All language subtitles for Allo.Allo.1984.S05E03.1080p.PCOK.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H264-Vialle

- In case you are wondering
what is happening,

I will tell you.

The British, not content
with running away,

and leaving us flat at Dunkirk,

have now sent the RAF to bomb
us.

If only they knew I have
in my pocket a potato,

containing a camera,
containing a picture of a safe,

containing the plans for the
German invasion of England,

they would probably try not to
hit me.

Unfortunately, they do not know
this.

Perhaps I should try to
signal them with my torch.

- Put out that lit, or you
will be shot on the spit.

- Officer Crabtree,

can you not explain to
your English friends

that we are on their side?

If I am killed, it will be
the end of the Resistance

in this part of France.

Well, certainly in this doorway.

- You should be grateful that
RAF bombers

are still fighting for freedom.

- Hello?

Hello,

get me Colonel Von Strohm
immediately.

- Hello?

Hello, General.

- Where are you?

- I'm on my balcony with my
binoculars,

directing the anti-aircraft
fire.

Are you safe, general?

- I am on the roof of the
Chateau manning a machine gun.

- Be careful General,

we can't afford to lose you.

I am very aware of this.

- Colonel,

what are you doing hiding under
the table?

- It's the general.

- What a mistake I make.

- Did I hear "hiding under the
table?"

- No, you heard, "I'm
fighting until I'm disabled."

- I say Carstairs,

that plane in the searchlight,

he's a Wellington.

Isn't it?

- Yes, it's probably old Ginger
Metcalf.

- Well done, Ginger.

Dash on.

- Doesn't it make you want to
be up there?

- No, not really.

- You have been here 24 hours,

and have replied to none of my
questions.

- This is because I do not
know the answers Herr Flick.

- They all say that.

- I will try more extreme
methods.

Von Smallhausen, connect the
electricity.

Yes, Herr Flick.

- This fan revolves at exactly
the speed

of the alpha rhythms of the
brain,

causing a hypnotic effect.

You will not be able to
resist answering truthfully

all my questions.

Now, what is your real name.

- Bobby Cedric von Smallhausen.

- Get out.

I will repeat the question.

What is your name Helga?

- I think you should know Herr
Flick

that this device has no
effect on me whatever.

- Japanese rubbish.

I must warn you Helga,
things will go badly for you

if you do not assist me,

by finding out every detail
of the plot blowup Hitler.

- Just tell me what to Herr
Flick.

You know I can't resist you,

when you fix me with your
penetrating gaze

from your pale blue eyes
magnified to the size of

poached eggs behind your.

- We must get close to the
general.

- That's what I was about to do

before you dragged me away.

- I was temporarily
consumed with jealousy.

But I have now controlled it,

except for irregular
twitching in my left buttock.

You may kiss me.

- Thank you, Herr Flick.

It was a most exciting 24 hours.

- Monsieur Alfonse?

Monsieur Alfonse, where are you?

- I am here.

- Oh, you startled me.

- This is the entrance
to my secret chamber,

where I can seal my fluids
and developing equipment.

After you.

I love you, I love you.

- Monsieur Alfonse, there
is no time for that.

- You have to film?

- It is here.

You will find a picture of the
safe,

which will contain the German
plan

for the invasion of England.

- Allow me, Madame.

First I put on the red light,

so I do not fog the film.

- Pardon?

- Fog the film.

I take the film,

pardon.

I immerse it in the tank.

- How long will it take?

- Time enough, Madame,

for me to tell you of my
consuming passion for you,

and of my earnest desire to
possess your pliant body.

- Oh, Monsieur Alfonse, what
can I say?

I'm struck up,

I cannot move.

Cold shivers are creeping up my
arm.

- That's your hand in the
fixing fluid.

Let me wipe it for you.

Such a tender hand.

Please marry me, Madame Edith.

I am a man of substance.

I have my mortuary,

I have a butcher's shop,

I have the head lease of the
barbells.

And 5000 shares in Volkswagen.

So whichever way the war goes,

you will be provided for.

- But I am promised to Renee.

- Madame, I know one
Frenchman is not supposed

to snitch on another Frenchman.

But I must tell you,

I caught Monsieur Renee in the
arms

of one of your serving girls.

- I do not believe it.

- It's true Madame.

She was panting and rising with
ecstasy.

- I will confront him with this,

and unless I get a
satisfactory explanation,

I am yours.

- Oh, Madame.

The very prospect has
brought on my dicky ticker.

- I think if I am to be yours,

we should have a quick
wedding and short honeymoon.

- I have been with Herr Flick,

I have news which
concerns all three of us.

- Tell us Helga.

- Herr Flick suspects that
you, Lieutenant Guber,

and the General,

are plotting up the Fuhrer
when he comes to attend

his birthday part at the
Chateau.

