All language subtitles for Hacks.2021.S03E02.WEB.h264-ETHEL+AMZN_HI.en

[Mondo Cozmo's "Plastic Soul"]

[cell phone chimes]

♪ ♪

I did a benefit with
Shaquille O'Neal yesterday.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.
And I swear to God,

your hands are bigger than his.

[chuckles]

Should I do stock market?

Yes.
Why the hell wouldn't you?

I like having
all my money in checking,

so when I get a receipt
at the ATM,

I see a high number.

And, uh... Deborah?

Oh, sorry. I...

I've been approached
about doing a podcast.

I got to say, very impressed
you don't have one.

- [indistinct excited chatter]
- I know, right?

Thank you so much.

[indistinct conversation]

No, no, thank you.

[chuckles]

I'm cooking dinner
for Ruby tonight.

Did you know
you can make dressing?

It doesn't just come
as dressing in a bottle.

Of course.

I travel with my own balsamic.

I'd be selling it, too,
if goddamn Newman

hadn't cornered the market.

[chuckles]

[car horns honking]

Sorry. Sorry.

♪ ♪

[indistinct speech]

What time were you born?

I wanna look
at your birth chart to see

what houses your planets are in.

Don't know, but I can tell you

what cities my houses are in...

uh, Vegas, Aspen, LA,

Jackson Hole, Palm Beach,

and if penthouses count, Dubai.

Remind me, do you observe Lent?

Absolutely not.

Do you?

Hi, honey, it's Josefina.

Deborah took an Ambien

but will text you
in the morning...

or in the afternoon
if it was 20 milligrams.

Good night.

♪ ♪

♪ Whenever I think of her ♪

♪ ♪

[dog snores]

Hey, quiet on set.
We're close.

Hey, Deborah,
I'm Mark, the first AD.

- Yeah.
- We're almost ready to go.

We're just waiting
on the fountains.

Can we get your stand-in
so you're out of the sun?

Oh, no, it's fine, baby.
I've got an umbrella coming in.

- Okay.
- Move it!

[umbrella opens]

[giggles]
Hi.

- Hi.
- Thanks.

So I bumped into the booker
for late night,

and he said again how much
they'd love to have you on.

Eh, no.

I-I got too much going on.

Really?
Because you did make time

to do this ad for
the Vegas Chamber of Commerce.

I love Vegas.
I love commerce.

Let's just pass on it for now.

This is the fourth time
they've asked.

And your special
was a year ago now.

They're not gonna ask again,

and I really think
this is the moment.

- The answer is no.
- No means no, Jimmy.

Get over it.

I got you, girl.

Okay, yes, but
I need you to explain why.

- [sighs]
- I can't keep passing

on something that I think
as your manager

you should be doing.

That's the show
I almost hosted, Jimmy.

After my special, everybody
knows how badly I wanted that.

So if I go on the show
and I don't kill...

it's like, you know,
of course she isn't hosting.

She's not even a good guest.

Oh.

What?

That's just kind of lame of you.

[scoffs]
Excuse me?

Spicy boy.

Deborah, of course
you're gonna kill.

You always kill.
All you need to do

is tell a good story,
and I bet you have binders

full of amazing stories to tell.

- Rolodexes.
- See? All right, you know,

I'm just gonna tell 'em you're
gonna do it, unless you want me

to offer them Vanna White
singing "We Are The World."

In C flat.
Do you guys want to hear it?

She sent me a voice memo
of the whole thing.

Both: No.

Fine, I'll do it.

Tell them I'll do it.
both: Yes.

Okay, this is a good decision

that was very simple.
I'm glad we...

- We're ready!
- Worked it out.

Okay, we're ready.

- Break a leg, girl.
- Whoo!

We're ready.

- Background.
- Background!

And action.

The shopping!

Cut.

We got it.
That is a wrap on Deborah.

- Hey, hey, eye.
- What? Are you okay?

- Watch my eye. Yeah.
- Jimmy, where's the car?

- It's right over here.
- Come here, queen.

