All language subtitles for military_hospital_usac

I think the string is too tight,
Captain.

Who's the doctor here?

If the string is too tight, the roast
will be tough.

Take this roast from that tent, put it
in the oven, 350 degrees at two hours,

Captain.

Yes, sir.

Party time, everybody. Follow me.

Good work, Doctor. Sir, I just wanted to
say... Yes, Sherry, what is it? Well,

sir, ma 'am...

I was just watching you work with Dr.
Anderson, and I must say, if that had

a real patient, you would have been the
one who saved him.

Well, thank you, Lieutenant.

I really appreciate that.

You know, the pressure that a nurse must
apply with her finger when a knot is

being tied is often critical.

If there's not enough pressure, the
string could slip.

And if there's too much pressure, your
finger could get caught.

That's so professional.

We'd feel a hell of a lot better about
this war if they'd give us something to

do once in a while.

Stickers back here in the boonies.

Picking splinters out of generals'
asses.

While they slide their big butts across
their big wooden chairs.

Yeah.

Butts.

Yeah, butts. Attention, attention.

That's mail call, John. There's mail for
you today.

We are cancelling all other attentions
for the evening.

Looks like a letter from your wife.

Yeah. However, Colonel James has
expressed some concerns...

It's May 11th.

Dear John, I'm enclosing a sample of the
wallpaper I'm going to

use in the den.

Hope you like it.

She actually put a sample of wallpaper
in the mail, John.

Here it is.

Oh, that's lovely.

There you go. That's what you got to
look forward to when you go home, pal.

This is Ellen.

Mary will need braces, but only on her
top teeth. God, your wife likes shoes.

Dr. Harris says they should be off
before Christmas.

Sure hope you get your leave by then so
you can see your perfect child without

those fangs sticking out of her mouth.

Ha ha.

Please stay safe and wear your helmet
every time you go out.

I know how difficult things must be for
you.

People are being wounded and dying over
there every day.

And if you're in the midst of it, I
don't know who it was who first said,

war is hell.

Unquote. All my love, Mary.

It's nice.

I feel nice.

Letter.

You know, I'd hate like fuck to wake up
to this shit every morning.

Dinner's in 45 minutes.

Oh, yeah.

45 minutes to dinner.

I'm hungry.

Yeah, well

if

you think I believe that you must think
I believe anything

Thank you.

Hold on.

I'll tell you what, baby.

What?

I think it's time for dinner.

This is dinner, baby.

Good beef, right, Colonel?

Seems a little tough to me, Jaybird.

May have wrapped it a little too tight.

Don't call me Jaybird.

You know I don't like to be called that.

How did you ever get a nickname like
that anyway?

How'd you ever get a nickname like Hot
Hips anyway?

Who calls me that?

Who calls me that?

Excuse me, sirs, but we have a problem.

What is it, Specs? It's a patient.

A real patient.

What is it, Specs?

It's Major Kincaid. He was driving away
from the front lines, going for a little

bit of R &R.

He was ambushed! He was ambushed! I knew
it!

He was infiltrated behind enemy lines!

No, sir, he had a flat tire.

Well, what happened then, Specs?

Well, sir, while he was changing the
tire, he placed the jack underneath

Straight!

We've been strapped. They're taking over
the sky, Specs. They'll overrun us in

days. No, sir. The jack slipped and the
jeep fell on his foot.

Might be a hairline fracture of the big
toe.

I don't know.

It's hard to tell.

What do you think, Colonel?

I'm not taking any chances this time.
Remember that appendicitis we thought

hemorrhoids? Yeah.

What does that mean?

Full body cast.

Eliminate all further movement.

Prevent complete further injury.

Don't you think you're overreacting just
a little?

All right.

A splint.

A nice, big splint.

Good evening, Major. I'm Lieutenant
Smith. And I'm the night nurse. Is there

anything that you need?

I gotta be the unluckiest guy in the
world.

This was my first leave in six months.

Six long months of nothing but blood and
death.

I was going to try to find a nice, quiet
bar somewhere and pick up a girl.

I really needed that.

An evening alone with someone tender and
soft.

I really needed that.

But now... This...

I guess I won't have time to get to that
bar now.

