All language subtitles for Squatch

Good morning, Sam.

How's it going?

Good. How are you doing?

Are you sweating?

Yeah, man. I've been walking like the
last two hours.

Two hours?

7 .30 in the morning?

Uh, better make that three, I guess.

Wait, what? Why?

Well, my car broke down a couple weeks
ago. That's why I wasn't at bowling last

night. I thought you knew about that.
What? So you've been walking for two

hours? Three.

Three hours.

You've been walking three hours to work
for the last two weeks?

Mm -hmm. Well, why haven't you just
asked me for a ride?

Well, I'm kind of out of your way. I
mean, I am all the way across town. I

really don't mind. I'm up at 3 a .m.
sharp every day, just in case.

Yeah, I forgot.

Well, maybe you could start picking me
up. How did bowling go, anyway?

I scored an 85.

Hmm. That is, uh...

Well, that's really not good.

Yeah, I was trying out left -handed.
What's that?

Oh, you know, it's when you roll the
ball with your left hand. No, no. What?

What is that?

Someone's pulling into the park.

Hmm?

It's almost charming, isn't it?

Oh, hey.

Tank guy. Keep it running.

Excuse me.

Can I help you, sir?

Hi, yeah.

Ronald, we're going to need you, my man,
to move a few of these vehicles to the

other side of the lot. Oh, these
vehicles are supposed to be here. You

gentlemen, unfortunately, actually can't
park here. So sorry. There's a bus

dropping off students here soon.

Oh, a but.

Yeah,

we got field trips here all week. We got
about 40 kids that are going to be here

soon. A field trip?

Students? Right, right, right.

That's cute, isn't it? Children are the
future after all, aren't they?

Well,

at least that's what they say. I've
never actually interacted with one.

But seriously, I'm going to need this
whole lot cleared right now.

Hey, Robert.

Sam.

Why don't the two of you guys go unlock
the gates at the east entrance of the

park? I'll take care of this, okay?

What's going on here, Melvin?

Oh, Melvin, you didn't tell your little
nature nerds? Ouch!

You guys was like, right?

Well, you see, Elf was on here,
purchased the park, and they're going to

solar farm.

A solar farm? Purchased the park? Can
they even do that?

And where are they going to build a
solar farm? It's all woodland.

Turns out they can do it, actually.

This is the national park, and the
government holds the lease to the park.

Should I say held?

Anyhow, they're going to deforest a
portion of the park in order to build

solar farm. This isn't really the way I
wanted to tell you guys, but

unfortunately, it also means that your
hours are going to be severely reduced.

To zero.

We're losing our job? When were you
going to tell us this? It was on my to

list to tell you. It was, but you know
how to -do lists are.

If you don't actually do the thing on
the list, it doesn't get done.

When is all of this happening? How long
do we have?

One week from today.

Look, guys, I'm really sorry.

Excuse me.

Gentlemen, a million dollars waiting on
a dime.

Are we gonna move?

Jason, you guys have any Malort?

What's that?

Uh, Malort?

No, no, no.

What is Malort?

Oh, uh, I don't know. I just heard of
it. You guys got any?

Uh, no.

Then, uh, just another beer, please,
Jason.

All right.

Lovely, Jason. Thank you.

Robert, what are you doing here?

Well, just lost our job. Figured I'd
stop by and see if the bar is hiring.

Robert, you can't work here.

Why not?

What time do you go to bed?

8 .30 p .m., 9 on weekends.

I'm here until 2, and I don't get out
until 3 at the earliest.

In the morning?

Yeah, in the morning.

Oh, well, I could change.

I doubt it.

Well, I'd need to be trained, of course.

Okay.

What the... Oh, that's a small mini...

It's a tiny cup.

No.

There's not enough time in the world,
Robert.

I'll just have a beer then, please,
Jason.

Uh, Robert, you don't drink.

Now seems as good a time as any to
start.

Thank you.

So what are you going to do?

Well, I'm going to finish this beer, and
then I'm going to go to Macy's and blow

my rent money.

I love Macy's. No, I mean, for a job.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Um, I could see if Macy's is hiring.

Plus, I'm pretty good with a lawnmower.

Yeah, you are.

Well, you shouldn't have too much
trouble finding work. You were the

person in the Carolinas to earn their
Eagle Scout. What were you, 12?

11. And I still have the record for the
fastest prime wood derby car, too.

Yeah? I think.

Anyway, what are you thinking for work?
I mean, minus being the town's newest

bartender. I don't know.

It's weird, Sam.

All my life, I've felt a little lost.

Throughout my whole career and my
school, nothing ever really fit.

Until I found the park.

This last six years have been the
happiest I've ever been.

I don't know what to do now that it's
being taken away.

Guess I'll just have to try my best to
really enjoy this last six days.

Yeah, I feel you, man.

I'm gonna miss it, too.

I don't want to talk to these Alphazon
guys any more than we have to, but

someone's going to have to train them.
And we'll have to make sure they don't

start tearing down trees near the
Sasquatch.

I'm sorry, what was that? Oh, yeah.

Bigfoot? The one that lives in the
woods?

I was just thinking it's going to be a
whole ordeal with Alphazon coming and

tearing down parts of the forest.

I mean, that's his home, you know?

He's going to wonder what's going on
when trees start coming down, so we

really steer them clear.

Look. No.

Show me.

Did you ever see The Andy Griffith

Show? Oh, yeah.

I always figured that would be up your
alley. That's pretty good. I mean, Don

Knotts, also Andy Griffiths in it.

