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["WANT YOU BAD"
BY THE OFFSPRING PLAYING]
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♪ If you could only read my mind ♪
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♪ You would know that things between us
Ain't right ♪
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♪ I know your arms are open wide ♪
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♪ But you're a little on the straight side
I can't lie ♪
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♪ Your one vice is you're too nice ♪
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♪ Come around now
Can't you see? ♪
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♪ I want you all tattooed ♪
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♪ I want you bad ♪
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♪ Complete me ♪
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♪ Mistreat me ♪
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♪ Want you to be bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
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♪ If you could only read my mind ♪
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♪ You would know that I've been waiting
So long ♪
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♪ For someone almost just like you ♪
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♪ But with attitude
I'm waiting, so come on ♪
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♪ Get out of clothes time ♪
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♪ Grow out those highlights ♪
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♪ Come around now
Can't you see? ♪
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♪ I want you in a vinyl suit ♪
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♪ I want you bad ♪
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♪ Complicated ♪
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♪ X-rated ♪
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♪ I want you bad, bad, bad, bad, bad ♪
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♪ Bad ♪
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[CELL PHONE RINGING]
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[INAUDIBLE]
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♪ I mean it ♪
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♪ I need it ♪
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♪ I want you bad, bad ♪
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♪ Bad, bad, bad ♪
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♪ Bad ♪
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♪ Really, really bad ♪
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[MICHAEL] Whoo! Is this such a good idea?
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I mean, is marriage a good idea? Because
marriage is huge. Marriage is huge.
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This is... I am having trouble breathing.
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I am having trouble
catching my breath here.
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Would you relax?
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How could I possibly relax?
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Because it's my wedding.
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[MICHAEL] That's Max. Only 19 years old
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and already getting married
to the only girl he's ever had sex with.
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[PANTING]
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That day I promised myself,
I'd stay single forever.
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[SONG CONTINUES PLAYING]
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Gimshins.
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[MICHAEL] Granted, Kimberly was gorgeous.
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What's the holdup?
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Well, your groom isn't quite out yet.
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Well, fix it, Daddy! [GRUNTS]
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I guess Max didn't see her
quite the way I did.
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Make him behave!
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All right. Okay.
It's gonna perfect. I promise.
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[MICHAEL] Kimberly's father helped
invent a very special pill.
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Now, Viagra beat him to the market,
but his pill was just as good.
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It could turn this...
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into this.
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Enough in here to give
an elephant a boner.
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[CHUCKLES] You are so bad.
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Your own sister's wedding?
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Please. She's gonna love it.
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I'll put it on the gift table.
They'll take it on the honeymoon.
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- He'll have a three-day boner.
- [LAUGHS]
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Oh, yeah. [INHALES DEEPLY]
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I love the smell of bridesmaids
in the morning.
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What's up, Kyle?
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[MICHAEL] My best friend, Kyle.
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If this is your average brain...
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this is Kyle's brain.
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Anyway, the wedding
was about to get especially hard.
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- I propose a toast.
- [ALL] Toast!
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- Ah, yes. To Max!
- [ALL] Max!
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First tomcat to take the plunge. [GRUNTS]
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Thank you, guys.
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[ALL] May it never happen to us!
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[LAUGHTER]
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[SONG CONTINUES PLAYING]
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Ah. There you go, buddy.
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Dude.
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[SCOFFS] Dude.
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Dude.
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This is the best wine ever.
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Max, what the hell is going on?
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Everybody is waiting out there.
Why aren't you...
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What is up with you?
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Holy Mary, mother of God!
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You boys must really like weddings.
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[SONG ENDS]
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Get out there. Everybody's waiting.
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[WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS" PLAYING]
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
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[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
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Don't move. Don't move.
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[MICHAEL] Here we go,
here we go, here we go.
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[SONG CONTINUES PLAYING]
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You may all be seated.
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[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
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[INDISTINCT WHISPERING]
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- [KYLE] Here we go. Here we go.
- Okay.
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[GIGGLES]
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[LAUGHTER]
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Don't they look handsome in their tuxedos?
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[MICHAEL] Man, I cannot believe
that Max actually went through it.
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It's a goddamn shame!
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I am here by dedicating myself
to a life as a professional tomcat.
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- Professional tomcat. Right on.
- [KYLE] Yeah, man. Forget marriage.
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It's my goal to nail
every woman on the planet.
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Every one?
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- Except my mother and my grandmother.
- All right. First of all, your mom is hot.
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00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,755
Second of all, you realize there are
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two and a half billion females
on the face of this planet.
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- Are you saying it can't be done?
- No. Just that we got to divide them up.
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[LAUGHS] Deal.
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I'm never gonna get married. Ever.
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Jan, man, forget about it.
You're almost married as it is.
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- Kelly runs your life.
- She does not!
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Jan, you've got five minutes.
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Thank you.
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[BOTH MIMIC WHIPPING]
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You're going down next.
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Please. We all know
who's gonna be the next to go.
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[ALL] Steve dog!
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Whoa! [LAUGHS]
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I don't even have a girlfriend.
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You're going down, buddy.
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What? Why?
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Because, man, just like Max,
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the first girl that lets you get
with her, you're gonna marry.
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- You wanna to bet?
- You mean actually bet?
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You mean really bet? For money?
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Yeah. Let's say the last single man
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gets a thousand bucks
from the rest of you other suckwads
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who end up getting married. [LAUGHS]
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Six grand's a lot of money.
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No, no, no, no.
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If we're gonna do this,
I say we do it right. Okay?
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Each one of us puts
a couple hundred dollars a year away
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in a savings account.
140
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,653
No, no, no. High-yield mutual fund.
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All right, the last man standing
at the end gets the whole pot.
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- I'm talking ten, 20 grand!
- That's a lot of money, fellows.
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Yeah.
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And you're out if you go gay, Gary.
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Hey, blow me.
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All right, Gary's out.
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But I'm in. Come on, guys.
What do you say, tomcats' bet?
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- Let's get in here. Tomcats.
- Come on! Yeah!
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All right, guys, I'm gonna invest
some money, okay?
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[ALL CHANTING] Tomcats! Tomcats!
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Tomcats! Tomcats!
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Tomcats! Tomcats! Tomcats!
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[LAUGHS] You guys are gonna pay me so bad!
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I don't ever wanna get married. I don't!
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I do.
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{\an8}By the power vested in me
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by Allah and the state of Nevada,
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I now pronounce you
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00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:08,631
husband and wife,
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my friends.
[LAUGHS, SNAPS FINGERS]
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Okay, love her tender. Love her tenders.
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00:09:13,844 --> 00:09:14,929
Please. Oh.
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Rock the jailhouse.
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Please, every single woman here,
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come to the center of the aisle
so you can catch the flower bouquets.
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All the single ladies.
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Where are you going? Where you... What?
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- [CHAPLAIN] Let's go.
- Sit down.
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Thank you. Thank you very much.
170
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- [GUESTS APPLAUDING]
- [KYLE LAUGHS]
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Whoo! All right!
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You went down, my man!
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Down like a two-dollar hooker!
Boom! You're out! You suck!
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Tricia's great, though, seriously.
175
00:09:47,753 --> 00:09:50,339
No, I'll tell you who's great.
Jan here is great.
176
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Hey. What's our bachelor pool
up to these days anyhow, Cochise?
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Oh, as of Friday, about 475.
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Man, that's half a million bucks!
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00:10:00,808 --> 00:10:02,101
[LAUGHS]
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00:10:02,184 --> 00:10:04,604
Can our man, Jan, pick IPOs or what, dude?
181
00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:06,063
- I'm wet. I'm, like, wet.
- Ew!
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00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,816
I'm like... Don't you sometimes wish
you could just fuck money?
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00:10:08,899 --> 00:10:09,734
- No!
- Jesus!
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00:10:09,817 --> 00:10:12,069
Weddings bring out
the romantic in you, Kyle.
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00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:14,739
Kyle, don't you have enough money already?
186
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You can never have enough money.
187
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,327
And you're a fag for saying that.
188
00:10:19,535 --> 00:10:21,329
- No offense, Gary.
- Hey, blow me.
189
00:10:24,206 --> 00:10:26,000
Well, looks like it's just you and me now.
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00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:29,462
[LAUGHS] I'm not the one
bringing chicks who catch bouquets.
191
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:32,048
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
192
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[MICHAEL] God, I can't believe
we're doing this again.
193
00:10:38,971 --> 00:10:41,182
- [SHELBY GIGGLES]
- How many times can we do it?
194
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,851
- [SHELBY] You're going down.
- I'm gonna pass out.
195
00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,519
Here it comes. Here it comes.
196
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:47,271
- [SHELBY GIGGLES]
- Here it comes.
197
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:51,192
- [MAN ON TV] Let's make a deal...
- [MICHAEL GROANS]
198
00:10:51,567 --> 00:10:53,152
[GROANING]
199
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:55,905
[CHOKES]
200
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:57,948
[GROANS] You lose.
201
00:10:58,032 --> 00:10:58,991
[LAUGHS]
202
00:10:59,241 --> 00:11:01,952
- Take off your pants.
- Oh, no. I lose again!
203
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:05,122
Oh, God, I hate losing.
204
00:11:05,206 --> 00:11:07,333
Here. Hurry, come on,
before he says it again.
205
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:08,501
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- Here.
206
00:11:08,584 --> 00:11:11,253
No more drinking.
No more drinking. No more drinking.
207
00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,964
You win. You win.
208
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,008
I win? Oh, yeah?
209
00:11:16,675 --> 00:11:18,302
Well, good. Then I'm collecting.
210
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:23,265
[KISSES] Come on.
211
00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:25,267
I wanna be dangerous.
212
00:11:25,851 --> 00:11:28,270
What are you... Where we going?
Where are we going?
213
00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:29,271
[GIGGLES]
214
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:37,863
Oh, wow.
215
00:11:38,781 --> 00:11:39,824
Say it, Michael.
216
00:11:40,157 --> 00:11:40,991
[MICHAEL] Um...
217
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:42,576
Say it?
218
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,246
[CHUCKLES] I'm not gonna do it
unless you say it.
219
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,916
I'm sorry. I'm having a little bit
of trouble concentrating here.
220
00:11:49,166 --> 00:11:51,127
What is it exactly you want me to say?
221
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:52,753
You know.
222
00:11:53,629 --> 00:11:54,630
Those three...
223
00:11:55,714 --> 00:11:58,342
little words.
224
00:11:58,884 --> 00:12:00,761
- Those three little words.
- Mmm-hmm.
225
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:03,264
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Those three little words.
226
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,769
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute.
227
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:11,230
- Hold on a minute.
- What? What's wrong? [CHUCKLES]
228
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:12,565
What?
229
00:12:12,815 --> 00:12:13,691
I'm sorry.
230
00:12:14,150 --> 00:12:15,776
I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
231
00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,862
Why are you acting like this?
232
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:20,865
Shelby, you are the one
who's rushing things.
233
00:12:20,948 --> 00:12:21,949
Rushing what?
234
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:24,410
Shelby, look, I like you.
I like you a lot.
235
00:12:24,493 --> 00:12:26,745
But things are just moving
a little too fast.
236
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,247
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
237
00:12:28,539 --> 00:12:31,959
I'm just not ready to say "I love you."
238
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:35,212
What on earth makes you think
I want you to say "I love you"?
239
00:12:35,296 --> 00:12:36,422
Oh, come on.
240
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:37,840
Back there.
241
00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:41,051
You wouldn't do it because
I wouldn't say those three little words.
242
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:42,803
[LAUGHS]
243
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,182
You colossal moron.
244
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,142
Suck
245
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:49,435
my
246
00:12:49,977 --> 00:12:50,853
cock.
247
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,565
Suck my cock.
248
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:56,942
Suck my cock!
249
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:59,904
Oh, suck my cock! Suck my cock!
250
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,531
Suck my cock! Suck my cock.
251
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:05,075
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
252
00:13:05,993 --> 00:13:07,453
Oh, that was great.
253
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:10,164
You put your shoes out
on the pillow like this.
254
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:11,665
- [MICHAEL] Shelby!
- [WAITRESS YELPS]
255
00:13:14,376 --> 00:13:15,628
- Sorry.
- Jerk.
256
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,004
I'll catch you later.
257
00:13:17,129 --> 00:13:18,422
[LAUGHS]
258
00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,303
Hey, what the hell's going on?
Who you looking for?
259
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:27,097
Shelby. She's probably
halfway back to LA by now.
260
00:13:27,306 --> 00:13:29,308
Oh, boy. What'd you do now?
261
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:34,813
It's weird. I thought
she wanted me to say "I love you,"
262
00:13:34,897 --> 00:13:36,649
and I don't want to lie to her to get sex.
263
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,693
- You know another way to get it?
- I know. I'm an idiot.
264
00:13:40,319 --> 00:13:43,072
Don't worry, buddy.
You're at the Hard Rock.
265
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:47,076
I mean, this place rocks hard.
266
00:13:47,493 --> 00:13:49,161
There's, like, a million women here.
267
00:13:49,703 --> 00:13:52,206
I cannot believe you and Trish
got married, Steve.
268
00:13:53,415 --> 00:13:54,583
Aren't you terrified?
269
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:56,627
Let me ask you a question.
270
00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:59,838
If you could sleep with any woman
in the whole world, who would it be?
271
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:02,800
Ooh, is this hypothetical?
'Cause my birthday's coming up.
272
00:14:02,883 --> 00:14:04,426
Any woman. Hypothetical.
273
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,427
Fictional?
274
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:07,930
- Not Judy Jetson.
- Well, then, I'm out.
275
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:09,848
Who's yours?
276
00:14:11,267 --> 00:14:12,142
Truth?
277
00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:13,978
Tricia.
278
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:17,481
If I could fuck any woman
in the whole world,
279
00:14:18,232 --> 00:14:19,149
it'd be her.
280
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:21,235
That's why I married her.
281
00:14:22,820 --> 00:14:24,738
I'm really glad
you didn't write your own vows.
282
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,950
Trish and I have, we have
this deep connection, you know?
283
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:31,579
Like she understands what I'm feeling
without my having to tell her.
284
00:14:32,329 --> 00:14:35,541
It's like I found
this huge spiritual side to myself...
285
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,919
that I didn't even know existed.
286
00:14:39,003 --> 00:14:41,130
Last week I had sex with twins.
287
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:43,883
Okay, you win.
288
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:49,638
Oh, hey, uh, can I get a Heineken?
289
00:14:50,472 --> 00:14:51,390
- Thanks.
- [SIGHS]
290
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,059
[SIGHS]
291
00:15:02,568 --> 00:15:06,488
[LAUGHS] Forget it, pal.
She's only interested in high rollers.
292
00:15:11,535 --> 00:15:13,162
[MICHAEL] Hard six! Let's go!
293
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,039
We need a hard six! We got a shooter!
294
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:18,083
- Long and hard six. Everybody pick six.
- [MAN] No more bets.
295
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:20,002
Two tres go a long way.
296
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:21,629
Here we go, we got a shooter.
297
00:15:21,837 --> 00:15:23,631
Here we go. We got a roller! Hard six!
298
00:15:23,714 --> 00:15:25,007
[MAN] Seven!
299
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:26,008
That hurt.
300
00:15:26,383 --> 00:15:28,510
That, uh... That hurt.
301
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:30,596
I, uh... I...
302
00:15:46,445 --> 00:15:48,280
I'm in! We got a shooter!
303
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:51,116
Let's go! I'm in. I'm letting it ride!
304
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,284
- No more bets.
- [WHOOPS]
305
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,370
Eleven! Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
306
00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:55,746
- Whoo!
- [MAN] Craps.
307
00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:57,247
- Oh, God, no.
- Michael...
308
00:15:57,331 --> 00:15:59,083
No touching! No touching.
309
00:16:00,084 --> 00:16:01,877
That really hurt. Okay.
310
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:05,297
Whoo-hoo! Yes, I'm on a roll!
311
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,383
[VOCALIZING]
312
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:09,176
Hey, Stevie, I need you to come over.
313
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:12,179
Michael's gone crazy
trying to impress some girl.
314
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:15,975
Oh, come on, baby. I'm on fire. [GRUNTS]
315
00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:17,226
[LAUGHS]
316
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:22,022
All right, I'll come down.
Color me up, pops.
317
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,442
Your $11, sir?
318
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:28,654
Who's your daddy?
Who's your daddy? Who's your daddy?
319
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:30,447
Craps.
320
00:16:30,531 --> 00:16:33,784
- [ALL] No.
- No, please, Jesus, kill me now!
321
00:16:34,243 --> 00:16:36,203
Kill me now! Kill me!
322
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:41,417
Or don't?
323
00:16:42,084 --> 00:16:44,420
Let it ride, my credit's good! Credit!
324
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,255
- Let's go! Give me these dice!
- Michael.
325
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,258
- What are you doing, buddy?
- I'm rolling the bones.
326
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:50,968
Steve, Amber. Amber, Steve.
327
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,471
- How far are you down?
- Oh, I'm not so bad.
328
00:16:55,723 --> 00:16:56,598
Twenty-five five.
329
00:16:56,974 --> 00:16:58,892
- Social security.
- Twenty-five thousand?
330
00:16:59,018 --> 00:16:59,852
Here you go.
331
00:17:00,227 --> 00:17:02,021
Listen, buddy. You can't do this.
332
00:17:02,104 --> 00:17:04,481
Okay, listen. You can't afford this.
333
00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:06,817
- Michael, you have to stop now!
- Give me my dice!
