All language subtitles for keep_it_up_downstairs_full_xx

Always my pleasure to serve my lady,
always my pleasure

to serve.

Your slightest wishes, my heart's
desire,

one word from you sets my soul on fire.

Always my pleasure to serve my lady, my
love for you

will not swirl.

For I only long to be by your side from

morning till eventide.

There I go, there I go.

One face I see smiling at me. Is it me

twirling round, twirling round, haunting
my brain? Tell me,

oh, tell me.

It's not in vain If you will give me
your

heart, my lady I'll strain each sinew
and nerve

Morning and night just to say to you

Always my pleasure to serve

You cockshoot towers?

Co -shoot towers, if you please.

All the same to me.

Oh! Morning.

Morning,

Mrs. B.

Ah! Oh, no!

Ruined! You, Mrs. B.? What a memory.

You stupid girl, what do you want to go
screaming like that for?

Sorry, Mrs. Burgess, somebody pinched
my... Rodgers, you cheeky devil!

Well, you just stop chuckling at my
kitchen and hurry on upstairs.

Miss Ruffin will be waiting, and you
know I particularly sound things just

at breakfast time. Now, come on up with
you. I said off. Go on, you two, off.

And, Polly, you can give me a hand with
these trays.

All right, Mrs. Burgess.

Antonia?

Mrs. Burgess, yes?

Ah, Mrs. Burgess, good morning.

Rexford's on its way up.

Yes, thank you very much.

You're late, Rogers.

I beg your pardon, Miss Ram.

Maude. Sorry, Mr. Armstrong.

So you should be.

Ah, Mimi.

Good morning, Mr. Hampton.

Very nice, my dear, very nice.

Are you sure you can manage that? Oh,
I'm used to carrying everything, Mr.

Hampton.

Can you manage a paper, too?

Oh, just put it on top, Mr. Hampton.

I would have placed it to have the time.

Good morning, milady.

A beautiful day.

The sun's in the sky and Lord Koshute is
in his bath.

Oh, breakfast.

I really feel like it this morning.

Good to start the day on something hot.

I do agree.

A roll, perhaps?

Exactly, Hampton.

Always my pleasure to serve, milady.

I have instructed the staff to be less
wasteful when polishing the floors and

furniture, milady.

Our special preparation of linseed oil
must be reserved for only the most

delicate pieces.

It is very important that every area is
covered.

Each little crevice must be attended to,
using the fingers to rub gently into

the corners.

I have instructed that all cushions be
shaken and plumped up.

The curtains should be hung out and
aired, and all the carpets well brushed

heated.

Running a place like this does need a
strong hand in the right place.

You're so thoughtful, Hampton.

I try to keep the staff up to the mark.

It's difficult, though, when one sets
thy standards.

They are apt to fall just when you want
them to rise.

But I trust, milady, you will never have
cause to complain of any lack of effort

on my part.

Never, Hampton.

Oh, Milord, I should expect I should
help you when you always think of my ma.

Oh,

you're so strong.

You want to hurt Mimi to crush her?

Oh, no, no, no. I mean, yes, yes.

Oh, please, Milord, not now.

When?

If you behave yourself, I shall come and
dress you tonight.

Oh, very good.

Julieta. Oh,

dear.

Oh, dress.

Oh, where's the wife?

Sorry to bother you, my dear.

It's this confounded stud.

Can't seem to... It always falls out
just when I think I've got it in.

Allow me, my lord. Oh, thank you,
Hampton. Nothing ever seems to go right

you're in a hurry.

You in a hurry, Randy?

Whatever for?

Coil with the lawyers, my dear.

Oh, tiresome business. All about the
estate.

There you are, my lord. Ah, thank you,
Hampton.

See you at luncheon, my dear.

Hampton.

You gorgeous beast.

It's in perfect condition, as always.

I believe you.

Well, I don't need the right touch, you
know.

Not many people have it, Rogers.

You're fortunate.

Thank you, milady.

Oh, it's a regular piece of strapping.

That works wonders.

You must show me how you do it, Rogers.

Later.

it again.

Not quite.

I'm talking about your breakfast. You
haven't touched a thing.

Can I help you?

Yes, yes, sir. My notes.

Thanks. Mrs. Burgess will be ever so
upset if I take the tray back like this.

You must eat something.

No, I can't stop, Maud. I'm just getting
to a vital part.

I'll give you your food while you go on
working.

Thanks, Maude. You're a good girl.

With you, how can I be anything else?

Funny stuff, this couch, you. It's
kedgeree, actually.

What? Your breakfast.

Kedgeree. Mrs. Burgey's special.

I was referring to this.

It's got to be caught at just the right
temperature.

Actually, it's a little discovery of
mine. This India rubber solution in

I found that by adding minute amounts of
acid, you can stretch it until it's so

fine you can hardly feel it.

Good heavens.

What's it for?

Even though it's so fine, it's
completely waterproof.

So you see, it would be invaluable as a
cover for... Yes?

I really shouldn't be talking to you
like this.

Well, stand up then, otherwise your
epiglottis will have a seizure.

It's something I'm making for Lady
Koshut. It's a secret.

Now, you mustn't be the word of this to
anyone, you understand?

Oh, yes, Your Lordship.

now, Master Peregrine? Yes, thank you,
Melons.

I'll show you. He might stop struggling.
I'll show you.

Oh, Roger.

Yeah.

What's that? What's that? Oh.

I was just getting to May for bedding
down.

Quite so.

Far be it from me to interrupt your
labours, Rogers, but I do have a urgent

errand. Oh, yeah?

Would you care to take a ride?

Well, certainly. I was just about... To
the village.

Oh, yeah. Very well, Mr. Hampton. I want
this sent off by telegram.

His Lordship's last pardon on the two o
'clock at Newmarket.

Right you are, Mr. Hampton.

Now, we only got five minutes, girl.

Right.

I wonder if his lordship's got a good
tip. Oh, no, he hasn't.

I mean inside information.

So do I.

You know, you know, Hampton's a better
punter.

He does pretty well with the horses,
does old Hampton.

I was once raked on a race course by the
war jobs.

You don't really mean that, do you?

Well...

Come in, that mater.

Mary, darling, I really am most
flattered being allowed into your

fountain.

Sometime I must let you into mine.

It is rather exciting, isn't it? Yes.

It's all for you.

Yes, Mary.

