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0
00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:47,895
Congratulations, Hudson
High class of 2004.
1
00:03:05,746 --> 00:03:06,873
There she is. Fiona!
2
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:10,251
Bye.
3
00:03:10,418 --> 00:03:12,128
- Hey.
- Hey.
4
00:03:12,295 --> 00:03:13,796
- Ha, ha.
- Hey, you.
5
00:03:15,923 --> 00:03:16,966
Mm.
6
00:03:17,133 --> 00:03:20,219
- Congratulations, graduate.
- Thanks, baby.
7
00:03:20,386 --> 00:03:22,138
And congratulations
to you, Cooper.
8
00:03:22,305 --> 00:03:24,015
Aw. Thanks, baby.
9
00:03:25,016 --> 00:03:26,058
Nice try.
10
00:03:26,225 --> 00:03:28,060
All right. See you at
Wade's party tonight?
11
00:03:28,227 --> 00:03:30,062
- See you then.
- All right.
12
00:03:31,230 --> 00:03:34,025
So it's just you and me
for the entire summer.
13
00:03:34,358 --> 00:03:36,485
Next year you graduate,
join me at college.
14
00:03:36,652 --> 00:03:37,695
See? Just like we planned.
15
00:03:38,237 --> 00:03:41,240
- Scott, we need to talk.
- Yeah? About what?
16
00:03:42,074 --> 00:03:43,576
About me dumping you.
17
00:03:44,076 --> 00:03:45,119
Huh?
18
00:03:45,286 --> 00:03:50,041
There he is. The graduate and his
beautiful girlfriend. Huh? Okay?
19
00:03:50,583 --> 00:03:52,793
Smile, you two.
20
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:56,631
- Action.
- Dad, Morn, Grandma...
21
00:03:56,797 --> 00:03:58,007
...Uncle Moke, uh...
22
00:03:58,174 --> 00:04:00,509
...I'm gonna need a
minute here, okay?
23
00:04:00,885 --> 00:04:02,325
What do you mean,
you're dumping me?
24
00:04:02,762 --> 00:04:06,474
Scott, I just can't take all the lying
and cheating on each other anymore.
25
00:04:06,641 --> 00:04:09,393
What are you talking about?
Sweetie, I never cheated on you.
26
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,479
I know. That's what
makes this so hard.
27
00:04:11,812 --> 00:04:13,356
You're looking good, you guys.
28
00:04:14,106 --> 00:04:16,233
Scotty, it's not you.
29
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:17,818
It's me.
30
00:04:19,195 --> 00:04:22,198
There I go, lying again.
No, it was you.
31
00:04:22,365 --> 00:04:24,325
You're just so...
32
00:04:25,117 --> 00:04:26,661
...predictable. - Smile!
33
00:04:28,579 --> 00:04:29,622
So that's it.
34
00:04:29,997 --> 00:04:33,125
Here's your letter jacket back.
Goodbye.
35
00:04:34,418 --> 00:04:35,878
This isn't mine.
36
00:04:39,548 --> 00:04:43,344
She's a keeper, huh? Oh, wow.
37
00:04:43,511 --> 00:04:45,638
Oh, my God.
38
00:04:47,181 --> 00:04:48,975
Fiona!
39
00:04:55,731 --> 00:04:57,525
Let's see that again.
40
00:05:00,486 --> 00:05:02,029
Fiona!
41
00:05:02,196 --> 00:05:04,782
- This is just so brutal.
- Ha, ha.
42
00:05:04,949 --> 00:05:07,952
And yet I can't look away.
Bert, play it again. Come on.
43
00:05:09,704 --> 00:05:12,206
- Fiona!
- Bert, get out of here.
44
00:05:12,373 --> 00:05:14,500
Ha, ha. Okay. See you, Coop.
45
00:05:14,667 --> 00:05:17,294
All right. Stay black, Bert.
46
00:05:17,461 --> 00:05:20,339
Ha, ha. "Fiona!"
47
00:05:20,506 --> 00:05:22,758
Mail, motherfucker!
48
00:05:22,925 --> 00:05:24,176
Hey, I got one from Mieke.
49
00:05:27,722 --> 00:05:29,515
"Happy herzlichen."
50
00:05:29,682 --> 00:05:32,852
You still writing that guy? I thought
that was just for German class.
51
00:05:33,019 --> 00:05:36,522
Uh, yeah, it was at first, but we're
actually becoming good friends.
52
00:05:36,689 --> 00:05:38,149
He's a really cool guy.
53
00:05:38,315 --> 00:05:43,654
"Dear Mieke, greetings from
your American pen pal."
54
00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:45,573
Scotty, Girl Scouts
have pen pals.
55
00:05:46,449 --> 00:05:48,617
Listen to yourself, all right?
56
00:05:48,784 --> 00:05:52,079
You met a "cool guy"
on the "Internet."
57
00:05:52,246 --> 00:05:54,999
This is how these sexual predators work.
Next thing you know...
58
00:05:55,166 --> 00:05:57,043
...he's gonna want to
"arrange a meeting"...
59
00:05:57,209 --> 00:06:00,004
...uh, where he will gas you, stuff
you in the back of his van...
60
00:06:00,171 --> 00:06:01,972
...and make a wind chime
out of your genitals.
61
00:06:02,131 --> 00:06:04,300
- Ha, ha.
- Come on, let's go to Wade's.
62
00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:07,136
All right. Screw it. Let's go.
63
00:06:07,303 --> 00:06:09,889
I'm not gonna let Fiona
ruin my graduation night.
64
00:06:10,056 --> 00:06:11,766
Auf wiedersehen, Mieke.
65
00:06:26,072 --> 00:06:28,407
- Heh. What's up, losers?
- What's up, Jenny?
66
00:06:28,574 --> 00:06:29,784
What's up, dude?
67
00:06:29,950 --> 00:06:33,788
- Sorry to hear about Fiona. She's a whore.
- That's very sweet of you. Thanks.
68
00:06:33,954 --> 00:06:37,374
Enough Fiona talk. Look around.
There's gotta be 100 drunk girls.
69
00:06:37,541 --> 00:06:39,501
We should try to have sex
with every one of them.
70
00:06:39,627 --> 00:06:41,754
Hello? Mixed company?
71
00:06:41,921 --> 00:06:43,130
What?
72
00:06:43,297 --> 00:06:45,216
- I'm a girl.
- No, you're not.
73
00:06:45,382 --> 00:06:48,928
- You're just a cool guy with long hair.
- So where's your evil twin brother at?
74
00:06:49,178 --> 00:06:50,888
Jenny!
75
00:06:51,055 --> 00:06:52,431
Oh. There he is.
76
00:06:53,390 --> 00:06:55,935
Hey, Jamie. In fine form, I see.
77
00:06:56,102 --> 00:06:59,271
Mm. Why'd you get
me gin and tonic?
78
00:06:59,438 --> 00:07:01,899
- I hate gin.
- You do?
79
00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:04,777
You guys are the
worst twins ever.
80
00:07:07,071 --> 00:07:08,614
"ALL". Chug! Chug! Chug!
81
00:07:12,159 --> 00:07:14,620
- When are you guys taking off?
- Tomorrow morning.
82
00:07:14,787 --> 00:07:17,957
Hey, Wade. Great party, bud.
83
00:07:19,375 --> 00:07:21,168
Man, I am so excited.
84
00:07:21,335 --> 00:07:23,879
A whole summer, backpacking
around Europe.
85
00:07:24,046 --> 00:07:27,675
You should've come with us instead
of working for Dr. Dad, Scotty!
86
00:07:27,842 --> 00:07:30,302
Oh! It's gonna be so awesome.
87
00:07:30,469 --> 00:07:35,307
Yeah. I planned every detail of
the trip to maximize the fun.
88
00:07:35,474 --> 00:07:37,434
You brought a
guidebook to a party?
89
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:40,563
- Do you wanna see my itinerary?
- Do you wanna see my balls?
90
00:07:42,773 --> 00:07:44,471
You guys decide where
you're gonna go first?
91
00:07:44,484 --> 00:07:46,193
Paris! I can't wait.
92
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,100
I heard two years ago,
Nicky Jager's sister,
93
00:07:48,113 --> 00:07:49,864
Debbie, met a wealthy
French guy...
94
00:07:50,030 --> 00:07:52,741
...and spent a month sailing the
Mediterranean on his yacht.
95
00:07:52,908 --> 00:07:55,786
Isn't that the most romantic
thing you've ever heard?
96
00:07:56,287 --> 00:07:58,581
Stuck on a boat with
a weird French guy?
97
00:08:00,249 --> 00:08:04,795
- That sounds a little gay.
- It's not gay. I'm a girl.
98
00:08:04,962 --> 00:08:06,589
- Kind of gay.
- A little gay.
99
00:08:08,090 --> 00:08:10,718
All right, I gotta piss
like a pregnant woman.
100
00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:14,555
Hey, listen up, everybody.
101
00:08:15,848 --> 00:08:18,058
Got a little special thing
I'd like to do tonight.
102
00:08:18,601 --> 00:08:23,439
Gonna play a little song for you
about the nastiest, freakiest...
103
00:08:23,606 --> 00:08:25,941
...little sex puppet I know...
104
00:08:26,650 --> 00:08:27,860
...Fiona.
105
00:08:34,241 --> 00:08:36,827
This one's for you, baby.
Happy anniversary.
106
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:45,920
Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and me.
107
00:08:46,086 --> 00:08:48,505
Do it in my van every Sunday.
108
00:08:48,672 --> 00:08:51,425
She tells him she's in
church But she doesn't go.
109
00:08:51,592 --> 00:08:54,386
Still, she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't know.
110
00:08:55,429 --> 00:08:58,599
Oh, Scotty doesn't know.
111
00:08:58,766 --> 00:09:01,518
So don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know.
112
00:09:01,685 --> 00:09:02,853
Scotty doesn't know
113
00:09:03,646 --> 00:09:05,731
I hope we're just as
popular in college...
114
00:09:05,898 --> 00:09:07,191
...as we were in high school.
115
00:09:07,358 --> 00:09:08,901
- We Will be.
- I know.
116
00:09:10,361 --> 00:09:12,196
Who needs more Chablis?
117
00:09:13,447 --> 00:09:16,075
- Candy, wanna come with?
- No, I'll stay here.
118
00:09:16,242 --> 00:09:17,952
Hello, Candy.
119
00:09:22,164 --> 00:09:23,374
- "Whoops!
- Aah!"
120
00:09:23,540 --> 00:09:26,043
Ha, ha. Holy cow!
121
00:09:26,210 --> 00:09:28,545
Oh, this isn't where
I parked my car.
122
00:09:29,463 --> 00:09:32,758
I can't believe
he's so trusting.
123
00:09:35,219 --> 00:09:38,639
While I'm right
behind you thrusting
124
00:09:38,806 --> 00:09:41,308
'Cause Scotty doesn't
know Scotty doesn't know
125
00:09:41,475 --> 00:09:43,227
Cooper Harris, you're a pig.
126
00:09:43,394 --> 00:09:47,231
Uh, Candy, before you go, uh,
you might wanna clean that off.
127
00:09:48,983 --> 00:09:50,025
Clean what off?
128
00:09:50,192 --> 00:09:53,237
It's like, uh, dirt, or something.
Go like this.
129
00:09:56,490 --> 00:09:59,910
Well, no, it's kind of
under, and to the side...
130
00:10:00,077 --> 00:10:02,288
...and under.
131
00:10:02,454 --> 00:10:04,206
- Is it off?
- No.
132
00:10:05,082 --> 00:10:07,293
I think your top is
getting in the way.
133
00:10:08,752 --> 00:10:11,255
- Really?
- Trust me.
134
00:10:20,306 --> 00:10:22,850
That's better. Uh,
but keep rubbing it.
135
00:10:28,647 --> 00:10:31,400
I did it with her
on his birthday.
136
00:10:32,901 --> 00:10:35,237
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
137
00:10:35,404 --> 00:10:38,449
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
138
00:10:38,615 --> 00:10:41,952
Don't tell Scotty
Scotty doesn't know.
139
00:10:43,037 --> 00:10:45,622
Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
140
00:10:46,540 --> 00:10:48,042
No, it's just not coming off.
141
00:10:49,710 --> 00:10:53,589
- What is it?
- Fine, I'll do it. Come here.
142
00:10:54,423 --> 00:10:56,050
Oh, my God. Candy.
143
00:10:57,509 --> 00:10:59,094
Cooper.
144
00:11:00,137 --> 00:11:01,513
Hey.
145
00:11:01,930 --> 00:11:05,100
This isn't where
I parked my car.
146
00:11:07,519 --> 00:11:08,729
Scotty doesn't know.
147
00:11:11,023 --> 00:11:14,276
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
148
00:11:14,443 --> 00:11:17,237
Scotty doesn't know Scotty
doesn't, Scotty doesn't...
149
00:11:17,404 --> 00:11:18,447
Hey.
150
00:11:18,781 --> 00:11:21,658
Scotty doesn't know.
Scotty doesn't know.
