Original subtitles

Previously on "Suddenly Amish."

You don't feel like you owe all of us an apology

for how you both acted?

I'm going home.

I'm leaving.

This community's not for me.

I'm out of here.

You're not gonna change my mind.

Just accept it.

I don't know if Emma left because of how James handled

the Matt and Kendra situation.

Family split. Friends split.

I don't know if it's because James is giving more attention

to Kendra than her.

We're like, dropping like flies here.

We only have a week left. They need to make a decision.

We need to make a decision whether to allow them

to continue pursuing membership here in the Amish church.

Reckoning Day is a few days away.

If we continue making the wrong choices,

we continue reaping a wrong harvest.

Right now, the mission looks kind of rough.

I'm not sure yet how we're gonna get back on the rails.

Oh, [bleep]!

- Judah, get it. - -- yeah!

You know, I'm out here doing things

I never thought I would do.

It's just such a big decision whether I'm gonna remain

here or go back home.

I actually don't mind doing this.

It's kind of fun for me.

Aaron will be more likely to embrace the Amish lifestyle.

The hardest part for me is the heat.

I feel like I'm dying.

I see this car pull up, and it's my mama.

I definitely plan on taking my son home with me.

If he doesn't wanna go back home with me,

there will definitely be a fight.

What's up?

Ah! What's up?!

What you talking about? I ain't got no phone.

Yeah, and out here, it looks like something

on a scary movie.

I've called him. I've left him several messages,

voicemails, text messages.

What do you got on? What is this get-up?

They took my clothes.

What did y'all do with my son's things?

My main goal was to, of course, see my son

and bring him home.

I have kerosene on my right hand, but I'll offer--

- I ain't shaking hands. - OK.

This is James. This is his house.

There's no A.C.

We're using the bathroom in the outhouse.

Shut up.

I don't know how people can live like this.

Hold on. Cut that out.

Ugh. It was like a bug,

like a gnat or something.

Oh, my god.

Kendra and Matt have left. Emma left.

House is on edge. Everybody's nervous.

And it's Judah's mom.

If she convinces Judah to leave,

I honestly wonder if the house will crumble.

Well, can I sit down? Because I'm just

standing out here, I got my bag.

Like, put me on a porch or something.

Like, what's going on?

He's such a staple in this home.

If Judah were to leave with his mom,

that would shake this entire house.

So my mom's here right now, and she doesn't think

this Amish lifestyle is for me.

I am considering leaving

because there's just a lot of things going on.

It's the devil on one side, angel's on another.

I don't know.

You need to go back.

- Why? - You look like you lost weight.

Did you want something to drink?

I'm not even thirsty. You know what?

- You can just have it. - No, no--

you can tell that it hasn't been opened.

- You can trust her. - We got it at the market.

- Yeah, you can trust me. - See, y'all got me out here

with cornfields and scary haunted houses.

My first impression of Judah's mother was they are the same.

They are twins.

I'm glad Judah gets to see his mom,

but my biggest concern is that

she doesn't take him home.

If we lose even one more person,

I'm going to fall in the bad graces of the bishop,

and I'm not going to be un-shunned.

How long do you have to be here?

For me, it's about personal growth and personal development.

How long do you need to grow and develop?

Until I feel like I'm ready to stop growing and developing.

Well, if that's what you feel like you need to do.

I love my mama to death, you know, but I feel like

sometimes she can be a little controlling

and she wants me to be who she wants me to be

or who she envisions me to be.

She doesn't want me to be here, clearly.

Why are you here?

You keep talking about you got stuff to do.

- Yeah. - Look at this.

I mean, you-- beautiful scenery.

And so we concerned about you.

You better hope you make it out of here, because...

this ain't some place that I be.

I haven't seen many Black people here anyways.

These people, who you in here telling me,

"Oh, they nice, they cool, they treat me like this."

They are nice and they are cool.

So, like, I mean, I want to see how you're living,

because I am concerned. - Yeah.

I want to see, you know, what you do here.

Well, our stove over here.

- Your stove? - Yeah, we have a stove.

Now, how does this even work?

So, usually the women come out here and cook,

and they do their thing out here.

We have s'mores and stuff, or they make chicken.

