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I always knew we were a fairly odd family.
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First there was me.
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Too tall. Too skinny.
Too orange.
4
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My mum was lovely, but not like other mums.
5
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There was something solid about her.
6
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Something rectangular, busy and unsentimental.
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Her fashion icon was the Queen.
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Dad, well, he was more normal.
He always seemed to have time on his hands.
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After giving up teaching university
students on his 50th birthday,
10
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he was eternally available for a leisurely chat or
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to let me win at table tennis.
12
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Yes.
13
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And then there was Mum's brother,
Uncle Desmond.
14
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Always impeccably dressed.
He spent the days just, well,
15
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being Uncle Desmond.
16
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He was the most charming and least
clever man you could ever meet.
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His mind was on other things,
though we never found out what.
18
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And then, finally there was Catherine.
19
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Katie. Kit Kat.
My sister.
20
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:51,527
In a household of sensible jackets
and haircuts there was this,
21
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well, what can I call her, nature thing.
22
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With her elfin eyes, her purple
T-shirts and her eternally bare feet,
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she was then, and still is to me,
24
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about the most wonderful thing in the world.
25
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All in all, it was a pretty good childhood.
Full of repeated rhythms and patterns.
26
00:02:09,588 --> 00:02:11,214
By the time I was 21, we were still
27
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having tea on the beach every single day.
28
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Skimming stones and eating sandwiches,
29
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summer and winter,
no matter what the weather.
30
00:02:24,228 --> 00:02:26,896
And every Friday evening, a film,
31
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no matter what the weather.
32
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And then once a year, the
dreaded New Year's Eve party.
33
00:02:51,755 --> 00:02:53,756
Yeah, I might just get one.
34
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:59,679
You're absolutely gorgeous.
35
00:03:01,098 --> 00:03:03,266
I'm Katie.
What am I drinking?
36
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This is very expensive stuff.
37
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Cheers.
Cheers.
38
00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:23,744
Come on, it's nearly midnight.
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We're all going through.
We're going through.
40
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Look, I've gotta find you a...
41
00:03:29,459 --> 00:03:30,793
God!
42
00:03:31,086 --> 00:03:34,755
Everyone makes little mistakes.
It's fine. Come on.
43
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:41,137
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
44
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,306
Happy New Year!
45
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,516
Happy New Year.
46
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Sorry.
47
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And so I woke up the next morning,
48
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hung-over, ashamed of myself,
49
00:04:05,203 --> 00:04:06,913
and not realising it was the day
50
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that would change my life forever.
51
00:04:10,208 --> 00:04:11,876
Get up, stupid.
52
00:04:14,504 --> 00:04:16,005
Dad wants you.
53
00:04:16,131 --> 00:04:18,716
Hello.
Sexy pyjamas.
54
00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:25,890
Tim, come in.
55
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:27,308
Do
56
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Sit down.
57
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That's very formal.
58
00:04:34,191 --> 00:04:36,150
Well, yeah.
59
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,027
This is an odd moment for me
60
00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,237
because I had the same moment with my
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father when I'd just turned 21, and after it,
62
00:04:43,700 --> 00:04:48,621
my life was never the same,
so I approach it pretty, nervously.
63
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:49,705
Okay.
64
00:04:50,499 --> 00:04:52,249
When you're ready.
It's all very mysterious.
65
00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:54,043
Right.
66
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:59,465
Tim, my dear son, the...
67
00:05:01,176 --> 00:05:03,636
The simple fact is the men in this family
68
00:05:03,762 --> 00:05:06,222
have always had the ability to...
69
00:05:07,224 --> 00:05:09,183
This is going to sound strange,
70
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:13,312
be prepared for strangeness.
Get ready for spooky time,
71
00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:16,357
but there's this family secret.
72
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:21,028
And the secret is that the men in the family can
73
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travel in time.
74
00:05:27,911 --> 00:05:29,870
Well, more accurately, travel back in time.
75
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:31,998
We can't travel into the future.
76
00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,874
This is such a weird joke.
77
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,252
It's seriously not a joke.
78
00:05:38,005 --> 00:05:42,758
So you're saying that you and
granddad, and his brothers
79
00:05:42,926 --> 00:05:45,219
could all travel back in time?
Absolutely.
80
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,263
And you still do?
Absolutely.
81
00:05:47,431 --> 00:05:50,516
Although it's not as dramatic as it sounds.
It's only in my own life.
82
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,602
I can only go to places where I
actually was and can remember.
83
00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:57,440
I can't kill Hitler or shag
Helen of Troy, unfortunately.
84
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:58,774
Okay, stop.
85
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,946
If it's true, which it isn't.
Although it is.
86
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:07,366
Although it isn't, obviously.
But if it was, which it's not. Which it is.
87
00:06:07,451 --> 00:06:09,452
Which it isn't.
But if it was, how would I...
88
00:06:09,578 --> 00:06:11,704
The "How" is the easy bit, in fact.
89
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:14,123
You go into a dark place, big cupboards are
90
00:06:14,249 --> 00:06:16,584
very useful generally.
Toilets, at a pinch.
91
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,045
Then you clench your fists like this.
92
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,629
Think of the moment you're going to
93
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,256
and you'll find yourself there.
94
00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:25,634
After a bit of a stumble
and a rumble and a tumble.
95
00:06:27,304 --> 00:06:29,305
Is as good a reaction as any.
96
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:33,601
I think I plumped for "fuck!"
but it was the '70s.
97
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,269
No, this is so obviously a joke.
98
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,896
It's not a joke.
99
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:39,774
Why would I lie to someone I'm
100
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,525
fairly fond of?
101
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:42,735
Okay.
102
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,570
But, when I come back downstairs
103
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:47,323
after standing in a cupboard
with my fists clenched,
104
00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,658
you're gonna be in so much trouble.
105
00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:51,410
Well, let's see, shall we?
106
00:06:53,789 --> 00:06:56,665
And, Tim, try and do something interesting.
107
00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,501
So much trouble.
108
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I mean it.
Really.
109
00:07:09,679 --> 00:07:10,930
Right.
110
00:08:02,399 --> 00:08:03,524
You all right, Tim?
111
00:08:03,608 --> 00:08:05,860
Yes. Yeah.
Good, ace. Yeah.
112
00:08:05,944 --> 00:08:08,779
Good, come on. It's nearly
midnight and we've got to find...
113
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:15,536
Midnight.
114
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:18,747
10, 9, 8, 7,
115
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:24,628
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.
116
00:08:24,754 --> 00:08:26,964
Happy New Year!
117
00:08:34,806 --> 00:08:36,223
Thank you, Tim.
118
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,766
You're welcome, Polly.
119
00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:02,546
Does Mum know?
120
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:03,667
Not a whistle.
121
00:09:03,793 --> 00:09:06,808
Strange. And what about the whole...
Butterfly effect thing. What can I say?
122
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,097
We don't seem to have messed up civilisation yet.
123
00:09:09,124 --> 00:09:10,499
It's gonna be a complicated year.
124
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,009
It's gonna be a complicated life.
125
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:15,429
What have you done with it?
126
00:09:15,513 --> 00:09:17,640
For me, it's books, books, books.
127
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,934
I've read everything a man could wish to.
128
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:24,688
Twice. Dickens three times.
Any first thoughts?
129
00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:28,776
Well, I suppose apart from getting
a slightly better haircut... Yeah.
130
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,324
Money would be the obvious thing.
131
00:09:30,362 --> 00:09:31,695
Very mixed blessing.
132
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,500
Utterly screwed up your grandfather's life.
133
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,199
Left him without love or friends.
134
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,743
I've never bumped into a
genuinely happy rich person.
135
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,912
It would be nice not to have to work.
136
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,747
No, that's a real recipe for disaster.
137
00:09:41,831 --> 00:09:44,316
Look what happened to Uncle Fred.
What happened to Uncle Fred?
138
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,777
Absolutely sod all.
139
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:48,070
Wasted his life.
140
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:50,194
You have to use it for
things that you really think
141
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:52,080
will make your life the way you want it to be.
142
00:09:52,141 --> 00:09:54,343
Come on, really think about this.
143
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,427
Well,
144
00:09:56,721 --> 00:09:59,181
to be honest, I suppose, at the moment,
145
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it would be just great if it
could help me get a girlfriend.
146
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:08,190
Massive.
Yeah.
147
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,943
The mother-ship.
148
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:16,031
For me, it was always gonna be about love.
149
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,951
And that summer I walked
into the eye of the storm.
150
00:10:20,787 --> 00:10:23,289
Her name was Charlotte.
Cousin of Kit Kat's
151
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:25,874
handsome but nasty boyfriend Jimmy.
152
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:30,713
And she was staying for two whole months.
153
00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:36,552
Just one.
Not both of them.
154
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:39,805
Tim,
155
00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:42,558
will you do my back?
156
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,018
Absolutely!
157
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:49,898
Very keen!
158
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,945
No.
No.
159
00:10:55,322 --> 00:10:57,906
No. No, no.
No, no, no.
160
00:10:59,075 --> 00:11:00,576
Is it in my hair?
Yes!
161
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:12,046
Tim.
Will you do my back?
162
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:14,631
Sure.
Just give us a sec.
163
00:11:16,968 --> 00:11:17,968
Okay.
164
00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,940
Thank you.
165
00:11:34,402 --> 00:11:35,402
Now...
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Nice.
167
00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:46,288
It's my area.
168
00:11:49,167 --> 00:11:52,169
It was a summer of suntan and torture.
169
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,247
I invited my foolish friend Jay around for tennis
170
00:11:55,331 --> 00:11:57,383
because I thought he'd make me look good.
171
00:12:03,139 --> 00:12:04,264
I was wrong!
172
00:12:04,933 --> 00:12:06,600
What are you doing?
No.
173
00:12:10,271 --> 00:12:12,231
Charlotte just made both of us look like idiots.
174
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:13,816
Bad luck, Tim.
175
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,989
How the hell are you meant
to concentrate on your game?
176
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,742
How are you meant to live your life
177
00:12:23,868 --> 00:12:25,994
with this sort of shit going down?
178
00:12:27,580 --> 00:12:30,332
It never got better until suddenly
179
00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:32,918
it was almost too late.
180
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,796
Well, Charlotte, our final lunch.
181
00:12:35,922 --> 00:12:37,172
No!
182
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:40,801
And it's been really, really
lovely having you all summer.
183
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:41,969
It has.
184
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:43,137
Thank you.
Thank you.
185
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,513
It really has.
186
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:45,931
Hasn't it, Desmond?
187
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:47,224
Beg your pardon?
188
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:49,476
Lovely having Charlotte here all summer.
189
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:51,311
Charlotte?
Who's Charlotte?
190
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:53,689
Come on, darling.
Charlotte, sitting next to you.
191
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:58,318
Yes, of course. Of course.
Charlotte. Hi.
192
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,529
Lovely to meet you.
193
00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:08,328
Have you enjoyed having
Charlotte here all summer, Tim?
194
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:10,956
Yeah.
195
00:13:12,041 --> 00:13:13,375
There goes August.
196
00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:15,507
I've introduced him to most things, haven't I?
197
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:18,046
You did.
You were much more sophisticated.
198
00:13:18,214 --> 00:13:20,883
In a quiet way, I like to think.
199
00:13:34,731 --> 00:13:36,064
Come in.
200
00:13:38,401 --> 00:13:39,651
Charlotte.
Yeah!
201
00:13:43,573 --> 00:13:47,201
As it's your last night, can I ask you a question?
202
00:13:48,077 --> 00:13:49,828
Yeah.
Ask away.
203
00:13:50,079 --> 00:13:51,497
No, wait.
204
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:55,918
It's not going to be about love, is it?
205
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,586
Love?
What?
206
00:13:57,712 --> 00:14:01,256
Well, it's just that Kit Kat warned me that
if you were to ever mention it, I should be
207
00:14:01,382 --> 00:14:03,550
very firm with you and tell you
208
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:05,844
you must treat me like your sister
209
00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,387
and not be stupid.
210
00:14:08,264 --> 00:14:11,266
Or have I just made a total fool of myself
211
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:13,032
and you were actually going to ask me for
212
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:14,686
late night last minute tennis tips?
213
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,356
No, it was the love thing.
214
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,107
Well.
215
00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,569
That's very sweet of you.
216
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:26,698
It's just a shame you left it till the last night.
217
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:31,620
You should have tried creeping along
the corridor while we still had time.
218
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,790
Okay, the "last night" was a bad idea?
219
00:14:34,958 --> 00:14:39,795
Very bad idea. It feels like an ever
so slightly insulting afterthought.
220
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:42,464
"Last night" was never going to work.
221
00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:46,134
All right. Good.
I've got it.
222
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:07,906
Come in.
223
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,243
Tim. Hi.
Charlotte.
224
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,329
Hi.
Sit down.
225
00:15:16,791 --> 00:15:19,668
I know you've probably suspected this,
226
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:23,422
but over the last month I've fallen
completely in love with you.
227
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,843
Now obviously this was gonna happen
228
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:32,097
because you're a goddess with that face
229
00:15:32,181 --> 00:15:33,974
and that hair,
230
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,269
but even if you didn't have a nice face,
231
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,939
and even if you had absolutely no hair
232
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,775
because of some bizarre medical reason,
233
00:15:45,194 --> 00:15:47,154
I'd still adore you,
234
00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:48,697
and I...
235
00:15:49,198 --> 00:15:53,869
I just wondered whether, by any
chance, you might share my feelings.
236
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:59,416
I tell you what.
237
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,044
Why don't we see how the summer goes
238
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:05,964
and then you ask me again on my last night?
239
00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,635
Your last night?
Yes.
240
00:16:10,011 --> 00:16:14,014
Try me on the last night.
See what happens then, shall we?
241
00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,224
It's exciting.
242
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:17,643
Right.
243
00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:22,439
No, it's a perfect plan.
That's absolutely perfect. Last night.
244
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:23,982
Last night.
245
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:28,445
Thanks very much.
246
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:31,114
Night-night, Timmy.
247
00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,415
Big lesson number one,
248
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:43,710
all the time travel in the world
can't make someone love you.
249
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:44,836
Bye!
250
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,256
So the love of my life just drove away.
251
00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:53,512
And the very next day it was my turn to leave.
252
00:16:56,265 --> 00:16:59,267
There you go.
Don't spend it all at once.
253
00:17:00,978 --> 00:17:01,978
Thanks.
254
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:07,401
Don't call too often, your mother
doesn't like to be disturbed.
255
00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:09,695
Okay.
Thanks.
256
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:32,467
I caught the train to London in
search of a future and a girlfriend.
257
00:17:35,138 --> 00:17:37,389
I was staying in St John's Wood,
near Abbey Road,
258
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:40,642
with a playwright friend of my dad's called Harry.
259
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:44,688
It's always nice to have family connections
when you're a new kid in town.
260
00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:01,371
What the fuck do you want?
261
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:04,708
I'm James's son.
262
00:18:04,834 --> 00:18:06,001
Who?
263
00:18:07,211 --> 00:18:09,337
James Lake.
What about him?
264
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,759
He said you had a room.
265
00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:17,596
Go in there and wait.
266
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:21,933
Quietly.
I mean it, don't make a sound.
267
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:24,436
Or I'll kill you.
268
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,574
I was actually having the first
good idea I've had for a decade
269
00:18:37,658 --> 00:18:39,201
when you rang on the doorbell.
270
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,620
But now it's gone.
271
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,372
You little shit.
272
00:18:44,499 --> 00:18:46,082
How's your dad?
273
00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:50,462
Weird cock, I always thought.
Something weird about him.
274
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:51,379
Really?
275
00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:53,965
Yeah, I never really liked him, actually.
276
00:18:55,009 --> 00:18:57,511
Your mum still look like Andy Warhol?
277
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,637
What?
278
00:19:00,014 --> 00:19:02,599
That, by the way, is my wife.
279
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:04,226
Nice.
280
00:19:04,352 --> 00:19:05,832
Yeah, you wouldn't like her at first.
281
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:08,980
Sarcastic cow.
282
00:19:10,107 --> 00:19:12,275
But eventually you'd realise that
283
00:19:12,777 --> 00:19:15,445
she's the best human being in the world.
284
00:19:16,197 --> 00:19:18,448
Which is why she left me, of course.
285
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:22,577
Here you go.
286
00:19:23,204 --> 00:19:26,957
Try not to make too much noise,
particularly when having sex.
287
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:28,625
No chance of that.
288
00:19:28,709 --> 00:19:31,419
Christ, two losers in one house.
289
00:19:31,963 --> 00:19:33,505
That is my daughter.
290
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:38,802
Have sex with her if you like.
Apparently everyone else has.
291
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:43,557
It wasn't a hopeful
set-up for romance.
292
00:19:44,308 --> 00:19:46,977
And work didn't help on that score either.
293
00:19:47,395 --> 00:19:50,105
The world of law seems to be entirely full of men.
294
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:56,653
Hello. I'm Rory. Very pleased to meet you.
A real thrill.
295
00:19:57,113 --> 00:20:00,740
Well, who knows, we might become,
you know, pals, etcetera.
296
00:20:02,118 --> 00:20:03,827
Who the hell are you?
Tim Lake.
297
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:06,079
Well, I hope you're better than this clown.
298
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,248
Come on, Roger.
299
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,875
It's Rory, actually.
300
00:20:10,001 --> 00:20:11,543
I've been here a year and a half.