Okay. Wait, what are we doing?

Oh, that's right, Bigfoot.

Okay, so the stick gets him to come out.

Well, no, it's really the candy bar that
he wants. The stick just lets him know

that we're here.

But really, I just fed him this morning.

This isn't really part of his normal
routine, so I don't know if he's going

show up.

Look, Robert, I get it. We lost our job.
And that sucks. Really, it does.

But if you're also losing your mind,
man, I don't know what the...

Hello?

Who's out there?

Oh, uh... Robert?

Sam? What are you two doing out here?

Uh, well, I, uh... You were... I was...
My back.

And then my knee.

Oh. And... Have you boys been drinking?

Yes. Yes. No. Yes. I tried.

Robert?

You need to go home and get some rest.

Night,

Robert. Night.

And you, you are in no condition to
walk, mister.

Look, man, you don't know me.

I can walk for miles.

These feet are educated. Come on.

You can sleep on my couch.

Okay, fine, Melvin, but I'm going to
complain the whole time. I got those

corn dogs you love.

No, first of all, I love all corn dogs.

Every sign.

Just get in the car, mister.

Okay, okay.

Ow.

Come on, Sam.

Get out.

Melvin. Stay in there.

And thirdly, I thought you had a
hatchback, man. When did you get a

When did you become such a sellout? We
used to be cool, Melvin.

We used to be cool.

Now, as we are all very aware, most
wildfires in North Carolina are caused

Yes. Cruel Mother Nature.

Of people, actually.

You want to know what makes me really
sad?

When boys and girls like you play with
matches.

You see?

Even when you blow a match out, it has
the potential to start a

fire.

Now see, that's perfectly normal.

Is it supposed to do that? Okay, it's
not supposed to do that.

Stay calm. It's okay. I got this.

Robert! Robert! Oh, uh, uh, sorry,
Melvin. I, um, I gotta go. Don't forget

stop, drop, and roll.

Robert! What are you doing?

Robert!

Fire!

Sam, what are you doing?

Thank goodness you're here. I could use
an extra set of hands. An extra set of

hands? For what?

Hey, why are you packing up my things?
We're still employed for six more days.

Robert, we gotta get out of here.

Get out of here?

Look, you were right.

Kind of.

We've got to save the Sasquatch.

What?

Save the Sasquatch? Yeah, the Sasquatch,
the one you showed me last night. We've

got to get him out of here before Alpha
Don starts tearing down the forest.

Look, we're here, and we've got to get
Sasquatch here.

Did you draw this map with barbecue
sauce?

Yes, Robert, I drew it with barbecue
sauce. In case you forgot, I spent last

night at Melvin's, and that man had zero
pen. But he had an upsetting amount of

barbecue sauce.

For the mini corn dogs. Yes, for the
mini corn dogs. And in case you were

to ask, they're delicious.

But that's not the point. Look, I've
been doing a lot of research. And we

to take the Sasquatch to Olympic
National Park.

The state of Washington has more
Sasquatch sightings per year than any

state. And sure, most of those are, you
know, probably crazy people.

But ours is real. So who's to say there
isn't another one out there? And even if

there isn't, then he's still got
hundreds of miles of uninterrupted

where he can live and not be in fear of
Alphazon tearing down the forest.

Because if they do that, Robert, they're
going to capture him. They're going to

shackle him. They'll put him on a boat.
They'll take him to New York. They're

going to put him on a stage. They'll
charge people for tickets. He's going to

fall in love with a beautiful blonde.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

Are you just describing the 1933
cinematic masterpiece King Kong?

Yes, Robert, because that's exactly the
situation we're dealing with.

Whoa.

Well, he is an animal in danger.

Mm -hmm.

And we are still technically park
rangers for six more days. And as park

rangers, it is our duty to protect...
Protect and serve all species of

especially those that are endangered or
threatened. Exactly, Robert. Now go get

the rest of your stuff. Now, whoa, whoa,
whoa, wait. Just because I feed him

once a week doesn't mean he's gonna get
in my van and travel with us across the

country. Don't worry about it.

I took care of...

How did?

What did?

Did you do the stick thing? Yeah, I did
the stick thing. I did the candy bar

thing. Look, enough with the questions.
We just got to get out of here before

Melvin puts out that fire.

It's okay, kids.

I got this. I'll take care of it.

Stop screaming, please. Stop screaming.

Robert!

Oh, I should probably help him. Robert,
he's an animal in distress.

All right.

Saddle up, big boy.

It's okay, kid. It's okay.

Stop screaming, please. Stop screaming,
please.

Robert!

Huh.

What?

I've never left work early.

Well, we're not really leaving work
early. Just think of it as remote work.

We're traveling across the country,
working, all while saving this poor

creature's life.

I mean...

Look at him.

Yeah. What's his name, anyways?

His name?

He doesn't have a name. Okay, yeah,
sure, but, like, what do you call him?

I don't call him anything, Sam.

He's not my pet.

He's a creature of the park, and in case
you're wondering, I don't have a name

for the birds and foxes, either.

Okay, but do you have this whole ritual
where you feed the birds and foxes of

the park in secret every day? No.
Besides, he's not in the park anymore.

We've got to call him something. It's
not like we can just point at things and

say, here, Bigfoot, drink the water.

That may have been my fault.

May have been. That was definitely your
fault.

Yeah. But you do have a point.

He does need a name.

Do you have any suggestions?

How about Squatch? First off, that's not
a name.