You put the kerosene in here, and we drop a match,

and then the fire starts.

It takes like 30 minutes for it to catch fire.

And so are they putting sticks in there?

When we chop the wood, we give it to the ladies,

and they... - You chop the wood?

- You ain't choppin' no wood. - I can show you.

OK, show me, .

Show me how to chop a wood, because I ain't never

chop a wood, chop wood. - I'm not really a...

master for real, but... - Don't--

Yeah, this ain't my calling. We just going to leave that.

When I first got here, I couldn't even aim at the wood.

Now that I'm here and I've been doing my thing,

I'm chopping wood with no problem.

It took me a minute to do that.

And now that I'm showing my mama,

she's not really proud of me.

She doesn't really care. So it kind of sucks.

I don't really feel seen or validated by her.

It reminds me, like, being back at home and the first time

that my mom found out about my sexuality.

My mom knows that I'm bisexual.

Coming out to her was pretty rough.

In the Black community, it's very hard to accept that

your son is gay or bi.

Like, the-- the hardest things to accept.

I could only imagine how it feels to know that your kid is

something that millions of people hate.

I was not in a big hurry to finish the phone shanty,

because I figured it would be best if they would make

a clean cut with their outside contacts.

That way, they could focus on integrating into the community.

We would have let Kendra make the first call, but she left.

Allen and Sarah talked to the bishop.

It sounds like he thinks it might be the best

that we get this phone shanty up.

The Amish do use a phone.

Just a lot of them don't use cell phones.

We have an old phone. We have a black box.

We have a battery.

Well, I think they'll be

excited to call their loved ones.

Maybe I've been pushing them a little too hard to be Amish.

I hope this phone shanty brings the remaining English

a little bit of comfort.

This may be the only way to keep them here.

OK.

I'm trying to make sure I do the right thing here,

because I'm still shunned.

The bishop kind of has the final say so,

and if he has a bad impression of me,

I'm not-- I'm not in a good position.

I really want these English to actually join the Amish church.

I'm going to continue trying.

I hope the bishop can see that I'm putting in effort.

OK, guys, the phone shanty is finally ready.

- Finally. - It looks like an outhouse.

Well, it is a phone shanty.

Part of the purpose is to have it a little farther away

from the house so it's less convenient.

That way you spend less time on the phone itself.

Is there a limit on the phone line time?

Well, if you're out here all the time,

we might put a limit on it.

- Ha, ha-- I don't think so. - Oh.

- OK. - It's real old.

OK. Who is making the first call?

Hello.

I miss you.

This is, like, the closest we can get

to the modern world.

I'm calling from a phone shanty that I helped build.

I know. I know.

Well, maybe someday I'll build you one.

Seeing Judah's mom just kind of brought back memories

of my mom and made it hard with everything that's going on.

Obviously, I don't have my phone,

so I hope I don't call the wrong number.

I'm so thankful that I can finally use the phone shanty

because I need to talk to someone.

Hello?

Hi, is this Marcy?

Oh, that's the wrong number. Sorry, wrong number.

Be lucky I'm surviving in this heat, Mom.

- I know. - It hasn't been easy.

Please tell everybody I said "hi."

She's alive. She hasn't found a bishop.

She's not married yet.

Hearing my mom's voice definitely made me hyper-aware

that I have to make a decision soon.

Yeah, it's been a lot.

So they took my phone, and they took my hearing aids.

They got me new ones, which have been messing

with me like crazy. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah...

Your call has been forwarded to an automated voicemail.

Oh, no, I went to voicemail.

Well, I guess I'll try again later.

- It's loose chickens. - Yeah, that's correct.

Y'all, I'm not going in there.

- Come on, we going. - If I get attacked--

You're not-- I got you, I'mma fight--

I'm just saying, chickens just hit the block on me.

They just hit the corner. Like, no.

- I got you. I got you. - They won't attack you.

When Judah first got here, he was terrified of animals.

[bleep], yeah, no!

- It's just a small chicken. - Oh, God.

So with meeting his mom, I can see the apple doesn't fall

far from the tree.

, is a chicken gonna come out?

- No, there's no chicken. - Because you know I do not even play.

- Why are they not in the coop? - They're free-range.