They'll probably send me right back to
the...

Front lines in a few days.

Back to the blood and all those dead.

And who knows?

The next one could be me.

Yeah.

You never know when there's a bullet out
there with your name on it.

Okay?

C.

A.

D.

E.

Well, I'll send Lieutenant Nora Haywood
right in to see you.

She's the only one I know who's stupid
enough to go for your bullshit.

Oh, give me a home where the doctors all
go.

And the nurses and medics all play.

Was seldom as high and encouraging wide.

And we heard that the nurses were gay.

Trouble if I've ever seen it.

No doubt, Jay Bird.

Now, sitting just a few feet away from
us, my boy is one of the horniest women

in the United States Army.

fitted next.

Two of the greatest studs to ever put on
a uniform.

That's enough, Jaybird.

Janet!

You have never had enough, Janet, until
you've had a double with John and me.

What?

A double.

You and me and John in bed together.

Excuse me. I mean, bunk together.

Balling our brains out?

Hey, Bucky, you're the colonel as usual,
huh?

Oh, the sort of things.

And we'd change positions.

Picture this.

I'd lay on my back.

You'd get on top of me.

John would straddle you.

And we'd have an all -American sandwich.

Sound interesting?

Colonel, sound interesting to you?

Jack, you're disgusting.

I thought you'd never notice.

And furthermore, you're despicable.

I thought disgusting was closer.

You know, it's people like you that make
people like me avoid people like you.

Jaybird, did you say yes?

An evening alone with someone tender and
soft.

Yeah, I really needed that.

But now, this.

Yeah.

I guess I won't get to that bar now.

Yeah, they'll probably send me.

Right back to the front line in a few
days.

Back to the blood.

And all those dead.

And who knows?

This time it could be me.

You never do know when there's a bullet
out there with your name on it.

K -I -N -C -A -D

-E.

Will, you want to fuck a while, Major?

That would be nice, Lieutenant.

Real nice. Okay.

Where'd you go to nursing school,
Lieutenant?

Texas, sweetheart, where everything's
the bigger and the best. Oh, yeah.

Six long months of nothing but blood and
death.

Exciting, isn't it, Major?

Finally paid off.

Oh, baby, I'd like to take you back to
the front lines with me.

Back to the foxhole.

person, Jack Jaybird Anderson.

Disgusting.

A double with you and John.

So, you want to be on the bottom with
John on the top and me in the middle. An

all -American sandwich.

Well, I don't need you, Jack.

And I don't need John either.

I've got me.

I've seen it six times, asshole.

This will be your seventh and last time
to see Colonel James' favorite movie,

Hillbillies in a Haunted House.

And now our final wall selection from
the Colonel's collection.

There you are, sweetheart.

You're looking good tonight, Mr. Penis.

Boy, I can't wait for this one.

Excuse me.

Janet, keep your will.

You will come.

You will come.

Till this fucking war is done.

Bloody day. I think your voice says
something.

That's why we're climbing up the run.

Here we come.

You got it. Come on.

Woo!

You're so cute.

One more time.

Woo!

Can I be a big guy?

Over here, come on.

You're so good at this. Oh, God.

Oh, just put the hands.

That's definitely a fracture.

Boy,

wait till I write Mary.

We're going to have a full cast this
time.

All the way from the shoulder down to
the hand. A complete cast.

Oh, come on, Captain.

All right.

And the elbow all the way to the tip of
the fingers.

All right?

Are you okay?

Yeah, they're not dry yet.

I hope I didn't scratch them.

You know, I scratched one of these once,
and, well, the doctor told the patient

he was going to die.

That's terrible.

Well, no, he survived.

Oh, good.

Hey, I've never seen you around here
before. Are you new?

Oh, no, I've been here a few days.
Things have been kind of hectic.

Haven't had a chance to check in with
the company clerk yet.

Well, you just did.

What? I'm the company clerk.

Oh. Cripple Phil Bloomer, but you can
call me Specs.

Oh, Wanda. Private first class.

Who? Uh, Wanda Sue.

Wanda Sue what?

Uh, well, it's really Wanda Sue Mudd.

