Original subtitles

RETURNING OFFICER: Being the returning officer

for the Wakefield constituency,

I hereby give notice

that the total number of votes recorded

for each candidate are as follows...

♪ ("OUR HOUSE" BY CROSBY, STILLS, NASH & YOUNG PLAYING) ♪

...Dooling, David Michael, Liberal Democrat,

5,153.

(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

CROWD MEMBER 1: Well done.

RETURNING OFFICER: Stokes, Nancy, Green Party,

2,322.

- CROWD MEMBER 2: Yeah! - (CROWD APPLAUDING)

RETURNING OFFICER: Muck, Reginald Henry Ferrers de Chartley Norton,

Conservative Party,

- 16,454. - Yes!

(CROWD CHEERING)

(CROWD APPLAUDING)

RETURNING OFFICER: Skibber, Peter Gary, Reform UK,

7,356.

(CROWD MEMBERS CHEERING)

RETURNING OFFICER: Binface, Count, the Count Binface Party,

309.

(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

Bevan, Jennifer, Labour Party.

- 17,892. - (CROWD CHEERING LOUDLY)

I declare Jennifer Bevan the MP for Wakefield.

♪ Our house ♪

♪ Is a very, very Very fine house ♪

♪ With two cats... ♪

JENNIFER BEVAN: After nearly an entire generation

of Conservative austerity,

the winds of change are finally at our backs...

(CROWD CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

♪ And our ♪

♪ La-la, la-la-la-la-la ♪

- ♪ La-la-la-la-la... ♪ - (HENRY MUCK SOBBING)

Hey, hey, listen.

At least you don't have to keep fucking Margaret Thatcher now.

(BOTH LAUGH)

YASMIN KARA-HANANI: Hey.

(SOBS, CHUCKLES)

Thing is,

I'm an omnivore.

I liked fucking Maggie T.

She liked it too.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Aw, I'm so sorry.

♪ With two cats in the yard ♪

♪ Life used to be so ♪

- (CURTAINS RATTLING) - ♪ (SONG STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪

(GROANS)

Oh, fuck.

(GROANS)

You'll miss elevenses.

Time is it? (SIGHS)

Your uncle's been dressed and prowling around downstairs

for about five hours.

- (HENRY GROANS) - (BED CREAKING)

I stayed in London last night.

Claridge's.

(GROANS) That sounds expensive.

- Yeah, well, big bed for one. - (CURTAIN RATTLING)

I can do that.

(HENRY SIGHS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING IN DISTANCE)

We're celebrating you tonight.

I'd really rather not have to explain away your absence

at your 40th as well.

Molly, can you, um, fetch my breeks?

Don't worry if they're not ironed or anything.

I really thought we might get a moment's privacy.

Are you gonna be peg-totty?

No, actually, I, um...

I have to receive that lovely queer florist from Mells.

- Do you, uh... - (CURTAINS RATTLING)

I just said that I would do that!

Yasmin.

You have to let her fulfill her function.

Just let her do the fucking curtains.

♪ (DRAMATIC OPERATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Right.

Happy birthday, darling.

(HENRY GROANS)

- MOLLY: I'm sorry, sir. - (GRUNTS)

No, don't worry.

She's learning.

Oh, fuck.

- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - (BIRDS CHIRPING IN DISTANCE)

(CLOCK TICKING)

Alexander, have you been introduced

to Jennifer Bevan yet?

Junior minister. The young lady we lost to.

I, um... I had her at a dinner last month.

ALEXANDER NORTON: I'm surprised that none of the senior ministers

have reached out yet.

It's been ten weeks already.

YASMIN: Well, Labour don't think they need the tabloids.

We backed them.

Only after you knew they'd win. (CHUCKLES)

So you think I'm yesterday's man?

YASMIN: No.

No. Not at all.

But maybe not tomorrow's.

You could say that legacy media

isn't exactly courting the voters of tomorrow.

I think Jenni could help on that front.

So I've invited her to Henry's birthday party tonight.

- NORTON: Good. - YASMIN: Hmm.

(CLOCK CONTINUES TICKING)

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(WATCH TICKING RHYTHMICALLY)

YASMIN: It was in your father's credenza.

I had it serviced.

Will you, uh... Will you excuse me?

(CHAIR SCRAPES)

We'll get him there.

- (BREATHES SHAKILY) - (DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

BEACH BEACH: Beautiful day for a birthday, sir.

- (SHOTGUN THUDDING) - (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(SHOTGUN THUDDING)

BEACH: Was there something I could help with, sir?

No, I was just, um... I was just cleaning my gun.

BEACH: Leave it to me, sir.

Beach, the, um...

lock on the armory's a little sticky.

