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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:04,744 --> 00:00:07,092
Okay. The gutters are clear.
2
00:00:07,117 --> 00:00:11,066
You know, I loved you guys
when you were little and cute,
3
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,869
but I love you even more now
that you're grown and useful.
4
00:00:16,071 --> 00:00:19,208
Oh, Marty, Pops is being super nice.
5
00:00:19,308 --> 00:00:21,143
He's about to ask us
to do something else.
6
00:00:21,243 --> 00:00:23,345
You know what? About
all these hedges right here,
7
00:00:23,445 --> 00:00:24,789
I need you to clip 'em...
8
00:00:24,813 --> 00:00:28,083
I hear the voice of my son Malcolm.
9
00:00:28,217 --> 00:00:29,751
But that couldn't be, could it?
10
00:00:29,851 --> 00:00:31,153
Is that you, Malcolm?
11
00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:33,488
Get out my face, Mama.
12
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Yes, I've been a little bit busy.
13
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Oh. I get it.
14
00:00:37,726 --> 00:00:40,162
Your girlfriend's
a fancy reality star.
15
00:00:40,229 --> 00:00:41,863
She keeps her men on a short leash.
16
00:00:41,930 --> 00:00:43,232
That is not true.
17
00:00:43,332 --> 00:00:45,700
Trophy Divas, season four, episode six.
18
00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:48,637
She had her husband
Garnett on a leash.
19
00:00:50,939 --> 00:00:54,109
Are you guys ready for Dave's
surprise party this weekend?
20
00:00:54,209 --> 00:00:55,977
Oh-ho-ho, so ready.
21
00:00:56,077 --> 00:00:59,381
Titanic themed
murder mystery party? Yeah.
22
00:00:59,448 --> 00:01:02,917
Uh, Gemma, that's the most
Dave-ass thing I've ever heard.
23
00:01:03,752 --> 00:01:05,120
Oh, here comes Dave.
24
00:01:05,220 --> 00:01:06,721
Be cool. Be-be cool.
25
00:01:06,788 --> 00:01:08,690
Be cool.
26
00:01:08,790 --> 00:01:10,592
Hey, buddy. What you got there?
27
00:01:10,691 --> 00:01:13,562
- Ah, just been out collecting
all my birthday freebies. - Ah.
28
00:01:13,628 --> 00:01:14,796
Got a smoothie, a latte,
29
00:01:14,929 --> 00:01:17,065
small fries from Gravy Jack's.
30
00:01:17,866 --> 00:01:19,274
Dave, that sounds like a lot.
31
00:01:19,299 --> 00:01:21,035
Oh, I'm just getting started.
You know,
32
00:01:21,136 --> 00:01:23,304
this is why you always put
your D.O.B. in the apps.
33
00:01:23,405 --> 00:01:25,740
Next stop, Jiffy Lube.
34
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:28,877
Um, Malcolm,
feel free to bring Mercedes.
35
00:01:28,943 --> 00:01:30,312
Fat chance, Gemma.
36
00:01:30,411 --> 00:01:32,614
He's scared to introduce her to us.
37
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Oh, not us, Mama.
38
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Just you.
39
00:01:36,685 --> 00:01:38,320
Look, look, Malcolm, Malcolm.
40
00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:42,491
You know, if this thing
with you and Mercedes is real,
41
00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:45,994
you're gonna have to introduce
her to your mama sometime.
42
00:01:46,127 --> 00:01:48,163
Think about it, man. It's a big party.
43
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We're all there running interference.
44
00:01:50,165 --> 00:01:53,000
Dave's making everything
about his birthday.
45
00:01:53,101 --> 00:01:55,136
- I mean, that's a good point.
- Yeah.
46
00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:56,804
All right. Uh, uh, Gemma?
47
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I will ask her.
48
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- Yes.
- And, no,
49
00:01:59,374 --> 00:02:01,310
Mama, I will not be on a leash.
50
00:02:01,410 --> 00:02:03,712
That's exactly what Garnett said.
51
00:02:13,655 --> 00:02:15,614
Okay. I have spent
all day on this lemon
52
00:02:15,615 --> 00:02:18,050
olive oil cake,
but I got to go do my makeup.
53
00:02:18,075 --> 00:02:19,728
So if the timer goes off,
54
00:02:19,861 --> 00:02:20,929
please check it.
55
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And do what?
56
00:02:22,331 --> 00:02:24,508
- Just check it.
- Yeah. Check it for what?
57
00:02:24,533 --> 00:02:26,263
Just check the cake, man!
58
00:02:37,045 --> 00:02:38,513
Checked.
59
00:02:45,254 --> 00:02:46,721
Ahoy, my good man.
60
00:02:46,821 --> 00:02:48,088
Oh, uh, no, thank you.
61
00:02:48,189 --> 00:02:49,858
We already love the Lord.