Well, you know how I feel about you,
mater. Tell me.

Well, you've always been so kind and
loving. Just like a real mother. Oh, I

could never be that.

So, I've been carrying out a little
exercise down here by myself.

Oh, you shouldn't do that. It makes you
deaf.

I've got a supply. It's quite a big one.

Don't tell me. Let me find out the hard
way.

All right, close your eyes. Oh, can't I
look?

No, I'll tell you when.

Oh, Duke, I get so frightened of sharks.

Let me show you.

Feel that.

What do you think?

I'm speechless.

What to say?

So that's what you've been working at
all the time.

These sheaths will protect your plants
from rain, hail or snow. No worries when

it comes to the flower show, mate.

And you've been doing all this for me.
You are a darling, Perry.

You deserve a big kiss.

These sheaths have been made so light
and elastic that they'll grow with the

stretch of the plant.

The only trouble is that I can't
demonstrate that quickly.

No, you really need something you can
experiment with.

Something that expands itself.

Mater, you're marvellous. I've just got
the very thing. You have?

Yes, it goes from 6 inches to 12, just
like that.

I'll show you. Hang on a minute.

Mater, this is what you were thinking
of, isn't it?

Of course, dear.

What else?

Excellent brew of yours, Hampton.

Glad you like it, my lord.

Help yourself, old fellow.

Thank you, my lord.

May one venture to inquire as to what
has cast your lordship into this slough

despond? We're not broke yet.

Snotty.

Snotty, my lord?

As you know, used to live in the
village. Father kept the shop.

Confound it, fellow.

Whatever one wanted, he didn't have.
That's not his shuttle word. That's the

fellow. Went away, made a fortune.

Well, he's back.

I'd heard, my lord.

But I don't think we should let it upset
our equilibrium.

You don't know what game he's playing.

I have a pretty good idea.

The question is, will he or won't he?

I should think there's very little
doubt.

Oh, dear, what shall we do? Where shall
we all go?

Go, my lord.

Yes, when snotty chucks us out of
council towers. I've been trying to

you, Hampton.

You shouldn't drink brandy in the
morning, you know. It dulls your brain.

I do beg pardon, my lord.

If you'd just explain.

We're getting down to bare facts.

Yes, my lord. He's taken over the
mortgage and all our family debts. And

know they amount to considerable sums.

I begin to comprehend. You mean he's the
shooter out in Mason? Now we're getting

to the crux of the matter.

The crux, indeed. One month to pay. One
month or we're out.

He's always fancied himself as lord of
the manor. Oh, it's too ghastly to

contemplate.

Intolerable.

Something's got to be done.

He fancied just as.

What?

Thought of go -shooting the hands of
that little upstart.

Have no fears, my lord.

We shall contrive. Hampton, you're a
great comfort to me.

My pleasure to serve, my lord.

Funny to think of Snotty being back.

Do you remember the day we dumped him in
the goldfish pond?

He caught us smoking in the shrubbery.

Threatened at me to our respective
fathers. Little beggar was peeping at us

through the bushes.

Fighting for you, like a kiddie? You
frightened ramrod to death. Allow me to

apologise. You're not even allowed here
at all. Now, don't you take that high

time with me, my girl. My word, when you
learn what's in the wind, you'll be

down on your knees to me.

You mean on your level.

together all life may bring someone to
stand with right to the end

my good friend

Now, where's the door, Hampton?

This way, my lord.

If you'll just follow me.

Blackheart!

Have at you!

Excuse me, but I... Just let me get at
you, sir.

Oh, he's up in surveillance.

Stand still, you bum -dodger!

Snotty, come here at once!

Come back, you guys. Come back, sir, I
say.

Gotcha. Come back here, you.

Please,

please. I beg of you.

Good boy.

Parasitic leaf.

and if you please, and if that day
happens, I very much doubt you can do

you really would like.

Me, me, me, I'll buy you lots of
dresses, my dear. I'll buy you them with

necklines getting lower and hemlines
getting higher.

Oh, I don't know where it's all going to
end, my dear, but I just hope I'm there

when it happens.

Love.

Hampton!

I'm sorry to interrupt you while
you're...

The dressing, my lord, but I thought I'd
better remind you of the time. Oh, what

on earth for? Oh, really, Hampton? I beg
your pardon, my lord, but you called a

family conference for 6 .30.

Oh, yes, I did. Oh, I quite forgot.
Quite so, my lord.

Oh, yes, I suppose I'd better break the
bad news. The sooner I get it over with,

the better.

If I may suggest, my lord, it is a
little late in the day for sunbathing.

Oh, dear, yes.

Yes.

You can rely on me to finish it off
here, my lord.

Yes, sir.

Hampton, I've been thinking.

Really, Malone? Yes, this conference,
you should be there. If you say so,

Malone. Oh, I do, I do.

Yes, someone's got to come up with an
idea.

Oh, I'm sure you both will come up with
something.

I said hello!

Oh, would you do give over?

Why?

You like it, don't you?

Well, I've got me work to do.

Oh, you just carry on?

Then I'll just carry on.

Honestly, don't you ever think of
anything else but making love to girls?

Well, of course I do.

What?

Girls making love to me.

Oh, yeah.

Come in, everyone.

Come in and sit down.

Sit, Heidi.

The situation's very delicate. I don't
know which way to turn.

Papa, what is all this fuss about?

I hope it won't take too long. I've left
my bunk in the burning.

Well, you see, it's about... Hampton,
how would you explain it?

There's no getting away from it.

We're in a tight squeeze.

If I understand you correctly, Mr.
Sandal, unless you find somewhere in the

region of £100 ,000, we... are all going
to be out.

I'm afraid that is the position, my
dear.

If that's all, Peter, do you mind if I
return to the laboratory?

I have a quick test to finish before
dinner.

Peregrine, I despair of you.

Haven't you got anything better to do
with your time instead of fiddling about

down there?

Randy, I don't think you should be so
hard on Perry.

I mean, it's not like drinking or
gambling like so many young men these

Nonsense. Rubber sheaths, indeed.

They'll never catch on.

Oh, let's keep to the point, Papa. What
are we going to do?

Wish I knew, Kitty.

What about the family jewels?

Yes, couldn't we sell them?

Yes, I'm afraid they don't amount to
much.

That's quite right.

They're all a sham.

Peter!

Sold them some time ago.