Maybe a touch of WD-40?

BEACH: Very good, sir.

(SHOTGUN THUDDING)

You know what?

Better yet...

- change the lock. - (KEYS JANGLING)

We have, uh... We have guests coming.

Who knows what ancient antipathies

will have people sprinting for the armory, eh?

BEACH: (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Very good, sir.

♪ (BROODING DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Do you realize your behavior is unacceptable?

This listlessness is one thing, but when it manifests as apathy

for your life, your wife...

No one expects you to be uxorious,

but you're being callous.

What's the path out of this?

SSRIs, CBT, another cocktail of acronyms,

praying for the right dosage at the right interval.

Some other arsehole telling me

to make sure my eyes see sunlight first thing.

Why don't you try lithium again?

'Cause it made me fat.

Better than this.

- Do you love her? - Of course I fucking do.

The lithium muted everything.

I mean, you try living your life

without feeling the upper reaches

of any emotion.

Oh no. Oh no. Hang on a moment. (LAUGHS)

Your father wouldn't have indulged.

Well, no fucking shit!

He didn't end up indulging it in himself either.

You need to find some structure!

There's only so much she'll take.

(HENRY CHUCKLES)

Where's she gonna go, really?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Fuck my father and his genetic inheritance.

Today was always going to be difficult.

- He loved you. - No.

No, no, no.

He left me.

Do you know what would have been more loving?

A fucking vasectomy.

I sometimes think about what you saw.

It was an unimaginable horror.

- (SCOFFS SOFTLY) - ♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(SHOTGUN COCKING)

HENRY: What if I finished you here?

The dislocation you feel isn't going anywhere.

Normal people don't feel like this!

You can ignore it, numb it, drown it out,

or...

integrate it into your life.

Step by step.

Day by day.

One day...

you'll find you've walked out of the woods.

♪ (RHYTHMIC DRUMMING OVERLAPPING) ♪

(GUNSHOT ECHOING)

♪ ("YOU AND ME" BY PENNY AND THE QUARTERS PLAYING) ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ You and me ♪

♪ Nobody baby But you and me... ♪

- (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - HENRY: Hmm.

(DOOR OPENS)

♪ My, my, my, my My, my, my, my... ♪

- (SOFTLY) Hi. - ♪ ("YOU AND ME" CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND) ♪

Um, my aunt sent a very late RSVP,

so she's coming.

She's on Charles's side.

She as problematic as him?

I really want us to start looking

at each other properly again.

I want...

I want you to see me.

I want to look at you and I want you to look at me.

You know, actually look at me.

Stand up.

(YASMIN SIGHS)

- ♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪ - (WATER TRICKLING)

- ♪ Nobody baby but you and me ♪ - ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

- ♪ You and me ♪ - ♪ My, my, my, my, my, my.. ♪

(WATER SPLASHING)

(YASMIN CLEARS THROAT)

♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ Nobody baby but you and me ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪ - (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

- ♪ You and me ♪ - ♪ My, my, my, my, my ♪

- ♪ My, my, my ♪ - ♪ Nobody baby but you and me ♪

(YASMIN CHUCKLES)

♪ When love is real You don't have to show it... ♪

(WATER SPLASHING RHYTHMICALLY)

- (EXHALES SOFTLY) - (WATER CONTINUES SPLASHING)

(HENRY BREATHING DEEPLY)

(WATER CONTINUES SPLASHING)

(HENRY BREATHES HEAVILY)

- (SPLASHING QUICKENS) - (BATHTUB SQUEAKS)

Yasmin, stop.

- It’s okay... - Just... Please. Please. Please stop.

♪ (VOCALIST VOCALIZING) ♪

Look, if you want to fuck other men,

you can, all right?

YASMIN: (SIGHS) You have a 2:00 p.m. with Whitney.

(SIGHS)

- ♪ You and me, baby ♪ - (DOOR SLAMS)

♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ (DISCORDANT NOTES PLAY ON HARPSICHORD) ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

TOUR GUIDE: The Grey Lady, Lady Henrietta Fairfax,

is the house's most famous ghost.

She died of a broken heart when her paramour,

her valet, was murdered by her husband.

Her husband, headless,

is also said to stalk the grounds.

Oh, I'm sorry, Sir Henry.

Yeah, you're not meant to be in this part

of the fucking house!

- (CLOCK TICKING) - (TOUR GUIDE HESITATES)

HENRY: I'm sorry, can you, uh...

Can you just leave me alone?

TOUR GUIDE: Come on now, children.

Let's go down this corridor, quick as you like now.

(TOUR GUIDE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)

♪ (PLAYING "MUSIC FOR THE FUNERAL OF QUEEN MARY") ♪

Mr. Halberstram to see you, sir.