- Utter nonsense.

We're not involved in any such
plot.

- Such a thing is complete
against my nature.

- What about the General?

- We never nose with generals,

they all come from good
families,

they could be up to anything.

- I was under the impression

that Hitler was unable to
attend.

- That could be a cover, Hubert.

All his movements are secret.

We must keep an eye on the
General.

- Herr Flick has already
instructed me to this.

- Report everything to us.

- Oh, thank you, Monsieur
Alfonse.

That was a lovely ride.

But now you must come inside,

and we will confront
Renee with the information

about this infidelity
that you have given me.

- At last, Madame, I cannot.

There is no one to told my
horse,

and I have dicky ticker,

Renee is much bigger than I am.

- Please drive on then,

because if my mother sees
you it will upset her.

- Edith, tell him to go away.

- What did I say?

Go back to bed, mama.

He has not called for you.

- Scoundrel.

Always, he is playing for tread.

I am not yet ready to go.

- Madame Edith,

if you want me, you know where
to find me.

I give 24 hours service,

I love you.
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- Renee, I must talk to you.

- Did you develop the film?

- Before we talk about that,

there is something I must know.

Have you been kissing the
servant behind my back,

making her pant and rise in
ectasy?

- No.

- Oh, Renee, I knew I could
trust you.

Here is the picture.

- Good.

We will show it to Monsieur
Leclerc.

Monsieur Leclerc.

What are you doing?

- I am tuning the piano to
match with Madame Edith's voice.

Madame,

try that.

Yes, that is much better.

- Never mind about that, come
over here.

Look at this.

- Ah, it is a safe.

I knew it well.

It is a cousin of Rosenblum
Schwatzherger,

16-lever, multi-counter, mark 3.

- Can you open it?

- With a key, yes.

- But you were the best known
safebreaker all of France.

- Indeed, Madame.

But was because I was caught so
often.

- Can you open it or not?

- Well, of course.

But I shall need some plastic
explosive.

- Plastic explosive?

- It is a sort of putty
substance

that you press into the cracks.

Now, I shall need four
pounds of plastic explosives,

five feet of fuse detonator,

matches,

and a pound of milk chocolate.

- Why the chocolates?

- Because I have not tasted
it for so long, Madame.

- Make sure that Monsieur
gives us the materials.

- Look, you deal with this.

I have done my bid.

I risked life and limb in the
Chateau,

and a lot more in Gruber's
bedroom.

It is your turn.

- How long will it take
you to do this job?

- This job?

Five years.

- Five years?

- Well, four minutes to blow
the safe,

the rest in the nick.
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- Colonel, do have any damage
report

from the raid last night?

- Nothing of any consequence,
General.

- According to the Berlin radio,

43 British planes were shot
down.

- My, my.

I didn't know the British
had that many left.

- Churchill is a valuable fox.

Colonel, a private word in your
ear.

I find your secretary very
attractive.

- Helga, an excellent
example of German womanhood.

- That's sexy, isn't it?

Bring her to dinner by
quarters tomorrow night.

- That will be an order indeed,
General.

- As soon as we start the soup
course,

you will complain of a serious
stomachache and go home,

leaving the field clear for me.

- Couldn't I wait until the
pudding?

- Heil, Hitler.

- Oh, and one more thing.

Arrange some music.

No, real music.

Romantic music.

There must be some peasants
who can play somewhere.

- Yes, General.

- Let it be done.

- Yes, General.

- Heil, Hitler.

♪ It all seems wrong somehow

♪ I'm nobody's sweetheart now

- I think you must be deaf.

- I wish I was.

- When I marry her and take
over the cafe,

she will not sing again.

Until then, magnifico.

Magnifico.

- The Italian captain, he likes
me.

Am I singing as well as ever?

- You have never sung better.

- Renee, we need the
explosives for tomorrow night,

and the Resistance has
not yet delivered them.

I am getting very worried.

- I am not a bit worried.

I'm staying out of it.

- The Colonel wants more wine.

- Here is your wine, Colonel.

Did you enjoy your snails?

- One of them was empty.

- Well, he probably climbed out.

I will go into the kitchen,

see if he's hiding under the
lettuce.

- Pate!

Pate!

We know is to mend!

- Oh my God.

- Buy a pate from a poor
weary old pate seller.

- Come over here by the
bar, weary old pate seller.

Show me your wears.

- We know is to mend...

- Shut up.

- It is I, Leclerc.

- Why can you not use that
backdoor.

- Because it says on the
door, "No tradesmen."

I am not a pate seller.

- Really?

- This is the explosive
to blow up the safe.

- I will buy your pate.

No, the window in my room
is broken by RAF bomber,

before they were all shot down...

- I'm sorry.

I am sorry.

You cannot buy this pate.

