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CTB Film Company
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Channel One Russia
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00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:16,386
Yugra-Film Film Company
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00:00:17,767 --> 00:00:22,267
PKTK Ritm
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00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:28,357
Sberbank
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00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:34,408
With the support of the Ministry
of Culture of the Russian Federation
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With the support of the government of the
Khanty-Mansi Autonomous Area
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00:00:39,671 --> 00:00:43,660
and the Domestic Cinema Support Fund
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00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:48,464
In cooperation with OTRK Yugra
and Solivs Film Company
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00:00:50,508 --> 00:00:55,008
present
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a film by Georgi Daneliya
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00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:15,491
Koo! Kin-Dza-Dza
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Koo, koo, koo
14
00:01:29,721 --> 00:01:34,172
Kew!
15
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,619
Mama, mama, what are we to do
16
00:02:07,718 --> 00:02:10,914
when the cold season comes?
17
00:02:11,013 --> 00:02:13,541
You don't have a warm scarf...
18
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:16,503
Savages!
19
00:02:16,602 --> 00:02:21,053
Mr. Chizhov, it's your phone
20
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:29,432
Hello?
21
00:02:29,531 --> 00:02:33,982
No, this isn't Frosya
22
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,115
People!
23
00:02:45,214 --> 00:02:49,665
Tell me the number of
your planet in the Tentura
24
00:03:02,348 --> 00:03:04,551
People!
25
00:03:04,650 --> 00:03:09,101
I mixed up my contacts. What number
do I dial to teleport home?
26
00:03:13,818 --> 00:03:15,979
I'll sign everything
27
00:03:16,078 --> 00:03:18,106
Could you just do one small
favor for me, Lucy?
28
00:03:18,205 --> 00:03:22,656
When you took your things, you accidentally
took my blue slippers too
29
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,705
Could you bring them back?
I'm quite attached to them. Goodbye
30
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:46,676
Fyodor, could you pass me
my instrument please?
31
00:03:46,775 --> 00:03:51,226
I'll walk
32
00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:59,397
Mama, mama, what are we to do
33
00:03:59,496 --> 00:04:03,920
when the cold season comes?
34
00:04:04,020 --> 00:04:06,613
Hello?
35
00:04:06,712 --> 00:04:08,573
Yes, Frosya
36
00:04:08,672 --> 00:04:10,783
I have your phone
37
00:04:10,882 --> 00:04:13,786
I took it by mistake
38
00:04:13,885 --> 00:04:18,124
Goose? You said it would be duck
39
00:04:18,223 --> 00:04:22,668
All right, goose it is then.
Set the table
40
00:04:22,768 --> 00:04:27,262
No, no, it won't get cold.
I'll be there in a minute
41
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:41,272
Hello, Mr. Chizhov!
42
00:04:41,371 --> 00:04:43,024
Idiot
43
00:04:43,123 --> 00:04:46,986
Did I scare you? I
thought you'd like it
44
00:04:47,085 --> 00:04:49,197
I'm Tolik, Yelena's son
45
00:04:49,296 --> 00:04:51,199
Who's Yelena?
46
00:04:51,298 --> 00:04:55,701
Yelena Tsarapkin, your cousin
47
00:04:55,801 --> 00:05:00,253
I came here to study to be a DJ,
but there was no room at the dorm
48
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:04,925
Can I stay with you for now?
- No, you can't
49
00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:08,633
Hello?
50
00:05:08,732 --> 00:05:11,219
No, this isn't Frosya
51
00:05:11,318 --> 00:05:14,973
You dropped some candy
- Keep it
52
00:05:15,072 --> 00:05:18,935
Uncle Vova, here's the thing.
I was robbed on the train
53
00:05:19,034 --> 00:05:21,187
Could you lend me 1,500 roubles?
54
00:05:21,286 --> 00:05:25,737
I'll pay you back as soon as mom
wires me some money
55
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:32,160
I don't carry cash on me. Good night
- How about 300, then?
56
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:34,200
Listen, young man...
57
00:05:34,299 --> 00:05:36,494
People!
58
00:05:36,593 --> 00:05:41,044
People, tell me your
planet's number in the Tentura
59
00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:43,001
Junkie
60
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,670
Or at least the number
of your galaxy in the Spiral
61
00:05:45,769 --> 00:05:48,256
Your feet will freeze off.
Go down into the subway
62
00:05:48,355 --> 00:05:52,302
No time for the subway.
Please help me
63
00:05:52,401 --> 00:05:56,306
Here's my teleporter.
I mixed up my contacts
64
00:05:56,405 --> 00:06:00,018
What number do I dial to
teleport back home?
65
00:06:00,117 --> 00:06:02,353
Dial 911, they'll help
66
00:06:02,452 --> 00:06:06,649
No, I can't! 911 is Pluke!
There are Chatlanians there!
67
00:06:06,748 --> 00:06:08,651
Sure you can. Hold this
68
00:06:08,750 --> 00:06:12,155
Yes, hello?
- Where's the "9" here?
69
00:06:12,254 --> 00:06:14,157
No, this isn't...
70
00:06:14,256 --> 00:06:18,707
...Frosya
71
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:33,593
Woah!
72
00:06:33,692 --> 00:06:38,143
Listen, I've had enough of this
73
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:54,447
I'll be damned!
74
00:06:54,546 --> 00:06:57,825
We're on Pluke, Uncle Vova!
- Where?
75
00:06:57,924 --> 00:07:01,162
That fellow with the daisies
said that 911 was Pluke
76
00:07:01,261 --> 00:07:05,712
I dialed the number,
and here we are on Pluke
77
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,627
Hold on
78
00:07:07,726 --> 00:07:11,798
Tell your barefoot hypnotist
that these tricks won't work on me!
79
00:07:11,897 --> 00:07:16,348
Uncle Vova, wait!
Something's coming!
80
00:07:53,973 --> 00:07:58,473
A robot
81
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:10,610
A humanoid
82
00:08:20,416 --> 00:08:24,916
Another trick?
83
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:31,464
Let me take a photo, Uncle Vova,
or no one will believe us
84
00:08:40,269 --> 00:08:42,054
Say "cheese"!
85
00:08:42,153 --> 00:08:46,604
That's enough!
86
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,489
Good day, friends. We are aliens
from the planet Earth
87
00:08:59,588 --> 00:09:04,039
We are...
- Kew
88
00:09:07,338 --> 00:09:10,208
Koo
- Koo
89
00:09:10,307 --> 00:09:12,293
Hello
90
00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:13,794
Chatl?
91
00:09:13,893 --> 00:09:16,714
He wants money
92
00:09:16,813 --> 00:09:20,051
I don't have that kind
93
00:09:20,150 --> 00:09:23,012
Here, I have roubles, dollars...
94
00:09:23,111 --> 00:09:26,307
I'll pay you. Just
take us out of here
95
00:09:26,406 --> 00:09:28,893
Kew!
96
00:09:28,992 --> 00:09:30,311
Koo?
97
00:09:30,410 --> 00:09:32,021
He wants your hat
98
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:35,191
My hat?
99
00:09:35,290 --> 00:09:39,741
Here
100
00:09:40,955 --> 00:09:45,455
And your coat
101
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:48,037
Now he wants your fiddle
102
00:09:48,136 --> 00:09:52,250
I can't give you this,
it's a musical instrument
103
00:09:52,349 --> 00:09:55,002
Now he wants your hat
104
00:09:55,101 --> 00:09:59,552
Dream on!
105
00:10:01,642 --> 00:10:03,553
Hey you, wise guy!
106
00:10:03,652 --> 00:10:05,972
Let it go
107
00:10:06,071 --> 00:10:08,224
There's nothing in there
108
00:10:08,323 --> 00:10:10,893
Open it
109
00:10:10,992 --> 00:10:15,443
Here, see for yourself
110
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:22,534
It's a laser pointer
111
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:27,247
That's shampoo. Soap for the head
112
00:10:31,005 --> 00:10:33,332
Like it, huh? How about a swap?
113
00:10:33,431 --> 00:10:38,803
I'll give you the hat and the drink for that
gizmo on his neck. And two chatles
114
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,597
Could you give us a lift?
See, it's quite odd, actually
115
00:10:47,696 --> 00:10:51,434
We met this strange man,
and the kid pressed a button
116
00:10:51,533 --> 00:10:55,984
What's taking you
so long? Hurry up!
117
00:11:00,701 --> 00:11:05,201
Hey! Come back, you jerk!
Give it back!
118
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,742
Forget it!
119
00:11:07,841 --> 00:11:12,292
Let him have it!
120
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:26,389
I'll remember this! I'll get you later,
you half-witted cyborg!
121
00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:42,443
It's just shampoo
- I paid cash for that shampoo, maestro
122
00:11:42,542 --> 00:11:45,738
Cash that certain people
say they don't carry around
123
00:11:45,837 --> 00:11:50,288
I don't, for people like you
124
00:11:52,503 --> 00:11:54,372
They're coming back
125
00:11:54,471 --> 00:11:57,291
Young man, what's your name again?
- I told you - Tolik
126
00:11:57,390 --> 00:12:00,961
Tolik, give them whatever they want,
or we're going to die here. Understand?
127
00:12:01,060 --> 00:12:04,465
So how come you didn't
give them your fiddle?
128
00:12:04,564 --> 00:12:09,015
Ketse!
129
00:12:10,229 --> 00:12:13,015
They want a match
130
00:12:13,114 --> 00:12:17,565
This?
131
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,864
Another one? Be my guest
132
00:12:28,963 --> 00:12:31,534
Want the match?
133
00:12:31,633 --> 00:12:36,084
First take us out of here,
then we'll give you the "koo"
134
00:12:37,673 --> 00:12:42,173
"Kew" what? Here it is! Kew yourself
135
00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:47,136
Here! Found it
136
00:12:47,641 --> 00:12:49,510
Why do you want it?
137
00:12:49,609 --> 00:12:54,060
It'll come in handy
138
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:58,519
Hello, fellow earthlings.
DJ Tolik Tsarapkin here
139
00:12:58,618 --> 00:13:01,105
If I had video cameras built into my eyes
140
00:13:01,204 --> 00:13:04,400
you'd see that sitting across from me are
two shameless, shabby-looking...
