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LOUISA: Dear Aunt Hermione,I hope Belgium was good
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and this letter reachesyou safely in Dijon.
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Mmm. Mustard!
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We are all happy.
5
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Larry is writing his third novelwhich is more than Leslie has read.
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And Les has a girlfriend, Daphne.
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But won't let us meet her.
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Margo had ditched her boyfriend, Zoltan,
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because we begged her to.
10
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:33,911
And Gerry, as ever, prefers hisanimal family to his human one.
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00:00:35,280 --> 00:00:37,350
I have given up searching for love.
12
00:00:37,840 --> 00:00:41,435
So, with all my new free time,I'm thinking of learning the harp.
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- (CAR HORN HONKS)
- Or getting a cello
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00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,269
between my legs.
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Time just for me.
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It is gorgeous here.
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I can see it, Gerry.
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- He followed me.
- (HONKS)
19
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Infuriating.
20
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:12,073
That's what you said about most of them.
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Scorpions don't follow people home.
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I have nobody.
I feel like a dog without an owner.
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You are a terrific young woman, Margo.
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You don't need someone to own you.
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Thank you, lonely spinster.
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- I am neither. I'm a... A busy widow.
- MARGO: Ugh, even worse.
27
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Look at this letter!
28
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,194
- (SCREAMING)
- (WHINING AND BARKING)
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I think I heard a crack.
30
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,878
Endless sodding animals.
31
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:37,234
I've broken my leg!
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Unlikely, darling.
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I just wrote to my aunt
that we're all happy.
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(MOANS IN PAIN)
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00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,429
Where's Leslie?
36
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:44,509
Oh, I'll show you.
37
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:45,914
(SCREAMS)
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00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:48,477
- (LAWRENCE GROANS)
- (CHUCKLES)
39
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,435
Well, er, life hasn't
showered Leslie with gifts.
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00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,317
He's allowed a girlfriend.
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00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,756
So, that's Daphne.
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00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,594
- Hello, Daphne!
- No. No. No. No. It's not her.
43
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,513
He's got three girls.
44
00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,150
- (GROANS)
- I found these in his secret nook.
45
00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:08,834
He's made the mistake of
photographing his victims.
46
00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:10,593
So what do you expect me to do about it?
47
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:11,989
I dunno.
48
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(SIGHS)
49
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LOUISA: Oh. Nice cardie.
50
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Oh, God. They look like trouble.
51
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(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
52
00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,877
LOUISA: Well, tell your publisher
that you won't use a pseudonym.
53
00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:13,434
I've got no choice.
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My last novel did so badly
my name is commercial leprosy.
55
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:20,150
A pseudonym is when you use a
name that isn't yours because...
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00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:21,673
I know what a pseudonym is.
57
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:23,718
Don't confuse boredom with ignorance.
58
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,550
Oh, please, Margo. Get a ruddy hobby.
59
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,875
LESLIE: Evening.
60
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,632
Is it true you have three girlfriends?
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00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,599
- Yes, it is.
- (LAUGHS)
62
00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:37,233
And do they all know about each other?
63
00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,039
No, they don't.
64
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,112
LOUISA: I can't help
thinking one would be simpler.
65
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,715
This makes up for all the
time I had no girlfriends.
66
00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,636
If you average it out,
I have one girlfriend.
67
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,593
Lots of animals mate for life.
68
00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,079
Yeah, that's what I'm going for.
69
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,189
Me too.
70
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,516
He doesn't mean they mate
constantly throughout their life.
71
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,629
Have only one mate their whole life.
Otters, penguins, the prairie vole.
72
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,280
Yeah, well, I'm not a prairie vole.
I'm me.
73
00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:02,157
It would be nice to meet your friends.
74
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,554
Oh, no. No.
75
00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:05,278
I don't want you sticking your oar in.
76
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,515
Hermione will.
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00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,636
- She's coming back.
- It's weed on you.
78
00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:10,990
She's coming back again? Why?
79
00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,513
Warmth. Renewal. Her friend Mr Anestis.
80
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:16,995
(CHUCKLING)
81
00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,911
In fact, she's planning
to stay permanently.
82
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,189
(SIGHS)
83
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,079
(GROANING)
84
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:36,558
(SPEAKING GREEK)
85
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:39,549
(GOAT CRYING)
86
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,352
My niece Dionisia is Leslie girlfriend.
87
00:04:43,960 --> 00:04:45,439
Soon, he will be family.
88
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:47,233
I'm afraid you're jumping ahead.
89
00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:49,753
Leslie is seeing three girls.
90
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:51,233
- Three?
- (GROANS)
91
00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,753
Do you really think it's broken?
92
00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:56,909
Yes.
93
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:59,351
All right. I'll fetch the doctor.
94
00:05:03,040 --> 00:05:05,918
- As you insist, I've chosen a hobby.
- LOUISA: Oh, good.
95
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,592
Making sculptures out of soap.
96
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:08,789
What?
97
00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:10,956
Well, it seems stupid
but so do a lot of things.
98
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,993
Like hockey and feet. And testicles.
99
00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:17,873
(FLAMINGO SQUAWKS)
100
00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:21,993
Is that the same flamingo?
101
00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:23,355
Yes.
102
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,229
(BABY CRYING)
103
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,754
Oh, dear. Ah! Florence.
104
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,269
It's actually your husband
I wanted to see.
105
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,749
- Larry's got...
- Hold this.
106
00:05:36,840 --> 00:05:37,829
Ooh.
107
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,439
(BABY CRYING)
108
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:40,675
(SIGHS)
109
00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:44,949
Little Adonis.
110
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:47,033
Isn't he a sweetie?
111
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:48,792
Fatuous bloody name!
112
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:50,991
Not so much Adonis, more a Dennis!
113
00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,879
No, he's... He's bonnie.
114
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:57,749
Leslie was a monstrous troll of a baby.
115
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,996
And he's not exactly Clark Gable now!
116
00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:01,909
(SIGHS)
117
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,116
Look, Florence it will get easier.
118
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,237
You've waited so long for this baby.
119
00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:10,272
So, what's happened to Larry?
120
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:14,353
Well, he thinks he's fractured his
leg tripping over the dog.
121
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,592
They kept him quiet for
all of three seconds.
122
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,513
(LAUGHS) These might be a bit sharp.
123
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:26,557
Oh, boo-hoo. Well, I can't
help. My husband's in Kavos.