Secondly... He is a miracle.

A magnificent and proud Sasquatch.
Calling him Squatch would be an insult,

won't stand for it.

Okay. Ooh, how about Kevin? We are not
calling him Kevin. Aw, come on. Kevin's

great name.

Did he just... Yep, he just undid his
seatbelt. He's gonna have to put that

on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, buddy, you
wanna put that back on for me?

You're gonna have to help him. Yeah,
yeah, I got it, I got it. Hey!

Oh,

so now you're both unfuckled? My arms
aren't long enough. I couldn't reach.

Uh, Robert?

Did you get it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got
it.

Just, um...

We have a little bit of a problem.

What? We are being pulled over. What?

Just keep your cool and everything's
going to be okay. Keep my cool? I've

been pulled over before. I knew this was
a bad idea.

All right,

fellas.

License and proof of insurance.

Do you boys have any idea why I pulled
you over?

Is it because we have a Sasquatch in the
car?

Robert.

You got a tail light out.

But man, that is the coolest Sasquatch
costume I have ever seen.

Yes, a costume.

It is a costume.

Isn't that right, Robert?

Huh? Oh, yeah, um, costume.

Are you sure I have a taillight out? I
keep pretty up to date on my taillights,

so this would have had to have just
happened.

Listen, boys, forget about the
taillight.

My son has a birthday party in about an
hour.

He is the biggest Sasquatch fan on
Earth.

You guys come with me to the party?

I'll forget about the ticket.

I don't know.

You see, this isn't really part of our
travel plans.

We're trying to get to Tacoma. Travel
plans?

Robert, what are you talking about? This
is the plan. He gives us a ticket. This

whole trip is over before it's even
started.

For the love of God.

What's wrong with you, boy?

I just find it so hard to believe that I
have a taillight out. I'm completely

baffled. Forget about this taillight.

You come with me, there's no ticket.

Listen.

I'm serious.

If I... If I show up with a Sasquatch, I
might be dad of the year.

Hell, I might even be husband of the
year.

Seriously.

Come on.

What's the address?

Listen, I'm sorry. Seriously, Kip?

Bigfoot? Baby, I thought it was a
Bigfoot -themed party. No.

Just, just no.

Peter, your dad's kind of a loser.

Yes.

I think we should leave.

Yup.

Now that was a total disaster.

What are you talking about?

We got all this free food, plus that cop
didn't give us a ticket. I'd say that's

a win.

Sam, look at him.

What? If we're really going to do this,
he's going to need a disguise.

Yeah, I guess he does stand out a bit,
doesn't he?

Okay, here's the plan. I'm going to go
in first. You're going to count to

exactly 120.

And then you're going to come in. Got
it?

Got it.

One, two, three, four.

What? How's that four seconds?

Don't start counting until I get inside.

Okay?

Okay.

Well, come on.

Put them on.

Obviously, we're going to have to help
him out. Well, that's ridiculous.

How's that ridiculous, Robert? He's
never put on pants before. How's he

to know how to put on pants? I don't
know, Sam. I feel like I've just always

known how to put on pants.

You know, other than hats, they're the
most intuitive piece of clothing there

is. You just put them on one leg at a
time. You start with the left. I know

to put on pants, Robert. I'm wearing
pants right now.

How's he supposed to know how to put on
pants he's never put on pants before?

This may be the second time in his life
he's ever seen a pair of pants.

Who knows what's going through his mind
right now? Oh, look.

Oh, my gosh.

He's doing it.

Come on.

Start with the left leg.

Incredible.

No, no, no.

No,

absolutely not.

But still no, right?

Yeah.

Hey,

what's going on? Stop.

Robert, what's the date today?

It's May 8th. Why?

May 8th, 2026.

The fifth greatest day of my life.

It's perfect.

I... I don't get it. Robert, this is a
mint condition Ohio art company etch -a

-sketch. You think I could just pass
this thing up? You can etch a sketch,

Robert. Okay.

So what do you think?

What do I think?

I think the absolute elation and
unbridled joy I'm feeling in this very

is no less than a parent feels the very
first time they hold their child. I

think this...

It might be the greatest place on earth.

I think I'm going to cry. I don't care
what it costs. I don't care what you

think. I'm getting it.

No, I mean about his outfit.

Bulb was loose.

Hello,

officer. Is there something I can help
you with?

Yeah, does a Robert Fulton work here?

Does he work here? This is practically
his second home. He's my most reliable

employee.

Where did you get this?

Is he okay?

Yeah. I just pulled him over earlier. He
probably just left it at the barbecue.

Pulled over?

Barbecue?

That sounds very unlike Robert.

Though, he did leave work early, and I
haven't seen him all day.

When, um, when was this?

Just about two hours ago.

It was with some short guy.

And another man in an amazing Sasquatch
costume.

Short guy?

Sam?

Sasquatch costume?

Are you sure this is who you saw?

Yes, sir. Pulled him over for a bomb
taillight.

He was really shaken up about it.

I mean, literally shaken.

Well, that does sound like Robert.

Chip, there's another fight going on at
the bowling alley.

Copy that.

I gotta be taking off. Wait, did they
say where they were going?

Tacoma.

Tacoma? Yeah.

Wait.

Did I have my gun with me when I came
up?

I don't know, but guns aren't allowed in
the park.

They are for me.

I should be heading out.

Mama!

I'm just calling to tell you I'm not
going to be home for dinner tonight.

But Rusty, it's back in cheese night.

I know, but I'm going to Washington.

