Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:04,507
It's about time.
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,465
Oh, sorry
it took so long.
3
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,784
I just wanted to look great
for my big day.
4
00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:10,536
How is my wedding rehearsal
dinner your big day?
5
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,354
Well, I'm the maid of honor.
6
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,516
You know, the rehearsal dinner
is really kind of all about me.
7
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:17,445
I get a new dress;
I get my maid of honor gift;
8
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:19,791
and I get to give my toast.
9
00:00:19,787 --> 00:00:21,257
(laughing)
10
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:23,115
It's funny.
11
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,694
Well, I can't
wait to hear it.
12
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,532
Yeah, I mean, I don't want
to build it up too much, okay?
13
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,098
But, um... (laughs)
14
00:00:29,097 --> 00:00:31,467
there's this one part...
(laughing)
15
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:34,135
Oh, my God, this
is gonna be great.
16
00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:35,195
That's so funny.
17
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,143
And it gets even better.
18
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:39,708
(both laughing)
19
00:00:39,707 --> 00:00:41,807
Have you heard it?
20
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,309
Is it funny?
21
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:46,281
Is it mean?
22
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,850
I don't know.
23
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,278
She can't get through it
without cracking herself up,
24
00:00:49,283 --> 00:00:51,393
but based on past performances,
25
00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:55,215
she will think it's funny;
we will think it's mean.
26
00:00:55,223 --> 00:00:57,533
(Christine continues laughing)
Hey, here's my best men.
27
00:00:57,525 --> 00:00:59,455
How's your toast coming?
Is it funny?
28
00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:02,130
It's funny that people still get
married when love never lasts
29
00:01:02,130 --> 00:01:05,170
and everyone's left
to die alone.
30
00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,836
Maybe you could throw in
a "Top Ten" list or something.
31
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:10,195
I'm sorry, man.
It just seems so pointless.
32
00:01:10,204 --> 00:01:12,214
Everyone in this room
has loved and lost.
33
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:14,406
I mean, I loved Lucy.
That died.
34
00:01:14,408 --> 00:01:16,438
You loved my sister.
That died.
35
00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:21,184
Barb loved Pete.
That was a murder-suicide.
36
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:23,322
Then why should we think your
relationship with New Christine
37
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,617
would be any different?
38
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:26,618
A good structure
for a joke might be:
39
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:29,790
"You know you're marrying
a blonde when..."
40
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,360
CHRISTINE:
Oh, come on, Matthew.
41
00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:32,629
Don't be such a bummer.
42
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,396
You're gonna ruin
my big day.
43
00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:36,155
This isn't your big day
44
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:38,334
any more than any of our
birthdays are your big day.
45
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:41,672
Oh, really? My brother's
birthday isn't my big day?
46
00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:43,239
(scoffs):
Come on!
47
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,867
RICHARD:
Leave her alone,
Matthew.
48
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:46,642
This is gonna be
a tough weekend for her.
49
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,410
What? How do you figure?
50
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,709
Your ex-husband's getting
married; you're alone.
51
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:51,881
(groans sadly)
52
00:01:51,879 --> 00:01:53,509
Oh, stop it!
53
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,354
I hate it when people
feel sorry for me.
54
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:57,349
All right, first of all,
get over yourself.
55
00:01:57,351 --> 00:01:58,821
All right?
I'm not sad.
56
00:01:58,819 --> 00:02:00,719
And second of all,
I'm not alone.
57
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,361
I happen to have a hot date.
58
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,256
You have a hot date?
Uh-huh.
59
00:02:04,258 --> 00:02:07,228
Is he hot in the same way
your toast is funny?
60
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,798
Yes. And my toast is funny.
61
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:11,267
(laughs)
62
00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,295
(chuckling)
63
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,601
And Todd Watski's my date.
64
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:16,372
You know, that parent
from school?
65
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,210
I thought you said
he was a jackass.
66
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,206
He is.
67
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,367
Or he's sexy.
68
00:02:20,374 --> 00:02:22,384
I can't decide
which one it is.
69
00:02:22,376 --> 00:02:23,906
It's a fine line.
70
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,211
Is it?
71
00:02:25,213 --> 00:02:26,413
Well, it took me 13 years
72
00:02:26,414 --> 00:02:27,554
to figure it out
with Richard.