124
00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,518
They have a backlog of cases.
Dr Frangos is working.
125
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:31,397
I'm a better doctor than Dr Frangos.
126
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,990
Larry needs an X-ray more than a doctor.
127
00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,753
And where could he get one of those?
128
00:06:35,840 --> 00:06:37,398
Athens. Naples.
129
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,959
Turn left out of the house.
Try Istanbul.
130
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,109
Well, this is ridiculous.
131
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:41,554
Yes, it is.
132
00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,998
But Larry is no stranger
to accidents and illnesses.
133
00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,794
- He obviously likes the attention.
- You may not be interested
134
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,632
in being a good parent but I am.
135
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:51,393
So I'll try another way.
136
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:53,990
And I'm sorry you don't
think Leslie's handsome
137
00:06:54,120 --> 00:06:55,599
but he has three girlfriends.
138
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:56,949
(CHUCKLES)
139
00:06:58,440 --> 00:07:00,237
Do you have any remedies for
excess libido?
140
00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:01,875
Childbirth.
141
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,434
(FLAMINGO QUACKING)
142
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:10,549
(SQUAWKS)
143
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:14,796
(FLAMINGO SQUAWKING)
144
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:24,636
Mrs Durrell. Founder of a dynasty.
What a pleasure.
145
00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,550
How delightful to find someone
who isn't grumpy or cross with me.
146
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:32,031
Oh, yes. There's lots of crossness.
Even on a Greek island.
147
00:07:32,280 --> 00:07:34,794
Because they have no
thermocyclops to keep them happy.
148
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,070
Oh. He's in here, is he?
149
00:07:37,280 --> 00:07:39,794
Several hundred of them.
It's more of a soup, really.
150
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,357
Hmm. But it's Larry I'm here about.
151
00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,592
He suspects he's broken his leg.
152
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:46,909
Oh, dear.
153
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,680
Florence can't help and
well, there's no backup.
154
00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,311
You have medical training.
What can I do?
155
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,955
I'd love to help but I
didn't qualify as a doctor.
156
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,430
Besides, who else will monitor the
thermocyclops and other copepods?
157
00:08:01,880 --> 00:08:05,395
Well, that's one defective son.
On to the next.
158
00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:11,709
LOUISA: Hello, Spiros.
159
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,749
SPIROS: Mrs Durrell.
160
00:08:18,080 --> 00:08:19,593
- Home?
- Yes, please.
161
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:22,149
I would walk but I have a favour to ask.
162
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:23,349
Anything.
163
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,279
This is one occasion
where I wish I had a husband.
164
00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:28,512
Or, at least, Leslie had a father.
165
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:34,355
Would you explain to him why
it's wrong to be promiscuous?
166
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,514
That's, uh, mating with too many ladies?
167
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,115
Erm, yes. But we tend to
say "mating" only for animals.
168
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:44,395
Hmm. What would you say?
169
00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:48,394
I don't know.
170
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,791
Leslie, Spiros would like a word.
171
00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,193
Gerry, I said no more.
172
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,868
We don't have the food or the room.
173
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,632
I'm sorry, I'm going to release one.
174
00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:12,554
No, I'm researching if their colour
will change if they alter their diet.
175
00:09:26,120 --> 00:09:30,193
At your age, with the girls,
I was like a cat in a mouse house.
176
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,551
Happy times.
177
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,672
Were yours pretty? Mine are so pretty.
178
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,638
Ha-ha. Yes. One was incredibly...
179
00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,358
What's the word? Er...
180
00:09:40,480 --> 00:09:42,436
- Busty.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah. Busty.
181
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:45,318
- I can't tell you how busty.
- Are you sure you can't?
182
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,629
(BOTH LAUGHING)
183
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:51,031
Enjoy it. Enjoy it while you can...
184
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,149
Because... Erm...
185
00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:55,753
So, to recap...
186
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:57,639
What are you doing? Huh? Hmm?
187
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,152
The love of one good woman
188
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,797
is nice and...
189
00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:09,351
Pelican tart, for supper.
190
00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,870
And Gerry will be
releasing some of his pets.
191
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,596
Please do the same... Leslie.
192
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,433
Or I will.
193
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:21,832
(BEES BUZZING)
194
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,111
I'm buying more goats from Sven.
195
00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,871
Their cheese always does well.
196
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,916
But we need to sell more.
197
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,514
Whoa. It's boring being paupers.
198
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,828
I'd love a porpoise.
199
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,590
So, I'm putting you in
charge of animal produce.
200
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,155
That way, you'll be among animals but,
201
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,508
er, useful ones.
202
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:48,476
- Still no milk from her?
- No.
203
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,358
Look, Sven loves his goats.
204
00:10:51,040 --> 00:10:53,600
But when they come to the end
of their working lives...
205
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,796
We don't slaughter people who retire.
206
00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:59,310
Animals aren't people and you
merrily eat meat someone has killed.
207
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,914
You're right.
From now on, I'm a vegetarian.
208
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,071
Gerry, I am not cooking
two different meals.
209
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:05,309
GERRY: Theo!
210
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:08,392
Mrs Durrell, Professor Durrell...
211
00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,517
I've brought you
a leopard spotted gecko.
212
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,319
- LOUISA: Ooh!
- Found in a crate of Indian mangoes.
213
00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:16,631
Thank you. Look at that.
214
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:18,599
I'll see if I can milk it.
215
00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:20,634
So we can make some money.
216
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,512
I just wanted a word with your mother.
217
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:24,669
Hmm?
218
00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:28,917
Our chat earlier sparked a
crisis of conscience in me.
219
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:32,432
Am I more useful
improving health in Corfu
220
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,714
than scrutinising molluscs?
221
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,639
Yes, you are.
222
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,393
Of course, molluscs are
223
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,037
vital links in
the complex chain of life.
224
00:11:40,160 --> 00:11:43,470
Mmm. I don't care. (LAUGHS)
But what will you do?
225
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,150
I have an idea of how to help Larry.
226
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:48,558
I'm going to the
mainland to investigate.
227
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,518
LOUISA: Thank you, Theo.
228
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:55,312
LAWRENCE: Across Europe, Auntie strides,
like the Mongol hordes.
229
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:57,672
But wearing more talcum powder.
230
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:58,989
(LAWRENCE CHUCKLES)
231
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:04,312
- What's your sculpture of?
