Original subtitles

>> ROBERT: You're such a cheater.

>> KHLOE: I know, I suck at this.

Who are you dating? >> ROBERT: I'm not dating

anyone. >> SCOTT: Why, are you

trying to go on a date with him? >> KHLOE: No, I'm just trying...

He's always at school, and I never get to talk to him.

>> ROBERT: I have been in a little of a...

>> SCOTT: He's in a little bit of a drought.

>> ROBERT: A drought? >> SCOTT: Why don't we go to

like a little burlesque show or a gentlemen's club and meet a

nice girl? >> KHLOE: Yeah, right.

>> ROBERT: I'm always down to go to the club.

>> KHLOE: Have you ever been to a strip club?

>> KIM: They're sick. My brother is not dating a

stripper, that's sick. I'm going to find him a nice,

normal girl. >> ROBERT: You don't bone the

strippers. the strippers.

>> KIM: Exactly, you get to know them inside and out.

>> ROBERT: I'm open to anything. Gin!

>> KHLOE: There's no (bleep) way you just won.

No way.

>> KIM: So I really want to find Rob a girlfriend.

>> STEPHEN MOLESKI: What kind of girl do you want to set him up

with? >> KIM: Just like a nice girl.

Who can we set him up with? Do you know anyone?

>> STEPHEN: Actually, I have a, my best friend, like, she's so

sweet. I think you've met her once

before. You know her-- Kara Monaco.

>> KIM: What does she look like? >> STEPHEN: She was Playmate

of the Year, actually, last year.

>> KIM: Oh, no way. >> KARA: Hello?

>> STEPHEN: Hey, Kara, it's Stephen.

I'm calling from Kim's phone. She wants to set you up with her

brother. >> KIM: My brother is really

cool and really polite. >> KARA: I love it.

>> STEPHEN: You'll have fun. He's actually really cute.

>> KARA: That's a good thing. >> KIM: I don't want to

scare you but, like, it's not just dating my brother, you're

like dating the whole family. >> KARA: Awesome.

>> KIM: You'll love it. I hope. You'll love it.

>> All right, we're ready. >> KRIS: No, no, no, you're

right here. >> KHLOE: The wind, you guys--

is this necessary? >> KRIS: Go change.

Awful. >> KOURTNEY: No, that is not

cute. >> ROBERT: I need someone to

make me laugh. >> KRIS: Where's Kim?

Kim is always late. >> KIM: I'm here.

>> KOURTNEY: Get out of our way. >> KIM: Stop, jealous.

>> BRUCE: Stop! >> KRIS: That's enough.

>> All right, you guys. >> That's it, we're done.

Captioning sponsored by BUNIM-MURRAY PRODUCTIONS

>> KHLOE: Oh, my God. >> KOURTNEY: What?

>> KHLOE: That homeless man, he was here the other day.

>> KOURTNEY: Really? That's kind of random.

>> KHLOE: This is Calabasas, why is he here?

This is like really bad for business.

I have never seen a homeless man in Calabasas.

None of my customers are going to want to walk by this guy to

come into our store. I saw him here the other day and

now he's here again. I mean, I just hope he's not

going to start hanging out over here.

>> KOURTNEY: Hanging out? >> KHLOE: Like hanging out in

the center, that's like creepy.

You look so cute in that little sweater.

>> ROBERT: I know. >> KHLOE: What are you

doing tonight? >> ROBERT: I got a date.

She's a Playmate. >> Oh!

>> KOURTNEY: Looks like you're going on the golf course.

Change your shirt. Your jeans and shoes are perf.

>> ROBERT: All right. >> KOURTNEY: Oh, wait, Roberto,

this is from the '80s. This is not cool anymore.

I'm waxing your chest. >> ROBERT: You only can do a

little piece though, not the whole thing.

If it hurts too bad, I'm not doing it.

>> KHLOE: I want to show you how it's going to feel.

I get my vagina waxed. It doesn't hurt. Move.

>> ROBERT: Oh, my gosh, this is...

>> KHLOE: One, two, three. >> ROBERT: Ow!

>> KIM: Not right in his throat!

>> SCOTT: What'd you hit him in his jugular for?

>> KOURTNEY: I need you up on the counter, please.