151
00:11:23,869 --> 00:11:25,829
This band rocks.
152
00:11:25,996 --> 00:11:27,498
Yeah.
153
00:11:52,106 --> 00:11:53,607
Mail, motherfucker.
154
00:12:01,031 --> 00:12:02,282
Hey, Mieke.
155
00:12:02,449 --> 00:12:08,205
"Dear Scott, I was very sad to hear about
your lady woman, Fiona, dumping you."
156
00:12:08,372 --> 00:12:12,126
Since you no longer have a girlfriend,
maybe I could come to America...
157
00:12:12,292 --> 00:12:14,157
...and we could get to
know each other better.
158
00:12:14,170 --> 00:12:16,046
Perhaps we could...
159
00:12:17,673 --> 00:12:18,715
"...zussamen."
160
00:12:18,882 --> 00:12:21,802
What the fuck is "zussamen"?
161
00:12:28,892 --> 00:12:30,269
"Arrange a meeting."
162
00:12:30,436 --> 00:12:33,439
No, no, no. Come on.
Cooper was right.
163
00:12:33,605 --> 00:12:35,315
This guy wants to
have sex with me.
164
00:12:35,482 --> 00:12:39,153
Um, "listen, Mieke..."
165
00:12:39,319 --> 00:12:41,822
...I don't want to arrange
any meetings with you.
166
00:12:42,739 --> 00:12:44,616
You sick, German freak.
167
00:12:44,783 --> 00:12:47,911
So please keep your hands
off my genitals...
168
00:12:48,078 --> 00:12:53,000
...and never write to me again,
and don't come to America.
169
00:12:53,167 --> 00:12:54,460
"Good bye."
170
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:00,883
Ow.
171
00:13:13,896 --> 00:13:16,231
I'm never drinking again.
172
00:13:16,857 --> 00:13:18,025
Oh, that's nice.
173
00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:25,157
- Bert, what are you doing?
- Reading your e-mail.
174
00:13:25,324 --> 00:13:26,950
Don't do that.
175
00:13:29,286 --> 00:13:30,787
Why are you wearing my bathrobe?
176
00:13:31,705 --> 00:13:33,123
Oh, I'm sorry...
177
00:13:33,290 --> 00:13:36,293
...but somebody pissed all
over mine last night.
178
00:13:38,462 --> 00:13:42,549
Wow. I can't believe this German chick
wants to come here and hook up with you.
179
00:13:42,716 --> 00:13:45,093
I don't think so, buddy.
Mieke's a guy.
180
00:13:45,260 --> 00:13:48,222
Um, no, it says right here,
"trauriges madchen. ".
181
00:13:48,388 --> 00:13:50,891
"I was a sad girl to
hear about Fiona."
182
00:13:51,058 --> 00:13:54,937
I'm taking Intro to German,
and even I know that.
183
00:13:55,103 --> 00:13:56,355
Come here.
184
00:13:56,522 --> 00:13:58,440
He sent me a picture, retardo.
185
00:13:58,607 --> 00:14:02,277
See? That's a picture of Mieke
and that's his cute cousin, Jan.
186
00:14:02,444 --> 00:14:04,238
No, retardo.
187
00:14:04,404 --> 00:14:07,991
That's Jan, a man's name,
and that's not "Mike."
188
00:14:08,158 --> 00:14:11,078
It's "Mieke". A common
German girl's name...
189
00:14:11,245 --> 00:14:12,829
...similar to our Michelle.
190
00:14:13,455 --> 00:14:16,458
I hope you wrote her back and
told her to come and visit.
191
00:14:18,919 --> 00:14:20,629
You didn't?
192
00:14:20,796 --> 00:14:22,714
You thought she was a guy.
193
00:14:22,881 --> 00:14:25,717
I'm getting the video camera.
Ha.
194
00:14:27,219 --> 00:14:30,138
- What an asshole.
- No. No.
195
00:14:30,472 --> 00:14:31,932
No.
196
00:14:32,099 --> 00:14:35,519
No!
197
00:15:05,841 --> 00:15:07,884
"Address blocked"?
"E-mail not delivered."
198
00:15:08,051 --> 00:15:10,512
No. No, come on.
199
00:15:11,305 --> 00:15:13,390
Hey, Mom made waffles.
200
00:15:13,557 --> 00:15:16,685
- What's going on?
- I'm in love with my pen pal.
201
00:15:17,269 --> 00:15:19,146
I'm in love with Mieke.
202
00:15:21,648 --> 00:15:24,860
Okay. Okay.
203
00:15:25,027 --> 00:15:28,155
You know what? I was
actually expecting this.
204
00:15:28,322 --> 00:15:32,242
And frankly, I'm flattered you
picked me to come out to first.
205
00:15:32,409 --> 00:15:35,287
And don't worry about
telling your folks...
206
00:15:35,454 --> 00:15:36,982
...because, uh, I think
they already know.
207
00:15:36,995 --> 00:15:38,534
No, you idiot.
Mieke is a girl.
208
00:15:38,624 --> 00:15:42,044
No, no, I get it. Yeah. He's the
girl, and you're the girl...
209
00:15:42,210 --> 00:15:44,671
...and sometimes, uh,
you're both the girl.
210
00:15:45,589 --> 00:15:48,884
Right? Right? That's hot.
211
00:15:49,426 --> 00:15:52,471
But whatever works for you.
I'm not gonna judge it.
212
00:15:52,638 --> 00:15:55,557
Will you stop? Look, come here.
Look at this picture.
213
00:15:57,267 --> 00:15:58,560
Wow. Who's the hot chick?
214
00:15:58,727 --> 00:16:01,730
That's Mieke. I mean, Mieke.
215
00:16:01,897 --> 00:16:04,775
That's Mieke? That's who you've
been writing to all this time?
216
00:16:04,941 --> 00:16:07,369
Until last night, when
I took your advice and
217
00:16:07,382 --> 00:16:09,821
told her to keep her
hands off my genitals.
218
00:16:09,988 --> 00:16:13,659
Given what we know now, that seems like
the exact opposite of what you want.
219
00:16:16,411 --> 00:16:18,163
This is a total disaster.
220
00:16:18,330 --> 00:16:21,166
Oh, come on. It's not that bad.
221
00:16:21,583 --> 00:16:23,001
Though she is really hot.
222
00:16:23,168 --> 00:16:26,296
You're not listening. I don't
even care what she looks like.
223
00:16:26,463 --> 00:16:29,633
Mieke and I, we had
this incredible bond.
224
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,718
I told her things I
couldn't even tell you.
225
00:16:33,428 --> 00:16:34,763
Like what?
226
00:16:35,180 --> 00:16:36,848
Nothing. It's a figure
of speech, Coop.
227
00:16:37,015 --> 00:16:38,935
- No, seriously. What?
- Nothing. The point is...
228
00:16:39,101 --> 00:16:40,662
- You like me better, right?
- Listen...
229
00:16:40,811 --> 00:16:45,065
...this girl is not only smart and
funny, and stunningly beautiful...
230
00:16:45,232 --> 00:16:48,276
...but until I screwed up, she wanted
to come all the way to America...
231
00:16:48,443 --> 00:16:49,486
...just to be with me.
232
00:16:49,653 --> 00:16:52,864
- So do something about it.
- What can I do?
233
00:16:53,031 --> 00:16:56,201
She blocked her e-mail account,
her phone number's not listed.
234
00:16:56,368 --> 00:16:58,245
The only thing I know
is she lives in Berlin.
235
00:16:58,620 --> 00:16:59,830
So go to Berlin.
236
00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:03,667
I can't just go to Berlin, Coop.
237
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,752
- Why not?
- Because.
238
00:17:06,169 --> 00:17:09,840
I just can't, okay? I'm supposed
to work for my Dad this summer.
239
00:17:10,006 --> 00:17:12,050
It looks good on my
med-school application.
240
00:17:12,217 --> 00:17:13,844
Oh, Jesus, Scotty.
241
00:17:14,177 --> 00:17:16,972
Man, Fiona was right.
You're so predictable.
242
00:17:27,107 --> 00:17:28,984
- I'm going to Germany.
- No.
243
00:17:29,443 --> 00:17:31,361
We're going to Germany.
244
00:17:39,703 --> 00:17:41,163
How are we going
to get to Germany?
245
00:17:41,329 --> 00:17:43,790
Don't worry. I've
got it covered.
246
00:17:45,876 --> 00:17:47,627
We're going to be couriers?
247
00:17:47,794 --> 00:17:49,395
It's the best way to
get a cheap flight.
248
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:53,216
All we have to do is carry their packages,
and then drop them off when we get there.
249
00:17:53,383 --> 00:17:55,303
- My cousin did it when he went to India.
- Yeah?
250
00:17:55,469 --> 00:17:59,639
Yeah. Of course, he, uh, ended up using
a public restroom in New Delhi...
251
00:17:59,806 --> 00:18:03,101
...and, uh, they had to cut off his leg.
You know...
252
00:18:03,268 --> 00:18:06,062
...but he got there cheap,
is what I'm saying.
253
00:18:06,229 --> 00:18:09,566
Okay, I don't have anything
to Germany for a week.
254
00:18:09,733 --> 00:18:13,570
Uh, but I can get you both
to London today for $118.
255
00:18:13,737 --> 00:18:15,060
Anything else?
256
00:18:15,073 --> 00:18:16,406
Europe is like the size
of the Eastwood Mall.
257
00:18:16,573 --> 00:18:18,241
We can walk to
Berlin from there.
258
00:18:19,326 --> 00:18:20,911
Cooper, England's an island.
259
00:18:21,077 --> 00:18:24,039
Okay, swim. Whatever.
260
00:18:24,206 --> 00:18:25,248
We'll take it.
261
00:18:40,388 --> 00:18:41,640
- Hey.
- "Hmm?"
262
00:18:41,807 --> 00:18:43,016
Thanks for coming with me.
263
00:18:43,183 --> 00:18:45,894
I know you had that internship
at the law firm this summer.
264
00:18:46,061 --> 00:18:48,063
Well, forget about the law firm.
265
00:18:48,230 --> 00:18:51,691
And don't thank me. I
should be thanking you.
266
00:18:52,067 --> 00:18:54,453
This trip is a
once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
267
00:18:54,466 --> 00:18:56,863
for me to broaden
my sexual horizons.
268
00:18:57,030 --> 00:18:59,366
Ha, ha. What are
you talking about?
269
00:18:59,825 --> 00:19:01,618
I'm talking about
crazy European sex.
270
00:19:01,785 --> 00:19:03,245
Ah.
271
00:19:04,538 --> 00:19:07,415
- You know America was founded by prudes.
- Mm.
272
00:19:07,582 --> 00:19:09,042
Prudes who left Europe...
273
00:19:09,209 --> 00:19:14,214
...because they hated all the kinky,
steamy European sex that was going on.
274
00:19:14,381 --> 00:19:17,801
And now I, uh, Cooper Harris...
275
00:19:17,968 --> 00:19:20,929
...will return to the land of
my perverted forefathers...
276
00:19:21,096 --> 00:19:23,056
...and claim my birthright...
277
00:19:23,223 --> 00:19:28,937
...which is a series of erotic and
sexually challenging adventures.
278
00:19:30,188 --> 00:19:32,691
You've really thought a lot
about this, haven't you?
279
00:19:33,775 --> 00:19:35,318
It's my passion.
280
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:52,043
Come on, come on.
281
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,755
The adventure begins.
282
00:19:55,922 --> 00:19:58,341
Welcome to jolly old England.
283
00:19:58,508 --> 00:20:01,970
Yeah, breathe that sweet,
sexy, European air.
284
00:20:03,722 --> 00:20:05,098
- Oh.
- What is that?
285
00:20:05,265 --> 00:20:07,726
Uh, it's the phone they
gave me at the law firm.
286
00:20:07,893 --> 00:20:09,436
Yeah, it's pretty neat, huh?
287
00:20:09,603 --> 00:20:11,897
- Works anywhere.
- Yeah?
288
00:20:12,063 --> 00:20:13,398
Excuse me.
289
00:20:14,149 --> 00:20:15,692
Cooper here.
290
00:20:16,109 --> 00:20:17,819
Hello, Mr. Walters.
291
00:20:17,986 --> 00:20:20,572
Uh, yes, sir, I'm
down in file storage.
292
00:20:21,239 --> 00:20:23,283
Uh, hang on one second.
293
00:20:28,622 --> 00:20:31,207
No, sir, I can't find the
Gutterman file anywhere.
294
00:20:31,374 --> 00:20:33,084
Yes, sir, I'll keep looking.
295
00:20:33,251 --> 00:20:35,754
No, I don't rest
until I find it.
296
00:20:36,421 --> 00:20:38,465
Didn't tell your boss you
were leaving the country?
297
00:20:38,632 --> 00:20:40,312
- They would've stopped paying me.
- Right.
298
00:20:40,383 --> 00:20:41,885
It seemed easier.
299
00:20:42,052 --> 00:20:44,304
- So where to?
- Uh, I don't know.
