Original subtitles

Listen to me, okay?

You need to hear this.

I love you.

I love you, and you matter.

You are the smartest, funniest, most creative person I know.

Not to mention gorgeous.

You're a fucking queen,

and you're gonna crush today.

So go get that shit.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.

Um...

If we do come back Monday morning,

lock the house before you go to school,

but we should be back Sunday night.

Unless we party too hard.

Woo, marriage.

Marie, leave the wine.

It smooths out your driving.

We'll be back Sunday night.

Hey, don't just hold it.

Put it on, try it on, come on.

Let's see how it fits.

This is gonna be amazing.

Marie, look at this.

Clay, could you hurry up?

We're gonna be late for the rehearsal dinner.

Uh-- This is amazing. I'm just getting a

photograph to show all our friends, okay?

College man, start of a new chapter.

There's plenty of food in the fridge.

Do your homework and no friends.

-Clay. -Uh-uh, I'm hurrying

as fast as I can, darling.

No, no, no, no, no,

no need to lend a helping hand.

-What? -What?

Hey, kids... make sure to feed Ruthie,

and walk her twice a day so she can poop, okay?

Be safe.

And Ruthie... take care of the kids, okay?

No guests.

And don't do anything stupid.

Honor thy mother and father.

Actually, honor thy father first.

Bye!

Bye!

Dibs. I said it first. Fuck you.

-I'm having someone over. -I'm having someone over.

-No, you're not. -Hey, when I go to college,

you can do whatever you want for a whole

-year in this house. -That is not true.

-You know that they never leave like this. -Yes, they do.

Yeah, you're about to be at college where you can do whatever you want.

-I'm having a friend over. -You don't have any friends.

You can't have anyone over.

- Okay. - I'm serious.

Oh, you're serious, are you?

Is it your weird girlfriend?

Yeah, it's my weird, hot, amazing girlfriend.

Gross.

Fuck, fine. Just stay in your room and be quiet.

Don't tell me what to do, Cassie.

It's unbecoming.

If you don't, I'll tell mom and dad

-you fucked on the couch. -Then I'll just show

them where you hide your weed.

Stay in your fucking room, Max.

And you're walking Ruthie. It's your turn.

- Rock, paper, scissors. - No.

- Yes. Yes. - No.

-No. -You just always get what you want, don't you?

Yeah, Cassie. I'm stoked.

I need this.

Max.

Max.

Okay.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

Okay. Alright.

Wow, Cassie, this is the perfect temperature.

I'm sorry I didn't come over, Cassie.

Really should have been there.

Would've been sick.

Max?

-Max! -What?

- Is that her? - Don't worry about it.

I am fucking worried about it.

Well...

...don't.

Hey, baby.

Hey.

- Oh, hi, Ruthie. - Hey.

- Oh, hey. How are you? - Hi.

It's so good to see you, and I love that top.

Unfortunately, we're not allowed to have people over while our

- parents are in Palm Springs. - Okay.

I'm afraid you're gonna have to go.

That reminds me. Where's your

imaginary friend?

I'm confused.

She wants to use the house and doesn't want

us to use the house, but she

doesn't have any friends.

Ah, of course that's not true.

-You're so cute. -No, that's not true.

Your morally-vacant boyfriend is lying to you.

He's met my friends.

Who? Emma?

'Cause I haven't seen her in like a year.

-Where is she? -She's not coming.

For your information, my friend is a boy.

Oh, wait, a boy?

You're having a boy over?

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

-I am. -Okay, who? Spill.

Hey, she's lying.

No one's coming.

- Yes, he is. - Really?

Yeah, really, you douche.

Roar, okay, feisty.

-I like her. -Whatever.

When no one shows up, I'll be right.

Okay. Well, I'm rooting for you.

You got this.

You are such a sweetie.

You are such a cutie.

I'm Max,

the tough, hard, manly wrestler.

Baby, um, do you think we could role-play with your leotard?

It is a singlet.

- I told you it is a singlet. - Stop-- stop--

Stop it. Stop.

Stop.

I'm done. I'm done. You can release me.

Let me go. I'm not going to tickle you.

- Okay, I'm trusting you. Okay. - Yeah, let me go.

Just gonna...

Okay, now I'm done. I promise.

Okay, can you be serious for a second, though,

because I have to tell you something.

Okay, I will be very serious.

I'm serious.

I'm so ready to be so serious

with you, Harry.

- Okay. - That's more Voldemort again.

I was going to tell you, but you have to guess.

What do you have to tell me?

W-- well, you have to guess.

Okay. Um, what?

D-- do you not know what guess means?

Okay, what? What do you want to tell me?

-Guess! Guess! -What do you wanna--

Okay, I am guessing.

Okay, let me go. Jesus, you're strong.

What do you want to tell me?

