All language subtitles for S03E11.eng

( whining )

( whimpering )

( whimpering )

Man:
THE LATE MR. MacDONALD
MADE A NUMBER OF WILLS.

IN THE LATEST HE WROTE OUT
THE BEQUESTS

ON SEPARATE SHEETS
IN HIS OWN HAND,

WHICH HE WAS KEEN FOR YOU
TO READ YOURSELVES.

I'LL--

"TO MY LIEGEMAN, GOLLY,

A TRUE A MAN AS
I HAVE EVER KNOWN,

I'LL LEAVE WHAT REMAINS
OF MY ONCE MIGHTY COLLECTION

OF SINGLE MALT WHISKEYS
IN THE HOPE THAT

HE WILL TOAST OUR ASSOCIATION
EVERY ST. ANDREW'S DAY."

THAT I WILL, HECTOR.

"TO MY ASSISTANT GHILLIE

AND COURT JESTER, DUNCAN,

I LEAVE THE ENTIRE
CONTENTS OF MY WARDROBE,

IN THE HOPE THAT THIS MAY
ENCOURAGE HIM TO WEAR

SOMETHING THAN
THAT FILTHY KI--"

"KILT AND MOTH-EATEN CARDIGAN
HE INSISTS ON DONNING
EVERY DAY."

IT'S NOT A CARDIE,
IT'S A FLEECE.

I PAID EIGHT QUID FOR THAT.

"TO THE ESTIMABLE ALEXANDRA,

I BEQUEATH A SUFFICIENT SUM
FOR A NEW SET OF SAUCEPANS,

THE REMAINDER TO BE SPENT
ON GARMENTS THAT EXPOSE

HER EVEN MORE ESTIMABLE
MIDRIFF."

Molly:
"TO MY DARLING WIFE,

BEST FRIEND
AND GOOD COMPANION, MOLLY,

I BEQUEATH THE REST
OF MY GOODS AND EFFECTS

AS WELL AS MY RIDICULOUSLY
PUNY PERSONAL HOLDINGS

IN THE HOPE THAT THEY
WILL HELP HER TO BECOME
A VERY MERRY WIDOW."

Lawyer:
AND NOW WE COME
TO THE TRICKY PART.

"TO MY ONLY SON, ARCHIE,
I HAVE ALREADY GIFTED

THE ANCESTRAL LANDS, HOUSE,
AND WATERS OF GLENBOGLE,

A SACRED TRUST
TO WHICH I HOPE HE WILL ADHERE
WITH EVERY FIBER OF HIS BEING."

WHY IS THAT THE TRICKY PART?

THE LAW STATES

THAT TO AVOID THE PAYMENT
OF DEATH DUTIES,

A PERIOD OF SEVEN YEARS
MUST ELAPSE

FROM THE DATE
OF THE DEED OF GIFT

TO THE DEMISE OF THE DONOR.

IN THIS CASE,
SEVEN YEARS HAVE NOT ELAPSED.

I THINK I SOMEHOW KNOW
WHAT'S COMING.

Lawyer:
I WOULD SAY THAT YOU OWE
H.M. TREASURY

SOMETHING IN THE REGION OF...

£200,000.

HMPH.

OH, THANK YOU, GOD.

THANK YOU, FATHER.

( theme music playing )

HI.

YOU OKAY?

WE MUST BE STRONG, LEXIE,
FOR THE MEN IN OUR LIVES.

I MUST BE STRONG FOR HECTOR,

AND YOU MUST BE STRONG
FOR ARCHIE.

- I'LL TRY.
- HE MAY LOOK AS IF
HE'S COPING, BUT--

( running footsteps )

- WHAT DO WE DO NOW, LEXIE?
- DUNCAN, SHH.

IT'S ALL RIGHT.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
FOR BEING HERE TO WELCOME

HECTOR HOME
FOR THE LAST TIME.

- LEAST WE CAN DO, OLD GIRL.
- THANK YOU, JOE.

BUT DUNCAN'S
QUESTION IS A GOOD ONE.
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WELL, THERE'S AN EASY
ANSWER TO THAT.

THE KING IS DEAD;

LONG LIVE THE KING.

ARCHIE, DARLING,
WE'LL MOURN YOUR FATHER

AND SHOW HIM EVERY RESPECT

BUT YOU MUST GO AHEAD
WITH YOUR PLANS

TO MAKE GLENBOGLE
A GREAT PLACE ONCE MORE.

THAT'S THE BEST MEMORIAL
YOUR FATHER COULD EVER HAVE.

BUT I ALSO THINK YOU SHOULD
GO AHEAD WITH THE WEDDING.

THERE'S BEEN DEATH, YES,
BUT THERE'S ALSO LOVE.

MOLLY, I DON'T THINK
IT'S RIGHT.

NO. YOU'RE RIGHT, MOTHER.