Washington?

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

Rusty, get your butt home. You're just
driving my car.

Yeah!

I love it here.

Tennessee? No, Cracker Barrel.

I love Cracker Barrel.

Thought you said you'd never been here
before.

Oh, I haven't. This is my first time.

Haven't even gone inside. I don't need
to.

Hey, uh, where's my guitar?

Oh, uh, do you remember how, when you
asked me how I got Squatch in the van, I

said I did the stick thing? Yeah. Well,
I tried the stick thing, and I tried the

candy bar thing, and that wasn't really
working, so I used your guitar.

Okay, but where is it? I don't see it.

Let's just say I owe you a guitar. That
was my grandpa's guitar. He gave it to

me for my 10th birthday.

Where is he?

He's dead.

What? No.

Squatch, where'd he go?

I hear splashing.

Well, look.

He caught us a delicious bath.

I don't think that's for us.

Sam, how much do you think he weighs?

Um, I don't know.

200 pounds?

200 pounds?

You really think he only weighs 200
pounds?

Well, I don't know, Robert. You can't
really tell where the fur ends and the

body begins. A creature his size would
need a minimum of 8 ,000 calories per

day. 250.

We're going to need a lot more food.

Well, luckily for him, we happen to be
spending the night outside of the most

magical place on Earth.

Now that was incredible.

And the gift shop? You didn't tell me
they had a gift shop. I completely

Haven't been here since my Eagle Scout
ceremony.

I didn't go to my Eagle Scout ceremony.

Why not?

It's past my bedtime.

Oh, yeah.

Bummer.

Did he just throw his trash away?

Yeah. Did you teach him that?

No.

He's learning.

What time is it?

It is 10 .03.

I'm going to go to bed.

And you should, too.

Got a long day of driving tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just going to take
this in a little bit longer.

Good night.

Night.

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

Hey!

What are you doing, man?

I'm going to find Bigfoot.

Look, man, I can't have you in my
parking lot licking mud off the ground.

going to scare the customers.

No worries, man.

I was just leaving anyway.

Sam, can you check over here for my
phone?

Uh, yeah, yeah.

Um... Uh, I am not seeing it anywhere,
man.

Uh, where do you remember having it
last?

I'm trying to think.

Oh, shoot.

What? I had my ID in my phone when we
got pulled over yesterday.

I handed it to the officer because I had
my insurance on it. I don't think he

ever gave it back.

Well, at least you have your debit card.

Yeah, but I really shouldn't be driving
without my license.

What did you need your phone for anyway?

Did you need to make a call? I mean, you
could use mine.

I was going to feed my fish.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Did you just say
feed your fish?

Oh, yeah.

About a week ago, I fully automated my
fish feeding process.

Didn't know it was coming so handy.

Here, get your phone out.

Okay.

Dial this number.

For security purposes, please press 11.

Um, 11?

Just press 1 twice.

Well, duh, but why not just have it say
press 1?

It's for security purposes, Sam. I can't
have robots hack this and compromise

the process.

Complete.

Feeding complete.

There, he's fed.

I don't know what I'm gonna get.

Yeah, me either.

Hi, yeah, I'll take four foot -long
chili cheese coneys, two orders of fries

tots with the signature sauce, one onion
ring, and three large cherry limeades.

That sounded good.

Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Welcome to Sonic. My name is Jody. What
can I get for you today?

Hi. Yeah.

Um, I would actually like to order, uh,
the same thing as the person in the

stall to my right.

You want exactly what they're getting?

Uh, yeah.

And, um, it was the, uh, foot -long
chili cheese. You want four foot -long

cheese coneys, two orders of fries,
tossed with a signature sauce, one onion

ring, and three large charlotte maids.

Yeah. Oh, and can I also add one him and
she's... You don't want what the other

car is having.

A second ago you said you wanted the
exact same order as the person next to

Listen, Jody, it's been a really long
couple of days.

And while I personally am loving the
semantics lesson you were being so kind

bestow upon us, I'd love it even more if
you would just be cool and let us add

to the order.

Sorry, go ahead.

Thanks. Uh, yeah, uh, I'll add one ham
and cheese.

Oh, actually, uh, make that three
grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.

That'll be $48 .67. We'll have that
right out.

I remember my first onion ring.

Wow, she really meant right out, huh?

Yeah.

He must be new.

No, Robert, check on him. Oh, uh, are
you okay, sir? Oh, my elbow.

Did you just hit him again? I didn't hit
him the first time.

But, yes, I did hit him the second time.
Oh, Robert.

I am so sorry.

Please help me, sir.

Can you call my parents? No.

Robert.

Welcome to Sonic. My name is Jody. What
can I get for you today?

Hi. Yeah.

Me again.

Robert, what do you need?

Take the wheel.

My God, Robert.

Ten and two.

What? Put your hands in the ten and two
position.

You know, actually, Robert, newer
studies have found that nine and three

optimal placement for hands while
driving. Not just for improved accuracy

dexterity, but also to help prevent
injury in the case of an automobile

accident.

Really? Mm -hmm.

I had not heard that.

I'm surprised I usually keep up on all
the safety protocols.

You know what?

Don't beat yourself up.

You've got a lot going on, but with your
robot fish feeding... Process.

Process, and the whole park closing and
all, and the whole Sasquatch thing, and,

you know, you've just got a lot on your
plate right now. Who knows, in a year or

two... Right,

right.

Sorry, sorry.

My bad, man.

Sorry.

He's an artist.

