Original subtitles

(clock ticks)

[Paul] I don't think I slept 10 minutes during the night.

At least, I never knew whether I was asleep or awake...

Or lost.

Or dead.

In a moment just after dawn,

I stood by my bedroom window, and I heard myself say.,.

"This is the day when you will take the Marlin 22 rifle,

load it, and shoot

Miriam, Tony, Sheila,

Alex, and yourself.

You want to do it at about 8:15,

when Miriam calls you down at dinner.

You will shoot her first, then the children,

then it will be over."

All men think of killing their families.

Some do it.

Some with vengeance.

Some because they have no choice.

(unnerving violin music)

(clock ticks)

(bullets clanging)

(gun cocks)

We live in an old Connecticut house.

It was built in 1723 according to the carriage stone

we found in the basement,

Maybe in 1723 men were different than we are now, maybe not,

For the past eight months,

my wife and I have slept in separate rooms.

Miriam is a painter.

In 1971, she won a blue ribbon

for a watercolor of our garage.

In 1968, she sold two pictures for $375 each.

I wonder if she's ever had a lover.

I wonder how she'd act with another man.

(dramatic music)

I slipped into Miriam's bed.

She'd lay on her side, knees curled up like a child,

her night gown pulled up almost to her waist,

If she didn't stir, I knew it was all right to proceed,

If she moved or moaned, I would leave.

Habit makes us experts,

(Paul grunts)

Give me a tissue.

I didn't hear you come in.

I didn't hear you start the fire.

I didn't wanna wake you.

But you did,

Did you enjoy it?

What?

What you did to me.

Obviously you didn't,

You only enjoy it when you know I don't.

What time is it?

Aren't you going into the city?

It's early.

What are you gonna do today?

Why?

(dog barks)

Just asking.

But you never ask me what I'm going to do,

Why today?

Ah, just.,.

No reason.

I'm going to take a shower.

As long as I'm up, I'll make breakfast,

and then I'll take you to the station.

What are you staring at?

Why are you looking at me?

(mysterious music)

[Paul] Our dog was the first in the family

to notice Miriam's breakdown.

He found my wife lying on the kitchen floor in a stupor

from an overdose of Ritalin.

He tried to revive her by licking her face.

I wish it would've worked.

Instead, the psychiatrists took over.

They said Miriam had been depressed for at least five years.

They said she had shown remarkable strength

in not collapsing earlier,

and in surviving the amount of Ritalin she had swallowed,

Somehow, I wasn't impressed by either feat.

(ambulance wails)

(Roadrunner meeps)

I bought this house because somehow I thought

the pine walls, the beam ceilings,

the open fireplace and the big wrought iron pot

could turn us into a family again,

It didn't.

(whimsical TV music)

(Roadrunner meeps)

Tony is 17.

He's managed somehow to grow fairly tall,

Although, to best of my knowledge, he never eats.

I should've smashed our television sets

the day he was born.

Sheila's 15.

She has a passion for frozen waffles.

And I think of all the men like myself

who might sleep with her,

I feel sad,

Little girls are never really prepared

for life's inevitable disappointments.

(Roadrunner meeps)

Alex doesn't use a 10th of his intelligence,

He hasn't read a real book in a year.

I'm surprised his teeth haven't fallen out

from all the crap he eats.

He's 11, He'll be no older.

(dramatic music)

(gun fires)

It will all be over in seconds.

About the time it takes for an orgasm,

and conception to begin.

[Reporter] The news watch never stops.

This is WINS.

You give us 22 minutes, we'll give you the world.

It's 7:45, and here's what's happening.

10 children are killed and more injured

by a terrorist bomb in a Jerusalem schoolyard.

Aldo Leone, Italian foreign minister

kidnapped three weeks ago

is found dead in Rome.

New York City moves a step closer to bankruptcy,

as the president says no to additional federal loans.

Still no agreements on new contracts

for police, firemen, and sanitation workers.

Walkouts are threatened,

On the roads, traffic is normally heavy

with no unusual delays.

Partly sunny this morning,

possible cloudiness building up this afternoon

with a chance of a brief shower this evening.

More news in a moment.

But first, this word from the Wall Street Journal.

What time will you be home tonight?

Oh, regular time, I guess.

Why?

Well, I thought we'd take the kids out to dinner.

Maybe that Chinese restaurant in Westport.

No, I have a lot of appointments today

and I don't think I'll have the energy to go out.

Oh.

Look, I'll call you later if I change my mind, okay?

(melancholic music)

[Paul] There's no tenderness between us anymore.

She drives me to the station like a chauffeur.

We never kiss each other goodbye in the morning,

or hello at night, or during sex.

This morning, as I watched the car in the station disappear,

I thought...

"Everything I see today, everything I do,

I will never see or do again."

[Fred] Hey Paul, how are ya?

Oh, hi, Fred.

I'll sit down here with you for a minute, huh?

Then I wanna head over to the smoking car.

I get in the city a couple days a week now,

which is just perfect for me.

Just enough time to get a taste of those city women,

You know, they practically come up to you on the street now

and ask you to fuck?