All right,
we had them double-park.

♪ Love is not
a stranger anymore ♪

[moaning, gasping]

Okay, so Tripadvisor is...

Oh, my God, can I just have...

- Oh.
- Like, one second?

Yeah, sorry.

- [sighs]
- Okay, so Tripadvisor is...

[laughter]

Sorry, but if we want
to stay in a gligloo

when we're in Iceland,
all the reviews are saying

that we need to book now.

A gligloo?

- Glam igloo.
- Oh.

- Could be chic.
- Mm-hmm.

I know the show hasn't
given you your dates yet, but...

Just book it.

- Are you sure?
- Yeah.

Let's do whatever you want.

You're spending your whole
hiatus where I'm shooting.

I'll tell them they have
to work around it,

and they'll just have to deal.

Okay.

Very hot number-one-on-the-
call-sheet energy, baby.

[laughter]

♪ Oh, baby ♪

♪ You got me ♪

♪ Now that you're all alone ♪

♪ Can't you see what
you're doing to me baby ♪

♪ Oh, baby ♪

- [chattering]
- Deborah, right here.

We've got Arnold, Carmen,
and Carmen's cousin.

Arnold.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, and the cousins are here.

Hey, Deborah, looking gorgeous.

Can you just write, to Kevin,

congrats on your gastric bypass.

- Hope this one sticks, honey.
- Oh, thank you so much.

Deb, I found out our dogs
go to the same groomer.

- What's this?
- It's a candle.

This is two chins ago.

I never would have
approved this.

Where'd you get it?

I bought it off of Etsy.

Who the fuck is Betsy?

No, Etsy, it's a website.

There's a lot of
DV merch on there.

I actually just bought a replica

of your birth certificate.

Damien!

- I'm right here.
- Did you know about this?

No.

I'm taking this.

She took my candle.

[laughter]

Let's call Grandma.

[Clarence Reid's
"Miss Hot Stuff"]

♪ Miss hot stuff ♪

♪ I'm hot for you ♪

♪ Miss hot stuff ♪

♪ Yes ♪

♪ I'm hot for you ♪

[papers thud loudly]

And what are these?

These are websites
I printed out.

Oh.
Good?

Do you know how many
sellers there are on Etsy

making a profit
off my name and likeness?

- I don't.
- Look at this first one.

This is a throw pillow.

Okay, it says, tax loopholes
are my love language.

Now, that's true, but, I mean,
I didn't authorize this.

Did you?

No, but now I want this pillow.

It's not funny, Marcus.
This needs to stop now.

Okay, okay, I'll get on it.

Look at this.

It's a coffee cup that says,

I'm so old, I went
apple picking with Eve.

I mean, I like the joke,
but I hate that font.

[funk music]

♪ ♪

[gasps]

[soft music]

♪ ♪

Okay.

[The 5th Dimension's
"Feelin' Alright?"]

♪ I've got to leave
before I start to scream ♪

[laughing]

♪ Someone locked the door
and took the keys ♪

♪ Are you feeling all right?
Uh-huh ♪

♪ I ain't feeling
that good myself now ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Feeling all right ♪

Okay.

This is your last
late night story.

You've gone through
the whole Rolodex?

Uh-huh.
It's USO debacle in Germany.

That's a good one,
but that hinges

on the Berlin Wall
still being erect.

I just think you
do the other one,

change Studio 54 to Buddha Bar
and Quaaludes to fentanyl.

Oh, that is sad.

Buddha Bar is no Studio 54.

- Yeah, sure.
- God damn it.

Martha Stewart is so lucky
she went to jail.

I mean, that shit's evergreen.

Why don't you tell
a more recent story?

You can talk about your new
horsehair bed from Austria.

Remember when we thought
it wouldn't fit

through the window
but then it did?

Yeah, very relatable.

Are you sure you didn't
miss anything in there?

Let me check.

Did it, did it.

Oh, Benihana's
with O.J. Simpson.

- No.
- Forget it.

You know what?

I'm going to make a new story.

[knocking]

[funky music]

Scott Thompson?