62
00:02:55,430 --> 00:02:58,025
Uh, no, I'm, uh, here
to set up the party.
63
00:02:58,050 --> 00:03:00,050
- Oh! Oh. I'm-I'm sorry. Please.
- Yeah. All right.
64
00:03:00,101 --> 00:03:02,203
It happens a lot.
65
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:04,705
Uh, I'm Casper.
66
00:03:04,773 --> 00:03:06,441
And, uh, the birthday boy's son
67
00:03:06,541 --> 00:03:08,277
is going to help me this evening.
68
00:03:08,410 --> 00:03:09,711
Oh. Uh...
69
00:03:09,811 --> 00:03:11,713
Hey, what's up, Grover?
70
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:13,948
I'm not Grover, Mr. Calvin.
71
00:03:14,082 --> 00:03:18,453
Tonight I am
the coal baron Chazz Muldoon.
72
00:03:18,587 --> 00:03:20,021
I'm rich in money
73
00:03:20,121 --> 00:03:22,724
and in enemies.
74
00:03:24,835 --> 00:03:26,679
Baby, this thing weighs a ton.
75
00:03:26,704 --> 00:03:27,706
What's in it?
76
00:03:27,731 --> 00:03:28,939
Only the best hostess gift ever.
77
00:03:28,963 --> 00:03:30,408
I really want to impress your family.
78
00:03:30,432 --> 00:03:31,800
Okay.
79
00:03:32,634 --> 00:03:33,968
- Oh.
- Hey.
80
00:03:34,102 --> 00:03:37,306
I have got to set this down
before I tear a bicep.
81
00:03:38,439 --> 00:03:39,574
Salutations.
82
00:03:39,641 --> 00:03:41,109
I'm Chazz Muldoon.
83
00:03:41,209 --> 00:03:43,011
Perhaps you've enjoyed my coal?
84
00:03:43,778 --> 00:03:46,981
Uh, Grover, don't be weird, okay?
85
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He's not family.
86
00:03:48,383 --> 00:03:49,951
Ah.
87
00:03:50,051 --> 00:03:51,085
You must be Mercedes.
88
00:03:51,152 --> 00:03:52,987
I'm Calvin. I'm Malcolm's dad.
89
00:03:53,087 --> 00:03:54,299
- It's so nice to meet you.
- Good.
90
00:03:54,323 --> 00:03:55,890
- Uh, call me Sadie.
- Okay.
91
00:03:55,990 --> 00:03:57,091
Mercedes.
92
00:03:57,191 --> 00:03:58,493
Hi. I'm Tina.
93
00:03:58,593 --> 00:04:00,395
Nice to meet you. Sorry I'm a mess.
94
00:04:00,495 --> 00:04:02,597
- I just finished decorating the cake.
- Oh.
95
00:04:02,664 --> 00:04:04,366
It smells wonderful.
96
00:04:04,466 --> 00:04:06,635
Uh, you know, I checked on it.
97
00:04:06,701 --> 00:04:09,471
Well, the only thing better
than a cake
98
00:04:09,538 --> 00:04:11,673
is...
99
00:04:11,773 --> 00:04:13,508
...two cakes.
100
00:04:13,608 --> 00:04:14,976
What? Wha...
101
00:04:15,043 --> 00:04:16,578
- Whoa.
- That is art.
102
00:04:16,677 --> 00:04:19,047
A-Are you telling me this is a cake?
103
00:04:19,180 --> 00:04:20,715
- It's amazing, right?
- Wow.
104
00:04:20,814 --> 00:04:22,627
I'm friends with the producers
of that show Is It Cake?
105
00:04:22,651 --> 00:04:24,218
Wow.
106
00:04:24,319 --> 00:04:26,263
You brought a big old fancy cake
107
00:04:26,287 --> 00:04:27,389
that, uh,
108
00:04:27,522 --> 00:04:29,691
dwarfs the cake I spent all day on.
109
00:04:32,126 --> 00:04:33,762
That's-that's nice. R-Really nice.
110
00:04:33,862 --> 00:04:35,029
Nice, nice.
111
00:04:35,129 --> 00:04:36,197
Oh, yeah.
112
00:04:36,297 --> 00:04:37,699
Uh...
113
00:04:37,832 --> 00:04:40,535
Okay, now I'll get
a picture of yours, too.
114
00:04:43,338 --> 00:04:45,440
Oh! Uh, I see Dave and Gemma coming.
115
00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:47,976
Oh, uh, should we hide?
116
00:04:48,076 --> 00:04:49,544
Uh...
117
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Surprise!
118
00:04:59,153 --> 00:05:01,356
Greetings, sir.
119
00:05:02,591 --> 00:05:04,058
And welcome
120
00:05:04,192 --> 00:05:07,195
aboard the RMS Titanic.