- Wouldn't you like to know?
232
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:07,836
Yes. I'm agog to know what you're
making out of shards of old soap
233
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:12,073
Which pseudonym do you prefer?
234
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:15,395
Hieronymus Schmoop or Tom Orange?
235
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:16,589
MARGO: It depends.
236
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,552
Do you want to
sound like a pretentious ponce
237
00:12:18,640 --> 00:12:19,993
or a simpleton?
238
00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,519
- Pretentious ponce.
- Oh.
239
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:27,833
You remember which of your stable
of ladies you're meeting?
240
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,115
Yes.
241
00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:30,634
You can't keep all three.
242
00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:31,869
Well, I can.
243
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,352
Tell us why you like each one.
244
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,758
(SMACKS LIPS)
Well, Daphne's so confident.
245
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,630
Sometimes me and her have
a right old shouting match.
246
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:43,951
And Tsanta is really gentle and kind.
247
00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:46,793
And Dionisia made us laugh
so much once we wet ourselves.
248
00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:48,359
She is such fun.
249
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:53,155
I know it's hard to find one person
who gives you everything but...
250
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,468
Yeah, exactly.
251
00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,229
(DOOR CLOSES)
252
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:02,711
(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING)
253
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,599
You managed to get up the stairs, then?
254
00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,115
If you hadn't hidden the
booze, I'd have danced up.
255
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:16,392
How did I not know that Leslie has
been accumulating girlfriends?
256
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,076
Oh, we all need secrets.
I've got some absolute humdingers.
257
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:21,718
Well, yes, but you're not Les.
258
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,878
He needs special care.
259
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,673
Ideally, I'd spend all day with him.
Like a bodyguard.
260
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,671
Five yards behind pointing out hazards.
261
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:32,640
He has three girlfriends
not three landmines!
262
00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:35,320
They're people.
He's not good with people.
263
00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:37,639
He is good with things.
264
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,956
Yes, he's very good with things.
265
00:13:40,840 --> 00:13:43,274
All parents have one
child that they fear for.
266
00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:46,554
You know, the one who
gets bitten or rejected.
267
00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:48,915
Or the one who chooses bad friends.
268
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,158
Or falls off Bournemouth Pier.
269
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:53,915
Please try not to get involved.
270
00:13:54,240 --> 00:13:55,798
Well, what am I here for?
271
00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:00,155
He's heading for disaster. It's his
first ballet class all over again.
272
00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,078
- You're going to tell him who to pick.
- Oh, I would never do that.
273
00:14:05,080 --> 00:14:06,638
What are you planning, then?
274
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,189
To protect my most vulnerable child.
275
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,597
LOUISA: I've forgiven you for acting
like Jack The Lad with Leslie
276
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,318
because I'm afraid
I need your help again.
277
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:21,872
Mrs Durrell, I love to help and
your family gives me so many chances.
278
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,315
I now know the names and whereabouts
of his three girlfriends.
279
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,511
So we're going to go and
find out what they're like.
280
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,149
Why?
281
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,671
Well, Leslie has a
history of making bad choices.
282
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,432
But I can't bear to watch him do
it again and have his heart broken.
283
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:41,671
I remember his first
girlfriend cheated on him.
284
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,713
He sobbed into my arms.
285
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:46,959
I wanted to kill her.
286
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,753
Is this his revenge?
287
00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:51,958
No. It's love of women.
288
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,034
I can think of bigger sins.
289
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:55,794
(ENGINE REVVING)
290
00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:01,549
(PANTING)
291
00:15:05,200 --> 00:15:07,998
Is this the one who laughs with
Leslie till they wet themselves?
292
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,190
- No, that's Dionisia.
- Hmm.
293
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,396
And once.
I don't think it's a regular thing.
294
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:14,838
- Kalimera.
- Kalimera.
295
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,591
- Ah. Daphne?
- Yes.
296
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,313
I'm your friend Leslie's mother.
297
00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:22,400
He mentioned you and we were passing.
298
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:24,473
I wondered if you'd seen him.
299
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,677
I think you come to see how I look.
300
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,519
That's very confident.
301
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,918
Oh, no. Besides, who cares about looks?
302
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:33,994
I do.
303
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:35,594
Actually, I do too.
304
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,511
Leslie looks strong but
305
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,233
he's surprisingly delicate.
306
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:42,916
No, he's not. You're wrong.
307
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,229
Have you met Spiros?
308
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,309
Yes.
309
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,158
(SPEAKING GREEK)
310
00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:51,919
(SPEAKING GREEK)
311
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,398
LESLIE: Ha.
Aunt Hermione doesn't dawdle, does she?
312
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:05,914
Look, she's reached Venice.
313
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:09,075
Maybe she'll catch cholera
like Gustave von Aschenbach.
314
00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:11,759
Death in Venice.
315
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,311
- It's a book.
- It's a book. Of course it is.
316
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,559
Look, I'll tell you why it's a bad
idea to have three girlfriends.
317
00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,834
Cos it's three more than you have.
318
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:22,469
A, one day you'll call them by
the other girls' name. B,
319
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,596
they'll find out you're cheating,
despise you and dump you.
320
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:26,352
I haven't lied to them about anything.
321
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,159
Spoken like a cheap lawyer.
C, Mother isn't happy.
322
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:30,514
- D...
- Let's do the whole alphabet.
323
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:34,195
D... If you had one girlfriend, I know,
boring, and she had two other men,
324
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,471
how would you feel? And...
325
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,471
If you say "E" I'll...
I'll kick your bad leg.
326
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,790
- (GROANS)
- R?
327
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,430
Oh, I give up. Do what you want.
328
00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:45,433
Yeah, we know it hurts.
329
00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,555
And it says here "A broken limb can
become deformed if not set properly."
330
00:16:51,160 --> 00:16:52,149
(SIGHS)
331
00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,476
(STAMMERS)
Why don't I make you a plaster cast?
332
00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:55,994
Because you're not a doctor.
333
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:58,111
(SCOFFS) Well, I delivered
Lugaretzia's granddaughter...
334
00:16:58,200 --> 00:16:59,428
BOTH: So I practically am!
335
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:20,715
Yassas.
336
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,029
Yassas.
337
00:17:22,120 --> 00:17:24,839
Sorry to disturb you.
Er, are you Tsanta?
338
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,114
Yes, I am.