334
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,193
Put the dice down.
335
00:17:09,403 --> 00:17:10,696
Stop. Now.
336
00:17:15,075 --> 00:17:16,243
That was close, buddy.
337
00:17:16,618 --> 00:17:19,538
Oh, yeah, I better quit while I still can.
That was close. Whoo!
338
00:17:23,417 --> 00:17:24,877
- Seven. Seven out.
- [ALL GASP]
339
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,128
- Time out!
- Do over!
340
00:17:26,211 --> 00:17:27,046
- Stop!
- Do over.
341
00:17:27,129 --> 00:17:29,423
I didn't roll that.
I didn't roll that. She rolled.
342
00:17:30,674 --> 00:17:31,925
Will you come with us, please?
343
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,927
- Let's go. Come on.
- That's it, Steve.
344
00:17:34,261 --> 00:17:35,721
No more redheads. Ever.
345
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,014
Fellas, we're closed.
346
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:39,266
[MAN 1] Come on.
347
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,526
[MAN 2] This is the guy, Carlos.
348
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:56,158
[SIGHS]
349
00:17:56,909 --> 00:17:57,743
Hi.
350
00:17:57,826 --> 00:17:59,453
Look, I don't think I owe this money.
351
00:17:59,953 --> 00:18:00,829
Really?
352
00:18:01,246 --> 00:18:03,082
And why do you say that, Mr. Delany?
353
00:18:03,165 --> 00:18:04,333
I didn't roll the dice.
354
00:18:04,875 --> 00:18:06,794
Some lady threw the dice.
I don't know her name.
355
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:08,087
Wow.
356
00:18:08,462 --> 00:18:11,590
So this is all just like
a big misunderstanding.
357
00:18:11,673 --> 00:18:14,510
- [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY] Yeah.
- Well, luckily, we have tape.
358
00:18:18,222 --> 00:18:19,723
Ah, see? That's us.
359
00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,308
Losers. [CHUCKLES]
360
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:22,518
More losers.
361
00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:25,479
Ooh. That's...
362
00:18:25,562 --> 00:18:27,981
For about $9.95 in the room,
you can watch that.
363
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:29,316
Tricia?
364
00:18:31,318 --> 00:18:32,861
[CARLOS] Shame we had to leave that.
365
00:18:33,070 --> 00:18:33,904
Oh, there.
366
00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,115
That is why they should
bring back instant replay.
367
00:18:36,198 --> 00:18:38,909
I've been saying that for years.
That has got to hurt you.
368
00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:40,369
Was that Tricia?
369
00:18:40,536 --> 00:18:44,289
The woman you were with at the bar,
plainly, was handling the dice for luck.
370
00:18:44,748 --> 00:18:48,043
You gave them to her, she rubbed them on
her tits, she threw them on the table.
371
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:51,130
That, Mr. Delany, is a roll
in any casino in town.
372
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:55,050
Now, I'm sorry, but you owe us $51,000.
373
00:18:55,134 --> 00:18:57,302
- $51,000?
- Plus the mini bar.
374
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,681
- Can we see that tape with the girl...
- I don't have $51,000.
375
00:19:00,764 --> 00:19:01,807
I'm a cartoonist.
376
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:04,726
I do background color
for the Sunday edition of Garfield.
377
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:07,020
And I love your work,
but here's what we do.
378
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:11,900
We're dangerous, quasi-criminal,
take-no-shit Vegas types.
379
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:13,902
So, what does that mean? What...
380
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,155
What are you going to do?
You're gonna hurt me?
381
00:19:16,238 --> 00:19:19,533
Mr. Delany, I got into this business
to make easy money,
382
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,077
and the damn thing is,
they hook you in...
383
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:26,540
and then you find yourself doing things
you don't really want to be doing,
384
00:19:26,623 --> 00:19:28,167
like killing people like you.
385
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:32,588
And then you start to enjoy it,
which is a problem.
386
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:36,800
I'm kidding. I'm making a light remark,
although probably not to you.
387
00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,719
The point is, I will hang you,
388
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,054
cut your balls off
and put them in your watch pocket.
389
00:19:41,138 --> 00:19:43,182
But not without a lot of Jewish guilt.
390
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:46,143
Now, you owe me, in one month, $51,000.
391
00:19:46,226 --> 00:19:49,271
And starting now, I will need
a daily security deposit.
392
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:52,774
I think it's important if we go back
to that tape with the ladies.
393
00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,110
[CARLOS] But cheer up.
394
00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:58,739
I am going to comp the mini bar.
395
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:03,160
What happened?
396
00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:06,830
- I'm screwed, that's what happened.
- All right, where are you?
397
00:20:08,123 --> 00:20:09,666
I just lost $51,000.
398
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:12,294
If I don't come up with it within
four weeks, I'm buzzard feed.
399
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,879
They're gonna kill me.
400
00:20:13,962 --> 00:20:15,380
Jesus, Michael.
401
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:19,134
And I wish we could give you the money,
but we put our cash into the house.
402
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:23,513
And we've already borrowed against it
to set up Steve's practice.
403
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:27,100
Which explains why
the wedding of my dreams cost $280.
404
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,479
Okay, what are you doing?
405
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:32,522
Have you seen my flip-flops?
406
00:20:35,025 --> 00:20:37,110
Don't you know anybody
that'll loan you the money?
407
00:20:38,111 --> 00:20:40,072
[CAR ENGINE ACCELERATING]
408
00:20:44,826 --> 00:20:45,661
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
409
00:20:45,744 --> 00:20:46,703
No, baby, listen.
410
00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,622
If you want us
to stop seeing other people,
411
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:51,166
then what the hell, let's try it.
412
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:55,754
You know, uh, it might help us reach
a deeper level of togetherness
413
00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:58,590
and, you know, bring us closer together.
414
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:01,718
Yeah. Okay. Sure. [CHUCKLES]
415
00:21:02,135 --> 00:21:05,013
Yeah, me, too. All right,
kiss-kiss. Okay, bye.
416
00:21:06,181 --> 00:21:09,017
[EXHALES] Your sister is driving me nuts.
417
00:21:09,810 --> 00:21:10,852
Okay, we're here.
418
00:21:12,396 --> 00:21:13,230
[EXHALES]
419
00:21:13,814 --> 00:21:18,026
What you're going to go for
is a nice, smooth stroke. Okay?
420
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:19,820
- Mmm-hmm.
- Swing back.
421
00:21:21,488 --> 00:21:22,823
- There you go.
- How's that?
422
00:21:22,906 --> 00:21:23,949
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
423
00:21:24,199 --> 00:21:27,911
Well, we'll keep trying, okay?
Let's work on your form a little bit here.
424
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:31,707
- You'll get it. No problem.
- [MICHAEL] Yoshi, keep your head down.
425
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:34,584
- Keep your head down. Remember?
- Grip and rip, dude. Grip and rip.
426
00:21:34,668 --> 00:21:36,586
[MEN SPEAKING JAPANESE]
427
00:21:36,670 --> 00:21:37,587
Hi, Kyle.
428
00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:41,883
- Kyle, what's going on?
- Mike? [CHUCKLING] Hey.
429
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:45,012
- What are you doing here?
- Just hitting the links with the fellas.
430
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:46,763
I'm up on the green. I'm dancing.
431
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:48,515
- You want a ride?
- Sure.
432
00:21:48,598 --> 00:21:51,018
Fellas, I'll meet you at
the 19th hole for a Heineken.
433
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:53,437
Arigato, bonsai! [LAUGHS]
434
00:21:55,439 --> 00:21:57,399
So, you're serious about this girl, huh?
435
00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:01,320
Remember what we said about screwing
every woman in the world?
436
00:22:01,403 --> 00:22:02,404
I'm halfway there.
437
00:22:02,988 --> 00:22:04,531
One or two chicks at a time.
438
00:22:04,656 --> 00:22:05,824
- [GRUNTS]
- [KYLE LAUGHS]
439
00:22:05,907 --> 00:22:07,951
[MAN GRUNTS, YELLS IN JAPANESE]
440
00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:09,411
Whoopsie.
441
00:22:10,203 --> 00:22:12,789
That's okay. Keep it.
I've got more in the bag.
442
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:14,333
She's nothing to me, dude.
443
00:22:16,126 --> 00:22:18,879
There's two things I hate, man.
Chicks who want commitment,
444
00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:20,672
assholes who want to borrow money.
445
00:22:21,131 --> 00:22:21,965
[WOMAN GROANS]
446
00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:23,800
I'm okay.
447
00:22:23,967 --> 00:22:25,927
Dude, we just ran over your girlfriend.
448
00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:27,721
Man, do not say that word.
449
00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:30,182
What'd you want to
talk to me about anyway?
450
00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:33,477
- Well, I just missed you.
- You're not gonna get all faggy on me?
451
00:22:33,810 --> 00:22:35,812
[WOMAN GROANS]
452
00:22:35,979 --> 00:22:38,315
[LAUGHS] You should see
the look on your face.
453
00:22:38,774 --> 00:22:40,108
I'm totally kidding, man.
454
00:22:41,151 --> 00:22:44,321
So, you've never even
come close to falling in love?
455
00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:45,697
No. No, never.
456
00:22:46,406 --> 00:22:47,407
Well, maybe once.
457
00:22:47,783 --> 00:22:50,911
Natalie was her name. She was a bridesmaid
at Max and Kim's wedding.
458
00:22:50,994 --> 00:22:53,830
She was amazing.
I took her to this bluff out in Malibu.
459
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:55,415
We talked all night.
460
00:22:55,582 --> 00:22:58,085
Wound up making love
right when the sun was coming up.
461
00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:01,213
She fell asleep in my arms.
It was... it was incredible.
462
00:23:01,630 --> 00:23:04,633
That's quite a story, Kyle.
Wh... what happened to her?
463
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:07,636
I don't know. She could've been
the love of my life.
464
00:23:09,346 --> 00:23:11,223
["LEAVING TOWN"
BY DEXTER FREEBISH PLAYING]
465
00:23:18,313 --> 00:23:21,650
♪ Oh, your reputation's so golden ♪
466
00:23:21,733 --> 00:23:26,321
♪ You're never lonely
And you're never home ♪
467
00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:30,700
♪ I know you've been
Talking about leaving ♪
468
00:23:30,784 --> 00:23:34,246
♪ You've lost all your feelings
For this town... ♪
469
00:23:34,329 --> 00:23:35,872
Nice couch, Mikey.
470
00:23:36,456 --> 00:23:37,290
Is it leather?
471
00:23:37,791 --> 00:23:39,209
Oh, no way. It's pleather.
472
00:23:40,335 --> 00:23:41,253
Gross.
473
00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:43,713
[GRUNTS]
474
00:23:44,214 --> 00:23:47,134
You know, Mike, it'd be easier
if you had a front-door key made.
475
00:23:47,217 --> 00:23:49,678
All right, I'll get right on that.
Night, fellas.
476
00:23:50,011 --> 00:23:51,304
[TIRES SCREECHING]
477
00:23:57,644 --> 00:23:59,062
Hey, what's up, buddy?
478
00:23:59,229 --> 00:24:02,858
Hey. I was wondering if Tricia was around.
I'd like to ask her something.
479
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:04,025
Yeah, she's upstairs.
480
00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,944
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch that.
481
00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:07,863
I'll take you up there.
482
00:24:07,988 --> 00:24:09,447
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
483
00:24:09,531 --> 00:24:10,574
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoa!
484
00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:12,075
- Turn it off!
- Shit balls!
485
00:24:12,159 --> 00:24:15,287
- Turn it off!
- God damn it! Son of a bitch!
486
00:24:15,370 --> 00:24:16,204
[GRUNTS]
487
00:24:18,081 --> 00:24:19,541
She's upstairs with Consuela.
488
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:21,459
Damn hose.
489
00:24:23,003 --> 00:24:24,838
Must have had a kink in it or something.
490
00:24:25,172 --> 00:24:26,798
Hey, any luck with the money?
491
00:24:26,882 --> 00:24:29,968
Oh, no. I've tried everything.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
492
00:24:31,511 --> 00:24:32,596
Tricia!
493
00:24:38,185 --> 00:24:39,561
[EXCLAIMS]
494
00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:42,022
Oh, boy.
495
00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:44,107
Steve, is your blood sugar low again?
496
00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:48,862
Tricia, I was wondering about
an old friend of yours, Natalie.
497
00:24:48,945 --> 00:24:51,114
She was a bridesmaid
at your sister's wedding.
498
00:24:51,198 --> 00:24:53,366
Natalie? Steve, offer Michael a beer.
499
00:24:53,450 --> 00:24:55,035
- You want a beer?
- Yeah.
500
00:24:55,118 --> 00:24:56,870
What do you want with Natalie?
501
00:24:57,412 --> 00:25:01,124
Nothing. I was thinking about her
and I thought maybe I'd look her up.
502
00:25:01,416 --> 00:25:02,959
We don't have one clean glass.
503
00:25:03,710 --> 00:25:05,879
We have a full-time maid
for Christ's sakes.
504
00:25:06,922 --> 00:25:08,173
Consuela.
505
00:25:08,715 --> 00:25:10,800
What is it that you do around here?
506
00:25:15,013 --> 00:25:18,558
Let's see, it's Saturday night, right?
I know exactly where she is.
507
00:25:20,894 --> 00:25:22,896
["SHAKE YA ASS" BY MYSTIKAL PLAYING]
508
00:25:24,940 --> 00:25:26,149
[WOMAN TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
509
00:25:28,151 --> 00:25:30,612
♪ Shake ya ass, but watch ya self ♪
510
00:25:30,695 --> 00:25:31,905
♪ Shake ya ass ♪
511
00:25:31,988 --> 00:25:34,241
♪ Show me what you workin' with
Shake ya ass... ♪
512
00:25:34,991 --> 00:25:36,993
- You looking for a date?
- You're not my type.
513
00:25:37,077 --> 00:25:39,496
[NATALIE] Yeah, whatever.
You wouldn't be anyway.
514
00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:47,754
Yeah?
515
00:25:48,004 --> 00:25:49,589
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
516
00:26:01,977 --> 00:26:02,936
What's it gonna be?
517
00:26:03,019 --> 00:26:05,355
I have a proposal for you
518
00:26:05,438 --> 00:26:07,899
and, uh, it's gonna sound
a little strange.
519
00:26:07,983 --> 00:26:09,901
- [CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]
- Does it involve sex?
520
00:26:09,985 --> 00:26:13,154
Yeah. I'd... I'd say there'd be
a fair amount of sex involved.
521
00:26:13,571 --> 00:26:16,116
Uh, there will definitely be
a house and a ring involved.
522
00:26:16,199 --> 00:26:19,077
- Maybe even children. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
- Children?
523
00:26:19,703 --> 00:26:21,621
Well, uh, that... that'll depend on
524
00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:24,124
how far you and this other guy
will want to take it.
525
00:26:24,207 --> 00:26:26,334
But, yeah. I'd say kids would be involved.
526
00:26:26,751 --> 00:26:27,711
At least a dog.
527
00:26:28,586 --> 00:26:31,965
Children, a dog, and another guy.
528
00:26:32,757 --> 00:26:34,676
You don't like dogs.
You're allergic to dogs.
529
00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,094
How about cats? Maybe a hamster?
530
00:26:36,177 --> 00:26:39,097
[LAUGHS] Maybe a hamster.
531
00:26:41,516 --> 00:26:43,893
- Baby, I got exactly what you need.
- Oh. Oh.
532
00:26:43,977 --> 00:26:46,980
- [POLICE SIREN WAILING]
- Let's go. Over here. Let's go.
533
00:26:47,522 --> 00:26:48,898
[GROANING]
534
00:26:48,982 --> 00:26:51,026
You're under arrest, you sick fuck.
535
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,277
[CRYING]
536
00:26:53,820 --> 00:26:57,699
I wasn't soliciting prostitution.
I swear to God, I wasn't.
537
00:26:57,824 --> 00:27:00,493
You know what they do
to pedophiles in the joint, Delany?
538
00:27:00,577 --> 00:27:02,579
Not to mention hamster fuckers.
539
00:27:02,704 --> 00:27:05,623
I wasn't looking for
a hooker or a hamster!
540
00:27:05,707 --> 00:27:09,085
I was looking for you.
I was looking for Natalie Parker.
541
00:27:09,169 --> 00:27:11,004
- [SOBBING]
- How do you know her name?
542
00:27:11,087 --> 00:27:13,590
We were at a wedding once,
a long time ago.
543
00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:16,051
And... And you hooked up
with a friend of mine,
544
00:27:16,551 --> 00:27:17,844
Kyle Brenner.
545
00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:19,554
Doesn't ring any bells.
546
00:27:19,637 --> 00:27:21,306
So what? What do you want with her?
547
00:27:21,389 --> 00:27:25,352
It's stupid. It was a bad idea. I'm sorry.
Can I please just apologize and go?
548
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,562
I want to hear it.
549
00:27:27,979 --> 00:27:28,813
I...
550
00:27:29,356 --> 00:27:31,399
I go to Vegas. Three little words!
551
00:27:31,691 --> 00:27:34,152
There's this redhead. I play craps.
I lose all my money.
552
00:27:34,527 --> 00:27:35,862
Get to the point, Delany.
553
00:27:36,613 --> 00:27:37,822
I'm in a lot of trouble.
554
00:27:38,239 --> 00:27:39,199
[BLOWS NOSE]
555
00:27:40,825 --> 00:27:43,119
Some buddies of mine and I have this bet.