121
00:05:10,399 --> 00:05:12,333
I regret to inform you
122
00:05:12,401 --> 00:05:15,003
that there is about to be...
123
00:05:15,069 --> 00:05:16,170
a murder.
124
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:20,409
Best birthday ever!
125
00:05:34,856 --> 00:05:36,525
Good evening, passengers.
126
00:05:36,625 --> 00:05:39,861
Each of you have been given a dossier.
127
00:05:39,961 --> 00:05:42,397
It tells you
not only who you are but how
128
00:05:42,497 --> 00:05:46,367
and why you are capable
of the ultimate crime...
129
00:05:46,435 --> 00:05:47,702
murder.
130
00:05:48,537 --> 00:05:50,539
If there is a red card
in your dossier,
131
00:05:50,605 --> 00:05:52,305
then you are the murderer.
132
00:05:52,441 --> 00:05:54,576
And for the rest of you, well,
133
00:05:54,676 --> 00:05:56,344
your mission is simple...
134
00:05:56,445 --> 00:06:01,115
solve the case and ensure
that justice is served
135
00:06:01,249 --> 00:06:04,152
before dessert is served.
136
00:06:04,285 --> 00:06:06,054
This guy's a trained actor.
137
00:06:06,079 --> 00:06:07,096
You can tell.
138
00:06:07,121 --> 00:06:08,457
Guilty.
139
00:06:09,615 --> 00:06:10,639
Now, you, sir,
140
00:06:10,664 --> 00:06:12,961
please introduce yourself.
141
00:06:13,061 --> 00:06:15,063
The name is Count Montague.
142
00:06:15,163 --> 00:06:19,434
I have an exquisite
collection of jewels.
143
00:06:19,501 --> 00:06:22,236
How did I come by them?
144
00:06:22,303 --> 00:06:26,207
That is none of your business!
145
00:06:27,275 --> 00:06:28,777
Oh. Uh, uh...
146
00:06:28,877 --> 00:06:30,438
Jimmy's the name, see?
147
00:06:30,463 --> 00:06:32,405
I'm a simple stowaway, I tell ya.
148
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:33,872
Thinking ain't my strong suit,
149
00:06:33,897 --> 00:06:35,172
but if you underestimate me,
150
00:06:35,197 --> 00:06:36,485
think again, pal.
151
00:06:36,585 --> 00:06:38,052
Get your foot off my table.
152
00:06:40,254 --> 00:06:43,324
My name is Violet
Clendenington, darling.
153
00:06:43,458 --> 00:06:45,794
No doubt you've read about me
in the gossip columns.
154
00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:50,965
I'm engaged to the wealthy
coal baron Chazz Muldoon.
155
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:58,540
But is it love or opportunity?
156
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:03,277
Hola!
157
00:07:04,012 --> 00:07:07,181
Mi nombre es Prince Mauricio.
158
00:07:07,315 --> 00:07:09,283
And I am a lover of women.
159
00:07:12,854 --> 00:07:15,782
And I have had conquests
on every continent.
160
00:07:15,807 --> 00:07:18,627
But, today, the fuego en mi corazón
161
00:07:18,693 --> 00:07:21,095
blazes only for one woman.
162
00:07:21,930 --> 00:07:23,998
Violet Clendenington.
163
00:07:24,098 --> 00:07:26,200
Ha! That's Mama.
164
00:07:27,936 --> 00:07:29,337
You nasty, Mauricio.
165
00:07:29,403 --> 00:07:30,572
- No.
- You're nasty.
166
00:07:30,672 --> 00:07:31,906
- No. Uh...
- What?
167
00:07:32,006 --> 00:07:33,708
- Hey, Dave, switch with me.
- What?
168
00:07:33,842 --> 00:07:35,746
I'm already lost in Jimmy.
169
00:07:35,771 --> 00:07:37,111
- Come on, man.
- Okay, fine.
170
00:07:39,914 --> 00:07:41,583
Okay. Uh...
171
00:07:41,716 --> 00:07:44,793
I guess I am now, uh, Prince Mauricio.
172
00:07:44,818 --> 00:07:47,656
But because I'm Castilian,
I pronounce it "Maurithio."
173
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:52,026
And when Muldoon goes to sleep,
174
00:07:52,126 --> 00:07:56,264
we will make sweet, sweet amor.
175
00:07:58,066 --> 00:08:00,501
Count Montague
about to kick your royal "ath."
176
00:08:01,936 --> 00:08:03,572
Pip, pip, cheerio!
177
00:08:03,672 --> 00:08:06,174
I'm Zelda Cadwallader, I am.
178
00:08:06,274 --> 00:08:09,110
Proud daughter of a ratcatcher
and a cheesemonger.
179
00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:13,114
Now I'm personal assistant
to Mr. Chazz Muldoon.
180
00:08:13,247 --> 00:08:14,559
Oh, my God.