141
00:13:04,499 --> 00:13:08,320
Stop it
142
00:13:08,419 --> 00:13:12,241
Just look at these weirdos
- Look, do me a favor. Be quiet
143
00:13:12,340 --> 00:13:15,161
I've got a splitting headache
144
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:19,711
Ketse
145
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:26,088
Indeed, Uncle Vova
146
00:13:26,187 --> 00:13:30,638
Ziegenbogen will be wearing
your slippers now
147
00:13:32,186 --> 00:13:35,264
They speak Russian!
148
00:13:35,363 --> 00:13:38,017
House slippers
149
00:13:38,116 --> 00:13:40,978
You speak Russian?
150
00:13:41,077 --> 00:13:44,565
We're trying. You were
thinking about slippers
151
00:13:44,664 --> 00:13:46,734
I just repeated what you thought
152
00:13:46,833 --> 00:13:48,944
Why were you pretending...?
- Why yap for no reason?
153
00:13:49,043 --> 00:13:52,156
How many matches will we get
if we take you to Earth?
154
00:13:52,255 --> 00:13:56,327
How many do you need?
- Two full boxes like that one
155
00:13:56,426 --> 00:14:00,877
Six
- What? I'll give you three, and that's it
156
00:14:03,133 --> 00:14:05,336
Five
157
00:14:05,435 --> 00:14:07,922
Four, and the gizmo
158
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:10,132
Is this your last word?
159
00:14:10,231 --> 00:14:12,426
The lastest!
160
00:14:12,525 --> 00:14:15,763
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
161
00:14:15,862 --> 00:14:18,098
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
162
00:14:18,197 --> 00:14:22,648
Here
163
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:30,365
Stop it! I'm begging you!
164
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:34,198
What does this switch do?
- Don't touch it!
165
00:14:34,297 --> 00:14:37,076
Flip the tsapa back!
Flip it back now!
166
00:14:37,175 --> 00:14:39,787
OK! Darn it, I can't see a thing!
167
00:14:39,886 --> 00:14:43,082
Give it to me. Give it
back to me, buddy!
168
00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:46,752
No way!
- Switch the tsapa off, you jerk!
169
00:14:46,851 --> 00:14:51,131
Give it back! We're going to crash!
- Four chatles or I'm keeping it
170
00:14:51,230 --> 00:14:54,677
It costs less than half a chatl
- Three, and that's final
171
00:14:54,776 --> 00:14:58,138
Your last word?
- The lastest
172
00:14:58,237 --> 00:15:01,100
Here! Count it!
173
00:15:01,199 --> 00:15:03,352
You took a bite out of one.
Give me a new one
174
00:15:03,451 --> 00:15:07,902
Dream on
175
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,828
Uncle Vova, come over here
176
00:15:20,927 --> 00:15:23,873
Look here. This is the
Kin-Dza-Dza Galaxy
177
00:15:23,972 --> 00:15:26,208
This is planet Pluke, we're here
178
00:15:26,307 --> 00:15:29,712
Where is your planet? Show me
179
00:15:29,811 --> 00:15:32,882
Let me have a look. Right...
180
00:15:32,981 --> 00:15:37,136
Where's the Moon here?
- Don't even bother trying
181
00:15:37,235 --> 00:15:41,686
For half a chatl any planetarium in the Center
will give us the number of your planet
182
00:15:42,858 --> 00:15:47,358
Buckle up, we're landing
183
00:15:53,410 --> 00:15:56,071
Where's he going?
- Shh, be quiet
184
00:15:56,170 --> 00:16:00,621
Why?
- Just because
185
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:15,845
They're buying stolen property there?
- Shut up. They can hear everything
186
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:19,887
I don't care what they can hear
187
00:16:19,986 --> 00:16:22,973
They have a gravitsapa.
Give me the matchbox, I'll buy one
188
00:16:23,072 --> 00:16:26,268
Hold your horses, wise guy!
First tell us what this gravitsapa is for
189
00:16:26,367 --> 00:16:30,905
Without a gravitsapa, buddy, our pepelats
can only fly above the surface
190
00:16:31,281 --> 00:16:35,110
Now, with a gravitsapa,
we'll get to any planet in five minutes
191
00:16:35,209 --> 00:16:37,947
Give me the matches, Uncle Vova
192
00:16:38,046 --> 00:16:42,497
Don't! They're swindlers
193
00:16:45,754 --> 00:16:47,539
It's just nerves
194
00:16:47,638 --> 00:16:52,089
It's stuffy in here
195
00:16:53,095 --> 00:16:57,132
Tolik, son, would you turn
the AC on please?
196
00:16:57,231 --> 00:17:01,682
See, I'm... Can you climb up there?
197
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:07,396
Where's the switch here?
198
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:12,527
Ah, that's better. Nice and quiet
199
00:17:13,157 --> 00:17:15,985
Hand over the matches, Uncle Vova
200
00:17:16,084 --> 00:17:19,154
Open it up! Right this second!
201
00:17:19,253 --> 00:17:22,324
Uncle Vova, buddy,
don't worry about it
202
00:17:22,423 --> 00:17:25,160
He's doing fine. He's taking a break
203
00:17:25,259 --> 00:17:28,998
Thinking about the goose
204
00:17:29,097 --> 00:17:33,548
OK. Hear for yourself,
if you don't believe me
205
00:17:33,844 --> 00:17:36,588
Tolik, can you hear me?
206
00:17:36,687 --> 00:17:39,883
You freaks! If you don't
let me out right now...
207
00:17:39,982 --> 00:17:44,433
See? He's alert, and full
of vigor and determination
208
00:17:47,441 --> 00:17:50,686
They won't let us in.
They'll only let you in
209
00:17:50,785 --> 00:17:55,236
Don't think about your matches.
Just show them the ketse in my box
210
00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:02,243
Get going. The sooner you buy it,
the sooner you'll get home
211
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:07,707
Go
212
00:18:13,258 --> 00:18:16,378
Uncle Vova, hold on a second!
213
00:18:16,477 --> 00:18:18,005
Put this on your nose, buddy
214
00:18:18,104 --> 00:18:20,841
Thank you, but it's
not really my style
215
00:18:20,940 --> 00:18:22,926
Who do you think you are?
216
00:18:23,025 --> 00:18:25,095
I am a musician
217
00:18:25,194 --> 00:18:27,139
No. You're a Patsak
218
00:18:27,238 --> 00:18:31,393
He's also a Patsak. Him, too.
And Traz is a Chatlanian
219
00:18:31,492 --> 00:18:33,437
So put the tsak on. Got it?
220
00:18:33,536 --> 00:18:36,565
Not really
- Look at me with this visualizer, buddy
221
00:18:36,664 --> 00:18:39,318
Which dot lights up? The green one
222
00:18:39,417 --> 00:18:42,571
Now let's try it on you.
Also green
223
00:18:42,670 --> 00:18:44,823
That's because we're Patsaks
224
00:18:44,922 --> 00:18:48,535
Now look at Wef. Which dot
do you see now? The orange one
225
00:18:48,634 --> 00:18:52,039
That's because Mr.
Wef is a Chatlanian
226
00:18:52,138 --> 00:18:54,500
Now do you understand?
- What?
227
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:59,345
Without a tsak any
ecilop will tranklucate you
228
00:19:00,097 --> 00:19:02,257
Pluke is a Chatlanian planet, buddy
229
00:19:02,356 --> 00:19:07,562
That's why we Patsaks must wear tsaks
and do the "koo" before Chatlanians
230
00:19:08,355 --> 00:19:11,141
Like this. Get it?
231
00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:13,519
Would you do that
one more time, slowly?
232
00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:14,853
Like this
233
00:19:14,952 --> 00:19:17,940
Uncle Vova, you've got
concerts scheduled
234
00:19:18,039 --> 00:19:22,027
your wife left you for
Ziegenbogen, and you're...
235
00:19:22,126 --> 00:19:26,577
Don't make it harder for yourself, buddy
236
00:19:37,217 --> 00:19:41,717
Uncle Vova! Leave the fiddle here
237
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:50,271
It's a cello! A CELLO!
238
00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:54,893
And stop calling me Uncle Vova!
239
00:19:54,992 --> 00:19:56,770
My name is Vladimir!
240
00:19:56,869 --> 00:19:59,898
Vladimir Chizhov!
241
00:19:59,997 --> 00:20:01,650
Got it?
242
00:20:01,749 --> 00:20:06,200
No problem, Uncle Vova
243
00:20:18,967 --> 00:20:21,587
Hi
244
00:20:21,686 --> 00:20:24,715
Well, what do I think
about you, huh?
245
00:20:24,814 --> 00:20:29,265
Go on, read my mind
246
00:20:42,741 --> 00:20:47,241
This way, Patsak
247
00:21:03,136 --> 00:21:07,636
Come, come, fiddler
248
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:26,822
Good day
249
00:21:35,419 --> 00:21:39,289
Give us your ketse,
and you'll get a gravitsapa
250
00:21:39,388 --> 00:21:42,584
Here you go
251
00:21:42,683 --> 00:21:47,134
Got to check it
- Please do
252
00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:59,522
Koo, Uncle Vova
253
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:11,700
Go ahead, take a seat
254
00:22:16,293 --> 00:22:19,288
Sit there, Patsak
255
00:22:19,387 --> 00:22:22,332
This place is for VIP clients only
256
00:22:22,431 --> 00:22:26,378
Tell Mr. Traz that I'm
no regular Joe, either
257
00:22:26,477 --> 00:22:30,928
I'm a famous musician, and a
distinguished professor...
258
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,594
He says we don't care
259
00:22:34,693 --> 00:22:38,140
A VIP client is one with
at least two ketses
260
00:22:38,239 --> 00:22:40,225
At least two ketses
261
00:22:40,324 --> 00:22:44,775
Tell him I have more than two
262
00:22:55,457 --> 00:22:59,957
You keep ketses in that box?
263
00:23:00,879 --> 00:23:03,332
Yes, I keep ketses in it
264
00:23:03,431 --> 00:23:06,001
Ketses must be kept in a ketse-box
265
00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:08,712
Without a ketse-box the ketse
loses its zura
266
00:23:08,811 --> 00:23:13,262
Now I've got to run the check
all over again!