301
00:20:11,627 --> 00:20:14,212
I'm just saying that to be nice.
It's two years actually.
302
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:20,886
So six lonely months went by
and it was still just me and Harry.
303
00:20:21,012 --> 00:20:23,513
Me lawyer-ing every hour
of the day and night.
304
00:20:23,639 --> 00:20:26,892
And him putting the finishing
touches to his new play.
305
00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:31,521
No matter how many girls there were in the world,
306
00:20:31,647 --> 00:20:34,774
I always seemed to end up with Rory.
307
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:35,901
Hello.
308
00:20:36,277 --> 00:20:38,069
Until, out of the blue,
309
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:43,450
on a dodgy night out with dodgy
Jay, something miraculous happened.
310
00:20:44,118 --> 00:20:45,952
The waiters are,
311
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,038
wait for this, right, they're blind.
312
00:20:48,122 --> 00:20:49,247
You're kidding me?
313
00:20:49,373 --> 00:20:52,876
I'm kidding you not.
No, as bats. As bats!
314
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:54,961
Very good to have you here, gentlemen.
315
00:20:55,046 --> 00:20:56,963
I hope you enjoy your experience.
316
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:59,174
Carlo will show you to your table.
317
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,551
Great.
Lead on, maestro.
318
00:21:01,677 --> 00:21:04,262
Can I have your right hand on
my right shoulder, please?
319
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,765
And your friend hold on to your shoulder.
Thank you.
320
00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:13,897
Mind the stairs and be prepared because
321
00:21:14,148 --> 00:21:16,399
it's completely dark.
322
00:21:18,361 --> 00:21:20,070
Okay, gentlemen, if you don't mind,
323
00:21:20,154 --> 00:21:22,530
I can sit you here beside these two young ladies.
324
00:21:22,615 --> 00:21:24,699
No, no.
Sounds absolutely perfect!
325
00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:26,993
God, you sound very perky.
326
00:21:27,078 --> 00:21:28,453
I am.
And very handsome.
327
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,206
Someone's there.
328
00:21:31,332 --> 00:21:33,500
Hi. Hi.
I'm Mary.
329
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:36,294
I'm Tim.
Mary's my mother's name, actually.
330
00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:39,005
Does it suit her?
Sort of.
331
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:42,592
Although she's sturdy, so Bernard
might have been a better fit.
332
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:45,011
Okay.
333
00:21:45,388 --> 00:21:48,098
Something just touched my elbow.
334
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,557
Okay, that wasn't me.
335
00:21:49,642 --> 00:21:53,061
No. Well, that just makes it worse.
If it wasn't you, who was it?
336
00:21:53,187 --> 00:21:56,398
It wasn't me because I'm touching something else.
337
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:59,150
Yes, and you'll stop that right away, thank you.
338
00:21:59,527 --> 00:22:04,114
So, girls, be honest, who is more beautiful?
339
00:22:04,198 --> 00:22:05,740
- I am.
- Yeah. She is.
340
00:22:05,866 --> 00:22:06,992
Excellent!
341
00:22:07,118 --> 00:22:08,660
Actually, I look like Kate Moss.
342
00:22:08,786 --> 00:22:10,328
Really?
343
00:22:10,454 --> 00:22:13,289
No.
I sort of look like a squirrel.
344
00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,001
Do you like Kate Moss?
345
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:17,502
I absolutely love her.
346
00:22:17,628 --> 00:22:20,797
In fact, I almost wore one of
her dresses here tonight. You?
347
00:22:20,923 --> 00:22:23,133
No, no, her clothes look terrible on me.
348
00:22:25,636 --> 00:22:28,013
I cannot believe that it's
your birthday next week as well.
349
00:22:28,097 --> 00:22:32,142
Your friend Jay is quite enthusiastic.
350
00:22:32,435 --> 00:22:34,561
I actually hate him.
351
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:35,603
What's Joanna like?
352
00:22:35,730 --> 00:22:38,481
- She's basically a prostitute.
- Yeah.
353
00:22:39,233 --> 00:22:41,151
I think it's strawberry mousse.
354
00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:42,360
Do you want some?
355
00:22:42,445 --> 00:22:43,778
Okay.
I'll try it.
356
00:22:43,863 --> 00:22:45,071
Okay, where's your mouth?
357
00:22:45,156 --> 00:22:46,781
It's...
358
00:22:47,658 --> 00:22:49,034
it's here.
359
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:50,493
Okay.
There?
360
00:22:50,661 --> 00:22:52,454
My God, what was that?
361
00:22:52,580 --> 00:22:54,372
That's my eye.
362
00:22:54,498 --> 00:22:57,375
I think there's a lot of...
I've got quite a lot of
363
00:22:57,460 --> 00:22:59,502
strawberry mousse in my eye now!
364
00:22:59,628 --> 00:23:00,920
I'm so sorry.
365
00:23:01,005 --> 00:23:04,257
No. Thank you.
That's a new sensation for me.
366
00:23:06,802 --> 00:23:10,388
So, maybe I'll see you outside or...
367
00:23:10,723 --> 00:23:12,390
Yeah.
Yeah, great.
368
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,309
Great.
Scary.
369
00:23:14,435 --> 00:23:16,686
Yeah, it's a bit scary.
370
00:23:16,979 --> 00:23:20,148
My God, I'm so in there.
What about you?
371
00:23:20,274 --> 00:23:22,984
I don't know, but she sounded wonderful.
372
00:23:25,488 --> 00:23:27,197
Joanna?
Jay.
373
00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,407
Christ, you're a babe.
374
00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,159
How do you fancy stretching the night
375
00:23:31,285 --> 00:23:32,869
out a bit?
I can ditch the loser.
376
00:23:32,995 --> 00:23:35,914
We've got to rush, but help me find a
cab and I might give you my number.
377
00:23:35,998 --> 00:23:36,998
Of course.
Yeah.
378
00:23:37,083 --> 00:23:38,796
Or I might not.
Haven't decided yet. So...
379
00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:40,335
I have.
It's not gonna happen.
380
00:24:07,863 --> 00:24:09,614
Hi.
Hi.
381
00:24:10,908 --> 00:24:13,284
Where's... She and Jay just...
382
00:24:13,410 --> 00:24:16,037
She took him to...
I don't know.
383
00:24:16,163 --> 00:24:17,163
Right.
384
00:24:17,331 --> 00:24:19,499
Well, I guess I'd better...
385
00:24:19,625 --> 00:24:23,294
Would it be very wrong if I
asked you for your number?
386
00:24:25,297 --> 00:24:26,297
No.
387
00:24:26,632 --> 00:24:29,676
Just in case I ever had to call you about...
388
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:31,845
Stuff?
389
00:24:32,596 --> 00:24:33,596
Okay.
390
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:39,144
Would you...
391
00:24:39,854 --> 00:24:41,062
it's Mary.
392
00:24:41,230 --> 00:24:42,438
Mary.
393
00:24:44,608 --> 00:24:45,859
Okay.
394
00:24:46,485 --> 00:24:48,653
I thought this phone was old and shit,
395
00:24:49,363 --> 00:24:51,573
but suddenly it's my most valuable possession.
396
00:24:52,616 --> 00:24:54,409
You really like me?
397
00:24:56,078 --> 00:24:58,663
Even my frock?
398
00:24:58,789 --> 00:25:00,915
I love your frock.
399
00:25:01,542 --> 00:25:05,128
And my hair?
It's not too brown?
400
00:25:05,462 --> 00:25:07,005
I love brown.
401
00:25:08,716 --> 00:25:10,008
My fringe is new.
402
00:25:10,092 --> 00:25:12,302
The fringe is perfect.
Fringe is the best bit.
403
00:25:12,386 --> 00:25:13,511
Mary!
404
00:25:13,637 --> 00:25:16,973
We have to go! I found a cab and his
dodgy friend is about to assault me.
405
00:25:17,099 --> 00:25:19,434
Okay, I'm coming.
406
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:21,144
Two seconds.
407
00:25:22,104 --> 00:25:23,938
I hope I see you again.
408
00:25:24,565 --> 00:25:25,690
You will.
409
00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:28,568
Okay.
Good.
410
00:25:30,154 --> 00:25:33,531
Goodnight.
411
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:12,528
What's happened?
412
00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:14,864
What have you done, you poor thing?
413
00:26:15,157 --> 00:26:18,076
Nothing.
It's just a flesh wound.
414
00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:19,494
Here.
Thank you.
415
00:26:23,123 --> 00:26:25,291
You may remember, my play opened tonight.
416
00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:27,460
My God, yes.
How did it go?
417
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,128
Well, it went well.
418
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:33,049
You could tell in the room a
masterpiece was being unfurled.
419
00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:35,176
Really?
Really.
420
00:26:35,302 --> 00:26:38,846
Until, and this is the
crucial plot point, I think,
421
00:26:38,973 --> 00:26:43,726
until the lead actor had the most
massive dry in the history of theatre.
422
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:45,395
No, no, no.
Yes, yes, yes.
423
00:26:46,855 --> 00:26:48,439
He didn't just forget his lines.
424
00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,108
He forgot his lines to the extent
425
00:26:50,192 --> 00:26:52,610
that no actor has ever forgotten their lines
426
00:26:52,736 --> 00:26:55,113
before in the annals of dramatic art.
427
00:26:55,656 --> 00:26:59,033
The reviews won't say "Major
masterpiece gets unveiled",
428
00:26:59,118 --> 00:27:02,787
they'll say, "Major actor gets Alzheimer's."
429
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:04,956
it's a disaster.
430
00:27:05,874 --> 00:27:07,583
Is an understatement.
431
00:27:08,419 --> 00:27:13,047
It's the Titanic of play
openings, but with no survivors.
432
00:27:13,716 --> 00:27:16,050
No women, no children,
433
00:27:16,468 --> 00:27:18,720
not even Kate Winslet.
434
00:27:19,179 --> 00:27:20,847
All dead.
435
00:27:22,516 --> 00:27:24,142
Okay.
I'll see what I can do.
436
00:27:24,226 --> 00:27:25,601
What does that mean?
437
00:27:26,395 --> 00:27:28,354
What are you gonna do?
Ring up every critic
438
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,398
in London and offer them a blow job
439
00:27:30,524 --> 00:27:35,236
if they ignore the fact that we sat
in total silence for half an hour
440
00:27:35,362 --> 00:27:40,450
waiting for a moron to remember one single line?
441
00:27:40,576 --> 00:27:42,327
Not quite that.
442
00:27:58,969 --> 00:27:59,969
Hello.
443
00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:08,770
Hello, Sir Tom. I'm a friend of Harry's.
How's it going with the lines?
444
00:28:10,105 --> 00:28:12,357
I'm sorry, what do you mean "the lines"?
445
00:28:13,108 --> 00:28:14,776
It's just, you know, in the court scenes,
446
00:28:14,860 --> 00:28:17,570
some of those lines are pretty complex.
447
00:28:17,696 --> 00:28:20,073
And I just thought maybe it
might be worth, you know,
448
00:28:20,699 --> 00:28:22,158
having one last look at the lines
449
00:28:22,242 --> 00:28:25,620
before you go on.
A little refresher.
450
00:28:26,872 --> 00:28:29,123
Fuck off out of here.
451
00:28:29,249 --> 00:28:34,003
You arsing lunatic. Get out!
You ginger twerp. Go on!
452
00:28:34,129 --> 00:28:35,880
Patronising piece of...
453
00:28:47,976 --> 00:28:50,395
And now the Defence.
454
00:29:00,781 --> 00:29:05,451
I have lived many weary years...
455
00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:07,787
it's brilliant... but never,
456
00:29:07,913 --> 00:29:11,958
in that long catalogue of wasted time,
457
00:29:12,626 --> 00:29:17,088
have I ever seen such an atrocious
miscarriage of justice.
458
00:29:22,302 --> 00:29:26,639
Do the Prosecution have anything final to add?
459
00:30:11,059 --> 00:30:13,311
Sorry, excuse me.
Sorry.
460
00:30:20,652 --> 00:30:25,239
Do the Prosecution have anything final to add?
461
00:30:32,331 --> 00:30:33,414
Psst!
462
00:30:40,839 --> 00:30:41,881
Gentlemen...
463
00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:45,259
Gentlemen,
464
00:30:45,802 --> 00:30:50,306
I regard today's proceedings
with the utmost gravity.
465
00:30:50,432 --> 00:30:52,183
Nevertheless,
466
00:30:52,768 --> 00:30:55,645
let us be clear of one
467
00:30:57,523 --> 00:31:00,358
simple and salient thing.
468
00:31:03,362 --> 00:31:05,112
It is the life
469
00:31:05,697 --> 00:31:07,657
of a guilty man!
470
00:31:18,961 --> 00:31:22,547
One of the actors appeared
to have actually fallen asleep...
471
00:31:22,631 --> 00:31:26,092
Here's the little prick who
walked out halfway through.
472
00:31:26,176 --> 00:31:28,094
You missed the best scene, you little twerp.
473
00:31:28,220 --> 00:31:29,220
Sorry.
474
00:31:29,638 --> 00:31:31,806
What did you think of the set?
475
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:33,349
I thought it was incredible.
476
00:31:33,433 --> 00:31:36,561
Did you?
I didn't. Too brown.
477
00:31:39,898 --> 00:31:41,065
Mary!
478
00:31:43,110 --> 00:31:44,777
No.
479
00:31:45,612 --> 00:31:47,154
She's gone.
480
00:32:02,337 --> 00:32:06,340
Two girls in earlier tonight.
One of them the prettiest girl in the world.
481
00:32:06,466 --> 00:32:08,367
The other one like a sort of nice prostitute.
482
00:32:08,405 --> 00:32:10,344
Did you get their names?
483
00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:14,265
Yes. They left a while ago.
Let's see.
484
00:32:15,309 --> 00:32:17,768
No, I'm afraid
they were walk-ins
485
00:32:17,894 --> 00:32:20,354
and it appears they paid by cash.
486
00:32:20,772 --> 00:32:22,481
Sorry, sir.
487
00:32:22,608 --> 00:32:24,368
That's okay.
That's fine, it's brilliant.
488
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:27,820
It's just the end of my life.
Thanks so much.
489
00:32:49,051 --> 00:32:51,052
Cheer up, mate.
490
00:32:51,386 --> 00:32:55,222
Apparently, you're living with
Britain's greatest living playwright.
491
00:32:55,557 --> 00:32:57,058
I don't usually read them, obviously,
492
00:32:57,225 --> 00:32:58,726
but I couldn't resist this one.
493
00:32:58,894 --> 00:33:03,898
"Harry Chapman
found guilty of genius."
494
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,114
I have to go out.
Right now.
495
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:13,574
Why?
496
00:33:13,700 --> 00:33:15,493
She loves Kate Moss.
497
00:33:59,121 --> 00:34:00,955
Thanks for keeping me company, Kittie.
498
00:34:01,123 --> 00:34:02,748
Nothing better to do.
499
00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:03,958
How's Jimmy?
500
00:34:04,126 --> 00:34:05,126
Dumped me.
501
00:34:05,252 --> 00:34:06,252
Not again.
502
00:34:06,378 --> 00:34:08,087
And work?
They've sacked me.
503
00:34:08,213 --> 00:34:09,213
Idiots.
504
00:34:09,756 --> 00:34:11,465
Coffee?
Please.
505
00:34:12,134 --> 00:34:15,428
I've only just noticed this cat
in this picture. See that cat?
506
00:34:15,554 --> 00:34:18,431
I do see that cat.
It's very good.
507
00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:20,975
My God.
508
00:34:21,935 --> 00:34:23,060
My God!
509
00:34:23,186 --> 00:34:24,311
What?
510
00:34:24,938 --> 00:34:26,313
It's her.
511
00:34:28,066 --> 00:34:29,650
It's her!
512
00:34:30,736 --> 00:34:32,236
That's her!
513
00:34:37,993 --> 00:34:39,577
You go, girl.
514
00:34:51,339 --> 00:34:52,339
Sorry.
515
00:34:53,508 --> 00:34:55,301
Hi.
Hi.
516
00:34:57,471 --> 00:34:58,846
How are you?
517
00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:01,682
I'm fine.
518
00:35:02,017 --> 00:35:04,185
It's so good to see you.
519
00:35:04,352 --> 00:35:06,520
We've never met before.
520
00:35:07,856 --> 00:35:09,815
No, fuck.
521
00:35:10,442 --> 00:35:12,485
No, of course we haven't.
No.
522
00:35:12,611 --> 00:35:15,654
Sorry, I think you've
mistaken me for someone else.
523
00:35:15,781 --> 00:35:17,448
No, no, no.
524
00:35:18,116 --> 00:35:19,784
Your name's Mary.
525
00:35:21,036 --> 00:35:23,829
That's distinctly weird.
526
00:35:23,955 --> 00:35:25,831
How do you know that?
527
00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:28,709
Well, you look like a Mary.
528
00:35:29,211 --> 00:35:30,503
In what way?
529
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:31,879
My mum's called Mary.
530
00:35:32,047 --> 00:35:33,506
I look like your mother?
531
00:35:34,049 --> 00:35:36,175
No.
You're much prettier.
532
00:35:39,387 --> 00:35:40,805
It's a nice fringe, by the way.
533
00:35:40,931 --> 00:35:42,348
God, it's new and
534
00:35:42,474 --> 00:35:44,391
probably too short but... No.
