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Previously on
{\fnZepp\fs18\c&H630000&\2c&H00FF00&\3c&H2BF5FF&\4c&H006100&}The Last Man on Earth...
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Phil, I'm having a friggin' baby!
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You have a nice day, you hear?
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Melissa and I just broke up.
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Looks like it's just you and me, bud.
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All right, everyone,
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I ho-ho-hope you're in the holiday spirit.
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As you can see, I've been doing a little bit of decorating.
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Not quite done yet.
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Don't judge it.
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Wait, there's gonna be more?
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Oh, yeah.
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What you're looking at
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is the decoration version of Bruce Banner.
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But someone just made him very angry.
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And over the next few days,
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he's about to become the Christmas hulk!
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What do you think so far?
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I think it's like Santa ate the Rockefeller Christmas tree
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and then took a big dump on the walls.
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Gail?
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Thank you.
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Of course, I didn't do it all by myself.
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Christmas helper!
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Who, me?
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*Oh, Tandybaum, oh, Tandybaum*
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*How faithful are your branches*
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Merry Christmas.
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Okay, who's ready for some secret Santa?
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Yeah! Come on.
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All right, now, in this kris kringle chapeau
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is the name of everyone in the group.
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So, draw a name, and under absolutely no circumstances
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are you to share it with anyone.
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Oh, hey, Phil!
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Just in time. We're doing Secret Santa.
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Want to come pick a name?
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Okay, sure, yeah.
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All right.
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All right, now commit the name to memory.
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Roll up your papers.
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Put 'em in your mouth and swallow it.
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Seriously?
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Did I stutter, Melissa?
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Eat your goldarn papers!
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It's just rice paper, guys.
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It's no big deal.
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Don't be babies about it.
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Full disclosure-- it wasn't rice paper.
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?- Carol! ?- Of course.
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All right, you guys, let's do this!
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- Off and running. - Whoever got me,
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I'd like to request Jimmy Choo
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thigh-high boots, size 6?.
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and I would like that stricken from the record.
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Melissa, it's Secret Santa,
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not live-out-loud santa.
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Hey, billion-dollar spending limit, please!
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And watch out for the strings outside!
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That was, like, the literal version
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of the nightmare before Christmas.
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Well, at least we have a little undecorated oasis in here.
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This room's looking a little naked!
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Carol, enough is enough.
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Even gorillas don't have hair on their nipples.
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Yeah, but I bet they wish they did.
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Hey, everybody.
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Gail, hey.
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I was just gonna go shopping.
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Oh, you're going shopping?
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I was going shopping, too. That's, that's so funny.
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I'm gonna, I'm gonna go someplace different.
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Me, too.
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Hey, you guys, you know,
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I was thinking, in the spirit of Christmas,
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maybe we should let Phil move back into the house.
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I mean, he seems like he's really sorry.
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No, absolutely not.
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Well, Gail, it's kind of Erica's call, isn't it?
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Fine, whatever.
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Hot dog! I'm gonna go tell him the news.
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Yuletide greetings, braheem.
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Ah, Santa's here early this year.
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And he's got two huge lumps in his big old christmas sack.
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Hi, Tandy.
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So, gift number one--
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Santa would like to formally invite you
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to move back into the house.
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Oh. ?Yeah, that's right.
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That's cool.
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And gift number two-- stick out your hand.
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What?
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Come on, I want that hand stuck out
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and I want it stuck out now.
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What?
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Really?
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Hey, you dropped your Christmas present.
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Oh, God...
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Check this out-- okay, hang on.
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Hang on.
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It's Erica's name.
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I was a naughty little boy and I didn't swallow my paper.
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Don't tell Santa, okay?
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But I want you to have it.
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Okay.
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Okay.
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And, uh, whose name did you get?
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Yours. ?
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I'm sure you would've gotten me something very personal.
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Hey, you know what?
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The look on your face when I gave you Erica's name?
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That's all I need.
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All right.
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"Oh, thank you for your help, Tandy."
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"Oh, no, no, no, no worries, Phil.
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No, no, no, you don't even have to thank me."
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"Oh, no, no, Tandy,
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I would never dream of not thanking you."
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You try to help someone. He just doesn't get it.
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Freakin' turd.
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I see you looking at me, Terry.
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Yeah, judging me, right?
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Think I'm a big disappointment, huh?
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Big loser?
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Well, you try it-- living in a pod for three years
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with nothing but a bunch of worms, huh?
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Or-or you try watching all your loved ones die
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from 200 miles up in space.
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How do you think that'd make you feel, huh?
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Huh, Terry?
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Hmm? What?
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Nothing? You got nothing to say, huh?
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Oh, no, of course not.
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Of course not, no, that's right.
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'Cause you're just a worm.