339
00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:28,953
I am Mrs Durrell,
your friend Leslie's mother.
340
00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:30,991
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
341
00:17:31,360 --> 00:17:34,716
What a pretty blush.
Mr Halikiopoulos and I were passing.
342
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:35,955
Weren't we?
343
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:37,709
Okay.
344
00:17:38,120 --> 00:17:40,111
Leslie said you helped out here
and, well,
345
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:42,350
I've always wanted to visit this church.
346
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,679
Haven't I, Spiros?
347
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:48,118
Yes, I had to tell her, "Stop
going on and on and on about it."
348
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,350
Well, I didn't go on and on about it.
I...
349
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,434
I am very pleased to meet you.
350
00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:58,395
I see why Leslie loves his mother.
351
00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,153
(LAUGHING)
You go straight into the lead.
352
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,870
- The lead?
- Er...
353
00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:06,835
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
354
00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:08,469
(CAR HORN HONKS)
355
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:13,509
Yassas.
356
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,669
Yassas.
357
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,433
You are Dionisia?
358
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,629
Neh.
359
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:19,673
Leslie's mother.
360
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:22,832
Mrs Durrells. He mentioned you.
We were just passing.
361
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,639
(SPEAKING GREEK)
362
00:18:25,120 --> 00:18:26,235
She doesn't speak English.
363
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,228
Oh. So how do they
make each other laugh?
364
00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:32,192
(SPEAKING GREEK)
365
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:33,835
(SPEAKS GREEK)
366
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,149
Mind your own business.
367
00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:39,958
So what does she like about Leslie?
368
00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:42,148
(SPEAKS GREEK)
369
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:43,789
Hmm.
370
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:45,514
(SPEAKS GREEK)
371
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,669
He's silly.
372
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,552
- (SPEAKING GREEK)
- (MAN SPEAKING GREEK)
373
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,392
If anyone's silly, you're silly.
374
00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,033
You want my opinion of the ladies?
375
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:58,673
I think I've made my own mind up.
376
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,156
Daphne's tough because
her father is a gangster.
377
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,152
What? Well, why didn't you say?
378
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:04,349
You can't pick your daddy.
379
00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,434
Dionisia, I think, lives for now
and does what comes naturally.
380
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,033
Tsanta is a sweet peasant girl
381
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,758
who keeps her knees together.
382
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,115
You're guessing.
383
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,033
- Yes, but I knew her mother well.
- Of course you did.
384
00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,078
(INHALES SHARPLY) I just want Leslie
385
00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:25,078
to find someone who...
Who'll love him like I loved my husband.
386
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,318
So, what now?
387
00:19:27,440 --> 00:19:30,318
I talk to Leslie and tell
him who he should choose.
388
00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:31,875
- Mmm.
- (INHALES SHARPLY)
389
00:19:32,480 --> 00:19:38,350
- You are family of Lugaretzia.
- Lugaretzia.
390
00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:39,475
(SPEAKING GREEK)
391
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:43,838
(ALL IMITATING GROANING)
392
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:45,873
(ALL MOANING)
393
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:48,790
- (MUTTERS)
- Stop it now. That's really mean.
394
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:05,075
Plaster cast.
395
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:07,074
Want to sign it?
396
00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,199
Just trying to keep it erudite.
397
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:11,274
Who did it?
398
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:15,669
Les. It does hurt less
but it is rather heavy.
399
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,636
Oh, Leslie, I, er, dropped in
on all of your girlfriends.
400
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:28,117
So, obviously, that took quite a while.
401
00:20:28,560 --> 00:20:29,629
Why did you?
402
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,119
Well, because I haven't met them.
403
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:34,239
I worry about you.
404
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,630
Well, you didn't mention
any of my oddities, did you?
405
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:37,829
No.
406
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,272
They're all very pretty.
407
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,157
And Tsanta's lovely. Choose her.
408
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:46,109
Sorry, Lugaretzia.
409
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,998
Invite Tsanta round for tea, and
we can all kick off our shoes
410
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,275
- and get to know each other better.
- No.
411
00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,835
I'm trying to save you some heartache.
412
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:58,196
Having three times the normal number
of girlfriends cannot end well.
413
00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,309
Then stop interfering.
414
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,790
I'm trying to run a tight ship
and keep them all happy.
415
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,393
(DOOR OPENS)
416
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,629
- (DOOR CLOSES)
- Oh. (SIGHS)
417
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,358
Don't all glower at me.
418
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,278
Well, it's not gone brilliantly, has it?
419
00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:14,238
Now you've alienated Leslie.
420
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,276
I'm getting involved.
I understand women.
421
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:21,793
Well, I wouldn't kick
any of them out of bed.
422
00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,792
Dionisia is the best. My family.
423
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:27,716
- Yeah, she looks fun. I'm backing her.
- LOUISA: No.
424
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:29,592
She's just like Leslie's
first girlfriend
425
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,318
who was unfaithful to him.
426
00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:32,759
Love is a whirlpool.
427
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:34,354
- Some drown.
- Mmm-hmm.
428
00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:38,274
Tsanta's kind and her English is good.
429
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,078
Dionisia only speaks Greek.
430
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:41,554
This is Greece, no?
431
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:45,718
- Les needs a strong woman.
- No. You mean you do.
432
00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,472
You can tell Daphne
doesn't take any bullshit.
433
00:21:47,600 --> 00:21:48,828
I'll make sure Leslie picks her.
434
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:50,069
How are we going to do that?
435
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,752
(QUACKING)
436
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:08,553
(ANIMALS BLEATING)
437
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:16,153
(HONKING)
438
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,829
Gerry, they hate me.
439
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:34,309
Get rid of them.
440
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,995
GERRY: Flamingoes don't like
being looked in the eye. I told you.
441
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:38,595
See them in the wild.
442
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,719
Do you know why they stand on one leg?
443
00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:43,553
- For a bet? I don't know.
- Nor do I.
444
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,996
No one does. Not until
we study them some more.
445
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,479
And it's easier here.
446
00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:49,278
For once, will you listen to me?
447
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,078
Leslie doesn't. Larry doesn't. And...
448
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,628
Well, Margo's got a brain like
a room full of starlings.
449
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,199
I wonder where I can get some starlings.
450
00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:56,554
No, listen, Gerry.
451
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,077
No more creatures.
452
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:05,637
Hello, Margo. Good timing.