Carrot Top, yeah.
How can I help you?

As you know,
this land has been zoned

a historic environmental
preservation zone.

We're going to
need you to vacate

the premises immediately
so we can begin demolition.

Demolition? What the fuck
are you talking about?

Yes, sir. There was
a city council meeting

where this was discussed.

No one has ever discussed
anything with me about any...

Please put whatever belongings

- will fit into this bag.
- Are you fucking kidding me?

Demolition will
begin in 20 minutes.

20 minutes?
This is a joke.

Mr. Top, we sent
several notices.

You didn't send jack shit,
and I don't think

you have
the right fucking house.

See if you have the right
fucking house on there.

- 1929 Chickasaw Way.
- God damn it!

[whistles]
[engine turning over]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Wait, no, stop,
you can't do this!

- Wait!
- [laughs]

I got you. I got you.

- Deborah?
- Oh, thanks so much.

I needed a story for late night.

This is going to play
like gangbusters.

Do not have anything better
to do with your time?

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Oh, lighten up.

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong
with your landscaper?

Look at this shrub.
It's dead.

I should take that out.

Jesus. No, stop it.

Stop, stop, stop!

I fucking love that bush!

♪ ♪

Marcus.

Ezekiel.

So you're "DebbieTwoTon," huh?

Mm-hmm.

Ezekiel, do you know
what this is?

- A candle.
- But who is on the candle?

The greatest living comedian
of our time.

You have a problem.

First of all,
this candle is not soy based.

That's going to be a dirty burn.

Fuck.

But your real problem
is that you're running

an Etsy store selling
unauthorized merchandise.

And my very litigious
business associate can sue you

for trademark infringement.

It would be an honor to be
in litigation with Deborah.

And, also, I will not be
policed by some straight guy

who doesn't get it
because he's not even a fan.

I'm not straight.

Prove it.

And just so you know,
I am the original fan.

I created the first
Deborah Vance merchandise.

I am the original fan.

I've seen every one of her
specials over 40 times.

Okay. Then what was her most
well-attended overseas show?

Stockholm '97.
Her birthday.

Her real birthday.

Same day, two years earlier.
Bra size?

None.
She does custom.

What's her favorite food
if calories don't count?

Potatoes dauphinoise.
If calories do count?

Endive salad, no croutons.

Okay.

What's her favorite snack?

Ezekiel,
that's a trick question.

Deborah Vance doesn't snack,

but she's contractually
obligated to say...

both: Wheat Thins.

- Are you as turned on as I am?
- No.

You have 48 hours to fulfill
all outstanding orders,

and then you will
shut this site down.

I had no choice.

I have always wanted
a Deborah Vance tour jacket,

and they were always too small.

So I made some in my size, and
they sold out within a day.

There is a community
of people out there

who are hungry for this stuff,
and I gave it to them.

Then, naturally, I branched out
into unlicensed cookbooks,

oven mitts, cell phone cases.

You know, the more you talk,
the stronger my lawsuit gets.

Okay, okay.

But if I don't do it,
someone else will.

[sighs]
Good day, Ezekiel.

♪ ♪

[vocalizing]

Here we go. Come on.
Keep going.

Nice.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Made you something.
Matcha.

Oh, thanks.
Put it over on the big tire.

[panting]

And time.
[device beeps]

Good.
Go right into squat jumps.

Down, explode.
Nice.

So I was just thinking,
maybe we should get

some new silverware.

[panting]
Yeah, sure.

You have 15 seconds.
Push.

It's just that
I have my silverware,

and you have your silverware,

but I just thought
it would be nice

if we had, like, our silverware.

Yeah, sure.
New silverware.

Time. Nice. Back on the rope.
[device beeps]

Back on the rope.
Right to it.

Okay.
Enjoy your matcha.

Don't know why
she's doing all that.

Perfect the way she is.

Love you.

And time.
[device beeps]

[grunts]

She has scoliosis.
[door opens]

I know.

Ready for the bike?

- I'm ready.
- Yeah.

