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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
00:00:01,587 --> 00:00:03,295
Hey, Dad. Guess what?
2
00:00:03,296 --> 00:00:06,258
Life isn't always a blistering
wound of chaos and despair.
3
00:00:08,469 --> 00:00:10,720
Look who's in a cheery mood.
4
00:00:10,721 --> 00:00:12,180
Some bookstore must have closed
5
00:00:12,181 --> 00:00:14,433
and turned into a new dispensary, huh?
6
00:00:15,809 --> 00:00:18,061
I went to an estate sale.
7
00:00:18,062 --> 00:00:19,896
This lady had the coolest stuff.
8
00:00:19,897 --> 00:00:23,358
And after I eliminated everything
she could have died in, on, or under,
9
00:00:23,359 --> 00:00:25,944
I bought this.
10
00:00:25,945 --> 00:00:29,656
Huh, actually looks like a
knockoff of a Frank Matranga,
11
00:00:29,657 --> 00:00:32,325
- a very famous California potter.
- Hmm.
12
00:00:32,326 --> 00:00:34,787
But I'm sure the only
Potter you know is Harry.
13
00:00:37,081 --> 00:00:40,166
Business has been great, so
I thought I'd treat myself.
14
00:00:40,167 --> 00:00:42,126
And I haven't bought any
art since I got that poster
15
00:00:42,127 --> 00:00:43,753
of a cat reading the
newspaper on the toilet
16
00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:44,797
that I hung above the toilet.
17
00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:49,425
Ah. Hey, um...
18
00:00:49,426 --> 00:00:52,096
you know where that would
fit is up in my guest room.
19
00:00:52,805 --> 00:00:54,472
You mean my room?
20
00:00:54,473 --> 00:00:56,641
- I thought you liked it.
- I do like it.
21
00:00:56,642 --> 00:00:58,977
It just doesn't fit the
aesthetic here I've got going on.
22
00:00:58,978 --> 00:01:00,353
I've been doing work...
23
00:01:00,354 --> 00:01:01,771
I'll put it like a millennial.
24
00:01:01,772 --> 00:01:03,815
I don't like the vibe, bro.
25
00:01:04,692 --> 00:01:06,735
What about my vibe, dude?
26
00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:09,904
God forbid I should have
one thing in this house.
27
00:01:09,905 --> 00:01:11,114
Wow. Well, you got two things.
28
00:01:11,115 --> 00:01:13,575
Georgia and that other
one, uh, Carlson...
29
00:01:14,243 --> 00:01:16,203
Oh. Oh, God, um, what is his name?
30
00:01:17,162 --> 00:01:18,663
Hey, guys.
31
00:01:18,664 --> 00:01:22,459
This is Carlos Joaquín de la
Mancha Kobe-Bryant Martinez.
32
00:01:23,168 --> 00:01:24,544
But you can call him Charlie.
33
00:01:24,545 --> 00:01:26,713
Aw, he's so cute and tiny.
34
00:01:26,714 --> 00:01:28,006
It kinda makes me
want to have another...
35
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No.
36
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A dog!
37
00:01:31,635 --> 00:01:33,762
Where? Hiding behind
that little white rat?
38
00:01:35,264 --> 00:01:37,015
Lily's family needs someone to dog-sit
39
00:01:37,016 --> 00:01:38,433
while they're in San Diego.
40
00:01:38,434 --> 00:01:40,769
For a funeral, not for something fun.
41
00:01:41,478 --> 00:01:43,855
Actually, we are going to
SeaWorld after the funeral.
42
00:01:43,856 --> 00:01:46,233
And Legoland. It... It's not important.
43
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I told them we could watch
Charlie, if that's okay?
44
00:01:50,029 --> 00:01:52,238
- Of course.
- How about asking the homeowner?
45
00:01:52,239 --> 00:01:55,700
Please, Grandpa? He's adorbs.
46
00:01:55,701 --> 00:01:58,661
Who's gonna boost my
TikTok viewer retention?
47
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You are!
48
00:01:59,997 --> 00:02:02,081
Who's gonna stay in
a kennel all weekend?
49
00:02:02,082 --> 00:02:03,125
You are!
50
00:02:15,512 --> 00:02:17,055
Come on, Charlie.
51
00:02:17,056 --> 00:02:18,639
He's here!
52
00:02:18,640 --> 00:02:21,477
Charlie, let's get you into hair
and makeup for our first video.
53
00:02:23,812 --> 00:02:26,315
Why is he wearing a vest?
Is he parking cars now?
54
00:02:27,858 --> 00:02:30,068
No, he's an emotional support animal.
55
00:02:30,069 --> 00:02:32,111
What emotions does he support?
56
00:02:32,112 --> 00:02:34,198
The only ones I feel are
shame and embarrassment.
57
00:02:35,532 --> 00:02:37,158
Ignore him.