73
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:28,878
And what did you decide?
74
00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:31,890
Oh, sexy.
75
00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:40,887
What do you think?
Pretty nice, huh?
76
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:42,534
I'll say.
77
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,330
Better than our
rehearsal dinner,
78
00:02:44,332 --> 00:02:46,402
which was basically our family
screaming "Don't do it!"
79
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,540
while we ate
a bucket of chicken.
80
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:51,667
Well, money's no object
for me now.
81
00:02:51,672 --> 00:02:54,542
Literally. I have none.
82
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,582
Christine's family
paid for everything.
83
00:02:56,577 --> 00:02:59,577
They offered to give me
the cost of the wedding in cash,
84
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:02,580
plus one round-trip ticket to
France if I didn't get married.
85
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:04,953
But I chose Richard.
Mm, thank you.
86
00:03:04,952 --> 00:03:07,562
Well, that one's gonna
bite you in the ass.
87
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:10,785
Hey, best man,
you just lost your speech.
88
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:13,555
Hey, Richard,
if you want,
89
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:15,561
I can go long
on my speech.
90
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,573
(laughs):
It's that good.
91
00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:18,725
(both laughing)
92
00:03:19,667 --> 00:03:22,567
I love it!
93
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:24,370
Hey, Richard,
94
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,012
what's the deal
with your groomsmen?
95
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,636
I'm looking to hook up here,
96
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,641
but your friends
are a bunch of ugs.
97
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:34,583
That troll over there should be
living under a bridge.
98
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:36,582
Well, you've still
got Chuckles.
99
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,594
Uh, no, thanks.
I've been on that ride.
100
00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,886
And it was good!
101
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,658
You know, I-I don't care.
I'm done with love.
102
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,587
In fact, I'm done
with this wedding.
103
00:03:45,593 --> 00:03:47,463
I'm gonna go wait
in Christine's car
104
00:03:47,461 --> 00:03:48,731
and listen
to "Alone Again Naturally"
105
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,299
until my ears bleed.
106
00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:51,428
Disc four, track two.
107
00:03:51,432 --> 00:03:52,432
Mm.
108
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,673
Wait. You can't go.
109
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,337
You have to meet
my half-sister Amy.
110
00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:56,866
She's fantastic.
111
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,610
She lives in London,
and she's cool and smart,
112
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:00,636
and I think you two
would totally hit it off.
113
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,611
Dude, she is smoking hot.
114
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,450
If I wasn't with
New Christine...
115
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,975
I'd be sad.
116
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,680
I'm gonna go find Amy.
117
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,622
You can give up on love
after you meet her.
118
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:12,619
All right, I'll
be at the bar.
119
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:13,850
I'll go with you.
120
00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:15,724
That guy over there's
not half bad.
121
00:04:15,723 --> 00:04:19,533
I'm gonna drink until
he's only a quarter bad.
122
00:04:19,527 --> 00:04:21,927
Richard, you can
go socialize.
123
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,629
My boyfriend'll
be here any minute.
124
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:26,471
Oh, I didn't realize
you two were so serious.
125
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:28,067
I thought he was just
your imaginary date.
126
00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:29,898
I didn't realize he was
your imaginary boyfriend.
127
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:31,743
He's just running
a little late.
128
00:04:31,739 --> 00:04:34,339
Yeah, I heard on the news
there was a lot of traffic
129
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:36,512
coming in from
the land of imagination.
130
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:39,850
Is he taking the 4-0-Pretend
or the 1-0-Doesn't-Exist?
131
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:41,007
He's not imaginary.
132
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,724
Why would I make him up?
133
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,646
I don't know. Pride?
134
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:48,492
Oh, please. You of all people
should know I have no pride.
135
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:51,059
I'm just saying, if this is
hard for you, I understand.
136
00:04:51,058 --> 00:04:52,858
You know what, why don't you
just blow it out your...
137
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:53,890
Oh. There he is.
138
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,834
Okay.
139
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,929
If you'll excuse me,
I'm going to go greet him
140
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,101
and live happily ever after.
141
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:00,869
Hi, Todd.
142
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:02,638
Christine!
(laughing)
143
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,366
Honey, I am sorry I'm late.
144
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,972
Oh, no problem.
145
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,783
(sighs):
Boy... you're the best-looking
lady in the room.
