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1
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,639
(both gasp)
2
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,554
Richard, what are you doing?
3
00:00:12,546 --> 00:00:14,416
Taking a shower.
I didn't know you were in here.
4
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,675
Well, I am.
Maybe you could knock.
5
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,324
And do a little man-scaping,
for God's sakes.
6
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,260
I'm sorry,
7
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:22,715
but now that I'm not living
with New Christine anymore,
8
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:25,063
there's no reason
to clear the brush.
9
00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:26,589
You know what?
10
00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:28,634
I think it's
time to move out.
11
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:31,069
Maybe, but where would you go?
12
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:33,095
No. You, Richard.
13
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,401
You do remember
that you do have a home?
14
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,143
My bachelor apartment?
15
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,808
I got rid of that, like,
our fifth year of marriage.
16
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:40,406
What?
17
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:42,178
What?
18
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:43,636
No. I'm talking about the house
19
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,314
that you bought
with New Christine.
20
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:47,283
Ah, New Christine
banished me.
21
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,121
What? She can't banish you.
22
00:00:49,117 --> 00:00:51,547
It's not like me
and the Catholic Church.
23
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,122
I don't know.
24
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,321
Sometimes the German
in New Christine takes over.
25
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:57,633
If you ever see her in braids,
run for your life.
26
00:00:57,625 --> 00:00:59,725
Hmm. Just do what we did
when we got divorced.
27
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,127
Sleep with an Asian woman?
28
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,129
What?
29
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:03,200
What?
30
00:01:05,299 --> 00:01:08,499
No. Richard, I'm saying
you should sell the house,
31
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,272
and then you and New Christine
divide the money.
32
00:01:10,271 --> 00:01:11,311
Are you crazy?
33
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:12,705
In this market?
34
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:13,736
What? What happened
in the housing market?
35
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,211
God, you know what?
36
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:17,609
You miss one day
of reading the paper...
37
00:01:17,611 --> 00:01:19,181
I don't know.
38
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,280
She loves that house.
39
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:22,582
(gargling)
40
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:25,153
Richard,
you made the down payment.
41
00:01:25,153 --> 00:01:26,623
She left you at the altar.
42
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,860
She's young and beautiful,
and you look like this.
43
00:01:28,856 --> 00:01:31,326
I mean, you should make her
pay.
44
00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,395
I sort of appreciate
your honesty.
45
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:35,655
And thanks
for letting me stay here.
46
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:38,233
No. Don't do that.
We're naked.
47
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:41,242
I completely forgot. We're so
used to each other, I can stand
48
00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:43,565
here naked with you and not
have
a single sexual thought.
49
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:46,511
Well, I sort of appreciate
your honesty.
50
00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,237
I'm just saying
it's nice, normal.
51
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:49,642
Plus, it's not like
52
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,313
I'm seeing something
I've never seen before.
53
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:52,812
Holy crap, what is that?
54
00:01:52,813 --> 00:01:56,723
It's called aging, Richard.
55
00:01:56,717 --> 00:01:58,717
And you should talk
with those yams.
56
00:01:58,719 --> 00:02:02,189
No, no. There's something
under your boob.
57
00:02:02,190 --> 00:02:04,690
Are you sure
it's just not more boob?
58
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:07,332
No, it's like a weird freckle
or mole.
59
00:02:07,328 --> 00:02:08,558
It doesn't look right.
60
00:02:08,562 --> 00:02:11,432
Oh, my God.
61
00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,672
Oh, I'm dying.
62
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:16,937
It's not fair. I...
63
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,667
What the hell?!
64
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:20,672
Now you're excited?
65
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:24,376
Me dying gets you going?
66
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,508
Don't yell at me.
You'll only make it worse.
67
00:02:35,656 --> 00:02:37,756
*
68
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:43,233
Oh, Barb, I am having
such a bad day.
69
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:44,831
Not me.
70
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,772
I got to open the gym by
myself,
work all day by myself.
71
00:02:47,768 --> 00:02:50,398
I haven't been to the bathroom
in ten hours.
72
00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:52,914
I'm having a blast.
73
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:55,336
Oh, I'm sorry, Barb.