556
00:27:43,870 --> 00:27:45,705
Last bachelor standing wins.
557
00:27:47,123 --> 00:27:48,249
The pot is huge.
558
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:50,502
It's half a million.
And I need this money.
559
00:27:50,585 --> 00:27:52,837
I mean, I really need this money.
560
00:27:53,671 --> 00:27:55,673
Well, I just thought that...
Oh, it's stupid...
561
00:27:55,757 --> 00:28:00,011
- [BREATHING HEAVILY]
- What? You thought what?
562
00:28:00,095 --> 00:28:01,763
I just thought that, uh...
563
00:28:03,014 --> 00:28:05,850
This Kyle guy talks about you
like you were the one that got away.
564
00:28:05,934 --> 00:28:08,311
Like you were
his last chance at true love.
565
00:28:08,395 --> 00:28:11,815
So, I just thought that maybe if
I got the two of you together,
566
00:28:11,898 --> 00:28:13,149
something would rekindle,
567
00:28:13,233 --> 00:28:15,443
you guys would get married
and I'd win the money.
568
00:28:15,568 --> 00:28:17,779
Everybody wins. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]
569
00:28:21,783 --> 00:28:24,828
That was the most pathetic fucking shit
I have ever heard.
570
00:28:26,287 --> 00:28:28,164
That hamster story
was better than that crap.
571
00:28:30,708 --> 00:28:32,544
What made you think I'd agree to it?
572
00:28:33,128 --> 00:28:35,004
I don't even remember this guy, Karl.
573
00:28:35,088 --> 00:28:36,548
- Kyle.
- Whatever.
574
00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,341
Kyle Brenner.
575
00:28:38,508 --> 00:28:41,344
I... You're right. I'm sorry. It was stupid.
576
00:28:41,511 --> 00:28:42,804
It was stupid. I'm sorry.
577
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:44,723
It's your call, detective.
578
00:28:51,813 --> 00:28:52,731
Cut him loose.
579
00:28:53,273 --> 00:28:54,858
Hi, yes. I'm here. Hi.
580
00:28:54,941 --> 00:28:58,027
Uh, listen, I was wondering
if I could increase my limit to,
581
00:28:58,111 --> 00:29:00,321
oh, I don't know, $51,000?
582
00:29:01,823 --> 00:29:03,074
Yes. Yes, I know...
583
00:29:04,701 --> 00:29:05,577
Carlos did?
584
00:29:06,578 --> 00:29:09,706
No. No, no, no. I have no intentions
of cutting up my card.
585
00:29:10,123 --> 00:29:13,001
No. No. Do not send someone over
to do it for me!
586
00:29:13,251 --> 00:29:14,711
Hello? Hello?
587
00:29:15,128 --> 00:29:16,546
[DOORBELL RINGS]
588
00:29:17,046 --> 00:29:19,048
This Carlos runs a very tight ship.
589
00:29:20,049 --> 00:29:22,844
Coming. I'll be right there.
Let me just throw something on.
590
00:29:23,011 --> 00:29:25,430
Okay. One more sec.
591
00:29:25,889 --> 00:29:26,765
Who is it?
592
00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:33,980
So, I've been doing a little checking.
This Kyle Brenner guy is rich.
593
00:29:34,063 --> 00:29:37,984
- Why don't you just ask him for a loan?
- I tried. He doesn't lend people money.
594
00:29:40,069 --> 00:29:41,237
How did you find me?
595
00:29:41,613 --> 00:29:43,740
Michael, cop. Remember?
596
00:29:46,493 --> 00:29:47,869
Some place you got here.
597
00:29:48,912 --> 00:29:50,038
Got anything to drink?
598
00:29:50,580 --> 00:29:51,623
Uh...
599
00:29:52,123 --> 00:29:56,336
I bet I'm the only guy you know who's had
all of his beverages repossessed.
600
00:29:57,295 --> 00:29:58,213
Here.
601
00:29:58,713 --> 00:29:59,547
Pour this.
602
00:30:00,006 --> 00:30:01,591
Hey, Patrón. Classy.
603
00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:02,759
What are you wearing?
604
00:30:03,802 --> 00:30:06,971
Oh, uh, I was on hold for a very long...
605
00:30:08,848 --> 00:30:12,143
Anyway, I don't really feel the need
to dress up for these repo guys.
606
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:16,981
I've been thinking about your idea.
607
00:30:20,235 --> 00:30:21,277
I want to do it.
608
00:30:24,155 --> 00:30:26,449
But we split the bet money 50-50.
609
00:30:27,033 --> 00:30:28,535
Sure. Yeah.
610
00:30:29,536 --> 00:30:31,913
This is great. This is terrific.
Actually, uh...
611
00:30:32,747 --> 00:30:34,541
[CHUCKLES] there is one little problem.
612
00:30:34,999 --> 00:30:39,254
You kind of have to marry Kyle
within 30 days.
613
00:30:39,629 --> 00:30:40,672
Won't be a problem.
614
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,883
I want to do to Kyle Brenner
what he did to me.
615
00:30:44,425 --> 00:30:46,177
What do you mean? You do remember Kyle?
616
00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:48,346
Of course I do.
617
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:50,390
We hooked up at Max's wedding.
618
00:30:50,807 --> 00:30:54,519
[SCOFFS] That little shit told me
everything I wanted to hear
619
00:30:54,978 --> 00:30:57,021
and then abandoned me
on the Pacific Coast Highway
620
00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:59,858
with nothing more than
a roll of quarters to call a cab.
621
00:31:06,239 --> 00:31:08,408
Nice memory for a girl's first time.
Don't you think?
622
00:31:08,491 --> 00:31:09,367
Uh...
623
00:31:10,243 --> 00:31:14,038
I was kind of hoping for
"Love will prevail," but you know what?
624
00:31:14,581 --> 00:31:16,291
Hate will do just fine. [CHUCKLES]
625
00:31:17,750 --> 00:31:18,585
[SNORTS]
626
00:31:21,629 --> 00:31:23,590
- [CAR ALARM WAILING]
- [MAN SHOUTING]
627
00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:24,632
Sorry!
628
00:31:24,966 --> 00:31:26,676
[STUTTERING] Sorry about that.
629
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:30,638
[NATALIE] The first thing we have to do
is get to know our prey.
630
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:33,600
Precisely what kind of girls he likes.
631
00:31:34,601 --> 00:31:36,477
[GRUNTING]
632
00:31:45,194 --> 00:31:46,237
- [GROANS]
- Hey!
633
00:31:46,362 --> 00:31:49,616
- Be careful. This is expensive.
- I'm sorry. It's heavy.
634
00:31:53,745 --> 00:31:54,913
[DOG BARKING]
635
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,208
Hand me the night-spectrum spotting scope.
636
00:31:59,292 --> 00:32:00,251
Okay.
637
00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,591
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
- I think we left that in the car.
638
00:32:08,301 --> 00:32:10,261
Then just hand me a pair of binoculars.
639
00:32:10,345 --> 00:32:11,346
Yeah. Yeah.
640
00:32:14,599 --> 00:32:15,600
Thanks.
641
00:32:17,977 --> 00:32:20,813
[NATALIE] Long time no see, Kyle.
642
00:32:22,231 --> 00:32:24,067
The guy has pleather furniture.
643
00:32:25,151 --> 00:32:27,695
What kind of loser has pleather furniture?
644
00:32:29,489 --> 00:32:30,740
Beats me. [CHUCKLES]
645
00:32:34,869 --> 00:32:37,121
[NATALIE] A stewardess. How cliché.
646
00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:40,208
Subject likes brunettes.
647
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:44,379
Prefers subservient women in uniform.
648
00:32:46,214 --> 00:32:49,384
Come on, let me see. Quit hogging them.
Come on, it's my turn. Give me.
649
00:32:52,470 --> 00:32:53,763
Oh, this is so cool.
650
00:32:53,846 --> 00:32:55,056
This is better than cable.
651
00:32:55,139 --> 00:32:57,016
- This is so cool!
- Quiet!
652
00:32:59,018 --> 00:33:00,812
[MICHAEL] God,
I've never had a stewardess.
653
00:33:00,895 --> 00:33:02,897
I think they're leaving.
Know what would be cool?
654
00:33:02,981 --> 00:33:04,440
If we could get some audio.
655
00:33:04,524 --> 00:33:06,067
We will. Give me five minutes.
656
00:33:13,658 --> 00:33:16,327
My God, this girl is Wonder Woman.
657
00:33:17,912 --> 00:33:21,290
I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
658
00:33:22,709 --> 00:33:25,128
Why don't you take
that robe off? Aren't you hot?
659
00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:26,713
No, no. I'm good, I'm good.
660
00:33:28,006 --> 00:33:30,967
- Hey, you guys want to come over tonight?
- I can't. I got a date.
661
00:33:31,050 --> 00:33:34,887
- With who? That, uh, stewardess?
- Did I tell you about the stewardess?
662
00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,598
Uh, yeah.
663
00:33:38,057 --> 00:33:40,852
Yeah. Great tits. I...
I believe you had sex with her.
664
00:33:40,935 --> 00:33:43,771
Oh, yeah, man, all night long. Oh.
But this one's better.
665
00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:46,607
- Why is that?
- Shoot some stick.
666
00:33:46,691 --> 00:33:48,609
She's a cosmetics counter girl, man.
667
00:33:48,985 --> 00:33:52,405
Oh, man, if I ever get married,
it's gonna be to a cosmetics counter girl.
668
00:33:52,488 --> 00:33:55,241
- Why a cosmetics counter girl?
- Put some steaks on the grill...
669
00:33:55,324 --> 00:33:56,534
They're the perfect woman.
670
00:33:56,617 --> 00:33:59,454
You know they're always gonna
smell good and wear makeup.
671
00:33:59,537 --> 00:34:01,539
They're not too ambitious.
They'll make a good wife
672
00:34:01,622 --> 00:34:04,375
and they're not gonna be
one of them damn feminist bitches.
673
00:34:04,584 --> 00:34:06,461
Keeps her own name when you marry her.
674
00:34:07,045 --> 00:34:07,920
Like my mother?
675
00:34:08,337 --> 00:34:09,172
Yeah, exactly.
676
00:34:10,631 --> 00:34:11,758
Let's get out of here.
677
00:34:12,050 --> 00:34:14,052
- Mike, you coming along?
- No, I'm good.
678
00:34:14,135 --> 00:34:16,763
I'm, uh, gonna stick around,
get a really good sweat going.
679
00:34:16,929 --> 00:34:17,930
Okay.
680
00:34:18,014 --> 00:34:20,349
- Take care of yourself, all right?
- Yeah. No, I'm good.
681
00:34:20,433 --> 00:34:22,602
I'll, uh... I'll catch up with you guys.
682
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,774
[PANTING]
683
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:30,234
Gotcha.
684
00:34:31,652 --> 00:34:33,446
- [ELECTRICAL WHIRRING]
- [GASPING]
685
00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,325
["THOSE WHO STAND IN LINE"
BY SHUVEL PLAYING]
686
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:42,288
This is my favorite group.
687
00:34:43,372 --> 00:34:44,207
Oh.
688
00:34:44,499 --> 00:34:45,750
[SONG PLAYING LOUDER]
689
00:34:46,084 --> 00:34:48,127
[LOUDLY] Yeah! Whoo!
690
00:34:48,753 --> 00:34:50,588
You hear that? Yeah!
691
00:34:51,089 --> 00:34:55,051
It came in stereo.
This is a system. Oh, yeah!
692
00:34:55,635 --> 00:34:57,720
You hear that bass? It's good, right?
693
00:34:58,054 --> 00:34:59,680
- You want more?
- [MUSIC STOPS]
694
00:35:00,056 --> 00:35:03,226
- [SOFTLY] Stakeout.
- [IN NORMAL VOICE] Right. Sorry.
695
00:35:07,313 --> 00:35:09,315
Hey. Is that me?
696
00:35:10,650 --> 00:35:13,569
Oh, yeah, but I... I draw all my friends.
697
00:35:13,653 --> 00:35:15,571
- It is me. Let me see.
- No, no, no, really.
698
00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:18,407
- It's very rough. It's very rough.
- I... I... Let go.
699
00:35:19,700 --> 00:35:20,576
Thank you.
700
00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:23,454
Nice ass.
701
00:35:25,206 --> 00:35:26,457
These are really good.
702
00:35:29,043 --> 00:35:30,461
Have you ever tried to sell these?
703
00:35:30,878 --> 00:35:34,090
Uh, it's pretty hard
to start your own comic strip.
704
00:35:34,173 --> 00:35:35,424
[GLASS SHATTERING]
705
00:35:35,967 --> 00:35:37,051
There's our boy.
706
00:35:37,135 --> 00:35:38,803
[MAN] Where is he? Tell me.
707
00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:41,514
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
708
00:35:42,348 --> 00:35:43,307
[MAN] Where is he?
709
00:35:45,518 --> 00:35:47,812
Come on back here. I see you. Right there.
710
00:35:48,437 --> 00:35:49,272
[GRUNTS]
711
00:35:49,564 --> 00:35:51,691
Jackass. I'll sic
the National Guard on your ass.
712
00:35:51,774 --> 00:35:55,945
Oh, man. I've learned my lesson.
No more two-story houses. [GRUNTS]
713
00:35:56,070 --> 00:35:58,865
Subject hates two-story houses.
714
00:36:06,539 --> 00:36:08,457
Here. Got you something.
715
00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:16,257
Oh, great. these will go
with my horny devil socks.
716
00:36:16,632 --> 00:36:18,050
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
717
00:36:20,928 --> 00:36:22,180
So, what's our man up to?
718
00:36:22,263 --> 00:36:24,223
Ugh! Trying on underwear.
719
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:25,892
- Oh, man!
- Thank you.
720
00:36:26,475 --> 00:36:28,019
So, you hungry?
721
00:36:29,145 --> 00:36:30,813
I think I just lost my appetite.
722
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:33,065
Here. Have some sushi.
723
00:36:33,399 --> 00:36:35,860
Oh, no, no. I don't... I don't do sushi.
724
00:36:36,485 --> 00:36:37,904
- What?
- I hate sushi. Hate it.
725
00:36:37,987 --> 00:36:40,198
- I've always hated sushi.
- Everybody likes sushi.
726
00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:42,450
- Not me. I...
- Uh, you're going to try sushi.
727
00:36:42,700 --> 00:36:44,952
- Yeah. Uh, try sushi.
- It's...
728
00:36:45,077 --> 00:36:47,830
- Open your mouth. Open your mouth.
- It disgusts me. Really. I...
729
00:36:47,914 --> 00:36:49,540
[MIMICS TRAIN CHUGGING]
730
00:36:49,624 --> 00:36:51,125
Toot-toot! Open your mouth.
731
00:36:51,209 --> 00:36:52,835
Good boy. Mmm-hmm.
732
00:36:53,127 --> 00:36:55,087
- There you go.
- [STUTTERS]
733
00:36:55,213 --> 00:36:57,215
- There you go, sport.
- Mmm. [GAGS]
734
00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:01,302
You're a fun date, aren't you?
735
00:37:01,510 --> 00:37:02,887
I told you I hate sushi.
736
00:37:02,970 --> 00:37:03,846
I guess so.
737
00:37:03,930 --> 00:37:06,474
- [WOMAN] This was a good idea.
- [MAN] Yeah, I agree.
738
00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:09,602
- [WOMAN] You're looking pretty cute.
- Oh, boy, you vixen.
739
00:37:09,685 --> 00:37:10,895
[BOTH LAUGH]
740
00:37:14,899 --> 00:37:17,276
[NATALIE ON RECORDER]
Subject likes brunettes.
741
00:37:17,985 --> 00:37:21,405
Prefers subservient women in uniform.
742
00:37:25,034 --> 00:37:27,954
[MICHAEL ON RECORDER] My God,
this girl is Wonder Woman.
743
00:37:29,288 --> 00:37:32,708
I'm terrified, yet strangely aroused.
744
00:37:33,417 --> 00:37:34,460
[LAUGHS]
745
00:37:34,835 --> 00:37:36,212
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
746
00:37:38,130 --> 00:37:41,175
[KYLE] I gotta tell you. You hear guys
talking about having blue balls.
747
00:37:41,259 --> 00:37:44,387
Man, I'll tell you,
in the last couple of weeks
748
00:37:44,470 --> 00:37:46,973
I just fuck and I fuck
and I can't get any relief.
749
00:37:47,056 --> 00:37:49,392
Hold on a second. I gotta take a break.
750
00:37:49,558 --> 00:37:52,853
I ate some raw fish.
Please, give me one second.
751
00:37:53,104 --> 00:37:54,272
[PANTING]
752
00:37:54,897 --> 00:37:57,650
Do you like it better when a girl makes
the first move on you
753
00:37:57,733 --> 00:38:00,194
or do you like to make
the first move on a girl?
754
00:38:00,778 --> 00:38:03,364
Dude, honestly?
I don't give a rat's ass. I don't...
755
00:38:05,491 --> 00:38:07,368
Well, I guess I like to be surprised.
756
00:38:07,785 --> 00:38:09,745
What exactly do you mean by surprise?
757
00:38:09,829 --> 00:38:11,622
Oh, dude. Oh, my God.
758
00:38:11,914 --> 00:38:15,543
Last week, I'm doing this girl
in the back seat of her daddy's car.
759
00:38:16,168 --> 00:38:19,547
Catholic schoolgirl's uniform.
The whole nine yards, man.
760
00:38:19,714 --> 00:38:20,881
She drinks too much.
