Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

Hey, Murray.

Nice shorts.

Okay, guys,

time for the interesting buildings tour.

This week it's band rotundas.

Ugh. It should be called the "boring buildings tour."

Why? Because it's boring.

It's not boring. There's a real buzz about it.

Everyone's talking about these tours.

Who's talking about it?

Bret, you were talking about it last week.

I was saying it's boring. Murray: Oh, were you?

Well, you were still talking about it.

Murray, I can't go this week. I'm going on a date.

What? A date? Yeah, I'm going on a date with a girl from work.

What are you gonna do? I think we're gonna watch a DVD.

Bret, I've had this organized for ages.

You knew about that. I was gonna tell you the difference

between, you know, gazebos and band shells.

Jemaine: Yeah, Bret, you've got to come.

Why don't we just postpone the tour, just go next week?

It's not as easy as that! I've got the schedule.

Look, it's all time-tabled. I made those for you.

"Friday, 4:05 pm: Bret, Jemaine and Murray leave Dave's shop."

Well, I guess I'll just have to go with you, Jemaine. Just the two of us.

Ah. Except I just remembered

that I also can't go.

Why? I suppose you've got a date as well, have you?

Yeah. Oh yeah?

Where'd you meet her? At-- at the library.

Library? What library?

Video library. Ha-ha-ha!

Video library. No such thing.

Gotcha. No, that's fine.

I'll go on my own. That's fine.

Enjoy your date, Bret, and your pretend date, Jemaine.

All right? The video library-- that's fine.

I won't say goodbye, I don't feel like it.

Bret: See you, Murray.

Bye, Murray. Bye. You gonna say "bye"?

No!

Bret: The carrots were really nice.

And the broccoli was really nice as well.

Yeah.

It did turn out really nice.

Yeah, really nice. It was really nice.

Yeah, it was really nice.

Like your eyes--

I could look at them for ages.

The eggs were really nice like your lips.

So... your lips look delicious like...

as delicious as the eggs.

( laughs ) Probably more delicious.

Do-- do you want to kiss me?

Oh yes, please.

Are we gonna watch a DVD or what?

I think it might be a bit late for a DVD, man.

No, it's okay. We just have to keep the volume down

because my roommate is sleeping.

( sighs ) No, well, we should probably get home.

It's pretty late.

Well, maybe I'll stay a little bit longer.

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

Do you wanna-- you could stay over if-- if you want?

No, I don't want to stay over.

No, we should get going.

I don't know-- why don't I stay and you go?

No, it's okay, I don't mind, I'll stay here.

Whatever you want.

( Jemaine sighs )

( watch alarm sounds )

Hey, Jemaine, I've written this love song for Coco.

Oh, yeah? Would you be able to have a listen?

Give me a bit of feedback? Yeah.

It's good, it's good.

♪ I'd climb the highest mountain ♪

♪ I'd swim the deepest ocean ♪

♪ I'd walk along the longest path ♪

♪ To be with you ♪

♪ If you want me to ♪

( Bret continues singing ) ( toilet flushes )

♪ ...Solve the hardest puzzle ♪

♪ And race the fastest animal ♪

♪ Eat the biggest meal ♪

♪ To be with you ♪

♪ Co... co. ♪

It's a bit long.

Okay. It's two hours long.

Yeah. Anything else?

Um, yeah.

Let's see...

Okay. ( clears throat )

Okay. "I'd climb the highest mountain."

Would you actually do that? Probably not.

Well, you're sort of promising that you would.

That's a metaphor. Oh, is it? Oh, okay.

Yeah. What's it a metaphor for?

For-- that I'd do anything for her.

Would you climb the highest mountain for her?

Oh, God. I see.

No. Pass me that?

No, I wouldn't do a lot of this stuff.

Would you swallow a whole sword?

A sword-- okay, I probably wouldn't do that one either.

Yeah, maybe you should make it more realistic things you'd do,

Some other things. Like what?