535
00:35:44,559 --> 00:35:47,394
Well, gee, thank you and
536
00:35:47,562 --> 00:35:49,897
listen, it was really nice to meet you.
537
00:35:50,065 --> 00:35:53,651
I should probably go because
my friend's waiting for me
538
00:35:53,735 --> 00:35:56,153
and you're a, you're a total stranger.
539
00:35:56,404 --> 00:35:57,822
Total stranger.
540
00:35:57,948 --> 00:35:59,323
Yeah, it's crazy stuff.
541
00:35:59,407 --> 00:36:01,242
Yeah, kind of.
Okay.
542
00:36:01,368 --> 00:36:02,743
Bye, Mary.
Bye.
543
00:36:06,039 --> 00:36:06,997
No.
544
00:36:07,082 --> 00:36:08,249
How did it go?
545
00:36:08,375 --> 00:36:09,500
It was very poor.
546
00:36:09,584 --> 00:36:10,918
Very poor indeed, yeah.
547
00:36:11,086 --> 00:36:12,419
You gotta go again.
548
00:36:13,338 --> 00:36:15,256
You can do it.
Take two.
549
00:36:18,677 --> 00:36:22,012
She just always...
She always looks different.
550
00:36:23,765 --> 00:36:26,100
Sorry, it's me again.
551
00:36:26,601 --> 00:36:28,227
Hi.
Sorry.
552
00:36:28,937 --> 00:36:30,729
Joanna, this is...
553
00:36:31,189 --> 00:36:32,398
Tim.
554
00:36:32,524 --> 00:36:33,691
Hello.
Nice to meet you.
555
00:36:36,278 --> 00:36:39,947
Tim is a total stranger whose
mother's name is Mary.
556
00:36:40,073 --> 00:36:42,783
I just had a weird experience with Mary here
557
00:36:42,868 --> 00:36:45,411
of thinking she was someone else.
But she wasn't.
558
00:36:45,537 --> 00:36:49,748
But I just wondered if I could walk round with you
559
00:36:50,709 --> 00:36:54,628
for a while because my sister
Kit Kat is about to leave...
560
00:36:54,754 --> 00:36:55,754
Yeah.
561
00:36:58,383 --> 00:37:00,050
Bye... and...
562
00:37:00,385 --> 00:37:01,802
And so,
563
00:37:02,721 --> 00:37:04,972
I'm about to be quite lonely.
564
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:09,935
Right.
Well, I think we should probably say no.
565
00:37:10,061 --> 00:37:13,147
No, yes. But on the other hand,
he's got a quite nice smile
566
00:37:13,273 --> 00:37:15,316
and sort of, you know, fun hair.
567
00:37:17,068 --> 00:37:18,068
Yeah.
568
00:37:19,112 --> 00:37:20,487
All right.
569
00:37:20,989 --> 00:37:24,992
But you have to promise that you are
not one of the following things.
570
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:26,785
One, a lunatic.
571
00:37:26,870 --> 00:37:27,995
Yeah.
No.
572
00:37:28,163 --> 00:37:30,956
Two, a fringe fetishist.
573
00:37:31,291 --> 00:37:34,293
I'm just Kate Moss's number one male fan.
574
00:37:36,087 --> 00:37:37,630
God.
Really?
575
00:37:37,756 --> 00:37:39,089
Yeah.
God, yeah.
576
00:37:39,174 --> 00:37:42,509
Do you agree that the magic
of her lies in her history?
577
00:37:43,094 --> 00:37:45,304
That the informality of her early shots
578
00:37:45,388 --> 00:37:48,432
compared to this stuff so you just always know
579
00:37:48,516 --> 00:37:50,893
that, despite the high fashion, she's still just
580
00:37:50,977 --> 00:37:54,605
that cheeky normal naked girl on the beach?
581
00:37:55,690 --> 00:37:57,232
Couldn't have put it better myself.
582
00:37:57,317 --> 00:38:01,028
That's absolutely it.
I agree with that profoundly.
583
00:38:02,364 --> 00:38:03,405
Milk?
584
00:38:03,531 --> 00:38:04,531
Yes.
585
00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:06,617
Sugar?
No.
586
00:38:06,701 --> 00:38:07,743
Boyfriend?
587
00:38:07,869 --> 00:38:08,953
Yes!
588
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:11,288
No.
No, you don't have a boyfriend.
589
00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:14,875
Do I not look like I'd have a boyfriend?
590
00:38:15,001 --> 00:38:16,897
Do I look like I'd never get a boyfriend?
No.
591
00:38:16,936 --> 00:38:18,583
That's the rudest thing I've ever heard.
592
00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:21,465
I didn't mean it like that.
I just didn't expect...
593
00:38:22,634 --> 00:38:24,718
Is it quite a new boyfriend?
594
00:38:24,886 --> 00:38:25,886
Yes.
595
00:38:26,388 --> 00:38:28,389
There he is.
Rupert.
596
00:38:29,349 --> 00:38:31,225
Yes. He's so cute.
Rupert?
597
00:38:31,351 --> 00:38:32,685
Hi, guys.
598
00:38:33,061 --> 00:38:34,895
Sorry I'm late, with my dad.
599
00:38:36,231 --> 00:38:37,231
Hi, Rupee.
600
00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:39,525
"Rupee"?
601
00:38:41,069 --> 00:38:43,237
Well, this is Tim and
602
00:38:43,363 --> 00:38:45,239
we don't know him at all.
603
00:38:45,907 --> 00:38:48,534
Hey, I was thinking we could
take in a film after this.
604
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,285
Get some mixed popcorn, share a Coke,
605
00:38:50,412 --> 00:38:51,537
snuggle.
Okay.
606
00:38:51,913 --> 00:38:52,913
Okay.
607
00:38:54,249 --> 00:38:56,709
When did you two meet?
Exactly?
608
00:38:57,252 --> 00:38:59,253
Well, it was only a week ago, actually.
609
00:39:00,046 --> 00:39:02,881
It's all been a bit of a
whirlwind, hasn't it, poochy face?
610
00:39:03,258 --> 00:39:06,260
I'm gonna have to teach you what you
can and can't say in front of people.
611
00:39:06,428 --> 00:39:07,845
No "poochy face"?
No.
612
00:39:07,929 --> 00:39:09,930
No.
Definitely not.
613
00:39:10,098 --> 00:39:14,101
Come on, then. More details about
this wonderful first meeting?
614
00:39:14,227 --> 00:39:15,269
Okay, okay.
615
00:39:15,437 --> 00:39:17,563
It was, what... Joanna?
616
00:39:18,106 --> 00:39:19,606
June 17th.
617
00:39:19,774 --> 00:39:21,275
And Jo was having a little party.
618
00:39:22,110 --> 00:39:25,279
A living hell from which
Rupert, thank God, rescued me.
619
00:39:25,405 --> 00:39:27,573
And where was this terrible party?
620
00:39:27,699 --> 00:39:29,783
My brothel of a flat.
621
00:39:29,909 --> 00:39:32,089
Which is where, though?
That's the question, isn't it.
622
00:39:32,128 --> 00:39:33,258
What are you, a detective?
623
00:39:33,738 --> 00:39:35,778
No, sorry, I've just got a
very visual imagination.
624
00:39:35,957 --> 00:39:37,875
I like to imagine stuff completely.
625
00:39:39,044 --> 00:39:43,213
26 Courtfield Gardens, SW5.
Around 8:30.
626
00:39:43,882 --> 00:39:45,966
Dress code, slutty.
Will that do?
627
00:39:46,134 --> 00:39:47,885
Absolutely, yes.
Although I am wondering
628
00:39:47,969 --> 00:39:51,055
when you got there, Rupert.
Early, late?
629
00:39:51,473 --> 00:39:54,641
On time, I think.
True love was calling.
630
00:39:54,768 --> 00:39:56,435
God.
631
00:39:56,728 --> 00:39:58,979
I actually feel a bit sick now.
Just these
632
00:39:59,147 --> 00:40:01,398
muffins, I think.
Never trust a blueberry.
633
00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,401
Okay, I'll be back in a tick.
634
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,780
You two are such a lovely couple.
635
00:40:12,160 --> 00:40:13,327
Bit weird.
636
00:40:13,453 --> 00:40:14,620
He's cute.
637
00:40:14,746 --> 00:40:15,746
I like him.
638
00:40:15,872 --> 00:40:16,914
Yeah, me too.
639
00:40:48,154 --> 00:40:50,197
Hello.
Do I know you?
640
00:40:50,365 --> 00:40:53,826
No, no, no.
I'm a friend of Mary's.
641
00:40:54,369 --> 00:40:57,955
She has another friend?
Gosh, you amaze me. But hooray.
642
00:40:58,039 --> 00:40:59,790
Hot dog?
643
00:41:00,208 --> 00:41:01,583
Took me hours.
Made them myself.
644
00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:03,043
Thanks.
645
00:41:04,671 --> 00:41:07,214
Disgusting.
Totally undercooked.
646
00:41:07,340 --> 00:41:08,674
See you later.
647
00:41:15,849 --> 00:41:18,225
Why don't we go upstairs, it's a bit quieter?
648
00:41:33,032 --> 00:41:34,908
Hi.
Hi.
649
00:41:35,076 --> 00:41:36,076
I'm Tim.
650
00:41:36,870 --> 00:41:37,911
Mary.
651
00:41:38,037 --> 00:41:40,664
That's my mother's name.
Let's not get into that.
652
00:41:40,748 --> 00:41:44,251
I know this is forward but
653
00:41:44,377 --> 00:41:48,422
your face tells me that you're finding
this party to be a living hell.
654
00:41:50,508 --> 00:41:51,988
So, I just wondered if you might come
655
00:41:52,051 --> 00:41:55,387
and have a bite to eat with me instead?
656
00:41:56,097 --> 00:41:57,347
Right now.
657
00:41:57,682 --> 00:41:58,807
I'm sorry?
658
00:41:58,892 --> 00:42:01,435
Obviously, I should have
thought this through more.
659
00:42:01,769 --> 00:42:03,103
Let's talk about Kate Moss.
660
00:42:05,940 --> 00:42:08,108
I love Kate Moss.
661
00:42:08,276 --> 00:42:10,944
I always think the key thing
with her is the history,
662
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:15,574
you know, the informality of her early
shots compared to high fashion stuff
663
00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:18,869
so you always know that underneath
she's still just the same
664
00:42:19,287 --> 00:42:22,456
cheeky normal girl naked on the beach.
665
00:42:22,582 --> 00:42:23,582
The beach.
666
00:42:24,125 --> 00:42:26,793
I agree with you completely.
667
00:42:27,086 --> 00:42:30,130
If we leave now then we can have,
you know, more than one starter.
668
00:42:35,386 --> 00:42:37,054
I love your eyes.
669
00:42:38,932 --> 00:42:41,934
And I love the rest of your face, too.
670
00:42:52,153 --> 00:42:53,904
More than one starter?
671
00:42:54,030 --> 00:42:55,739
10 amazing starters.
672
00:42:56,824 --> 00:42:58,742
After you.
Thanks.
673
00:42:58,910 --> 00:43:01,078
Ten minutes is long enough for any party, I think.
674
00:43:01,162 --> 00:43:03,080
Yeah.
675
00:43:03,164 --> 00:43:04,498
Especially that one.
676
00:43:04,666 --> 00:43:06,166
Evening, all.
677
00:43:06,334 --> 00:43:08,669
God!
What a dickhead.
678
00:43:09,796 --> 00:43:10,754
Yeah.
679
00:43:13,800 --> 00:43:16,301
So, what do you do?
680
00:43:17,679 --> 00:43:19,930
I'm a reader at a publisher.
681
00:43:20,014 --> 00:43:22,683
No!
You read for a living?
682
00:43:23,351 --> 00:43:26,144
Yes, that's it.
I read.
683
00:43:26,271 --> 00:43:27,813
That's so great.
684
00:43:28,147 --> 00:43:30,023
It's like someone asking, "What do you do
685
00:43:30,149 --> 00:43:31,984
"for a living?"
"Well, I breathe.
686
00:43:32,110 --> 00:43:35,195
"I'm a breather,
I get paid for breathing."
687
00:43:35,697 --> 00:43:39,324
How did you get that job?
Okay, smart-ass, what do you do?
688
00:43:40,368 --> 00:43:42,202
I am a lawyer.
689
00:43:42,537 --> 00:43:43,787
Sort of.
Sort of.
690
00:43:43,871 --> 00:43:45,539
That's sexy.
691
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:47,374
Is it?
692
00:43:47,500 --> 00:43:48,875
I mean, I think so.
693
00:43:49,794 --> 00:43:54,047
In a suit, in a court, saving people's lives.
Kinda sexy.
694
00:43:54,382 --> 00:43:56,422
I guess it is.
Although it's not as sexy as reading.
695
00:43:56,509 --> 00:43:59,886
Sitting there in an office,
in a little chair reading.
696
00:44:00,054 --> 00:44:01,471
Okay, stop.
697
00:44:01,556 --> 00:44:03,223
Just wait right there, mister, because
698
00:44:03,308 --> 00:44:05,892
a lot of books get submitted to my publisher.
699
00:44:06,060 --> 00:44:07,728
So it's an immense responsibility.
700
00:44:07,854 --> 00:44:09,479
I bet it is.
701
00:44:09,564 --> 00:44:11,565
But when you do normal reading,
702
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,360
is it ruined because it's your job?
You know, like prostitutes?
703
00:44:15,486 --> 00:44:17,612
I always worry that when
they stop being prostitutes
704
00:44:17,697 --> 00:44:19,097
that they can't enjoy sex any more.
705
00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:20,574
You always worry about that?
706
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:22,784
No, I sometimes worry about it.
Good. Okay.
707
00:44:22,869 --> 00:44:25,779
Because someone who always worried
about that would be a bit of a worry.
708
00:44:25,863 --> 00:44:28,531
When you read a newspaper,
do you think, "Forget this, it's work"?
709
00:44:28,715 --> 00:44:30,633
Have you interviewed a lot of prostitutes?
710
00:44:30,817 --> 00:44:32,735
When you read a menu, do you think,
711
00:44:32,919 --> 00:44:35,688
"No, I'm not reading this,
unless you pay me hard cash."
712
00:44:35,714 --> 00:44:39,025
How many prostitutes will you need to
talk to before this issue is solved?
713
00:44:39,093 --> 00:44:43,013
Are you planning to head to
Eastern Europe and Thailand?
714
00:44:57,195 --> 00:45:00,947
Would you like to walk me to my car?
715
00:45:01,074 --> 00:45:03,575
Yes. Why not?
Okay.
716
00:45:03,785 --> 00:45:05,744
Sounds like a good idea.
717
00:45:06,454 --> 00:45:07,704
What about you?
718
00:45:07,789 --> 00:45:10,874
Yeah, I have three older brothers.
719
00:45:11,084 --> 00:45:12,542
God.
Yeah.
720
00:45:12,627 --> 00:45:14,211
Where are they?
721
00:45:15,797 --> 00:45:17,381
Behind you.
722
00:45:26,766 --> 00:45:28,809
Did you have trouble parking?
723
00:45:30,728 --> 00:45:32,312
Pardon?
724
00:45:32,438 --> 00:45:33,980
It's just such a long way to your car.
725
00:45:34,148 --> 00:45:36,566
Well, my car's actually parked outside
726
00:45:36,692 --> 00:45:39,152
my house.
I got a lift to the party.
727
00:45:41,489 --> 00:45:42,489
Okay.
728
00:45:44,409 --> 00:45:46,410
That's good.
That's perfect.
729
00:45:46,828 --> 00:45:47,828
Okay.
730
00:45:52,583 --> 00:45:54,626
And here we are.
731
00:45:54,752 --> 00:45:56,670
My God.
Yeah.
732
00:45:56,796 --> 00:46:00,132
Car, house.
House, car.
733
00:46:02,468 --> 00:46:04,636
It makes perfect sense.
734
00:46:04,929 --> 00:46:06,596
It's very logical.
735
00:46:27,952 --> 00:46:28,952
Christ.
736
00:46:35,376 --> 00:46:36,543
Keys!
737
00:46:50,975 --> 00:46:54,978
I'm gonna go into the bedroom
and put on my new pyjamas.
738
00:46:55,354 --> 00:46:56,354
Right.
739
00:46:57,398 --> 00:47:00,692
And then in a minute you can
come in and take them off.
740
00:47:01,652 --> 00:47:03,403
If you want to.
741
00:47:13,581 --> 00:47:15,081
One minute.
742
00:47:20,004 --> 00:47:21,004
Hi.
743
00:47:24,592 --> 00:47:28,428
God. Are you... Are you okay?
Yeah.
744
00:47:30,765 --> 00:47:31,848
Sorry.
745
00:47:31,974 --> 00:47:33,058
That's okay.
746
00:47:56,958 --> 00:47:59,626
It's a front opener.
747
00:47:59,752 --> 00:48:01,336
It's a what?
748
00:48:01,462 --> 00:48:03,129
It opens from the front.
749
00:48:04,298 --> 00:48:06,424
Yeah, no, yeah, of course.
750
00:48:06,592 --> 00:48:08,134
Thanks.
Sure.
751
00:48:10,721 --> 00:48:12,305
Well done.
752
00:48:20,648 --> 00:48:22,983
I'm sure it'll be better next time.
753
00:48:24,485 --> 00:48:26,987
I thought it was pretty lovely.