WE MUST GO AHEAD
AS PLANNED.

Lexie:
SO... THIS IS
WHERE HE DIED?

HADN'T SEEN IT
UP TILL NOW.

KIND OF WISH
I HADN'T.

IT'S UGLY,
ISN'T IT?

THE MINISTER PHONED.

HE'S GONNA COME
ROUND AND SEE US.

YOU OKAY?

YEAH, I'M FINE.

YOU?

IT JUST DOESN'T
SEEM RIGHT, DOES IT?

GETTING MARRIED?

JUST A COUPLE OF DAYS
AFTER HECTOR--

GETTING MARRIED
IS THE ONE CERTAINTY,

THE ONE GOOD THING
THAT WE HAVE.

YOU TAKE THAT AWAY AND...

OKAY.

I UNDERSTAND.

I BETTER GET GOING.

YOU COMING?

THERE'S SOMETHING
I HAVE TO DO FIRST.

I DON'T REALLY WANT
TO WEAR BLACK TO THE FUNERAL.

I SUPPOSE...

I COULD WEAR THIS.

IS THERE ANYTHING
I CAN DO IN THE INTERIM?

YOU COULD LOOK AFTER PAMMY,
LEXIE'S MOTHER.

SHE'S A BIT FORLORN
AND I'M NOT SURE I CAN
COPE WITH HER JUST NOW.

STILL WHEN YOU'RE
SPECTACULARLY RICH,

YOU CAN BE AS FORLORN
AS YOU LIKE.

LEAVE IT TO ME, MOLLY.
I'LL TAKE CARE OF PAMMY.

WENT TO LONDON,

DID SOME SERIOUS DAMAGE
TO ERIC'S CREDIT CARD.

GOT THIS.
SHANTUNG SILK.

FEEL THAT.
AND THIS.

IS THAT NOT
A GORGEOUS COLOR?

AND I DON'T KNOW.
HAT OR HAIR PIECE?

I CAN'T DECIDE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

UH...
SIMPLE IS GOOD, MOM.

AS RESTRAINED
AS YOU CAN MANAGE.

NEVER MIND ME.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

I DON'T KNOW.
HAVEN'T EVEN THOUGHT
ABOUT IT.

I WON'T BE GOING OUT
AND BUYING ANYTHING NEW,

NOW THAT ARCHIE'S BROKE.

LET ME BUY YOUR FROCK.
LET ME TAKE CARE
OF EVERYTHING.

- THAT'S WHAT
MOTHERS ARE FOR.
- OKAY, THANKS, MOM.

WHAT DO YOU THINK--

WHAT DO YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT?

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO WEAR
THAT THOUGH, ARE YOU?

YEAH.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

YOU DON'T THINK IT'S A WEE BIT
ON THE GLOOMY SIDE?

IT'S FOR THE FUNERAL, MOM,

- NOT THE WEDDING.
- VERY NICE.

( clock chiming )

Lexie:
I JUST THOUGHT
I WOULD COOK--

IT'S JUST SOME
TOMATO SOUP.

JUST TO KEEP EVERYONE'S
STRENGTH UP.

WHERE'S ARCHIE?

HE JUST HAD
TO GO AND SORT
SOMETHING OUT.

Duncan:
THIS IS GREAT THOUGH.

- MOLLY?
- I'M NOT REALLY
VERY HUNGRY DEAR.

IT SMELLS ABSOLUTELY
DELICIOUS.

BUT SOMEHOW,
I DON'T KNOW,

IT DOESN'T SEEM
QUITE RIGHT TO EAT IT.

PAMELA, IF WE'RE
TO BE PALS,

I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW
THAT NOEL COWARD

WAS MY ABSOLUTE HERO.

TOWARDS THE END
OF HIS LIFE

HE WAS SITTING
WITH HIS SPECIAL FRIEND,

IT WAS AFTER DINNER,
THEY WERE GAZING OUT
OVER THE MED,

AND THEY WERE
TALKING ABOUT

WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF ONE OF THEM DIED,

HOW WOULD THE OTHER COPE.

AND HIS FRIEND SAID,
"WELL, SUPPOSING I SHOULD
DIE TONIGHT?

WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IN THE MORNING?
WOULD YOU TAKE BREAKFAST?"

AND COWARD RUMINATED
FOR A MOMENT,

AND HE SAID,
"BREAKFAST, PROBABLY NOT.

BUT I THINK I'D BE

PRETTY DAMNED PECKISH

BY LUNCHTIME."

( mild laughter )

DO YOU KNOW, JOE,
THAT'S REALLY RATHER GOOD.

THANK YOU, JOE.

THANK YOU, LEXIE.

Molly: DUNCAN.

EAT.

Molly: GOLLY.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

I JUST THOUGHT
I'D SIT WITH HIM.

A VIGIL.

MIND IF I JOIN YOU?