Come on in. You're fine.

- They're having dinner. - Mhn-mhn.

I'm not trying to be on the menu.

Can we go? This is enough.

Look at the cow. He look like

he about to attack.

- I'm not-- - They're not gonna attack you.

- We just got done feeding them. - I bet.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

You mind, Allen, if we step away?

That's OK.

- Where you want to go? - I got questions.

Away from this poop, that's where I want to go.

- So, what's up? - Why are we on this farm?

I'm ready to go. You should be ready to go, too.

It's poop everywhere. It's flies everywhere.

The thing is, is that I came for a purpose,

and everybody's not gonna understand my purpose.

And it's, like, it's-- it's getting pretty irritating

that you keep trying to drag me away from my purpose.

You already have a purpose. You have a calling.

You got a purpose! The thing is, is you--

you want me to have a purpose

the way that you want me to have a purpose,

and that's not how it's gonna be.

I have to find my own purpose within myself and with God.

So, if God called me to be here, this is where

I'm gonna be, but you can't keep trying

to drag me up out of that.

This is crap.

It's hard for my mama to understand the growth that

I'm having because she's not used to this lifestyle.

She's from the city. That's where we are both from.

So, seeing me transform into this man is hard

for her because I'm always going to be her baby,

but... it's time to grow.

So, you like these people now, and you trying to tell me

this is what you're doing?

I don't know what to tell you.

This is where I am, and if you can't support that...

then it might be better off that you leave.

What are we working on?

Today, I want to show Esmeralda and Billie Jo

an old Amish tradition.

I think we're gonna be making some pads today.

- Making some what? - Pads.

- Pads? - Pads.

- Oh, like period pads? - Yes.

Oh, OK.

If they want to know how it is to be Amish, I need to

show them everything.

All right, I guess that is something we should probably

know how to make. - Yeah.

Oh. We've got one started.

- Oh, OK. - That looks really durable.

This is more of an Esmeralda size.

- Are you working on one that might be better for BJ? - A bit bigger?

Oh, there we go.

- Need options. - Oh, my gosh.

So does this just consist of some towel and some fabric?

- Like four layers... - Towel, fabric, towel, fabric?

- Yes. - OK.

- And that's reusable? - Yes.

It's gross.

But if you grow up doing it, it's not really foreign to you.

You know, it's, like, a natural thing.

So are, like, tampons just not a thing?

There's some people that use them, but I never did.

- It's not very common, huh? - No.

OK.

It's actually really not that disgusting.

These menstrual pads are fragrance-free.

They don't contain any microplastics,

no harmful chemicals. So definitely more organic.

We're using cloth.

It's definitely better for the environment

and probably better for us.

So I might stick to using these Amish ways.

- Esmeralda, that one's yours. - Thank you Sarah, I'll keep it.

Thank you, Sarah.

Don't let us stop you from your good godly work, Sarah.

- I know... - Thank you.

Danke.

All right, come on in. We've prepared quite a feast.

I love the table.

- Y'all did a really good job. - Thank you.

I'm excited that my mom's sitting here

having dinner with all of us.

I hope that everybody acts right

and is on their best behavior.

I want her to understand why I like being here,

why I want to be Amish.

There's lemon if anyone wants lemon for their water.

OK.

What's that, chicken?

Chicken.

So this why no chickens were in the coop?

Might be.

Dinner was a lot for me to process.

And you know, they have regular things like corn,

chicken straight from chicken coop, not doing it.

Let's have a silent prayer.

Silent prayer?

Do we hold hands?

Sorry.

My mission, at the end of the day, is to plant a bug

in Judah's ear and see what I can do, because I have to do

more to get my baby back with me.

All right. That smells very, very good.

- Oh, thank you. - Welcome.

I'm not trying to be rude, but she don't have shoes on.

How do you live with that?

I'm used to it.

Some days I just go without shoes.

It's comfortable.

You kidding me?

Well, if you ever come to Kansas City,

we gonna get pedicures.

I don't understand how people can live like this.

God creates things for you to make it convenient,

and you pushing it away.

Is convenience the devil? Like, what is it?

There's that potential.

I don't expect Judah's mom to embrace

our lifestyle overnight.

It's a culture shock-- I get it.