300
00:20:44,471 --> 00:20:46,391
First bus to Berlin doesn't
leave till tomorrow.
301
00:20:46,473 --> 00:20:48,683
What do you wanna do? Got
the Tower of London...
302
00:20:48,850 --> 00:20:50,936
...there's Buckingham Palace.
303
00:20:51,978 --> 00:20:53,688
- Uh...
- There's no drinking age.
304
00:20:53,855 --> 00:20:55,273
- There you go.
- Come on.
305
00:20:57,067 --> 00:20:58,443
Hey. "The Feisty Goat."
306
00:21:03,657 --> 00:21:05,033
All right.
307
00:21:05,951 --> 00:21:07,702
What do you wanna...?
308
00:21:18,171 --> 00:21:19,881
Soccer hooligans.
309
00:21:24,552 --> 00:21:27,681
Hey, this isn't where
I parked my car.
310
00:21:27,847 --> 00:21:29,182
(Dy-.
311
00:21:30,225 --> 00:21:32,185
Who the bloody hell are you?
312
00:21:33,561 --> 00:21:37,732
This is a private members bar,
exclusively for the supporters...
313
00:21:37,899 --> 00:21:40,652
...of the greatest football
team in the world:
314
00:21:40,986 --> 00:21:43,321
Manchester United.
315
00:21:43,697 --> 00:21:46,449
Now, please, enlighten me.
316
00:21:46,866 --> 00:21:48,118
Who the fuck are you?
317
00:21:48,451 --> 00:21:52,163
That is a good
question, and, Scotty?
318
00:21:52,330 --> 00:21:53,748
Huh?
319
00:21:56,710 --> 00:21:59,963
We're the Manchester
United Fan Club...
320
00:22:00,463 --> 00:22:02,173
...from Ohio.
321
00:22:03,049 --> 00:22:05,260
If you're Manchester
United supporters...
322
00:22:05,427 --> 00:22:07,679
...sing the Manchester
United song.
323
00:22:07,846 --> 00:22:10,640
Ahem. Excuse me, I'm sorry.
I'm not much of a singer.
324
00:22:10,807 --> 00:22:12,559
Aah! Sing!
325
00:22:12,726 --> 00:22:16,271
My baby takes the
morning train.
326
00:22:16,855 --> 00:22:21,651
He works from 9 to 5 and then.
327
00:22:21,818 --> 00:22:25,488
He takes another home again.
328
00:22:25,905 --> 00:22:27,866
To find me...
329
00:22:29,367 --> 00:22:33,747
Watching the Manchester
United football team.
330
00:22:33,913 --> 00:22:35,081
Huh?
331
00:22:35,248 --> 00:22:39,044
The best freaking team in all the land.
Woo-hoo!
332
00:22:46,259 --> 00:22:47,343
Pretty good.
333
00:22:47,886 --> 00:22:50,180
- Pretty dang good, lads.
- Yeah.
334
00:23:09,699 --> 00:23:13,369
To find me waiting for him
335
00:23:20,710 --> 00:23:22,754
I've unblocked your
e-mail address...
336
00:23:22,962 --> 00:23:25,799
...but this Scott
is not responding.
337
00:23:28,176 --> 00:23:29,803
He was the one.
338
00:23:32,013 --> 00:23:34,224
I was going to give
myself to him.
339
00:23:35,850 --> 00:23:38,311
Perhaps you should give
yourself to someone else.
340
00:24:04,379 --> 00:24:06,756
I'm never drinking again.
341
00:24:06,923 --> 00:24:08,508
Coop, wake up.
342
00:24:08,675 --> 00:24:12,095
Oh, man, that was a wild night.
343
00:24:14,097 --> 00:24:15,431
You think?
344
00:24:23,106 --> 00:24:25,108
Scotty, where the
hell are we going?
345
00:24:25,275 --> 00:24:29,154
Don't worry. If anything bad
happens, my parents will find us.
346
00:24:29,654 --> 00:24:32,323
Honey, where's Scotty?
347
00:24:32,490 --> 00:24:34,200
Cooper said they
were going camping.
348
00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:37,203
Oh. That's nice.
349
00:24:37,745 --> 00:24:39,122
And where's Bert?
350
00:24:39,289 --> 00:24:41,457
Fuck if I know.
351
00:24:51,134 --> 00:24:55,138
Hey! How are you, you scalawag.
352
00:24:55,305 --> 00:24:57,849
Look, given the current
geopolitical climate...
353
00:24:58,016 --> 00:25:00,810
...all European countries should
have a seat at the table.
354
00:25:00,977 --> 00:25:03,730
- Right.
- Except those fucking Ities.
355
00:25:03,897 --> 00:25:05,982
I hate them Italian bastards.
356
00:25:06,149 --> 00:25:07,775
- You know what I mean?
- Excuse me.
357
00:25:07,942 --> 00:25:09,235
Hello, boy-o.
358
00:25:09,402 --> 00:25:11,070
What the hell
happened last night?
359
00:25:11,237 --> 00:25:13,781
You got steamed up,
pissed as a fart.
360
00:25:13,948 --> 00:25:15,658
Too much sauce, son.
361
00:25:15,825 --> 00:25:19,704
Don't worry. We come and got you
so you wouldn't miss the trip.
362
00:25:19,871 --> 00:25:22,540
What trip?
363
00:25:22,707 --> 00:25:24,000
Where are we going?
364
00:25:24,167 --> 00:25:26,628
Where are we going? We're going
to see the Mighty Reds...
365
00:25:26,794 --> 00:25:29,047
...do the frogs in Paris.
Aren't we, boys?
366
00:25:29,214 --> 00:25:31,341
Yeah.
367
00:25:31,883 --> 00:25:33,551
Why are you yelling at me?
368
00:25:33,718 --> 00:25:36,262
So I tell the swamp
donkey to sack it...
369
00:25:36,429 --> 00:25:38,973
...before I give her a tonk in
the tradesman's entrance...
370
00:25:39,140 --> 00:25:41,517
...and have her lick me yarbles.
371
00:25:43,436 --> 00:25:45,063
Wow.
372
00:25:45,230 --> 00:25:48,274
You guys are on like a completely
different level of swearing over here.
373
00:25:48,733 --> 00:25:51,361
Coop? Cooper, we're
going to Paris.
374
00:25:51,527 --> 00:25:53,488
I know. Cecil told me.
375
00:25:53,655 --> 00:25:55,990
Mieke's in Berlin. We're
not going to Berlin.
376
00:25:56,157 --> 00:25:57,742
What are we gonna do?
We need a plan.
377
00:25:57,909 --> 00:26:01,496
See what I'm talking about? This
is predictable Scotty talking.
378
00:26:01,663 --> 00:26:04,008
Relax. Paris is practically
a suburb of Berlin.
379
00:26:04,021 --> 00:26:06,376
It's a nothing commute.
380
00:26:06,542 --> 00:26:08,795
This is why France and Germany
have always been allies.
381
00:26:08,962 --> 00:26:10,046
Allies.
382
00:26:12,715 --> 00:26:15,218
The twins. The twins
were in Paris, right?
383
00:26:15,468 --> 00:26:16,896
We could give them a call.
They could help us out.
384
00:26:16,909 --> 00:26:18,348
Let me see your phone.
385
00:26:18,721 --> 00:26:21,557
All right, but I'm really only supposed
to use this for business calls.
386
00:26:22,684 --> 00:26:23,977
Hey, don't...
387
00:26:40,827 --> 00:26:44,664
You're on the wrong side of the
road, you snail-eating poofs.
388
00:26:44,831 --> 00:26:49,252
Fuck off. Go on, you Gaelic
fucking garlic-breath tossers.
389
00:26:49,419 --> 00:26:53,381
Piss off. Get in here and say
that, you froggy, Itie shities.
390
00:26:58,261 --> 00:27:02,056
Fucking beep. We'll beep, you
bastard, all over your fucking nose.
391
00:27:02,223 --> 00:27:04,934
Get out of the way. Piss off.
392
00:27:12,358 --> 00:27:16,029
Hey, lads. That wanker's got
a frog football shirt on.
393
00:27:16,195 --> 00:27:18,948
Let's give this Nancy a
fucking good kicking.
394
00:27:19,115 --> 00:27:21,159
Come on, lads, he's going off.
395
00:27:36,341 --> 00:27:39,010
All right. Twins said
they'd meet us here.
396
00:27:39,177 --> 00:27:42,055
- Look at that.
- There they are. Come on. Jenny.
397
00:27:42,221 --> 00:27:44,223
- Jamie.
- Hey.
398
00:27:44,390 --> 00:27:45,683
Come here.
399
00:27:45,850 --> 00:27:46,893
No, no. No, no, no.
400
00:27:47,060 --> 00:27:49,479
- Scott, bienvenue a Paris.
- Thank you. Thank you.
401
00:27:49,645 --> 00:27:52,065
- What is that a new camera?
- This isn't just a camera...
402
00:27:52,231 --> 00:27:53,775
...this is a Leica M7.
403
00:27:53,941 --> 00:27:57,945
Über-sensitive exposure settings,
legendary cloth-shutter system.
404
00:27:58,112 --> 00:28:00,531
- Let me see that thing.
- No can do.
405
00:28:00,698 --> 00:28:03,618
I spent the last four years tutoring
lacrosse players to pay for it...
406
00:28:03,785 --> 00:28:06,746
...so nobody touches
my camera but me.
407
00:28:06,913 --> 00:28:09,082
- So it's like your Wiener.
- No, it's not like my...
408
00:28:09,248 --> 00:28:11,292
- Jenny.
- Cooper, leave him alone.
409
00:28:11,459 --> 00:28:14,754
Wow, I can't believe you came all
the way to Europe for a girl.
410
00:28:14,921 --> 00:28:18,466
Oh, wait, no, not just any girl.
Show her the picture, Scotty.
411
00:28:18,633 --> 00:28:21,094
She makes every girl in our
high school look like a walrus.
412
00:28:21,803 --> 00:28:24,806
- I'm a girl from your high school.
- No, I mean "girl" girls.
413
00:28:25,515 --> 00:28:27,725
Guys, we're wasting the whole day here.
We're in Paris.
414
00:28:27,892 --> 00:28:29,185
Let's go to the Louvre.
415
00:28:29,352 --> 00:28:31,104
To the Louvre.
416
00:29:05,805 --> 00:29:07,306
So you guys wanna stay here...
417
00:29:07,473 --> 00:29:10,351
...or should we check out the
huge line at the Eiffel Tower?
418
00:29:10,518 --> 00:29:11,644
Here's a fun fact.
419
00:29:11,811 --> 00:29:14,397
Voltaire contracted syphilis
just two blocks from here.
420
00:29:14,564 --> 00:29:16,691
- Should we go?
- Can we please get out of here?
421
00:29:16,858 --> 00:29:19,861
- This guy's really creeping me out.
- Who, robot man?
422
00:29:20,027 --> 00:29:22,530
He's just trying to
feed his robot family.
423
00:29:22,697 --> 00:29:25,324
- I really don't like him.
- Why?
424
00:29:25,491 --> 00:29:27,034
Because he's doing this?
425
00:29:28,619 --> 00:29:30,299
All right. Okay,
seriously, don't do that.
426
00:29:30,455 --> 00:29:32,707
Cooper. Do not hate me.
427
00:29:35,793 --> 00:29:39,797
I am familiar with over 600 dance
moves and I am programmed to get:
428
00:29:44,469 --> 00:29:45,970
Freaky.
429
00:29:58,149 --> 00:30:01,360
Ha, ha. You're just upset because
people like me better. It's okay.
430
00:30:27,011 --> 00:30:28,137
Oh.
431
00:30:41,776 --> 00:30:43,361
Fight. Fight.
432
00:30:47,949 --> 00:30:49,617
Break the leg, Scott.
433
00:31:06,175 --> 00:31:08,177
Don't look in his eyes, Scotty.
434
00:31:14,433 --> 00:31:16,143
- Oh.
- That was not cool.
435
00:31:47,633 --> 00:31:49,051
Guys, let's go. Come on.
436
00:31:52,847 --> 00:31:56,475
Error. Error. Error.
437
00:31:58,102 --> 00:31:59,312
How cool is this?
438
00:31:59,812 --> 00:32:02,023
It's a shame we only get
to spend one day together.
439
00:32:02,189 --> 00:32:04,775
- Why don't you come to Berlin?
- Mm, no.
440
00:32:04,942 --> 00:32:07,862
Jamie, come on. In a few months,
we all go to different colleges.
441
00:32:08,029 --> 00:32:11,407
This could be the last chance the
four of us are together like this.
442
00:32:11,574 --> 00:32:14,368
Plus, we're in Europe. Huh?
443
00:32:14,535 --> 00:32:16,245
This should be the
trip of a lifetime.
444
00:32:16,412 --> 00:32:18,247
There's no way we
should split up.
445
00:32:19,165 --> 00:32:22,418
All right, this table
is now Europe, okay?
446
00:32:22,585 --> 00:32:27,632
Ahem. Excuse me. We are
right here, in Paris...