-What? -I heard back from the financial aid office.

In Michigan?

And?

I got it.

They're gonna cover half my tuition.

That makes me so happy.

Come here.

Ooh...

Stop!

♪ Have a drink with me ♪

Okay, okay, okay, okay, I get it, I get it.

Oh, you got to tap out. You can't get out.

No, I can't.

You're trying to escape.

-No, you got to tap out. -I can't.

Alright, alright, alright.

You are released.

You are released. And I'm so proud of you.

No, no, no.

No, no--

Maybe. No.

Okay.

I'll get it!

-Hey. -Hi, Oliver.

I've been trying to ring this for like 10 minutes.

Oh, you know, we kiss that when we enter.

Uh...

May I... enter?

- Yeah, pl-- please. - Okay.

Whoa, fuck, what i-- what is that?

What's what?

Are you wearing cologne?

Uh, yeah.

Did you put the entire bottle on?

No.

Oh, hello, hello.

So, uh, what you wanna do?

Let's go upstairs.

So this is he?

Yep.

Sky, Oliver, Oliver, Sky.

- Hello. - Hey.

Um, you go to with Cassie?

Uh, I do.

Oh, my gosh, wow. That's...

...so interesting.

My God, wow. Well, you guys

have a good night, all right?

Um, Sky, I was thinking

and, like, call me crazy, but, uh, what if all

four of us went in the jacuzzi?

Totally. Oh, my God, yeah.

- That sounds cool. - Babe,

babe, no, let's-- let's not do that.

It's gonna be so fun. Like, we can hang out.

I feel like I haven't really talked to you.

Say less. I'm so in.

We don't want to, like, intrude on their night, though,

right? 'Cause they got this whole thing going.

Max, she's your sister.

I never get to hang out with her,

and I just want to get to know her better.

Oh, Sky, me too.

Um, but Oliver doesn't have a bathing suit.

Uh, I did not bring a bathing suit. No, I-- I...

You can borrow one of Max's, right, Max?

No. No, you can't.

Oh, baby, come on.

Yeah, come on.

No, you can-- you can use your boxers.

I'm actually a brief's guy.

Don't be rude to my guest, Max.

Right, Sky?

Ow.

Four fresh beers right here. You're welcome. Oliver...

-Thank you. -...for you.

- Thank you. - You're so welcome.

Oh, my God, Sky.

Your tits look so good in that top.

Girl, thank you so much.

-You are so sweet. -Yeah, I'm honestly jealous.

-Stop. -Stop.

Your body is amazing.

You're too sweet.

I think you guys both look amazing.

And Max is so handsome.

Uh-- So, how did you two lovebirds get together?

Yeah, how did you two get together?

That is a great question.

Max?

Um,

-I can't remember. -Mm.

Well, I can.

My mind is like...

...one of those metal things that you step on in the woods.

Uh-- a steel trap?

Yes. Okay, points for Oliver.

Points.

Well, so, it was actually English class.

And it was a school-shooter drill.

Oh, we have those at our school.

Everyone has those, Oliver.

All right, well, how often are you guys'?

'Cause ours are bi-weekly.

Well, do you mean twice a week or every other week?

It's so crazy that that word means both.

-Totally. -What?

Okay, well, ours are twice a week.

We were once a week, but we just

- got bumped up to twice a week. - Huh.

Okay, well, so I'm under the desk, right?

Crouched. I have my wood-proof folder out.

Oh, I love those.

And I turn around,

and I catch him staring at me like a total creep.

Ew! Creepy!

Was it love at first creepy stare?

Mm...

Yeah, I kind of think it was.

- Yeah. Oh... - Yeah, it was.

What better time to kindle a romance

than when death is upon us? I--

Seize the day!

Carpe diem, chaliceo!

Well done, Max!

Dude, you are so irritating.

Noted. I'll-- um--

I'll put that in my feedback log.

So you know Cassie from school?

Uh-- yeah, I actually asked her to homecoming last year.

-Okay. -Really?

She never responded.

Oh, must have missed it.

Wow, that's very cool.

Well, if it makes you feel any better,

Oliver, I actually recall that my

extremely popular sister here

didn't end up going to homecoming at all.

Um, well, y-- you know, I--

I'm not sure that that makes me feel any better, but,

you kn-- we're hanging out now, and that's all that matters.

That is so sweet.

Max, you should take notes.

Aw, did you hear that?

-Take notes on Oliver. -Yeah. Take notes on me.

You know what, Oliver, don't feel bad.

Max didn't even invite me to his bar mitzvah.

That's because I was 13,

and we didn't even go to the same school.

Yeah, and I'm still not over it.

Yeah, that's such a shame.

He has the voice of an angel.

You should have heard him--

Max, Max, sing her

-your Haptura portion. -Fuck off.