267
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,181
I do apologize if this is
a personal question
268
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:23,731
Ziegenbogen, is he a banker?
269
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:31,575
That's irrelevant to the matter at hand
- Of course, if you say so
270
00:23:34,204 --> 00:23:38,704
Here's a small gift from our company
- Thank you
271
00:23:42,629 --> 00:23:47,129
Will you excuse me for a moment?
272
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:14,740
Gentlemen! Something's
wrong here. Come and see!
273
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,302
Here's the Sun
274
00:24:39,401 --> 00:24:42,556
Here's the Moon. Here's Moscow
275
00:24:42,655 --> 00:24:46,351
Here's the train station. We fly
along the tracks down to Tula...
276
00:24:46,450 --> 00:24:50,901
Get down!
277
00:25:19,893 --> 00:25:22,012
They'll be at it for a while
278
00:25:22,111 --> 00:25:24,264
What's going on?
- Bee said we should go to the Center
279
00:25:24,363 --> 00:25:25,974
but Wef brought us here
280
00:25:26,073 --> 00:25:28,143
because here it's
"two chatles cheaper"
281
00:25:28,242 --> 00:25:32,147
What about Uncle Vova?
- Uncle Vova gave them all the matches
282
00:25:32,246 --> 00:25:34,566
Where is he? Did they
take him with them?
283
00:25:34,665 --> 00:25:39,116
Nah, he's over there
284
00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:46,206
You're going to dig like that
until your last breath
285
00:25:46,545 --> 00:25:49,998
Only I can dig him up.
- Well, dig him up, then!
286
00:25:50,097 --> 00:25:53,293
Why should I? He doesn't have
any more matches
287
00:25:53,392 --> 00:25:55,670
He has one
288
00:25:55,769 --> 00:26:00,220
He's hiding it in his shoe
289
00:26:17,117 --> 00:26:20,070
Guys, I just remembered.
It's not in his shoe
290
00:26:20,169 --> 00:26:22,948
He keeps it in a secret pocket
in his underpants
291
00:26:23,047 --> 00:26:27,498
Pull him out
292
00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:40,924
Uncle Vova!
293
00:26:41,023 --> 00:26:42,884
Is he dead?
294
00:26:42,983 --> 00:26:47,434
Not necessarily. Take it
easy, Patsak. Let's find out
295
00:26:51,151 --> 00:26:52,519
Still alive
296
00:26:52,618 --> 00:26:55,564
Take off your pants, buddy
- What?
297
00:26:55,663 --> 00:27:00,114
Drop your drawers, professor!
298
00:27:00,660 --> 00:27:02,237
Defend yourselves!
299
00:27:02,336 --> 00:27:06,787
But I'm warning you:
I used to be a boxer
300
00:27:08,335 --> 00:27:10,579
Easy there!
301
00:27:10,678 --> 00:27:15,129
I was joking. I've
got the match. Here
302
00:27:17,677 --> 00:27:20,589
Will this desert ever end?
303
00:27:20,688 --> 00:27:22,757
No
304
00:27:22,856 --> 00:27:25,802
What about trees or seas?
305
00:27:25,901 --> 00:27:29,014
Trees and seas were all
turned into lutz ages ago, buddy
306
00:27:29,113 --> 00:27:30,682
You mean ketse?
307
00:27:30,781 --> 00:27:34,519
Fuel, you fool. Fuel!
308
00:27:34,618 --> 00:27:38,273
What's ketse, then? A drug?
309
00:27:38,372 --> 00:27:40,358
No
310
00:27:40,457 --> 00:27:44,908
Ketse is ketse
311
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:49,580
Oh, Lord...
312
00:27:51,086 --> 00:27:55,586
Koo. One, two, three...
313
00:28:27,163 --> 00:28:31,663
TOLIK
314
00:28:57,569 --> 00:29:00,522
Here. Eat
- What is it?
315
00:29:00,621 --> 00:29:02,148
Plastic porridge
316
00:29:02,247 --> 00:29:04,109
And for Uncle Vova?
317
00:29:04,208 --> 00:29:05,276
Later
318
00:29:05,375 --> 00:29:07,904
Look, Patsak, I like you,
so I'll explain
319
00:29:08,003 --> 00:29:12,458
If you have a few ketses,
you can wear yellow pants
320
00:29:13,376 --> 00:29:17,849
and a Patsak has to squat
before you not once, but twice
321
00:29:17,949 --> 00:29:19,374
And do the "koo"
322
00:29:19,473 --> 00:29:22,502
If you have many ketses, son
323
00:29:22,601 --> 00:29:27,052
you can wear crimson pants
324
00:29:28,558 --> 00:29:32,762
And then both a Patsak and a Chatlanian
have to do the "koo" before you
325
00:29:32,861 --> 00:29:36,516
And an ecilop has no right
to beat you up at night
326
00:29:36,615 --> 00:29:38,935
Ever
327
00:29:39,034 --> 00:29:42,313
Tolik, give the match to me
328
00:29:42,412 --> 00:29:45,400
I'll give you a pair of
crimson pants at the Center
329
00:29:45,499 --> 00:29:47,569
I'm nobody
330
00:29:47,668 --> 00:29:51,656
It's Uncle Vova who deserves
crimson pants
331
00:29:51,755 --> 00:29:53,199
He's the coolest
332
00:29:53,298 --> 00:29:55,618
The fiddler's gone, buddy
- What do you mean?
333
00:29:55,717 --> 00:30:00,121
I pressed the kapa and he flew away
334
00:30:00,220 --> 00:30:01,416
Say that again?
335
00:30:01,515 --> 00:30:05,966
We don't need the fiddler, buddy.
He was just a waste of fuel
336
00:30:11,768 --> 00:30:16,268
Uncle Vova?
337
00:30:30,286 --> 00:30:31,654
Turn back
338
00:30:31,753 --> 00:30:34,949
Don't worry, we have an
extra escape pod
339
00:30:35,048 --> 00:30:36,242
Brand new
340
00:30:36,341 --> 00:30:40,792
Turn back or I'll burn this!
341
00:30:43,258 --> 00:30:47,670
Stop!
342
00:30:47,769 --> 00:30:56,687
Wait for me!
343
00:30:58,356 --> 00:31:02,856
Good day, I'm...
344
00:31:11,411 --> 00:31:15,911
Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot
345
00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:19,828
You see, I had an accident...
346
00:31:19,927 --> 00:31:23,206
I wanted to take a shower
and the cabin just fell off
347
00:31:23,305 --> 00:31:25,416
Could you give me a
lift to the Center...?
348
00:31:25,515 --> 00:31:29,966
This is a cello. A
musical instrument
349
00:32:45,505 --> 00:32:47,457
I know them! They're coming for me!
350
00:32:47,556 --> 00:32:52,007
I'm over here! Over here!
351
00:32:52,762 --> 00:32:57,262
"Koo" what? Stop kooing me!
352
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:08,482
Stay here and keep out of sight.
And don't think about the match!
353
00:33:38,349 --> 00:33:39,968
Where's Tolik?
354
00:33:40,067 --> 00:33:44,518
Right here, Uncle Vova
355
00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:08,583
Tolik, come out. That jerk saw you
356
00:34:12,467 --> 00:34:16,967
Koo, officer ecilop
357
00:34:17,346 --> 00:34:19,966
Give the match to the creep
358
00:34:20,065 --> 00:34:22,677
What match?
- Give it to him
359
00:34:22,776 --> 00:34:25,930
Officer ecilop, they're
hallucinating after the shampoo
360
00:34:26,029 --> 00:34:27,849
They drank all of my shampoo
361
00:34:27,948 --> 00:34:29,934
I thought I'd wash my hair
after I teleported
362
00:34:30,033 --> 00:34:32,520
I don't have any matches
363
00:34:32,619 --> 00:34:35,231
He can't hear you, buddy. He's deaf
364
00:34:35,330 --> 00:34:38,401
Shame on you! How dare you
lie to an ecilop?
365
00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:40,528
Give me your foot, you swindler!
366
00:34:40,627 --> 00:34:42,822
What are you doing, moron?
367
00:34:42,921 --> 00:34:47,372
Be quiet now, thinker
368
00:35:08,606 --> 00:35:13,106
Bye Patsaks!
369
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:34,082
Why were you thinking
about the match?
370
00:35:34,181 --> 00:35:35,708
Imbecile!
371
00:35:35,807 --> 00:35:39,879
Why were you thinking about
the match, you cretin, you idiot?
372
00:35:39,978 --> 00:35:44,429
Patsakian dimwit!
373
00:35:46,519 --> 00:35:51,019
Tolik, help me out over here!
374
00:35:53,609 --> 00:35:56,687
What a tragedy! What a tragedy!
375
00:35:56,786 --> 00:36:01,237
I only thought about the match
because you told me not to
376
00:36:02,660 --> 00:36:05,655
I was going to think about the goose
377
00:36:05,754 --> 00:36:09,200
There's still hope, gentlemen
378
00:36:09,299 --> 00:36:11,869
We'll go see your government
379
00:36:11,968 --> 00:36:16,372
I'll tell them who I am,
put on a free performance for them
380
00:36:16,471 --> 00:36:19,877
We'll establish cultural and economic ties
381
00:36:19,976 --> 00:36:24,427
We'll trade you ketses for
pepelatses and yellow pants
382
00:36:24,932 --> 00:36:28,094
To get to the government,
you need to have a gravitsapa
383
00:36:28,193 --> 00:36:31,556
The government lives
on another planet, buddy
384
00:36:31,655 --> 00:36:34,142
They have butterflies there, too
385
00:36:34,241 --> 00:36:36,269
Tolik, get him!
386
00:36:36,368 --> 00:36:38,771
What are you doing! Drop it!
387
00:36:38,870 --> 00:36:43,321
Stop, you jerk!
388
00:36:56,380 --> 00:37:00,880
So long, DJ!
389
00:37:06,974 --> 00:37:10,595
Never before...
390
00:37:10,694 --> 00:37:15,145
Never before in all the Galaxy...
391
00:37:15,650 --> 00:37:20,237
...has there been such
a despicable Patsak as you!
