Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:23,612 --> 00:00:25,168
-[seagulls squawking]
-[ship horn sounding]
2
00:00:25,168 --> 00:00:27,601
Gentlemen! My fellow whites!
3
00:00:27,601 --> 00:00:30,069
Let's raise a glass
to this pyramid of money.
4
00:00:30,104 --> 00:00:34,640
The foundation
of which was built upon
our favorite pastime.
5
00:00:34,640 --> 00:00:35,573
Fucking the poor!
6
00:00:35,575 --> 00:00:38,244
[all laughing]
7
00:00:38,279 --> 00:00:40,680
Party's over,
ya pieces of shit!
8
00:00:40,715 --> 00:00:44,116
This is my money now
so back the fuck off!
9
00:00:44,151 --> 00:00:45,986
[all laughing]
10
00:00:46,018 --> 00:00:47,820
Harley Quinn?
11
00:00:47,822 --> 00:00:51,057
[scoffs] I mean,
you think we're afraid
of the Joker's girlfriend?
12
00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:52,158
[chuckling]
13
00:00:52,191 --> 00:00:53,526
-[thuds]
-[screaming in pain]
14
00:00:53,527 --> 00:00:55,392
-So, here's the deal...
-[man screaming]
15
00:00:55,392 --> 00:00:57,297
Are ya gonna shut the fuck up
so I can talk?
16
00:00:57,331 --> 00:00:59,532
[screaming]
I'm in a lot of pain!
17
00:00:59,566 --> 00:01:01,866
Oh, just give it a minute,
you'll go into shock.
18
00:01:01,901 --> 00:01:03,169
-[whimpers]
-[body thuds]
19
00:01:03,201 --> 00:01:04,905
Yeah, there it is.
So, as I was saying--
20
00:01:04,906 --> 00:01:06,939
-[guns cocking]
-You made a big mistake
coming alone.
21
00:01:06,972 --> 00:01:11,972
[laughing]
She's not exactly alone.
22
00:01:12,344 --> 00:01:15,248
She brought a plus one!
[laughing]
23
00:01:15,281 --> 00:01:17,551
It's me, Joker!
24
00:01:17,584 --> 00:01:19,585
Apologies,
but your friend, Rupert,
25
00:01:19,585 --> 00:01:21,886
just couldn't face
coming out here.
26
00:01:21,921 --> 00:01:23,156
[vomits]
27
00:01:23,189 --> 00:01:26,426
[laughing] I'm so sad.
Where's my body?
28
00:01:26,459 --> 00:01:28,374
Puddin'? What the fuck
are ya doing?
29
00:01:28,374 --> 00:01:30,597
You're not supposed to
take his face off yet.
I had this covered.
30
00:01:30,630 --> 00:01:33,667
[stammering]
Yes, but I thought up
that great "plus one" line.
31
00:01:33,667 --> 00:01:37,002
And then I'm not going to
not puppeteer his face.
32
00:01:37,036 --> 00:01:38,572
-[babbling]
-[bankers gagging]
33
00:01:38,605 --> 00:01:40,239
All right, fine. Do your thing.
34
00:01:40,274 --> 00:01:42,442
So, listen up motherfuckers!
35
00:01:42,475 --> 00:01:44,112
Ya better
jump in the harbor right now,
36
00:01:44,112 --> 00:01:45,978
-or I'm gonna kill--
-[Joker laughing]
37
00:01:46,011 --> 00:01:49,048
[all screaming]
38
00:01:49,081 --> 00:01:50,951
God, really?
You just did it again.
39
00:01:50,951 --> 00:01:54,554
[laughing] That's because
I forgot I had the acid bomb.
40
00:01:54,587 --> 00:01:57,156
But we agreed I'm the muscle!
I do the hitting!
41
00:01:57,191 --> 00:01:59,258
[guns firing]
42
00:01:59,292 --> 00:02:01,060
You know,
you're great, you're great.
43
00:02:01,093 --> 00:02:02,962
You do your thing,
I do my thing.
44
00:02:02,995 --> 00:02:04,298
[man screaming]
45
00:02:04,331 --> 00:02:07,168
You're the appetizer.
I'm the entree.
46
00:02:07,168 --> 00:02:09,702
[man screaming]
47
00:02:09,737 --> 00:02:12,472
I can't spend my whole life
just bashin' goons.
48
00:02:12,505 --> 00:02:15,208
When Gothamites
hear the name "Harley Quinn,"
49
00:02:15,242 --> 00:02:16,843
I want 'em to piss 'emselves!
50
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,244
I want a taste of that.
51
00:02:18,278 --> 00:02:20,246
You want a taste of... piss?
52
00:02:20,246 --> 00:02:21,948
No, you know what I meant.
God, listen, puddin',
53
00:02:21,948 --> 00:02:24,684
can't you just see me
in the Legion of Doom?
54
00:02:24,719 --> 00:02:28,887
That is just... [laughs]
You don't want that.
55
00:02:28,921 --> 00:02:30,589
Besides, no,
56
00:02:30,589 --> 00:02:32,528
the Legion of Doom
doesn't give memberships
to sidekicks.
57
00:02:32,561 --> 00:02:35,028
-You have to be--
-Partners.
58
00:02:35,028 --> 00:02:36,114
[under breath] Oh, fuck me.
59
00:02:36,114 --> 00:02:38,933
I wanna be
your partner in crime.
For reals.
60
00:02:38,964 --> 00:02:41,601
-Can we talk about this later?
-If not now, when?
61
00:02:41,635 --> 00:02:46,172
I don't know, tomorrow?
I've kinda got
my hands full right now.
62
00:02:46,206 --> 00:02:48,456
[air whooshing]
63
00:02:51,945 --> 00:02:53,313
Joke's on you, Joker.
64
00:02:53,345 --> 00:02:55,147
Jesus, this guy.
65
00:02:55,182 --> 00:02:56,784
You'll never
take us alive, Bats!