But my mom, she hated the name Mudd, so
she decided to give me a pretty name

like Wanda Sue.

Well, that sure is a pretty name.

Wanda Sue.

Would you look at this?

This is more than a scratch. It's a
scrape.

The doctors look at this, but remove his
lung.

It's no problem.

I know all the docs around here, and
you're not going to get in any trouble.

Thank you. Sure.

Do you ever need me?

Well, Captain, what's the prognosis?

Your arm is broken.

I'm not talking about my arm.

I'm talking about you and me.

Please, Major, not tonight. I have a
terrible headache.

I could send Nora in to see you, though.
No, no, she's the one that broke my

arm.

So what do you want, a purple heart?

Hey, look, Captain.

Janet, look, I'm a good soldier.

Now, I've had enough R &R.

What I need now is to get back to the
front.

Back to the blood and the death where
there's probably a bullet with my name

it. A silver one.

Look, just help me get this stupid cast
off so I can get back to my jeep and

back to my unit where I'll be safe,
okay?

Sorry, Major.

As head nurse, I'm in charge here.

Your arm is broken and you're not going
anywhere.

Okay. Then jerk me off.

Come on, one quick hand job, that's all.
I need that.

Hey, besides, I'm right -handed.

Why don't you just stick the head in a
little bit?

Hey, if it hurts, I'll pull it right
out.

Come on.

Besides, you did say you were the head
nurse.

You're disgusting, too.

Ow!

Ow!

Oh,

God!

There's no doubt about it.

His cock is broken.

He's going to need a cast.

It won't be a big job.

Jay Bird, how the hell can a cock be
broken?

No. It appears as though there's some
blood vessels broken.

Right here, right here, and right there.

Full cock cast.

Fine, Jay Bird.

Just fine.

Got another

drink? Sure.

Go for it.

What are you doing?

Yes. Wrong.

Wrong glasses.

What are you doing back there, soldier?

I'm looking. It's in the seat.

Right here. It's ripped.

It's ripped. The seat. Nobody's supposed
to be back there, soldier.

It's off limits.

That's right. Better get back to your
bunk.

That's right. The bunk. The bunk.

The bunk. I'm going back to the bunk.
You're right, sir. I'm sorry, sir.

Boy, you sure are something.

You told me you ran the entire camp.

Well, ha -ha to you, Corporal. Mr.

Soldier who runs the entire camp. Let me
tell you something.

I am a very, very disappointed and
humiliated young lady. I was never,

ever treated this way back in Kansas.

I thought you were from Nebraska.

Oh, well, we moved when I was 19.

Shit. Thought I was going to get me
something.

Boy, I'm mad.

Mad.

Coffee's great today. Have some.

I'm mad.

You said that.

Said what?

Boy, I'm mad.

Right, right.

I'm mad.

Okay, all right. What are you mad at?

The MPs. They're fascists and they
ruined my whole life.

Well, now, Specs, that's something worth
being mad about.

Sir?

May I ask you something personal?

Sure, go ahead.

Remember the other night in the tent
with Captain Henderson naked?

She was naked and you were there. I was
there.

Sparks! You've developed a hideout.

Well, I wasn't going to exactly put it
that way, but yeah.

So what's the problem? Get yourself a
nurse and bawl your brains out.

That's just it.

What, you haven't got any brains?

No, yes, but Captain...

Sir, I just tried that and we had a
little trouble.

Specs, don't tell me your problems. I'm
a surgeon, not a psychiatrist.

Okay.

Well, it is my birthday.

Maybe I could just play poker with you
and the guys and get this stuff out of

head.

Specs, we can do it my way.

Go to your bunk and get naked.

Now!

Wow.

Wow, you're up to something big, huh, J
-Bird? I know you. You're going to make

my birthday fun.

No, I feel I had a free prostrate
examination planned.

Come on, sir. I'm serious.

I'm serious. Colonel James could walk in
any time.

Colonel James is going to be with me
tonight, playing poker.

So you've got two hours free.

Now you go to your bunk, and you get
naked, and you move. Now, soldier, go!

Okay, sir.

That's about the only real action you'll
get around here is an old war movie.

This damn war is driving me crazy.

Why are you so tense?

Who bet? That's an understatement.