761
00:38:20,965 --> 00:38:24,510
She gets sick, so she hangs
her head out the window...
762
00:38:24,593 --> 00:38:27,430
- [VOMITING]
- ...and just commences to puking.
763
00:38:27,555 --> 00:38:29,348
It's too bad you had to stop.
764
00:38:29,432 --> 00:38:31,225
No, no. See, no. See, I was gonna.
765
00:38:31,309 --> 00:38:32,143
I'm okay.
766
00:38:32,226 --> 00:38:34,228
That would have been
the right thing to do.
767
00:38:34,312 --> 00:38:37,481
But the way she was having
these contractions,
768
00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:40,443
they were just wrenching down
on the old crank.
769
00:38:40,526 --> 00:38:42,361
- Oh, God, it felt so great.
- [WOMAN MOANING]
770
00:38:42,445 --> 00:38:43,696
Now, that's a surprise.
771
00:38:47,575 --> 00:38:50,411
Hey. Hey, hey. My car, my car, my car!
772
00:38:50,578 --> 00:38:52,121
Yeah, I know, it sucks.
773
00:38:52,705 --> 00:38:55,041
Oh, uh, you get
that extra key made for the house?
774
00:38:56,334 --> 00:38:57,543
Yeah. Yeah.
775
00:38:58,794 --> 00:38:59,754
Thanks.
776
00:39:00,838 --> 00:39:03,799
Uh, I got to take the phone. Sorry.
777
00:39:04,508 --> 00:39:06,844
Hey. Hey, I need that phone.
That phone is my life.
778
00:39:06,927 --> 00:39:08,137
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
779
00:39:09,055 --> 00:39:11,182
- Hello.
- [CARLOS] Michael. Carlos.
780
00:39:11,474 --> 00:39:12,600
Give him the phone.
781
00:39:13,142 --> 00:39:14,477
You've got three weeks.
782
00:39:16,145 --> 00:39:16,979
Thanks, buddy.
783
00:39:17,063 --> 00:39:20,024
- [WOMAN SINGING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
784
00:39:26,364 --> 00:39:27,907
[CHILDREN CHATTERING]
785
00:39:28,657 --> 00:39:31,369
- I want you to put me down right now.
- Put you down?
786
00:39:31,452 --> 00:39:34,747
- Michael. Oh, I'm so glad to see you.
- [GROANS]
787
00:39:35,373 --> 00:39:37,958
- [CHILD CRYING]
- Great. Great. All the kids are here.
788
00:39:38,042 --> 00:39:39,668
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
789
00:39:39,835 --> 00:39:41,712
- Hey, how you doing, pal?
- Hey, come here.
790
00:39:41,796 --> 00:39:43,005
Hey, what's up?
791
00:39:43,089 --> 00:39:45,007
Ling, take your penis
out of the tartar sauce.
792
00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:48,677
- You look great, man. Good to see you.
- Michael, a surprise for you.
793
00:39:48,803 --> 00:39:51,722
Natalie, this is Michael.
Michael, this is Natalie.
794
00:39:52,431 --> 00:39:56,060
You probably don't remember,
but you two have met before.
795
00:39:56,811 --> 00:39:58,270
Michael was an usher at our wedding.
796
00:39:58,771 --> 00:40:00,231
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
797
00:40:01,399 --> 00:40:03,692
Right, right. I... I think I remember you.
798
00:40:04,527 --> 00:40:05,528
Doesn't ring a bell.
799
00:40:05,903 --> 00:40:07,113
[LAUGHS]
800
00:40:08,447 --> 00:40:12,368
So, Natalie, you're still single
and in law enforcement.
801
00:40:12,451 --> 00:40:13,327
How interesting.
802
00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,871
- Do you have any exciting stories?
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, oh.
803
00:40:15,955 --> 00:40:17,998
- Thank you.
- Well, last year, I got shot.
804
00:40:18,082 --> 00:40:19,792
I shattered my pelvis and I was...
805
00:40:19,875 --> 00:40:23,212
Oh, speaking of pelvises,
how was the birth, Kelly?
806
00:40:23,337 --> 00:40:24,713
I had to have a C-section.
807
00:40:24,797 --> 00:40:26,757
- Oh.
- She only dilated this much.
808
00:40:26,841 --> 00:40:28,426
That happened with Freedom.
809
00:40:28,509 --> 00:40:31,762
Then he came out feet first. [CHUCKLES]
Talk about getting ripped.
810
00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:34,265
[CHUCKLES] Ripped.
811
00:40:35,433 --> 00:40:39,103
Nguyen's birth mother did a water birth.
Tony and I were in the tub with her.
812
00:40:39,186 --> 00:40:40,980
Oh, guys.
813
00:40:41,063 --> 00:40:43,941
I was in labor for 26 hours.
814
00:40:44,024 --> 00:40:45,776
Don't you people ever watch TV?
815
00:40:45,860 --> 00:40:47,695
Okay, I know I said no more matchmaking...
816
00:40:47,778 --> 00:40:50,531
Yes, but Tricia can't help herself.
817
00:40:50,614 --> 00:40:53,242
It's just that you two
are perfect for each other.
818
00:40:55,661 --> 00:40:58,664
Kill me, Michael. Kill me now.
819
00:40:58,747 --> 00:41:00,332
- What?
- Dill kung pao.
820
00:41:00,416 --> 00:41:01,709
Pass the dill kung pao.
821
00:41:11,677 --> 00:41:13,554
[GASPING]
822
00:41:15,306 --> 00:41:16,223
Oh.
823
00:41:17,141 --> 00:41:18,601
[GASPING]
824
00:41:18,726 --> 00:41:19,560
Oh.
825
00:41:19,643 --> 00:41:21,228
[SCREAMING]
826
00:41:23,022 --> 00:41:25,149
- [SPURTS]
- Ah. Ah.
827
00:41:25,232 --> 00:41:26,400
[BABY CRYING]
828
00:41:26,484 --> 00:41:29,320
[EXCLAIMING] Oh.
829
00:41:29,403 --> 00:41:32,740
- Oh, no, no, no.
- What a beautiful baby!
830
00:41:34,116 --> 00:41:35,367
[SCREAMS]
831
00:41:37,203 --> 00:41:39,455
Oh, my God. You guys
aren't gonna believe this.
832
00:41:39,538 --> 00:41:41,415
[CHUCKLES] My water just broke.
833
00:41:41,499 --> 00:41:43,375
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] What broke?
834
00:41:43,584 --> 00:41:46,879
What does that mean, her water broke?
What is that, her water? What...
835
00:41:46,962 --> 00:41:48,964
- Oh, God. Oh, God.
- [BABIES CRYING]
836
00:41:49,256 --> 00:41:51,759
People, we're going to need a mop in here!
837
00:41:53,469 --> 00:41:55,930
That scene back there
really freaked you out, huh?
838
00:41:56,430 --> 00:41:57,556
Don't you like kids?
839
00:41:57,973 --> 00:41:59,600
I am not talking to you about kids.
840
00:41:59,683 --> 00:42:01,894
Last time I did that,
I wound up in handcuffs.
841
00:42:01,977 --> 00:42:02,978
[LAUGHS]
842
00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:05,272
[CHUCKLES]
843
00:42:07,483 --> 00:42:11,654
You know the one thing I regret more than
losing all my money in Las Vegas?
844
00:42:12,321 --> 00:42:13,197
What's that?
845
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:17,243
I should've had the guts to ask you out
back at Max's wedding.
846
00:42:19,870 --> 00:42:22,039
With that mullet hair you had?
847
00:42:23,123 --> 00:42:24,166
Keep dreaming, buddy.
848
00:42:24,250 --> 00:42:26,418
- Nice. Nice.
- [LAUGHS]
849
00:42:29,255 --> 00:42:30,381
Why didn't you?
850
00:42:31,966 --> 00:42:33,259
I don't really like ugly chicks.
851
00:42:33,342 --> 00:42:34,301
Oh-ho. [PATS ARM]
852
00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,136
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
853
00:42:44,562 --> 00:42:45,729
Ever play Mercy?
854
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:52,403
Yes, I've played Mercy. I'll have you know
I'm very good at the game.
855
00:42:52,486 --> 00:42:54,697
- Ooh. Bring it on.
- Okay.
856
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:57,575
- One, two...
- Three.
857
00:42:57,950 --> 00:42:59,702
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
858
00:42:59,785 --> 00:43:02,079
- You are going down!
- [LAUGHING]
859
00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:04,832
I lose.
860
00:43:04,915 --> 00:43:06,542
[MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING]
861
00:43:10,254 --> 00:43:13,132
- [MUSIC DISTORTS]
- [AMUSEMENT RIDE CREAKS]
862
00:43:13,716 --> 00:43:15,718
Wow. Uh, I'm sorry.
863
00:43:17,136 --> 00:43:18,012
I'm sorry.
864
00:43:20,097 --> 00:43:22,683
I am sorry about that.
I... I don't know what came over me.
865
00:43:22,766 --> 00:43:26,562
- Freeze, motherfucker!
- I am really sorry! I was way out of line!
866
00:43:26,645 --> 00:43:27,938
Please don't shoot me!
867
00:43:30,733 --> 00:43:32,192
Bring Kyle to me tomorrow.
868
00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,360
Drop cans!
869
00:43:34,653 --> 00:43:35,654
Hands on your head!
870
00:43:36,447 --> 00:43:38,282
You're not falling in love
with this woman.
871
00:43:38,657 --> 00:43:40,826
You're a lady-killer. You are a tomcat.
872
00:43:41,660 --> 00:43:43,078
- [SIGHS]
- Take it easy, Mike.
873
00:43:44,371 --> 00:43:46,999
Good night, fellas. Have a safe drive.
874
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:49,251
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
875
00:43:49,752 --> 00:43:50,711
[DOOR CLOSES]
876
00:43:57,593 --> 00:44:00,179
I'm confused
because I really like Michael.
877
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,098
And I think he likes me.
878
00:44:03,182 --> 00:44:04,516
What, you can't tell?
879
00:44:06,352 --> 00:44:07,811
- Go!
- [HIP-HOP SONG PLAYS]
880
00:44:07,895 --> 00:44:10,147
Police! Nobody move, god damn it!
881
00:44:13,192 --> 00:44:14,902
- [SCREAMING]
- [GUNSHOTS]
882
00:44:18,530 --> 00:44:19,365
[SONG STOPS]
883
00:44:19,448 --> 00:44:22,660
There was this one moment. It was amazing.
884
00:44:22,785 --> 00:44:23,619
[SONG RESUMES]
885
00:44:30,876 --> 00:44:32,044
What the fuck does that mean?
886
00:44:32,753 --> 00:44:33,587
Natalie!
887
00:44:33,712 --> 00:44:35,130
- [GUNSHOTS]
- [GLASS BREAKING]
888
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:36,548
Shit.
889
00:44:36,674 --> 00:44:37,675
[SCREAMS]
890
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:51,855
So, you, uh, really like this guy, huh?
891
00:44:51,939 --> 00:44:53,524
I think I'm in love with him.
892
00:44:53,941 --> 00:44:55,317
[HURLEY] This is serious.
893
00:44:55,401 --> 00:44:59,988
I know. He's got a slick exterior,
but I see a real sweetheart underneath.
894
00:45:03,617 --> 00:45:04,451
Clear.
895
00:45:05,452 --> 00:45:07,663
[MAN SCREAMS, YELPS]
896
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:08,914
Clear.
897
00:45:18,340 --> 00:45:19,174
Whoa!
898
00:45:19,258 --> 00:45:21,385
[YELLING IN SPANISH]
899
00:45:22,010 --> 00:45:23,554
- Shit!
- [GUNFIRE CONTINUES]
900
00:45:23,637 --> 00:45:25,848
Remember the first time
we met him at the station?
901
00:45:25,973 --> 00:45:26,807
Yeah.
902
00:45:26,890 --> 00:45:30,394
He wanted to find me because he believed
I was Kyle's last chance for true love.
903
00:45:31,895 --> 00:45:33,981
You don't talk like that
if you don't believe in it.
904
00:45:34,064 --> 00:45:35,065
[YELLING]
905
00:45:35,774 --> 00:45:37,192
[MAN SCREAMING]
906
00:45:37,901 --> 00:45:38,902
[GASPS]
907
00:45:43,824 --> 00:45:44,783
[NATALIE COUGHING]
908
00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:47,828
[HURLEY EXHALES]
909
00:45:47,911 --> 00:45:49,621
So how do I find out how he feels?
910
00:45:49,746 --> 00:45:50,622
Well...
911
00:45:51,832 --> 00:45:52,875
[GROANS]
912
00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,877
Tell him you're falling for the other guy.
913
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:57,212
Don't move! Stand back
or I'll blow your brains out!
914
00:45:59,047 --> 00:46:00,799
He'll never believe I'm falling for Kyle.
915
00:46:00,883 --> 00:46:03,177
Oh, he'll believe it. Trust me.
916
00:46:03,343 --> 00:46:04,470
Your partner's right.
917
00:46:04,636 --> 00:46:07,681
You wanna get a guy to make a move?
Get him some competition.
918
00:46:07,764 --> 00:46:09,099
Shut up.
919
00:46:11,185 --> 00:46:13,812
- Let me look at some cologne.
- Would you look at this place?
920
00:46:13,896 --> 00:46:15,939
There's hot babes everywhere.
It smells great.
921
00:46:16,023 --> 00:46:18,150
I ought to move in here.
Would you watch it?
922
00:46:18,233 --> 00:46:19,109
Sorry.
923
00:46:20,569 --> 00:46:21,570
Excuse us.
924
00:46:26,658 --> 00:46:29,661
Oh, man, this again?
Oh, God, I hate this shade of lipstick.
925
00:46:29,745 --> 00:46:31,455
Stays on your dick for like a week.
926
00:46:31,747 --> 00:46:32,581
Ugh.
927
00:46:34,750 --> 00:46:37,794
Then you should try
our hypoallergenic cleanser.
928
00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:40,839
I think you should try some Visine.
929
00:46:41,381 --> 00:46:42,591
Why do I need Visine?
930
00:46:43,467 --> 00:46:46,094
So you can get a clear vision
of our future together.
931
00:46:46,220 --> 00:46:47,471
[BOTH LAUGH]
932
00:46:50,098 --> 00:46:51,892
Say, do I know you from somewhere?
933
00:46:52,893 --> 00:46:55,270
I don't know. Um, my name is Natalie.
934
00:46:57,898 --> 00:47:00,150
Um, I'm from Van Nuys.
935
00:47:01,443 --> 00:47:02,903
Oh, my God, you're Natalie.
936
00:47:03,654 --> 00:47:06,657
- That's what I just said.
- You're Natalie. No, no... [STUTTERS]
937
00:47:06,740 --> 00:47:08,659
Hey, I'm Kyle.
938
00:47:08,742 --> 00:47:10,953
Remember? Max and Kim's wedding.
939
00:47:11,370 --> 00:47:13,455
Malibu? I popped your cherry.
940
00:47:13,539 --> 00:47:14,414
Kyle!
941
00:47:14,498 --> 00:47:15,749
- [SCOFFS]
- Right!
942
00:47:15,832 --> 00:47:17,834
Oh, my God. You look great.
943
00:47:17,918 --> 00:47:19,378
Yeah, huh? Wow.
944
00:47:19,461 --> 00:47:21,547
I'm just gonna let you two
get reacquainted.
945
00:47:21,630 --> 00:47:24,383
Wow, so you're working here.
Cosmetics counter girl.
946
00:47:24,925 --> 00:47:27,135
Yeah, I know it's not very ambitious,
947
00:47:27,219 --> 00:47:30,347
but I'm saving my money
for a one-story house.
948
00:47:30,430 --> 00:47:31,807
Wow, that's fantastic.
949
00:47:31,890 --> 00:47:33,850
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
950
00:47:56,331 --> 00:47:57,374
[GRUNTING]
951
00:48:05,966 --> 00:48:06,925
[GRUNTS]
952
00:48:15,517 --> 00:48:16,810
[SCREAMING]
953
00:48:18,353 --> 00:48:19,187
[THUDS]
954
00:48:25,277 --> 00:48:27,779
["MOONDANCE" BY ERIC GILLIOM
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
955
00:48:30,407 --> 00:48:33,577
[MICHAEL] Come on, put your shoes back on.
You better get out of there.
956
00:48:34,453 --> 00:48:37,122
Here we go. [IN SPANISH ACCENT]
Would you like to dance?
957
00:48:37,497 --> 00:48:38,332
Yes.
958
00:48:39,041 --> 00:48:40,667
Oh, yes. Come dance with me.
959
00:48:41,460 --> 00:48:42,669
I love to lambada.
960
00:48:43,420 --> 00:48:44,796
I love to fall feet and turns.
961
00:48:44,880 --> 00:48:46,423
[IN NORMAL ACCENT] Oh. Nice dip, dork.
962
00:48:47,299 --> 00:48:49,384
All right, Natalie. Enough is enough.
963
00:48:50,093 --> 00:48:52,554
Tell him you can't stand him.
Tell him it's all scam.
964
00:48:52,638 --> 00:48:56,350
Tell him you're in love with me...
Where you guys going? Natalie, don't go.
965
00:48:57,893 --> 00:48:58,810
Natalie.
966
00:49:04,107 --> 00:49:05,442
[PANTING]
967
00:49:06,401 --> 00:49:09,279
No, no, no, no. Get out now.
968
00:49:09,738 --> 00:49:10,572
[GASPS]
969
00:49:11,573 --> 00:49:12,574
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
970
00:49:15,035 --> 00:49:16,870
Where is it? Where is it? Where...