146
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,376
(chuckles):
Oh... thank you.
147
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,678
And you are a sexy...
148
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,849
Top two.
149
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,917
...jackass.
150
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:25,093
So, what's your deal?
151
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:30,530
Not there yet.
152
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,531
NEW CHRISTINE:
Can I have
153
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,133
everyone's attention, please?
154
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:37,004
It's now time for one
of the evening's many surprises.
155
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,014
(laughing):
Thank you, Christine.
156
00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:41,836
(continues laughing):
Um... so... so funny.
157
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,012
(laughing):
No, not yet.
158
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,080
(laughing):
Oh...
159
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,717
That was just a little taste
of what we have in store.
160
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,119
But right now,
161
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,760
it's time for a brief slideshow
I put together,
162
00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:58,426
documenting mine and Richard's
lives in photographs.
163
00:05:58,426 --> 00:06:00,426
It's 45 minutes long,
so if you'd like
164
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:02,528
to get a refreshment,
please do so now.
165
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,030
In two minutes,
we will be showing,
166
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:07,541
Richard and Christine:
Two Lives, One Love:
167
00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:08,565
A Photo Journey
of a Special Couple
168
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,999
on Their Special Day.
169
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:12,513
In Love.
170
00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:13,806
(applause)
171
00:06:13,807 --> 00:06:15,177
Excuse me, can you
make me something
172
00:06:15,175 --> 00:06:17,545
that'll numb my brain
for 45 minutes?
173
00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,075
Do I look like the bartender?
174
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:22,179
Only in that
you're tending the bar.
175
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,882
The bartender went on a break.
176
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,894
Right before
the 45-minute slideshow?
177
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,556
That guy's got to be fired.
178
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,085
Yeah, no kidding.
179
00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:32,059
Fortunately, I have the antidote
to Two Lives, One Love.
180
00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,459
Two drinks, one glass.
Well, can you
181
00:06:34,462 --> 00:06:35,532
make me one of those?
182
00:06:35,529 --> 00:06:38,469
Do I look like a bartender?
183
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:41,766
Wow, you're feisty.
184
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:43,939
Okay. Let me
save you some trouble.
185
00:06:43,937 --> 00:06:45,167
I-I'm not looking
for small talk.
186
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:46,972
I'm not looking
for clever banter,
187
00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:48,944
and I'm for sure not looking
to have a wedding hook-up
188
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,912
with a random stranger
over watered-down drinks.
189
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:54,012
I'm here because I have to be,
so if you're looking to get laid
190
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,784
I suggest you look elsewhere.
191
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:58,223
There's a, uh, giggling
brunette woman in a tight dress
192
00:06:58,218 --> 00:07:00,118
who seems pretty desperate;
maybe try her.
193
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,190
(Christine laughing)
194
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:07,128
Uh... n-no, no,
195
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:08,757
I-I'm not looking to hook up.
196
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,962
I want to get
the hell out of here, too.
197
00:07:10,964 --> 00:07:12,834
I'm only here
because I'm the best man.
198
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,773
Oh, wait. You're Matthew?
199
00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,508
I'm Amy,
Christine's half-sister.
200
00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:18,705
Wait, you're kidding me.
201
00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:20,506
I know, we're different.
202
00:07:20,508 --> 00:07:23,508
My mom smoked cigarettes
when she was pregnant with me.
203
00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,581
Your-your sister was trying
to set me up with you.
204
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,779
Oh, I hate it
when she does that.
205
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:30,021
Don't worry.
I am completely done with love.
206
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,817
Well, me, too--
I am dead from the heart down.
207
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,090
So, can I get
one of those drinks?
208
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:36,657
Do I look like a bartender?
209
00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:39,631
Thanks.
210
00:07:39,627 --> 00:07:40,987
Wait, wait, wait,
come back.
211
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:42,964
Let me grab
a couple more.
212
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,903
Not that one,
not that one...
213
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:46,868
(laughs):
Too much blanket,
not enough pig.
214
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,637
(forced laugh)
Okay, here we go.
215
00:07:50,738 --> 00:07:52,908
Did you manage to touch
all of them?
216
00:07:52,906 --> 00:07:54,836
I stayed away from
the cheesy ones.
217
00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,912
I want to keep the breath
relatively fresh
218
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,980
just in case they play
a make-out song.