This is what you do, right? This is what you do.

- You walkin' on-- - I make sure they behave.

OK.

Because some things, I get, you know.

Some things I don't get. I love air conditioning.

Yes, yeah, it's really, I don't know about you,

but it's...

really warm at this dinner table right now.

I don't want her to be corrupting them.

I can't have that happen.

Because I really enjoy air conditioning.

We fight hard against those things.

Why give in?

Y'all OK with this?

Your son seems to be doing OK.

You said what?

The way James was coming on with Judah's mom,

James actually does get very stubborn at times.

It is actually kind of frustrating

because I'm just like, get over it.

Let's go on.

You have to really be mentally strong

and secure in who you are.

That's a struggle, but every day becomes

a little bit easier.

Hello?

No, I'm not around.

Um, you know, I'm just hanging out with some Amish people.

It's just a lot going on.

You can't have your phone at the table.

Maybe join in the conversation here.

Judah's mom is not so supportive.

It is a big test for him personally, but I have faith

that his character and the progress that he's made

will-- will see him through.

So in your culture, you have no phones, like,

no-- no way to communicate with--

except for... if you're not right here,

if it's Esie's not right here, I can't talk to Esie?

Pretty much.

Um, potentially using a phone

from the phone shanty.

What is a phone shanty?

It looks kind of like an outhouse without

the restroom part. - And with a phone in it.

Judah, you want to grab that sign?

"Let your faith be bigger than your fear."

That's my answer.

If we have things worldly, people are susceptible

to idolize it, is what he says.

There's that potential.

See, part of the culture's goal is to live a simple lifestyle,

just to not be conformed to the world.

So being-- living a simple life,

you don't have to worry about those bills

and things of that nature? You just...

Less things to stress about, sure.

Yeah.

I'm not as accepting as he is with everybody that's around.

I mean, they're good people and I accept them,

but hopefully he'll accomplish

what he needs to accomplish and come home.

Did you get to look around the house?

Did you find a place where you might wanna sleep?

- Because we have an extra-- - Oh, yeah.

we have an extra bed in our room.

Ooh, look at that face. You got that face.

- You didn't come to stay? - Absolutely not.

Yeah, some people sleep out here on the floor.

We don't actually sleep at night either, typically.

- Because of the flies all over. - The flies.

- The heat. - The centipedes.

The centipedes are pretty big.

Oh, yeah. The centipedes are pretty big.

That's-- that's-- that's crazy.

- That's insane, like... - Yeah, yeah.

I know. It's crazy.

We have no choice.

So happy to be here with you all, and the bonds

that we created. - Good.

It's only so close that you can get to people.

And he's kind of taking these people in as like, family

and he's allowing them to lead him

and he's making bonds and they're brothers.

And I'm just like, "Are you really making these

connections with these people and pushing me away?"

Everybody definitely loves Judah.

We can't afford to lose him.

I'm a single mom.

So growing up, I taught my kids the best that I could.

Like, he cut grass probably like three times

in his life ever, if that.

But to see him actually out here doing manual labor,

chopping wood, telling me he's getting up and doing chores,

I am very proud of him for that.

However, my ultimate goal is to take him home,

get him out of those Amish clothes,

and get him back where he needs to be.

This is what you be doing all day?

Oh-- oh, the brake is on the back.

The brake is on the back. The brake is on the back!

Oh, oh, oh.

Judah really shouldn't even be alive today.

There was a time where he was, like, grazed by a bullet,

like, in his neck.

OK!

But it's like a day I'll never forget, and just thinking,

like, my son could potentially not be here.

Two miles an hour.

So everybody see me. OK, this good?

Come on, now. Is this good?

Come on, you got it.

So just that made me cling on to him so much closer.

So now, not having his location, not being able

to talk to him, just knowing where he is,

being able to reach out

and connect to him, just, it's different.

Whoo-- watch out for the bump.

Wah!

- Where's the brake? - Go in the grass.

Go to the grass.

- Yeah. - Yay.

Thank you.

Good morning, Prince Charming.

How's it going, Cinderella?

Well, the menu this morning.

Chocolate chip pancakes, scrambled eggs,

and regular bacon and turkey bacon.

My mom went to the hotel for the night.