Temporary embarrassment, you know.

The glories of our past are now paste.

Hampton will find a way.

If you want me, madam, I shall always be
there somehow.

Oh, what a man you are.

There is the old solution.

A advantageous marriage.

Of course.

Kitty should marry Shutterworth.

The estate will stay in the family and
nothing will change.

Oh, yes, it does. Me. Why should I be
the sacrifice? Why not Perry?

Well, I can't marry him, really.

Oh, don't be so silly.

I don't want to. And I don't want to
marry Shuttleworth. I wouldn't marry him

he was the last man on earth. I won't do
it. I won't, I won't, I won't. I'd

rather marry Hampton.

Yes,

much rather.

Thank you, Lady Kitty.

And very flattered.

Well, seems like you're our last chance,
Perry.

Glad that's all settled, then. I can't.
I mean, I don't know any of this.

No, silly, but I do. Betsy Ann Durinex.

She was at Lausanne with me, remember?

Her father's one of those American
millionaires.

Absolutely reeking of money.

How unfortunate.

He's an oil in a big way.

So a sardine.

They're ever so rich.

Dozens of oil wells you'd never believe.

Well, I must say, he does sound quite
interesting.

They're coming over here for the season.

Bring them down for the weekend.

Splendid. Don't look so miserable,
Perry.

Just think, with all that money, you'll
be able to afford new equipment.

I suppose that's one way of looking at
it.

I must say, this meeting has turned out
much better than I expected.

One small thing.

Don't worry about it, Randy. It's not
your fault. It'll cost a lot of money to

entertain the Duranics. They're
accustomed to the best of everything.

Ah, then they must have it.

Allow me to take the responsibility.

I'm sure I speak for the staff.

They're all behind you.

Oh, good Lord.

Oh.

Let's just be all adjourned.

So, brothers, that is the situation, and
I took it upon myself to say that we

would support the family in this hour of
need.

Why did he keep saying he's our brother?

Well, if he is, he'd better watch out
for the law.

Why? It's illegal.

What? Incest.

What's that?

Something all the family can enjoy.

Order! Order!

Had you a point to make, brother?

No. Brother, now I agree with you.

I'm sure the family will appreciate that
we have rallied to the cause.

Now, we've all got good jobs here, and I
wouldn't want to lose my position.

How many have you got, Mrs. B?

69. Ah, then you've got to face it.
What?

That you're on to a very comfortable
wicket. Don't spoil it.

So what do you want from us, Mr.
Hampton? Yes, what do you want from us,

Hampton? Yes, well, I thought we all
contributed one week's wages. Let's take

care of the food.

I shall make myself responsible for the
liquid refreshment. Ah, well, you've

been doing that for long enough.

Melons, I shall rely on you to see to
the game.

Now, there's another thing. There isn't
any.

What? He shot it all, hasn't he?

Well, come on, Melons. You're an
ingenious fellow.

They weren't stopped over at Rampton
Hall.

Here, are you telling him to go
poaching?

Yes.

Can't we put them out into a vote, Mr.
Rampton? Certainly, Mrs. Burgess.

All those in favour?

Aye.

Then it only remains for me to call the
meeting to a close. I shall rely on you

all to do your bit.

All I wish we could be sure young
Peregrine will do is... He don't know,

he? I thought I had all... already
occurred whose melons.

I understand a ladyship has taken the
matter in hand.

Ah, Perry, isn't it a lovely day today?

The birds are singing, the bees are
buzzing.

Birds, bees.

Does that remind you of anything?

A honey.

Darling. Pardon?

The spring and the sap rising and all
that sort of thing. You know, it's at a

time like this that a young man's fancy
turns lightly to thoughts of love.

about love, Perry?

I don't go in for that sort of thing
myself.

Well, then it's time you thought about
life. I'm quite happy that I am, Mater.

How can you know about love until you
try, dear boy?

How do you know what goes on in a
woman's heart?

Can you feel how it is?

Um, 72 times a minute.

Oh, Perry, sometimes I really think
you're too clever.

I don't want to upset you, Mater,
honestly.

then try to understand how difficult it
is for me to talk to you like this.

I mean, now that you're grown up, well,
a man, really, well, we must speak about

the facts of life.

Oh, I've always been interested in
nature.

Oh, have I?

It's wonderful when you think the little
bits of pollen get up to the stamen and

sends its seed through the pistil.
Wonderful.

Unless, of course, you follow the Darwin
theory.

Oh. Wasn't he the horrid little man who
said we were all descended from monkeys?

That's right. Do you remember when we
all went to the zoo and we were laughing

at the monkeys and Peter made us turn
away?

Because they were doing rude things.

Perry? About those monkeys?

Yes. Well, they weren't really being
rude.

They were making love.

Everyone makes love at some time, not
just monkeys.

When a man and a woman are in love, what
happens can be...

Quite beautiful.

Well, I've heard sex isn't good for one.
It isn't. But it's marvellous for two.

Now put your arms around me. Hold me
very close.

Well, I'm... I have this feeling I'm
closer to you than you are to me.

Silly boy. Now kiss me.

Oh, it's a wonderful feeling so close
together.

Can you feel something pressing against
me?

Pressing against you?

No. No?

Yes.

Yes.

The cork. That reminds me. I must put it
in the retort.

I can think of a choice retort myself.

You stop that, you hear me? You take the
liberty.

We don't mind his lordship giving her a
cuddle.

Well, he has more time.

And besides, it is his right.

Is how you say a count?

A what?

A count.

Oh, yes, yeah.

Oh, I have work to do.

I thought you French girls were supposed
to like it.

I never said we didn't like it.

Oh, good.

Oh, Rogers!

You beast!

And here you are, Rogers.

I've been looking for you.

Oh, yes, sir.

Doing something special at this moment.

Well, I'm having a sort of trouble
getting some crates up from the cellar.

along and help us, good lad.

Well, if I could just finish what I'm
doing here, sir.

It's Mimi.

I'm just giving her a little help
shaking out the ruts.

Ah,

Mimi. Well, I carry on with Mimi and you
carry on with the crates.

Oh, very well, sir.

If you're sure.

Definitely.

Yes.

Oh, please, Sherry.

Don't stop now.

Don't stop.

The way you're carrying on, you'll be
all day cleaning one room. No rug can be

that dusty.

Aren't you going to change over?

Oh, this is a good way.