Uh, "I would hang out with you."

Oh, that's good. That's good, that's really... That's not bad.

That's a lyric of mine. You can use that.

Just "Hang out with you."

What about making it more personal?

Things about her. What do you know that's specific to Coco?

She has a rash that she doesn't tell anyone about.

What-- what else?

She likes food. Yeah, okay.

Her flatmate is called Stuart.

Yeah. This is all good stuff.

All right, let's get started, shall we?

Can I just say it's good to have a lady's touch in the office?

Doesn't happen very often.

( giggling ) All right, second annual fan-club meeting.

President. Present.

Secretary. Present.

Treasurer. Present!

Maybe we should just make that one title? Sure.

It's all-- it's quite convoluted. You're all three.

Sure. And Murray, present.

All right, item one: Any more fans?

No. Sorry, Murray.

Really? No.

All right, let's move on.

Item two: The new newsletter.

Really good idea. Like it.

Thank you. Really good.

In fact, I've got some photos here.

I took some of Bret-- Well, actually I found them,

I-- when I was round at his flat.

Oh-ho! That-- he's asleep there,

and so you could put those in the newsletter.

Mm-mm, mm-mm-mmm! Mmm!

Oh, my God.

What's this one? Mmm?

What's this one? God, how did that get in there? Sorry.

It must have slipped in with the--

Do you want to hold onto that? No.

No. So... So...

It's...

All right. Item three.

Now if one of the band members was to have a girlfriend...

Mmm.

...would you find that: a) very positive;

b) positive-- Why do you-- why do you ask?

No reason. Has Bret got a girlfriend?

Yes, he's seeing a girl from work--

Coco. ( pencil point breaks )

Oh. ( chuckles )

Wow. Well, that's great that Bret has a girlfriend.

That's really great. You don't think Bret's any less available

now that he's...? Well, no! No.

Is she pretty? You're still interested in the band then,

even though it's...? Yes, it's nice for Bret to have a girlfriend.

Good. Yes.

All right. You sure? Yes! ( laughs )

Is she stupid? You've still got Jemaine anyway.

I mean, he's always available, isn't he? Yeah.

He's not gonna-- not gonna get a girlfriend anytime soon.

So... Does, um...

Try your chances with him, can't you? Mm-hmm.

Does-- does Bret's girlfriend look anything like me?

Little bit? A little bit-- around the eyes.

Oh yeah? Big eyes, huh?

Well, she's-- she's got eyes.

Yeah.

You want some more macaroni? No, I'm okay.

You sure? I was gonna have some fruit salad or something.

Do you want anything? No, I'm fine.

Um, actually, I've-- I've written you a song, Coco.

Really? You didn't need to do that.

Well, Jemaine helped.

That's so sweet.

It's called "If You're Into It."

Okay.

( guitar strumming )

( birds chirping )