58
00:02:37,159 --> 00:02:40,079
The only emotional support animal
he believes in is slow-cooked pork.
59
00:02:41,789 --> 00:02:44,373
Why are you being such
a pain? You like dogs.
60
00:02:44,374 --> 00:02:47,377
I love dogs, but I like
full-size regular dogs,
61
00:02:47,378 --> 00:02:49,045
Labradors, Rottweilers.
62
00:02:49,046 --> 00:02:52,174
That thing looks like Colonel
Sanders mated with a Labubu.
63
00:02:55,302 --> 00:02:56,636
Is that all his stuff?
64
00:02:56,637 --> 00:02:58,096
Yeah, these are Charlie's treats,
65
00:02:58,097 --> 00:02:59,598
which aren't as good as they look.
66
00:03:06,814 --> 00:03:09,190
Look, if they didn't want me to eat 'em,
67
00:03:09,191 --> 00:03:11,276
shouldn't have made 'em
look like little sausages.
68
00:03:13,737 --> 00:03:16,239
Oh, and here's his anti-anxiety meds.
69
00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:17,782
- Ooh.
- Riley.
70
00:03:17,783 --> 00:03:21,577
What? I'm not stealing pills from a dog.
71
00:03:21,578 --> 00:03:22,955
The dosage is way too low.
72
00:03:24,206 --> 00:03:26,290
Oh, and here's his food.
73
00:03:26,291 --> 00:03:29,085
Lily has him on a
strict, meat-free diet.
74
00:03:29,086 --> 00:03:31,462
The dog is a vegan? And
what else is in there?
75
00:03:31,463 --> 00:03:33,882
Cashew lasagna and a fear of effort?
76
00:03:35,759 --> 00:03:37,177
Carter, put it down!
77
00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:43,976
What? I want healthy bones
and a shiny coat. Sue me.
78
00:03:47,855 --> 00:03:50,439
Yeah. This is gonna be a badass Caddy.
79
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,567
You know what I want you to do,
is get your schematics together
80
00:03:52,568 --> 00:03:54,193
and start listing where
you want to go with this.
81
00:03:54,194 --> 00:03:55,903
You got it, boss. I'll
get it to you on Saturday.
82
00:03:55,904 --> 00:03:57,488
- Alright. Cool.
- Got a little hair on you.
83
00:03:57,489 --> 00:03:59,073
Oh. Damn.
84
00:03:59,074 --> 00:04:02,285
I'm with that dog one day,
I got hair all over me.
85
00:04:02,286 --> 00:04:03,786
Gimme. Give me that thing.
86
00:04:03,787 --> 00:04:05,998
You know, I used to date
a woman that was into that.
87
00:04:08,167 --> 00:04:10,752
Man, she used to dress me
up like a Phillie Phanatic.
88
00:04:12,171 --> 00:04:14,881
Man, that woman was crazy.
89
00:04:14,882 --> 00:04:15,882
I should call her.
90
00:04:17,926 --> 00:04:19,469
Can you help me with my back there?
91
00:04:19,470 --> 00:04:20,470
Can you grab that?
92
00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:22,139
Oh. Alright.
93
00:04:23,557 --> 00:04:24,932
I feel like I need consent
94
00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:27,643
before I venture into the badonk-a-donk.
95
00:04:27,644 --> 00:04:31,147
Just keep rolling before I
kick you in the badonk-a-donk.
96
00:04:31,148 --> 00:04:33,316
Get that junk off that dirty trunk!
97
00:04:33,317 --> 00:04:34,317
Easy!
98
00:04:35,402 --> 00:04:37,487
You guys really need an HR department.
99
00:04:37,488 --> 00:04:39,030
We don't need an HR department.
100
00:04:39,031 --> 00:04:40,282
We like being mean to
each other around here.
101
00:04:42,534 --> 00:04:45,036
Hey, babe. You forgot
your toothbrush last night.
102
00:04:45,037 --> 00:04:46,621
I didn't forget it.
103
00:04:46,622 --> 00:04:48,623
I thought maybe I could
keep it at your place
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00:04:48,624 --> 00:04:50,166
since I'm spending so much time there.
105
00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,627
You guys are getting serious.
106
00:04:52,628 --> 00:04:55,088
I never even used to let
women know where I live.
107
00:04:55,797 --> 00:04:58,800
My motto: Go find the freaky.
Don't let the freaky find you.
108
00:05:00,469 --> 00:05:02,178
Well, we can't go to my place.
109
00:05:02,179 --> 00:05:04,472
I've got three roommates,
and we're all dancers.
110
00:05:04,473 --> 00:05:06,057
So there's always one girl in the shower
111
00:05:06,058 --> 00:05:08,560
and another wrapped in a
towel banging on the door.
112
00:05:09,394 --> 00:05:11,396
Mm.