447
00:32:27,798 --> 00:32:32,261
...and I have got to get to Mieke,
who is over here, in Berlin.
448
00:32:32,428 --> 00:32:36,599
If you come with us, I'm sure there's a
ton of great stuff to see along the way.
449
00:32:38,142 --> 00:32:40,519
- We can go to Denmark.
- I love Denmark.
450
00:32:40,686 --> 00:32:43,230
- We gotta hit Amsterdam.
- Definitely.
451
00:32:43,397 --> 00:32:46,067
And the cathedral at Cameret.
452
00:32:48,027 --> 00:32:49,654
- Yeah. Maybe.
- Maybe. We'll see.
453
00:32:49,820 --> 00:32:52,490
- Whatever.
- If there's time.
454
00:32:53,658 --> 00:32:57,036
Come on. I really want you to
be there when I meet Mieke.
455
00:32:57,203 --> 00:32:58,913
- Fine.
- Excellent.
456
00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,582
- All right. A toast.
- Yes.
457
00:33:01,749 --> 00:33:04,960
- Ahem. To Mieke.
- To Europe.
458
00:33:05,127 --> 00:33:06,462
To Europe.
459
00:33:09,423 --> 00:33:12,301
- Berlin, here we come.
- All right.
460
00:33:12,468 --> 00:33:14,512
Better let me hold on to those.
461
00:33:18,891 --> 00:33:21,894
- What the hell is that?
- It's a traveler's money belt.
462
00:33:22,144 --> 00:33:24,230
Frommer's says as long as
you have one of these...
463
00:33:24,397 --> 00:33:26,065
...no one can rob
you of anything.
464
00:33:26,607 --> 00:33:27,650
Except your dignity.
465
00:33:27,942 --> 00:33:29,860
No, you just put that in your...
466
00:33:30,444 --> 00:33:31,696
Wait, what?
467
00:33:32,697 --> 00:33:34,990
Come on, Guidebook. Let's go.
468
00:33:37,201 --> 00:33:38,244
Check it out.
469
00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:40,788
European ass.
470
00:33:43,332 --> 00:33:44,458
What's up?
471
00:33:47,628 --> 00:33:51,132
Jesus, Jenny. I thought
you were some...
472
00:33:51,632 --> 00:33:53,426
...girl. Come on. Platform 4.
473
00:33:54,218 --> 00:33:55,594
Thanks.
474
00:33:57,471 --> 00:33:58,806
Damn.
475
00:34:02,101 --> 00:34:04,019
I believe this is yours.
476
00:34:07,982 --> 00:34:09,442
Pleased to meet you.
477
00:34:09,608 --> 00:34:11,152
My name is Christoph.
478
00:34:11,318 --> 00:34:13,904
- Jenny, let's go.
- Come on, move it.
479
00:34:14,071 --> 00:34:16,949
Those are my friends. We're supposed
to get on a train to Berlin...
480
00:34:17,116 --> 00:34:19,577
- Jenny!
- I'm coming!
481
00:34:20,828 --> 00:34:23,080
So it was really
nice to meet you.
482
00:34:23,664 --> 00:34:25,040
The pleasure was all mine.
483
00:34:27,168 --> 00:34:28,544
Jennifer.
484
00:35:12,838 --> 00:35:15,633
Scotty doesn't know
That Fiona and me.
485
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,219
Do it in my van on Sundays.
486
00:35:18,385 --> 00:35:19,970
Tells him she's...
487
00:35:20,137 --> 00:35:21,514
What?
488
00:35:21,972 --> 00:35:24,099
You gotta admit, it's
a really catchy tune.
489
00:35:26,477 --> 00:35:29,522
Tells him she's in church
But she doesn't go.
490
00:35:29,688 --> 00:35:32,983
Still she's on her knees
And Scotty doesn't know.
491
00:35:33,526 --> 00:35:34,735
Scotty doesn't know.
492
00:35:35,069 --> 00:35:36,195
Scotty doesn't...
493
00:35:50,584 --> 00:35:53,754
You know, there are a lot of
other empty compartments.
494
00:35:54,296 --> 00:35:55,422
Huh?
495
00:35:55,589 --> 00:35:56,632
Ah.
496
00:36:32,418 --> 00:36:33,586
Pardon me.
497
00:36:33,752 --> 00:36:35,337
Eh?
498
00:36:36,130 --> 00:36:37,756
Oh.
499
00:36:48,142 --> 00:36:49,768
Oh, ow!
500
00:37:07,202 --> 00:37:08,495
Hi.
501
00:37:21,926 --> 00:37:23,636
What the hell are you doing?
502
00:37:25,930 --> 00:37:27,765
No. No, no, no.
503
00:37:29,308 --> 00:37:30,809
- Uh-oh.
- What?
504
00:37:31,143 --> 00:37:32,561
Big tunnel.
505
00:37:35,731 --> 00:37:38,317
Who's touching me?
Scotty, is that you?
506
00:37:39,276 --> 00:37:40,569
Who's touching me? Scotty.
507
00:38:07,388 --> 00:38:10,015
Crane Sur Mer. We
change trains here.
508
00:38:12,101 --> 00:38:14,728
Well, we got a couple
of hours to kill.
509
00:38:14,895 --> 00:38:16,605
What's there to
see in this town?
510
00:38:16,772 --> 00:38:19,608
Hello? The Monument
des Poissonières.
511
00:38:19,775 --> 00:38:23,028
It's a monument to all the local
fishermen that were lost at sea.
512
00:38:23,195 --> 00:38:25,948
Frommer's says it's supposed
to be quite moving.
513
00:38:26,115 --> 00:38:29,243
What the hell is wrong
with you, C-3PO?
514
00:38:29,410 --> 00:38:31,829
We're here to see Europe,
not some crappy statue.
515
00:38:32,955 --> 00:38:36,417
I'm taking a nap. Wake me up
when the train gets here.
516
00:38:36,583 --> 00:38:39,253
Hmm. Says here this town
has a famous nude beach.
517
00:38:39,420 --> 00:38:42,047
All right, we can't all
just lie around all Clay.
518
00:38:42,214 --> 00:38:44,800
We gotta get out there and
experience the culture firsthand.
519
00:38:44,967 --> 00:38:47,094
Let's go exploring.
520
00:38:50,014 --> 00:38:52,474
So, what's the
etiquette on boners?
521
00:38:52,641 --> 00:38:57,438
Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it
or is it cool to just let my flag fly?
522
00:38:58,022 --> 00:39:00,065
Wait, wait, wait.
523
00:39:00,232 --> 00:39:02,693
Does "nude beach" mean we
have to get naked too?
524
00:39:02,860 --> 00:39:04,403
Of course.
525
00:39:04,570 --> 00:39:08,032
Do you think you can go an hour
without your currency colostomy bag?
526
00:39:08,198 --> 00:39:11,618
Hey. Hey, as long as this thing has
our money and passports in it...
527
00:39:11,785 --> 00:39:15,039
...it's not coming off, and my
trunks aren't coming off, either.
528
00:39:15,205 --> 00:39:18,542
Come on, Jamie. You came
all the way to Europe.
529
00:39:18,709 --> 00:39:20,586
Can't wimp out now.
530
00:39:22,546 --> 00:39:23,797
Okay.
531
00:39:23,964 --> 00:39:26,091
- All right, on the count of three.
- Here we go.
532
00:39:26,258 --> 00:39:28,761
- Ahem.
- Three, two, one...
533
00:39:28,927 --> 00:39:30,637
Ha, ha. Look at Jamie's penis.
534
00:39:30,804 --> 00:39:33,057
- Ha, ha.
- Very funny. Very funny.
535
00:39:33,223 --> 00:39:36,101
All right. All right. Ahem.
536
00:39:36,268 --> 00:39:39,104
Let the crazy, European
sex odyssey begin.
537
00:39:39,271 --> 00:39:40,397
- Here we go.
- Really?
538
00:39:40,564 --> 00:39:42,316
- Yes.
- Mm-hm.
539
00:39:46,653 --> 00:39:48,197
Hello, ladies.
540
00:39:53,577 --> 00:39:56,580
- Ladies?
- Bitches?
541
00:39:57,456 --> 00:40:01,794
Ew. What a rip. There's no nude girls here,
just guys like us looking for nude girls.
542
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:03,545
I don't understand.
543
00:40:03,921 --> 00:40:07,466
Evans Sur Met has one of the best
nude beaches on the continent.
544
00:40:07,633 --> 00:40:09,384
However...
545
00:40:12,346 --> 00:40:14,586
...during the summer,
the European women are
546
00:40:14,599 --> 00:40:16,850
chased away by gawking
male tourists...
547
00:40:17,017 --> 00:40:20,104
...so Europe's most nubile exhibitionists
head to the deserted beach...
548
00:40:20,270 --> 00:40:23,023
"...right next to the
Monument des Poissonières. ".
549
00:40:39,331 --> 00:40:42,126
There's so many penises.
550
00:40:42,709 --> 00:40:45,671
Frommer's tried to tell you,
but you just didn't listen.
551
00:40:45,838 --> 00:40:47,798
This is the biggest
sausage fest on earth.
552
00:40:47,965 --> 00:40:50,551
It's the International
House of Sausage.
553
00:40:50,801 --> 00:40:52,219
Hey.
554
00:40:53,637 --> 00:40:56,932
- Thanks for waiting.
- You're not missing anything.
555
00:40:57,099 --> 00:40:58,350
It's all guys.
556
00:40:59,017 --> 00:41:01,687
Well, at least the sun's out.
557
00:41:29,173 --> 00:41:30,549
Holy crap.
558
00:41:30,716 --> 00:41:33,552
What? I thought this
was a nude beach.
559
00:41:33,886 --> 00:41:35,929
No!
560
00:41:40,601 --> 00:41:41,977
- Huh?
- No, no.
561
00:41:42,144 --> 00:41:43,632
What? What are you doing?
562
00:41:43,645 --> 00:41:45,144
Jenny, you gotta cover up.
Cover up, cover up.
563
00:41:45,397 --> 00:41:46,940
Girl?
564
00:41:47,107 --> 00:41:48,150
Girl.
565
00:41:48,317 --> 00:41:49,860
Ooh, girl. Girl. Ooh, girl.
566
00:41:53,363 --> 00:41:55,949
Girl. Girl.
567
00:41:56,116 --> 00:41:57,284
Run.
568
00:42:03,916 --> 00:42:05,542
I'm not gonna make it.
569
00:42:05,709 --> 00:42:08,337
- Go on without me.
- All right. See you.
570
00:42:32,736 --> 00:42:35,447
Are you reading, uh,
Mieke's old e-mails again?
571
00:42:35,614 --> 00:42:37,574
Mm-hm. Yeah.
572
00:42:38,742 --> 00:42:43,038
I have no idea what I'm going to
say to that girl when I see her.
573
00:42:43,872 --> 00:42:46,458
You know, she said I
might be the one?
574
00:42:47,292 --> 00:42:49,044
That's huge.
575
00:42:49,211 --> 00:42:51,588
I've never been
"the one" before.
576
00:42:52,714 --> 00:42:56,510
Thought I was "the one" with Fiona,
but turns out I was, what, 101?
577
00:42:56,677 --> 00:42:58,804
- Two hundred.
- Two hundred.
578
00:42:58,971 --> 00:43:01,056
Look, you got nothing
to worry about.
579
00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:04,601
You'll show up and sweep
her off her German feet.
580
00:43:06,603 --> 00:43:07,896
Thanks.
581
00:43:15,737 --> 00:43:16,947
Yeah.
582
00:43:18,156 --> 00:43:20,033
I Will, Won't I?
583
00:43:22,661 --> 00:43:25,372
I'm so sad and lonely.
584
00:43:25,539 --> 00:43:30,043
I just wish someone would show up
and sweep me off my German feet.
585
00:43:30,544 --> 00:43:32,838
Mieke. I'm here.
586
00:43:33,213 --> 00:43:34,506
Scotty.
587
00:43:34,673 --> 00:43:36,591
About that last e-mail.
I'm so sorry...
588
00:43:36,758 --> 00:43:39,970
The past is the past.
You're here now.
589
00:43:40,137 --> 00:43:42,973
I've been saving myself for you.
590
00:43:43,724 --> 00:43:47,102
Let us make love for
one whole month.
591
00:43:50,981 --> 00:43:53,150
Touch me, Scotty.
592
00:43:56,194 --> 00:43:57,612
0K8
593
00:44:16,173 --> 00:44:17,716
Oh, Scott.
594
00:45:13,230 --> 00:45:15,565
Guys, our train doesn't
leave till morning.
595
00:45:15,732 --> 00:45:17,192
Where will we sleep tonight?
596
00:45:17,359 --> 00:45:18,610
What do you mean, sleep?
597
00:45:19,152 --> 00:45:20,946
We can sleep on the
train tomorrow.
598
00:45:21,113 --> 00:45:22,623
This is the best thing
that could've happened.
599
00:45:22,636 --> 00:45:24,157
We're in Amsterdam.