How's the art business?

Ah, it sucks,

But for a hundred grand a year, I'd clean toilets,

But Jesus, I never thought I'd be spending

half my life drawing pictures of fags

who are trying like hell to be the Marlboro Man.

Hey, you know, you and Miriam oughta come over to dinner.

I got Leslie this French cooking course

with a couple of fags...

[Paul] I should've divorced Miriam in 1960,

before Tony was born.

We never have arguments.

Maybe that's what's wrong.

Maybe all we need is a good screaming fight

that ends with Miriam clawing at me in bed.

I hate that bed,

[Man] You know, what's funny is that

I have no idea what you're talking about, and they do.

(audience laughs)

[Paul] Her bed was her sanctuary before her breakdown,

There were days when she never left it.

But no doctor was called.

Maybe an exorcist should have been.

She was possessed by the fear that she was alive.

Maybe that's the demon that haunts us all.

(train chugs)

(employee speaks over speaker)

There was a time in our marriage when we were happy.

We lived in a cold water flat on Thompson Street.

It cost $24 a month.

I was a reporter for the Times,

and she was taking art classes at The New School.

There was an Italian restaurant that we ate in

where they knew us by our first names,

and we could get extra meat sauce just by asking for it.

But then we went our separate ways like commuters,

Maybe it was the children.

(dramatic music)

(siren blares)

I bought the magazine in 1967.

I rewrote most of the articles I published.

I wish I could rewrite my life as easily,

[Woman] Good morning,

Oh, good morning.

10:15.

You realize, of course,

this continual lateness cannot go unpunished.

Knock me.

Too easy.

I'm afraid you'll have to drink this instead.

Thank you.

- All ready? - Mhm.

Dictation.

Oh, yeah. Who's first?

Professor Logsden, that article on the atomic waste piles.

Right, okay,

"Dear Allen."

No, "Dear Professor Logsden.

Thank you for your article,

I'm returning it without comment.

I try not to comment on an article

I have no intention of publishing.

When atomic waste begins to seep into dry martinis,

perhaps people in your position

will do something about it besides writing."

Oh, you're hard on him.

He deserves it,

Who's next?

Donald Pierce, Alfred Katz, Lester Beale.

Take your pick.

Send them all polite thank you letters and take these.

All retakes?

Well, the first pile are,

The second pile I haven't read yet,

Are you okay?

I'm just a little tired,

Why don't you take a vacation?

Isn't that the point of being your own boss?

What time is the astronaut coming in?

10:30.

Rosenthal, 11:30, 3:00, Dr. Baker.

Any more letters?

No more.

Anne is 28.

She lives alone,

Miriam used to tell me to take Anne to bed.

I never did, and now I never will.

(buzzer rings)

Yes?

[Anne] Mr, Eaton is here.

Yes, send him in.

How are you, Mr. Eaton?

Fine, sir,

Sit down.

Thank you, sir.

It's real good of you to see me,

I admire your magazine very much.

Thank you.

You mentioned in your letter

that you'd like to write an article for us.

Yes, sir.

Well, as you know, I've been to the moon.

And I'm sorry, I guess I sound a bit matter of fact

when I say that

I's all right, go on,

Well, sir, you see, I believe that the American people

have the impression that we, that is astronauts,

are little more than robots.

On TV, they watched us performing acts

that were beyond human comprehension,

but there was no feeling of awe on our part,

and that's wrong.

No man could sit on top of a rocket

with all that power underneath of him without feeling awe.

I don't think anyone's ever really been able

to describe the sensation of that first woosh into space.

Kinda like a dream.

And, well, it's like an orgasm.

And the moon...

I don't think anyone can imagine what it's like

to really be there,

On the second day, I became separated from the others,

and I fell, and I was out for several minutes.

When I came to...

Well, my whole body was ice cold,

Frozen with fear.

I was on the moon, and I was totally alone.

And I thought that this must be the loneliness

that we all feel.

[Woman] Dr. Neal or Dr. Hear.

7-1-2-1, Dr. Neal or Dr. Hear.

7-1-2-1,

Dr. Neal, 6-2-7-1-7-1 -2-4,

Dr. Hear, 7-1-2-1.

Miriam.

Miriam.

Oh, Paul!

[Paul] Hi,

What is it? What happened?

What?

[Miriam] Shock.

Shock treatments?

They gave you shock treatments?

Yeah.

[Paul] Why?

I don't know.

Why did you let them?

I don't know.

Don't let them do it again,

No, I won't.

[Miriam] Please.

I won't.

Don't, Don't,

Promise?

[Paul] I promise,

Promise?

(Miriam sobs)

Do you promise?

(Miriam sobs)

[Woman] Dr. Lucy Brisket, 6-9-8-5.

Dr. Lucy Brisket, 6-9-8-5,

You son of a bitch,

How dare you administer shock treatments to my wife

without asking my consent!

It is my professional opinion

that Miriam needed electrotherapy

to bring her out of a very serious condition,

Your opinion? Have you seen her?

A depression which if she is not brought out of-

Have you seen her?