>> ROBERT: Oh, yeah, you wax your own, right, Kourt?

Wait, wait, wait, wait... >> KOURTNEY: Silence.

(screaming) >> KHLOE: Hurry, take it off!

>> ROBERT: No way, no. No, no, no...

Ow, Kourtney! >> SCOTT: You just pulled his

nipple off! >> ROBERT: I don't want to do

this. Bruce, help me!

>> BRUCE: What are you doing to this poor guy?

>> ROBERT: I don't want this. >> KHLOE: One, two, three.

>> ROBERT: What the (bleep)! (laughter)

No more, no more, no more. >> KOURTNEY: Okay.

What are we wearing? >> ROBERT: You guys aren't

coming with me. >> KHLOE: Robert, we are the

people that approve or deny. Are you joking?

>> ROBERT: So I'm going to go brush my teeth and go, and you

guys aren't coming. There's no way that I'm

going to let my sisters go on this date with me.

>> KHLOE: Just make sure you wrap it up, angel.

>> ROBERT: Ow! >> Stop it!

>> KIM: Are you sure we should do this?

>> KOURTNEY: Yeah, what do you mean?

>> KHLOE: Are you joking? >> KIM: I just kind of feel bad.

>> KHLOE: It's a date, it's not like we're walking in on him

having sex. >> KIM: All right, let's just

go. >> KHLOE: Vamanos. Vamanos!

>> KARA: Hi. >> ROBERT: You must be Kara.

>> KARA: Yes. >> ROBERT: How are you?

>> KARA: Nice to meet you. >> ROBERT: Nice to meet you.

Blind date. >> KARA: Yes.

>> ROBERT: So what do you do, besides being the Playmate of

the Year? >> KARA: I model.

I do modeling and hosting, but ultimately I want to

produce. >> ROBERT: Yeah?

I want to start a production company eventually,

but for like movies and music. Kara's really hot.

She's very nice. I think we're really connecting.

I'm 22. >> KARA: Don't lie to me.

>> ROBERT: No, I'm serious.

>> KHLOE: She looks cute. She looks like Rob's type.

>> KIM: All I see is, like, platinum blonde hair.

She looks really, like, tiny. >> KHLOE: Yeah, she looks really

petite. >> KIM: I so want to call Rob

and pretend like we're not here. >> KOURTNEY: Call him now.

Call him now. (phone ringing)

>> ROBERT: Hey, Kim. >> KIM: Hey, Rob, how's your

date going? It's going well.

I'm with my date, eating right now.

>> KIM: Is she gorgeous? >> ROBERT: I mean, yeah.

>> KIM: All right. >> ROBERT: I'm being rude.

I got to go. See, they're always bugging me.

>> KARA: But they mean well. >> ROBERT: No, they mean well.

They're just looking out for Big Rob.

>> Ow! >> KHLOE: If we weren't

looking so hard...

>> ROBERT: You don't want to do it again?

>> KARA: Probably not. I don't really want to do any

more, like, nude stuff. >> ROBERT: So do guys hit on you

a lot? >> KARA: Not really.

>> ROBERT: They don't? I feel like they would.

(laughing) >> KIM (whispers): Khloe, stop.

>> ROBERT: Who goes there? What are you guys doing?

This is ridiculous. My sisters are spying on my

date.

I'll be back.

>> KHLOE: Rob, what a coinky- dink.

>> ROBERT: You guys, why are you guys here?

You guys just made this so weird.

I can't believe my sisters are here at this dinner.

I look like a (bleep) kid. Sorry.

>> KARA: That's okay.

What else?

>> KARA: I don't know. >> ROBERT: So pretty much my

chances with Kara are completely ruined thanks to my three

sisters. Sorry my sisters had to ruin

that. >> KARA: Bye.

>> ROBERT: All right, bye. I will never have a

chance with her after this date.

>> KOURTNEY: (bleep), I cannot believe he's still here.

I mean, time to leave, buddy.

Thank God, he's gone. Finally.

>> KHLOE: I'm going to take out the trash.I'm going to take out

It's this box and the stuff in the back, right?

>> KOURTNEY: Yeah.

>> KOURTNEY: There's, like, a homeless man...