600
00:45:24,324 --> 00:45:27,369
This is the drug and
sex capital of Europe.
601
00:45:27,869 --> 00:45:29,454
Take a look at this.
602
00:45:31,998 --> 00:45:34,501
"Club Vandersexxx."
603
00:45:34,668 --> 00:45:37,504
"The Red Light District's
hottest sex club."
604
00:45:37,671 --> 00:45:39,965
We have to check it out.
Who's with me?
605
00:45:40,674 --> 00:45:41,883
I'll go.
606
00:45:42,050 --> 00:45:46,096
Fine. Since no one else is willing
to go, I'll just go myself.
607
00:46:00,277 --> 00:46:02,446
♫ JAXX: "TONIGHT"
608
00:46:03,780 --> 00:46:06,450
Sitting, waiting for me.
609
00:46:07,742 --> 00:46:11,288
This is definitely
where I parked my car.
610
00:46:11,455 --> 00:46:13,540
Where we met for
the first time.
611
00:46:13,748 --> 00:46:15,292
Hello there.
612
00:46:17,586 --> 00:46:19,754
Welcome to Club Vandersexxx...
613
00:46:19,921 --> 00:46:22,757
...Amsterdam's most
erotic club...
614
00:46:22,924 --> 00:46:26,303
...where your every fantasy
will be fulfilled.
615
00:46:26,470 --> 00:46:29,514
Also says I get a free
T-shirt with flyer.
616
00:46:32,267 --> 00:46:33,977
He's American.
617
00:46:34,144 --> 00:46:39,274
How sad for you to grow up in
a country founded by prudes.
618
00:46:39,441 --> 00:46:43,028
A country overrun with
crime and illiteracy.
619
00:46:43,195 --> 00:46:46,072
A country where a man is
forced to make sex...
620
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:47,741
...to only one
woman at a time...
621
00:46:47,908 --> 00:46:51,244
...and one must learn the
woman's name beforehand.
622
00:46:51,411 --> 00:46:54,372
- It was horrible.
- I know.
623
00:46:54,539 --> 00:46:57,125
But you can come with me...
624
00:46:57,292 --> 00:47:00,378
...and let the
Vandersexxx begin.
625
00:47:02,464 --> 00:47:03,757
Ah.
626
00:47:03,924 --> 00:47:06,343
♫ LINVAL THOMPSON:
"I LOVE MARIJUANA"
627
00:47:06,510 --> 00:47:07,844
Marijuana in my soul.
628
00:47:08,011 --> 00:47:10,055
Your iguana in my hall
629
00:47:10,222 --> 00:47:11,765
I can't believe
we're doing this.
630
00:47:11,932 --> 00:47:15,685
Don't worry. Hash brownies
are totally legal here.
631
00:47:16,561 --> 00:47:19,272
You're gonna enjoy these, man.
These are magical.
632
00:47:19,439 --> 00:47:22,025
I like to smoke marijuana.
633
00:47:24,903 --> 00:47:27,405
- You wanna do this? Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
634
00:47:32,077 --> 00:47:33,411
- Hi.
- Hi.
635
00:47:33,578 --> 00:47:35,622
I need a new battery
for my camera...
636
00:47:35,789 --> 00:47:38,792
...and while you're at it, it
could use a thorough cleaning.
637
00:47:38,959 --> 00:47:40,544
Wow.
638
00:47:41,336 --> 00:47:42,754
Is that a Leica M6?
639
00:47:42,921 --> 00:47:44,256
Actually, it's an M7.
640
00:47:44,422 --> 00:47:46,591
It's got the built-in
light meter.
641
00:47:47,509 --> 00:47:49,302
It's so beautiful.
642
00:47:50,095 --> 00:47:52,222
So sleek, so powerful.
643
00:47:52,722 --> 00:47:54,349
How's the new lens system?
644
00:47:54,516 --> 00:47:58,395
Ha, ha. Makes the Nikon
look like a disposable.
645
00:47:59,437 --> 00:48:00,897
You really know your cameras.
646
00:48:02,691 --> 00:48:03,942
And you're very cute.
647
00:48:04,192 --> 00:48:06,403
Me? Really?
648
00:48:07,654 --> 00:48:09,114
I'm going on break.
649
00:48:09,281 --> 00:48:11,741
I was going to step out
back and have a cigarette.
650
00:48:11,908 --> 00:48:13,368
Would you like to join me?
651
00:48:14,744 --> 00:48:16,121
I don't smoke.
652
00:48:17,247 --> 00:48:18,373
Neither do I.
653
00:48:26,047 --> 00:48:27,173
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
654
00:48:27,549 --> 00:48:28,925
What is it?
655
00:48:29,426 --> 00:48:30,468
This is great.
656
00:48:31,428 --> 00:48:32,762
You're so innocent.
657
00:48:34,306 --> 00:48:36,600
Let's change that, shall we?
658
00:48:39,227 --> 00:48:40,979
What would you like me to do?
659
00:48:41,146 --> 00:48:43,481
Well, I don't really know.
660
00:48:43,648 --> 00:48:45,609
I guess I haven't
really done that much.
661
00:48:45,775 --> 00:48:49,696
Um, I haven't really found the time,
with all my extracurriculars...
662
00:48:49,863 --> 00:48:53,450
...and model U.N., advanced placement
classes, after-school tutor...
663
00:48:54,909 --> 00:48:56,036
Ah.
664
00:48:57,454 --> 00:48:59,789
Gosh, you really like cameras.
665
00:48:59,956 --> 00:49:03,835
Sometimes, we find our clients are
so overwhelmed with the pleasure...
666
00:49:04,002 --> 00:49:06,963
...that they sometimes
scream out, "no"...
667
00:49:07,130 --> 00:49:09,466
...when really they mean "yes."
668
00:49:10,634 --> 00:49:12,927
And this is why we
have the safe word.
669
00:49:14,304 --> 00:49:15,680
The safe word?
670
00:49:16,765 --> 00:49:19,184
If at any time the ecstasy
gets too great...
671
00:49:19,351 --> 00:49:21,227
...you just use the safe word.
672
00:49:22,854 --> 00:49:25,899
Until we hear the safe
word, we will not stop.
673
00:49:26,816 --> 00:49:28,485
Yeah, right. Stop. All right.
674
00:49:29,986 --> 00:49:31,613
We're going to start slowly...
675
00:49:31,780 --> 00:49:36,409
...teasing you with a little,
light erotic foreplay.
676
00:49:36,576 --> 00:49:38,203
Whee. Ha, ha.
677
00:49:38,370 --> 00:49:41,498
Oh, yes, ladies.
678
00:49:41,665 --> 00:49:44,125
On, on, Vandersexxx!
679
00:49:51,508 --> 00:49:53,385
Hans. Gruber.
680
00:49:57,555 --> 00:49:59,099
Hi.
681
00:50:09,651 --> 00:50:12,654
So are the girls coming back?
682
00:50:12,821 --> 00:50:15,490
Administer the testicle clamps!
683
00:50:15,657 --> 00:50:17,367
Huh? What? Hey.
684
00:50:24,666 --> 00:50:25,750
Safe word.
685
00:50:33,508 --> 00:50:35,969
What is that? That's
not a word, it's a...
686
00:50:49,023 --> 00:50:51,526
- Okay, mister, don't move.
- Excuse me?
687
00:50:51,693 --> 00:50:52,861
Shut the hell up.
688
00:50:53,027 --> 00:50:54,654
Oh, brother. Please
don't hurt me.
689
00:50:54,821 --> 00:50:57,991
Oh, no. You're fine. That's good.
You're fine.
690
00:50:58,450 --> 00:51:00,285
Give me cash? You got cash'?
691
00:51:00,452 --> 00:51:02,454
Take it all, you dirty girl.
692
00:51:03,204 --> 00:51:06,249
What? Your wallet. Focus.
693
00:51:07,500 --> 00:51:09,836
- Give it to me.
- Oh.
694
00:51:10,003 --> 00:51:11,629
Oh, I love you.
695
00:51:12,255 --> 00:51:13,757
I love you.
696
00:51:13,923 --> 00:51:16,593
I love you. I love you.
697
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,928
I love you.
698
00:51:31,149 --> 00:51:32,901
What's so funny?
699
00:51:40,909 --> 00:51:44,412
Mm. I'm really hungry. I
think I've got the munchies.
700
00:51:44,954 --> 00:51:47,207
- Excuse me.
- Huh?
701
00:51:48,666 --> 00:51:50,668
It's hot in here. You hot?
Because I'm really hot.
702
00:51:50,835 --> 00:51:54,005
- Mm, so good.
- Okay, I can't breathe. God.
703
00:51:54,172 --> 00:51:57,133
I'm freaking out. I think we got a
bad batch because I'm freaking out.
704
00:51:57,300 --> 00:51:59,302
I can't... I can't do this.
705
00:51:59,761 --> 00:52:03,848
I saw a gay porno once. I
didn't know until halfway in.
706
00:52:04,015 --> 00:52:07,185
The girls never came.
The girls never came.
707
00:52:07,352 --> 00:52:10,104
I am freaking out!
708
00:52:10,271 --> 00:52:14,025
- Everything all right with you?
- No, nothing's all right.
709
00:52:14,192 --> 00:52:18,112
You sold us a bad batch of hash brownies.
You're a bad Rastafarian.
710
00:52:18,279 --> 00:52:20,782
These are not hash brownies.
711
00:52:21,574 --> 00:52:22,951
Hmm?
712
00:52:24,327 --> 00:52:27,413
- What was that?
- We do not sell hash brownies here.
713
00:52:27,580 --> 00:52:29,374
We're a simple Dutch bakery.
714
00:52:33,503 --> 00:52:35,880
Now put your clothes
back on, white boy.
715
00:52:37,298 --> 00:52:38,466
Ow. Ow. OW.
716
00:52:43,513 --> 00:52:46,015
Did you say fluggegecheimen?
717
00:52:46,182 --> 00:52:50,603
Yes. Yes. For the love of
God, fluggengecheimen.
718
00:52:50,770 --> 00:52:52,897
- Are you sure?
- Yes, please.
719
00:52:54,023 --> 00:52:55,149
As you wish.
720
00:52:56,568 --> 00:52:58,653
Bring on the fluggegecheimen!
721
00:53:01,948 --> 00:53:04,033
Wait, what?
722
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,077
Uh-oh.
723
00:53:06,244 --> 00:53:09,372
No, no, no. I didn't
say fluggegecheimen.
724
00:53:09,539 --> 00:53:10,582
I said, uh:
725
00:53:30,810 --> 00:53:32,729
What'd you do last night?
726
00:53:34,606 --> 00:53:36,858
I don't want to talk about it.
727
00:53:37,025 --> 00:53:38,067
What did you guys do?
728
00:53:38,234 --> 00:53:40,737
Don't want to talk about it.
729
00:53:42,697 --> 00:53:46,284
- What is that?
- Free T-shirt.
730
00:53:51,331 --> 00:53:52,540
Hey, guys.
731
00:53:54,417 --> 00:53:57,420
- What happened to you?
- I got robbed.
732
00:53:57,587 --> 00:53:59,339
It was awesome.
733
00:54:01,174 --> 00:54:03,301
All our money, our
passports, our tickets...
734
00:54:03,468 --> 00:54:05,887
...everything, gone.
735
00:54:07,013 --> 00:54:08,640
How the hell could this happen?
736
00:54:08,806 --> 00:54:11,768
We all go to Amsterdam and
Jamie's the one who hooks up.
737
00:54:13,353 --> 00:54:14,979
For shame.
738
00:54:23,988 --> 00:54:26,074
Oh, that's me.
739
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:31,204
Coop here. Sorry.
740
00:54:31,371 --> 00:54:33,790
Hello, Mr. Walters.
741
00:54:35,500 --> 00:54:37,543
What do you mean, you never
got the Gutterman file?
742
00:54:37,710 --> 00:54:39,504
I told, uh, Humphrey
to give it to you.
743
00:54:39,671 --> 00:54:43,716
That's hogwash. I handed it
to him myself yesterday.
744
00:54:43,883 --> 00:54:46,970
Yes, sir, I will tell Humphrey to
report to your office immediately.
745
00:54:47,136 --> 00:54:48,763
Bye.
746
00:54:50,473 --> 00:54:51,849
This job's killing me.
747
00:55:04,195 --> 00:55:06,572
- Uh...
- Uh, let me handle this.
748
00:55:07,198 --> 00:55:09,367
I speak bad German.
749
00:55:33,141 --> 00:55:35,435
- What did he say?
- He said he's driving.
750
00:55:35,601 --> 00:55:36,894
- Oh.
- Something.
751
00:55:37,061 --> 00:55:39,564
- Yeah. Ha, ha.
- Uh...
752
00:55:41,941 --> 00:55:42,984
Berlin?
753
00:55:51,993 --> 00:55:54,620
- Berlin?
- Berlin.
754
00:56:00,668 --> 00:56:02,211
- He's going to Berlin.
- Awesome.