I won't hang.

Isn't it magnificent?

Well... Here for long.

You better do what you want before I'm
gone.

You look amazing.

I take the blame.

You gave me all and I gave you the same.

I got some plans.

That is the truth.

And I bet it ain't too hard to guess
what I'm going to do to you. I bet you

wanted what's best.

But it is such a lie.

I pulled a man to mine.

I pulled a man to mine.

And if you want a chance.

Nah, doll, we're good. We're in, I don't
know, we're in Kansas or, I don't know,

Wyoming? Something?

No,

no, he's doing good.

I'm really surprised by it. You know,
he's eating all his vegetables, cutting

his own hot dogs.

Couldn't be more proud.

help here.

Geez, yeah. Hey, I gotta go. Oh my gosh,
Robert, what is going on? I don't know.

I can't get it to stop.

Oh, sorry.

You see what I'm talking about?

It's just a steady stream.

Good heavens, I don't know what I'm
dealing with here.

Emergency shutoff button.

Oh, yeah.

The button.

Kind of forgot about the button.

Well,

that wasn't so bad. No.

Look, all of... No.

But what if we... No?

All I'm saying is that... But I mean...
Sam, I think it's best if we never

speak of this again.

But what if we... Never, ever.

That's fair.

I noticed in my thermal imagers just the
sheer girth. Like, bro.

Whether or not it was mostly the fur,
that's hard to say.

Hey, Robert, I'm going to go see if they
have an ice machine, okay?

Okay.

I'll be right back.

Hold down the fort.

No, you can't come. You don't have any
pants on.

But it hung down like a leather fringe
jacket.

Sam?

Are you there?

Oh, Sam.

You sound terrible. What's wrong?

Everything okay out there?

Robert? Was that you?

Was that Robert?

Oh, Sam.

You sound terrible.

You know what?

You guys just take it easy and we'll
talk tomorrow, okay?

Melvin.

Back to work, buddy.

Chop, chop.

Where are your Boy Scouts?

Yep. They had ice. I knew it.

What do you need ice for?

Emergency. Wait, is there an emergency?

No, no, no, no, no.

But there might be.

Why would there be an emergency?

There won't be. There won't be. But if
there is,

we'll be prepared.

I froze at first when I saw him, but
then, you know, I turned and...

start slinking up the trail after it.

There we go.

Good

morning.

Good morning.

How was your stay?

Oh, quite nice. Thank you.

Plus, really can't beat that view.

Well, well, well. Did you just come all
this way just to check me out?

Uh, this is where I check out, isn't it?
I sure hope so.

Did you enjoy the beds? They're brand
new. I haven't even gotten to properly

break one in yet.

Oh.

Well, uh, maybe next time we'll break
one in for you.

That sounds... Wait.

We?

Hey, got everything loaded up. Are we
ready to roll?

Hi there.

Anything changes, give me a call, okay?

Oh.

Don't you worry.

I'll make sure to call if there's
anything that I need.

Or want.

But I won't be needing this because I
have this motel chain's phone number

memorized.

Recycle that.

Robert. What?

Nothing.

She was cute.

Yeah. Yeah, she was.

You get that she was flirting with you,
right?

What?

No, I... She was just being friendly.
I'm sorry. My mistake.

Does every friendly woman you know give
you their phone number? Well, I... Well,

if she was so cute, why didn't you give
her your number?

Two reasons, Robert. Number one, bro
code. I understand this may be a new

concept for you, so let me explain.
Robert, you and I are bro.

Winning woman.

is flirting with one bro regardless of
how cute she is. The other bro does not

flirt with her.

And number two, and more importantly,
I'm married.

Sam, you're not married.

Yeah, I tell you this all the time.

I'm sorry.

I guess I just thought you were doing
that dated and, quite frankly, not very

funny Borat impression.

Dated? Borat is a classic. It's always
funny. My wife!

I stand by what I said.

Not about the Borat thing.

Well, not just about the Borat thing.
I'm genuinely sorry.

Look, it's fine.

I get it. When we're at work, we kind of
just talk about work.

And when we're bowling, we just talk
about bowling. Look.

Here.

Oh, Sam.

That's my Nadia. She's beautiful.

Wait, is this a mugshot?

Sam, do you have a prison wife?

County jail. She's in county jail, and
she's going to be out in six to eight

months. Pending good behavior.

And a lenient judge.

Hey, do you see that?

It's a person.

Well, yeah, but what's he doing?

I don't know.

Is that a shovel?

Yep, it's a shovel.

Oh, great.

He wants a ride.

And we're going to give it to him.

Hey, sup?

Hey, thanks for the ride.

No problem.

Happy to help.

Where are you headed?

Um, west.

As far as you can take me.

My friend, you are in luck. We are
headed all the way west.

Name's Robert, by the way. Uh, Robert
Fulton.

And no, not thee, Robert Fulton.

You know, Robert Fulton.

Popularized the steamboat.

Commissioned in 1800 by Napoleon to
invent the Nautilus.

The world's most practical submarine.

Not even you, Sam.

Wow. Well, my co -pilot here is one Mr.

Samuel Clements.

Oh, like Mark Twain?

Yep.

So what's your name, friend?

Uh, Joe.

Joe! Oh, good name.

Great name.

Oh, I never forget a name, Joe.

And I never forget a face.

So to what divine happenstance do we owe
your very unexpected but very welcome

company this morning, Joe?

Uh, uh, my truck broke down?

Ha! I knew it!