754
00:48:27,738 --> 00:48:30,156
Right, no, it was really lovely.
755
00:48:32,493 --> 00:48:35,161
In fact, can you just give me one minute?
756
00:48:36,622 --> 00:48:37,622
Okay.
757
00:48:43,754 --> 00:48:44,754
Hi.
758
00:48:47,425 --> 00:48:48,675
Dangerous.
759
00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:55,098
You really know your bras.
760
00:48:56,017 --> 00:48:57,058
I like to think so.
761
00:49:02,523 --> 00:49:06,693
Well done. Some people make a
real mess of it the first time.
762
00:49:06,819 --> 00:49:08,278
Amateurs.
763
00:49:10,531 --> 00:49:12,699
Could you give me one second?
764
00:49:13,784 --> 00:49:14,784
Sure.
765
00:49:15,953 --> 00:49:17,203
I couldn't wait.
766
00:49:19,290 --> 00:49:21,458
My goodness.
767
00:49:26,380 --> 00:49:31,718
Best night of my entire life.
And now I've got a suspicion I'm gonna have
768
00:49:31,802 --> 00:49:34,638
the best sleep of my entire life.
769
00:49:36,307 --> 00:49:39,476
So once is enough for my perfect guy?
770
00:49:40,311 --> 00:49:42,979
I'm not sure that's entirely fair.
771
00:49:49,403 --> 00:49:50,987
We're late.
No, we're not.
772
00:49:52,490 --> 00:49:55,033
It'll be fine, it's only...
My God.
773
00:50:06,629 --> 00:50:07,629
Bye.
774
00:50:15,846 --> 00:50:17,126
Don't worry, you're coming with.
775
00:50:23,771 --> 00:50:25,105
I'm taking you home!
776
00:50:30,945 --> 00:50:32,696
Bye. Bye.
Bye.
777
00:50:34,532 --> 00:50:35,532
No!
778
00:51:21,537 --> 00:51:23,830
Okay.
I have some bad news.
779
00:51:24,540 --> 00:51:26,624
You're dying?
No, not that bad.
780
00:51:26,709 --> 00:51:28,501
I'm dying?
No.
781
00:51:28,669 --> 00:51:32,172
My parents are in town.
They're visiting and they're coming around.
782
00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:34,299
God. Parents?
American parents?
783
00:51:35,551 --> 00:51:37,010
When?
Now.
784
00:51:37,344 --> 00:51:39,137
They told me and I didn't tell you
785
00:51:39,472 --> 00:51:42,273
and I thought they'd cancel because
they normally do and they didn't.
786
00:51:42,357 --> 00:51:43,908
Now now?
Now now.
787
00:51:43,993 --> 00:51:45,633
So you should probably put on some pants.
788
00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:48,897
God.
Okay, okay.
789
00:51:48,981 --> 00:51:51,649
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
790
00:51:51,776 --> 00:51:53,193
Do they know I exist?
791
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:57,489
Yeah. I've mentioned something
like you, but nothing very specific.
792
00:51:57,573 --> 00:52:01,367
Yeah, they're quite conservative,
so maybe not those pants.
793
00:52:03,871 --> 00:52:05,538
Okay.
Yeah.
794
00:52:05,748 --> 00:52:08,708
God.
Okay.
795
00:52:10,878 --> 00:52:13,588
Could you just stall them.
Stall them.
796
00:52:16,675 --> 00:52:17,675
Come on up.
797
00:52:18,177 --> 00:52:20,720
What?
I'm sorry, they don't like waiting.
798
00:52:20,846 --> 00:52:22,555
Okay.
Do I live here?
799
00:52:22,681 --> 00:52:24,349
Definitely not.
800
00:52:24,892 --> 00:52:26,476
Are we having sex?
801
00:52:26,602 --> 00:52:28,228
Yeah.
But not oral.
802
00:52:28,395 --> 00:52:29,729
I wasn't gonna mention oral.
803
00:52:29,855 --> 00:52:32,607
Okay, good, don't.
How did you think that was gonna come up?
804
00:52:32,733 --> 00:52:34,173
Could you help me with this, please?
805
00:52:34,235 --> 00:52:37,403
I don't know.
If it does, just deny it completely.
806
00:52:37,571 --> 00:52:39,572
Who's gonna bring it up?
Your dad?
807
00:52:39,698 --> 00:52:42,408
"Tim, had any cunnilingus
with my daughter recently?"
808
00:52:42,535 --> 00:52:43,785
Well, you never know.
809
00:52:43,911 --> 00:52:45,203
Okay.
810
00:52:45,746 --> 00:52:47,831
Okay. Ready?
Yeah.
811
00:52:49,083 --> 00:52:51,084
They're there.
They are, yeah.
812
00:52:51,252 --> 00:52:52,919
Yeah, right behind you.
Okay. Right, okay.
813
00:52:56,257 --> 00:52:58,091
Dad!
Hello, sweet.
814
00:52:58,300 --> 00:53:00,385
Mom. Hi.
Hi, honey.
815
00:53:00,469 --> 00:53:02,929
This is Tim.
816
00:53:03,097 --> 00:53:05,139
Hello, sir.
Ma'am.
817
00:53:05,724 --> 00:53:08,601
Should we come back when you
haven't got any company, or...
818
00:53:09,770 --> 00:53:12,021
Well, that would be quite difficult
819
00:53:12,147 --> 00:53:14,440
because Tim actually lives here.
820
00:53:15,943 --> 00:53:18,278
Really?
With you?
821
00:53:18,612 --> 00:53:22,282
Yes.
Yeah, but no oral sex, I promise you.
822
00:53:24,118 --> 00:53:25,618
I beg your pardon?
823
00:53:26,579 --> 00:53:28,079
Excuse me.
824
00:53:29,456 --> 00:53:33,126
So, Tim, tell us where are you
from, which part of the country?
825
00:53:33,752 --> 00:53:36,337
He's from Cornwall.
Yeah, it's really pretty.
826
00:53:36,463 --> 00:53:40,133
It's that little bit right at the
end, sort of looks like a shoe.
827
00:53:40,801 --> 00:53:42,260
And you're a lawyer, is that right?
828
00:53:43,137 --> 00:53:45,263
Yep, that's right.
And he never loses.
829
00:53:45,347 --> 00:53:48,646
You don't think he's gonna win, then he
just pulls something out of the bag and,
830
00:53:48,684 --> 00:53:49,964
what do you know, he wins again.
831
00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:53,313
Do you ever answer any of your own questions?
832
00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:57,859
Yes, he does.
Usually he does,
833
00:53:57,985 --> 00:53:59,225
but not today because I'm doing
834
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:01,000
all the talking because I'm really nervous
835
00:54:01,280 --> 00:54:05,992
and I kinda love him and I just...
I want you to, too.
836
00:54:06,118 --> 00:54:07,660
Honey.
837
00:54:07,953 --> 00:54:10,455
Sorry. Tim.
Over to you.
838
00:54:10,956 --> 00:54:11,956
Shoot.
839
00:54:13,667 --> 00:54:14,792
Yeah, I think my dad...
840
00:54:14,919 --> 00:54:17,170
Can I just say one more thing?
841
00:54:17,713 --> 00:54:19,547
Thank God that's over.
842
00:54:19,673 --> 00:54:20,924
I got given two tickets
843
00:54:21,008 --> 00:54:23,259
for the National Theatre tomorrow.
Do you wanna come?
844
00:54:23,344 --> 00:54:27,347
No, so not.
I'm just gonna sleep all day.
845
00:54:27,806 --> 00:54:31,351
I don't see why going to the theatre
should get in the way of that.
846
00:54:31,477 --> 00:54:34,854
Many of the best sleeps of my life have
happened in the Royal Shakespeare Company.
847
00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:37,523
No, you take someone else.
848
00:54:37,691 --> 00:54:41,527
I really like bed and I really hate theatre.
849
00:54:41,987 --> 00:54:43,363
Quite right.
850
00:54:44,490 --> 00:54:48,159
But what kind of sad act is gonna
be free on a Saturday night
851
00:54:48,744 --> 00:54:50,787
with no day's notice?
852
00:54:52,039 --> 00:54:53,039
Bravo.
853
00:54:55,751 --> 00:54:58,211
My God, it's Charlotte.
Who?
854
00:54:58,712 --> 00:55:00,546
It was my first love.
Where?
855
00:55:00,714 --> 00:55:02,674
There.
Under the "exit" sign.
856
00:55:02,758 --> 00:55:04,425
- The old woman?
- No, not the old woman.
857
00:55:04,510 --> 00:55:05,760
The astonishing blonde.
858
00:55:05,844 --> 00:55:07,512
The one with the dark hair?
No, blonde.
859
00:55:07,596 --> 00:55:09,222
Blonde means blonde hair, doesn't it?
860
00:55:10,391 --> 00:55:11,933
Off the stage.
861
00:55:12,351 --> 00:55:14,602
Okay, you stay there.
I mean it, stay!
862
00:55:27,032 --> 00:55:28,032
Charlotte.
863
00:55:29,076 --> 00:55:31,077
My God.
Tim.
864
00:55:31,620 --> 00:55:34,122
How fabulous to see you.
865
00:55:35,124 --> 00:55:38,376
This is my girlfriend Tina.
866
00:55:38,460 --> 00:55:39,752
No.
867
00:55:41,463 --> 00:55:44,048
That is so brilliant.
Well, hello, Tina.
868
00:55:44,133 --> 00:55:45,758
Why is it brilliant?
869
00:55:45,884 --> 00:55:49,036
Well, you know. There are certain moments
in your life that scar you for life.
870
00:55:49,062 --> 00:55:52,064
Charlotte's rejection of me
was one of those moments,
871
00:55:52,132 --> 00:55:54,759
but now I know she's got a "girlfriend", well,
872
00:55:54,843 --> 00:55:57,328
that's just a huge burden
suddenly lifted off my mind.
873
00:55:57,412 --> 00:56:00,114
I can be a confident heterosexual all over again.
874
00:56:01,942 --> 00:56:04,569
Not that kind of girlfriend.
875
00:56:06,238 --> 00:56:07,238
What?
876
00:56:07,990 --> 00:56:09,615
You think I'm gay?
877
00:56:10,743 --> 00:56:11,743
No.
878
00:56:12,244 --> 00:56:15,913
No, of course not.
No, it's girl friend.
879
00:56:15,998 --> 00:56:17,915
Yes.
No.
880
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:21,461
Yeah, friend who is a girl,
which you so clearly are.
881
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:25,423
I'm just gonna go and get my
boyfriend, who is a boy...
882
00:56:31,597 --> 00:56:33,765
My God.
Tim.
883
00:56:34,308 --> 00:56:37,101
How lovely to see you.
Look at you.
884
00:56:37,186 --> 00:56:38,895
This is my girlfriend Tina.
885
00:56:40,606 --> 00:56:42,315
Hello, Tina.
Although you should be
886
00:56:42,441 --> 00:56:44,150
a little careful with that, by the way.
887
00:56:44,276 --> 00:56:47,320
There are still quite a lot of
us old fashioned types about
888
00:56:47,446 --> 00:56:49,655
who interpret "girlfriend" as meaning "gay".
889
00:56:49,782 --> 00:56:53,045
So if you say that Tina's your girlfriend,
people will assume that you're "gay".
890
00:56:53,994 --> 00:56:55,453
I am "gay".
891
00:56:56,455 --> 00:56:57,663
Are you?
892
00:56:57,831 --> 00:56:59,111
Do you have a problem with that?
893
00:56:59,833 --> 00:57:02,710
No, I don't.
I love that stuff.
894
00:57:03,504 --> 00:57:04,670
I'm just gonna...
895
00:57:08,675 --> 00:57:11,511
I've just seen the girl who broke
my heart three summers ago.
896
00:57:11,637 --> 00:57:13,513
Let's go say hello.
897
00:57:13,639 --> 00:57:15,515
No. Best let sleeping dogs lie.
Come on.
898
00:57:15,682 --> 00:57:18,059
Best night of my life.
I always love this area.
899
00:57:18,143 --> 00:57:20,520
It's so bustling and I mean
those pictures, full of colour.
900
00:57:20,687 --> 00:57:23,773
Just makes me so happy when
I'm round here, all the colour... Tim.
901
00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:25,191
Charlotte!
902
00:57:25,317 --> 00:57:26,692
Tim, how lovely to see you.
903
00:57:26,819 --> 00:57:28,319
What a surprise.
904
00:57:28,403 --> 00:57:31,364
Sorry.
This is my girlfriend, Tina.
905
00:57:31,532 --> 00:57:33,366
She's gay.
Shut up.
906
00:57:33,492 --> 00:57:34,700
Hello, Tina.
907
00:57:34,827 --> 00:57:36,035
Look at you!
908
00:57:36,161 --> 00:57:37,995
It just never even occurred to me
909
00:57:38,122 --> 00:57:39,914
you existed outside of Cornwall.
910
00:57:40,707 --> 00:57:42,875
We're about to go and get dinner,
911
00:57:43,001 --> 00:57:45,086
but it would be great to hang out sometime.
912
00:57:45,212 --> 00:57:47,046
Yeah, sure.
I'd love that.
913
00:57:47,214 --> 00:57:49,006
Send my love to little Kit Kat.
How is she?
914
00:57:49,550 --> 00:57:53,052
She's okay. She's not finding
London totally easy actually.
915
00:57:53,220 --> 00:57:55,388
Right.
Well, Jimmy says he sees her sometimes.
916
00:57:55,681 --> 00:57:57,098
Really?
Since when?
917
00:57:57,224 --> 00:57:59,267
You knew there was always something there.
918
00:57:59,393 --> 00:58:01,060
Sorry, you are?
919
00:58:01,228 --> 00:58:02,228
Very well, thank you.
920
00:58:02,396 --> 00:58:03,436
Well, she means your name.
921
00:58:03,564 --> 00:58:04,897
Roger.
No, it's not.
922
00:58:05,023 --> 00:58:07,358
No, it's not, it's Rory.
923
00:58:07,442 --> 00:58:09,360
Nice to meet you, Rory.
Yeah.
924
00:58:10,070 --> 00:58:11,779
Right.
Sorry, we should get going.
925
00:58:11,905 --> 00:58:13,239
It was really great to see you.
926
00:58:13,323 --> 00:58:14,740
I'll see you soon.
You, too. Yeah.
927
00:58:15,242 --> 00:58:16,242
Bye.
928
00:58:16,618 --> 00:58:18,452
God, she is beautiful.
929
00:58:19,913 --> 00:58:23,583
She's so beautiful, if you had sex
with her, you'd die. You'd just die.
930
00:58:23,709 --> 00:58:27,086
You'd open her shirt, see her breasts
and your eyes would explode.
931
00:58:27,212 --> 00:58:29,493
You'd have to have sex with her blind.
And then you'd die.
932
00:58:29,590 --> 00:58:32,133
You notice she didn't give me her number...
933
00:58:32,259 --> 00:58:36,137
I told Tina to go have dinner on her own.
Are you hungry?
934
00:58:36,263 --> 00:58:38,764
Yeah. Of course.
Great.
935
00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:40,766
Bye, Roger.
936
00:58:41,059 --> 00:58:42,727
Yeah, excellent.
937
00:58:43,103 --> 00:58:45,593
Thanks again for the play. Triumph.
Where do you wanna go?
938
00:58:45,814 --> 00:58:48,232
Well, wherever you like really.
939
00:58:48,317 --> 00:58:50,776
I can't compete.
940
00:59:02,247 --> 00:59:03,331
You know,
941
00:59:03,665 --> 00:59:07,627
I'm starting to think we slightly
wasted that summer holiday.
942
00:59:08,462 --> 00:59:11,172
If we could travel back in time,
943
00:59:11,298 --> 00:59:13,841
maybe I wouldn't have said no.
944
00:59:15,761 --> 00:59:16,761
I'm...
945
00:59:17,638 --> 00:59:19,639
I'm just staying round the corner.
946
00:59:19,765 --> 00:59:21,307
Can you walk me home?
947
00:59:22,935 --> 00:59:23,935
Yeah.
948
00:59:24,519 --> 00:59:26,354
Yeah?
Yeah, of course, yeah.
949
00:59:36,323 --> 00:59:38,783
Well, here we are.
950
00:59:44,164 --> 00:59:45,998
It's a lot nicer
951
00:59:46,416 --> 00:59:47,583
inside.
952
00:59:48,293 --> 00:59:49,835
I'm sure it is.
953
00:59:57,010 --> 00:59:59,011
So... So...
954
01:00:00,180 --> 01:00:01,180
So...
955
01:00:03,350 --> 01:00:04,350
So,
956
01:00:04,768 --> 01:00:06,102
lovely
957
01:00:07,437 --> 01:00:09,355
to see you, Charlotte.
958
01:00:09,481 --> 01:00:13,192
What a night.
Total joy, but I've gotta
959
01:00:14,194 --> 01:00:15,695
get back
960
01:00:16,530 --> 01:00:19,865
because there's something very important
that I have to do. Right now.
961
01:00:53,066 --> 01:00:56,360
Wake up. Wake up.
What?
962
01:00:56,528 --> 01:00:57,528
Mary.
963
01:00:58,905 --> 01:01:00,656
Would you like to marry me?
964
01:01:02,242 --> 01:01:06,245
Don't be so selfish, I'm sleeping.
It's bad.
965
01:01:08,373 --> 01:01:09,373
Right.