Ah, housework can be so enjoyable.

That's enough.

Oh, big cuss -o!

Oh!

Oh, cuss -o, help!

Excuse me, my lord.

There is a person waiting without.

Without what?

Why, do we should finish this sentence,
Hampton.

Well, who is it? It's not him, my lord.

Oh, shut up. Oh, can't you get rid of
him, man?

If I may advise, my lord, I think we
should see him, circumstances being as

are. Oh, show him in.

Johan Hampton!

Yes, my lord?

Your best, Sherry.

Yes, my lord? Lock it up.

And don't leave me too long with that
big toad. I shan't be responsible for my

actions. I shall serve the cooking,
Sherry, naturally.

But we shall try not to get his back up
just yet.

All right, show him in.

Oh, his lordship will see you now.

Oh, shuttlecock, it's you, is it? Good
day, Your Lordship. It's very good of

to see me.

Sit down, man. Sit down.

Makes me quite bilious bobbing about
like that. Sit down, man. Thank you,

Lordship. I am deeply honoured. Yes,
aren't you?

Well, carry on, man. Carry on.

Well, I've been thinking about our
little business matter. Yeah, not so

Well, it depends. Look at it. I mean,
there's no point in our fighting and

carrying on.

The more I think about you being thrown
out of here with nowhere to go and me

living here in style, the more I thought
it wouldn't do.

Very sensible.

Yes, I don't think you'd like it here.
It wouldn't suit.

Ah, no, you've got it wrong. I live
here, but you needn't go.

Well, I don't... No, but we all live
here.

Together.

Hampton! I do beg pardon, my lord.

Perhaps Mr. Shuttleworth would care to
explain. I don't think I quite heard him

right. Well, like I was saying, I am
prepared to tear up your IOUs, your

your mortgages, and let things go on
just as before.

You are under certain conditions, of
course.

I'm sure Lord Keshut feels these
sentiments to you credit.

May we know what has induced this change
of heart?

Love.

Love. Amazingly. I can't sleep at night
from thinking of her.

Just the thought of holding her in my
arms.

It's worth anything in the world, that
is.

So there you have it.

We have?

I can't screw my own family, can I?
Probably not in so many words, if you

what I mean.

I can't say that I do.

I'm trying to tell you.

You can have all this.

I can have your kitty.

Kitty?

Now, stay with me, Lord. One of my
turns.

Get off me, Hampton.

Perhaps you can't wait in the office for
a few minutes.

What are we

going to do, Hampton?

Things may not turn out so badly after
all, my lord.

What?

Play him along.

Humour the toad.

Until we've got the American heiress in
the back.

I suppose that doesn't work.

Then we may have to prevail upon Lady
Kitty.

I don't like it, Hampton.

Never fancied her marrying a commoner.

And he's commoner than most.

Look at the bright side, my lord.

Invite him for the weekend.

And if all goes well with the heiress,
we can kick him right out.

Karate! Aye, you've got a brown belt.

I've seen it, my lord, for your earner.

Bring him in again, Hampton.

Well, my lord, his lordship has
recovered. Please come in.

Now, as you were saying, Mr.
Shuttleworth... What were we saying?

That you had no objection to Mr.
Shuttleworth asking for Miss Kitty's

I can't answer for Lady Kitty. She'll
have to make up her own mind about

Don't you worry on that score, your
lordship. Just leave the little lady to

We have our ways and means.

Well, this calls for a bit of a
celebration, eh?

Hampton. Yes, my lord? Bring up a chair
and sit down.

Yes, my lord.

About the weekend, my lord.

I suppose, as it's that short notice,
Mr.

Shuttleworth is already engaged.

Oh, a little house party.

Would have asked, dear old snotty. But
as you say, Hampton, pity he can't come.

I can't. I'm sure he would have enjoyed
himself.

I can't. Would he have behaved himself
in a decorous manner? Oh, what?

I think he can't come.

I can!

I can!

I can!

He can.

Oh, I wouldn't miss it for worlds.

Oh, you can count on me.

Oh, cheers.

You're finished already, so... Well, I
haven't had money. Oh, good. Needn't

detain you any longer, then.

Very busy, you understand.

Estate matters.

Oh, I cannot see that, Your Lordship.
I'm very much obliged.

I'll just go and see Kitty, then.

We'll get along perfect.

You'll see.

Hampton, my time will come for that if
there is absolutely no doubt.

With a little off for good conduct.

Roger!

Oh, hello, milady.

What strong arms you have, Roger.

Oh, thank you, milady. I'll need them in
my job.

Of course you do.

Talking all that hay up into the loft.

I believe that you could toss me up
there if you wanted to.

Well, I dare say I could.

Shall we try?

Not just now, milady.

I've got a lot of work to do. You see,
I've got a lot of work to do with these

visitors arriving.

Maybe tomorrow.

Oh, fat locks.

Excuse me, my lord.

Oh, don't fuss, Randy.

People are prepared to overlook all
sorts of things these days, especially

Mr. Shuttleworth had so much money.

Oh, bah!

It may work out quite splendidly. With
your influence, couldn't you get him

raised to a peer?

I'd rather chuck him off one.

The only problem I can see is how to get
Kitty to cooperate.

Hampton. Hampton?

Yes, he's the only one who can control
her tantrums. I must confess, I can't

stand another one of her blasted
paddies.

He could pop up now.

Yes, I'll tell him. Hampton.

My lord.

They've decided you should be the one to
tell Lady Kitty about Snotty.

Very well, my lord.

Send up a pot of tea, if you would,
Hampton.

Yes, my lady.

China? Of course.

We pawned this over one last month.

Hampton, I always did say your timing
was impeccable.

You can help me off with my boots.

There's my lady.

I think so, Hampton.

Is that a horn?

Yes, sounds as though Hampton's got
Kitty to blow it.

Good old Hampton.

Here they come!

Here they come!

Wait, they're coming!

No, no, no, no time for that. No, no,
no, no.

I'm not the star. Over here.

It's me.

I couldn't...

Gee, this is brilliant.

My, it's positively prehistoric.

Good evening, Daisy.

Stay down.

Thank you, my man.

Mrs. Dureneck, come on.

Kitty. Come and meet my parents.

Mater, Pater, Mr. and Mrs. Dureneck.
Your Earlship.

All cock shoes.

Co as in port.

Oh, no, it's a little early for me for
alcohol.