Ain't no way she was sleeping here.

I don't think it was the same one

that Matt and Kendra went to.

Do we need anything else from inside?

- Some paper towels. - Paper towels?

- OK. - Yeah.

Definitely becoming a routine now of us kind of making

breakfast in the morning.

Sarah's the one that takes charge.

I let her do all the cooking things,

I cannot work the stove to save my life still,

but I feel like I'm more of, like, the runners.

Paper towels.

I just, like, kind of do the preparation steps,

and then she handles, like, the big boy stuff.

I could get used to this life, being served to,

house being cleaned and cooked. This might be where I go Amish.

I'm not mad about it.

Thank you, Sarah, for making all of us breakfast.

- Thank you, Sarah. - You're welcome.

You want one-- to try one of these?

- Got it? - There you go.

So how are you guys loving the Amish life?

I have so many, like, things that I'm debating.

Obviously, at the front is air conditioning, as we all know.

Last night was another extremely rough night.

I couldn't sleep. It's so hot.

I thought by now I would be more used to this,

but I just really hope that it gets better.

I think the people at this table, besides you guys,

because you're already Amish, really are considering,

like, what do I do, and the good and the bad

of both decisions.

So without, like, a few people here that I think had already

made the decision they didn't want to do this,

it's even harder now because we're all so close.

The mission is to help people integrate into the community.

With Emma and Matt and Kendra leaving,

I was hoping for a better result.

What are you thinking, girl? English... or Amish?

I think it'll be hard to, like, go back home and just go

back to, like, my everyday, like, working life,

and having to be on my phone all the time, so... - Right.

I don't know.

I think it's still, like, something I'm really debating.

It just feels like a lot of-- a lot of pressure,

because although I want to grow with the community,

and I want to be a part of it,

it's also, like, I need to look at my own life and, you know,

the decision that I truly want to make.

For a while now, I've been doing like,

a trial job at the Kountry Kupboard.

So, it's nice to finally just get off the forms and maybe

have some AC. - I'll go grab the broom.

- We can clean up and sweep, so. - Sure.

Working at Kountry Kupboard is not a hard job.

It just takes commitment

and a willingness to do the jobs.

It wasn't a huge store, but you're just going up

and down the aisles, and there's pins and so much

dust that accumulates. This is like a workout.

So, Sarah did tell me that it's pretty normal,

especially if you do not have any kids or a household to take

care of, to have a job outside of the house.

I feel like that'll make this job even quicker, but...

- Do you know what a Roomba is? - No.

It's like an automatic, like, vacuum cleaner.

- Like a robot. - Yeah, a robot vacuum.

Yeah, it's amazing. Definitely suggest.

It would make this process so much quicker.

The robot vacuum cleaner that she mentioned, I think that

would never be acceptable to have here.

It just takes forever to sweep the store, and it's physically

exhausting, especially when you're wearing an Amish dress.

It's a monotonous, monotonous task.

I'm a behavior analyst in my English job,

so I work with kids with autism.

I think it's a pretty rewarding job.

So, going from, you know, something...

But I study hard and get my master's for,

to now, holding a broom to sweep floors

in a Kountry Kupboard is such a step down.

There's just been so much that has been going on

that my mind's constantly just running.

From the Matt and Kendra situation, Emma leaving,

Judah's mom being here and trying to take him away,

all of James's rules.

The gossip, the jealousy, the thankless jobs.

- it's basically like

this Amish life is not any different from the life I left.

I'm tired.

I'm coming to the house to talk to my son

and one final plea to get him to come back with me.

My hope is that Judah will see the light and just come home.

- This is what you're doing, huh? - Doing my chores.

So you're gonna cut all this land with this?

Yeah.

I'm not scared of hard work.

I get it.

I raised you not to be a quitter,

and it is a beautiful place on the surface.

But I personally still don't understand why you're here.

When I can't call you, when I can't see you

when I want to see you, that's a problem for me.

You out here with these strange people,

I don't know if they freaky Jasons or what's going on.

Son, I really, really want you to leave this place.

I want you to come back with me.

You got to go all these miles to try to make you

become this person,

whoever this person is that you're trying to be.

I'm your mom. I'm your only friend.