74
00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,743
How was your day?
75
00:02:56,744 --> 00:03:00,614
I went to the doctor,
and he would not see me.
76
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:01,754
Get this.
77
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,949
We are apparently
no longer covered
78
00:03:03,951 --> 00:03:05,651
by Bloom's health insurance.
79
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,763
Probably because we're
no longer owned by Bloom.
80
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,456
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
81
00:03:10,458 --> 00:03:12,388
People can't go around
without health insurance.
82
00:03:12,393 --> 00:03:14,903
This is America.
83
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:17,795
And 45 million people don't
have health insurance.
84
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:20,468
What?!
85
00:03:20,468 --> 00:03:24,468
Man, you miss reading the
paper for two days.
86
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:26,512
Why isn't anyone talking
about this?
87
00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,937
Maybe because you
get all your news
88
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:30,581
from Nicole Richie's blog.
89
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:33,878
She's interesting
because she's famous, Barb.
90
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:37,947
God, what is going on
91
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,021
in this country?
92
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,589
I mean, apparently,
93
00:03:40,588 --> 00:03:42,418
something is happening
in the housing market,
94
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:43,923
doctors won't see you
95
00:03:43,924 --> 00:03:45,464
without insurance,
96
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:48,559
and I've got a
freckle, and I'm dying.
97
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,862
Oh, every month you think
98
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,973
you're dying
or pregnant or going blind.
99
00:03:51,965 --> 00:03:53,495
No, no, this
is different.
100
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,401
It's right under
my left breast.
101
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,613
Oh. Which is tender.
102
00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:59,665
Oh, my God,
I'm pregnant.
103
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:03,905
Oh, and I'm dying.
104
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,011
Oh.
105
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,582
I'm not doing this.
106
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,320
What's gonna happen
to Ritchie if I die?
107
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:09,416
You know, who's
gonna clean him?
108
00:04:09,417 --> 00:04:10,677
Who's gonna feed him?
109
00:04:10,684 --> 00:04:11,794
Who's gonna help him
with his homework?
110
00:04:11,785 --> 00:04:14,815
You don't do that now.
111
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:16,592
You know, maybe
we shouldn't have left Bloom.
112
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,860
They took care
of all the little things,
113
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:20,028
like insurance
and maintenance and utilities.
114
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,457
No, no, no, no, no.
115
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:22,602
We shouldn't
second-guess ourselves.
116
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:23,896
Really, we are better off
117
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,367
without that homophobic,
corporate monster.
118
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:28,037
(whirring)
Oh!
119
00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:30,365
Oh, I'm blind.
120
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,911
Oh, and I'm pregnant.
121
00:04:32,906 --> 00:04:35,336
Oh, and I'm dying.
122
00:04:39,747 --> 00:04:41,347
Richard,
what are you doing here?
123
00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:42,849
I need to talk to you.
124
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,690
Come in.
125
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:51,586
Just so you know,
people know I'm here.
126
00:04:51,592 --> 00:04:53,732
I'm remodeling a bathroom, and
if I don't show up in a year,
127
00:04:53,727 --> 00:04:56,427
people will start
to get suspicious.
128
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:57,970
Richard, don't be silly.
129
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:00,065
There's no reason
we can't act like adults.
130
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:01,567
Wow.
131
00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:02,869
You made some changes
to the place.
132
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:04,000
Do you like it?
133
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:04,844
What's not to like?
134
00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,876
A bunch of creepy dolls
on my couch.
135
00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:10,376
Well, I didn't want people
thinking
136
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,808
there was a man living here.
137
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:15,522
I don't think
anyone has ever thought that.
138
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,546
So what brings you by?
139
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,951
Well, I thought
it was time
140
00:05:19,953 --> 00:05:22,063
to figure out what
to do about the house.
141
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:23,385
I'm living in the house.
142
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,631
No, I know, but long term.
143
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,756
Long term,
I'm living in the house.
144
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:30,831
Uh, what about selling
the house?
145
00:05:30,831 --> 00:05:32,431
We'd lose money.
Right now it's only worth half
146
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:33,803
of what we paid for it.