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Just a stupid little useless worm,
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who eats his own turds.
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Yeah.
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What the hell?
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I call it Frosty's Lair.
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It's where frosty comes to think.
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Do you love it?
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It's just...
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Thank you.
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Now.
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I've got a bone to pick with you.
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Do you know why we do Secret Santa?
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For the presents?
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No, Melissa.
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We do it for the surprises.
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In Secret Santa, you can't know what you're going to get.
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Yes, it's scary.
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And yes, it's reckless.
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You are on a high wire act without a net, sister.
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And there's no sexy fireman to catch you when you fall.
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But you know what?
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That's what makes you feel alive.
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So, no jibber-jabber about who wants what
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and who's getting this.
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Not even with Todd.
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Todd and I broke up.
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What?!
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Did lovemaking become a chore?
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No, it just, it wasn't working out.
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We want different things.
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Come here, you little vixen.
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The reindeer, not the whore.
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Carol, really, it's fine.
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Thank you, though.
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Honestly, I'm more worried about Todd.
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Hey, everybody, look.
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I'm not one for speeches.
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I-I just want to say I'm grateful
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to be back.
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And-and there's one person
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in particular I want to thank.
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Someone who never gave up on me.
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He had it rough with me.
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Cause I've been stubborn.
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He deserves all the credit.
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Because without him, I wouldn't be here with you.
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So, I-I just want to say thanks.
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Thank you, God.
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Yes!
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- Amen! - ?Amen!
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Praise his name!
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Praise the lord, yes!
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*This little light of mine*
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*I'm gonna let it shine*
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*This little light of mine*
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*I'm gonna let it shine*
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?Phil?
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Hey, there.
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Just wanted to say that was a great speech.
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you know, truly inspiring, TED-quality.
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Didn't know you were so into god.
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Well, I, I am.
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Same here. Praise him.
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But, y-you know, it's funny.
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Because you mentioning God,
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it kind of reminded me of that poem.
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You know, about the footprints in the sand?
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And for some reason,
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that reminded me of my footprints in the sand.
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You know, the other night, when, uh,
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I was, uh, dragging you
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and, uh, saving your life and such.
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What are you doing here, Tandy?
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I'm here to save your life again.
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Aah, what are you doing?!
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You got to catch that!
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It's the freaking Hope diamond, dude.
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Why don't you give that little puppy to Erica?
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Yeah, well, I already have a present for her.
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Trust me, she'll love this. This will win her back.
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Just, please, Phil,
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Phil, please.
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Fine.
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Hey, thank you.
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You're welcome.
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"You're welcome"? Oh, he friggin' flipped it on me.
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Terry?
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I'm sorry for my behavior earlier. That was...
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Oh, I was just in a bad place, man.
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And I, I took it out on you.
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And that's, that's not cool.
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You deserve better than that.
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You don't treat family that way.
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Hell, you're the only family I got.
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I love you, bud.
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Secret santa!
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You all ready for gifts?
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What do you say
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we start secret santa
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down under?!
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Erica, you're up.
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Carol? ?
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I drew your name.
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- No! Wow! ?- Yeah.
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Cool.
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Erica!
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A chair!
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I love it!
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It's just what I wanted!
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Look at this-- I can sit in it!
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And I can put things on it or in it!
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I know exactly where I'm gonna put it.
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In my sitting room.
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It's not just any chair.
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Shut the front door!
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There's more to this chair?
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This chair is from Oprah's studio audience!
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No way!
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Shut all the doors in the house, Erica!
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Carol Pilbasian,
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look under your chair...!
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What is it?!
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What is it?! Oh, my...
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It's J.Lo's green dress.
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It is J.Lo's green dress!
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I love it!
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I know you do!
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- I'm gonna try it on. ?- Okay.
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Todd, you're up!
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All right.
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Okay, uh, my gift is for someone special.
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Gail.
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What, you know, not too special, just normal special.
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Scratch that.
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Not special, really, at all.
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Just, uh, human celery.
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I'm getting off track here.
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00:12:14,530 --> 00:12:15,840
My gift's outside.
274
00:12:15,950 --> 00:12:17,690
You know, whatever.
275
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,250
Todd!
276
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:23,310
You didn't-- is that the actual zz top car?
277
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,030
The eliminator herself.
278
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:27,240
Oh, my God, I...
279
00:12:27,950 --> 00:12:29,900
Well, put her there, bub.
280
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:31,200
Thank you, friend.
281
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,660
- Bub, this was a wonderful transaction. - Thank you.
282
00:12:34,730 --> 00:12:38,660
I love how secret santa puts together the oddest pairs!
283
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:40,680
All right, Tandy, you're next-- who'd you draw?
284
00:12:40,680 --> 00:12:42,210
Carol, I drew myself.