May cause her to spend the rest of her life

in a mental- - Fuck your opinion!

My wife isn't the kind of person

who'll spend her whole life in a place like this.

No more shock treatments!

I don't think you're in a position to determine-

No more shock treatments!

Your wife's condition, nor her treatment.

You understand, you son of a bitch?

And I stood there on the moon and looked up at the Earth,

and it was just a big ball hanging there in the sky.

I knew there were 3 billion people down there,

and that none of them really believed

that they were just floating around loose in space.

What I'd like you to tell me, sir, is...

Do you think that this is a valid basis for an article?

When I was a boy in Nebraska,

there was a man who had a telescope.

He would set it up on the street

and charge a nickel to look through it.

My father always gave me the nickel.

I saw the ring around Saturn, I saw Jupiter's satellites,

the canals on Mars, and the craters on the moon.

On really clear nights,

he would point it into the Milky Way,

and I saw millions, maybe billions of stars,

Must've given that man 200 nickels.

I don't know what you saw on the moon, Mr, Eaton.

I've heard some astronauts have gotten religion up there.

You probably will never have another chance

to be there again.

Or another experience in your life

that's really worth having.

That's sad.

I don't think any article could convey

what you felt on the moon,

No one has ever captured on paper

the meaning of being alive.

Two people have to feel it together at the same time,

And that hasn't happened since the beginning of the world,

(melancholic music)

Not too hot, is it?

Hurry up, 'cause it's gonna drop,

There's a drop coming.

(spoon clangs)

(melancholic music)

I'm gonna let you rest for a moment.

(melancholic music)

(pills rattling)

I can't.

I can't.

I want to die.

Miriam, no.

- I want to die. - No.

I want to die.

You wanna die?

I want to die.

Is that what you want?

You wanna die?

Oh!

Is that what you want?

No, I don't know, I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

(clock ticks)

Why do you want to write an article, Harry?

It's not like you to waste your time in a dead art,

I still have sex, and that was never an art,

I want to write about the concentration camps.

Right away, you're thinking..,

"What is there left to be said about it?

It's all been done."

However-

The point is not the camps, or the Nazis,

or even the Jews,

but the fact that today it is only a story,

History no longer a terrifying reality.

Cheers.

Only a few weeks ago,

I was riding on a train to Long Island,

It was hot, so I took off my jacket.

The young man next to me noticed the number on my arm,

Most people try not to, they turn their eyes away.

But this young man obviously felt no discomfort at all,

He said, "Were you in a concentration camp?"

I said, "Yes."

He said, "Was it really the way they described it?

The conditions, the killings, the tortures?"

I said, "Yes."

He said, "I find that hard to believe.

How could millions have died without the world knowing?

It's probably become exaggerated through the years."

So for the next half hour, I tried to describe it to him.

The suspension of our rights as citizens,

the denial of our status as human beings,

the trains, the camps, the ovens,

I thought I was really making an impression on him

until he nodded his head,

and in that infuriating tone said something like,

"No kidding."

What did you expect, Harry?

Outrage? Tears?

This is 1978, these kids have more important things

to worry about,

like discos and tennis.

Shall I write it?

Can I stop you?

No.

How is Miriam these days?

Better?

The same, I don't know.

This morning we had breakfast together,

and she drove me to the station,

We even had sex.

That is, I had sex.

I want your opinion on something,

"Robert Bird of New Haven, Connecticut today

shot his wife, their two children, and himself,

The killings took place in the family's home.

The bodies were discovered by a neighbor

who heard the shots early this morning.

Police are still puzzled as to the motive.

The bodies of Air Force Colonel Donald Sheel

and his wife and son were found today

by the Colonel's brother,"

Have you noticed how many articles like these

have been appearing lately?

I mean, do you think we're all capable of such an act?

What do you think it means?

You're planning an article on men who kill their families?

No, but I think every man with a family

fantasizes about it sometimes,

What do you think it means?

I think that we, that is we in Western cultures,

have imposed upon each man

the feeling of solitary responsibility

for the well being of his family.

Some cases perhaps when a man feels

that he can no longer shield his family from harm,

even if it's imagined harm,

in some way, he decides that the only way to protect them

is to kill them.

The stories are always the same.

No warning, no note,

the killing complete, the family wiped out.

Nobody left to explain,

Forgive me for asking you this question, Paul,

but how is it you and Miriam never divorced?

Would've been better,

I guess we stayed together because of the children.

Tell them that 10 years from now

when they go into analysis,

You should never have moved into the backwoods.

Two hour train ride four hours a day,

wasted traveling, it's madness.

When did you last take a vacation?

Everyone always has the easy solution.

A few hours on the beach cures the ills of the world.

Okay.

Be a cynic.

I don't think you're really interested in my article.

Oh, come along.

I'll buy you a splendid lunch somewhere.

Oh, I can't,

I wish I could, but I can't.

Are you all right?

I'm fine, Harry.

I'll be fine,

(mysterious music)

I'm sorry about the price, Mr. Steward.

But five girls at once is a rather unusual request.

Normally our lunch hour is a very busy time for us,

Tell me, you say you're a writer?