181
00:08:14,583 --> 00:08:15,993
Remember when you made your assistant
182
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,057
do traffic school for you?
183
00:08:17,085 --> 00:08:19,120
- I loved that.
- Thank you.
184
00:08:20,589 --> 00:08:22,591
Uh, cigars, cigarettes?
185
00:08:22,691 --> 00:08:23,792
I'm Daisy Summers.
186
00:08:23,925 --> 00:08:25,660
I work the floor
at the Starlight Club.
187
00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:27,696
But I've got dreams bigger than this.
188
00:08:27,796 --> 00:08:29,030
Just you wait.
189
00:08:29,097 --> 00:08:32,366
I'm wholesome, but I got
a thing for millionaires.
190
00:08:33,067 --> 00:08:35,435
Well, half of that is true.
191
00:08:36,237 --> 00:08:38,839
- Come on. Play nice.
- No, you tell her to play nice,
192
00:08:38,940 --> 00:08:41,442
showing me up
with some big dumbass cake.
193
00:08:42,276 --> 00:08:43,745
Uh, uh, uh, Marty,
194
00:08:43,844 --> 00:08:44,844
who are you?
195
00:08:44,879 --> 00:08:46,014
Oh, uh...
196
00:08:46,114 --> 00:08:48,883
Wham! Bam! Pow!
197
00:08:48,983 --> 00:08:50,885
Name's Joltin' Joe Jenkins,
198
00:08:50,952 --> 00:08:52,020
heavyweight boxer.
199
00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,397
And I could've been a contender.
200
00:08:53,421 --> 00:08:55,089
But I fell in with some bad mugs.
201
00:08:55,156 --> 00:08:56,791
Bah!
202
00:08:59,994 --> 00:09:02,864
And I am Madame Lita,
203
00:09:02,964 --> 00:09:05,299
fortune teller, seer of secrets.
204
00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:08,937
Let me gaze into the mists
of your future.
205
00:09:09,037 --> 00:09:11,405
Although, truth be told,
if I were really psychic,
206
00:09:11,505 --> 00:09:13,541
I would have never gotten
on the Titanic.
207
00:09:15,209 --> 00:09:16,219
Oh, no.
208
00:09:16,244 --> 00:09:19,147
I regret to inform you...
209
00:09:19,247 --> 00:09:21,315
Chazz Muldoon,
210
00:09:21,415 --> 00:09:25,019
the millionaire coal baron,
211
00:09:25,119 --> 00:09:27,588
will not be joining us for dinner.
212
00:09:27,656 --> 00:09:31,592
Because he has been murdered!
213
00:09:35,596 --> 00:09:36,865
Sacré bleu!
214
00:09:45,674 --> 00:09:46,708
Oh, God!
215
00:09:46,808 --> 00:09:48,476
They done killed Grover.
216
00:09:49,443 --> 00:09:50,912
I know it's a game,
217
00:09:51,012 --> 00:09:53,281
but I'm uncomfortable with
Grover laying there like that.
218
00:09:53,381 --> 00:09:57,385
I know. He's on my bed
wearing his outside clothes.
219
00:09:57,485 --> 00:09:59,854
Guys, come on.
Look, the game is afoot.
220
00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:02,223
Now let's all look for clues.
221
00:10:02,356 --> 00:10:05,334
I believe that's
lipstick on his collar.
222
00:10:05,694 --> 00:10:08,562
- There's a rope under the pillow, see?
- Oh!
223
00:10:08,663 --> 00:10:10,808
There's a little
bottle next to his sherry glass,
224
00:10:10,832 --> 00:10:13,634
and, blimey,
if it don't have a skull on it.
225
00:10:13,702 --> 00:10:15,369
It's poison!
226
00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:18,606
Was he stabbed?
227
00:10:19,373 --> 00:10:20,875
Or was he poisoned?
228
00:10:21,676 --> 00:10:23,044
Or strangled?
229
00:10:23,144 --> 00:10:24,679
The spirits are telling me
230
00:10:24,779 --> 00:10:28,516
that someone should have made
stronger narrative choices.
231
00:10:30,218 --> 00:10:31,886
Well, dead or alive,
232
00:10:31,986 --> 00:10:34,488
- these shoes are coming off.
- Mama.
233
00:10:36,925 --> 00:10:39,393
I have drunk deeply at
the nectar of your passion.
234
00:10:39,493 --> 00:10:41,696
But do you love me enough
to draw blood for me,
235
00:10:41,796 --> 00:10:44,232
my beautiful flower?
236
00:10:44,365 --> 00:10:46,034
The next name you
call me better be Tina,
237
00:10:46,134 --> 00:10:48,369
or there's gonna be another murder.
238
00:10:50,071 --> 00:10:52,106
I will mark you down
239
00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:53,908
as a maybe.