66
00:02:56,817 --> 00:02:59,386
Love that
fighting spirit, Harley.
67
00:02:59,420 --> 00:03:02,053
But in this fight,
I'm afraid I have to
68
00:03:02,088 --> 00:03:03,857
take a dive.
69
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:05,826
Uh, dontcha mean "we"?
70
00:03:05,826 --> 00:03:08,362
You know
I'd love to take you, puddin',
71
00:03:08,396 --> 00:03:12,766
but I'd never deny you
the pleasure of buying me
time to escape.
72
00:03:12,797 --> 00:03:13,900
[grunting]
73
00:03:13,934 --> 00:03:15,869
Hey, but what if
I get sent to Arkham?
74
00:03:15,903 --> 00:03:18,571
Then you won't spend
even a single night!
75
00:03:18,606 --> 00:03:21,541
I'll break you out, my love.
I swear.
76
00:03:21,575 --> 00:03:25,410
Or actually, uh,
I have something tonight,
77
00:03:25,445 --> 00:03:27,914
but I'll definitely
get you out before breakfast.
78
00:03:27,914 --> 00:03:28,981
Love ya!
79
00:03:29,016 --> 00:03:31,819
["La Cucaracha" horn playing]
80
00:03:31,851 --> 00:03:33,688
[grunts] Ow.
81
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,189
Oh, ain't he cute
when he's escapin'?
82
00:03:36,222 --> 00:03:37,945
-No.
-[gasps]
83
00:03:39,458 --> 00:03:41,028
[Gordon]
You're a cancer, Quinn.
84
00:03:41,061 --> 00:03:43,930
Spreading from
Gotham's lymph nodes
into its spleen.
85
00:03:43,964 --> 00:03:46,867
And God help us
if you get to Gotham's bladder!
86
00:03:46,898 --> 00:03:48,166
But I'm the chemo.
87
00:03:48,166 --> 00:03:49,535
How long's he gonna
keep doin' this?
88
00:03:49,535 --> 00:03:52,040
You're a festering boil, Quinn.
A bedsore.
89
00:03:52,071 --> 00:03:55,041
A tapeworm that sets up shop
in Gotham's lower--
90
00:03:55,075 --> 00:03:56,375
-Jim.
-All right.
91
00:03:56,409 --> 00:03:57,444
Where's the Joker?
92
00:03:57,476 --> 00:03:59,094
I'll never give up my puddin'!
93
00:03:59,094 --> 00:04:01,481
Why are you protecting
a psychotic clown who
treats you like garbage?
94
00:04:01,481 --> 00:04:02,915
Asks the guy who fucks bats.
95
00:04:02,915 --> 00:04:04,183
He doesn't do that!
96
00:04:04,218 --> 00:04:05,451
-Jim.
-Sorry.
97
00:04:05,486 --> 00:04:06,853
I'm not tellin' ya shit!
98
00:04:06,887 --> 00:04:08,922
What me and Mistah J have
is real love.
99
00:04:08,956 --> 00:04:13,660
In fact, not too long ago,
we were on a rooftop
just like this.
100
00:04:13,694 --> 00:04:15,928
That's when Mistah J proposed.
101
00:04:15,962 --> 00:04:18,997
Till death do us part.
102
00:04:19,032 --> 00:04:21,134
Ooh! Told ya!
103
00:04:21,169 --> 00:04:23,907
After we get married,
we'll take a cruise
to Barbados,
104
00:04:23,907 --> 00:04:25,605
or maybe a resort
that's all-inclusive.
105
00:04:25,605 --> 00:04:27,706
They say they're all-inclusive,
but that's bullshit!
106
00:04:27,706 --> 00:04:29,708
They charge you for
the towels! Soap!
107
00:04:29,742 --> 00:04:31,177
-Jim.
-Top shelf liquor!
108
00:04:31,177 --> 00:04:32,545
-Jim!
-Right, right.
109
00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:33,780
Give up the Joker, Quinn,
110
00:04:33,812 --> 00:04:35,381
or you're going to Arkham
for life.
111
00:04:35,415 --> 00:04:37,182
[laughing sarcastically]
112
00:04:37,217 --> 00:04:38,951
[Gordon laughing along]
113
00:04:38,985 --> 00:04:42,722
[laughing hysterically]
Why are we laughing?
114
00:04:42,756 --> 00:04:44,592
'Cause you said "for life"!
115
00:04:44,624 --> 00:04:46,628
-And, as sure as I am
that he fucks bats...
-Okay.
116
00:04:46,660 --> 00:04:50,696
...I know my man'll
break me out of Arkham
before I spend a single night.
117
00:04:50,730 --> 00:04:53,299
[gate clanking and shutting]
118
00:04:53,331 --> 00:04:57,381
[all speaking indistinctly]
119
00:05:00,206 --> 00:05:01,342
Oh! Mistah J?
120
00:05:01,374 --> 00:05:03,910
-Hmm?
-Oh, sorry, my bad.
121
00:05:03,944 --> 00:05:05,778
I mean,
ya looked a little like him.
122
00:05:05,812 --> 00:05:07,581
I don't know
why you bother comin' here.
123
00:05:07,616 --> 00:05:10,217
He's never showing up.
124
00:05:10,249 --> 00:05:11,785
-[choking]
-[thuds]
125
00:05:11,818 --> 00:05:14,020
-Fuck off!
-[Poison Ivy] Yeah, fuck off!
126
00:05:14,054 --> 00:05:15,963
But for the record,
he does have a point.
127
00:05:15,963 --> 00:05:19,124
Just give me 15 more minutes.
Joker's probably
still fightin' Batman.
128
00:05:19,158 --> 00:05:21,026
I don't know, hon.
129
00:05:21,026 --> 00:05:23,931
It's, you know,
most superhero fights,
they're not like, eh...