You can get up now, dear.

Heidi, Heidi, leave.

Lose and Betsy and Kitty Nichols.

F .L. Duranex at your service, ma 'am.

My, you have a mighty fine place there.
Here. Yes, it was built by one of

Randy's ancestors.

The first of them. He was a great
soldier.

Pretty good bricklayer, too.

You know, I have a feeling that you and
I are going to get on very well

together.

Stay down till I tell you.

Oh, thank you, Your Worship.

You know, I can't tell you how excited I
was when Betsy Ann showed me the letter

from your kitty.

Imagine spending the whole weekend with
a real live duke. We don't stand on so

many here.

I'm Randy.

Oh, how lovely for your wife.

This is my brother Perry. He's been
longing to meet you.

I have?

Yes, yes, I have.

Are you coming in, Mr. Durenex?

Oh, F .L. to you, Your Lordship. Not
just for a little moment, though.

Luggage.

You've got all these breastplates here.

And the armor, height, and so on. So
we've got everything here. And I'd like

to meet the pillar of our household, our
butler, Hampton.

Hampton, where the devil's he gone?
Hampton!

Hampton! Hampton, I want you to meet
Mrs.

Durenex. The devil's the matter, man.

Is it your back? No.

You?

I say, do you two know each other? I
think it would be more accurate to say

I know of, madam, my lord.

I will remember her as Daisy Daydream.

Daisy Daydream?

The Daisy Daydream?

Who used to do it at the gaiety? And
anywhere else you can think of. Best all

round lay in the chorus.

What did you say?

Those little round lay.

as you used to sing with the chorus at
the time you enchanted me in the

If you will excuse me, my lord.

Rogers, Polly, Vera, Maud, and me.

If you would be to the outer gate.

Yes, Miss Brampton.

I must talk to you.

Ah, madam, if you will follow me, I will
show you to your room.

After all we'd been through together.
And after all we'd meant to each other.

How you could walk out on me on the eve
of our wedding.

I don't know how you dare speak to me.
I'm not. You're speaking to me.

I've never been so humiliated in my
whole life.

And in front of all the girls in the
chorus.

I'd even made me own wedding dress.

Oh, how could you?

Such happy memories.

They've kept me going all through these
years.

You didn't understand.

We were very young, but at least I came
to my senses in time.

You what? You were worthy of greater
things.

I was just a struggling footman. I
couldn't let you throw yourself away on

had to be strong.

You made the supreme sacrifice.

Percy! I took the Queen's shilling and
went off with Gordon to fight the

dervishes.

I didn't know you'd gone to war.

Ah, yes.

A bloody experience.

But it's better not to break up old
wounds.

Oh, Percy.

What are we going to do?

Nothing.

You may rely on my discretion at all
times.

Madam.

Madam?

I've heard so much about America. I hear
everything's so big there.

Oh, you can say that again.

Take Niagara Falls.

Millions and millions of gallons of
water run over that every minute of

day. And that goes all night, too. How
extravagant.

There you both are.

I've taken the best of the upstairs.

That is a really beautiful daughter you
have there, Cockshute.

Yes, wonderful horsewoman.

Damn fine seat. I had noticed.

Will you take a look at that view?

Why can't my lawns look like that?

You need good soil.

Not the best. Good drainage.

The finest in the whole United States of
America. And the best cumberland seed.

That I used.

Yes, then you've got to mow them for 600
years.

Huh? Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

I do like you people.

I can't tell you what a thrill it is to
be here. I feel I can relax for the

first time with people like me, people
of substance.

Substance? Obviously.

Oh, you do not know the trouble we have
been in since we've been in your little

old country. Really? What trouble?

Oh, fortune hunters, scroungers, every
penniless good -for -nothing dangling

after my Betsy Ann. They don't have a
hope.

They haven't? Dear Lady Frances L.

Duranex was not born yesterday.

I can see that.

Have no fear.

I'll look after my little girl, okay?

Morning, Lady Kitty.

Morning, Rogers.

Come along, snotty.

Come along, snotty.

Regular tearaway air, sir.

That doesn't scare me.

It's just that I'll be early in the
morning for this sort of exercise.

Well, you know Lady Kitty's habit, sir.
Has to be mounted by nine in the

morning.

Really? Side saddle, sir.

I think you'd better give me a leg up.
Yeah.

Have we started?

I can't get it to come off, Mrs.
Burgess.

The rust, I can't get it off.

What? What do you... How many have you
got? Three. Three, I'll have them.

One. Two.

Go on.

Go on.

Go on. Get out of it. Get off.

Cocked pheasant, sir. Where?

Good shot.

And another.

Where?

They're fighting back.

Take my gun, sir. Right.

And another.

This one gave itself up.

Thank you.

Well done, Melons.

They're falling like melons. Oh, follow
me.

Such a lovely garden.

You know, I've traveled all over, and I
always say there's nothing to beat an

English garden.

Do you do a lot in it?

Oh, I try to keep my end up.

How wise.

I had a most interesting chat with your
husband last night.

I always find holding a conversation
with Randy is really rather like trying

knit fog.

And Peregrine, such a nice young man.

boy that I've always wanted Betsy Ann to
marry.

The trouble with F .L. is that he thinks
everybody and all her bows are after

his fortune.

He's well stacked, you know.

And money, too.

Oh, sorry.

Don't apologize.

I'm always telling him he's far too fat.

How about that stomach?

If that was on a woman, you'd think she
was pregnant.

It was, and she is.

Just think, all these are your
ancestors.

Yes, that's my grandfather.

He fought with Wellington.

Fancy. That was the trouble with
grandfather. He couldn't get on with

I've never been in a place as old as
this. Are there any goats or things?

Oh, yes, there's Lady Esmeralda.

Actually, this is where she haunts.

Here?

Oh, don't worry. She only comes out at
night.

In the full moon.

Do tell me about her.

Well, it's rather sad, really. Her
husband got back from the cruise stage

caught her being unfaithful.

And he killed her in a jealous rage?

No, he locked her in the room at the end
of the corridor and put chains around

her ankles. Goodness, how dreadful.

Well, he let her out at night once a
month to the nursery to see her little

while he was sleeping.

Actually... They say you can hear her
moans of grief echoing all through the

house.

And that's at full moon?

Why, I believe there's a full moon
tonight, Peregrine.

Is there?

I don't go in for that sort of thing
myself.