755
00:56:04,756 --> 00:56:07,633
- All right. Berlin.
- Come on, let's go.
756
00:56:16,517 --> 00:56:18,352
Next stop, Berlin.
757
00:56:41,000 --> 00:56:43,836
Beautiful. We made it to Berlin.
758
00:56:44,003 --> 00:56:47,131
Yeah. Berlin. Ha, ha.
759
00:56:51,052 --> 00:56:53,096
- Bratislava?
- Yeah.
760
00:56:53,262 --> 00:56:54,680
Bratislava.
761
00:57:00,686 --> 00:57:03,439
Dear sweet mother of God.
762
00:57:03,773 --> 00:57:05,983
We're in Eastern Europe.
763
00:57:08,444 --> 00:57:10,071
Ew.
764
00:57:26,212 --> 00:57:27,672
Excuse me.
765
00:57:28,548 --> 00:57:29,715
Do you speak any English?
766
00:57:31,300 --> 00:57:32,718
You are Americans?
767
00:57:33,094 --> 00:57:34,137
Yeah.
768
00:57:34,887 --> 00:57:36,097
I love America.
769
00:57:37,598 --> 00:57:40,810
We just get Miami
Vice on television.
770
00:57:40,977 --> 00:57:43,813
Hey, man, Miami Vice is
number one new show.
771
00:57:43,980 --> 00:57:45,565
- Ha, ha.
- Yeah.
772
00:57:45,731 --> 00:57:49,110
Um, listen, we're trying
to get to Berlin, Germany.
773
00:57:49,277 --> 00:57:51,404
Do you know if there's a
train coming anytime soon?
774
00:57:51,654 --> 00:57:54,824
Oh, yes, very soon. They
are building it now.
775
00:57:59,036 --> 00:58:01,247
Stop. Hammer time.
776
00:58:02,123 --> 00:58:03,541
Enjoy Bratislava.
777
00:58:03,833 --> 00:58:06,127
It's good, uh, you
came in summer.
778
00:58:06,294 --> 00:58:09,797
In winter, it can get
very depressing.
779
00:58:10,923 --> 00:58:13,718
We gotta figure something out.
How much money do we have?
780
00:58:19,390 --> 00:58:20,725
Frommer's travel tip.
781
00:58:22,518 --> 00:58:24,145
I don't have anything.
782
00:58:24,312 --> 00:58:26,480
What? I got noth... Fine.
783
00:58:33,196 --> 00:58:35,823
A dollar and 83 cents American.
784
00:58:35,990 --> 00:58:37,408
What are we gonna get with that?
785
00:58:43,247 --> 00:58:46,751
Gotta love that exchange rate.
786
00:58:52,840 --> 00:58:54,133
Dinner is served.
787
00:58:54,508 --> 00:58:56,719
Would the masters care
for anything else?
788
00:58:57,386 --> 00:58:59,555
Think we're good. Thanks.
789
00:59:00,431 --> 00:59:02,600
Ah. A nickel.
790
00:59:05,061 --> 00:59:06,562
You see this?
791
00:59:07,688 --> 00:59:09,440
I quit.
792
00:59:10,566 --> 00:59:13,152
I open my own hotel.
793
00:59:21,285 --> 00:59:23,371
So we got 27 cents left.
794
00:59:23,871 --> 00:59:25,498
What is there to
do in this town?
795
00:59:28,209 --> 00:59:29,627
♫ "SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW"
796
00:59:32,421 --> 00:59:34,215
My Scotty.
797
00:59:39,720 --> 00:59:41,681
Don't tell Scotty.
798
00:59:43,474 --> 00:59:44,600
Scotty doesn't know.
799
00:59:44,767 --> 00:59:47,228
Hey. This song sounds familiar.
800
00:59:47,395 --> 00:59:49,355
Scotty doesn't know
801
00:59:50,356 --> 00:59:52,358
Jenny, let me check your coat.
802
00:59:58,155 --> 00:59:59,865
- Hey.
- Jenny.
803
01:00:00,241 --> 01:00:03,327
That outfit is horrible.
Just take it off now!
804
01:00:05,913 --> 01:00:08,124
No, but I will let
you buy me a drink.
805
01:00:09,000 --> 01:00:10,334
Excuse me.
806
01:00:11,919 --> 01:00:14,588
You are the woman from the Paris
train station, aren't you?
807
01:00:14,755 --> 01:00:15,881
- My name is...
- Christoph.
808
01:00:16,048 --> 01:00:17,591
Ha, ha. Yes.
809
01:00:17,967 --> 01:00:19,302
What are you doing here?
810
01:00:19,468 --> 01:00:23,472
This is my place. My family owns
many night clubs throughout Europe.
811
01:00:23,639 --> 01:00:26,642
I'd be honored if you'd join
me in my VIP room for a drink.
812
01:00:26,809 --> 01:00:28,227
0K8
813
01:00:30,479 --> 01:00:31,522
Bye, Cooper.
814
01:00:38,863 --> 01:00:41,532
- What's that?
- It's Absinthe.
815
01:00:41,699 --> 01:00:43,459
Frommer's says it's
illegal in the States...
816
01:00:43,617 --> 01:00:45,828
...because it makes you
hallucinate and go crazy.
817
01:00:45,995 --> 01:00:48,539
They call it "The Green Fairy."
818
01:00:55,046 --> 01:00:57,715
My family has a yacht
in the Aegean.
819
01:00:58,299 --> 01:01:01,135
Come with me, Jennifer. We
will sail away together.
820
01:01:01,969 --> 01:01:03,179
Oh, my God.
821
01:01:03,346 --> 01:01:06,515
We will swim with dolphins and
sip champagne by moonlight.
822
01:01:07,266 --> 01:01:09,143
Oh, my God.
823
01:01:09,393 --> 01:01:12,772
We will spend the day
sunbathing, drinking wine.
824
01:01:12,938 --> 01:01:14,607
My wife makes the best sangria.
825
01:01:15,316 --> 01:01:16,609
Wait. What?
826
01:01:16,776 --> 01:01:18,319
Sangria.
827
01:01:18,486 --> 01:01:22,365
You take a good Spanish rioja, and
you put in slices of orange and...
828
01:01:22,531 --> 01:01:24,992
No, no, no. Wait. You
said you were married?
829
01:01:26,285 --> 01:01:29,955
So you just go around Europe,
sleeping with every woman you meet?
830
01:01:30,122 --> 01:01:34,335
No, please, Jennifer. It is not like that.
I also sleep with men.
831
01:01:38,756 --> 01:01:41,133
I gotta say, I'm not
feeling anything.
832
01:01:41,300 --> 01:01:42,843
Me neither.
833
01:01:43,010 --> 01:01:45,012
Sober as a judge.
834
01:01:46,222 --> 01:01:47,390
How about you?
835
01:01:47,556 --> 01:01:49,350
I'm not feeling a goddamn thing.
836
01:01:49,767 --> 01:01:51,977
This Absinthe is bullshit.
837
01:01:52,144 --> 01:01:53,771
I hear you, my brother.
838
01:01:53,938 --> 01:01:55,856
I'm out of here.
839
01:01:56,023 --> 01:01:57,441
Excuse me.
840
01:01:57,608 --> 01:02:00,444
- Hey, so where's Christoph?
- Shut up.
841
01:02:04,115 --> 01:02:06,242
♫ THE SALAD: "GET LOOSE"
842
01:02:06,409 --> 01:02:08,244
We don't care if you stare
'Cause the music is tight.
843
01:02:08,411 --> 01:02:10,411
Let me hear you say "yeah"
So we can do this right.
844
01:02:16,210 --> 01:02:19,296
So we can do this
right Come on.
845
01:02:19,505 --> 01:02:22,341
Come on Come on.
846
01:02:22,550 --> 01:02:24,009
- Europe.
- Europe.
847
01:02:24,176 --> 01:02:26,220
- Whoo.
- Europe.
848
01:02:28,055 --> 01:02:29,807
So tomorrow, Berlin.
849
01:02:29,974 --> 01:02:31,892
Tomorrow, Mieke.
850
01:02:32,059 --> 01:02:34,478
♫ CHEMICAL BROTHERS:
"LET FOREVER BE"
851
01:02:34,645 --> 01:02:38,399
To sail in on the breeze?
852
01:02:38,607 --> 01:02:40,151
Check it out.
853
01:02:40,317 --> 01:02:41,735
No way.
854
01:02:41,902 --> 01:02:46,031
Jamie's hooking up with another girl?
Goddamn it.
855
01:02:46,198 --> 01:02:49,785
It's just so unfair. I've been all over the
place, looking for crazy European sex...
856
01:02:49,952 --> 01:02:52,413
...and he's the one
who ends up...
857
01:02:52,580 --> 01:02:53,789
Oh, my God.
858
01:02:58,419 --> 01:03:00,921
That is some pretty
fucked-up shit.
859
01:03:13,809 --> 01:03:17,229
They really are the
worst twins ever.
860
01:03:44,548 --> 01:03:47,218
That was a pretty
wild night, eh?
861
01:03:47,968 --> 01:03:50,888
Yep. Pretty wild, pretty wild.
862
01:03:53,224 --> 01:03:55,059
I know I was out of control.
863
01:03:55,226 --> 01:03:56,626
How about you guys?
Did you, uh...?
864
01:03:56,769 --> 01:03:59,688
All right, look. We
were really drunk...
865
01:03:59,855 --> 01:04:02,608
...things got a little
crazy, and Jamie...
866
01:04:02,775 --> 01:04:03,984
...kissed me.
867
01:04:04,985 --> 01:04:06,820
Let's just forget
about it, okay?
868
01:04:06,987 --> 01:04:09,823
Okay, fine. I'll give it a rest.
869
01:04:11,700 --> 01:04:13,180
Jamie, could I borrow
your Frommer's?
870
01:04:19,500 --> 01:04:20,918
Oh, here it is. Bratislava.
871
01:04:21,293 --> 01:04:23,212
Hmm. Capital of Slovakia.
872
01:04:23,671 --> 01:04:25,422
Oh, here's a fun fact.
873
01:04:26,882 --> 01:04:28,801
You made out with
your sister, man.
874
01:04:28,968 --> 01:04:31,262
- Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
- Like two dogs in heat.
875
01:04:35,683 --> 01:04:38,602
My friends, where is the beef?
876
01:04:40,479 --> 01:04:43,315
You go to Berlin? I'm your ride.
877
01:04:43,482 --> 01:04:45,025
Hop in.
878
01:05:11,510 --> 01:05:14,138
Hey. This is Mieke's
apartment building.
879
01:05:14,930 --> 01:05:17,099
Wish me all sorts of luck, guys.
880
01:05:18,267 --> 01:05:19,560
You'll do great, Scotty.
881
01:05:22,521 --> 01:05:23,772
Thanks.
882
01:05:43,751 --> 01:05:46,211
I came all this way. I'm
not gonna miss this.
883
01:05:53,218 --> 01:05:55,846
- Dude, Mieke's hideous. Run.
- Stop.
884
01:06:08,233 --> 01:06:09,735
Hi, uh, my name is Scott Thomas.
885
01:06:09,902 --> 01:06:12,154
I'm from America and
I'm here to see Mieke.
886
01:06:12,321 --> 01:06:14,531
I'm sorry, but Mieke's not here.
887
01:06:15,074 --> 01:06:18,118
- Do you know where she is?
- She's gone for the summer.
888
01:06:32,966 --> 01:06:35,803
My daughter had intended to
spend the summer in America...
889
01:06:35,969 --> 01:06:38,305
...looking at colleges and
visiting some friends.
890
01:06:38,472 --> 01:06:41,100
But, uh, several days ago, she
suddenly changed her mind.
891
01:06:41,266 --> 01:06:43,602
She would not tell me why.
892
01:06:43,769 --> 01:06:46,188
I think I know why.
893
01:06:51,485 --> 01:06:54,905
Uh, this is Heinrich.
He's Mieke's stepbrother.
894
01:06:55,072 --> 01:06:58,033
As I was saying, she packed
up her bag and left.
895
01:06:58,200 --> 01:07:01,412
- It was all very sudden.
- Do you know where she is now?
896
01:07:01,578 --> 01:07:04,331
As you know, she's always been
very interested in the classics...
897
01:07:04,498 --> 01:07:08,210
...Greek and Roman literature and history,
and she's always enjoyed the ocean...
898
01:07:08,377 --> 01:07:11,588
...so she found a program that
combines all her interests.
899
01:07:11,755 --> 01:07:12,840
Do you know where she is?
900
01:07:13,006 --> 01:07:17,886
Mm. Uh, she enrolled in a
summer-at-sea program, based in Rome.
901
01:07:19,304 --> 01:07:20,973
Rome.
902
01:07:21,140 --> 01:07:23,350
Okay, then I guess we'll
go to Rome, then.
903
01:07:23,517 --> 01:07:26,562
Unfortunately, Mieke's only
in Rome for orientation.
904
01:07:26,729 --> 01:07:29,440
Tomorrow her group boards a boat
and she'll be gone for the summer.