130
00:05:23,931 --> 00:05:25,598
Calendar Man,
how long has she been in here?
131
00:05:25,598 --> 00:05:27,533
Oh, hey, Ivy! 183 days!
132
00:05:27,568 --> 00:05:31,670
Oh, sure. You remember
the incarceration date
of Porn Clown over here
133
00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:33,840
but not your own
son's birthday!
134
00:05:33,872 --> 00:05:35,607
For the last time,
I'm sorry, Debbie!
135
00:05:35,641 --> 00:05:37,276
Come on! I know it's June-ish.
136
00:05:37,276 --> 00:05:40,812
It's okay, Daddy.
I brought you this cactus
to keep you comp--
137
00:05:40,845 --> 00:05:43,016
[guard] Plant!
138
00:05:43,049 --> 00:05:46,987
There ain't no plant life
within 50 yards
of Poison Ivy, ya moron!
139
00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:49,489
-No wonder your dad
doesn't remember your birthday!
-[crying]
140
00:05:49,521 --> 00:05:51,691
[alarms blaring]
141
00:05:51,723 --> 00:05:54,593
All I'm saying is,
is that you can do
way better than Joker.
142
00:05:54,628 --> 00:05:56,663
I mean,
you're smart, you're strong...
143
00:05:56,663 --> 00:05:57,663
-[grunts]
-[thuds]
144
00:05:57,663 --> 00:05:59,532
You're in control
of your own destiny.
145
00:05:59,564 --> 00:06:01,146
Leave Joker for who?
146
00:06:01,146 --> 00:06:04,771
Some reliable square
who thinks he's "quirky"
for playin' on a dodgeball team
147
00:06:04,804 --> 00:06:06,506
and calls himself
a "beer nerd"?
148
00:06:06,538 --> 00:06:07,842
-[metallic clanging]
-Hmm.
149
00:06:07,874 --> 00:06:10,009
Okay, I know
you're talking about Dan.
150
00:06:10,044 --> 00:06:12,278
It was my first year
at Sarah Lawrence,
there were very slim pickings.
151
00:06:12,311 --> 00:06:13,879
[whimpers and grunts]
152
00:06:13,913 --> 00:06:16,047
I'm just sayin'
the Joker's excitin'.
153
00:06:16,081 --> 00:06:17,383
[grunting]
154
00:06:17,415 --> 00:06:18,451
He's challenging.
155
00:06:18,484 --> 00:06:19,819
He's psychotic.
156
00:06:19,854 --> 00:06:21,955
He threw you
into a vat of chemicals.
157
00:06:21,987 --> 00:06:23,557
You know, I prefer
to think of it as a--
[grunting]
158
00:06:23,592 --> 00:06:27,193
As a vat of freedom sauce!
[grunts]
159
00:06:27,225 --> 00:06:30,797
-[screaming]
-[squelching]
160
00:06:30,830 --> 00:06:33,265
He literally
made me who I am today.
161
00:06:33,299 --> 00:06:34,660
Aw...
162
00:06:36,970 --> 00:06:38,504
[Poison Ivy] Babe, let's,
let's just be honest.
163
00:06:38,504 --> 00:06:39,973
This isn't the first time
that Joker's...
164
00:06:39,973 --> 00:06:42,141
-[sniffs and snarls]
-...left you here to rot.
165
00:06:42,141 --> 00:06:43,509
He does not love you.
166
00:06:43,544 --> 00:06:45,121
Ya have to leave him.
167
00:06:45,121 --> 00:06:48,347
-And don't say--
-[both] You don't
know him like I do!
168
00:06:48,381 --> 00:06:50,717
Harley! Riddle me this.
169
00:06:50,749 --> 00:06:52,352
What did Nadia Comaneci do
170
00:06:52,386 --> 00:06:54,920
when she scored
a perfect ten
on the uneven bars
171
00:06:54,955 --> 00:06:57,491
during the 1976 Montreal Games?
172
00:06:57,523 --> 00:06:59,413
-Win a medal?
-Not menstruate till her 20s?
173
00:06:59,413 --> 00:07:00,463
-Ew.
-She broke a record!
174
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:01,795
Which is what you sound like!
175
00:07:01,828 --> 00:07:04,965
A broken record.
He's not coming!
176
00:07:04,997 --> 00:07:07,366
That is just
one person's opinion.
177
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,201
[all] He's not coming!
178
00:07:09,201 --> 00:07:12,451
Aw, the fuck do you know?
You're all fuckin' insane.
179
00:07:14,206 --> 00:07:16,711
[sighs heavily]
Or maybe I'm the crazy one.
180
00:07:16,711 --> 00:07:19,545
-[alarm blaring]
-[guns firing]
181
00:07:19,545 --> 00:07:20,545
Mistah J?
182
00:07:20,545 --> 00:07:22,881
[gasps] Mistah J!
183
00:07:22,915 --> 00:07:24,684
-I knew you'd--
-[exploding]
184
00:07:24,717 --> 00:07:26,653
-[gasps]
-[inmates screaming]
185
00:07:26,653 --> 00:07:27,655
Uh,
hola.
186
00:07:27,655 --> 00:07:28,922
Oh, it's you.
187
00:07:28,955 --> 00:07:31,624
[weakly]
How did you get a plant?
188
00:07:31,658 --> 00:07:34,393
I ate an orange
and shit out a seed!
[giggles]
189
00:07:34,427 --> 00:07:36,261
-Thanks, Ivy!
-Okay, let's go.
190
00:07:36,295 --> 00:07:38,265
No! 'Cause I'm waitin'!
191
00:07:38,265 --> 00:07:39,230
For--
192
00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:40,566
Joker, yeah, I got it.
193
00:07:40,566 --> 00:07:42,169
You know how long
you been saying that?
194
00:07:42,169 --> 00:07:45,638
-Calendar Man?
-Oh, hi!
Exactly one year today, Ivy.