Why don't you just lie down there and
let me rub your back. It'll do wonders.

I learned this from a geisha girl when I
was in Tokyo. She was wonderful.

Sounds wonderful. Thanks.

You told me that.

You also got into acupressure. There are
certain points on the human body that

wouldn't touch to relieve tension and
stress.

Would you like me to show you?

Sure, please.

Okay. For one, there's this one.

On your ass.

Ow! That hurts!

Hold on, hold on. Just a minute.

How's that?

That feels better. My whole back is
feeling better.

It feels super.

You don't see nothing yet.

Okay. Now roll over on your back.

Spread your legs.

What? I'm the doctor here now.

Let's go.

We're dealing with oriental pressure
points now.

It's a practice that's been handed down
for generations and generations.

Oh, boy, a big candle.

Oh,

Jamie, thanks.

How you doing?

Well, happy birthday, honey.

You do that better than any guy I know.

Have you ever done this before, little
girl?

Well, it's a long time ago, but it was
never like this.

Yeah?

If there's enough light in there to make
these pictures come out?

I hope so.

These pictures could make military
history.

I don't know, Jay Bird.

You know, taking pictures of them like
this just doesn't seem fair.

It's because you're an amateur, John.

No, I'm not.

I've got a dark room at home.

Look what they're doing now.

Shh.

They're not going to hear us.

Sorry.

What are you going to do with these
pictures anyway?

Janet.

I'm going to have Janet in these
pictures of my ticket to heaven.

Sure, this boy knows how to do it the
Army way.

Huh?

Thank you.

Major Kincaid. What happened to the
Major now?

Nothing. That's just it. He's managed to
survive us for the last few days.

I suggest we send him back to the front
where he'll have a better chance for

survival.

You mean back to the blood and the
death?

Back to the blood and the death.

Is that all right with you, Colonel?

All right. Release Kincaid. We'll do it
right away.

Corporal Feeney can drive him back to
the front in one of our trucks.

It'll be the safest way.

Are you sure this is the fastest way to
the front corporal? Yes, sir. This is

the impact zone for the 43rd Artillery
Squadron. Is it safe? Yes, sir.

They never shoot on Friday because
Thursday is payday and they're all too

hungover on Friday to hit the target.

But this is not Friday.

It isn't.

Oh, shit.

I swore it was Friday.

Are you sure?

Well, I did scratch my finger a little.
A little?

A little?

We're talking possible infection here,
Corporal. What happened, Phil?

I was driving the truck back to the
front about a mile from here and a big

explosion went off.

Oh, my God.

I thought we were winning the war.

Poor Phil.

Tell us what happened.

The truck just blew up and rolled over
off the road.

You turned the truck over?

Yes, sir.

Oh, no.

Do you know who was in the truck with
Phil?

Major Kincaid.

It's not really that bad.

Oh, there might be a concussion.

I don't know.

You know, the neck isn't broken.

Possibly whiplash.

You know, I got a terrific lawyer for
this guy.

What's this?

Wow. Look at this.

No doubt about it.

That toe is definitely broke.

Ow!

Would you like me to send Lieutenant
Ford in to see you, Major?

No.

Oh, you've had a rough day.

How about a little hand... No!

Oh, come now.

Let's spit that nasty sperm out. It's
good for the prostate. No, stop.

Look, just get me back to the front
lines.

Please have mercy.

Attack! Get me out of here!

Quick! Into the shelter!

Will you relax?

Oh!

It's just a movie.

It's an old war film.

Escape from Baton with Richard Dixon.

Oh, Teddy Bartholomew. Oh, Freddie
Bartholomew.

Will you just sit back and relax?

I'm going to go slip into something more
comfortable.

I assure you, Major, this is going to be
one of the greatest highlights of your

life. I hope so.

I need this.

It's going to be a real blast, Major.
You'll see.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my back!

Will he make it, Doctor?

Yeah.

You made it to three weeks of this
place.

He'll make it.

He's going to need all the help from us
he can get.

How'd this happen to him, anyway?

Well, apparently an old landmine went
off.

Something about the vibrations from that
war movie they were showing.

You mean they built a hospital
recuperation tent over an old landmine?