I'm your best friend. Come with me because I said so.

Taking him home with me will definitely be a fight,

but I'm not leaving empty-handed.

I'm gonna make him come back with me.

See, you don't see me growing.

Because back home, I would never willingly

just want to get up and mow the lawns.

Look at me, mowing-- mowing

all these acres because...

I value what God has given us.

Before I came here, honestly, if I be real,

I didn't really feel like I was useful in anybody's life

or as a man.

And being here, I've been a voice for people.

I've been a voice for people. I've stood up for people.

I've been able to find my voice and help other people

find their voice.

I've been able to put together a phone shanty.

I've cleaned a chicken coop.

I've pet animals that I never thought I would see that close.

I've been in the cornfields.

I've done so much here that I feel like it's helped me

mold into a better man.

Does that make sense?

I am going to be staying here

because this is where I feel like I need to be.

I still love you.

I am proud of you.

I am proud of you getting up, doing your chores.

I am proud of you making your bed.

I am proud of you being willing to help the people

that you've grown a relationship with here.

It's been a lot for me, but I respect that, son,

and I respect you, and I respect the decisions

that you make.

Well, I appreciate that, and I just want us to

appreciate each other and stay knit, because,

like you always say, "We all we got."

- Please don't cry. - I know, right?

All right, I got these holy hands, I'll be all right.

Taught you well.

I'm going home. I don't regret coming out here.

My initial goal was to just yank my son out of here.

Even though I failed miserably to convince my son to come back

with me, I will accept that and respect that.

You got this.

I'm glad you came. Thank you so much.

I did not raise a quitter.

I am extremely proud of the man that he is evolving,

the man that he is becoming, the man that he is now.

That was the hardest thing I ever did in my life.

I don't really know what's going on,

but Billie Jo is really sick.

She's been laying in bed.

We've been kind of having to take care of her

because she does not look good at all.

I'm really worried for her because she's throwing up.

She's nauseous. She's, you know, pale.

Last night, Billie Jo was throwing up.

I'm thinking that it's just a little bug she's having

from the food or from the heat.

And then just to wake up this morning, she's still throwing up

and not feeling good.

She's crying. Her head hurts.

And it's not looking too good.

The whole drama with Kendra and Matt has been a lot on her.

She's stressed out. It's hot, it's overwhelming.

And this is way more serious than I thought.

I just love her, and I really hope that she's OK.

BJ is sick, and, uh, so,

she is going to the hospital.

Well, the Amish take care of what they can themselves,

but if something is life-threatening,

they do use hospitals.

It must be serious if she wants to go to the hospital.

Oh, my God, oh, my God.

Ah... ow.

I get there, they give her IV fluids, and the doctor says

that she was suffering from heat exhaustion.

Not yet.

You can call it dehydration.

I can call it deprivation or, like, drama,

because everyone leaving, the heat,

everything was getting to me.

At this point, I already lost Kendra, Matt,

my mom-- if I lose Billie Jo, then I'm gonna lose my girl.

That's one of my main road dogs in here.

For Judah, he was like, "No, no, no, I really,

I need to go and check on BJ."

And he didn't leave my side.

I don't have friends in the outside world

that would do that for me.

Me and BJ bonded because we're both funny,

incredibly good-looking, smart, you know?

And she kind of like...

completes me. And it's just, um...

I just love her and I really hope that she's OK.

I think we're OK to let you go home

as long as you can drink normally. - Sure.

Now your blood work looks OK.

Maybe stay out of the sun a couple of days.

Yeah, do you need a special like note or anything like that?

No.

Well, I'll take my risks with him.

When, um...

when I was sick, Judah...

was hands-down my best friend.

He's an amazing human, and I wouldn't want to share

this experience without him.

Do you want to get that broccoli and put it

in this pan? - Sure I do, Sarah.

Sure I do.

You know, being at the hospital,

I was in the air conditioned facility.

But now it's back to reality, back to the grind.

You know, laundry has to be done.

Meals have to be prepared.

Here, Aaron.

- Will you drop these on the table, please? - Sure.

Reckoning day is tomorrow.

And I'm a little worried. My body...

is struggling, and it would be a struggle every year

in this life, every day in this life.