113
00:05:13,357 --> 00:05:15,817
You know what? Let me help you out.
114
00:05:17,110 --> 00:05:19,780
How about you move in with
Gabe and I move in with them?
115
00:05:21,448 --> 00:05:23,408
You moving in does kinda make sense.
116
00:05:24,117 --> 00:05:26,827
- Really?
- Yeah. You're there like every night.
117
00:05:26,828 --> 00:05:29,039
And, I mean, you already
moved in your toothbrush.
118
00:05:30,332 --> 00:05:32,334
Are you asking me to move in with you?
119
00:05:33,710 --> 00:05:35,337
Stitch started it.
120
00:05:37,297 --> 00:05:39,758
But, yeah. Why not?
121
00:05:40,259 --> 00:05:43,594
Not the most romantic thing
I've ever heard, but sure.
122
00:05:43,595 --> 00:05:45,888
Why not?
123
00:05:45,889 --> 00:05:47,516
Wow, this is so exciting!
124
00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:49,726
Woo-hoo!
125
00:05:51,228 --> 00:05:53,479
Alright, I'm gonna go break
the news to my roommates.
126
00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:55,565
- Alright.
- The naked ones?
127
00:05:57,025 --> 00:05:58,609
Hey, I'll do it.
128
00:05:58,610 --> 00:06:00,444
Stitch, it's a fourth-floor walk-up.
129
00:06:00,445 --> 00:06:02,154
I'll make it work.
130
00:06:08,829 --> 00:06:10,872
You know, you got no nuts.
That's empty calories.
131
00:06:12,874 --> 00:06:14,875
In his defense, he's
like an old sea captain
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00:06:14,876 --> 00:06:17,254
scratching a leg that
hasn't been there for years.
133
00:06:19,756 --> 00:06:22,091
Hey, Pops. Eve sent a
picture from her tour.
134
00:06:22,092 --> 00:06:23,426
- Wanna see?
- No.
135
00:06:23,427 --> 00:06:24,969
If your phone is
anything like your laptop,
136
00:06:24,970 --> 00:06:26,805
I definitely don't want
to see what's on there.
137
00:06:27,848 --> 00:06:30,892
Alright, but I'm here when
you're ready to heal, brochacho.
138
00:06:34,855 --> 00:06:36,856
Must be hard hearing about Eve
139
00:06:36,857 --> 00:06:38,774
having all these incredible adventures.
140
00:06:38,775 --> 00:06:41,027
No, I'm having my own adventure here.
141
00:06:41,028 --> 00:06:43,070
Looking at Gabe's punch
list for that Cadillac,
142
00:06:43,071 --> 00:06:46,867
and he keeps putting a
dancing girl emoji on here.
143
00:06:48,660 --> 00:06:50,037
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
144
00:06:51,872 --> 00:06:53,749
You just sent Gabe an eggplant emoji.
145
00:06:55,542 --> 00:06:57,501
Take the dog, okay? I
need the dog out of here.
146
00:06:57,502 --> 00:06:59,045
Oh, really?
147
00:06:59,046 --> 00:07:01,255
I can't have a vase. I can't have a dog.
148
00:07:01,256 --> 00:07:03,925
I can't shout out the answers
during Wheel of Fortune.
149
00:07:04,926 --> 00:07:07,553
You already saw that episode.
150
00:07:07,554 --> 00:07:09,096
It's the same thing over and over.
151
00:07:09,097 --> 00:07:10,848
It's your house, your rules.
152
00:07:10,849 --> 00:07:13,309
Your guest room I have
to share with your globe
153
00:07:13,310 --> 00:07:15,187
where you've blacked out all
the countries that are communist.
154
00:07:16,521 --> 00:07:18,397
Don't I get any say?
155
00:07:18,398 --> 00:07:20,066
It was bad enough when I was a teenager,
156
00:07:20,067 --> 00:07:22,485
but now I'm a mom and
I run my own business...
157
00:07:22,486 --> 00:07:23,569
And I'm a homeowner.
158
00:07:23,570 --> 00:07:25,154
Why don't you get
yourself your own home?
159
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:27,990
- You know what? I will.
- Well, good luck with that.
160
00:07:27,991 --> 00:07:29,450
I'm sick of not feeling welcome
161
00:07:29,451 --> 00:07:31,118
in what I thought was my own home.
162
00:07:31,119 --> 00:07:32,662
What you thought was wrong.
163
00:07:32,663 --> 00:07:34,205
Okay. That's it.
164
00:07:34,206 --> 00:07:36,833
Consider this my notice.
We are moving out.
165
00:07:37,501 --> 00:07:38,959
And for your information,
166
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,671
California's not a communist country.
167
00:07:43,173 --> 00:07:45,092
Just give it time.
168
00:07:46,551 --> 00:07:48,969
Oh.