I'D BE HONORED, MOLLY.

OH, DEAR.

DO YOU KNOW HOW I CAME
TO WORK HERE, MOLLY?

IT WAS A FAMILY THING,
WASN'T IT?

YOUR FATHER WORKED HERE,
AND HIS FATHER BEFORE HIM
AND SO ON.

NO. HECTOR...

DIDN'T TELL YOU
THE STORY?

NO.

TO BEGIN WITH,

WHEN I WAS A BOY,

I WAS A BIT OF A TEARAWAY.

- REALLY?
- DIDN'T GET ON WITH DAD--

A HARD, UNBENDING MAN.

USED TO KNOCK ME ABOUT,
ESPECIALLY WHEN THE DRINK
WAS ON.

ANYWAY, WHEN I LEFT SCHOOL,

HE GOT ME A PLACE HERE,

BUT I DIDN'T WANT THAT.

UNDER HIS THUMB,
UNDER HIS FIST ALL DAY.

SO, WHAT I DID IS,

I TOOK A SILVER TANKARD
FROM THE DINING ROOM.

I HID IT IN MY BEDROOM
SO THAT--

WELL, I MADE SURE THAT--
MY FATHER WOULD FIND IT.

AND HAUL ME UP IN FRONT
OF HECTOR'S DAD,

WHICH HE DID.

AND I GOT THE PUSH.

THEN MY FATHER KICKED ME OUT.

SO I WAS DISGRACED, BUT...

I WAS FREE OF HIM.

SO, HOW...?

AFTER I CARAVANNED,

WORKED ON THE ROADS,

I TOOK TO THE BOTTLE
BIG TIME.

I WAS A MESS.

MEANWHILE HECTOR'S DAD
PEGGED OUT,

SO HECTOR BECAME
THE LAIRD.

AND THEN MY FATHER WENT.

HE WAS CARRYING
A STAG HE'D SHOT.

HE JUST COLLAPSED.

HEART ATTACK.

DEAD BEFORE HE
HIT THE HEATHER.

ANYWAY, AT THE FUNERAL,

HECTOR OFFERED ME
MY DAD'S JOB.

ME.

A THIEF,

AN OUTCAST.

SEE, HE KNEW, MOLLY,

HE KNEW.

I DON'T THINK I'D BE HERE
NOW IF HE HADN'T DONE THAT.

HE SAVED MY LIFE.

UNDERNEATH ALL
THAT DAFTNESS--

HE WAS A GREAT MAN.

I'M SO SORRY
I WASN'T WITH HIM.

I'LL BE SORRY
TILL THE END OF MY DAYS.

( door opens )

ARCH?

LOOK AT THE STATE
OF YOU.

SO HAVE YOU FALLEN
DOWN THE CHIMNEY?

I'M SORRY ABOUT
THE MINISTER.

I GOT A BIT
CARRIED AWAY.

IS IT ALL DONE?

ARCHIE, LOOK,

- YOUR HANDS.
- I'M OKAY.

ARE YOU SURE?

WHAT WERE YOU
DOING UP THERE?

WERE YOU FILLING
IN A HOLE OR BURYING
YOUR FEELINGS?

I'LL BE FINE.

AFTER TOMORROW,
THE FUNERAL,

AND THEN WE CAN GET ON
WITH THE REST OF OUR LIVES--

AND THE WEDDING.

- ARCHIE, ARE YOU SURE?
- ABSOLUTELY, UTTERLY.

HOW ARE YOU COPING
WITH YOUR MOTHER?

WELL, SHE'S STILL
SET ON THE PAGE BOYS.

I HAD TO PUT MY FOOT DOWN
AT THE SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA.

SPOILSPORT.

IT KIND OF FEELS AS IF
SHE'S GETTING MARRIED
AND NOT ME.

I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE IT'S BETTER
THAN THAT BLENDED MUCK
IN THE LIBRARY.

I DIDN'T NOTICE
YOU COMPLAIN WHEN YOU
FINISHED THE BOTTLE.

- NOW, LOOK HERE--
- SHH!

SHH.

HECTOR KEPT THIS

FOR VERY SPECIAL
OCCASIONS.

BY THE RIVERS OF BABYLON,
'TIS HIGHLAND PARK!

ORKNEY, '52.

I REMEMBER WE HAD A NIP
WHEN THAT GHASTLY

THATCHER WOMAN
WAS BLACKBALLED.

YOU'RE NOT
SUGGESTING...?

NOBODY ELSE
KNOWS ABOUT IT.

POOR OLD HECTOR
CAN'T EXACTLY...

PERHAPS IF WE DRINK
TO HIS HONOR.

YES, THAT'S IT.

WE'RE DRINKING IT
FOR HIM REALLY.

YES, IT'LL SPARE ME
A TRYST WITH PAMELA,

THE COOK'S WEALTHY MATER.