And it's something I've always wanted, but I'm not sure

it's something that I can physically handle.

Wow.

Never would I have thought to make this back home.

In the Amish community, the dinner table or mealtimes,

that is when a lot of our important discussions take place.

Coming behind, hot chicken.

The whole family is gathered together.

Everybody's present.

It's time to eat. Let's go outside.

I mean, yeah, we're eating, but yet we have time to sit

and talk and discuss important topics together.

- Oh, it looks good. - There you go.

Billie Jo, how do you feel?

Super hydrated.

Thank you guys for coming to my aid, especially Judah.

There you are, my dear.

Well, guys, before you all get too comfy here,

tomorrow is a big day.

Bishop is going to be at church.

Then he will decide if you stay or not.

And if you have any last questions... ask away.

He's gonna decide whether we stay or not?

Just him?

Me and Allen could put in a good word if we desire to.

- Well... - Would you desire to put in a good word for me?

Yeah, would you desire it?

Oh...

There's only one night left and James is still

playing games, playing with our emotions.

When does it ever end?

I am very disappointed with James in dealing

with the English that way.

His viewpoints on the Amish lifestyle is very different

from mine or my brother's. He can be very, very hard.

So, basically you say you're not sure about us yet?

Yeah, you have talked about not staying, so I'm not sure.

If he asked me, Judah, I would definitely tell him to let you.

Thank you.

But I have to figure out what I'm gonna say, too.

It is scary. It's a whole lifestyle change.

But it's important, and it's something that's not

to be taken lightly.

But Sarah and I will do our best to advocate for you.

I don't know what he has in mind,

but we'll cross that bridge when he gets here.

I could sense that they were nervous.

They wonder if they're good enough

or they wonder if the bishop will let them in.

The journey is going to be ending very soon.

This is a lifelong decision because it is a commitment

to the community and God.

And if you leave after you are a member, you would be shunned.

I guess for me, I'm just like a little bit scared

of like, the transition because I feel like

everything's happening so quick.

I think both Allen and Sarah have kind of seen me grow

so much from like day one, when I didn't really know

how to do anything-- I was kind of grossed out by everything,

but I think they've seen the growth in me.

They see that I do get up in the morning, and I cook

and clean, and I think they'll advocate for me

for the most part.

I've been back and forth the whole time.

How can I join the Amish community without hearing aids?

I think that's a big hesitancy in me joining

because it's huge. It's a giant deal for me.

Do I need to get a big megaphone and put it to my ear,

like the old school cones?

I need that in order to function.

That would be something to discuss with him.

I think this whole thing is very sobering for me right now.

I mean... hearing aids.

I need a pair that I can adjust easily and constantly.

'Cause, I mean, I don't know what that looks like.

I have a problem, I would say, just because

some of my best friends are gay.

And I'm really concerned with the stance against...

like the LGBTQ community with the Amish.

Listen, Judah has been there for me since day one.

He's my right hand. He's my go-to.

He's my world here. So I'm being honest.

His bisexuality in the Amish community, it concerns me.

You know, if I can bring it up at supper and just kind of

touch on it and tiptoe and get feelings about

how everyone else takes on that, then I'm gonna do it.

I am not gay, but I love some people that are, so...

It's not that we're saying we don't like them,

the people in themselves. It's not biblical.

So if I were gay, then I would not be able to be a part

of the community. Is that what you're saying?

I don't know if I'm ready yet

to tell Allen and James that I'm bi.

It just brought back so much anxiety.

So when BJ does bring it up, it makes me feel weak

because I didn't step up to the plate

and bring it up first.

But at the same time, I feel like I either talk to them

about my sexuality now or it will never happen.

- OK. - My thing is this...

Um...

Next time on "Suddenly Amish."

Could each of you maybe stand and say your piece?

I'm just really nervous and I'm just feeling all

the things right now.

My life completely changes after today.

If yes, I'm Amish forever.

Judah, do you want the Amish life or not?

I'm not willing to compromise my identity to be a part

of a community who may not appreciate me.

It's important that others will be accepted.

That will make or break my decision.

Jesus said, "He who lays his hand to the plow and looks

back is not worthy of his kingdom."

Do we or don't we accept? It's a decision for life.