At Lady Muck's invitation.

♪ (CONTINUES PLAYING) ♪

- Put your clothes on, Henry. - ♪ (STOPS PLAYING) ♪

♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

WHITNEY HALBERSTRAM: How are you, Sir Henry?

One hundred percent well.

I'm here to ask you one single thing.

What do you want to do next?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

Uh, I needed the entire party machine

and my uncle

to win a safe seat by-election.

I was an MP for six months, prison minister for 72 days.

Oh, and I, um...

I ran a public utility into administration.

WHITNEY: Lumi didn't fail 'cause of the clarity of your vision.

Your timing was off.

That's it.

You had the highest approval ratings

of any cabinet minister,

your commitment to leveling up in the north,

you pushed to renationalize the probation service

against your party's tribal instincts.

The agenda was working.

You were just, uh, undermined

by the prime minister's myopic decision

to call an early election.

I failed upwards, and then failed totally.

There are no second acts.

In American life.

I'm not sure the same can be said for the Brits.

I'm a fraud touched by success.

No. You're just telling the wrong story.

You're a success who believes he's a fraud. Really...

You're a leader in your bones.

And what great man has lived a life without friction?

♪ (INTRIGUING DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(BIRDS CHIRPING IN DISTANCE)

(SPUTTERS, LAUGHS)

You can't be serious with this shit, Yas.

I look like Elton John.

No, you look fucking adorable.

(CHUCKLES)

Did you, um, have a nice meeting with Whitney?

Could there be a role for you at Tender?

Did you brief him on how to puff me up?

YASMIN: Anything he said about you, he believes.

(CHUCKLES)

It's just the shoes. (CHUCKLES)

I really want you to sleep in here tonight.

(HESITATES)

People are waiting downstairs.

(DOOR CREAKS)

(DOOR SHUTS)

♪ ("I.O.U." BY FREEEZ PLAYING) ♪

OTTO MOSTYN: You look spectacular, darling.

Thank you.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Sorry. Sorry. (CHUCKLES)

Sorry. Auntie!

Oh my God.

Yasmin!

- You look gorgeous. - No, you look gorgeous.

OTTO: Start with the macro,

- then go micro. - I am so glad you're here.

(LAUGHS)

Probably best not to joke

about absent 40-year-olds in this house.

CORDELIA HANANI-SPYRKA: Otto's aged into his looks.

- He's fucking disgusting. - (LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES)

- Oh, thank you. - Thank you.

OTTO: Her cunt was so wet,

you could use it to poach a monkfish.

(WHISPERS) I've met someone.

- What? - (WHISPERS) He's young.

Does Uncle Piotr know?

But I'm... I'm, um...

I'm having really strong feelings

of life beginning again.

I mean, I know I'm older, but I'm...

I feel younger.

That probably makes me a terrible person.

- YASMIN: No! - I just... (CHUCKLES)

(WHISPERS) Can I tell you what he says to me?

YASMIN: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

He says, "Bend over so I can see it."

(BOTH LAUGH)

Fuck.

And just hearing this 29-year-old

giving me these little orders...

honestly, it's fucking better

than any one of my children being born.

I mean, I'm just kidding, but...

(BREATHES DEEPLY) ...maybe I'm not.

Does it make me a bad mother to want to be fucked?

- No, I don't think so. - (SIGHS)

How are the first few months of married life?

I'm a spectator and a caregiver.

Darling, that's not a partnership.

You... You cannot be too afraid of what you'll lose.

You'll become too pliant,

and then you will lose it. It's self-fulfilling.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(WHISPERS) It doesn't matter

how much a man tells you that he loves you.

You never give them unconditional love

because they will weaponize it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they worship us

and they fill us up with their secrets

and load us up with their insecurities

and then they fuck all their fears into us.

And then they kill us.

Over and over.

Lovers, fathers, husbands.

It is the historical common denominator.

They love murdering women.

♪ (FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

A little dispassion, it could save you.

Get off your knees.

♪ (MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE) ♪

(OWL HOOTING)

(GASPS)

KITCHEN STAFF 1: Make sure those sprouts are blanched properly, please.

No cranberry sauce,

Lord Norton abhors it, remember.

- (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - KITCHEN STAFF 2: Oy, oy!

(NORTON CLEARS THROAT)

Neat trick.

"'Labour's tax plans are anti-business, '

says British Industry Federation."

We're just printing what we're told.

But the prominence of that headline is alarmist.

You're talking us into a recession.

I'm trying to stop you governing us into a recession.

I think about my readers,

and their often meager pay packets.

I think what Jenni is trying to say

is that her party won't be bullied

by your headlines

just because they won't come and kiss the ring.