966
01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:12,168
That went very well.
967
01:01:19,676 --> 01:01:20,926
Wake up.
968
01:01:21,094 --> 01:01:22,094
What?
969
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:25,681
Wake up.
Come and have a chat.
970
01:01:25,766 --> 01:01:26,766
Why?
971
01:01:27,934 --> 01:01:30,353
I've got something important to ask you.
972
01:01:33,190 --> 01:01:35,274
Can't it wait till morning?
973
01:01:35,609 --> 01:01:37,234
Not really.
974
01:01:38,195 --> 01:01:41,197
But I'm so comfy.
975
01:01:41,698 --> 01:01:44,367
I was having the loveliest dream.
976
01:01:45,118 --> 01:01:46,744
What is it?
977
01:01:47,454 --> 01:01:49,955
Why is there music on?
978
01:01:50,415 --> 01:01:53,125
It's got something to do
with what I want to ask you.
979
01:01:54,795 --> 01:01:56,629
Wait a minute.
980
01:01:57,464 --> 01:01:59,423
Romantic music.
981
01:02:00,801 --> 01:02:03,302
Guy with important question.
982
01:02:03,470 --> 01:02:05,096
Are you on your knees?
983
01:02:05,597 --> 01:02:07,598
On his knees.
984
01:02:09,476 --> 01:02:12,269
Were you so bored in the play you decided
985
01:02:12,396 --> 01:02:15,147
to ask me to marry you afterwards?
986
01:02:17,442 --> 01:02:19,110
Something like that.
987
01:02:22,406 --> 01:02:24,407
Yeah.
Exactly that.
988
01:02:25,784 --> 01:02:27,118
In fact,
989
01:02:30,163 --> 01:02:31,997
will you marry me?
990
01:02:38,505 --> 01:02:40,506
Any thoughts on the answer?
991
01:02:41,133 --> 01:02:45,136
"Yes?", "No?", "Get out of my life,
loser.", they're all possible.
992
01:02:48,682 --> 01:02:51,350
I think I'll go for
993
01:02:53,019 --> 01:02:54,019
"yes."
994
01:02:59,818 --> 01:03:01,986
Thank you for asking me.
995
01:03:02,529 --> 01:03:07,158
And thank you for not going for one
of those melodramatic proposals
996
01:03:07,284 --> 01:03:09,660
with lots of people around.
997
01:03:10,203 --> 01:03:12,121
I hate other people.
998
01:03:12,539 --> 01:03:13,831
Me, too.
999
01:03:14,541 --> 01:03:15,541
Yeah.
1000
01:03:17,169 --> 01:03:19,378
I'm just gonna turn off the radio.
1001
01:03:19,838 --> 01:03:22,047
Okay.
Good idea.
1002
01:03:29,723 --> 01:03:32,892
Thanks, guys.
Sorry, she's a bit tired.
1003
01:03:33,727 --> 01:03:37,813
But we really appreciate it.
Can you go?
1004
01:03:48,575 --> 01:03:50,576
That's so beautiful.
1005
01:03:50,702 --> 01:03:53,329
I don't think we'll be staying
in the same room, somehow.
1006
01:03:53,413 --> 01:03:54,663
Really?
1007
01:03:54,748 --> 01:03:57,750
If they offer you tea, just say no.
1008
01:03:58,543 --> 01:03:59,919
Hello.
1009
01:04:00,045 --> 01:04:01,420
Mum, this is Mary.
1010
01:04:01,546 --> 01:04:02,880
Mary!
Hi.
1011
01:04:03,006 --> 01:04:04,590
Good Lord, you're pretty.
1012
01:04:04,758 --> 01:04:06,342
No, it's just
1013
01:04:06,760 --> 01:04:09,261
I've got a lot of mascara and lipstick on.
1014
01:04:09,387 --> 01:04:10,763
Let's have a look.
1015
01:04:10,889 --> 01:04:13,432
Yes.
Good.
1016
01:04:13,892 --> 01:04:17,353
It's very bad for a girl to be too pretty.
1017
01:04:17,437 --> 01:04:21,607
It stops her developing a sense of humour.
Or a personality.
1018
01:04:22,359 --> 01:04:23,359
Tea?
1019
01:04:23,777 --> 01:04:25,319
I'd love a cup of tea.
1020
01:04:25,445 --> 01:04:27,029
Christ, that's the whole day gone.
1021
01:04:27,739 --> 01:04:30,783
She's a very special guest.
Cup without the crack.
1022
01:04:30,909 --> 01:04:32,159
Skipping stones.
1023
01:04:32,244 --> 01:04:34,954
They've been doing this since
he was about this high.
1024
01:04:35,288 --> 01:04:38,749
And what are your faults?
I mean, little weaknesses.
1025
01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:47,550
Well, I'm very insecure.
1026
01:04:47,801 --> 01:04:49,093
Sweet.
1027
01:04:50,053 --> 01:04:54,098
Okay.
I've a very bad temper sometimes.
1028
01:04:54,224 --> 01:04:55,891
Crucial.
How else are you gonna
1029
01:04:56,017 --> 01:04:57,726
get a fella to do what you want?
1030
01:05:00,146 --> 01:05:02,314
And, of course, I have...
1031
01:05:02,732 --> 01:05:04,108
I have a weakness for your son.
1032
01:05:04,234 --> 01:05:05,609
So do I.
1033
01:05:05,986 --> 01:05:09,655
But best not to tell him.
Don't want him getting cocky.
1034
01:05:13,660 --> 01:05:14,743
Pow!
1035
01:05:14,828 --> 01:05:17,162
I'm so good without the ball.
1036
01:05:18,999 --> 01:05:20,416
What do you think of her?
1037
01:05:20,500 --> 01:05:22,126
I like her more than you already.
1038
01:05:24,462 --> 01:05:28,507
Look, I'd forgotten this.
Jimmy Fontana Il Mondo.
1039
01:05:28,633 --> 01:05:30,593
Greatest record ever recorded by an Italian
1040
01:05:30,677 --> 01:05:32,775
who looks like he's got a dead badger on his head.
1041
01:05:32,814 --> 01:05:33,842
And you've got the album.
1042
01:05:33,930 --> 01:05:35,139
Yes!
1043
01:05:35,265 --> 01:05:36,849
Check out those specs!
1044
01:05:39,352 --> 01:05:42,521
Come on, on with the game!
Right.
1045
01:05:42,856 --> 01:05:44,773
And what an extraordinary game this is.
1046
01:05:44,899 --> 01:05:46,817
For the first time a father and son
1047
01:05:46,943 --> 01:05:48,694
are playing each other in the World Table
1048
01:05:48,862 --> 01:05:50,663
Tennis Final and neither of them are Chinese.
1049
01:05:50,697 --> 01:05:53,282
Tremendous play from the old
World Champion and his son,
1050
01:05:53,366 --> 01:05:56,035
the first openly ginger
British table tennis player
1051
01:05:56,202 --> 01:05:58,390
but there are signs the
youngster's beginning to crack.
1052
01:05:58,429 --> 01:06:00,648
There are tears in his eyes.
There are not!
1053
01:06:00,874 --> 01:06:02,333
There soon will be!
1054
01:06:06,880 --> 01:06:07,880
Hey.
1055
01:06:09,299 --> 01:06:11,175
Hey!
I didn't know you were here.
1056
01:06:11,843 --> 01:06:14,303
Yeah.
I just popped down for a while.
1057
01:06:14,387 --> 01:06:15,554
Okay.
1058
01:06:15,889 --> 01:06:17,139
What about the job?
1059
01:06:19,142 --> 01:06:20,476
So how long have you been here?
1060
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:22,353
Couple of weeks.
1061
01:06:22,479 --> 01:06:24,730
Gosh!
So, life in London...
1062
01:06:25,565 --> 01:06:26,732
Horrid.
1063
01:06:26,900 --> 01:06:27,900
Okay.
1064
01:06:29,653 --> 01:06:31,153
Is Mary here?
1065
01:06:31,237 --> 01:06:32,404
Yes.
1066
01:06:32,572 --> 01:06:34,073
Where?
Downstairs.
1067
01:06:35,241 --> 01:06:37,242
You be gentle.
1068
01:06:38,244 --> 01:06:39,745
Be gentle!
1069
01:06:44,042 --> 01:06:45,376
Careful!
1070
01:06:46,252 --> 01:06:50,547
Yeah, nice to see you, too.
I'm trying to make a good impression...
1071
01:06:50,674 --> 01:06:52,634
Yeah, you make a good impression.
1072
01:06:53,510 --> 01:06:55,260
Right, sorry.
Sorry.
1073
01:06:55,387 --> 01:06:57,930
I've got an important announcement to make.
1074
01:06:58,056 --> 01:06:59,765
Exciting.
1075
01:07:00,934 --> 01:07:03,477
We've decided, after a little
bit of thought, to get married.
1076
01:07:06,731 --> 01:07:09,108
That's wonderful news.
1077
01:07:09,275 --> 01:07:10,901
Who are you getting married to?
1078
01:07:11,945 --> 01:07:13,904
To Mary.
Over there.
1079
01:07:14,030 --> 01:07:16,031
Thank God for that.
1080
01:07:16,241 --> 01:07:19,243
Jolly embarrassing if it had
been another girl. Imagine that.
1081
01:07:19,744 --> 01:07:21,453
We're so pleased.
1082
01:07:21,955 --> 01:07:23,580
No, sorry.
Yeah.
1083
01:07:23,707 --> 01:07:26,792
By the way, the wedding will be quite soon
1084
01:07:27,794 --> 01:07:29,712
because we're having a baby, too.
1085
01:07:37,303 --> 01:07:38,470
You're pregnant?
1086
01:07:38,596 --> 01:07:39,763
Yes.
1087
01:07:40,056 --> 01:07:41,473
Who's the father?
1088
01:07:42,100 --> 01:07:43,809
Well, Tim, I hope.
1089
01:07:44,227 --> 01:07:48,230
Thank God for that.
Jolly awkward if it had been another fellow.
1090
01:07:51,985 --> 01:07:53,485
We have to decide tonight.
1091
01:07:53,611 --> 01:07:55,320
What?
Everything.
1092
01:07:55,572 --> 01:07:58,157
The only thing you've decided about our
1093
01:07:58,241 --> 01:08:00,159
wedding is that I'm coming down the aisle
1094
01:08:00,243 --> 01:08:02,453
to the sound of some Italian weirdo
1095
01:08:02,579 --> 01:08:04,747
singing a song called Il Mondo.
1096
01:08:04,831 --> 01:08:05,748
Excellent song.
1097
01:08:05,832 --> 01:08:08,083
To which I've said a definitive "no".
1098
01:08:08,168 --> 01:08:09,835
So here's the deal.
1099
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:13,505
I will take off one item of clothing
for every decision you make.
1100
01:08:14,674 --> 01:08:17,676
Okay.
You have my attention, young lady.
1101
01:08:17,969 --> 01:08:19,303
Right...
1102
01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:22,055
where would you like to get married?
1103
01:08:23,516 --> 01:08:25,976
Home.
I'd hate anywhere else.
1104
01:08:26,102 --> 01:08:27,102
Okay.
1105
01:08:27,812 --> 01:08:29,646
My God.
Good.
1106
01:08:29,773 --> 01:08:31,106
Who should the priest be?
1107
01:08:31,191 --> 01:08:32,691
It'll have to be the local bloke
1108
01:08:32,817 --> 01:08:34,497
with yellow teeth and the massive unibrow.
1109
01:08:34,694 --> 01:08:35,694
Okay.
1110
01:08:36,196 --> 01:08:38,822
That's a lock for Hagrid.
1111
01:08:41,701 --> 01:08:42,785
Best Man?
1112
01:08:42,911 --> 01:08:43,994
Damn.
1113
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,788
Best Man.
Now.
1114
01:08:45,914 --> 01:08:48,561
No, this is so hard. It's lose-lose
you know. You piss off all the
1115
01:08:48,600 --> 01:08:51,067
ones you don't pick, and you end
up hating the one you do pick
1116
01:08:51,235 --> 01:08:53,278
because he makes a bad speech and ruins the day.
1117
01:08:53,362 --> 01:08:54,905
Do you wanna see these puppies or not?
1118
01:08:54,931 --> 01:08:56,473
Yes, I do.
1119
01:08:56,966 --> 01:08:58,684
Jay, it's your choice.
1120
01:08:59,010 --> 01:09:00,530
He's my best friend, but he's a moron.
1121
01:09:00,553 --> 01:09:01,970
Yeah, he will mess up everything.
1122
01:09:02,055 --> 01:09:03,388
Rory.
Sure?
1123
01:09:03,515 --> 01:09:04,848
No, Harry.
1124
01:09:04,974 --> 01:09:06,308
Harry it is.
Let's do this.
1125
01:09:08,394 --> 01:09:09,853
Rory.
Sorry.
1126
01:09:09,979 --> 01:09:11,396
What?
That's such a cheat.
1127
01:09:12,899 --> 01:09:14,024
Okay, fine.
1128
01:09:14,150 --> 01:09:15,526
Honeymoon?
1129
01:09:15,985 --> 01:09:17,653
Bed and breakfast in Scotland.
1130
01:09:17,737 --> 01:09:20,197
I am not taking my pants off for Scotland.
1131
01:09:20,323 --> 01:09:22,825
But it's all we can afford.
Take off your pants.
1132
01:09:22,909 --> 01:09:24,034
I will not.
1133
01:09:24,160 --> 01:09:25,244
Take off your pants!
1134
01:09:25,411 --> 01:09:27,704
I want two weeks in Bali!
1135
01:09:27,831 --> 01:09:29,164
Take off those pants!
1136
01:09:36,214 --> 01:09:38,048
Have you planned a break?
No.
1137
01:09:47,934 --> 01:09:51,684
No! Is that you?
It wasn't me.
1138
01:10:11,749 --> 01:10:13,292
It's for you.
1139
01:10:47,201 --> 01:10:49,119
No, I'm caught!
I've got it. I've got it!
1140
01:10:49,537 --> 01:10:50,662
Help me!
1141
01:10:55,501 --> 01:10:56,793
Yes!
1142
01:11:00,381 --> 01:11:01,924
Right, follow me!
1143
01:11:04,344 --> 01:11:05,844
My gosh!
1144
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:09,181
My God!
1145
01:11:11,976 --> 01:11:12,976
God!
1146
01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:21,234
It's a joke!
1147
01:11:24,864 --> 01:11:25,864
Here.
1148
01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,496
Yes, come on.
1149
01:11:32,830 --> 01:11:34,039
This way.
1150
01:11:49,180 --> 01:11:50,889
My God!
1151
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:18,333
Hello,
1152
01:12:18,668 --> 01:12:20,168
I'm Rory.
1153
01:12:21,212 --> 01:12:25,716
When Tim asked me to be his
Best Man, I was terrified.
1154
01:12:25,842 --> 01:12:28,552
So I thought best thing is to find
1155
01:12:28,678 --> 01:12:31,388
a book about speeches.
And here it is.
1156
01:12:32,181 --> 01:12:35,934
And it says think of really funny anecdotes.
1157
01:12:36,853 --> 01:12:41,815
And there is a very hilarious
story, actually from work.
1158
01:12:42,525 --> 01:12:45,485
It was quite a complicated
case based on an issue of
1159
01:12:45,611 --> 01:12:47,446
cross-amortisation
of ownership of
1160
01:12:47,530 --> 01:12:49,114
post-divorce properties and...
1161
01:12:51,242 --> 01:12:54,077
Let me just explain the context.
The Defendant...
1162
01:12:57,874 --> 01:13:00,125
When Tim asked me to do his Best Man speech,
1163
01:13:00,251 --> 01:13:02,502
my immediate reaction was,
1164
01:13:02,628 --> 01:13:04,548
"How much are you gonna pay me, you little shit?
1165
01:13:04,630 --> 01:13:06,923
"I don't write
for free, you know."
1166
01:13:07,008 --> 01:13:10,135
These were the girls available
to him at that time.
1167
01:13:10,261 --> 01:13:13,513
"Hello, girls." And this is how
far he got with each of them.
1168
01:13:13,639 --> 01:13:16,725
Let me explain the code.
5, blow job.
1169
01:13:19,437 --> 01:13:23,648
8, full penetrative...
and so a toast
1170
01:13:23,775 --> 01:13:25,734
to the man with the worst haircut
1171
01:13:25,860 --> 01:13:27,819
but the best bride in the room.
1172
01:13:28,279 --> 01:13:30,030
Ladies and gentlemen, Tim and Mary.
1173
01:13:30,156 --> 01:13:32,157
Tim and Mary.
1174
01:13:32,950 --> 01:13:34,034
That's us.
1175
01:13:34,994 --> 01:13:36,953
I wish I'd said "I love you".
1176
01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:38,747
You did, Dad.
1177
01:13:39,165 --> 01:13:40,415
It was implied.
1178
01:13:40,541 --> 01:13:44,628
I'm not sure "implied" is good
enough for a wedding day, are you?
1179
01:13:44,754 --> 01:13:46,922
No, don't do it, it's fine.
1180
01:13:47,048 --> 01:13:50,884
I'm so happy with it as it was.
You really don't have to.
1181
01:13:51,010 --> 01:13:53,303
I'll do what I wanna do, young man.
1182
01:13:53,429 --> 01:13:55,680
Will you excuse me for just one moment?