A fellow traveler of the road, westward
bound and broken down.

The American dream?

Uh, what's with the shovel?

Uh, uh, I dig?

Ha! See, Sam?

Salt of the earth. A digging man.

Had I not found the National Park
Services, I too may have become a

Working with my hands.

Getting cuts on my arms.

Uh, get lots of cuts digging, Joe?

Uh, uh, it was my cat.

Hey, hey, could you crack a window? It's
getting a bit hot back here. No

problem.

Robert, was that a phone?

You cannot be throwing things out like
that. I could be ticketed. Not to

that is not how you properly dispose of
a lithium ion battery.

Is he taking his clothes off?

Yep, he's taking them off.

Oh, and he goes down. Oh, and he's back
up.

God, he's fat.

And he's down again.

Oh, man.

I thought he needed a ride.

Does he look like he still needs a ride?

Forgot his shovel.

What's a digging man without his shovel?

Oh, no, wait, now I've... Robert, it's
coming with us.

What if he comes back for it? You think
a naked man who just sprinted away from

his shovel is coming back for it? Also,
what the hell was all... Hey!

Do not swear where the Sasquatch can
hear you. Get back in the van, Robert.

Hello? Well, you sound much better,
mister.

Nope.

Uh... Hello?

Hello, Robert. Is everything okay?

Are you coming into work today?

I need you guys to help finish clearing
the trees at the south entrance to the

park. AlphaZon needs an access road
there by the end of the week.

No.

No, Melvin, um... We're not coming back
to work.

No?

What do you mean, no?

I mean we're not coming in.

Well, if you guys still aren't feeling
well, we can probably push that to first

thing tomorrow.

That should be fine.

Uh, no.

I'm sorry, Melvin. Maybe I misspoke.

We're not coming back to work.

Not today.

Not ever.

What do you mean, not ever? We still
have work to do. I need you.

You have to come back!

Melvin, I'm doing the most important
work I've ever done in my whole life.

I'm doing real good.

Actual good.

Something that matters. Something that
makes a difference.

Something you wouldn't understand.

So, no. Melvin, I'm sorry, but I won't
have any part in tearing down the only

thing I ever loved.

Robert?

If you don't come back, you'll lose your
severance. You won't see a dime.

It's not my call.

I'm part of the system.

Same as you.

It's just how these things work.

You have to come back.

I don't care.

Whatever it is, tell them I don't care
either.

And neither does Sam.

Goodbye, Melvin.

That was on

That

was not

Hold

on to that for a second

So, what's wrong with it?

I'm not entirely sure. We definitely
need a new fuel line.

Possibly even a new pump.

This isn't good, Sam. I don't even know
where we are.

Rob?

Robbie.

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

I live here. What are you doing here? I
didn't know you were out in Idaho.

Well, I'm on a work trip.

We're broken down.

You don't say. I mean, here I was,
coming home from bingo. And what do I

into? Five poor souls on the side of the
road? Figure I better stop, see if I

can help. And one of them is my
grandson.

What are the chances? Did you say five
poor souls?

Grandma, should you be driving? I
thought they revoked your license years

Oh, kiddo. What Johnny Law don't know
can't hurt him.

Grandma, um, Grandma, your car's over
here.

Oh, silly me.

You fellas coming or not.

So, Grandma, where's Land Biscuit? She
usually runs next to the car as we pull

in the driveway.

Oh, you know what?

Crazy thing.

A few weeks ago, we had a kind of
electrical storm.

Must have spooked the poor thing, and
she ran off. She's gone? No, no. Not

Just... not here.

Huh.

Is that your tenth birthday?

Remember when Grandpa gave you that
guitar?

Oh, yeah.

I remember.

Well,

you

boys must be starving.

Let's eat.

You know I'm looking at you. Yep.

So, Robbie, I, of course, know who Sam
is, but you

haven't introduced me to your other
friend here.

What's his name?

Oh, uh, it's, um...

Kevin?

Oh!

I absolutely love the name Calvin. So
many strong men named Calvin. No,

Kevin. Calvin Borrell, American horse
jockey.

Calvin Coolidge, our greatest president.

Noob Dog.

Oh, and that handsome Brit who played
Superman. Oh, I'm pretty sure

the guy who played Superman's name is
Henry Cavill. Oh, indeed.

So, what's the plan for the van?

I don't know. We're gonna need some
cash.

Why would we need cash?

Well, there was the gas, and the food,
and the $400 hotel.

I'm so sorry, did you just say $400?

Yeah, well... Robert, it was a two -star
roadside motel. Did they really charge

you $400?

Well, it was more like $430 after tax.

Well, I thought it was steep, too, but
when I was checking out, the lady had

mentioned something about just replacing
the beds, and I wasn't going to argue

with her.

Calvin?

Are you okay?

Oh, yes, he's fine.

He probably just needs some more water.

Will you excuse me, ma 'am? I've got to
take this. Oh, of course. Sure.

Hello?

Here you go, bud.

Oh, Rob, if you're needing some money...

You can always go work for a day at
Leonard Jones' potato farm.

I can drive you up there if you like.

Oh, please, no.

I mean, no.

That won't be necessary. No need for you
to drive us around all day, but thank

you. Besides, isn't Leonard Jones the
guy who got in all that trouble for

hunting people in his helicopter?

Oh, hunting in a helicopter.

Yes.

But he's out of jail now.

I'll think about it. I can give him a
call if you like. Just say the word.

I got it. Got what? I got us a job.