147
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:35,972
Well, maybe I could buy you
out.
148
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:37,839
Two million dollars.
149
00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:38,408
That's not fair.
150
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,636
Two million dollars.
151
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,411
This wouldn't be
a four million dollar house
152
00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:43,640
if you dipped it in gold,
153
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:44,854
put it in the middle
of Manhattan
154
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:47,875
and filled it
with three million dollars.
155
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,551
If life were fair, you would
have paid attention to me
156
00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,721
on our wedding day
instead of Old Christine.
157
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:52,149
If life were fair, you would
have paid attention to me
158
00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:53,322
You're right.
159
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,150
If life were fair, you would
have paid attention to me
160
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,524
That was wrong,
and I am so sorry.
161
00:05:56,524 --> 00:05:58,434
Although you
shouldn't
162
00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,056
speak too harshly
about Old Christine.
163
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:02,030
She might have cancer.
164
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,629
Oh, my God. What kind?
165
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:07,132
Under boob.
166
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,744
Under boob cancer?
167
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:11,567
Is that what
her doctor called it?
168
00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,572
Well, she hasn't actually
seen a doctor yet,
169
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,914
but I found this weird mole
on her in the shower.
170
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:17,139
Get out, Richard.
171
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:21,077
We haven't decided
on a fair price.
172
00:06:21,081 --> 00:06:22,851
Five million dollars.
173
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:25,590
The shower was
a total accident,
174
00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:27,186
and seeing Old Christine naked
means nothing.
175
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,787
I didn't even get excited
176
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:31,589
until I found out
she might be dying.
177
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:33,632
I want you out
of here, Richard.
178
00:06:33,627 --> 00:06:34,797
No.
179
00:06:34,795 --> 00:06:35,055
I'm not going anywhere.
180
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,532
No.
181
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:38,100
This house is at least
half mine.
182
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:38,898
You're being unreasonable.
183
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,069
This house is at least
half mine.
184
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,597
I'm being
unreasonable?
185
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,613
You just used your ex-wife's
illness to try to get your way.
186
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:48,576
You made me think
she was dying... of cancer.
187
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,976
Dying, Richard.
188
00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,879
I'm going to have to ask you
to stop talking about this now.
189
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:01,487
Ugh! Look at
this place.
190
00:07:01,489 --> 00:07:03,489
It's like an
airport bar.
191
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,831
Why is it so crowded?
192
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,385
Well, because the hospital
can't turn anyone away,
193
00:07:05,392 --> 00:07:06,662
Why is it so crowded?
194
00:07:06,660 --> 00:07:07,930
even if they don't
have insurance.
195
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,728
None of these people
have insurance?
196
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,799
even if they don't
have insurance.
197
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:12,798
When did this become a thing?
198
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,640
I'm going to write a letter.
199
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:16,195
Uh-huh. To who?
200
00:07:16,203 --> 00:07:17,843
The newspaper.
201
00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:18,938
Oh. What's the name
of the newspaper?
202
00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:23,041
America's Top Newspaper.
203
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,683
God, I can't wait
here all day.
204
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,049
I've got to see a doctor.
205
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:27,677
Good luck. I've been here
three hours.
206
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:28,821
I've got to see a doctor.
207
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,616
Oh, look at your baby.
208
00:07:30,618 --> 00:07:33,018
He's so cute.
209
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,520
How old is he?
210
00:07:34,522 --> 00:07:36,762
Two hours.
211
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,762
Oh.
212
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:41,031
Oh, I'm going to die here.
213
00:07:41,028 --> 00:07:43,798
Oh.
214
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:44,967
You are not dying.
215
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:45,525
You know, I wish
216
00:07:45,533 --> 00:07:46,533
You are not dying.
217
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:47,974
people wouldn't
keep saying that, all right?
218
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:48,968
It cheapens
what I'm going through.
219
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:49,739
people wouldn't
keep saying that, all right?
220
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:50,637
And I know you're scared,
Matthew,
221
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:54,068
but even in death,
I will be with you.
222
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:57,113
Oh, God.
223
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,549
That's where my water broke.
224
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:03,078
Oh!