Haptura, Haptura, Haptura,

-Haptura, Haptura. -Oh, okay-- Hey, hey,

hey, let's go upstairs, okay?

Because I have something I wanna show you.

Ooh, okay.

Ooh, is that an innuendo?

-Shut up. -Hey, be nice.

I have the greatest idea.

Ooh, what is it?

Thank you.

Okay, fuck.

Cassie, this is really good.

If there's one thing my sister knows, it's drugs.

Eat me.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Because I'm cheesy? Is that the joke you're making?

You're difficult to digest, and I don't have the enzymes for it.

Another Friday night.

What?

What?

"Another Friday night?"

I-- Is it not Friday?

I wish there were more stars in LA.

You know, like, I feel like if

I could see all the stars and...

...constellations, I would be able to,

like, connect with my horoscope more deeply.

Oh, are you into astrology?

I mean, I'm not into it.

Like, I wouldn't say I'm into it.

More... that it discovered me.

- Mm. - Like-- like, the truth in it.

You know, I found the truth.

Totally.

So it obviously...

really informs my life in that way.

For sure. I-- I can see that in you.

Wait, really? That-- That's great.

That-- That means that, um,

the energy that I'm, like, putting out

here with you guys, but also just into the universe,

um...

...matches my aura.

-Yes. Your aura. -Completely. Yeah.

You guys are so great.

And can I just say, like, really cute together?

-Hm... -Wait, okay, okay. What

are your signs? Tell me right now.

I was born in January.

-I'm a Libra. -Okay.

Capricorn. Libra.

Serve, serve. Capricorn.

Earth sign. So right to business.

Serious.

Kind of practical.

Chop, chop, chop. Um...

Funny. Oliver's definitely funny.

Libra. Air sign. So you're charming.

You know, you're-- you're airy.

You're dreamy. You're easygoing.

Um...

You can even be

- a little bit naughty. - Ooh.

Yeah, it's clandestine.

It's flirtatious.

Why-- why is it clandestine?

Well, your signs are actually not traditionally compatible.

- Oh, no. - No, it's okay.

- Are you sure? - Yeah. Yes, girl.

Oh, my God. Here, move, move.

Yes, it's okay.

Trust me, I really, really know my shit.

Look, like, opposites attract, right?

So the differences in your base natures

are super interesting to each other,

-right? -Awesome.

- Really awesome. - Babe, hey,

let's go upstairs. Okay, come on.

What if we were having issues?

Like, what would you recommend then?

Oh... that is a great question.

Okay. Let the witch... handle it.

So you're both obviously super ambitious, right?

Like, you care about school or, like, whatever.

Um, but Capricorn,

not so good about talking about your emotions, right?

Okay, so communication, super, super key.

Libra. Social. So you like

to flirt a little bit that can

hurt the Capricorn's feelings.

So keep that in check.

But you guys are, like...

...so good sexually.

-Babe. Nah, come on. -It's-- it's hot.

It's passionate.

It can be a little bit, like, obsessive.

- Oh, my God. - I can totally see that -Totally obsessive.

Um, hey, Sky. Sky, come here.

Yeah?

What?

What the fuck?

I love this song.

Should we dance?

I guess.

Yes.

Okay.

Alright. Come on.

Okay...

- Hey. - Hey.

Okay.

Come here.

Come here.

Can we go inside? I have something upstairs

that I wanna show you.

Ooh, a surprise?

-Mm-hmm. -Hey, Sky.

I have a very important question to ask you.

How do you feel about Pong?

I'm so good at Pong!

-Fuck you. -Fuck you.

Okay, so eye to eye?

Yeah, man. You know any other way to start this game?

"You know any other way to start this game?"

Sorry.

Okay.

-Eye to eye. -Eye to eye.

Mm.

Whoa--

We got a little bit of competition.

A little bit of that competish.

-Okay. -Nice.

Yeah, there we go.

You got some style, girl.

Please don't encourage her, babe.

What? You're just in a bad mood

'cause we're losing.

I like you, Sky.

I like you.

All right. Ball's back.

-Oh, let's go! -Oh, nice!

- Oh, I needed that. - Let's go.

Here we go.

Let's go! Oh, come on!

There it is.

-What? -Nothing.

They just have a nice celebration after they make it.

Why don't we make this more interesting?

No.

Yeah. Uh, if we win,

I get to tell an embarrassing story about my brother.

And if he wins, he can tell an embarrassing story about me.

-Yes. Yes! -No.

I want to know more about you

growing up... What? Are you--

-scared that we're gonna lose? -No, I'm not-- I'm not scared.

My big brother isn't scared of anything.

-Fuck you. -And he has

such a way with words.

Okay, you're on. Let's go.

Let's go!

Woo!

Woo!

Fuck.

Hey!

-That counts as one. -It's alright.