195
00:07:45,672 --> 00:07:48,908
One year!
Happy Arkham
Anniversary, Harls.
196
00:07:48,943 --> 00:07:52,011
Here's your present. [blowing]
197
00:07:52,044 --> 00:07:55,848
[gasping]
198
00:07:55,881 --> 00:08:00,285
-[high-pitched ringing]
-[Harley groaning]
199
00:08:00,319 --> 00:08:01,653
[Harley] Uh...
200
00:08:01,687 --> 00:08:03,357
Where am I?
201
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:05,958
[Frank the plant]
I did not ask
for a fuckin' roommate.
202
00:08:05,992 --> 00:08:08,629
Uh, when you pay rent
you can make decisions, Frank.
203
00:08:08,662 --> 00:08:12,732
Ugh, look what
all those months in Arkham
did to my poor babies.
204
00:08:12,732 --> 00:08:14,499
And where is
that stupid neighbor kid
205
00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:16,569
I hired to water them,
for fuck's sake?
206
00:08:16,602 --> 00:08:19,405
Uh, he quit after a week.
Very unprofes--
207
00:08:19,437 --> 00:08:21,408
[retches]
208
00:08:21,441 --> 00:08:23,776
Really, Frank?
What if his parents
come to look for him?
209
00:08:23,809 --> 00:08:26,278
Unlikely. [retching]
210
00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:28,148
[groans] What am I doing here?
211
00:08:28,181 --> 00:08:29,782
The Joker's gonna go
crazy with worry
212
00:08:29,782 --> 00:08:31,318
when he tries
to break me out of Arkham
213
00:08:31,318 --> 00:08:32,486
and sees I'm not there!
214
00:08:32,519 --> 00:08:34,322
He does not care!
215
00:08:34,354 --> 00:08:36,756
Our escape
was all over the news
and he has not come to see you.
216
00:08:36,789 --> 00:08:38,360
Oh, my God. You're right.
217
00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,827
Somethin' terrible
must have happened to him!
218
00:08:40,861 --> 00:08:42,294
[gasps] I hope he's okay!
219
00:08:42,328 --> 00:08:44,097
Oh, my God!
220
00:08:44,130 --> 00:08:46,535
What do I have to do
to prove that Joker
does not love you?
221
00:08:46,569 --> 00:08:50,270
Uh, ya can't.
I am outta here!
222
00:08:50,303 --> 00:08:52,539
[Poison Ivy] For once
you're gonna listen.
223
00:08:52,572 --> 00:08:54,577
You were a genius psychiatrist.
224
00:08:54,610 --> 00:08:56,876
Do you remember
how you diagnosed me?
225
00:08:56,910 --> 00:08:59,612
Sure.
A classic misanthrope
with abandonment issues
226
00:08:59,645 --> 00:09:01,948
who befriends plants
to avoid human intimacy.
227
00:09:01,981 --> 00:09:03,284
-Nailed it!
-Frank.
228
00:09:03,317 --> 00:09:05,485
-[Frank the plant groans]
-You helped me.
229
00:09:05,519 --> 00:09:07,288
I can be around people now.
230
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:11,010
You know, I mean, I hate it,
but I can do it
without vomiting.
231
00:09:11,010 --> 00:09:13,794
Harleen Quinzel
was the only doctor
232
00:09:13,794 --> 00:09:15,628
who ever got through to me.
233
00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:18,933
What do you think
that she would say to you?
234
00:09:18,966 --> 00:09:20,767
Why are you always tied up?
235
00:09:20,799 --> 00:09:23,803
Oh. [chuckles]
Look how square
and boring I look.
236
00:09:23,837 --> 00:09:25,238
Yeah. You look way better now.
237
00:09:25,272 --> 00:09:27,173
Look, I need some helpwith a patient.
238
00:09:27,207 --> 00:09:28,442
Oh. Then, sure. Shoot.
239
00:09:28,442 --> 00:09:29,674
I'm gonna...
I'm gonna take a guess
240
00:09:29,674 --> 00:09:31,241
that the picture
is talking to you?
241
00:09:31,241 --> 00:09:33,880
Tell her yes,but to stay out of it
because we are making progress.
242
00:09:33,914 --> 00:09:36,450
The picture says stay out of it
'cause it's making progress.
243
00:09:36,483 --> 00:09:40,654
So, this patient of mine,she's fixated ona murderous psychopath
244
00:09:40,654 --> 00:09:42,222
and won't endtheir relationship
245
00:09:42,222 --> 00:09:43,991
no matterhow terribly he treats her.
246
00:09:44,024 --> 00:09:47,025
Oh, easy.
Classic abusive codependency.
247
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:49,262
You just gotta show her
there's no future with him
248
00:09:49,262 --> 00:09:52,498
and she needs to end it
and find her own identity
and... [gasps]
249
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:55,367
Oh. I see. You're smart.
250
00:09:55,367 --> 00:09:57,371
I know. I'm you.
251
00:09:57,395 --> 00:10:00,308
The authoritiesare still on the huntfor escaped Arkham inmates
252
00:10:00,341 --> 00:10:04,611
Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn,
and Gotham's funniest villain,The Rid--
253
00:10:04,645 --> 00:10:06,145
[guns firing]
254
00:10:06,178 --> 00:10:07,580
Screw that guy!
255
00:10:07,613 --> 00:10:10,384
Name someone
funnier than me, Stan.
256
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:13,251
-Harley?
-What? No! Sta...
257
00:10:13,285 --> 00:10:15,054
Women aren't funny!
258
00:10:15,087 --> 00:10:16,524
[groaning]
259
00:10:16,558 --> 00:10:18,791
She's standing behind you.
260
00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:21,126
-[clearing throat]
-Oh, hey, Harley.
261
00:10:21,126 --> 00:10:22,063
Ragweed.
262
00:10:22,063 --> 00:10:24,664
That's it? Just "Hey, Harley"?
263
00:10:24,664 --> 00:10:26,632
You left me in Arkham
for a year!
264
00:10:26,666 --> 00:10:28,736
You abandoned me,
you lied to me!
265
00:10:28,769 --> 00:10:29,937
But this is the last time.
266
00:10:29,937 --> 00:10:31,438
I am here to break up with you!
267
00:10:31,471 --> 00:10:33,774
Oh, shit! She's dumpin' you.
268
00:10:33,806 --> 00:10:36,409
No, she's not!
She doesn't call the shots!
269
00:10:36,443 --> 00:10:38,511
Yeah, 'cause I'm callin' a cab.
270
00:10:38,544 --> 00:10:39,578
See ya never.
271
00:10:39,578 --> 00:10:40,580
Oh, shit.
272
00:10:40,613 --> 00:10:42,649
Oh, uh, thank goodness.
273
00:10:42,649 --> 00:10:46,152
She's finally doing
exactly what
I prayed she would.
274
00:10:46,152 --> 00:10:47,755
-[Harley] What?
-[Poison Ivy]
Oh, for fuck's sake.
275
00:10:47,788 --> 00:10:49,822
Much as it destroys me
to say it, Harley,
276
00:10:49,856 --> 00:10:51,958
I was going to insist
on breaking up,
277
00:10:51,958 --> 00:10:54,294
because it's the only way
to keep you safe.
278
00:10:54,327 --> 00:10:55,962
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
279
00:10:55,995 --> 00:10:57,897
Yes, no, please
continue with your bullshit.
280
00:10:57,931 --> 00:11:01,202
The world's gone mad
since you've been in Arkham.
281
00:11:01,235 --> 00:11:03,370
Have you seen
Commissioner Gordon?
He's lost it.
282
00:11:03,404 --> 00:11:08,174
He wants revenge
because I "paralyzed"
his "partner." [chuckles]
283
00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:11,779
He and Batman
are hell-bent on destroying
everyone I care about.
284
00:11:11,812 --> 00:11:13,380
That's why
you didn't come get me?
285
00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:14,981
-[Poison Ivy moaning]
-Keeping you away from me
286
00:11:14,981 --> 00:11:17,217
was the only way
to protect you.
287
00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:18,251
And still is.
288
00:11:18,285 --> 00:11:19,953
So, I'm afraid, my dear,
this is a...
289
00:11:19,986 --> 00:11:21,921
Oh, it's a
heartbreaking goodbye.
290
00:11:21,955 --> 00:11:24,424
-Uh, no, no wait!
-No! No "wait."
291
00:11:24,458 --> 00:11:26,327
-This is
what you wanted, Harley!
-Is it?
292
00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,828
It is, yes.
You came here to do this.
293
00:11:28,828 --> 00:11:31,464
Yes! Listen to
your awful friend.
294
00:11:31,496 --> 00:11:33,099
So, this is really the end?
295
00:11:33,134 --> 00:11:34,834
-Yep. This is it. Let's go.
-Unless...
296
00:11:34,834 --> 00:11:35,935
-[Poison Ivy groaning]
-Unless what?
297
00:11:35,935 --> 00:11:38,438
Unless our love is so powerful
298
00:11:38,439 --> 00:11:42,075
-even the threat of death
can't keep us apart.
-[gasps]
299
00:11:42,075 --> 00:11:44,611
Oh, screw it!
I'll die for you any day.
300
00:11:44,645 --> 00:11:47,014
-I'm in!
-Really? Me too!
301
00:11:47,046 --> 00:11:48,815
-[Harley] Mwah!
-[both moaning]
302
00:11:48,847 --> 00:11:51,284
What the fuck just happened?
303
00:11:51,284 --> 00:11:52,919
We're gonna need
some privacy, Ive.
304
00:11:52,919 --> 00:11:55,889
Sorry, but it's gonna get
real gross, real quick.
305
00:11:55,923 --> 00:11:58,022
[both moaning]
306
00:12:01,594 --> 00:12:03,996
On and off.
307
00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:05,765
And on and off.
308
00:12:05,798 --> 00:12:07,767
Everything lives
and everything dies.
309
00:12:07,799 --> 00:12:09,135
-Jim?
-I wasn't playing with it.
310
00:12:09,169 --> 00:12:10,904
-[grumbles]
-It's the Riddler.
311
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:12,039
We hear he's got a riddle
so funny
312
00:12:12,039 --> 00:12:13,405
it makes
people's brains explode.
313
00:12:13,405 --> 00:12:15,641
And he plans to broadcast it
on live TV.
314
00:12:15,674 --> 00:12:17,678
Not if I solve it first.
315
00:12:17,711 --> 00:12:19,313
Oh, and hey,
I was thinking about
316
00:12:19,313 --> 00:12:20,713
having some friends over
to the house for
a barbecue if--
317
00:12:20,746 --> 00:12:22,448
-No.
-All right.
318
00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:26,053
And they say
it's so funny it makes
people's brains explode!
319
00:12:26,053 --> 00:12:27,887
Let me take your mind
off the Riddler.
320
00:12:27,887 --> 00:12:30,558
I made some bread puddin'
for my puddin'.
321
00:12:30,591 --> 00:12:34,928
Okay. [clears throat]
You're not grasping
the impact of this.
322
00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,896
Funny is
my thing
323
00:12:36,929 --> 00:12:40,766
and this asshole's
trying to steal it on live TV!
324
00:12:40,799 --> 00:12:42,769
Also, are those raisins?
325
00:12:42,769 --> 00:12:43,670
I mean, why?
326
00:12:43,670 --> 00:12:45,871
[gun firing]
327
00:12:45,905 --> 00:12:47,606
They're chocolate chips.
328
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,610
Sorry.
I do love chocolate chips.
329
00:12:50,644 --> 00:12:51,977
I apologize, puddin'.
330
00:12:52,011 --> 00:12:54,349
It just seems like
every time I turn around,
331
00:12:54,384 --> 00:12:57,016
someone's gushing over
the Riddler.
332
00:12:57,049 --> 00:12:58,785
I mean, seriously,
333
00:12:58,785 --> 00:13:01,988
his whole schtick
is being the world's
most indirect asshole!
334
00:13:01,988 --> 00:13:03,217
Okay, how about this?
335
00:13:03,217 --> 00:13:05,827
If I kill the Riddler
in the next hour,
can we still have date night?
336
00:13:05,827 --> 00:13:08,495
I got a Reese Witherspoon movie
I was thinkin' we could watch.
337
00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,764
Well, I do love my Reese.
338
00:13:10,796 --> 00:13:12,131
All right. Kill him.
339
00:13:12,165 --> 00:13:13,900
But it's
Legally Blonde
or I'm out!
340
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:15,467
It's
Sweet Home Alabama.
341
00:13:15,501 --> 00:13:19,371
This day... sucks!
342
00:13:19,405 --> 00:13:21,308
Wow, how do they
not find these lairs?
343
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:26,342
And we're murdering everyone
in Gotham in three, two...
344
00:13:26,413 --> 00:13:27,732
Citizens of Gotham,
345
00:13:27,732 --> 00:13:31,684
Riddler here with a riddle
so hilarious...
[laughing]
346
00:13:31,717 --> 00:13:33,219
...you'll die laughing!
347
00:13:33,253 --> 00:13:36,490
Hey, Riddler.
I got some notes on your show.
348
00:13:36,522 --> 00:13:37,857
It's over, Riddler...
349
00:13:37,857 --> 00:13:39,424
Wait a minute,
what are you doing here?
350
00:13:39,424 --> 00:13:40,861
Buzz off, Batsie,
I'm in the middle of doing
a "notes" bit!
351
00:13:40,894 --> 00:13:45,332
[whirring]
352
00:13:45,366 --> 00:13:46,866
[Riddler]
Riddle me this, you two.
353
00:13:46,899 --> 00:13:48,900
What is cold but still burns?
354
00:13:48,935 --> 00:13:52,072
What will eat you
if you drink it? What--
355
00:13:52,106 --> 00:13:53,306
-Acid.
-It's acid.
356
00:13:53,341 --> 00:13:55,409
I am not done.
What is... Wait...
357
00:13:55,443 --> 00:13:57,544
Did I say the thing about
cold but it still burns?
358
00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:58,645
-Yes.
-Right.
359
00:13:58,645 --> 00:14:00,179
-No!
-Because it's acid.
360
00:14:00,213 --> 00:14:02,351
Okay, it's acid.
I'm dropping you
in a pool of acid.
361
00:14:02,385 --> 00:14:05,834
[sizzling and bubbling]
362
00:14:07,820 --> 00:14:09,556
You're makin' a big mistake,
363
00:14:09,556 --> 00:14:11,962
'cause when my man
hears about this,
he's gonna come runnin'.
364
00:14:11,962 --> 00:14:14,795
Precisely what I'm counting on.
365
00:14:14,795 --> 00:14:19,795
Why don't I invite him
over right now for
a little game night?
366
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:22,303
So you don't
have a riddle so funny
367
00:14:22,336 --> 00:14:23,703
it makes
people's brains explode?
368
00:14:23,736 --> 00:14:24,971
-No.
-I knew it!
369
00:14:24,971 --> 00:14:26,339
You won't
get away with this, Riddler.
370
00:14:26,339 --> 00:14:28,041
If there's no riddle,
why are we here?
371
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:30,077
To play a little game.
372
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:33,012
Choose one to live
and one to die
373
00:14:33,012 --> 00:14:35,515
and in the acid,
the loser will fry.
374
00:14:35,549 --> 00:14:37,985
Is it the good kind of acid
that gives you super powers?
375
00:14:37,985 --> 00:14:39,618
-No. Choose!
-[Harley] Aw...
376
00:14:39,652 --> 00:14:41,354
Go ahead. Tell him, Mistah J!
377
00:14:41,389 --> 00:14:43,458
-Deep fry that bat.
-Yes, well, yes, yes.
378
00:14:43,492 --> 00:14:47,727
It would seem an easy choice,
Harley, but... [giggling]
379
00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:51,330
[giggling uncontrollably]
380
00:14:51,363 --> 00:14:52,363
Puddin'?
381
00:14:52,363 --> 00:14:54,568
Even for you
that's a lot of
maniacal giggling.
382
00:14:54,601 --> 00:14:56,870
Sorry, my little
strung-up pheasant,
383
00:14:56,904 --> 00:15:00,207
-but I couldn't possibly
let this punctuation prick...
-[Riddler] Hey!
384
00:15:00,241 --> 00:15:03,309
...get credit for
killing Batman, now, could I?
385
00:15:03,343 --> 00:15:06,846
Free the bat, drop the broad.
386
00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,780
[whirring]
387
00:15:08,814 --> 00:15:10,482
[screaming]
388
00:15:10,516 --> 00:15:12,916
[Joker laughing]
389
00:15:16,022 --> 00:15:19,621
[romantic music playing]
390
00:15:25,698 --> 00:15:28,602
Till death do us part.
391
00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:31,371
But that's not
what really happened, is it?
392
00:15:31,404 --> 00:15:33,339
Aw, shit.
What are you
doin' in my memory?
393
00:15:33,373 --> 00:15:35,141
It's my memory, too, dummy.
394
00:15:35,174 --> 00:15:37,812
First of all,
those weren't violinists.
395
00:15:37,844 --> 00:15:40,981
-And you weren't
dancing with Joker.
-[gasps]
396
00:15:41,014 --> 00:15:43,384
And it wasn't
an engagement ring.
397
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:46,152
But, if all that's true,
then why'd he say--
398
00:15:46,185 --> 00:15:48,488
Till death do us part.
399
00:15:48,521 --> 00:15:51,661
Because he didn't say it
to you.
400
00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:53,194
[whirring]
401
00:16:00,032 --> 00:16:03,102
It was him all along,
wasn't it?
402
00:16:03,136 --> 00:16:04,203
It's always been him.
403
00:16:04,237 --> 00:16:09,108
[Joker laughing]
404
00:16:09,142 --> 00:16:11,477
[Joker laughing]
405
00:16:11,511 --> 00:16:15,714
[Harley]
Joker never loved me.He only loves Batman.
406
00:16:15,748 --> 00:16:19,551
[bubbling]
407
00:16:19,586 --> 00:16:21,520
[gasps]
408
00:16:21,553 --> 00:16:22,789
[coughing]
409
00:16:22,822 --> 00:16:25,692
[gasps] Ivy!
410
00:16:25,724 --> 00:16:27,294
You saved me from the acid!
411
00:16:27,327 --> 00:16:29,596
It's actually
just margarita mix.
412
00:16:29,596 --> 00:16:30,363
It's still kinda stingy.
413
00:16:30,363 --> 00:16:32,500
Okay, I did my part,
414
00:16:32,532 --> 00:16:35,400
so we're square
for you breaking me
out of Arkham?
415
00:16:35,435 --> 00:16:37,604
His... His part?
What's he talking about?
416
00:16:37,604 --> 00:16:39,640
So don't go all
Harley on me, okay?
417
00:16:39,673 --> 00:16:41,974
But I did set
this whole thing up.
418
00:16:41,976 --> 00:16:43,977
I've been telling you forever
that the Joker's
no good for you
419
00:16:43,977 --> 00:16:47,347
but it seemed like
such a hard concept
for you to understand,
420
00:16:47,347 --> 00:16:49,851
so I decided
to let you see it for yourself.
421
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:54,187
[groans]
I just wanna crawl back
into that acid and die.
422
00:16:54,187 --> 00:16:57,491
Again, it's margarita mix,
so that doesn't apply.
But look, chin up.
423
00:16:57,524 --> 00:17:01,328
You know, you still got me.
And I care about you so much
424
00:17:01,362 --> 00:17:05,699
that I spent my entire Saturday
setting up something
this fucking stupid.
425
00:17:05,731 --> 00:17:07,467
That's true.
I bet it wasn't easy.
426
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,234
Eh, you know,
the biggest pain in the ass
427
00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:11,271
was just finding
150 gallons of this shit.
428
00:17:11,305 --> 00:17:13,540
I told you
to get a Costco card.
429
00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:15,974
And I told you
I only go there once a year,
430
00:17:16,009 --> 00:17:17,912
so it doesn't
pay for itself, chief!
431
00:17:17,944 --> 00:17:21,981
[groans] I can't believe
I wasted years of my life
on that idiot clown!
432
00:17:22,013 --> 00:17:24,051
Oh, boo-fuckin'-hoo.
433
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:26,453
I spent ten years
in a dog park.
434
00:17:26,486 --> 00:17:30,390
Come talk to me
after a St. Bernard
shits on your face!
435
00:17:30,423 --> 00:17:32,357
-Frank, Jesus.
-[Frank groans]
436
00:17:32,393 --> 00:17:34,595
Harley, I love you in...
437
00:17:34,627 --> 00:17:38,732
[sighs] In a very odd,
hard-to-articulate way.
438
00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:41,300
And if you just stopped
sabotaging yourself--
439
00:17:41,335 --> 00:17:42,636
-Unlikely.
-Right.
440
00:17:42,669 --> 00:17:46,240
But if you did,
the world would be yours.
441
00:17:46,271 --> 00:17:49,443
And you could be any kind of...
I don't know,
442
00:17:49,476 --> 00:17:51,479
circus performer you want.
443
00:17:51,479 --> 00:17:53,481
Yeah. You know, why am I
still wearing this thing?
444
00:17:53,481 --> 00:17:56,649
-I do not know.
-[doorbell ringing]
445
00:17:56,683 --> 00:17:57,851
Joker-gram!
446
00:17:57,885 --> 00:18:00,421
"Knew you'd make it out.
Let's forget the past.
447
00:18:00,453 --> 00:18:02,789
I sent this idiot to shout,
let's have a bla--"
448
00:18:02,822 --> 00:18:03,991
[tune ringing]
449
00:18:04,022 --> 00:18:06,626
Uh...
450
00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:09,363
Just to be clear.
You don't find this
charming, right?
451
00:18:09,395 --> 00:18:11,597
-No. No, no, no, no, no.
-Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, cool.
452
00:18:11,632 --> 00:18:14,032
I mean, look, you know,
there's obviously
something super romantic
453
00:18:14,067 --> 00:18:15,568
about a man who explodes...
454
00:18:15,603 --> 00:18:17,370
-Right.
-...another man for you.
455
00:18:17,404 --> 00:18:19,539
But, but no.
No, I'm totally
finished with him.
456
00:18:19,570 --> 00:18:20,875
Oh, finally!
457
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:22,643
Yeah, yeah! You know,
I am so gonna show the world
458
00:18:22,643 --> 00:18:24,978
I am more
than just Joker's girlfriend!
459
00:18:25,011 --> 00:18:26,578
-There ya go! There ya go!
-Mmm-hmm!
460
00:18:26,579 --> 00:18:28,683
-I'm gonna have my own capers!
-Goddamn right you are!
461
00:18:28,683 --> 00:18:31,416
Like, like, like,
I'll kidnap the mayor of Gotham
462
00:18:31,417 --> 00:18:32,787
and I'll put him in a missile
463
00:18:32,819 --> 00:18:34,488
and I'll just, like,
shoot it at the moon
464
00:18:34,521 --> 00:18:37,524
unless he names
a highway after me, huh?
465
00:18:37,526 --> 00:18:40,028
-Uh, um, okay?
-I'm actually
still workshopping that.
466
00:18:40,028 --> 00:18:42,029
-Yeah.
-But me and the Joker,
we are so through!
467
00:18:42,060 --> 00:18:44,200
Okay, cool, yeah. No, for sure.
468
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:50,436
[man] Huh?
469
00:18:53,472 --> 00:18:55,407
[Joker] Oh, come on.
470
00:18:55,442 --> 00:18:59,078
Hey, does anyone know
our damn Wi-Fi password?
471
00:18:59,111 --> 00:19:02,013
Harley? Oh. Is that you?
472
00:19:02,048 --> 00:19:03,517
It's me, dickhead.
473
00:19:03,517 --> 00:19:05,351
Uh, by the way,
that's also the Wi-Fi password.
474
00:19:05,351 --> 00:19:08,755
What is?
"It's-me-dickhead?"
or just "me-dickhead"?
475
00:19:08,755 --> 00:19:12,659
Ah, it doesn't matter.
You look fantastic.
Is that new lipstick, or--
476
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,961
-Ya treated me bad.
-What?
477
00:19:14,993 --> 00:19:16,328
-Ya lied to me.
-Aw.
478
00:19:16,328 --> 00:19:18,097
-Ya never loved me.
-Come on.
479
00:19:18,097 --> 00:19:19,464
I know that now.
480
00:19:19,465 --> 00:19:21,434
Well, well,
heh, that's nonsense, puddin'.
481
00:19:21,467 --> 00:19:25,271
My motives are never clear!
I'm an agent of chaos!
482
00:19:25,305 --> 00:19:26,539
That's what you love about me!
483
00:19:26,574 --> 00:19:28,442
Not anymore. We're through.
484
00:19:28,473 --> 00:19:32,111
Oh, yeah, this again?
Look, let me make this clear.
485
00:19:32,145 --> 00:19:34,213
You don't
ever break up with me!
486
00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:36,149
I'm the top supervillain
in Gotham.
487
00:19:36,183 --> 00:19:39,385
Not for long.
'Cause you're lookin' at
your replacement.
488
00:19:39,419 --> 00:19:42,820
You? [laughs] Replace me?
489
00:19:42,856 --> 00:19:44,251
I created you!
490
00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:47,328
You won't even
get out of this building alive
unless I let you.
491
00:19:47,364 --> 00:19:49,995
[whistles]
492
00:19:50,029 --> 00:19:54,500
[men chuckling]
493
00:19:54,534 --> 00:19:58,021
-[swords slashing]
-[guns cocking]
494
00:19:58,021 --> 00:19:59,838
[blowing]
495
00:19:59,873 --> 00:20:01,906
Bring it, bitch.
496
00:20:01,942 --> 00:20:04,010
[electricity buzzing]
497
00:20:04,042 --> 00:20:05,542
[grunting]
498
00:20:09,281 --> 00:20:11,550
[groans]
499
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:13,854
-[Joker chuckling]
-[bomb laughing]
500
00:20:13,886 --> 00:20:15,753
[beeping]
501
00:20:15,789 --> 00:20:18,258
Ooh! Ah!
502
00:20:18,290 --> 00:20:21,028
[all chuckling]
503
00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:24,231
[grunting]
504
00:20:24,262 --> 00:20:26,732
[groans]
505
00:20:26,765 --> 00:20:28,501
[squeals]
506
00:20:28,536 --> 00:20:30,837
Just say the word
and I'll call it off.
507
00:20:30,870 --> 00:20:33,005
[coughing]
508
00:20:33,039 --> 00:20:35,509
Till death do us part.
509
00:20:35,541 --> 00:20:38,393
Oh, fine. Kill her.
510
00:20:40,945 --> 00:20:44,250
[grunting]
511
00:20:44,282 --> 00:20:46,086
[Joker laughing]
512
00:20:46,117 --> 00:20:49,990
[grunts]
513
00:20:50,021 --> 00:20:53,291
Ooh!
514
00:20:53,327 --> 00:20:56,163
[grunting]
515
00:20:56,194 --> 00:20:57,846
[screaming]
516
00:21:03,970 --> 00:21:05,470
Hell yeah!
517
00:21:09,443 --> 00:21:11,092
[screaming]
518
00:21:20,854 --> 00:21:24,991
[bomb beeping]
519
00:21:25,024 --> 00:21:27,729
[both grunting]
520
00:21:27,761 --> 00:21:29,308
-[groans]
-[bomb beeping]
521
00:21:30,463 --> 00:21:33,012
[Harley laughing]
522
00:21:45,511 --> 00:21:49,048
Hey, I was just gonna see
if you need any help,
but you seem good.
523
00:21:49,049 --> 00:21:50,173
Love the new look.
524
00:21:50,173 --> 00:21:52,286
Gonna go pick up
some Thai food.
Text me what you want?
525
00:21:52,318 --> 00:21:53,988
Oh wait,
I'll have a green potato curry.
526
00:21:54,020 --> 00:21:56,057
Yeah, but I said...
[stammering]
Just text it to me.
527
00:21:56,088 --> 00:21:57,589
-But you're right here.
-Yeah, but,
I'm not gonna remember it.
528
00:21:57,625 --> 00:21:59,292
And then
you won't like what I get you
529
00:21:59,327 --> 00:22:00,527
-and you're gonna
want some of mine.
-[sighs in frustration]
530
00:22:00,559 --> 00:22:02,663
Just, just fuckin' text it.
531
00:22:02,694 --> 00:22:06,399
[whimpering] Oh, what?
532
00:22:06,433 --> 00:22:08,135
You gonna kill me now?
533
00:22:08,167 --> 00:22:12,038
No, I want you alive
so I can see the look
on your face
534
00:22:12,070 --> 00:22:16,122
when I'm runnin' this town.
535
00:22:19,613 --> 00:22:24,613
[theme music playing]
39965
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