♪ If you want me to ♪

♪ I can hang round with you ♪

♪ If I only knew that's what you're into ♪

♪ You and him, him and you ♪

♪ If that's what you're into ♪

♪ Him hanging round, around you ♪

♪ You're hanging round-- yeah, you're there too ♪

♪ And if you want me to, I will take off all my clothes for you ♪

♪ I'll take off all my clothes for you ♪

♪ If that's what you're into ♪

♪ How 'bout him in the nude? ♪

♪ If that's what you're into ♪

♪ In the nude in front of you ♪

♪ Is that what you'd want to view? ♪

♪ If it's cool with you ♪

♪ I'll let you get naked too ♪

♪ It could be a dream come true ♪

♪ Providing that's what you are into ♪

♪ Is that what you're into? ♪

♪ Him and you in the nude ♪

♪ That's what he's prepared to do ♪

♪ Is that the kind of thing that you think you might be into? ♪

♪ And then maybe later we'll get hot by the refrigerator ♪

♪ In the kitchen next to the pantry ♪

♪ You think that might be what you fancy? ♪

♪ In the buff, being rude ♪

♪ Doing stuff with the food ♪

♪ Gettin' lewd with his food ♪

♪ We heard that's what you are into ♪

♪ Then on our next date ♪

♪ Well, you could bring your roommate ♪

♪ I don't know if Stu is keen to ♪

♪ But if you want, we could double-team you ♪

♪ How about you and two dudes? ♪

♪ Him, you and Stu in the nude? ♪

♪ Bein' lewd with two dudes with food ♪

♪ Well, that's if Stu's into it too ♪

♪ All the things I'd do ♪

♪ Things I'd do for you ♪

♪ If I only knew ♪

♪ That's what you're into ♪

♪ Ooh. ♪

Thank you. That was great.

Thank you too, Jemaine. Oh, it was no problem.

So, what are we gonna do now?

Well, we were gonna go cycling.

Yeah. Oh, were we?

Oh, great.

( pop music playing )

Kiss her, Bret. Kiss her.

Hey Bret, I've been thinking about these dates.

Oh yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, actually, I was gonna say-- I was thinking that maybe--

I've been thinking, you know, they're a bit--

They're a bit girlie. Well, Coco's a girl.

Yeah, but I'm not, though. It's not just you and her going on these dates,

I'm there too. So what about thinking about something I might like to do,

like paintball?

We could watch a kickboxing championship.

Um, yeah. You know, that sort of thing.

Maybe-- Or a strip bar? We could go to a strip bar?

She doesn't like-- she doesn't want to go to a strip bar again.

I was actually wondering--

We could go to just a topless bar.

There's just topless bars as well.

But I was thinking maybe her and I'd like--

Or she doesn't always have to come as well. That's another option.

Me and you could go on one of these date-- Oh, that'd be weird.

Yeah, I was thinking maybe just her and I would go on a date without you.

Maybe.

Why? Oh no, don't worry about it.

No-- no, come on. You brought it up, so-- Well...

Just 'cause I never get to hang out with just her.

You hang out with her all the time.

Yeah, but you're always there. Oh, so are you.

You're always there. I always see you there.

Yeah, I'm always there, but she's my girlfriend.

Yes. Good point. Yes, good point.

And, uh...

Coco said that the other night when I went to the bathroom

that she felt like you...

like made a move on her. Yep.

Yep, guilty, I did.

But you weren't doing anything, so I thought--

Yeah, but that's 'cause you were there.

Ah! Of course I was there. You can't do that.

You're definitely not coming on my next date. Okay.

Well, that's fine. That's all you needed to say.

Okay.

Good night. Good night.

Murray: Look at that.

Classic Robert Moses design.

See the band shell, Jemaine?

Where's your fact sheet?

You should be checking this out.

I don't know, I left it at home.

"Julius Caesar" was done here in 1957.

Really. Joseph Papp's.

Oh. Amazing.

Amazing. You think this is good?

You missed some of the best band shells

and some awesome rotundas when you were on all those dates.

Where's your date tonight?

Uh, Bret asked me not to come on his dates anymore.

What? You were going on their dates? I know, yeah.

You don't go on other people's dates.

I thought you had your own date.

No, I was dating them.

You don't do that.

That's crazy. It's not crazy.

Are you okay? Are your feelings hurt?

No.

They must be. Are they? No.

A little bit? No.

A little bit, eh?

A little bit. Yeah, a little bit.

I knew it. Bret shouldn't have a girlfriend. I told him.

Did he listen? No.

No. He doesn't listen.

I just hope we don't have a Yoko Ono situation.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Is she trying to split up the band?

She hasn't mentioned anything. I don't think so-- she's nice.

Is she an artist? Don't know.

Does she like, you know, staying in bed a lot?

I haven't really noticed.

What about peace? Is she into peace?

I don't know.

Look into that.

Now, Stuart Vaughan was the director here.

Imagine that! "Julius Caesar" in 1957.