225
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,723
Why is it every time
I hang out with you,
226
00:08:04,718 --> 00:08:06,788
I sit in something wet?
227
00:08:06,787 --> 00:08:08,757
Ooh, a doctor.
228
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,086
I'm not waiting.
229
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,590
Um, excuse me,
what do you think of this?
230
00:08:12,593 --> 00:08:15,203
I've seen worse.
231
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,855
Thank you, Doctor.
232
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:19,074
Oh, I'm not a doctor.
233
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,896
I'm a painter.
234
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:22,601
Oh.
235
00:08:22,603 --> 00:08:25,973
Well, still, thank you.
236
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,077
God, can you believe that guy?
237
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:33,107
Yeah. That guy.
238
00:08:33,113 --> 00:08:35,583
I cannot stand here
in this line all day.
239
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:37,853
You know, I don't know
how much time I've got.
240
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:39,121
Um, you know, um...
241
00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:39,649
Hello. Excuse me.
242
00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:40,923
Um, you know, um...
243
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:42,091
Are you a real nurse?
244
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:43,589
Uh, yes.
245
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,631
Okay, I need you to feel
something right there.
246
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:46,626
Does that seem
all right to you?
247
00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:47,427
Okay, I need you to feel
something right there.
248
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:49,027
Nothing about this
seems all right.
249
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,229
Listen, listen, I have
ary looking freckle right here,
250
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:56,604
and I need a doctor
to look at it.
251
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:58,114
Stat.
252
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,735
Fine. Let me see
your insurance card.
253
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:00,640
Oh, no, I don't
have insurance.
254
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,411
Fine. Let me see
your insurance card.
255
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,138
But I do happen
to know the law
256
00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:05,113
and I know you're
obligated to treat me.
257
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:06,652
You're right,
that's the law.
258
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,617
We are obligated to provide
a minimum of care.
259
00:09:08,616 --> 00:09:10,646
Ha. Yes, you are.
260
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,291
Minimum of care, yeah.
261
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,045
(siren wailing)
262
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:21,061
Yeah, not cool, guys!
263
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,641
They dumped me.
264
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:36,843
Can you believe it?
265
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:38,684
I can't believe
266
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:41,679
how many of our conversations
start out like this.
267
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:45,652
Apparently, the hospital's
definition of "minimum of care"
268
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,853
is driving me downtown
and leaving me there.
269
00:09:46,854 --> 00:09:49,094
Apparently, the hospital's
definition of "minimum of care"
270
00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:52,859
I was the victim
of a death panel, Barb.
271
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:53,730
You've got to stop watching
Stephen Colbert
272
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,327
I was the victim
of a death panel, Barb.
273
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,298
when you're half in the bag.
274
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:03,201
A bum saw my butt, and danced
a jig while I cried.
275
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:05,173
I can't believe how many
of our conversations
276
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,142
end up like this.
277
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,069
I can't believe how many
of our conversations
278
00:10:07,074 --> 00:10:09,014
Well, I'll tell you
what I'm going to do
279
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:11,310
about this health care crisis.
280
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:12,411
I'm going to make
a documentary.
281
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:13,412
I'm going to expose them all.
282
00:10:13,413 --> 00:10:14,953
Who's "them all"?
283
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,718
See the movie, okay?
284
00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:18,918
But everybody is going down.
285
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,189
I'm naming names.
286
00:10:20,187 --> 00:10:21,857
Name one name.
287
00:10:22,389 --> 00:10:24,219
Tom.
288
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,385
Hey, there you are.
289
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:30,234
What happened to you?
I've been so worried.
290
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:33,370
Oh, so worried that you stopped
for a box of fried chicken?
291
00:10:33,366 --> 00:10:36,236
Hungry and worried.
292
00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:39,305
Did you get biscuits?
293
00:10:39,306 --> 00:10:40,406
What am I, stupid?
294
00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:42,407
Uh, excuse me.
295
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:44,209
I was in the hospital.
296
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:47,821
I laid on a stretcher
in a hallway for two hours
297
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:52,145
and then I fell asleep
and I woke up in the morgue.