Yes, I'm researching a article on male sexual fantasies,

but I'd rather the girls didn't know, it might inhibit them.

Or exactly the opposite.

So, this is Sharon,

Hi,

[Madam] This is Jan.

Hello.

[Madam] And Patricia.

Hello.

[Madam] That is Gloria,

Hi,

[Madam] And this is Leslie.

Hi,

Girls, why don't you take Mr, Steward-

Paul.

Why don't you take Paul in and make him feel comfortable?

[Paul] When I was young, I did three things very well.

Swim, ride a bicycle, and shoot a rifle.

I was never as successful with girls.

Not that I was a wallflower or a total bungler,

but in a way I never understood

I grew up in awe of women,

And sex.

I think that's true of my entire generation.

We treated each sexual act like a mystical experience.

Although everyone produced contrary evidence.

I never knew what women expected of sex.

I knew they liked to believe they were in love,

but basically it remains a mystery to me.

And so on my last day on earth,

five strangers are sharing an intimacy with me

that my wife and I have never attempted,

never even imagined.

(water bubbles)

Why did you pick five girls, Paul?

Why not four or three? Or one?

I don't know.

My wife was a virgin when I married her,

and I'd only been with two other girls,

and one other woman since I was married,

That was a long time ago, a writer,

She brought me a manuscript,

and we went out to have a drink,

then we went to her apartment.

She didn't wear a brassiere.

(girls chuckling)

When she took me into her mouth,

I pulled away just as I was about to cum.

But she wanted it.

Then when I got home,

my wife was in the kitchen swallowing a Valium,

and I remember thinking what it would've been like

with Miriam in that apartment instead of the writer.

Doesn't your wife enjoy sex?

No, I don't think she ever did.

Maybe she doesn't know how.

Well, you have to teach her.

Talk to her.

Have you ever tried telling her what gives you pleasure?

Or asked her what gives her pleasure?

I can't.

God, sometimes we stare at each other

as if we're waiting for somebody to introduce us.

Once when we were in Spain,

she left me and ran along the coast for miles

without looking back, as if she knew where she was going,

I found her outside a little village, out of breath,

with two men eyeing her as if she were a prize cow for sale.

She seemed to be enjoying their horny stares,

and then she saw me, and she turned

and rushed into the ocean,

(waves crashing)

And when we pulled her out,

she was delirious and she kept.,.

She kept saying over and over again

that it "seemed like a good time to die".

(waves crashing)

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a painter.

And I wanted to be in Paris, Spain and Italy,

study all the great paintings and the buildings in Europe.

But when you and I came to Europe,

I didn't see any paintings or cathedrals.

Europe looked dead to me,

and I felt dead,

I've given birth to three children,

and sometimes I feel like I bought them in a supermarket.

I haven't painted a decent picture in five years,

You're the only person I'll let see my work and judge me.

I seem to have just given myself over to you,

I made you responsible for me,

I don't know why I did that.

I guess I thought I was supposed to.

I even thought you could make me be a woman..,

But you can't.

I have to do that myself,

You know, you never once asked me

what went on in my mind in the hospital,

I guess you didn't dare,

With all your brains and a magazine,

and articles on psychology and space travel,

you were still too afraid to ask me

what went on in my mind when I was crazy.

Someday I'll tell you about it, but not now.

I don't think you're ready for it,

You're afraid.

I guess all men are,

I watched my wife walk away from me.

I remember how her dress was blowing in the wind.

All I could think about was how much of me was in her

and how much of her was in me.

At that moment, if she had leaped into the ocean,

I would've leaped in after her.

But then when we were three days out at sea,

I found Miriam at the bar talking to a strange man.

They acted as though I had intruded on them,

I've often wondered what she talked about

to other men at parties when they got her in a corner.

Who was he?

His name is Matthew.

He wants me to have dinner with him.

Terrific, go ahead.

You'd let me?

You wouldn't care?

Whatever you wanna do.

Why don't you spend the night with him while you're at it,

maybe you'd enjoy it for a change.

When we get home, I want separate bedrooms,

You can have the guest room.

I don't want us to sleep together anymore,

feeling like we hate each other,

And I don't wanna make love

because I'm next to you and available,

You haven't slept through a whole night for a year anyway,

And you won't tell me whatever it is that's bothering you.

I guess you feel like it's none of my business,

We don't share anything anymore,

Maybe it's that male menopause thing

everybody's talking about,

You know, frightened of your age,

and the fact that you're closer to dying

than you are to living.

Is that it?

Do you feel like most of your life is behind you?

(dramatic violin music)

[Gloria] Do you think he's still alive?

[Jan] The sweet death, the Chinese call it,

(women chuckling)

[Gloria] If I were a man I'd rather die like this

than from a heart attack.

Yeah.

Think he's got one more in him?

Oh, honey, they always have one more.

What kind of man would need five women?

The kind who never had one woman.

Do you think he really loves his wife?

Oh, he hates her enough.

He must love her.

Maybe she doesn't like to go down on him,

I never met a married woman who really knew how.

A lot of 'em will do it,

but most of them just tolerate it.