240
00:10:54,008 --> 00:10:55,609
Yeah, you do that.
241
00:10:56,677 --> 00:10:58,246
Tina.
242
00:10:58,346 --> 00:11:02,283
I am catching the vibe that you
and I got off on the wrong foot.
243
00:11:03,217 --> 00:11:04,217
Was it the cake?
244
00:11:04,252 --> 00:11:06,287
Yeah, let's go with the cake.
245
00:11:07,421 --> 00:11:08,622
Yeah, well, um,
246
00:11:08,723 --> 00:11:10,124
it's a little over-the-top, I know.
247
00:11:10,224 --> 00:11:12,526
I was just trying so hard
to impress you guys.
248
00:11:12,593 --> 00:11:14,295
I can be a little clueless sometimes.
249
00:11:14,395 --> 00:11:17,265
Mm. Like the episode you wore
white to Sienna's wedding?
250
00:11:17,398 --> 00:11:19,200
That was crazy.
251
00:11:19,267 --> 00:11:20,969
No, that was on purpose.
252
00:11:23,071 --> 00:11:25,273
Hey, look, look, look, y'all,
they smiling.
253
00:11:25,406 --> 00:11:26,707
And laughing.
254
00:11:26,808 --> 00:11:28,409
Ah, you know what,
Pop, you were right.
255
00:11:28,476 --> 00:11:30,444
This was a great idea.
256
00:11:30,544 --> 00:11:32,180
This is what I do.
257
00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,248
You can always count on the Count...
258
00:11:34,348 --> 00:11:36,617
for a great idea, mon.
259
00:11:36,717 --> 00:11:38,552
So now you're Jamaican?
260
00:11:38,619 --> 00:11:40,521
Shabba!
261
00:11:41,956 --> 00:11:43,424
While I've got you,
262
00:11:43,524 --> 00:11:45,794
I want to surprise Malcolm,
but I need your help.
263
00:11:45,894 --> 00:11:48,561
- Mm.
- Can you get me his passport number?
264
00:11:48,662 --> 00:11:50,231
Oh, his passport?
Is he going somewhere?
265
00:11:50,298 --> 00:11:52,433
I want to kidnap him
and take him to Barbados.
266
00:11:52,533 --> 00:11:54,969
Oh, wow. That's nice. When?
267
00:11:55,069 --> 00:11:56,604
The second week of April.
268
00:11:56,670 --> 00:11:58,706
Oh.
269
00:11:58,807 --> 00:11:59,908
On my birthday.
270
00:12:00,008 --> 00:12:01,142
Oh!
271
00:12:01,275 --> 00:12:02,443
You're an Aries.
272
00:12:03,845 --> 00:12:06,414
Okay, I'm catching
that cake vibe again.
273
00:12:06,514 --> 00:12:09,317
Don't be silly. I mean, I just
always knew the day would come
274
00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:12,396
when Malcolm wouldn't celebrate
my birthday with me.
275
00:12:12,421 --> 00:12:14,088
I just always thought
I'd be dead, but...
276
00:12:14,155 --> 00:12:16,825
you never know. Maybe I will be.
277
00:12:16,925 --> 00:12:18,592
Okay.
278
00:12:18,659 --> 00:12:20,094
So let me get this straight.
279
00:12:20,194 --> 00:12:22,797
You want me to reschedule
a trip out of the country
280
00:12:22,864 --> 00:12:24,933
so your grown son
281
00:12:25,033 --> 00:12:26,734
can spend your birthday with you?
282
00:12:26,835 --> 00:12:28,269
Oh, so you get it.
283
00:12:29,938 --> 00:12:31,940
I'm sorry, but I went
through a lot of trouble
284
00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:34,542
to get Malcolm booked
at the best spa in Barbados.
285
00:12:34,642 --> 00:12:36,677
Oh. Well, I went
through a lot of trouble
286
00:12:36,811 --> 00:12:39,981
to push Malcolm's giant
baby head through my pelvis.
287
00:12:41,415 --> 00:12:43,184
So, ladies, how's it going over here?
288
00:12:43,284 --> 00:12:44,618
Oh, it's going great for Malcolm.
289
00:12:44,718 --> 00:12:46,487
He's going to Barbados.
290
00:12:46,587 --> 00:12:48,122
- Ooh.
- Whoa, I am?
291
00:12:48,189 --> 00:12:49,934
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh, it was supposed to be a surprise.
292
00:12:49,958 --> 00:12:51,592
Oh, I didn't say the other surprise,
293
00:12:51,692 --> 00:12:52,827
which is the date.
294
00:12:52,927 --> 00:12:54,428
Which is on my birthday.
295
00:12:54,528 --> 00:12:55,528
Oh, damn.
296
00:12:55,596 --> 00:12:57,365
Okay, wait, wait. Mama,
297
00:12:57,465 --> 00:12:58,985
there's no way
she could've known that.