1183
01:13:57,600 --> 01:14:00,519
Later on I may tell you about
1184
01:14:00,645 --> 01:14:05,023
Tim's many failings as a man
and as a table tennis player.
1185
01:14:05,149 --> 01:14:06,149
But,
1186
01:14:06,442 --> 01:14:08,777
important first to say the one
1187
01:14:10,571 --> 01:14:13,281
big thing, I've only loved
1188
01:14:13,407 --> 01:14:16,743
three men in my life.
1189
01:14:17,203 --> 01:14:19,246
My dad was a frosty bugger so that
1190
01:14:19,372 --> 01:14:21,414
only leaves dear Uncle Desmond,
1191
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:27,712
B.B. King, obviously,
and this young man here.
1192
01:14:28,422 --> 01:14:32,759
I'd only give one piece of
advice to anyone marrying.
1193
01:14:33,469 --> 01:14:36,304
We're all quite similar in the end.
1194
01:14:36,430 --> 01:14:40,058
We all get old and tell the
same tales too many times.
1195
01:14:40,143 --> 01:14:43,478
But try and marry someone
1196
01:14:44,897 --> 01:14:45,897
kind.
1197
01:14:46,649 --> 01:14:48,984
And this is a kind man
1198
01:14:49,652 --> 01:14:51,403
with a good heart.
1199
01:14:51,779 --> 01:14:54,656
I'm not particularly proud
1200
01:14:54,782 --> 01:14:58,410
of many things in my life, but I am very proud
1201
01:15:00,079 --> 01:15:02,080
to be the father of my son.
1202
01:15:05,585 --> 01:15:09,921
I'm so sorry to disturb you, but I
wonder if I could have your autograph.
1203
01:15:10,006 --> 01:15:12,048
No.
No.
1204
01:15:12,633 --> 01:15:13,954
I'm at a wedding, for God's sake.
1205
01:15:13,968 --> 01:15:16,303
I'm here to celebrate true love not
1206
01:15:16,429 --> 01:15:18,805
scribble my illegible signature on stupid
1207
01:15:18,931 --> 01:15:21,308
bits of paper that you can flog on eBay
1208
01:15:21,434 --> 01:15:24,603
so that at the next wedding you
can wear a less hideous hat.
1209
01:15:24,770 --> 01:15:27,105
I see you've met my Aunt May.
1210
01:15:27,190 --> 01:15:30,984
God.
People should wear name tags.
1211
01:15:32,111 --> 01:15:34,196
You next, Kittie Kattie.
1212
01:15:35,448 --> 01:15:37,449
I don't know, Uncle D.
1213
01:15:39,285 --> 01:15:41,161
Boys aren't very nice.
1214
01:15:41,704 --> 01:15:43,288
Aren't they, darling?
1215
01:15:43,789 --> 01:15:45,665
Not in my experience.
1216
01:15:46,792 --> 01:15:48,793
They're always taking liberties,
1217
01:15:48,961 --> 01:15:51,004
not giving much back in return.
1218
01:15:54,842 --> 01:15:56,384
It's yummy.
Yeah?
1219
01:15:56,510 --> 01:15:58,637
I like the way you say 'yummy.'
1220
01:16:06,479 --> 01:16:09,648
Do you wish we'd picked another less wet day?
1221
01:16:09,732 --> 01:16:10,732
No.
1222
01:16:11,817 --> 01:16:13,693
Not for the world.
1223
01:16:18,866 --> 01:16:21,201
And so it begins.
1224
01:16:21,661 --> 01:16:24,579
Lots and lots of types of days.
1225
01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:26,498
Fun!
1226
01:16:33,005 --> 01:16:34,005
Posy.
1227
01:16:35,633 --> 01:16:37,342
Posy she is.
1228
01:16:37,969 --> 01:16:40,178
The most beautiful girl in the world.
1229
01:16:43,557 --> 01:16:47,560
You want your daddy.
Yes, I know.
1230
01:16:50,856 --> 01:16:51,856
Yeah.
1231
01:16:54,902 --> 01:16:56,282
No one can ever prepare you for
1232
01:16:56,320 --> 01:16:58,530
what happens when you have a child.
1233
01:16:58,698 --> 01:17:00,282
When you see the baby in your arms
1234
01:17:00,366 --> 01:17:02,993
and you know that it's your job now.
1235
01:17:03,911 --> 01:17:07,747
No one can prepare you for the love and the fear.
1236
01:17:09,375 --> 01:17:11,334
She's lovely.
1237
01:17:12,378 --> 01:17:14,379
You were such an ugly baby.
1238
01:17:14,714 --> 01:17:16,381
More chimpanzee than child.
1239
01:17:17,049 --> 01:17:18,550
I remember the first time I saw you,
1240
01:17:18,634 --> 01:17:21,553
I thanked God we were in driving
distance of London Zoo.
1241
01:17:22,763 --> 01:17:24,264
Come on, hand over the little bugger,
1242
01:17:24,348 --> 01:17:25,849
let's see if she bounces.
1243
01:17:25,933 --> 01:17:27,726
Yeah, she definitely will bounce.
1244
01:17:27,893 --> 01:17:29,019
Look.
1245
01:17:29,145 --> 01:17:30,270
She can do anything.
1246
01:17:30,396 --> 01:17:32,355
Look.
Hello.
1247
01:17:34,567 --> 01:17:36,026
Sweetheart.
1248
01:17:37,069 --> 01:17:38,778
No one can prepare you for the love
1249
01:17:38,904 --> 01:17:40,697
people you love can feel for them.
1250
01:17:42,908 --> 01:17:44,326
And nothing can prepare you for
1251
01:17:44,410 --> 01:17:46,410
the indifference of friends who don't have babies.
1252
01:17:46,454 --> 01:17:48,246
Do you wanna go to Uncle Jay?
1253
01:17:48,414 --> 01:17:50,248
No, thanks, it's fine.
It's great.
1254
01:17:50,583 --> 01:17:52,792
And it's a shock how quickly you have to move
1255
01:17:52,877 --> 01:17:55,712
to a new place you completely can't afford.
1256
01:17:56,297 --> 01:17:57,756
Look what we found.
1257
01:17:57,882 --> 01:17:59,299
Look who it is!
1258
01:17:59,884 --> 01:18:00,967
Honey!
1259
01:18:01,093 --> 01:18:02,218
Sorry.
1260
01:18:04,930 --> 01:18:08,600
Suddenly, time travel seems almost unnecessary,
1261
01:18:08,726 --> 01:18:10,769
because every detail of life is so delightful.
1262
01:18:18,277 --> 01:18:19,736
What's his name?
1263
01:18:19,820 --> 01:18:20,945
Horace, I think.
1264
01:18:21,113 --> 01:18:22,238
Of course it is.
1265
01:18:22,323 --> 01:18:24,532
Only one important thing
for a godfather, I'm told,
1266
01:18:24,617 --> 01:18:26,951
never bring a present smaller than the child.
1267
01:18:27,119 --> 01:18:29,454
Shut up, you smug bastard.
1268
01:18:29,580 --> 01:18:31,456
Don't worry, I didn't bring anything at all.
1269
01:18:31,624 --> 01:18:33,500
She'll never know.
Hasn't got a brain yet.
1270
01:18:33,626 --> 01:18:35,627
I didn't expect to see you here, Harry.
1271
01:18:35,795 --> 01:18:37,796
Children's party's not exactly your style.
1272
01:18:37,963 --> 01:18:41,132
No, Mary, I was tricked.
I was told there would be free booze.
1273
01:18:43,010 --> 01:18:45,136
I hate kids, as you know.
1274
01:18:45,304 --> 01:18:46,930
Where's Kit Kat, by the way?
1275
01:18:47,264 --> 01:18:50,266
I don't know, she said
she'd be here around 3:00.
1276
01:18:50,351 --> 01:18:53,686
And you know we got purple
cupcakes for her especially.
1277
01:18:53,771 --> 01:18:55,480
Here she is!
1278
01:18:55,648 --> 01:18:57,128
Speak of the devil, that will be her.
1279
01:18:58,818 --> 01:19:01,319
We'll wait till Aunty Kit Kat gets here.
1280
01:19:02,321 --> 01:19:03,822
Hey.
Jimmy.
1281
01:19:03,989 --> 01:19:05,490
Where's my sister?
1282
01:19:06,826 --> 01:19:07,826
Thought she was here.
1283
01:19:07,952 --> 01:19:08,993
No, she hasn't arrived.
1284
01:19:10,871 --> 01:19:12,414
That's not good.
1285
01:19:12,915 --> 01:19:14,582
What does that mean?
1286
01:19:14,708 --> 01:19:18,211
We had an argument this morning.
1287
01:19:18,337 --> 01:19:20,588
Over nothing, but she'd been drinking, so...
1288
01:19:21,507 --> 01:19:25,051
And then she ran out to get
the car to come here and
1289
01:19:25,177 --> 01:19:27,554
I told her to meet me here so...
1290
01:19:27,930 --> 01:19:31,349
There's a song by Baz Luhrmann
called Sunscreen.
1291
01:19:31,517 --> 01:19:33,685
He says worrying about the future
1292
01:19:33,769 --> 01:19:35,130
is as effective as trying to solve
1293
01:19:35,187 --> 01:19:38,022
an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.
1294
01:19:38,691 --> 01:19:40,775
The real troubles in your life
1295
01:19:40,901 --> 01:19:44,696
will always be things that never
crossed your worried mind.
1296
01:19:58,252 --> 01:19:59,419
What happened?
1297
01:20:01,213 --> 01:20:02,881
We had a fight.
1298
01:20:03,382 --> 01:20:04,382
And,
1299
01:20:05,718 --> 01:20:08,219
maybe I wasn't completely sober.
1300
01:20:10,055 --> 01:20:11,931
How is she?
Not good.
1301
01:20:12,224 --> 01:20:14,392
When did she leave you?
From where?
1302
01:20:14,560 --> 01:20:16,769
I want it exact.
Exact time. Exact address.
1303
01:20:26,572 --> 01:20:29,115
Here we are.
Sorry, sorry.
1304
01:20:29,408 --> 01:20:30,658
Come on.
1305
01:20:31,660 --> 01:20:33,244
God.
1306
01:20:33,579 --> 01:20:35,580
Hi.
There she is.
1307
01:20:35,915 --> 01:20:37,916
Does a small baby live here?
1308
01:20:38,083 --> 01:20:42,253
Yes, and she's so excited.
She's downstairs.
1309
01:20:42,838 --> 01:20:44,923
Happy birthday, Posy.
1310
01:20:47,134 --> 01:20:49,677
I'm sorry.
I had to pick up Kit Kat.
1311
01:20:49,803 --> 01:20:51,596
I thought she was gonna drive herself.
1312
01:20:51,722 --> 01:20:53,515
Turns out she couldn't.
1313
01:20:54,767 --> 01:20:56,893
She okay?
Later.
1314
01:20:59,230 --> 01:21:01,189
I'm worried about Kit Kat.
1315
01:21:03,192 --> 01:21:05,193
Yeah.
I know.
1316
01:21:05,861 --> 01:21:08,863
She was drinking wine while we were drinking tea.
1317
01:21:09,490 --> 01:21:11,908
And Jimmy wasn't nice to her.
1318
01:21:12,034 --> 01:21:15,119
And she spurned the purple cupcakes.
1319
01:21:15,913 --> 01:21:18,248
We have to do something to fix it.
1320
01:21:20,417 --> 01:21:21,417
Yeah.
1321
01:21:22,419 --> 01:21:24,087
But, you know,
1322
01:21:24,797 --> 01:21:29,050
if it's gonna be fixed, I think she
probably has to do it herself.
1323
01:21:30,469 --> 01:21:31,469
Maybe.
1324
01:21:32,513 --> 01:21:34,013
Maybe not.
1325
01:21:37,977 --> 01:21:40,228
My darling.
What's happened?
1326
01:21:40,563 --> 01:21:42,897
You're the best person in the world.
1327
01:21:43,023 --> 01:21:45,316
You're top equal with my wife.
I don't get it.
1328
01:21:47,027 --> 01:21:48,987
Maybe, just maybe,
1329
01:21:50,114 --> 01:21:51,864
I'm the faller.
1330
01:21:52,741 --> 01:21:56,494
Every family has, like, someone who falls,
1331
01:21:56,829 --> 01:21:59,789
who doesn't make the grade, who stumbles,
1332
01:21:59,915 --> 01:22:01,916
who life trips up.
1333
01:22:02,459 --> 01:22:04,544
Maybe I'm our faller.
1334
01:22:05,671 --> 01:22:08,881
No.
1335
01:22:15,973 --> 01:22:18,975
Okay.
I'm gonna tell you a secret.
1336
01:22:19,101 --> 01:22:21,352
And you have to promise to keep it.
1337
01:22:21,645 --> 01:22:23,021
We've always kept secrets.
1338
01:22:23,147 --> 01:22:24,522
We have?
1339
01:22:24,940 --> 01:22:27,609
You promise you won't ever, ever, ever,
1340
01:22:27,776 --> 01:22:30,028
ever, ever, ever, ever,
1341
01:22:30,654 --> 01:22:33,323
ever, ever, ever, ever tell?
1342
01:22:33,616 --> 01:22:34,616
Yes.
1343
01:22:40,331 --> 01:22:42,749
I can travel in time.
1344
01:22:45,836 --> 01:22:48,129
Why are we standing in the
cupboard under the stairs?
1345
01:22:48,255 --> 01:22:51,762
Because we're gonna go back in time and
you're gonna do some things differently.
1346
01:22:51,800 --> 01:22:53,676
I love it when you're funny.
1347
01:22:53,802 --> 01:22:56,054
Grab my hand.
Close your eyes.
1348
01:23:13,072 --> 01:23:16,491
My God!
My God!
1349
01:23:17,201 --> 01:23:21,037
My arsing God in a box.
1350
01:23:25,959 --> 01:23:27,001
You're kidding?
1351
01:23:27,086 --> 01:23:30,797
I can go anywhere in time and you bring
me back to the worst party of all time.
1352
01:23:30,923 --> 01:23:33,007
'Fraid so.
Let's go.
1353
01:23:35,928 --> 01:23:36,969
We've got work to do.
1354
01:23:37,096 --> 01:23:38,179
What work?
1355
01:23:38,305 --> 01:23:41,307
Making sure you do not meet Jimmy Kincade.
1356
01:23:41,433 --> 01:23:42,850
Quick, in here.
1357
01:23:44,770 --> 01:23:46,354
But he's about to fall in love with me!
1358
01:23:46,480 --> 01:23:48,106
Not this time he isn't.
1359
01:23:57,866 --> 01:24:01,202
Who's the pretty looking girl?
It's Jennifer, isn't it?
1360
01:24:01,328 --> 01:24:02,495
Yeah.
1361
01:24:02,621 --> 01:24:03,830
Wild!
1362
01:24:03,956 --> 01:24:05,289
I like your skirt, Jennifer.
1363
01:24:05,416 --> 01:24:06,749
Thank you.
1364
01:24:06,875 --> 01:24:09,335
Right, I get it.
1365
01:24:09,461 --> 01:24:13,548
If he hadn't met me, he would have
just had sex with someone else.
1366
01:24:13,966 --> 01:24:15,883
Nip it in the bud?
1367
01:24:18,887 --> 01:24:20,555
Excuse me, Jimmy.
1368
01:24:21,640 --> 01:24:23,558
Sorry.
Do I know you?
1369
01:24:23,684 --> 01:24:25,518
Yeah, you do.
1370
01:24:26,103 --> 01:24:28,771
Very well.
Sorry.
1371
01:24:28,897 --> 01:24:31,232
And this is what I should
have done right at the start.
1372
01:24:37,322 --> 01:24:40,491
Happy New Year, everybody.
Happy New Year.
1373
01:24:40,617 --> 01:24:42,535
And back to the cupboard.
1374
01:24:45,038 --> 01:24:46,205
Amazing!
1375
01:24:46,498 --> 01:24:47,790
What happens now?
1376
01:24:47,916 --> 01:24:49,208
God knows.
1377
01:24:49,334 --> 01:24:51,714
What I'm hoping is that from
this moment on you avoid
1378
01:24:51,753 --> 01:24:54,043
the sleazy bad guys because
they're sleazy and bad.
1379
01:24:54,381 --> 01:24:56,758
When did you get so serious?
1380
01:24:56,884 --> 01:24:59,218
Since it occurred to me that I might lose you.
1381
01:25:01,972 --> 01:25:04,682
Brace yourself, this could be weird.
1382
01:25:05,225 --> 01:25:07,185
Things will have changed.
1383
01:25:13,567 --> 01:25:14,901
My God.
1384
01:25:15,027 --> 01:25:16,027
What?
1385
01:25:16,195 --> 01:25:17,236
Jay.
1386
01:25:17,362 --> 01:25:19,155
Jay Jay?
Yes.
1387
01:25:19,823 --> 01:25:23,201
And he's adorable.
My God.
1388
01:25:24,787 --> 01:25:25,787
Right,
1389
01:25:26,413 --> 01:25:27,914
let's do this.
1390
01:25:33,879 --> 01:25:35,379
Come on, you two.
1391
01:25:36,048 --> 01:25:39,091
Mum's just cracked open a packet of biscuits.
1392
01:25:44,389 --> 01:25:47,016
I've got something in mind for you.
1393
01:25:47,100 --> 01:25:48,421
I know what you're gonna say.