>> KHLOE: There's a homeless man digging in the garbage cans.

>> KRIS: Have a little compassion.

Maybe there's something you can do for him.

>> KHLOE: Hi. >> Hello, how are you?

>> KHLOE: What's your name? >> Shorty.

>> KHLOE: Shorty, I'm Khloe. >> Glad to meet you.

>> KHLOE: I am not trying to be rude or anything, but a couple

of the people are complaining. I think that people want you to

move to a different area if that's okay.

Sorry. >> Yes, ma'am, I will do that.

>> KHLOE: Okay.

Shorty, you dropped your sweater.

>> Thank you. >> KHLOE: I feel really bad.

My conscience is kicking in. (chuckling): Oh, my God.

>> KOURTNEY: What? >> KHLOE: That homeless man

that's been, like, outside. >> KOURTNEY: Yeah?

I told him to leave, and, like, he was walking away, and he

dropped his sweater, so I, like, ran after him and I was like,

"What's your name?" His name is Shorty.

And he's like petite and little. >> KOURTNEY: Aw. That's like my

name. >> KHLOE: No one's offered to

ever help him. It's really sad.

>> KOURTNEY: Let's call Mom and ask her what we should do.

>> KHLOE: Let me call Mom. >> KRIS: Hello?

>> KHLOE: Mom. >> KRIS: Yeah.

>> KHLOE: Dilemma. >> KOURTNEY: There's, like, a

homeless man... >> KHLOE: There's, like, a

homeless man digging in the garbage cans.

What do we do? >> KRIS: Have a little

compassion. Maybe the guy's really down and

out and he doesn't know what to do.

>> KOURTNEY: Obviously. >> KHLOE: Well, obviously.

That's why he's outside rolling in dirt.

>> KRIS: Khloe, bad attitude. This is a great time to tell

Khloe that it's not always all about us and that maybe once in

a while it's a great thing to help somebody else out.

See if he needs something to eat, Khloe, and maybe there's

something you can do, you know, for him.

It's somebody that's obviously a lot less fortunate than we are,

and I think that you should just think about what you would want

somebody to help you with. >> KHLOE: Okay, gabby gab,

you're right. Love you.

(line disconnects) Hi, Shorty.

Oh, this is my sister, Kourtney. This is Shorty.

>> SHORTY: Hello. >> KOURTNEY: Hi, Shorty.

>> SHORTY: How are you doing? >> KOURTNEY: People call me

Shorty, too. >> KHLOE: This is my little

Shorty. >> SHORTY: You're a little teddy

bear. You're as short as I am.

>> KOURTNEY: I know, I'm 5 feet tall.

>> KHLOE: I just feel bad sending you away.

I want to help you a little. Come with me in my car, and I

want to take you to get showered and cleaned up.

>> SHORTY: Okay. >> KHLOE: Okay?

>> KOURTNEY: I think Khloe is absolutely insane.

How are we going to bring a homeless guy into our house

where my two little sisters are? >> KHLOE: Shorty, you can sit

on this side. >> KOURTNEY: You can get over on

that side.

>> SHORTY: Yeah, I got it. >> KHLOE: I know this seems

crazy, but what the (bleep). He seems like such a nice guy.

>> KOURTNEY: So this is our house.

>> SHORTY: Yeah? >> KOURTNEY: Welcome.

>> SHORTY: This ain't a house. This is a mansion.

>> KHLOE: Shorty needs a shower, and my mom told me to do

whatever I needed to to help him, so I'm going to use her

shower. >> KHLOE: I'm going to get you

some scrubbies. >> KOURTNEY: I think this one is

good for, like, your whole body. >> KHLOE: It's like a loofah.

It exfoliates your skin. When was the last time you had a

haircut? >> SHORTY: I don't know.

>> KOURTNEY: You don't know? We're going to trim you first.

>> KOURTNEY: Looking good. >> KHLOE: You're starting to

look handsome. >> KOURTNEY: Do you feel better?

>> SHORTY: Yeah. >> KHLOE: Okay, I'm going to get

you some clothes now. I have a great wardrobe that I'm

going to pull for you. Kourt, do you think Bruce will

care? >> KOURTNEY: No, he won't mind.