298
00:12:59,033 --> 00:13:01,469
It's fine, Malcolm.
I knew this was coming.
299
00:13:01,569 --> 00:13:02,570
This is what she does.
300
00:13:02,670 --> 00:13:04,372
You get your claws in a man,
301
00:13:04,472 --> 00:13:05,472
you take over his life,
302
00:13:05,539 --> 00:13:06,674
and the next thing you know,
303
00:13:06,740 --> 00:13:08,109
you've got him on a leash.
304
00:13:08,209 --> 00:13:10,211
Okay, wait, wait, I am not on a leash.
305
00:13:10,311 --> 00:13:11,545
Oh, forget the leash.
306
00:13:11,645 --> 00:13:13,814
You're the one
who needs to cut the cord.
307
00:13:13,915 --> 00:13:15,216
Oh.
308
00:13:16,417 --> 00:13:18,786
Uh, g-guys?
309
00:13:18,887 --> 00:13:20,421
Guys,
310
00:13:20,521 --> 00:13:21,956
it is my birthday party,
311
00:13:22,056 --> 00:13:24,893
and apparently I'm the only one
that's excited that...
312
00:13:24,993 --> 00:13:27,395
Grover is dead in the other room.
313
00:13:28,229 --> 00:13:29,830
Dave, don't say it like that.
314
00:13:29,931 --> 00:13:32,867
Yes, and the killer is still at large.
315
00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:36,270
Casper, would you please read the room?
316
00:13:37,171 --> 00:13:40,574
I bet you this cake
don't even taste good.
317
00:13:43,444 --> 00:13:45,013
Damn it. It's delicious.
318
00:13:51,485 --> 00:13:52,686
I'm sorry, Malcolm.
319
00:13:52,753 --> 00:13:54,989
You know, I should've seen
this one coming.
320
00:13:55,089 --> 00:13:59,460
We Butler men, we don't go
for quiet, demure women.
321
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:03,397
We like strong women
that speak their minds.
322
00:14:03,531 --> 00:14:07,168
Are you saying I like Mercedes
'cause she's like Mama?
323
00:14:08,569 --> 00:14:10,338
It's a family curse.
324
00:14:10,404 --> 00:14:14,042
So, how do I choose a side here, Pop?
325
00:14:14,108 --> 00:14:18,179
Well, I'm-a tell you like my
great-grandfather would tell me.
326
00:14:18,279 --> 00:14:20,381
And he would say, "Son,
327
00:14:20,481 --> 00:14:21,916
"if you have to choose
328
00:14:22,016 --> 00:14:26,087
"between the two most important
women in your life,
329
00:14:26,187 --> 00:14:29,857
choose the one you go home with."
330
00:14:33,427 --> 00:14:35,463
How can you not like Titanic?
331
00:14:35,563 --> 00:14:38,299
I'm just saying, the movie
could have been so much shorter.
332
00:14:38,432 --> 00:14:41,069
They get on board.
"Hey, everybody, great boat!"
333
00:14:41,135 --> 00:14:43,204
Then, boom, iceberg! Aah!
334
00:14:43,304 --> 00:14:45,373
- Splash! The end.
- Okay, okay.
335
00:14:45,473 --> 00:14:47,708
Hey, hey, hey, nerds.
336
00:14:47,775 --> 00:14:49,610
We are kind of talking out here.
337
00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:51,145
Uh, I'm sorry, Malcolm.
338
00:14:51,245 --> 00:14:52,947
Do you own outside?
339
00:14:53,781 --> 00:14:55,059
You better relax, man. Calm down.
340
00:14:55,083 --> 00:14:56,460
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
341
00:14:56,484 --> 00:14:58,319
Stop this.
What are y'all doing out here?
342
00:14:58,452 --> 00:14:59,753
Leaving me in there with her.
343
00:14:59,820 --> 00:15:01,089
Okay, Mama,
344
00:15:01,155 --> 00:15:04,392
there's no great way
to say this, but...
345
00:15:04,492 --> 00:15:06,794
I got to pick sides and...
346
00:15:07,628 --> 00:15:08,862
...I choose Mercedes.
347
00:15:08,887 --> 00:15:09,939
You what?
348
00:15:09,964 --> 00:15:11,399
Our relationship is real, Ma.
349
00:15:11,499 --> 00:15:13,601
I've been seeing her
for almost three months now.
350
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:16,937
And I've been seeing her for
five seasons of Trophy Divas.
351
00:15:17,005 --> 00:15:20,441
Well, six if you count the
spin-off Hell in the Hamptons.
352
00:15:20,508 --> 00:15:22,110
And the only difference
353
00:15:22,210 --> 00:15:25,613
between that Mercedes
and the one that I met today
354
00:15:25,713 --> 00:15:27,781
is that there aren't any cameras here.