NOW YOU'VE GOT ME
CONFUSED.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE MOUNTING
AN EXPEDITIONARY FORCE
ON THAT FRONT.

PERHAPS I AM.
BUT IT'S BEEN A GUIDING
PRINCIPLE OF MY LIFE

ALWAYS TO PUT
PLEASURE BEFORE BUSINESS.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMEONE ELSE
I USED TO KNOW.

Both: HECTOR!

( snoring )

SO MUCH FOR
MY INHERITANCE, HECTOR.

THIS IS MOST KIND
OF YOU.

JUDGING BY
THE NARROWNESS
OF THIS WAISTLINE

I RECKON YOU MUST HAVE
WORN THESE WHEN YOU WERE
ABOUT 12.

IN 1972.

OH!

IT MUST HAVE
BEEN A BIG RABBIT YOU
PULLED OUT OF THAT HAT.

WHAT WAS IT-- THE GIG?
CHILDREN'S PARTY? PANTO?

I WAS HER
BRITANNIC MAJESTY'S

MILITARY ATTACHÉ
IN KHARTOUM.

PLEASE, DON'T TEASE.

MY HEAD IS GOING ROUND
LIKE A FAIRGROUND ORGAN.

SERVES YOU RIGHT FOR STANDING
ME UP LAST NIGHT.

I TOLD YOU I WAS
BRINGING COMFORT

AND SUCCOR
TO MY GRIEVING SISTER.

RIGHT. YOU WERE PROBABLY
UNDER A TABLE SOMEWHERE.

THANK YOU.

NICE BOD, JOLYON.

NICE MANLY PAIR
OF PINS.

MY WEE ERIC, HE MAY BE RICH,
BUT SEE HIM WITHOUT HIS CHINOS,

HE LOOKS LIKE
AN UNDERFED CHICKEN.

SO NEXT TIME,
CARY GRANT,

MAKE SURE IT'S ME
THAT GETS THE COMFORT
AND SUCCOR, EH?

ARE YOU READY?
WE'RE GETTING A BIT LATE.

( chains rattling )

Duncan:
YOU ALL RIGHT?

YOU HADN'T HARNESSED
THESE PROPERLY.

GOLLY, I HAD.

BUDGE UP.

- WHAT--?
- BUDGE UP!

GIVE YOUR FACE
A HOLIDAY.

I WAS DRIVING HORSES
BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

WALK ON.

EASY.

WHOA.

WHOA.

THAT'S IT. GOOD BOYS.

- WHAT'S UP?
- JUST CHECKING
THE COFFIN.

- I ALREADY DID THAT.
- EXACTLY.

AND HOW'S THE WORK EXPERIENCE
GOING ANYWAY, LADS?

WHAT HAPPENS NOW?

( organ music playing )

TRUST HECTOR TO BE LATE
FOR HIS OWN FUNERAL.

AH.

WHAT IN HEAVEN?

Kilwillie:
HECTOR NAISMITH MacDONALD

WAS VERY POSSIBLY
THE MOST STUBBORN,

THE MOST IRRITATING,

THE MOST MADDENING LAIRD

IN THE HISTORY
OF LAIRDOM.

QUITE A DISTINCTION.

HE WAS ALSO MY FRIEND.

♪ THE LORD'S MY SHEPHERD ♪

♪ I'LL NOT WANT ♪

♪ HE MAKES ME DOWN
TO LIE ♪

♪ IN PASTURES GREEN ♪

♪ HE LEADETH ME... ♪

Archie:
I'M GOING TO READ A POEM.

WHICH, JUDGING BY
THE THUMBMARKS IN THIS BOOK,

MUST HAVE BEEN ONE
OF MY FATHER'S FAVORITES.

BUT THEN I'M... ONLY JUST
BEGINNING TO REALIZE

THAT THERE WAS A LOT MORE
TO MY FATHER THAN MET THE EYE.

AND I WONDER WHAT COULD

AND SHOULD HAVE BEEN
SPOKEN OF BETWEEN US,

BUT NOW NEVER WILL.

"OH YE, WHOSE CHEEK
THE TEAR OF PITY STAINS,

DRAW NEAR
WITH PIOUS REVERENCE

AND ATTEND."

Molly:
I'D LIKE YOU TO HEAR
A PIECE OF MUSIC THAT IS--

WAS VERY DEAR
TO HECTOR AND MYSELF.

AND IT'S HOW I'D LIKE
TO REMEMBER MY HUSBAND,

WITH A LIVELY SPRING
IN HIS STEP.

( scratchy recording plays )

♪ Love is
the sweetest thing ♪

♪ What else on Earth
could ever bring ♪

♪ Such happiness
to everything ♪

♪ As love's old story ♪

♪ Love is
the strangest thing ♪

♪ No song of birds
upon the wing ♪

♪ Such happiness
to everything... ♪

I WON'T BE A MOMENT.
I'M ALL RIGHT.