I mean, the whole place would have been full.

Come down and touch it, Jemaine!

( acoustic guitar plays )

Hey, Bret, is, um--

Is Coco into art?

Yeah. Why?

Uh, no reason. Mmm.

♪ Black-haired lady queen ♪

♪ Dabbling in art ♪

♪ I won't let the she-wolf ♪

♪ Tear us apart, because I-- ♪

What's that song? Nothing, just a new song

called "She-wolf."

♪ Cold-hearted bitch ♪

♪ Diggin' a ditch... ♪

All I'm saying, Bret, is it could bring unnecessary tension

to the band's dynamic.

Like this pencil-- look.

( snaps ) Ah!

Jeez, that is a...

That's it-- that's your band. Broken.

It happens to all the best bands, all right?

Girlfriends and music just don't mix very well.

Jemaine's nodding in approval.

By the way, how is Coco?

She's great. We're really in love. Yeah?

It's-- Yeah, it's awesome. She seems really nice.

Yeah, she's amazing. Yeah.

Hold onto her. Okay?

It's a rare thing, what you've got there.

Coco: Hi, I'm not disturbing you guys, am I?

Hey, Coco. No, come in.

We're very busy at the moment actually.

Oh, okay. I just popped in to bring you some lunch.

Oh good. Favoritism.

Here's yours, Jemaine. Thank you.

You're welcome. Murray.

Thank you. You're welcome.

Bret. Thanks, Coco.

You didn't need to do that. That's great.

While I'm here, I thought I would show you this.

Um, I had some spare time last night, and...

I thought it might be useful.

Whoa, that's awesome.

Well, it's really arty. Bret: It's cool.

We've already got a poster that I did.

Oh, okay. Oh, that's-- that's all right.

That's cool. That's great, it's-- it's better.

Um, I just thought-- That's no problem.

Um, well, I should let you guys--

I should go, let you guys get on with it.

No, you should stay, you should stay. Oh, no no no...

Yeah, yeah. I should go.

You should stay. I insist.

Look, take a seat. You've brought us lunch.

All right, we'll only be five minutes, all right?

At least. Yeah, sit down, sit down.

Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

Right, "Slight delay...

and also present, Coco."

( coughing ) Yoko.

What did you-- what did you say?

Oh nothing, just had a bit of a cough.

Mmm, okay.

No, it wasn't a real cough. I said "Yoko."

Yeah, I thought so. Oh, I should go.

Why did you say that? 'cause she's nothing like Yoko.

Oh-no, she isn't.

Jemaine, you're putting "oh no" together to sound like "Ono."

Oh-no, I didn't. You did it again.

Oh-no, did I? Did you pick that up?

He's doing it! All right, I'm gonna go.

Yeah. I'll throw this sandwich in your face if you say that again.

Bret, don't you dare. Not in my office.

Coco, sit down. Let's resolve this.

Jemaine, what's the problem?

Well, Yoko's trying to split up the band.

Bret? Jemaine's upset

because I asked him not to come on our dates

and he's misinterpreting his feelings about being left out of the friendship

as being about the band. Oh, as if.

It's the one I said about Yoko trying to split up the band.

Sorry, guys, I just realized I'm late for work.

Um, it was really cool seeing you.

What are you working on? Splitting up another band?

Murray: Oh! Here! A sandwich hit my face.

Murray: Bret! Yeah well, I said I'd throw a sandwich at your face.

I've never seen such bad behavior at one of my meetings!

Don't be such a-- a dickhead! Yeah well, I'm quitting this band.

Well, you quit last week. Yeah well, I'm quitting again.

Don't be a quitter! You can't!

Murray: Right, well, go on then.

You've never been interested in bands anyway, Bret.

You only came to one of the band rotunda tours.

Yeah, I'll see you later, dickheads.

Murray: You're the dickhead, Bret!

Sorry, everyone.

It was a visa application denied.

It took a long time to try and get resolved.