453
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:06,994
I'm just back from Athens.
454
00:23:07,080 --> 00:23:08,229
Oh, good.
455
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:10,914
- Theo, do you have any soap?
- Yes, I do.
456
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,228
May I have it, please?
457
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:18,313
I may need to wash at some point.
458
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,553
Are you trying the ancient
craft of soap sculpture?
459
00:23:23,960 --> 00:23:25,996
Originally from Siam, I believe.
460
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:28,316
MARGO: You really are a brainbox,
aren't you?
461
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:30,750
- What were you doing in Athens?
- Can't say yet.
462
00:23:31,240 --> 00:23:32,309
It's very exciting.
463
00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:37,033
As exciting as a family torn apart
by a choice between three women?
464
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:42,071
Leslie's girlfriends.
Apparently, it's like King Lear.
465
00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:44,469
Except Les hasn't got
a kingdom to give away.
466
00:23:44,680 --> 00:23:47,353
Gosh. I wouldn't have
expected that from Leslie.
467
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:49,678
I see him more as a Bottom.
468
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,877
The Shakespearean character
Bottom not the bottom.
469
00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:56,869
Oh.
470
00:23:58,160 --> 00:23:59,593
Thank you so much.
471
00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:04,479
Come on, Theo. Spit it out.
472
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,074
Mrs Petridis has opened
up a spare room for me.
473
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,432
(BABY COOING)
474
00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,069
What do you think?
475
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,550
- A photography studio?
- Sort of.
476
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,796
A radiography unit. X-rays.
477
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,837
A phenomenal diagnostics tool.
478
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,231
People are suffering
and dying needlessly here.
479
00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,916
Theo, this is wonderful.
480
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:45,914
(THUDS)
481
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,199
(BABY CRYING)
482
00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:51,629
(SIGHS)
483
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:59,549
If you need me, I'll be next door
asleep in a pool of my own tears.
484
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:06,918
LAWRENCE: Why has our neighbour
got a wheelchair?
485
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,111
GERALD: His toes went black
and had to be cut off.
486
00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:13,438
Wait. Jar.
487
00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,474
Come on, handsome.
488
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:24,676
- You heard what mother said.
- I have a plan.
489
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:28,392
(SPEAKS GREEK)
490
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,152
(SPEAKING GREEK)
491
00:25:33,360 --> 00:25:35,191
Oh. Hello.
492
00:25:35,360 --> 00:25:36,998
- Herete.
- Herete.
493
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,191
(SPEAKING GREEK)
494
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:42,913
(SPEAKS GREEK)
495
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,997
You are very pretty and nice.
496
00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,791
(SPEAKING GREEK)
497
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,954
Leslie must be with you.
You are the most jolly.
498
00:25:52,120 --> 00:25:56,033
We need more fun in our family
and modern fashion like yours.
499
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,079
(SPEAKING GREEK)
500
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:05,198
(SPEAKING GREEK)
501
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,518
Leslie is very funny.
502
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,637
I don't think it's deliberate.
503
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:16,992
Kalimera.
504
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:21,909
- Daphne?
- Yes.
505
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,119
We're Leslie's brothers.
We're just passing.
506
00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:26,474
Came along to say hello.
507
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,880
Larry needs an outing every
once in while or he gets grumpy.
508
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:33,590
- I've never seen one that big.
- Ah. Thank you. I hear that a lot.
509
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,318
Before we chat, I am available
if you prefer me to Leslie.
510
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,549
No.
511
00:26:39,120 --> 00:26:40,792
Good. That was a test.
512
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,439
- Why do you like Leslie?
- He's a good person.
513
00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:47,434
- Leslie thinks about me.
- Yes. When he has time.
514
00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,434
But we're here to advise
you how to win Leslie over.
515
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,598
I have already won him over.
516
00:26:53,080 --> 00:26:54,399
- Well...
- Not quite.
517
00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,112
- Pretend to love guns and shooting.
- GERALD: Oh, and he hates books.
518
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:01,510
So say you don't like them.
And come to tea on Sunday.
519
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,158
So we all think of you
as Leslie's girlfriend.
520
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:04,829
(LAWRENCE GROANS)
521
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:08,239
Hey! Oh.
522
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,193
- Hello, Tsanta.
- Mrs Durrells.
523
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:13,318
You come to see the church again?
524
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,231
No. I've come to see you.
525
00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:17,109
Oh.
526
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:19,474
(GROANS)
527
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:24,713
- Is Mother out?
- Yes.
528
00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:26,229
Thank you, driver.
529
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,238
Go on. One in, one out!
530
00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:45,759
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
531
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,519
Go on. Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
532
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:50,869
Shoo!
533
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,517
You know Hitler's a vegetarian, Gerry?
534
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,598
LOUISA: And like you, he writes books.
535
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:00,869
(DOG WHINING)
536
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:02,752
Hmm. He sounds all right, then.
537
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,434
- Your hands are filthy.
- Margo's used all the soap.
538
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:08,715
(SNORTS)
539
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,719
Enjoy the chicken, everyone.
540
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,917
- Since Gerry's shooed all ours away.
- You said to get rid of some animals.
541
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,432
That is hilarious. Be fair.
542
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:21,309
Delicious.
543
00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:24,634
- And no one was killed.
- Good day at the orifice?
544
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:27,750
Leg still feeling good?
You're most welcome.
545
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:32,075
It's bearable thanks to the booze I
managed to smuggle past the guard.
546
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,072
(GRUNTS)
547
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:44,310
Leslie's less strong-minded
than he seems.
548
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,429
He needs help and reassurance.
549
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:49,798
And sometimes, we forget to give it.
550
00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:51,919
So you can do that.
551
00:28:52,480 --> 00:28:54,436
Because that will make
him love you even more.
552
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,429
Thank you. You're very nice.
553
00:28:57,640 --> 00:28:58,755
- Oh!
- (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
554
00:29:02,720 --> 00:29:04,631
My latest. Larry's idea.
555
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,308
It's Hydra, the serpent
woman with three heads.
556
00:29:09,160 --> 00:29:11,196
Hello, I'm Margo.
557
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,757
Leslie's sister and emotional advisor.
You must be Tsanta.
558
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,876
Are you sure you like Les?
He's a lot of trouble.
559
00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:19,674
No, he's not. Go away.
560
00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:21,549
Where is Leslie?