905
01:07:29,606 --> 01:07:33,277
She'll be, uh,
quite unreachable.
906
01:07:34,027 --> 01:07:35,529
Unreachable.
907
01:07:43,203 --> 01:07:45,203
Mieke's tour group goes to
the Vatican tomorrow...
908
01:07:45,330 --> 01:07:47,195
...then she gets on that
boat and she's gone.
909
01:07:47,208 --> 01:07:49,084
So it's over?
910
01:07:50,961 --> 01:07:55,591
Uh, hey. Thanks for sticking with
me through this, guys, but...
911
01:07:55,758 --> 01:08:00,429
...you should probably call your parents,
have them wire you some money and go home.
912
01:08:00,804 --> 01:08:02,681
What are you gonna do?
913
01:08:03,348 --> 01:08:04,808
I'm going to Rome.
914
01:08:06,685 --> 01:08:08,312
I'll Walk, I'll hitchhike...
915
01:08:08,479 --> 01:08:11,190
...I'll swim if I have to, but
I'm gonna get to Mieke somehow.
916
01:08:16,236 --> 01:08:17,529
Maybe that'll help.
917
01:08:17,696 --> 01:08:19,072
Where'd you get all that?
918
01:08:19,698 --> 01:08:21,992
Wait. Where's your Leica?
919
01:08:23,118 --> 01:08:25,621
- Sold it.
- What?
920
01:08:27,039 --> 01:08:29,917
You sold your Leica? But
you loved that thing.
921
01:08:30,083 --> 01:08:32,586
What about your photo tour of Europe?
What about the chateaus?
922
01:08:32,753 --> 01:08:35,380
Chateaus have been
there for 300 years.
923
01:08:35,547 --> 01:08:37,132
Mieke's gone in 12 hours.
924
01:08:40,761 --> 01:08:44,598
Let's go. Frommer's says to check in three
hours before any international flight.
925
01:08:44,765 --> 01:08:46,767
Come here, Guidebook.
926
01:08:46,934 --> 01:08:50,354
Whoo! We're going to Rome.
We're going to Rome!
927
01:09:22,135 --> 01:09:23,804
All right, Summer at Sea group.
928
01:09:23,971 --> 01:09:27,891
Our tour begins in the Vatican Museum.
This way, please.
929
01:09:35,816 --> 01:09:37,192
There it is.
930
01:09:43,740 --> 01:09:46,994
This entrance is for
private tour groups only.
931
01:09:49,371 --> 01:09:51,582
Oh. But we are a
private tour group.
932
01:09:51,748 --> 01:09:54,251
We've come all the
way from America.
933
01:09:56,587 --> 01:09:59,381
That guy in the orange
jacket is mentally retarded.
934
01:10:04,303 --> 01:10:08,932
Si, I can tell. How
very, very sad.
935
01:10:09,141 --> 01:10:10,976
Yes, it is.
936
01:10:11,143 --> 01:10:13,395
But if you are a tour,
where is your guide?
937
01:10:13,562 --> 01:10:15,522
We've got a fantastic
tour guide.
938
01:10:15,689 --> 01:10:18,358
- Right here. Ha, ha.
- What? No.
939
01:10:22,070 --> 01:10:24,489
The Vatican has been used
as a papal residence...
940
01:10:24,656 --> 01:10:26,834
...ever since the time
of Emperor Constantine
941
01:10:26,847 --> 01:10:29,036
the Great of the
5th century A.D.
942
01:10:31,788 --> 01:10:36,293
Oh. Okay, um, if you'll all
follow me, please. Ahem.
943
01:10:39,963 --> 01:10:42,674
Have a very special day...
944
01:10:42,841 --> 01:10:46,970
...for a very
special little man.
945
01:10:47,554 --> 01:10:49,014
Okay.
946
01:10:51,475 --> 01:10:55,228
I can't believe that guy let us in.
What a retard.
947
01:10:55,395 --> 01:10:56,438
Okay, let's find Mieke.
948
01:10:58,649 --> 01:11:01,652
One of our English-speaking
tour guides has called in sick.
949
01:11:01,818 --> 01:11:03,487
Could you please take
these peoples also?
950
01:11:07,032 --> 01:11:10,702
- How big is Vatican City?
- Point-five square kilometers.
951
01:11:10,869 --> 01:11:15,123
- Who built the colonnade?
- Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656.
952
01:11:15,290 --> 01:11:17,709
- Uh, where are the bathrooms?
- Floors 2, 6 and 7.
953
01:11:17,876 --> 01:11:21,129
Next I'll take you to where the College
of Cardinals elects a new pope.
954
01:11:21,296 --> 01:11:24,716
When this happens, white smoke is sent up
from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact...
955
01:11:24,883 --> 01:11:27,260
Mieke's gotta be
around here somewhere.
956
01:11:27,427 --> 01:11:29,012
Let's go.
957
01:11:37,854 --> 01:11:40,440
Behind me is the
appartamento papale...
958
01:11:40,607 --> 01:11:44,528
...or "papal apartment." We're
obviously not permitted in there.
959
01:11:45,153 --> 01:11:46,989
Excuse me, miss. What is this?
960
01:11:47,155 --> 01:11:49,491
Oh. That is the
Bell of San Marco.
961
01:11:49,658 --> 01:11:51,994
When the pope dies, the
cardinal vicar of Rome...
962
01:11:52,160 --> 01:11:54,788
...rings this Bell to
notify the people of Rome.
963
01:11:54,955 --> 01:11:58,458
Next we will view the Sistine Chapel.
Follow me, please.
964
01:12:01,920 --> 01:12:05,132
Come on. I think I heard them.
Which way did they go?
965
01:12:05,298 --> 01:12:07,676
That way. I'd stake
my reputation on it.
966
01:12:07,843 --> 01:12:09,386
Good enough for me.
967
01:12:09,553 --> 01:12:11,138
Hey, check it out.
968
01:12:12,139 --> 01:12:13,724
I wonder what this does.
969
01:12:13,890 --> 01:12:16,977
It doesn't do anything, it's a rope.
Come on, let's go.
970
01:12:17,144 --> 01:12:19,187
They got a lot of
old stuff here.
971
01:12:28,905 --> 01:12:30,866
The Bell of San Marco.
972
01:12:32,659 --> 01:12:34,619
The pope is dead.
973
01:12:38,832 --> 01:12:40,292
Whoa.
974
01:12:42,794 --> 01:12:44,671
She's not in here.
975
01:12:44,838 --> 01:12:47,049
Let's go. We're definitely
not supposed to be in here.
976
01:12:47,215 --> 01:12:49,468
Hey, check this out.
977
01:12:49,634 --> 01:12:51,845
- I'm the pope.
- Cooper.
978
01:12:52,596 --> 01:12:54,473
Take off the pope hat.
979
01:12:54,639 --> 01:12:58,852
- Oh, no. It's okay. I'm Catholic.
- Cooper, take it off, goddamn it.
980
01:12:59,811 --> 01:13:04,232
Oh, you took the Lord's name in vain.
Only I can forgive you now, my son.
981
01:13:04,399 --> 01:13:08,111
- Take that fudging thing off.
- The pope breaks an open-field tackle.
982
01:13:08,278 --> 01:13:13,366
It's a Hail Mary, he catches at
the 40, the 30, the 20, the 10.
983
01:13:13,533 --> 01:13:15,410
Touchdown, pope!
984
01:13:16,620 --> 01:13:19,414
The pope makes a
two-point conversion.
985
01:13:19,581 --> 01:13:24,795
And oh, my lord. It's the pope,
eight, and the heathens, nothing!
986
01:13:26,421 --> 01:13:28,715
How's you, sucker?
987
01:13:31,301 --> 01:13:32,969
Cooper, the hat. The hat.
988
01:13:33,136 --> 01:13:34,471
The hat is on fire.
989
01:13:34,638 --> 01:13:36,598
We don't need no
water, let the IN...
990
01:13:36,765 --> 01:13:38,975
I'm not kidding. Look.
991
01:13:39,142 --> 01:13:40,477
Oh, holy shit.
992
01:13:41,186 --> 01:13:42,938
- Ooh!
- I don't want this.
993
01:13:43,105 --> 01:13:45,148
Fireplace. Fireplace. Go, go.
994
01:13:47,192 --> 01:13:48,693
Whoa.
995
01:13:56,493 --> 01:13:58,036
White smoke.
996
01:13:58,203 --> 01:14:01,623
They've elected the new pope!
997
01:14:04,042 --> 01:14:06,169
I'm coming to you live
from Vatican Square...
998
01:14:06,336 --> 01:14:08,797
...where the College of
Cardinals, in a surprise move...
999
01:14:08,964 --> 01:14:13,426
...has just elected a new pope.
The crowd is very, very excited.
1000
01:14:13,593 --> 01:14:15,679
This is so strange.
1001
01:14:15,846 --> 01:14:19,182
Usually they wait 15 days
to elect a new pope.
1002
01:14:19,349 --> 01:14:21,434
We could be seeing
history in the making.
1003
01:14:21,601 --> 01:14:23,937
We could be seeing an
arrest in the making.
1004
01:14:31,653 --> 01:14:34,239
There she is. Mieke.
1005
01:14:37,033 --> 01:14:39,327
Hey. Stupid curtain. Unh.
1006
01:14:39,619 --> 01:14:41,496
Let me out.
1007
01:14:44,791 --> 01:14:46,793
Mieke!
1008
01:14:46,960 --> 01:14:49,296
It's the new pope!
1009
01:15:15,822 --> 01:15:17,449
What the hell?
1010
01:15:23,079 --> 01:15:24,372
Mieke.
1011
01:15:27,292 --> 01:15:28,627
Hold on.
1012
01:15:34,591 --> 01:15:36,843
This is one crazy pope.
1013
01:15:46,519 --> 01:15:50,482
You. Ferma. Stop. You.
1014
01:15:52,025 --> 01:15:56,404
You and your retarded friend...
1015
01:15:56,571 --> 01:15:58,198
...you're in big, big trouble.
1016
01:15:58,365 --> 01:15:59,407
Oy.
1017
01:16:02,494 --> 01:16:04,829
Take your mitts off them boys.
1018
01:16:04,996 --> 01:16:07,040
They're with me.
1019
01:16:09,167 --> 01:16:12,128
I've just about had enough
of you fucking Ities.
1020
01:16:13,588 --> 01:16:15,340
But I am Swiss.
1021
01:16:15,757 --> 01:16:17,550
Them too.
1022
01:16:23,515 --> 01:16:28,645
Now, bud, you get in there, and
you say what you got to say.
1023
01:16:29,813 --> 01:16:32,607
Mieke. I'm here. I made it.
1024
01:16:36,152 --> 01:16:37,696
Who are you?
1025
01:16:41,866 --> 01:16:45,203
What a fucking loser. I'm
gonna videotape this.
1026
01:16:46,997 --> 01:16:48,873
I'm Scott.
1027
01:16:49,040 --> 01:16:50,417
From Ohio?
1028
01:16:50,583 --> 01:16:54,129
Scott? Scott Thomas?
1029
01:16:54,296 --> 01:16:57,799
- Yes.
- From Ohio?
1030
01:16:57,966 --> 01:17:00,927
- What are you doing in Rome?
- I came here to be with you.
1031
01:17:01,303 --> 01:17:03,513
Listen, I just traveled all
the way across Europe.
1032
01:17:03,680 --> 01:17:06,182
I got chased by naked men.
1033
01:17:06,349 --> 01:17:09,811
I ate brownies with
absolutely no drugs in them.
1034
01:17:10,395 --> 01:17:12,731
I watched a brother
and sister make out.
1035
01:17:14,024 --> 01:17:18,069
I kicked a robot in the balls,
but I did it all so that...
1036
01:17:18,236 --> 01:17:20,238
So I could tell you one thing.
1037
01:17:23,283 --> 01:17:24,993
I love you, Mieke.
1038
01:17:25,160 --> 01:17:26,244
Aw.
1039
01:17:27,704 --> 01:17:30,332
We're perfect for each other.
What do you think?
1040
01:17:32,000 --> 01:17:33,293
I think...
1041
01:17:48,641 --> 01:17:51,061
Oh, Mieke... Mieke.
1042
01:18:04,866 --> 01:18:07,369
Forgive me, Father,
for I have sinned.
1043
01:18:07,535 --> 01:18:09,371
I have cheated on my husband.
1044
01:18:09,537 --> 01:18:11,748
Do you think God will
ever forgive me?
1045
01:18:11,915 --> 01:18:13,708
Oh, yes.
1046
01:18:13,875 --> 01:18:16,669
Father?
1047
01:18:17,462 --> 01:18:20,924
Father! Aah!
1048
01:18:27,222 --> 01:18:28,723
This sucks.
1049
01:18:28,890 --> 01:18:31,976
I can't believe I'm the only one who
didn't hook up while we were here.
1050
01:18:32,143 --> 01:18:34,938
Europe is officially the
worst country on earth.
1051
01:18:35,522 --> 01:18:36,564
I know.