169
00:07:48,970 --> 00:07:51,555
Gabe just sent me a heart emoji.
170
00:07:51,556 --> 00:07:53,725
You started sending
these, finish it off.
171
00:07:59,940 --> 00:08:01,440
Hey, do you guys know any apartments
172
00:08:01,441 --> 00:08:02,691
that are cheap but nice?
173
00:08:02,692 --> 00:08:05,028
'Cause the place I'm
living in is free but mean.
174
00:08:05,987 --> 00:08:07,530
Well, you know, my
neighbor's almost 100.
175
00:08:07,531 --> 00:08:08,864
I could startle him.
176
00:08:08,865 --> 00:08:10,450
Tell him I'm dating his granddaughter.
177
00:08:11,993 --> 00:08:13,661
Why would you want to move out?
178
00:08:13,662 --> 00:08:15,330
You get to live with Matt Parker.
179
00:08:16,039 --> 00:08:18,125
You should have seen what
he texted me yesterday.
180
00:08:19,084 --> 00:08:20,751
I need my own space.
181
00:08:20,752 --> 00:08:22,963
But apartments are so expensive. Ugh.
182
00:08:23,422 --> 00:08:26,133
Completely unrelated,
these lattes are now $200.
183
00:08:28,468 --> 00:08:30,219
And don't forget to tip.
184
00:08:34,766 --> 00:08:36,392
It's not gonna work. You know why?
185
00:08:36,393 --> 00:08:37,810
Because I don't think you're that cute.
186
00:08:37,811 --> 00:08:40,272
You're just an odd-looking
dog. That's all there is to it.
187
00:08:45,318 --> 00:08:47,653
Alright, alright, alright,
alright, alright, alright.
188
00:08:47,654 --> 00:08:50,699
Okay, gosh. Come in here.
189
00:08:51,950 --> 00:08:53,576
You know, the people
that really like you?
190
00:08:53,577 --> 00:08:54,910
They're gone.
191
00:08:54,911 --> 00:08:57,080
Maybe for the weekend,
probably gone forever.
192
00:08:58,123 --> 00:08:59,999
Yeah, that's what Eve did to me.
193
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,000
Gone forever.
194
00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:06,089
Oh, boy.
195
00:09:10,719 --> 00:09:13,387
Alright. They're not gone forever.
196
00:09:13,388 --> 00:09:15,682
Look, don't tell anybody I did that.
197
00:09:16,558 --> 00:09:18,768
Or else I'll make you watch
those Sarah McLachlan commercials.
198
00:09:18,769 --> 00:09:22,188
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
199
00:09:22,189 --> 00:09:23,482
Pretty spooky, right?
200
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:29,695
Alright, a little cozy, but cute.
201
00:09:29,696 --> 00:09:31,280
What do you guys think?
202
00:09:31,281 --> 00:09:32,908
Smells kinda weird.
203
00:09:34,534 --> 00:09:36,577
And that's from the guy
who's single-handedly keeping
204
00:09:36,578 --> 00:09:37,871
"Pull my finger" alive.
205
00:09:39,915 --> 00:09:41,207
Nice, huh?
206
00:09:41,208 --> 00:09:44,084
But it's a competitive
market. You need to act fast.
207
00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:48,005
Look, she might fall for your
"manufactured scarcity" trick,
208
00:09:48,006 --> 00:09:50,090
but we both know the
market is softening.
209
00:09:50,091 --> 00:09:51,634
Uh...
210
00:09:51,635 --> 00:09:53,886
Pardon my daughter.
She's getting her MBA
211
00:09:53,887 --> 00:09:55,639
from the University of Shark Tank.
212
00:09:56,973 --> 00:09:59,225
Why don't you guys go
check out the bedrooms?
213
00:09:59,226 --> 00:10:00,601
Remember, I need the bigger bedroom
214
00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:02,478
for my crypto mining farm.
215
00:10:02,479 --> 00:10:04,188
Uh, sorry. No home businesses.
216
00:10:04,189 --> 00:10:06,316
It's not a business, it's a lifestyle!
217
00:10:07,776 --> 00:10:10,237
Ignore her. We're not high rollers.
218
00:10:10,987 --> 00:10:13,864
You didn't tell us we'd all
have to share a bathroom.
219
00:10:13,865 --> 00:10:15,407
Yeah, it's not gonna work for me.
220
00:10:15,408 --> 00:10:16,409
I need my tub time.
221
00:10:18,662 --> 00:10:20,747
Is that what you're calling it?
222
00:10:21,706 --> 00:10:23,458
I'll let you three discuss.
223
00:10:25,752 --> 00:10:28,671
Mom, we don't want to live here.
We love living at Grandpa's.
224
00:10:28,672 --> 00:10:31,674
Yeah, his house is like a fancy hotel.