Oh, I don't buy all that stuff

he puts out about his wife.

He's just like every other man.

He thinks she can't make it

because he never gave her the chance.

I bet she'd fuck him right through the wall

if she wanted to.

The whole thing is probably his fault.

It's usually the guy's fault,

He's coming back again.

No one can really understand what happens

between a man and his wife.

Try us,

When we got back from Europe,

Miriam moved all my things into the guest bedroom.

She would make my bed every day and clean my bathroom.

But when I walked into her bedroom,

she'd cover her breasts if she was naked.

First night I tried to get her into bed with me,

but she wouldn't do it.

Second and third night I tried to rape her,

but it was no good,

After that, we devised our present system.

I crawl into her bed when she's asleep,

if she doesn't move or stir, I have sex with her.

We don't talk.

She watches a lot of television just to have company.

We communicate silently

like cockroaches have for 50 million years.

Two days ago, I got scared.

We keep a rifle in the house.

Everyone in West Redding has a gun.

I went to clean it, and I noticed it was gone,

The kids swore they didn't touch the gun.

My wife says she didn't move it,

but I think she's lying.

I think she has it hidden somewhere in the house.

In the Times I read about an auto mechanic

who shot his wife, four children, and himself,

I showed the story to Miriam.

"Why would a man do such a thing?", I asked her.

"To make it easier for everyone,"

She said,

I began noticing quite a number of articles like that

in the papers afterwards,

They were always the same.

Always the entire family,

Always the complete wiping of the slate.

I think my wife got ideas from these articles.

I believe she thinks that by killing me,

she'll never have to worry about

my coming into her bedroom again.

And by killing the children,

she'll save them from a world she thinks they can't handle.

Then she'll kill herself, and we'll all be free.

So my wife is waiting there, at home,

with the rifle hidden somewhere,

waiting to bring the suffering to an end.

And for some reason right now,

I think I understand her for the first time in our lives.

I don't even blame her.

We'll be dying in our own home together,

which is better than what happens with most families.

(dramatic music)

No problem.

Certainly. Bye-bye,

Hi.

Harry Rosenthal called,

he asked if you could meet him

at Ferdie's for a drink at four o'clock.

Dr. Baker will be here at three o'clock,

and Miriam called twice.

She said it was important.

Do you want me to get her for you?

No, I'll do it,

(phone beeps)

(phone rings)

(tense music)

[Miriam] Hello?

What took you so long? I almost hung up.

[Miriam] I'm sorry, I was outside.

Was anything wrong?

[Miriam] No.

I just think we oughta forget about the Chinese restaurant,

I want you to pick up an apple pie

from that bakery in Grand Central,

Alex said he hasn't had apple pie in weeks.

An apple pie?

That's the reason for two urgent phone calls?

[Miriam] Well, Alex mentioned it this morning,

Will you bring it?

Yes, all right, I'll do it.

[Miriam] What train do you think you'll make?

The 6:30?

Yes, the 6:30.

I'll call before I leave, all right?

[Miriam] Okay.

Paul.

What?

This morning I was cleaning your room,

and I found the rifle in the closet.

It was loaded. Paul,

Why did you load the rifle?

[Paul] Last night I heard a noise outside,

I looked out and there were raccoons attacking our garbage.

I loaded the gun,

but then I decided not to use it

because it would scare everybody, that's all.

I'm scared. Paul.

There was something about you this morning,

even the way you were in bed,

And then the rifle...

Look, you think I'm gonna use the gun on myself?

Do you see me coming home and putting the barrel in my mouth

and pulling the trigger?

Is that it?

Don't you think I care if the magazine continues?

Or what happens to the house or the kids?

Or you?

Where did you put the gun?

I took the bullets out and I put it away.

What if I come into the city now,

and I can meet you,

and we can ride back on the train together and talk?

I can't believe we're having

this conversation on the phone.

We have to talk, I know it.

I really do,

But you don't have to come in.

I'll make the 6:30, and I'll call you before I leave.

Okay?

Okay.

Bye.

Bye.

(clock ticks)

It's pretty obvious, isn't it,

that the world is coming to an end.

I mean, certainly America's is on its way down,

It's the fall of the Roman Empire all over again.

We've gotta have a nuclear war.

We invested all this time, all this money to prepare for it.

We have never let a weapon go unused,

except for germ warfare,

(Dr. Baker chuckles)

That's only because we don't trust the germs.

Why do you think some men

kill their families and themselves?

Are you...

Are you switching the subject?

No, not really,

What an interesting question,

You mean to say its solitary suicide,

We have sort of learned to deal with it,

A colleague of mine at Yale

just suffocated himself in a garage.

(Dr. Baker chuckles)

However..,

To kill your entire family, now that's something else,

Now, we don't even have a name for that act.

(Dr. Baker chuckles)

Why? Are you planning to kill yours?

I think about it sometimes,

I think most men do.

Women too.

Not in a serious way, right?

I mean, I think we all have a sort of

an attraction for obliteration,

(Dr. Baker chuckles)

I mean, we practice it every time we go to sleep, no?