And then I told him we could
sue him if he didn't stop.

Good.
That should settle it.

But then he said
something interesting.

Basically, people were asking
him to make these products.

He was only meeting a demand
that was already there.

So?

So I think we should bring
him in and the other sellers.

They understand
the Deborah Vance marketplace,

because they are
the marketplace.

Oh, so we bring them in,
and then we sue them.

No, no.

We bring in
the independent creators,

and we spotlight them on QVC.

Listen, we've had
an amazing year.

Your profile is raised,

and that's been hugely
helpful for the company.

But if we want to
really scale up,

we've got to start branching
out and putting your stamp

of approval on outside products,

the way Oprah did
with her Favorite Things.

- I like Oprah.
- Everyone does.

But this would be a special
hour every week on QVC

devoted to the House of Vance.

And for every sale,
we get a cut, naturally.

And after that, we sue them.

Oh, Jesus, I'm kidding.

But I'm afraid
that QVC might think

we're diluting the brand.

I mean, it could backfire.

It won't.

Trust me.

Okay.
[chuckles]

Let's pitch it on Monday's call.

All right.

[bright music]

♪ ♪

Hello.

Yeah, mama.

- So how you feeling?
- Really good.

You were right. This is the
right moment to do this.

- Definitely.
- It's going to kill.

- All gold.
- Kill.

- Is that hazelnut coffee?
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Oh.

And then I went
right over his shrubs.

I guess you could say
I trimmed Carrot's top.

- [laughs]
- Fun.

- Does that work?
- Yeah, that's fun.

- [knock at door]
- Hey, so, little problem.

Danny's got salmonella
from the egg toss

he did with Christiane Amanpour
yesterday.

We have to cancel
and air a rerun.

No. Oh.

Really sorry, Deborah.

Shit, I've got to release
the audience.

Shit, will you guys
excuse me a minute?

Wait, hey, um, what
if Deborah guest-hosts?

I mean, Danny's a fan, right?

And you know she'd be great.
She almost hosted herself.

Would you?

[scoffs]
Yeah, I can do that.

Okay.

Um, I have to get approval
from Winnie Landell, but...

Oh, my God,
Winnie Landell, I know her.

- We met in Montreal.
- Okay.

Yeah, yeah.

We're going to have to move
really fast if this is...

Yeah, let's go.
Where are my writers?

You made them wait outside
because they have

hazelnut coffee breath.

- Well, find some mints.
- Mints.

We have a monologue to write.

We're going to need a guest
for the second act.

You know, let us help with that.

- We can help.
- Yeah, we can help with that.

Get... get...

♪ Give me some more
of that funky good loving ♪

We have some pitches
that we think

you're really going to like,
Deborah.

Great, great. Okay.
Well, we don't have much time,

so there's no such thing
as a bad idea.

- Let's hear them.
- John.

So maybe an in-studio sketch
where you try not to set

- your desk on fire but can't.
- Uh-huh.

Because of the whole, like,
burning-down-the-house thing.

Yeah, I got it.
I got it.

Anything else?

What about a desk piece where
you go through celebrities

and guess their
favorite sex position?

Like Daniel Radcliffe's
could be Dobby style.

- [chuckles]
- What?

Like doggy style...

but Dobby.

So how long till we tape, again?

About an hour.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

What if we put you
in a Lincoln hat,

and you punch a sack of corn?

No, no, no.
I totally get it. It's fine.

We'll circle back.
Okay, all right, bye.

Shit, she's in New York.

- What about your mom?
- No.

My mom's Deidre Hall
from "Days of Our Lives."

Honestly,
she's always camera ready,

but I'm not sure it's worth it.

Oh, my God,
Reese Witherspoon, I love her.

Do you have a connection to her?

I feel like I do.
I love her.

I just said that.

Someone needs to listen.

What if you sing?

You know, you could really show
off your musical-comedy chops.

Musical comedy is an oxymoron.

Yes, of course.

What about a desk piece,
and we call "Deb-it or Credit."

Good, good.
So what is it?