Let's g--

Are you fucking kidding me?

-Nice! -Nice!

Okay.

It's okay...

Story time.

Why don't I tell you

about Max's bar mitzvah, since you weren't there?

-Yes, please. -Okay, so the ceremony--

the ceremony is great. Voice of an angel, like I said before.

At the party, this kid Jonah, who's, like, only there because

our parents are friends, starts breakdancing,

and all the kids circle around him, and they're losing

their fucking minds.

- Epic. - He is a very good dancer.

The rest of the night is all about Jonah.

He is-- he's the man. He is a king

amongst Jews and Gentiles alike.

- A god. - A god!

A god.

Max, obviously pissed,

completely seals Max's thunder, which Max does not like.

One month later, Max goes to the state

championship for wrestling.

Don't.

Hey, we made a bet and you lost.

Relax. State championship.

Hey, I'm so serious, Cassie.

Stop.

He's there with our dad. He makes it to the quarterfinal.

Match is close. Max loses.

To whom, you might ask?

To none other than Jonah.

Oh, plot twist! Consider the plot twisted!

That is right!

Jonah wrestles too!

Max is obviously pissed

because he thinks he should've won, and also he has

this bar mitzvah grudge.

Jonah's there with his whole family.

Ah!

-Jonah's-- -Ah!

-Jonah's-- -Ah, shut the fuck up!

-He has this-- -Ah!

Hey, stop. You're really pissing me off.

Okay, please, please, please, please, babe.

Don't listen to this. Let's just go inside, alright?

Look, now I really want to hear it.

He has a sister who's a year older.

Max, out of the tournament, spends the rest of the day

talking to and flirting with Jonah's sister,

so while Jonah is competing in the state final and his

family is watching, Max sneaks off

with Jonah's sister and has sex with her

in Jonah's family's hotel room,

and that is how my brother lost his virginity.

Out of spite. And the best part is, our dad

was videoing the match Max lost, and in

the video, you can see when the referee announces the winner,

Max so angry, glare at Jonah,

and then up at the sister in the crowd, and then back

at Jonah, and you just know.

And I know where the video is.

When Cassie was 14,

she actually got so depressed

that she started taking oral

narcotics and cutting herself.

- Max. - And this stressed our parents'

already terrible marriage so much that our

dad moved out for eight fucking months,

and our mom started drinking four glasses

of wine, taking tons of pills,

and she got suspicious that our dad was cheating

on her, so she fucked an old family friend,

which he still doesn't know about to this day.

- And when he eventually moved - Hey, stop.

back in, it was terrible,

and it has remained terrible ever since.

It's kind of a fucking nightmare, Oliver.

But we don't talk about it, do we?

Because if we did, it would

make everything worse, and it would

totally suck. Kinda like

what's happening now, Cassie.

Yeah?

Jesus, dude.

Who the fuck are you?

Cassie?

Hey, are you alright?

-Keep them outside. -What?

Do me a favor.

Can you keep them outside?

- Okay. - Thanks.

That wasn't okay, Max.

I didn't--

Cassie forced it, okay?

Can we go inside, please?

But the fire's so cozy.

A-- and the stars?

We're in LA. There are no stars.

There's, um...

Is-- is that-- is that a planet?

I don't know.

Okay, why don't we let the two of them

be alone, and we can

get some food, and we can go inside, okay?

Please.

We should make s'mores.

Yeah. That's a great idea.

Yeah?

I'll go get the stuff.

Yeah.

I don't have anything against you personally.

W-- well, kind of. But...

...you know you're just here to piss me off, right?

That's why my sister invited you.

I sort of figured that out after a bit, yeah.

That doesn't bother you?

A little.

Not a lot.

What a lot? Like, enough to get me

to stand up right now and leave?

Yeah.

Are you tryna get rid of me, Max?

Yeah.

You're a pawn, man. That doesn't bother you?

I mean, that'd bother me.

Eh, only a pawn if I'm playing the game.

Well, you're-- you're in the game.

She texted you, and you showed up.

You're-- you're in it.

Golden brown sun?

Okay.

I'm gonna go check on Cassie.

Check.

Huh, cute.

Checkmate.

You got some nice moves.

Well, a deal's a deal, Mr. Man.

Is that what you're calling it?

- Turn it off! - And...

-It's not of you! It's not of you! -Turn it off! Turn it--

- What is this? - ...an understanding?

- Max? Max... - I thought you were a man of your word.

And who says I'm not?

- Don't play coy with me. - What?

I wouldn't dream of playing coy

- with you. - What?

By the way, where'd you learn to play?

- Hello? - Chess?

- That's their dad. - Central Park.

You got skill.

Maybe it's just a drama.

He's moonlighting as an actor.

Hearts aren't what I'm interested in playing with.