392
00:37:25,493 --> 00:37:29,993
Tolik Tsarapkin
393
00:37:41,509 --> 00:37:44,212
The woods are so beautiful in winter
394
00:37:44,311 --> 00:37:48,549
Fir trees put on their fur hats
395
00:37:48,648 --> 00:37:50,218
Birds sing
396
00:37:50,317 --> 00:37:54,768
Cuckoo! Cuckoo!
397
00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:07,860
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
398
00:38:07,959 --> 00:38:09,946
Hello?
399
00:38:10,045 --> 00:38:13,658
Hello? This is Tolik
400
00:38:13,757 --> 00:38:16,452
Yelena Tsarapkin's son
401
00:38:16,551 --> 00:38:18,329
All right, let's have goose...
402
00:38:18,428 --> 00:38:21,290
Give me that! Hello?
403
00:38:21,389 --> 00:38:25,840
Speak up!
404
00:38:26,470 --> 00:38:29,590
Uncle Vova...
405
00:38:29,689 --> 00:38:34,140
I was just kidding
406
00:38:37,231 --> 00:38:40,017
Tolik, please address
me by my full name
407
00:38:40,116 --> 00:38:42,603
It would be more polite
408
00:38:42,702 --> 00:38:45,147
Why? I'm your nephew
409
00:38:45,246 --> 00:38:50,285
Because I don't have a cousin
named Yelena Tsarapkin
410
00:38:51,495 --> 00:38:55,995
That's why
411
00:38:56,959 --> 00:39:01,459
No cousin? Fine
412
00:39:01,839 --> 00:39:06,339
Hello, earthlings.
DJ Tolik Tsarapkin here
413
00:39:18,272 --> 00:39:22,772
Tolik! A tornado! Get down!
414
00:39:44,673 --> 00:39:48,377
AN ABRIDGED CHATLANIAN-PATSAK
DICTIONARY
415
00:39:48,476 --> 00:39:51,339
PEPELATS - a spaceship
GRAVITSAPA - an anti-gravity kapa
416
00:39:51,438 --> 00:39:54,800
ECILOP - a policeman
TSAK - a nose bell
417
00:39:54,899 --> 00:39:57,762
ETSIKH - prison
KETSE - a match
418
00:39:57,861 --> 00:40:02,312
KEW - a socially acceptable obscenity
KOO - all other words
419
00:40:14,829 --> 00:40:17,907
Bless you!
420
00:40:18,006 --> 00:40:21,369
Hey! Wait up!
421
00:40:21,468 --> 00:40:24,413
No come closer! What you want?
422
00:40:24,512 --> 00:40:27,166
We are Patsaks from the planet Earth
423
00:40:27,265 --> 00:40:31,420
Can you take us to the Center?
- Three chatles please
424
00:40:31,519 --> 00:40:35,970
We don't have any money.
But we'll work for it
425
00:40:38,811 --> 00:40:40,846
What do you can?
426
00:40:40,945 --> 00:40:44,433
Anything
- Be you specific
427
00:40:44,532 --> 00:40:49,529
Specific? Vladimir here is
specifically a famous fiddler
428
00:40:52,575 --> 00:40:54,193
Him play
429
00:40:54,292 --> 00:40:56,695
Here?
- There!
430
00:40:56,794 --> 00:40:58,906
I'm very sorry, but I can't!
431
00:40:59,005 --> 00:41:01,909
To play this instrument
I need to be sitting down
432
00:41:02,008 --> 00:41:05,788
Thank you, goodbye
433
00:41:05,887 --> 00:41:07,289
Wait!
434
00:41:07,388 --> 00:41:10,584
Here, sit on me
- This is ridiculous
435
00:41:10,683 --> 00:41:15,134
If they leave, we're dead
436
00:41:23,856 --> 00:41:28,356
Play already!
437
00:41:39,705 --> 00:41:44,205
No play like that! We puke
438
00:41:46,837 --> 00:41:51,250
Thank you, goodbye
439
00:41:51,349 --> 00:41:55,800
Hold it! I'll play
440
00:41:56,347 --> 00:41:58,507
Hand it over
441
00:41:58,606 --> 00:42:03,057
You play or we leave
442
00:42:03,437 --> 00:42:07,937
Here. Be careful with it
443
00:42:09,860 --> 00:42:12,646
Don't touch it! It's tuned
444
00:42:12,745 --> 00:42:14,064
I'm tuning it guitar-like
445
00:42:14,163 --> 00:42:18,614
We not want guitar. We want fiddle.
You play with stick
446
00:42:20,079 --> 00:42:22,615
And sit
447
00:42:22,714 --> 00:42:26,577
To play this instrument you need
to be sitting down
448
00:42:26,676 --> 00:42:29,955
Vladimir
449
00:42:30,054 --> 00:42:31,957
Look, you sat on me
450
00:42:32,056 --> 00:42:36,507
You play or we leave
451
00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:52,482
Wait. We turn volume up. Koo
452
00:42:57,241 --> 00:42:59,735
And sing!
453
00:42:59,834 --> 00:43:02,404
One, two, three
454
00:43:02,503 --> 00:43:06,954
Mama, mama, what are we to do?
455
00:43:09,587 --> 00:43:14,087
This we like a lot
456
00:43:15,175 --> 00:43:19,675
This we no puke
457
00:43:20,889 --> 00:43:25,052
OK, grandma, you go:
oompa, oompa, oomph
458
00:43:25,151 --> 00:43:29,602
You, pops, you only go: dun.
Bring it on!
459
00:43:33,485 --> 00:43:36,772
Stop. Faster please
460
00:43:36,871 --> 00:43:39,650
Why he no sing?
461
00:43:39,749 --> 00:43:42,653
He'll go "oooh" in between
462
00:43:42,752 --> 00:43:45,030
Spare me please
463
00:43:45,129 --> 00:43:48,117
And porridge eat you want?
464
00:43:48,216 --> 00:43:52,496
"Do you want to eat?"
Mind your grammar please
465
00:43:52,595 --> 00:43:56,542
We talk, you mind grammar.
Then you be of any use
466
00:43:56,641 --> 00:44:01,092
Do "koo" now, or the ecilop
tranklucate us!
467
00:44:13,776 --> 00:44:15,352
A hologram?
468
00:44:15,451 --> 00:44:16,729
That's Pezhe
469
00:44:16,828 --> 00:44:20,316
Who's Pezhe?
470
00:44:20,415 --> 00:44:24,236
He great!
471
00:44:24,335 --> 00:44:26,905
I so love Pezhe!
472
00:44:27,004 --> 00:44:29,283
Me too
473
00:44:29,382 --> 00:44:34,379
We praise skies all the time
that he let us on Pluke
474
00:44:39,968 --> 00:44:44,256
Was it even worse on your planet?
- Air
475
00:44:44,355 --> 00:44:45,883
No air?
476
00:44:45,982 --> 00:44:48,761
Air yes, but not everyone breathe
477
00:44:48,860 --> 00:44:50,596
What do you mean?
478
00:44:50,695 --> 00:44:53,724
If you have money you breathe
479
00:44:53,823 --> 00:44:58,274
And if you have no money?
- Then you blow up your balloon
480
00:45:15,754 --> 00:45:19,041
Quick! Get in cage.
Patsaks must sing in cage
481
00:45:19,140 --> 00:45:23,591
A nightingale doesn't sing
in a cage, grandma
482
00:45:25,431 --> 00:45:29,931
Let's get in, if that's the rule
483
00:45:30,310 --> 00:45:34,810
One, two, three...
484
00:45:35,065 --> 00:45:39,395
You, nightingale, do it the
right way: sit on the fiddler
485
00:45:39,494 --> 00:45:43,945
How do you know what's the right way?
- I thought it look nice
486
00:45:44,199 --> 00:45:46,610
Some aesthete...
487
00:45:46,709 --> 00:45:51,073
One, two, three...
488
00:45:51,172 --> 00:45:55,035
Hey, Patsak! Stop
making faces at me!
489
00:45:55,134 --> 00:45:58,789
Don't you like Chatlanians?
490
00:45:58,888 --> 00:46:01,750
Smile, smile yourself!
Stretch lips to ears
491
00:46:01,849 --> 00:46:06,300
Like this
492
00:46:06,638 --> 00:46:09,007
Are you baring your teeth at me?
493
00:46:09,106 --> 00:46:13,557
A Patsak's smile must be
joyful and sincere
494
00:46:15,647 --> 00:46:19,852
Listen here, pops. Either you shut up
and we play, or goodbye!
495
00:46:19,951 --> 00:46:21,311
Our goose is getting cold
496
00:46:21,410 --> 00:46:25,649
What?
497
00:46:25,748 --> 00:46:27,693
A misfire
498
00:46:27,792 --> 00:46:31,363
Hold on. You just wait!
499
00:46:31,462 --> 00:46:35,492
Must leave now
500
00:46:35,591 --> 00:46:40,042
Here hill. Need to push cart
501
00:46:41,298 --> 00:46:45,798
One, two, and push!
502
00:46:48,764 --> 00:46:53,264
Goodbye Patsaks!
503
00:47:00,526 --> 00:47:02,728
You think you can
run away from me?
504
00:47:02,827 --> 00:47:07,278
Nightingales!
505
00:47:44,903 --> 00:47:49,403
Let's get out of here
506
00:47:54,121 --> 00:47:56,323
Switch off your phone
507
00:47:56,422 --> 00:47:57,741
Wait a second
508
00:47:57,840 --> 00:47:59,493
Hello?
509
00:47:59,592 --> 00:48:03,789
Frosya, could you give me
some garlic?
510
00:48:03,888 --> 00:48:06,083
This is Vladimir Chizhov.
Could you do me a favor?
511
00:48:06,182 --> 00:48:10,379
Ask Frosya to call Fima in London
and tell him to call Parmakov...
512
00:48:10,478 --> 00:48:13,173
Don't worry, daddy
513
00:48:13,272 --> 00:48:21,939
Daddy!
514
00:48:22,190 --> 00:48:26,694
Look what that clown Pezhe
has done to the planet!
515
00:48:27,029 --> 00:48:31,529
Patsaks are flashing their butts
at us in broad daylight!
516
00:48:34,620 --> 00:48:39,120
Daddy, don't look at all this!