225
00:10:31,675 --> 00:10:35,094
In every room, there's a TV and a Bible
226
00:10:35,095 --> 00:10:36,847
that he stole from a fancy hotel.
227
00:10:38,348 --> 00:10:40,558
But we're living under his thumb.
228
00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:43,645
Don't you hate being bossed
around by an unforgiving tyrant?
229
00:10:44,271 --> 00:10:46,606
I mean, Georgia's been
around most of my life, so...
230
00:10:48,858 --> 00:10:51,652
When we lived in Vegas, we almost
never saw Grandma and Grandpa.
231
00:10:51,653 --> 00:10:53,821
Now Grandma's gone...
232
00:10:53,822 --> 00:10:56,448
And the way Pops eats red
meat, clock's a-ticking.
233
00:10:56,449 --> 00:10:57,659
Ugh.
234
00:10:58,326 --> 00:11:00,202
Okay, fine.
235
00:11:00,203 --> 00:11:02,413
But don't worry. Grandpa's
gonna be here a long time.
236
00:11:02,414 --> 00:11:03,832
That's how evil works.
237
00:11:08,086 --> 00:11:11,006
Alright, how about that?
Ooh. You like bacon, huh?
238
00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:14,592
That's good fat. Well,
not according to Riley.
239
00:11:14,593 --> 00:11:17,219
If she was here, she'd say bad fat.
240
00:11:17,220 --> 00:11:18,971
Bad fat, good fat.
241
00:11:18,972 --> 00:11:20,389
I mean, the country's divided enough,
242
00:11:20,390 --> 00:11:22,767
now Fat's got to make a choice.
243
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:25,769
Yeah, you know what?
244
00:11:25,770 --> 00:11:27,771
I actually kind of like you.
245
00:11:27,772 --> 00:11:29,232
You know, gotta say that, Chuck.
246
00:11:31,151 --> 00:11:33,152
Just two dudes watching a
little college basketball.
247
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:34,278
What could be better, man?
248
00:11:34,279 --> 00:11:35,821
We don't need women
telling us what to do today,
249
00:11:35,822 --> 00:11:37,364
do we, you know?
250
00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:39,159
I did like Eve though, a lot.
251
00:11:40,452 --> 00:11:42,369
She's different. Opposites
attract sometimes.
252
00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:44,622
It's like, uh, bacon and lettuce.
253
00:11:44,623 --> 00:11:46,540
I don't understand why
lettuce went to Korea
254
00:11:46,541 --> 00:11:49,960
when bacon said, "I love you."
That seems like a weird thing.
255
00:11:49,961 --> 00:11:51,170
I like her a lot, though.
256
00:11:51,171 --> 00:11:52,504
Should I text her?
257
00:11:52,505 --> 00:11:53,881
Yeah. Why would I text her?
258
00:11:53,882 --> 00:11:55,341
She's the one that left, right?
259
00:11:55,342 --> 00:11:56,926
Hey, Pops.
260
00:11:56,927 --> 00:11:58,010
Hey, Grandpa.
261
00:11:58,011 --> 00:12:00,054
Hey, where's your mom?
262
00:12:00,055 --> 00:12:02,473
Oh, she dropped us off.
She's going to Meditate.
263
00:12:02,474 --> 00:12:03,974
It's the name of that new dispensary
264
00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:05,435
that used to be a bookstore.
265
00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:08,395
What are you doing?
266
00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:10,439
Charlie's not allowed to have bacon!
267
00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:13,275
You know what? I think
that's really a Saint Bernard
268
00:12:13,276 --> 00:12:16,737
trapped in a body that
didn't get enough protein.
269
00:12:16,738 --> 00:12:18,864
Pops, Lily said he has a severe allergy!
270
00:12:18,865 --> 00:12:20,492
Probably why he threw up so much today.
271
00:12:21,868 --> 00:12:23,118
But I thought it was the chorizo.
272
00:12:23,119 --> 00:12:24,371
It's too spicy for a dog.
273
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:26,872
You gave him chorizo, too?
274
00:12:26,873 --> 00:12:28,582
Quite a bit of it.
275
00:12:28,583 --> 00:12:30,668
We gotta take him to the vet.
276
00:12:30,669 --> 00:12:32,503
Pops, I know I'm new to dating,
277
00:12:32,504 --> 00:12:35,173
but if I kill Lily's dog, I'm
never getting to first base.
278
00:12:35,924 --> 00:12:37,424
Trust me, that dog has eaten
279
00:12:37,425 --> 00:12:39,009
a lot worse things than what I gave it.
280
00:12:42,889 --> 00:12:44,556
That's more than that dog weighs.
281
00:12:44,557 --> 00:12:46,643
Okay, maybe we should
take the dog to the vet.
282
00:12:54,609 --> 00:12:56,318
Riley, what are you doing here?