355
00:15:27,881 --> 00:15:29,017
Okay, fine.
356
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:31,326
You have made up your mind about her.
357
00:15:31,351 --> 00:15:32,361
But you know what?
358
00:15:32,386 --> 00:15:33,921
So have I.
359
00:15:34,022 --> 00:15:35,689
And I choose Mercedes.
360
00:15:42,530 --> 00:15:44,965
- Where is this coming from?
- Well, I...
361
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:47,701
Pop!
362
00:15:48,669 --> 00:15:51,372
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
363
00:15:51,472 --> 00:15:54,942
I just said that you have to be
on your woman's side.
364
00:15:55,043 --> 00:15:58,746
Like I'm on your side against Malcolm.
365
00:15:59,780 --> 00:16:01,082
Mm-mm.
366
00:16:01,182 --> 00:16:03,784
No, Malcolm, this is not about me.
367
00:16:03,851 --> 00:16:05,486
I'm trying to protect you from her.
368
00:16:05,553 --> 00:16:08,222
I don't need to be protected
from Mercedes.
369
00:16:08,356 --> 00:16:09,890
Excuse me.
370
00:16:10,024 --> 00:16:11,504
Mercedes would like to weigh in here.
371
00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:13,337
Uh, no, Sadie, look, baby,
it's okay, all right?
372
00:16:13,361 --> 00:16:15,229
No, no, I want to.
373
00:16:16,130 --> 00:16:17,765
Um...
374
00:16:17,865 --> 00:16:18,866
I get it.
375
00:16:18,966 --> 00:16:21,469
I'm your worst nightmare.
376
00:16:21,569 --> 00:16:23,003
Your son just brought home someone
377
00:16:23,071 --> 00:16:24,305
who was on TMZ last week
378
00:16:24,405 --> 00:16:26,574
having a slap fight with Alec Baldwin.
379
00:16:28,076 --> 00:16:29,143
What can I say?
380
00:16:29,243 --> 00:16:30,644
Sometimes I can be blunt.
381
00:16:30,744 --> 00:16:32,713
Oh. I can see.
382
00:16:32,813 --> 00:16:34,715
And I don't apologize for it.
383
00:16:34,815 --> 00:16:36,550
Oh, big surprise there.
384
00:16:36,650 --> 00:16:38,219
And you know what?
385
00:16:38,352 --> 00:16:40,554
I have only known you for an hour,
386
00:16:40,654 --> 00:16:42,723
and I can already tell...
387
00:16:42,856 --> 00:16:44,425
you're exactly like me.
388
00:16:44,525 --> 00:16:46,060
- Didn't I call it?
- You did.
389
00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:47,728
They're the same.
390
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:49,472
Am I wrong?
391
00:16:49,497 --> 00:16:51,599
No, you're not wrong.
392
00:16:51,699 --> 00:16:53,601
I don't hold my tongue for anyone.
393
00:16:54,468 --> 00:16:56,904
Diva recognize diva.
394
00:16:57,004 --> 00:16:58,306
Good.
395
00:16:58,406 --> 00:17:00,808
Because I need you to understand
396
00:17:00,908 --> 00:17:03,344
I am crazy about your son.
397
00:17:04,111 --> 00:17:08,048
He gets me in a way
that no one ever has.
398
00:17:08,882 --> 00:17:11,385
So I'm gonna say to you
what I said to Denise Richards
399
00:17:11,452 --> 00:17:14,155
at the season three reunion when
she told me I was in her seat.
400
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:16,990
I'm not going anywhere,
401
00:17:17,090 --> 00:17:18,359
- honey.
- Honey.
402
00:17:23,397 --> 00:17:25,398
I loved when you said that.
403
00:17:25,465 --> 00:17:26,934
Yeah, I never liked her.
404
00:17:33,073 --> 00:17:34,275
Hello?
405
00:17:35,109 --> 00:17:37,911
If I wanted to spend the night
hanging with Gemma
406
00:17:38,011 --> 00:17:40,781
while my son lies around lifelessly,
407
00:17:40,881 --> 00:17:43,484
I would have stayed at home.
408
00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:45,119
All right. All right. Come on.
409
00:17:45,219 --> 00:17:46,254
Let's play.
410
00:17:49,490 --> 00:17:51,859
It has become clear to me
that everyone in this room
411
00:17:51,959 --> 00:17:54,428
had a motive to kill Chazz Muldoon.
412
00:17:54,495 --> 00:17:57,431
- Even this dashing lothario.
- Aw.
413
00:17:58,232 --> 00:18:00,634
At first,
I thought it might be Violet.
414
00:18:03,604 --> 00:18:05,906
Sweet, sultry Violet.
415
00:18:05,973 --> 00:18:08,509
Oh, the moments of passion we shared.