517
00:48:58,060 --> 00:49:02,560
Earth is somewhere out there
518
00:49:05,567 --> 00:49:09,813
How long have we been
stuck here on this Pluke?
519
00:49:09,912 --> 00:49:14,363
Forty-seven hours
and twenty minutes
520
00:49:14,743 --> 00:49:19,243
I have a rehearsal
in London in 4 hours
521
00:49:24,962 --> 00:49:28,040
Uncle Vova...
522
00:49:28,139 --> 00:49:32,169
Is it hard to get
into show business?
523
00:49:32,268 --> 00:49:35,672
I don't know
524
00:49:35,771 --> 00:49:39,426
How did you get into it?
525
00:49:39,525 --> 00:49:43,976
Paid half a ketse for it
526
00:49:54,032 --> 00:49:58,532
You poor thing
527
00:49:58,912 --> 00:50:03,412
Don't worry, I won't let anything bad
happen to you anymore
528
00:50:06,837 --> 00:50:11,337
Good evening
529
00:50:21,935 --> 00:50:24,471
Is this for me?
530
00:50:24,570 --> 00:50:29,021
Thank you very much
531
00:50:30,110 --> 00:50:34,610
Do you want me to play?
532
00:51:38,762 --> 00:51:43,262
Well, you scared off the only
music connoisseur on this planet
533
00:51:45,143 --> 00:51:49,643
FITYULKA
534
00:51:58,073 --> 00:52:02,573
Tolik, have you seen my wallet
by any chance?
535
00:52:03,537 --> 00:52:06,156
No. Did you lose it?
536
00:52:06,255 --> 00:52:07,574
Must have fallen out
537
00:52:07,673 --> 00:52:09,743
No, it couldn't have fallen out
538
00:52:09,842 --> 00:52:13,538
The pocket was zipped up
539
00:52:13,637 --> 00:52:18,088
Are you saying I took it?
540
00:52:20,095 --> 00:52:24,595
Here. See for yourself!
541
00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:16,143
Hi there
542
00:53:16,242 --> 00:53:20,397
Where's your flying pigpen?
- Over there. We ran out of lutz
543
00:53:20,496 --> 00:53:24,947
It's all your fault, jerk
544
00:53:26,119 --> 00:53:30,115
Think that I'm holding a tranklucator
545
00:53:30,214 --> 00:53:34,665
Hey! Turn around
546
00:53:34,878 --> 00:53:38,331
Uncle Tolik, don't kill me!
We're both Patsaks
547
00:53:38,430 --> 00:53:40,625
We're brothers! He's a Chatlanian
548
00:53:40,724 --> 00:53:43,545
Kill him instead. He
made me do it! Uncle Tolik...
549
00:53:43,644 --> 00:53:47,215
Don't listen to him, Uncle Tolik!
I love you like a son
550
00:53:47,314 --> 00:53:49,593
I swear by my lifeblood!
551
00:53:49,692 --> 00:53:52,637
Lies! He's lying, Uncle Tolik!
552
00:53:52,736 --> 00:53:55,724
He said, "To hell with them.
To hell with them"
553
00:53:55,823 --> 00:53:59,186
You can step on my face
if you want to, buddy
554
00:53:59,285 --> 00:54:00,896
That can wait
555
00:54:00,995 --> 00:54:05,446
Now, raise the cage and step aside
556
00:54:09,371 --> 00:54:13,871
After you, Vladimir
557
00:54:14,334 --> 00:54:17,787
Well, you can sit on me,
if you want to
558
00:54:17,886 --> 00:54:21,583
I'll teach you how to play. It's simple:
you grab the stick with your hand...
559
00:54:21,682 --> 00:54:26,133
No, thank you. I'd rather be a chair
560
00:54:38,108 --> 00:54:42,395
Mama, mama, what are we to do
561
00:54:42,494 --> 00:54:46,608
when the freezing season comes?
562
00:54:46,707 --> 00:54:51,158
You don't have a warm scarf
563
00:54:51,371 --> 00:54:55,871
I don't have a warm coat
564
00:55:20,317 --> 00:55:23,937
Uncle Tolik, keep going, buddy!
565
00:55:24,036 --> 00:55:26,606
They like it
566
00:55:26,705 --> 00:55:31,156
They get it
- An ecilop!
567
00:55:45,842 --> 00:55:49,546
Well, humanoids, is there enough
for a gravitsapa?
568
00:55:49,645 --> 00:55:53,174
No, buddy, you need
a lot more than that
569
00:55:53,273 --> 00:55:57,724
Vladimir, keep your eyes on them.
There are 13 chatles there
570
00:56:09,157 --> 00:56:13,320
Pick about 300 of these things.
Then, in the next show, when I come onstage...
571
00:56:13,419 --> 00:56:14,863
What are you doing, buddy?
572
00:56:14,962 --> 00:56:19,413
That's a last breath. A grave
573
00:56:29,677 --> 00:56:34,130
Does no one sing in cages on Earth?
574
00:56:34,229 --> 00:56:38,386
Mr. Wef, on Earth only animals
are kept in cages
575
00:56:38,485 --> 00:56:42,682
Are animals Patsaks?
- More like Chatlanians
576
00:56:42,781 --> 00:56:47,236
So you have the same flagrant
racism as here, on Pluke
577
00:56:48,363 --> 00:56:52,863
Only on Earth it was the Patsaks
who took power, not the Chatlanians
578
00:56:53,910 --> 00:56:58,410
Together with Uncle
Tolik's friend, a nightingale
579
00:57:06,506 --> 00:57:10,210
Well, Vladimir?
580
00:57:10,309 --> 00:57:11,544
Hey, Patsak!
581
00:57:11,643 --> 00:57:13,671
This is where you go "koo"
582
00:57:13,770 --> 00:57:14,964
I didn't hear it
583
00:57:15,063 --> 00:57:16,966
Well, don't stick fingers
in your ears
584
00:57:17,065 --> 00:57:18,968
I can't bear listening to this
585
00:57:19,067 --> 00:57:20,553
Then just watch
586
00:57:20,652 --> 00:57:23,723
When I raise one finger, you sing "koo"
587
00:57:23,822 --> 00:57:28,273
Two fingers, "ee". Got it?
588
00:57:29,529 --> 00:57:30,355
Go!
589
00:57:30,454 --> 00:57:33,900
Mama, mama, what are we to do
590
00:57:33,999 --> 00:57:35,985
when the cold season comes?
591
00:57:36,084 --> 00:57:38,613
I don't have a warm scarf
592
00:57:38,712 --> 00:57:42,784
You don't have a warm coat
593
00:57:42,883 --> 00:57:46,955
Vladimir?
594
00:57:47,054 --> 00:57:49,332
He's just dumb!
595
00:57:49,431 --> 00:57:52,961
I am among the five best
musicians in the world!
596
00:57:53,060 --> 00:57:56,297
Do you expect me to go
"cuckoo" with you here?
597
00:57:56,396 --> 00:58:00,847
Enough!
598
00:58:04,314 --> 00:58:08,814
Uncle Tolik, don't fret.
He's just jealous
599
00:58:35,303 --> 00:58:39,890
Never before in all the Galaxy has there
been such a talentless Patsak as him
600
00:58:45,647 --> 00:58:48,016
Says he's among the top five
musicians on the planet
601
00:58:48,115 --> 00:58:51,686
when he can't even
memorize two notes
602
00:58:51,785 --> 00:58:56,236
Jerk
603
00:59:00,411 --> 00:59:04,073
I have a business proposal.
You and I lose them in the Center
604
00:59:04,172 --> 00:59:07,785
We buy a gravitsapa and fly to Earth
605
00:59:07,884 --> 00:59:12,248
We split the matches evenly:
2 boxes for you, 3 for me. Deal?
606
00:59:12,347 --> 00:59:16,798
How are we going to buy the gravitsapa?
- No problem
607
00:59:18,429 --> 00:59:21,674
Here
608
00:59:21,773 --> 00:59:24,552
Gentlemen virtuosos of Planet Pluke
609
00:59:24,651 --> 00:59:29,102
Come here for a moment.
Mr. Abradox has a surprise for you
610
00:59:55,174 --> 00:59:59,674
Ketse!
611
01:00:15,778 --> 01:00:19,983
Woah! What's that? A zeppelin?
612
01:00:20,082 --> 01:00:22,485
It's the last breath of Pezhe
613
01:00:22,584 --> 01:00:23,820
Is he dead?
614
01:00:23,919 --> 01:00:27,574
What are you saying, buddy?
Pezhe is very much alive
615
01:00:27,673 --> 01:00:31,369
Who is this Pezhe anyway?
Your president?
616
01:00:31,468 --> 01:00:35,540
Pezhe is Pezhe, buddy
617
01:00:35,639 --> 01:00:40,090
I love Pezhe very much
618
01:00:59,072 --> 01:01:01,941
Couldn't we have landed a little closer?
619
01:01:02,040 --> 01:01:06,491
Then we'd have to pay for
a landing ticket
620
01:01:18,383 --> 01:01:21,502
Piece of cake, Vladimir.
Come on over
621
01:01:21,601 --> 01:01:24,380
I don't think I can, Tolik.
I am acrophobic
622
01:01:24,479 --> 01:01:27,967
You're what?
- Acrophobic. It's a condition
623
01:01:28,066 --> 01:01:30,261
The fear of heights
624
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:33,598
All right. Wait there, then
625
01:01:33,697 --> 01:01:37,268
Let's go
626
01:01:37,367 --> 01:01:41,606
Uncle Tolik, put on a tsak, buddy
- I will, later
627
01:01:41,705 --> 01:01:46,156
Hey! Want some cosmic dust?
628
01:01:48,788 --> 01:01:52,825
Does the fiddler have any chatles?
- No
629
01:01:52,924 --> 01:01:55,370
It's fresh. Yesterday's
630
01:01:55,469 --> 01:01:59,920
Tell him to bury himself
in the sand if he sees an ecilop
631
01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:08,424
Guys, let's carry him over
632
01:02:08,523 --> 01:02:10,802
No need to carry him
633
01:02:10,901 --> 01:02:13,763
I can bring him over on
my tsurlap for one chatl
634
01:02:13,862 --> 01:02:18,313
Deal
635
01:02:19,652 --> 01:02:22,438
Get on. Acrophobes...