WHY DID YOU HAVE
TO RUSH OFF LIKE THAT?

( barking )

OH, USELESS, USELESS.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
YOU SWEET LITTLE THING.

- ( Molly sobbing )
- ( bagpipes playing )

THANK YOU.

GOODBYE, MY FRIEND.

GOOD DOG.

Archie:
THANK YOU ALL
FOR HELPING LEXIE AND I

PREPARE FOR
OUR SPECIAL DAY.

AS YOU KNOW,
WE ONLY HAVE A FEW HOURS
TO GET THE HOUSE READY

SO LET'S GET TO WORK.

ANY QUESTIONS,
JUST COME AND SEE ME.

SHE'LL MAKE SOMEBODY
A LOVELY MOTHER-IN-LAW
ONE DAY.

NO, I TOLD YOU.
LUNCHEON'S TO BE SERVED
IN THE BALLROOM.

- YEAH, BUT--
- NO "BUTS."
BACK YOU GO.

UH, UH, UH.
WHERE'RE YOU GOING?

- SHE SAYS--
- USELESS MEN. WE DECIDED,
DIDN'T WE, DARLING?

THAT WE SHOULD ALL
HOGDOWN IN THE BALLROOM.

NO, WE DIDN'T.
YOU DECIDED.

I WANT
THE RECEPTION THROUGH THERE.
TAKE IT BACK THROUGH.

BUT THE BALLROOM
IS SUCH A NICE ROOM.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY,
MOTHERS KNOW BEST.

- NO, MY MOTHER DOESN'T.
- DON'T BE UNGRACIOUS, DEARIE.

DON'T FORGET WHO'S PUTTING
HER HAND IN HER POCKET
FOR ALL THIS.

NOW LISTEN TO ME.
DON'T YOU START--

- PREPARATIONS ALL IN HAND?
- YEAH, THEY'RE FINE, MOLLY,
THANKS.

GOOD. I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T
BEEN ABLE TO HELP,

BUT I'M NOT FEELING...

- DO YOU WANT ME
TO GET YOU ANYTHING?
- NO, NOT REALLY.

IT'LL BE LOVELY TO HEAR
LAUGHTER IN THE HOUSE AGAIN.

NOW... WHERE WERE WE?

LOOK, JUST DO
WHAT YOU WANT.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE
GOING TO DO ANYWAY.

OH, DEAR.

( sobbing )
OH, DEAR.

HECTOR.

( knocking )

- Joe: MOLLY,
ARE YOU IN THERE?
- NO.

I HOPE YOU'RE DECENT
BECAUSE I'M COMING IN.

GO AWAY,
I HAVEN'T GOT
MY FACE ON.

OH, STUFF AND NONSENSE.
I'M YOUR LITTLE BROTHER,
REMEMBER?

- YOU ALL RIGHT, OLD GIRL?
- YES, THANKS, PERFECTLY FINE.

OH, MOLLY, MOLLY.

YOU LOOKED AFTER
EVERYONE ELSE, DIDN'T YOU?

- WHAT ABOUT TOMORROW?
- I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.

ARCHIE NEEDS YOU,
NOT ONLY FOR THE WEDDING,

- BUT THIS MONEY BUSINESS.
- I KNOW, I KNOW.

I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO--

GET MYSELF TOGETHER.

ROUSE MYSELF.

THAT'S GOOD.

THAT'S VERY GOOD.

THANK YOU.

IT'S NOT FINISHED YET.

IT'S GOT SOMETHING
MISSING BUT I DON'T
QUITE KNOW WHAT IT IS.

THAT'S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO.
FINISH THE PORTRAIT.

HOW'S THAT GOING
TO HELP ARCHIE?

YOU LEAVE IT TO ME.

I'VE GOT A BEEZER
OF AN IDEA.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN
THE SAME.

NO MATTER HOW HARD
I TRY TO PLEASE
MY WEE GIRL,

ALL I GET IS LIP.

I JUST HAPPENED TO MENTION
I THOUGHT THE CAKE

WAS A WEE BIT
ON THE SMALL SIDE,
AND SHE THROWS ME OUT.

SHE WOULDN'T EVEN
TRAVEL IN THE SAME CAR
UP TO THE HOTEL.

SOMETHING ABOUT
THERE NOT BEING ENOUGH
ROOM ON MY BROOMSTICK.

Pammy:
HOW COME YOU'RE
SO GOOD AT THIS, ANYWAY?

I THOUGHT THIS WAS
A GAME FOR WEE FAT LUGS

CALLED "JOCKEY"
OR "AUCKEY" OR SOMETHING.

I USED TO PLAY
AGAINST MY HOUSEBOY
IN KENYA.

OH, AND DID YOU THRASH HIM
LIKE YOU'RE THRASHING ME?