What? Where? How? I just got off the
phone with Nadia. She said her cellmate

family up here and they own a firework
stand. Said we can work there tomorrow.

Did you say cellmate? Oh, he has a
prison wife.

Oh, how lovely, Sam.

I'm so happy for you. Yeah, yeah, thank
you, ma 'am. But really, she's just a

regular wife. I mean, yes, she just
happened to be in jail right now, but

doesn't really matter. Look, where are
we?

I don't know.

Uh, no, no, no. What town are we in?

Oh, Jerome.

Jerome, Idaho. Okay, and is that close
to Fairfield?

Um, Fairfield is just about an hour
north of here. I can drive you there.

God, please, no. No, no, no, no, no, no
need to worry yourself with all that.

No, we can do that, but that's going to
be perfect. We're just going to do that.

Let's just plan on that. Oh, Sam.

What?

Fireworks? I don't know anything about
fireworks.

Robert, we're not making fireworks. We
just got to sell them.

Yeah, but I've never worked retail.

What if I don't possess the skill?

It's a fireworks day. In May. I'm
surprised the thing's even open. I doubt

anybody shows up, let alone that we are
put in a position where you are required

to make a sale.

Okay, but what about... Fair point.

Hey, Grandma, um, tomorrow, when Sam and
I are gone, is it okay if,

um... Kevin, stay back and get some
rest.

Oh, is he not feeling well?

No, no, he's fine. I think he's just a
little tired from the traveling.

Oh, well then, he can absolutely stay
here. I'll be sure to take good care of

him.

Everything okay?

Oh, yes.

He's...

He's just so strong.

Sam, when you're right, you're right.

We've been sitting here for two and a
half hours, and not a single soul has

stopped, let alone bought anything.

Frankly, I'm a little embarrassed I was
so nervous before.

I'm sure if someone did stop by, I'd be
fine. I do totally.

Oh, I'm gonna throw up.

For the love of God, Robert, it's one
guy, you're gonna be fine.

Oh, that's a big guy.

I think that's Peter Mayhew. I thought
Peter Mayhew died.

Uh, hi.

Um, welcome to, uh, Bolshoi Bum
Firework.

How can we help you today?

Um, sir, you really shouldn't be smoking
here.

What? I, um, you really shouldn't be
smoking this close to the firework.

It's a safety hazard for reasons I
assumed would be obvious.

The weather in Prague is cold.

Uh, I'm sorry, sir. What?

I said...

The weather in Prague is cold.

Oh, what? Sir, while I have not been to
Prague, I have it under very good

authority, that authority being the
Weather Channel, that it is currently

temperate and quite nice in the Czech
Republic this time of year.

But it's sunny in Berlin. No.

You have package for Lukas?

No, no. Other side.

Is this for Luca?

Sir,

I must really insist that you put that
cigarette out.

Oh?

But I am not done.

He is not done.

It's perfect.

Tell Igor Lucas sends his regards.

Did he just hit you with a cigarette?

Yeah. Huh.

Did we just get robbed?

Wait, was that dynamite?

Are we going to get in trouble?

That's retail.

Grandma!

Hey, Robbie dear.

How did everything go today?

How did go?

Look at him.

Figured you would have slept in all day.
You know?

Get some rest?

Gosh, no.

We have had a very full afternoon.

Full how?

Well, first, I started by making him
breakfast in bed.

He loved every bite.

After that, we did a one -hour guided
meditation by the pond, followed by a

massage from yours truly.

What a big foot!

And then we ended the afternoon with a
short Tai Chi session, some herbal tea,

and an exfoliating facial treatment.

Wow!

Well, sounds like you guys had a great
day.

Even though he doesn't talk much, I'm
sure he really appreciated it. Oh, what

you mean he doesn't talk much? I
couldn't get him to stop talking.

He has quite the vocabulary.

Oh.

You're my man, Calvin.

Well, everything's loaded up.

We better get going so we can put the
new part in while the sun's still out.

before I take you guys, I wanted to give
you this.

Grandma, what is this?

Oh, just a little something for the
road.

A little something?

There's got to be $10 ,000 here.

Right around there, yeah.

Been meaning to give it to you since you
got here.

Figured you could use it to fix your
van.

But we worked at that fireworks stand.

Oh, yes, dear.

How was that?

I'm fairly certain we were parties to a
crime.

Parties are just the best.

Aren't they? What?

No, no. I mean, if you're going to give
me $10 ,000, why didn't you do it before

we worked up some Russian mob -backed
fireworks stand?

I forgot.

Where did you even get $10 ,000?

In the walls.

Hey, uh, thanks for the brownie.

You are most welcome, Sam.

But, Grandma, this is too much.

That is not your decision to make, young
man.

I love you, and I want you to have it.

Where am I?

Uh, you appear to be in a Hyundai, sir.
That is not what he means.

I need to be in Abbotsford.

Abbotsford? Abbotsford, British
Columbia?

Abbotsford! Okay, so what you're gonna
want to do is start heading this

direction and follow I -84 West to W
-814 West in Plymouth for exactly 373

miles, and then take exit 131 from I -82
West.

Once you're on I -82 West and Prosser
from South Plymouth Road, you'll go 38

a half miles until you hit Sellards Road
and WA -221 North. Now don't get lost

and go past there. You'll end up on
Mount Adams. Next, follow I -82 West,

-90 West and I -5 North to WA -542 East
Sunset Drive in Bellingham. Now this is

a big 274 mile stint, so definitely pull
over if you need a quick nap.