283
00:12:56,319 --> 00:12:58,445
I had to get away from my dad
284
00:12:58,446 --> 00:13:01,532
before one of us murders
the other in their sleep.
285
00:13:01,533 --> 00:13:04,660
Me. I'm the murderer.
286
00:13:04,661 --> 00:13:07,789
Also, I brought a housewarming
gift for you and Amelie.
287
00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:12,209
Ah, thank you.
288
00:13:12,210 --> 00:13:14,003
This is so thoughtful.
289
00:13:14,004 --> 00:13:17,924
Where should I put
it? Um, how about here?
290
00:13:20,927 --> 00:13:22,344
How's the apartment hunting going?
291
00:13:22,345 --> 00:13:23,929
Terrible.
292
00:13:23,930 --> 00:13:26,682
Turns out it's tough to beat
"free at my dad's place."
293
00:13:26,683 --> 00:13:28,851
Yeah, and if you did find
another place for free,
294
00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:30,812
you'd probably have to
call that guy "Daddy" too.
295
00:13:32,981 --> 00:13:34,398
What are you doing?
296
00:13:34,399 --> 00:13:35,816
I'm just getting rid of some of my stuff
297
00:13:35,817 --> 00:13:37,317
to make room for Amelie's stuff.
298
00:13:37,318 --> 00:13:39,737
Because you can't make
room with a partner
299
00:13:39,738 --> 00:13:41,406
without making room for a partner.
300
00:13:42,198 --> 00:13:44,367
- I listened to a podcast.
- Ooh.
301
00:13:45,493 --> 00:13:47,286
Wow. Big step. Good for you.
302
00:13:47,287 --> 00:13:48,746
Is it though?
303
00:13:48,747 --> 00:13:50,205
I just, you know,
304
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:52,083
don't really want to
get rid of my stuff.
305
00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:54,835
Having second thoughts
about living together.
306
00:13:54,836 --> 00:13:56,795
Uh-oh. Are you getting cold feet?
307
00:13:56,796 --> 00:13:58,631
They're so cold, I can't feel them.
308
00:13:59,507 --> 00:14:02,092
It happens to everybody. I got cold feet
309
00:14:02,093 --> 00:14:04,804
right before I married that
stupid son of a bitch Jimmy.
310
00:14:06,055 --> 00:14:08,016
But you and Amelie are gonna be great!
311
00:14:09,893 --> 00:14:12,311
They're getting colder! They're ice!
312
00:14:12,312 --> 00:14:14,229
Gabe, this could be good for you.
313
00:14:14,230 --> 00:14:16,440
It's therapeutic to do
a little spring cleaning.
314
00:14:16,441 --> 00:14:18,318
Get rid of stuff that
doesn't bring you joy.
315
00:14:19,903 --> 00:14:22,696
Good news, babe. Oh. Hey, Riley.
316
00:14:22,697 --> 00:14:25,532
I found some amazing accent pillows.
317
00:14:25,533 --> 00:14:27,159
Oh, great.
318
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,704
Maybe you could use
them to smother my joy!
319
00:14:32,582 --> 00:14:33,666
What?
320
00:14:34,584 --> 00:14:36,752
I've been talking to Riley.
321
00:14:36,753 --> 00:14:40,297
Yeah, I realize I'm
making a big mistake.
322
00:14:40,298 --> 00:14:41,674
I can't do this!
323
00:14:45,678 --> 00:14:47,638
What did you say to him?
324
00:14:47,639 --> 00:14:51,350
I didn't say anything. I...
I love an accent pillow.
325
00:14:51,351 --> 00:14:53,644
Especially if it's an Australian accent.
326
00:14:53,645 --> 00:14:55,729
Oh, crikey. That's not a pillow.
327
00:14:55,730 --> 00:14:57,273
That's a pillow!
328
00:15:08,493 --> 00:15:10,160
What's he in for?
329
00:15:10,161 --> 00:15:11,996
He had a panic attack.
330
00:15:12,956 --> 00:15:14,874
Maybe 'cause you're
making him wear a bow tie.
331
00:15:16,334 --> 00:15:19,546
He kind of looks like a dancer
at a bachelorette strip party.
332
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:22,841
He's dressed for his birthday,
and now you've ruined it.
333
00:15:26,553 --> 00:15:28,054
Hey, how was house hunting today?
334
00:15:28,596 --> 00:15:29,972
Uh, the places weren't great,
335
00:15:29,973 --> 00:15:31,808
but at least they were
out of our price range.
336
00:15:33,142 --> 00:15:34,935
We told Mom we don't want to move.
337
00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:36,603
I just don't think at this age
338
00:15:36,604 --> 00:15:39,232
I'm meant to live an uncomfortable life.
339
00:15:40,733 --> 00:15:43,403
We love your place. All
the bathrooms have locks.