SADLY, NO.

SO, JOLYON,
IT'S TIME FOR A GIRL

TO ASK A CHAP ABOUT
HIS INTENTIONS.

YOU HAVEN'T SAID WHAT
WE'RE PLAYING FOR.

OR INDEED, WHY YOU'VE BEEN
TRYING TO GET ME PISHED

FOR THE LAST TWO HOURS.

WELL, PAMMY,
HOW SHALL I PUT THIS?

I GATHER THAT
YOU'RE RATHER RICH.

( chuckles )

OH, CARY,
YOU DISAPPOINT ME.

THAT'S NOT HOW
IT GOES IN THE MOVIES.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD
A WEE BIT MORE CLASS.

NO, IT'S NOT FOR ME.
I'M RIPPED TO THE WIDE.

HOMELESS AS WELL
AS HOPELESS,

BUT I'M TRYING TO HELP
YOUR ONLY DAUGHTER

AND MY ONLY NEPHEW.

I SEE.

WILLIE, ANOTHER VODKA
IN THERE FOR MOTHER TERESA.

HELLO, LEXIE.
JOINING THE LOCAL GENTRY,
SO I HEAR.

WHAT'S A POOR GIRL TO DO
WHEN YOU'RE THE ONLY
ALTERNATIVE?

NOW AWAY AND POUR ME
A PINT OF GUINNESS.

THERE'S A GOOD BOY.

- THAT'S MY GIRL.
- JUST BLUSTER.

I'M REALLY NOT
LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS.

LISTEN, ARCH--

YOO-HOO!

I'VE GOT THE MIXERS
FOR THE COCKTAILS.

WHAT IS YOUR PLEASURE?

TEQUILA SLAMMER?

COME ON.
SAVE ALL THAT FOR
TOMORROW NIGHT.

HAVE A GOOD HEN NIGHT.

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

PAMELA?

I'M SO EXCITED AND THRILLED.
I'VE BEEN WRACKING MY BRAINS

ABOUT WHAT TO GIVE
YOU TWO SWEETHEARTS
FOR A WEDDING PRESENT.

I'M SURE THE OLD PLACE
HAS GOT PLENTY OF TOWELS.

YEP, THAT IS ONE THING
WE DO HAVE PLENTY OF.

ALL YOUR PROBLEMS
ARE OVER, ARCHIE.

CALL IT LEXIE'S STAKE
IN THE FAMILY BUSINESS.

I'M SORRY,
I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND.

THESE DEATH DUTIES.

YOU WILL LET ME TAKE CARE
OF THEM FOR YOU, WON'T YOU?

PAMELA, THAT'S EXTRAORDINARILY
GENEROUS OF YOU--

NO PROBLEM.
WE CAN EASILY AFFORD IT,
ERIC AND ME.

- I APPRECIATE THAT. IT'S--
- LISTEN TO ME A WEE MINUTE.

YOU KNOW THAT THINGS
HAVEN'T ALWAYS

BEEN SO GOOD BETWEEN
LEXIE AND ME.

JUST LIKE THEY WERE
WITH YOU AND YOUR DADDY.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE AMENDS...
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

YOU GET ME?
BESIDES...

IT WOULD GIVE YOU
A PROPER START.

I JUST WANT MY WEE GIRL
TO BE HAPPY, THAT'S ALL
I CARE ABOUT.

SO, WHAT
DO YOU SAY?

WELL, WHAT CAN I SAY?

I ACCEPT.

THIS IS LOVELY, LEX.
IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH
OF MY OWN WEDDING.

WHICH ONE?

THE FIRST-- THE BEST,
YOUR DADDY.

OH, I KNOW
IT ALL WENT A WEE BIT
PEAR-SHAPED LATER ON,

BUT, SEE WHEN
HE WEDDED ME

AND THEN BEDDED ME,
IT WAS FANTASTIC.

WHAT WE HAD,
YOUR DADDY AND ME,

IT GLEAMED AND SHONE,
LIKE MY NEW PEARLS HERE.

THAT'S FUNNY, I DON'T QUITE
REMEMBER IT LIKE THAT.

NO, WELL, THE SHINE
DID GO.

AND BACK THEN,
THE PEARLS WERE FAKE.

AND I'M SORRY,
PET LAMB.

I KNOW IT WAS
NO PICNIC FOR YOU
GROWING UP.

I'M SORRY
FOR YOU TOO, MOM.

I REALLY AM.

AND I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN
A BIT SNIPPY IN THE PAST
FEW DAYS.

JUST BEEN WORRIED SICK.

- MOSTLY ABOUT ARCHIE.
- WHY, DARLING?

BECAUSE I KNOW BEHIND
THAT BRAVE FACE HE'S
IN A BAD WAY.

ABOUT HECTOR,
AND THERE'S THESE
DEATH DUTIES NOW.

