Easy mistake.

Hi, I'm Tyler.
I, um... I live next door.

You should move, Janet.

Piers, are you all right?
I'll be fine.

Piers, why were you lurking
outside my flat?

I've brought your mother her pills.
Home visit. This isn't her home.

So conscientious!
Visiting me in other people's homes!

Besides, I was just passing. Taking the new Merc
for a spin. You've got a Mercedes? Outside?

Janet... Mum!

Stanley,
come and have a look at this.

Some people buy them for status, but
it's what's under the bonnet that counts.

What's the cubic capacity of the six
cylinder model?...And it has leather seats.

What car have YOU got, George?
I've never had a car.

What are you, a Friend of the Earth?
A distant cousin.

'I just want a normal Sunday lunch.
Nothing Superhuman. OK?'

I've got a red flashing roof light, in case I'm
suddenly called out to a chat-show. You ARE clever.

But what about vandalism? Good idea!

Is it me or is it getting hotter
in here? Darling...

what do I do about this?

Ooh! Ooh! Agh! Ooh!

Ooh! Help, help! Ooh!

So how do you feel it went today?

I didn't use my superpowers.

No.

You DID set fire to the sofa,
of course...

and my dad.

But your mother enjoyed herself.
She was giggling away when she left.

That was hysterics, George.
She had to be sedated.

She's just not used to burning hosts and
half a dozen fire engines turning up.

You know, I think being normal
is tougher than it looks.

Not a good day, then.

Except for when that fire engine
crashed into Piers' Merc!

Not again. You smell prettier
than a cinnamon and apple pie.

I thought it was another earthquake.

It could well be.