So you brought her here to do it for them?

Jenni's her own woman.

More plainly, Lisa Dearn is a business secretary

who is anti-business.

I don't know what it says about the state of the country

that the wealth divide between North

and South Kensington is now wider

than North and South Korea,

but economics,

fundamentally, is a question of public humor and moods,

and it's a question of tone.

Currently, you still set it, and I see that,

even if Lisa chooses to imagine a world

in which that's no longer the case.

♪ ("SUITE FOR JAZZ ORCHESTRA NO. 2" BY DMITRI SHOSTAKOVICH PLAYING)

♪ ("SUITE FOR JAZZ ORCHESTRA NO. 2" CONTINUES) ♪

WHITNEY: I understand this is the greatest collection

of Turners outside of Petworth.

HENRY: Yeah, well, life wasn't a romance then

and it isn't a romance now, so...

Well, Nietzsche killed God.

Factories started burning coal.

It was game over for community.

It was just the beginning for men like us.

Men like... us?

WHITNEY: You want something you don't have.

I want everything you have already.

That's all the fraternity we need.

My wife suggested

you wanted to offer me some small,

non-exec role at Tender.

We were in the process of doing an executive parade for CEO,

but I convinced my board we could expedite it.

Move fast and break things is fine

for the first decade of a company,

but longevity in Britain is about access.

I'm building a one-stop shop.

An in-your-pocket democratic financial institution

for everyone from the working man

to the wealthiest plutocrat, inclusive.

To call it a bank would be to undersell it.

It's a bank killer.

And I need a partner.

A native partner.

A CEO who can triangulate our political and media message.

You started your rehabilitation in politics.

I want you to finish it with me.

Well, all they have is that boat.

♪ ("SUITE FOR JAZZ ORCHESTRA NO. 2" CONTINUES) ♪

♪ (MUSIC SWELLS) ♪

- (SNORTING) - ♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪

(DOOR OPENS)

♪ ("FASCINATED" BY COMPANY B PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪

(TAPPING ON TABLE)

Oh my God.

Why the fuck are you not fucking dressed?

- Fuck's sake. - You need me to dress you now?

You're not enough of a fucking infant?

Yeah, and engineering meetings for me?

Henry, if someone admires your talent enough

to offer you a new purpose in life...

Sorry, sorry, sorry. "Talent"?

What fucking talent?

Tell me, why did we buy that shed in Wakefield

- if you didn't even vote for me? - Oh, grow up. I've never voted.

What fucking difference would my vote make?

What, for the proletariat?

Oh, I'm sorry. Uh, too close to home?

What does that mean?

It means my circumstances are fixed.

They're fucking cast iron.

There's only one consequential thing

- I can do with my life. - Oh, God, Henry,

what is this suicide-as-poetry bullshit?

Do you realize that oblivion won't be macho?

It won't be cinematic, you stupid fucking idiot!

It will be procedural.

It will be boring, and it will be small.

Another event for me to organize.

A few tears, a black dress,

and then the rest of my fucking life.

Because despite loving you, which I think I still do, Henry,

I will forget you.

I will fucking forget you! I promise you!

So you don't seem to understand.

I can't get out from under this!

- Where was the romance in your father's death? - (MUTTERS) My father...

Hmm? Where was the fucking glamour in that one?

How dare you ask me that?

You told me he walked out onto the moor

one morning and was alone.

It's not true, is it, Henry?

Your uncle told me.

He also told me that he frittered everything away

and lived here under his brother-in-law's charity.

Shut the fuck up!

You don't understand what the fuck you're talking about!

Don't touch me!

You want to be so fucking self-involved

and self-pitying that you are...

Look at you. You're fucking disabled.

(PANTS) Not me.

If you don't take Whitney's offer,

we are going to have a serious conversation,

and it won't be emotional like this.

It will be fucking practical! Do you hear me?

Where are you gonna go?

What, you're gonna walk back

into the slur of your family's name?

We have a watertight prenup.

Oh. Roll up your sleeve.

Hmm?

Go on. Roll up your fucking sleeve, do it.

♪ ("FASCINATED" CONTINUES PLAYING) ♪

There's a clause in our prenup about you using.

What about the adultery clause?

- (MUTTERS) - (SNORTS)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

I have been unfulfilled.

And I have never been unfaithful.

You are in control.

No one else. I can't fucking do anything!

Please, Henry, please!

Put your big boy clothes on, go downstairs,

and just... just try and face our public.

You know, when we were engaged...

you couldn't keep your hands off me.

(CHUCKLES)

I mean, there are a million reasons

that I fucking hate your drug use

and your sad boy self-regard.

But right now,

I mean, it's simply because it fucking castrates you.