Oh, I don't know.

I was just seeing
if you liked the title first.

Oh, oh, you wear a wig, right?

Yes.

Maybe something with that?

Something with wigs?

Yeah.

[phone buzzing]

Hey.

Yeah, hi,
this is going to be quick,

- because I don't have much time.
- Okay.

Loving this energy.
Very "Bourne Identity."

Well, listen,
Danny Collins is out sick.

Oh, shit.

But trimming Carrot Top's bush.

Yeah, I know, I know.
But listen.

I'm going to guest host.
And so that's happening.

- Oh, my God, that's amazing.
- Yeah.

We're throwing together
a show, like, right now, now.

So would it be okay if I, uh,

you know, asked you
your opinion about a joke?

- Sure.
- Okay, thanks. How's this?

Danny has salmonella.

The good news is,
no one can directly

connect me with the purchase
of any toxic chemicals.

What about the good news is,
we're saving the network money

'cause I only cost 80 cents
on the dollar.

[laughs]
That's good.

That's good.
I like that.

Well, I'm getting a lot
of texts here from my mom.

She's wondering if she can get
a car and driver to the show

and then keep it after.

His mom has an incredible body.

Kayla, I don't want
to hear that, though.

- It's a compliment.
- Please.

What? Perfect ass.

Kayla, this is my mother
you're talking about.

You're giving me
a bad taste in my mouth.

Stop talking about my mom.

Okay, sorry that
I complimented your mom's body.

You never say anything
about my mom's body.

It would be wildly
inappropriate if I did.

Why would I talk about
your mother's body?

She's cute.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That would be funny.

And... yes.
And for a desk piece.

Oh, the visual.

- The visual would be great.
- Oh, my God.

And then we could tag it with...

[laughs]
Yes, oh, that's perfect.

Yes. Oh, my God,
that's the perfect opener.

Thank you.

[sighs]

Look, I know
you probably can't, but...

it'd be so much easier
if you just came here.

Hello?
[line beeps]

[sighs]

Sorry.
Lost service in the elevator.

Okay. So, yeah, I think
that works for the opener,

but then I think you got to go
right into the Danny stuff.

Okay. Yeah, you're right,
you're right, you're right.

Okay, but the poison line,
is that too lateral?

No, no, I don't think
you need it at all.

Okay, last question
before she agrees.

Does the hair and
makeup department

use cruelty-free products?

I mean, I'll ask.

I'm just going to get her here.

- I'll figure it out.
- Guess what.

What?

We do not have to worry anymore.

We don't need a guest.
Deborah figured it out.

Well, what's the idea?

She did not tell me.
She actually said to get away.

So...
[laughs]

But I think it's
going to be good.

We don't need to worry.
[phone buzzes]

Well, this is going to suck.
Would you excuse me?

Hey, Mommy.

Yeah, it turns out they do
test on animals, big-time.

I know.

She said Kinos only.
No LEDs. 2,900 Kelvin.

And move "A" camera
30 degrees clockwise

so we get more of her good side.

And do you have any
copper-colored lav mics?

If not, I'm going to need
a can of spray paint.

♪ ♪

Hanging there,
sweetheart, to the right.

You see it hanging there?
The pink.

The pink.

Perfect, perfect, perfect.

Good evening.
How's everyone doing tonight?

Good, good.

Sorry, I think you got
to make that bigger.

Yeah.

Yeah, her text font is, like,
double the size of that.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

These are going to
block her good side.

I need those on the back wall.
Small ones over there.

Okay.

Are you ready
to be the best audience

late night has ever heard?

[cheers and applause]

[soft music]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[warm-up comic speaks
indistinctly]

[cheers and applause]

Ladies and gentleman,
please welcome your host,

Deborah Vance!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Thank you.

♪ ♪

- Colors look amazing.
- Thank you so much.

As you might know, Danny
is out with a health issue.

And out of respect
for his privacy,

I can't say much more than that.

But should you experience
an erection lasting longer

than six hours,
this is a medical emergency,

and you should consult a doctor.