340
00:15:45,113 --> 00:15:47,115
I got the idea your mom was miserable.
341
00:15:47,991 --> 00:15:50,492
Mostly 'cause she told me
I was making her miserable.
342
00:15:50,493 --> 00:15:52,161
She doesn't mean it.
343
00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:55,372
In Vegas, we were always
moving from place to place.
344
00:15:55,373 --> 00:15:57,541
She hated it.
345
00:15:57,542 --> 00:15:59,586
Remember that time we
lived at Circus Circus?
346
00:16:00,420 --> 00:16:02,046
It was awful awful.
347
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:04,965
Well, no, it wasn't.
348
00:16:04,966 --> 00:16:07,135
The Elvis impersonator
taught me long division.
349
00:16:08,136 --> 00:16:10,763
"Divide by two, carry the
hunka hunka burnin' one."
350
00:16:13,558 --> 00:16:15,727
I think Mom just wants a place
that she can call her own.
351
00:16:18,062 --> 00:16:19,814
She never told me any of this.
352
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:22,524
- Oh, look.
- Charlie is fine.
353
00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:23,734
You can take him home.
354
00:16:23,735 --> 00:16:26,321
Thanks, Doc. You're helping
a young boy become a man.
355
00:16:28,031 --> 00:16:29,907
How much do you charge to neuter a kid?
356
00:16:31,367 --> 00:16:32,826
Listen, uh, dog's okay, though?
357
00:16:32,827 --> 00:16:34,244
- Hundred percent.
- Excellent.
358
00:16:34,245 --> 00:16:36,873
Gave him a very thorough exam.
Top to bottom, inside and out.
359
00:16:38,124 --> 00:16:39,124
Hmm.
360
00:16:41,294 --> 00:16:42,961
What's going on?
361
00:16:42,962 --> 00:16:45,047
Why is he having second thoughts?
362
00:16:45,048 --> 00:16:47,090
He's just freaking out about
getting rid of his stuff.
363
00:16:47,091 --> 00:16:49,718
It happened to my grandmother.
Of course, she was a hoarder.
364
00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:52,388
And I was throwing away a
14-year-old can of peaches.
365
00:16:53,014 --> 00:16:54,306
What is with him?
366
00:16:54,307 --> 00:16:56,767
I don't understand why
he's hanging on to his junk.
367
00:16:56,768 --> 00:16:58,853
Don't all men like to
hang on to their junk?
368
00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:02,981
The thing is, it's not
actually junk to Gabe.
369
00:17:02,982 --> 00:17:04,817
Did he ever tell you
about his childhood?
370
00:17:05,693 --> 00:17:08,737
No. He never talks about that stuff.
371
00:17:08,738 --> 00:17:11,740
Well, it was pretty crappy.
Not a lot of great memories.
372
00:17:11,741 --> 00:17:13,533
This stuff reminds
him of the good times.
373
00:17:13,534 --> 00:17:16,245
Like, uh, this plastic cup.
374
00:17:16,246 --> 00:17:18,163
My dad took Gabe and
my brother to this game
375
00:17:18,164 --> 00:17:19,914
the night Gabe's dad left.
376
00:17:19,915 --> 00:17:23,125
And then, uh, Gabe's dad
blew him off on his birthday,
377
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,921
so we surprised him with
a trip to Medieval Times.
378
00:17:25,922 --> 00:17:27,297
And after, I told the Green Knight
379
00:17:27,298 --> 00:17:29,801
Gabe had stage-four eczema,
so he let him pet his horse.
380
00:17:32,136 --> 00:17:34,012
I had no idea.
381
00:17:34,013 --> 00:17:36,932
Now I feel bad that I was pressuring
Gabe to get rid of his stuff.
382
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,893
Well, maybe you should tell him that.
383
00:17:39,602 --> 00:17:40,978
Hi.
384
00:17:40,979 --> 00:17:44,523
I wasn't eavesdropping, but, uh,
385
00:17:44,524 --> 00:17:46,025
I accept your apology.
386
00:17:46,818 --> 00:17:49,361
Just so you know, you can
talk to me about anything.
387
00:17:49,362 --> 00:17:50,822
Even your childhood.
388
00:17:51,489 --> 00:17:53,115
I know, it's just...
389
00:17:53,116 --> 00:17:55,617
it's hard for me to talk
about things that make me sad.
390
00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:57,494
It's like when McDonald's
was serving breakfast all day,
391
00:17:57,495 --> 00:17:58,705
and then they just stopped.
392
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,750
Yeah, with zero warning.
393
00:18:04,294 --> 00:18:05,545
Continue.
394
00:18:07,171 --> 00:18:08,839
It's gonna work out, babe.
395
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,675
We're gonna be so happy here.
396
00:18:13,428 --> 00:18:14,804
Okay.