- WHAT?
- NOTHING.

- WHAT?
- IT'S A SURPRISE.

OH, BUTTONHOLES,
GOT TO GET BUTTONHOLES.

- LEXIE...?
- YOUR LITTLE SECRET'S OUT.

SHE JUST COULDN'T HELP
HERSELF, COULD SHE?

- SHE JUST HAD TO SHOW OFF.
- LOOK, I CAN EXPLAIN--

YOU DON'T NEED TO
EXPLAIN ANYTHING TO ME
ABOUT MY MOTHER, ARCH.

I KNOW ALL
THERE IS TO KNOW.

AND I KNOW WHAT THIS
STUNT IS ALL ABOUT.

SHE'S TRYING TO CONTROL
MY LIFE.

THE WAY IT'S ALWAYS BEEN.

I'M SURE SHE'S NOT
TRYING TO DO THAT.

ARCH, YOU'RE THINKING
LIKE A TREE STUMP.

YOU DON'T KNOW HER
LIKE I KNOW HER.

GIVE HER ONE INCH,
AND SHE'S LIKE A PUMA
IN A PARROT HOUSE.

- I THOUGHT IT WOULD
BE GOOD FOR BOTH OF YOU.
- WELL, YOU WERE WRONG.

LOOK... IN ANY CASE,

THIS MARRIAGE ISN'T
ABOUT ME AND MY MOTHER.

AND IT'S NOT ABOUT

TRYING TO EASE MOLLY'S PAIN,
OR YOUR GUILT--

AS MUCH
AS I'D LIKE THAT--

BUT IT'S ABOUT
ME AND YOU,

AND THE FEELINGS
WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER.

I DON'T FEEL GUILT
ABOUT MY FATHER.

NO?

THEN TELL ME,

TELL ME WHAT
IS GOING ON IN HERE.

'CAUSE IT SEEMS TO ME

THE ARCHIE I KNOW
AND I LOVE,

IS IN REAL PAIN.

THINGS WERE--

THINGS WERE VERY BAD
BETWEEN US WHEN HE WENT.

AS BAD AS THEY
HAD EVER BEEN.

I ALWAYS FELT LIKE I WAS
A DISAPPOINTMENT TO HIM.

JAMIE WAS THE GOLDEN BOY
AND I--

I WASN'T.

WHATEVER I DID,
I COULD NEVER ESCAPE THAT.

WE SAID SOME VERY
BITTER THINGS

TO EACH OTHER
AT THE END.

WELL, I DID TO HIM.

AND I FEEL SO BAD
ABOUT THAT BECAUSE

I'M BEGINNING TO THINK
I MIGHT HAVE MISJUDGED HIM.

THERE'S NOTHING I,
OR ANYONE ELSE, CAN DO
ABOUT THAT,

EXCEPT FATHER, MAYBE...

BUT HE'S NOT HERE, IS HE?

I WISH I COULD DO
SOMETHING TO HELP YOU.

YOU DO, YOU DO.

I'M IN THE MIDDLE
OF SOMETHING HERE.

AND I'M TRYING TO GET THROUGH
TO THE OTHER SIDE.

AND I WILL,

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE GOING
TO BE THERE WAITING FOR ME.

AND ONCE
WE'RE MARRIED--

SEE, THIS IS WHAT
I'M AFRAID OF.

IT'S NOT A MARRIAGE,

IT'S A THERAPY SESSION.

I'M THE ONLY ONE WHO'S
NOT GETTING ANY TREATMENT.

REMEMBER WHAT YOUR FATHER
SAID WHEN WE TOLD HIM?

HIS CURSE?

HE SAID IT WOULD ALL
END IN TEARS, DIDN'T HE?

WELL, HE WAS RIGHT.

( Lexie sobs )

LEXIE, WAIT!

( door slams )

I'M RATHER CROSS
WITH YOU.

RUSHING OFF LIKE THAT.

YOU LEFT ARCHIE
IN RATHER A BAD STATE.

THE BOY'S LOST.

WHAT AM I
GOING TO DO WITH HIM?

OR YOU?

I WONDER...

FATHER...?

WHA--?

GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

MOTHER?

MORNING, ARCHIE.
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?

FINE, FINE.

- IT'S JUST THAT...
- DO YOU LIKE YOUR ROSE?

YES.

- YOU'VE GOT ONE TOO?
- OF COURSE.

YOU BETTER GET READY
BECAUSE THERE'S A JOB

I WANT YOU TO DO BEFORE
WE LEAVE FOR THE CHURCH.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

NO...
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

Archie:
IS HE STRAIGHT?

AS MUCH AS HE EVER WAS.
LEANING TO THE RIGHT.

DITTO.

THAT'S IT.

YOU'VE GOT HIM
JUST FINE, MOLLY.