>> KHLOE: Bruce never wears these.

Get you some underwear. >> KOURTNEY: I'm dressing you

nice.

>> KHLOE: Shorty looks like a new man.

Then he smiles, and I notice his beautiful empty mouth.

When was the last time you've been to the dentist?

>> SHORTY: Nah, I ain't been there for a while.

>> KHLOE: You haven't? >> SHORTY: No.

>> KHLOE: Do you want to go to the dentist?

My friend is a dentist, and he's amazing.

I could call him. It'll be fun.

>> SHORTY: Oh, yeah. >> KHLOE: A mouthful of gold.

>> SHORTY: I'll be there. >> KHLOE: Oh, my God, I've got

to get him over to a dentist. Oh, my God.

(door opening) Hi, Bruce.

This is our friend, Shorty. And this is our dad, Bruce.

>> KRIS: Do you know how many people have taken a shower in

here? >> KHLOE: I'm going to barf.

>> BRUCE: You're going to take him to the dentist?

What are you going to have his teeth whitened?

>> KHLOE: Hi, Bruce. Hi, girls.

>> KOURTNEY: Hey, girls. >> KYLIE: Hi.

>> KHLOE: You guys, this is our friend, Shorty.

>> KYLIE: Hello. >> SHORTY: Hello.

>> KHLOE: These are my sisters, Kendall and Kylie.

>> SHORTY: All right. >> BRUCE: I'm Bruce.

>> SHORTY: Shorty. >> BRUCE: Shorty.

Nice to meet you, Shorty. >> KHLOE: We borrowed some of

your clothes for Shorty, and we gave him a bath and everything.

And we cleaned him up, and now we're going to take him to the

dentist. >> KOURTNEY: And we shaved his

beard. >> BRUCE: Really?

Can I talk to you? >> KHLOE: Yeah.

>> BRUCE: Khloe, when she was little, she used to bring home

strays-- stray cats, stray dogs-- you name it.

Now she's getting older, she's bringing home stray people.

Now you're bringing home homeless people.

>> KHLOE: I'm being nice for the day.

I'm helping. >> BRUCE (stammers): That is a

nice thing. I'm not putting you down for

doing it. It's nice.

>> KHLOE: I offered him food, I set up an appointment with my

friend that's a dentist, and he's going to...

>> BRUCE: You're going to take him to the dentist?

What are you going to have his teeth whitened?

>> KHLOE: I asked him to make a set of dentures for him.

I'm being a Good Samaritan. >> BRUCE: Are you going to pay

for this? >> KHLOE: Yeah.

>> BRUCE: Really? That's nice of you. Okay.

>> KHLOE: But I borrowed some clothes of yours.

>> BRUCE: I saw that. I kind of noticed.

>> KHLOE: But it's okay. That's not all you're going to

donate. >> BRUCE: Why? What do you

mean? I kind of liked that shirt, by

the way. >> KHLOE: They already made a

dentist appointment for Shorty, but I can't take him.

I really want to take Shorty to the dentist, but Kourt, Kim and

I have a photo shoot we have to do in an hour.

So I was wondering if maybe you could take Shorty to the

dentist. >> BRUCE: I just got finished

with carpool. Now I have to carpool the

homeless guy? >> KHLOE: So why don't you take

Kendall and Kylie? They... take them with you.

Bye, Bruce. >> BRUCE: Bye.

Come on, Shorty, a little teeth action.

>> Hey, Bobby. >> Hi, Bruce.

>> BRUCE: Khloe called? >> Yes, you're in.

>> BRUCE: Got an appointment. Shorty, you're in.

Yeah, by the way, nice shirt. >> Hey.

>> BRUCE: Dr. G. >> Hi, Bruce.

>> BRUCE: Good to see you. >> Good to see you, too.

>> BRUCE: This is Shorty. >> Hi, Shorty.

>> BRUCE: Doctor G. We're gonna have him kind of

checked out. >> Okay.

>> BRUCE: All right. Good luck, Shorty.

We'll wait out here. >> Okay.

>> BRUCE: Go get him. >> KYLIE: How do you become

homeless? >> BRUCE: How do you become

homeless? You know, they don't have any

money, they don't, can't stay any place and, you know, they

need a little help but they wind up on the street for a while.