636
01:02:22,537 --> 01:02:25,608
Are we going around it?
- Get on already
637
01:02:25,707 --> 01:02:30,158
Just try not to breathe on my neck
638
01:02:30,747 --> 01:02:34,075
And don't touch me
639
01:02:34,174 --> 01:02:37,286
I hate acrophobes
640
01:02:37,385 --> 01:02:40,873
You're the cause of all this mess
641
01:02:40,972 --> 01:02:45,423
Hey! Where are you going?
- Get your hands off of me!
642
01:02:49,223 --> 01:02:52,552
Hold on, Uncle Vova!
- Don't! The plank will snap!
643
01:02:52,651 --> 01:02:56,556
Abradox will save them!
644
01:02:56,655 --> 01:02:59,392
He won't pay. Let's go
645
01:02:59,491 --> 01:03:01,310
What about Uncle Vova?
- What about him?
646
01:03:01,409 --> 01:03:05,860
You said he didn't have money. Let's go
- I'll pay. Save them
647
01:03:06,073 --> 01:03:08,985
Two chatles. There are two of them
648
01:03:09,084 --> 01:03:11,821
Here's one. Here's two
649
01:03:11,920 --> 01:03:16,371
Add one more. For the ecilop
650
01:03:21,088 --> 01:03:24,500
Hey you, stop!
651
01:03:24,599 --> 01:03:26,544
Listen you, acrophobe
652
01:03:26,643 --> 01:03:31,094
I'm not paying. It's all your fault
that we're hanging here
653
01:03:31,349 --> 01:03:35,849
Quit mooing and pay up!
654
01:03:36,854 --> 01:03:41,399
Acrophobes. I'd strangle you all
655
01:03:45,071 --> 01:03:48,357
I don't have any money. None
656
01:03:48,456 --> 01:03:52,907
Now I understand why
Lucy left you for Ziegenbogen
657
01:03:53,329 --> 01:03:54,781
Oh yeah? Why?
658
01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:57,867
Because you're a miser and a coward
659
01:03:57,966 --> 01:04:01,287
Who, me?
- Who else?
660
01:04:01,386 --> 01:04:05,837
Watch my hand, hero
661
01:04:06,050 --> 01:04:08,878
By the shores of Gitche Gumee
662
01:04:08,977 --> 01:04:11,672
By the shining Big-Sea-Water
663
01:04:11,771 --> 01:04:12,965
That's one!
664
01:04:13,064 --> 01:04:15,718
Stood the wigwam of Nokomis
665
01:04:15,817 --> 01:04:18,846
Daughter of the Moon, Nokomis
666
01:04:18,945 --> 01:04:21,641
Rose the black and gloomy pine-trees
667
01:04:21,740 --> 01:04:23,017
That's two!
668
01:04:23,116 --> 01:04:25,937
Hey! Stop joking around
- Be quiet
669
01:04:26,036 --> 01:04:28,773
Dark behind it rose the forest
670
01:04:28,872 --> 01:04:32,401
Rose the firs with cones upon them
671
01:04:32,500 --> 01:04:35,822
Bright before it beat the water
672
01:04:35,921 --> 01:04:40,284
Beat the clear and sunny water
673
01:04:40,383 --> 01:04:43,412
That's three!
- Enough! I'll pay!
674
01:04:43,511 --> 01:04:47,583
Don't interrupt me!
675
01:04:47,682 --> 01:04:52,046
There the wrinkled old Nokomis
676
01:04:52,145 --> 01:04:55,383
Nursed the little Hiawatha
677
01:04:55,482 --> 01:05:00,186
Rocked him in his linden cradle
678
01:05:06,027 --> 01:05:10,527
Rocked him in his...
679
01:05:14,619 --> 01:05:19,915
Rocked him in his linden cradle
680
01:05:20,541 --> 01:05:21,993
Stop, you scum!
681
01:05:22,092 --> 01:05:26,922
Bedded soft in moss and rushes
682
01:05:27,173 --> 01:05:29,083
Hey you, humanoids!
683
01:05:29,182 --> 01:05:33,337
If you don't pull him up now,
I'll sell you to Moscow Zoo
684
01:05:33,436 --> 01:05:37,887
For three chatles apiece
685
01:05:45,232 --> 01:05:49,732
Chatl
686
01:05:57,203 --> 01:06:01,703
Patsaks in the back
687
01:06:12,927 --> 01:06:17,427
Man, that's totally unreal!
I can't even see the bottom
688
01:06:18,140 --> 01:06:21,844
There is no bottom, buddy.
It's the edge of the planet
689
01:06:21,943 --> 01:06:24,764
Is it flat, lying on the backs
of three elephants?
690
01:06:24,863 --> 01:06:27,141
Oh, no. When they
were testing the gigatsapa
691
01:06:27,240 --> 01:06:29,310
they forgot to put the purz
into the ketse-box
692
01:06:29,409 --> 01:06:31,145
So a piece broke off
693
01:06:31,244 --> 01:06:35,695
Completely
694
01:06:55,386 --> 01:06:57,797
They're pumping up
the last breath, huh?
695
01:06:57,896 --> 01:07:01,008
Patsak, I love Pezhe very much!
Get it?
696
01:07:01,107 --> 01:07:02,426
Me too
- And me!
697
01:07:02,525 --> 01:07:06,976
And I koo him even more
698
01:07:34,633 --> 01:07:38,796
Hey, Patsak! Want
to buy a gravitsapa?
699
01:07:38,895 --> 01:07:41,841
A dual-zur model with a
magnetic kapa. Look
700
01:07:41,940 --> 01:07:43,050
Does it work?
701
01:07:43,149 --> 01:07:47,388
What do you take me for?
Like clockwork
702
01:07:47,487 --> 01:07:51,938
Listen for yourself
703
01:07:53,694 --> 01:07:54,979
So you'll buy it?
704
01:07:55,078 --> 01:07:58,733
Guys, there's a man selling
a gravitsapa there. Do we want it?
705
01:07:58,832 --> 01:08:01,360
Later. First we need the address
706
01:08:01,459 --> 01:08:05,910
Yellow pants! "Koo" twice!
707
01:08:24,642 --> 01:08:27,803
Want some mirages?
- What mirages?
708
01:08:27,902 --> 01:08:30,097
Good mirages
709
01:08:30,196 --> 01:08:34,647
Tsarapkin, is that you?
710
01:08:34,777 --> 01:08:37,772
Lizyakina
711
01:08:37,871 --> 01:08:39,982
Tolik, you're like, woah!
712
01:08:40,081 --> 01:08:43,027
You should have called and said
you were going to Pluke
713
01:08:43,126 --> 01:08:46,989
Your mom is totally freaking out
714
01:08:47,088 --> 01:08:51,202
I tried. Couldn't get the signal
715
01:08:51,301 --> 01:08:55,752
Uncle Vova, this is Lida Lizyakina
from the ninth grade
716
01:08:56,924 --> 01:08:58,667
Hello
717
01:08:58,766 --> 01:09:03,217
Hi. I saw you on TV
718
01:09:04,890 --> 01:09:08,385
Tolik, are there any clubs around here?
719
01:09:08,484 --> 01:09:12,348
I don't know, I haven't checked yet
720
01:09:12,447 --> 01:09:16,898
Cool. Do you want me to kiss you?
721
01:09:17,444 --> 01:09:21,944
Sure
722
01:09:25,786 --> 01:09:27,530
Pay up. Two chatles
723
01:09:27,629 --> 01:09:32,080
For what?
- For the mirage
724
01:09:36,088 --> 01:09:39,208
Want to see more?
725
01:09:39,307 --> 01:09:42,211
Don't buy it, Tolik.
That's a pirated mirage
726
01:09:42,310 --> 01:09:45,339
Let's go. I have a legal copy
727
01:09:45,438 --> 01:09:49,889
The adult version
728
01:09:59,778 --> 01:10:02,648
Think the diameter
of your planet's orbit
729
01:10:02,747 --> 01:10:06,527
The diameter of the orbit?
- Yes, the diameter. Are you deaf?
730
01:10:06,626 --> 01:10:11,122
2 x pi x radius, Uncle Vova.
- Two pi R? No, that's something else
731
01:10:13,167 --> 01:10:15,744
Give her one of your hairs
- Why?
732
01:10:15,843 --> 01:10:20,294
She'll extract the coordinates
from your DNA, buddy
733
01:10:39,068 --> 01:10:40,603
It's dyed
734
01:10:40,702 --> 01:10:43,981
It's not dye. It's conditioner
735
01:10:44,080 --> 01:10:46,775
Doesn't matter. The
structure is damaged
736
01:10:46,874 --> 01:10:50,237
Pull one out from your nose.
There's one sticking out
737
01:10:50,336 --> 01:10:51,363
Shut up
738
01:10:51,462 --> 01:10:55,913
Do you use conditioner on your
nose hair too, Hiawatha?
739
01:10:56,669 --> 01:10:58,495
You give me one
740
01:10:58,594 --> 01:11:03,045
No problem
741
01:11:08,264 --> 01:11:09,840
Shampoo?
742
01:11:09,939 --> 01:11:13,928
Yup, the real thing. From Vietnam.
Mom bought it in town
743
01:11:14,027 --> 01:11:18,478
This will do
744
01:11:23,362 --> 01:11:27,358
This will take a minute. You can
call Earth in the mean time
745
01:11:27,457 --> 01:11:31,362
That's great!
- Think your phone number
746
01:11:31,461 --> 01:11:35,324
With the area code?
747
01:11:35,423 --> 01:11:36,825
Hello?
748
01:11:36,924 --> 01:11:40,829
Who's this? Speak up
749
01:11:40,928 --> 01:11:43,374
Say something. Time's ticking
750
01:11:43,473 --> 01:11:47,002
Mom, hi! How are things?
751
01:11:47,101 --> 01:11:51,973
Tolik! Tolik! Is that you?
Tolik? Tolik, where are you?
752
01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:56,262
I'm at Uncle Vova's country house
753
01:11:56,361 --> 01:12:01,190
Uncle Vova's? Tolik, why did you
go see that snob?
754
01:12:01,400 --> 01:12:05,271
I told you not to!