It's comfort.

You have a problem, you fantasize about wiping it all way.

But lately more and more men have actually been doing it,

I've been reading about it quite a lot.

Hm,

And contemplating it?

What goes through your mind, Paul?

Well, when things pile up

and when I get fed up with the magazine,

and the house, and with Miriam.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

You sound serious.

I think I am.

Have you been thinking of seeing anyone?

I mean, sort of going for help?

Yeah.

You think an analyst could understand?

Could you?

Well, I don't think that anyone

will prescribe murder and suicide as therapy,

if that's what you're looking for.

But I do think that a good analyst

could help you feel better about your life.

Then why do more analysts commit suicide

than people in other professions?

Darling.

'Cause we're all crazy, that's why.

(Dr. Baker chuckles)

But you're not, right?

I mean, you're really intelligent,

(Dr. Baker chuckles)

I mean, you know that death lasts for a long time.

I mean...

Well, you won't be able to even move your toes,

or read the newspaper.

I mean, you can't disappear, Paul.

I mean, you publish the only sensible magazine

that exists in this country,

I mean, if you're really seriously

thinking of killing yourself and Miriam,

and the children and the dog, I mean..,

Then you have got to realize

that you have an escapist fantasy.

Yeah, you have a problem,

You have to face it,

Just like everybody else.

I mean, you have to face the fact

that life does not always turn out

the way you sort of dreamt about it

or wanted it to be,

It's called growing up.

Happens to little boys too.

The truth is that we don't...

We don't save people by killing them,

Besides, the American family is dying anyway,

Without your help.

(clock ticks)

[Paul] 43rd and 1st Avenue.

[Taxi Driver] 43rd and 1st.

What's that, the UN over there?

What are you, a diplomat?

A delegate or something?

No, I don't work there.

Oh, well, that's good,

I mean, 'cause if you did,

I'd fill you with an ear full.

I mean, here it stands, right in the middle of this city,

You know that big, beautiful building.

Supposedly a show place

for the rest of the world to see, right?

And what do we live in?

Look what we live in.

We live in shit, that's what we live in.

You live in the city?

Or you live in town?

No.

(car honks)

Ah, guys like you got it made.

I mean you come in town, do your job, and get out.

Me, I drive this cab 14 hours a day,

When I finish here, I feel like Quasimodo.

You know, I go home to Queens,

climb two stinking flights of stairs

to four stinking rooms.

You know it cost me $247 a month?

Can you believe that?

Used to be $90 a month.

Ah, what's the use of complaining.

It's the times.

I had to see a doctor once.

I had these pains in my stomach, you know?

I go to see him, he says to me,

"You don't have pains in your stomach."

He says, "It's the times."

Can you believe that?

I mean, that's not the way it should be,

We gotta change things like that.

I mean guys like you in the UN, you could do that.

And guys like me, we should back ya.

You see, I got a plan.

I've been thinking about this a long time now,

You take all the evil people, all the murderers,

the muggers, the rapists, the politicians, whoever.

You put 'em right in the center of the city,

right in the center of Manhattan,

when everybody else is gone.

And you come over with a big plane, and you drop the bomb.

Baboom!

You put everybody outta their misery.

I'm telling you, it'll work.

You see, I get angry,

But I get it out,

I mean, you gotta do that.

You know, I once had to see a doctor that said to me.,.

He said, "The trouble with you is you got too many friends,

You gotta have some enemies,"

I said, "What are you talking about?

I don't want any enemies."

He says, "But you got enemies inside you,

you gotta get 'em out.

You gotta get your enemies out,"

So, I get 'em out.

Can't keep it in,

I mean, you explode one day.

I mean, just driving this cab.

Look at this rotten city.

Traffic, murder, potholes.

The weather,

The biggest mistake this country ever made

was not making bourbon the national drink.

(glasses clink)

The British conquered the world with scotch,

made them look civilized.

But America tried to do it with Coca-Cola.

No good,

I hate this place,

I hate the bloody diplomats sitting on their asses

hoping for a big, fat war,

What is all this crap about men shooting their families?

Huh?

What do you mean?

This morning I got the feeling

that you were planning to kill yourself,

and Miriam, and the kids.

I felt that you were looking for some kind of approval,

Am I crazy?

Never mind, you don't have to answer that question.

Maybe you don't know yourself what you're planning.

But Miriam does,

I called her after I left you,

You spoke to her?

What did she say?

She said that she found a loaded rifle in your closet.

She said that you never keep it loaded.

You spoke to her before on the phone,

told her some story about raccoons in the garbage.

She's scared to death.

I think she's right.

Miriam was just having an hysterical afternoon.

You know how she is.

I know that if I get you drunk so you'll miss your train,

you won't go home tonight and make a fool of yourself,

You think it would be foolish to give up a life

that has no meaning?

Every life has a meaning.

You think so?

We work hard for nothing.

We hunger for sex, and it's always disappointing,

We have children and they ignore us.

And there's nothing to look forward to

but years of the same.

So what's the point in going on?

Look.