I think the guy's a criminal.

Sorry.

Just carry on.

It's looking good.

Good riddance, eh, Jemaine?

I've got tomato on my sleeve.

See? I told you.

Girlfriends and bands just don't mix, Jemaine.

You'll never have a girlfriend, will you?

No.

All right, let's just move on. Item two:

band uniforms.

I want all the band to wear the same unif--

Oh, that's...

( exhales )

Do you miss Bret?

A little bit. Do you?

Same. I miss him.

Can you ask him back in the band?

Okay.

Bret?

Bret?

Bret's voice: Dear Jemaine, by the time you read this,

I will be far far away at Coco's house

and I will no longer be residing...

and that is just one of the reasons why I'm moving out.

You didn't seem to understand that...

And the most important thing for me to say is that...

Do you remember the time that seagull...

Yours sincerely, Bret.

♪ Lives are like retractable pencils ♪

♪ If you push 'em too hard, they're gonna break ♪

♪ And people are like paper dolls ♪

♪ Paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape ♪

♪ Mm-mm, mm-mm ♪

♪ Love is like a roll of tape ♪

♪ It's real good for making two things one ♪

♪ But just like that roll of tape ♪

♪ Love sometimes breaks off before you are done ♪

( man on TV speaks )

♪ Another way that love is similar to tape ♪

♪ That I've noticed ♪

♪ Is sometimes it's hard to see the end ♪

♪ You search on the roll ♪ ♪ You search on the roll ♪

♪ You search on the roll ♪ ♪ You're searchin' round the roll ♪

both: ♪ You search with your fingernail ♪

♪ Again and again and again and again ♪

♪ And again ♪

♪ Whoa-oah ♪

both: ♪ Brown paper, white paper ♪

♪ Stick it together with the tape-- the tape of love ♪

♪ The sticky stuff... ♪

Bret.

Hey, man. What are you doing here?

Murray and I miss you and we want you to rejoin the band again.

Really?

Yeah. On one condition.

That you...

I'm not gonna kill her, man.

No, just leave-- just leave her, not--

Oh no, I'm not gonna leave her. I told you that.

You know, I like the band, but no, I'm not leaving Coco.

I wouldn't mind, I mean, if that's what you really want. Shush, baby.

I don't-- I don't really see us a long-term-- Shush.

So what's it gonna be, Bret?

The girl or the band?

Well, it's gonna be Coco.

Oh.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Oh, I thought you--

I was sure you were gonna say the band.

No, I'm staying with Coco.

( sighs ) I guess you can still be in the band.

Okay. Great.

Okay. Cool.

Okay, well, I'll see you later. I'll see you at band practice.

Actually, I'm gonna wait till the bus stops,

and then I'll get off.

All: ♪ Brown paper, white paper ♪

♪ Stick it together with the tape-- the tape of love ♪

♪ The sticky stuff ♪

♪ Ooh-hoo! ♪

♪ People people, paper paper, paper paper, people people ♪ ♪ Brown paper, white paper ♪

♪ People people, pencil pencil ♪

♪ Pencil pencil, paper paper ♪

♪ Put the pencil to the paper ♪

♪ Give the paper to the people ♪

♪ Let the people read about the cellotape, oh, baby baby, yeah... ♪

You know, Jemaine, I've been thinking about love,

and I guess it's the very strongest adhesive.

Oh, sorry, Bret, were you talking to me? I was humming.

What did you say? Oh, doesn't matter.

All: ♪ Brown paper, white paper ♪

♪ Stick it together with the tape-- the tape of love ♪

♪ Ooh, the sticky stuff ♪

♪ Yeah! Ooh, brown... ♪

♪ Brown paper, white paper ♪

♪ Stick it together with the tape-- the tape of love ♪

♪ Stick-- stick it together ♪ ♪ Ooh-hoo... ♪

♪ Stick stick stick it together, yeah. ♪

( music stops )

( pop music playing )