285
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:43,220
What do you get the person
286
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:44,980
who has everything already, huh?
287
00:12:45,070 --> 00:12:46,880
I can only think of one thing.
288
00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:50,440
A friggin' yacht!
289
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:55,560
I'd like to take a moment to thank the previous owner,
290
00:12:55,560 --> 00:12:56,760
the late Pitbull.
291
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,800
Rest in peace, my literal dog.
292
00:12:58,800 --> 00:12:59,300
Boom.
293
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:00,860
So, we can have parties on there?
294
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,760
Well, it's gonna be kind of hard to do that
295
00:13:02,760 --> 00:13:04,480
after I do this.
296
00:13:07,530 --> 00:13:09,140
Merry christmas!
297
00:13:12,570 --> 00:13:13,890
Wait, where are you guys going?
298
00:13:14,860 --> 00:13:16,220
Melissa, I had you.
299
00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:21,900
I wonder what these are.
300
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,250
You don't like them?
301
00:13:31,250 --> 00:13:34,070
You know what, it's fine, because I got you
302
00:13:35,070 --> 00:13:37,790
the regular pair, too, so...
303
00:13:37,790 --> 00:13:39,780
No, no, I-I want these!
304
00:13:39,780 --> 00:13:40,700
You do?
305
00:13:40,910 --> 00:13:41,870
I love them.
306
00:13:42,060 --> 00:13:43,230
Thank you, Carol.
307
00:13:43,330 --> 00:13:44,330
I love you.
308
00:13:44,350 --> 00:13:45,540
And I love these...
309
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:48,190
crazy-ass boots.
310
00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:51,470
I huffed so much glue to make those.
311
00:13:51,610 --> 00:13:52,890
Thank you.
312
00:13:52,890 --> 00:13:54,060
You're welcome.
313
00:13:54,510 --> 00:13:56,060
Well, I guess I'll go next then.
314
00:13:59,540 --> 00:14:00,760
Todd, I had your name.
315
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:04,990
I'll never forget the story you told
316
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:06,390
about your high school prom.
317
00:14:06,620 --> 00:14:09,430
And how mean they were to you.
318
00:14:09,860 --> 00:14:12,450
So I wanted you to get a do-over.
319
00:14:13,590 --> 00:14:16,720
Because if anyone deserves to be prom king,
320
00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:17,610
it's you.
321
00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:21,320
When did...?
322
00:14:23,160 --> 00:14:24,040
Right?
323
00:14:24,050 --> 00:14:25,630
- Go... - Yeah.
324
00:14:26,060 --> 00:14:27,100
It fits.
325
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:30,960
Scepter and crown.
326
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:31,550
That's great.
327
00:14:31,550 --> 00:14:33,130
That's... ah.
328
00:14:33,130 --> 00:14:33,730
Merry Christmas.
329
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:35,320
No, yeah, merry Christmas.
330
00:14:35,790 --> 00:14:37,190
Thank-Thanks, Melissa.
331
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:38,730
Thank you.
332
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:45,000
That is a tough act to follow!
333
00:14:45,660 --> 00:14:49,250
But if anyone can top it, it's Gail.
334
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:51,490
I drew Phil.
335
00:14:51,690 --> 00:14:52,770
Amazing.
336
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,700
Let's see that gift!
337
00:14:55,550 --> 00:14:56,530
Let's see.
338
00:14:58,110 --> 00:14:59,650
I...
339
00:14:59,840 --> 00:15:01,890
got you a wicker ball.
340
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:03,590
Merry Christmas.
341
00:15:05,890 --> 00:15:06,810
Thank you.
342
00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:09,200
Well, you know, sometimes the greatest gifts
343
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,460
are right under our noses the whole time.
344
00:15:11,670 --> 00:15:12,570
Phil, you're up.
345
00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:14,360
And I don't mean the continent!
346
00:15:19,180 --> 00:15:23,000
Well, I guess it's no mystery who I got.
347
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,240
Erica, I drew your name.
348
00:15:25,240 --> 00:15:27,640
Hope this one's not a bust.
349
00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:28,550
That's a pre-boom.
350
00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:29,960
You'll get it on the flippity.
351
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,990
Well, my gift is in the solar house, so...
352
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:37,700
I'd really like it if you guys came and took a look.
353
00:15:37,710 --> 00:15:39,510
This gift is a real gem.
354
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:41,250
Never mind.
355
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:57,250
Well, I thought you might want to see your baby.
356
00:15:59,990 --> 00:16:00,900
Gail?
357
00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:02,690
Will you help me?
358
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,310
Yeah, sure.
359
00:16:13,510 --> 00:16:15,200
Oh, man, this is so exciting.
360
00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:36,630
Well, there's your baby.