Oh. Um, should we go and find the
mothers?

All right.

Lady Koshu's very pretty.

I imagine lots of men find her
attractive.

How about you?

I don't think they'd give me a second
glance.

Oh, Mr. Hampton, you gave me the big
fright.

I should think so, too.

And just what do you think you're up to?

I was only playing.

You must never play with the ladies'
baubles.

But you do, Mr. Hampton.

That is beside the point.

You will have to punish me, yes?

Yes. Are you going to be hard on me?
More than likely. Come here.

Oh.

I don't know if there are more games
yet.

Did your father thank you when you were
a child?

Oh, yes, many times. He loved to do
this.

I can understand it.

I always remember my father saying,
prepare the rod and spoil the pot.

Don't be naughty again, or I should have
to repeat this performance.

Promise. I'll get your clothes off
quickly.

And you'd better take that thing off.

I can't see any birds. What in there?

Oh, I'll get him on the ride.

Double barrel.

Now, Lady Koshute, please leave
everything to me.

Don't you worry about the little
romance.

We can always get together and give him
a show.

I'm sure that's exactly what Perry
needs.

Well, I'm afraid I'm not very good at
this sort of thing, my dear.

Oh, no, no, Bishop, no. It's like

this.

Oh,

Bishop, it's too hard.

I found the correct opening and then I
lost control of the ball.

So who's playing with the bishop?

It's that young actress, Christabel St.
Clair.

Oh, yes.

Pretty little thing.

Reminds me of myself.

I was on the stage.

She's a big hit in that new musical. She
had an enormous hand at her opening.

Night? Of course.

Oh, look, there's Lady Bumbley. She was
some count.

Oh, dear. Did I hit your balls then,
Bishop?

Thought everyone knew Convent
Schilling's daring character.

Just like an Englishman, really. I think
that Lady Bumbley means that as a

compliment, yeah?

Birds have lost a dog.

Great.

Tell me, does your son ever go shooting
with you? Oh, good Lord, no.

Quite hopeless.

Father shot in the air once and missed.
Oh, what a shame.

Good air, too, makes you feel so
healthy. Yeah, a few days down here will

new man of you. Yeah, that'll make Daisy
happy.

How is your wife?

Oh, better than nothing.

Oh, I see what you mean. Oh, she's well,
thank you for asking.

Oh, I say, there is a plump little
pigeon.

I wouldn't mind having a shot of that.

Oh, and she's wearing my favorite color.

Thank you.

Here.

Came for a little bit.

Name it.

I bet I have them offer within ten
minutes.

Done. I'll lay a pony.

Come

on,

Polly. Come and get it. Come on, girl.

Jump. Jump. Yes, you're a big girl. You
can fetch it. Come on, Polly.

Don't you agree?

Your bird, sir.

Gee, thanks.

I'm just going to amuse myself with a
little bit of chicken.

Join us later.

Look out, Polly. Here comes Francis.

Five -hour notes, Polly. Would you like
to play a little paper chase game? Oh, I

would, yes, Mr. Juronek. You've got to
take me wherever...

One there.

One... No, two touching there.

One here.

One here.

And start taking the body.

They're doing it.

We're rising down.

Here, that Mr. Durnick's made to grab
for you. Just watch it. Why?

He's got more hands than an octopus.

What have you been up to, then? A bit of
anky -panky with the Yankee. Oh, you

naughty girl.

I didn't see much of you today, my dear.

We were very busy, my love.

I know. How about later?

Yes, if you say.

Yes, I'll come to your room when the
others have gone to bed. Two o 'clock?

Yes, yes.

Oh, you really are a very clever little
actress.

Better?

Considerably, yes.

Oh,

there's gold in them bar hills, ma 'am,
and I have the prospective spirit.

Is two o 'clock in the morning a good
time for that sort of thing, F .L.?

Some of the best shafts have been sunk
just at that moment, ma 'am.

Then come to my room and stake your
claim.

Two o 'clock fixed. Now, anyone for
tennish.

Ma 'am, I challenge you to a dance.

Accepted.

Do you want a drink?

He's more candid than I am.

that one meets so few Germans with
titles nowadays, Count von Schilling.

Yeah, they are disappearing one by one.

Oh, what fun!

Euryx!

I can't believe it. So young, so
beautiful.

And you, a real duchess.

Well, I did marry Freddy, one of the
oldest dukes I could find.

That can keep you very busy.

Why don't you and I go for a little walk
in the garden, Duchess?

You should say, Your Grace.

For what we are about to receive.

Kitty, dear.

Who is that nice young man you were
dancing with just now?

Sir William Bagg. Oh, is he about?

He was about a few minutes ago.

Have your life to sink in, Ethan de
Marley.

This devil crab's delicious.

I really can't resist it, although I
know I shall pay for it later.

The shellfish disagrees with you,
Bishop.

I'm afraid so, yes.

Me too.

I'm having the chicken.

Oh, really?

I just love the parson's nose.

Hi there, Bish.

Gotta hand it to Randy. He's certainly
put on a swell party. Yes, he's a grand

champ. I've known him for ages,
actually.

He used to be my fag, but eaten.

Is that so?

Your fag?

I do admire the British. They're so
outspoken.

I'm not very good at parties.

I get shy with so many people.

Me too.

You know what I'd really like to do?

What?

Show you my laboratory.

Well?

I've had to lock it up for the weekend.

Plato said it would bore you.

Oh, but it wouldn't.

I'd love to see it.

Well, perhaps we could.

They'd get very angry.

Do we have to tell them?

I suppose not.

Look, after everyone's gone to bed, meet
me in the hall and I'll take you down

to the dungeon.

It should be all clear about two o
'clock.

What an adventure.

I'll pretend I got a headache and go to
bed early.

Pardon me. Sorry, my fault. I thought
that a little refreshment. Oh, no, no,

thank you. I don't want any, really.

I don't feel very well.

You didn't upset the young lady, your
Lordship.

Of course not.

Then you will be seeing her a little
later on, perhaps.

No, definitely not.

You heard what she said. She's going to
her room. I certainly will not see her

again tonight.

You

do

realise I'm one of the groom here?

I mean, you are an honest guest.

I mean, I don't want to forget my place.

If you do, you can always come up to
mine.

Oh, very well, madam.

Just as long as you won't regret it.

I may hate myself after, but before and
during...