561
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,108
I told him to be
here at 5:00 for Sunday tea.
562
00:29:24,200 --> 00:29:25,394
Oh, God!
563
00:29:25,480 --> 00:29:27,152
It's a bit of England
we've brought with us.
564
00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:28,633
- (VEHICLE APPROACHING)
- That and sarcasm.
565
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,553
And a fear of emotions.
566
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:31,869
(CAR HORN HONKING)
567
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,315
- LAWRENCE: Guests for tea!
- (CAR DOOR SLAMS)
568
00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:37,955
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
569
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,631
I bring my niece for the 5:00 tea
like you say.
570
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,234
(NERVOUSLY) Oh. How lovely.
571
00:29:58,000 --> 00:30:00,070
Well, let's have it over here.
572
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:04,390
You'll get draughty in
this dress, Dionisia.
573
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:06,875
- I'll lend you a scarf.
- Ignore her. You look stunning.
574
00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,675
She is pretty.
My family usually is not pretty.
575
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,360
- I'll bring Leslie right over.
- Where is he?
576
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,069
Good question. I'll go and look for him.
577
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,473
Why did you bring Dionisia?
578
00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:22,716
I'm just the driver. I couldn't say no.
579
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:23,835
(LAWRENCE GROANS)
580
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,514
My leg is hot and veering to the left.
581
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,113
I want this cast off now!
582
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:30,669
I have tools.
583
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:35,549
Dionisia has arrived.
We have to keep her and Tsanta apart.
584
00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:37,631
- And Daphne's coming any minute.
- What?
585
00:30:37,720 --> 00:30:39,438
I didn't know you were
bringing all the contestants.
586
00:30:39,680 --> 00:30:40,749
There's Daphne.
587
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:42,911
She's the best one for Les. Give up now.
588
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,277
- She's much better than the nun woman.
- She's not a nun!
589
00:30:46,360 --> 00:30:48,635
That's not fair on Leslie,
finding them all here.
590
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:50,472
You wanted him to choose
and now's his chance.
591
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,034
Like a beauty parade.
592
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:53,913
Or a police line-up.
593
00:30:54,280 --> 00:30:57,272
Daphne. Well, what a surprise.
594
00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,069
- Hello.
- Oh, it's terribly hot, isn't it?
595
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,674
- No.
- No.
596
00:31:01,840 --> 00:31:04,308
Even so, let's go indoors and have tea.
597
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,033
(SIGHS)
598
00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:20,759
(SIGHS) I don't know where Leslie is.
599
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:22,313
- Shall we...
- There.
600
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:24,749
LOUISA: Oh.
601
00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:27,112
Er, excuse me.
602
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,359
Leslie, Leslie,
don't approach the house.
603
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:34,874
Why not?
604
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:38,470
Because Larry is one saw stroke
away from having his foot lopped off.
605
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,949
- Well, I wouldn't want to miss that.
- No, darling... (SIGHS)
606
00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:47,591
Why did you let Leslie...
607
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,319
Your foot's stuck.
608
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:52,192
(LAWRENCE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
609
00:31:57,800 --> 00:31:59,153
What's all this, then?
610
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,751
- Hello, Leslie.
- Hello.
611
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,118
- Hello, Leslie.
- Yes.
612
00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:09,869
Who are these girls?
613
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:12,469
They're just mates.
614
00:32:14,000 --> 00:32:15,877
Daphne, old Daffers...
615
00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:17,109
I've no idea who she is.
616
00:32:18,720 --> 00:32:20,438
"Larry is a bastard."
617
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:21,869
Who wrote that?
618
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,153
SPIROS: And a Bigfoot, bighead.
619
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:25,349
Come on.
620
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:29,111
- There's your pseudonym.
- This family is a disgrace.
621
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,349
Spiros, saw off the leg. Nobody cares!
622
00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,708
- I'm sorry, Greek people.
- (HORSE WHINNIES)
623
00:32:36,040 --> 00:32:38,759
- Do I hear the language of Shakespeare?
- Aunt Hermione!
624
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:43,313
Greetings.
625
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,152
Why are you always early?
626
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,397
I opted to skip Foggia.
627
00:32:47,520 --> 00:32:48,839
Don't shout.
628
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,430
Auntie. Thank goodness you're here.
629
00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:53,313
Please sort out my children.
630
00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:57,909
And as you can't decide which
of your girlfriends you prefer,
631
00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,752
Aunt Hermione will do it.
632
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,712
Right here. Right now.
633
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,360
You see, I wouldn't dream
of policing anybody's family
634
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:19,874
or romantic life.
635
00:33:20,400 --> 00:33:22,516
When it comes to love,
we're all beginners.
636
00:33:23,600 --> 00:33:26,478
You see, my visits here
have taught me that the world
637
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:28,516
is too lovely a place
to be a dictatorship.
638
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,034
Honour others, be kind. But
639
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,353
obey only the whisperings
of your own soul.
640
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,192
- What is that?
- Oh, do you like it?
641
00:33:40,280 --> 00:33:43,670
I could do you one if you want.
With fewer heads or more heads.
642
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,311
LOUISA: Auntie, you used to be so blunt
and clear about everything.
643
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,192
Oh, my dear, this place has changed me.
644
00:33:56,840 --> 00:33:59,513
I'm like a dog who wonders
why she spent so long barking.
645
00:34:00,240 --> 00:34:03,437
Leslie, I'm sorry your dilemma
was so publicly exposed.
646
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:07,509
But better to live excessively
than not to live at all.
647
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:11,350
Anyway, I'm glad to be among you again.
648
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:12,709
LAWRENCE: Welcome back.
649
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:14,871
We've been following your return
on a map.
650
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,235
Yes. It's been a long journey.
651
00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,468
You know, I've learnt to
say, "Where the hell are we?"
652
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,516
In six European languages.
653
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:24,795
Ha! So I'm going for a swim.
654
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,559
Sorry I shouted before.
655
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:29,712
I just don't want to remember Corfu
as the place that destroyed my leg.
656
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,956
Theo's just set up an X-ray unit.
657
00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:33,832
- He says Mother's inspired him.
- What?
658
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,113
Why didn't you tell me this before?
659
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:38,198
Spiros, please take me there now.
660
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:41,158
It's not ready yet. Theo's still
working out what the knobs do.
661
00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:43,549
- Well, I'll sit and wait until he has.