361
00:16:37,890 --> 00:16:38,760
Yeah.
362
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:41,110
There it is.
363
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:49,880
Merry Christmas.
364
00:16:52,570 --> 00:16:53,820
Hey, uh, Phil?
365
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,860
Don't you have anything else to, uh, give to Erica there?
366
00:16:57,340 --> 00:16:58,840
No, no, this is it.
367
00:16:59,970 --> 00:17:02,350
Friggin' piece of crap.
368
00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:08,720
I know, I know.
369
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,470
It was pretty amazing, huh?
370
00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:22,640
Well, I mean, it's no Hope Diamond.
371
00:17:22,650 --> 00:17:23,460
What?
372
00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:25,590
I gave him the friggin' hope Diamond to give to her!
373
00:17:25,590 --> 00:17:28,620
That's a $350 million diamond, Carol.
374
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,010
He gives her this stupid piece of medical equipment?
375
00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:32,470
It's so cold and impersonal.
376
00:17:32,470 --> 00:17:33,700
And I'll tell you this much.
377
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,430
I am done trying to help this turd.
378
00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:36,810
I set him up for the victory
379
00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:38,160
and he just tinkles on it.
380
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:39,520
I'm so done with him.
381
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:40,690
Just done, D...
382
00:17:40,690 --> 00:17:41,650
Hey, Tandy?
383
00:17:41,870 --> 00:17:42,850
You want to go get a drink?
384
00:17:42,850 --> 00:17:43,890
I'd love to!
385
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:11,540
Let's get out of here.
386
00:18:11,540 --> 00:18:13,530
Okay, yes, yes.
387
00:18:18,660 --> 00:18:23,110
*Heedless of the wind and weather*
388
00:18:31,140 --> 00:18:33,450
Hey, guys. Sorry to interrupt.
389
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,830
I have something I want to say.
390
00:18:41,610 --> 00:18:44,330
You know, all this secret Santa stuff
391
00:18:44,330 --> 00:18:45,910
has really kind of worked on me.
392
00:18:45,910 --> 00:18:48,460
I'm like, I don't know,
393
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:49,760
feeling things.
394
00:18:50,730 --> 00:18:51,630
Todd?
395
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:54,530
I know things haven't been great between us.
396
00:18:56,030 --> 00:18:58,130
We broke up because we're different.
397
00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,240
You're warm.
398
00:19:00,650 --> 00:19:01,730
And caring.
399
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,530
And you see the world through rose-colored glasses.
400
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,140
And me, I'm...
401
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:10,300
I know I can be cold.
402
00:19:11,110 --> 00:19:12,110
And negative.
403
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:16,170
And my glasses are basically crap-colored.
404
00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:20,050
But that's what made me fall in love with you.
405
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:22,650
You know, the first thing we ever bonded over
406
00:19:22,650 --> 00:19:24,470
was The Shawshank Redemption.
407
00:19:25,270 --> 00:19:26,880
"Get busy living or get busy dying."
408
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:28,310
Busy dying, yeah.
409
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:30,550
And I've come to realize that
410
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,440
the only time I ever really feel like I'm living
411
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:34,850
is when I'm with you.
412
00:19:35,630 --> 00:19:36,880
So...
413
00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:40,010
I'm just gonna come right out and do this.
414
00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:44,150
Oh, my "G"!
415
00:19:46,510 --> 00:19:47,980
Todd, will you marry me?
416
00:19:55,630 --> 00:19:56,690
Oh, my God!
417
00:19:56,930 --> 00:19:57,830
Phil?!
418
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,400
Phil? Phil?
419
00:19:59,410 --> 00:20:00,410
Phil?
420
00:20:00,850 --> 00:20:02,150
- Oh, my God! - Phil?
421
00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,410
Oh, Phil, Phil, what is it?
422
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,360
Captain Mike Miller,
423
00:20:12,710 --> 00:20:13,750
signing off.
424
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,350
Air lock engaging
425
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,800
in ten, nine,
426
00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:40,540
eight, seven,
427
00:20:41,010 --> 00:20:43,310
six, five,
428
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:44,610
four...
429
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:45,660
- Oh, my God! - ...three,
430
00:20:45,660 --> 00:20:47,280
- Oh, my God. - Two,
431
00:20:47,770 --> 00:20:49,650
- one. - Abort.
432
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:53,470
Abort failed.
433
00:20:53,500 --> 00:21:00,000
{\c&H2BF5FF&\2c&HFF003F&\3c&H3660AC&\4c&HC7AED8&\fnB791-Roman\fs14}Corrected & Sync By :
{\c&H6C7366&\2c&H0617F7&\3c&H2A2595&\4c&HA2A99D&\fnB791-Roman\fs22}
� ~ Ahmed Elshehawy� ~ �
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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