There are like 15 of these!

So I'm guessing that wasn't your mom?

-I swear to God-- -Wait, wait, wait.

Wait, I hate to say this.

Like, I really, really, really hate to say this, but...

...I kind of feel like we have to watch a couple more.

Like, what if that wasn't the only other woman?

What if there's, like, more?

Look.

This is from last month.

- Wow. - Mind if I join you?

- That's somebody else. - What?

She m-- must have back problems, right? I--

I'm sorry.

I can't hear you over

the sound of the shower.

You'll have to join me.

Oh, turn it off.

Is this seat taken?

On my fucking face.

Oh, wow.

The honorable Judge Evans presiding.

Bailiff, I seem to have forgotten my robe.

I'll huff and I'll puff

and I'll blow this house down.

No!

No! Not my ho--

So...

are you gonna, like...

...tell your mom?

Get him out of here!

Why the fuck is he still here?

Don't tell me what to do, Max!

Don't ever tell me what to do!

Don't ever tell me what to fucking do!

You...

...should go.

Um, this is...

...a family issue.

Yeah, yeah, I-- I'll get out of your hair.

Um, this goes without saying, but,

as a favor to me, please

don't tell anybody about this.

Yeah, of course.

-Bye. -Bye.

Whoa.

Oh, fuck. Shit, sorry. Was that a mistake?

That was a mistake.

Sorry.

Put this back wherever you found it,

and never, ever mention it again.

Okay?

At least you guys found it instead of your mom.

- Hello? - Mom?

- Who is this? - Mom, it's me.

Oh, Cassandra. Are you calling me from the home phone?

Yes.

You need to come home. It's an emergency.

Okay, hey, hey, hello, hello.

Max, hey, hey, hey. No!

There's nothing to talk about, Sky.

I don't want to talk about it.

Just give me one second, alright?

Fuck!

Max? Max, hey.

Is that champagne?

-It was. -Hey, Max, stop.

-Max, stop. Hey, hey. -Cassie came in here.

-I had a whole-- -Leave Cassie alone.

What is going on with you?

You just saw your dad...

Why was there champagne in the bathroom?

Yo.

Hey.

Nice place.

Thanks.

What--

What are you doing-- Oh, you seem confused.

Um, did you not get my text?

I said I'd deliver.

No, I-- I don't have my phone.

Um, I left it charging. It-- it died.

All good.

All good.

Do you have a dog?

Yeah.

-Cool. -Hey, Blake,

my parents--

Blake.

- You alright? - Yeah, yeah. Um--

It-- It's actually just, um...

I'm so, so sorry.

It's just a really bad time. There's been, like,

a family emergency, and my parents

- are on their way home, so... - Oh, shit...

Uh, is--

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah.

It's just that I'm not going to be able to hang out or do the

chemistry lab, I mean...

So...

Do you know when they're going to be back?

Yeah, uh, yes. In a few hours.

They're coming back, then-- so, they'll be back.

So...

...we could work for a few hours and then I'll leave before

they're supposed to get here.

Sorry, I--

I don't mean to be pushy. It's just...

This is literally the only time I can do it this weekend.

And when I saw your text, I was like,

"Oh, she is so right.

We've got to work on this chemistry."

Do you have your stuff?

God. N--

No.

I forgot it at home.

But hey, I should be fine.

'Cause we could just do it all on your laptop.

Here you go.

Okay...

I got into Michigan.

-What? -I got in.

You-- you applied?

Yeah.

And you didn't tell me?

I wanted to surprise you.

-Really? -Yeah.

I mean, I was gonna do it earlier tonight,

before my family fucked everything up,

but... So, you know.

Surprise, Sky.

Max, I mean,

you got into Stanford and Dartmouth.

-Yeah. -I'm not exactly surprised

that the Michigan State University accepted you.

Well, sure. But I mean, you are surprised,

I'm sure, that I'm going with you.

-What? -I'm going with you.

No. No, you're not.

We're going to Michigan together.

No, we're not.

-We are. That's th-- -No.

You got into Dartmouth.

You're going to Dartmouth.

You're wrestling for Dartmouth. Okay?

-I-- I can wrestle at Michigan. -No.

-You love Dartmouth. -I love Michigan.

Why are you lying to me right now?

Why do you think I'm lying to you?

And also, shouldn't you be excited about this?

Yeah, obviously I'd be excited if it were true.

But I know you'd only consider Michigan because of me.

It's a nice bonus.

So...

Um, yeah, these are

just my notes on how he said to do the electrophoresis data.

You have really pretty handwriting.

Thanks. Um,

yeah, if you wanted to do the-- the abstract,

then I could do the method, or

um, maybe you--

I could do the method and you could do the abstract.

I have these-- these

notebooks, so you could handwrite

or, um, I could handwrite and you

cou-- uh, you could type whatever you want to do.