Take Everson -Goshen Road, WA -544 East,
WA -9 North, and Riverside Road to

South Fraser Way, and then you, my
friend, will be in Abbotsford.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what I got, too.

Where am I?

Huh? Hey, uh...

Do you see where Big Guy went?

Maybe he's peeing before we hit the
road.

Yeah, maybe.

Sam?

Yeah, what's up?

Did you put this on here?

No. What even is that thing?

I don't know.

Kevin! Whoa!

My God, you guys are here.

I called for your Bigfoot, and he came.

Then he pulled out a gun.

I put my hands up in the air, like they
do in the movies. I spoke to him real

gentle.

Well, he handed it to me, and I started
taking the bullets out, like, you know,

like they do in the movies, and bam, it
went off, and... Oh, jeez. I think I

shot a tree over there, but I can't seem
to let it go.

Okay, fella.

There, there. I got that.

Thank you.

Yeah.

You have no idea how long I've waited
for this moment.

Oh, uh, hey, does anybody want a
brownie? Oh, yes, please.

Um, Rusty?

Oh, no thanks, I'm good.

Hey, is this yours?

Yeah. Uh, what is it? It's a tracking
device.

Why are you tracking us?

When I was a kid, my family went to the
park. It was a tradition.

We'd come and walk the trails and talk
to the rangers and look at the wildlife.

I had a family.

This one particular day, though, I felt
like I was old enough to go off on my

own. I thought I knew the park pretty
well, so I snuck off the trail my family

was walking down and wandered into the
woods.

At first it was fun, then it was scary.

I'd gotten lost.

I can't remember how long I was lost
for, but I started to cry, and not too

after that I heard footsteps.

And I thought it might be my father, so
I shouted.

The footsteps grew louder. Just then,
there was this loud crack.

I froze and squeezed my eyes shut.

When I opened them, there he was,
holding up a tree that had fallen.

It would have crushed me, but he caught
it.

I was mesmerized. He was so big.

I was also so scared.

I mean, he was so big.

And I took a couple steps backwards and
tripped and fell.

He put the tree down and came towards
me, but I got up and ran.

When I finally found my family, I tried
bringing them back to where he was, but

he was gone.

They didn't believe me.

We stopped going to the park after that.

I guess I'd worry them too much, but I'd
sneak off and bring my friend.

Every chance I got, I'd bring them, but
we never found him. And after a while,

they stopped believing me too.

They didn't want to hang out with me
anymore.

No one wanted to hang out with the liar.

Not even my family.

So when I turned 18, I moved away, and I
stayed away.

Then I met a girl, and we got married.

Then one day I told her about it. At
first she thought I was messing with

but I convinced her to let me take her
there.

And we came, and we couldn't find him.
But we tried, again and again, until one

day she asked me to stop, because she
didn't believe me.

But I couldn't stop, so she left.

And then I quit looking.

It was too late. She wasn't coming back.

But I was done.

I finally realized that I must have
imagined the whole thing.

So I had a job. And I stuck with it. And
I put it behind me.

And sure, it took a while. I was pretty
happy. At least, content.

Then one day, I'm at the bar at the
work. Two park rangers come in talking

a Sasquatch.

And here we are.

And here you are.

I just needed to know.

I needed to know that you were real.

And I'm not crazy.

And thank you for saving my life.

Whoop. Better get going.

Uh, what?

Why? You're really just going to turn
around and go home?

Well, yeah.

I did everything I came here to do.

Besides, if I leave now, I can get home
right before Taco Tuesday.

Well, if you have a few minutes.

We could light off these fireworks.

Robert, I didn't see you pay for any
fireworks.

That's retail.

Was that a horse?

Land biscuit?

Hey,

do you guys feel weird?

Yeah, man. I think we're high.

High?

Why would we be high? I can't be high.

Oh, your grandma's brownie.

Well, she said her neighbor makes it for
her.

Helps her with her glaucoma.

Chocolate's good for your eyes.

That's carrots, man.

Carrots are good for your eyes.

Chocolate is good for your soul.

That's deep.

Yeah, man.

We in Washington already?

Oh, yeah.

We crossed state line a couple hours
ago. I didn't want to wake you.

How far are we from Tacoma?

Maybe two hours.

What do we do after this?

What do you mean?

I mean, do we just drop them off at the
park and say goodbye and go home?

Yeah.

That's what we do.

I don't want to do that.

I don't know, it feels... Robert, it
feels like we're abandoning him here.

I don't want to do that either.

But it's the right thing to do.

He's an animal, and it's our job to
ensure his safety. I don't take that

lightly, and I know you don't either.

This place will be good for him. You
said it yourself, there may be more like

him. He should have a chance to live
with them.

Maybe even start a family.

Yeah.

Well, we made it.

You're going to love it here.

Just watch out for all the bears. There
are way more bears than there are back

home. They got grizzly bears, brown
bears, kodiak. Bam. They got... He's the

most elusive creature known to man. How
many people have you heard have found a

Sasquatch attacked by a bear?

Who am I kidding?

You'll be fine.

Have fun eating the bear.

Well, make sure to be safe, and always
remember that it's very important that

you put...

Hey Robert.

He's just so strong.

Oh my gosh,

are you okay, sir?

Did they really charge you $400? Well,
it was more like $430 after tax.

Have you tasted it? Yeah.

And come at me and fly out of the frame
towards me and past me. Fly with your

arms out, Marcus.

Are you good, Eric?

Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

No one's ever going to believe you.