Apparently so.

That sucks.

Enter, if you dare.

Hi, Beck.

Are you alone?

I'm never alone when I'm with me.

I just wanted to stop by and say I was
sorry about what happened the other

night. No problem.

It was really bad for me to have treated
you that way.

To put you in a position like that, that
was awkward. Well, it was really

terribly rude.

My dear.

Water off a duck's back.

Gee, it's really neat in here.

I've never seen a bed this big in the
army before.

Connections, my dear, connections.

Care for a drink?

I thought you didn't drink.

I didn't used to do a lot of things.

You want to fuck?

What if Colonel James were to come
through here?

Well, that's his problem.

Okay, baby, strip it down.

You know, I could

grow quite fond of you.

Thanks.

Me too. I mean, fond of you, that is.

But, well...

There really is something I have to talk
to you about.

I mean, all that talk about Nebraska and
Kansas, well, it was all kind of

overblown. You see, I really haven't had
that much experience with them.

Well, I'll just have to show you the
ropes.

You're not going to tie me up, are you?

Not this week.

Next week.

Fuck, did you get these pictures?

What are you planning to do with them,
Captain?

I thought I'd put them on the bulletin
board.

Jack?

Janet.

You can do anything you want with me.

Here.

Take them. You can have the pictures. I
was fooling.

Chicken.

What?

I've got a few pictures of you myself.

Drinking off in the shower.

You think you'd like to make a deal?

I'd love to make a deal.

That's lucky. Yeah.

Come up here. I want to taste you.

Is that an order?

Yes, it's an order.

I

see

you staring at my bones.

And all the operations, Captain.

I will give you till the end of the war
to stop that.

When they call a ceasefire, you can
stop, not until.

Oh.

Oh.

That a great idea.

Sounds good to me.

Did I watch you?

Fucking war is driving me crazy.

I want to go home.

I really want to go home.

Jaybird?

Yeah?

I really love you.

I really love you, too.

Hot hips.

But...

I really think that John is special.

Yeah, he's the greatest. I like him a
lot.

I'm talking more than just like.

You want me to leave?

Want me to come?

Can't I make you come?

Sure, you already have several times.

Play it again, Sam.

Do me a favor.

Sure, Jaybird.

Anything for you.

When you got something really special...
You share it with your friends.

I thought you'd never ask.

You've got a beautiful pat, too.

Okay.

Mind if I kiss it some more?

Jaybird, you're having as much fun as I
am.

I look like I'm having as much fun as
you are.

You look like you died and went to
heaven.

I have this desperate need to get back
to the front.

For some reason, I feel it's safer
there.

I've stashed over 3 ,000 bucks in a bank
in Japan.

You can have it all if you just find a
way to get me out of here.

Please.

Look, it's not just for me.

It's for my mom and dad.

He wants me to help run the ranch.

She wants me to eat her apple pie.

Just get me back to the front and stick
me in a deep, deep foxhole. What do you

say, Colonel?

Hey, look, if that's not enough cash, I
could borrow another couple thousand

from my buddies.

Now, that's five grand.

Just get me out of here.

Thank you.

Let's do one for the Gipper.

I've also collected some stuff. You
know, enemies, swords, guns and stuff.

Took this great diamond ring off a dead
soldier in a tree.

It's got to be worth a lot.

Look, you can have my wife if you ever
get to Ohio.

Nice looking girl.

Blonde hair, big tits.

Look, just get me out of here into a
deep foxhole.

Somewhere you can stand me up until my
body's here.

You can have it all, Colonel.

The money, the ring, the blonde hair,
the big tits. What do you say, sir?

What about the guns and the swords?

All right. All right. Ten grand cash,
including all the stuff

I collected from the enemy, plus the
ring.

Actually, that was for the marriages,
but it was only in private.

And if you get to Ohio, you can have my
wife.

What do you say, sir?

Attention. Attention all.

Not a drill. I repeat, this is not a
drill.

All personnel report to the shelters
immediately. The enemy is broken through

the front. I repeat, the enemy is broken
through the front.

Should we get out of here?

Maybe next week.

Bring it now, bring it now.

My kiss. Whatever. Just take it easy.