Original subtitles

I'd have rapped more, but it's such a chore.

PREVIOUSLY ON

REPLAY

Per! Sorry, it's a smile. Give it up for Per!

-I'm your dream girl. -No!

I'm your dream girl.

Anis, very good.

-Good work. -Thank you all.

LOL: LAST ONE LAUGHING SWEDEN

Pork rinds?

Pork rinds? It's from an ordinary pig.

I get the feeling that I'm about to be eliminated.

And I feel like I have to do this right now.

I'm pulling out my white card.

White card for Henrik. Come on, now!

Dorsin, Dorsin, Dorsin.

-These are ordinary pork rinds. -They're tasty.

I don't really expect to get anyone to laugh or smile.

I see this as a pure cultural effort.

I don't know if you all know this, but some of you know

that I'm a big fan of the old tradition of entertainment.

Satirical songs and that kind of quality cultural expressions.

So I'd like to sing a song that's dear to my heart, It's So Wonderful.

-Nice. -Oh, damn.

On her birthday, my mom gave to me

An old yellow letter

It was a song, she got once

Her lover wrote to her

It's so great to be horny all the time

And get laid in an ordinary bed

Or a car, or a boat

Or after dancing at a fancy place

Or in a park

Get laid with a broad

In the middle of the road...

What Henrik is doing, singing this satirical song,

is top notch, it's real entertainment.

It's so nice to suck at nipples

Like wild strawberries

This is tough. It's really close.

To go down on her

Is like thousand strawberry cakes

Being sexual morning, noon and night...

I caught the pianist's eye. The timing was all wrong, I felt.

It's so wonderful with every tasty bum

I really look up to Henrik Dorsin.

Touch it gently

And get going...

He's so damned clever.

A roll in the hay is great, don't you say

It's so wonderful, I say

To be horny all day

Bravo!

Bravo.

-Wonderful. -Moving.

Well done, everyone!

Dorsin is so talented.

Not only funny, but's got a great ear for music.

This is also tough, 'cause when something is good, you start smiling

-just because of it. -Absolutely.

We're lucky this wasn't any good.

My strategy is seeking them out one at a time

and to sort of come on to them.

-I'm all lit up. -Yes, I can see that.

I just wanted to illuminate you.

I like to feel them out and find their comedic pitfalls.

-How's it been otherwise? -I know what's watts.

I'm at my funniest when I feel I get them going.

I can see the light.

When you bounce off one another, that's when it's the most fun.

It's all about power.

Pia Johansson is totally nuts.

You're my old flame, so I'll have to put you out.

The only one that comes to mind is Hasse Alfredson, actually,

with such a crazy, off-the-wall imagination.

That's my style, I just do things.

The spider bit me.

I must get active, or everyone will just sit around, talking.

It's really dangerous.

-We're having some downtime, Pia. -No, there's no time for that.

We have to get busy with something.

What should we do?

-Right on time. -What?

-For real? -No, no.

You see, I was thinking...

Please be seated.

I thought you might be getting hungry right about now.

-I'd like to be there. -Here's some food.

After all your show business, here's some grub.

There's something about Jan Rippe and the gang in After Shave and Galenskaparna...

-Pizza and stuff. -...that warms your heart.

It's so close to genuine laughter when it gets really silly.

No yoga positions here, please. Sit down, all of you.

This is just going too far.

Have a bite, won't you? It's pizza and sushi today.

Here I am, standing just two meters from the comedian

who will get me laughing every time I see him.

I don't know if it agrees with you. Maybe you have food allergies and stuff?

-Against good food? -No.

Speaking of which, back at the farm,

we had a farmhand.

He would sniffle all the time, his eyes and nose running.

I quickly try to imagine myself in a submarine, like this isn't happening.

I'm also afraid that I'll make an affable smile

just to show how much I'm appreciating this.

-But not right now! -His nose was running like water faucet.

And a lot of solid stuff too.

Big heaps of snot and stuff.

I mean, it really stunk like hell.

-Yes. -Wow.

-This is crazy good. -What a story.

Right. But now, let's chow down and have a good time.

Maybe I'll see you at Pub Anchor. I believe I saw you there once.

-See you! Bye. -I'm leaving.

-Thanks for the food! -Bye.

How are you?

What an ordeal.

Careful with your fancy dress suit.

-Fuck. -You got a job?

Hampus!

This isn't the best way to eat something.

-No. -Dipping cotton in the pizza is not good.

Cotton in the pizza? That's an old folktale.

Yes, that one.

-What? -No one laughed.

What is this?