298
00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:53,192
Did you?
299
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:55,856
No.
300
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:58,186
But I saw that painter again.
301
00:10:58,191 --> 00:11:01,231
And he pretended
he didn't know me.
302
00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:03,798
And I never got a doctor
to see me.
303
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:07,267
And... I'm having
a hard time.
304
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,436
All right, all right,
settle down.
305
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:12,867
I called a friend of mine
from medical school-- Glenn.
306
00:11:12,873 --> 00:11:16,283
Matthew, I do not have time
to date your friends.
307
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,746
I am dying.
308
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:21,476
I mean, all right,
I'll meet him for coffee.
309
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:24,381
No, he's doing a
dermatology rotation.
310
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,754
He said he'd see you.
311
00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,124
Oh, is he good?
312
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,121
She means handsome.
313
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,193
He's a guy.
I can't tell if he's handsome.
314
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,263
Okay, he's gorgeous.
Emerald eyes.
315
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,300
But he's also
a good doctor
316
00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,168
and he said he'd take
a look at you for free.
317
00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:42,167
Oh, thank you,
Matthew.
318
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:44,199
You're saving my life.
319
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,244
MATTHEW (muffled):
Oh... oh...
320
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,981
And there's the biscuits.
321
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,786
You're still here?
322
00:12:00,788 --> 00:12:02,188
Yep.
323
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,789
And this is
where I'm staying.
324
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,431
Because this is my house.
325
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,795
I made the down payment,
I laid the hardwood floors,
326
00:12:07,795 --> 00:12:11,525
I built the garage apartment
that's not up to code.
327
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,231
This isn't funny anymore.
I want you to leave.
328
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,074
If you want me out of here,
329
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,199
you're going to have
to physically remove me.
330
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,474
Fine. You know I'm strong.
331
00:12:19,472 --> 00:12:21,842
My mother was in
the German Olympics.
332
00:12:23,543 --> 00:12:26,213
Oh, stop it!
333
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,323
Stiffen up, stiffen up.
334
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,920
New Christine?
335
00:12:35,923 --> 00:12:37,523
New Christine?
336
00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:41,857
I know you're faking.
337
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:55,841
Are you faking?
338
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:00,284
I know you're faking.
339
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:10,561
Fine, I'm faking.
340
00:13:10,557 --> 00:13:13,987
And guess what,
it's not the first time.
341
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,504
Please go away.
342
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:20,368
Never. I'm here to stay,
343
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,367
and there's nothing
you can do about it.
344
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:25,539
Okay, well, I didn't want
to do this.
345
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:27,338
I was hoping
it could be amicable.
346
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:29,510
But if we're all going to be
living here together,
347
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,239
I better introduce you
to our roommate.
348
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:36,423
Please be a hot girl.
349
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,052
What's that?
350
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:42,364
Is that a cat?
351
00:13:42,355 --> 00:13:44,185
(gagging)
Is that a real cat?
352
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,891
Get it out of here!
353
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:47,463
You know I'm allergic.
354
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:52,400
(speaking German)
355
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:57,471
Oh, my God, it's a German cat?!
356
00:14:00,974 --> 00:14:02,484
(yelps)
357
00:14:02,475 --> 00:14:04,435
What did you want, Mom?
358
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,054
Okay, Ritchie--
359
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:10,176
my firstborn, my little man,
360
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,653
the love of my life.
361
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:12,951
Oh, no.
362
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,123
No, no.
363
00:14:14,121 --> 00:14:15,621
No, no. Everything
is okay.
364
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,562
I just want to talk
to you, sweetheart.
365
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,657
You know, um...
366
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:24,359
well, you're getting older,
and I may not always be here.
367
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:28,574
So I wanted to pass on to
you some of the things
368
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:32,138
that I've learned.
369
00:14:32,139 --> 00:14:36,509
It doesn't matter who you
vote for on American Idol.
370
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:38,179
It's rigged.
371
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:45,487
Make sure you always
have health insurance, okay?
372
00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:48,355
And if you're lucky enough
to find somebody that you love,
373
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:51,355
you make sure that she
has health insurance, too.