If you can't find it in yourself to fuck me... fuck me...

I mean, maybe you're already fucking dead.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

♪ ("FASCINATED" FADES) ♪

♪ (FOREBODING MUSIC OVERLAPPING) ♪

♪ (DRAMATIC DRUMMING) ♪

(PLASTIC BAG RUSTLING)

- ♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSICAL STING) ♪ - OTTO: Don't follow me into the gents.

Every time a socialist sees something big...

- (HENRY BREATHES HEAVILY) - OTTO: ...and powerful they try and nationalize it.

GUEST 1: Reform just has such an ugly ring to it,

but of course so does the doorbell when...

OTTO: Ah! It's the little prince!

(GUESTS CHEERING)

OTTO: Where the fuck have you been?

About fucking time!

GUEST 2: Silly tosser.

You'd be late to your own fucking funeral.

(GUESTS LAUGH)

Holy shit!

(GUESTS LAUGH)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ (FOREBODING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(LAUGHS)

OTTO: What are you doing?

What the fuck's wrong with her?

- (OTTO LAUGHS) - (LAUGHS)

You look a lot like the woman who I lost the election to.

Now, who the fuck invited you?

Already whored yourself out to my uncle, I see.

Good for you. Good for you.

- (GUESTS GASP) - You're embarrassing yourself.

Yeah, well, that's a pity. Because I fucking love you.

And I know I've been a disappointment to you.

And to you.

I'm sorry I couldn't have been

more of the man you needed me to be.

(GUESTS GASP, MURMUR)

Fuck. (GRUNTS)

(PANTS, GIGGLES)

I didn't know you were coming.

Oh, good, good.

Look how happy you are to see me.

The added spice of surprise.

(CHUCKLES)

- Long journey, Commander? - Oh, hellish, truly.

I need the strongest of strong waters.

You don't want to say hello to anyone?

Please don't make me. Fuck no, that can wait.

(LAUGHS)

Shall we get the fuck out of Dodge?

- Yeah. (CHUCKLES) - Boozer?

- The Norton Arms! - A pint of plain,

a scrap, a hand job off a local.

- (CHUCKLES) - Elysium.

Elysium!

NORTON: Yasmin!

♪ ("CHRISTMAS IS IN THE AIR" PLAYING) ♪

I... I'm so sorry.

This family hates birthdays.

- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ - ♪ ("CHRISTMAS IS IN THE AIR" CONTINUES) ♪

Where did you land work-wise?

Oh, fuck, I dunno. Between things.

Gainful employment is a bourgeois pursuit,

you know that.

(LAUGHING) I don't know where the fuck "Commander" came from.

Imagine me with the discipline to be a military man.

Yeah, I sort of feel if I don't work,

I may as well die, don't you?

Tell me about the barmaids here. Active?

I've found a spit-and-sawdust tryst with a local type

tickles my reptilian brain.

I suspected you were a cheat.

- Oh, fuck off. - (LAUGHS)

I don't see how any sentient mammal

can be true to themselves and be faithful.

Either way, you're living a lie.

You may as well live the lie that gives the most pleasure.

Even if you cause pain?

I mean, fucking a model is the single greatest thing

a man can do to stave feelings of his own mortality.

But sometimes, sometimes...

that ten-a-penny village girl lands perfectly

on the nexus of arousal and disgust.

They have everything to prove and you lack all shame.

You fuck each other like angry pistons.

Yeah, I can't say I've got much of a libido at the moment.

Well, Viagra then. Pornography.

Fucking take responsibility for yourself.

I thought you were a cad. Huh?

Look at me, look at me, fucking...

- None of that darkness shit. - ♪ (EERIE MUSIC OVERLAPPING) ♪

Not tonight, you hear me?

Fucking boring.

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

HARPER STERN: You guys looked so happy at the wedding.

(SNORTS) Well, that's the fucked up thing.

We actually were. (SNIFFS)

Henry was deliriously happy when he showed up.

And then that night, I mean...

(SCOFFS) I've never been fucked like that, ever. I swear.

It... It was actually life-changing.

(SNIFFS)

♪ (DANCE MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE) ♪

(YASMIN SNORTS)

(LIVELY CHATTER IN DISTANCE)

You know, I just feel like all of this stuff...

stuff is like not gonna get you the respect

that you think you deserve.

See, why would you say something like that?

I mean, that kind of thing is gonna hurt my feelings.

Like, why are you here?

What the fuck do you mean, why am I here?

You invited me,

I have business interests here, and clearly, you're lonely.

You're fucking lonely.

Yeah, and so what if I am?

(SIGHS) Fucking exhausting.

I think we should both go to bed.

Well, you can do what you want.

(FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING)

(FLOORBOARDS CREAKING)

Hey.

I just wanted to say thanks for helping me

in the lion's den.

(YASMIN CHUCKLES)

Are you... okay?

Yeah, are you?

(INHALES)

Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

Do you...

Oh. (CHUCKLES)

I haven't boffed a line since uni.

Good night. (CHUCKLES)

Night-night.

♪ ("IS THAT ALL THERE IS?" BY PEGGY LEE PLAYING) ♪

- ♪ Is that all there is? ♪ - (INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ If that's all there is My friends ♪

♪ Then let's keep dancing... ♪

HARPER: You know what I do, right?

Tell me.

(HARPER INHALES)

I work for a fund.

WHITNEY: Mm.

You used to work for a fund.

Is there something you want to ask me?

Um...

You built Tender with Jonah, right?

How do you make a... a work relationship

long-lasting and healthy?

He was a mature MBA, post-computer science,

post-a-lot-of-other-shit when we met.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

He was a great fundraiser.

Hmm. Those doors weren't open to you?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER IN BACKGROUND)

I, uh...

I grew up poor.

(CLEARS THROAT)

HARPER: You don't read that way.

I had a venture.

- Pre-Stanford. - HARPER: Hmm.

Funeral homes. I, uh...

I noticed many had overheads and were running

direct-cremation-only sub-brands, so...

I bought one cheap, cut embalming, too expensive.

Flowers too. Simple wood box.

- No fancy casket. - No.

People like to think of funerals as these loving,

well-attended retrospectives, but that's a fucking myth.

(INHALES)

♪ ("I HAD TOO MUCH TO DREAM LAST NIGHT" BY THE ELECTRIC PRUNES PLAYING) ♪

Yeah.

I mean, you...

It's resourceful.

WHITNEY: Simple volume play.

- Totally. - Margins are better

burning bodies than burying them.

HARPER: Hmm.

WHITNEY: You gonna tuck me in?

(CHUCKLES)

Um...

Not tonight.

- ♪ Your eyes were filled with love ♪ - (CHUCKLES)

♪ The way they used to be ♪

- Good night. - Good night.

♪ Your gentle hand Reached out to comfort me ♪

♪ (MUSIC RISES) ♪

(LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ ...I had too much to dream ♪

♪ I'm not ready To face the light ♪

♪ I had too much to dream ♪

♪ Last night ♪

- (MOANING) - ♪ Last night ♪

♪ I had too much To dream last night ♪

(MOANS LOUDLY)

- ♪ Too much to dream ♪ - (MOANS)

(LAUGHTER)

- (OTTO LAUGHS) - ♪ ...I had too much to dream ♪

- OTTO: God. - (CORDELIA AND OTTO LAUGHING)

- Well! Here. - (MINTS RATTLING)

OTTO: A mint for the cock breath.

You've got a better mouth than your brother.

(SIGHS)

(OTTO SIGHS)

♪ Oh, too much to dream... ♪

Do you want to know about Christ's best miracle?

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

To have 12 good friends in your thirties,

and only one of them sees fit to betray you. (LAUGHS)

Molly, do you mind if we join you?

- Sir Henry. - HENRY: Oh, no, no.

No need for, um, titles tonight. Everybody's off the clock, eh?

Oh, all equal indeed.

Uh, next couple of rounds on me.

- (PATRONS CHEER) - (LAUGHS) The factory boss is doling out tuppence

as a Christmas bonus. How democratic.

Yeah, give it a rest, old boy.

Sir Henry, I'm sorry. I have a confession to make.

Earlier, I hid your... your box.

Your stuff, you know.

So your guests wouldn't see. I hope it wasn't an overstep.

♪ ("MAGICAL MOMENTS" BY ANDERS JOHAN LEWEN AND ANDERS KAMPE PLAYING) ♪

Well, I could fire you for that.

- ♪ Young and old ♪ - ♪ Young and old... ♪

You don't remember me, do you?

I baptized you.

And I married your parents. (CHUCKLES)

I was the parish priest here for a while.

But then, uh, I... I moved back to St. Mary's in Dundee,

while you grew, I suppose.

But then the Lord saw fit to move me back

to this seat, in this pub, to celebrate his son's birth

with all his beautiful sons and daughters.

HENRY: Hey... Mate, mate, mate, mate, mate.

Why don't you give it a rest, okay?

She's not fucking interested.

Rich from you.

- Excuse me? - GEORGE: Nothing. I'll shut up.

Yeah, he doesn't know what he's saying.

He's pissed.

Tell him about his wife, Molly.

MOLLY: George, shut up.

- Nah, tell him. - Tell me what?

MOLLY: I think you should leave.

Nah, if he wants to sit here with us as one of us,

he can take it.