Yeah, um, let me write.

I'll, uh-- I'll take the pink notebook.

Okay.

The discussion questions look hard.

You know, I'm really glad that you're my chemistry partner,

because I don't get any of this.

Hey, are you excited for prom?

Are-- are you okay?

Totally.

- Just-- Wrong pipe. - Hmm.

Uh, can I get you anything?

Water?

That's funny.

Pretty funny.

-I'm a funny guy. -Oh, really?

In class? Come on.

Yeah, yeah, you're pretty funny in class.

Thank you.

How's that method coming?

Oh, uh, this method?

-Oh, it's great. -I love methods.

-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.

I never knew you were so enthusiastic about school.

I love it.

Um...

Well, history.

English.

Electrons.

What about the electrons?

Well, they're-- they're really small.

Like, s-- super tiny.

So small.

Yeah, like teeny tiny little electrons.

Wow, you're weird.

No, I would never--

I'm not.

-What? -Hm?

Your TikToks are so good.

Um, I'm sure that you get that all the time, though.

Uh... Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

What's like-- what is your method

for making those?

The-- the TikToks?

Uh, I mostly just do the trends.

That must be so interesting.

Yeah, um, I-- Sometimes I just sit and talk to the camera.

-Yeah, I've seen those. -Yeah, they're--

they're great for exposure.

But what about you?

I mean, I've seen you around, but we don't really talk much.

What you-- What are you into?

Yeah, no, totally. I agree, um--

I feel like I see you around school and online and stuff,

and I just-- I think that we'll vibe really well.

Um, like in chemistry class, you're always like--

Wow.

Yeah.

Weed.

And beer.

Oh, my God.

- My breath? - No, no, no. You're good.

It's cool. It's cool.

G-- give me one second.

Yes, yes!

Yes!

Max, you can't make your college decision for me.

Why not? I-- I love you.

Baby, I love you, but we're just gonna have to be

in different places for a couple years.

No, it's not-- it's not a chance that I'm willing to take.

Hell, it's not only your choice.

Well, I can't do long distance.

-Why not? -I can't do it.

Can't or won't?

Okay, what if it doesn't work?

Baby, of course it's gonna work.

And what-- what if it doesn't?

Okay, then at least we tried.

It will work for as long as we want it to.

And what if you stop wanting it to?

What if you stop wanting it to?

-I won't. I'm not gonna. -Wait, if you

say yes to Michigan,

you'll be forcing me to break up with you.

Wh-- Why would you even say something like that?

Look, you can't make this decision for me.

And what if it's the right decision?

Well, it's not, okay? And then you'll have made

the wrong decision for me.

Why are you so worried?

Because I wanna be with you.

Yeah-- Well, Max...

...I will not let you use me.

Alright? You are trying to use me...

...as this kinda escape route to get away

-from your family. -I am getting

out of here either way.

Michigan or Dartmouth, it doesn't make a difference.

I'm going to be nowhere near my family.

Do you wanna meet someone else?

Is that it?

No, Max, that's not it.

Hey, hey.

Ruthie, not now.

Ruthie, stop.

Are you ready for your prostate exam, Mr. Johnson?

As ready as I'll ever be, Doc.

If you're uncomfortable, you could do me first.

Hey!

Wow, mister...

What the fuck?

- Wow, mister... - Give me that, hey--

Stop.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

You're so generous.

What the fuck is happening?

What the fuck?

Blake...

Blake, look at me. Are you okay?

- What-- -Are you okay? - Stand up.

Max, what is going on?

What the fuck, man?

Cassie, who the fuck is this,

you fucking idiot? He was filming it.

- What? - He was filming it.

So you attacked him?

He was taking it, probably to post it

online or some shit.

Our dad, Cassie.

Our fucking dad.

Porn of our dad on that phone.

Do you understand how serious that is?

Max, get off of him.

- Stop. - Stop.

-I said stop. -What the fuck is going on?

Help.

-Who is that guy? -Help me.

- Help me. - Hey, face ID.

Help, please.

- What? - Face ID!

Go.

What are you doing?

I'm fucking deleting the video

of our dad's dick.

Hello?

This fucking douche

definitely has some incriminating shit on here.

Deleted tweets, dick pics, nudes.

- So? - So,

I'm going to send myself some blackmail.

So he doesn't tell everyone we know about our dad's porn...

...that you just showed him

because you are a sad, pathetic person.

I didn't show him, you piece of shit.

And then you let him go.

Hey.

Hey, Oliver.

I forgot my backpack.

Dude, what is with this fucking kid?

Hey, get the fuck out of here, man.

- Leave our house. Stop. - Help.

Is that Blake Sheviot?

Cassie, get him the fuck out of here while I

clean up your fucking mess.