- I'm coming too.
662
00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:51,309
Leslie!
663
00:34:51,640 --> 00:34:54,552
I promise we weren't
trying to humiliate you.
664
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:55,629
What have I done?
665
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,393
You are good, Leslie.
666
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:05,319
(SCOFFS) I'm not, though, am I?
I'm horrible.
667
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:06,709
- No.
- (ENGINE TURNS OVER)
668
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:09,876
- Thank you.
- But...
669
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,392
I don't want to see you any more.
670
00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:18,034
LESLIE: She was the nicest of them.
671
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,078
That's why I brought her here.
672
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,110
Leslie, I... I have one thing to do.
673
00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:26,238
And that's make sure
four children are happy.
674
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:28,671
I really was just trying to help you.
675
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,109
I know I shouldn't have had
three girlfriends but...
676
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:34,917
Oh, I was just waiting
for natural wastage
677
00:35:35,680 --> 00:35:40,356
- as they realised I'm not that special.
- But you are, Leslie. In your way.
678
00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:42,510
With my plan, I'd have been left
with the keenest one
679
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:45,194
least likely to cheat on me.
Now I have nobody.
680
00:35:45,920 --> 00:35:47,319
But you will.
681
00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:51,838
Somewhere out there,
there's a girl who will cherish you,
682
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,990
and love you even more than I do.
683
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:58,278
And I will look at the
two of you with joy
684
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:00,231
and my work will be done.
685
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,593
No, I'll just stay at home with you.
686
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:08,235
Oh, Leslie.
687
00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:12,871
You are a kind, sweet boy.
688
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:26,234
(LAWRENCE SCREAMING)
689
00:36:26,320 --> 00:36:29,312
SPIROS: You're marking the tiles.
LAWRENCE: I can't lift it up!
690
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:31,913
(MOANING AND SCREAMING)
691
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:34,588
(CRYING)
692
00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,149
SPIROS: Hold still.
693
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:37,593
(GROANS)
694
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:40,474
- SPIROS: There.
- (LAWRENCE GROANS)
695
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:43,798
- Hello.
- X-ray me, Doc.
696
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:47,156
- Give me the bad news.
- The equipment's not ready.
697
00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:51,559
And I'm not a doctor. Though I did
buy myself a stethoscope and mask!
698
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,757
- He's not leaving until you do it.
- Can you X-ray him through concrete?
699
00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:56,359
- What do you think?
- Huh?
700
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:57,595
What do you think?
701
00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:00,035
Dr Petridis must have
some special tools.
702
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:01,348
Yes, he has.
703
00:37:02,720 --> 00:37:03,869
Shh. Shh.
704
00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:05,109
Here we are.
705
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:09,519
- (GROANING)
- (GRUNTING)
706
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:11,315
(SCREAMING)
707
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:14,717
I haven't had much sleep but
I seem to be weirdly strong.
708
00:37:15,120 --> 00:37:16,155
It's okay. Have a sit down.
709
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:17,629
Have a sit down.
710
00:37:19,560 --> 00:37:21,869
- My husband's away, you know.
- Yes, we do.
711
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,431
I can't even look after my own baby.
712
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:26,479
(COOING)
713
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:29,113
How did you do that?
714
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,111
I've slept so I'm more relaxed than you.
715
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:34,997
Babies sense these things.
716
00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:36,229
Don't they?
717
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:44,077
Can I suggest a technique I used
while making my soap sculpture?
718
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:47,759
Thank you for coming.
719
00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:50,796
I didn't need much excuse.
720
00:37:51,240 --> 00:37:53,390
Wimborne Minster has been very dank.
721
00:37:55,640 --> 00:37:58,473
Are you planning to see
your Greek gentleman, Mr Anestis?
722
00:37:58,680 --> 00:37:59,749
Yes.
723
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:05,589
But if I don't settle here, I also
have two suitors in East Dorset.
724
00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:07,871
So I can hardly criticise Leslie.
725
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:09,878
I've done that enough in the past.
726
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,875
Look, it's obvious... Now.
727
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:17,475
I've given up my love life, so I've
turned my attention to my children's.
728
00:38:17,720 --> 00:38:22,350
You are a resourceful mother to a
platoon of strong-minded children.
729
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,637
- Enjoy them without judging them.
- Judging's the only fun I get.
730
00:38:26,480 --> 00:38:28,152
You know better than me
731
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:31,838
but good parenting isn't about
meddling in your children's lives.
732
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,593
It's about loving them.
733
00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:41,873
- (SCREAMING)
- SPIROS: Shh. Shh. Shh.
734
00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:43,951
- It's softening.
- Try the shears again.
735
00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:45,839
(LAWRENCE GROANS)
736
00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:48,833
(MOANING AND GASPING)
737
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:50,751
(SCREAMING)
738
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:54,911
- Your turn.
- THEO: Oh, come on, Larry.
739
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,039
- (LAWRENCE WHIMPERING)
- (THEO SHUSHING)
740
00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:58,109
(SCREAMING)
741
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,828
(LAWRENCE GROANS)
742
00:39:01,920 --> 00:39:03,672
THEO: Come on, Larry.
743
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:06,719
We're nearly there.
744
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,877
- (SCREAMING)
- THEO: Come on!
745
00:39:12,560 --> 00:39:14,198
Can you wipe my face, please?
746
00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:22,390
Thank you. Thank you.
747
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:23,595
Thank you.
748
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:33,909
Hey, Les.
749
00:39:34,320 --> 00:39:35,753
Sorry about you and your women.
750
00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,033
At least you know it would
have never worked with Tsanta.
751
00:39:41,240 --> 00:39:43,629
Because Tsanta only comes once a year.
752
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,949
I hope Theo says your leg
is twisted and broken
753
00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:50,914
- and you never walk again!
- Sibling discord? Is this possible?
754
00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:53,560
- Sorry.
- Well, don't mutter apologies.
755
00:39:54,120 --> 00:39:56,111
Expand, explain, share!
756
00:39:56,840 --> 00:39:58,068
I was being insensitive.
757
00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:00,199
It's one of my strengths.
758
00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:01,998
Good. Stop that, then, dear.
759
00:40:02,320 --> 00:40:04,880
- Leslie?
- I'm just sad.
760
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:08,357
And a bit relieved. I thought
I was enjoying it but
761
00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:10,512
having three girlfriends is like
762
00:40:12,640 --> 00:40:14,153
trying to ride three bikes.