Well, the nonsense was real torture.

-It was really tough. -It was tough.

-How's it hanging? We have an infraction. -Good!

-No! -Yes, I'm sorry.

We have an infraction. Please turn around and watch the screen.

I'm panicking, I want to stay.

What?

Petra, stay alert. Or you're too passive.

Oh, you're so sweet.

-Too tight? -No, it's fine.

It's like this, Petra.

You have repeatedly hidden under the blanket

-or hidden your mouth behind your hand. -I'm trying to survive.

Trying to survive. You're booked for being passive.

-What? -Yes! Serves her right.

I'm sorry. Red card.

Yes! Serves her right.

My God, the woman is lying under the blanket in a nightcap.

Of course she's being passive.

What was the punishment for? Being passive?

She's use to being attended to and cuddled.

That's what they say in America.

-Give it up for Petra Mede! -Petra Mede!

Everybody sat down and I thought, "An unofficial pause." But, no.

Then the strangest thing imaginable happened.

I'm eliminated from LOL.

-Here comes Petra! -The passive, the nonchalant.

It's on. Just so you know, don't dawdle.

I'm grasping at straws now.

I feel that if I've got a shot at breaking someone, it will be Hampus.

It's fun.

"It's fun."

-Why, that's sick. -Is that instead of one of those...

Oh, Maria.

But after a while in this house, I learned not to look.

-Look away! -Check it out.

But I know that what I find funniest is going on here,

so I'm tempted to peek and maybe get eliminated.

So I'm like... Focus! Maria's over there, you're here.

A fiver, a fiver.

But I held it together.

-Hi, all! -What's going on here?

I'm pulling my white card.

Henrik, you put on a fantastic performance.

I was very touched.

I would also like to have a band. But my budget's not as big as yours.

So I'll try and solve the problem like this.

I'm donning a sombrero. And I give you the band...

Los Tres Amigos!

I'd like to sing for you.

-Will that be okay? -Yes!

But I must insist on silence.

Okay?

I'm a jolly elf, and I'm partying myself

I'm a jolly elf, and I'm partying myself

I'm a jolly elf, and I'm partying myself

They're impersonating one another now.

Yes, they are. God, that's sick.

They kind of...

I feel the energy... We should probably not be looking at each other right now.

I'm a jolly elf...

Los Tres Amigos!

Los Tres Amigos...

What a band of assholes.

Ready, steady, blow!

Yes, Henrik, it's almost moving now.

-Blow harder, Henrik! -Wow, Johan won!

Johan's in the lead.

Yes!

That's nice. Thanks so much.

David. Get over here, please.

Yes, when am I gonna get one like that?

You only speak German and only understand German.

Okay.

Then I have a question. You know the owl who married a goat?

No.

Like, eliminate me. Like...

-I'm at such a low level now. -You're making a face?

Give him the card! Why throw in such a lousy joke?

They had a hootenanny.

Yeah.

Such anxiety.

At first, I thought, "I'll be dignified. My stuff will be top notch."

That went away fast.

One of these Polaroids?

Is it working?

You only speak and understand German.

Are you speaking German now?

-I see. -Right.

Come on, what kind of show is this?

Hampus, my brother, Hampus, machine.

What do you mean, "Slibedish German"?

Why are you sitting there saying that?

No!

-Now we got... -Johan, you killed him.

-Who killed him? -It was Hampus.

No. But something happened here anyway.

Yes, something happened.

Eva!

I want to make a worthy entrance, but I can't do that in here.

It's like entering into some terrible...

Listen, you're all wonderful.

Thanks so much for what you're giving us.

We have an infraction.

Please turn your tired heads towards the screen.

Oh, dear.

What do you mean, "Slibedish German"?

What's the matter with you?

-Check him out. -Something happened there.

Hampus Nessvold, your time is up.

-Damn it, it was your fault. -Yes, it was.

I got Hampus booted out, I think. And that's quite okay.

-I'm taking Hampus out. -It was my card.

I knew what was going to happen.

This wasn't according to plan.

How many of us are there? One, two, three... Just six?

Still six. Less than half, and 40 minutes to go.

Why does it look like a pigsty in here?

You're a fine one to talk. You spat in the crayfish broth.

I did not.

I didn't do it. Pia.

I didn't.

-Pull! -No time to lose focus.

-My friends, I got a... -A black card here.

Finally, the black card comes out.

I got a black card from Henrik Dorsin.

"Give a spectacular salsa performance

"while reading the coastal weather report in a Gothenburg accent."

-Oh, God. -And I will need Johan Ulveson's help.