This is sample pate.

Look at this terrible
workmanship.

- Oh, you make a lot of mistake.

- Be on your way pate seller,
please.

- Renee, Michelle wishes to
speak with us in the backroom.

- Mimi, just you look after the
bar.

- Listen very carefully.

I shall say this only once.

- Well say it quickly,

I have a cafe full of customers.

- This is my plan,

for you to enter the
room of Lieutenant Gruber

to open the safe.

- Don't look at me, I am
staying here.

- You are the only one who
knows the position of the safe.

- I will draw you a map.

- We are all in this together.

- I am the one Gruber fancies.

- He'll not be there.

We will drop a smoke
canister down his chimney.

This will cause him to vacate
the room,

you will smash the window

and go in there will Monsieur
Leclerc.

- His room is on the first
floor.

- This is why I have stolen
fire engine and a ladder.

You will be disguised as
firemen.

- How are we supposed to see

the safe through all that smoke.

- You will be wearing breathing
masks.

- Good, morning.

I am sorry that I am lit,

but I wick carefully down the
street,

because I have five fiddle fuse

wound around around my log,

and detonators dingling down my
trousers.

- Madame Edith, you know the
Chateau well.

- Well, yes, I work
there as a serving girl.

- You will climb onto the roof,

and drop this smoke canister
down the search chimney,

counting from the west.

- I will hold the later for
Renee.

- You will come on the roof
with me.

- You will drop this
canister down the chimney

when the search clock strikes
the first struck of 12.

One the sixth spun, you Renee,

will smash the window
and leap into the room.

Is this clear?

- We know is to mend,

get your pate.

Pate.

- Shut up.

- My husband will make
sure that he is there.

- I'll have to report
that I am to take dinner

with General von Klinkerhoffen
tonight.

- At the cafe?

- In his private quarters at
the Chateau.

He has ordered the colonel

to find peasants to
provide the romantic music.

I suspect he intends
hanky-panky.

Which I will of course resist.

As long as I am able.

- You will take every
opportunity to find evidence

of the bomb plot.

If necessary, by ferreting in
the General's private drawers,

when his back is turned.

- Sounds a daunting prospect
Herr Flick.

- I shall find a way of
keeping you under observation.

- Yes, Herr Flick.

- And do not wear the perfume I
gave you.

- No, Herr Flick.

- Just a little dab of
disinfectant behind the ears.

- Quick, we have only seven
minutes.

- Renee, good luck.

I will remain in the cafe.

Madame Edith and Yvette
will be already on the roof.

- Shut up.

The fire is not supposed to
start

until the first struck of
midnight.

- Another insurance job, eh?

- Now, where are the chimneys?

- I'm afraid that I will slip.

- Have you ever had an
affair with my husband?

- Madame Edith, how could
you think such a thing.

Of course not.

- In that case, take my hand.
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- Should not the musicians
be here by now, Colonel?

- I put out the word
that you required some,

but you know how the Latin
French are to cooperate.

- Two musicians are here.

Shall I tell them to wait?

- No bring them up.

It is a surprise for you my
dear.

- It is indeed.

- I see you have nearly
finished your soup.

- So I have.

It was so tasty, I almost
forgot.

- What is wrong?

- It's my ulcer.

If you excuse me, I'll go home
at once.

- Of course, one must
take care of such a thing.

Here's your hat, good bye.

- Good bye.

- How unfortunate,

but at least it gives us a
chance

to get to know each other
better.

- I feel most honored to be
dining alone

with such a distinguished
general.

- This is quite natural.

What a romantic sound.

I will lower the lights,

and open the good champagne.

- Do you have any requests?

- You have gone too far.

- I do not know it, but
hum it, and we will follow.

- We have to put it the search
chimney

counting from the west.

- Where is the west?

- The sun sets in the west.

Or is it east?

- There is no sun at midnight.

Don't confuse me.

- From this one there is coming
music.

- Lieutenant Gruber's musical,

he plays the piano.

It must be this one.

Quick, light the fuse.

- That was the first bong.

You have five bongs to get up
the ladder.

- At his age he needs
all the bongs he can get.

- Hello, is that Cafe Renee?

Yes.

- This is Lieutenant Gruber
speaking,

is Renee there?

- I am afraid he has popped
out for a moment or two.

- Oh, well, when he returns,

tell him I would be delighted
to see him

for a little night cafe in
my quarters at the Chateau.

- I will tell him.

- I wonder if he will
accept my invitation.

Renee.

How kind of you to hop in.

But there was no need for the
disguise,

the guards have permanent
orders to let you in.

And who is your little friend?

- It is I, Leclerc.

- The fire extinguisher, sound
the alarm,

my room is on fire.

Send for the fire brigade.

Oh, I see you have already done
so.

- Saved by the bell.