219
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,118
Oh, hey, Richard.
Hi.
220
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:05,816
Hi. I'm Richard.
I don't think
we've officially met.
221
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:06,819
Todd.
222
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,920
Fist bump. Nice.
223
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,922
So, uh, tell me, Todd,
224
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,094
what brought you
and Christine together?
225
00:08:13,093 --> 00:08:15,203
She called me last night
and said she really
needed to bring a date.
226
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,925
Oh, no, that's
not the whole story.
227
00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,800
No, no.
Tell him the whole story.
228
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,669
How you didn't have
Mr. Harris's number?
229
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,038
(laughs):
Oh, no! No.
230
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:23,695
How I've been
thinking about you
231
00:08:23,704 --> 00:08:25,844
ever since we ran into
each other at the school
232
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,639
a couple of months
ago, and, uh,
233
00:08:27,641 --> 00:08:30,081
how I'd wanted to ask you out
earlier, but I was just,
234
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,107
you know, too shy.
(chuckles)
235
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:33,282
Really?
236
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,120
Yeah. Sure, sweetie.
237
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:39,015
Wow. Looks like I just got
upgraded to a sure thing.
238
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,815
Hey, Rich, is that
239
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,594
an open bar, or do
we have to pay?
240
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:46,593
Wide open.
241
00:08:46,594 --> 00:08:47,604
Up high.
242
00:08:47,595 --> 00:08:49,125
Down low, too slow.
243
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:53,034
Hurry back, sweetie.
244
00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:55,241
What?
245
00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:56,765
What are you smiling about?
246
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,170
I think I solved the riddle
247
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:01,611
about whether he's sexy
or a jackass. Hee-haw.
248
00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,982
So, what were you and New
Christine like growing up?
249
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:11,020
Well, she was a cheerleader,
and I had leukemia.
250
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:12,088
Wha-What?
251
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,885
(laughs):
I'm kidding.
252
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,957
I'm sorry. I have
a very dark sense of humor.
253
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,787
Wow. You're not giving
a toast, are you?
254
00:09:19,793 --> 00:09:21,803
No, my family doesn't think
I'm hilarious.
255
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:23,995
I'm funny as hell
in London, though.
256
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:25,167
Hey, Matt.
257
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,995
You gonna hit that?
258
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,500
Let me know.
259
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,010
What was that?
260
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,638
It was
261
00:09:36,644 --> 00:09:38,214
some jackass that
my sister's dating.
262
00:09:38,211 --> 00:09:40,911
I'm sorry about that.
That was completely out of l...
263
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:43,024
What a question!
Am I gonna hit that?
264
00:09:43,016 --> 00:09:44,916
Yeah! I mean, who says that?
265
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:47,048
A-And why would he make
that assumption?
266
00:09:47,054 --> 00:09:50,024
I mean, you never even said
you wanted to hit this.
267
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,693
No, no, of course,
I'd love to hit that.
268
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:55,003
Well, and I'd love
to have it hit.
269
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,025
If we're not both talking
about the same thing
270
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,670
I'm gonna be really embarrassed
271
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,766
when I ask you to join me
in the coatroom.
272
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,068
Love to.
273
00:10:05,072 --> 00:10:06,742
Okay, everyone,
please find a seat.
274
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,280
I'm pleased
to present...
275
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:12,045
Richard and Christine:
Two Lives, One Love:
276
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,905
A Photo Journey
of a special couple
277
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,054
On Their Special Day.
278
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,248
In Love.
279
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,662
So how you doing?
280
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,115
Still not there.
281
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:27,228
The year was 1963.
282
00:10:27,227 --> 00:10:30,257
A nation mourns as
President Kennedy
is assassinated.
283
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,133
Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
delivers
284
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,132
his "I Have a Dream" speech,
285
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:36,374
and Richard Eustace Campbell III
is born.
286
00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:42,880
Why don't you just admit
the guy's an ass.
287
00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:44,436
You know what?
You have some nerve.
288
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:45,984
I don't criticize
your date.
289
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:47,079
My date?
Yes.
290
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:48,380
You mean my fiancée?
291
00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:49,081
You criticize her
all the time.
292
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:49,982
No, I don't.
293
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,383
Okay, and even if I did,
294
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,994
she'd be too young
and stupid to realize it.