1394
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:50,000
Have a biscuit and come and help me.
1395
01:25:51,438 --> 01:25:53,773
But leave the rest for Uncle D.
1396
01:25:56,235 --> 01:25:58,528
It's just tidying really.
1397
01:25:58,904 --> 01:26:00,905
You all right? I missed you.
Yeah.
1398
01:26:01,448 --> 01:26:04,075
Your mum wants me to do some gardening.
Okay.
1399
01:26:06,286 --> 01:26:09,163
It's tidying up, it's all a bit out of control.
1400
01:26:09,248 --> 01:26:11,082
Anything that looks dead, out.
1401
01:26:11,250 --> 01:26:14,085
This is what we're looking for.
Okay? All this.
1402
01:26:14,253 --> 01:26:15,586
Dead stuff.
See this.
1403
01:26:18,298 --> 01:26:20,716
They've torn them to shreds, haven't they?
1404
01:26:33,647 --> 01:26:35,439
How did everything go?
1405
01:26:35,566 --> 01:26:37,316
Immensely satisfactory.
1406
01:26:37,734 --> 01:26:41,237
I'm so happy.
I wanna hear all about it.
1407
01:26:41,321 --> 01:26:43,537
Will you do dinner for us
because there's something
1408
01:26:43,576 --> 01:26:45,412
I have to do before
6:00 or I'll get fired?
1409
01:26:45,450 --> 01:26:48,744
Yeah. I can't think of
anything I'd love to do more.
1410
01:26:48,871 --> 01:26:51,956
Okay, where is the most
fabulous person in the world?
1411
01:26:52,124 --> 01:26:56,961
Come to your dad and get mashed
up food shoved into your mouth!
1412
01:27:04,094 --> 01:27:05,553
Hello there, little boy.
1413
01:27:09,474 --> 01:27:10,933
You just
1414
01:27:11,059 --> 01:27:13,477
wait there and I'll be back in a minute.
1415
01:27:25,824 --> 01:27:27,742
Dad, can I have a quick word?
1416
01:27:27,826 --> 01:27:29,660
Yeah.
Sure.
1417
01:27:31,663 --> 01:27:33,497
I can't go back past the birth again, can I?
1418
01:27:33,624 --> 01:27:35,416
No.
I should have mentioned that.
1419
01:27:35,500 --> 01:27:38,044
You're okay till it comes out but the exact
1420
01:27:38,170 --> 01:27:40,671
sperm at the exact moment got you this
1421
01:27:40,839 --> 01:27:42,089
particular baby,
1422
01:27:42,174 --> 01:27:43,925
so if you do anything the tiniest bit
1423
01:27:44,051 --> 01:27:45,801
different, you'll have a different child.
1424
01:27:47,930 --> 01:27:52,600
So, every day up 'til yesterday
is as it will always be? Lost?
1425
01:27:53,518 --> 01:27:55,811
Just like for everyone else.
1426
01:27:55,979 --> 01:27:57,855
Okay.
Interesting.
1427
01:27:58,649 --> 01:28:01,317
Tough. I love you, Dad.
I've gotta go.
1428
01:28:25,717 --> 01:28:27,635
No.
1429
01:28:27,719 --> 01:28:29,359
We're not leaving this room until we find
1430
01:28:29,388 --> 01:28:33,182
a way of making sure this never happens again.
1431
01:28:46,029 --> 01:28:47,738
Will you go now?
1432
01:29:01,044 --> 01:29:03,421
I have to leave Jimmy, don't I?
1433
01:29:04,423 --> 01:29:05,923
For good.
1434
01:29:06,883 --> 01:29:10,261
And I have to stop drinking.
1435
01:29:13,181 --> 01:29:15,099
And stop leaving jobs.
1436
01:29:17,102 --> 01:29:21,188
And I have to go out with someone
1437
01:29:21,940 --> 01:29:24,608
nice and boring.
1438
01:29:27,612 --> 01:29:28,779
Yay.
1439
01:29:32,117 --> 01:29:35,244
And, you know, nice isn't necessarily boring.
1440
01:29:35,370 --> 01:29:36,620
Like who?
1441
01:29:37,748 --> 01:29:39,248
Matt Damon?
1442
01:29:39,624 --> 01:29:40,958
Okay.
1443
01:29:41,960 --> 01:29:43,544
I'll go out with Matt Damon.
1444
01:29:43,628 --> 01:29:46,881
Tell me, have you seen Jay recently?
1445
01:29:46,965 --> 01:29:51,469
Your Jay? What, sticky-up hair Jay?
Looks a bit like a muppet Jay?
1446
01:29:51,595 --> 01:29:52,595
Yes.
1447
01:29:53,430 --> 01:29:56,390
He just popped into my head.
He's always had a crush on you.
1448
01:29:56,767 --> 01:29:58,768
Really?
Yeah.
1449
01:30:00,437 --> 01:30:01,604
Weird!
1450
01:30:01,730 --> 01:30:04,106
Thinking of asking him to dinner.
Are you free?
1451
01:30:04,232 --> 01:30:07,985
Might be.
Might have to freshen up a bit first.
1452
01:30:08,111 --> 01:30:10,362
Yeah.
You look shit.
1453
01:30:17,037 --> 01:30:18,412
Joanna.
1454
01:30:18,538 --> 01:30:19,955
Thank Christ you're back.
1455
01:30:20,082 --> 01:30:21,665
It's been a total nightmare.
1456
01:30:21,833 --> 01:30:23,459
I know.
It's all fine anyway.
1457
01:30:23,585 --> 01:30:25,086
Where is she?
1458
01:30:25,212 --> 01:30:28,506
It was the single worst night of my life.
Where's Posy?
1459
01:30:29,216 --> 01:30:31,675
There she is!
Hello!
1460
01:30:31,802 --> 01:30:34,512
Hello!
Hello.
1461
01:30:34,638 --> 01:30:36,847
Darling, how are you doing?
1462
01:30:40,435 --> 01:30:42,353
Let's have another one.
1463
01:30:44,147 --> 01:30:47,191
Screw that.
No.
1464
01:30:49,069 --> 01:30:52,071
That hurt and I got fat.
Like fat-fat.
1465
01:30:52,197 --> 01:30:54,490
Got a little bit fat, didn't she.
1466
01:30:54,825 --> 01:30:56,784
Tell Mummy you want a sister.
1467
01:30:56,910 --> 01:31:00,996
No. Tell Daddy you're happy
being an only child.
1468
01:31:02,749 --> 01:31:05,126
Fortunately we are young and careless and
1469
01:31:05,252 --> 01:31:07,670
it wasn't long before there were four of us.
1470
01:31:07,796 --> 01:31:11,173
And this is incredible.
Posy Lake, only 3 years old,
1471
01:31:11,299 --> 01:31:14,260
is about to break the women's
10 metre Olympic record.
1472
01:31:14,386 --> 01:31:18,514
They're gonna do it. And here they are,
they've done it! Fantastic.
1473
01:31:18,640 --> 01:31:21,350
That was brilliant.
You're so good.
1474
01:31:21,476 --> 01:31:22,893
Sleeping right through all that.
1475
01:31:23,019 --> 01:31:25,271
Can you help me?
I'm so nervous.
1476
01:31:25,355 --> 01:31:27,690
What do I wear for dinner
with our best-selling author?
1477
01:31:27,816 --> 01:31:30,359
Let me finish up with the
monsters and I'll come right up.
1478
01:31:30,485 --> 01:31:31,694
Great.
Thank you.
1479
01:31:32,028 --> 01:31:33,445
Go again.
1480
01:31:33,864 --> 01:31:36,490
Okay.
How about this?
1481
01:31:36,616 --> 01:31:39,118
That's gorgeous.
Job done. Yeah.
1482
01:31:39,244 --> 01:31:42,413
No.
Take it seriously, it's...
1483
01:31:43,039 --> 01:31:46,041
I don't know.
No, I hate it.
1484
01:31:46,376 --> 01:31:48,085
Yeah, it's boring and
1485
01:31:48,587 --> 01:31:51,463
makes me look kind of lumpy.
1486
01:31:51,590 --> 01:31:54,383
No, you're right. It is boring and lumpy.
I hate it.
1487
01:31:56,261 --> 01:31:58,137
Okay.
What about this?
1488
01:31:58,513 --> 01:32:00,472
Gorgeous.
We did it.
1489
01:32:00,599 --> 01:32:03,184
No, it's too breasty.
1490
01:32:03,351 --> 01:32:05,394
Is it?
Okay.
1491
01:32:05,520 --> 01:32:06,520
It's not too breasty.
1492
01:32:06,605 --> 01:32:09,732
No. I'm not wearing these heels.
I look like a prostitute.
1493
01:32:09,816 --> 01:32:11,442
Not high heels, then.
1494
01:32:11,568 --> 01:32:13,169
But then we have the short legs problem.
1495
01:32:13,278 --> 01:32:15,779
Well, do you want to look
like a prostitute or a dwarf?
1496
01:32:16,907 --> 01:32:19,033
Warning.
That's a warning.
1497
01:32:22,704 --> 01:32:23,746
Yes!
1498
01:32:23,872 --> 01:32:24,872
No.
1499
01:32:28,793 --> 01:32:29,793
No!
1500
01:32:30,837 --> 01:32:32,922
Now that I like.
1501
01:32:33,215 --> 01:32:35,674
No, I'm just picking up the dress
1502
01:32:35,800 --> 01:32:38,302
that this goes under.
Such a bad boy.
1503
01:32:40,722 --> 01:32:41,805
This one?
1504
01:32:41,973 --> 01:32:43,015
Not bad.
1505
01:32:43,642 --> 01:32:44,975
Or this one?
1506
01:32:45,101 --> 01:32:47,603
It's a trick question, isn't it?
Same dress. No!
1507
01:32:48,146 --> 01:32:49,188
No?
1508
01:32:49,606 --> 01:32:51,774
Okay.
I don't think this one's too bad.
1509
01:32:52,192 --> 01:32:53,859
Yeah, it's fabulous.
1510
01:32:54,319 --> 01:32:55,945
Really?
Yeah.
1511
01:32:56,071 --> 01:32:58,405
Okay.
Great. Good.
1512
01:33:00,075 --> 01:33:01,784
How about the blue one?
1513
01:33:01,910 --> 01:33:03,577
The blue one?
Yeah.
1514
01:33:03,703 --> 01:33:06,872
The first one that you tried
on that was boring and lumpy,
1515
01:33:06,957 --> 01:33:09,124
but that wasn't actually
boring and lumpy, that one?
1516
01:33:09,209 --> 01:33:11,126
Yeah, which do you prefer?
1517
01:33:11,253 --> 01:33:13,170
I don't know.
I'm actually starting to go mad.
1518
01:33:13,296 --> 01:33:14,672
I think I like the blue one.
1519
01:33:14,839 --> 01:33:16,215
Okay.
Yeah.
1520
01:33:17,676 --> 01:33:20,261
Okay.
Okay, let's go with this one, then?
1521
01:33:20,387 --> 01:33:22,221
You look amazing.
1522
01:33:22,347 --> 01:33:23,514
Really?
Yes.
1523
01:33:23,640 --> 01:33:25,224
Okay, thanks.
1524
01:33:25,767 --> 01:33:27,434
God.
1525
01:33:27,894 --> 01:33:29,645
Where's Posy?
1526
01:33:29,938 --> 01:33:31,772
I left her downstairs.
1527
01:33:32,232 --> 01:33:35,567
Not leaving the door open to the
room with the manuscript in it?
1528
01:33:36,611 --> 01:33:38,279
I don't think so.
1529
01:33:39,114 --> 01:33:41,532
Look at me.
Look me in
1530
01:33:41,658 --> 01:33:45,077
And talk me through this.
Basically my life is over.
1531
01:33:45,203 --> 01:33:47,788
I really need to go out for just
like two minutes, maybe one.
1532
01:33:47,914 --> 01:33:49,581
Don't you dare!
1533
01:33:50,667 --> 01:33:53,211
Don't you dare answer that!
What am I gonna do?
1534
01:33:53,250 --> 01:33:55,792
I think that we should really answer the phone.
1535
01:33:55,839 --> 01:33:57,298
If you answer the goddamn phone,
1536
01:33:57,424 --> 01:33:58,882
I will kill you with the phone.
1537
01:33:58,967 --> 01:34:02,094
I won't answer the phone,
but I do need to get out.
1538
01:34:02,220 --> 01:34:04,221
No, no getting out, no getting out.
No.
1539
01:34:04,347 --> 01:34:05,848
Okay, right.
1540
01:34:05,974 --> 01:34:07,558
Sorry, Mr McEwan.
1541
01:34:07,684 --> 01:34:11,603
We read most of your book but,
you see, the rest of it was
1542
01:34:11,730 --> 01:34:14,356
coloured on or shredded.
1543
01:34:15,692 --> 01:34:16,692
Yeah.
1544
01:34:17,736 --> 01:34:19,778
I had no idea Posy actually knew how to use
1545
01:34:19,904 --> 01:34:21,989
that machine.
In a way that's impressive.
1546
01:34:23,533 --> 01:34:26,201
What is it?
How can I help you?
1547
01:34:28,913 --> 01:34:30,581
Mary.
1548
01:34:31,708 --> 01:34:33,876
No, everything...
Sorry.
1549
01:34:34,753 --> 01:34:36,712
Your son will explain.
1550
01:34:36,838 --> 01:34:38,339
It's your mother.
1551
01:34:39,007 --> 01:34:40,341
Hi, Mum.
1552
01:34:45,847 --> 01:34:47,848
No, no, it's okay.
We'll...
1553
01:34:48,058 --> 01:34:49,808
We'll come straight down.
1554
01:34:50,685 --> 01:34:52,019
Okay, bye.
1555
01:35:06,618 --> 01:35:07,951
Hello, darling.
1556
01:35:08,119 --> 01:35:09,453
Mum.
How are you?
1557
01:35:10,538 --> 01:35:11,622
Honestly?
1558
01:35:11,748 --> 01:35:12,790
Why not?
1559
01:35:13,208 --> 01:35:15,876
I am fucking furious.
1560
01:35:16,503 --> 01:35:21,173
I am so uninterested in a
life without your father.
1561
01:35:22,384 --> 01:35:24,635
Mary.
Come on, let's make some tea.
1562
01:35:25,512 --> 01:35:26,637
How are you?
1563
01:35:26,805 --> 01:35:27,888
Yeah, I'm fine.
1564
01:35:28,014 --> 01:35:29,139
Did you eat?
1565
01:35:29,265 --> 01:35:30,391
Yes, of course.
1566
01:35:36,439 --> 01:35:37,481
Desmond.
1567
01:35:38,900 --> 01:35:39,733
How are you?
1568
01:35:39,818 --> 01:35:41,568
I'm very well, thanks.
1569
01:35:41,986 --> 01:35:43,654
Though a little hot.
1570
01:35:47,826 --> 01:35:50,494
Your father, I think, is not so well.
1571
01:35:51,496 --> 01:35:52,579
Cancer.
1572
01:35:53,832 --> 01:35:54,832
Yes.
1573
01:35:55,291 --> 01:35:57,793
I'm very unhappy about it, Tim.
1574
01:35:59,796 --> 01:36:01,797
At your wedding he said he loved me.
1575
01:36:02,298 --> 01:36:04,299
He does.
I know.
1576
01:36:06,261 --> 01:36:08,595
That was the best day of my life.
1577
01:36:11,182 --> 01:36:13,517
So this is probably the worst.
1578
01:36:19,774 --> 01:36:20,774
Dad.
1579
01:36:23,027 --> 01:36:24,945
For God's sake.
1580
01:36:25,488 --> 01:36:27,322
Not you, too.
1581
01:36:27,449 --> 01:36:28,490
What?
1582
01:36:28,575 --> 01:36:32,369
Well, Kit Kat's just rolled up blubbing
her eyes out and now you're here.
1583
01:36:32,454 --> 01:36:33,912
What's Mum been saying?
1584
01:36:34,122 --> 01:36:35,164
The truth.
1585
01:36:35,290 --> 01:36:36,331
Yeah, well,
1586
01:36:37,500 --> 01:36:39,168
apart from that?
1587
01:36:40,086 --> 01:36:42,796
It may have been the smoking but I couldn't
1588
01:36:42,922 --> 01:36:45,674
undo that as it was before you were all born.
1589
01:36:46,384 --> 01:36:49,002
And anyway, your mother definitely
wouldn't have gone out with me
1590
01:36:49,087 --> 01:36:51,338
if I hadn't been such a sexy smoker.
1591
01:36:54,434 --> 01:36:58,562
I did get diagnosed as soon as
possible, but it was too late.
1592
01:37:00,440 --> 01:37:01,732
How long have we got?
1593
01:37:01,900 --> 01:37:07,070
You know, it, it could be years.
1594
01:37:09,866 --> 01:37:11,533
How long really?
1595
01:37:14,245 --> 01:37:15,871
Weeks, I'm afraid.
1596
01:37:23,379 --> 01:37:25,881
Have we had this conversation before?
1597
01:37:28,760 --> 01:37:29,760
Yeah.
1598
01:37:31,513 --> 01:37:33,222
What happened?
1599
01:37:33,348 --> 01:37:35,891
I rather let myself down.
1600
01:37:36,309 --> 01:37:37,976
I hugged you.
1601
01:37:57,288 --> 01:37:58,205
Sorry.