I have seen a lot of people die,

In Auschwitz I watched two members of my family

who happened to be my parents kill themselves

by walking into an electrified fence.

My father told me what he was going to do,

but I could not stop him because I could not help.

We were all powerless in the camp.

Whether we lived or died was largely a matter of accident,

and don't you let anybody ever tell you otherwise,

With all the will to live in the world,

you died if the Nazis put you the line to the gas chambers.

But...

This is not Auschwitz, Paul.

It's not that different.

We're just as trapped, just as much victims.

No, no, no, no.

Look, Paul, believe me, I...

I know that your life is something less than perfect,

but you must forgive me if I cannot find tears for you.

I have seen human beings stripped of everything

but life itself,

I have heard them scream and cry

and beg for one more day, one more moment, one more breath,

And now you sit there and actually consider

throwing your life away?

I don't know what to say to you, Paul,

but I will not be a spectator to your suicide,

When we were young, younger...

There were villains to focus on,

Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, even Khrushchev,

Individuals whose death would set things right.

Today, there's no one we can kill to change the world,

so we focus on ourselves.

Nietzsche said..,

"Man would rather will nothingness

than have nothing to will."

But maybe you're right.

Why should I kill Miriam, or the kids, or even myself.

What for?

We're already dead,

(dramatic music)

I'll never forget my first look at this place.

Rays of sun streaming through the windows.

The great ceiling painted to look like the sky.

Seemed great to be alive then.

(dramatic music)

As I pulled away from the station,

I realized that I wouldn't miss New York,

and it certainly wouldn't miss me,

(train screeches) (sparks crackling)

(mysterious music)

Not yet.

Wait.

Please,

Paul, just slower.

Jesus Christ, slower.

You always..,

What is it? What is it?

Jesus.

What?

You don't understand.

Well, explain it to me.

I can't. I can't explain.

Well, I understand that

you don't enjoy sex, with me anyway,

I guess I just, I don't..,

(Paul chuckles)

Just.,.

Turn you off.

I'm sorry,

[Man] Folks, we have a fire up ahead at 96th Street.

All the traffic is stopped.

Please remain seated till our lights come back on.

Do you have any idea how long it will be?

[Man] Might be a while, ma'am,

I'll let you know when we hear something,

Thank you.

Been here quite a while already.

Does this happen often?

Excuse me, are you speaking to me?

Stopping like this, blackouts.

Everyone seems so calm.

I guess they're all used to it,

I guess they are.

Do you mind the darkness?

I don't.

I think it's refreshing.

Are you a lawyer?

No, I'm not.

I thought that everyone who rides this train is a lawyer.

My husband is.

He loves the train,

cause he can do his crossword puzzles on it.

I could never understand why people do crossword puzzles.

What do you do?

I have a magazine.

You're a writer?

Yeah, well, I used to be.

Now I'm more of an editor,

I write too.

Only, no one ever reads what I write,

I write about things I feel.

Things I can't talk to anyone about,

like what I feel about my husband sometimes.

The things I wish I could say to my son.

I write every evening while they watch television.

25 notebooks filled already,

My husband would go mad if he ever read them.

He wouldn't recognize me.

A woman he thinks he lives with.

I've often thought of keeping a diary myself.

It would be a way to open up

and put things down that nobody else could understand.

Three nights ago,

we had dinner in an expensive restaurant.

Whenever he takes me to one of his expensive places, he.,.

Likes to have sex as soon as we get home.

It's like a date to him.

He spent money on me, he's entitled to get laid.

I decided...

To screw him the way a hooker would,

I moaned.

I scratched him,

I told him how great it was.

He knew it wasn't,

It was perfect.

I once devoted an entire issue of my magazine

in the subject of marriage.

I found out that we know as little about marriage

as we do about cancer,

I don't know where my wife buys her clothes

or has her hair done.

I don't know the name of her dentist.

I don't even know..,

Usually I don't even know when she has her period.

We live in the same house, but basically we're strangers.

I.,.

I want you.,.

To make love to me,

Right here, right now.

Do you understand that?

(train chugs)

(dramatic violin music)

Are you going to tell me about it?

About what?

About why this day has been so insane?

I feel like everything's flying apart.

Like a tornado ripped off the roof of our house,

or the top of my head.

Did you have any pills?

No pills.

I think talk will help.

Just talk.

Tell me about the gun.

I told you about it.

I told you, I woke up, I heard noises outside,

I loaded the gun, and then I changed my mind,

Come on, Paul. I'm your wife.

I know you,

I just don't know what to do to help you,

I'm not sure what it is you want.

You have to tell me

It's not sex.

I used to think it was, but I don't think that anymore.

We're both too old to believe that sex

is anything more than what it is,

What is it, Paul?

Do you have cancer?

Are you going blind?

Do you have a girlfriend?

Is Anne pregnant?

Do you want a divorce?

Do you wanna get rid of the magazine?

Do you wanna burn the house down?

For God's sakes, just tell me!

If you can't tell me, tell Harry Rosenthal.

Tell a psychiatrist.

Tell the children, just tell somebody,

I had a lousy day.