(RAISES VOICE) Tell me what?

Molly says that your wife floats about the house all...

all sad and angry

'cause she knows she doesn't belong in the house.

(GEORGE GRUNTS)

- (LIVELY CHATTER) - (GEORGE BREATHES DEEPLY)

And the lads call her Stable Girl,

'cause she likes horse cocks and she likes it rough.

(CHUCKLING) Rumor is she takes it up the shitter dry

and she sounds like a North London yid.

Shine your shoes, boy.

- (SUPRISED CHATTER) - (HENRY GRUNTS)

- ♪ ("CHRISTMAS IS IN THE AIR" CONTINUES) ♪ - (HENRY GRUNTING)

(HEAVY THUDS)

(GRUNTS)

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Reach out a hand To stranger or friend ♪

♪ Dreams might come true Around the bend ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

- ♪ Magical moments ♪ - (HENRY BREATHING HEAVILY)

♪ Mean so much ♪

- ♪ Prepare and share ♪ - (CALM CHATTER)

♪ With a loving touch ♪

- (HENRY EXHALES) - ♪ Magical moments... ♪

(WHISPERS) I bet that's the best you've felt in ages.

♪ Happen to everyone Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

- ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ - (THE COMMANDER GIGGLES)

♪ (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Oh...

What's... What's going on?

I actually don't think you should be here.

(CHUCKLES) I'm sorry. What... What's happening?

What are you... What are you doing?

- (TRUNK THUDS) - (HESITATES) It's the middle of the night.

Why didn't you come to Charles's funeral?

CORDELIA: I'm... I'm sorry, what?

(SIGHS)

You know, life... life, darling, life got in the way.

No, you worshipped him.

I mean, despite what everyone else said,

you always told me that he "walked on water."

(TRUNK THUDS)

Sorry, can you leave us?

(LIVELY CHATTER IN DISTANCE)

You must have heard the rumors.

About, you know, his... tastes.

(CORDELIA CHUCKLES)

I mean, this... this culture that is just sensationalizing

the actions of high-profile men.

I mean, it just fits the orthodoxy.

It's too... I mean, it's too facile.

- How convenient. - CORDELIA: Really.

I mean, your... your father, my brother, he was...

You know, he was a true eccentric.

He was a bon viveur.

He didn't care about life's borders

or boundaries. He just didn't care!

With you?

(SIGHS)

(CORDELIA BREATHES DEEPLY)

We had a very Bohemian childhood.

It was a different time.

Well, for all of your posturing successes,

I mean, you just couldn't wait to be their whore again.

How'd he taste?

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

(MINT RATTLING)

- (MINT CLATTERING) - CORDELIA: You tell me.

- That's pathetic. - (CORDELIA CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Oh.

Your father told me...

that he was going to terminate you

till he found out you were a girl.

♪ (DISCORDANT RENDITION OF "SILENT NIGHT" PLAYING) ♪

(CHUCKLES)

Right. Well...

I mean, there are no taxis at this time.

And I think it's going to be quite a cold night.

Merry Christmas.

♪ (DISCORDANT RENDITION OF "SILENT NIGHT" CONTINUES) ♪

(YASMIN CLEARS THROAT)

- Oh. - YASMIN: You're Whitney's assistant, right?

I'm sorry, uh, my lady.

Um...

Some staff walked by,

but after I got Whitney his stuff,

no one knew what to do with me.

I'll get a room made up.

Or I could just get in with you.

Okay, then.

Oh, um... (CHUCKLES)

Um, I was... I'm sorry.

I was... I was kidding.

Okay.

So I'll get a room made up.

♪ ("MY ONLY WISH" BY HENRIK LARS WIKSTROM PLAYING) ♪

- ♪ My only wish ♪ - ♪ My only wish ♪

- ♪ That I want to come true ♪ - ♪ My only wish... ♪

BARTENDER: He'll clean up just fine.

Shouldn't you call the police or something?

Don't worry about it.

We all know it was self-defense, sir.

Pint?

♪ All I want for Christmas ♪

♪ Is to be... ♪

PRIEST: I buried your father, you know.

Excuse me?

PRIEST: I presided over his funeral service.

Aye, see.

You remember my face a little more now?

'Cause I remember yours then.

You underestimate a child's maturity

at your peril.

When the first sod fell on his casket,

I could see you thinking, "That could be my lot."

Commander.

Commander, can I get you another?

I wish I had gotten to you that day.

And... And said something.

Words that I have turned to for comfort

when dark was at the door.

- (WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY) - ♪ All I want for Christmas ♪

♪ Is to be ♪

♪ To be with you ♪

♪ I don't care for a trip To outer space ♪

♪ ("MY ONLY WISH" CONTINUES IN DISTANCE) ♪

THE COMMANDER: Well, good to see you again.