416
00:18:08,609 --> 00:18:11,645
Well, it was not me.
417
00:18:12,446 --> 00:18:14,815
My love.
418
00:18:14,915 --> 00:18:16,484
It was not her.
419
00:18:16,584 --> 00:18:18,386
But...
420
00:18:18,486 --> 00:18:19,753
Count Montague.
421
00:18:21,155 --> 00:18:24,425
You stole Muldoon's jewels.
422
00:18:24,525 --> 00:18:25,525
Yes.
423
00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:28,829
I may have stolen the jewels.
424
00:18:28,962 --> 00:18:31,232
Those beautiful,
425
00:18:31,332 --> 00:18:33,534
glimmering jewels.
426
00:18:33,667 --> 00:18:34,667
But murder?
427
00:18:38,706 --> 00:18:39,707
No.
428
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:41,842
You are no murderer.
429
00:18:41,975 --> 00:18:43,611
Why would you kill the man,
430
00:18:43,677 --> 00:18:46,680
when you and he were in cahoots
to share the insurance money?
431
00:18:46,780 --> 00:18:49,283
Oh. Been there, done that.
432
00:18:49,350 --> 00:18:50,851
Season four finale.
433
00:18:51,585 --> 00:18:52,853
I love you.
434
00:18:54,355 --> 00:18:57,325
And then there's... Jimmy.
435
00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:00,928
The stowaway.
436
00:19:01,028 --> 00:19:05,098
Sweet, dumb Jimmy.
437
00:19:05,933 --> 00:19:07,435
I know it wasn't you.
438
00:19:07,535 --> 00:19:10,538
Yep. Because you knew
Muldoon was my real pappy.
439
00:19:10,638 --> 00:19:11,739
He was?
440
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:13,682
N-No. No.
441
00:19:13,707 --> 00:19:15,743
Because I looked at your dossier
442
00:19:15,843 --> 00:19:17,044
before we traded characters,
443
00:19:17,144 --> 00:19:19,247
- and it didn't say "murderer."
- Oh.
444
00:19:21,715 --> 00:19:24,017
Which brings me to...
445
00:19:24,057 --> 00:19:25,060
Madame Lita.
446
00:19:28,021 --> 00:19:31,325
It was the unique jewels
on the handle of the dagger
447
00:19:31,392 --> 00:19:32,393
that gave her away.
448
00:19:32,493 --> 00:19:34,094
The same jewels
449
00:19:34,194 --> 00:19:36,029
on the Lita family's crest.
450
00:19:36,096 --> 00:19:38,566
- Mm.
- Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt
451
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,234
that Madame Lita
452
00:19:40,368 --> 00:19:41,368
is the murderer.
453
00:19:43,937 --> 00:19:44,937
No.
454
00:19:45,005 --> 00:19:47,675
It says "innocent" on my card.
455
00:19:47,775 --> 00:19:49,410
Huh?
456
00:19:51,379 --> 00:19:53,146
Oh. Well, then...
457
00:19:53,947 --> 00:19:55,416
The murderer must be Zelda!
458
00:19:58,051 --> 00:20:00,454
Yes! I killed him.
459
00:20:00,588 --> 00:20:02,623
- Ha.
- Muldoon stole my idea
460
00:20:02,723 --> 00:20:05,092
for a coal-powered submarine, he did.
461
00:20:05,225 --> 00:20:06,527
So, yeah,
462
00:20:06,594 --> 00:20:07,961
I killed him, I did.
463
00:20:08,095 --> 00:20:09,597
And I'd do it again!
464
00:20:10,398 --> 00:20:11,665
He's already dead.
465
00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:13,267
How would you do it again?
466
00:20:15,469 --> 00:20:18,306
- Captain! Take her to the brig!
- Ah.
467
00:20:18,439 --> 00:20:20,874
- Come with me, you foul fiend!
- Oh. Oh.
468
00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:22,142
Oh, uh,
469
00:20:22,242 --> 00:20:24,445
- you got my Venmo, right?
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
470
00:20:25,613 --> 00:20:27,214
Not so fast!
471
00:20:27,281 --> 00:20:29,783
Chazz Muldoon is still very much alive
472
00:20:29,883 --> 00:20:32,620
and hungry for revenge.
473
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,087
The game is over, Chazz.
474
00:20:34,187 --> 00:20:36,524
You can go in there
and eat your piece of that boat.
475
00:20:39,793 --> 00:20:42,330
Honey, um, thank you for the party.
476
00:20:42,430 --> 00:20:44,798
Oh, I'm so glad you liked it, babe.
477
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:48,168
I have one more birthday request.
478
00:20:49,303 --> 00:20:51,639
Can you keep the accent for later?
479
00:20:53,807 --> 00:20:56,844
I'm up for a good shag, I am, I am.
480
00:20:58,695 --> 00:21:04,204
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