971
00:49:20,248 --> 00:49:21,333
Night vision.
972
00:49:21,416 --> 00:49:22,292
Okay.
973
00:49:22,876 --> 00:49:25,128
No, no, Natalie. Get out of there.
974
00:49:25,212 --> 00:49:26,046
[NATALIE] Zip it.
975
00:49:26,129 --> 00:49:28,423
[MICHAEL] There you go.
Attagirl. Attagirl.
976
00:49:29,925 --> 00:49:31,718
No, not the microphone.
Not the microphone.
977
00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:33,887
- [FEEDBACK SQUEALS ON HEADPHONES]
- [SCREAMS]
978
00:49:33,970 --> 00:49:34,805
[GRUNTS]
979
00:49:34,888 --> 00:49:36,139
Natalie, get out of there.
980
00:49:37,265 --> 00:49:38,141
Get out of there.
981
00:49:38,892 --> 00:49:41,895
[SCREAMS] I'm blind!
982
00:49:41,978 --> 00:49:44,523
Ooh, you like it
with the lights on, do you?
983
00:49:44,690 --> 00:49:46,400
Baby, come on and ride the pony.
984
00:49:46,483 --> 00:49:48,026
Whoo! You know you want it.
985
00:49:49,778 --> 00:49:51,113
[ROARS]
986
00:49:53,699 --> 00:49:58,078
[SOBBING] Natalie, get out of there!
Save yourself! It's the dick of death!
987
00:49:58,203 --> 00:50:00,122
Come on, get some of this.
988
00:50:01,206 --> 00:50:02,874
Come on, you little rodeo gal.
989
00:50:05,752 --> 00:50:06,753
Here's how it's gonna go.
990
00:50:08,171 --> 00:50:11,133
We're not having sex tonight.
991
00:50:12,300 --> 00:50:16,263
In fact, I don't know
when we're going to have sex.
992
00:50:18,473 --> 00:50:20,684
I'm not like all the other girls.
993
00:50:21,101 --> 00:50:24,604
But I promise you, Kyle,
you've never had a girl like me.
994
00:50:26,773 --> 00:50:28,191
[LAUGHS]
995
00:50:28,608 --> 00:50:29,609
All right.
996
00:50:34,489 --> 00:50:35,323
Ready.
997
00:50:38,577 --> 00:50:39,828
Better take care of that.
998
00:50:43,123 --> 00:50:46,835
Yeah, this is kind of about me, right? And
who can take care of me better than me?
999
00:50:47,836 --> 00:50:49,504
[CHUCKLES] And you knew that!
1000
00:50:50,797 --> 00:50:52,132
We got a future together, baby.
1001
00:50:53,341 --> 00:50:54,176
[DOOR CLOSES]
1002
00:50:55,969 --> 00:50:59,014
All right. Here we go.
1003
00:51:00,807 --> 00:51:04,895
[EXHALES] I am gonna hurt you tonight.
1004
00:51:09,357 --> 00:51:10,233
[PHONE RINGS]
1005
00:51:13,361 --> 00:51:16,406
- Natalie?
- Michael. Yeah, it's me.
1006
00:51:16,573 --> 00:51:18,241
I need you to meet me right away.
1007
00:51:18,325 --> 00:51:19,159
Name a place.
1008
00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:23,580
{\an8}It has to be somewhere Kyle would never
stumble across us in a million years.
1009
00:51:35,634 --> 00:51:36,802
Thanks for meeting me.
1010
00:51:38,136 --> 00:51:40,055
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm fine.
1011
00:51:40,138 --> 00:51:40,972
[CLEARS THROAT]
1012
00:51:44,643 --> 00:51:45,852
I'm, uh... [GIGGLES]
1013
00:51:46,603 --> 00:51:48,021
I'm falling for Kyle.
1014
00:51:49,689 --> 00:51:50,524
What?
1015
00:51:51,316 --> 00:51:53,109
He's actually pretty sweet.
1016
00:51:53,527 --> 00:51:54,444
Sweet?
1017
00:51:55,445 --> 00:51:57,447
The guy screws women
while they're barfing!
1018
00:51:57,531 --> 00:51:58,448
Shh!
1019
00:52:00,492 --> 00:52:02,327
You just don't know him like I do.
1020
00:52:02,410 --> 00:52:05,664
I mean, there's another side to him
that he doesn't show to everyone.
1021
00:52:05,747 --> 00:52:07,874
I've known the guy my whole life, okay?
1022
00:52:07,958 --> 00:52:10,293
Inside, outside. There is
no other side. The guy's a dick.
1023
00:52:10,377 --> 00:52:13,338
- He's afraid to show his sensitive nature.
- Oh, he must be very afraid.
1024
00:52:13,421 --> 00:52:14,297
Michael.
1025
00:52:15,715 --> 00:52:17,926
All my life, I waited to fall in love.
1026
00:52:19,386 --> 00:52:21,346
And now this guy really loves me.
1027
00:52:22,097 --> 00:52:23,557
Do you know what that's like?
1028
00:52:24,140 --> 00:52:25,267
Do you love anyone?
1029
00:52:27,727 --> 00:52:28,645
I guess not.
1030
00:52:29,271 --> 00:52:30,105
[EXHALES]
1031
00:52:31,898 --> 00:52:32,858
Well...
1032
00:52:34,025 --> 00:52:35,110
I better get back.
1033
00:52:38,071 --> 00:52:42,158
You are not gonna let this defeat you.
You are not gonna let this defeat you.
1034
00:52:42,242 --> 00:52:45,203
You know why? You know why?
'Cause you're the man.
1035
00:52:45,453 --> 00:52:48,039
Who the man?
You the man. You the man.
1036
00:52:48,832 --> 00:52:50,750
Now, here's what you're gonna do.
1037
00:52:51,167 --> 00:52:52,294
You're gonna go out there
1038
00:52:52,377 --> 00:52:54,629
and you're gonna fuck
the first woman you see.
1039
00:52:54,713 --> 00:52:56,047
The first woman you see.
1040
00:52:56,298 --> 00:52:57,757
You are going to be ruthless.
1041
00:52:58,049 --> 00:52:59,968
You're gonna use every little dirty trick.
1042
00:53:00,051 --> 00:53:01,386
Every little manipulation.
1043
00:53:01,720 --> 00:53:03,388
Every little lie you know! You know why?
1044
00:53:03,471 --> 00:53:05,599
Because you the man! Now let's go get her.
1045
00:53:07,475 --> 00:53:09,895
The first woman you see.
The first woman you see.
1046
00:53:09,978 --> 00:53:11,354
The first woman you see.
1047
00:53:13,148 --> 00:53:15,483
The second woman you see.
The second woman you see.
1048
00:53:15,567 --> 00:53:17,027
The second woman you...
1049
00:53:21,573 --> 00:53:22,616
Oh.
1050
00:53:23,491 --> 00:53:25,368
This is almost too easy.
1051
00:53:34,419 --> 00:53:35,295
Hi. Uh...
1052
00:53:35,378 --> 00:53:36,546
- [GASPS]
- Whoa.
1053
00:53:36,630 --> 00:53:37,839
Hey, hi.
1054
00:53:37,923 --> 00:53:41,676
Um, I was just wondering,
where would I bring an overdue book?
1055
00:53:45,138 --> 00:53:45,972
Oh.
1056
00:53:47,724 --> 00:53:48,683
I'll take that.
1057
00:53:49,184 --> 00:53:52,062
[JILL] I have always loved books.
1058
00:53:52,145 --> 00:53:57,025
And so, I started studying library science
at Luther College and...
1059
00:53:58,401 --> 00:53:59,444
Oh, I'm sorry.
1060
00:53:59,527 --> 00:54:02,572
I've been going on and on and on
about myself all night.
1061
00:54:02,656 --> 00:54:04,366
- Oh, this is so embarrassing.
- No, no, no.
1062
00:54:04,449 --> 00:54:06,117
It is such a treat in this city
1063
00:54:06,201 --> 00:54:08,787
when you meet a woman
who's so honest and direct.
1064
00:54:09,955 --> 00:54:12,666
- [CHUCKLES] You're making me blush.
- Oh, you're sweet.
1065
00:54:12,916 --> 00:54:15,543
Golly, stop it. [GIGGLES]
1066
00:54:17,128 --> 00:54:19,464
Oh, uh, this is me.
1067
00:54:20,173 --> 00:54:21,132
Ah.
1068
00:54:23,218 --> 00:54:24,719
Well, it was nice to meet you, Jill.
1069
00:54:27,430 --> 00:54:28,598
Oh, thank you.
1070
00:54:30,558 --> 00:54:35,021
It was really sweet of you
to let me pick the restaurant out tonight.
1071
00:54:35,230 --> 00:54:36,648
Oh, please, I love sushi.
1072
00:54:39,192 --> 00:54:40,443
Well, uh...
1073
00:54:43,738 --> 00:54:44,614
Good night.
1074
00:54:45,573 --> 00:54:46,449
Good night.
1075
00:54:50,078 --> 00:54:50,912
Michael?
1076
00:54:51,663 --> 00:54:52,706
[IMPERCEPTIBLE]
1077
00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:58,837
Uh, I was wondering...
1078
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:01,131
I mean, this isn't really how I...
1079
00:55:01,589 --> 00:55:04,968
- Gosh. Golly, I am tongue-tied tonight.
- It's okay. You can say it.
1080
00:55:06,052 --> 00:55:08,638
Would you... like to come in?
1081
00:55:09,264 --> 00:55:12,308
Oh. Oh, no, it's way too late.
1082
00:55:12,726 --> 00:55:13,560
Okay.
1083
00:55:18,773 --> 00:55:19,983
Wow, nice place.
1084
00:55:20,066 --> 00:55:20,984
Thank you.
1085
00:55:22,068 --> 00:55:24,279
Hey, 4-H ribbons. Cool.
1086
00:55:25,238 --> 00:55:26,406
That's a big cock.
1087
00:55:27,699 --> 00:55:28,908
[JILL] Grammy.
1088
00:55:29,367 --> 00:55:31,327
Grammy, hello.
1089
00:55:31,995 --> 00:55:35,623
Grammy, I'd like you
to meet my friend, Michael.
1090
00:55:36,124 --> 00:55:38,418
Michael, this is Grammy.
1091
00:55:39,461 --> 00:55:40,962
She was a librarian, too.
1092
00:55:41,046 --> 00:55:42,047
Ah.
1093
00:55:42,213 --> 00:55:43,631
Hello, young man.
1094
00:55:45,008 --> 00:55:47,469
Wou... would you two kids like a nightcap?
1095
00:55:47,635 --> 00:55:48,595
Sure.
1096
00:55:54,517 --> 00:55:57,562
I hope you like hot butterscotch toddies.
1097
00:55:57,645 --> 00:55:59,564
They... they're Jill's favorite.
1098
00:56:00,190 --> 00:56:01,274
Mine too.
1099
00:56:02,275 --> 00:56:03,234
This is amazing.
1100
00:56:03,359 --> 00:56:06,946
It's like your granddaughter and I
are on the same wavelength or something!
1101
00:56:07,030 --> 00:56:08,114
It's spooky!
1102
00:56:08,656 --> 00:56:10,533
[MOUTHING] You want to go upstairs?
1103
00:56:11,117 --> 00:56:11,951
[IMPERCEPTIBLE]
1104
00:56:13,536 --> 00:56:14,996
Sweet dreams, Grammy.
1105
00:56:15,371 --> 00:56:16,581
Night, peanut.
1106
00:56:21,795 --> 00:56:22,670
Jill.
1107
00:56:23,421 --> 00:56:25,256
I think I could really care for you.
1108
00:56:25,799 --> 00:56:27,092
- Really?
- Yeah.
1109
00:56:28,176 --> 00:56:29,010
Whoa.
1110
00:56:31,262 --> 00:56:32,388
Hold on one second.
1111
00:56:37,310 --> 00:56:39,062
- [JILL GIGGLING]
- [CHUCKLES]
1112
00:56:39,187 --> 00:56:40,396
[BOTH MOANING]
1113
00:56:47,987 --> 00:56:50,865
Oh! I see the tables have turned.
1114
00:56:53,118 --> 00:56:55,745
What... what are you doing?
1115
00:56:56,579 --> 00:56:57,622
Trust me.
1116
00:57:01,209 --> 00:57:02,794
[CHUCKLING]
1117
00:57:04,295 --> 00:57:05,130
Oh.
1118
00:57:05,672 --> 00:57:07,715
Oh! Oh!
1119
00:57:08,591 --> 00:57:10,301
Ow! Jesus!
1120
00:57:10,510 --> 00:57:11,594
You can take it.
1121
00:57:12,011 --> 00:57:14,013
I don't know if I want to take it.
1122
00:57:15,306 --> 00:57:16,808
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
1123
00:57:20,270 --> 00:57:22,647
You've been a bad, bad boy.
1124
00:57:22,730 --> 00:57:25,859
No, no. I... I haven't. I've...
I've been a very good boy.
1125
00:57:26,526 --> 00:57:28,611
You had an overdue library book.
1126
00:57:33,241 --> 00:57:35,410
I got to tell you, Jill,
this is a little unexpected.
1127
00:57:35,952 --> 00:57:38,955
Call me "Mistress,"
you disgusting little worm.
1128
00:57:42,375 --> 00:57:45,128
You said it. We're on the same wavelength.
1129
00:57:45,628 --> 00:57:46,671
Uh, yeah.
1130
00:57:46,754 --> 00:57:49,090
All that, uh... All that wavelength stuff,
1131
00:57:49,174 --> 00:57:52,260
to be frankly honest with you, I was
just saying that to get you into bed.
1132
00:57:52,343 --> 00:57:53,887
That is not very nice.
1133
00:57:54,554 --> 00:57:57,140
In fact, that is downright naughty.
1134
00:57:57,223 --> 00:57:59,267
I've been a bad boy. I'm been very bad.
1135
00:57:59,350 --> 00:58:03,021
I'm sorry. I think I should go home
and think about what I've done.
1136
00:58:03,188 --> 00:58:04,189
That's right.
1137
00:58:04,272 --> 00:58:07,609
You should think long and hard
about what you did.
1138
00:58:09,777 --> 00:58:11,237
You naughty boy.
1139
00:58:14,991 --> 00:58:16,075
What is that?
1140
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:18,786
You piece of slime.
1141
00:58:19,287 --> 00:58:22,499
What are you... What is this? Oh! Okay!
1142
00:58:22,582 --> 00:58:26,711
Oh, look at the time. It's getting late.
I should really be heading home.
1143
00:58:26,794 --> 00:58:29,255
It's really way past my bedtime.
It's a school night.
1144
00:58:30,632 --> 00:58:34,802
You know, I... I know you'd probably love
to have me hang around so you can...
1145
00:58:35,553 --> 00:58:37,555
beat the ever-living shit out of me!
1146
00:58:37,639 --> 00:58:39,557
[SOBBING] I really should be going home.
1147
00:58:39,641 --> 00:58:40,767
Please let me go home.
1148
00:58:41,017 --> 00:58:42,268
Please, can I go home?
1149
00:58:42,352 --> 00:58:45,146
I know about boys like you.
1150
00:58:45,980 --> 00:58:48,107
You don't take books seriously.
1151
00:58:48,191 --> 00:58:49,317
Yes, I do.
1152
00:58:50,193 --> 00:58:53,821
[MUFFLED] I take books very seriously.
I take books seriously. I love books.
1153
00:58:54,239 --> 00:58:55,281
- [WHIMPERS]
- Yeah?
1154
00:58:56,157 --> 00:58:57,867
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1155
00:58:58,826 --> 00:59:00,787
Meow.
1156
00:59:04,499 --> 00:59:06,960
So you don't respect books.
1157
00:59:07,043 --> 00:59:08,002
I love books.
1158
00:59:08,086 --> 00:59:10,380
You break their bindings.
1159
00:59:10,463 --> 00:59:12,799
You doodle in their margins.
1160
00:59:12,882 --> 00:59:13,716
[MUFFLED SPEAKING]
1161
00:59:17,470 --> 00:59:20,723
That's right. You are a doodlebug.
1162
00:59:20,807 --> 00:59:22,475
[MUFFLED] I'm not a doodlebug.
1163
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:26,271
That's what you are.
Just a little, dirty bug.
1164
00:59:29,566 --> 00:59:31,442
Mmm. [LAUGHING]
1165
00:59:32,318 --> 00:59:33,570
The Scarlet Letter.
1166
00:59:34,237 --> 00:59:36,656
Great inspiration in those pages.
1167
00:59:37,532 --> 00:59:39,659
- It's an excellent choice.
- [MUFFLED SPEAKING]
1168
00:59:39,742 --> 00:59:42,787
One whack for every day overdue.
1169
00:59:44,330 --> 00:59:45,498
- [THUDS]
- [MUSIC STOPS]
1170
00:59:46,666 --> 00:59:48,626
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
1171
00:59:50,920 --> 00:59:51,963
[SIGHS]
1172
00:59:52,380 --> 00:59:54,007
[MICHAEL WHIMPERING]
1173
00:59:54,507 --> 00:59:57,176
I don't know. I'm just not feeling it.
1174
00:59:58,094 --> 01:00:00,471
Something's... missing.
1175
01:00:01,014 --> 01:00:02,140
[MUSIC RESUMES]
1176
01:00:02,223 --> 01:00:04,809
Here's Grammy!