Madam's

glass needs filling. And that's not all.

Spoiled port.

Carry on with the groom, Daisy.

It's too much.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

You should behave yourself.

Remember who you are now.

I want a serious word with you.

Oh?

Later. Come to my room when everyone's
gone to bed.

Oh, I see. I mustn't carry on with the
groom, but it's all right with the

butler.

Okay.

Here's to you, Ethel.

And for you, cockshoot.

You folks have been so kind to me.

I would like to apologize for the
busting people.

Ah, bury me, kiddo.

If you have no more worries, the rest of
you are. I don't think it would work.

You know nothing about handling bigot
dicks. I

think this

calls for the Council of War. I'll tell
His Lordship that you take Lady Kitty to

the Orchard. Yes. Come on.

What do you mean? I can't stand him any
longer. I can't even bear to talk to

him. Don't blame him, my dear, you
noxious blighter. Oh, but, Tissy, you

the only chance.

Oh, disaster.

Don't despair, my lord. I still have one
ace up my sleeve.

Now, those diamonds that Mrs. Duranex is
wearing, 22 carat, if I'm not mistaken.

You're not suggesting that we should...
Well, are you?

With all these wealthy guests, a little
burglary might be just a thing.

Of course, milady, some of your jewels
would have to go, too. But they're only

copies.

Exactly. But it won't die that
suspicion.

Well, Hampton, you're wonderful.

Damn clever. Just one thing.

Yes, my lord?

Never done a burglary before. How do we
go about it?

I think Rogers is our best bet. He must
go into Mrs.

Duranex's room and pinch the jewels.

And then into me for mine?

Capital. Well, that's all settled, then.

No, wait.

We must have a signal so that we know
when the deed is done.

Good idea, milady.

Time in is essential.

I suggest that Rogers steals the jewels
before two o 'clock.

Your job, Lady Kitty, is to see that
he's out of your room by a quarter to

That will give him 15 minutes to steal
Mrs. Duranex's diamonds and milady's

trinkets. Then, when we hear the
grandfather clock striking two, we will

that all is clear.

And the deed has been done.

It's been lovely talking to you about
old times, Percy, but I'd better go.

It's early yet.

Oh, but I'm taking a risk as it is. I
mean, supposing Francis were to wake up

and wander into my room.

One for old Lang Syne.

Should old acquaintance be forgotten?

Ah,

you know, you're still a very attractive
woman, Daisy.

The years have treated you lightly.

Well, you haven't done so badly
yourself, Perth.

Darling Daisy, how do you remember the
days when I used to call for you at the

stage door and walk you back through the
park?

Ah, we used to...

Cuddle on the park bench.

It's more comfortable now, though, isn't
it? Ah, but in those days when we were

young, who cared about hard benches and
cold nights?

We had each other, Daisy.

Talking about it all makes it seem just
like yesterday.

Funny to think it's 19 years.

19 years, is it really?

19 years.

Must be.

Bet Leanne has a birthday coming up, I
believe.

Nineteen, she tells me.

Percy!

Ah, so she is my daughter. And all these
years you've been passing her off an

old urinate. Well, what else could I do?

I mean, oh, you wouldn't tell Francis,
would you? You couldn't.

Calm down, Daisy, calm down.

I only want what's best for the child.

Our child.

It's past quarter to two. You've got
work to do.

Oh, just five more minutes, milady.

You must concentrate on the job in hand.

There'll be plenty of time for that
later.

You're making it very difficult, your
ladyship.

Now, don't forget the signal. When the
clock strikes

two, we all know you've got the diamond
safely.

Oh, I'm hardly likely to forget that,
milady.

I want you to know that we're very
grateful for what you're doing, Rogers.

I'll see that you're amply rewarded.

Oh, thank you, milady. I'll remember
that when I'm hard up.

So will I.

Don't you mean away we go?

Come along, Daisy. It's getting late. We
were both in bed.

Oh! Alone, you're tired and overwrought.
A good night's sleep will work wonders.

Good night.

Oh, God, blimey! I mean, goodness!

I'm terribly sorry. I didn't know you
were there.

Well, I... I had this ghastly dream, you
see, and I woke up and I just didn't

know where I was.

I must have been sleepwalking. That's a
terrible experience.

Don't sleep too well myself, you know. I
quite understand.

Can I show you to your room? Oh, thank
you, Your Earlship.

Good evening, Archie. Nice night for a
stroll.

Hello, old chap.

Good evening, madam.

Not on pleasure bent, I fear.

No?

A slight... Stomach disorder.

It's my own fault. I never could resist
your cook's concoctions.

By the way, Randolph, you better get
that clock of yours checked.

It's stopped.

I've just managed to get it started
again.

Thank you, Archie.

Never say die.

I didn't.

What lovely premise.

Plymouth? Rhyming slang.

Plymouth hose. Bosoms. Oh, Your
Lordship.

Isn't it a little bit public out here?

Why don't we go into my room? Oh, God,
no. I didn't mean it like that, dear

lady. What did you mean? Come into mine.
Much nicer. Lovely view of the lake.

for you. I'm sorry, your ladyship. Where
are your jewels?

Yes.

Oh, that's the first place the thief
would look.

Because I'm warmer.

Who's the clever boy, then?

Thank you, your ladyship.

You better help me off with this clasp.

Oh, do hurry, your ladyship. It's like
Epsom racecourse out there with

running up and down.

Huh?

Kitty. Kitty.

Oh, Kitty.

I can't go on like this.

Put me out of my misery again.

Tantalizing creature.

So you'll marry me.

Will you?

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.

Yes.

That's just how I feel.

I've come for a nightcap, my dear. On
second thoughts, for the performance I

intend, they should give me a
knighthood.

Tell me, do you like playing around
before or after making love?

Yes.

You're a genius, Perry. You really are.

I wouldn't go so far as that.

No, really.

It's brilliant.

Papa would be really fascinated by all
this. He's mad about gadgets.

May I bring him down here tomorrow?

Well, if you think he'd like it. Oh,
yes, he would.

Papa's always... Oh, my goodness, Papa.

Thank you very much for showing me your
secret, but I think I'd better be going

now. Thank you. I've never met anyone
like you before. So understanding, so...

Yes? Wonderful.

They're enjoying themselves.

I say, have I hurt you? Don't kid
yourself, Randy. It's not me screaming.

It's not me either.