Yeah, normally I'm-- I'm pretty chill.

Like, I think I'm generally a pretty chill guy.

But I do feel like I need to know what's going on here.

Um...

...he and my brother have had beef for years.

And he showed up and they fought and Max won.

That is not what happened.

She invited him over to hook up.

Is that true?

N-- no, of course not.

You know Max, you spent all day with him.

What is your impression of my brother?

He's an asshole.

Exactly.

But he doesn't strike me as a liar.

Oh!

You have this, babe. Woop!

If me having this doesn't keep his mouth shut,

we are so beyond fucked.

You're so beyond fucked.

Why would you attack him?

How could you possibly think that that was a good solution?

A good solution?

Let me get this straight, Cassie.

After we discover that our dad has been

making porn,

you invite a guy over so that you can bone him.

And then you show him the porn.

I didn't show him.

He found it while I was in the bathroom.

Okay, so you're fucking stupid enough to let him find it.

And I didn't invite him over after we f-- found the DVDs. I--

I invited him over hours ago, and then

he just-- he showed up unexpectedly.

Great. Amazing!

It makes a huge difference how he got here.

Oh, great. I'm sensing some sarcasm here.

I'm going to kill you.

Be my guest! Do it!

-Do it! -That's right. Back to slitting your wrists,

I'd be doing you a favor.

He's back.

I'm gonna head out.

Come on.

Look, I get it.

You wanted Blake, and you got me.

Now, I'd like to excuse myself.

Nope, no, no. You are not leaving

with this impression of me.

Oh, no, no. This is an impression of you.

"Hi, I'm Cassie.

I'm going to use poor oblivious Oliver to get

back at my brother who I have an unhealthy relationship with,

but let's not impact that right now."

Finished?

For now.

Hey, Max, stop.

- What? What? - Stop.

- You're being... - Let's just--

Please, can we just do this later? There's a fucking

stranger in my house. What?

I'm sorry for slapping you.

No, you're not.

No, I'm not.

I'm a sweetheart.

I am.

But you're pushing it.

You're being terrible to Cassie, and...

...you're now taking it out on this guy?

Like, what are you going to do when you find him, Max?

Kill him?

I love you.

Sorry.

Hey, let's look calmly,

but carefully together.

I'm really sorry.

That was so fucked up, and I-- I shouldn't have...

Done it? Yeah, I know. Can I go now?

-No. -No?

No, I-- I-- I'm telling you, I'm nothing--

Do you think I'm stupid?

I-- I knew after 15 minutes

you were just tryna piss your brother off.

And yeah, it bothered me

a little, but...

not more than I wanted to get to know you.

Or for you to get to know me.

Like, actually take a second to get to know me.

I do, I do know you now.

But you hooked up with Blake after I left.

I mean, what the fuck?

Okay, yes, that's all true.

-Awesome. Oh, -But I'm...

-really awesome. -I'm sorry.

Really, really awesome.

Would you just shut up for a second?

Oh, this is shitty.

This is a really shitty thing you did-- or are doing.

Yes, okay, yes, yes. Yeah, it is really shitty,

and I'm sorry, but just like,

don't overreact.

Overreact? Overreact?

Yes.

Are you serious right now? I--

Do you have any idea how this makes me feel?

I'm not only second place to fucking Blake Sheviot,

I'm a pawn.

I'm literally a pawn, like your brother said.

Oh, come on, Oliver. I thought...

I thought you were the guy who was like

so sure of himself and who he is, and his, like...

...philosophies on the world

and high school, and he doesn't give a shit about

what other people think about him or do.

What?

Of course-- of course I fucking

care what other people think about me. Wh--

What kind of person have you ever met

in your life that doesn't care what

other people think? Are you insane?

I'm 17! I care what people think!

We're all just faking whatever...

I know that! That's why... like, nobody knows--

Okay.

Why did you kiss me?

- Look, can we not? I'll just go. - Why did you kiss me?

I like you.

And I thought we were having a fun night together.

Until the-- until the porn stuff.

But until then, I thought we were having a

fun night together and we were

really starting to get along.

Despite your original reasons for having me over.

I-- I thought you were having a good time, too.

I was.

So...

But, uh-- What do you think this is?

Are you-- are you trying to fuck me?

What? No! No, I-- I mean, not that I would be

opposed, you kn-- because, you know, I think you're

gorgeous and everything, but-- but--

No, no, no, I mean, um, date you, or--

Date me?

Yes.

I meant the possibility of in the future, you know,

not just after, like, one night of us hanging out again

'cause, you know, I'm not-- not not like crazy or anything,

but-- but, yeah, because I like you

and I thought you liked me, too?

Alright, you fucking bitch.

Wow.

Good dog. Good dog.

Hey, guys.

What's her name?

Woo! There you go.