HIS EYES FOLLOW YOU
EVERYWHERE.

HAVE YOU NOTICED?

I'M GLAD YOU DID IT
WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE.

WOULDN'T WANT HIM GLOWERING
AT ME FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

HE'LL ALWAYS BE SMILING
ON YOU, ARCHIE.

TIME WE WERE OFF.
ARE YOU READY?

YES, MOTHER,
I THINK I AM.

YOU LOOK
FAN-DABBY-DOZY.

CHEER UP,
IT MIGHT NEVER HAPPEN.

I FEEL TERRIBLE.

- WHY, DARLING?
- WHAT I SAID TO ARCHIE,

AFTER ALL HE'S BEEN THROUGH,
HE REALLY NEEDED ME THERE.

I JUST LET HIM DOWN.

THAT BOY'S TOUGHER
THAN HE LOOKS,
MARK MY WORDS.

MOM, COULD YOU JUST
LEAVE ME ALONE
FOR A MINUTE?

I JUST WANT TO GET
MY HEAD TOGETHER.

I'LL COME "ZHOOSH" YOU
IN A BIT.

OKAY.

SHOULD I BRING YOUR
BAIT AND BAP?

NO.

( sighs )

( whispers )
COURAGE.

MOLLY, I THINK YOU'LL FIND
I'VE SORTED EVERYTHING OUT
FOR ARCHIE.

HAVE YOU, JOE?
HOW CLEVER OF YOU.

BUT HE'LL JUST HAVE
TO STRUGGLE ALONG
IN MY ABSENCE.

WHY? WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?

PAMELA HAS ASKED ME
TO STAY WITH HER AND ERIC.

THEY HAVE A LUXURY
BUNGALOW OUTSIDE GLASGOW.

( rings )

WHERE'S THE BRIDE?
I'M THROWING HER AWAY.

DUNCAN, HAVE YOU SEEN LEXIE?
I CAN'T FIND HER ANYWHERE.

THAT'S 'CAUSE
SHE'S NOT HERE.

- ( in unison ) WHAT?
- I JUST SAW HER GET
ON THE BUS.

LET'S FACE IT,
ARCHIE,

SHE ALWAYS HAS HAD
A TENDENCY TO OVERCOOK THINGS.

- ARCHIE!
- IT'S LEXIE.

SHE'S DONE A RUNNER.

RIGHT!

Pamela:
ARCHIE, YOU DRIVE.

Kilwillie:
GET IN HERE. OOH!

Golly: ON, LADDY!

COME ON, ARCHIBALD,
PUSH THE PEDAL TO THE METAL.

- SHE GOT A GOOD START.
- WHERE IS SHE RUNNING TO?

- PROBABLY
TO MY SISTER'S IN DUNDEE.
- SHE MUST BE DESPERATE.

Kilwillie:
HOLY MOSES!

PLEASE COME ON, WE'RE LATE.
MAKE TRACKS!

OH, ARCHIE.

Kilwillie:
DRIVE, DRIVE!

Molly:
NOT TOO FAST.
NOT TOO FAST!

- Golly: ON, LADDY!
- Duncan: WHOA!

( Golly chuckles )

THERE SHE COMES!

COME ON, ARCH.
YOU'VE GOT TO DO IT!

Kilwillie:
THERE SHE IS.

( all scream )

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- ARCHIE, MIND MY CADILLAC!

I KNOW WHAT
I'M DOING.

Duncan:
OH, NO, THE BUS.

Driver:
WHAT THE--?

HI... HELLO.

HI.

Archie:
TRYING TO DODGE
YOUR FARE, EH?

- ARCHIE--
- I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE
YOUR MOTHER'S MONEY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
WE'LL DO, BUT WE'LL
DO IT TOGETHER.

AND AS FOR THE WEDDING,
YOU WERE RIGHT-- WRONG TIME,
WRONG PLACE.

WHEN WE DO GET MARRIED

THERE'LL BE NO
CLOUDS IN THE SKY.

AND THE ONLY
FEELINGS WILL BE
JOY AND SERENITY

AND A CERTAINTY
THAT EVERYTHING
IS GONNA BE OKAY.

I LOVE YOU TO BITS, LEX.

WILL YOU MARRY ME?

I'VE GOT
VERY COLD FEET.

- I'LL WARM THEM UP FOR YOU.
- YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THIS.

I AM.

ARCHIE,

IF I AGREED, I WOULDN'T
JUST BE MARRYING YOU,

I'D BE MARRYING
A DOZEN OTHER PEOPLE.

WHATEVER MAKES YOU
SAY THAT?

LOOK, LEX, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO DECIDE NOW,

BUT JUST
COME WITH ME.

COME HOME.

DO YOU NOT SEE?

I GOT A RETURN TICKET.

( giggles )

All:
OH-HH!

( applause )

HEY!
HEY-YY!

( theme music playing )