763
00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:18,278
Anyway, all will be well.
764
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:20,953
The girls clearly like you.
765
00:40:21,720 --> 00:40:22,709
How could they not?
766
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,628
LOUISA: Go and settle things
with Daphne and Dionisia.
767
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,829
Tell the one you love the most
that she's the only one for you.
768
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:33,228
Oh, Margo.
769
00:40:33,320 --> 00:40:34,389
Time for a new hobby?
770
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:36,354
Spaghetti weaving?
771
00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:37,913
- Banana bending?
- MARGO: No...
772
00:40:38,160 --> 00:40:39,559
- (CHUCKLES)
- MARGO: I'm moving on.
773
00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,639
I'll see you at the doctor's in an hour.
I have a plan.
774
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:46,633
Well, everyone else has had one.
775
00:40:48,760 --> 00:40:50,512
(ANIMALS SQUAWKING AND BLEATING)
776
00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,234
I'm sorry if I don't always
appreciate your animal collecting.
777
00:41:01,040 --> 00:41:02,234
(CHUCKLES GENTLY)
778
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,670
Don't they miss
being with their friends?
779
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:08,069
I'm their friend.
780
00:41:12,120 --> 00:41:13,269
Oh.
781
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:15,669
- Don't look them in the eye.
- Oh.
782
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,994
It's also good advice
with lawyers, of course.
783
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,158
That's for him.
784
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,589
I'll release them when I've seen
if their colour will change
785
00:41:26,720 --> 00:41:28,312
according to what I feed them.
786
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:38,033
(LOUISA GASPS)
787
00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,675
(LAUGHING) He's doing it!
He's eating from my bowl.
788
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:49,469
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
789
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:50,913
Dr Stephanides.
790
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:53,789
As I say, I'm not actually a doctor.
791
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:55,951
But why not? I look like one.
792
00:41:57,760 --> 00:41:59,113
Theo, you've done it.
793
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:00,918
You've actually made a difference.
794
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:04,559
I have the results of my first X-ray
795
00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:07,234
from one Lawrence Durrell.
796
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:09,318
But I should only show the patient.
797
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,113
- We'll tell him.
- Don't worry about it.
798
00:42:11,800 --> 00:42:13,916
- I don't know if you can see there.
- LOUISA: Oh.
799
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:17,080
Oh, yes. Gosh.
800
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:20,589
Leg.
801
00:42:21,240 --> 00:42:23,196
Tibia. Fibula.
802
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,074
We can see clearly that
Larry has broken his
803
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:30,630
record for how low
his pain threshold is.
804
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:32,911
I suspect he has a torn muscle.
805
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:34,269
(FLORENCE SIGHS)
806
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:37,034
- He's asleep.
- Oh, Florence.
807
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:39,199
I'm worried about you. How are you?
808
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,960
Oh, it's very ageing,
isn't it, parenting?
809
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:44,555
Don't worry. I'm coming
to work for you both
810
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:46,949
as a radiography assistant-cum-nanny.
811
00:42:47,560 --> 00:42:48,629
That was my plan.
812
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:52,230
I'm good with people and babies.
I need to be useful for a change.
813
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:53,912
And I like seeing men
with their clothes off.
814
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:56,349
Pay me what you can afford.
815
00:42:56,960 --> 00:42:57,949
Right.
816
00:42:58,240 --> 00:42:59,514
- Let's organise.
- Hmm. Right.
817
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:00,828
Florence...
818
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:02,913
You've got vomit on your shoulder.
819
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:04,429
Er... Oh.
820
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:06,109
(CLEARS THROAT)
821
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:09,552
I don't think she's going to turn up.
822
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:12,595
- Sorry.
- Where's Aunt Hermione?
823
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:14,991
Out for drinks with Suitor Number One.
824
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,914
- We love Aunt Hermione now.
- Yeah. She's a good sort.
825
00:43:18,000 --> 00:43:18,989
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
826
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:22,910
- Hello.
- Kalos ilthes.
827
00:43:23,000 --> 00:43:23,989
(SPEAKING GREEK)
828
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,029
Yes.
829
00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:30,198
(SLOWLY) I am please to be here.
830
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:31,594
(ALL LAUGH)
831
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:32,874
Oh.
832
00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,271
- Oh, gosh.
- Fresh bread.
833
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,239
From the bakery.
834
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,629
- Very pretty.
- Yes.
835
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:47,310
Well, I hope you'll all
enjoy your vegetarian meal.
836
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,277
- Gorgeous.
- Ambrosial.
837
00:43:49,360 --> 00:43:51,954
- Oh, evening, everyone.
- (ALL GREETING)
838
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:53,792
Mr Anestis sends his...
839
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:56,271
Oh, what are they? Regards.
840
00:43:56,360 --> 00:43:57,475
(CHUCKLES)
841
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,315
Well, I know you're all
desperate to know
842
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:02,833
which pseudonym I chose
for my next novel.
843
00:44:02,960 --> 00:44:06,270
- Is it Ivor Perfectly-Goodleg?
- No. It's...
844
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:07,713
Charles Norden.
845
00:44:10,720 --> 00:44:11,755
I'll fetch the meat.
846
00:44:12,160 --> 00:44:15,391
- Ah, no, Auntie, there's isn't...
- No, it's fine. I'm happy to get it.
847
00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:20,869
Oh.
848
00:44:22,040 --> 00:44:24,395
Auntie reminded me last night...
849
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:25,669
I did?
850
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,913
...that all that matters
is that we love each other.
851
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:30,919
And we let each other know
852
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:33,913
in whatever way we find possible.
853
00:44:34,480 --> 00:44:36,755
I do it by protecting
us all with my guns.
854
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:39,312
LAWRENCE:
I'll dedicate my next book to you all.
855
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,793
We promise we'll try not to
talk to you so much in the future.
856
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,438
Pass the vegetables, please.
857
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:53,119
LAWRENCE: Auntie. Would you like tomato?
858
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:54,679
Is there enough veg for us all?
859
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:55,909
MARGO: Don't hold back, Gerry.
860
00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:01,078
I really like his humour.
861
00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,119
(ALL LAUGHING)
862
00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:06,514
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
863
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:11,389
So,
864
00:45:12,360 --> 00:45:13,634
now we are seven.
62990
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