295
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,018
You know what? I am done
with this conversation.
296
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:58,464
If you can't
handle the fact
297
00:10:58,458 --> 00:10:59,788
that I have this
great boyfriend,
298
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,063
that is your problem.
299
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,231
It's okay to admit
this is hard for you.
300
00:11:02,229 --> 00:11:03,799
You're being ridiculous.
301
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,927
Okay, I'll tell you
what's ridiculous.
302
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,173
I think I'm falling
in love with him.
303
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,468
And here we are in 1978.
304
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,440
The Bee Gees top the charts
305
00:11:12,439 --> 00:11:15,439
and young Richard Campbell
tries his first beer.
306
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:19,412
While down in San Diego, the
stork delivers a new Christine.
307
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:23,282
And the two of them,
were soul mates.
308
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:25,493
CROWD:
Ah!
309
00:11:25,485 --> 00:11:28,755
Big deal. I also
have a soul mate.
310
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,957
Todd Watski is
my soul mate.
311
00:11:34,361 --> 00:11:35,931
And five years later,
312
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,769
Richard has a booming
construction business.
313
00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:41,095
And New Christine was hopping
to her first Easter egg hunt.
314
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:46,142
I love you, Richard.
315
00:11:46,139 --> 00:11:49,139
I love you too, sweetie.
316
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:51,282
I love you, Todd.
317
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,778
All right.
318
00:12:00,821 --> 00:12:03,861
And just to clarify something
about the slideshow:
319
00:12:03,857 --> 00:12:08,297
When I was in college and she
was three, I didn't know her.
320
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,925
We didn't start dating
until she caught up to me.
321
00:12:10,931 --> 00:12:12,131
(applause)
322
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,138
All right, I'm giving up.
323
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:20,167
There's not enough liquor
in the world to drink
these guys handsome.
324
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,213
I'm one shot away from
my liver shutting down
325
00:12:22,209 --> 00:12:25,449
and three shots away
from that guy being cute.
326
00:12:25,445 --> 00:12:26,975
How you doing?
327
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,550
Richard thinks
Todd's a jackass.
328
00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:31,819
It's so obvious
what's going on.
329
00:12:31,819 --> 00:12:33,989
That Todd's a jackass?
330
00:12:33,987 --> 00:12:36,957
No. I mean, yeah, he's
a little bit of a jackass,
331
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:39,987
but I mean, it's so obvious
that Richard is jealous.
332
00:12:39,993 --> 00:12:43,003
Richard's jealous, or...
333
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:45,496
Envious?
334
00:12:45,498 --> 00:12:48,068
Look, Christine,
this can't be easy for you,
335
00:12:48,068 --> 00:12:50,568
watching your ex-husband
get remarried.
336
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:54,170
Maybe you're trying
to show up Richard with Todd
because you're angry with him.
337
00:12:54,174 --> 00:12:55,384
What?
338
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:57,435
Why would I be angry
with Richard?
339
00:12:57,444 --> 00:13:00,414
I'd like to just take
this moment to say
how grateful I am
340
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:03,383
to have met this
perfect woman.
341
00:13:03,383 --> 00:13:05,523
Christine, you are
the love of my life.
342
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:07,318
So what?
343
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,120
I love Todd.
344
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,022
Where is that dreamboat?
345
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,925
Are you okay?
346
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:18,430
Yes, I'm okay.
347
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:20,101
Stop asking me if I'm okay.
348
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:23,170
Why wouldn't I be okay?
I'm in love.
349
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,624
Honey, feed me
a bite of food.
350
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,919
Why?
351
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:44,062
It's romantic.
352
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,057
(sizzling)
353
00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,462
(gasps):
Hot, hot, hot!
354
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,140
Hey, you might not want
to get that close to me.
355
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:05,152
That spinach pie is
doing a number on me.
356
00:14:08,081 --> 00:14:10,151
(mellow jazz playing)
357
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,965
We're bringing sexy back.
358
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:32,941
Wow, that was fun.
359
00:14:32,940 --> 00:14:36,110
You know, I wasn't sure
about you, but you're great.
360
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,109
Wait, wait, wait.
Hold on just a minute.
361
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,311
Oh, all of the sudden,
you're shy?
362
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,123
Ten minutes ago you were
fishing around my pockets
on the dance floor.