Alright, Ruthie, who's a good dog. Who's a good dog, huh?

I, uh, texted myself plenty of stuff in here,

so, you know, don't tell anyone.

Yeah.

Don't tell anyone.

So you can fight, huh?

Uh, yeah, I can wrestle.

I-- I guess.

I want a rematch.

No.

You know, I, uh...

...I really do like you, Cassie.

I like you too, Blake.

No, I mean, I like-like you.

Uh, maybe we could do something.

We could do the lab on Sunday.

You know, I--

Woop!

I don't think that that's a great idea.

Yeah.

Um...

W-- Bye, then.

Bye, everybody.

Don't come back.

Come on, this good girl needs some water-- some water...

Mom and Dad are five minutes away.

You're not that low.

No, Cassie.

Oh, my God.

- What? - She-- she told

our parents about the sex tapes.

She wants-- she wants to--

she wants to tell Mom. You are so fucked up.

- Oh, my God. - Fuck you, Max.

She has a right to know.

She has a right to know?

That's not why you called them back here tonight.

In the middle of their trip, you want a big, dramatic reveal.

You want to burn this family to the ground.

If I had a daughter and she knew something about my husband,

I would want her to tell me.

Don't pretend that this is some mother-daughter bond shit.

Alright? You can't lie to me, Cassie.

You-- you just wanna destroy us.

Why shouldn't I?

Seriously, do you think they have a good marriage?

They are a fucking black hole

and you're tryna push me in

and I won't fucking go.

- What? - Don't you think we're all

miserable enough without your insane, theatrical,

pity-party drama?

You make things worse.

You make it harder.

And what do you do, Max?

You separate yourself? You disappear?

Run away like a fucking coward?

How full of hate must you be to do something like this?

I'm full of hate?

You're the angriest person I've ever met.

You're so angry, it's exhausting.

That and how mean you are. You're defining characteristic.

Don't fucking talk to me.

I didn't seek you out to have conversations, okay?

Just leave me alone.

Fine, I'll leave you alone forever!

You're fucking psychotic.

I said something about you cutting yourself

and you call our parents to show

them dad cheating on mom to get back at me?

Oh, you think that these are funny?

What? No.

Do you think that these are funny?

- You know I don't. - Are you sure?

Are you sure that you don't want to tell a fun story about them?

I don't-- Cassie,

I don't think they're funny.

You're so-- you don't know.

You-- you have no fucking clue.

You got yourself to feel

something else and yet cutting is the

alternative and cutting is...

...just a--

Cassie...

...I'm sorry.

Alright? I'm sorry.

I was sorry then, too.

And I'm sorry...

that I didn't...

I didn't--

I wasn't a lot of help.

I know that.

But please don't do this.

You-- you know when things were really bad and--

and-- and they were just screaming at each other

all the time and--

and-- and, it was because of them but it was also

because of me.

I just-- I felt like I was being eaten from the inside.

And I looked to you...

...my brother...

...for something, anything.

Hoping to see that there was someone in there

who could see what I could.

Who was experiencing something, too.

That I wasn't completely fucking alone.

Of course, I--

How could I not?

I'm just as much a part of this family as you are.

But I never saw that.

We all do what we have to, Cassie.

Yeah, we do.

Sky, hide upstairs.

What is it now? What is it?

What's the emergency?

What's the emergency?

Guys?

Guys?

Hello?

We figured it out. Sorry.

What? You figured what out?

Yeah, you tell me exactly why you called,

what the problem was, why you wouldn't tell

me over the phone,

why you thought it was an emergency,

how you solved it.

I mean, this-- this is unbelievable.

This is unbelievable.

You can't scare us like this!

You can't scare us like this.

Answer your mother.

You almost gave her a heart attack.

We were worried sick.

This is no good, guys.

No good at all.

This is no good?

Are you serious?

-What? What did I do? -You can't bring your foot down

a little bit more?

Aren't you gonna do anything?

You have to be everybody's best friend.

You're turning this on me now?

Well, I'd like a little help

with the parenting.

Would you like a little drink, Marie?

Can I make you a little drink?

Don't you walk away from me!

I have been traveling in the car for eight hours.

-We've missed the wedding. -I have-- First of all,

you didn't want to go to the fucking wedding.

I have been driving for eight hours.

You have been sitting and sleeping.

And all you can say is, "This is no good"?

- This is no good? God... - Yeah, "It's no good. "That's what I said.

The best you could come up with.

Don't take that out on me.

All you can say is...

You're crying.

I've never seen you cry before.

Shut up.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

For when you were...

I know.

Okay, get off me.

Hey...

Hey, it's okay.

Hey, it's okay.

You are nothing like them, Max.

People make long distance sound harder than it is.

Yeah?

I have to ask you a question.

I put too much cologne on, didn't I?