755
01:12:05,370 --> 01:12:07,898
Mom, he can hear you
756
01:12:07,997 --> 01:12:12,448
Time's up. Over and out
757
01:12:16,790 --> 01:12:19,868
Hey, that sounded like
Yelena Mashkova
758
01:12:19,967 --> 01:12:21,287
That's right
759
01:12:21,386 --> 01:12:23,998
Wait a minute. You said your mother
was Yelena Tsarapkin
760
01:12:24,097 --> 01:12:27,835
Look, fiddler, his
mother married his father
761
01:12:27,934 --> 01:12:29,586
And so she became a Tsarapkin
762
01:12:29,685 --> 01:12:31,463
Understand?
763
01:12:31,562 --> 01:12:33,465
Remember this once
and for all, Patsaks
764
01:12:33,564 --> 01:12:38,015
The number of your planet is
Uzm-27 in the Spiral, 16 in the Tentura
765
01:12:40,356 --> 01:12:42,808
Tolik, I'm very sorry
766
01:12:42,907 --> 01:12:45,227
Just forget it
767
01:12:45,326 --> 01:12:49,777
Uncle Vova, may I stay the night
at your place when we get back?
768
01:12:49,990 --> 01:12:52,776
Of course
769
01:12:52,875 --> 01:12:56,488
You know what, Tolik?
You can move in with me
770
01:12:56,587 --> 01:13:00,075
Nah, mom wouldn't like it
- What's the number?
771
01:13:00,174 --> 01:13:03,370
Twenty-seven in the Spiral,
16 in the Tentura
772
01:13:03,469 --> 01:13:07,499
Your mom can move in, too
773
01:13:07,598 --> 01:13:12,049
Uncle Vova, is Ziegenbogen a banker?
- No, a flutist
774
01:13:17,559 --> 01:13:20,304
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
775
01:13:20,403 --> 01:13:24,854
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
776
01:13:37,579 --> 01:13:41,241
Uncle Vova, look. My jacket
and your coat
777
01:13:41,340 --> 01:13:45,791
Were they the ones who stole our matches?
- Yes, that's them
778
01:13:47,172 --> 01:13:51,672
Crimson pants. They'll throw you
in an etsikh with nails for life!
779
01:13:54,680 --> 01:13:59,180
Tolik, don't
- I'll be right back
780
01:14:08,026 --> 01:14:12,526
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
781
01:14:13,115 --> 01:14:16,026
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
782
01:14:16,125 --> 01:14:20,576
Hi
783
01:14:21,039 --> 01:14:22,699
I forgive you the ketses
784
01:14:22,798 --> 01:14:27,249
but you're going to have
to return our jacket and coat
785
01:14:29,006 --> 01:14:34,343
Lizyakina! Have some pride.
Stop chasing after him
786
01:14:35,429 --> 01:14:38,173
Can't trick me, lady.
It's a pirated mirage
787
01:14:38,272 --> 01:14:40,467
Then tell your mirage that decent girls
788
01:14:40,566 --> 01:14:44,346
wear tsaks in their noses
instead of the navel
789
01:14:44,445 --> 01:14:48,896
And only one, not five
790
01:15:00,704 --> 01:15:05,204
Gentlemen, one moment please
791
01:15:25,687 --> 01:15:30,187
Bravo, maestro!
792
01:15:58,929 --> 01:16:04,141
Hail, Earthling! If you ever set foot
on this miserable planet
793
01:16:04,851 --> 01:16:09,897
know that the first visitors
from Earth were Tolik Tsarapkin
794
01:16:10,816 --> 01:16:15,316
and his uncle, a famous cellist,
Vladimir...
795
01:16:20,909 --> 01:16:25,409
Well, that's that
796
01:16:33,088 --> 01:16:36,416
Patsak, where is he, your Hiawatha?
797
01:16:36,515 --> 01:16:40,966
He's in the etsikh
- And the other two?
798
01:16:41,930 --> 01:16:43,799
Them too
799
01:16:43,898 --> 01:16:47,344
That'll teach him
to scare the planet
800
01:16:47,443 --> 01:16:51,306
"Rocked him in his linden cradle"
801
01:16:51,405 --> 01:16:55,856
Damn acrophobes
- Quiet now
802
01:17:22,137 --> 01:17:23,422
Hello, tin man
803
01:17:23,521 --> 01:17:27,676
Did they let you go?
- They stole the match and hit me in the eye
804
01:17:27,775 --> 01:17:32,226
Is that our fiddle?
- It's mine now. I glued it back together
805
01:17:32,606 --> 01:17:34,433
Help me fetch the cage
- Why?
806
01:17:34,532 --> 01:17:38,145
We'll perform, make some money
to bail our guys out. Let's go
807
01:17:38,244 --> 01:17:41,273
Tsarapkin, I've gone solo
I don't need anyone
808
01:17:41,372 --> 01:17:45,823
Shove off. Don't mess up my act
809
01:17:46,203 --> 01:17:50,703
Give me the fiddle
- No way
810
01:17:53,210 --> 01:17:55,287
I'm asking you nicely
811
01:17:55,386 --> 01:17:57,497
Don't come any closer, Patsak,
or I'll poke you!
812
01:17:57,596 --> 01:18:00,751
Oh really?
813
01:18:00,850 --> 01:18:05,301
Jerk!
814
01:18:07,224 --> 01:18:09,676
I wish I could smash the fiddle
against his head, too
815
01:18:09,775 --> 01:18:12,929
Don't think about that, Tsarapkin!
Think about the goose instead
816
01:18:13,028 --> 01:18:17,479
Or about Lida Lizyakina
from the ninth grade
817
01:18:18,860 --> 01:18:23,360
Honk-honk-honk!
818
01:18:32,416 --> 01:18:33,784
Idiot
819
01:18:33,883 --> 01:18:37,079
You should have seen the pepelats
he bought with our match!
820
01:18:37,178 --> 01:18:39,414
A triple micro-tsapa with a magneto-zur
821
01:18:39,513 --> 01:18:43,964
Aromatic spiral bolts, a laser-equipped
toilet in the mainframe
822
01:18:44,761 --> 01:18:47,172
Can you talk with the deaf?
823
01:18:47,271 --> 01:18:49,716
Sure, why?
- I have a business proposal for him
824
01:18:49,815 --> 01:18:52,386
What is it?
- He takes me to Earth and back
825
01:18:52,485 --> 01:18:54,721
and I give him ten boxes of ketses
826
01:18:54,820 --> 01:18:56,640
OK, and 3,000 boxes for me
827
01:18:56,739 --> 01:18:58,809
How many?
- Tsarapkin
828
01:18:58,908 --> 01:19:03,359
Dough is not a problem.
I've got dough
829
01:19:03,655 --> 01:19:08,155
Yen, euros, dollars, roubles... OK?
830
01:19:26,928 --> 01:19:30,841
Mama, mama, what am I to do?
831
01:19:30,940 --> 01:19:35,391
Mama, mama, how am I going to live?
832
01:19:50,702 --> 01:19:53,780
Buckle up Patsak. We're going
to crash land soon
833
01:19:53,879 --> 01:19:58,330
Why?
- Just because
834
01:20:07,928 --> 01:20:11,131
We're falling. I pinched the gravitsapa
835
01:20:11,230 --> 01:20:14,050
Why?
- We'll install it on our... Tsarapkin!
836
01:20:14,149 --> 01:20:18,646
Think about Lida Lizyakina
from the ninth grade. Now!
837
01:20:20,690 --> 01:20:23,143
Come on, think!
- Lizyakina
838
01:20:23,242 --> 01:20:24,394
Good boy
839
01:20:24,493 --> 01:20:28,857
So, we'll install it on our pepelats,
and I keep the deaf guy's share
840
01:20:28,956 --> 01:20:30,734
Put it back, you scum!
841
01:20:30,833 --> 01:20:35,284
We're going to crash!
842
01:20:53,557 --> 01:20:58,057
You scumbag! You broke the sky
in the office of my beloved Pezhe!
843
01:21:05,193 --> 01:21:07,687
Come out, Patsak
844
01:21:07,786 --> 01:21:12,237
Yeah, yeah, tin man.
Just a second
845
01:21:22,210 --> 01:21:26,710
Everyone on the floor!
Hands behind your heads!
846
01:21:34,973 --> 01:21:39,473
Pezhe's coming with me.
The rest don't move for an hour
847
01:21:39,769 --> 01:21:41,930
Are we koo or not koo?
848
01:21:42,029 --> 01:21:44,558
Koo, Uncle Tolik!
849
01:21:44,657 --> 01:21:49,108
Koo, buddy
850
01:22:08,965 --> 01:22:10,208
What number?
851
01:22:10,307 --> 01:22:14,087
Bring out Uncle Vova
852
01:22:14,186 --> 01:22:15,797
And the other two
853
01:22:15,896 --> 01:22:18,008
Why them?
854
01:22:18,107 --> 01:22:22,558
Just because
855
01:22:28,944 --> 01:22:30,729
That's one tough Patsak
856
01:22:30,828 --> 01:22:35,279
Hello Vladimir Chizhov
857
01:22:45,085 --> 01:22:49,585
A video?
- No
858
01:22:50,715 --> 01:22:55,761
I've been meaning to talk to you.
This thing here is called a tsak
859
01:22:56,680 --> 01:23:01,180
I think, you...
- Vova, just hit him in the face already
860
01:23:03,186 --> 01:23:07,686
What's that?
What are you holding there?
861
01:23:07,857 --> 01:23:12,351
A Plukian musical instrument.
My grandfather gave it to me
862
01:23:12,451 --> 01:23:16,945
Ah, here come those two creeps
863
01:23:21,621 --> 01:23:25,283
Hey there
864
01:23:25,382 --> 01:23:29,833
Koo, Uncle Tolik!
865
01:23:30,130 --> 01:23:34,630
Koo, buddy
866
01:23:40,974 --> 01:23:45,303
Tsapa?
- Check
867
01:23:45,402 --> 01:23:47,806
Kapa?
- Check
868
01:23:47,905 --> 01:23:50,183
Tsapa?
869
01:23:50,282 --> 01:23:51,643
I said, tsapa!