363
00:14:42,115 --> 00:14:44,115
No, no, I just want
to be respectful.
364
00:14:44,117 --> 00:14:46,517
I mean, Richard and New
Christine are still dancing,
365
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,089
and they can't even see us.
366
00:14:48,088 --> 00:14:50,118
Why would you want
them to see us?
367
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:52,133
I don't know.
368
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:54,025
Makes it kind of hotter.
369
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,027
Oh, he's looking.
370
00:14:56,029 --> 00:14:57,129
Okay, kiss me.
371
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,670
Wait. Are you using me
372
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,525
to try and prove something
to your ex-husband?
373
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:03,203
No, no. I mean, it's important
that Richard sees that I'm happy
374
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,243
and you're the tool to do that.
375
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:06,308
I mean, no, not that
376
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,466
you're a tool.
377
00:15:07,474 --> 00:15:09,244
You're great.
378
00:15:09,242 --> 00:15:12,152
You know, I was really starting
to like you, Christine,
379
00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,975
and with all the
pawing and kissing
380
00:15:13,981 --> 00:15:16,281
and telling me you love me,
I thought you liked me, too.
381
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,653
Oh, come on.
382
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:19,050
If you liked me so much,
383
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:20,322
why were you being
such a jackass?
384
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:24,360
Jackass? That's
my personality.
385
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:25,687
Oh, sorry.
386
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,332
You know,
387
00:15:27,327 --> 00:15:29,197
you got a lot of nerve
calling me a jackass.
388
00:15:29,196 --> 00:15:31,156
I think someone else
is the jackass.
389
00:15:31,164 --> 00:15:34,474
Richard.
390
00:15:34,467 --> 00:15:36,297
I'm out of here.
You hurt my feelings.
391
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:37,603
And I'm not going to
stick around here to
make you look good.
392
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:39,174
Todd, wait, wait.
393
00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:40,542
No, no, I'm so sorry.
394
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,380
I didn't mean to
hurt your feelings.
395
00:15:42,375 --> 00:15:44,735
Really, I'm not
a terrible person.
396
00:15:44,744 --> 00:15:47,184
I'd feel horrible if
you leave here hating me.
397
00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:49,580
Come on. What can I do
to get you to stay?
398
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:55,185
Oh, my God!
399
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,088
I'm a mother!
400
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,590
That's disgusting.
401
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:00,191
And a little flattering.
402
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,203
But you know what,
get out of here, all right?
403
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:05,265
You're a jackass.
404
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:06,495
If everyone could please
take your seats,
405
00:16:06,499 --> 00:16:07,669
it's time for the toasts.
406
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:10,197
Has anyone seen
my best man?
407
00:16:10,203 --> 00:16:11,473
I'm looking
for him, too.
408
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,111
I want to introduce him
to my sister.
409
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:17,378
I think they may
have already met.
410
00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,307
She lost her...
411
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,412
Yeah, he was helping me
find my...
412
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:22,654
And then she grabbed my...
413
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,719
Yeah, we should
just leave it at...
414
00:16:25,718 --> 00:16:27,348
Are you ready
to give your toast?
415
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:28,464
Oh, yeah, sure.
416
00:16:28,455 --> 00:16:30,085
Try not to suck the life
417
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,560
out of the room.
418
00:16:31,558 --> 00:16:33,228
Now I'd like to bring up
Matthew, my best man.
419
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:35,356
He's going to say
a few humorless words
420
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,162
about the futility of love.
421
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:38,234
Matthew.
422
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,801
(scattered applause)
423
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:43,200
Uh, you know, when I got here
424
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:47,813
I was feeling
pretty down on love.
425
00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:52,577
But now, I'm feeling
pretty good.
426
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:55,719
Good luck, Richard
and New Christine.
427
00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:01,824
(chuckles)
428
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:03,661
And now, it's the
part of the night
429
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:06,356
that we've all been
looking forward to.
430
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,429
(laughing)
431
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,357
The maid of honor speech.
432
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:14,272
Christine? Christine?
433
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,097
Christine, everyone
is waiting for you.
434
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:18,543
It's time
for your speech.
435
00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:20,368
My speech.
436
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,383
I can't do it, Barb.
437
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:23,575
What are you talking about?
438
00:17:23,576 --> 00:17:25,206
I have to go.