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

I recently found out there's
a group of people on Etsy

who are selling knockoff
Deborah Vance merchandise

with things I supposedly said

printed on them, which leads us
to a segment I like to call,

Did I Say It?
[cheers and applause]

A poster that says,
"I may love jewelry,

but a ring has no place
on my coffee table."

Do you think I said it?
crowd: Yes!

- [bell ringing]
- Yes, I did, right before

a friendship-ending argument
with Nancy Reagan.

[laughter and applause]

So good.

We are down a guest,
but I'm going to fix that.

[whistling]

You sir, you.

Fourth row. Yes, you, you.
Yeah. Come here.

[cheers and applause]

So what do you do for work?

I'm actually a TSA agent.

Okay, that's all the time
we have, ladies and gentlemen.

[laughter, rim shot]
No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

You must find some weird stuff
in people's suitcases.

It's kind of X rated.

Oh, now you have to tell us.

Come on.

A few years ago,

this guy went through
the metal detector.

I guess he was wearing a...

can I say "cuck cage" on TV?

[laughter]

Well, Lance,
I think you just did.

What on Earth is that?

It's like a metal cage
that goes on a man's...

- TSA wand.
- Yes.

And you can only take it off
with a key.

But his wife had the key.

- And where was she?
- In Miami.

[laughter]

Hey. Don't you need to get
back to your actual job?

Oh, my God.
Fuck. Shit.

I'm supposed to get them coffee.

Mm.

So, according to these cards,

you broke your hand
training for the film?

Yeah.

Actually, it's an
interesting story.

Okay, I'm going to
stop you right there.

Are you just bored
to tears from having

to tell this story
over and over and over again

to the press
and make it sound natural?

You're going to
get me in trouble.

[laughs]

I told that so many times,
I said it in my sleep

and woke my girlfriend up.

Well, she gets
to sleep with you,

so she doesn't get to complain.

Oh, come on, it's not
a Me Too if I do it!

[laughter]

No, but, seriously,
look at those arms.

- How much can you bench?
- Uh, bench... 300, 310 pounds.

What? No.
Prove it.

Bench-press me.

[cheers and applause]

Shut up!

Brad! Give it up for Brad!

Whoo!

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you so much,
every one of you,

for making it so special.

Danny, thank you for loaning
me the chair for the night.

He will be back tomorrow.

All of you,
thank you, and good night.

You were great.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

Phenomenal.

That guy was, like, really cute.

- That was really good.
- Should I call him?

She was great.
Unbelievably great.

So good.

[indistinct chatter]

Thanks. Thank you.

Oh, my God, Deborah.

That was... I mean,
what an incredible show.

- Thanks. Thanks.
- You were just unbelievable.

- Thank you.
- Ah. Whew.

Is it okay if I just
hang here for a minute?

Oh, yeah, yeah, take your time.

- I'll see you backstage.
- Absolutely.

[indistinct chatter]

[lights click]

[soft music]

♪ ♪

[cheers and applause]

[upbeat music playing]

[phone buzzing]

Hi.

You were right about
that last monologue joke.

- It killed.
- Told you so.

And you did
a shockingly good job

not kink-shaming cuck cages.

Oh, I got another call.
[line beeping]

Yeah.
I'm going to take this.

- Can you...
- Yeah, sure.

Hello.

Deborah, it's Danny Collins.

Hey.
How are you feeling?

Oh, not bad.

In between having
my last rites read to me,

I saw the show.
You did a hell of a job.

Thank you.

Seriously, you were
having so much fun up there.

Yeah, well, it's a fun gig.

Eh, at first.

At this point, I'm basically
on cruise control.

Between you and me
and my wife's divorce lawyer,

I'm leaving when my contract
is up in a few months.

Oh?

It'll be
some other guy's show soon.

Anyway, I just wanted to say
thank you for stepping up.

Oh, my pleasure.
Anytime.

[chuckles]
Thanks for calling, Danny.

- Love you, Deborah.
- Okay.

Bye.

Ava.