374
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:53,628
Or he-- you know,
that's fine.
375
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:56,196
Make sure that he
has health insurance.
376
00:14:56,196 --> 00:14:58,326
Although, you know,
if he is a he,
377
00:14:58,331 --> 00:15:00,431
he probably already does
have health insurance,
378
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:03,443
because you know, you people
are all so organized.
379
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,236
Um, can I go?
380
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,408
Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
381
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:11,339
(sobbing)
382
00:15:14,681 --> 00:15:16,551
Matthew, is that you?
383
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:18,349
No.
384
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:20,551
Oh, God, I was just...
385
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,423
I was just going through my
bucket list,
386
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,592
and I passed my wisdom
on to Ritchie
387
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,991
and now all I have to do
is lose five pounds
388
00:15:26,994 --> 00:15:29,664
and sleep with an Asian man.
389
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,332
Will you just relax? My friend
Glenn's going to be over here
390
00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:33,372
in a minute to examine you.
391
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,166
Oh, he's not Asian, is he?
392
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,338
I could kill two birds
with one stone.
393
00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,067
No, he is not Asian.
394
00:15:39,072 --> 00:15:40,372
He is a gorgeous
Caucasian man
395
00:15:40,373 --> 00:15:42,443
with the most beautiful skin.
396
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:45,682
What is going on with me?
397
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,008
(doorbell ringing)
398
00:15:47,014 --> 00:15:48,424
Hmm, okay, Glenn's here.
399
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,445
Please, do not embarrass me.
400
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:55,016
Hey.
401
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,292
Hey, Glenn,
this this my sister.
402
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:57,759
And Christine,
this is Glenn.
403
00:15:57,757 --> 00:15:59,027
Hi.
404
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,026
Oh, hi.
405
00:16:01,028 --> 00:16:03,398
When Matthew said you were
Caucasian, he wasn't kidding.
406
00:16:09,169 --> 00:16:11,069
Had enough, Richard?
407
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:12,471
Nope.
408
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,682
I'm perfectly comfortable.
409
00:16:15,675 --> 00:16:17,575
Look, if you get out
of here right now
410
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,677
I won't rub this cat
on your face.
411
00:16:19,679 --> 00:16:21,379
That could kill me.
412
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,181
That doesn't bother me.
413
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,055
Drop the cat or I rip
the doll's head off!
414
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,515
Dolly!
415
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:32,292
That's right, bye-bye, Dolly.
416
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:36,362
Oh, come on, Richard, you don't
have the stomach for that.
417
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,663
(screams)
Yeah? Watch this.
418
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:38,704
It moved!
419
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,268
I swear that doll moved!
420
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:43,301
Forget it.
421
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,243
Take the house.
422
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:46,668
I'll live in my truck.
423
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,543
The air conditioning
isn't working
424
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,611
and the satellite radio is
stuck
on a Christian rock station,
425
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:52,480
but I'll be fine.
426
00:16:52,479 --> 00:16:55,419
I don't want to
do this either.
427
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,675
Before I hated you,
I loved you.
428
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,254
I love you, too.
429
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:01,392
"Loved," Richard.
430
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:06,088
Oh, I didn't hear the "duh."
431
00:17:06,093 --> 00:17:08,363
There has to be something
we can figure out.
432
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,801
This is a big place.
433
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:11,796
There's room enough
for both of us.
434
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,428
Do you think you could handle
living here
435
00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,173
without a romantic
relationship?
436
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:16,298
Without cats?
437
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:18,343
Forget the cat, Richard.
438
00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:19,438
It's not even mine.
439
00:17:19,439 --> 00:17:20,669
It's the neighbor's.
440
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,613
You steal cats?
441
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:29,651
A lot has changed
since you left, Richard.
442
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,379
Do you think you can handle
living here
443
00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,354
without a romantic
relationship?
444
00:17:33,353 --> 00:17:36,593
I don't see why not.
445
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,719
We can be friends and live
in the same house.
446
00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,634
I mean, I did it
with Old Christine.
447
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:40,826
So we're talking about
Old Christine again.
448
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:43,297
No, never. I hate her.