>> KENDALL: Will I ever be homeless?

>> BRUCE: Never, in a million years will you ever be homeless.

I'll make sure of that. >> Okay, let's see what you got.

Open your mouth, let me see what you got.

Oh, my God. >> KHLOE: Kourt...

>> KOURTNEY: Hmm? >> KHLOE: ...I feel so bad that

we just, like, ditched Shorty off on Bruce.

>> KOURTNEY: The cutest man I've ever met.

>> KIM: Who? >> KHLOE: Shorty.

He's our homeless man that we adopted.

>> KIM: Yeah, right, you did not.

>> KOURTNEY: Kim, the homeless guy that we took in and we

brought him here. >> KHLOE: You didn't know that

we did that? >> KIM: You did not bring in a

homeless guy. we found

him at Dash. >> KIM: Okay, at Dash?

Shopping at Dash? >> BRUCE: Do you have any idea

what we're gonna do with him when we're done?

>> KENDALL: No. >> KHLOE: Hello.

>> BRUCE: Khloe, all right, I'm here at the dentist.

But, uh, what am I supposed to do with Shorty when I'm done?

>> KHLOE: Um, take him to a hotel?

>> BRUCE: A hotel? >> KHLOE: I tried to find a

shelter that I was gonna take him to today but all of them are

full or they close early. >> BRUCE: You know, old Shorty's

getting pretty expensive for me here.

>> KHLOE: Thank you, Brucey, I love you.

Tell Shorty I said good-night. >> BRUCE: Talk to you later,

bye. >> ROB: What's up, bitches?

>> KHLOE: Oh, my God, you're here.

Why haven't you returned any of my phone calls?

I called you three times. >> ROB: Maybe because you guys

ruined my date again. >> KHLOE: How did we ruin your

date? All we did was go there.

>> KOURTNEY: We went to give you that little extra oomph that you

need. >> ROB: I'm 20 years old.

I don't need an oomph. >> KIM: You looked like the

coolest dude in town having sisters like us.

>> KHLOE: You have the coolest sisters, are you kidding?

>> ROB: It doesn't matter, nobody cares about my sisters.

I'm not a little boy. I don't need you guys.

>> KHLOE: Oh, Kim, suck his ... any little harder.

>> ROB: Kim, Kim's always the best out of the three.

>> KIM: Yeah, right, Rob, you know you like me the best.

>> KHLOE: Rob, all you do is talk (bleep) about us.

>> ROB: I'll accept the apology, but I'm never gonna tell you

when I have a date again. >> KHLOE: We can find you no

matter where you are, honey.

>> KIM: What number is he in? >> KHLOE: We're not really sure

what to do with Shorty. We don't wanna put him back on

the street, so we're gonna take him to the homeless shelter.

>> KOURTNEY: Shorty! >> KHLOE: Show us your teeth!

>> KOURTNEY: Oh, my God. >> KHLOE: Oh, my God.

You look like a new person. You shaved more of your face.

>> KOURTNEY: Oh, my gosh, you did.

>> KOURTNEY: High five. >> KHLOE: Shorty is a completely

different person. He looks so good.

He has brand new teeth. He shaved even more, and I can

tell that his confidence has gone way up.

>> KOURTNEY: This is Kim. >> KIM: Hi, Shorty, nice to meet

you, I'm Kim. >> KOURTNEY: He really likes

hugs. >> KIM: How are you?

>> KHLOE: Shorty looks amazing. He has sparkly blue eyes.

He looks stunning. Are you ready to shake, rattle

and roll? >> SHORTY: Uh-huh.

>> KOURTNEY: What do you think all your friends are gonna say?

They're gonna be jealous, huh?

>> KIM: I bring out the good? >> SHORTY: Yeah, you did.

>> KHLOE: Aw, that's so nice. >> KOURTNEY: Aw, thanks, Shorty.

>> KHLOE: We're in the car and Shorty is loving himself some

Kourtney. >> KOURTNEY: I've got Shorty's

arm around me. I think he's in love.

>> KHLOE: We're almost at the shelter.

>> KOURTNEY: Hmm. >> SHORTY: I got along with you

real well just then. >> KOURTNEY: Thanks, Shorty.