1177
01:00:06,060 --> 01:00:07,645
[MUFFLED SCREAMING]
1178
01:00:11,232 --> 01:00:13,735
[PANTING] That's it. No more redheads.
1179
01:00:14,235 --> 01:00:15,486
No more redheads, ever.
1180
01:00:17,822 --> 01:00:19,574
God! [SOBBING]
1181
01:00:25,455 --> 01:00:29,208
- So you really like this girl, huh?
- Oh, Natalie? Ooh, man, I'm telling you.
1182
01:00:29,917 --> 01:00:30,835
She's the best.
1183
01:00:31,628 --> 01:00:33,004
Isn't it kinda time you moved on?
1184
01:00:33,087 --> 01:00:34,005
Oh, no way, dude.
1185
01:00:34,088 --> 01:00:35,882
This girl really knows how to turn me on.
1186
01:00:37,925 --> 01:00:40,511
- You find anything down there?
- Oh. Can you feel my left nut?
1187
01:00:41,888 --> 01:00:42,972
Are you out of your mind?
1188
01:00:43,056 --> 01:00:46,476
No. No, man.
It's like the size of a baseball.
1189
01:00:46,976 --> 01:00:48,728
Good for you. I'm not touching it.
1190
01:00:48,895 --> 01:00:50,313
Yeah, this other one's fine.
1191
01:00:51,064 --> 01:00:53,608
But this one feels like
a cantaloupe or something.
1192
01:00:53,816 --> 01:00:55,818
Must be those blue balls you mentioned.
1193
01:00:56,778 --> 01:00:58,655
Feel it. I'm serious.
Tell me what you think.
1194
01:00:58,738 --> 01:01:01,240
I think I'm about to kick your ass!
1195
01:01:01,324 --> 01:01:03,868
Dude. Come on. Dude. Mike. Oh, come...
1196
01:01:04,952 --> 01:01:06,329
Mike, come on!
1197
01:01:07,038 --> 01:01:08,915
A real pal would feel my balls.
1198
01:01:09,165 --> 01:01:10,375
We were showering at the gym.
1199
01:01:10,458 --> 01:01:14,045
And I looked down and my left nut
is the size of an Easter egg.
1200
01:01:14,837 --> 01:01:16,255
What do you want me to do about it?
1201
01:01:16,339 --> 01:01:19,217
Well, you know... [STUTTERS]
...I want your professional opinion.
1202
01:01:19,300 --> 01:01:21,177
You want me to grope your balls?
1203
01:01:21,260 --> 01:01:23,388
Well, yeah, just the left one.
Mike wouldn't do it.
1204
01:01:23,471 --> 01:01:25,848
Come on, Steve, you're a doctor.
Feel his balls.
1205
01:01:26,015 --> 01:01:29,435
Okay, I'm a proctologist, not a urologist.
1206
01:01:29,644 --> 01:01:32,522
So, you'll jam your fingers up
his ass, but won't touch his balls?
1207
01:01:32,605 --> 01:01:33,981
- Please just feel them!
- Come on!
1208
01:01:34,065 --> 01:01:35,942
You went to medical school,
you gotta know...
1209
01:01:36,025 --> 01:01:38,611
All right! Slow down! Slow down!
1210
01:01:41,114 --> 01:01:41,989
I'll do it.
1211
01:01:42,281 --> 01:01:43,616
[EXHALES] Thanks.
1212
01:01:44,367 --> 01:01:45,410
I need my nurse present.
1213
01:01:46,577 --> 01:01:47,412
[INTERCOM BEEPS]
1214
01:01:47,495 --> 01:01:50,456
Yeah, Shirley, could you have
my nurse come in here, please?
1215
01:01:50,540 --> 01:01:52,291
[SHIRLEY] She's in room 12 with your wife.
1216
01:01:52,375 --> 01:01:55,128
They've been back there for about
a half an hour, at least.
1217
01:01:55,795 --> 01:01:57,797
- Oh, shitballs!
- [ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
1218
01:01:59,132 --> 01:02:00,883
[WOMAN] Harder. Do it harder.
1219
01:02:01,592 --> 01:02:03,177
[TRICIA GRUNTING]
1220
01:02:04,470 --> 01:02:06,013
I finally caught you, you dirty...
1221
01:02:10,768 --> 01:02:14,897
Steve, you finish that sentence,
and I swear to God I'm calling a lawyer.
1222
01:02:22,739 --> 01:02:24,323
We better go with two on this one.
1223
01:02:34,125 --> 01:02:35,168
Jesus.
1224
01:02:36,127 --> 01:02:37,462
This is huge.
1225
01:02:38,713 --> 01:02:40,339
Like a kumquat.
1226
01:02:41,632 --> 01:02:42,717
What does it mean?
1227
01:02:43,801 --> 01:02:44,761
Beats me.
1228
01:02:47,096 --> 01:02:49,474
I'm not gonna beat around
the dance floor, Mr. Brenner.
1229
01:02:50,391 --> 01:02:51,434
It's cancer.
1230
01:02:53,019 --> 01:02:54,145
Oh, Jesus.
1231
01:02:56,564 --> 01:02:58,024
It's only in the one testicle.
1232
01:02:58,274 --> 01:03:00,943
We'll run some more tests
after we remove it.
1233
01:03:02,320 --> 01:03:04,530
[STUTTERS] You mean, remove the cancer?
1234
01:03:04,614 --> 01:03:07,033
No, Mr. Brenner.
I mean, remove the testicle.
1235
01:03:07,116 --> 01:03:10,036
If I don't remove it, you could die.
1236
01:03:11,162 --> 01:03:13,873
Well, just how painful a death
are we talking about here, doc?
1237
01:03:15,458 --> 01:03:16,751
Let me give it to you straight.
1238
01:03:18,085 --> 01:03:20,421
The affected region
is too close to the spine
1239
01:03:20,505 --> 01:03:22,715
to allow me to give you any anesthesia.
1240
01:03:23,132 --> 01:03:26,928
So we plan to make a gash in the abdomen.
1241
01:03:27,470 --> 01:03:31,808
Reach down, yank the scrotum up
into the abdominal cavity
1242
01:03:32,266 --> 01:03:34,644
and saw off the testicle.
1243
01:03:37,396 --> 01:03:42,527
There's a 40% chance
we're going to have to amputate the penis.
1244
01:03:42,610 --> 01:03:43,653
Oh, God!
1245
01:03:45,738 --> 01:03:46,989
[STUTTERS]
1246
01:03:47,156 --> 01:03:48,908
[LAUGHING] Had you going.
1247
01:03:48,991 --> 01:03:52,370
- That is why I love this job.
- [EXHALES]
1248
01:03:52,453 --> 01:03:55,414
Actually, it's painless.
The procedure takes about an hour.
1249
01:03:55,498 --> 01:03:58,960
[SIGHS] Okay.
Uh, so will I still be able to...
1250
01:03:59,043 --> 01:04:01,712
- [CHUCKLES] You know?
- Play the trombone?
1251
01:04:01,796 --> 01:04:05,842
No, I mean, with girls.
You know? I mean, will I... Can I still...
1252
01:04:06,092 --> 01:04:09,679
Ooh, ride the one-eyed hoagie?
[LAUGHS] Of course you can, son.
1253
01:04:10,972 --> 01:04:14,976
However, I recommend to most
of my patients before this procedure
1254
01:04:15,059 --> 01:04:18,062
that they make a little deposit
in the sperm bank
1255
01:04:18,145 --> 01:04:20,523
before the operation, just in case.
1256
01:04:20,606 --> 01:04:23,276
Just go on over, you know,
give her a whack.
1257
01:04:23,776 --> 01:04:24,652
Pfft.
1258
01:04:24,735 --> 01:04:26,320
Oh, I really don't want to do this...
1259
01:04:26,404 --> 01:04:28,698
Whoa, hey, I'm not asking you
to go in the room with me.
1260
01:04:28,781 --> 01:04:31,784
I'm saying if you do it too,
it might make me more comfortable.
1261
01:04:31,868 --> 01:04:34,745
I mean, look at this place.
It's completely professional, right?
1262
01:04:34,871 --> 01:04:38,332
Hi. We're here to make a... deposit.
1263
01:04:39,542 --> 01:04:41,419
Oh, I really don't wanna do this.
1264
01:04:41,502 --> 01:04:43,045
Sign these forms.
1265
01:04:43,838 --> 01:04:46,173
And fill these bottles.
1266
01:04:47,216 --> 01:04:50,011
So, if I run into trouble back there...
1267
01:04:51,262 --> 01:04:52,763
you gonna come and give me a hand?
1268
01:04:52,847 --> 01:04:54,390
Never heard that one before.
1269
01:04:54,932 --> 01:04:57,310
You're in room seven,
and you're gonna be in room nine.
1270
01:04:58,185 --> 01:04:59,020
Okay.
1271
01:05:16,412 --> 01:05:18,539
["FEEL LIKE MAKING LOVE"
BY ERIC GILLIOM PLAYING]
1272
01:05:18,623 --> 01:05:23,711
♪ Strolling in the park
Watching winter turn to spring ♪
1273
01:05:27,882 --> 01:05:34,513
♪ Walking in the dark
Seeing lovers do their thing ♪
1274
01:05:36,015 --> 01:05:38,309
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
1275
01:05:38,768 --> 01:05:40,853
♪ That's the time ♪
1276
01:05:41,854 --> 01:05:43,189
♪ I feel like making love... ♪
1277
01:05:43,272 --> 01:05:45,107
Oh. Come on.
1278
01:05:45,775 --> 01:05:47,485
♪ To you ♪
1279
01:05:49,654 --> 01:05:51,781
♪ That's the time... ♪
1280
01:05:53,699 --> 01:05:54,575
Come on.
1281
01:05:57,203 --> 01:05:59,372
Oh, Michael, you're the greatest.
1282
01:06:00,414 --> 01:06:02,625
[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
1283
01:06:09,340 --> 01:06:10,675
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1284
01:06:47,336 --> 01:06:49,088
[EXHALES] Here you go.
1285
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:51,674
Eh.
1286
01:06:56,721 --> 01:06:58,014
[LAUGHS] Dude.
1287
01:07:00,933 --> 01:07:01,767
Dude!
1288
01:07:11,444 --> 01:07:12,486
Dude!
1289
01:07:13,279 --> 01:07:14,196
Oh, yeah!
1290
01:07:18,409 --> 01:07:19,285
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
1291
01:07:25,124 --> 01:07:26,042
Hey, Mike.
1292
01:07:26,167 --> 01:07:28,669
Hey, I, uh, brought you a plant.
1293
01:07:29,253 --> 01:07:32,423
[CHUCKLES, GROANS] Oh, dude,
don't make me laugh.
1294
01:07:33,007 --> 01:07:35,259
Has, uh, Natalie been here all night?
1295
01:07:35,384 --> 01:07:36,385
[SIGHS]
1296
01:07:36,469 --> 01:07:37,845
She never left my side.
1297
01:07:38,012 --> 01:07:39,597
You know, she says this whole happened
1298
01:07:39,680 --> 01:07:42,933
because I've got too much karma
in my genitals.
1299
01:07:43,059 --> 01:07:45,186
- How was it?
- It was all right.
1300
01:07:45,478 --> 01:07:47,897
Doc says the other
rocket launcher's good, so...
1301
01:07:52,276 --> 01:07:53,861
Mike. Come here. Come here.
1302
01:08:01,368 --> 01:08:02,369
I want my ball.
1303
01:08:03,871 --> 01:08:07,666
Kyle, I understand that,
but look on the bright side.
1304
01:08:07,750 --> 01:08:09,460
I mean, you still have one healthy one.
1305
01:08:09,543 --> 01:08:11,629
No, you don't understand. I want it.
1306
01:08:12,088 --> 01:08:14,882
I want to take it home with me,
and the nurses said I can't do that.
1307
01:08:15,674 --> 01:08:18,219
- It's not a tooth, Kyle.
- It belongs to me.
1308
01:08:19,178 --> 01:08:20,054
I miss it.
1309
01:08:21,680 --> 01:08:23,182
Please. Get my nut.
1310
01:08:23,766 --> 01:08:24,850
[LIGHT R&B MUSIC]
1311
01:08:24,934 --> 01:08:27,061
[INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA SYSTEM]
1312
01:08:27,978 --> 01:08:28,896
[DOOR OPENS]
1313
01:08:42,326 --> 01:08:44,036
[MAN] It fell right on the floor.
1314
01:08:44,411 --> 01:08:45,538
[WOMAN] What? The kidney?
1315
01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,832
[MAN] It slipped from my hand.
I was so embarrassed.
1316
01:08:47,915 --> 01:08:50,417
Then Myrtle kicks it,
it rolls under the OR table,
1317
01:08:50,501 --> 01:08:51,794
slides across the room...
1318
01:08:55,297 --> 01:08:56,215
Ow!
1319
01:08:57,800 --> 01:08:58,843
[DOOR CLOSES]
1320
01:09:09,436 --> 01:09:11,522
Brenner, Brenner, Brenner.
1321
01:09:12,231 --> 01:09:15,693
Brenner, Brenner, Brenner. Brenner.
1322
01:09:24,243 --> 01:09:25,828
I can't believe I'm doing this.
1323
01:09:30,166 --> 01:09:31,167
[SCREAMS]
1324
01:09:32,168 --> 01:09:33,961
Oh, no! Oh, no.
1325
01:09:42,553 --> 01:09:44,680
Okay. Okay.
1326
01:09:46,098 --> 01:09:48,100
Okay, come on. Come to Papa.
1327
01:09:48,601 --> 01:09:51,187
Slippery little guy. Got you.
1328
01:09:59,862 --> 01:10:03,240
I got to put this in something.
Got to find something to put this in.
1329
01:10:03,824 --> 01:10:04,783
Oops!
1330
01:10:06,493 --> 01:10:08,662
Where'd it go? Where'd you go?
1331
01:10:11,415 --> 01:10:13,709
Where'd you go?
1332
01:10:16,378 --> 01:10:17,213
[GRUNTS]
1333
01:10:21,175 --> 01:10:23,135
Hey! You can't be in here.
1334
01:10:31,894 --> 01:10:32,728
Oh!
1335
01:10:44,365 --> 01:10:45,199
[CLANKS]
1336
01:10:46,992 --> 01:10:47,910
[GRUNTS]
1337
01:10:53,415 --> 01:10:54,750
[LAUGHING VICTORIOUSLY]
1338
01:10:57,670 --> 01:11:01,924
Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!
1339
01:11:19,525 --> 01:11:21,860
Whoa. Hold on the sticky buns.
Give me these sticky buns.
1340
01:11:21,944 --> 01:11:23,862
- You have to stand in line.
- Give them to me.
1341
01:11:25,406 --> 01:11:26,615
You have to...
1342
01:11:27,366 --> 01:11:28,200
stand...
1343
01:11:28,909 --> 01:11:29,785
in...
1344
01:11:30,661 --> 01:11:31,578
line!
1345
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:38,794
Doctor!
1346
01:11:40,129 --> 01:11:41,588
Do not eat that!
1347
01:11:41,672 --> 01:11:42,840
[ALL GAG]
1348
01:11:48,053 --> 01:11:48,887
[GAGS]
1349
01:12:01,442 --> 01:12:02,276
[EXHALES]
1350
01:12:06,780 --> 01:12:07,614
Hey, did you get it?
1351
01:12:07,948 --> 01:12:10,159
Uh, yep. I got it.
1352
01:12:11,243 --> 01:12:14,538
[CHUCKLES] Wow.
So that's what a nut looks like.
1353
01:12:15,497 --> 01:12:17,791
Yeah, that's a nut.
1354
01:12:18,125 --> 01:12:18,959
[CHUCKLES]
1355
01:12:20,294 --> 01:12:22,421
Thanks, Mike. You're a lifesaver.
1356
01:12:22,921 --> 01:12:23,797
I appreciate it.
1357
01:12:24,590 --> 01:12:27,760
Mike, you remember our deal,
about banging every girl in the world?
1358
01:12:27,885 --> 01:12:29,219
That's on you now, pal.
1359
01:12:30,763 --> 01:12:31,930
I'll get right on that.
1360
01:12:32,765 --> 01:12:35,100
- [BOTH MOANING]
- Okay.
1361
01:12:35,934 --> 01:12:37,770
All right. Okay.
1362
01:12:40,230 --> 01:12:41,607
- Call me. Call me.
- Okay.
1363
01:12:41,857 --> 01:12:45,110
[CHUCKLES] Okay. Oh.
1364
01:12:45,736 --> 01:12:47,696
- Don't get too comfortable.
- [CHUCKLES]
1365
01:12:50,282 --> 01:12:51,950
You have got to wait your turn.
1366
01:12:52,076 --> 01:12:53,744
Hurry up, Michael, I'm next.
1367
01:12:54,161 --> 01:12:57,623
- Give me a couple minutes of rest here.
- Kyle doesn't take this long.
1368
01:12:57,706 --> 01:13:00,042
- Two, three minutes and he's always done.
- Girls, let me...
1369
01:13:00,125 --> 01:13:03,295
You have to hurry if you want
to get every woman in the world.
1370
01:13:03,629 --> 01:13:06,632
Please, let me just shut my eyes,
for like, literally 30 seconds,
1371
01:13:06,715 --> 01:13:08,926
and then just a little sandwich...
1372
01:13:09,009 --> 01:13:11,637
[ALL] Oh, Michael! Oh, Michael!