Don't make a mountain out of it,

Please. Paul,

This is no ordinary day.

It's not my imagination,

I'm frightened.

Now, I don't know what's happening to you,

but I'm not gonna leave you alone until it passes.

I'm not gonna let you kill yourself.

It's just that simple.

(mysterious music)

My room is empty.

I moved your things back to our room.

It wasn't our room eight months ago.

I know.

The hospital records say that I'm crazy.

Manic, depressive, and suicidal.

There must be a name for what's wrong with you,

I see that look on your face all the time now.

Angry and hurt.

Like you're sure there's some kind of paradise

you're missing out on.

Am I wrong?

You're overreacting again as usual.

You even think I'm planning to shoot myself,

Am I wrong? Just answer me,

Yes or no.

I can't answer for a lifetime.

For a lifetime,

What's that supposed to mean?

You make our life sound like something out of a bad novel.

You make our marriage sound like something

that has to be resurrected.

People who live together as long as we have

shouldn't have to resurrect anything.

We're not museum pieces,

What's done is done,

there's no way of going back,

Well, I think there is.

Just talk to me!

Whatever the hell is wrong with you, just get it out!

All right, you fuck like you learned how in 1837, okay?

You had a nervous breakdown because you're afraid

to face the fact you had to be a woman with me.

I don't know my own children, I hate this house!

I hate the magazine and all the pretentious bullshit

that goes along with it.

Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

I hate myself!

Is that what you wanna hear?

Does that make everything all better?

(tense violin music)

I think you should take a year off,

We could go some place,

Just the two of us.

We can't just stay here and wait to be struck down

like two scared animals.

We have to do something, fight back.

We can't just give up,

Can't we?

I gave up five years ago.

It didn't work for me.

I don't think it's gonna work for you now,

Are you saying I'm having a nervous breakdown?

I wish you would.

I mean, I could understand that,

and I think I could help you,

But you're too proud.

You've never allowed yourself to cry out for help,

especially from me.

Why do you think we're still married?

Maybe we're old fashioned.

Maybe you felt sorry for me when I was sick.

Sometimes I think I never needed

all those pills and doctors.

Just a kind word from you.

I used to think that too.

Do you remember the last time

we told each other that we loved each other?

No.

Neither do I,

You saw me after that shock treatment.

I think you've seen me that way for five years,

I've tried so hard to put those days behind me,

It's not fair.

Life isn't fair,

Well, let's go to bed.

No.

Let's...

Let's take a walk,

(mysterious music)

[Miriam] Paul, why did you load the rifle this morning?

I dunno.

I've loaded and unloaded it a million times.

Maybe I get some satisfaction out of it.

I wish I could believe that.

You have no reason not to,

Maybe you don't realize what you've been doing

for the past few weeks,

What are you talking about?

The articles, the stories.

The school teacher in Texas who killed his wife

and his two children and then himself,

The doctor in Kansas, and that writer in New York,

You've been talking about these things for weeks.

You said that "Nobody could comprehend these acts

except the men who were driven to them."

At first I thought you were researching

an article for the magazine,

That's what I told the children

when you brought it up at the dinner table

for the third time,

You even said that this was a common fantasy

that most men had.

I wouldn't be saying this if you hadn't made me feel it,

I realized then that you were trying

to justify your fantasy.

If I hadn't found the rifle today,

I think you would've used it tonight,

What did you expect?

Did you expect us to get up from the dinner table

with neat little holes in our foreheads

and start leading some different kind of life?

I didn't know you knew so much.

What are you thinking?

My father lived to be 73,

My mother was 72.

It seemed to feel it was their duty

to live as long as possible,

Well, I can't imagine what the world

would be like without us,

You think we really make a difference?

I think we're the only ones who do,

We have to stay alive

so I can tell you about all the things

I've never said to you all this time.

Do you know when I decided that I really wanted to live?

Alex and Tony fighting over a comic book.

I was in my usual stupor,

and I heard their voices,

And at that moment, I knew that I needed them,

and they needed me.

Maybe I'll write a book.

It'll just be one copy.

Just for you to read.

Maybe I can put on paper all the things

I've never been able to say to you in words.

I could tell you about the first time we made love,

and how good I wanted it to be for you.

But I felt so dumb and clumsy.

I wish there was a course I could've taken

to learn how to please you,

I needed you to tell me,

I got the feeling that you expected me to know everything.

And I could tell you about how proud I was of you

when you worked for the Times,

Did I ever say it?

I should have.

And when you took over the magazine,

all those great men asking to write articles for you.,.

Maybe you've forgotten how exciting that time was,

Maybe that's the answer, we could write to each other,

We could.,.

We could say how we really feel

without worrying about how it sounds.

You make it sound so simple,

It is simple.

It doesn't have to be complicated.

I love you,

I love you,

[Reporter] Tragedy struck last night

in the town of West Redding, Connecticut,

as a 48 year old man apparently killed his wife,

three children, and himself.

The bodies of Paul Steward and his family

were found shot to death in their home.

Police are still puzzled as to the motive.

More news in just a moment, but first...

(reel rolls)

(mysterious violin music)