Oh.

My wife!

Good night, my dear.

See you later.

Hey,

what the hell?

What are you doing in there?

Isn't that your girl lying there?

Daisy, follow the chain.

Do something, Ethel. Do something.

Oh, what the hell's going on?

I've done nothing.

Nothing.

She's a bit strong, isn't it? I know
every bishop has to have his seat, but

is going too far.

After all, the girl is a guest in my
house, you know.

Yes, but you've surely gone too far this
time. You surely can't think that I...

Oh, the poor young lady.

Oh, my dear young lady.

Are you all right?

Oh, dear, I'm so very sorry.

Silly, silly, what's that? What's that?
Strange ghoulies.

Silly!

Silly! Murder!

Rape! You might be a minder.

Lady, I... There's a thief in my room.

Hello again.

Oh, Lord, what a fracker.

Send for the police immediately.

A thief? I don't know. I saw a thief.
One here.

Jones, Randy, don't be silly.

Perhaps it would be a good idea if
everyone checked their rooms to see if

anything is missing.

What a good idea, Hampton. Come on,
Dean. Yes.

Try to wrench the rings off me finger.
Whoop me up me, Mr. Violent.

Rogers must have taken leave of his
senses.

Lady Bumbley, if I may search your room.

Knocked him out cold.

Can't have escaped. Must be here
somewhere.

Close the window.

My diamonds are missing and my rings
too.

Gracious. Excuse me, milady.

Come on, Perry, let's show Papa your new
invention.

A good idea, my son. You can go show me
that invention, because I want to see

it. What a good idea, Hampton.

Better if Aunt Elle goes down to see
Perry's invention alone.

The dungeon is so cold.

Just don't distress yourself.

Oh, and have a drink.

Yes, I could use a good stiff one.

I think I can provide that, madam.

Oh, well done, me boy.

Making it, eh, the bed?

Well, don't let me disturb you. You
deserve a rest after your hard labours.

very well, my lord.

As a matter of fact, I was looking for
you.

Really? Yes, to deliver... this.

I say, well done, me boy. Well done.

Better give this to Hampton straight
away.

He was wondering where you were.

Was he?

Yes, thought you'd gone down, actually.

I was just about to.

Excellent, excellent.

Well, let's go and find Hampton, then.

You've done a... darn good job there
rogers come along oh i lost that's very

clever my boy very clever but you know i
don't know what to make of it well i

thought of covers for plants mater has
such no no no no you must get something

to grab the imagination oh you'll think
of something papa you always do yeah

sorry to disappoint you honey but you
see i don't know what one can do with

this

Suffering catfish.

Ah,

found him.

Oh, yes, I know that criminal face
anywhere.

Oh, you blackguard.

Why,

it's Slotty. Where's Rogers?

He's here with me. He's got the jewels.

Let me get at you, you rapist.

Not yet, my lord.

Great, this stuff. I didn't realize it
was straight that far.

Oh, there's no limit.

Strong, too.

You can't escape.

Yes, this rubber can take any amount of
pressure.

Interesting. Wet inside, yet dry
outside.

You can feel through it, too.

Of course. It's so thin, you can hardly
notice it.

Great.

Great.

are going to make our fortune.

Duranix, her name is going to be on
everybody's lips. My boy, you and I have

lot to talk about.

Oh, Papa.

Harry. Oh, lovely. Okay, what's the
deal?

Well, I haven't really thought about it
yet.

Lordship is too modest. We have given a
certain amount of consideration to the

subject, haven't we, my lord? Anything
you say, Hampton. Shall we say £100 ,000

down and 50 % of the profits?

I say, Hampton, do you think we can
afford... Done?

And none of you are putting up the
prices. A deal is a deal.

Ah, how does it feel to be a rich man?

I don't really know yet.

A boy after my own heart.

You are going to be a self -made man. I,
too, am a self -made man.

So was my father when he started...

He's taught him with just his bare
hands.

And three or four hundred slaves.

Evening, all.

Good evening, young hard -bottler.

Evening, my lord.

I'm a spot of bother, I understand.

We've had a robbery, and we believe we
may have apprehended the thief.

Gilded and all over his face.

And what might your name be?

Balderdash! You's an alley -ass, are we,
Mr. Shuttleworth?

You can't fool me.

I'm looking for his weapon.

You, you'd want to touch him straight
away, so we kept him here. Very wise,

Hampton. Very wise.

He hasn't got one.

Yes, always suspected that, Hampton.

Voice didn't break till he was 20. I
remember the Lord, yes.

Come on, Lady Bonnery, if you please,
madam. Now, upstairs, Mr. Shuttleworth.

Up you go, sir. Up you go. Come on, sir,
up.

Madam.

You, you rapist!

Rapist! The jewels. The jewels. Oh, the
jewels.

I'm just a simple lad come up from down
under. Ah, hello.

Caught red -handed.

I didn't put that in there. Somebody
else did. Who on earth would do a thing

like that?

The guy's trying to wriggle out of it.
You'd better come along with me, sir.

You'll have plenty of chance to make a
statement down at the station.

That's enough, Balderdash. I mean
Shuttleworth. It's outrageous.

I'm at a loss for words. To abuse my
hospitality like this. Go and never

my doorstep again.

It won't be your doorstep much longer.

I'll have the lot of you out of here by
the end of the month.

I think not.

I shall send you my check tomorrow.

I insist on escorting him to his cell in
person.

Come.

Hello.

Peter. Couldn't I send him the check?
That's the one I'm talking about there.

Peregrine, my boy, I really like you.
Oh, if only Betsy Ann had been a boy.

always wanted a son.

Perhaps he could have the next best
thing. What's that? A son -in -law.

Yes, a son -in -law. A son -in -law. Oh,
Perry, darling, I know we're all going

to get on just fine together.

Already I feel so much closer to you.

Oh, thank you, matron -in -law.

Hampton, you're wonderful.

Always my pleasure to serve.

Hampton.

Good morning.

A beautiful day.

Sun's in the sky.

Lord Koshut is in his bath. And all's
well with the world.

Breakfast.

I really feel like it this morning.

Percy.

Well, the more it changes, the more it's
the same thing.

Always my pleasure to serve, my lady.

Always my pleasure to serve.

Your slightest wish is my heart.

desire one word from you since my soul
on fire

always my pleasure to serve my lady my
love for

you will not

Good stuff.