>> KHLOE: It's getting pretty close.

I'll let them have a moment. Are you gonna miss us?

>> SHORTY: Yeah. >> KHLOE: We're gonna miss you.

We're here, you guys. >> KRIS: You know, Rob, this

place is like a freaking mess right now.

Everybody was in my bathroom. Do you know how many people have

taken a shower in here? >> ROB: That's bad.

>> KRIS: And if one more person leaves the seat up on the

toilet, I'm gonna barf. Oh, my God.

Look up there on the thing. There's a bird.

I swear to God there is a bird in the window.

Bird! >> ROB: I can try to like catch

it. >> KRIS: I've got a great idea.

We're gonna scare it but not a lot.

>> ROB: Mom... don't. Mom, hold this.

>> KRIS: Okay, all right. Okay, don't fall, Rob, because

if you fall you're gonna fall on me.

>> ROB: All right. >> KRIS: Rob!

Take this, grab the bird really gently.

>> ROB: I got it, I got it. >> KRIS: You got it?

Okay, now... >> ROB: Okay, Mom, Mom, don't.

Okay, stay there. Stay there.

>> KRIS: Okay, jump down over here.

>> ROB: Okay. >> KRIS: Okay, now, now, now,

careful. >> ROB: Stop, stop, stop.

>> KRIS: I swear it's gonna fall out the bottom, Rob.

>> ROB: Okay, I'm letting it free.

I'm freeing it. >> KRIS: Okay, all the way out

there so it doesn't fly back in the house.

>> ROB: Free, little bird. >> KRIS: Oh, my God, yay!

(clapping)

>> KHLOE: What's wrong? Are you sad?

(sighing) >> KOURTNEY: I think at the end

of the day it really feels good to help somebody and know that

they appreciate it. >> KHLOE: You gonna miss me and

Kourtney? >> SHORTY: Well...

You know what? >> KHLOE: Do you want my

bracelet to remember me? It's an angel wing, so you're

always gonna be protected. >> KOURTNEY: All right, bye,

Shorty. >> SHORTY: Bye.

>> KOURTNEY: So nice to meet you.

>> KHLOE: Remember your bracelet.

Keep the bracelet. >> SHORTY: I will.

>> KHLOE: Okay. >> KOURTNEY: Take care of

yourself. >> KIM: Khloe and Kourtney did

a really great thing. I'm really proud of them.

>> SHORTY: You're real sweet. >> KHLOE: Thank you.

>> KOURTNEY: Thank you, Shorty. >> KIM: Thank you.

>> KHLOE: Shorty, we're gonna miss you.

Call us, okay? >> SHORTY: Okay.

I will. >> KIM: See you later.

>> KOURTNEY: Bye. >> SHORTY: Thank you.

>> KOURTNEY: That's so sad. >> KHLOE: Get it, Shorty.

Mom, you were right and I hate to say that, but I actually

enjoyed myself with Shorty today.

>> KRIS: You did? >> KOURTNEY: So did I.

>> KRIS: See, you really inspired somebody to be better

and to better their own life. >> KOURTNEY: Because I treated

him like a human being that he is.

>> KHLOE: He cried when he left. >> KOURTNEY: He was so cute.

>> BRUCE: He cried? >> KOURTNEY: He cried.

He went to have a drink and he took a sip of his beer and he

put it down because he wants to now get an apartment and start

making money. >> KRIS: It's just really

remarkable how you guys were treating somebody that, you

know, you didn't even know. And it takes so little to make

somebody else happy. The most important thing that we

have in our lives to give is love and our time.

>> KIM: And each other. >> KRIS: And each other.

>> KIM: Aww. >> KOURTNEY: Oh, suck my ...

now, Kris. >> KRIS: On the season finale of

Keeping up with the Kardashians.

>> RYAN SEACREST: Kim what's the story with Reggie Bush and Kim

Kardashian? >> KIM: My life is over.

Mom, I don't want to talk to Kourtney.

>> KHLOE: Did he ever tell you he was gonna sell 'em?

>> KIM: This guy is going down. >> KIM: I don't wanna go through

this again. >> KOURTNEY: You guys, the FBI

is here. Captioned by

Media Access Group at WGBH