1373
01:13:12,679 --> 01:13:14,640
[IMPERCEPTIBLE]
1374
01:13:14,723 --> 01:13:16,141
[DISTORTED CLAMORING]
1375
01:13:20,729 --> 01:13:22,731
[MICHAEL SCREAMING]
1376
01:13:25,359 --> 01:13:27,152
- [PHONE RINGING]
- [PANTING]
1377
01:13:33,075 --> 01:13:35,411
- Hello.
- Michael, it's Carlos.
1378
01:13:36,328 --> 01:13:39,206
Listen, I know you still got
three days and 14 hours to go,
1379
01:13:39,289 --> 01:13:42,000
but, uh, since you've run out of shit
for me to take,
1380
01:13:42,084 --> 01:13:45,712
I remind you,
if you don't pay, you die.
1381
01:13:46,463 --> 01:13:47,714
No problem. I'll have it.
1382
01:13:47,965 --> 01:13:51,093
You're as bad a liar
as you are a gambler, Mr. Delany.
1383
01:13:51,427 --> 01:13:52,636
I'll see you Friday.
1384
01:13:58,308 --> 01:14:00,561
Hey, Mike. How's it going, man?
1385
01:14:02,354 --> 01:14:04,314
[GRUNTING]
1386
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:08,193
I'm just kidding, man. Ow!
1387
01:14:08,610 --> 01:14:09,611
[GRUNTS] I'm all better.
1388
01:14:10,070 --> 01:14:10,904
I'm fine.
1389
01:14:10,988 --> 01:14:13,157
Hey, I bring this with me everywhere I go.
1390
01:14:13,365 --> 01:14:14,783
- [CHUCKLES]
- Thanks to you.
1391
01:14:14,867 --> 01:14:16,368
Hey, thanks for showing up today.
1392
01:14:16,452 --> 01:14:18,871
Thanks for coming by.
I wanted you to be here for this.
1393
01:14:18,954 --> 01:14:19,955
Here for what?
1394
01:14:20,831 --> 01:14:22,374
[SIGHS] You're busted, Mike.
1395
01:14:23,083 --> 01:14:24,293
Natalie told me what you did.
1396
01:14:24,376 --> 01:14:26,545
- She what?
- Yeah, how you went to find her.
1397
01:14:26,712 --> 01:14:27,838
I can't believe it.
1398
01:14:28,755 --> 01:14:30,007
Kyle, I am so sorry, I...
1399
01:14:30,090 --> 01:14:33,427
How you tracked her down after you heard
my story, to see if we'd fit together.
1400
01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:34,595
[EXHALES]
1401
01:14:35,095 --> 01:14:36,054
Who does that?
1402
01:14:36,638 --> 01:14:38,432
Thank you. You're the best, pal.
1403
01:14:40,809 --> 01:14:42,561
Did she, uh, tell you she's a cop?
1404
01:14:42,811 --> 01:14:44,938
Well, yeah. Yeah, that whole
cosmetics counter thing?
1405
01:14:45,022 --> 01:14:46,398
That was an undercover gig.
1406
01:14:46,607 --> 01:14:47,608
Very clever.
1407
01:14:49,735 --> 01:14:50,777
- Monsieur.
- Oh.
1408
01:14:51,195 --> 01:14:52,696
- Thank you.
- Monsieur.
1409
01:14:52,905 --> 01:14:53,739
[KYLE SIGHS]
1410
01:14:53,822 --> 01:14:54,865
[KYLE] You know what?
1411
01:14:56,033 --> 01:14:59,077
[SIGHS] When death has
literally got you by the balls,
1412
01:14:59,203 --> 01:15:01,371
everything you've been afraid of,
suddenly... [EXHALES]
1413
01:15:01,455 --> 01:15:02,498
...seems unimportant.
1414
01:15:02,873 --> 01:15:07,252
I mean, there are things that I can do now
that I... I never could do before.
1415
01:15:09,046 --> 01:15:09,963
For instance...
1416
01:15:12,508 --> 01:15:14,426
[SIGHS] ...Officer Natalie Parker,
1417
01:15:15,010 --> 01:15:17,346
I have been arrested by your beauty.
1418
01:15:17,471 --> 01:15:20,015
And I would love to serve a life sentence
1419
01:15:20,849 --> 01:15:22,309
in the jail of your heart.
1420
01:15:24,228 --> 01:15:25,062
Oh, my God.
1421
01:15:27,940 --> 01:15:28,774
Yes.
1422
01:15:30,067 --> 01:15:31,652
Of course I'll marry you, Kyle.
1423
01:15:32,236 --> 01:15:34,238
- [PEOPLE EXCLAIMING]
- [ALL APPLAUDING]
1424
01:15:38,408 --> 01:15:39,993
I can't believe I've done this.
1425
01:15:40,202 --> 01:15:42,704
I've delivered Natalie
right into the devil's lair.
1426
01:15:43,830 --> 01:15:46,667
I finally feel like I can have
something real with someone.
1427
01:15:46,959 --> 01:15:48,293
You know, something solid.
1428
01:15:48,752 --> 01:15:49,795
Built on trust.
1429
01:15:50,420 --> 01:15:51,672
Like what you and Tricia have.
1430
01:15:56,051 --> 01:15:58,053
Now she's going to go off and marry him.
1431
01:15:59,012 --> 01:16:01,557
Why don't you step up, man?
Tell her how you feel.
1432
01:16:01,640 --> 01:16:03,267
Tell her you love her, you puss.
1433
01:16:03,475 --> 01:16:05,769
Have you not been listening?
She's in love with Kyle.
1434
01:16:06,395 --> 01:16:07,938
I don't know, Steve, it's so weird.
1435
01:16:09,147 --> 01:16:10,566
For the first time in my life...
1436
01:16:11,358 --> 01:16:13,819
someone else matters more to me than...
1437
01:16:14,778 --> 01:16:16,113
I matter to myself.
1438
01:16:16,238 --> 01:16:19,116
Well, you changed
after all that shit you went through.
1439
01:16:20,325 --> 01:16:22,703
I'm exercising. I mean, people change.
1440
01:16:23,704 --> 01:16:25,831
You know what?
Maybe Kyle has changed, too.
1441
01:16:26,665 --> 01:16:27,749
All he went through?
1442
01:16:28,333 --> 01:16:29,876
Maybe he's a changed man now.
1443
01:16:30,043 --> 01:16:33,005
- [RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
- Oh, yeah, baby! [LAUGHS]
1444
01:16:33,338 --> 01:16:35,382
Whoo! All right!
1445
01:16:35,465 --> 01:16:38,260
Come on, give it to me. [GRUNTS] Yeah.
1446
01:16:38,468 --> 01:16:40,262
Whoo! All right, I'll be right back, baby.
1447
01:16:40,721 --> 01:16:42,764
Yo. Hello.
1448
01:16:42,889 --> 01:16:44,558
What's up? Having fun? Yeah!
1449
01:16:47,019 --> 01:16:48,812
Calm down! [WHOOPS]
1450
01:16:51,231 --> 01:16:53,066
How rocking is this? Whoo!
1451
01:16:53,442 --> 01:16:54,985
Oh. [GRUNTS]
1452
01:16:57,529 --> 01:17:00,657
Yo, man, Mike! What's the matter?
You're not having a good time, buddy?
1453
01:17:00,741 --> 01:17:02,701
No. I'm... Whoo! Hey, all right!
1454
01:17:02,784 --> 01:17:05,829
Dude, you got to get a load
of some of these women. They're amazing.
1455
01:17:05,912 --> 01:17:08,165
Okay, look, you see
that one there? In the blue?
1456
01:17:08,248 --> 01:17:12,252
[LAUGHS] You wouldn't believe
what she can do with ping-pong balls.
1457
01:17:12,628 --> 01:17:14,338
Gentlemen, it is show time!
1458
01:17:14,421 --> 01:17:16,214
Come on! Come on!
1459
01:17:16,298 --> 01:17:18,008
[ALL CHEERING]
1460
01:17:20,927 --> 01:17:22,387
Mike, did you see this?
1461
01:17:22,679 --> 01:17:24,723
Yo, Cherry, come here! Come here, Cherry.
1462
01:17:25,682 --> 01:17:27,934
This is... Hey, sit down. This is Michael.
1463
01:17:28,018 --> 01:17:29,770
- Hey, she's a student.
- Ah.
1464
01:17:29,853 --> 01:17:31,938
Right now I'm concentrating
on my actressing.
1465
01:17:32,439 --> 01:17:34,066
Oh. Oh, come over here, Cherry.
1466
01:17:34,149 --> 01:17:37,194
Mmm. Ooh, you sexy little
actress thing, you.
1467
01:17:37,319 --> 01:17:39,446
What do you say we go back
in the bedroom right now?
1468
01:17:39,529 --> 01:17:40,739
Can I bring a friend?
1469
01:17:41,073 --> 01:17:42,074
[SIGHS]
1470
01:17:42,157 --> 01:17:44,826
Sure, hey, it's my bachelor party.
The more, the merrier.
1471
01:17:44,910 --> 01:17:47,663
- Hi.
- Oh, hello there! Oh, yeah!
1472
01:17:48,038 --> 01:17:48,872
Wow.
1473
01:17:49,289 --> 01:17:51,541
- You're cool with this, right, Mike?
- Uh, yeah.
1474
01:17:51,708 --> 01:17:54,211
Everybody's entitled to their last hurrah.
1475
01:17:54,294 --> 01:17:55,170
Yeah, la...
1476
01:17:55,253 --> 01:17:56,213
Hey, girls.
1477
01:17:56,380 --> 01:17:59,216
Hey, you want to go in the bedroom
and start warming up without me,
1478
01:17:59,299 --> 01:18:00,801
and I'll be there in a minute?
1479
01:18:00,967 --> 01:18:03,136
Great. Oof!
1480
01:18:04,346 --> 01:18:05,263
Thank you. Thank you.
1481
01:18:05,889 --> 01:18:07,766
What are you talking about, last hurrah?
1482
01:18:07,933 --> 01:18:09,017
I don't know. I mean, I...
1483
01:18:09,101 --> 01:18:12,437
I just figure you're getting married
tomorrow morning at 9:00 a.m.
1484
01:18:12,521 --> 01:18:16,233
You know, you're entitled one last dip
in the bachelor pool.
1485
01:18:16,650 --> 01:18:17,984
[ALL CHEERING]
1486
01:18:18,068 --> 01:18:19,528
[LAUGHING]
1487
01:18:20,028 --> 01:18:22,906
You're funny. You're hysterical, man.
1488
01:18:24,658 --> 01:18:25,826
You're joking, right?
1489
01:18:26,368 --> 01:18:27,536
I thought you loved her.
1490
01:18:27,619 --> 01:18:30,163
- Dude, love's got nothing to do with it.
- [GUESTS] Go, go, go!
1491
01:18:30,288 --> 01:18:31,123
[ALL CHEERING]
1492
01:18:32,958 --> 01:18:34,710
Oh! Oh, God.
1493
01:18:36,002 --> 01:18:38,380
Hey, you know, Nat is gonna be
a great baby-maker, dude.
1494
01:18:38,463 --> 01:18:40,966
I could sleep with whoever I want.
That's the beauty of it.
1495
01:18:41,049 --> 01:18:44,594
'Cause she's gonna be at home with
the kids. She's never gonna know. [LAUGHS]
1496
01:18:45,429 --> 01:18:47,222
Whoo! Hey, girls! What's up?
1497
01:18:47,305 --> 01:18:48,724
[STEVE LAUGHING]
1498
01:18:48,932 --> 01:18:51,768
I thought you were going to go
warm up in bed without me.
1499
01:18:53,061 --> 01:18:54,312
Hey, hey!
1500
01:18:54,563 --> 01:18:55,689
[THUDDING]
1501
01:19:00,694 --> 01:19:02,779
You did it, man. [LAUGHS]
1502
01:19:03,530 --> 01:19:05,741
You won the bet, man! [LAUGHING]
1503
01:19:06,908 --> 01:19:08,118
You're gonna be rich.
1504
01:19:08,243 --> 01:19:12,581
Tomorrow morning at 9:00,
in the morning, you're gonna be rich.
1505
01:19:12,789 --> 01:19:14,082
Rich! [LAUGHING]
1506
01:19:16,418 --> 01:19:19,045
No, Steve. No, I'm not.
1507
01:19:19,755 --> 01:19:21,798
I have got a wedding to stop!
1508
01:19:22,799 --> 01:19:23,800
[GROANING]
1509
01:19:36,354 --> 01:19:38,690
I cannot believe you let Kyle
plan this wedding.
1510
01:19:38,774 --> 01:19:39,649
[NATALIE SIGHS]
1511
01:19:39,733 --> 01:19:42,652
- It doesn't matter.
- You're really going through with this?
1512
01:19:44,029 --> 01:19:47,365
Hey, guys, look at me. I mean,
do I look amazing or what, huh?
1513
01:19:47,491 --> 01:19:49,117
[CHUCKLES] Oh, and we're in luck.
1514
01:19:49,201 --> 01:19:52,078
My Uncle Murray's working today,
he's gonna be perform the ceremonies.
1515
01:19:52,162 --> 01:19:53,163
He's my hero.
1516
01:19:53,246 --> 01:19:55,832
And the witnesses sign in triplicate.
1517
01:19:55,916 --> 01:19:58,043
That's three, tres, trois,
1518
01:19:58,126 --> 01:20:03,340
and then, I stamp a little,
I notarize, I file it.
1519
01:20:03,757 --> 01:20:05,884
- Voilà.
- [ORGAN PLAYING]
1520
01:20:07,344 --> 01:20:09,805
Can't you just feel the romance?
1521
01:20:13,517 --> 01:20:14,851
[TICKING]
1522
01:20:16,102 --> 01:20:17,354
[MICHAEL GROANS]
1523
01:20:19,940 --> 01:20:21,399
Oh, no. Oh, no!
1524
01:20:21,483 --> 01:20:23,527
No! [GRUNTS]
1525
01:20:26,613 --> 01:20:29,115
Where are my clothes?
Where are my clothes?
1526
01:20:30,408 --> 01:20:32,202
Clothes, clothes. Where are my clothes?
1527
01:20:32,786 --> 01:20:34,287
Where are...
1528
01:20:35,121 --> 01:20:36,665
Excuse me, ma'am? Ma'am?
1529
01:20:36,748 --> 01:20:39,960
Excuse me, ma'am. Please get up.
Have you seen a pair of pants?
1530
01:20:42,254 --> 01:20:44,381
Could I... I'm gonna borrow
your jacket, okay?
1531
01:20:44,464 --> 01:20:46,174
There we go. Please, help me.
1532
01:20:46,258 --> 01:20:48,343
There we go. Okay. Here we go.
1533
01:20:49,219 --> 01:20:52,097
I will return this. I...
I promise I'll return this, okay?
1534
01:20:56,643 --> 01:20:58,186
Whoa! Slow down!
1535
01:20:59,145 --> 01:21:00,105
That was close.
1536
01:21:02,107 --> 01:21:02,983
[MAN GROANS]
1537
01:21:03,066 --> 01:21:04,150
[ALL GASP]
1538
01:21:09,531 --> 01:21:10,615
[STRINGS TWANGING]
1539
01:21:16,913 --> 01:21:17,747
[GRUNTS]
1540
01:21:31,761 --> 01:21:34,681
Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
1541
01:21:38,393 --> 01:21:40,812
Fur coat!
1542
01:21:40,896 --> 01:21:43,732
- [ALL SHOUTING]
- What are you... Stop it!
1543
01:21:58,955 --> 01:22:03,376
Marriage is a state
that is not entered into easily.
1544
01:22:04,085 --> 01:22:05,670
It is damn hard, kids.
1545
01:22:05,754 --> 01:22:08,006
It requires dedication
1546
01:22:08,673 --> 01:22:10,550
and a lot of sacrifices.
1547
01:22:10,634 --> 01:22:13,261
Like, for instance,
if you have a mother-in-law
1548
01:22:13,345 --> 01:22:15,805
who figures that she can
come and stay over with you
1549
01:22:15,889 --> 01:22:17,766
whenever she damn pleases!
1550
01:22:17,849 --> 01:22:19,351
She comes in, "Hello, I'm here,"
1551
01:22:19,434 --> 01:22:21,686
and stays in the toilet
for an hour and a half!
1552
01:22:21,770 --> 01:22:23,730
Who reads War and Peace in the toilet?
1553
01:22:28,693 --> 01:22:29,527
[SCREAMS]
1554
01:22:30,070 --> 01:22:32,489
- Mommy! Mommy!
- I'm a good stranger. It's okay.
1555
01:22:32,572 --> 01:22:35,367
- Hey, you! Stop!
- I'm not weird. We were just talking.
1556
01:22:38,620 --> 01:22:42,916
Kyle, do you promise
to make love to Natalie
1557
01:22:43,416 --> 01:22:45,168
and only Natalie,
1558
01:22:45,752 --> 01:22:47,796
until one of you is dead?
1559
01:22:48,672 --> 01:22:49,714
[RECORD SCRATCHES]
1560
01:22:53,259 --> 01:22:54,135
[WOMAN HUMMING]
1561
01:22:57,973 --> 01:22:59,849
- [SCREAMS]
- Oh, no, no, no.
1562
01:22:59,975 --> 01:23:01,559
I wasn't looking at you.
1563
01:23:01,810 --> 01:23:03,478
- Don't do that.
- [WHISTLING]
1564
01:23:08,316 --> 01:23:10,694
Be advised, we're looking for
a peeping Tom.
1565
01:23:14,280 --> 01:23:16,533
This guy is really twisted.