397
00:18:16,514 --> 00:18:18,557
I should go.
398
00:18:18,558 --> 00:18:21,310
Uh, with this.
399
00:18:21,311 --> 00:18:23,228
And I think I'll treat myself
400
00:18:23,229 --> 00:18:25,940
to the Director's Cut of Encino Man.
401
00:18:27,567 --> 00:18:29,359
Ah, what a life I lead.
402
00:18:33,114 --> 00:18:34,866
Look at the tail on that thing.
403
00:18:37,076 --> 00:18:38,994
You're watching Turner & Hooch?
404
00:18:38,995 --> 00:18:43,332
Yeah. That dog is a good actor, right?
405
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:45,293
That Tom Hanks? I don't know.
406
00:18:46,794 --> 00:18:48,713
I know, I just said that.
407
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,716
By the way, don't worry about the vase.
408
00:18:52,717 --> 00:18:55,969
It's going back in my room.
Sorry. Your guest room.
409
00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:58,097
How about just put it on our credenza?
410
00:18:59,223 --> 00:19:02,430
- Wait, did you say "our"?
- Well, as my buddy
411
00:19:02,431 --> 00:19:06,396
Carlos Joaquín de la Mancha
Kobe-Bryant Martinez says,
412
00:19:06,397 --> 00:19:08,566
"Mi casa es su casa."
413
00:19:10,068 --> 00:19:11,276
Thanks, Dad.
414
00:19:11,277 --> 00:19:12,569
There is a little caveat, though.
415
00:19:12,570 --> 00:19:14,197
Ay Dios mio.
416
00:19:15,031 --> 00:19:17,699
Listen, let's have you
start paying me rent,
417
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:19,284
but we'll put that
into a savings account,
418
00:19:19,285 --> 00:19:20,660
and pretty soon you'll
have a down payment.
419
00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:21,746
Get your own house.
420
00:19:22,622 --> 00:19:23,997
Hmm. Thanks, Dad.
421
00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:27,375
Although, by then this will be my home,
422
00:19:27,376 --> 00:19:29,753
and your home will be, well, a home.
423
00:19:32,382 --> 00:19:34,091
Okay. But do we have a deal?
424
00:19:34,092 --> 00:19:37,804
This is our house with our rules. Deal?
425
00:19:39,639 --> 00:19:41,640
Speaking of, I was thinking
we could get solar panels...
426
00:19:41,641 --> 00:19:44,059
No, no, no.
427
00:19:44,060 --> 00:19:46,228
This is a house. It's
not some hippie commune
428
00:19:46,229 --> 00:19:47,813
in the People's Republic of Portland.
429
00:19:49,649 --> 00:19:50,733
Exactly.
430
00:19:54,904 --> 00:19:58,448
Here you go. First rent check.
431
00:19:58,449 --> 00:19:59,742
Feels good to be independent.
432
00:20:00,368 --> 00:20:02,327
Oh, if you really want
to feel independent,
433
00:20:02,328 --> 00:20:04,496
I could take you off
the family phone plan.
434
00:20:04,497 --> 00:20:07,458
Oh. Easy, tiger. That
check hasn't cleared yet.
435
00:20:13,047 --> 00:20:14,297
Why are you putting that there?
436
00:20:14,298 --> 00:20:15,590
It looks better here.
437
00:20:15,591 --> 00:20:17,050
I'm sorry. What'd you say, Charlie?
438
00:20:18,469 --> 00:20:20,680
Exactly. I agree. He
said it doesn't fit there.
439
00:20:21,639 --> 00:20:23,640
What happened to "our house, our rules"?
440
00:20:23,641 --> 00:20:25,142
It's just too big for the space.
441
00:20:25,143 --> 00:20:26,894
You gave birth to Carter, you get it.
442
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:31,064
Oh.
443
00:20:31,065 --> 00:20:33,733
Carter, your girlfriend's here!
444
00:20:33,734 --> 00:20:35,694
Oh, we're not using traditional labels.
445
00:20:35,695 --> 00:20:37,572
We're going with "boo" and "bae."
446
00:20:38,948 --> 00:20:40,907
Boo-bae.
447
00:20:40,908 --> 00:20:43,035
Oh, I missed you.
448
00:20:46,247 --> 00:20:47,748
You saw that?
449
00:20:49,917 --> 00:20:51,710
Thanks for taking care of Charlie.
450
00:20:51,711 --> 00:20:54,713
Oh, of course. We'll miss him.
451
00:20:54,714 --> 00:20:56,214
Don't you want to say goodbye, Dad?
452
00:20:56,215 --> 00:20:58,049
Sure. One more belly rub.
453
00:20:58,050 --> 00:20:59,343
Come here, boy, come over here.
454
00:21:08,227 --> 00:21:10,270
You really are man's best friend.
455
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:19,000
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