439
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:27,252
I've got to get out of here,
all right? Todd left me.
440
00:17:27,247 --> 00:17:28,417
Congratulations.
441
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,145
That guy was an ass.
442
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,550
Do you mind if I date him?
443
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,252
Do whatever you want, okay?
444
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:37,624
I just can't go back in there.
It's too embarrassing.
445
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,794
But it's not too embarrassing
to take someone else's coat?
446
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:40,862
I can't find my coat,
all right?
447
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,360
Besides, they expect that.
448
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:43,762
Everyone's supposed
to take a coat
449
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,173
and a centerpiece.
450
00:17:46,166 --> 00:17:47,126
You can't leave.
You're the maid of honor.
451
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:48,744
I don't care.
452
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:53,335
I don't want people looking
at me and feeling sorry for me.
453
00:17:58,878 --> 00:18:00,578
Christine, wait.
454
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,480
Get...
455
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,652
off my coat.
456
00:18:03,650 --> 00:18:04,720
It's not your coat.
457
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:06,217
And you're not leaving.
458
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:07,749
Christine, this night
is not about you.
459
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,864
Well, then who is it about?
(glasses clinking)
460
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:14,560
CROWD:
Ah!
461
00:18:17,164 --> 00:18:19,674
Damn it. When is it
going to be my day?
462
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:21,166
Ooh.
463
00:18:21,168 --> 00:18:23,168
Hey, lip stuff.
464
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:26,710
See, every stolen coat
has a silver lining.
465
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:29,276
Now, you need to get up there
and give your speech.
466
00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:31,636
No, they don't want
to hear my speech.
467
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:35,724
In reviewing it, I realized
it might be a little more
mean than it is funny.
468
00:18:35,715 --> 00:18:38,585
(chuckles)
469
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,345
Well, you're going to have to go
up there and say something else.
470
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,624
Why am I always
the hero?
471
00:18:43,623 --> 00:18:46,563
Ow. Ow. Ow! Ow! Ow!
472
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,559
Stinging.
473
00:18:48,561 --> 00:18:51,201
I don't think that
was lip stuff, Barb.
474
00:18:51,198 --> 00:18:52,898
Get up there, crazy.
475
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,565
Oh, here she is.
476
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,209
Christine, it's time
for your speech.
477
00:18:59,206 --> 00:19:00,706
(chuckles)
478
00:19:03,776 --> 00:19:05,406
Where's your boyfriend?
479
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:09,222
Oh, I, uh, sent him back
to the land of jackass.
480
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:10,316
Oh, no. What happened?
481
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,547
Oh, nothing.
482
00:19:11,551 --> 00:19:13,221
He's good. We're good.
483
00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:14,420
We broke up.
484
00:19:14,421 --> 00:19:15,721
(laughing)
CROWD:
Aw!
485
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:19,232
No, no, no.
He wasn't right for me.
486
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,886
I just asked him here because
487
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:22,703
I didn't want to come alone
to my ex-husband's wedding.
488
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,225
(laughing)
CROWD:
Aw.
489
00:19:25,232 --> 00:19:27,532
Oh, no, no.
490
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:32,274
I'm-I'm happy that
Richard is getting married.
491
00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:34,272
He found the love of his life,
492
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:35,884
and, um, she's young
493
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,475
and beautiful...
(laughing)
494
00:19:37,477 --> 00:19:38,877
and they're happy together.
495
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:43,824
It's okay. I'm fine.
496
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,916
I mean, okay, um...
497
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:49,858
This is a little hard
for me, but, um...
498
00:19:49,856 --> 00:19:53,256
this night isn't about me.
499
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:55,934
Richard,
500
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,834
you're my best friend
501
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,802
and, um, the father of my child,
502
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:07,312
and, um, we've been through
so much together.
503
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,612
And the fact that you have
found somebody to love
504
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,252
isn't sad for me.
505
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:17,247
(laughing)
506
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:21,520
I don't, I don't know if
I'm ever going to find anyone,
507
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:27,591
but, um, I-I'll be happy knowing
that you two found each other,
508
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:32,734
even if I spend the rest
of my life alone.
509
00:20:32,732 --> 00:20:36,342
(laughing):
Oh, my God, you have to stop.
Seriously, it hurts.
510
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:38,706
(mellow jazz playing)
34298
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof