Original subtitles

It all counts.

People don't think about it.

But we are nothing without numbers.

Sometimes it feels like they are a secret

that belongs only to me.

It doesn't matter who we are or what we believe.

The numbers stay the same.

The numbers never lie.

Ten, nine, eight, seven,

seven, eight, nine,

nine, nine, nine, nine... nine.

How the fuck did I end up with nine bananas?

There were ten.

Sorry. Do you mind passing me a magazine?

Which one?

- Pardon? - Which magazine do you want?

Oh, any.

You want ANY magazine?

Ah, thanks. Perfect.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Hey.

Hey, uh...

I thought maybe you'd want this.

Ah. That didn't really work out so well for Eve.

That's very good.

Look, if I give you this apple,

maybe you'll give back the banana you nicked from me.

Banana?

You stole one of my bananas back there

when you thought I wasn't looking,

but I was looking.

Oh, had you paid for the banana?

Not yet.

So that would make it the supermarket's banana.

And if I did take it from you - and that's a big if -

put it in my bag, paid for it and walked out,

well, that's possession, my friend.

And with nine tenths of the law,

well, that banana's definitely mine.

Hey! Look out!

Take it. Keep it.

Least I could do for the free legal advice.

You should see what ten apples will get you.

They could probably fix the whole justice system.

Bye.

Right.

I've always been good at flirting.

So many possible conversations to play out in my head.

Not that I get much practice these days.

172,000 mathematicians globally,

research grants shrinking by 4.6% per decade,

personal financial losses since hospitalisation,

substantial,

exponential gains in shame

and family disappointment.

I was born at midnight,

on the cusp of the 9th and 10th of July.

I invented the AC induction motor

and the Tesla coil.

I will never marry nor wish to bear children.

I like watching the pigeons in Republic Square.

My name is Grace Lisa Vandenburg.

There are 19 letters in my name.

I have a doctorate in mathematics.

I was in love when I was 21.

His name was Chris

and he looked a little bit like Nick Cave.

I don't like coriander.

And when I wear yellow, I look like a corpse.

If you shaved your moustache, you'd look like Kafka.

Pizde! Odjebi, ah.

You sleep by yourself tonight.

One, two, three, four, six.

One two, three four, five...

For ages, I had a single bed.

It was perfect.

That changed at the hospital.

I used to think that a double bed

was a vacant promise.

But not anymore.

My name is Nikola Tesla.

There are 11 letters in my name.

People don't understand obsessions.

An obsession is not a weakness.

When I found out someone as great as Nikola Tesla

was also a counter, he stopped being 'Tesla'.

And he just became 'Nik'.

- You look bored. - Not bored. Busy.

Euclid's elements will always be there, ljubavi. That's the beauty of them.

I have to keep sharp, Nik, a dull knife is death.

- Just give me ten minutes. - I'll give you three.

Six, then.

Same argument for years now.

Nine is my final offer.

If you're not counting in tens, you're a Neanderthal.

It's empirically perfect.

- Here she comes. - The metric system.

- Fingers and toes. - The wunderkind academic.

Well, FORMER academic.

We're nothing without tens.

They are the entire balance of a beautiful world.

If only you knew the magnificence of trinities,

forget the world, ljubavi,

you...

you could unlock the entire universe.

Order is important.

The world gets all loose and fuzzy without numbers.

Who wants that?

Besides, life without an obsession or two

is no fun at all.

Alright, guys.

F...

equals...

Larry.

Derivative of f.

Uh, five. Lucky.

I know the competition is still a way off,

but we have a huge amount of calculus still ahead of us.

So let's get ready for some continuous change.

Are you saying my humour's derivative?

Wow.

Alright, pack it up, you lot.

Grace. Hi. How are you finding it?

It's not too much too soon?

No, no. I, um... I'm just grateful to be working.

- Thanks. - I'll see you.

- Hey, Larry. - Hey, Freddie.

We going for chips and milkshakes.

You want to come?

Um, I can't.

I have plans with my aunt, so...

- Oh, well. See you later. - Bye.

So this is Johnny Farrell.

I've heard a lot about you, Johnny Farrell.

Now, I haven't heard a word about you.

Hey, you know the maths competition?

Won't all the kids just think I'm some massive nerd?

First of all, no.

Second, you're going to win it,

and that's going to make you an absolute legend.

And third, and most importantly,

who gives a flying fuck what the other kids think?

Yeah, who gives a fuck.

Watch it.

What did Mr Garner want?

Ugh, just to bathe in the pity

of my spectacular fall from relevance.

Nothing. He was just checking in.

Probably just worries.

Everyone just worries.

Oh, don't you start.

I'm fine.

I'm fine.

Here's what has to happen.

I walk in.

Count the tables. Obviously.

Take the first table available.

Always.

- Tina will say... - What will it be?

A hot chocolate and a slice of orange cake, please.

The seeds on top tell me how many bites.

20 is ideal.

More than 30 gets tricky.

No tables. No tables.

He just sat down. She's ordering. Coffee's half full.

Tina, these ladies want their bill.

Oh, you got the Bircher. How lovely.

Did you know there's a cafe in Berlin

that makes it with breast milk? Imagine that.

OK, perhaps you can just continue whatever this is

- over here. - There are no tables, Tina.

I'll be with you in a minute.

Shit.

Well, if it isn't the banana bandit.

Supermarket stalker.

Everything alright?

I just really want a hot chocolate and a slice of orange cake.

Easy.

Hey. I'll have a black coffee and a bacon and egg roll

and a hot chocolate and an orange cake.

- Yeah. - No orange cake.

We can do matcha waffle, brownie or lemon tart.

Oh, Tina, you're really activating my almonds today, aren't you?

Well, lemon is a citrus,

which practically makes it an orange, right?

Right. Yes.

- Uh, lemon tart, please. - Sure.

You steal any fruit lately?

Three peaches, 26 grapes.

Are you actually stalking me?

You do understand how stalking works, right?

You see, I was already here.

I haven't... haven't seen you here before.

What do you do?

- Houses, mostly. - Ah.

- I'm a painter. - Thanks.

Thank you.

Fuck. How am I supposed to know how to eat this without...

Fucking poppy seeds.

Poppy seeds?

What's your name?

- Seamus. - Seamus.

Six bites isn't enough. Full name?

Including middle?

Seamus Joseph Rodgers.

19.

19. That'll do.

- Thank you. - Cheers.

Just eat the tart. Drink the hot chocolate.

Leave. No need to linger.

No need to think about

how alluringly long his eyelashes are. Fuck.

So, come on, then. It's your turn now.

Grace Lisa Vandenburg.

And are you a worker bee or, what -

full-time kleptomaniac.

Pure mathematician. Research, mostly.

Sometimes STEM-adjacents.

Oh, seriously?

Last time I checked.

Well, actually... currently, at the moment, I'm not really.

I'm a maths tutor.

I don't stand a chance, do I?

Well, now you're starting me on probability,

and that could keep us here all day.

You're a bit odd, aren't you?

You can put that down to the all-citrus diet.

Thanks for the table.

Grace.

Look, I know this is forward,

but would you like to get dinner sometime?

No. I mean, I don't... No... I'm not sure...

I know this great little Japanese place down the street.

You play your cards right,

I'll let you cut my karaage up into little pieces for me.

OK, look, I tell you what,

I'm going to be there Friday evening, regardless.

So call me up and tell me to piss off if you like.

Either way, I get to talk to you again.

- It's up to you. - OK, bye.

- There you go. - Thank you.

OK. Clear these books.

I'm not saying I don't miss Ryan.

Just all us women around the table feels very right to me.

Grace, could you get the napkins from the pantry?

How long's he in China for this time?

- Five months, Mum. - I don't know how you do it.

Facetime every night, Gran. It's no big deal.

Two, four, six, eight, ten. Two, four, six, eight, ten.

Napkins, napkins...

Date. Shit. Sex would be fun.

Kids, marriage, divorce.

It's just a date.

50% of marriages end in divorce.

Eight, nine, ten. Date. Shit.

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two,

three, two, one.

Grace. I'm just going to say it.

- There's an incredible psychiatrist who's just... - No.

These are Saturday barbecue, not Sunday lunch.

- Oh, just use these. - Oh!

We're not animals.

Dr Fields, he's a genius.

He's really helped me tap into my inner power.

Honestly, that just sounds awful.

What? What sounds awful?

Jill's getting into social justice.

- Occupy motherhood, or something. - I'm talking about therapy.

My friend just went to wilderness therapy.

- She loved it. - Oh, cool.

Look, I'm really glad that things are working out at the school.

Leave it, Jill.

I just hope she's not teaching all the kids to swear.

Well, they will have all heard far worse at home,

I can tell you that for nothing.

- Not the point, Mum. - She's brilliant with kids.

And if she ever wanted any of her own, then...

She can barely look after herself.

It was on this day that Grace learned she was invisible.

Besides, she's missing the key ingredient - a man.

Well, technically, I don't need a man.

I'd just use his sperm.

Anyway, it's harder nowadays to meet people,

even if you are normal.

Well, I'm not saying it's not tough out there,

especially if you're over 30.

Well, joke's on all of you, because I've found one, haven't I?

What? A man?

Yes, it's a date thing.

- What does he do? - Oh, my God.

If we talk about this more, I'll cancel the date,

move to Mongolia and take up eagle hunting.

I'm not some totally virginal loser.

Sex is great. On my own, fantastic.

It's just the whole other-person thing

that gets tricky.

- Huh. - It's nothing.

It's something.

You've bought this exact toothbrush

for how many years now?

And you've never thought to count the bristles.

2,217.

2,218.

2,219.

2,220.

2,220.

Are you sure?

Counted them three fucking times.

nine, ten.

You're alright, ljubavi.

No notice. They could just pull them from the shelves.

They could do it tomorrow. They could do it anytime.

If they switch brands, I'll have to count them all over again.

- Grace. - Oh.

Grace.

I was thinking, if I just stay really still,

maybe you won't see me?

It might be a bit late for the not-seeing you part.

I don't know, I was... If I just sort of...

Right, come on.

Come on. The... the awkward thing is happening.

Happening right now. You gotta just...

- Got to live it. - Oy...

- Hi. - Hi.

I should have called.

- Did we have plans? - Did we?

I don't think so. Um...

I did want to come.

I just have this very urgent thing I had to do.

Honestly, not annoyed.

More curious to know what problem

85 toothbrushes can solve. 90, actually.

What if I were to tell you dental hygiene is my kink?

I've have got to start flossing.

I wanted to come.

I did. I...

had a nice dress and mascara and everything.

I just need you to know that I... tried.

Fuck, no. Hands where I can see them.

You're not getting me with that again!

- What do you think I am? - Yes.

Dare I ask, where to next?

You can imagine, I skipped dessert.

- Ice-cream aisle. - Oh, God.

- Ah, just a sec. - Sure.

Sorry about the mess. Just doing some cleaning.

Oh, my God.

I'm officially too old to kip on the floor.

It's a strong look.

Thanks.

Who's this granddad?

It's Nikola Tesla.

Oh, right. Like the car?

Like the greatest mind of his generation.

Hey...

You have to go.

- What? - You got to go. I have...

- Are you serious? - Yeah. I'm serious.

I have a really busy morning.

- Busy morning? - I have a meeting.

I imagine it's a very important one.

Yeah, actually. You can't be here.

OK. Alright. Fine.

Hey, look, I'm going, alright?

Just relax.

But you know I don't believe you for a second, right?

Right.

Look, Grace, for what it's worth...

I'm not the needy type, alright?

If you wanted this to just be, like, a casual thing...

that suits me.

- Yeah, I knew you'd agree. - Ugh.

- You agree. - Bye.

You agree.

Six times?

- I think he bruised my cervix. - That is not a thing.

I would never lie about something so serious.

When are you seeing him again?

I'm not.

Don't you like him?

He's funny.

He's... He's clever, in his own way.

He's just a bit... average.

Ugh, there you go - eyes bigger than your plate.

It's my plate, Jill.

I'm just saying, even if you think

you MIGHT like him one day...

You got the wrong value for x. It's thrown the whole equation.

- X is 13. - No.

- Are you serious? - Yep.

Oh, my God! It's so stupid.

I don't even know where I screwed up.

Everyone at this competition is going to know I'm an idiot.

How dare you talk about my niece like that?

Honestly, it's gonna be OK.

And you'll have me there.

Don't forget these. Put them in the freezer.

Oh, thanks.

You always just give up before even really trying.

I don't give up. I just am the way I am.

I'm fine.

You're not.

You know all Hillary wants is to be like her Auntie Grace.

I don't think she understands what that really means.

Thank you. Thank you, Jill.

- Thank you. - Thanks for the dinner.

Thank you, Jill.

Not on your fucking life.

When Nick was 25, he became hypersensitive to sounds.

A bumblebee buzzing in the garden outside his room

would amplify in his head to an explosion.

It was so bad he could do nothing but take to his bed.

Hm. Sounds lovely.

Miss Vandenburg.

Hi.

- Dr Fields? - Uh, no. Sorry.

I'm afraid he's been called out.

I'm Ava Gottlieb.

- So pretty. - Thank you.

- Sorry. - No. It's fine.

It's alright. Have a seat.

So your file is telling me

it's been a while since you've been under a protocol.

You're eight months out from impatient.

This is your first follow-up?

Yeah. I just wanted to get my life back in order.

So, currently unmedicated.

No treatment plan at all.

Has there been an escalation or...?

No.

Just, you know, with my... my counting,

I just wanted to get it maybe a little better under control.

OK, well...

We can put a plan together, you know, explore CBT,

maybe some exposure response therapy.

But I'm curious, Grace,

what's prompting you to seek treatment now?

- Grace? - Yeah.

Sorry. This isn't really right for me.

I think I'll handle it myself.

- OK. - OK.

That's it?

No big speech on how you can fix me.

I'm not really in the business of big speeches.

Oh.

I was hoping to make a strong exit.

Right.

Oh, I forgot my bag.

Yeah.

- Bye. - Bye.

Oh, God.

Oh, come the fuck on.

Just...

- Hello? - Hi, Sheamus.

It's... Grace.

You made me sweat, but I'm happy you called. How are you doing?

Sorry. Can you just stop for a second? I just really need to get this out.

My name is Grace Lisa Vandenburg.

There in 19 letters in my name.

I am 34 years old and I don't know about you,

but sometimes I feel like running away

and, you know, becoming, like, a pearl diver

or a milkmaid.

Um. But I hate running,

the vastness of the ocean terrifies me, and...

I actually just recently switched to oat milk, so...

I don't like coriander,

and when I wear yellow, I look like a corpse.

I think I'd like to

see you again.

Casual... or...

otherwise.

Well, I bet it doesn't.

- What? - Yellow.

You know, I bet, uh,

I bet Van Gogh himself couldn't you do justice.

Uh, so...

Do you want to join me for my Sunday ritual?

That makes it... It's not weird, OK.

I just... Trust me. You'll love it.

- Alright, I'll text you. - Sounds good. Bye.

You look incredible.

Oh, my God.

- Should we just call it...? - Yeah, that was awful.

- I've had a lovely evening. - Yeah. Me, too.

Nice to meet you. Yeah.

This place is the closest thing I have to a religion.

Honestly.

Can we get some pork buns and dumplings, please?

Yeah. If you see anything you like, just grab it.

That's what I'll be doing. Thank you.

Yeah, I think it was my first night here...

Three dumplings. How many bites in one dumpling?

Surely not two. His mouth is bigger than mine.

Hmm. God, I love his mouth.

Give me a second. I...

Oh. Can we get some spring rolls

and some sesame toast, please?

- Do you eat sesame toast? - Yeah.

Thank you very much.

Yeah, it basically doesn't look much from the outside...

Can we have some custard tarts, please?

Sure.

- Thank you. - It doesn't make sense.

How many bites?

Two?

- It's not enough. - Tea?

Do you want tea, Grace?

Sorry.

I can't.

Sorry.

Grace?

Hey, hey...

- You alright? - Yeah.

Right. OK, OK, I think...

I think you're having a panic attack, alright?

So just... just breathe.

Yeah.

Look at me. Look at me.

Just breathe.

Grace, OK...

Let's just take a minute here, OK?

Just... Just breathe. Just breathe.

50 million sperm, give or take,

per ejaculation of between 2 and 5 millilitres.

40 million people living with HIV worldwide.

More than 650,000 people die every year.

Do you have AIDS?

- What? - Gonorrhoea, chlamydia?

Any of the big ones?

- Morning. - Good morning.

Should I be worried?

No, I'm clean as a whistle.

OK.

Hey, should I be worried?

About some half-Brit, half-genius?

No. I have the bar.

Do you...

You want to talk about last night at all?

Panic?

Panic is the world's most underrated aphrodisiac.

Oh! So I could have just been anyone last night, then.

- Just the nearest bloke. - Hm, that's right.

There's something I need to ask you,

and I need you to be 100% honest with me.

Have you got a spare toothbrush?

I... Actually, I don't. You don't?

- No. - No?

What do you mean, no?

- Come on. - No.

Stone Roses, Joy Division.

I don't know. The Cure?

Thank God you said that, because if you hadn't...

Honestly, if you hadn't said that I was this close to saying

Marcel Marceau.

- What? - Is he even a singer?

He's a mime!

So he definitely never released a single, then.

I've been wondering about these Cuisenaire.

They're for counting, teaching kids.

Named after George Cuisenaire,

my second-favourite inventor.

Is this like Jenga for geniuses?

- Geniuses? - Yeah.

Yes. They're vintage.

I had them since I was three.

- Hello! - Hey!

Sorry I'm late.

Three, four.

I've slept with four people.

Four men.

That's actually more than me.

I've slept with zero men.

That's a shame. You're really missing out.

So I hear. Honestly.

12.

That's not even that many.

It's not.

But it's the past. It's the past.

OK.

I only care about the present.

What about the future?

Well, first things first - nail Back In Black.

- Yeah. - Gotta know your audience.

Don't say anything.

Oh...

It's only gonna get worse if you distract me.

Alright. You're making life hard.

OK.

five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. One...

six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

Eight, nine, ten. Eight, nine, ten.

eight, nine, ten.

Axium - the very first principle,

always accepted as truth.

You mean 'axiom', like axiom with an O?

What's wrong with you?

Nothing. What's wrong with you?

My aunt got a boyfriend and now she's losing the plot.

She's probably not losing the plot.

She's cool and normal, would never do anything weird.

- Such a nerd. - You're such a nerd.

When can I meet him?

Soon.

I promise.

One, two...

six, seven,

eight, nine, ten.

Grace.

Grace.

Grace.

What's all this, then?

I don't know, I just...

It has to come out somewhere, you know?

It's just so tiring.

God.

What about Doctor Fields?

- Yeah. - Seamus?

You've got to tell him what's going on.

Of all the advice you've ever given me,

that has got to be about the dumbest shit

you've ever said.

Honestly, Jill.

Nope. Hide the crazy.

How's that going for you?

Oh, don't look at me like that.

Everyone does it, even you.

Oh, crap. The tram's down.

Hi, Freddie.

I'll try your mum.

Mum's at Pilates till six, so.

Bye, girls. Well done today.

I know who you can call.

- Right. - Thanks for the ride, bro.

No worries.

Hey, give me five stars, though, right?

- Yeah, sure. - Oh, for fuck's sake.

- What? - Oh...

Excuse me. This is a private driveway.

Hi, Mum.

Uh, landed in Sydney, did the whole recruitment thing

along with every other Brit.

Uh, it was soulless, and I hated it,

but it got me my residency,

and then I had a bit more freedom.

Fancied a change of scene, and... Thank you.

Melbourne and painting it was.

- Grace doesn't travel. - Grace is right here.

You know what I mean.

You're hardly one for itchy feet.

Well, we'll have to change that, then, won't we?

Please. Please take a seat.

Honestly, I think I know my way around a potato masher.

If you don't mind.

Oh, he's a cook, too. Goodness.

Well, that's wonderful, Gracie.

Nice to have someone around

who can make life a little bit easier for you.

You must miss your family.

Yeah, of course I do. Yeah. We used to live on...

on the same three streets back home,

always in and out of each other's business, you know?

Sounds a bit like us.

And are your family all painters?

Uh, labourers mostly.

Mum was a nurse.

But, anyway, Grace tells me you are a lawyer.

WAS a lawyer. Taken some time off to be around Larry.

Well, you must be very proud, Mrs Vandenburg.

Marj, call me Marj.

You haven't half raised some smart women.

Oh!

Did you ever WANT to study?

Glass number three, Jill.

It wasn't really an option.

I wasn't too bothered.

You know, university of life and all that.

Oh... Rodgers? Rodgers, isn't it?

Yes, 'cause my sister-in-law married a Rodgers.

You could be related.

From Nottingham, were they?

No. Ballarat.

- Right. - I think it was Jimmy Rodgers.

Are there any chavs in Nottingham?

- Chavs? - How do you know what a chav is?

- Yeah, there are a few. - Lar, don't say "chav". It's offensive.

Oh, sorry, Seamus. I didn't realise you were...

No, it's fine. I'm not a chav... anymore.

It's just the kind of thing I'm going to think about tomorrow.

You did finish high school?

- I did finish high school, yes. - Jesus Christ.

I can even tie my own shoelaces.

Oh! I didn't mean anything by it.

No, I know, I'm just...

I mean, Grace could never suffer a fool.

Well, I try my best.

Henry. Henry Rodgers.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

To Henry.

Please, do start.

Seamus, pass your plate, please, and I'll help you.

Thank you.

Are you coming in?

I'd better not.

- Really? - Yeah.

- I've got an early start. - OK. Forget it.

You will not cry.

You will not.

You will not cry.

I thought about it.

Oh. For just a minute?

All I needed.

Tell me, is there anything better

than the smell of coffee and Aznavour

on a cold morning?

OK, I'm going to say there is.

Uh, onions cooking with bacon and the Pogues.

Right.

- Shit! I gotta get going. - Come dance with me!

Oh, you speak French now?

I SING French. It's a big difference.

No, no. Sexy either way.

- Dance with me. - I'm already late, but tonight, I promise, OK?

Honestly. Tonight! Tonight. I promise, I promise.

Just realised I said I was ALREADY late, so...

Fuck it.

I think I'm having a great idea.

Let's get out of town this weekend.

- Why? - Why?

You know, you, me, country roads.

Uh, little bars of soap wrapped in paper.

Sunset walks.

Other... physical pursuits.

OK.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Amazing. Leave everything to me.

I am deadly serious, OK? If you even think about

thinking about organising anything that isn't a washbag,

I'll be inconsolable.

Bye.

He should have danced with you.

Not everyone has your moves.

That's true.

For every 10,000 cars, there are 0.45 fatal crashes.

That's one life lost every 4,500 cars.

A driver could pass out suddenly and just veer towards us.

Probable cardiac arrest causes 3.1% of all driver deaths...

in Finland.

What if I get there and I don't like him?

I'll need an escape route.

I'll have to get the bus back.

What if he's an axe-wielding maniac

And I'm trapped in a cabin miles from anywhere.

- What are you thinking? - Wouldn't you like to know?

Yes. That's why I asked.

I mean, I am looking forward to

cracking mind-reading eventually.

And then you'd have to hear everyone's inner monologue all day long.

OK, so what would be your superpower, then,

if you could have one?

I already have one, babes.

- Yeah. - Oh, right.

Agreed.

- That's kind of your whole thing, isn't it? - Tell me about the lyre birds.

You've not told me that yet.

This is nature's fractal.

What's a fractal?

A repetitive pattern. See?

Using scale.

The area stays the same,

but the horizon is infinite.

It's very cool.

You alright?

- Yeah. - You crying?

No. What? Shut up. You're crying.

It's only a couple of trees, mate.

Yeah, well, I haven't really left the same 12-k radius

in a really long time, so...

Really?

Yeah, I get it.

It's pretty spectacular, isn't it?

Yeah.

- Can we turn that off? - Hey, don't be a snob.

It's classic.

Alright. So you really don't like it, then?

I'd love it if it weren't the most basic thing

I'd ever heard in my life.

Did you?

- No. No. - OK.

Honestly, don't worry about it.

I fucking love it. I want to.

Stop. I just... Let it go.

Do we need to talk?

No, we definitely don't.

Right, yeah. That's a mature response.

Are you kidding me?

Look, it's not my first rodeo, OK?

So if you've got something to say, then just say it,

just be honest.

Whenever we hold hands, you literally... you flinch.

And I see you muttering to yourself all the time.

Like, do I... Do I irritate you?

No.

I don't want to pressure you, but you're pushing me away and I can feel it.

So, please, if it's not me, then just tell me what it is.

Do you know you have 137 eyelashes on your right eye?

There are 119 on your left.

I've counted them.

I count everything.

Everything.

And these past few weeks, I have held it all in.

Around you, I hold it all together.

But the moment you leave...

I fall apart.

Just... long enough to count all the pieces

and put them back together again.

Because I really fucking like you.

- It's really good. - I know.

- Yeah. - It is!

It is.

Hey... are you doing it now?

The counting.

Oh. No.

I'm sorry.

That's fine.

Like, what... does it do for you?

Well, it makes me prone to bringing home sexy Brits

on a whim.

Come on, tell me what it's like.

What it feels like.

Uh... Well, sometimes

it feels soothing.

And then, other times, it feels like

my... my brain runs so fast,

you know, like there are a million different thoughts

jumping around all the time.

And so then I count.

And then, if I miss a number, I start all over again.

Right. Fuck.

What a weirdo.

Not a weirdo.

I'm just imagining what that must... OK.

Yeah. OK. Yeah. As soon as things get slightly personal,

the fuckery starts.

I'm just... I'm trying to imagine what it would be like

to have that going on in my head the whole time.

Like, are there things that can help?

I'll do the medication.

But under no circumstances am I doing the Freud couch.

That was a very strong entry.

Ah, thanks. I really worked myself up outside.

The couch is non-negotiable, I'm afraid.

I mean, not literally. You can sit wherever you want.

But we need to meet regularly.

OK, I'll just pretend I thought of that.

Miss Vandenburg?

Take the pills. Move my body.

Confront the discomfort. Keep a routine.

Simple as that.

Take the pills. Move my body.

Confront the discomfort.

Keep a routine.

Pills.

Body.

Discomfort.

Routine.

Pills.

Body.

Discomfort.

Routine.

Oh, for God's sake, don't you tell your sister.

When did this start up again?

Oh, a couple of months.

Look, it's... it's disgusting. I know.

I am quitting, but I just...

What are you doing here, anyway?

Larry? Competition prep.

What's on your mind, Mum?

Look, I don't want to put any pressure on you.

That's not fair, uh...

And I really want it to stick this time, but I just...

I just need to be sure that you'll be OK.

Not... Not 'normal', whatever that is,

just OK.

OK.

- OK. - OK?

OK.

two three, four, five.

Five trolleys. Six dumplings.

Eight, nine, ten.

How many chairs?

nine, ten. Eight, nine, ten. Six, seven, eight, nine...

Fuck exposure therapy.

- Thanks. - How you doing, Grace?

I was reading this thing the other day

about this guy who couldn't mix short and long.

So shorts meant a t-shirt, jeans meant a long sleeve.

And if he ever mixed them,

he would feel really uncomfortable all day,

like his skin would burn.

And then his wife left him

because he set their wardrobe on fire.

Why are you telling me this story?

We're just not having animalistic sex anymore. I loved it.

And now he just treats me like I'm made of fucking glass.

Well, have you talked about it?

This shift is probably a new thing for him, too.

No, it's... it's not just him. It's me as well.

I just find it hard to feel sexy and cool

with all the counting out in the open.

So you want to stop the counting,

get back to the animal sex?

- Basically, yeah. - Good, good.

Getting somewhere.

Yeah, except the counting is almost gone,

but so is half my brain.

There are other medications we can try.

But...

You know, it's... it's just a band-aid

until we get down to the cause of it all.

When you count, what does it do for you?

Keeps us safe.

Me, my family, Seamus.

Grace?

Grace?

Grace?

Yeah, that sounds good.

Is she OK?

She's nervous about the competition.

You'll bring her home afterwards, yeah?

She told me in no uncertain terms

that she doesn't want me there.

And, besides, I have to collect Mum after her colonoscopy.

Oh, Jill! Really and truly.

Yeah, that's fine. Seamus can drive us.

Well, make sure he knows where to go. It's at St Gabriel's.

Why they're hosting this thing halfway across the damn city...

He'll be fine. Stop stressing.

I'm glad you'll be there.

I really like him. He's nice.

I'm fine. It's just these new meds are kicking my arse.

Well, we had you on those when you were 16,

and they didn't sit well with you then either.

I don't remember that.

Really?

I'll get your notes together

so you can give them to your doctor.

Pretty clued into it all, aren't you, Mum?

Well, Grace, I am your mother.

I just hate feeling so slow.

What you need is some exercise.

You should come to a Pilates class with me in the morning.

Oh, please, not all of us have to hate ourselves so intensely before 8am.

Well, you're starting to look like a wrung-out flannel.

I look wan.

Wan?

What's wan?

Wan. You know, sickly.

- Wan... - Pale.

Photocopy of a once-vibrant soul.

That is nonsense. You look beautiful.

You do.

Sorry.

You'd probably be more aroused by a packet of chips.

What does Ava say?

Keep trying until we find it.

You're amazing for trying.

- Are we in a rut? - No, we're not in a rut.

It's just routine. It happens.

My routines have never been this mind-numbingly dull.

You seem sad, ljubavi.

- Hey! - Hey.

What are you doing here?

Why aren't you at the maths competition?

I've been calling you all afternoon.

I had no idea where to go. I don't have Larry's number.

Oh, God!

Fuck!

She'll just be with her mates. She'll be fine.

Hey. It's not your fault.

Larry!

I'm so fucking sorry.

- I won. - You won?

I knew you were gonna win.

Are you...

Is that wine? Yes it is.

She broke into St Gabriel's chapel with a bunch of kids,

got into the communion store,

all at the behest of some boy she's apparently in love with.

- Do you know this Freddie character? - Freddie?

- This is not how you were raised. - It's not a big deal.

You've been suspended from school.

It is a very big deal.

Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?

And you!

What's your excuse this time?

Too busy playing house with a tradie,

leaving my 13-year-old daughter to wander the streets, drunk.

This was not intentional. She is sorry.

Stop it. Stop it with the excuses, Mum.

We've spent our whole lives tiptoeing around her

with the excuses.

Toby was my brother too, Mum.

I can't believe I was stupid enough

to just think that it might stick this time.

- I mean, I must be the sick one... - Jill...

trusting you to look after Larry.

Enough! Enough.

I know you're upset, Jill.

Grace screwed up royally,

but she's been trying really hard.

She's not perfect. It's a process,

and it's going to affect all of us, not just you.

Because you know Grace so well, huh?

You know about the time I found her

catatonic in her bed after a power failure.

See, she couldn't get up.

Not without the clock telling her it was 6am.

You had to go in-patient after that one,

- didn't you, Grace? - Jill...

Pretty soon after that, you lost your tenureship.

A whole life of genius down the toilet.

- Jill! - So, yeah, Seamus,

feel free to enlighten me.

Tell me how well you know my sister.

I think I'll go.

You never told me you had a brother.

What happened?

They said he didn't feel any pain.

He was just... lying there.

Looked like he was sleeping.

I'm so sorry.

And that's when it started.

I counted everything.

I wish you didn't feel like you had to hide all that from me.

Because it's none of your business.

OK, yeah. I'm not...

Just, I feel like I've been with you

every step of the way here, and...

you don't think I had the right to know something like that?

- Had the right? - Not the right...

You had the right?

You, you, you.

It's always about you. This is nothing to do with you.

- This is about me. - When is it ever about me?

I'm... Look, everything we do or don't do,

everywhere we go or don't go, that's always about you.

- And that's fine. - Ah, you accommodate me.

Yes, I do accommodate you. But I do it happily.

Because - listen to me - I do... Listen.

I do it happily, Grace, because when you love someone

and they're going through it, that's what you do.

That makes you feel big and important, does it?

- Huh? - No, no, no.

We all know there's only one important person when you're around.

Trust me.

- I can't. - I didn't... I didn't...

- I didn't mean it like that. - Actually, I can't.

OK... What's this?

Yeah. Take the nuclear option first time out, every time.

- Usually works. - Get the fuck out. Just get the fuck out.

I'm done.

No, Grace...

This isn't us.

OK, please, just take a step back.

Just take a second.

Think about what you're doing here.

I have literally thought of nothing else

for weeks.

Of finally being free from this fucking droning...

inside my head.

OK.

Go find someone else to rescue.

It's alarming just how easy it is to erase someone.

After a week, it was like he had never even existed.

Erasing someone who refuses to be erased, however...

Well, that can be a little tricky.

Grace? Come on. It's me.

He's persistent.

Can we talk? Please?

Don't be sad, ljubavi.

Happy smiles, yes?

Seamus and I broke up.

A few weeks ago.

I'm sorry.

Yeah.

Um, I came off the meds.

I just wanted to feel a little bit more like myself for a bit.

But we can try again, down the road.

Yeah. Yeah. Of course.

Do you know Nikola Tesla?

- The inventor. - I do.

Well, he's, um...

He's lived with me, for years.

In what way?

Like he's, um...

Like he's there. He's with me. We... We talk. We...

do things together.

Not those kinds of things.

No. It's platonic.

Oh, my God. I'm fucking nuts.

I... I've heard far stranger things, Grace.

- Oh, really? - Believe me, yes.

OK, well, when did Tesla first come to you?

Um...

It was the first time I left the hospital.

And what about before that?

What happened when you were six?

My brother.

Part of me feels like if I just count the steps properly

that he doesn't fall, he doesn't die.

That if I count everything all the time

that no-one gets hurt.

And I get it. I...

I get that the rational part of me

knows that it makes no sense, that...

that things happen to people, good and bad, all the time.

It has nothing to do with the numbers.

But the fear...

fear is always still there.

Do you remember what happened to Tesla in the end?

Yeah. He went bankrupt building the Wardenclyffe Tower.

It was sold for scrap metal in World War I.

He was ahead of his time. He was just... misunderstood.

And after that?

He died alone in a crummy hotel room, broke.

He told everyone he invented the death-ray gun

and that he could communicate with other planets.

The smartest man in the world, and yet he...

he couldn't find his way out.

Couldn't manage the fear.

Just because Tesla couldn't get his shit together

doesn't mean he's a loser, you know?

I know.

But imagine how remarkable he would have been

if he did get his shit together.

Once you take two steps forward,

taking one step back,

well, it's like putting on an old coat

that doesn't fit anymore.

One, two, three, four,

five, six, seven...

Maybe I really am changing for good.

I know I want something different.

I guess I'm trying to figure out exactly what that is.

Well, this is... this is lovely.

Gran, even I know

you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.

I'm not going to make a single excuse for myself.

If you can't forgive me, that's fine.

Come down off the cross.

Of course I forgive you.

OK?

Come here.

But actually, I just really want that lasagne.

Now, I know we're not supposed to talk about it,

but are you sure you can't make things work with Seamus?

Oh, God, Mum, that toothpaste is all the way out,

smeared across the floor.

Well, that is a shame,

because you two, you were such a pair.

Never forgive myself for missing it.

You couldn't help it.

You still mad at me?

Why would I be mad at you?

I got you into trouble.

Everything that happened that day was on me.

OK?

Everything.

Are you going to tell Mum?

Tell Mum what?

About... Freddie. About me.

Come here.

Hey...

It's none of her business until you want it to be.

But your mum is such a brilliant woman

and she loves you just the way you are.

Whatever way that is.

And all that stuff you're feeling,

all of that tightness in your chest,

that's just fear.

And one day, you'll be able to look it in the face

and know exactly who you are.

Oh...

I'm glad you're doing better.

I like this Grace.

Well, work-in-progress Grace.

I promise I won't come by again.

I just didn't think you should be without these.

Happy birthday.

I'll miss you,

Grace Lisa Vandenburg.

One, two, three, four!

My name is Grace Lisa Vandenburg.

There are 19 letters in my name.

I have anxiety

and a hell of a lot of issues around guilt,

but I'm working on it.

I know that counting can't keep anyone safe,

not even me.

But safety isn't everything.

You are Seamus Joseph Rogers.

There are 19 letters in your name.

Just like me.

You may not be able to read my mind...

but you see me.

It all counts.

Life is made up of thousands of fleeting moments.

And if you don't pay attention and make them count,

you could miss it.

You could miss your whole life.