Yeah, that was definitely an
I'll-call-you-back situation.

I know, I know, I'm sorry.

Listen, you said you have
a hiatus coming up

from your show, right?

- How long is it?
- Uh, three months.

Do you have any plans?

- Hey.
- Hey.

I was thinking, do you think
it just makes more sense

if I visit for, like, a weekend,

since you'll be working so much?

- What?
- Yeah.

Um, this, uh...
this work thing came up.

Shit. I mean, that's totally
fine if it's for work.

Is it for the show?

You know what?
It's actually, um...

for Deborah.

- Are you serious?
- I know. I know.

But listen, they're replacing
the late show host,

and I think she has
a real shot at it.

She asked me to help her
just on my hiatus.

But you'll be working
so much, right?

- So this could be good.
- Good for who?

It's just for a couple months.

I don't care how long it's for.

I mean, she fired you
and then cut you off.

That's fucked up.

You couldn't stop talking
about it for months,

about how unhealthy it was.

And now we're finally
in a good place.

It makes me feel like
you're more serious about her

than you are about your job,
our life here, me.

What?
What are you talking about?

I'm so serious about you.

I mean, we're getting married.

- What?
- What?

I found the ring, okay?

Ava, what are you talking about?

Oh.

Ava.

Here.

Ask me.
I'll say yes.

- Oh, my God.
- Or I can ask you.

We're gay.
There are no rules.

- Oh, my God.
- Ruby Rojas...

from the first time I saw you
at Little Dom's...

Oh, my God, Ava, stop.
Stop. Okay, stop.

[sighs]
This ring is from the show.

This is how Wolf Girl
gets her powers.

I have it here to help me
get into character.

And I have to wear it
to practice

while I'm wielding the flail.

Huh.

I'm gonna stand up.

I knew you didn't read
the graphic novel.

I don't know how to follow
the fucking boxes.

Wait.
You want to get married?

- I thought so.
- You thought so?

- I misunderstood.
- Uh-huh.

Listen, this has gotten
completely out of hand.

- Yeah.
- And I'm sorry about the trip.

I'm sorry I just proposed.

But it's different this time.

I'm just going to be working
with her temporarily.

You're not going to
be working with her.

You're going to be
working for her.

You'll always be
working for her.

You're making this
such a bigger deal

than it needs to be.

You're canceling our plans
to go work with someone

who was borderline abusive
because she might get a job.

Look, I know that
you respect this person.

And I know you're proud
of the work you did together,

but it was also really hard,

and not just
when she fired you...

the whole time.

She slapped you.
She sued you.

You said she was toxic.

I said that stuff
when I was mad at her.

I'm so sorry.
You just don't get it.

[scoffs]

Yeah.

I guess I don't get it.

Fuck.

[inhales deeply]

I think we need to take
some space.

What?
No.

Come on.
[scoffs]

Yeah.

I'll, um, I'll go
to Iceland alone.

And, um...

you do your thing.

And we'll see where we're at
when we're back...

if you're back.

- Ruby.
- No.

Are you serious?

[cover of Steely Dan's
"Dirty Work"]

♪ ♪

♪ Times are hard ♪

♪ You're afraid
to pay the fee ♪

♪ So you find yourself
somebody ♪

♪ Who can do the job
for free ♪

[doorbell rings]

♪ When you need
a bit of lovin' ♪

♪ 'Cause your man
is out of town ♪

♪ That's the time... ♪

- Welcome back.
- [laughs]

♪ And you know
I'll be around ♪

Shoes off.

♪ I'm a fool
to do your dirty work ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I don't want to do
your dirty work ♪

♪ No more ♪

♪ I'm a fool to do
your dirty work ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I don't want to do
your dirty work ♪

♪ No more ♪

♪ I'm a fool to do
your dirty work ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'm a fool to do
your dirty work ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I don't want to
do your dirty work ♪

♪ No more ♪

♪ I don't want to do
your dirty work ♪

♪ No more ♪

♪ I'm a fool to do
your dirty work ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ I don't want... ♪