449
00:17:43,296 --> 00:17:44,496
Well, don't say that.
450
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,467
She's dying, remember?
451
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:51,536
Yeah, I remember.
452
00:17:56,776 --> 00:17:59,446
So Matthew tells me
you're a gym owner.
453
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:02,146
Yeah, gym owner--
454
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:04,649
documentary filmmaker.
455
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,821
I'm about to blow the lid
off the health care industry.
456
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:09,760
Oh, but don't worry,
you're safe.
457
00:18:09,756 --> 00:18:12,326
I'm only going after
the ugly doctors.
458
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,330
Well, to tell
you the truth,
459
00:18:15,328 --> 00:18:16,858
only the ugly doctors
are any good.
460
00:18:16,863 --> 00:18:19,173
(chuckles)
461
00:18:19,166 --> 00:18:21,466
Okay.
462
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:24,398
So it doesn't really look like
anything I've seen before,
463
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,474
but I also don't think you have
anything to be concerned about.
464
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:29,243
Oh, gosh, that's a relief.
465
00:18:29,242 --> 00:18:30,782
Okay, I'm just going
to scrape a few cells
466
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,407
and send them to the lab
to be sure.
467
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,412
Oh, God, cells...
468
00:18:34,414 --> 00:18:37,454
labs... scrape...
469
00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,188
It's just a precaution.
470
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:41,787
Trust me, everything
else looks great.
471
00:18:41,788 --> 00:18:45,788
In fact, everything else
looks, uh, really great.
472
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,832
Are you speaking as a...
as a doctor,
473
00:18:48,828 --> 00:18:53,428
or as a handsome man with
wonderfully warm hands?
474
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:56,303
Well, I'm not a doctor yet,
and those are your hands.
475
00:18:56,303 --> 00:18:58,943
Oh.
476
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,408
Actually, you know, I was
a little freaked out
477
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:03,478
by this whole thing.
478
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:06,576
But I feel like, you know,
you've given me my life back.
479
00:19:06,579 --> 00:19:09,719
And I'm ready to start living.
480
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,445
Oh, I'm sorry.
481
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,364
Okay, that was totally
out of line.
482
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,256
Don't be silly.
483
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,388
This is the reason
I'm becoming a doctor.
484
00:19:26,733 --> 00:19:29,503
Good morning,
485
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,672
pretty partner.
486
00:19:31,671 --> 00:19:33,641
What's up with you?
487
00:19:33,640 --> 00:19:35,340
Are you drunk?
488
00:19:35,342 --> 00:19:37,442
No.
489
00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:40,314
Not anymore.
490
00:19:40,313 --> 00:19:42,483
You seem happy.
491
00:19:42,482 --> 00:19:43,882
Are you pregnant?
492
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,623
No.
493
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:47,688
Uh, maybe.
494
00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:51,921
But I don't have cancer.
495
00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:54,764
My mole turned out to be
a piece of brownie.
496
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,271
It popped right off
497
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,667
when I was making out with
my new doctor boyfriend.
498
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:03,899
A brownie?
499
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:06,343
And a doctor boyfriend.
500
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,275
But you know what, though,
Barb, seriously,
501
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,877
I'm glad that I went
through this, because
502
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:14,979
I don't know, I feel like I
know what's important now.
503
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:17,721
I mean, life can't all
be work, work, work.
504
00:20:17,717 --> 00:20:20,787
I'd settle for
just one "work."
505
00:20:20,787 --> 00:20:23,687
So you're giving up
ur health care cause?ttOh, yeah.
506
00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:26,390
Let me tell you something
so-calledrrhealth care crisis--
507
00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:29,433
if every American were
willing to go to third base
508
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:32,969
with every premed student,
there'd be no crisis.
509
00:20:34,501 --> 00:20:37,401
Now I actually want to
see your documentary.
510
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:38,674
(whirring)
511
00:20:38,671 --> 00:20:43,541
(moaning):
Oh, oh, I'm blind.
512
00:20:43,543 --> 00:20:46,413
And I'm pregnant.
513
00:20:46,413 --> 00:20:48,883
(squealing):
With a doctor boyfriend!
33442
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