870
01:23:51,742 --> 01:23:56,363
Stop yelling. Tsarapkin, there's
some junkie asking for you
871
01:24:02,245 --> 01:24:04,614
People! That was some
dialing that you did
872
01:24:04,713 --> 01:24:08,326
It took ages to find you.
Here's your candy back
873
01:24:08,425 --> 01:24:09,953
Hi
874
01:24:10,052 --> 01:24:13,832
Hi. If you want,
I can return you to Earth
875
01:24:13,931 --> 01:24:15,000
I found out the number
876
01:24:15,099 --> 01:24:18,586
How about this? We go to Earth,
buy matches, come back
877
01:24:18,685 --> 01:24:20,839
and hide them. Then
we go back and buy...
878
01:24:20,938 --> 01:24:24,217
You can't bring ketses with you.
Ketses are contraband
879
01:24:24,316 --> 01:24:26,136
We'll split it with you 50:50
- No
880
01:24:26,235 --> 01:24:27,595
90:10
- No
881
01:24:27,694 --> 01:24:29,264
90:9
- No!
882
01:24:29,363 --> 01:24:32,851
Quit haggling, astronauts.
We'll fly on the pepelats
883
01:24:32,950 --> 01:24:35,103
Stay out of this
- 90:9
884
01:24:35,202 --> 01:24:36,688
No, no, and no!
885
01:24:36,787 --> 01:24:41,238
Off you go then, mister. Go home
886
01:24:44,079 --> 01:24:46,865
Tsapa
- Check
887
01:24:46,964 --> 01:24:50,702
Kapa
- Check
888
01:24:50,801 --> 01:24:54,497
Guys, do you like dumplings?
889
01:24:54,596 --> 01:24:56,666
Sure
890
01:24:56,765 --> 01:24:58,668
OK, so then first we...
891
01:24:58,767 --> 01:25:03,218
We've landed
892
01:25:11,231 --> 01:25:14,267
Guys, this isn't Earth. You missed it
893
01:25:14,366 --> 01:25:15,643
This is Xanud
894
01:25:15,742 --> 01:25:16,978
What Xanud?
895
01:25:17,077 --> 01:25:21,528
The planet where I was born
- Me too
896
01:25:22,534 --> 01:25:24,652
Woah!
897
01:25:24,751 --> 01:25:28,698
You like it?
- I'll be damned!
898
01:25:28,797 --> 01:25:31,034
Uncle Tolik, like we told you
899
01:25:31,133 --> 01:25:33,411
the planet Xanud costs
almost nothing now
900
01:25:33,510 --> 01:25:36,790
A month of singing "Mama",
and the planet is ours
901
01:25:36,889 --> 01:25:39,000
Another month, and
we can buy the air
902
01:25:39,099 --> 01:25:42,962
Everybody without air
will come here
903
01:25:43,061 --> 01:25:47,050
They'll be crawling on all fours
and we'll just spit on them
904
01:25:47,149 --> 01:25:49,928
What for?
- For fun
905
01:25:50,027 --> 01:25:54,478
Half the planet is yours,
the other half is ours, deal?
906
01:25:54,649 --> 01:25:57,352
It's tempting, of course
907
01:25:57,451 --> 01:26:00,480
But we need to return to Moscow.
Let's not waste time
908
01:26:00,579 --> 01:26:04,359
You shut up. We're
not talking to you
909
01:26:04,458 --> 01:26:08,909
Uncle Tolik, come here, buddy
910
01:26:10,248 --> 01:26:14,748
Look here. We are here.
Earth is here
911
01:26:15,295 --> 01:26:19,541
Earth is in the Antitentura, buddy.
There's no way we can reach it
912
01:26:19,640 --> 01:26:21,209
How so?
913
01:26:21,308 --> 01:26:24,337
I've been unlucky all my life
914
01:26:24,436 --> 01:26:27,715
Did you learn that at the planetarium?
- Yes, buddy
915
01:26:27,814 --> 01:26:32,603
Then why did you keep quiet?
- We didn't, buddy!
916
01:26:32,937 --> 01:26:35,348
We tried to convince him
917
01:26:35,447 --> 01:26:37,225
The kid screwed it all up
918
01:26:37,324 --> 01:26:39,477
"We'll fly on the pepelats"
919
01:26:39,576 --> 01:26:41,563
The pepelats can't make it to Earth
920
01:26:41,662 --> 01:26:44,858
Enough talk, let's
go divide the planet
921
01:26:44,957 --> 01:26:49,408
They're lying, Uncle Vova
922
01:26:52,290 --> 01:26:54,993
Take us to Earth, right now!
923
01:26:55,092 --> 01:26:59,543
Uncle Tolik, we can't!
I swear on the kapa!
924
01:27:01,382 --> 01:27:05,295
No, they're not lying
925
01:27:05,394 --> 01:27:09,845
For those ketses they'd crawl
on all fours across the entire Galaxy
926
01:27:10,058 --> 01:27:14,558
Of course!
927
01:27:27,325 --> 01:27:30,361
Put the mask on, Vova
928
01:27:30,460 --> 01:27:34,911
The oxygen here is only
30% of the norm
929
01:27:49,681 --> 01:27:52,342
Arthur Ziegenbogen
930
01:27:52,441 --> 01:27:55,845
Flute concerto
931
01:27:55,944 --> 01:27:59,849
In memoriam of the great cellist
932
01:27:59,948 --> 01:28:04,399
Performed by the composer
933
01:28:25,049 --> 01:28:28,670
Uncle Tolik, don't kill me!
- Don't listen to him, Uncle Tolik!
934
01:28:28,769 --> 01:28:32,799
We're Patsaks. We're brothers!
- I love you like a son!
935
01:28:32,898 --> 01:28:37,349
Go to hell, you two
936
01:28:45,403 --> 01:28:47,397
Uncle Vova, put this on
937
01:28:47,496 --> 01:28:51,947
No one needs the fiddler, Uncle Tolik
938
01:28:52,910 --> 01:28:56,864
No one needs me, either
939
01:28:56,963 --> 01:29:02,252
Don't. You're still young.
You'll adapt
940
01:29:08,092 --> 01:29:12,592
Uncle Vova, I lied to you
941
01:29:14,349 --> 01:29:17,260
Nobody stole my money
942
01:29:17,359 --> 01:29:21,810
I lost it all in a street scam
943
01:29:22,523 --> 01:29:26,561
Just don't tell mom
944
01:29:26,660 --> 01:29:31,111
OK?
945
01:29:37,163 --> 01:29:41,075
Tsarapkin, after we crash-landed,
my micro-tsapa has been glitchy
946
01:29:41,174 --> 01:29:45,625
Sing, before you blow up your balloon.
I'll record it onto the tsapa
947
01:29:52,428 --> 01:29:56,928
Bee said we should tranklucate the fiddler,
"He has a bad influence on the boy"
948
01:29:57,141 --> 01:30:00,261
And Wef said, "What
will Tsarapkin sit on?"
949
01:30:00,360 --> 01:30:03,806
He's greedy, like all Chatlanians
950
01:30:03,905 --> 01:30:05,975
People!
951
01:30:06,074 --> 01:30:07,769
I forgot to tell you
952
01:30:07,868 --> 01:30:10,938
You can't get to Earth on that ship
953
01:30:11,037 --> 01:30:15,488
We know. It's in the Antitentura.
So use your teleporter then
954
01:30:16,577 --> 01:30:20,073
Buddies, what about us?
955
01:30:20,172 --> 01:30:22,700
Don't you feel sorry for us?
- Come along
956
01:30:22,799 --> 01:30:24,619
What? Me?
957
01:30:24,718 --> 01:30:29,169
To the planet where you can't tell
a savage Patsak from a Chatlanian?
958
01:30:29,924 --> 01:30:32,710
You can go back if you don't like it
- No, buddies
959
01:30:32,809 --> 01:30:34,796
Heavens be my witness:
960
01:30:34,895 --> 01:30:40,684
a society with no pants-color
differentiation has no future!
961
01:30:44,188 --> 01:30:46,099
I'm sorry, I can't wait any longer
962
01:30:46,198 --> 01:30:48,935
Friend, alien! Wait just
a few more minutes
963
01:30:49,034 --> 01:30:50,978
Tsarapkin, let's record the entire act
964
01:30:51,077 --> 01:30:53,314
Be quick, I'm suffocating
965
01:30:53,413 --> 01:30:55,900
Mama, mama, what are we to do
966
01:30:55,999 --> 01:30:58,194
when the cold season comes?
967
01:30:58,293 --> 01:31:00,947
I have no warm scarf
968
01:31:01,046 --> 01:31:05,497
You have no warm coat
969
01:31:23,728 --> 01:31:28,099
Woah!
970
01:31:28,198 --> 01:31:32,649
I'll be damned
971
01:31:43,498 --> 01:31:46,617
Hello, Mr. Chizhov!
972
01:31:46,716 --> 01:31:48,744
Idiot
973
01:31:48,843 --> 01:31:52,373
Did I scare you? I
thought you'd like it
974
01:31:52,472 --> 01:31:56,544
I'm Tolik, Yelena's son
975
01:31:56,643 --> 01:32:00,506
Hello? No, this isn't Frosya
976
01:32:00,605 --> 01:32:04,093
You dropped some candy
- Keep it
977
01:32:04,192 --> 01:32:07,722
Uncle Vova, here's the thing.
I was robbed on the train
978
01:32:07,821 --> 01:32:09,807
Could you lend me 1,500 roubles?
I'll pay you back
979
01:32:09,906 --> 01:32:11,350
as soon as mom
wires me some money
980
01:32:11,449 --> 01:32:14,687
I don't carry cash on me. Good night
981
01:32:14,786 --> 01:32:16,647
How about 300, then?
982
01:32:16,746 --> 01:32:18,774
Listen, young man
983
01:32:18,873 --> 01:32:23,324
if you don't leave me alone...
984
01:32:45,935 --> 01:32:50,223
Your phone is ringing
985
01:32:50,322 --> 01:32:52,350
Hello?
- It's Frosya
986
01:32:52,449 --> 01:32:55,353
Ziegenbogen brought your old slippers
987
01:32:55,452 --> 01:32:57,939
Should I take them?
988
01:32:58,038 --> 01:33:02,489
Don't. Koo, Uncle Vova?
989
01:33:19,051 --> 01:33:23,551
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