1052
01:18:36,731 --> 01:18:40,110
I thought I'd at least get to
have some crazy European sex.
1053
01:18:43,947 --> 01:18:45,448
What?
1054
01:18:54,082 --> 01:18:56,835
- Scott, I have to go.
- Okay.
1055
01:18:57,001 --> 01:18:59,129
My boat is leaving.
1056
01:19:00,171 --> 01:19:03,842
I still can't believe you came
all the way here, just for me.
1057
01:19:04,008 --> 01:19:07,137
What can I say? I'm
very unpredictable.
1058
01:19:08,263 --> 01:19:09,889
Keep writing to me, Scott, okay?
1059
01:19:10,056 --> 01:19:11,766
Yeah, I will.
1060
01:19:20,775 --> 01:19:22,444
- Go.
- Bye.
1061
01:19:30,618 --> 01:19:32,579
Yes. Yes. Yes.
1062
01:19:32,745 --> 01:19:34,122
Woo-had.!
1063
01:19:35,748 --> 01:19:39,169
Hey, guys, I'm so glad we got
to take this trip together.
1064
01:19:39,335 --> 01:19:41,588
This was the best
time of my life.
1065
01:19:45,633 --> 01:19:47,177
Excuse me.
1066
01:19:47,343 --> 01:19:50,680
You're the young man who gave me that
tour of the Vatican, aren't you?
1067
01:19:53,308 --> 01:19:56,269
- Listen, I'm very sorry...
- I just wanted to thank you.
1068
01:19:56,436 --> 01:19:59,814
You were the most knowledgeable,
albeit idiosyncratic...
1069
01:19:59,981 --> 01:20:01,566
...tour guide I've ever had.
1070
01:20:01,733 --> 01:20:05,862
Ha, ha. Thanks. But I'm not
actually a tour guide.
1071
01:20:06,029 --> 01:20:08,573
Um, I've just read Frommer's
enough to have it memorized.
1072
01:20:08,740 --> 01:20:11,451
Although, I threw in a few things
Frommer's didn't know about.
1073
01:20:11,618 --> 01:20:13,369
How would you like to add them?
1074
01:20:13,995 --> 01:20:15,497
Excuse me?
1075
01:20:15,663 --> 01:20:17,874
That's my guidebook.
1076
01:20:23,421 --> 01:20:24,839
I'm Arthur Frommer.
1077
01:20:27,258 --> 01:20:30,416
It's amazing. Frommer's
is going to pay me
1078
01:20:30,429 --> 01:20:33,598
to see every museum and
cathedral in Europe.
1079
01:20:33,765 --> 01:20:36,684
- Ha, ha.
- That sounds so exciting...
1080
01:20:36,851 --> 01:20:39,437
...for you.
1081
01:20:39,604 --> 01:20:41,445
I figured, since you're
going to be staying...
1082
01:20:41,606 --> 01:20:43,316
...you might need this.
1083
01:20:44,776 --> 01:20:46,778
- A disposable camera.
- That's right.
1084
01:20:46,945 --> 01:20:49,614
- Thanks, Scotty.
- That's from both of us.
1085
01:20:52,408 --> 01:20:54,702
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
1086
01:20:54,869 --> 01:20:57,914
Scotty doesn't know
Don't tell Scotty.
1087
01:20:58,081 --> 01:21:01,251
Hello, Mr. Walters. I see.
1088
01:21:01,876 --> 01:21:03,920
Fired? Well, I...
1089
01:21:04,379 --> 01:21:07,924
Well, if that's what you want,
I understand. I just...
1090
01:21:08,716 --> 01:21:10,760
Goodbye, sir.
1091
01:21:10,927 --> 01:21:12,528
They had to catch you
eventually, right?
1092
01:21:12,679 --> 01:21:14,764
- No, they fired Humphrey.
- Shut up.
1093
01:21:14,931 --> 01:21:16,182
I got his office and a raise.
1094
01:21:16,349 --> 01:21:17,767
- No.
- Ha, ha.
1095
01:21:17,934 --> 01:21:21,354
Flight 341 from Rome
to Cleveland...
1096
01:21:21,521 --> 01:21:22,814
- That's you guys.
- Yeah.
1097
01:21:22,981 --> 01:21:24,816
- Have a good flight, everybody.
- Come here.
1098
01:21:28,361 --> 01:21:29,737
Be good.
1099
01:21:31,072 --> 01:21:32,323
Oh. Okay.
1100
01:21:34,409 --> 01:21:35,952
- Have a good flight.
- Be good.
1101
01:21:36,119 --> 01:21:37,370
Thanks.
1102
01:22:10,612 --> 01:22:11,946
I'm on it.
1103
01:22:18,953 --> 01:22:20,246
Whoa!
1104
01:22:22,040 --> 01:22:24,584
This still counts
as Europe, right?
1105
01:22:33,134 --> 01:22:34,552
Scott ". " Dear Mieke.
1106
01:22:34,719 --> 01:22:37,221
Greece sounds incredible.
1107
01:22:37,388 --> 01:22:39,515
I just moved into my
dorm room today...
1108
01:22:39,682 --> 01:22:42,477
...but I can't wait to see
you over Christmas break.
1109
01:22:42,644 --> 01:22:45,188
"This time I think I'll
fly to Berlin direct."
1110
01:22:51,819 --> 01:22:54,155
- Hello?
- Hey, buddy, how's college?
1111
01:22:54,322 --> 01:22:57,241
Hey, I just got here. My roommate
hasn't even showed up yet.
1112
01:22:57,408 --> 01:22:59,619
Do they room all you
pre-med geeks together?
1113
01:22:59,869 --> 01:23:01,537
I'm not sure I'm going pre-med.
1114
01:23:01,704 --> 01:23:03,748
I'm thinking about
majoring in German.
1115
01:23:03,915 --> 01:23:05,476
Cooper'. German? I've
got a better idea.
1116
01:23:05,625 --> 01:23:07,877
Why don't you major in
"Not Being Such a Woman"?
1117
01:23:08,294 --> 01:23:09,545
So how's Jenny?
1118
01:23:09,712 --> 01:23:12,090
Jenny...? Jenny who?
1119
01:23:12,256 --> 01:23:14,342
I know a lot of ladies named
Jenny, they're all...
1120
01:23:14,509 --> 01:23:16,302
Ow.
1121
01:23:17,553 --> 01:23:18,971
Hey, Scotty, what's up?
1122
01:23:19,138 --> 01:23:20,264
Hi, Jenny.
1123
01:23:20,431 --> 01:23:22,767
Have you heard from Jamie?
How's he doing with Frommer?
1124
01:23:22,934 --> 01:23:24,310
Oh, no.
1125
01:23:28,398 --> 01:23:29,816
Hold on.
1126
01:23:30,650 --> 01:23:33,986
- Come here, robot.
- Cooper, not again.
1127
01:23:35,446 --> 01:23:37,699
Hold on, this should
be my new roommate.
1128
01:23:43,871 --> 01:23:45,623
"Cooper". What's the
freak look like?
1129
01:23:45,790 --> 01:23:49,127
Is he a dork or is he cool?
Better not be cooler than me.
1130
01:23:49,585 --> 01:23:51,295
Is he bigger than me?
1131
01:23:51,462 --> 01:23:54,215
I just got your last e-mail.
What are you doing here?
1132
01:23:54,924 --> 01:23:56,384
Going to college.
1133
01:23:57,468 --> 01:23:58,803
You're going to college here?
1134
01:24:00,555 --> 01:24:02,223
- What dorm?
- This one.
1135
01:24:02,557 --> 01:24:04,559
Room 214.
1136
01:24:08,146 --> 01:24:09,731
How is this possible?
1137
01:24:10,857 --> 01:24:13,109
I guess they thought
I was a guy.
1138
01:24:13,818 --> 01:24:17,029
Now who would be dumb enough
to make a mistake like that?
1139
01:24:25,955 --> 01:24:27,957
"Cooper". Do I hear kissing?
1140
01:24:28,124 --> 01:24:30,543
Are you making out with
your new roommate, Scotty?
1141
01:24:34,172 --> 01:24:35,548
Scotty?
1142
01:24:35,715 --> 01:24:38,384
Scotty? Scotty.
1143
01:24:41,304 --> 01:24:43,473
This happy ending is bullshit.
1144
01:24:43,639 --> 01:24:47,268
When does the fairy get laid?
I'm out of here.
1145
01:24:54,484 --> 01:24:57,111
- Catchy tune.
- Fucking-A, man.
1146
01:24:57,278 --> 01:25:00,323
Scotty doesn't know
So don't tell Scotty.
1147
01:25:00,740 --> 01:25:04,118
Fiona says she's out shoppin'.
1148
01:25:05,620 --> 01:25:10,124
But she's under me And
I'm not stoppin'.
1149
01:25:10,291 --> 01:25:13,169
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
1150
01:25:13,336 --> 01:25:15,922
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
1151
01:25:16,088 --> 01:25:21,594
Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's
finest and most luxurious youth hostel.
1152
01:25:22,386 --> 01:25:23,554
Sounds great.
1153
01:25:23,721 --> 01:25:25,932
There is no bathroom, nor
is there one nearby.
1154
01:25:31,395 --> 01:25:33,147
Ha, ha. Sorry.
1155
01:25:36,526 --> 01:25:38,402
- Get it?
- She got it.
1156
01:25:38,569 --> 01:25:41,906
If you do not wish to have
your valuables stolen...
1157
01:25:42,073 --> 01:25:45,785
...I suggest destroying them
or discarding them right now.
1158
01:25:45,952 --> 01:25:49,539
You can also try hiding
your valuables...
1159
01:25:49,705 --> 01:25:51,541
...in your anus.
1160
01:25:51,707 --> 01:25:53,000
Drink?
1161
01:25:58,005 --> 01:26:00,716
I'm gonna rip away his pants
and look at his dick, okay?
1162
01:26:00,883 --> 01:26:02,802
- Ha, ha.
- Ready? Quit. Shut up.
1163
01:26:02,969 --> 01:26:05,471
Sorry. I know I fucked it up.
I fucked it up.
1164
01:26:05,638 --> 01:26:11,185
Yes. You take her hair, and one
strand at a time, pull it out.
1165
01:26:11,519 --> 01:26:13,980
Use her like a humping post.
1166
01:26:14,689 --> 01:26:15,982
Jenny, this is Europe.
1167
01:26:16,148 --> 01:26:19,318
They have orange juice ads
with lesbians and dildos.
1168
01:26:20,194 --> 01:26:22,446
Happy Juice. Hee-hee.
1169
01:26:23,489 --> 01:26:26,158
You gotta show them something
they haven't seen before.
1170
01:26:31,914 --> 01:26:34,750
Oh, no! Ha, ha.
1171
01:26:38,546 --> 01:26:41,507
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
1172
01:26:41,674 --> 01:26:45,094
Should a fire occur, due
to our faulty wiring...
1173
01:26:45,261 --> 01:26:50,057
...or the fireworks factory upstairs,
you will be incinerated...
1174
01:26:50,224 --> 01:26:53,185
...along with the valuables
you have hidden in your anus.
1175
01:27:15,750 --> 01:27:17,960
Scotty doesn't know.
1176
01:27:18,127 --> 01:27:20,838
Fuck off! Get out
of it, you wankers!
1177
01:27:21,005 --> 01:27:24,508
Go on, you Gaelic, fucking
garlic-breath tossers.
1178
01:27:24,675 --> 01:27:26,928
Piss off! Get in here
and say that, mate!
1179
01:27:27,094 --> 01:27:29,472
Come on! Fucking
come and have it!
1180
01:27:29,639 --> 01:27:31,140
You fucking beep?
1181
01:27:31,307 --> 01:27:34,143
We'll beep, you bastard, all
over your fucking nose!
1182
01:27:34,310 --> 01:27:37,647
Fuck off! Go on, you
French bastards!
1183
01:27:37,813 --> 01:27:40,399
Get on the other side of
the road, you pricks!
1184
01:27:40,566 --> 01:27:42,151
Go on out of it!
1185
01:27:42,318 --> 01:27:43,569
Fuck off!
1186
01:27:43,736 --> 01:27:45,237
I'm nackered.
1187
01:27:45,404 --> 01:27:46,447
League supporters.
1188
01:27:46,989 --> 01:27:50,034
Scotty doesn't know
Scotty doesn't know.
1189
01:27:51,202 --> 01:27:52,745
No, wait...
1190
01:27:58,334 --> 01:28:01,712
Hey! Check these out!
I'm 18 years old!
1191
01:28:23,484 --> 01:28:26,696
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1192
01:28:26,862 --> 01:28:30,157
Scotty doesn't know!
Scotty doesn't know!
1193
01:28:30,324 --> 01:28:32,243
Scotty doesn't know!
1194
01:28:34,787 --> 01:28:36,831
Scotty's gotta go!
1195
01:29:38,309 --> 01:29:41,479
- Is it off yet?
- No, keep rubbing it.
1196
01:29:43,522 --> 01:29:45,524
(English - US)88942
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