1566
01:23:16,616 --> 01:23:19,035
And do you, my handsome nephew, Kyle,
1567
01:23:19,119 --> 01:23:22,163
take Natalie to be
your lawful wedded wife,
1568
01:23:22,664 --> 01:23:25,500
through the good times and the bad times,
1569
01:23:26,292 --> 01:23:29,379
and the times she won't talk to you
for months?
1570
01:23:30,255 --> 01:23:32,882
And even worse, when she will.
1571
01:23:32,966 --> 01:23:36,845
So you pretend you're asleep
at night, so she'll leave you alone.
1572
01:23:37,637 --> 01:23:39,305
But you lie there in the dark,
1573
01:23:39,389 --> 01:23:45,770
listening to her grind her teeth,
hour after hour, like a fucking hacksaw?
1574
01:23:46,688 --> 01:23:47,981
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
1575
01:23:48,064 --> 01:23:49,941
[POLICE SIRENS WAILING]
1576
01:23:56,239 --> 01:23:57,198
I made it.
1577
01:23:58,199 --> 01:23:59,784
[CARS HONKING]
1578
01:24:02,704 --> 01:24:04,539
[MAN] Nice dress, bonehead!
1579
01:24:04,622 --> 01:24:05,749
Sorry. My mistake.
1580
01:24:05,957 --> 01:24:07,917
- [HORNS BLARING, TIRES SCREECHING]
- [SCREAMING]
1581
01:24:08,835 --> 01:24:09,669
[GRUNTS]
1582
01:24:14,549 --> 01:24:16,384
[UNCLE MURRAY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
1583
01:24:16,468 --> 01:24:17,385
Stop the wedding!
1584
01:24:17,886 --> 01:24:19,512
[WAGNER'S "BRIDAL CHORUS" PLAYING]
1585
01:24:19,596 --> 01:24:20,764
I love you!
1586
01:24:27,604 --> 01:24:29,731
I thought you said
you were done with all that.
1587
01:24:29,814 --> 01:24:33,193
Oh, it's not Peter.
I don't even know who this guy is.
1588
01:24:33,610 --> 01:24:36,112
["GET IT WHILE YOU CAN"
BY MARTI FREDERIKSEN PLAYS]
1589
01:24:40,742 --> 01:24:44,996
♪ Went to Las Vegas ♪
1590
01:24:46,372 --> 01:24:50,919
♪ To see the Eiffel Tower ♪
1591
01:24:51,961 --> 01:24:56,174
♪ Silicone ladies... ♪
1592
01:24:58,468 --> 01:25:01,805
I'm curious, Mr. Delany.
How did you get the money?
1593
01:25:03,640 --> 01:25:05,600
I guess you could say I sold my soul.
1594
01:25:07,018 --> 01:25:08,186
Yeah, I see a lot of that.
1595
01:25:08,269 --> 01:25:12,315
♪ Can't remember half the things I did ♪
1596
01:25:13,566 --> 01:25:14,776
♪ But I bounced back... ♪
1597
01:25:14,859 --> 01:25:15,902
[WOMAN GIGGLING]
1598
01:25:18,905 --> 01:25:23,326
♪ Woke up one day older ♪
1599
01:25:23,576 --> 01:25:28,123
♪ "Get it while you can"
Someone said... ♪
1600
01:25:28,206 --> 01:25:29,165
[KYLE] Michael.
1601
01:25:29,249 --> 01:25:31,918
♪ Get it while you can... ♪
1602
01:25:33,253 --> 01:25:34,212
Way to go, Kyle.
1603
01:25:34,838 --> 01:25:37,799
Marry the best woman in the world
and that's still not enough for you.
1604
01:25:38,466 --> 01:25:39,342
What?
1605
01:25:39,759 --> 01:25:41,427
- You're married?
- No, I... He...
1606
01:25:43,221 --> 01:25:44,180
[SPUTTERS]
1607
01:25:46,099 --> 01:25:49,060
Thanks a lot, asshole. Looks like
you got something on your nose.
1608
01:25:49,144 --> 01:25:50,854
[BOTH GRUNT]
1609
01:25:51,521 --> 01:25:53,773
The two of you were in on it
together, weren't you, huh?
1610
01:25:53,857 --> 01:25:55,942
- Take me for a ride.
- What are you talking about?
1611
01:25:56,025 --> 01:25:58,778
You got it all! What are you
tapping me on the nose for?
1612
01:25:59,154 --> 01:26:00,405
You really don't know, do you?
1613
01:26:01,322 --> 01:26:04,576
It happened on our wedding night, man.
I thought everything was going fine.
1614
01:26:04,659 --> 01:26:06,703
I was getting ready to give her
the old hose down.
1615
01:26:06,786 --> 01:26:09,497
Well, hello, Mrs. Brenner.
1616
01:26:09,789 --> 01:26:11,958
Actually, I'm gonna keep my own name.
1617
01:26:12,208 --> 01:26:13,585
Yeah, whatever.
1618
01:26:15,503 --> 01:26:16,337
Oh.
1619
01:26:17,380 --> 01:26:19,549
Yeah. A little of the old bubbly.
1620
01:26:19,924 --> 01:26:20,758
Kyle.
1621
01:26:22,051 --> 01:26:23,595
Remember our first time?
1622
01:26:25,054 --> 01:26:28,600
When you left me out in Malibu
with nothing but a roll of quarters?
1623
01:26:28,808 --> 01:26:31,186
Yeah. That was so hot.
1624
01:26:31,644 --> 01:26:32,562
Here's to that.
1625
01:26:38,860 --> 01:26:39,903
[KYLE GRUNTS]
1626
01:26:44,324 --> 01:26:46,576
[EXHALES] Let's swap
some bodily fluids, baby.
1627
01:26:47,202 --> 01:26:48,119
[KYLE GRUNTS]
1628
01:26:48,286 --> 01:26:50,163
And when I woke up, she was gone.
1629
01:26:51,039 --> 01:26:54,542
The next day, marriage was annulled,
she was nowhere to be found.
1630
01:26:54,626 --> 01:26:55,460
Never saw her again.
1631
01:26:55,543 --> 01:26:58,129
I figured you were in on it together
to get the bachelor cash.
1632
01:26:58,213 --> 01:27:02,133
It's cool, though. Really, I'm getting
more pussy now than ever, I swear.
1633
01:27:02,217 --> 01:27:05,386
Chicks really dig a guy
with a broken heart. It's easy.
1634
01:27:05,470 --> 01:27:07,096
Kyle, I am so sorry. I am so...
1635
01:27:07,180 --> 01:27:09,098
[LAUGHS AWKWARDLY] I'm just kidding, man.
1636
01:27:09,182 --> 01:27:10,850
I just play that. You know me.
1637
01:27:10,934 --> 01:27:13,770
You were right about me. I'll be
a one-balled babe hound when I'm 80.
1638
01:27:13,853 --> 01:27:16,606
I got a date tonight
with a new girl. She's fantastic.
1639
01:27:16,773 --> 01:27:18,816
What, another cosmetics counter girl?
1640
01:27:18,900 --> 01:27:21,903
- Huh? [LAUGHS]
- No, man, no. A librarian. She's so hot.
1641
01:27:21,986 --> 01:27:23,238
A little red-headed girl.
1642
01:27:23,488 --> 01:27:25,114
[SIGHS] She gave me this book to read.
1643
01:27:28,284 --> 01:27:31,079
Dude, this book is gonna change your life.
1644
01:27:32,038 --> 01:27:33,957
- I got to go.
- Mike, what...
1645
01:27:35,291 --> 01:27:37,418
I like to be spanked
with a day-old carrot.
1646
01:27:37,543 --> 01:27:38,378
Um...
1647
01:27:39,379 --> 01:27:40,630
how much you got?
1648
01:27:41,214 --> 01:27:42,257
Twenty bucks.
1649
01:27:43,174 --> 01:27:44,217
And my own carrot.
1650
01:27:44,801 --> 01:27:45,802
[MICHAEL] Excuse me.
1651
01:27:46,844 --> 01:27:47,762
Michael.
1652
01:27:48,513 --> 01:27:52,058
I've got a proposal for you,
but it might sound a little strange.
1653
01:27:53,685 --> 01:27:55,770
You say the Chinese Theater is this way?
1654
01:27:55,853 --> 01:27:57,230
Thank you very much, ma'am.
1655
01:27:58,022 --> 01:27:59,899
- Hey, hey, hey.
- Where's the carrot?
1656
01:27:59,983 --> 01:28:02,151
I got it. It's okay. I got it.
1657
01:28:03,611 --> 01:28:05,822
I just wanted to give you this.
1658
01:28:06,614 --> 01:28:07,657
You were there?
1659
01:28:08,324 --> 01:28:11,327
I tried to stop the wedding,
but I was late.
1660
01:28:12,704 --> 01:28:15,790
So, um, this proposal...
1661
01:28:17,583 --> 01:28:18,668
does it involve sex?
1662
01:28:18,751 --> 01:28:22,171
Yeah, I'd say there'd be
a fair amount of sex involved.
1663
01:28:22,880 --> 01:28:24,549
Definitely a house and a ring.
1664
01:28:25,383 --> 01:28:26,843
Maybe even some children.
1665
01:28:27,051 --> 01:28:27,885
Children?
1666
01:28:28,303 --> 01:28:31,431
At least a dog. Definitely not a hamster.
1667
01:28:32,265 --> 01:28:33,349
I like dogs.
1668
01:28:33,433 --> 01:28:35,643
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]
1669
01:28:35,977 --> 01:28:38,688
So, um, what's up, Delany?
1670
01:28:40,231 --> 01:28:41,399
You love me or something?
1671
01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:42,525
I do.
1672
01:28:43,609 --> 01:28:48,156
I now happily ratify
your union as husband and wife.
1673
01:28:48,239 --> 01:28:50,325
- [SOBBING]
- You may kiss your bride.
1674
01:28:51,534 --> 01:28:52,577
Wait.
1675
01:28:53,536 --> 01:28:56,748
Not until you say
those three little words.
1676
01:28:59,667 --> 01:29:01,586
I'm not falling for that one again.
1677
01:29:02,295 --> 01:29:03,463
[SIGHS]
1678
01:29:03,838 --> 01:29:06,424
Suck my cock.
1679
01:29:07,800 --> 01:29:08,760
[SMACKS]
1680
01:29:10,803 --> 01:29:12,096
[MICHAEL] Hold it. Hold it.
1681
01:29:12,764 --> 01:29:14,974
How big of an idiot do you think I am?
1682
01:29:16,642 --> 01:29:17,477
I love you.
1683
01:29:26,944 --> 01:29:30,365
This is fantastic. You're like
a big, bad dominatrix and everything.
1684
01:29:30,448 --> 01:29:33,201
I can't wait to get to this.
Come on, show me what you got.
1685
01:29:34,994 --> 01:29:35,870
{\an8}I don't know.
1686
01:29:36,537 --> 01:29:38,498
{\an8}I think something's missing.
1687
01:29:38,790 --> 01:29:42,335
{\an8}[CHUCKLES] Yeah, something's missing.
Get your butt out of that little thing.
1688
01:29:42,418 --> 01:29:43,419
Come on, now.
1689
01:29:44,253 --> 01:29:46,297
Come on. You got to do something to me.
1690
01:29:46,422 --> 01:29:48,216
Come on, let's see what you got.
1691
01:29:49,801 --> 01:29:51,511
[SCREAMING]
1692
01:29:54,514 --> 01:29:55,431
Hey.
1693
01:29:55,515 --> 01:29:57,517
["MUTT" BY BLINK 182 PLAYING]
1694
01:30:07,944 --> 01:30:08,861
Tricia?
1695
01:30:14,117 --> 01:30:15,993
♪ He pauses shaving... ♪
1696
01:30:16,077 --> 01:30:17,328
What the hell am I thinking?
1697
01:30:17,703 --> 01:30:19,622
[WOMAN GIGGLING] Tricia.
1698
01:30:22,500 --> 01:30:25,378
Tricia! Oh, God, I knew it!
1699
01:30:25,837 --> 01:30:27,213
Oh, how could you?
1700
01:30:27,380 --> 01:30:28,589
Consuela.
1701
01:30:29,340 --> 01:30:31,092
Kelly... Tricia!
1702
01:30:31,175 --> 01:30:34,262
Oh, you're all dirty birdies!
1703
01:30:34,554 --> 01:30:35,638
You want to join us?
1704
01:30:37,014 --> 01:30:39,016
[LAUGHING]
1705
01:30:43,354 --> 01:30:46,983
Thank God Almighty!
1706
01:30:47,400 --> 01:30:48,901
[YELLS]
1707
01:30:49,360 --> 01:30:51,612
♪ And I know
He's only looking to score... ♪
1708
01:30:51,863 --> 01:30:54,615
{\an8}Come on, Johnny. Oh, yeah, Johnny.
1709
01:30:54,949 --> 01:30:55,992
{\an8}Oh, come on.
1710
01:30:56,075 --> 01:30:57,702
{\an8}[BREATHING HEAVILY]
1711
01:30:59,912 --> 01:31:01,539
If you don't cut, I'm gonna cum.
1712
01:31:01,622 --> 01:31:02,790
[ALL LAUGH]
1713
01:31:03,249 --> 01:31:05,168
[MICHAEL BREATHING HEAVILY]
1714
01:31:05,251 --> 01:31:07,420
[MICHAEL] What is it exactly
you want me to say?
1715
01:31:08,004 --> 01:31:08,838
You know.
1716
01:31:09,797 --> 01:31:14,343
Those three little words.
1717
01:31:16,596 --> 01:31:18,931
[MICHAEL] Uh, okay, I love you.
1718
01:31:20,224 --> 01:31:22,101
- I love you. I love you.
- [LAUGHING]
1719
01:31:22,185 --> 01:31:23,936
[ALL LAUGHING]
1720
01:31:25,021 --> 01:31:26,564
- I love you. I said it.
- No.
1721
01:31:26,647 --> 01:31:29,066
- [ALL LAUGHING]
- [MAN 1] Yeah, baby.
1722
01:31:31,152 --> 01:31:32,403
[MAN] Hold it, Bob.
1723
01:31:32,653 --> 01:31:35,406
- [MAN 2] In unison, turn. Okay?
- [MAN 3] Two, three.
1724
01:31:37,366 --> 01:31:39,160
- [LAUGHS] I'm sorry.
- [LAUGHTER]
1725
01:31:41,579 --> 01:31:43,372
I'm sorry. I tried, I tried.
1726
01:31:43,956 --> 01:31:45,583
- [MAN 1] C mark.
- [MAN 2] Action!
1727
01:31:48,127 --> 01:31:50,087
You're under arrest, you sick fuck!
1728
01:31:50,171 --> 01:31:52,006
[SONG CONTINUES PLAYING]
1729
01:31:55,301 --> 01:31:56,636
[ALL LAUGHING]
1730
01:31:59,430 --> 01:32:01,390
You should try some Visine.
1731
01:32:02,058 --> 01:32:03,643
[NATALIE] Why do I need Visine?
1732
01:32:03,726 --> 01:32:06,479
So you can get a clear future
of our vision together.
1733
01:32:07,271 --> 01:32:09,023
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- [NATALIE LAUGHING]
1734
01:32:11,692 --> 01:32:14,070
Wash my car.
1735
01:32:17,073 --> 01:32:18,074
[MAN] Marker.
1736
01:32:18,324 --> 01:32:21,160
[KYLE] I mean, I... I might've fallen
in love with her that night.
1737
01:32:21,285 --> 01:32:23,287
That's quite a story.
What happened to her?
1738
01:32:23,371 --> 01:32:24,956
She might've been the love of my life.
1739
01:32:25,790 --> 01:32:26,832
Kyle!
1740
01:32:28,918 --> 01:32:30,044
[WOMAN] Energy and pace.
1741
01:32:30,127 --> 01:32:31,545
[CONTINUES PLAYING]
1742
01:32:37,218 --> 01:32:38,219
[EXHALES]
1743
01:32:48,562 --> 01:32:51,607
- What the fuck are you doing?
- I'm... [LAUGHS]
1744
01:32:52,358 --> 01:32:55,444
I'm experimenting. He said
try some stuff. I'm blowing bubbles.
1745
01:32:55,528 --> 01:32:56,570
I'm allowed to do that.
1746
01:32:56,654 --> 01:32:57,488
[MAN] Marker.
1747
01:32:57,571 --> 01:32:59,532
- [MICHAEL] You're welcome.
- [BOTH MOANING]
1748
01:33:00,908 --> 01:33:03,160
Oh, Michael.
1749
01:33:03,911 --> 01:33:06,998
- Call me.
- [CHUCKLING] Okay. I will.
1750
01:33:09,292 --> 01:33:10,710
Don't get too comfortable.
1751
01:33:13,421 --> 01:33:14,547
Uh? Uh?
1752
01:33:14,630 --> 01:33:17,550
- You have got to wait your turn.
- Hurry up, I'm next.
1753
01:33:17,633 --> 01:33:20,803
- Jesus Christ! What the hell is this?
- [ALL LAUGHING]
1754
01:33:21,429 --> 01:33:22,930
Oh, my God.
1755
01:33:25,683 --> 01:33:26,517
[MAN] Cut.
1756
01:33:27,268 --> 01:33:28,477
[LAUGHTER]
1757
01:33:34,025 --> 01:33:34,859
That's a wrap.
1758
01:33:34,942 --> 01:33:36,235
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1759
01:33:58,758 --> 01:34:00,676
[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS]128800
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