Thoroughly enjoyable diversion.

(WIND HOWLING)

I could do with never seeing you again.

(BIRD CAWING IN DISTANCE)

No.

You'll see me soon.

I feel we know each other well enough.

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

THE COMMANDER: Will you let me show you where it hurts?

PRIEST: (WHISPERING) Long before morning...

you will know that what you are seeking to discover...

was a thing you had known all along.

(WATCH TICKING RHYTHMICALLY)

THE COMMANDER: Very, very soon.

♪ (SOMBER DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

♪ (SOMBER DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

♪ (MUSIC TURNS OMINOUS) ♪

(RATTLING)

- (ENGINE STARTS) - (BREATHES DEEPLY)

(ENGINE REVS)

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Shine your shoes, boy.

PRIEST: The first person the coward deserts is himself.

(ENGINE REVVING REPEATEDLY)

(ENGINE CONTINUES REVVING)

- (BIRDS CHIRPING) - (HAWK SCREECHES)

PRIEST: Courage ceases to be courage if it wavers.

We choose to be ruined rather than change.

We would rather die afraid than be present

for a single second, kill our illusions...

(ENGINE REVVING REPEATEDLY)

- ♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪ - PRIEST: ...and live.

YASMIN: (ECHOING) Henry. Henry!

(FAINT BUZZING)

(ENGINE RUMBLING)

(SNIFFLES)

(COUGHING)

(COUGHING, WHEEZING)

(GASPS HARSHLY, EXHALES)

♪ ("CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF YOU" BY ANDY WILLIAMS PLAYING) ♪

(HENRY LAUGHING)

- ♪ You're just too good to be true ♪ - (CAR HORN HONKING)

HENRY: Yasmin!

♪ Can't take my eyes Off of you ♪

♪ You'd be like... ♪

HENRY: Yasmin!

- Yasmin! - ♪ I want to hold you... ♪

Yasmin!

♪ At long last Love has arrived ♪

(DOOR OPENS)

What? You scared the shit out of me!

♪ You're just too good To be true ♪

♪ Can't take my eyes Off of you ♪

- ♪ Pardon the way that I stare ♪ - (BELT BUCKLE RATTLING)

Henry, Henry, Henry.

If you ever put me through that again...

I am the one that will kill you.

♪ There are no words Left to speak ♪

♪ But if you feel like I feel ♪

♪ Please let me know That it's real ♪

♪ You're just too good To be true ♪

(BELT BUCKLE RATTLING)

♪ Can't take my eyes Off of you ♪

(YASMIN MOANS)

(BOTH MOANING)

(MOANS)

♪ I love you, baby And if it's quite all right ♪

♪ I need you, baby To warm the lonely night ♪

♪ I love you, baby... ♪

(BOTH MOANING)

- ♪ Trust in me when I say... ♪ - (MOANS)

- (HENRY AND YASMIN MOANING) - Spring is coming.

♪ Don't bring me down, I pray Oh, pretty baby ♪

♪ Now that I've found you, stay And let me love you, baby ♪

♪ Let me love you ♪

(ENGINE REVS)

♪ You're just too good To be true ♪

♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪

(ENGINE STOPS)

My father killed himself

on the morning of his 40th birthday.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

You beat him.

Beat the cunt by a single sunrise.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. You're his senior.

(KISSES)

Happy birthday, darling.

I've been thinking.

You're gonna take Whitney's offer?

If it's what's best for us.

A man needs work.

I think that's why I'm here after all.

- To do good work. - YASMIN: (CHUCKLES) Yeah.

(ENGINE STARTS, REVS)

♪ I want to run ♪

♪ I want to hide ♪

♪ I want to break down The walls ♪

- (ENGINE REVVING) - ♪ That hold me inside ♪

♪ I want to reach out ♪

(BOTH LAUGHING)

♪ And touch the flame ♪

♪ Where the streets Have no name ♪

(SHOUTS) Maybe we should try for a child!

♪ I want to feel The sun on my face ♪

♪ I see the dust cloud disappear Without a trace ♪

♪ I want to take shelter ♪

♪ From poison rain ♪

♪ Where the streets Have no name ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Where the streets Have no name ♪

♪ Where the streets Have no name ♪

♪ We're still building Then burning down love ♪

♪ Burning down love ♪

♪ And when I go there ♪

♪ I go there with you ♪

♪ Where the streets Have no name ♪

♪ Can't take my eyes Off of you ♪

♪ I love you, baby And if it's quite alright ♪

♪ I need you, baby To warm a lonely night ♪

♪ (SONG FADES) ♪