-So, what am I to do? -I don't know how to do the salsa.

Check out Henrik.

I've zoned out here.

I'm totally focused on not looking like myself.

-This innate smile. -Yes.

-He must be on the verge now. -Yes, really.

Not showing any emotion at all.

Or grief, if any.

Northern Kvarken south-southwest, 4. Weather Islands, 3.

The Koster Islands, 16.

Drogden, 4.5, turning into a gale.

David's Gothenburg accent is hilarious.

-Caution is advised. -I'm beginning to laugh again.

Storm. Plain fucking storm

-off the southern tip of Öland. -Storm.

Oh, my God.

Landsort, four meters per second.

Fog drawing in this afternoon.

Fog! Fog drawing in.

There's something, first when Johan Ulveson is playing like "cucumber,"

and then David Batra going "fog." "Fog."

Fog drawing in.

Incredible. Should be done on stage. Brilliant.

-Great! Fantastic! -Such a nice cucumber.

Why, thank you.

Wow, when will you put this up on the big stage, Dorsin?

-Someone's calling. -We have a visitor.

-Great. -Someone returning?

We increased the tempo. Great job!

It's my diet schedule.

Now what's this?

-What's this? -Béarnaise sauce.

-Yes, it's Béarnaise. -This is too much. Is it Béarnaise?

Please. No more, Henrik Dorsin.

Béarnaise sauce.

Is it Béarnaise? An aquarium filled with Béarnaise sauce is funny.

Just the thought makes you smile.

But what have we got here? It's an old aquarium.

No one makes such a consistently crazy thing

as Henrik with his scheduled diet.

Look at this. Here's some fish.

That's smart. Really.

There's Dorsin for you.

-You're sort of channeling Gollum here. -Yes.

That's...

-Kippers are tasty. -They're not kippers.

-Trout, Pia. -Trout, it's trout.

It's supposed to be trout.

I had no idea Henrik Dorsin was such a culinary artist.

Slash disgusting...

-What's the purpose of your diet? -I'm going to portray Hamilton.

-Hamilton? -Yes. In the Service of Health.

It's another reboot.

What kind of a Hamilton will you be?

A rather vulnerable Hamilton, I was thinking.

But fit as hell.

I'm getting so damn tired of this...

It burns me up. When I thought of something,

like now we're going to sing,

and I'm supposed to play the guitar.

Damn it, this guitar drives me crazy.

But I would never take it out on anybody or anything,

but that's something going on within me.

I'm a grown man who can control myself.

Damn it!

-Why, Johan? -What are you doing?

No!

-Johan, please! -No.

What the hell? I can't tune it.

Suddenly, Johan Ulveson starts banging up a guitar in a rage.

It's like watching a scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

Stop doing that!

Eva, Johan is breaking up the props in here.

We're really upset. We don't want this.

-We feel threatened. -Yes...

That's good. Thanks, good talk, Pia.

Friends. Let's calm down a bit.

Come sit on the yellow coach and I'll be your bartender.

I want to liven things up a bit.

Here's my Skånish bartender cart.

I'll start with a little touch of Nour El-Refai's tears.

And then top it up with Sanna Nielsen's morning pee.

All right.

A touch of Johan Glans' sun protection factor.

Just a touch. And a few of Björn Ranelid's chest hairs.

-Does he have any? -Which I'll throw for some texture.

And what's this? Why, it's Måns Zelmerlöw's ass sweat.

-No. -No!

I'd like to taste that.

And then to remove this little bugger.

Batra.

-There. -I'm almost a goner here.

I'm really...

Henrik? We call it a Skånish feast drink.

China and stuff everywhere.

-This is Skånish? -Yes, a Skånish shot.

This fat lady stepped onto the bus

and she said, "I wanna go all the way."

And the driver said, "Not with me, you won't."

-Cheers, friends! -Cheers!

It's good. Must be the ass sweat.

Listen. I feel like we need to spice it up a bit, what do you think?

Let's say I want to throw you into the mix right now?

-Would you do that? -Sure.

That would be awesome. Let's do it.

I was so eager to come back!

This is just a guest performance, so you're still not allowed to laugh.

-But you can? -Yes.

I'd like some privacy in here a while.

Did he pull his card?

-Did he... -Kristina, say cheese.

Do you know any cheese stories?

No, this whole thing is cheesy enough as it is.

What?

Who? Was it you? Or me?

What happened?

Eva!

COMING UP

Here come the apes.

Are you from Norway?

-In which world are you now? -In a cash and carry.

I'm shopping for shampoo. Lots of it.