1602
01:37:58,289 --> 01:38:01,041
I think I just thought with the time thing...
1603
01:38:01,668 --> 01:38:03,794
No, I never said we could fix things.
1604
01:38:03,962 --> 01:38:06,046
I specifically never said that.
1605
01:38:06,172 --> 01:38:08,674
Life's a mixed bag, no matter who you are.
1606
01:38:08,800 --> 01:38:10,717
Look at Jesus.
He was the Son of God,
1607
01:38:10,843 --> 01:38:12,803
for God's sake, and look how that turned out.
1608
01:38:12,929 --> 01:38:14,179
I know, but
1609
01:38:15,139 --> 01:38:17,599
you must see I feel a bit cheated.
1610
01:38:17,725 --> 01:38:20,143
Don't.
In fact, feel the opposite.
1611
01:38:20,311 --> 01:38:22,771
The only people who give up work at 50
1612
01:38:22,897 --> 01:38:25,148
are the time travellers with cancer who want
1613
01:38:25,316 --> 01:38:27,568
to play more table tennis with their sons.
1614
01:38:29,696 --> 01:38:30,696
Right.
1615
01:38:32,490 --> 01:38:34,491
So that's been the deal?
1616
01:38:36,828 --> 01:38:40,497
I'm sorry we had to call.
It's suddenly got very bad.
1617
01:38:46,296 --> 01:38:48,781
And I have something very important to tell you.
1618
01:38:48,819 --> 01:38:51,341
Or, let me check,
1619
01:38:51,676 --> 01:38:54,303
do you want to know the big secret,
1620
01:38:54,387 --> 01:38:56,680
or would you rather find it
out for yourself like I did?
1621
01:38:56,806 --> 01:38:58,849
Christ, there's another secret?
1622
01:38:59,684 --> 01:39:02,853
Less dramatic.
Much more important.
1623
01:39:03,605 --> 01:39:06,273
The real mothership.
1624
01:39:08,860 --> 01:39:11,361
No, go on.
Tell me.
1625
01:39:11,696 --> 01:39:13,655
Let's save some time.
1626
01:39:18,870 --> 01:39:22,539
And so he told me his secret
formula for happiness.
1627
01:39:24,542 --> 01:39:26,627
Part one of the two part plan
1628
01:39:26,753 --> 01:39:28,795
was that I should just get on with ordinary life,
1629
01:39:28,880 --> 01:39:31,882
living it day by day, like anyone else.
1630
01:39:37,388 --> 01:39:42,225
This is our current statement with a
revised paragraph there, highlighted.
1631
01:39:45,563 --> 01:39:47,898
Rupert.
Rupert, is that the best you can do?
1632
01:39:49,025 --> 01:39:52,235
No. Absolutely not.
We can change that.
1633
01:39:52,362 --> 01:39:53,862
Item number two.
1634
01:40:01,371 --> 01:40:04,081
Good afternoon, sir.
Are you eating in or taking away today?
1635
01:40:04,248 --> 01:40:05,582
Take away, please.
1636
01:40:05,708 --> 01:40:07,042
Yeah?
No problem.
1637
01:40:07,168 --> 01:40:11,171
Lovely, that's 4.24 then, please, sir.
Thank you kindly.
1638
01:40:11,673 --> 01:40:14,257
Lovely. And there's your change, sir.
76 pence change.
1639
01:40:14,384 --> 01:40:16,093
Thanks. Thank you.
Hello there.
1640
01:40:16,511 --> 01:40:17,832
Are you eating in or taking away?
1641
01:40:23,351 --> 01:40:27,062
Do you find the Defendant, John Welbeck,
guilty or not guilty of fraud?
1642
01:40:27,146 --> 01:40:28,188
Not guilty.
1643
01:40:28,272 --> 01:40:31,736
And that is the verdict of you all? Yes.
Thank you. You may be seated.
1644
01:40:32,068 --> 01:40:33,110
Thank God.
1645
01:40:33,236 --> 01:40:35,612
Let the Defendant be discharged.
1646
01:40:36,280 --> 01:40:38,281
Be upstanding in court.
1647
01:40:51,629 --> 01:40:53,463
Lights out?
Yeah.
1648
01:40:54,298 --> 01:40:55,632
Tough day.
1649
01:40:56,968 --> 01:40:59,469
But then came part two of Dad's plan.
1650
01:41:01,305 --> 01:41:05,642
He told me to live every day
again almost exactly the same.
1651
01:41:06,436 --> 01:41:08,895
The first time with all the
tensions and worries that
1652
01:41:08,980 --> 01:41:11,773
stop us noticing how sweet the world can be,
1653
01:41:12,066 --> 01:41:14,651
but the second time noticing.
1654
01:41:14,777 --> 01:41:16,278
Okay, Dad.
1655
01:41:16,988 --> 01:41:18,488
Let's give it a go.
1656
01:41:23,911 --> 01:41:25,871
What's our statement at the moment?
1657
01:41:26,205 --> 01:41:28,874
This is it with the revised...
1658
01:41:34,839 --> 01:41:38,675
Robert, this does not pass.
Is this the best you can do?
1659
01:41:40,511 --> 01:41:42,220
I'll leave you two to thrash this out.
1660
01:41:48,853 --> 01:41:50,854
Good afternoon, sir.
Good afternoon.
1661
01:41:50,980 --> 01:41:53,482
Are you eating in or taking away today?
Take away, please.
1662
01:41:53,566 --> 01:41:54,775
Would you like a bag?
1663
01:41:54,901 --> 01:41:56,151
That's fine.
1664
01:41:56,235 --> 01:41:58,868
Lovely. That's 6.23 then, please.
And enjoy the rest of your day.
1665
01:41:58,963 --> 01:42:00,297
Thank you.
Bye-bye.
1666
01:42:01,073 --> 01:42:02,073
Hello, there.
1667
01:42:05,745 --> 01:42:07,537
Look around you!
What?
1668
01:42:07,663 --> 01:42:08,872
Isn't this room beautiful?
1669
01:42:08,998 --> 01:42:10,165
Yeah.
1670
01:42:10,708 --> 01:42:12,042
Come on.
1671
01:42:12,877 --> 01:42:14,169
Not guilty.
1672
01:42:18,049 --> 01:42:19,382
Fantastic!
1673
01:42:52,542 --> 01:42:54,543
So not such a bad day after all?
1674
01:42:54,627 --> 01:42:57,712
No.
It was pretty good really.
1675
01:42:58,756 --> 01:43:01,424
Very good day, actually, as it turns out.
1676
01:43:02,301 --> 01:43:04,761
Well, that's a relief,
1677
01:43:05,763 --> 01:43:08,765
because if it had been a very bad day,
1678
01:43:09,225 --> 01:43:13,228
I thought I might have had to have
had sex with you to make up for it.
1679
01:43:14,772 --> 01:43:15,772
Goodnight.
1680
01:43:20,778 --> 01:43:23,154
It was a very, very bad day.
1681
01:43:23,281 --> 01:43:25,657
It went very, very badly.
1682
01:43:25,783 --> 01:43:28,451
I got fired from my job.
1683
01:43:29,287 --> 01:43:31,454
And then I killed a man.
1684
01:43:37,128 --> 01:43:39,296
That is a very bad day.
1685
01:43:39,463 --> 01:43:41,464
It's terrible.
Yeah.
1686
01:43:42,425 --> 01:43:44,759
Like the worst day ever.
1687
01:43:45,303 --> 01:43:46,970
So sorry.
1688
01:43:51,893 --> 01:43:55,478
Some days, of course, though,
you only want to go through once.
1689
01:43:56,314 --> 01:43:57,480
You okay?
1690
01:44:48,991 --> 01:44:51,868
Right, are we ready for this?
1691
01:44:52,286 --> 01:44:55,705
'Course we're not.
Hateful day.
1692
01:44:56,540 --> 01:44:59,376
Just give me one minute.
1693
01:45:21,732 --> 01:45:23,733
This is so brilliant.
1694
01:45:24,652 --> 01:45:29,322
Dickens is so good on actual jokes, actual gags.
1695
01:45:30,241 --> 01:45:31,992
Where have you come from?
1696
01:45:32,368 --> 01:45:33,910
It's the...
1697
01:45:34,245 --> 01:45:35,912
Okay.
1698
01:45:36,205 --> 01:45:37,747
Big day.
1699
01:45:38,582 --> 01:45:42,043
Thanks for dropping in.
How's Uncle Desmond's suit?
1700
01:45:42,169 --> 01:45:44,004
Immaculate.
1701
01:45:44,255 --> 01:45:45,255
Excellent.
1702
01:45:45,923 --> 01:45:47,643
Did I mention I wanted the Nick Cave track?
1703
01:45:47,675 --> 01:45:49,342
It's taken care of.
1704
01:45:49,427 --> 01:45:50,885
Thank you.
1705
01:45:51,262 --> 01:45:53,596
Can I just read you this one bit?
1706
01:45:57,935 --> 01:46:00,437
Read away, I've got lots of time.
1707
01:46:01,105 --> 01:46:02,981
"I think the Romans must have aggravated
1708
01:46:03,065 --> 01:46:05,775
"one another very much with their noses.
1709
01:46:05,943 --> 01:46:09,446
"Perhaps they became the restless
people they were in consequence.
1710
01:46:09,572 --> 01:46:12,782
"Anyhow, Mr Wopsle's Roman
nose so aggravated me..."
1711
01:47:48,671 --> 01:47:51,005
What do you think about the kids?
1712
01:47:51,132 --> 01:47:52,632
What about them?
1713
01:47:53,676 --> 01:47:55,885
Not many of them, are there?
1714
01:47:56,971 --> 01:47:57,971
What?
1715
01:47:58,681 --> 01:48:00,682
Well, I mean two?
1716
01:48:03,477 --> 01:48:05,854
It's more than the Chinese are allowed.
1717
01:48:07,815 --> 01:48:10,483
I just thought that maybe, you know,
1718
01:48:11,569 --> 01:48:13,319
it was time for the insurance baby.
1719
01:48:13,404 --> 01:48:14,404
What?
1720
01:48:14,488 --> 01:48:15,928
In case one of them is really smart,
1721
01:48:15,990 --> 01:48:18,387
we don't want the other one to
feel stupid their whole life.
1722
01:48:18,425 --> 01:48:22,704
And if we had a third one, then
we could have two happy dummies.
1723
01:48:25,499 --> 01:48:27,167
What do you think?
1724
01:48:31,505 --> 01:48:34,007
It was the toughest decision of my life.
1725
01:48:34,508 --> 01:48:36,926
Saying 'yes' to the future meant
1726
01:48:37,052 --> 01:48:39,429
saying 'goodbye' to my dad.
Forever.
1727
01:48:41,223 --> 01:48:43,224
Why don't we wait a bit?
1728
01:48:46,103 --> 01:48:47,270
Absolutely.
1729
01:48:48,105 --> 01:48:50,106
You're right.
Yeah.
1730
01:48:54,737 --> 01:48:57,530
How about now?
1731
01:48:59,450 --> 01:49:00,783
Or now?
1732
01:49:03,120 --> 01:49:04,287
Now?
1733
01:49:11,712 --> 01:49:12,712
Yeah,
1734
01:49:14,089 --> 01:49:15,089
okay.
1735
01:49:16,592 --> 01:49:17,634
Really?
1736
01:49:19,929 --> 01:49:22,597
Dad always wished there had been more of us.
1737
01:49:23,390 --> 01:49:24,390
So...
1738
01:49:26,810 --> 01:49:29,479
Anyway, we might try and nothing happens.
1739
01:49:30,064 --> 01:49:31,064
Exactly.
1740
01:49:39,823 --> 01:49:41,824
Really could be tonight.
1741
01:49:41,909 --> 01:49:44,410
And you cannot believe the detail in which
1742
01:49:44,495 --> 01:49:46,412
I know the route to the hospital.
1743
01:49:46,497 --> 01:49:47,830
Yay.
1744
01:49:51,168 --> 01:49:53,002
Will you excuse me for a sec?
1745
01:49:53,921 --> 01:49:55,588
Just have to go downstairs.
1746
01:50:12,273 --> 01:50:15,275
And it's 17-20 in
this incredibly tight contest
1747
01:50:15,359 --> 01:50:17,151
being played by the two most physically
1748
01:50:17,278 --> 01:50:19,028
perfect players in the history of the game.
1749
01:50:19,196 --> 01:50:22,031
The crowd, enchanted by the
younger player, are seduced
1750
01:50:22,116 --> 01:50:24,867
by memories of the older
player's illustrious past.
1751
01:50:26,870 --> 01:50:28,871
My God, I've won.
1752
01:50:29,707 --> 01:50:32,041
I haven't won in years.
1753
01:50:32,543 --> 01:50:34,502
You finally got good.
1754
01:50:35,212 --> 01:50:38,840
What's my prize? Apart from the
Olympic gold medal, of course.
1755
01:50:39,883 --> 01:50:41,092
A kiss will have to do.
1756
01:50:41,218 --> 01:50:44,220
A kiss?
1757
01:50:49,560 --> 01:50:51,519
I get you.
1758
01:50:52,896 --> 01:50:54,397
This is it, then?
1759
01:50:56,358 --> 01:50:57,734
This is it.
1760
01:50:58,527 --> 01:51:00,737
It's my last bit of extra time.
1761
01:51:02,031 --> 01:51:03,656
The baby is completely on the way.
1762
01:51:24,762 --> 01:51:26,095
Congratulations.
1763
01:51:33,103 --> 01:51:34,604
My son.
1764
01:51:37,941 --> 01:51:39,567
My dad.
1765
01:51:44,531 --> 01:51:46,574
Is there anything at all I can do?
1766
01:51:46,700 --> 01:51:48,785
Is there anything you want to do?
1767
01:51:50,579 --> 01:51:53,247
I don't know.
There is this
1768
01:51:55,042 --> 01:51:56,709
one thing.
1769
01:51:57,044 --> 01:51:59,128
A quick little walk.
1770
01:51:59,254 --> 01:52:01,130
Totally against the rules, of course,
1771
01:52:01,256 --> 01:52:03,132
but if we don't change a thing,
1772
01:52:03,467 --> 01:52:06,803
if we're very careful, it shouldn't do any harm.
1773
01:52:07,304 --> 01:52:08,930
It would be nice.
1774
01:52:39,336 --> 01:52:42,338
I'm really trying.
I'm really trying.
1775
01:52:44,174 --> 01:52:45,466
Get down low.
1776
01:52:50,180 --> 01:52:51,180
Total defeat.
1777
01:53:00,941 --> 01:53:02,275
I'm tired.
1778
01:53:03,277 --> 01:53:04,694
Thanks, Dad.
1779
01:53:20,210 --> 01:53:23,045
So I'm almost
up-to-date with my story.
1780
01:53:23,547 --> 01:53:27,049
As all families do, we got
used to life after death.
1781
01:53:27,176 --> 01:53:29,051
And it was still fine.
1782
01:53:29,845 --> 01:53:34,015
And things settled back into their
traditional rhythms season after season,
1783
01:53:34,475 --> 01:53:36,893
and are much as they have always been.
1784
01:53:38,228 --> 01:53:40,897
And we've got used to Kit Kat being happy again.
1785
01:53:41,857 --> 01:53:44,358
And then we got used to her being a mum.
1786
01:53:44,735 --> 01:53:47,403
Albeit not a very good or even safe one.
1787
01:53:48,822 --> 01:53:50,198
And in the end,
1788
01:53:50,324 --> 01:53:53,993
I think I've learned the final
lesson from my travels in time.
1789
01:53:54,786 --> 01:53:57,830
And I've even gone one step
further than my father did.
1790
01:54:08,800 --> 01:54:10,468
Okay, I'll do the kids.
1791
01:54:12,304 --> 01:54:14,889
No, don't worry.
I'll do them.
1792
01:54:15,015 --> 01:54:16,682
Yeah, you do them, you lazy bum.
1793
01:54:17,851 --> 01:54:19,815
The truth is, I now don't travel back at all.
1794
01:54:19,853 --> 01:54:21,854
Not even for the day.
1795
01:54:22,272 --> 01:54:24,857
I just try to live every day as if
1796
01:54:24,983 --> 01:54:27,610
I've deliberately come back to this one day
1797
01:54:27,986 --> 01:54:31,656
to enjoy it as if it was the full final day
1798
01:54:31,907 --> 01:54:34,659
of my extraordinary, ordinary life.
1799
01:55:02,938 --> 01:55:06,649
Hello, you're down already. That's great.
Thank you so much for that.
1800
01:55:06,775 --> 01:55:08,150
And in we go.
1801
01:55:09,778 --> 01:55:12,572
Posy?
Posy!
1802
01:55:20,956 --> 01:55:21,956
That's fine.
1803
01:55:43,437 --> 01:55:46,272
We're all travelling through time together
1804
01:55:46,565 --> 01:55:48,733
every day of our lives.
1805
01:55:48,900 --> 01:55:51,402
All we can do is do our best
1806
01:55:51,862 --> 01:55:54,614
to relish this remarkable ride.
1807
01:56:37,574 --> 01:56:39,492
Yes, yes, yes...
1808
01:56:51,797 --> 01:56:53,881
Okay, I'll see you then.
1809
01:56:54,007 --> 01:56:55,424
Bye-bye.
1810
01:56:56,093 --> 01:56:57,593
See you later.
126944
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